Segments - 399: Singing and Acting

Episode Date: September 9, 2019

In this episode we discuss pop punk, Sudoku, and acting cool at the gym.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous, you're skittish, you're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad

at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now the ad. Edit this part out, but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out tell you what i'm gonna say my fucking social security number so you have to edit it out okay let's hear it oh nine one three six six two yeah now you have to edit it in but Keeping it in. But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. If I were you, if I were you, I know exactly what I would do. And messaging to Jake and Amir, they'll tell you exactly what you need to hear. I'm Amir. I'm Jake.

If I were you. So this is the first and only advice podcast. What's the worst that could happen? We can't be wrong. Yeah. Awesome. Publicly kill yourself. No.

Yes. That's pretty sound advice, actually. Also, we will not help you. Sticky situation. Now you're carrying my son. Take your pants off, mom. Whoa. Take your pants off indeed.

Thank you. That was written by a Scottishottish actor named samuel pashby i can't wait to see you on the silver screen pashby and then he makes aggressive electronic music as bastion with my friend you can find us on soundcloud at soundcloud.com slash bastion music cool an actor slash musician what's the most successful version of that who's the goat jennifer lopez uh okay well let's let's think about it for jennifer fucking lopez you need someone who can sing sure but she ideally acts as well um oh eminem yeah that's good he was good at eight mile drake are those Are those skill sets related at all,

or is it just completely random to be good at both of them? I don't know. Fucking performing? Yeah, dude, they're pretty related. Oh, my God. Well, that's like a concert. I'm talking about writing and singing. I mean, writing is one thing.

I think writing is a different skill set. Singing and acting, it's all just sort of being a ham. It's both acting. Like, if you can act like you sing really well, you're a good singer. I can act like I can, if I act like Freddie Mercury, you know, like Rami Malek was an amazing singer, but only because he acted like Freddie Mercury. Yeah, like Bradley cooper was a good singer because he was a good actor and he acted so good it was good at singing can you act to sing act a song act a song so good that you're a good songwriter and singer so like ain't it something boy aren't you tired of being so hardcore i'm still i'm still jenny from the block i used to have a little but now i have a lot right you're a bad actor and singer so that that stands that tracks

i never said i was good i said jlo was good all right for me it's like i'm good at algebra and also sudoku that's my equivalent why are you in comedy if you're so good at Sudoku? Yeah. Are those two things related or are they just... Algebra and Sudoku? No, comedy and Sudoku. Oh, no. I think everything is related to Sudoku though,

because it's kind of like, it's dumb. It's like, it's asking, is that related to Tetris? Oh, yeah. If you're good at Sudoku, you're not actually actually smart right you're just like addicted to a weird little game are you bullying me are you are you good at sudoku this is you hitting on a girl poorly on an airplane like are you good at that because you're smart or is it a dumb fucking game oh shit i hate turbulence hold my hand please by the way i think it's a nine in that box and a six in this one you splashed your drink on me another ginger ale for the girl who's pretty good at a fucking little game.

I think easy Sudoku is easy, but once you get to the next level shit, it becomes like you have to actually be smart. Really? There's easy, medium, and then hard level Sudoku. I feel like that's like people saying easy, medium, and hard level word search. Like, this one's hard because it's a lot of letters and it can go backwards freaking diagonal you have to catch that actually is kind of hard but no expert level sudoku is harder than the expert level word search all right well imagine fucking a full-on 10 by 10 it's a wallpaper word search yeah that just takes a lot of time it doesn't like mean a smart person can figure it

out faster okay okay i'm sorry you bought the world's largest word search on fucking sky mall that was a waste and i didn't have the i didn't have the know-how to hang it up, so I'm doing it on the floor. You haven't found any words. Zero of the words. It's covered in footprints because it's in my threshold. Word search is like the poor man's crossword puzzle. I don't know any clues, but I can fucking find the word bladder. Old Hawkeyes over here.

