Segments - 414: Amir on NADDPod

Episode Date: December 23, 2019

Special Holiday episode this week -- it's Amir's debut on Jake's Dungeons and Dragons podcast. And no, you don't have to know anything about Dungeons and Dragons to enjoy the show! So... enjoy the show!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. week off. We didn't want to shortchange anybody. Yeah, we don't want to do you dirty like that. But we thought, you know what would be a good little special bonus episode for people that haven't listened to it yet is me appearing on your Dungeons & Dragons podcast. That's right. So if you've been thinking about checking out the D&D podcast, but you haven't gotten around to it yet, we're about to make life very easy. You don't even have to go into a new feed. It's happening right here in this one. That's right. And this is kind of like a spin.

What do you call it? Like a non-canonical. So you don't have to listen to all 100 episodes. This one is sort of a standalone. Yeah, this one is. It's got some inside jokes, of course. But it is not. It's its own contained little bottle episode.

Right. And it's almost two hours of me. And then it's Jake, Murph, Emily, and Caldwell playing D&D, which I had never done before. Yes, you are improvising in Dungeons & Dragons for the very first time. And as far as I know, your fans, the NADDPod fans, loved it. Yes, they did like it. Your character... I don't want to say anything for fear of spoiling it but i think everyone everyone should listen because amir really held up his end of the bargain by appearing on this show and delivering what everybody everybody i think out there hoped uh all along

all right cool so this is uh my episode of nadpod if you are just jonesing, fiending for more If I Were You, there's always our Patreon. I think there's like 25 video episodes of it. So borrow $5 from somebody, maybe call it a Christmas gift. You can binge through as many as possible. Very true. This week.

Very, very true. So without further ado, happy holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Kwanzaa, and enjoy, what is it even called? Do you even know? Yes, I do. It is Frostwind's Mandatory Celebration of Maximum Luminosity, a Somber Festival Holiday Special with Amir Blumenfeld.

Wow. And you just memorized that title? Yes, I sure did. Great man. Have you seen the, there's art for your character. No. Yeah. I sent it to you on Instagram, bud. You got to check it out. Sweet. Check out the video or check out the episode and then check out the art.

And we'll be back with a regular episode of If I Were You next week, December 30th. Good shit, guys. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is Not Another D&D Podcast. Welcome back to Bahoomia, everyone. I'm your dungeon master

Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Hurwitz. Hard one, sure foot. Emily Axford. Why are you looking at a mirror for a first ball? Jake literally said hard one, sure foot. And Axford. Why are you looking at a mirror for approval? Jake literally said hard won sure foot. And I nodded yes. I said good. I wasn't looking for approval.

I was looking for the disproval. I guess I'm not even going to do my intro. Emily Axford. Man's side side, but everyone's favorite Christmas bench. Ken Lynn taking him to the Grinch. I can't even do it because I'm thinking about Jake looking for approval. I can't stress this enough.

It was for approval. And of course, Caldwell Tanner. Love this energy. Love this chemistry right now. Beverly Togold. The fifth Togold. The first Noel. Very good. And of course, we have our esteemed guest amir blumenfeld hello folks i don't do my i'm not doing my character no because we don't know your character

yes god that was scary what if i just launched into it that was close i've learned so much okay guys so this is going to be a non-canonical holiday adventure um but it is a holiday adventure guys it is the holiday season in bahumia uh crickmas and galateronica are just around the corner the band of boobs have taken a much deserved break from their adventuring to give back to the community seems like we're getting a lot of those these days. Yeah. Moonshine has been reading to the old folks at the Crick, volunteering. Ain't that something?

Beverly has been volunteering at Soup Kitchens in Outer Esri. And Hardwon even set up the SS Stormborn to look like a sleigh, then delivered Galateronica presents to Galateron in a confusing combination of faiths. Sounds about right.

So you guys all are sitting around a cozy fire inside your stupendous stump when suddenly a raven flutters in bearing a note. Well, ask the local, ask the druid. I want to make sure I keep Hardwon away from this animal lest he accidentally kill it. Here, bird. You see it starts to kind of bounce back. I cast Charm Animal on me.

I minor illusion a bigger bird. Oh, Harbin, look at that one. Ha ha, bird 2.0 is here. Let's go catch it. Forget this scrawny thing. While he's distracted, come, give me the note and then flee. You see the raven looks over, shifty-eyed at Hardwon, hops over, hands you a little note,

holds its little raven leg out so you can untie a little note from it, and then fliers away. Untie a note and give him a quick petty. Flies away. Moonshine, you read the notes and it says, Greetings, tall dwarf, rat dinner lady,

and rich boy. I hope this note finds you well. I sent it like 10 days ago because I cannot afford expedited shipping. We, the Dwarfins of Frostwind, would like to invite you to our celebration of Winterglow, or as the Frostwind government calls it,

mandatory celebration of maximum luminosity, a somber festival. The Winterglow is very important to our people. On the last day of the old year, when the clock strikes midnight, there is a flare in the planar rift that shimmers through the whole sky. It is said that during this time, the barrier between us and the gods is the weakest, so we make wishes for the new year.

The ritual is particularly important to us dwarfins, but we can explain more when you get here, unless you don't come. I understand if you don't. I am used to being abandoned. Best wishes, Katya. I don't have don't. I'm used to being abandoned. Best wishes, Katya. I don't have a last name. Again, I was abandoned. I used to sign all my letters this way as well. Well, dictate, but still.

A familiar sign-off. I don't have a last name either. You know, I was in a card. Oh, Balnor. Hey, I'm here. Let's not forget old Balnor. Hey, Balnor, I thought Alana's like, gave you all your memories back,

and maybe you may do know your- That's the one thing I just don't remember is my last name. When you were re-remembering your life, you didn't peep at the mailbox? Right, yeah. Okay. Do you want us to brainstorm one for you?

No, I think we should get on with it. Fair enough, okay. Hard one. Maybe later. How about taking a sleigh up north, huh? Hey, I'd love to. Anything for these dwarfins. Yeah.

So you guys take off in your sleigh ship and fly towards the city of Frostwind. As you make your way over the ocean, you feel the weather changing. There's a bit of a nip in the air, and you see the first snowflake falling from the sky. Oh, man, I'm cranking holiday tunes. I try to catch it.

In this cup. Bev, go ahead and give me a dexterity check. Okay. Ooh, that's a 19. Yeah, you catch a snowflake. Yes! Oh, it's very cold! Can I create food and water so that it starts snowing

more and maybe also some gingerbread cookies? Yeah, you start using magic to make gingerbread cookies. Fall from the sky. You're making gingerbread cookies fall from the You start using magic to make gingerbread cookies. Fall from the sky. You're making gingerbread cookies fall from the sky. Complete insanity. They're tearing up the rigging. They're still

falling down super hard. Your ship starts rocking. The rudder is going. We're going down, man. We're going down. Christ, these cookies are hard as shit. Yeah, they gotta be so you can build with them. So eventually, you guys are in a consistent snowfall as you get close to where you know Frostwind to be.

You guys see islands below you of ice as you approach the northern continent. Finally, you can see the planar rift in the sky atop Mount Forge, giving the snow below a purple glow. Gash is beautiful this time of year. Yeah, it really is. Can you eat purple snow? I eat some purple snow.

You think it tastes fine. I think it's fine. Do I have a rash? Yes, but you had it before you ate the snow. No more than usual. Okay, good, good. So you guys have reached... Wait, it's going away.

The gash gave me a rash. I got gash rash. Everyone line up for Chapstick right now. So you guys have reached Frostwind, but you came up on it a little sooner than you would have expected. It's night, and the city kind of snuck up on you. Normally the city is all lit up and bustling with activity

and you would expect it to be even more so with this festival happening, but it is very, very quiet and there are no lights at all in the city. You do not see anyone out on the streets. It is eerily quiet. It would be pitch black if not for the moon and the planar rift reflecting light onto the snow. So you guys pull into the docks.

You see other boats here, but no dwarfs, no bustling city life. All you hear is the crashing of waves and the blow of the winter wind. You guys get the distinct feeling that something ain't right here. Not only from the city, but from inside yourselves. You feel weak as you approach this city. Hard one, you feel less of a connection to your queen's hammer. Bevan Moonshine, you're having a hard time remembering your higher level spells. You have all been de-leveled

down to level three. Here are your new old character sheets. Let me hand them out. No! It's Christmas. How could you? You fucking Grinch. Guess how much I like this.

You just had these ready to go. Oh, whoops, did my character sheet get in the candle and it lit on fire? Guess I'll use my old one. Yeah, lighting the candelabra was convenient for this episode. Oh, plus two proficiency bonus. I fall in the ocean. You might drown if you jump in the ocean. You guys are not good anymore.

I feel even weaker than before and I've had some weak moments. Your ears are just full of gingerbread. Ow. Get that out of there. At least I'm taller. I guess I'm going to do some kind of arcana check

to figure out what's going on. Sure. Go ahead and roll an arcana check. It's going to be a 10. A 10? Moonshine. Is that purple snow? I'm sure of it. Something ain't right. That's all you get with a 10.

Crick, Rad's back. Oh, I wanna see, is Hardwon back in his human form? No, he's just a weakened normal version of him. Wow, so I am the same height. Just truly like a beanpole, like just a very thin Christmas tree. Knock it off, Ben.

Yeah, it's weird because I feel sick, but I still look the same. But Hardwon just looks like he lost weight. We all feel and look the same. I don't look worse than anybody else. There's nothing there. It's so strange. Can I do a check as well?

Sure. Actually, I want to test my connection to Pelor and see if my religion is still working. You know how religion does. Shoot, that's going to be an 11. An 11, you feel that it is significantly weakened. Ooh. That you are not as

powerful of a paladin as you were. Pelor, what's going on? Nothing. I'm throwing up. Nothing? I don't even hear, like, some classic carols going on. You hear nothing. Oh, my gosh.

Should we head towards the Dwarfenage? Yeah, I think so. So you guys travel to Frostbite, the pauper's area of Frostwind, and approach the Dwarfenage, this large, simple warehouse-style building. The last time you were here, there were windows boarded up, but that was to patch up the broken glass. You could still see fires burning inside. This time, the windows are completely boarded up,

and you can't see inside at all. And you see the door at the front is this big iron door, and it's sealed shut. Do we see anything in the windows? Go ahead and give me a perception check. Another nine. That's going to be a ten. You go up and

approach the windows and you would need to pry it open to be able to see inside. I don't have my mage hand anymore. I can pry a window. I'm going to go up and try to pry the window so I can see inside. Sweet. Hard one, go ahead and give me a strength check oh so that's a seven hard one you start really struggling with

the board like it's nailed in there pretty good um you struggling, and as you're struggling, you hear this little sliding peephole, like this little grill thing that's on the iron door, slide open, and you hear a voice go, What are you doing here? We don't have any food! We came for a somber government-mandated party.

