Segments - 434: Animal Crossing

Episode Date: May 11, 2020

In this episode we discuss Mother's Day, office dogs, and Animal Crossing.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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That's brooklinen.com, B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N dot com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one where where it's clear that i'm like the star there's a reason i didn't have you say anything yeah because you're nervous you're skittish you're stuttering right now i'm a little so i don't want you in this ad at all i don't want to be steamrolled but i know i won't be recording one in fact for you asking that i'm going to keep this part in don't this part is now edit this part out but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out tell you what

i'm gonna say my fucking social security number so you have to edit it out okay let's hear it oh nine one three six six two yeah now you have to edit it in but we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. Jake and Amir, you are the ones Can you solve my problems? It has to do with females That's why I'm sending this email Mostly I'm just trying to seize the cheese If I were you Here's what I'd do. I would kill myself inside of a Starbucks.

If I were you, the show.com i will be sure to write into these two jews wow that was nice that was melodic yeah that was i think he did like a full-on barbershop quartet by himself he can croon he can really croon i i never say this but i really think that guy is better than me you yeah you've never thought anyone was better than you okay so now you're probably gonna go back on that you're gonna say that you're better than him yeah he like was like he was even hitting some notes that i could i had to struggle through which is pretty fucking now good yeah just did just now was the worst singing i've heard you like it sounded like a hurt i didn't know i didn't wind you started crying that was you're listening

to zoom audio that's not like real shit like that's that's not he probably put a filter on his fucking voice yeah you sounded like a uh like a whining child no i didn't i yeah that's what i'm listening to but i think people at home will be listening to you know your your audio of you talking in the microphone so they can weigh in and they can look at you and tell you if it was good singing or not why don't you sing right now for everyone at home your absolute best crooning and they'll at you and tell you if it's good it'll be good are you okay you look like you're what song a little bit um are you crying no i'm just wondering what song you wanted to hear uh crossroads see you at the crossroads oh my god again because you're not listening to the fucking you're not listening to the filtered audio and i'm gonna miss everybody and i'm gonna miss everybody jesus man or yeah oh my god why didn't you wait till you were done crying to try to sing

i honestly thought it would fucking help in some weird way i thought my tears would like lubricate my throat or some shit uh you know i actually sung this weekend uh my level best an earnest attempt at singing when and where what was the capacity the context being that it was the uh last episode of the bahumia campaign wow for nadpod historic 100 historic historic moment yep um and emily who writes all the music like and has released a couple like albums of her uh like singing like basically like these really nice nicely composed songs wow um she's been releasing them like throughout the campaign and for the last episode we played one of the songs and me and caldwell and murph all

recorded us singing along to the chorus holy shit last the last chorus and i legitimately I legitimately got into my studio closet here and I told Jill ahead of time, like, I have to go in there and sing. Can you like not listen? And I sat in here and I just like fucking did three takes of me trying to sing a song. And then how did it go? What was the final result? Emily like layered it all in so it sort of sounds like a chorus of all of us singing the last uh the last chorus and it sounds pretty good

i thought it sounded nice really charming let's uh let's get a just a taste or something no i don't know where it i couldn't i don't know how to i couldn't find it for you i don't know where it is no i mean like clearly you memorized the song so just hear a sentence or two uh no i can't you're shy you're hiding behind your mom's leg you're also crying i'm nervous man uh that opening theme song was written by Marcus Yetter, and it's a parody of If I Ever Fall in Love Again by Shy. Shy. Ooh, cool. I didn't know. I knew that song, but I didn't know the guy who sang it was named just Shy.

S-H-A-I. Didn't Shy have another hit that you used to like? Did he? I don't know. What's that song that you sing in the beginning of Moment of Silence, Jake and Amir? Moment of Silence, Jake and Amir. The Jake and Amir Moment of Silence where Kunal Shah, the programmer, is killed, run over by a bus, and the video takes place all during a moment of silence where you're talking.

And I come in and I... It's one of the funniest beginnings of a J.K. DeMere, I think, that I know. Like, there's a school announcement type thing at IAC. It's like, can everyone please stand and give it a moment of silence for Kunal Shah, a programmer who was killed over the weekend. Okay.

I stand up, we're all like stoic, silent, and then like... You think I enter singing a shy song. Yeah, there's like, you start singing off screen. I don't know what the song is, but I thought it might be shy. Let me see. I pulled it up. I'm playing it now.

Oh. It's the iPod stuck on replay song. Yeah, that's right. I don't think that's shy. Shorty's like a melody in my head. In my head. I say na-na every day. That was a guy named Iaz.