I'll bubble this one. I have to look for an L, and when I do, I sort of trace a circle around it and then look for the word A. Just find a J. That one should be easy. Okay, there's not a lot of Js. It looks like a hook. Is that a J? And it'll be used

twice, so look to the left, right, top, and bottom. Oh, yeah. You're getting mucus all over the board i have post nasal drip does it matter if it's a capital lowercase o and pre-nasal drip oh shit it's coming out posted pre oh mercy this is if i were you the only advice podcast on the web hosted by us i'm amir i am jake i guess i'm back to hosting that didn't quite work out for you so much last time it worked out perfectly everybody fucking loved it they're clamoring for another jake hosted episode but you've stolen the reins and you've usurped my power maybe well this episode is 399 so maybe for the next 400

um it'll be a youth youth situation cool i can take it over from 400 onwards for the next 400 if you want yeah i know we can switch every 400 and we will do and we will do for another 400 spot tight but then we really have to call it like at 800 that should be enough that should be like all right we're good this is enough episodes like we've done enough podcasts yeah like we've recorded for 10 years at this point this is quite actually and i guess everything that we do is it's a solid like we did jake and amir for 10 years we should just do all everything for 10 years right or no we did it jake and amir for eight years yeah like two presidential terms that's how we should be thinking about our lives.

Cool. Yeah, I love that. Although if you think about our Patreon, we have like bonus video episodes there. So that's even more episodes than 400. Right. That's true. I'll start hosting some bonus Patreon episodes too. Shout out to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash J-A. Give us $1,000 a month and you can watch a half hour If I Were You video every other week. Way less than that. $1,000 a month?

No, it's way less than that. You're thinking you're right. I was just going to say there's basically an extra hour and a half of content every single month between Jake and Amir watch Jake and Amir and if I were you, bonus videos. And for $1,000 a month, you can check that whole thing out. It's $5 a month. It's not $1,000 a month. Well, that's the minimum, ass. Yeah, they can get it for $5, but you don't have to tell them to get it for five.

You could actually fucking dupe some schmuck into paying a G, I think. Edit that part out, but I don't want to. No, I'm not. I'm not going to edit a part out where you said dupe a schmuck. Why? It's bad for you. It's bad for both of us if they don't subscribe. It's bad for you.

I'm okay going down with this ship outing you. Okay. Well, shit. If you're not going to edit it out, I don't know what to do for the rest of the episode. I feel like I've really lost my footing. Yeah, you'll have one more weekend that this episode won't have come out.

And then on Monday... On episode 399, you're going to. Out you. Really, you're going to out me for saying something pretty nasty about our fan base. Exactly. Yeah, pretty nasty about it. Like loyal, loyal, I'm sorry, but loyal schmucks. Loyal schmucks who.

Don't double down. Who have lined our pockets with cash for the better part of a decade. And it's just going to go out the freaking window. That's fine. That's fine, because you'll have gotten what you deserve, just desserts. I do deserve desserts. And just desserts. Here's a softball question for you about music, actually, kind of related. We'll call this guy Tom DeLong. Love that. Not really a hobby, writes Tom, but I've been pretty into

music recently. Angsty pop punk from the late 90s, early 2000s, to be more specific. Pretty pleased, will Jake care to share with us his favorite tracks from Tom, Derek, Billy Joe, or any other bands my French ass has never heard of.

Wow. Always a pleasure to hear from you. So this guy's in France just discovering late 90s pop punk. Very interesting. What a fun little journey you're about to go on. Is it? I mean, I had a great time listening to pop punk but do you have to be a 16 year old american to truly appreciate it i think i mean i can i listen to pop punk sometimes

now and i'm and i like sort of smile nostalgically at being like wow i remember when this line like really rocked my world and i don't yeah um so and i but i don't really get those like emotional feelings from it anymore so i think i think you have to like be going through some shit i think you have to be a teenager to like really have it hit home yeah i always wonder if like musicians that take themselves really seriously care that the people most affected by their music are like 12 year old pre-teens who are going through some shit like dashboard is he like because he was like 30 at the time it's like hi i'm 12 and i love your music but like nobody who's like 30 and a musician loved his music was he 30 at the time

i'm just guesstimating if not him then somebody like right i'm sure yeah yeah like you're older than the people but like, I think that is... I think that's normal. Musicians aren't offended by that? No. I would not imagine that, like, somebody being... Like, someone really, really connecting on a deep level with your music would ever be offensive or upsetting.

Even though they're all... If they're all 12... I guess we have the slight comedy version of that, where, where like our videos that we were making in our mid-20s were appreciated by junior high school students yeah i think that's totally fair and i mean you feel things really deeply when you're in high school like those i think that maybe the situations don't uh match up to like you know i'm my heart is broken forever i'll never get over you like that's not those words don't match up to like, you know, I'm my heart is broken forever. I'll never get over you. Like that's not those words don't match your situation. Like you will get over that person. But like being able to tie meaningful lyrics and songs to the emotion that you think you're feeling.

