Segments - 444: Robe Lightning Round

Episode Date: July 20, 2020

In this episode we answer as many questions as possible about waffles, acting, and international traveling.For more of us on podcasts check out THE HEADGUM PODCAST on the Headgum network.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star.

There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous. You're skittish. You're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live.

So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now the ad. Edit this part out. But let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part't this part is now edit this part out but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out tell you what i'm gonna say my fucking social security number so you have to edit it out okay let's hear it oh nine one three six six two yeah now you have to edit it in But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no.

I think. Oh, God. Just as abrupt as when I remembered it from last week's episode. Yeah, it is. I think. It is jarring a little bit. but that was a hell of a riff. I loved that guitar. Damn. That was the I Think theme song.

Homage to when Ben joined us last week, seemingly by accident. Yes. Long time listener, second time theme songstress. Whoa. The first time was the Across the Sea Weezer cover. Oh, I remember that one. That's a good one. So they've got another Prague rock album out and you can find it at springsilver.bandcamp.com.

Dope. And that's Kieran. Kieran. Kieran. Kieran. Kieran. K-I-E-R-A-N. Kiarion. Kieran. Kieran? Kieran. K-I-R-A-N. Huh?

Kiarion. Kieran. What? Kieran? Well, it's spelled Sarah. S-A-R-A. Huh? But I feel like it's pronounced Kieran.

Kieran. S-A-R-A-N? Yeah. How do you spell it? How do you pronounce that? Are you... S-A-R-A. Yeah.

Sarah? What? Yeah. Is that how you say sorry yeah why did you pronounce it karen kieran i thought it was a silent s a silent s makes the sound of a k k okay no it's it's k-i-e-r-a-n okay nice so there you have it thank you here sarah um all right we're gonna do some rapid fire questions and answers today since we didn't get to many questions last week i said let's cram in as many as possible that's smart yeah you posted on instagram uh question yeah one question uh from rachel moore just says you

look awful what do you think about that yeah what makes you not really a question but i for sure look poor that deserves a response yeah yeah and they were talking about you in the second foot they were talking about you in the second photo by the way the one where you just had a nice haircut everything looked fine. Yeah. That's when I was happier and healthier and they said I looked poor. I should say I look poorly, not poor. But yeah, I don't look happy and healthy in the first photo. It's sort of a photo I took to show how crazy this year has been.

So, I chose like a very drabb filter made my hair look really stringy and bags under my eyes my grays are just popping out so yeah this is a it accurately portrays how insane this year has been but i i tried to ham it up as much as possible right do you feel like your hair is going it's no longer just gray on the on the sides is it gray on the top it's like a lot of gray on the sides that's where the majority is and then like a few uh random silver uh hairs on top as well but the majority of it is still on the sides but it's spreading so if you could if between three different hair colors one just all still the dark dark brown hair that you had, two, current hair, or three, full silver fox, like just a straight up gray dome,

what would you want to do? The Anderson Cooper. Yeah. I appreciate the transition I'm going through. So it's very like, you know, slowly and steadily. Well, you have some grays. Oh, yeah, you have some pretty solid amount. Okay, now I'm about like at a third gray. I feel like if i went straight to silver completely it would be like

jarring like i bleached my hair yeah but i kind of i'm looking forward to you having that that sounds like that's going to be fun it'll be cool to see yeah i'm ready for it my dad definitely has it and has had it for a while now so i'm ready for it as well and he had dark hair like you when he was a boy he had black hair so his turned gray just from like black to white mine is doing a more brown to reddish to gray to silver interesting um but the next photo of me was from january so i have like a you know a nice haircut and i look uh happy and warm but everyone's like oh you got a haircut congratulations when you get it When did you get it? How'd you get it cut?

And I have to like respond to my friends being like, no, I didn't. I actually still look like a trash photo from the first one. This isn't a before and after. This was six months ago. It's a president past, unfortunately. This isn't a, it's not an upgrade. The photo you saw first, the one that was horrifying,

is the one that I am. It's current. So don't say congratulations don't say you look good because i actually look i look bad i look like the one that you think is an improvement that was bad yeah right hopefully i'm just one haircut away from seeming like that second person but i don't know i'm scared to find out to get that haircut and see what what happens next yeah it's possible and beard trim that's right but enough about me um we got a lot of questions we did shall we did any of them did any of them strike your fancy um well here's a nice one that i like from luke

underhill what fashion trend would you like to be able to pull off? Fashion trend that you would be able to pull off. I feel like even now there are trends that like, that come and I think about like, wow, I wonder if I would need to do that. And then they like go away. Eyepatch.

