Segments - 448: Tourist Season (w/Miel!)

Episode Date: August 17, 2020

Friend/Singer/Fellow Headgum podcaster Miel Bredouw joins us to discuss shitty roommates, lonely boyfriends, and her new album, "Tourist Season!"Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that i'm like the star there's a reason i didn't have you say anything yeah because you're nervous you're skittish you're stuttering right now i'm a little so i don't want you in this ad at all i don't want

to be steamrolled but i know i won't be recording one in fact for you asking that i'm going to keep this part in don't this part is now edit part out. But let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what. I'm going to say my fucking social security number. So you have to edit it out.

Okay? Let's hear it. 091-3662. Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in. But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. No. So no one told you you were gonna be a six.

The only text he sends are pictures of his dick. This really can't be the best you can do When he thinks that 5G chips are in the masks And news isn't true But if I were you Show at gmail.com And if I were you Juice will help you along And if I were you, juice will help you along. And if I were you, this is just a theme song.

Oh, yeah, baby. Can you believe that? That gets me ready. Those harmonies were good. They were. That was the Seinfeld. That was the Seinfeld theme. That wasn't.

No, it wasn't. That was Prince. if i were you so you do know the seinfeld theme and then it goes into chandler and kramer just fucking hanging out just talking about the thursday night lineup it does go into that eventually yeah i think i've fallen asleep while watching tv so it's all like caroline in the city seinfeld friends mashup anyway miel welcome to the show thank you so much for having me i forgot um how funny both of you are and now i suddenly feel intimidated again no you're doing great is it okay if i don't talk is it okay if i just if i just listen i would i love being a guest because you don't have to talk you don't think and like when there's a silence you don't have to talk. You don't have to think. And when there's a silence, you don't have to do anything.

Yeah. That's the fucking... Right now, I'm trying to fill every little silence, every nook and cranny you stuff it in. When you're packing... You're not letting anyone else talk. It's like, oh, yeah, I mean, I have enough underwear, but there's this little pocket here, so let me roll it up and put it in.

That's how I treat every conversation, right? So then I'm like, okay, maybe if I don't stop talking, there will never be a sound. You pack weird. That's a bad way to pack. He's not done. Yeah, yeah. Hold on. And then it's like, okay, you think of the, what is it?

Dob kit? Dob kit? How do you pronounce that thing? The tube with the fucking things that you put in? You're saying it if you don't even know how to pronounce it. Don't interrupt him. Yeah, yeah. One second.

All right. I'm sorry. You asked a question. You said, how do you say it? Sorry, one second. And then it's like, it's so funny because I'm like, do I have to bring shampoo and conditioner because you get the little bottles from the hotel. So you try to use them.

It's like a travel pack. But then when you're traveling, they give you fucking shampoo and conditioner. So it's like, at which point is it? One second. And then it's like, I wasn't saying anything. I thought you were kidding when you said the slam poetry thing, but this is like purely art right now. Yeah.

I get it. We told Mielle she had to do a slam poem at some point during the conversation. And instead I've been yelling. I do deeply. You opened with that. I think that what you're describing, though, is exactly how I feel in all social situations, which is, I think, why podcasting is a very easy transition,

because you're like, well, I already feel the need to speak at all times as some kind of social courtesy. Yeah. Yeah, I do that too. And then I do you do what I do where I sometimes like I divulge secrets and information that I don't want anyone to know because I just need to talk and I feel like yeah. And I want to give somebody like some kind of like moral high ground too. Because I think that's also polite. Right, to just like self-deprecate yourself straight into hell. And then they're just like, oh, are you okay? And you're like, no, we're just goofing and razzing.

It was just fun. I wanted you to like me, but I told you all the ways I was a piece of shit. I didn't mean to get into my dad issues this quickly. Fuck. Where does that leave us? Thank God there are no more social situations that you don't have to get into my dad issues this quickly. Fuck. Where does that leave us? Thank God there are no more social situations that you don't have to find yourself in anymore. That's been alleviated.

That's gone. Now we can focus on this. Zoom conversations. I think we can all say thank God for that. Finally. Just one of the many ways coronavirus made the world a better place. Miel, I was on your podcast.

We were in New York. I feel like right before all this crazy shit went down, like I did Punch Up the Jam like in December, November. December. Yeah, it was cold and we were in New York and we talked about Blues Traveler. Did you ever come around on Blues Traveler, by the way? The song being amazing or did you still,

did you ever change your mind on that yet? I have heard that play now in like a public space, probably four times since doing that episode with you. And every time it comes on, I have that like initial pang of recognition where I'm like, Oh, this song. And then about two seconds later, it's like, Oh, this song. So like you have gotten that far.