That's I don't know. That seems valid. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, and like and nice for an artist. So this guy's looking for pop punk is it just the classics do you have any underground or is pop punk only good if it's pop like regular punk is too underground to be pop punk the pop is popular right i think that a lot i think blink 182 was like an entry level into lots of like um more like underground punk. So there's pop punk and then there's punk. But I feel like this dude should check out Simple Plan. What's that?

You ever heard of Simple Plan? Which one is that? What's their famous jam? God, there's so many. I'm Addicted to You. You know that one? It goes, I'm a dick, I'm addicted, I'm addicted to you. Right, yes, yeah, yeah, that one.

Okay, yeah, I know that one. They were a French-Canadian pop punk band, so that kind of maybe could connect with this guy. That's good, that's good. Newfound Glory, obviously. That's a big one. Did you ever get into underground shit, or you're like, this is all great,

it's all on the radio, and it's perfect? I Did you ever get into underground shit? Or you're like, this is all great. It's all on the radio, and it's perfect. I think I did get into underground shit from going to these shows. But none of that stuck with me. I'm trying to think. Jimmy Eat World, Pennywise. The underground shit I got into was Jimmy Eat World. Well, Jimmy Eat World was kind of underground before the middle came out. Yeah, you just need one epic hit to go from underground to overground.

Yeah, there's... God, it's so funny how much time I spent listening to Simple Plan. Like, looking at the album art puts me back at Hamden hall being a camp counselor and you were never even a camp counselor that's how fucking powerful that's how powerful pop punk is takes me to i'm in place i've never been to being into blink 182 and stuff made me want to like go to local punk shows so i liked the big popular bands but then i liked just the local punk bands in my town oh that's cool so that i don't know if there's like a punk rock scene and this guy where is he from france that's right yeah there's got to

be some cool pop punk in uh in france you should check out your local bands too and then what are your top three just to give this guy a heads up i would say newfound glory self-titled um like wait and i can't say blink 182 you can okay uh the mark tom and travis show and hmm oh yeah maybe the all-american rejects who's that which what do they do uh swing swing swing from the tables of my heart is the bioform of love. That's good. That kind of shit. Yeah. Oh, I mean, Fall Out Boy. Some early Fall Out Boys is pretty solid.

What's their number one jam? Sugar, we're going down swimming. Oh, yeah. And they're number one with a bullet. But that's not the song that I like. Blood again dotted, cock it and pull it. Yeah, yeah. But that's not my shit.

But that's like other people's shit. Do you know what I mean? I didn't come here to hear your fucking radio hits like what's track number four i want the deep deep cut yeah uh yeah but what you didn't like you liked pop punk what did you listen to i just listened to popular music so like it was the best of pop punk but then it was also like weezer and blues traveler too and then also like uh natalie and bruglia as well or green day so like i was just like Weezer and Blues Traveler 2. And then also like Natalie and Bruglia as well, or Green Day. So like, I was just like,

whatever was popular, I was listening to. Top 40. Right, gotcha. I love New Found Glory, and I also love Tom Green's The Bum Bum Song. Yeah. Oh yeah, but so do I. But like, when Tom Green was on TRL,

when The Bum Bum song went to number one, was that manufactured or did he actually win that day? Like he was there to celebrate with Carson. But how did he know that that would be the day that his song would be the number one most requested song? Like did MTV plan that shit? Dude, you really got like i'm like afraid that the whole thing was like not real like what if it was all manufactured it was like were they able to actually count my requests live how many how many total requests did you send in? Yeah, like I would call and I would request, but like would that request count live?

You have black nail polish on your fingers right now. Yeah, like I don't want to hear the boy's mind anymore. I'm requesting live totally the bum bum song. And for it to be number one when tom green is actually in the studio what are the freaking odd of that i really wish we were doing uh a season three of lonely and horny so we could shoot shoot you doing this i mean like his bum was literally on a swedish a flashback of you in high school. Hi, I'm calling again. I don't know if you're requesting this shit live.

His bum was on a Swedish and it was on a battleship. Alright. I know he's in the studio today. And then it was all alone, Carson. I know he's like swinging by the Times Square studio today, so I want to make sure that it's number one.