Well, eyepatch. I don't know if that's like a sure i mean that would not be a convenient one because you as an accessory yeah depth perception would be like an issue but yeah um it's more covet friendly because it can get in through your eyes so if you cover one of them it's a little that much better that's good okay uh eye patch aside do you remember do you remember the um the trend of like really skinny jeans and a really long shirt like a shirt that looks kind of like a nightgown uh and then you have like little sticky jeans yeah well shirts themselves are getting baggier. Pants were getting tighter. But now I feel like, well, now it's everything. It was an overlap.

Now everything's getting baggier. Like, pants are big and balloony again, which I'm kind of into. Oh, no. Because I like, they're very comfortable. Like, I don't mind not wearing skinny pants. That seems like, I'll hop on board that one, you know? Wow. Also, big, like, chunky sneakers.

Like, really, really comfortable shoes are sort of in in trend right now which i like also yeah another nerdy thing that kind of came back was like high socks with shorts oh yeah like that was pretty nerdy in the 90s and 2000s and that was like generally well accepted i'm wearing it right now i also love high socks because it's just so comfortable i feel like no show socks just constantly are like slipping down to your heels and just like always fidgeting with them and now i just like wear above like ankle cut socks and it's so nice even if it's like hot and humid and stuff uh yeah i mean i guess if it's hot and humid it's not that much different like you have a

little a little on your ankle but you're still wearing you know sneakers and socks like i don't think that like no show socks kept me very much cooler yeah but yeah you feel comfortable doing that one is there one that you don't feel comfortable is it the baggy pants one yet is it the baggy shirt one yet yeah i don't think i could wear baggy everything sometimes i mean i don't think i ever wear anything that's like that trendy it's sort of just like on the margins of trendy there's also nowhere to go like where are you dressing up fashionably interesting to just like a supermarket yeah i guess like fashion wise i'm more into like kind of like tech like performance type wear these days

that it's like very very comfortable because if i'm doing anything i'm like uh riding my bike outside but like i'm not dressing up to like uh you, I'm not buying a new watch to go to a restaurant with or something. Right. That's not happening. Do you see my shirt now? Why jot? What is that? It's from a HeadGum sketch three years ago.

Jeffrey ordered the shirt and sent it to me as kind of like a gag gift. Oh. And now you, wait, did he do it recently or he sent it to you years ago? Yes. He did it recently? No, the video is years ago. He sent it to you years ago? Yes. He did it recently. No, the video is years ago. He sent it to me last week. Why?

He's pitching in the sketch, like literally from 2017, I think. He's pitching me t-shirt ideas and one of them is why jot. And then I'm like, why is that a shirt? He goes, I don't know, why jot? And then he just gave it to you? That's right. Cool um all right next question sure any advice for a first time home buyer wow what a time to buy yeah let's talk let's talk you're ready in the middle of a pandemic to make a large scale investment in your future. Potentially, this is a good time for it.

I think this is a good time to buy the thing that's, I don't know, you can get the lowest like mortgage rates. I think they're below 3%. Which is like when you... For the first time since like the 70s. When you're borrowing money to... Of the interest, yeah, that you pay back on. To buy a house, you want like to pay as little interest as possible. But I also know- It's usually in like the three, four, five range as of recently.

And now it's below three, you said, for the first time. Right. But also buying a house right now, I think, is harder because of said pandemic. Because everyone's losing their jobs. So banks are, they're a little more risk averse right now, whereas like before you could maybe put 10% down or whatever. Like now, it depends what kind of loan you're qualified, what your income is, how much you can put down, etc, etc, etc. If you feel like your job is secure and you can buy a house right now, that's a solid move, I think, because you can lock in a super low interest rate. Okay.

So what's the first step? What do you have to do? First step, you have to get pre-qualified. Getting pre-qualified is very easy. You send somebody your income, your W-2s, what your job is, a whole bunch of information. They basically write a letter that says, Jake is conditionally approved for this loan. And then you can give that to a real estate agent, and that'll let you go in and start seeing houses.