I-Y-A-Z. Oh, okay. You can see why I was confused. Iaz and shy? This guy actually who wrote the theme song has a shameless plug and borderline a job application for us. Whoa. Okay. Let's hear it. Does he want to work at HeadGum?

Yeah. He says if any of the listeners enjoy Netflix show Love is Blind, then he wants to invite us to check out Love is Online, which is an online dating experience inspired by Love is Blind and is run through his Discord chatroom app, and he's actually had some successful matches. Interesting. And then he says, if HeadGum needs another podcast engineer, he's available. Wow. Okay.

So, I'll forward that. Yeah. I mean, he engineered the hell out of that song, so that was good. It'd be nice to hire someone on this episode. We haven't done much, so it'd be nice if a job opportunity came up that would be cool i feel like we could sponsor this episode in retrospect by uh by zip recruiter oh that's cool and then we can if we don't get that cash we can always take it out of marcus's salary because like he's borderline promised that this would be like a an ad opportunity for us yeah and i mean he has to be working for sweat equity at this point.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Besides, it seems like a recession bordering on a depression. So he can't expect cash for that work right now. At best, I'm offering him an externship. Yeah, that's where you do, you work from home for free for the company. But it's only like 60 to 90 hours a week. So that's where you do you work from home for free for the company but it's only like 60 to 90 hours a week so that's not that bad and if we make money from that work that money is then

retroactively counted against your potential salary marcus so the way it works is that if we cash out on you you don't see a fucking dime. Okay, he's working for Earwolf now. Really? Yeah, he took another job. Wow, yeah. Are they paying him? Yeah, the office ladies, they're paying him very handsomely.

That's cool, actually. That's a good opportunity. Damn, I would do that. Headguns out of business. I would do that. We're getting sued. Really, for the externship? Yeah.

For the one that I offered? Labor laws, even by saying it. Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day. Did you call your mother today? Yeah, I did a FaceTime

with my mother and my father. Did you do anything special? We sent them some food, some Jewish deli food for brunch. Of course, nobody could join them because it might end up

killing them. So we just sort of enjoyed it from a distance. You don't want to do that for your mother's day. Did you call your mom? Yeah, we had a Zoom family call. We had everyone on the line.

It was real special. Rachel and her husband got a puppy. So that was a highlight. We got to see the puppy on Zoom. You'll love that. What kind of dog are we talking it's a border collie nice black and white border collie named lucy oh horrible very small a lucy for the luke that i have they simply must meet a black and white luke and lucy lucy and luke

yeah wow that's that is cool um and then we made a we made a little slideshow uh of my mom with a bunch of our favorite photos and stuff, and we presented it, and then my sister Rachel sung a song. It was lovely. That's very nice. I'm seeing pictures on Twitter of, like, some states have overflowing restaurants for Mother's Day.

Like, there's some in Colorado and Florida. People are just sort of saying, fuck it, this is the day that, like, let's fucking go out. We're not going to let, like, this virus beat us. So there are, like, restaurants in, yeah, I see Colorado that says there's double, double what's normally expected on a Mother's Day there today. People just fucking overflowing, grabbing brunch. That makes sense.

Yeah. Cause Colorado reopened, right? Yeah. Well, every state is kind of starting to reopen. Even California said they were in stage two of reopening. Have you noticed that? Not really. I'm not not going golfing so i wouldn't see it i was thinking about taking up golfing oh because it's like uh socially distant yeah but still a sport why not i didn't play golf how hard can it possibly be well you have chronic back pain so that's not going to

help you also can't walk very far and you don't know how to swing anything whether it be like a bat or a club you also don't really understand the rules of most sports so like when i tried to explain about the rules like you have to get the ball in the hole as far as you can't no i was gonna say in the hole it has to go in the hole you've been to maybe a driving range once never mind which hole you're already pissed at me i haven't even begun explaining the scoring rules actually used to caddy so that would actually make a lot of sense to make the full transformation i used to caddy and i love uh i love going uh like the driving range i do like hitting golf balls have you ever done a full 18 hole? I've played nine holes of golf before, one time in my life. But it wasn't exactly like, I mean, I sort of just like walked to the course with people that knew how to play.

And I would hit my ball trying to kind of get it in the same area as them. But like, I'd lose a couple and I would just drop it, you know. It took a lot of mulligans i think that's what that's called yeah same with me except i went birdie birdie par no bogey birdie eagle hole in one hole in one bogey par birdie set a course record 18 on an executive nine in los villas that's right cool bogey bogey eagle eagle me me fucking a bird eagle eagle birdie. Oh, shit. Hole in eagle. You fucked an eagle.