Hardwon Shorthoot? Somerdorf himself. Come in, quick, quick, come in. I can't, someone's, I think, welded this piece of wood onto the... Oh no, I just nailed it in. My very weak little brother nailed it in. Here, let me try.

Go ahead and make a strength check. 19. Moonshine, you... Oh, actually, 20. Moonshine, you rip it off. Please do not do that. City is very dangerous right now. Put it back, 20. Moonshine, you rip it off. Please do not do that. City is very dangerous right now. Put it back, please.

I put it back. You put it back. You see Katya. I got teamwork on that board. Very nice. Katya, this teenaged frost dwarf, swings the door open, ushers you guys all in, gives you all a big hug, quickly closes the door. You see this big gymnasium-style room lined with bunk beds and a big pyre

in the middle of the room burning to keep them warm. You see dozens of little Dwarfins crowd around you as you enter. Tall Dwarf, Tall Dwarf, you're back. You're back to save us. I'm still tall here. What do you need saving from? What's going on?

You see Katya stands in front of the younger kids and goes, Oh, it's terrible. We've had something very powerful stolen from us, and it's become a problem for the whole city. Our first note took so long to get to you, we didn't have time to tell you about it, so we had to find someone else to help us, but he hasn't been very much help.

You see rounding the corner is a little gnome. Amir, would you like to describe what your character looks like? Okay, he's 2'11", 3' tall in heels, gold teeth, balding, and a vest. Is he wearing heels? He is not. Okay, just that's... He prefers 1-inch heels is what I'm saying.

That's the guy you've been guy you paid to help you? We said that we needed help. He was the only one who came. Okay, hi. What's your name, sir? My name is Yugo. Hi, Yugo. Any questions for me?

So many. You've been helping out these dwarf friends. What you been helping doing? Well, we're trying to find something. And once we do, I, Hugo, will be paid handsomely. For I am handsome. Does anybody else have any questions for me? You're trying to find something.

We thought he was like an adventurer, like a bounty hunter or something. But he says that he is our agent now. And manager. I don't know the difference. Yeah, so basically, sorry to interrupt, but an agent helps set up meetings and stuff. And a manager, which I'm also doing,. One that sort of guides your career going forward. I'm sorry. I think you did me a help.

I actually have another question. One just arose. If you are acting as both agent and manager, why are you differentiating the two roles? I see what you're saying. You think there's like a conflict of interest there? Maybe. Well, one second. Trust me.

I, Hugo, am very honest. Yeah. Okay. So I answer all questions truthfully. You've introduced yourself three times. Very good, then. Let's all agree that we know your name. He's been taking a per diem.

A per diem? Before he even earns anything? You sound like a... I'm sorry, you sound like a mooch, Hugo. I'm a gnome. Can I ask what clan of gnome you come from? That's a great question. And it could be any clan, correct?

So, like, for example, my clan... My clan, and it is a clan, is actually the Klam Clan. K-L-A-M. The Klam. The Klam Clan. Klam Clan. Correct. I'm sure. Right, right, right. You know of the Klam Clan.

What made you... What qualifications do you have to protect these dwarfs? Not protect. Not protect. He's our agent and our manager. What do you need, an agent or a manager? I guess you brokers deal with you, I guess. Katya, are you trying to get cast in like a Christmas movie or something?

No, it's not a talent thing. He just started. He moved in. He's been living here. I've noticed that they're weak. Okay, what precisely are you managing? I feel like I'm being attacked here. Ah, you go.

Don't appreciate it. You're supposed to attack whatever is threatening the town. Have you done that? I'm an agent of chaos and a manager of expectations. They're looking for something that will make them stronger, better, faster, older, wiser. And I think I have that. I mean, they'll get older naturally. That's just time. Oh, very well.

This guy's on to something. I'd love to give you 1% of my earnings to join the team. Hugo Inc. You're, what is... Alright, so what was stolen from us... Yeah, that's what I need to know. Right, yes. That was an artifact called the Ring... Well, don't get into too much Yeah, that's what I need to know That was an artifact called the ring

Don't get into too much detail Because then they're going to start snooping around And I don't want them taking my 25% You got 25%? Well, I'm also their lawyer Why are you giving yourself different titles? They need to find the thing Alright, you can tell them

Because I'm that sure that I will find it before they do But continue 30%, you can tell them because I'm that sure that I will find it before they do. But continue. All right. 30%. Perhaps you can work together. The ring of good fortune was stolen from us. It grants protection

to the dwarfins here. Every year at Winterglow, we wish upon the ring to keep our fires hot and our bellies full. We do not have a lot here, but since we've had the ring no dwarfins have starved and no one is frozen um you see that as she's motioning like as she's

speaking it does appear that there's something magical about this fire like her hand is just like hitting the fire and not burning her and you notice as you guys look around that the windows are all boarded up like this should be a death trap um but that the room is not filling up with smoke like this is some kind of magical fire and she continues and she goes the ring of good fortune was given to us by offgar when the legendary heroes visited a few years ago. He said that no one should ever wear the ring, that the ring is for all of us. If we all shared it, it would strengthen us as a collective. But if anyone ever took it for themselves,

it would draw strength from everyone around them and give them a terrible power. I immediately check Yugo's fingers. Go ahead and make an investigation check. I got another 19. 19? Yugo does not appear to have the ring on him. You've been frisked, Yugo.

I can't believe you guys didn't trust me on Yugo. You talk a lot about money and percentages. I've got a little bit of a nose for that. So we fear that whoever has stolen the ring is currently wearing it and siphoning strength from everyone in Frostwind. Worse, if this person is to have the ring on at midnight and make a wish, we fear that they will make some terrible wish and this will all become permanent. Got it. Yugo, do you have any leads? As of now, Yugo, yeah.

Can't walk us through what you've already asked. Catch us up to speed. Do you got a file or a wall full of yarn? Yes, I have a file and a wall full of yarn, true. That is correct. Let me ask you this, Amir. Sure. Do you think Yugo has actually been investigating this, or do you think that he's just

been living here for free? In my mind, Yugo's trying to get the percentage up to the point where he can start getting work done. Right now, he's just negotiating. So Fully does not know anything. This is the first time he's hearing about this. They're just like, well, he needs you to find

another fact verse. You're like, well, he needs you to find another fact. You're like, got it. Let's talk money. Until now it's been mostly start paperwork. Now that we're agreeing that I will be helping you, I can get to work. Okay. Great.

All right. And of course, this will be strictly on commission for us. Yeah, you guys will split whatever we all find. There's not really money involved. In the ring? Yeah, because it's pretty priceless to these, sorry, but fucking dwarfs. Is that safe to say? If you took the time to say, I'm sorry, why didn't you take the time to omit the fucking?

I was going to say something much worse. Yuga was eating corn. Everybody go ahead and give me perception checks. Everybody, Amir, go ahead and roll. Yeah, roll a d20. Is this your first roll? First roll. First roll, baby.

Seven. 17. 18. 11. So you guys all hear the sound of an engine revving. Moonshine and Bev, you guys also hear the distant shouts of rowdy teens. No. Nasty lads.

Am I going to have to face Rust at a level three? I kind of like putting that kid in this place. Is it those graveyard kids again? That's what I'm wondering. Or not Rust. What's the kid's name? Rodian. Rodian.

Am I going to have to face a Rodian at a level three? Hugo, what do you know of Rodian? Not much yet. But I'm able to ascertain that he doesn't sound like a very good man. Wait a minute. I got a question. I got an important question. Where were you keeping the ring of good fortune?

Me? I wasn't keeping it at all. Yeah, Hugo. Why don't you go somewhere else? Sorry. Of course. I am three foot one. Continue. Why did you just lie? He just slipped into two inch heels. His height changes every day. Wait, Hugo, you

stole those boots from a child. Those are child's boots. I'm a woman's two. Hugo style. That's with a side of corn. He keeps stealing things from us and saying Hugo style That's with a side of corn He keeps stealing things from us and saying Hugo style The yarn for your board is just Someone's unraveled sweater

This is cruel Maybe so Is that your nest in the corner? We did not give him a bed He tried to fight one of us and lost Hugo style. You know, despite it all, when he says that, I root for him. It's because I'm small.

I get it. You see Katya goes, I had it in the chest under my bed. Okay. I would like to send Pawpaw to go sniff around the chest. We met a bunch of people in Frostwind, and he's got that keen scent. Okay. By the way, save your 5%. We already have a lawyer.

Yeah, that's true. This is a real lawyer. Who? I gesture to a possum. Rear, rear, rear, rear. That critter's no more of a lawyer than, say, me, Hugo. Can I have Pawpaw draft up a contract quicker than Yugo? Can we do a lawyer off?

Yeah. Let's do a lawyer off. Yugo, go ahead and make a, let's just say, wisdom check. So just roll raw D20. 16. You see Yugo goes toe-to-toe with Pawpaw, drafting up an agreement. Yugo, I'm sorry. I doubted you, and I'm really sorry about that.

Wow. You owe Hugo cash for that. All right, never mind. He is a bad guy. It's almost... I give him cash. So opportunistic. I take a crisp $50 bill.

Wow. Awesome. Go ahead and give an investigator a perception check for Pawpaw as he gets advantage when he uh yeah is sniffing 16 papa runs over to the little chest that was holding the ring sniffs it scrambles back to you he tells you that he smelled Katya, some other kids from the Dwarfenage. Okay, that all turns out. And some of the nasty lads.

Smells like teen spirit. Smells like teen spirit. All right. I guess we're headed to the graveyard. Hugo, do you have anything that... This might get rough. I'm curious if you have any fighting prowess that's a good question i have 15 intelligence that's great not strong enough for you wench

okay now all right i put him in a headlock yeah i don't think you go as a weak neck. Just stay in the back is all I'm saying. Yugo style indeed. He might make a worthy sacrifice. He should come with us. Before we go, I made these sweaters for all of you, but it looks like maybe the Dwarfins could use them a little more. Oh, yeah, that's nice.

And I pull out some custom sweaters I made for Moonshine and Pawpaw and Balnor. And Hard Ones is actually a crop top, so it fits extremely well to one of the Dwarfins. Oh, this is perfect. I make it rain gingerbread cookies again. Careful. Shelter under your beds. Ow, ow, ow. They will pierce the skin.

Ow. They are sharp. They are dense. They're very painful. All right. Yeah, let's They're very painful. All right. Yeah, let's mosey on outside. So you guys go outside and you hear this engine that you were hearing is much louder. You see that there are three nasty dwarf teenagers messing around in the abandoned streets. Two of them are holding up a deanimated iron dwarf,

this broken automaton robots while another one driving a snowmobile rides at it, holding a club. The one on the snowmobile smacks the iron dwarf in the head with the club as it rides by knocking its head clean off. Oh, hell yeah, man.

