Segments - 458: Flight Attendant

Episode Date: October 19, 2020

In this episode we discuss role playing, haircuts, and quitting the podcast if Trump wins the presidential election.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter,

and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice.

So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous. You're skittish.

You're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now. Edit this part out, but let's do one clean ad. No. You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what, I'm going to say my fucking social security number,

so you have to edit it out, okay? Let's hear it. 091-3662. Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in, but we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. In the car, I just can't wait. Turn on my favorite podcast.

It's called If I Were You. It's hosted by two coy Jews. Do you want to seize the cheese? Do you need to be regarded as a beast? Don't be scared of what they think. They'll just give you some really good advice. This is the podcast. Hope it's almost over.

Honest, this show seems to last forever Forever and ever Jake and Amir last forever Forever and ever Hope this show lasts forever Damn, another Tom DeLonge theme theme song. I really appreciate it. No one is cooler than Tom DeLonge. Do you know what the name of that song is?

That is First Date by Blink-182. That's right. Helmed by Tom DeLonge. That is off the Take Off Your Pants and Jacket LP, of which there were three different versions where you could have three different secret bonus songs. Yeah. First Date, pretty solid song.

Pretty solid song. Did you notice that that turned into it was like that song turned into an insult and then it almost seemed like it turned into a threat like this podcast lasts forever and then it sort of is like jake and amir will last forever like we'll do this forever and that sort of sounded like some kind of weird purgatory hell. Right. Well, the first one, it was an insult, like, this show seems to last forever. But all of our complaints that I get are the opposite. This show is too short, which is a funny complaint, because it's like, it's an insult and a compliment at once. Like, this show sucks.

It wasn't long enough. It's like, did you like it, but it wasn't long enough? Or it's like that famous Jewish joke, It's like, how's the food? He's like, the food was awful and there wasn't enough or something like that. That's exactly what it is. I love that joke. So, yeah, that was Alex Lanzi with the Indeed First Date theme song parody. First time, he asked us for a shout-out to his girlfriend's puppy, Lena.

This time, he wants a shout-out to his website alexlanzi.com which forwards you to my instagram so you can check out the pictures of him and the puppy yeah a website that forwards to your instagram that's good yeah alexlanzi.com you can just buy your name and then just you know forward it up to your twitter your instagram your whatever i actually can't buy your name and then just, you know, forward it up to your Twitter, your Instagram, your whatever. I actually can't buy my name.com because it's $2,500. Still. Yeah. They don't care.

They don't. And they probably think that the site gets traffic because I check every once in a while and I look. But it's like we got one hit this month and it was from New York City. Yeah. It's always me. It's always me checking that price. Let's check in on that thing right now well i think he's i think he's waited too long like websites are now worth less than they were probably 10 years ago now that like social like apps have seemed to have taken over websites i don't right i don't need it. That's why, yeah. It's $2,500. It's still the same price.

Do you pull the trigger? I would just like to have it. I just like to have it. No, I'm not going to bet. I would not do it. Okay. I deserve it for free. It's worthless.

It means nothing. To you or to them? To everyone. I think that's my favorite Blink-182 song, this first this first date like that part gets me the most hype more than any other 182 song yeah you gotta respect tom delong's ability to make like three notes on a guitar like get you up and excited like there's definitely better guitarists out there but i think he he was able to zero in on like these really simple poppy riffs i guess it helps to have travis on the drums but you know

what tom doesn't get enough credit and he deserves more he's the goat what is the lyrics where he goes honest let's wait this night's almost over what are they saying specifically uh i believe the lyrics are um let's go don't wait this night's almost over honest let's make this night last forever and ever and ever let's make this last forever it doesn't quite make sense nor does it quite rhyme but i still it still is very catchy musically yeah definitely let's this night's almost over let's make it last forever yeah they don't have to mean anything when the riff is that catchy and your voice is a little nasally that's all you need you're pop punk after all and didens Exist? That's a great song. That is a great song.

It's unfortunately how much he believes that. He's sort of a conspiracy theorist. Oh, yeah, I didn't even know I was referencing a song. I was just saying that Tom DeLonge believes in aliens. Oh, yeah, no. Song number two off of Enema of the State is a song called Aliens Exist. Oh. Hey, Mom, there's something in the back room.

Hope it's not the creatures from above. I didn't realize that that song is about aliens. Actually, yeah. Yeah. Creatures from above. Time's just moving on and on and on. Soon we'll all be gone. Is that like about an invasion or something like that?

