Segments - 41: Lightning Round

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

In this episode we guess celebrity heights, french pastries, olympic events, Kendrick v. Drake, dog breeds, and how to make our faces red.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet

set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous, you're skittish, you're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad

at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now. Edit this part out, but let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what. I'm going to say my fucking social security number.

So you have to edit it out. Okay? Let's hear it. 0-9-1-3-6-6-2. Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in. But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. too. Now you have to edit it out. But we'll see you guys there. Won't last its effort to try and stop their career from going to shit.

Second. Another podcast. Second. Each app different from the last. Second. It's the Swiss Army Nightclub Show. Now let's meet your two pathetic hosts. Second.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know what you're thinking. Uh-huh. I got the wallpaper up. That's good. You got the sizers up? Did you glue the wall?

You did the primer? I did the sizer. You did the sizer? I did the glue and I did the do. Did you do the glue on the wall or on the paper? Good question. Each strip was a different experiment. First strip, we went straight to the wall. Paper was dry. That one was hard because you have to use a laser level to make sure that it's right aligned vertically perfectly. Any left to right deviation will show in perpetuity as you align the next strip.

Now how do you. Going to the left to right. And how do you shut the fuck up while I'm talking. Because you're not doing a good job. There's a question related to wallpaper. And do you glue your mouth shut. No. Oh it wasn't related to wallpaper. Sorry. I feel your mouth shut? No. Oh, it wasn't related to wallpaper.

Sorry. I feel like you really want to talk about it. I thought you were really trying to change the subject. You just want to monologue about it? I have to like steamroll. Yeah. Because like I'm so used to people changing the subject or being mad at me.

Because all I talk about is wallpaper. And I guess I exhaust people for some reason. Because it's a lot and it's not that interesting. Like, you know how they say it's like watching paint dry? That's sort of this kind of conversation. So you have the laser on one side. That's the one you're trying to make level. But the actual walls of your house, they're not level.

So you're not putting it. You can't put it completely flush on one side and have it be level. So you're actually- That's a good question. Yeah, you're trying to level it. That's actually addressed. Yes. Okay.

You level the right side of the strip. Imagine a strip, a vertical poster. You can't just shove it in the corner and say, okay, let me left align it with the corner because the corner isn't straight. Right, right, right, right. So you right align it with a laser level or a plumb line that you draw so perfectly vertical that you start to, the wallpaper starts to curve onto the other wall from the corner and then you use an X-Acto knife to slice along the edge of the corner. I see.

Okay, so there's a little bit of overlap. So you want it to come across. A little bit of overlap on the, so there's a little bit of overlap. So you want it to come across. A little bit of overlap on the first wall and then a little bit of overlap on the ceiling, which, yes, does make it hard. Right. Because it's like gift wrapping a giant flat wall and the glue has the consistency of ketchup.

Right. A poster so floppy and wet and sticky, it won't stay on the wall. Oh, you have to. Because the primer is not doing its job. So what was the most challenging part? The most challenging part was not yelling at Avital while she tried to align it while I was holding it as hard as I could. And she was getting snippy with me because she thought I wasn't doing

my job. I was doing my job, by the way. I was holding it up. It just hurt my shoulders after a while. So I gave it a rest and it would flop down and it would land on her face. The glue would get covered in ketchup glue. Also covered in ketchup because we had hot dogs before. It was viscous. It was slimy. The glue was slimy yeah strip by strip it went up four and a half to be exact did it get easier or did it get more tedious as it went on when you're on the third strip you're like oh we're getting the hang of this or are you like oh my god this is so hard and it's getting worse as we go every strip is a new challenge because we started at 9pm and by the third strip we were having to carve around an outlet and uh you know let's try putting the glue on the paper instead of the wall and see what time is it now any better now it's 12 45 am is that true things are getting yeah why did you

about an hour per strip why did you start at nine because we had to prime the wall before that and that started at five and you have to give it two hours to dry so what does you know it has to dry the wall size no because the fucking mounter was coming the next day and the wall had to be dry for him it really had to be dry for him. I think that was poorly planned. I really do. I really do. I made it with a tight schedule in mind so that it could be done as quickly as humanly possible.

And is it? The problem was, drumroll please. I have weak shoulders. We hate it. Oh, yes. You didn't see the wallpaper before it arrived. No, it actually turned out well. You can't tell that it was a stressful putting up of a wallpaper because the end result, though hard to do, looks pretty good. Unless you're looking very close, you can see some minor imperfections.

But from a distance, it seems like it was a professionally placed wallpaper. Wow. Let me see if I can find a picture I can share my screen and did they so they mounted the tv have you put any of the gallery photos up yet no i did not have you watched any uh any tv programs on the tv yet yeah we broke in the tv last night it was nice and as you see the tv it's good is the picture quality is nice it's fast it's smart so the picture quality is good yeah the google quality is nice. It's fast. It's smart. The picture quality is good, yeah. The Google software is nice. The art part of it is kind of cool. The fact that it becomes a painting at rest is the best part, I would say.

Do you have a painting that you have chosen? Are you cycling? There's a lot of options, and we have a temporary one that looks pretty good with the wallpaper, but nothing permanent, nor does it have to be. I can draw you something. I was just thinking. It's not that. It's not what you can draw me. It's for art.