It's clear now that you had sex with an endangered condor of sorts. I can't quite explain it in any other way. A fucking bald eagle. America's mascot, you sick fuck. You're a traitor. That's treason, man. You're a traitor you're a benedict a benedict cumberbatch um all right we're getting some questions some corona related some not quite corona related this one's sort of corona adjacent i should say this is if i were you the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us i'm amir i'm jake recording this on mother's day sunday may 10th um all right marissa

i shouldn't have said her name but you know what this isn't like an embarrassing question so we can actually use her name wow yeah wow you're violating this is this is post post world post corona no anonymity over 500 wait how many episodes have we done? 500-something? Four-something. Four-something. Okay, so yeah, like 100, just close to 500 episodes of us giving, keeping... We're lifting the veil.

Keeping people anonymous. We've built the trust up and now just fuck it. Fuck it, we're gonna... Fuck it. From Marissa. Yeah, we're emerging. This is a new world. There are no more fake names. Let's like... If you want to ask us something, we're going to out you.

And I will say this person's last name too under a fucking email address. I don't give a shit anymore. Okay. Easy does it. Easy does it. All right. Let's just call her Marissa. So my problem isn't that big of a deal, but the world has gone to shit.

So I guess nothing is a big deal anymore. Interesting way of looking at it. I've been home from college for about two months and I keep trying to convince my brother to buy Animal Crossing because he owns a Nintendo Switch, but he doesn't think the game is quote worth it. He doesn't really know what it's about. And I know Jake bought it recently.

So could you help me convince him? Thank you for being hilarious and reminding me that it's monday marissa yeah so i did i bit the bullet i got a switch you pulled the trigger so first of all how did you even get a switch because i heard they're in such high demand that it's impossible to find one yes i tried several times kind of like willy nilly, like I was in a Target, I was in a Walmart for like groceries, and I gave it a shot and it was not ever there. Then I was on Amazon because like, I kept on hearing that Animal Crossing was really soothing.

And I kept on, and I mean, I love the show The Witcher and people told me that I would love to play The Witcher. And I was like, okay, I think I'm interested in getting a switch but i just wish i had one i don't want to like get one uh on amazon they were over 500 and then i so i was not going to buy one online then i saw on target's website i like sorted by zip codes and there was one three miles away from me uh that had them in stock wow and i hopped on my bike because they weren't taking calls like you would i called and they're like there was like an automated message it's like we don't have we're not answering inventory questions got it it. Come buy or don't.

Yeah, and I rode my bike there, and I got it. Legit Switch or a Lite? Legit Switch. All right, so you can play it handheld, or you can plug it into the TV and play it like that. Correct. So what games did you get? I bought Mario Kart,

because I know you guys have been playing it. I played like one sample round and it's just like, I don't know if I'll ever be able to handle that. It's too much. You guys have already eclipsed like where I could possibly end up, you know? Okay. I disagree, but continue. Okay, well I have it. So I'm down to play. I don't know how any of this shit works.

I don't know like how to share my friend code. Am I allowed to do that online or is that going to be like, will I get bombarded? Yeah. I would share it. I would share it with friends and family first before you put it online. Cause people will know when you're online,

if they have your friend code. That's something I don't want. That's shameful. But like also if you are anyway, so I've been, the first game I bought was animal crossing. Um, I'd heard about how soothing it was.

Okay. And how kind of like zen it is. All right. I haven't played Animal Crossing. So first of all, what are your initial reactions? My initial reactions are that it's insane. It's insane. It's kind of funny.

It's definitely not... I can't tell who this game is designed for. And if it's like good because it's so dumb or if it's like dumb on purpose because like they, I don't know, like game some kind of system to know that this is like the kind of like relaxing, silly fun that people are looking for. I have no idea yeah it's borderline not really a game right like you're some animated cartoon and you're going around collecting vegetables for a boss man character or something yeah it's not really so the first thing that happens is you're you're sort of talking to i think it's a guy named i think you're talking to tom nook at the beginning of the game but anyway he's the he's the puppet master he's the guy holding all the cards he's he's the mastermind behind this whole operation so tom nook is selling you an island getaway it's like you can go and live on a deserted island doesn't that sound really cool doesn't that sound nice and you're like yeah and it's like here okay here choose your island show where you

want to go and it's like all right you think you're going on vacation. You get there. The island's not deserted. There's two other people. My island has Antonio and Anteater and Agnes, a hog. So I've got immediately Tom Nook is like, all right, like here are your neighbors. And if you can go gather firewood for the fire, it's like, okay, you're putting me to work, Tom Nook.