Destruction. Cool as hell. Break it down. S clean off. Hell yeah, man! Destruction! Cool as hell! Break it down! Suck it! I do agree with that. Yeah, it is a... Kind of chill. Just going around in circles. Hey, kiddos! You see they all snap their heads turning towards you, and the dude on the snowmobile

turns it towards you. Oh, hey, what's up, nerds? What's up, dwarfins? Happy winter glow to you all. Shut up, kid. What up, fam? Who are you? Hugo.

You're the weird old guy that lives at the dwarf inn. What the hell are you talking about? No, I'm Hugo. I'm the cool, tall-ish guy who's been hanging out. Tall-ish? You're I'm Hugo. I'm the cool, tallish guy who's been hanging out. Tallish? You're 3'1".

I'm 3'2", but compared to these little guys. This dude tried to come live at the graveyard with us, and we told him to piss off. He wanted to be our agent? He said we'd live outside, man. What do we need an agent for? Where did you get a snowmobile? I got it from the freaking guards, man.

I stole it. We kick everyone's ass now. Now, I mean, I guess I don't really support the guards in their kind of authoritarian state, but, like, that's stealing. And on Winterglobe all days. Yeah, Winterglobe, man. Also, what makes you so much stronger

than the guards these days? Yeah. Well, see, everyone's power got sucked away, but we don't really have any power, so now we just kick ass. Ah, so in an absence of... Oh, that's kind of a beautiful story yeah yeah can i check all their fingers what i'll see if it brings yeah um as you go

walk up towards them two of them pull out daggers and um the one dude that's on the snowmobile holds up his club and he goes whoa not another step, whoa. Not another step forward, okay? I'm sorry. This is our city now. Right, yeah, yeah. I just came because I wanted y'all to show me those fun teen hand gestures y'all do. Yeah, suck it. How do you do suck it? Yeah, can I see it? You put an X.

What is it? It's an X over your head. Go ahead and give me a deception check. Nine. You don't actually have any interest in knowing about D-Generation X. You're lying to me and I'm offended. What? You think I'm not interested in it? I'm curious how you frame your crotch

so perfectly with an X. Fuck you, man. All right, that's enough. Yugo, get him. Yeah, we throw Yugo at them. Bury them with paperwork, Hugo. My vest.

Bastards. Alright, I'm just gonna come clean. We are looking for that ring. Go ahead and give me an insight check. Shout out to the two crew. You see they look at each other and turn back to you and go,

ring? Don't know what the fuck you're talking about, man. I believe him. It's like a donut for your finger. Anyway, peace out. When he did the peace sign, did I see a ring on his fingers? He's gone. All right, fuck it.

I'm running to keep up with them, and I'm casting Locate Object on the ring. Okay. If it's within 1,000 feet of me, or if it's in motion, I know the direction of its movement. I know the direction of the object's location. You see this dude basically left two of his friends in the dust. Hey, fucking wait up, man. They're running after the snowmobile. You can't keep up with the snowmobile.

Snowmobile fully gets away. But it wouldn't be a thousand feet away from me. He does not have the ring on him. You do locate object. You do not find the ring. I guess we beat up the two remaining teens. Everybody go ahead and roll initiative. There's my fucking knack 20. What a bullshit to waste it on us.

Shout out to the two crew. What did Yugo get? Tell us, Yugo. Yugo rolled an 18, but I'm also down to get brunch. Good to know, good to know. I don't know if you guys have eaten today at all. We had a lot of very stale gingerbread. I got a 13.

You had that, so you got a 22. Oh, even better. Whoa, goodness. Yugo's still eating corn. Yugo, you are first. So you have the weapons you have on you. You have a rapier, which is a sword, and you also have a short bow. The dude on the snowmobile is still in range to shoot with the short bow,

and these two other dudes that are on foot have drawn daggers. You also seem to be wearing very sharp stilettos. I'm three foot four now, yes. Why did you say shortbow with such an emphasis on short? Yugo didn't appreciate that. He'll be using the sword then.

Sweet. So you want to just go after one of the dudes that's not on the snowmobile? That's right. I'm going after one of the dudes that's not on the snowmobile? That's right. I'm going after one of the dudes that's not on the snowmobile. So you actually, as a rogue, the path that you have, you can roll two d20s and you pick the higher one as you attack. Because you're catching them off guard because you're acting before them. That's right. A shifty little yugo. 23.

23. Sweet. You super hit. So you roll with sneak attack. You roll a D8 and two D6s. Oh, this is so cute. Yeah, look at this. Jake, this is what you were like.

Oh, you roll well. 12. 12 plus four, so 16. Nice. Yugo, we have a saying on NADD pod. It's finish him. Describe how you kill this team. You can also just knock them NADDpod. It's finish him. Describe how you kill this thing. You can also just knock him out if you want.

It's winter glow. So I have a sword, right? Yeah. So I sort of stab him through the nostril. Some sort of kebab. And then I stare at everybody else being like, you guys really want to fuck with me now? You guys thought I was a nobody.

You guys see Yugo stabs a rapier through this frost dwarf's nose and then just pulls out kebab part of his brain. Yeah, man, anyone can kill a dwarf in. What? She's a teenage dwarf, man. Oh, fuck, man. You killed him, dude.

I got blood on my vest for this. Yeah, we tend to just concuss the teenagers. I see. Moonshine, that's your turn. How far away is the snowmobile? I'll say it's about 80 feet away now. 80 feet away. Then I am going to...

Yugo doesn't have any cards. Yugo's played all of his. Yugo's just got a bloodthirst, apparently. Yugo's kind all of this. Yugo's just got a bloodthirst, apparently. Yugo's kind of a maniac. I mean, you're strangely efficient at what you're doing, but stop, please. Oh, Yugo, you can also, as a bonus action, so basically at the end of your turn, you can roll to hide so that nobody can attack you now. Would you like to do that?

Yes, I would like to hide. Okay, go ahead and roll a d20. Okay. He's so capable. I hate this. I'm I would like to hide. Okay, go ahead and roll a d20. Okay. He's so capable. I hate this. I'm a slippery little Yugo. So it'll be 11 plus your stealth, which I think is 8. Great. 19. So you got a 19. So you just see Yugo disappears

into the snow. Bye for now. All that's left is this ear of corn. Oops! I pick it up and drag it down into the snow with me. It was absolutely finished. I'm going to run within range of the snowmobile and then cast heat metal on it. Nice.

So that the little thing has to bail. Okay, sweet. You cause the object to glow red hot. Any creature in physical contact with the object takes 2d8 fire damage. When you cast a spell until the spell ends, you can use a bonus action on each of your subsequent turns to do the damage again. Okay, go ahead and roll your 2d8 of damage. 11. Moonshine finished him.

Okay, what I would like to do is I would like to like heat it in a way that he like accidentally, like that he like falls over in a way that angles the snowmobile towards me sweet so that then i can jump on uh like uh knock him out throw him over my back and now i'm riding the snowmobile that's fucking insane go ahead and make an arcana check an arcana check yeah see how like well you're able to use a spell five five oof moonshine you heat this snowmobile he goes

oh my ass it's all fucking off It's burning me It's fucking burning me You see he's all steaming up Crashes super hard Into a brick wall And just brains himself On the wall

And just rolls off Oh I'm so hurt Um I'm pretty sure That was just a concussion And I didn't kill him I'm so hurt

Oh he is still alive But they said finish him This is bad karma Don't worry I'll come heal you, okay? Winter glow, right? That is Bev's turn. Alright, um, I guess is the... There's just one

left. Is the one that, uh, Yugo brained still alive? No! Even if I touch hands with him? No! Okay. Then I guess I rush over to the one on the snowmobile. Okay. And I'll try and heal them. Okay, sweet. Uh, and then I guess as a, uh, I guess I rush over to the one on the snowmobile. Okay. And I'll try and heal them. Okay, sweet.

And then I guess as a... I guess that's my action. So, yeah, I'll touch hands with them. Oh, sweet, you're going to do lay hands? Okay, so how much of your... You only have, like, 10 now. Oh, gosh. Well, I'm level three, so you have 15. Okay.

I'll give them five just to stabilize them. Sweet. You heal them up, and you just, like, kind of hurt. I don't think you're correct at all but i'm sorry about this oh thanks man appreciate it uh-huh um that check his fingers that is the door you check his fingers he does not have a ring okay that is the dwarf's turn um that one is going to try to stab you beverly with a dagger what oh come on uh That is a 19 to hit. Oh, shoot.

That does hit now. Sweet. Maybe you were right, Yugo. Yugo style. Five damage to you, Bev. Where is he? You see he stabs you. I don't know. The snowbank is talking to me.

Gets onto the snowmobile. Other dwarf runs up, tries to stab you with a dagger. Natural three misses. Hops onto the back of the snowmobile. Snowmobile is broken if it ran into a brick wall. I'm going to roll a raw luck check to see how well the snowmobile is holding up. I'll roll it in front of hard one here so he can keep me honest. The higher, the better for these guys.

That's a 15. I'm going to say it's sputtering and fucked up. It has slowed down. It is at half speed, but these guys are able to ride away for 60 feet. That is Hardwon's turn. Who's near me? A dwarf? One is dead.

Two of them are on the snowmobile together riding away. Can I throw a throwing axe at some vital part of the snowmobile? Yeah, just chuck it at the snowmobile. Thank you, hard one. It's only a 12. That misses. You just throw it way overhead. I have a second attack, right?

No. I don't have two attacks? You don't. That is Balnor's turn. Balnor's going to throw a javelin. Maimon for a leg, but I can't promise anything. Balnor misses, just way overthrows the javelin. That is Yugo's turn. Fucking

I'm coming out. Save us, Yugo. You're the only one that's been able to do anything. You have a bow. You can shoot them with a bow. Ask me nicely, bitch. Can I punch Hugo? All right, what do I roll? Just d20.

All right. One. Hugo shoots himself in the foot. Ah! Oh, no, right through your heel. Moonshine, that's your turn. All right, heat metal is within 60 feet, so I run even closer to it, and bonus action.

Their thing is still hot, right? Okay, so bonus action. Bonus action, they each take 2d8. Jesus. That's going to be 10. Yeah, give me all hot ass. Once again, they both fall off of the snowmobile, and it crashes into a wall. Can I do another Arcana check

to try to steer it in my direction? 13. 13. It starts to turn. It just capsizes and rolls over and is vaguely pointed in your direction. These kids are both knocked out. You guys are out of combat.

Let's go scoop up them youngins. Yeah. This was humiliating. You go... Yes? I knew you'd ask me something. Like it's my fault. No, actually, I'm seeking your counsel.

You're a lawyer, right? Yes, but I charge 6% now. I've just been promoted. 6% of what? You want me to pick these youngins' pockets and give you 6% of what I find? You get such a high percentage and you sleep in an abandoned building. You pick these kids' pockets?