It's absolutely not that. Okay, here we go. Can you see this? This is the before. Okay, so that's the before. I can see. That's the before. Yeah. Try to ignore the before. I can see. That's the before. Yeah.

Try to ignore the reflection of my naked body. I have like a pretty soft mons pubis in the reflection. Make sure you can't see that. Okay, so that's the before. The before. A little right aligned television over the media cabinet. White wall. Yeah, I can see that.

And then two dying plants, fake plants fake plants this here we go share after very nice center aligned yeah center aligned wallpaper wall painting tv that doesn't even look like a television so from i know that you said from a distance you can't see any imperfections. I can see top right corner, little divot, little divot, not perfectly meeting the wall. Actually, dead center, top, little bit of a dip, not exactly meeting the ceiling there. I'm stopping the share. I'm stopping the share. We had other questions. Does the door hit the end table

because i thought that the the media cabinet was right aligned because the door opens inward and you're giving it space to open fully without hitting your tv or your console but i'm curious if the door opens into that if the door swings all the way to the wall, it will hit the end table. Okay. It will not hit the media cabinet. It will not hit the frame. Sorry, the canvas TV. Right.

Not the frame. Now you have me saying it. And yes, the mounter had notes. What did the mounter say? Notes on the TV? Notes on the entire AV setup. Really? He asked if we were getting a sound bar.

I told him I was eschewing the sound bar. I don't believe in a sound bar. The sound from my TV is fine as is. Do you have an Apple TV? I don't. We have like apps within this smart TV ecosystem, but not an Apple TV. I told you my situation at home, which is that we have an Apple TV and then Jill and I each have the Apple AirPod Max headphones. Oh, yeah. And you guys are listening, watching TV, listening on a headphone.

Yeah. The Apple TV can connect up to two pairs of headphones. I'm sure it can connect to any Bluetooth headphones, but it seems like Apple likes Apple products, you know. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, we're both listening on AirPod Max Pros. Interesting. And that definitely better than a sound bar, tell you what.

The audio is incredible. People don't really do that. Why is that the case? You rarely, like when you're watching on a computer, you're always using headphones. I don't know anyone that watches TV with headphones. Yeah, well, you do now. That's me, buddy.

Maybe you're starting a trend or maybe there's something awry that I can't think of. It's great. It's great. I love it. Okay, that's the update there. Mm-hmm. It's great. It's? Because I did it sort of helping Avital put it up once, twice if you include our bedroom with that peel and stick. So now I can do any type of wallpaper. You have the laser level, which seems like it's one of the – that's a big piece of the puzzle.

The laser level was a bust for camera. Really? Who's to say it was perfectly straight? Not I. It looked fine. Wow. But at the top, it was 26 inches away from the wall, and at the bottom, it was 26 and a half. Okay, how do you center that? How do you rotate it so it's perfectly level?

The bubble's in the middle. So what'd you end up doing? Is that enough? A plumb line? Guestimating. Guestimating. What's your next home project then? Well, now that that wall is done in the living room, let's, okay, what's the wall next to it?

Do we do a paint job? Do we change the couch? Do we do this? Do we add wallpaper to the office, et cetera, et cetera? Yeah. And what about the outside? Because, you know, you... Not even willing to consider the outside yet. Okay. We got to start with the inside and move out. All right. Nice. Okay. We asked for quick lightning round style, either questions or segments from our audience. That's right.

That's right. We got some good ones, I will say. Shout out to the people watching our Instagram story. Yeah, respect. Thank you. One of my favorite ones is one we probably can't do. Let's see if I can find it. Made me laugh when i read it it was by user fxl punk rapper make your face red remember that when you were a kid trying to make your face red yeah what

do you mean we can't do it of course we can do it we just you we just stop you have to hold your breath and and you know but it's like it's like it's like uh i don't even know how to describe it it's like causing your the blood to rush to your head or something yeah you have to like yeah find some force all right so i'm pressing pressing my hands against each other. That's number one. And then the other is holding your breath. So I'm going to make myself real red. You think you're going to be able to do it? I'll give you a headache. I wonder if the white balance in the camera will just adjust accordingly.

Jake is squeezing. Looks like he's trying to pinch a loaf. His eyes are now closed completely. His hands are clasped like he's trying to pinch a loaf. His eyes are now closed completely. His hands are clasped, like he's praying really hard. Am I redder? I think a little bit. Yeah, I think so. I think a little bit.

That was not worth it. I feel kind of exhausted. My neck hurts. Yeah. I guess I won't do it. But I'm glad you were able to do that. Yeah. I got pretty red. Shane Rover asks, what's your favorite old CH video that you're not in?

You are not in this video. CH video that we're not in. Oh, I've said this before. I love the adults video. streeter pat and intern max well i'd really like to fuck your wife like you and streeter talking about like you guys i think the joke is just that you guys are talking like adults like bro how was your weekend oh you know tucker is a crazy kid and then it takes like the most banal dark turn it's just like oh we're going skiing me and cheryl and the kids like oh well i'd really and your your character's like i'd really like to come

like well no because last time you came on the trip, your drinking really put a damper on the whole thing. And then you grab his wrist. And you're like, I'd really like to come. Oh, man. Yeah, it's great. Good stuff. It's a good episode. But I guess I'm glad I'm not in it because I feel like then I wouldn't be able to watch it as a fan.