I've gotten two seconds of like blissful naivete that I think is purely because of your hope and excitement about that song. So I only can thank you for that. And also you pop into my head every time I hear it now. So thank you for that as well. All right. The punch up that you did on that song was like,

it's iconic to me. Like that takes the place of the actual. The basketball refs. Yeah. I like that takes the place of basketball refs yeah i hate that i know all of this now now i'm like oh how coups how's coups doing like i don't know who that is why do i know this and you can never forget you would you like you made the you made the song the hook about basketball without knowing anything about basketball i texted my brother and was like henry tell me everything there is to know about the los angeles lakers is he a laker fan oh he's like i've never met someone as obsessed with lebron james i mean i know everyone's fairly

obsessed with lebron james but what i'm telling you is like you don't know anything about obsession until you've talked to my brother about wow itron James. It's honestly kind of a wedge in our family. Oh, you should. He's like, you will not meet someone who knows more about LeBron James. How old is your brother? He's 28. Wow. So right in that age group. So like LeBron's been basically doing everything for his entire life, basically.

But previously it was Kobe. He's always had a soft spot for the Lakers. And actually, despite growing up in Washington, my dad brought him to a Lakers game in LA when he was very young. And I don't know how he did it, but he somehow wheeled his way into getting a basketball signed by the starting five in 2001. Every single one of them signed it.

That's crazy. That's worth $150,000, Miel. That was the last team that went 18-1 in the playoffs. No, you don't understand. Shaq signed it. Kobe signed it. I might have the year wrong. It doesn't matter.

All right, relax. I might have the year wrong, but we also certainly played with it and then had it roll down the hill and got lost. It's no longer in existence. What? You played with the ball? Is this the fucking Sandlot? It's been taken back by the wild cucumber i'm sorry yeah it was signed by babe you shouldn't have dribbled ruth some girl signed it and uh

i think we lost the ball baby yeah baby ruth uh sandlot what if we totally forgot to mention that the opening theme song was indeed a friend's cover Ellen from Portland, who has nothing to plug, but her friend Hannah owes her $10. So she might give her $10 if we call it out. And also plug the Urban League of Portland, an organization that does awesome stuff for black Portlanders. So if you can get $10 from Hannah, that's where it's going. There you have it. Tight. So Hannah you can get $10 from Hannah, that's where it's going. There you have it.

So Hannah, pay Ellen, and then Ellen, give the money to the Urban League of Portland. Miel, you're a professional punch-upper. How was that theme song to you? Were you able to critique it? I was impressed by the harmony. They got that harmony exactly right, and that's a weird harmony. What is the

harmony? Explain that to me as somebody who's like an amazing singer, but doesn't have the formal training to figure stuff out about what harmonies are. Keep going. Keep going. Keep singing. I will harmonize with you. When I went to the store, I saw her face.

Okay, that's good. You kind of ruined what I was saying. her face okay that's good so you just sort of you kind of ruined what I was saying that really broke my brain because like Miel did a good job and you sang the worst thing I've ever heard and when I went to the store I saw her face

I wasn't thinking about the lyrics I was thinking about the tune if I was thinking about lyrics I would have fucking said a poem that would have been so amazing that you would do another one where you're do another one then where you're thinking about the lyrics yeah we got this but then i won't think about the tune so like it'll be like an amazing spoken i can fix it i can fix it the harmony will save it all like okay like miel yeah so just do just focus on really great words i will try to match your words the way, the tune in the first one was pretty bad,

and Miel only made it good by a little bit. I don't want to be like Leonard Cohen 2.0. Miel, do you know who Leonard Cohen is? I think you do want that. Okay. We all want that. Okay. Birds on a wire?

Are you kidding? Do you see this picture behind me? That's the lyrics to Bird on a Wire right there. Yeah. Okay. Oh, that's cool. That's a cool idea for art. It's from my mom's like 60s. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Keep going Wire right there. Yeah. Okay. Oh, that's cool. That's a cool idea for art. Yeah. Okay.

It's from my mom's like 60, whatever. It doesn't matter. Keep going. We have bigger fish to fry. It sounds like it matters so much. So like a poem. Yeah. So you're asking me to do a poem or what do you want me to do?

Yeah. But like if you sing it. Yeah. Yeah. Sing a poem. Sing poetry. Sing poetry. She said her eyes were blue.

She said her hair was brown. Every lie she told me, it made me frown. Because I'm a scary neighbor man. Are we describing To Kill a Mockingbird? Yes. Are you Boo Radley? So I'm sort of a voyeur slash prick who lives across the street from a nunnery. It's like a convent of sorts. And I'm trolling the sisters by asking them what their hair color is or what their eye colors are.