Like I set up my tent and then Antonio asked for help setting up his tent. Tom Nook starts asking me for more and more favors. It's like, Hey, you like setting up tents. Will you go, will you go scout a spot? Will you,

uh, get the, gather the firewood? And you're like, is this a vacation or am I, am I under your employ? he's extorting you and then nook visits you and it's like there's the matter of the payment wow for this island and it costs uh 49 000 bells bells instead of dollars

yeah but so bells are what tom nook is charging and you can earn bells by like trading by making things um there's a guy named timmy that will buy anything that you collect on the island so i'm going around collecting seashells uh bringing them to timmy he's buying them for like 300 600 bells and the entire so timmy doesn't care he will buy literally anything there's weeds all over the island you can collect weeds and sell timmy a clump of weeds for bells but you're not going to get out from under tom nook's thumb this way like i i weeded an entire fucking island i collected every single shell there is and and i'm still i'm still in the hole like 40 000 bells to nook so that's when nook tells you about the nook mileage program you can

pay your debt to him if you download his app so this vacation starts turning into i think like a little bit of a nightmare because like not only do i owe this guy 40 000 bells and the only way i can pay up is by weeding the entire fucking island now he he wants to give me a cell phone that's his own proprietary cell phone with his own apps and i can earn miles by doing island work and pay that to nook meanwhile he's trying to build a society. This deserted island that is my vacation, I'm doing this work so he can build a museum, so he can start inhabiting the island. Okay. So this is a game or you're just describing a weird dream you had? This is the game. This is the game. You are trying to earn bells for Tom Nook and to upgrade

your shit. All you have is a tent, but, like, they sell stuff in the store. They sell a grill. They sell different clothes. They sell stuff you want. Do you like the game? I like the game because it's kind of mindless, but it's also a little stress-ind because i'm i'm in debt i'm trying to like they need favors everywhere like tom nook is trying to open a museum he wants me

to collect specimens that he's sending to his friend uh who wants to study the flora and the fauna then the friend moves to the island and they're opening a museum but they can't open the museum unless i've collected fossils and they're asking me to go collect fossils i'm like what am i doing you're doing chores i'm doing chores to make this island not the desolate vacation that i came here for um so it's a little it's a little weird meanwhile i was able to pay off my debt 49 000 um with with miles from the nook mileage program but but then i built a house and now i'm 98 000 bells in debt all over again just like that so is the is the game incentivizing you to like be addicted and play it and get more bells or are you just being turned off by it no i'm a little addicted the other weird thing i i don't know if this happens in lots of

games but like island time is the same like i set the island time to my time so like right now it's 5 45 p.m it's 5 45 p.m on 69 land which is my the name of my island what is it called it's 69 land uh yeah pretty epic and you can visit other people's islands right like marissa and marika have these tags you can go see them right in the game yeah if i if i had their their like tag numbers i could go to their island but i don't have any friends so i haven't been able to visit any other islands yet yeah got it um but yeah uh it's the weird thing to me is that like time passes the same on the island as it does here so it's like i am always wanting to check in because i'm like oh it's just like 5 p.m on my island time's not moving i can't like go to bed and wake up a new and it's a new day i don't

pause time on the island so it feels like you always have to be there like i see maintaining stuff it's almost it feels like it's just real life yeah or like a tamagotchi like a gigapet of sorts you have to like keep your little guy alive yeah it's all happening in real time which is kind of weird so did you visit today yeah well yeah yeah i went because i i went there today because i um i i wanted to see if i could like um what was it oh so i ordered i ordered some new jeans and i knew they were going to come the next day so i wanted to i have i have like these denim cutoffs that I bought at the Nook Terminal. It's like a little shopping, kind of like a red box.

I see on Instagram, your mom posted the family Zoom, but you're not in it. You didn't go today to the whole Zoom? Well, yeah, because I'm trying to catch every single fish. Right, the turnips, right. I don't have to. And Jill looks pretty upset. Jill is upset. In this screen jill's sort of looking around for you she doesn't understand what it is to be surrounded by oranges you know like i've got

orange trees that need to be picked yeah and timmy timmy's gonna fucking buy those oranges at a premium you're also not wearing any jeans you sold your actual pants to get the jeans in the game or how does that work because you're not because i also needed water shoes okay i needed i need water shoes i need new jeans and i i also have a grill that i'm gonna that i'm gonna place and a diy yeah it's cool you got a grill so you're doing like new hobbies like animal crossing and then you're also doing like some barbecuing no the grill is the grill is something yak has on the island my character's name is yak i say 69 land 69 land is real life brooklyn is fake life my real life starts on 69 land yeah because i have a now i know how to cross a river now i have a pole vaulting thing okay and the other side of the island that's

wild that's real there's weeds there yeah i know that's money that i can collect i can make medicine with the weeds i can fucking sell the weeds to timmy at a premium because i am 98 000 in the whole to nook are there any like in-game app purchases like is it like or you can give me 50 bucks and i'll give you 10 000 turnips yeah there's stuff like that like one of the things that you you like learn how to start crafting and you can like make things like make an ax or make a shovel, which you need to like dig up plants or to use the ax to hit trees, to get things to fall out of them or hit rocks to get the minerals at them. And there's these, these like DIY cards that you can find. Like you find, you get a card that teaches you how to make an umbrella and you can sell the umbrella or you can use the umbrella.