That's right. I like the one you were in with Josh Rubin where you guys are eating brownies and yelling at each other. Yeah. With chocolate in your mouth while talking about. Yeah. Like how I saw your girlfriend at the elevator. You fucker. What? What am I talking about yeah uh like how i saw your girlfriend at the elevator you fucker what what am i talking about mouth full of brownies you fuck her i'm sorry man yeah that's a good one that's a very good stuff really good stuff. Really good stuff. Himmy, him, himmy name is Evan?

Oh, my good lord. Hi, my name is Evan. Himmy name, him name. Sound like frickin' Joe Biden over here. Read the name. Sleepy Joe and fuckin' laughing Kamala. Are you kidding me? She's laughing.

I'd rather have a tired guy or a girl that laughs. Tell me what's so funny. I've never laughed. About turning our country into a shithole. Sorry if I don't think that's funny. Yeah. So anyway, hi, my name is Evan. Best and worst marriage advice.

That's kind of fun. You've been married for almost a year now. Your anniversary is coming up in October. October. Yeah. I guess the worst advice would be to spend every day wallpaper in a wall. Right. High stress situations. Yeah. That's probably not something you want to do. But turning your house into a home, now that's good advice. Oh, that's interesting. Okay, mine is communication, good communication. Patient communication, that's what you don't want because you need to get your way.

Or the highway. No, polite, patient, considerate communication considerate communication let's talk about respect okay because i don't get any in my house oh a little respect um i think assuming positive intent believing that your partner has the best intentions, even if you disagree with them on something. And then bad advice. Bad advice? Phones before bed. Just phones.

Phones in general. I think phones are kind of bad. Not just for me, but for society. Life, yeah. Yeah, for sure. For sure. sure spend less time on your phone more time in the moan that's awesome yeah and then you're in the moan means uh watching tv with two air buds in so you can't hear the other person airpod max yeah actually jill when we watch tv the the only unfortunate thing because i i so i have, when I'm watching TV, I don't just like channel surf.

You know, we're not just like watching whatever. You're not on your phone talking. Yeah. Like when I watch TV, basically watch like an hour a night, maybe less. So it's highly programmed. This is on demand TV. This is discussed. This is chosen.

Maybe we're in a show. So I like to be dialed in and not miss anything. Jill used to be a talker during a show. She'd be like, oh, I know what this guy's going to do. He's going to do this. Like, oh, wait, isn't this guy – And she can't do that with the headphones. That's why you like the headphones.

That's why I love the headphones. Because you're like, okay. But what she can do and what she started doing because she knows that I don't like when she – Pausing. Yeah. When she talks during the TV show – She's like, okay, give me the headphones. Because you're like, get out of here. But what she can do and what she started doing because she knows that I don't like when she talks during the TV show. She's like, okay, give me the remote. I'll pause and then we'll talk and then I'll restart. Yeah, we'll be watching and she'll be like, pause it. And I'm like, I don't want to pause it. I know you don't want to interrupt, but this is a different kind of interrupting.

I'm not interrupting. I'm stopping. There's a difference. Now the real problem is with the Airpod pros there's just a button so she'll can pause it willingly to tell me what's on her mind and then she has too much access that's funny so you're saying you do like the headphones or? I love the headphones. I love the headphones. Yeah. And her pausing is the least of all of the evils. Okay, let's take a break, come back, and do some more segments.

Lightning round style. Yes. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology?

Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com?

That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality.

Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z.

So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code segments

to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. segments to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy.

Thank you, Squarespace. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back. That's correct. And the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards. And if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff, then you should play pick six from DraftKings, which is an official daily fantasy partner of the NFL.

Wow. So if you like watching football, and it sounds like you do i do yeah i do a lot this this can really heighten your joy that's right i grew up a raiders fan and now i'm just a fan of the league in general but i still have a fan of gambling enough yes you're a fan of gambling yes and i do have an affinity for the silver and black so if you like football as much as me which is not likely because i do know a lot like do you know what a nickelback uh does in a cover two defense or like do you know what a play action passes like these are like some advanced things that i know that you wouldn't i know. I basically know run and Hail Mary.

You actually know both of those? Yeah, running is when you run, and then Hail Mary is when you chuck it, right? Damn. I think you should download the DraftKings Pick 6 app. Select between two and six players. I have a sure thing for you to put some money on. You select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat. It's that simple.

And for all first-time Pick six players, check this out. New customers play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits. Whoa-za. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings pick six app now and use code SEGMENTS. That's code SEGMENTS for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits only on DraftKings pick six. The crown is yours. There you go.

Anything to add? Yeah, I was going to say, gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling. Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.oregon, Connecticut. Must be 18 plus. Age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions. Pick six is not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Void where prohibited.

One per new customer. Non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months. Limited time offer. See terms at picksix.draftkings.com slash. Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings.

And we're back. Okay. You know the guess a celebrity's age game that we play? Oh, yeah. Evgeny Matbib asks, guess a celebrity that's 5'3". Oh. Not age, but height. That's good.

Okay. A 5'3 inch celeb. Danny DeVito? I think he's too short. Let me search. Danny DeVito height. Height is great. We should also be doing weight.