This is the Sound of Music spinoff we deserve. It makes them question their faith, right? Not only in each other, but in the Lord. Are you a religious man, Jake? Enough. Imagine this far into your friendship just thinking to ask that. I forgot to ask you, actually. Are you a are you a

god-fearing christian jake yeah i did i thought it recently that i was going to start responding to messages on slack and and be like all right sweet i'll take a look at this app when i get back from church god bless thanks guys i'll weigh in here when I get back from church midnight mass and then I'm getting these messages just 8pm on a Tuesday wow I didn't know it was open on the week like that but that's cool is harmonizing just to get a real answer out of you are you singing the same key but in a different

something register or something so it's like relative to what you're singing it's like an interval away from it and there are all types of ones you can sing but only certain ones that sound good and none of what i did sounded good it was more just a concept of like what if we sang kind of parallel to each other instead of the exact same note i see so if like i i thought parallel to each other instead of the exact same note? I see. So if like I... I thought the first one sounded really good. The second one struggled because Amir changed his voice and vibe right in the middle. Where you became an angry, an angry voyeur Boo Radley type guy.

Outside of the nunnery. Do you have perfect pitch? I have relative pitch, I think. Oh think oh sorry you're talking to me i thought you're talking yeah you don't know any any questions for all of us this is a shared experience there's relative pitch is different than perfect pitch but close so if perfect pitch is like uh give me a c major or major there's no major in a note whatever give me a c i would be like oh but like to be able to just pull that note out of thin air is perfect pitch relative pitch is like if you gave me a c i could find an e oh interesting oh that seems more impressive okay no it's less impressive and

what if i sing a note and i don't know what that note is, would you be able to tell me what it is? Not at this time, but my brain has slowly rotted over the last six months. I don't think I can do any of my former skills anymore. Peak Miel could just pull an E out of thin air. I think I could have about a year ago, yeah. That's cool. Not anymore. Peak Miel could have made using a G out of thin air. That's how good Miel was. I could have beat you both in arm wrestling at the same time. Wow. Who wants the left?

That's what you did during the podcast. You beat me in arm wrestling. Dibs on the left. Wait, really? Yeah, she took me down. As I do with all of my guests on Punch Up the Jam. I was using two arms. Yeah, I remember when I was on Punch Up the Jam,

you didn't arm wrestle me, but you kicked my ass just outside of the head gum in the parking lot. I think I have verbally slandered you specifically, Jake, more than any individual on Punch Up the Jam. Any individual? So I think that might kind of like metaphorically be actually true. Okay. Yeah.

No, that's absolutely fair. Just got to keep you on your toes. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. All right. This is an advice podcast, If I Were You. Of course, the only one on the net hosted by me and Jake. Sometimes it's just us.

Sometimes we have friends and family join us. Today we have both. Jake's cousin, Miel. Wow. Oh, we do look related. I could absolutely see that. Hey, oh my God, it's so good to see you. Haven't you used this wet Thanksgiving three years ago?

Oh my God, Aunt Judy made that terrible casserole with the tater tots. And Uncle John passed out. Anyway, dude, that was fun. You got into Mike's heart. Your uncle fainted? He had a vasovagal response at the casserole jesus christ um all right miel this is a real email from a real dude who's quarantine horny we just need a fake name to preserve his anonymity cat cass cass i got casserole on the brain. I'm sorry. That's cool.

Casserole's hard lemonade. Casserole J. Mikes writes, Like most people in their mid-twenties who are in quarantine, I am losing my mind with these new levels of pent-up sexual frustration. Usually this wouldn't be an issue, as I share a small apartment with my girlfriend of three years, but she's been across the country with her family for the last month and a half.

I would have gone, but I'm a quote essential worker. Anyway, the long distance combined with quarantine horniness has resulted in me fantasizing about other women a lot. I normally don't fantasize about people other than my girlfriend at all, but it's one girl in particular that has been on my mind. Here's the weird part. She looks exactly like my girlfriend. In fact, they have a very similar personality and the same job, even. Normally, I would play it safe and cut ties, but she's close friends with an old buddy of mine that I lost contact with, and I've recently been trying to rekindle that friendship via socially distanced drinking, which my girlfriend's doppelganger is often a part of.

I'm not really sure what to do here as this is the first time i've had this issue should i ghost a valuable friendship all because of my stupid penis or should i just wait for my girlfriend to come back and see if it goes away or should i just play it safe and go full eunuch kisses cass whoa a roll eunuch as in cut off their balls yeah that's drastic but not entirely uncalled for i don't hate it i don't hate it just so crazy it might work yeah do you think you would be less horny if you cut your balls off no no not at all what are you talking about isn't that like isn't that a thing like where your testosterone comes from the ballsiness comes from the balls? Yeah, I thought so. That's why they like,

dogs stop humping stuff when you cut their balls off. No, they don't! They don't? It's not just horniness. I get a lot of good ideas from my nuts and I don't think that they should be, that's, yeah,

that's where I do my best. My riffs come straight from the nut. Your hand is down your pants right now as you think about how to answer this question um is this real is this real it must be real it's not we've gotten some really weird crazy ones this one's fairly normal what i don't understand is like the is is the um like the worry about fantasizing. Like, that's perfectly in bounds. Okay, but fantasizing about a real person that you actually know and interface with?