Yeah. What's in there? A lot of gold. Oh, what? They each have like 90 gold on them. Just random jewels and shit. I thought it was going to be like dental floss. Do they have any corn on them? They don't have any corn on them.

I'm sorry, we can't give you 6%. They don't have any corn. Well, I'll take the gold then. All right, I guess the deal's a deal. I give them 6% of that gold. Hell yeah. I made $75 off this lady. I feel bad about this.

They have a suspicious amount of money on them. Yeah. Hugo. Okay, I was going to ask Hugo if he thought we should just kill these teens, feel bad about this. They have a suspicious amount of money on them. Yeah. Hugo, okay, I was gonna ask Hugo if he thought we should just kill these teens, but let's just take the snowmobile to the graveyard where they hang out. Can we wake one of these fuckers up and ask them

where they got the gold? Let's hog tie them, wake them up. Okay, you hog tie the nasty lads, you wake them up, you see one of them wakes up and goes, Oh, fuck, you kicked my ass, man. You made my snowmobile hot. This one killed our friend. You goddamn right I made it hot.

She made it hot. You unceremoniously murdered their friend. And then hit him with a snowman. He had all the time in the world to turn his life around. Can you tell us a little bit about the young in that you go off in a nicer remembrance? Yeah, well, he was rad as hell.

He basically would go around and usually dwarfins have a soft spot for other dwarfins. He didn't. He would kick smaller kids and take their stuff. That was one of his favorite things. It was just like, hey, the dwarfen's in the dwarfenage are sleeping. Let's go kick in the door and kick some kids while they sleep.

So look, Yugo, you got lucky on that. Yugo is rich. Yugo is intuitive. And Yugo is justice. We're teaching Yugo. Yugo's only being like validated by everything Yugo feels 3 foot 7 now he's on top of the world

you did change shoes again I'm standing on 4 ears of corn where did you get those fuck me boots Yugo oh he robbed that store I see now that's right he was a Yugo boss if you must know Yugo's full name is It was a Yugo boss if you must know. Yeah, Yugo's full name is

Yugo Boss. Yugo Boss Clam. Balnor, would you like either of those to be your last name? No. Okay. Just checking. Alright, alright, youngins. Take us to the ring. Take us to the ring? We know you

have the ring. Take us to the ring. Y'all have too much money on you. No, this is normal amount of money for us to have. No We know you have the ring. Take us to the ring. Y'all have too much money on you. No, this is normal amount of money for us to have. No, it is a ring. I ain't telling you shit. I slap him. Ow. Go ahead and make an intimidate check with advantage.

Nat 20, bitch. Yeah. Woo. As soon as he gets slapped, ow, you hear him fart and shit himself. Don't slap me. Ow. Okay.

Look, we don't have the ring. Ruskak has the ring. Okay. And you guys remember Ruskak was the head of the nasty lads who were all that bone armor that he stole from the mausoleum. Bone boy, yeah. And he was a little punk. This kid continues and he goes, we snuck into the dwarfenage and Ruskak took the ring

and he said that he was going to wish at midnight for everyone else to be super weak so that we would be the strongest. And also, ring is making Ruskak super strong. We live in the castle now, dude. So Ruskak is in the castle? Ruskak is the freaking king, dude. Dude rules.

He's a legend, man. You are making a mistake investing in this guy. You know he's just going to wish for himself to be strong and y'all are going to be in the dust. Y'all are going to be working for him. But we get to ride around on snowmobiles. Yeah, it rules. Okay.

All right. Your buddy just got murdered, it rules. Okay. All right. It doesn't rule that much. Your buddy just got murdered by my buddy. Yeah. Hugo style. By the way, if she hurt you, I can represent you against her. That was assault. I actually, yeah, I would appreciate that.

And who's going to represent you in your murder trial? Oh, very coy. Very cunning. All right, trial's off. That's a mistrial. Let, very coy. Very cunning. Alright, trial's off. That's a mistrial. Let's get brunch. We'll talk about it later. I would like you to defend me against yourself.

I would like to charge you with the murder of my friend. No, no, no. Forget I said anything. I really think you guys should settle. Ragnarok, was it? Me? The king? The king? Ruskak. Yeah. Sorry, I'm just trying to parse all these clues together. What clues do you need? It's the one.

Everything's been solved. Stop talking. Let's go see this guy. I have a feeling he's got the ring. We were told explicitly that he has the ring. Yeah, it's not a feeling. It's a confirmation. All right, follow me.

I guess I follow in Lyra. Go ahead and make a raw intelligence check. All right. Yugo's confidence is infectious. Should be plus two. Okay, so 12. 12. You guys see Yugo starts heading vaguely in the direction of the castle,

like taking the long way, but he is going in the right direction. Hey, boss. Yes? Actually, I know a shortcut if you want to not waste time. It seems like a long way to walk in those heels. They don't hurt as much as you think they do. All right, let's do the shortcut.

Your feet are bright blue. Yeah, it was that way before I put the heels on. Let's take the shortcut. All right. But I'm still in charge. Yeah, sure. Sweet. So you guys sneak through the city,

padding lightly through the snow. You see several more deanimated iron dwarves as you travel. You can assume that once Ruskak had this ring, it sucked all the arcane power out of the city so these automatons are no longer operational i mean that's kind of a good thing right yeah they were pretty bad they were kind of a police state yeah um can i do an arcane knowledge to know that you do not have enough arcane knowledge to do that you would need to be like an arch wizard to make a

robot i whisper kill hugo and nothing happens uh yeah they they're broken. They're totally broken. Weird. I thought maybe I could put like a first level spell in it and it would be like, you know, become my friend. So the city...

We already made one good friend today. Why would we ever need more? Right, Hugo? Who? Oh, right. Yeah, no, totally. Hugo. Who though?

Who though? But Hugo. Oh, he's going to use that's that's the billboard for his uh uh for his law office hurt an actor you go who goes the boss uh so the city is still extremely quiet until you reach the cold iron keep uh you once again hear the sound of some kind of vehicle going through the snow, and you hear many nasty teens goofing around. You guys sneak up. You see that the castle is surrounded by a tall iron fence, but the gate has been broken and hangs open. In the castle courtyard, there is a mural to the three original dwarven kings, but you see that this has been vandalized. There are around six teens messing around in the

courtyard here, as well as one riding around on a snowplow, just like ramming it into the mural. This is funny and sacrilegious. Yeah, do the roll. As far as the castle itself, it's two stories tall, but the first story is very tall. The first story looks like a Gothic castle built of black stone and iron. There are spires shooting out

of the tops of the guard towers with busts of dwarven kings and big stained glass windows. You see the castle narrows as it gets up to the second story, which is an all-glass room with thick panes that connect windows in an octagonal shape. It basically looks like a big lantern. So you guys can think of the castle like a square with a guard tower at each of its four corners and little walkways between them. You can see teens on the walkways up there.

Guys, go ahead and give me perception checks. I'll tell you how much you see. Good Lord. Six. 13. 11. 19 plus something. Nice.

Just 19 because you don't have plus to wisdom, I don't think. You go run in the show. You go, you look up and you see that in these guard towers, they have these big ballistas, essentially these giant crossbows. And you see that at each of the two towers at the front of the castle, there are two

teens manning them. And you see throughout the walkways between the second story towers, you see kids walking around with like rock slings. What do you see, Hugo? Well, it's not good for you guys. It's a series of security figures, teenagers, crossbows, slings, the full nine.

Hmm. There's nine teens? No, not nine teens. The whole nine yards is what I meant. The walkway looks longer than nine yards. Yeah, like I said, these are all turtles. Who is this kid? So, yeah, so Hugo sees these ballistas up in the towers,

and you guys see about a dozen teens between the ones that are up on the walkway and in the towers and out front here okay then maybe we just split up two of us go to one tower two of us that go to the other we hopefully take the towers in the walkway and then can rain down fire upon these ones around the snowmobile after so i think the, that would be my goal. I like that goal. I'll go with Yugo. Okay. Yugo. Me and this blind buffoon will go first. Blind buffoon? Wish me luck. I mean, you saw your perception, sorry.

I shouldn't get into it. He couldn't see anything on the towers. You guys have to rely on me. I obviously have better eyesight. You stole binoculars from that store. You're also wearing platform shoes. All right, let's go. Okay, so you guys are splitting up two and two to both towers? Yeah.

Sweet. So you guys are basically going to try to scale the wall and get up to the towers? Can we get over to the towers without the teens in the yard seeing us? You'll need to do stealth checks, yeah. Okay, so I'll say Hard One and Yugo are going over to the left, sneaking through the courtyard, trying to have the teens not catch them let's have you guys roll your stealth checks first very very quiet you go 12 i got a nine okay um these teens do not have good passive perception you guys successfully get by the ones that are in the courtyard i guess there is a snowplow going off. So yeah. Yeah.

It's just super loud. Super rowdy teens. I'm going to roll. Oh, while I'm stealthing, I go into symbiotic entity. Nice. Okay.

Moonshine goes into symbiotic entity. I look like a mushroom woman now. Got it. Good to know. I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll two pure luck checks, 10 or higher. They are the teens in your tower are paying attention.

And that means they'll do a perception check to actually look for you instead of it just being passive. So I'm going to roll in front of you, Jake. Nine. That one is not paying attention. You see one of the ones up by the ballista just keeps talking to the other one. Yeah, man, she was super hot. We were like hanging out and stuff. It was pretty cool.

I'm listening very intently. The other one gets an 18, so he is diligent. Shut up, dude. We have a job to do. Protect Ruskak. Ruskak rules. He's going to go ahead and make a perception check to try to see you guys. The lower one was you, hard one.

You got a nine. That is a natural five. He does not see you. So you guys get up to the tower. I turn sideways. I'm very thin. Guys, go ahead and give me athletics checks or acrobatics for Yugo, if you would like. Out of my way, Yugo. that's oh god damn it that's a nine a nine seven okay he did roll a natural one oh my god he rolled a natural one okay you guys both

need to roll new stealth checks um because you guys are making noise as you climb up the tower. You cannot do it. Me first, you little shit. That is a, that's an 11. 18. Okay. You guys break off a few bricks as you're climbing, but the dude above you guys does not see, and he seems to be the only one that is paying attention.

You guys begin climbing up the towers. Bev and Moonshine, you guys are going see, and he seems to be the only one that is paying attention. You guys begin climbing up the towers. Bev and Moonshine, you guys are going to the other one. You guys go ahead and give me stealth checks. I will tell you right now, these guys have a passive perception of eight. So you gotta beat an eight. Oh god. Uh oh. I got a seven.