Right. So first step is you have to get that pre-qualification letter authorization that even allows you to make an offer. Before that, it's like, don't even make an offer if you can't get somebody at a bank to prove that they might be interested in loaning you the amount of the house. That is the weird thing, because I remember that when I bought my first house. I kind of thought that the pre-qualification letter was the same thing as as the loan uh and I'm like wow that was easy and I like made the offer I got it and then they're like all right now you have to go get the loan it's like well son I just showed them the letter like oh no the letter means nothing find every single piece of paper that anyone gave you

relating to money for the last five years and then you have to just like beg borrow and steal to prove to the bank that you're worth a damn that you'll that you'll make good on the loan uh and then they'll give you the money yeah and then you slowly pay that back over the next 30 years yeah good luck indeed but that's my he's advice for the first time home buyer is just like dive in because you will learn so much as you go so don't let don't let us scare you away a lot of questions that are just like are you okay are you okay yeah i'm okay all right everyone's okay we're not everyone's and we're not awful we're just okay so yeah i'm okay i resent the accusation jo Redican. I guess he's just being nice.

Sorry. I don't know why I snapped at him. I mean, well, I mean, you're getting, you're kind of getting trolled. You're getting dragged. It makes sense that you would lash out like that. Here's one for Matt Lefevre. Are you okay? You look sickly.

So that one's sort of like, are you okay because you look bad? Right. So I think what's unfortunate is that you clearly baited everyone to insult you in a way almost like you wanted it. You posted a really ugly photo of yourself, but then you can't handle the criticism. You don't want the feedback. Oh, here's an interesting one. Garden Noam says, what's your favorite Israeli snack? Hummus.

I like to think of myself as a little israeli snack um but everyone thinks that you look sick and unwell and they think you're ugly i like a bomba a bomba it's like that peanut butter cheeto puff situation i don't know if you had that in israel Yeah, I remember those. I also remember that hummus place that we went to that was so good that you just like fucking dipped an onion. Like they just like... So thick. I feel like I never had...

That you eat it not even with a pita, just with a fucking loose onion strip. Yeah, like I never had hummus before that I didn't just like have with like a pretzel like i thought i liked hummus but i was just eating like sabra hummus hummus with pretzel and then we went to that place in israel that uh god it was just like you could just eat it you would want to eat it with a spoon it was so good yeah like a soup and i got a coca-cola my god coca-cola's good you get yourself a mexican coke later today you've earned it i think i did um are

you jaunt jaunt says are you still interested in acting in movies or on tv both of you are so talented so i wanted to say thank you first of all wow um and what do you think about acting does that appeal to you no not, not so much, especially now. Even before this whole pandemic, I didn't necessarily want to spend all day on set, you know, reading some lines, getting ready, memorizing and then acting for minutes a day on a 12-hour shoot location.

Right. But now the fact that it's dangerous to be around anyone, a film set feels extra precarious. And unless you like truly love it, and that's your passion, I'm turned off by it even more so. Fair, fair enough. What if there was no pandemic? Would you want to sing i want to dance i deserve to be on the stage i want to be on the silver screen which way to hollywood boy over there you take the bus down to hollywood and vine that's me in the corner wow look at all the grays you have oh i'll die a mister if it means you'll give me a shot in your picture we'd have to do something about the sags under your eyes as well. Well, that's why they make makeup now. Calm down, because you're starting to make me feel a little sad.

How can I act if I'm really upset about the way I look? Your teeth are gray. That's quite enough. I'll be an editor then. Put me in a dark room. Give me the footage. I can cut together all of the people that look better than me. Better than me.

Tossing you in a dumpster. You're fired for masturbating to the dailies. Well, then, I didn't think you were looking. I thought I could get away with that. Abandon the song. I'm sad today about that. I've been kicked and ostracized from the film community. Can I be an accountant or a line producer?

No, the stigma, it follows you from every job you'll ever have. You're a social pariah now. You're on deadline now. You have to delete your accounts. My social media accounts? No, your bank. No, your bank. And your house is foreclosed. Get out the way and go to prison.

Go to jail. You're done over here. Oh, good lord. So that's sort of like a Les Mis sequel of sorts where a guy gets wrongfully accused. I was hardly squeezing myself. You said you masturbated to the dailies. Your excuse to masturbating to the dailies was, I thought I could get away with that. So not wrongfully accused. If you get accused and your defense is, oh, I thought I could get away with that. What an insane defense. How do you plead?