He's conflating fantasizing and having a crush, which I guess is the problem. He has a crush. He has a crush now. But I wonder if that could have been avoided if you just gave himself over to the fantasy every once in a while. To only fantasize about your significant other seems like not the point of fantasy. If he would have jaded out thinking about her, it would have just gone away.

And because he's preventing that, the pent-up sexual frustration is manifesting itself into a full... He has to have a lobotomy, I think, because the balls, I don't think, would necessarily stop him from being horny. So he's got to cut off the brain and the balls. Yeah, so he's walking around. And then you'll be good. Brainless, nutless, deaf, and dumb.

That's my next album. I'm really conflicted about... To me, it's like, if you're already at the place where what she's been gone a month and a half yeah that's not like that's like a long time but that's not like a crazy amount of time to be already at a place where you're like oh I want to fuck this girl that I see all the time so bad it's like maybe there's like a space to ask the bigger questions here of like what's actually going on like is it purely sexual because you could just masturbate you know what i mean and if that's still not going

away then like maybe you're bored with your relationship there's a lot of terms coming around like horniness fantasy doppelganger that was the one that struck me as well doppelganger was a big word thrown in there yeah like he Like he, I think that you're totally right. Like being like, do I like this person? Do I like my girlfriend is the question. These are the questions. And also like, again, that's not that long. And I just feel like maybe you invest in like a new masturbation ritual and like the problem's

resolved. And if it's still not maybe there's something like it's more of a symptom than a cause i don't know yeah no i would i would advise uh trying uh trying a new masturbation thing light some candles light some candles draw yourself a bath draw yourself a picture of your girlfriend to jerk off to hand-drawn sketch just a charcoal drawing of your girlfriend but careful and don't make it look too much like the girl that your girlfriend no it's okay they look exactly the same they even have the same job yeah and you could also try it what about having like phone sex with your girlfriend while she's away yeah or like facetime sex like are you kidding

there's so many things you could be doing i would try doing that that might satisfy your your horniness and then and then and then you'll also kind of know for sure if if it's just you being horny that's making you attracted to someone else or if it's like a bigger yeah you're looking to replace with an exact same version of the same model. That's good. Yeah. It would be weird to break up with somebody and go out with someone that looked exactly like them. And their personalities are the same. The FaceTime. But I think the eunuch idea was good too.

Yeah. Cutting your balls off. I like the FaceTime idea because it's like the person. If the video is blurry enough, you can almost imagine that it's the doppelganger. Because it's like, oh, it looks like a low res version of my girlfriend, a.k.a. the woman I fantasize about. because it's like oh it looks like a low-res version of my girlfriend aka the woman i fantasize about then it's not cheating it's just like poor and especially if you don't connect your phone to the wi-fi like if you're using a lte one second jake an lte hotspot and you have like two bars and it's like sorry you're breaking up you're breaking up but you're not breaking up with me if that makes sense you know what i mean like the reception right you you want to give her a warm reception but you also want to make sure

that the reception on the phone is good so if it one second you really should have gone out on the breaking up but you're not breaking up with me that was really no i liked the warm reception that's cool i think it was worth it for the warm reception part sometimes often it doesn't feel like this but it's sometimes i talk until i find a conclusion like i don't know what i'm gonna say until i start talking and like people don't really realize that it seems like it doesn't feel like that but it crafted five paragraph essay right a bing bang bongo yeah i always think you have things written when you're talking that's cool it's weird to like have a crush on someone like this guy has a crush on somebody

and he's dating someone that looks a lot like them and has the same personality. So isn't that good enough? Like that seems perfect. There's something really sinister about it. Like the whole, even the part where he's like, I usually only fantasize about my girlfriend. I'm like, what? Wait, what? Really?

Only? I think that's weird. Every person has a doppelganger that's more attractive and less attractive than them so like i wouldn't be offended if my girlfriend was envisioning a lesser attractive version of me while she was fantasizing but i don't want her like think about a hotter version of me you know what i mean who's the hotter version of you daniel radcliffe You had that too fast. I think that you actually do have thought that.

No? He has blue eyes. He's perfect. Radcliffe is pretty hot. He's sort of like a... Who's the uglier version of you? I don't want to say because it'll be offensive to the uglier version of me. But let's just say

there's a lot of unattractive brown-haired people in the world. Let's leave it at that believe that yeah trust trust i'm not the ugly go off i'm serious drag them tom selleck for one uh brad p Pitt. Is he dead? Is he dead? Did Tom Selleck die? Is he fine? Yes, he's fine. He's okay?

I just saw that, what was his name? Regis Philbin died, and I was like, hasn't he been dead for 10 years? Yeah, that happens sometimes. Yeah, that happens every once in a while. I really thought- Is Betty White dead? Did Betty White die? No.

Still alive. No? Still alive. No. Wow, good on her. Still trucking. All right, let's take a break. Great stuff. Thanks to the sponsors. No. Wow. Good on her. Still trucking. All right. Let's take a break.