It would mean a lot to me and Tom and Glenn. I'm sure Glenn would appreciate it. That show should be more popular now with like the internet voting than it was back then. Like Total Request Live, for those of you under the age of 30, people called in to request their favorite songs and then at like 3 p.m. on MTV,

they would play them in order of 10, all the way down to one, the most requested song. And that was the only way you could see a music video. Now it's just, now it's YouTube. Now it's Vivo. You never have to, you never have to call any, you can instantly watch whatever music video you want on the internet.

I think it's better. It's a better system. In 1998, you had to watch at three to watch your favorite video. Like you couldn at three to watch your favorite video. Like, you couldn't just pull up your favorite video. Right. And you know that watching music videos is still popular because, like, Justin Bieber releases one and it will have 500 million plays. Yeah.

So, like, that maybe just goes to show you how popular TRL could have been in its heyday when everyone is like i want to see the new back street boys video how do i watch it there's nowhere i can watch it except begging them to play it on mtv where they play 45 seconds of it yeah and sometimes they would just like fade out after like a minute you're like wait that was my only opportunity to watch them run naked i won't be able to hear the bridge you couldn't buy the video and watch it right i don't i mean i you i think most of these bands like had tapes and dvds and stuff that where you could like get all of their all of their music videos so you could watch it on your own yeah but other than that you're fucked yeah no absolutely stranded so fucked uh all right let's take a break we'll thank some sponsors and we'll be right back after these words But other than that, you're fucked. Yeah, no. Absolutely stranded. So fucked.

All right, let's take a break. We'll thank some sponsors. And we'll be right back after these words. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like.

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Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly.

Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own freakyfriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday?

Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new.

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Thanks, DraftKings. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a lesson in the life. Mom, I'm coming. Gross. I do not. What about you, bub?

I'm in need of some. Let's see if you can help me out of this sticky situation that I'm in. Let's hear it. And then maybe when we record the next episode, I'll have the answer for you. Cool. My garbage disposal stopped working. A little blender that lives in your sink that I often take for granted because it's never broken.

Oh, yeah. I pressed the little on and off switch, and it just hummed. It didn't blade like a little blender. Okay. It was just like... And then it stopped. I was like, oh, that's weird.

And I shine a flashlight, and there's a quarter stuck in between the blade and the wall of the garbage disposal. I guess a quarter fell down there, and then the blender started working, and it jammed it up against against a wall and now a quarter is stuck between the blade and the wall and i don't know how to get it out between the blade and the you you don't mean the wall of your sink you mean like the garbage disposal down there got it there's a quarter jammed in it okay uh i can't take it out because it's like stuck with the the force of a blender that was on so it's like really jammed in there well make sure it's off turn it off i'm gonna turn it on till i hear the hum and then just sort of try to finagle it away with my thumb if you're gonna do it do it live if i get if i could just jam my thumb underneath the blade and sort of flick the

coin up towards me. Yeah, you want to get your teeth around it if it's possible. And now, like, since I have this house, every six months I'm approached with this dilemma of, like, should I YouTube this shit and figure it out or do I have to call a professional? And sometimes I can do it, like fixing a light that's, you know, built into the ceiling. And sometimes... You mean, do you mean changing a light bulb? No, I mean like ones that are hardwired into my electrical system. You fixed a light? Yeah, like I had a light that was like wired into the electrical system of my house. And I looked

on YouTube and it's like, yeah, you just have to like put one of the wires around this thing and then the black wire around this thing and then it should work I'm like okay I could do that and then there was like the bidet incident where I'm like I could probably install a bidet and then it created a leak and then I was like shit shit shit I have to call an expert now but since

I fucked it up the expert's gonna be has to get here more urgently which will cost more so I don't know where this garbage disposal incident is on the scale of, can I just fix it myself or do I have to call a handyman? And will he just come in and like do this thing for like 20 seconds and be like, all right, give me $280. Yeah. I mean, how much time have you spent searching so far? About half an hour. Okay, so you've seen the photos of like, you know, getting, like unhinging it from below the sink.