I plead that I thought I could have gotten away with it. So not quite guilty, but not quite innocent either. Y'all are a social pariah now. Let's see here. Oh, Jake, how's The Witcher on Switch? Are you playing the witcher um yeah i am playing the witcher i i haven't gotten i haven't gotten too far i think i'm like in the first little town but i did my combat training uh and it's really fun i mean it's

nice the animation on it is incredible i just like i basically played just to get to a cut scene so I can watch it because it's so fun. Is that the game you've played the most recently? No, because we're developing a video game for NADDPod. for nadpod so i've been playing like uh 2d rpg games uh to to try to like get my head in that space so i can be helpful in the conversations because i don't know shit about video games what's a 2d rpg game what's an example of that um south park stick of truth is is one that i've been playing. Huh. I wonder if the Zelda game I played for Super Nintendo would count as that.

Um, I don't think that one's 2D. Like, 2D basically looks like South Park animation. Oh, it's like paper. Yeah. What about Paper Mario? Isn't that a thing? Yes, that would be one. I think.

I haven't played that one. But I think that's one of them. At least the animation style it is. I have a four-bedroom apartment in NYC, writes Andy Ricks, all to myself. How do I not go crazy? Four-bedroom apartment? I don't think I've ever ever like seen such a thing here that's so many bedrooms yeah although those can also be like really small like didn't your sister live in like where it was like four bedrooms and that was it well yeah oh yeah that's true and also technically

the the rosies lived in a four bedroom but like they didn't have walls that went all the way to the ceiling. And some person lived in a loft that was only three feet high. And Dave was, uh, Dave's room had a sliding closet door and no windows. So like they'll call anything four bedroom. Right. It's converted from a one bedroom.

Right. Um, is that, how do, how do I not go crazy? Yeah. I mean, that seems incredible i think you'd go crazier having three roommates in a four-bedroom yeah if you're by yourself you want your place to be

larger i think i think you would go crazier in like a studio i'm sure there's lots of people who are just like sheltering in place in a studio right now yeah i mean everything i think no matter where you are if you spend enough time there you start to go a little insane uh it's all different degrees because some people started out in a place that drove them insane and some people have a nice place that's starting to drive them insane i think it helps if you can to just like um i don't know find a new place to be even like i um i've set up a desk in our in like our office or so it's an office now it was our it was like a den but now it's my office and that's and it kind of helps it made you it gave me something to do and it felt like it changed the space a little

bit also taking walks going on bike, leaving and coming back helps, but just be safe, wear a mask, yada, yada. You know the deal. Yeah. I wonder if people are switching houses. That's a good way to fucking get a new scenery. It's like, I will move to your apartment, you move to mine.

It's neither better nor worse, but hey, at least we're in a different place and that's got to help my emotion. That's true. It's stressful though sometimes to not be around your stuff. Like, if I lived in your house for a couple weeks, it'd be nice. It'd be different. But like, I'd have all your shit, like in all the drawers. That's right.

Yeah, I don't know. Being home is nice. Just give me three months. Give me three months in your place, then we could switch back okay if you had to come to new york city right now would you prefer to drive or fly that's a good question uh yeah i don't know flying seems dangerous but it's over quickly driving is like a low-grade danger for a week straight. And then where would you stay? Yeah, you'd have to stay in hotels. I think I would fly. I would just like put on three masks

and like goggles and a face shield and gloves and just close my eyes for six hours on an airplane and hope to God I didn't get anything. My God, getting on an airplane seems insane. Speaking of, J. Bick Quinlan says, what country will you go to and infect first once the U.S. tricks the world into opening their borders? Which we can sort of deduce is where do we want to travel to

if this is all over, when this is all over. Since New Zealand beat the virus, i've been you know fantasizing about going there and just like eating in a restaurant going to a sports bar traveling around so my eyes are back on new zealanders you know back in the southern hemisphere that's kind of a fun idea what if we just move to new zealand is that i wonder if they're still i wonder if they're not letting your cases uh i think they're like slowly starting to open their borders but by the time they reach like like we will be the last you i we were we are the last country anybody should allow in

just like definitely a bunch of tourists from flor Hey, we wanted to see the Lord of the Rings tour. Take us to Hobbitown. Sorry, I came from a hot spot, Orlando. We were in Disney World, and we had the bright idea of flying to New Zealand. Yeah, when will they ever let Americans go anywhere? Things are only getting worse here yeah i guess that's true uh i probably won't travel until like or i won't like leave the country until we're really really allowed to and encouraged to when it's like hey we beat it we did

it because like it wouldn't be that fun to go to any country while this is happening anyway. It seems like it's a post-vaccine fantasy. Yeah. And then I'll go back to Iceland. I haven't been there in a minute. Yeah, it's been years now. You haven't taken your bi-yearly trip to Iceland yet. I do love Reykjavik.