Great stuff. Thanks to the sponsors. And we'll come back with more questions and answers with Miel after these messages. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o! DraftKings. The NFL is back. That's correct.

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Yeah, you do. And we are back. Jake or Miel, do you guys have any? Oh, it's a guest it's always sorry about that it's a a joke i guess or whatever anyway jake do you have any unsolicited like make a smoothie or something I'm just gonna why don't we just sit here in the comfortable silence that you're saying the stinger where you yell to your mother that you're coming seed milk what was it what was

yours gonna be like I think everybody I think everyone out there should listen to Miel's album, Tourist Season. Available. Is that what it's called? Right now. I got that right, right? Yeah. Tourist Season. This is so uncomfortable.

Tell me that I got it right. Thanks. Tell me about an album. How do you record an album during quarantine and release it and all that stuff? Because I've been actually thinking about turning my spoken word into like something of an album as well. But walk us through your process. Well, I didn't record it during quarantine.

I recorded it last summer. But I imagine if you were to do it during quarantine, it would be two words come to mind. Hard and not fun. Just a guess. And then how was your process doing it last summer? Was it less hard and more fun? I would say it was hard.

And I would say more specifically sad. That was mostly, I feel my brother was like, you know, for this song, if we can't get you actually crying, I just don't think it's going to land quite as hard. And I'm like,

Oh, wow. Okay. And then he's like deliberately triggering me. And then I'm like, okay, okay henry roll count me in guys fucking tears warping down my whole face and onto my breasts i'm like in the candle light just like it was um an experience a bond my brother and i will share forever i don't know that i would say it's a good bond but it is a bond. Did you feel like you needed to tap into,

like, were you feeling those things anyway? Or were you like trying to tap into those emotions so you could get there for the song? No, I was in hell. I was emotionally in a hell space. I think we might've had a meeting right after. I think you guys were there, right? Yeah, I think I came back to LA

like a few days after wrapping that up. And we had this like meeting that I really don't remember because I was in like still such an emotional fugue state of like, I remember just being like, yeah, I don't know guys, I'm moving to New York. And you guys were like, cool, are you okay? And I was like, absolutely not, bye. So like, that's where I was at. You were wearing like, cool. Are you okay? And I was like, absolutely not. Bye. So like, that's where I was at.

You were wearing sunglasses upside down. You had parked your car on top of Amir's car. I remember it really well. My mom was there like holding my hand the whole time. I was like, I'm fine. Everything's good. So the album kind of came out of me like inadvertently, involuntarily. that was not at all

like a thoughtful process wow it's funny because like the the song like um the the titular track is like so it's so catchy but it's also like very very sad which is like oh the chorus where i'm saying now i'm no one over and over again it It reminded me of one of my favorite Simon and Garfunkel songs, which is Bye Bye Love. It's just like so poppy. And like, it just like, it makes you like bob your head and they're just saying things that are like,

oh, wait, that's actually really sad. My favorite type of music is like, I'm dancing, but I'm also crying. Yes. So I felt like I had to like stay true to me and making that happen. Also, like how can you say shit that's so sad and not put like a good beat under

it without wanting to like gently fade away into death sweet embrace. You know what I mean? Now I'm no one is the saddest four words anybody could string together. I think I got what I wanted. Now I'm no one. But then you like put that with like oh shit i'm like walking down new york city bobbing my head uh singing now i'm no one i love it that was also the song where i outed myself as a stoner which i don't think i've ever actually done before but

the very first line of that song is i got too stoned and i was like man this is either gonna help my image or ruin my image and surprisingly surprisingly, like no one's reacted to it. So I guess it's just like, I think everyone might have known that actually already. You already had that vibe, I guess. I think I kind of do. Yeah, it's when I say like sick, my guy or like hella and I use way too many shakas. I get it. Yeah.

Wait, so here's a question for you too. Do you have lyrics first, melody first, instruments first? What's in your head when you're coming up with a new song? There's nothing in my head. Now I'm no one. It's just like a singular piece of dust just like floating in a small tornado. Like not an actual tornado, but the kind you see on the street where you're like, what the fuck is that? And then it's gone.

Those tiny little ones. There's only a word for them in spanish they're called remolinas that's beautiful jake get my guitar and then you're like you're like vibing with like an instrument of some kind and you're just like feeling it out and then something comes to you and then suddenly you're like and what if like a and you're like oh and then what if a and like i feel like usually it's like mouth sounds and shapes come to you first and so you're just like school dot and you and like then you kind of reverse engineer around the vowels that keep coming to you is like this needs to hit here and like personally with me and my lyrics i really want them to have a rhythmic nature to them i want

the lyric itself to like move the song in a way that almost operates like a drum i don't know if that makes sense to anyone outside of my head uh the people in my head say that made sense but the one dust the speck of dust in my head loved it i think that's like a rapping thing like yeah yeah rapping using words that are easy to say fast versus words that sound weird or something oh my god wop if you guys listen to wop yes oh yeah oh yeah great song great video loved it all that's amir's unsolicited advice yeah watch the wop music video it's insane but very entertaining kylie like walks through the frame as if she's about to spit fire and then just walks right out of the frame oh well all right she was in it I guess that was so fast okay cool I guess Kylie