Yeah, some people have unhinged, some people are like, if you have an Allen wrench, you can rotate the blades counter from what they usually spin and that might loosen up the coin. And some people are like, you got to remove the

whole thing and yada yada drill it out interesting i feel like you should definitely this is something you could try yourself before calling it a profession yeah i think at the very least i have to go to baller hardware my neighborhood tool place and say like this is what i got what do you guys recommend yeah and usually the guy there is smart enough he's a handyman he's like uh i would do that or i would do this or yeah you could probably do it versus not and yeah you should take some photos of of what it looks like yeah from above and below as well don't forget to do that the below is there is just a black tube i think most garbage disposals look the same got it uh but i got i got a good photo of the actual

coin stuck in there you want me to text it to you yes please it's pretty gross because there's also food in the thing of course that's the problem yeah yeah you know what about needle nose pliers and just yanking them yeah i tried yanking one of the places suggested um using a broom handle and just fucking pounding it. Interesting. Just getting it to go down the drain. Yeah. And it's so jammed and it's so stuck that like the broom handle did nothing to it.

It was basically like hitting a coin into a concrete wall. God, I cannot wait till this text goes through. It's a pretty gross image. And again, it's like it's like six inches deep into this tube so i can't really i don't really have good leverage to try to pry it out all right i'm sending it to you oh god jesus it already went through yeah that was instant oh you can't pry that out yeah you see how like there's this two metal teeth like one of them is uh against the edge of the against the edge of the guard yeah so those two metal teeth are like

basically shoved against the actual blade shoved against the coin it's not moving there's it's not even wiggling it really looks like you continue to use this disposal past the point where it wasn't working there's fucking hair in this man you have human hair in here and that's not corn and garlic that's the the the face of a mouse that's sort of growing out of the food this is a really high-res photo i can tell that this is a ge quarter. Oh, really? Yeah. Holy shit. See the little, the peach. A 1976 Bicentennial. I'll come over and fix it.

I'll do it for free as long as I can keep the coin. I'll replace your garbage disposal. Just don't, do not promise me you won't scratch the coin anymore. Don't hammer it down the drain with that broomstick, you beast. You would think the garbage disposal can go clockwise or counterclockwise, but it seems like it can only move in one direction,

and that direction is to jam the coin further. You know what's interesting? This week I have a similar problem, but it's the person that's living in my house, renting my house in Los Angeles, that says the garbage disposal doesn't work oh wow you don't think i don't think it's i don't think it's a quarter epidemic i to me from their email it sounded like they were not pressing the right button oh yeah that's an easier fix like how do you get a fucking coin out of here it's such a i'm afraid i'm gonna have to like take out the garbage

like once i'm starting to remove stuff and then like also there's water pipes going in and out of this thing because water has to drain and that's that's when it becomes beyond my i'm absolutely floored that that thing won't come out it's crazy that it's so stuck you really can't pry that no because it's also like pretty flush against the bottom so there's not like a lot of like wiggle room underneath it either i think you just jam it with a screwdriver and you and you instead of i mean don't push it down but you go against the edge get a little leverage and just boink it you just get right out of there i don't have a lot of doink doink angle because like you got to think like my wrist won't like my hand won't even fit through the opening circle of this sink so like the the slight um contact i can make is not like full elbow body weight getting underneath

and doinkage right but it's also metal on metal yeah i'll leave it i'll leave it until you're you're in la next and you can come over and you can see that'll be a week of you not being able to use your disposal and then for whatever reason the water you can see for yourself. That'll be a week of you not being able to use your disposal. And then for whatever reason, the water is just not flushing down because you can see all this food is just creating a seal of sorts. We should really pitch a TV show that is like basically this old house except me and you are fixing it up. Yeah, so like my air conditioner stops working and I have to figure out what the fuck that is.

God, we would die so fast. That happened to me once and turns out it was just my air conditioning filter which takes nine seconds to replace but i didn't know that yeah that happened to us with our heater actually it's crazy all right so uh if you guys have any unsolicited advice for me maybe i'll post this picture to my twitter although ideally by the time this episode comes out this problem has been resolved and i can tell you guys what happened yeah when are you going to go to baller uh today oh nice yeah keep me posted too yeah you see how like the coins like starting to bend under the weight of the metal that was sticking it so like it's really firmly in there yeah i would maybe just run it for a little while

longer at some point this one thing will win, the coin or the teeth. Yeah, it's not even moving a little bit. It's just like, it's almost like it goes to start, but it's jammed so it can't move. She's going to buckle. I really think it's going to buckle. Actually, let me fill up the sink

with literal elbow grease, which is when you sort of squeeze the little excess skin on your elbow enough, that oil starts coming out of it. That'll shine this nickel right up. Oh, it's a quarter, sir. But it'll turn it into a nickel. I'm already down 25 cents just trying to fix this shit.