Height is 4'10", is Danny Davido. 4'10". Okay. That's really short. Okay, I'm going to guess Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Yeah, that's good. That's actually really good. Louis-Dreyfus height.

She's 5'3". I won. All right, next game. That was so fast. Let me tie. I can try to tie. Well, you did guess once, and so did I, so we are tied. Joe Pesci, a.k.a. Joe Pesh 3.

Joe Pesci. 5'4". He's inflating that. My cousin Vinny in sneakers. All right, great. Good segment. That's, great. Good segment. That's one that could be recurring. Yeah.

That one's a little easier than age because there's not a lot of variance. There's like eight heights somebody can be, but 58 ages. Actually, let's play who's one. Who's the most famous one-year-old? Most famous one-year-old. The Gerber baby?

The little baby. Yeah. That's good. All right. Do you have one? Of course I do. Of course I do. One second.

Okay. Which play on words is a better riff on Slice of Life? Rice of Life or slice of knife? Probably slice of knife. Yeah, because it doesn't mean anything. Yeah. It's just this nice little slice of knife that I like. Right. Slice of rice is actually nothing. Slice of knife is a way that's like you made a mistake, which makes it funnier. You know what I mean?

Correct. Yeah. Okay, cool. Jarrett Ward asks, debate which Olympic sport you could get a bronze in if you train for a year. Have you been watching the Olympics? Yeah, as much as i can it's i have been a little bit busy during the day so i'm i'm trying to keep caught up right now i have uh the gymnastics on over my shoulder um i do i love the olympics track and field is my favorite though i think that's coming up next week

yeah um i think i, maybe fucking pole vault. If I had a year. Interesting. Would I still have to like record shit or would I just be able to do pole vault all day? I think you would dedicate your life to the vault. Okay. Then maybe triple jump. These are really, really hard.

No, I didn't. People always say like they dedicated the last four years to this, and this is their way of showing off. I'm like, it's way more than four years. Nobody started training at the last Olympics. It's usually a lifelong endeavor. There's an NBA player playing volleyball right now, right? An ex-NBA player, Chase Budinger,

went from the NBA to just be a professional volleyball player now he's uh competing in the Olympics as a volleyball player that's kind of awesome you basically you do a sport where you you just have the the perfect body type for another sport and you're just like oh I guess I can actually spike the ball it's it's not hard because I don't have to defend anybody I'm just fucking yeah jumping high um yeah i also saw that until kevin durant hears about this i saw there was uh i the guy who won the bronze medal for like shooting or something it was just like a 51 year old guy from uh turkey who like yeah there's it was on yeah it was on reddit there's like somebody's wearing like two special glasses and this other guy just like comes in

t-shirt hand in his pocket, shoots, gets a bronze. I feel like that's a new sport. I've never seen just like a straight up handgun at a target like that. That has to be new, right? I don't think it's new. It's not skeet shooting. Yeah, no, I think it's one of the older sports. I mean, that's –

But Olympics wise, I've never just seen a guy with a fucking gun like that and winning a medal. There's a lot of shooting sports. There's that one in the Winter Olympics that's just like cross-country skiing with shooting. Yeah, that I've seen before. That's a good one. Curling, maybe curling. That one's kind of, well, no, there's a lot of finesse involved.

I think it would have to be a shooting one. I think the easiest way to get a medal is being the worst player on a team sport. I could, in theory, get a bronze for uh being the worst player on a team sport right i could in theory get a bronze for being on the german basketball team yeah and then just i'm the 12th man right they don't play me but i'm on the team so you're a bench player yeah you have to fill out the team that's kind of good you're you're more of a locker room presence because correct they love beating up on you. I'm a team player. I'm a glue guy.

And I still have glue on my thighs. Is the glue on the paper or on the wall in the locker room? That's right. And it's really hard to line it up, obviously, left to right, because you have to make sure that there is no deviation. That's the hard part. Okay, here's a question i don't really understand you tell me harry ed 17 rank five items without knowing what comes next dessert yeah that states to live in drinks etc i don't understand so that's like a it's a tiktok thing it's called blind ranking

it's like this filter where they'll give you like 10 athletes or 10 desserts and you don't know what's going to come next. You're like chocolate chip cookie. All right, I think I'll put it at two, but like if just because something might come up better. I see, I see. So we can't really play that. Not knowing what's next. I can give it to you now.

I can come up with five desserts. Okay. List of five of five desserts. You need to Google list of five desserts? You can't just come up with five desserts. Okay. List of five desserts. You need to Google list of five desserts? You can't just come up with five desserts? Come on, man. I can come up with two. I actually had an interesting dessert last night.

It was called a Paris breast. Have you ever had that? No, I've never had a Paris breast. Yeah. Well, there was a lot of discussion about what it was going to be and it turns out it was really delicious it was kind of like a donut cut in half with like ice cream and chocolate hazelnut or nougat or something in the middle and sounds like you don't know it looked like a titty i don don't really. Let me search what it is exactly. Oh, yeah, I see what it is. Yeah, this is a flaky donut cut in half.

And then in the middle, it's like little ice cream nuggets or something. Praline, I see. Flaked almonds. Mine did not have that. It was clearly a variation on a pear's breast. I'm not close to done. I am not close to done. Have you ever had an English pussy?