But I think the DIY cards like get more and more complex and interesting to the point like right now, all I've crafted is like a flimsy watering can. It's literally called flimsy watering can, flimsy axe, flimsy shovel. And I know somebody posted online that I saw that has a gold watering can. I'm like, oh, okay. So there's more to this game. And are you intrigued to get more? Are you invested at this point?

Yeah. I feel like I want to be the william in westworld to tom nook and this i guess only people that know westworld will understand this but and animal crossing yeah um i want to be the guy that topples nook that beats the game all right so marissa if you're still listening to this you can play this clip to your brother and then see like see jake's into it you will be too you should get it how much is animal i really i think like 50 bucks does it does it make sense to you that it's so popular are you like how did this weird japanese animation become a global phenomenon it makes sense that it's popular to me it's it seems almost like a video game equivalent of like getting stoned and watching cats.

It's like kind of like stupid, goofy, addicting, and you want to like talk to people about it. Yeah. It does feel like you're like in on the joke a little bit. But I also like, I can't imagine, I think I'll be into this game for like a few weeks. I don't. Oh, you don't think it's in it for the long haul?

No, but I mean, a few weeks is a long time. It's really weird playing a game this mindless and dumb when there's like, when like Jill is doing stuff like making dinner or producing stuff for her work. Like making actual things and you're building virtual things yeah it doesn't feel as like like reading or watching a good television show it feels kind of like you're you're consuming something that's worthwhile i have never done something that was so dumb and such a waste of time so i feel a little guilty when i play still but it is it is an easy way to pass

the time you're like oh i can play for half an hour to an hour right now easily yeah because there's always there's always stuff to do on the island there are times when i'm like okay i just want to like mike i'm like gonna get i'm gonna go sell timmy these shells and like that'll be that'll be it then i'm gonna stop but then i'm talking to timmy about these shells and i'm like oh you know what like i actually i got a fossil so i gotta go see blathers and i have to give it to him so he can open the museum and then you see blathers and he's like he gives you a diy card and you're like okay well i at least want to go bring this back to my workbench and see if i can make it so there's always shit that uh just doesn't quite

let you quit between this and dnd you're living in a lot of virtual worlds, which makes sense. Yeah. This one feels like not quite as good as D&D because it's so on the rails. There's a lot of reading and talking shit that you don't want to deal with. You're like, okay, every time I talk to Timmy, he's like, hi, what can I help you with? And you have to go sell this this and then he says goodbye and then if you want to like buy something you can't just be like i also want to buy something you have to like go back click the button he's like hi how are you today what can i help you with it's like just fucking timmy hurry up okay i'm trying to buy

a lawn chair okay because i get outdoor decoration points and dinner's ready nook miles and that's okay quiet chill i owe this guy 98 000 bells okay i'm not hungry yet i had an orange in the game but it filled me up fuck filled me with joy uh all right that was a good uh endorsement of animal crossing let's take a break thanks to the We can come back with more questions after these messages. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience.

But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes, and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ad somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our

show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody,

but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right.

Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah.

Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah.

So again, you go to squarespace.com slash SEGMENTS. SEGMENTS. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. And we are back.

Jake, do you have any yes yes i do um everyone out there should change their Instagram bio photos. Whoa, that floors me, honestly. I mean, I understand that it's a pretty important thing to do. And obviously, this is a really important time in human history. But yeah, why do you think we should all band together as a society and do the right thing? Change our Instagram bio pic. It's a fun way to pass the time. It lets you go back through your phone,

through your photos. So it's a little like a time capsule, a bit of an escape. You get to look at happier times and then you get to make a change for the positive, update. Oh, yeah. It's an enjoyable practice, I think.