Exactly. All right, let's try to answer some more questions. Okay. I mean, Christ, this is getting ridiculous. I can't do anything. This is insane. Hey, it's try to answer some more questions. Okay. I mean, Christ, this is getting ridiculous. I can't do anything. This is insane. Hey, it's all right. You can host a podcast and you can do Sudoku.

No, not even the intermediate Sudoku, actually. I was sort of talking a big game, hoping you wouldn't bring it up again, but now I feel bad. Jesus, you shouldn't have. Why would you lie about that? I can only do the easy level where it's like, they really hold your hand. You were hoping.

Eight boxes are already filled. You were hoping I wasn't going to bring it up. Now I feel like a fucking moron. You shouldn't enter into conversations when you're this fragile, where like, if I bring something up again, you'll crumble. Like, I'm not even saying like, I'm not even quite, I was just saying, good job. I can't even do the easy ones, quite frankly. Yeah, I know. You said you needed eight hints. Like. I can't even do the easy ones, quite frankly. Yeah, I know.

You said you needed eight hints. Like, I don't know the rule. I assume there's rules, but I don't know them. You think Sudoku's just needing to fill in the box. Yeah, it's like fill in the blank in any significant order. This is a guy who is trying to take the LSATs. Do you have any lawyers in your life? My father is a lawyer. Okay, we'll call this guy Samuel. Did your dad have to take the LSATs. Do you have any lawyers in your life? My father is a lawyer.

Okay, we'll call this guy Samuel. Did your dad have to take the LSAT? Yeah, my dad fucking aced the LSAT. Aced it? I have no idea. I assume he did. I had friends who took it out here in Cali, or maybe that was the bar exam.

Yeah, the bar exam is the one that's like three eight-hour days. LSAT is like the equivalent of the SATs, but for being a lawyer and going to law school. Anyway. Oh, interesting. This guy says he's taken the LSATs in a few weeks and he's been studying nonstop. But what you believe to be a problem is that my feeling while I take these practice tests,

mostly relaxed, is vastly different than my feelings during the real exam, which will be high pressure and stress. I believe that you should prepare in the mental state which you will be taking the test. So how can I induce anxiety and stress during my LSAT prep? Easy, bees. What? Bees. You want him to take an exam underneath a hive?

Yeah, I want him to put a hive of bees in a room and take the test. Now that's stress. what about shortened time so like you get three hours for the lsat see if you can do it in two and a half that's pretty solid i just don't think it beats bees yeah that's true all right what if you're on a boat so like you're kind of nauseous oh that's good so yeah i have like a little seas it doesn't be it doesn't be bees frankly but i like that too what if you a la jake hur yeah, I have like a little C. It doesn't beat bees, frankly, but I like that too. What if you, a la Jake Hurwitz, wait for like a little panic episode and then whip out the exam and start trying to answer questions?

That's a solid idea, but what is more panic-inducing than bees? I don't know, man. I'm trying to like spitball here, but you keep saying bees. I don't know what else is more panic-inducing. Some things don't need to be spitballed. things are a strike right down the middle perfect and they don't need to be improved upon what about a tarantula on your wrist while you're filling out the bubbles that's better than bees because tarantulas are panic inducing but they're not actually as dangerous as bees yeah i mean bees are fucking really dangerous. You should never, ever take a test in front of live bees.

That's the height of idiocy. Of course. That's why I think tarantula is really perfect. And I can't believe you even suggested bees. We can't. You suggested bees. I suggested tarantula. I think tarantula is good.

Absolutely not. I said tarantula. You said bees. You can listen back. And said tarantula you said peas you can listen back you said peas were better you can listen back I think you said peas were worse that I thought of peas if you want to

we can pause and listen back and I said bees and you said oh and I used shit no you said bees now you got me saying it have you had a panic attack since your panic attack no that was the last panic attack but i

do think i got over my panic attack really slowly i felt a little like fragile and frazzled uh after it so like for days yeah like it really it was almost like you know coming over food poisoning or something it was like oh man that was that was crazy like i you know, coming over food poisoning or something. It was like, oh man, that was, that was crazy. Like I'm not as strong as I thought I was. We were getting some emails from people saying that it was very helpful to hear you talk about it because they were going through similar things. Oh, that, that is nice. I got some, some nice DMS about panic attacks also.