Seven. I got an eighteen. Alright, fuck it. Can I wild shape into a bird? Not yet. You're going to have to roll initiative. So you go and Hardwon, as you guys are climbing up the towers, you see Moonshine and Bev make a break for it and start running for their tower. And you see one of the teens looks over and sees them and goes, Oh, we got fucking company here, man.

You see the snowplow backs up and goes, vroom, vroom, vroom. That's the kid making that noise. Yeah, man, fucking vroom, vroom, vroom. Everybody go ahead and roll initiative. You don't have to make the noise. Vroom, vroom. 23.

Seven. 17. Eight. So, Hardwon, you are first. Nobody has seen you yet. Am I up on top of the tower or am I still climbing? You have not made it all the way to the top of the tower. I will say if you would like to use your movement, you can get to the top of the tower.

I'm going to try to get to the top of the tower and throw one of the kids off. Yeah. Go ahead and make an athletics check. I'll say 15 or higher. You can make it up there with your movement. We're killing on Krikmas. That's 825. Jesus.

Yeah, you scramble up to the top of the tower. You see two kids up there at this ballista. They are looking forward. They do not see you right now. Can I drop kick them both off the tower? I will say you can make an attack with disadvantage if you do that. Fucking hell yeah. Okay. Roll two. Pick the lower one. if you do that. Fucking hell yeah. Okay.

Roll two, pick the lower one. If you hit their AC, I'll allow it. 14. They do not have high armor clash. Yeah! You run over, double drop kick. Oh, fuck no! It's so fucking high up here, man!

Suck it. Falls off. You see these two dwarves fly off the tower and just crash into the snow with a sickening crunch. Hugo taught me to kill teenagers. Whoa, not like that, you fucking animal. I recorded that. I have that on record. Oh, no, not me swearing.

High alert everywhere. The dwarves are all freaking out. The one in the snowmobile is going to ride at you, Moonshine. Moonshine, I'm going to need you to give me a dexterity saving throw. Okay. Bev, you got that thing plus four, or is that... Do you have that at third level? No, I don't have that yet.

We are out in the cold. 18, bitch! 18. Moonshine, this one teen riding the snowmobile rides at you, puts the shovel down, tries to scoop you. You roll out of the way. Bitch, I'm Bennett scooping. There are five more down here. Three of them are going to go after you, Moonshine, and two of them are going to go after Bev.

One of them hits you, Moonshine, for five. And then the other two kids go after you bev one of them hits for three cool um there are four up top on like the walkways um the four in the one walkway are gonna run over to the ballista that hard one is at um and take some swings at him. First one hits. Second one misses. Third one misses. Fourth one gets a 15 hit. My AC is 16 right now, baby. That is three damage. Hard one. Then the ones

up in the tower are going to shoot a ballista down at we'll say Bev because the snowplow is going after Moonshine. That's an at one. Um, they fucking full-on break the ballista. They... Oh, fuck, dude!

Oh, this looks so expensive! Shit on me, man! Fuck! You gotta read the manual! Bev, that is your turn. Oh, cool. Uh, I'm near the... It's a plow, right? Yep. Uh, can I just run up the plow and try and launch myself into the cockpit to stab the person in there they have three quarters cover so it's going to be a little hard to hit them but

they don't have good ac okay try to stab into them commandeer the snowmobile uh yeah we got to clean up these streets uh 19 to hit a 19 does hit! Go ahead and roll your damage. Oh, it's so little. 10 damage. You stab into it. You incapacitate this kid. Snowplow just keeps rolling forward as he rolls over on the wheel. Ah! I guess can I try and get in there?

Sure. Yeah, go ahead and give me an acrobatics check. Oh, that's going to be a six. Sweet. You try to scramble into the helm. You can't do it all in one turn, but you are getting into position for next turn. That is Yugo's turn. Yugo, you are climbing this tower, chaos all around you.

All right. I continue climbing up the tower? Sweet. Go ahead and make an acrobatics check. Okay. Can I lower my hand and try to help him up? Sure. Yeah.

I'll allow this. Go ahead and roll with advantage. Roll two. And pick the higher one. Come, Hugo. Twenty-two. Sweet. Um, you scramble up. Hard One reaches his hand down. You take it, and he pulls you up. Um, you see that there are four dudes

up here stabbing at Hard One with daggers. Holy shit. I didn't need your help, but thank you. You want to attack one of these guys? I don't know. I feel kind of bad about the braining the other day. It was two minutes ago, man. Sorry. My whole sense of

time is all warped because of the braining. I just killed two of these fuckers. Really? Holy shit. You're worse than me. Okay. I'm going to try to defeat a few other teens for the sake of the Okay. I'm going to try to defeat a few other teens for the sake of the team. Sweet. I'm going to try to.

Yeah. So you don't get to roll with advantage. This time you just roll regular. Okay. And again, let me know about brunch because I'm starving. You've had so much corn already. 16. You super hit.

Go ahead and roll two D6s and a D8. 15. So we have a cleave rule, which means that if you do enough damage to one, you can go into another one. So you can kebab three of them. I guess you could say I'm hungry for kebab. I kebab three of them.

You see Yugo stabs three of them. You see Yugo stabs three of them. Through the nostril? Through ascending height order? And Yugo takes the lead again. Fourteens to two, brother. I have to be honest with you, I don't think I've ever killed anyone before.

I've got a freaking out hard one. I never told you my name I'm more of a shyster than a murderer I never Would you like to hide or anything, Hugo? Yes, please Okay, roll a stealth check How do I do that?

Just d20 26 So he just disappears again Commits murder and disappears Hugo, it gets easier We're Jesus You abandoned me I'm shiny Alright, Moonshine, that is your turn commits murder and disappears. You go, it gets easier. Jesus.

You abandoned me. I'm shiny. All right, Moonshine, that is your turn. You see Bev is working on getting the snowplow, and then there are five other dudes down here. Yeah, so we're all up and we're all scrunched together. So I'm going for the middle one, and I'm going to ice knife him,

which means every creature within five feet of him, which is going to be all the other four. Yeah. It's going to, I'm going to make a range attack. Whether I hit or miss, everyone's going to take 2d6 cold damage. Jeez. Do they make any kind of roll? Deck save or something? Yes, they do.

They make a deck save or take 2d6. So I'm going to, I'm going to fucking miss. I'm not going to hit him. Fails all around though. Yeah. Everyone takes three cold damage. Why am I rolling like dog shit? I fucking am never getting leveled down ever again.

How dare you, Murr? And then I'm gonna spores one of them for six more. Jeez. Yeah, Moonshine, you do your ice knife. You take three of them down to two HP. Your spores will allow the cleave roll. You take another three of them out. Yes.

There's one left. I mean, that's my turn. And that is Balnor's turn. Balnor runs up. You nasty lads. Shoot him. He's going to run up and Balnor hits. They're playing grab ass, Balnor.

Everybody knock it off. Balnor hits one with the butt of his sword and knocks him out. They're roughhousing on Krikmas, Balnor? Everybody knock it off. Balnor hits one with the butt of his sword and knocks him out. They're roughhousing on Crickmas, Balnor. The ones down here... Balnor's knocking them out. You're making me look bad, man. The ones down here are all knocked out. That is back up to Hardwon. Hardwon, you see that there are

two still up here on the ballista at the right tower, and then you see there are two towers in the back of the castle. One of them is abandoned and one of them has two dudes on it. And you see like four more dudes running down the pathway, trying to get to you guys. Got it.

So the closest folks to me are the, are the ones running towards us. Actually go ahead and give me a perception check as well. 14. You're a little bit distracted by all the kind of chaos around you, but you do see that now that you're up in this tower, you have a better view of the second floor here and all of this glass. And you can see that this looks to be some kind of king's quarters or something,

like somewhere where somebody would sleep. And you see that there is somebody sitting in a chair facing away, like looking towards the rift in the material plane. Can I jump on? Can I jump through it? Try to jump through the glass? Yeah.

Yeah, go ahead and give me a strength check. That's our boy. Sweet. Later, Hugo. Shout out to the two crew. I don't have any luck points. Hard one. This is so sad. I don't have any luck points. Hard one.

This is so sad. I miss Pawpaw's help actions. Hard one. You rush forward, try to action movie jump through the window and take one damage and just face plant on it and just bounce back and fall prone onto the tower. Oh, fuck me. I'll say that's your movement, but you can still make an attack if you'd like. Oh, sick. So, but I'm down by the glass now? You're

like up in the tower, and then the glass is like eye level with you now. Great, I'll swing my axe at the glass. Sweet. Gotta test the shoulder first. 13 damage, or 13 to hit. 13 is not good enough to hit to do damage to it. You would assume that this would be pretty hard to break.

This is the king's quarters after all. That is the dwarves' turn. You see the two that broke the ballista are just going to pull out rock slings and try to throw rocks down at I guess Bev as he's trying to climb into the snowplow. One hits and the other one crits. Cool. Great job. The one who crits

does a big seven damage. Happy winter glow. And the other one does four damage. So 11 damage total. You start getting belted with rocks. Cut it out! As you go in. These damn teens. This is supposed to be a day of peace. Yeah.

Mandatory peace. You know how that works. All is calm. All is bright. By the law. Yeah. And then, Hardwon, you saw that there were some on the walkway, like running towards you from the back towers. They are going to approach you

and I'll take cracks at you. So there are four of them. First one misses. Second one misses. Third one hits. Fourth one misses. Total of four damage. That is Bev's turn.

Okay. I guess I'll try and go ahead and get into the snowplow. Sweet. Yeah, baby. All right. Do I need to make a roll for that? go ahead and get into the snowplow. Sweet. Yeah, baby. Alright. Do I need to make a roll for that? Nope. You're in the snowplow. Can I get a sense of the controls? Go ahead and give me an intelligence check. That's an eight.

An eight. I feel like Bev would have ridden a snowplow before. It is pretty easy for you to get the accelerator going and moving. You don't know quite how to use the shovel as a weapon or how to use anything, but you're riding around. Yeah. I'm going to try and ram the snow plow into the tower

to try and make it crumble. Oh, okay, sweet. That's a good idea. Go ahead and make an attack roll for the plow. All right. And I will apply its stuff. Plow, plow, plow. Come on, plow.

Oh, Pelor, grant this plow your holy light so that it may mess up some teens real bad. That's a seven. Plus five, 12. Okay, so you got a 12. Okay, so they are going to do a DC 12 dex check. Hugo and Hardwon also have to do this. Uh-oh.

Sorry, Hardwon. Hugo. Yeah, 16. I rolled an 11. Hardwon, you and two of the dudes fall off the tower into the soft, soft snow. Yay. Hardwon, you take 10 damage as you hit the ground hard.

Oh, I thought the glass hurt. Two of these teens go down. Bev, you feel hard one just crash into the top of this snowplow that you're driving. Sorry, buddy. It's all good as long as we kill two teenagers. We gotta

work on your reasoning. Hugo, that's your turn. You've got two dudes up here with you. Alright. Time to hurt them in some way, shape, or form. So just roll a d20, and then you roll a d8 if you hit. 18? Yep. Yes! Yugo's rolling well!