It's a pear sliced in half. Now we can move on. Okay. Muffins. Blind rank. You don't know what's coming up next, but I'm going to give you five. These are desserts? Muffins aren't really desserts.

It's kind of a breakfast food. I would not consider a muffin a dessert. Okay. Cupcake. Thank you. Four. Not really dessert. More of a celebratory.

More of a childish snack. Okay. What would you rank? four I said four four? yeah okay cheesecake

ooh that's worse that's gotta be four so then okay so you're already wrong the whole point is you have to lock it in cheesecake is is

oh god you're gonna say something worse than all of that cheesecake is three Paris Brest Paris Brest is, God, you're going to say something worse than all of that. Cheesecake is three. Paris Brest. Paris Brest. Absolute two energy. Really?

Yeah. A banana split. A banana split. I think you're down to just one and three. No, one and five. Oh, really? Okay, one and five. I don't think anything is that interesting about a banana split,

but I do love a banana dessert. It's just not with ice cream. It's five. And lastly, pie. This has been a disaster. Pie, I guess, has to go to the one slot, but it's not really there. You got pie at the one, Paris breast at the two, was it? Yeah. Okay, you're going to go with Lakers. Pie at the one. Paris Breast at the two, was it? Yeah. Okay.

You're going to go with Lakers. LA Lakers players who have ever played for them. That's right. Okay. Okay. Five of them. Pau Gasol. One of my favorite Lakers ever.

But on a list of the greatest Lakers ever, or are you searching a list of the greatest Lakers or any players ever? No, I'm just famous ones. I want you to rank them. It's not just like their best point scores or whatever. I'll put Powess III, yeah. Yeah, this is how you feel about them. Okay, Powess III. Elgin Baylor.

He was like a Minneapolis early Laker great, but I never saw him play. Supposedly, prototype of the modern NBA player who played in the 50s and 60s. But to me, I'll put him fifth last of this list. Kobe Bryant. Kobe gets my one. He was a Laker from my age of 13 to 33, won five championships. Best Laker in my lifetime. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Shit. Some people say Kareem is the greatest basketball player of all time. Not me, which is why I'll put him second. So it's Kobe, Kareem, Powell, somebody somebody and then elgin baylor lebron james laker but four is accurate because he was you know in his career he was mostly not a laker these other guys were mostly lakers okay so that's a fine list. You feel good. And then lastly, Paris Brest. He went to Gonzaga and played three games for the Lakers in the early 90s. Iconic. Absolutely iconic. Okay. What else we got? Oh, here's an Olympic question for you. Yeah. What's more important, total medals or gold medals? So some people are like USA's in first because they have the most total medals.

And some people are like, actually, Japan's in first because they have the most gold. It's all about the gold. What do you think the ranking should be? Gold. It's gold. It's got to be gold. Gold. I think the medal count is great.

Most medals is not as important. Most medals is important. I think most medals is – I would absolutely celebrate that. But I think the more worthy thing to celebrate is most golds because you celebrate the gold the most when you win the gold. You can't dilute it by being like, oh, but now we have the most total. No. Most golds is goaded. Yeah. But then you want to – like if a country has one gold and ten silvers that's got to be

better than two golds and nothing yeah yeah maybe but i i think that there's like a weighted scale that weights gold more heavily but still takes in consideration well i think there's i think there's two lists it's a total metal count and a gold metal count and i would if i had the option i would rather be at the top of the gold medal count than total okay but i guess that just means i'm a competitor and you're more of a layman you know what i mean i'm more of a bronze man who finished third best because anybody can finish first like you look at katie ledecky and it's like swim as fast as you can. Oh, and now I'm just like lapping the field. To time out a third place finish is nearly impossible.

And the risk is so high. If I get fourth, I don't get a medal. Ledecky just only wins. That's not that interesting. You look at all of the best times for the 1500s. It's like the top 20 are Ledecky. Who's finishing third the most? Yeah, who's number 21?

Also probably her. Spencer Meisner. Spencer Meisner asks, when is bedtime? And I'm actually thrilled to know this about you. What do you think? And hold on, because I have another question. When is rise time? When do you think and hold on because i have another question when is rise time when do you wait yeah and when do you sleep and do you piss in the night do you wake do you stir do you toss or turn and are you a back sleeper a side sleeper stomach do you have a pillow between

the legs do you have a pillow under your legs? Do you have a pillow under your knees? What's the perfect amount of almonds? What is about one almond? Well, in like the last 10 years, I've been like a midnight to 1 a.m. ish going to sleep and an 8 to 9 a.m. ish to wake up. That's late. But that has changed since. Okay. And this is a to wake up. That's late. But that has changed since. Okay. And this is a Luke update, the dog update. Remember how Luke was having seizures?

Oh, yeah. Dealing with a sick dog. Yeah, yeah. So since I got back in May from being abroad, Luke has not had seizures. So prayers up. Great job, Luke, not having seizures. But the side effect of the seizure medication means he's got a lot of energy, very hungry, very thirsty. He's like, or 11 now. I see.