No, time's just... Now you're singing Man Overboard. Oh. all sort of all be that's another instance of tom making fucking three notes work for him yeah and like he's sort of getting probed remember like the pilot of south park was getting anally probed by aliens that was a whole thing in the 90s. People loved aliens. They loved probes. And if you can actually fit in an anal probe, that was the big three. I'm just reading the lyrics for Aliens Exist. It's so directly about aliens. The second verse is, what if people knew that these were real? I'd leave my closet door open all night i know the cia would say what you hear is all hearsay i wish someone would tell me what was right it's do you think this song

made him believe in aliens or like this was already like his magnum opus be like i wrote a song about you know my aliens thing it it must be it must have been percolating, at least. I don't think he'd gone off the deep end yet. Yeah. Which is also, that's another song, Shallow, is also about aliens. I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in, is about, like, getting anally probed by an alien. Every song is about getting a rectal exam. The rectal probe. Yeah.

Why are they so interested in our assholes? These aliens. They canal probe. Yeah. Why are they so interested in our assholes? These aliens. They can do anything they want. Yeah, they're not disturbing enough. You're in a ship, you're seeing strange beings for the first time, and they need your ass. They need to see

in your ass, man. They need to see our colons to make sure what kind of life forms we are which is weird because like that's also something a doctor does you know you would think that the aliens would have a different mo than like a but we get a colonoscopy that's kind of just what they do they do would you say they have an nmo nice an nmo of the state that's fun that's cool is it that might be actually golden mic or a little bit whatever because you said it or because i said it because who said nmo of the state i said nmo like an mo that's an enema i think that was too that was a bridge too far i brought it back on the rails with nmo of the state i connected

it to blink 182 and i think for that i get the golden mic you honestly get a 30 for trying to derail the conversation your weird mo pun yeah it was off it was off book it was off script yes yes and it was off in general it was off it was just off and i brought it back on i was off book. It was off script. Yes, yes. And it was off in general. It was off. It was just off. And I brought it back on. It was off the rails. I brought it on the rails. Yeah.

Yeah. All right, whatever. Fine. I don't want to, like, argue about it. Whatever. You don't give a shit. You don't care. That's why you don't win the Golden Mike,

because you don't give a shit. You say whatever. You say whatever. And this is, like, the highest honor in my life. I obviously. To win the Golden Mike. The highest honor is one that you give yourself. Because I am chuffed and I am cheesed and I am very grateful.

And I am humbled by this unprecedented run of Golden Mikes. I think it's really cool. And you don't win. You get a turdy. You say whatever. Like it's no big deal. I've never. If I ever got a turdy, which I thankfully never have.

From you. I wouldn't be like, oh, whatever. From you, you're the only judge. I would be like that. Are you the only be like that i'm gutted i'm gutted and i'm sad and i'm depressed who would give you it who would give you it who would give you a turdy i think anybody can you think or in 100 episodes you don't think you know it's only you that's giving them out it's only you always you i've i if i can give giving them out it's only you always you i've i if i can give you a turdy i would i give you a turdy wow what allow it that's that is uncooked two people can't win a turdy in an episode you know that rule and that's actually a third turdy

for your candy ass for the attempt you just said you can't give out multiple turdies and then you just gave me not only two but three the discord is going to be popping off over this i think you're you're trying to change the rules this late in the game everybody everybody sees that shout out to the discord that's uh i think it's at headgum.com slash discord and then there's a jake and amir patreon channel so join us in there chat up chat with us i'm popping in there All right. Let's try to answer some questions. After all, this is an advice show. If I were you, the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us.

Oh, nice. Here we go. Episode 450 something. This is when shit, like, really gets real. Like, this is when people start to hit their groove. Yeah. This podcast is about to have a glow up really next 500 episodes are going to be insane you think so the first 500 were a prequel to this

we're not even at 500 yet okay well then we still have some time for this is also pro yeah this is prologue should we say if Trump wins the election, we'll stop the podcast? Like, try to put some, like, real fucking stakes to this election? That's pretty fun. Yeah. Why not? Like, what else? What will we have to joke about?

It won't be funny anymore. So, like, I think if Trump wins on November 3rd, so get out there and vote. But just know if Trump wins, we'll just stop. We'll do one more episode after that that and we'll call it a day. I'm into that. The thing that stresses me out a little bit is that like if Trump wins, Trump beats Biden. He beats the Democrats. You know, he beats us in a sense.