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Or like, do you know what a play action pass is? Like, these are like some advanced things that I know that you wouldn't necessarily know. I basically know run and Hail Mary. You actually know both of those? Yeah, running is when you run and then Hail Mary is when you chuck it, right? Damn.

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Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote.

Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly.

And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday?

Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap.

Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters? Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z.

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Let's see here. You look like shit, of course. You look sickly. Again, these are not really questions. They're concerns. They're valid. Tips for living with a trump supporter says dr okiar drossy or d-r-o-c-y-u-r three damn move move living with a trump supporter although it's

pretty nice to live with him now because trump is slowly like falling apart and melting down and being like objectively bad so like it'd be fun to like be able to troll a trump supporter now as you know the case numbers keep rising and you'd be like do you think he did good here do he looks really sweaty here are you he's still like good to you about that look how slow he went down the stairs we were just laughing i was laughing with my friends and family about how he bragged about going down the stairs but it's obviously really slow isn't that weird do you still think that you're a supporter of him so i would sort of needle him and stuff like that right i guess that's good needling needling sounds good if you can't move yeah and then if he wins the election

you get the fuck out of there if trump wins again it's you hightail it out of there are you do you ever fantasize about the election and joe biden actually beating donald trump or you're not allowing yourself to get excited i have not got i have not really fantasized about that i sometimes more just like have like a little pang of anxiety, like Jesus, that he really, Trump can't win again. That makes me nervous to think about. It feels like consistently in the last year or two,

every time I think that things are bad, they like get worse in a new and surprising way that I wouldn't have expected. So like, so it makes sense that he would win in that regard or that if you like i'm not going to get excited about an election in november because i feel like nine new horrifying terrible things will happen to that like between now and then uh and like it will detract from whatever whatever i'm feeling about the election and also maybe it'll like alt like i don't know what if that kraken that we mentioned just like comes out of like the

the gulf of mexico and starts attacking uh new orleans you know like then they don't have the election because there's a monster that's attacking earth like that's right or if they're like oh yeah mail fraud is bad so we can't even have an election let's do it next year and get back to us then or something like that was almost as likely as my kraken um how many pancakes writes sir trash is the goat amount it's a great question and i know the answer and i'm curious to see if you do as well. I would say three stacked on top of each other is the goat amount of pancakes. Yeah, well, you were fucking close because it's actually two. And you don't need three because the goat amount of pancakes is two because it's associated.

It's part of your lumberjack breakfast that comes with eggs, that comes with bacon. It comes with coffee and it comes with oj you're really gonna have three pancakes with that it's a little too much it's a little little too many yeah i was thinking more of like a standalone blueberry pancake breakfast that's not worth it you don't have pancakes if you don't have bacon and you don't have bacon if you can't have eggs you need savory you need sweet you need coffee and you need the oj and you need two pancakes and you want to put the butter in between the pancakes to melt it really nice okay it is kind of weird to just get pan it's like eating four muffins for breakfast it's like switch it up a little get a

variety you don't need that there's something you want to split there's something you want to add on like should we get pancakes too i can't imagine just being like yeah i'm gonna have a i'm just having pancakes for for my breakfast that's it's too much yeah but what about french toast you can you have french toast just by itself what about french toast what about i prefer that to pancakes can you have that standalone or does it replace pancakes or does it replace toast? It replaces waffles. You're yelling. I'm not a huge fan of French toast. I think all of these things are like, they're just like a little sweet bonus breakfast that you'd have with bacon and eggs.

That's what I want every day. And then I want like some bites of a waffle, some bites of a pancake. I want someone to split with. Yeah. And I don't care about French toast. That's you'd go pancakes, then waffles, then French toast, French toast,

dead last, but I prefer freedom toast. Nice. Okay. Where would you put freedom toast? Above all. About French fries as i call them freedom fries i would put i would go waffle then french toast then pancakes in order of best to worst i do think waffle is the goat waffles top waffle pancakes french toast give me a crispy bread oh here's a good question for you

henry rick asks who are the two hottest people in the world and what would it be like if they were married damn that's tough i feel like hottest can we do any timeline? Like, can I get 27-year-old Brad Pitt? Can I get that? Sure. I mean, it's all just a hypothetical. Say, like, two people. You don't have to worry about, like, time traveling or anything like that.