And I appreciated them. It's nice. Any bullying ones? Yeah. A couple, a couple that were like, you have to set up auto payments for your property taxes in Los Angeles. You have somebody change the name on your cable bill,

just like lots of like tiny little needling things that may be like, oh my God, wait, I have paperwork that I fucked up on. Yeah, being an adult is hard. Little things that got me noivous. But yeah, no, I'm feeling much, much better. I've been doing this, well, I've already talked about it before,

but going on like runs, like runs or bike rides really helps like clear my head. But I started calling it a yog to break through the fog. Why don't just call it a jog? You changed the word jog, but it still rhymes with jog to break through the fog. A yog to break through the fog is a sunny yog to break through the fog. I think yog is just a nice little way of having a fun run.

Cause a jog is like, oh man, a jog feels like a slog. Yeah. But a, but a yog now that's now that's a dog are you okay no i'm crying how often do you take a yog fog uh i'm at the point where i have to take maybe 19 or 20 yogs a day that's a lot of yogs. That's not like a

playful little jog like he described. You're running 19 times a day. That's a lot. That's a lot of yogging. In the morning, yeah, I like to wake up, take a yog, or if I don't do that, then I'll take one after work. So that's two. And then where are you squeezing

in the other 17 yogs for the fogs? Between midnight and 7 a.m okay so you're having yeah you're having panic episodes throughout the night waking up in cold sweats and sprinting out of your i don't wake up i don't sleep and you think these yogs are you're spending all your restorative time yogging through the fog and then you wake up and you don't one second i'll be right back can we just pause the recording for just one second all right sure i'll be right back you're going to fucking take a yacht i'll be back in 20 minutes i'll be right back no you can't take we can't stop

for 20 i need a yog i need a yog i'm in a fog we can't do a mid pod rod um actually we got to follow up pup ourselves not just not just you following up on your pod panic attack let's hear it remember the guy who was like living in a a small town and he left a note on a dash of a of a lady that he uh would go into the hardware store or something and he thought he had a a thing with her oh yeah So he left a note on her thing being like, hey, I think you're really pretty. And I'd love to hang out with you. And we're like, that's the kind of thing there. If she does like you, that's a very sweet sentiment. And if you're just like a forgettable customer at her store, it's kind of a weird move. But we look

forward to finding out which one it is. Yes, yes, yes. So that was sent five months ago. And I said, hey, let us know what happened with that lady. Because we only answered his question recently. And he said, I did end up leaving the note. And she emailed me that night. And I ended up losing my virginity to her. Oh, my God. And we dated for five months.

Yes. And then I said, why did you guys break up? And she said, and he said, after the fifth month, we realized we didn't click as well as we did the first few months. Yes. And then I said, why did you guys break up? And she said, and he said, after the fifth month, we realized we didn't click as well as we did the first few months. We broke up and remained relatively friendly until she moved to South Dakota for some reason. And I haven't seen nor heard from her since. Perfect. It's absolutely perfect. A five month dating virginity losing relationship from a note on a car. Way to go.

And that's what happens when you don't follow our advice. Mazel tov. Good on ya. All right, sweet. Let's try to answer one last question. Why not? Here's a gym-related dilemma. Okay.

I'm an 18-year-old girl, writes Nicole. Oh, and I joined a gym for the first time in my life. As soon as I walked in, I was met with a tall, gorgeous, obviously jacked Czech guy. Context, I'm Austrian, but I'm spending a year in Prague. Okay? Nice. Who looked like he could be around my age working in the front desk. I signed my contract, and I was only a little flustered, but ultimately all was well.

I hit the gym again today and for the first time he was not confined behind the counter. He was in the gym working out. It's a very small gym and I felt too awkward to badly work out in front of him. So I just stretched and left. This can't go on. Have you ever been in a position like this? And how do you get over your own gym awkwardness slash fear in general? Love, Nicole.

Yeah. Okay, cool. I've been there before. Like when you first joined a gym, you don't really know how to work out and you're intimidated by all the machines. That's right. And everybody there is strong. They're confident. They know what they're doing.