gets a shout out that she didn't need that's cool she deserves it uh so how can people download listen to this album if you want to buy it and have like a hard copy it's on bandcamp and if you want to stream it it's spotify apple music literally anywhere you want to listen to it and actually you oh do you want a scoop i can give you a scoop if i were you exclusive work working on a music video right now for which one oh should i say which one yeah if we want the real exclusive you really have to say which one you have okay you can tell us and then if you want later on you can change your mind and we'll go in and bleep this out so it'll be exclusive just for me in a year but i'll have a reaction either way okay the single uh that is getting the music video at

least first is i'll be holding i love that one dope i'm very excited about it and the outfit oh and you can't see it here i'm working on it still but i did um do a dramatic haircut that will be revealed on the video as well wow rad a lot of exciting things happening here yeah holy shit and is this a haircut that you currently have that i'm looking at right now um well i have very carefully obscured it because it's not ready yet um it needs a little more work very fancy but it will be cool all right okay no no spoilers about the haircut we'll see it in the music video yeah uh sweet so again it's tourist season and you can get it on mielmusic.bandcamp.com oh my god thank you guys guys. That's so nice of you. No problemo.

It's really good. Is this the same brother that did the basketball knowledge? Yes. That's the one that helped produce. That's my only brother. And he's a music producer? He's not just a music producer. He's an incredible musician and songwriter and instrumentalist. I played piano on one song on this album. He played

everything else. Oh my gosh. Bass, drums, guitar, guitar keyboards he sings blood harmonies with me on every song he helped me write almost i think actually all of the songs like this is his album incredible i mean kind of yeah but like you know marketing meal sell sell sell he also knows more about a mirror than lebron so he's kind of like the perfect guy wow he grew up watching you guys that's how i first found out about you guys was because he'd be watching it and i'm like who are these guys okay all right he might have like influenced your decision to have punch up the jam on the headcount network oh maybe i do remember once

in a meeting with you guys one of the things i had overheard him watch enough that it got like implemented in my brain and then i guess like slowly incorporated into my lexicon and then i do believe i said it at one of our first meetings and immediately went oh my god i just referenced them to them was a sheesh y'all certainly dropped like our second ever meeting and i was like just so you know like i don't i don't actually like like really know who you guys are like my brother watched your videos and like happened to overhear it. And I guess it just got in my brain. I'm not a fan or anything.

Please don't make me feel weird about this. I don't remember that. I don't remember that from the meeting either. I think I maybe dipped halfway through. I probably was like, sheesh, you guys. I should have remembered that, that when you threw up in the meeting midway through things, sheesh. I think, is there food poisoning in the air here? Okay, no, that's cool.

Food poisoning is contagious, yeah. All right, should we try to answer one last question before you have to get the hell out of here? Yes. Let's give it a shot. All right, cool. This one is from a lady. So, Miel, do you have a lady's name?

Let's go with Goron. Goron. I like that. Goron writes, hey, y'all. I've been living in my place for about a year and a half with a couple of friends. The friend I was originally closest to has really gotten on my nerves for more than one reason. Being super negative about everything, never pulling their weight with cleaning,

and literally never cleaning anything. And the newest thing that's grinded my gourd, she never washes her hands in the bathroom. You can hear pretty much all that goes in there, as well as the sink turning on. And every time she's in there, you just hear the sound of the toilet flushing, and then her immediately leaving the bathroom.

So whenever anyone else leaves the bathroom, they're just getting those germs back on their hands. She's 26 years old, dudes, and works in food service. How can she do something so unsanitary? And furthermore, how can I navigate this nasty bacterial dilemma? Thanks in advance. Love, Goran. Goran. Goran oh a clarification email she not only started she only started not washing her hands a month and a half ago i've noticed i'm not trying to

listen in on everyone's bathroom visits of course but the sound of someone not washing their hands was a jarring thing to not hear so this is a new thing for her i think gordon needs to be more realistic about that second email i'm not trying to listen to everyone's bathroom business no you certainly are you certainly are yeah and that's fine you have to just own it but you're listening yeah like you're a little fucking eavesdropping poop freak like for sure she's listening for the i hear her taking a dump and then i don't hear the water running. To notice the absence of a sound means like she has her ear to the door. That's crazy. That was a three wipe dump, okay? That needed hand washing. I can tell there was some spray. She better use the brush. Specific plops.

One, two, three. Yeah. Do you guys wash your hands after using the toilet for pooping and peeing? Jake, I'm looking at you. I'll skip peeing. Yeah, when I'm at home and I pee and I rinse, I do a rinse, but I don't do a deep. Especially since we're washing our hands so much because of COVID. I'm not going to use soap if I don't have to. If I'm in a public, I don't, I mean, like if I peed in a gas station on a road trip recently

and I washed my hands really well because I like went into the gas station. Oh, so he went on a road trip during a pandemic. Okay, go on, King. How was that? What was that about? Well, Jake was going to a music festival, right? You're a Bonnaroo?