That sounds like me, except your dog is my baby. Correct. I have a baby dog and he wakes up and I try to like shift his schedule later and later, but it's too late. It's like he's passing out at 10.30, which means I'm passing out at 10.30. Literally doing the exact same thing. Trying to get Gemma to wake up at 6.30 to 6.45 instead of 6 a.m. on the dot every single day. Yeah. The difference between 5 and like 6.30 is so huge. Like when it's dark out and you wake up, it's like, this is not sustainable. You don't want that. 6.30, it's like, okay, I fell asleep at want 6 30 it's like okay i fell asleep at 11 now it's 6 30 i slept enough and it's light out i can convince my brain that that's a fine schedule

right yeah no i'm trying to go to bed i'm in bed before 10 every single night wow before 10 before 10 9 that's like 9 30 9 40 that's that's TV off, AirPod Max Pros in the cabinet. Putting new ones on to listen to a podcast. Yeah. And then I put on my sleep headphones for bedtime. For white noise. I'm sensory deprivation through and through. Nobody can get a word in.

I have an eye mask for when I sleep and when I wake. I have sleep apnea. I have sleep apnea. I have wake apnea. I'm completely deprived. Yeah, so I'm just trying to hit that eight. If I can get – I want eight at least every single night. So 10 to 6 has been what I'm doing. But sometimes it's like –

That would be great. Yeah, 10 to 6 is nice. That would be great and then the best part is I wake up with him and then we're working at 9 recording at 10 and he just sleeps all day yeah that was a really early morning I'm gonna pass out well I can't do the passing out part

so it's not really fair for you to have energy from 5 to 8am and then nap all day need to eat yeah that's not cool but he has a sweet head 5 to 8 a.m. Right. And then nap all day. Need to eat. Yeah. Yeah. That's not cool.

It's fucked up. But he has a sweet head. So I sort of have to deal with it, I guess. If he was ugly or annoying, I wouldn't want to do any of this. Yeah. He's funny. So it's fine. Correct. Actually, this is a dog related question.

The Rickster asks, if you were dog breeds, which would you be? I think it's clear that i would be a golden retriever or a golden doodle i basically would be dingo um you'd be a dingo boy i really yeah i think jill jill says that often that we are we're the exact same uh kind of goofy, energetic, incredibly needy, very affectionate, thrives on praise. And salmon. Eats only salmon and compliments. Yeah, and we do also both love fish and beef. This meal slash compound that I'm on slash he's on.

I'm eating the dry food.. I'm eating the dry food. And I'm eating the wet. What about you? I don't know. I don't know what kind of dog I would be. What's a shit-sue? Because you're a shit, you. I was going to say like a Boston Terrier, a Cocker Spaniel.

Maybe a Cocker Spaniel. Emphasis on the Cocker. Not quite a Spaniel. Damn, Spaniel. Back at it again with the winter boot tease. Alright, let's take another break and get some more segments slash questions answered after this message.

Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience.

The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's gum.fm slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people.

Yeah, you do. All right, we're back. More rapid fire question slash segment fun. Let's keep them rapid. Evan Does Things suggests rapidly name Olympic sports until somebody can't. Okay, Decathlon. rapidly name olympic sports until somebody can't okay decathlon um fuck is uh what's the one where it's no way no ice fishing or some shit i don't think that is one i really don't think that is one wait are we doing winter olympics too summer? That's interesting. Let's just do summer. Let's just do summer because that's where we're at now.

Individual swimming strokes? Like is breaststroke different than butterfly? Or do I have to say like men's 100-meter? Is 1,500-meter butterfly different than the 200-meter butterfly? Or are we saying swimming? Is a sport. Yeah. I think swimming has to be a sport. We can't get into the nitty is a sport? Yeah. Yeah.

I think swimming has to be a sport. We can't get into the nitty gritty. Yeah. So, okay. You're saying swimming. I'll say diving. That's good. I'll say track and field.

Or is that an entire genre? That's such a genre. I feel like you could go into. Okay. Sprinting. Okay. Let's say water polo. We're still in the pool for me.

Okay, let's say badminton. Badminton, very nice. Let's say tennis. Now we're talking racket sports. That's good. Equestrian, horsey sportsies. Horsey sportsies, okay. Let's say soccer or football.

Let's say soccer, yes. Let's say soccer. Yes. Let's say basketball. Let's say three-on-three basketball. That's sort of the same, right? Right, but it's different players, right? Are NBA players on the three-on-three teams? They're not. Oh, ex-NBA player

Jimmer Fredette is on the team. It's interesting. Interesting. It's three different players, and I guess America's really bad at it. It's also a different sized ball. Oh, wow. So we just don't practice this way. We don't play this sport.

Yes, exactly. Yeah. Okay, gymnastics. Handball. Handball. Handball. Very nice. Surfing. Field hockey. Rock climbing. gymnastics um handball handball very nice surfing field hockey rock climbing breaking aka break dancing which is making its debut this olympics skateboarding that's really nice um field hockey did i say you did and now you're eliminated yes you did yes you did one slip up

and you are done you don't get another chance I don't even have another opportunity no you do not and I won the game pretty cool pretty pretty cool I can't think of another one so that's fine joke's on you you made it seem like you cheated but you would have won anyway

damn it lol wrestling oh that's good but the time was up the time was absolutely up weightlifting yeah of course uh what thing slash hobby slash activity from your youth do you wish you still did today? Says MJ Mavroianis. Thing from my youth. I guess play Goldeneye for two to three hours a day. You'd be fucking goaded by now. They just added Goldeneye to the Switch. That's cool.