They know where they're going. You don't want to try it. Like, I would never, when I first joined a gym, I would never, like, fuck with a machine to, like, try to adjust the seating or, like, raise the bar on the bench press. I would, like, okay, I'm going to just stay in my little zone. I'll do free weight curls, a bench press machine, and go away. Yeah, or, like, if somebody's like, can I work in? I'll be like, I'm done. I'm actually done. Really, I just saw you like sort of eye this bench

for 10 minutes and then slowly walk towards it. And I said, can I work in? And you said, I'm done. And now you're backtracking away from me. I actually realized. I'll see you in the steam room, okay? There is no steam room. I'm gonna get a Schmitz in the parking lot then

excuse me putting a pipe from your exhaust into the car is this what you wanted i think uh yeah and i mean now like i would go to the gym with my brother, and he's like moving, dragging benches, putting bands on a kettlebell, like making your own gym. I think it's just about time. But you have to get out of your comfort zone just a little bit. So feel a little silly and try working out in front of somebody. You could also YouTube videos, like watch YouTube videos or Instagram has a lot of like good workout examples with like equipment that you might have in that gym. Yeah.

So you can go in like with a little, like a plan. I also think that gives you better workouts in general. Before I go to the gym, I like to like think about all of the workouts I'll do in my head or even write them down. Yeah. So when I go to the gym, I like to think about all of the workouts I'll do in my head or even write them down. So when you're in the gym, you're like, I know exactly what I'm doing. Because if you just go there, you don't have a plan, you end up just wandering around, not getting a good workout. Yeah. There's also apps, I bet, that teach you not only how to use

the equipment, but what you do. And this lady can even ask this guy i bet he would fucking love that totally he works at the gym that's what he's there for yeah like can i ask you a question you're a new a new lady at the gym that's probably his dream yeah i used to go with i i guess i still do i just go with people who are stronger than me that way i could just follow their lead yeah having a gym buddy is very helpful god that that makes you feel confident and uh you got a better workout because you're trying to impress the person you're with yeah and then you can say stuff like can you hold my feet while i do sit-ups and then like your your form is still really really wrong but they're standing on your feet so that's helpful you're talking about she

says that to the guy she has a crush on yeah can you hold my feet on my feet that was the original helping people at the gym is standing on someone's feet while they did Stand on my feet. That was the original helping people at the gym is standing on someone's feet while they did sit-ups. Standing on my feet. Yeah, stand on someone's feet is a great pickup line. Because then they can feel how the foot-to-foot connection is the strongest one, both mentally and romantically. Yeah, stand on my feet.

And somebody would be like, why? And then, like, I have to do sit-ups. You're a pervert. Okay, okay. All right. Cool. Sweet. Thanks.

Episode 399 in the books. Opening theme song was written by Samuel Pashby. If you have your own or your own questions, send them all down to ifireyoushowatgmail.com. Next episode is episode 400. Oh my God. Got to plan some sort of celebration of sorts. This has got to be a blowout,

a 10 hour telethon extravaganza. We're talking about podcast, old guests, new guests, a variety hour, singing, dancing, skits,

bits, tricks, and skittles. Everyone that listens will have free candy delivered to them. We're going to throw this whole thing as a live stream, a blowout. HD on TV, on broadband, the web, Twitter, simulcasted across the entire web. We're talking about Slack, a Discord exclusive,

and a Twitter web exclusive. Facebook Live meets Instagram Live meets 24-hour telethon-style comedy gold. All coming to you next week. I actually can't host next week, so you'd have to do that one by yourself. Maybe Ben or somebody will do it, or you just do it as like a vlog or solo show have a good one everybody where are you going to be I quit the podcast

alright we'll see you later I can't do it by myself obviously I hyped it up that's like a really big thing all that stuff you pitched to me yesterday by the way what happened I'm going to do it solo dolo now you're going to do it you just happened? I'm gonna do it solo dolo. Now you're gonna do it?

You just told me I had to do it solo dolo. I'm gonna do it solo dolo, because it is my idea. And I'm gonna do it in a fucking room full of bees. How about da? That's a bad idea. We'll figure something else out. This closing theme song is Nick Verashak, who's the... who is part of a Toronto band called Rose Red Youth.

So thanks, Nick. Thanks, Samuel. Thanks to you guys for listening. We'll be back next week. Ciao. I'm going to go on a yog. Enjoy. Peace.

Hey, hi, I'm Amir. And I'm Jake Hurwitz. I like pussy. Me, I'm Amir Blumenfeld. I'm a goddamn chipmunk and guess what? Me, cute, cute, cute, cute, rich. It's true, I do love pussy. Do I really sound like that? Do I really sound like that?

I love that hooded tang.