Going to Bonnaroo? Yeah, so I went to Burning Man. You went to Vegas and hit up some casinos? I had to get to an anti-mask rally in south dakota so the only way to get there reliably was to drive my my hog yeah your motorcycle with the dog in the sidecar and we all saw the picture my friend uh is doing a cross-country road trip right now and the two insane things that he's noticed is one people look at him like he's a cuck when he wears a mask like it's almost

like a sign of like you're you're against trump and we hate you just by wearing a mask and two he was planning on stopping in front of mount rushmore and it was the day of this 250 000 person rally so he accidentally was in south dakota during the time of this historic rally he was just like wearing a mask, like surrounded by a quarter million bikers who are like looking at him. Like he's some fucking liberal Angeleno taking photos of everyone on a $2,000 camera. But on a road trip,

I feel like if you're, if you're like in a rest stop bathroom, no matter what, I'm washing my hands. Like if I'm having, if I'm in like a foreign place, I'm definitely washing no matter, like I'm even probably going to the bathroom just to wash. I'm always like I hate the unknown germs on my hands but

when they're my own germs in my own house in my house let them live a little yeah I wash my hands when I got home to my house and I you know like then I'm clean and yeah but after a doo-doo no they're getting washed every time do do do do i do a deep wash a nice deep wash what's a deep wash so what's yeah what's a deep i take a bath after i take a shit three four times a day just in the bubble bath suds up yeah yeah i take i take a bath and then jill sprays me down with like a power washer outside of the butt down suds up that's the way i like to butt uh what about a mirror do you wash your hands yeah what about you i don't i don't believe in that like i don't think that we should have that

quite frankly because the government is using that as a means i don't want to get into it but they're basically using it as a means to control us because it's anyway it's just this ideology that i sort of subscribe to and that i don't think that humans should be clean. I've had coronavirus two times and I felt, you know, on death's door both times. And I don't believe in that shit. So I don't believe in the masks and I don't believe in the washing. I don't believe in the vaccinations. I don't believe in flu shots because I don't believe in the flu. That's not a disease.

You know, it's a disease. Miguel, can you harmonize with this? Yeah, I gotta keep going. You know, it's a disease you know it's a disease is thinking that the feet and the hands on the body isn't sanitary it's holy it's dirty it's not okay

it's a little birdy I hated that I think we're going to Def Jam with this folks do they listen I didn't want to do that. I didn't like that, Jake. You put me in a very precarious situation. He pimped you out.

You did that. Can I ask a question? Back on the advice train, I'm just really quick choo-chooing away here to inquire, who's at fault here? The person not washing their hands or the roommate who is extremely overbearing? I kind of don't. If you try to talk to your roommate about this like aren't you immediately the bad guy like you should yeah that's kind of not your place right my take on this is just i noticed that uh you didn't wash your relationship so i've been listening when you shit and it's like you never turn the water on and like this is a problem for me as your

housemate like i think the relationship the relationship is broken at this point like when i i you know washing your hands aside it just feels like this person's negativity and not helping it's just like a bad roommate it's nitpicking it's like you don't like this person anymore she might not like you and like and now you're like now you're fully dialed in on this bathroom thing because it's like the worst but i think it's just like it's just like a symptom of the the overall disease which is your roommate relationship you don't like your roommate so that's yeah and also like bringing in the like she's 26 it's like okay so i'm hearing a lot of resentment yeah yeah but

like if this was like your boyfriend or someone you like actually liked and they didn't wash their hands you'd just be like oh greg come on like and it would be literally that simple actually jill jill says that to me all the time she'll be like greg did you wash your hands like who the fuck is greg greg is your more attractive doppelganger hot greg taking a shit not washing his hands at my house that's cool every greg is hot listen to that greg do we know any gregs it's a very common name who's the most famous greg greg we should we should know more greg from succession oh that's pretty good but i don't have any real gregs in my house i don't know a real greg how can that be i've never known a greg i know a craig and i know a meg and i know a greg but i know an egg

but no gregs i know greg yeah i know a greg but it has three umlauts. Where? And no Gs. On the G, the E, and the G. Wow. Jerich. Pino Grigio.