So have you used this one before i'm just looking loading up yours now i don't know i think i might have but i'm not sure yeah it looks familiar but not necessarily like this was what your profile picture was what was it before it was a photo oh wow now i can't think of it i think oh it was a photo that jill took of me in um prague oh yes i was in a hat i was eating a croissant traveling oh i made mine new recently it was a mask picture yeah which which i think is it's socially conscious it's good it makes me a little sad i like instagram to be an escape but you know you do you i'm not gonna say that that people can't uh you know update their photos however they want i'm just saying it's a nice exercise all right that's cool yeah

i recently had to find an old photo so i was looking back like through the years to be like wow we used to travel so much attend all these events gatherings parties they all seem so foreign and alien now i know it's i i was looking at like photos from our first nadpod show and there's just a giant group and we're all just like arms draped over each other remember how much we just like touch pants so much just like fucking the pop the hug we would hug everyone yeah i wonder why we didn't get the flu more we often did get get sick on tour. So it stood to reason. It makes, and it does make sense. But I think the last time I got really sick on tour

was like after a show in Vancouver. And after that, I was like, oh, I just need to wash my hands really well after all of the meeting rates. It only took me like eight years to figure it out, but then I never got sick on tour again. Yeah, I wonder if I'll get sick less now that I know all this stuff about viral infections. Yeah, I think you spend more time washing your hands and avoiding people who

are sick, you definitely will get sick less. Yeah, I definitely... I noticed you posted a photo of me and you and Giancarlo and Grim's road trip. Yeah, from five years ago. I think that's what I was searching for when I found all these old photos. What made you want to post that? You just wanted a little TBT to the better days? Yeah, and the photos look cool now. They're all like, they were developed on actual film. Yeah, do you have the full album of them?

Yes, yes. I think I found it on Google Drive, the full album of the photos. That's right. That was a fucking crazy ass time yeah that was a great week we literally drove from new york to la in an rv and had to shoot 10 episodes along the way but we were also stopping in every city drinking and having fun so you would wake up feeling terrible and had to make like a comedy video where we're both dehydrated and ugly yeah there was that day that john carlo was so hung over that he he was like he fell asleep on the

bench outside of the hotel as we were waiting for the rv to come also one of my favorite memories is like pulling up out of the desert in an rv at the mgm grand Grand and like trying to give the RV to valet. And they were just like, no. It's funny. By the time we reached Vegas, we were so tired. I think we got there like on like a Wednesday in late November, early December. And there was like, the whole city was dead. And we're like, oh, this is a weird reversal from how we were just spending time in Nashville and Austin.

It's true. I think when we were planning that trip, I was like, oh, Vegas will be the most insane night. But it turned out that Nashville and Austin, oh yeah, like the cities I thought would be insane were like relatively tame. When we were in New Orleans and when we were in Vegas, we just like kind of like,

I guess we hung out for a little bit, but we didn't go nuts. We went ham in Austin and we went hard in Nashville. It was also warm at the beginning of our trip. And then by the time we got to New Orleans, there was like a historic winter storm coming and it was like 28 degrees in Austin. And then like a trucker told us that nobody was going to be driving because of the snow on like the high desert and like he looked at our rv and kind of

laughed at us yeah that was that god imagine like eating at that burger joint in like the middle of texas right now we just got to go to these places that have reopened and don't give a shit certainly the disease doesn't exist there yeah it'd be kind of cool i guess if i took an antibodies test and i and i was fine i would just i'd go and live in colorado walk around i mean sure um i could be a carrier but is that how it works so i could have the antibodies but still transmit the disease i would think so because the antibodies just said that like you've been fighting the disease. So I'm not quite sure if it means like the disease is fully outside of your body yet.

All right. Yeah. Well, never mind. I'll stay home. Fine. Fuck. Fuck it. Has your thinking on the timeline of this whole thing changed or are you just trying not to think about it i guess i i definitely maybe a mix i'm not thinking about it and i have resigned to the fact that it's like just indefinite so i'm not yeah i'm not thinking of it in terms of like oh i think like by june it's going to be normal i'm sort of thinking like all right i have no idea what when it's going to be normal but it's not going to be normal soon. And if I get surprised, that'll be good. But at least now I'm not going to be disappointed.

Yeah. Because in the beginning, it's always like, when do you think we'll be back in? When do you think it'll be open? When is this going to happen? And now it's been two months and at least I'm like, this is just life now. I'm not thinking about when it's going to be different. Yeah. Especially because like the things that are reopening,

it's not like there isn't going to be a switch where it's like, dope, bars are back open. Same as it was. Let's go. It's like, oh, okay, bars are opening slowly, half capacity. There's tape on the floors everywhere. It's not going to be the same. It's not going to be good.