But like putting the podcast on the line is like a real direct corollary. Like Trump will beat me specifically. That's right. Like, he will... You know, I guess that's the fucking fire under my ass that I need. So... I think that'll make you vote. I really think that'll make you end up needing to vote for the first time.

I think you're going to cast your ballot. I think I finally will for that third- third party candidate that protest vote that i plan on exercising joe jorgensen president all hail president jorgensen that's a what people say is good news for biden is that there's no real third party this year that like whoever was last time i already forget took some votes away from hillary right because it was like jill stein and that other guy ron something yeah i forget but yeah that's true also people hated hillary so yeah i think there were there were a lot willing more willing to like check out that third party candidate right and then like old people who didn't like voting for a woman will vote for joe

so between the old people the third party, and the three million people that already preferred Hillary, that should be enough for us to keep our podcast alive. Can you imagine what would happen if a Democrat lost the popular vote by three million but won the Electoral College? The Republican Party just wouldn't stand for that. Oh, no. The Electoral College would be dismantled like the next step it's so frustrating sometimes that like we just let them make the rules we're like okay you make you make the rules you make the rules and then like if the rules ever suddenly work in our favor, they'll just be changed. That's a plus, yeah. Well, I equated it to calling shotgun, but then the guy who steals it from you.

It's like, do you really want to now wrestle in a parking lot to sit and shotgun, or are you just going to say, fine, you can have it? Right. It's true. But I don't want to personally wrestle that guy, but I want to elect people that will. I want people like fucking that will. That's what I want. I want people like fucking, I want, I want hotheads.

I want people that are fighting the same, the same exact way. Yeah. And it's weird because the Republicans don't necessarily look like hothead meatheads. They look like jawless coward men. So I'm not quite sure why they're fighting harder. I think,

well, I think it's, I'm not sure either. I have no, I think that's partially why it's so frustrating it's also but like fox news definitely plays a role like having having like a disinformation platform that they get to kind of go to that's helpful i'm sure i guess you also have to just not give a shit morally and like they definitely just don't give a shit about looking bad or being bad people they've already they've already made

that deal with the devil i'm okay looking bad morally if like the right thing is happening like upsetting some republicans or whatever right and that's what they think too they're like i'm okay looking like a dick to the democrats because i'm doing what i need to do to stay in power and right but they're my constituents happy do they have constituents they they also lie we're talking too much about politics they lied of the constituents they lied of the constituents they are killing them with the coronavirus they're uh giving corporate tax breaks and they're just sort of like and then they have like a news organization that tells everybody that that's not happening or the democrats are

doing it yeah it's kind of insane but the majority of people in kentucky or wherever mitch mcconnell's from are down for it and we'll vote for him again uh yes we agree kentucky will vote for him again uh all right moving out of america this is a 25 year old from australia very nice oh god god damn what i love to fucking live where you do yeah let's just if again trump wins we're out of here no more podcasts and we'll be australian um i don't know commercial writers or something yeah you know actually, I've mentioned this before, but I've been taking that, I've been doing that like outdoor training at the McCarran Park.

And one of the instructors for this gym is an Aussie. And he was talking to me about moving to Noosa in Australia. Have you ever seen Noosa? No no is that like inland or something oh no this is ocean this is uh it's called noosa shire it looks like um it's it's a little north of like the sunshine coast near brisbane oh i see yeah like when you walk around la or new york and you like walk into like an australian coffee shop you're like oh that's cool it's foreign it's like aussie they know what they're doing it's cool to have like an australian-owned business yeah they can do that we can do that in fucking australia we'll open an american themed i don't know what are we good at ham we open a boston market on fucking brighton beach that's

cool you want to open a two guys there and bondi yeah so it's like bondi beach but then also if you want turkey and ham and mashed potatoes we're also there hey we're from america does anyone want turkey and gravy we do a tater tot stand here in byron bay now we're out of business but it doesn't matter because we're happy uh yes all right so if the podcast if trump wins we quit the podcast we move to noosa australia that's the new hawaii that's what i'm pitching noosa is the noosa how do you spell it n-o-o-s-a just do me a favor and google image search noosa australia oh wow it does look like hawaii what's going on here uh i don't know it just looks like utopia it's on the other side of the world from, uh,

Fox and friends. That's what I want. Noosa. Where is this in relation to, um, Kentucky? Um, let me see directions from Noosa to Kentucky.