Jerich. I love you, Jerich. I've always loved you. Do you say anything to a roommate that doesn't wash or do you I just think if you're gonna do it if you if it's eaten away at you so much you have to do it in a way that's like did you wash your hands like I caught you it's no I think you have to do it you

have to frame it as like you're insane I think you have to take that I think if you want it's like you need to talk to her about it you need to be like listen I've been a little freak okay I've been listening I hear it i've been freaking out because i don't hear that i have an issue and could you accommodate my crazy like i think that's the only way to talk about it i think that's super super smart uh right because if you

make her feel gross like you're the asshole yeah like yeah you're right it's her house yeah but it's also uh it's it's gonna feel very transparent when you're like i have this weird thing where i think people should wash their hands after you take a shit oh my god i'm so weird if she's just i'll say if she's just peeing if all you're hearing is the tinkle sounds and no hand washing i think that's fine i think maybe also just like well i just still i can't get over why are you like actively listening to your roommate use the bathroom like I personally like I shared a studio with a friend

we slept in the same bed for a whole year I heard every sound in the bathroom and out of sheer respect you just put headphones on when they're taking a dump like that's just what you do I don't know why she's actively like oh let me hear that little squirt like what's wrong with you do i don't know why she's actively like oh let me hear that little squirt like what's wrong with you let me hear that little squirt you should start you know

what would be nice is actually if you start yelling that when she walks into the bathroom because then your roommate will know that you're listening and that will be like oh okay if someone's paying attention uh i'll wash my hands so you just signal like i'm listening to you squirt in there then then like you're i don't know it's all it sounds like you need more fiber honey don't flush don't flush can i see it but wait quick sidebar have you ever seen someone's poop that makes you realize that buttholes come in all different sizes? Ooh. Or no?

That's not happened? Because that's a radicalizing experience. Seeing someone else's shit. Do you see one that's like super, super thin? And you're like, wow, that's a really- No, that's not it. I think that anyone's capable of a thin shit. I think it's the really wide ones where you're like, oh, mine doesn't get that big.

That's truly incredible. But also, can you please remember to flush the toilet next time? I guess I've seen some really thickies, but I don't, I never imagined, I never associated that with like, oh, wow, someone had a big butthole. Like wide set ass. Actually, you know where that happened once was HeadGum in LA. Someone fully left a shit in the toilet one time. And I was like, okay, this is a business space.

First of all. We only had one bathroom. Well, we do too that's foul i uh that must have been after i moved to new york city if it was after two no because it was your it was your it was your size it was your size exactly and coloring you have that really tan almost a khaki and it's spelled j stop. I'm done. I'm a medium-sized asshole, too. So if it was a medium. Well, no, Neil said it was a large one. It was wide set. It was like a heavy load for sure.

But the khaki shit, really, Amir? That's going to haunt me more than the hook. I don't want to think about that. You said it was a wide set. The color of a Frappuccino. And consistency of one, too. And it tasted like an americano stop like a solid log that's just like yeah that's i think the thickness of it that you brought up is worse than the coloring that i was referencing anyway it was jake that didn't flush

the toilet no it wasn't that's actually a good that was a good, that could be a good compromise. It's like, you don't have to flush, you just have to wash. So then you wash and I'll go in there and I'll flush the toilet with my mouth.

But I get to wear a grind guard. I get to wear a grind guard. All right. That's it. That's our show. I think we helped a lot of people out. Yeah. In terms of singing

and other. Miel, how about for the closing theme song? It's not really a theme song, but can we end the episode with one of the songs from Tourist Season? Yeah, please do. That would be fun. Okay, which one? Which song do you think?

Can you harmonize with it, Amir? Yes, I will ruin the song, but we'll play it at the end of the podcast. Which one should we play? I would say I'll be holding has the best drop at the top so if you're playing the beginning of a song i would go with that one okay and if i'm playing the whole damn thing still i'll be holding or should i not play the whole you might want tour season for the whole thing for the whole thing tour season tourist season the titular track it's jake's call out thanks jake i love tourist season. The titular track. Jake's call out. Thanks, Jake. I love tourist season. I also love I'll Be Fine, but I think tourist season's my Oh, thanks,

fellas! I love, wait, quick sidebar. Fellers? Is fellows short for fellers? Yes. Okay, great. Thanks, fellers! Quick sidebar. Thanks, Miel, and thanks to you guys for listening. If you have any questions or theme songs,

send them all down to ifiwereyoushow at gmail.com. And again, this is I'll Be Holding or Tourist Season. Which one did we decide on? You choose. We gotta go Tourist Season. From the album, Tourist Season, out now.

Thanks, Miel. Thank you. I think they know I'm far from home Tourist season hasn't even started yet What the fuck was I thinking when I left? Now I know, now I know, now I know what, now I know what This is what I wanted Now I know what, now I know what Now I know what I got what I wanted

I've gone too far To have it all I thought moving forward Met moving on Tourist season hasn't even started yet What the fuck was I thinking when I let it go? No one, no one, no one, no one This is what I wanted

No one, no one, no one, no one, no one, no one. I got what I wanted and said that you hate it when I sing along. Now I'm here screaming all your favorite songs Jewish season hasn't even started yet What the fuck was I thinking when I left? Now I know, now I know, now I know No one, no one, no one, no one, no one. This is what I wanted. No one, no one, no one, no one, no one.

I got what I wanted. That was a HeadGum Podcast.