So just roll a d8. He wasn't kidding about Yugo's style. Opa Yugo's style! It's back. That's six. Six? Okay. You take another one down. There is just one up here with you. Would you like to hide? Yes, please.

Go ahead and roll a d20. Coward. I'm a slippery man. Yugo says bye-bye. How can we not see him? His vest is so bright. Yeah, 17. Sweet.

Yugo hides pretty well. Moonshine, that's your turn. His blood is blending in with the vest. Can I get up to the tower? Go ahead and make an athletics check. 17. 17. Moonshine, I'll say it's going to take your action and your movement to get to the top.

Okay, but can I get at least within 60 feet? Certainly, yeah. All right, then I'm just going to thorn whip one of those little bitches out of there. Oh, God. Okay. One of the ones up by the ballista. The broken ballista that's slinging rocks. Does a 12 hit?

A 12 does hit. Yeah. You whip him out. He's gone. He flies off the tower. Ah, no. To be impaled somewhere. I spores him on the way down just to make sure he's dead.

You go taught me this. Jesus Christ, you guys. This is getting way out of control. I thought we would just steal some coins and now I've killed 15 people. This is Balnor's turn. He pulls out a javelin. I got him, Yugo. Oh, no, no.

Watch out. Throws the one that's near you. Yugo style. Yugo style, Balnor. No, I'm not a murderer. He got a two, whips past Yugo's head. Jesus Christ. Yugo, what have you done to my friends? That's back up to Hardwon's turn.

Where am I? I've fallen from the tower. You have fallen down. You're like on top of the snowplow with Bev. Oh, shit. I could have also if I'm a, I could have also bonus word healing, healing word Hardwon. Hardwon? Go ahead. Might as well. might as well.

Might as well. Thank you. It's going to be a nine. Awesome. I love that. Thank you very much. Sweet. Hard one.

You still see two that are up on the second level. One is up in the tower, and one is up in the other tower with Yugo. Got it. Help me. You're bad at hiding, Yugo. Goodbye. I'll throw my... I can't get there in this turn. You can throw a javelin. Yeah, I'm gonna try. I don't think I have a javelin

at this point, but I have a throwing axe. I toss him one. A throwing axe is fine. Same thing. I'm gonna throw a throwing axe at that guy. Nat 20. My curse doesn't apply in this. No, it doesn't. That is really funny that you've been rolling him.

You can't not destroy him. Axe flies up, hits him in the chest. Impales him through the nostril. Impales him through the nostril. And I wink at Yugo. Flies off of the tower. Do not wink at me. That's liability.

That's Yugo style. We go down for these war crimes together, Yugo. We are finding the nearest confession booth after this, and we're all cramming in there. One big booth. You guys will never see me again. You're murderers. That is this last dwarf's turn.

That is on the other tower. Yugo showed me the light. He is going to run. He just takes off running away. Moonshine, don't go towards Yugo. Is he not going to take an opportunity attack from Yugo? No, he's on the other tower. He was slinging rocks at people.

Don't worry, Yugo. I got him. Please do not hurt him. That's my nephew. You do look like someone's uncle. I'm two foot ten. Do I see? He was shrunk.

You're wearing flats, you know. He took the heels off in your posture. He's wearing so many shoes. Is the door to the base level of the castle open? Yeah. I want to drive the plow inside. Sweet. Bev, as you enter, go ahead and make an intimidation check.

Ooh, that's going to be a 21. Jesus. Bev, you crash the snowplow through the archway. It breaks off some of the stone and makes room for you. You start riding into the first level of the castle here. You see that it's this great hall that's already been destroyed. You see they've broken up the giant oak tables and have just made big pyres.

You see that there were like seven nasty lads here fucking around. They see the plow. Kaloo Kalay, mother truckers. Oh, fuck, we're dead. You see seven of these kids just like start diving out windows and running. I'm laying on the horn. You see seven of these kids just start diving out windows and running away. I'm laying on the horn.

You lay on the horn. Wait, is Hardwon still on the roof? Oh, yeah, he can be. Yeah, Hardwon's just hanging onto the roof. Move, move. The nasty lads ditch this first level. There's nobody else down here. Awesome.

So you guys are effectively out of combat. Let's call this little Rusk Gak motherfucker down here. Yeah. Oh, yeah. effectively out of combat. Let's call this little Ruskak motherfucker down here. Yeah. Get him out of his comfort zone. Ruskak! Ruskak! Come out to play! Ruskak! Join us,

Hugo. Ruskak, we got the necklace of good fortune. You guys hear no response. All right. Okay, I guess we have to go to him. Can I look at my amulet as a bonus action? Sure.

Cool. Can I take a little gander at that? Actually, you know what? I'll wait. It's just one hit die at this point. Never mind. Then I will take a look. Oh, you saw him, right?

Yeah, I saw him. So you guys all meet up. You you guys are on the first level now do we see like stairs leading up to the second level yeah you can go up there through the tower yeah it looked like rusk act to me all right you go yes uh dispatch us give us give us a rousing speech to inspire us to battle well never have i felt ferocity until I saw you murder a teen through his nostril. Please don't recall that with such vivid detail. That's going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I wanted to steal some cash from these dwarves. What ended up happening was me murdering four teenagers

and assisting in the death of countless others. I'm no hero. I'm no hero. I'm a Lugo or loser going away. Goodbye. No, no, no. I'll stay here. Okay.

I'm glad he feels bad about it at the very least. Yeah. Yeah. You give us the order. We're going to go. Let's do this. Okay. All right.

You don't want to say let's you go? Let's you go. Can I pickpocket a couple of teams on the way? I'm going or? Okay. So you guys rush up the tower. Okay, yeah. But we're sneaking.

We're stealthing. You're sneaking. Okay. Everybody go ahead and give me stealth checks. 14. Nine. 20, not net. Wow. 16.

Sweet. So you guys sneak up. Moonshine, you net. Wow. 16. Sweet. So you guys sneak up. Moonshine, you're being a little noisy. Sorry, y'all. You had beans for dinner. Yeah, Papa farts. Here. Papa, don't respond to your own fart.

Here. He scares himself. Papa, don't blame it on Moonshine. Here. Papa, play it cool when you pass it. Pawpaw's yapping as you guys sneak up the tower. You enter the second floor. You see there is no fire here, no light, other than the eerie purple glow from the rift

piercing through the windows of this atrium. You see that this was clearly the king's chambers. There's a bed, some bookcases, a large reading chair facing out towards the mountain with a view of the rift. You see a large, burly dwarf in armor made of bones facing away from you, looking at Mount Forge. And as you guys sneak up, you hear him. You've made enough noise. You see his head leans back a little bit. And in this voice that is, sounds almost demonic,

like he's been taken over by this kind of like arcane energy. You hear him go, it is almost midnight. Almost time to make my wish. I am already the strongest in Frostwind. And soon I will be the strongest in all of Bohemia. I rule. I kick ass. You guys suck.

Well, maybe you haven't met our friend, the child killer that's honestly more a nickname than anything else we'll call him the teen cleaner i shoved a child by accident earlier today finds a clean finds the teens and cleans them up uh you see ruskak stands up and turns around he always wore this armor um that was made of bones that he stole from the mausoleum. But now he is unnaturally buff and it's way too small for him. You see that there are huge gaps in the armor through which nearly translucent skin pokes out. Huge muscles with straining, unnatural veins.

Arcane energy crackles around him and his eyes glow purple. You see the ring. It is this ring of blackened iron glowing with the same light. It looks like it would be quite difficult to get off. You see where the ring is on his finger looks to be the same width as like it always was, but he's got like

big, meaty, giant hands on either side, just super puffy. Hard one. He stole your bulk. You're right. Everybody go ahead and roll initiative. Another nat 20 on initiative. This episode is a curse for me for rolls.

22. 17. 22. 15. Okay, Yugo, you are first. Yugo wants to hide. Just right up the bat hide. That's right, I'm out of here.

Go ahead and make a stealth check. All right. 12. Sweet. Yugo, you try to hide. You don't do a particularly good job. No. That is Moonshine's turn.

You see Yugo is just hiding behind a pillar. He's got his hands over his eyes like a toddler that's playing hide and seek. Yugo, this room is mostly glass. What were you thinking? You're not exactly earning your 38%, Yugo. 42%. How much would it hurt

if I threw Yugo at him? How would I roll for that? You can find out. No, that seems rude. What would I roll for them? You can find out. No, that seems rude. Okay, I guess I'm down to just two first level spells and cantrips. So is there an open window? No, they're all thick and closed.

Okay. T-H-I-C-C. Like hard gloves. Yeah, closed off emotionally. All right, I guess I'm just gonna try to hit him with ice knife. Sweet. I don't got shit else to do. Ice kebab. Does a 15 hit?

A 15 does hit. Yeah! Okay. You cannot stop me. I am power. Just knife goes right into his chest. Ow! Oh my God.

Wow. Your bone shirt is so small. It knife goes right into his chest. Ow. Oh, my God. Wow. Your bone shirt is so small. It's like a little bone bib. Ow. Three damage. And then it does a dexterity save. Fails. Takes 11 more.

And then spores him for six. Jeez. Nice. Moonshine, yeah, you run up. You throw the ice knife. Sticks in his chest. Spores him. Do all this poison damage to him you see it

rocks him back he is tough for you guys but you guys recognize as seasoned adventurers this is just a pumped up punk yeah that is that's for Yugo Bev's turn Yugo style

together we killed him getting back into it. Now that you've turned. Two heroes in this journey. Me and what's her face? Hard one, that's your turn. Whatever. My name's Margaret.

Margaret Sideburn. Margaret Sideburn. I don't want this guy knowing my name that's fair you can't ID us I am going I'll swing my axe at I'll swing my axe at Ruskak

sweet 10 does not hit that's it I'm going to use my action surge you're trying really hard man What you can't hit me? Oh I can hit you I can also hide like some other heroes

I'm kind of on his side Whose side? I crit That's a 19 27 damage Jesus Yeah you mess him right up You slash into him He staggers back.

You'll go help. Yeah, sure. Let's finish this fucker. Which fucker? Whatever. Whoever's more hurt. Bev, that's your turn. Yugo style means less and less now.

All right. Jesus, Yugo, is that another shoe change? I'm three foot nine. Did we pass a DSW I didn't see? You found stilts there? I'm going to try and hit Ruskak as well. Sweet. Does 14 hit?

It does. Woo! All right. I'm going to go ahead and Divine Smite on this one. Sweet. I pray to Pelor and say, please, on this winter glow eve, bless my sword so that it might be

in the style of Yugo. Opa, Yugo's style. You see, Bev, as you make that prayer, you see that there are little strings of arcane energy coming out of you and going into Ruskak. And Ruskak just mockingly goes, Pelor, please help Lord, please help me.