Oh, it's pretty far. Yeah. It's like, it looks like it's 18,000 miles away. That's friggin' really not bad. Yeah, that's about as far as you can get. It's known for its

heavy surf, though. I'm kind of worried that we won't, we'll stand out a little bit. If there's an undertow, I won't fucking make it. Do the waves get bigger than two feet? Because when I bo boogie sometimes i crash on my sternum and it hurts there's a freaking cross rip guys i'm on a boogie board and a surfboard

impales me on the first day just fucking slices me in half oh i'm on the beach watching and a shark just comes up and bites my leg. Slippery little bitch. Oh my god, it came on the sand. This isn't happening. I need to go back to the valley. I need to go back to Encino.

Pets isn't that bad. Christ! Let me back in. What's that? You won't let anybody enter your country anymore? Sort of a new edict? Immigration and tourism is completely shut down? That's fair.

Back to Noosa with my ass. All right, this is a 25-year-old from Australia. And during quarantine... Oh, wait, we don't have a name for this guy. We'll call him uh heath ledger oh okay yeah wow uh during quarantine my girlfriend and i have been experimenting sexually to keep each other from going insane and it's been a lot of fun we even started role playing it being close to halloween and all i'm 100 down but what happened next was nothing short of fuckery

she suggested a school girl outfit, a classic. But for some reason, an air hostess costume popped into my head. I guess he means stewardess for us American folk. A flight attendant, if you will. And I thought it would be fairly hot. I suggested it to my girlfriend and she lost it. She said it was weird and creepy and not a sexy job. And said that from now on, she won't feel comfortable getting on flights

with me because she thinks i'll be checking out the cabin crew what yeah is it is this weird or creepy i don't think so it seems like a pretty hot thing the mile high club and all she was suggesting a new school girl which is seems way more fucked up if you think about it how do i calm her down and convince her that I was joking and not attracted to flight attendants? Yeah, start with being like, do you think I'm attracted to school children when we do this other role-playing thing?

That's way more fucked up. God, just play her this part of the podcast. That's crazy. A flight attendant is of age. You're not talking about, you know, a Britney Spears type. You're talking about a Mike Myers in that one movie type. And they're, like, undeniably hot. That's, like, a sexy-ass job for sure.

Yeah. It's at the very least a classic fantasy. And she can't get mad at you because this whole thing was, like, a fun role-playing thing. Yeah. You can't kink shame if you're gonna do if you're gonna like enter role-playing then like it's that's got to be a safe space for you to share because like now you can kind of be like okay you've made me feel bad about my fantasy fine i understand um but look this kind of like, suggesting different things to role play. This ruined experimentation for me.

Because now I feel ashamed to say any of my ideas because you'll call me a pervert and not want to go places with me. He's dressed like a pilot this entire time. Like, now I feel pretty bad. I obviously feel bad. I wonder if he dressed like a pilot, if that would be equally weird for her or she would be into it if she would be into it then you can call her a hypocrite because she's into the aviation costumes as well you guys could both be flight attendants too i i don't know it's i i also when they were talking about uh the fantasy i sort of imagined there's a pilot and the flight attendant though it is also to just, it's just kind of weird to role play as a passenger.

It's like a boring one, you know? Yeah, I'm a businessman. Ma'am, can I have two creamers with the coffee and an extra blanket? Do you know if the flight to St. Louis is going to be leaving on time? Because I don't think I'll make my connecting. It's a little bumpy. You're on spirit air. My headset jack isn't working.

God, how hot would a fantasy be if they didn't charge you for an overhead bag on fucking spirit? That's hot. So your fantasy is to just get away with 25 extra charge but you can right you can bring on oh yeah you only allow to carry on in a personal item i can i can see you have a bag as well but you just got it at hudson news so i'll let it slide and you can slide did you want any perfume by the gallon duty free style?

We also sell cartons of cigarettes, and I'll give it to you when we land in Ottawa. I got a bottle of Bailey's tax-free. $48 for a jug of gin. Baby. And an XL bag of peanut M&Ms. $48 for a jug of gin, baby. And an XL bag of peanut M&Ms. Meet me in the bathroom. All right, yeah, tell her it's no big deal, that she shouldn't, yeah, she can't shame you.