Well, that's the fucking issue. Because if I say Brad Pitt and I get, I mean, he's still beefy beefy he's still hot but he's not the hottest guy in the world right now i feel like that title goes to harry styles okay okay why are you fucking upset this is supposed to be like a light hearted i'm not upset i'm having fun i just want to answer the question well yeah okay do fucking any timeline so uh cleopatra and brad pitt like that's solid how how van they eat it's not solid you don't know what these people look like all right give me a current one harry styles and um and um margot robbie i'm surprised you went harry styles because he's not very jacked he's more of like a lean pretty boy yeah that's true but i don't really know like

oh i guess maybe uh chris hemsworth yeah hemsworth is pretty solid that's a good looking guy yeah and then for a lady you're going margot robbie i think so yeah that's cool and what if they were married that'd be crazy wait who did you say but who are you who do you think is the hottest the hottest i was gonna say brad pitt from age 27 and lindsey lohan from a wet dream i had when i was 12 jesus how hot is that couple imagine them married nice nice dude you butchered the question what you were the one who was like talking about multiple timelines and shit like that you're the one that you're the one that brought it to a wet dream there was no one hotter than lohan that night a tiffany amber theus and type oh wow i had a wet dream about tiffany amber theus when i was when i was a kid yeah that was a weird moment did you think you peed the bed um

i think i knew what it was because we learned about it in school you learned about it that day and your brain said i had to have it did you wait did you think you peed the bed yeah did you tell your parents oh there's no p no i did not tell my parents i of course i didn't tell my parents that i pp'd my bed i'm 21 i found out it was a night emission and I called my uncle. Nate File asks, vodka sauce or regular marinara? Vodka all day. I love vodka sauce. That was what I got for my birthday dinner last year. I went to Little Italy and I got one of those of those huge huge big ass bowls of vodka sauce pasta and

it was very very good you went to literally literally oh my god can you imagine it was so crowded it was so crowded everywhere and we had to wait for the table just you staring into a snow globe what do you you don't really you're not a sauce guy i don't love the sauce i prefer a bolognese to either of these but i guess you can add meat to either so i'll go regular marinara the vodka it's a little too creamy for my tastes i don't love the cheese i don't love the cream i love the cream is there actual vodka and vodka sauce i think i think so but it's like burned away it's not like alcoholic yeah like you don't have to you don't have to show an id to buy vodka sauce at trader chose right right um what's the biggest meal

you've ever keaton michael or otherwise. That's from Myo Todd. I guess we could amend that to biggest meal you've ever eaten because it's clearly just a stretch for a Keaton pun, right? Yeah. So the biggest meal I've ever Keaton was Michael Keaton. And was it Keto? It was Keaton. Wait, did he mean Keto keaton like michael keaton i think they i mean they wrote keaton uh k-e-a-t-o-n okay so yeah that's michael keaton so yeah before i saw multiplicity i ate two

cheeseburgers that was the biggest meal i've ever michael keaton really two cheeseburgers that was the biggest meal i've ever michael keaton'd really two cheeseburgers yeah because i also had a side of sauce oh man that's good what's the biggest meal you've ever had um i when i was in i feel like when I was in high school, I used to sometimes in the middle of the day go home and have a bacon and cheese omelet and potato chips and a box of Annie's macaroni and cheese. Wow, that's a lot of cheese. A lot of food. Oh, I also remember one time I got McDonald's and I got a crispy chicken sandwich, French fries, and I made a bowl of Annie's Mac and Cheese. So it's something like that.

It's like a full meal that's already unhealthy. And then like, I can just eat Annie's Macaroni and Cheese nonstop. Like it will, I'll never get full of it. It's like, it doesn't count as a meal to me in my head. My body doesn't think of it as food or's like it doesn't count as a meal to me in my head my body doesn't think of it as food or something it's cotton candy like no matter what i've eaten i can eat an entire box of annie's macaroni and cheese always no matter what and regardless of what you've keaton you can also eat annie's macaroni cheese one time yeah one time i ate annie's mac and cheese out of michael keaton's ass jesus christ yeah i do eat annie's

macaroni and cheese still i do and i and i think it's good you haven't you haven't tired of it no and i never will i'm especially because now i eat it less because i try to stay trim and i try to stay yoked try to stay jacked and shredded so i don eat it as much, but it's sort of like a little cheat day. I probably have it once every, every like couple months. That's good. Yeah. And when I, when I do have it, I go ham. I go all in.