I'm surprised it wasn't there already. Yeah. I don't know. It's hard to, something for my youth that I wish I still have no responsibility or anything, but I kind of like the responsibility. Yeah, I think he was like thinking of like tennis or something. Yeah. Like a hobby he kept up with. Yeah.

I guess I would. Something that you didn't. Yeah, I quit playing soccer when I was like six, I think. And I kind of wish I continued that because I love soccer now. And it'd be kind of fun to be better at it. Yeah, same with tennis for me. I basically took lessons when I was like 12, 13, and 14 and then like didn't play anymore. But like if I kept it up, I'd be awesome right now.

Are you going to force your child to play sports? Yeah, I think about this a lot. I think about this all the time. There are sports that I really need Gemma to play. And there are other activities that are just not even on the table that won't be considered. Interesting. Yes. Yes, indeed.

It must be hard because like kids sometimes just don't want to do shit like i have a five-year-old niece and she'll be like i don't want to go there today and it's like am i forcing my child to play soccer or it's like i force my child to do everything right and like some stuff they don't sometimes they don't want to eat dinner and they do have to do that so like and they're like they don't actually not want to eat dinner they're just saying no so like where where do you draw the line between that and forcing your child to play a sport it must be really really hard because also like i bet if jemma's like four or five and i have to drive her to soccer practice and she's like i don't want to

go it it's not like i want to go I don't want to drive her to soccer. You're like, great. Let's go. Okay, fine. But I think at that age, you do want it because it's like kind of like child care. It's like, I don't want to look at you for an hour. This is like a babysitter. And you'll get running and get tired.

And that's good. Yeah. And I'll look at my phone. Interesting. Yeah, I don't know. It's hard. Yeah. And I'll look at my phone. Interesting. Yeah. I don't know. It's hard to, it's, it's hard, hard to say. I don't know that I would like make her do anything, but like, there's a difference between like, oh, I'm making you go to practice because we signed up for it and, and all that versus like, I'm making you go

to practice so you can be the best in the world. And we're going to, we're going to do it for 12 hours a day. And you always say you don't want to go because you're currently drying at home. But then when you get there, you have a good time. So yeah, I guess that's it'll, it'll make itself clear as it happens as everything so far has. Do you have one? Of course. What would your first three acts as president be that's from sam jc interesting let's go with term limits for the supreme court that one came up recently makes a lot of sense to me not quite sure if a president should be like all right you guys are in and you're in forever yeah it doesn't Lifetime appointments just seem weird in the country that's all about elections and democracy and all that. Lifetime appointment. Can we get rid of the electoral college? I feel like that's a little. That's another bad one. Random. Yeah. So the, all of the stuff that makes it so democracy doesn't work. The lifetime appointments. Yes. The electoral college. And let's go ahead and say four dayday work week president could do that right nobody's really

doing anything i'd like things to be rigged for my pleasure i want to be in charge of what's rigged for me not necessarily so that someone else could go in and do the rigging yeah exactly uh staring contest says mitch sutphin five hundred dollars to the winner i think this guy's gonna pay us so we don't have to risk anything now when i say staring contest do you think laughing do you think smiling or do you think blinking when you say staring contest okay just let me know when um let's go is talking helpful oh i already feel kind of a burn it's drier out here is the thing i gotta blink that just hurt that hurts so fast do i blink that often blinking happens so fast i think i might have just blinked three times during that i'm like did i was that a blink was that a blink

did i blink i don't know people watching at home can tell us yeah that's what i was doing not a full closure they weren't closed they were just narrowed they were at make a slit and then look up and down so you're still getting the moisture um okay what's a band you wish you liked says greatest ghxst that's a good question a band i wish i liked you wish you liked uh-huh is it your sister's band fuck you man i love honey magpie what piece of shit um there's got to be like i'm trying to think of like what's a cool what's a cool band right now that you just can't get into i was i was making the claim the other day that there are no new bands no there's like i was i was the newest band is like mumford and sons and then since then it's

just artists yeah oh that's i guess that's fair yeah Yeah. When we were, we were away with Sarah and Mike the other week and they were like asking me if I knew all these people who are like, they were like, that's the most famous musician right now. And I'm like, I literally don't know who that is. It was, they forget. Sabrina Carpenter. Yeah. Never heard a single song she's ever made. Sabrina Carpenter is super famous. Mi Espresso is her famous song. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's one that they were singing. Diggy Dad Me, Diggy Dad Doe, that's that Mi Espresso. I'm like, that's fine.

I don't need to know these things anymore. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure she's awesome. Chapel Roan. Yeah. Charlie XCX. Those are the ones they said, too.

I couldn't, like, if I saw a picture of them, I wouldn't know who they were. If they were getting coffee in front of me, I'd have no idea. Yeah, pictures, no. But hearing the songs on TikTok and stuff, that's how I know them. Yeah, I don't go on social media really or listen to music in my car. I listen to 880 News Radio when I'm driving around. So are you discovering, like what's the newest song you enjoy? That dude, Yostost i believe it's

pronounced uh from australia who dm'd me when i was in australia and i met him and then i went to his show and i really like his music um i wish i liked his music he's such a good guy uh i wonder yeah i don't know if there's any there's like an old band that i wish i like had an appreciation for the way that jeff likes uh grateful dead or something oh i think grateful dead might be mine because they're playing at the sphere and everyone says it's awesome but i'm like i don't know slash like any grateful dead song so like i don't think i want to waste my sphere experience on a grateful dead concert yeah i gotta wait until it's like somebody else that I kind of like, like a queen or some shit.