This whole thing was hopefully her idea, too. Unless it wasn't. Yeah, I mean, you could just be like, okay, we will not revisit that fantasy, and then have a little reset. Yeah. I mean, you could just be like, okay, we will not revisit that fantasy and then like have a little reset. Like there's no reason. Cause like this, this fantasy just popped into your head anyway. It's not like it was a deep seated fancy fantasy, but you can just be like,

all right, let's forget about that one. Just so we can go over the ground rules for suggesting fantasies. I will only feel comfortable if, um, you don't make me feel like shit after i say something and then also can we take a quick flight together i want to check out the new costumes that twa just rolled out i mean my god see you in noosa baby

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one per new customer non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months limited time offer see terms at pick six dot draftkings.com slash right promos there it is thanks draftkings and we're back jake do you have any Mom, I'm coming! Gross. You know, I don't know if I do, but you just got a haircut, right? Yeah, that's kind of unsolicited. Would you recommend that? I think I would. I was growing it out, which is always fun. Everyone likes a good grow out. But there's always like, you know, after seven, eight months,

like the ends of your hair is just too much it's like scraggly split end damaged flying everywhere going into my eyes going into my ears i was afraid to get a haircut at a barber because i don't want to like stand inside with a bunch of strangers one of them cutting my hair i looked into outdoor haircuts uh finally avital my girlfriend that lives with me is like like, I can figure it out. I can cut your hair because she bought professional scissors to cut her own hair. So she had the equipment. She looked on YouTube.

And I was, you know, a little nervous because this is her first haircut. But it turned out great. I was like, oh, this is awesome. This is perfect. I don't need a professional haircut anymore. Whatever she did. Ever again. Yeah, I guess not.

Do you think you'll just, like, that's all you need to do? If she'll have me, I'll just keep getting a free haircut at home. Five years from now, there's no coronavirus. All gone. Everything's fine.

You would be getting your haircut from Avital. Yeah. I mean, I did the math. I'm like, I usually get a haircut a month for like 40 dollars it's like 500 a year that i'm saving wow that's pretty crazy um but you have you're still wearing it long on top is that like did you yeah so the whole thing is still style choice yeah i wanted it to i basically found a picture of paul rudd on the hot ones and i was like i want it to look

like that so still long but just not as my problem was the thickness of it like my hair underneath the hair that you can see was pushing it out so much that it looked like i was wearing earmuffs so she was like thinning it but still keeping the length but still trimming like the last like three inches which like went down to my mouth instead of up to my nose damn so you're do you feel like this is your new your new style you want to have like a semi-long haircut yeah semi-long two months you'll cut it back to this yeah i think so maybe go a little bit shorter on the sides but yeah overall i'm happy with this current haircut happy with the current price she did a great job and i didn't i only paid her 35 so i saved five bucks so oh so you i mean you were talking

about save 500 a year but it sounds like you're you're gonna save like what is that like 50 bucks yeah i basically pay her to do a bunch of shit so like i saved money on the haircut and then i don't have to pay her to sleep next to me she She took it out. I basically have a stipend or a fund that, like a $500. I hire her on retainer. She's like a what? Otherwise she will not be here. Yes, leave me. She doesn't want to be with you and you pay her to stay.

I'll pay her to hold my hand. I'll pay her to watch a film with me. I'll pay her to cut my hair. I'll pay her to say nice things to me when i'm sad i see so you pay her a stipend to live with you and then you pay her a la carte for certain things throughout the day if you're feeling low if you need yes right and it's not really like a sexual thing either. It's more like telling me that the sandwich was good or something. Right. Yeah. No, it's so needy. It's beyond sexual for sure. It's beyond meat. So yeah, I'll have her make me like a veggie burger and that costs $41. And how much does that cost? Do you pay for the burger or is pay for the cooking fee and I pay for the shopping fee. I'll pay her to shop for her, for her to cook for me, for me to compliment her costs cash as well.