I guess I'm looking forward to summer where in the city we can hang out on roofs kind of far apart and just like see friends that'll be cool yeah or they'll be like bars are reopening and you're like but the disease is still around so i don't personally feel comfortable yeah being close to each other and talking into each other's mouths yeah i'm not gonna go to like a crowded bar but i know people that have backyards and roofs here so i think i'll i'll do like mini socializing yeah i wonder when that's gonna start just like groups of four or six or eight people hanging out i mean that's definitely already happening it's just not uh socially acceptable or condoned by uh the leaders of our states but yeah it's happening

i see i have friends that are hanging out with each other yeah and it's like i guess i could too but at the same time like what four person hangout is worth the risk right now like it'll be fine but i'll also might get sick and i definitely don't want to get sick or get someone else sick having two people over in your backyard where you guys are like have a kind of a nice time but but spend the entire time talking about COVID. It's like, yeah, I don't know. I'd rather just Zoom. Yeah.

All right. Let's see if we can answer one last question before we run out of time. Yeah, let's do it. Then again, what is time? What is time? Here's a Corona workplace dog question. Oh, okay. Again, fuck it.

Her name is Callie. Yeah. Wow. Okay. That's right. And this one's deeply personal. This is a, yeah, this one is about a bridal boutique. So let me take the veil off.

We'll use her full name right now. No, I'll only, I'll only call her Callie. I work as an office administrator for a, I'll only call her Callie. I work as an office administrator for a bridal boutique, writes Callie, that sells wedding dresses. But because of corona, brides across the nation are panicking and I've been asked to come back to work early

to help deal with it. After weeks of sitting on the phone with crying slash bitching brides, my bosses finally agreed to let my pup into work as a perk. Normally, this would not be allowed since our store would be open and brides and their crews would be coming and going but now that i've had my dog there for a couple days i can't imagine going back she's super chill and part poodle so she doesn't shed that much and she stays away from gowns and mostly just follows me around and gets belly rubs is there any way i could turn this

temporary perk into a forever office dog party i think thanks i think there's a high likelihood i do yeah i'm gonna send you pictures of this sweet dog okay yeah that's what i want to see i feel like a lot of behavior that we've adjusted during for during corona is gonna continue like all of the convenient stuff yeah well she can say like can he just stay until like things are back to normal and then hopefully your office manager is one of those people that's like uh yeah it'll be back to normal soon so sure and then he doesn't realize that like it might be two years of this shit this is a really cute dog i think this dog fits well in a bridal shop you kind of want like, like, that's a Pinterest-y little thing.

You have a sweet little poodle laying at the foot of a gorgeous gown. You should post that on the shop's Instagram. The photo's going to perform really well. If anything, yeah, the owner should lean into it. This is some sort of poodle bridal shop now you've got like a brand ambassador that's really good do you have any weddings coming up or scheduled or people that you know are like watching the calendar because they're supposed to get married this summer no thank my sister liza got engaged but her wedding is next year yeah that really could

have been a disaster but we did we had um a family reunion scheduled canceled uh it hasn't been canceled yet but i'm not sure it's gonna happen i mean it's in july yeah that's gonna be a tough one but it's a 50 it's a 50 person event definitely with older people uh all like the extended herwitz family like staying on a farm with a bunch of like houses on it. Like, yeah, that's a 50 person event where we're all sharing space. I,

I hope it's not canceled. I'm not trying to jinx it, but yeah. Who's going to make that decision? My sister and two of my cousins have been the ones planning it. Interesting. Yeah. It's going to,

the weird part is like when the person running it. Interesting. Yeah, the weird part is when the person running it is like, yeah, things are still on. And then everybody's like, well, I don't feel comfortable going. Rather than the person who runs it saying, alright, this whole thing is cancelled. I know. That's going to be the fucking worst. Or it'll be great because it'll happen. We'll see.

That's right. That's my new mantra. We'll see. Yeah. What would you bet on right now? I'm going to stay positive. I think the virus is going to disappear one day and it's just going to be gone. So I think we'll be fine. Yeah. The best is when Trump said that in early March and then people keep bringing it up.

Like, you said it would disappear. And he's like, it will. We just don't know when. It's like, oh, very smart. You got us, dude. You were talking about an infinite timeline. We tried to get you stuck in your little words, but you figured it out. It will be gone one day in the future.

You're right. Everything will be. Everything will be gone. Maybe because of the virus. Well, it is getting closer and closer to him. I mean, it's all the way. It's getting through people in his family and his daughter's personal assistant. Yeah.

I can't imagine someone that deserves to have it more. He doesn't wear a mask. He travels a lot. You know he doesn't sleep. Him not refusing to wear a mask is so insane. It would be funny to imagine him in a mask, though. He wouldn't know how to put it on. It would look really small on his big orange head.