Like you add ham to it? Yeah, I'll add ham. And like, if Jill's having some too, and I'm like, oh, okay. So we'll add a second box. She's like, no, I don't need a whole box. I'm like, well, no, like I need add a second box. She's like, no, I don't need a whole box. I'm like, well, no, like I need a whole box. So that's... You grabbing her wrist.

Yeah. She's like, okay, then I don't want any at all. So then I'll just make a box. And then Jill wants a bite. And then I'm like, I never, ever could never say no to her. But when she eats a single bite of my Annie's macaroni and cheese, I like am full of like this jealous rage uh yeah wow uh Bart Carey asks what has glocal been up to during quarantine we actually

haven't heard from John Wolfe during the quarantine unless you have that makes me a little that makes me concerned that we that we didn't hear from him i think he he was a super spreader really which you actually can't get like they could never prove that he did it on purpose yeah and even if they can it's not illegal for him to like get sick and then sort of be out and about like it's not nice and he should have worn a mask but he wore like this it's morally reprehensible right he wore like a porous mask to a bar and then he sort of spent the next day out and about coughing hither and thither sort of into his into his fist but like he made like a circle through his fist so like it would still like the aerosols would

travel through his hand that's something glocal would do too like after he's after he's better he knows he doesn't have it he will walk around maskless coughing really loud just to sort of ruin people's day yeah that's cool i mean not cool but not illegal i should say right uh all right a few more let's let's make let's make them count though can fake glasses ever be cool asks brian j long that's actually an interesting question hold on let me put these on and think about it whoa those look cool i think fake glasses can be cool on you because you had glasses. They were a part of your identity. And then you got LASIK, but you feel comfortable with them on.

The problem is the word fake glasses. They're not fake glasses. They need a rebrand. These are real glasses. They're just non-prescription lenses because they're still lenses too. Yeah, so like I don't need glasses i just like wearing glasses i think they can be cool i mean blue light glasses uh definitely work also you know you just there's a reason now there are reasons for wearing glasses that you don't necessarily need for like a prescription. So I think, yeah,

I think they can be cool. I think protecting your eyes is cool. That's cool. And you can start with like clear frames. So it's kind of like more subtle and then build your way up to like the full Clark Kent glasses. That's right. Which NBA player writes big spenda would make the best president. It's got to be LeBron.

That is sort of the answer most given. LeBron for president. He's very well-spoken. He's very charismatic. He's cool. He's the best. So you would think that he's also the most popular. He can get the most votes.

He cares about the whole team. He's never doing anything just for LeBron. He makes a lot of assists. Doesn't he lead the NBA in assists? Yeah. This year, he's just fucked around and led the NBA in assists because he just wanted to. And he's that smart. High basketball IQ too. So it probably translates to politics. Definitely. Yeah. No, he's great. I don't think there's anybody better than LeBron. But let's hear an unpopular answer from you since you know everybody in the NBA. Well, there's Malcolm Brogdon, who his nickname is The President. So right off the bat, makes me think of him. Chris Paul is the president of the Players Association. He's also a very well-spoken, charismatic leader. Soris ball could be a good answer and then for my uh dark horse candidate i'm going with myers leonard wow who is last seen shotgunning a

light in the bubble and that's my president respect um and And Joshy Catch says, not really a question, but I've been really into blankets of late. You know, shawls of that nature. Which prompted me to think of the question, have you ever or will you ever or could you ever or would you dare to wear a robe? So this is unrelated. Just dare to wear a robe? So this is unrelated. Just would I wear a robe? Well, blankets, shawls, comfort, that type of thing. What do you think? I've never gotten into robes for whatever reason.

Like when hotels provide robes, I'm rarely just in them. I know you like to don a robe. Every single time a hotel has a robe, I will take a shower and put on the robe. But I don't have a robe at home. And it seems like during quarantine, I especially would have gotten into a robe thing. Yeah, why don't you get a home robe or a hobe for short?