Right. Although I hear Freddie Mercury died, so I don't even know if they can do that. That's actually fair. But maybe at the Sphere he could come back. Yeah. There was a Queen with Adam Lambert tour. That seems like we could do that.

There was another one last question about music that i thought would be good oh yeah okay ever shed jay says one sentence take on the kendrick drake beef are you familiar i'm definitely familiar i don't know i'm familiar i don't know the details my one sentence take is I still love old Drake music. Yeah. So whatever stance that is. I'm not going to. But do you like Kendrick music? I do like Kendrick music.

But I just feel like I think Drake music is really, I think Drake's music is very fun. And I like having fun. And I like the idea that music is light and enjoyable. I don't want to listen to beef. You're a pedophile. Right. Full stop, point blank, no ifs, ands, or asses about it.

That's your take on it, that I'm a pedophile? Certified lover boy boy certified pedophile jesus christ i'm sorry i'm just quoting the man uh i my one sentence take is that not like us seems to be the song of the summer so i guess he won that beef i don't know if you know that rap slash yeah no i know that one yeah so So his diss track became the most popular song in America, which is like, I mean, that's the ultimate W and the ultimate L for Drake, unfortunately. Right. But then wasn't there like – The song of the summer is about you sucking.

Yeah. That sucks. Right. Everyone's dancing to it at bar mitzvahs and it's all about how much you suck. I guess my take is really that I don't like either guy enough to care who wins or anything. And I'm just like, I'll just keep on enjoying the music. That seems fine. Yeah, that's fair.

But it must suck for Drake, a guy that sort of had an awesome life, to lose this little beef in such a fashion. For sure. I bet he's surrounded by people that are letting him think he didn't lose. Yeah. It's actually not that good of a song, even though everyone's playing it at every party, wedding, and barbershop. It's not on the radio, dude. They're probably listening to it on Spotify. I like Sabrina Carpenter more. Whoever that is. All right. Is there one last one we can go off to? Let's find it. Okay. One last question. Unsolicited advice, somebody said.

Austin Garza. Unsolicited advice. I mean, the headphones while watching TV thing seems to be. Yeah, that's pretty unsolicited.

That's unique. That's been great. Yeah. That's uniquely yours. I also, I think I've said this before on if I were you as unsolicited advice,

but I've gotten very much back into thrifting uh i used to like when i was in high school and college maybe even when i was at in new york early college humor i was like would buy everything at thrift stores and then i started being like oh no that's like dirty i'm gonna get i want my clothes to be new and whatever maybe around the time when like tight jeans were so in. It's like everything needs to be form fitting. And then when Gemma was born and she spit up on my shoulders all the time, I just like went to the store and I got a bunch of T-shirts that I was like, I won't care about these.

And lo and behold, I'm back. I'm back in. I love buying thrift clothes. You don't have to be so precious with them. They've seen it all already. You're not going to like. They don't fit me very well is my problem. I always feel like they're uncomfortable or cut in a weird fashion. Modern clothes I'm so used to.

The cropped shirts, the thick threads, the weird collars, the short sleeve longs. I don't know. I can't find one that's comfortable well it's easier to just go to j crew and be like any medium shirt will fit me here at you're gonna go to the thrift store you have to buy you have to find like 10 shirts that you like and then you have to try them all on because they're not all gonna fit right but when you find one that does then you can rest assured you can wash and dry it and it's gonna fit the same which is kind of nice i got a shirt the other day with a is it this one no it's like the one where the label and the tag is like by your hip why do they do that that's that's the worst possible location it's like yeah that can't

be good like even cutting it is is it just scratches your stomach all day yeah it's wild that's it shouldn't be allowed. It's like, yeah, well, we went tagless up here. So you'll feel it on your rib cage. It sort of tickles you. Yeah. And if you try to get rid of it, it scratches you.

Yeah. Yeah. Just write the tag in, like why tags at all? Why tags at all? I guess that's my unsolicited advice. No more tags. Just write it onto the fucking fabric print

it directly what does the tag say how to wash the shirt yeah i'll figure it out you don't have to tell me how to iron it yeah don't iron this that information can be on the hang tag where the price is and everything like yeah and then we cut it off if you need to it's there but generally we can you know you can also you can google it at this point but you can ask like a little booklet it's there but generally we can you know you can also you can google it at this point but you can ask like a little booklet it's a fucking booklet it's like four pages up there just help me cover my nipples and we'll move on well i buy a lot of the shirts with that the nipple yeah yeah yeah the open the open nipple um all right's it. Thanks to everybody for coming up with great segments and questions for us. Appreciate it.

Solid app. Thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. We'll be back next week. And for more of us visually, you can watch us on Patreon, patreon.com slash JA. Ja. Weekly Jake and Amir watches over there. That's right.

So shout out to you guys, and we'll be back next week. All right. See you then. That's right. So shout out to you guys and we'll be back next week. All right. See you then. Bye. Bye. That was a Hiddem Original.