That's the political ad that there is that's a the political ad right there it's not a big deal it's gonna go away cut to him wearing a mask yeah yeah or i think that's why he doesn't want to put it on right but i mean the other alternative is that he might get it which would be also worse yeah and then they're calling it a hoax to uh needing to be intubated there is theories that he had it like early on because there were like a few days that we didn't see him. Oh, that's interesting. But for whatever reason, he won't get sick.

Have you taken to mask shaming? When you see people without a mask, do you say anything? No. Then again, I don't see a lot of people without a mask. Cool. I do it. Have you ashamed? I've been trying to like find a way to,

it's really anxiety inducing to go out in the city and like be in close quarters with people that aren't wearing them. So yeah, there really isn't that in LA. Like I'm not walking around Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah. And for the most part like in new york when people are sitting in parks and they're far away they can take them off when people are like alone

on the sidewalk you take it off but then like you see people that are just jogging down the sidewalk not wearing a mask or you are like exercising in the park and you're and someone next to you like throwing a frisbee not wearing a mask you're like you're it's it's just crazy because you you do feel really anxious you feel upset by it but then you also don't want to like yell at someone that's not fun and you don't know what they're dealing with so yeah it's you have like all this pent-up rage just because you want to scream at someone to wear a fucking mask um but then it also doing that doesn't really make you feel any better it doesn't improve yeah it's not like they're then gonna put on a mask they just don't believe in it yeah um do you find it

hard to breathe under the mask are you getting used to it yeah no it sucks um it's crazy it's awful i hate it it's it's truly terrible i hate wearing a mask um where'd you get yours i got mine on like sarah schneider made me one actually that's nice yeah she's been selling masks very very comfortable i'm i'm actually in the market for a new mask where did where do you get the where have you gotten your current mask i got a few on etsy and a few from like family members but i can go for like uh there's some cool laker masks in the nba store maybe i'll upgrade my shit i've seen a couple people with like really nice looking minimal masks that looks like they don't hurt their ears at all like i want that like performance

fabric like super soft tiny bit of sheen like just with a really low cut, like scoops under the eyes. My least favorite part of the mask is like that it can cast a shadow up your eyes and like, I don't know. Yeah. You want that Nike dry fit deep V. You want a deep V mask to show off your fucking jacked upper lip. I want a performance mask. And i feel like we all masks became a requirement before we've we got a chance to optimize to optimize the mask so we have like an uncomfortable annoying thing that everyone has to wear or we'll die yeah that's not fun and it's

not hot looking yet wear a sack over your face make sure it crinkles like a dry diaper yeah maybe we'll get there hopefully we'll get some mask sponsors on the pot i would love some free masks and i'll shout some people that's cool that's what i want yeah i'm in the market i got a black mask which is pretty nice but i'm in the market for some nice patterns yeah that'd be cool we should yeah and it's kind of a it's kind of a waste i feel like i i went through braces and all that. Now, like, nobody sees my teeth. And, like, it might not become an issue anymore. Your teeth are kind of fucked up. Your teeth are ugly.

Yeah. You have low gums. Like, this is a waste. You are a waste. I have a hot mouth for nothing. You lost two teeth. Yeah, you don't have a canine right there. And the one on the bottom.

Yeah. But other than that. Other than that that you're good all right that's it that's our time thanks for listening happy mother's day stay safe stay indoors the opening theme song was written by marcus this closing one suzy q let me see who wrote this situation right here okay suzy q suzy q you can pull up animal crossing while i look it up all right thank you yeah i got fucking oranges to hawk uh all right suzy q oh can pull up animal crossing while i look it up all right thank you yeah i got fucking oranges to hawk uh all right suzy q oh no it's actually by chris mcclellan that's a cool

name uh and he wants to give a shout out to his podcast live in the dream hey it's a music and art podcast that's kind of what this one is uh whoa he had third he said he had third eye blind on what oh yeah all right so thanks chris thanks marcus thanks to you guys for listening send the masks and any emails or questions down to if i were you show at gmail.com that's right i'm serious email me a mask i'll print it we've 3d print a mask that's fine yeah i've seen that i've seen it didn't jeff do that or something? Yeah, he did. I don't know if it works.

Well, he has corona, so I don't think it did. And for more questions and answers, videos, you can check them all at patreon.com slash JA. We have weekly videos every Thursday. Oh, yeah. And we'll be back here on, let's say, next Monday. Yeah, I like that. That'll work.

Same as always. Cool. Later, everybody. Peace. Peace. Oh, if I were you Oh, if I were you Oh, if I were you Tell you what I'd do If I were you

I'd try to seize the cheese Get down on my knees I might even say please I swear I'm not a sleaze If I were you