I should get a hobe. Perhaps I will. It seems like you would be into a hobe too because you like, I feel like you spent most of the quarantine in pajama pants you like pajamas yeah I like pajamas and I like baths and usually those two overlap and you wear a robe but I guess I'm wondering when you wear a robe after a bath I put on pajamas are you saying I should put on a robe completely dry off then

put on pajamas after yeah and sometimes you could put on like pajama pants or boxer shorts with the robe because the robe is a comfortable thing to kind of like lounge in yeah it's hard to think about a robe in the summer like i'm hot right now so i'm like thinking about a robe doesn't bring me it doesn't spark joy for me but i know that uh in the winter i i like thinking about robes so i'm not writing yeah entirely right or you can wear like a silk robe but you never see like a short robe like a short sleeved robe yeah and i wish you would i want i want robes to be disrupted and i want like a slim sleek looking robe i feel like i always see like restoration hardware style robes that are just like big chunky i want i want something like i want like uh i want the mac weldant robe you know i see so like that's what

you said about masks too you want a dry fit nike robe yeah i kind of do and by the way i got a i got an adidas mask and it's not good so there's no fucking solution yeah that's a shame would you say you want to put the robe back into anti-microbial uh let's let's call the episode i thought that was pretty fucking clever to have the word robe into the because you said you wanted the mac weld in of rob. So it's like moisture wicking shit, the anti-Mike robe, y'all robe. And you said to end the show there. All right,

fine. End the show there. Who won the fucking golden mic? Just, I got the golden mic. I got the golden mic for thinking of hope. Cause I, cause I did hope.

What? Hope. First of all, I think that was me. Second of all, hope is so much worse than anti-Mike Robe. I know. It's not great. And that's why I got the Golden Mike, because you did say it. That's right. But then I embraced it, and I made it what it is, which is iconic. It's Hobe. It's a home robe.

And then you... You don't have to fucking explain it to me. I know what it is, because I said it. I came up with it. I said that Hobe is a home robe. Well, that's what gives me the Golden Mike, is that when you fumble a ball on the on the one yard line somebody picks it up i ran it in a touchdown i'm the fucking i ran it in i spiked it i ran i took the ball and i said it and then at the you got the 30 for antimicrobial because it's such it's it's just it's indulgent it's petty it's small it's weird it's weird the only thing weird is your attitude towards it what are you talking about it's not petty or small and it's not weird but it's just it's beneath you to even argue about this at this point okay i don't sure fine we're belaboring

this it happened you have the turdy i have the golden mic not a bad episode all in all you didn't get the turdy until the fucking really the last couple minutes of the show which means you had a pretty good show i thought i had a really good show aside from that hope fiasco it wasn't a fiasco i said a hope you liked it you gave yourself a trophy for liking a joke that i made whatever who gives a shit give me the fucking golden let's do that can we take that again where you give me the sorry you said who gives a shit if you don't want to do it again i'll leave that in and then i'll go from there to the

closing theme song you said you said who gives a shit and now you're on the record on mic no i'm saying i'm not going to use this part if we will redo it and if you don't want to redo it end it with who gives a shit all right so let's end why don't you end it with who gives a shit and leave out this this sad little segment where you beg me to retake something so you can get the trophy so you can get the golden mic that you didn't earn we'll leave this part out all right so that's a no-go that's a no-go on the trofo yeah all right that sucks but that's yeah yeah i don't know you just it is what it is it is what it is reset okay reset we'll take it from who gives a shit and then we'll end the episode just try to be in a positive mood to to sign off who gives a shit uh so god this isn't gonna cut in it's not gonna edit well because it's such different energy you're locked into needing to use this at this point who gives

a shit who gives a shit um could you talk because i have like a frog in my throat now you also have something in your eyes you're openly weeping i'm humid in the eye i have a humid eye and a weird ear uh all right that's it that's our show uh if you want more of us chatting into a microphone we recommend the headgum podcast on the headgum network every week it's some combination of us with into a microphone. We recommend the HeadGum podcast on the HeadGum network every week. It's some combination of us with Jeffrey, some other HeadGum friends and family chatting it up. Yep. Oh yeah.

Good time too. Very silly. Very silly. And we're also making weekly videos, Jake and Amir watch videos, some more AMAs on our Patreon, patreon.com slash J-A. Ja, baby.

The opening theme song was Kieran, remember? I do. And this closing one. Sierra. This closing one is from somebody whose email name is Patriarch, but his email address is Kevin Melcer.

So whether he goes by Kevin or Patriarch, thank you for this closing theme song. Okay, cool. Yeah, thank you. Hell yeah. And we will be back as always next week. Stay healthy, stay home, wear a mask for crying out loudly.

Enough already. That was a hate gun podcast.