Please help me. Shut up, dude. That's actually pretty funny. Okay. Your prayer went to Ruskak? What? I still get to Divine Smite though, right? Yeah, yeah.

Okay. I just heard it, man. You're praying? That's so funny. Praying is not funny. Unless you want it to be. Unless it's like a fun little joke. Unless you have an inside joke with God.

Which is what I consider you 22 damage starting to look pretty messed up that is Ruskak's turn Ruskak is going to attack Yugo Yugo has hidden you guys are all up in his business

so Moonshine threw an ice knife so it's just Bev and Hardwon. I'm going to say he's going to go after Hardwon. Hardwon attacked him first. He's going to try to powerbomb you. I learned this by watching this on the WWE Network. Yeah, I learned from watching the WWE Network too, so don't fucking try it.

That's a 17 to hit. That works. You guys see him kick Hardwon in the stomach. Hell yeah. Pick him up for the power bomb. Yugo, double team, man. I'm in. Yugo, you're asking to get thrown.

That is 12 damage to you, Hardwon. Ow. Slams you down. Go ahead and give me a... Oh, you are grappled. So he slams you down and he keeps hanging on. That is Balnor's turn. Balnor is going to run forward.

Get off of them. Balnor misses big time, just whiffs and keeps running forward. At the end of Balnor's turn, Rusgack is going to take a little villain action. You see he holds his hands up and he goes, you cannot defeat the coolest, raddest, baddest dude and the strongest guy ever! And he clenches his fist. You see this burst of arcane energy coming out of the rift

and breaking all of the windows in the room. Everyone go ahead and give me a dexterity saving throw. 11. Shout out to the three Kree. 17. 18? Sweet. Do I have to add anything?

Yeah, you did it right. Very proud of you. Okay, so Moonshine and Bev, you guys both take seven damage. And Yugo and Hardwon, you guys take three. That is back up to Yugo's turn. You see Ruskak looks at you, Yugo, and goes, you and me, we can take out all of them, and then I'll share the profits from the rig with you.

I'm in, brother. Where are you going to attack? Yugo. Hardwon. Hardwon. Where are you going to attack? Hugo. Hard one. Hard one. Make an attack on hard one. It's going to hit. Go ahead.

Because Ruskak is right next to him, you can roll two D6s and a D8. I invoked Hugo style. How could you? Oh, my God. So many. 16 plus something. Plus the four. Oh, I'm down.

You guys see Yugo goes up and stabs Hardwon in the back. Emotionally or? Physically. A little bit. Hardwon goes down. If I was going to go down anyway, this is how I wanted to die. That is Moonshine's turn. Moonshine, you've got Yugo and Ruskek here.

I think I'm just going to try to push Yugo out the window. Wait, can I hide? Oh, wait, do you want to hide at the end of your turn? Yeah, can't I? Go ahead and roll a stealth check. Later, skaters. Nine plus eight. Okay, 17. Moonshine, go ahead and make a perception check. Later, skaters. Nine plus eight? Okay, 17.

Moonshine, go ahead and make a perception check to try to find Yugo. You can't find me. I'm the Yugo man. I got 10. You can't find Yugo. All right, then. All right.

I guess I'm just- I guess we should have known he wasn't on our side when he was stealing from the dwarfins. I guess I'm just gonna, I guess I'm just going to attack Rusgag. Okay. Not my friend. I feel justified but sad.

I'm starting to regret killing teenagers for you, Hugo. That's going to miss. And then I guess I'm just going to spores in the general direction that Yugo was. Go ahead and make an attack roll with disadvantage. Like spell attack. Yeah. To find Yugo. You're just like spitting in the general direction of Yugo, hoping you hit him. 14.

That misses Yugo. God damn it. That is Hardwon's turn. Hardwon, go ahead. Hey, I thought we were on the same D. Hardwon, give me a death saving throw. That is awon's turn. Hey, I thought we were on the same D. Hardwon, give me a death saving throw. That is a nat 20. Nat 20?

Hardwon, you kip up. You kick right back up. You're at 1 HP. And you still have a turn. You still have a turn. I was stabbed by a coward. Can I try to find Yugo? Yeah, go ahead and make a perception check. Damn, it's only a 9. You can't find Yugo.

Alright, so I'll attack Ruskak with my single turn. Okay. You know what? Fuck it. I'm going to throw an axe in a general direction that I last saw you go. Okay. Make an attack with disadvantage. I've sown discord amongst the group.

You've actually united us all against you. Yeah. Ruskak, help. I'm jarring, man. Why are you like this? That's a 15. You do hit Yugo. Go ahead and roll your d6.

Throw an axe. That's seven damage to Yugo. Yugo, you are hit with an axe in the leg. It pierces your thigh and sticks in there. My thigh! Luckily, I have two. That is Bev's turn. Bev, you and me, let's attack.

I don't really give a shit. As soon as I saw you steal all those shoes and also that gold and then kill that child, I knew you were bad news. Do I see Yugo? Has he revealed himself? No.

You guys heard him yell as hard as I could. There's like a god with a ring, and we all need to kill Yugo. With my divine sense, can I sense his rotten heart? No. Okay. Shit. I am going to look for Yugo as well. Sweet.

Make a perception check. Yugo as well. Sweet. Make a perception check. Yugo. That's a 15. 15 does not find Yugo. God damn it. You make an attack roll with disadvantage if you want to throw something. You can run, but you can't hide. Only I can hide.

I'm Yugo. Can I cast compel duel on Yugo? You can't see him. Oh, do I have to see him? Yep. Yeah, I'm going to try and find him. Just this once. I'm going to try and see him. Oh, do I have to see him? Yep. Yeah, I'm going to try and find him. Just this once. I'm going to try and find him.

Go ahead and throw a javelin. You have disadvantage. Bev, I know you can hear me. You, me, and that bad guy. It's more annoying than I can hear you. So you know he's bad. God damn it. That's going to be a nine.

You miss. That is Ruskak's turn. Ruskak is going to, still has hard one grappled, is going to try to crush you, hard one. Go ahead and make a strength saving throw. That's a 10. Good luck, brother. You killed me. All right, I'm sorry.

I should have healed you. I was just enraged. He picks you up again and spikes you on your head for 22 damage. Oh my god, that almost auto-kills me. Ardron crashes so hard into the ground. That is Balnor's turn.

I can't help but feel partly responsible for that. Balnor swings at Ruskak and he hits. Is there a jail in this building? I just wanted brunch. And he does five damage. You could have gotten brunch! Ruskak's looking pretty messed up. You also had brunch. You ate corn all day. I also had eggs!

Yes, you really did. You really were working towards some huevos rancheros. I would have preferred nachos, sure. At the end of the round, at the end of Balnor's turn, you see he once again clenches his fist, and you see more arcane power surge from the

rift into you guys. Everybody go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw. I'm dead. I got a seven. Okay, shout out to eight great guys. I got an eight. Okay, you guys are temporarily possessed. God damn it. You see Bev and Moonshine both get purple glows in their eyes.

You guys just have to make melee attacks against each other. So Moonshine, take a crack with your staff, and Bev, take a crack with your sword or your javelin against Moonshine. Ugh. Ugh. 21. 21 as well. You guys both hit each other

you just see them both with purple eyes beating the shit out of each other this is kinda cool here you go 12 I hit you for 7 wait you did 12 damage? yeah because I'm in I do 2d6 right now because I'm in fungal form

Jesus I'm almost down okay yeah you fuck him right up. Oh, wait, no, no. Ten. Pardon me, ten. Okay. Jesus Christ. Still not great.

Oh, Balnor passes his saving throw. Balnor goes, what are you guys doing? You guys come to and you see that you are fighting each other. Moonshine. What are we doing? That is Yugo's turn. I don't know. I'm sorry. Oh, hello. It'sine. What are we doing? Hugo's turn. I'm sorry. Oh, hello.

It's me. What would you like to do? I guess who's the weakest person left at this point? Who looks worse, Bev or Moonshine? I think I'm doing okay. I think he has to make an insight check to determine that. Yeah, go ahead and make an insight check. Forget it.

I'll attack Beverly. Okay. He's overplayed his hand. What do I do? Roll a die? I just rolled to hit him. Jesus Christ. I go up to shake Beverly's hand, but I'm actually planning on attacking him.

So, so much discord. It's probably a holiday special where everyone dies. And the guest kills everyone. 18 plus something. That hits. Did it something. That hits. Maybe you shouldn't have de-leveled us and made him so powerful. He's just the same level as you guys.

He's just a fucking rogue. You guys could have killed Ruskak. Instead you all took shots at Yugo and you couldn't see him. You guys could have killed Ruskak and dragged Yugo out. I don't give a shit about Frostwood anymore. Now I just want to kill Yugo.

Ruskak, pray for me, brother. Yugo is a long-lasting problem. We got to get rid of him quick. Nine plus something. 13 damage. 13 damage. I'm down. He stabs Bev down.

Bev goes down. Moonshine, that is... Oh, wait. Do you want to hide Yugo? Yes, please. Go ahead and make a roll. Stealth check. I never liked you guys.

Only three. Oh, no, plus eight. 11. 11, okay. Moonshine, that is your turn. I'm not taking a chance here. I'm going to cast Fairy Fire and tackle him out a window. What did I do?

Hey, we can talk about this, baby. You and me. You're not invisible anymore. I can see you. And I just want to tackle you out a window. Go ahead and make an opposed athletics check against Yugo. Yugo, you roll one as well. You have a minus one. I got

14. Seven. You got a six actually, because you minus one to that. Six. I got a 14. Seven. You got a six, actually, because you minus one to that. Oh. Six. I got 14. 14. Just tackle him out a window and then land on him. Jesus Christ.

You tackle, you go, you get super low on him and pick him up. Run towards the window. You guys both fall out. I guess actually I could just throw him i guess i just throw him uh i'm gonna have you make an uh dexterity save to not fall because it's a lot of momentum for you to run towards as he's like wrestling if we both die that's fine okay it's worth it clegane bowl style my dexterity is uh 15 you, you can make an opposed dexterity check if you want to pull her.

All right. I'll pull her. What do I do? Pull that 20. And now what do I need? You need to beat the- 15. You got to beat a 15 on your dex.

Three. Mojad, you successfully throw Yugo out the window. As he's falling, I spores him for six. Oh my God. You spit on Yugo. You do six damage to him. Yugo, how much health do you have left? I'm down to eight.

Okay. You're going to take a little bit of damage as you fall. Let's see if it's enough to knock you out. Yugo, you hit the ground with a crunch and take 12 damage. You were just knocked out. You were not outright dead. So Yugo, you hit the ground with a crunch and take 12 damage. You were just knocked out. You were not outright dead. So you go. Negative four?