Oh, wow. To talk to her costs money. Yes. And is she, I just don't know if this is scalable. Like, is she doing this with any other guys or is it just you? Well, I pay her an exclusive fee of 1500 a month she was doing it with other guys but nobody else wanted to pony up the exclusive fee you see you're into so now she does that's what it is now she only does it with one other person because i

wasn't able to pay for the ultimate exclusive fee which is 10 grand a month so me and arthur kind of split that monthly thing do you ever pay her to say mean shit to arthur of course the problem is arthur doubles it arthur doubles it to block she's playing all you guys off each other she's like hey arthur asked me to hold his hand for 25 bucks but i can slap him across the face for 50 and then i'll do that and he's like i'll it starts like a fucking bidding war she's like an auctioneer between me and arthur to the point where i think i'm getting taken advantage of right she might just be with arthur and it's all a fucking ruse it's all a ruse to gouge you yes i'm being gouged at the pump and at home um you know i jill wants jill wants me to get a haircut actually like super short or just clean it up she wants me to

clean it up she's because i don't want to cut it i just want to keep my hair and my beard growing i don't want to touch it i haven't touched it um i guess i shaved maybe a month and a half ago but i don't want to i i just want to like grow my hair and my beard through the winter and see what's what yeah which is very possible i mean it's starting to get cold over there yeah you're nobody you're gonna hunker down you're not going anywhere i'm not going anywhere but uh joe wants me to get like a almost like a a haircut for growing out your hair for long hair so it like grows in even and layered or whatever i just i get that that is a thing in theory but i feel like i've done it before when i was trying to grow out my hair and they just cut it super

short because i walk in there and they're like they make an executive decision like this guy looks bad i'm gonna cut his hair short because that's what yeah that's what society wants where are people getting haircuts in new york um my barber shop i don't know how they have my number but like actually two or three barber shops send me bi-weekly text messages. That's twice a week. They're like, they're open. They want people to come by. And the place where I usually, where I used to get my haircut, they only have two seats.

They're like, and I've been going there because they also sell coffee. So I've been going there. It seems pretty safe. Just not for a cut. Yeah, I don't want to get a cut. But then also people are like on Instagram doing the outdoor haircuts and stuff. Yeah. What's going to happen in New York in the winter?

Like, a lot of the things right now are kind of half-opened outdoors. Like, bars and restaurants are, like, at the very least staying alive when it's outdoors. But, like, when it's 22 degrees out, are people going to be, like, eating brunch, like, outside still? People are talking about it because like there are a lot of these places they had like temporary outdoor seating that is becoming more and more permanent they're like building wooden structures in the street into the sidewalk oh into the street like instead of parking spots um and then like they're putting tent covers on the side heat lamps in there blankets across your lap they're i think that's the side, heat lamps in there, blankets across your lap. I think that's the plan.

It's not a great plan, but it's going to allow restaurants to hopefully survive. I've really liked going to outdoor dining when I can. But does that survive if there's snow, if there's rain, if there's freezing conditions? I don't know. I mean, I don't think that a lot of people, restaurants weren't completely packed when there's like rain and snow anyway. So I think that like, if it's a clear night, if it's like, even if it's cold, I think people will go out. I think people will sit by the heat lamps, do the blankets on the laps.

As long as the, as long as the restaurant has like a good enough, like shelter, i think you can do kind of indoor outdoor dining while it's cold they do it in like scandinavia they do that yeah we're just not used to it here um all right one last question. Let's do it. Okay. This one is another let's talk about COVID intercourse question from a lady's point of view. Okay. Okay.

23-year-old law student. We'll call her Zendaya. Nice. Absolutely Zendaya. How old do you think Zendaya nice absolutely zendaya how old do you think zendaya is 19 let's see 24 oh it was closer all right cool you didn't say anything oh no because i said 23 year old student so i was like i'm guessing that she's 23 all right fine fine sorry sorry didn't mean to didn't mean to bite your head off hello josh and okay bloomer shout out to my tiktok let's talk about sex i'm having it and it's great and for some context i'm a female 23 year old law student he's a 23-year-old medical student. And we broke the COVID laws

to come together and come together. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, very cool. I'm typically one to leave immediately after sex, and I rarely double dip. However, I've broken my normal rules. This girl is awesome. I've broken my normal rules, and we've been sleeping together once or twice a week for the past one to two months, and we always spend about one to two hours having sex a few times, and then he leaves. At first, this was ideal, as I hate spending the night with people, but as it's been an ongoing thing, and he's even said he's not sleeping with anyone else, I'm starting to want more. We never hang out outside the bedroom, and nothing has changed from the beginning.

Should I just assume he's only in it for the sex, bedroom nothing has changed from the beginning should i just assume he's only in it for the sex just as i was in the beginning considering we've never once brought up a date eating together or watching a movie it's always just one of us sending a 10 p.m text after we're done with studying for the day i keep considering to bring it up to him but i don't want to lose good sex by bringing up dating what should i I do? First of all, great, awesome situation to be in. You're having great sex with a smart guy that's not sleeping with other people, at least as he says.