Yeah, yeah. That knocks you out. You spit on Yugo and throw him out the window. Yugo, you fly out of the castle. You land with a crunch on the ground, just looking up at the chaos around you. What have I done? As you fade. Thank you, Moonshine.

Hard one, that's your turn. Go ahead and give me a death saving throw. It's a four. That's a fail for hard one. I don't care if we all die. Go ahead and give me a death saving throw. Okay. That's 14, save.

That's a pass. That is Ruskak's 14. Save. That's a pass. That is Ruskak's turn. Ruskak is going to run forward and attempt to tackle Moonshine out the window now. Okay. Moonshine, go ahead and give me an opposed- I go limp and I let it happen. I'm just kidding. An opposed strength check.

Opposed athletics. Ooh. 17. He got a 23. Okay. He picks a 23. Okay. He picks you up and he tosses you. Let's do another either athletics or dex. I prefer to do athletics.

13. He got a 21. He successfully tosses you out the window. Moonshine, you fall. You take 12 damage. I'm still standing. Moonshine, you land. You roll your ankle. You're super hurt I'm still standing. Mooshine, you land. You roll your ankle.

You're super hurt, but still up. Balnor is going to run forward and attempt to throw Ruskak out the window. Balnor. Balnor, save our souls. Hell yeah. Balnor got, that's a 22 right off the bat. So Rusgack has a plus six. Rusgack beats him. Rusgack gets a 25.

Stops him, gets low, stops him from throwing him out. Balnor's going to take an action surge, and he's going to try again. You did. Shout out to the two crew. That is only an eight for Balnor. That is, let's see what Rusgack gets. Rusgack gets a 13, but it is enough to stop him. That is back around to Yugo's turn.

Yugo, go ahead and just roll a d20, and this is to start doing death saves to see if you die. So I need four or more? So you need to get a 10 or higher. It's a random luck check. Just roll. Got it. One.

Wait, really? No, sorry. Seven. Okay, really? No, sorry. Seven. Seven. Okay, so that's one fail. You have to have three to die. So you have one fail. So that's it.

That's it for this turn. I can't believe I'm rooting for you to die. Yugo style. Moonshine, that is your turn. I just want to let you know, I think I could fully kill Yugo right now. I want to make him, I want to try him for his crime. Yeah, he's fine right now. I'm feeling just,. I can't do anything

then. You can start climbing back up. Alright. In Yugo's mouth. I spores him to give him one more failed death. Oh my god. So you have two fails, Yugo. I just wanted brunch. No, you didn't.

And then I start climbing. Mo brunch. No, you didn't. And I start climbing. Moonshine, you start climbing back up. Go ahead and give me an athletics check. Okay. Twelve. Twelve. Okay, you get up a little bit of the ways. That is back to hard one. Hard one, go ahead and give me a death save. That's a nine. That's two fails.

I'm not going to be able to save any of us because I don't have any spells left That is Beverly's turn Beverly you made that save It's a 10 That's a pass That is Ruskak's turn Going to try to throw Balnor out the window Good luck brother

Shut up you're dead. Successfully throws Balnor out the window. Does he land on Yugo? Can we roll a luck check to see if he lands on Yugo? He doesn't land on Yugo. What are the odds? Balnor does take 12 damage, though, and he's quite hurt now.

Hits the ground pretty hard. That is Balnor's turn. Balnor's just going to run back and try to climb back up. He does an athletics check. He gets up a bit of the ways. That is back up to you, Moonshine. Okay, I'm going to try and I'm going to climb in and get to hard one

so I can do a medicine check. Did you use my amulet yet? No. I will also look at the amulet. You take a bonus action, use the amulet. Go ahead and make a wisdom check, use the amulet. Go ahead and make a wisdom check, medicine check, to try to stabilize Hardwon. This would just stabilize him, right?

So he wouldn't have to do those anymore. Right. Because I can't, I don't have any heals. Yes. Ooh! 24! Hardwon stops doing death saves. Yes! Stabilized.

Okay. So Hardwon won't die. I will spores Rusgack for six. Okay, so our one won't die. I will spores Rusgack for six. Okay, sweet. Rusgack is quite messed up. Okay, sweet. That is, we actually skipped Yugo. Yugo, go ahead and give me a death save.

Wait, this is my final one. If you fail it is. Come on, Yugo. Over 10, Yugo style. Five. What is the last thing Yugo says or thinks as he leaves the world? You are the first guest to come on the show and die to a round of applause. This is equivalent to Deade eye, I'd say.

Yeah, I guess it's the same said now. Hugo, any last words? Bury me at three foot three. Oh my god. Hugo is dead. Ardwan, you are out. Bev, that is your turn.

Give me a death save. Don't give him a funeral. 13. I think I stabilize. You stabilize. You're still out. That is Ruskak's turn. Ruskak is going to try to slam you, Moonshine. That's a 21 to hit.

It hits. 15 damage, Moonshine. I'm down. Oh, shit. Balnor. Balnor's turn. The world rests on your hands. Okay. We're going to do this.

I'm going to do this in front of the table for the fate of the world. Balnor versus Ruskak. I will tell you that Ruskak has 11 HP left and Balnor has six. Can Balnor look at my amulet? Balnor can look at your amulet and he has second wind. Okay. First thing Balnor does is second wind. He gets a D10 plus two hit points.

So he gets seven back. So Balnor goes back up to 13. He looks at Babs amulet and gets another 10 there you go gets back up to 23 balnor takes one swing at ruskak he's got to get a 14 or higher to win come on that is a 12 to hit. He misses. He deserves this. That is Ruskak's turn.

Ruskak takes a swing at Balnor. Shout out to the two crew. That is only an eight to hit. Misses. You're fucking lucky, Hugo. Moonshine, you also have to roll a death saving throw. Fail. Fail.

Okay, that's a fail for Moonshine. That is back down to Balnor. Balnor takes another swing at Ruskak. Shout out to the two crew. He misses. That is Ruskak's turn. Ruskak hits. Ruskak picks him up and slams him for 11 damage.

Still standing. Balnor is still standing. He's got no way to heal, though. Balnor is going to swing at Ruskak. It's my turn to do a death save. Oh, Moonshine, go ahead and do a death save. Another fail. Another fail.

That is Balnor's turn. That is an at one, but he rolls again. He's lucky. Yeah. That's an at 20. Everyone's cheering, but Yugo. Yugo's being tortured in hell. Playing against myself.

Okay. Balnor. Okay, so Balnor's going to roll 2d8s and a plus 3. So Balnor needs to get 11 here, a total of 11 to kill him. I'm going to roll in front of everyone. Come on, save Christmas, Balnor. Come on, Balnor. Wait, is that an 8?

Ugh. Oh, so he only gets 9. Balnor does 9 damage. Gets Ruskak down to 2. Thank you for taking this seriously, Balnor. Balnor. I don't regret anything. Balnor is at 12. That is Ruskak's turn.

Ruskak still has him grappled, is going to try to crush Balnor. Balnor needs to do a strength saving throw. Balnor is pretty good with strength saves. He's got a plus five. He's got to get a nine or higher on this roll to survive. Oh! No! With a sickening crunch,

Ruskak power bombs Balnor into the afterlife. And that, my friends, is a total party kill. Wait, but we don't know if I survive. Ruskak goes over and kills you. God. Merry fucking Christmas.

Happy winter. Total party kill. Happy holidays, everyone. That is where we will end our session. Oh my God. At least Yugo died too. Yeah, that's...

I was like, we're fucked. Yugo's gonna fucking... If we're fucked, Yugo's gonna fuck it. If we're dying, Yugo's not. If you go, we go. Nice. If you go,

we go, exactly. Murph, don't let him promote buckets. I swear to God, don't let him promote. Yes, wow,

what have I been up to? God. Wow, I wasn't expecting this. Yeah, so, Balnor is killed with a devastating power bomb,

and Ruskak goes over and unceremoniously executes each one of the knocked out people in the room. Hugo is already dead outside. What about Papa? Papa scrambles away. At least you couldn't kill him, Hugo. Well, let's not forget that the Dwarfins are all fucking fucked.

Oh, yeah. What does this mean? You killed 11 of them. Papa runs around, tries to grab a piece of hair from each person, and scrambles away. Perhaps there's hope for the future. Maybe Papa can somehow get to Meemaw and get everyone reincarnated. Perhaps Papa can save Christmas. Does Papa grab a strand of Hugo's hair?

No. perhaps Pawpaw can save Christmas does Pawpaw grab a strand of Hugo's hair uh no I feel like Alanis watches this timeline and is just like nah that's a miss good lord well guys we'll talk about this over on the Patreon I love that we got a total party kill on our holiday special

funny does that happen every episode? First time. Amir directly got everyone killed. He attacked you, knocked you out, then you guys were so mad at him, you used every round to fight to try to find him.

Yeah, iTunes, Patreon, is this what you fucking want? We should have never had him on. We should make shirts that say Opa Hugo style. You ruined Dungeons and Dragons. Hugo also died. That's what's so funny. Nobody got what they wanted.

Just end of the world. Amir got what he wanted because he doesn't care if Hugo lives or dies. It's Hugo. Not Hugo with an H. Murph. Jake, you're off the podcast. I'm sorry. What? He's selling Discord even after he's gone. Good lord.

Guys, we'll talk about this more on the short rest over on Patreon.com slash NatPod. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D Don't Sing Yet. Right. Okay. Guys, thank you so much for listening. We got some things to plug, I guess. I'm not going to plug anything.

How could we plug anything? We're all dead. Happy holidays to everyone. Amir, thank you so much for coming by. Thank you. And happy Honda Days to everybody out there. Amir, you got anything to plug? No, just keep listening to this show.

You guys are kicking butt. Hugo, I'm sure we'll be back soon, right? Totally dead. Hashtag Hugo style if you want Hugo to be on every episode going forward. You're saying Hugo. Later, skaters. Good lord. Check the store for Hugo style shirts.

Sold out. Check the store for later skaters merch. It says later skaters on the back. It's just a gnome with shit in his mouth. Thank you guys for merch. It says Later Skaters on the back. It's just a gnome with shit in his mouth. Thank you guys for listening. You guys can follow us on Twitter. At CHMurph is me.

At Caldy's Caldwell. At Yaxford's Emily. At Jake Hurwitz is Jake. Amir, what's your Twitter? You got anything? At Jake and Amir. At Jake and Amir. We share it.

You guys share it. Just like you share everything. A death. A total party kill. Lord. Lord. Awesome. You guys can tweet about the show using hashtag NADDPOD. That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.

We are, we are the youth of the nation. We are, we are the yugo of the nation. Yugo. Yugo. Get out of here. That was a HateGum Podcast. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast. We're here to help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen.

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