Awesome, great. I think that you don't- Yeah, it's a rare condition is like two people who are texting each other at 10 p.m., both equally interested in having sex and then falling asleep separately. Definitely. And I think the thing is that you're like it's almost like you're equating like bringing this up with ruining it like it's a one-step thing like i do one thing and it's ruined

but usually it's like a 10-step process to really ruin something maybe four or five steps i think that you don't have to be like what are we doing here or do you want to date me or not or whatever you just you know what's the next step like after you're done having sex do you want to stick around and watch a movie do you want to order food it's just one thing just like they say no then that doesn't take away the sex moving forward yeah then it's just an indicator that it's a casual relationship. Or you can even ask that question like two or three times, I think, without anything really.

Like if you fuck and then say, do you want to order a burrito? I don't think he would be like, Neato. Look, this is all moving a little too fast for me. Maybe nachos. But this is little too fast for me. Maybe nachos. But this is way too much too soon. I'll get a quesadilla, but I'm not that kind of guy.

I'm down to eat guac with you, but I'm not down to walk with you. This burrito is a little too wet. Yeah, so you say, take a baby step towards a half date. Maybe it's like, oh, if you, yeah, because the next text will come around 10 p.m. Maybe you can do a text at 9 or a text at 8 or a text at 7. I have this DVD from Redbox, Amistad, that I was going to watch at 8.30 if you were around. So fucking romantic get amistad at red box outside of a 7-eleven i was gonna rent this red box dvd if you're around

oh yeah netflix works too or a streaming service, yeah. You're already chilling. You can easily slide in Netflix after that. Yeah. And, I mean, you're also both, you're both busy with, like, law and medicine, isn't that right? So. Law and order. He won't even say law and order. He won't say radical Antifa terrorism. And he wants to sleep over?

I don't think so. Dump this Democrat. God, I don't understand why the response when he's like, he won't say law and order. Like, I guess Biden did eventually say it but like if you set someone up that badly like couldn't you just be like yes i will law and order you fucking moron like no he starts melting shit he said it now what will my attack be meanwhile like the response is like all right i said it now will you say that being a nazi is bad he's like oh well what do you want i don't know about that's 20 of my vote stand by that's that's how dumb trump is

thinking on his feet he couldn't even say like he is trying to to like thread a needle where he doesn't have to condemn white supremacists um but like saying stand by is probably the dumbest thing because it's the opposite of condemning them oh i thought of another good question they can ask him at one of these debates slash town halls i was gonna say what's baron's birthday what's your son's birthday there's no way he memorized it right no no way absolutely no way and that'd be a fun like moment i bet he doesn't know birthdays anniversaries i'm certain he does not so great great gotcha you don't know your son's birthday obviously it wouldn't swing anything but it's just fun to have him try to make it up maybe be

wrong at this point like the the sides have chosen. Let's just ask questions that embarrass the guy. Suburban woman, will you like me? God damn it. We're going to miss him when he's gone, by the way. We make fun of him a lot, but I'm going to really miss him when he's gone. And I think he's going to win, and we're going to have to quit the podcast. So y'all will miss us when we're gone.

When we're gone. All right. Well, that's it. Another episode in the books. Will it be 455 of 7,000 or 455 of 458? Because this whole thing is coming to an abrupt halt if Donald Trump wins. We don't know yet. That's what makes it so exciting.

Wow. Pretty cool, right? Pretty cool. Pretty cool indeed. All right. The opening theme song was Alex Lansy. This closing one is by Trevor Jennings. Let's see if he had anything special to say.

Trevor Jennings. Day one JNA fan and Patreon supporter. Thank you. I suppose you can shout out my Instagram at odd Saki, S-A-K-I. And at Inky Boy, where he publishes his illustrations. So there you have it. Oh, also, Jake, good to hear you have ancestry stemming from Nova Scotia. That's also where I'm from, so

I guess we're distant cousins or some shit. Sweet. If Noosa doesn't take me, I'll be moving to Nova Scotia. That's good. So you can either do the beach thing, or the wetlands. Do you prefer being kind of like Seattle, like 50s drizzling,

or like the beach vibes where it's like 80 and sunny? Yeah, 80 and sunny all the way. But you know, I like to dip into some cool, you know, wetter climates, I suppose. Pacific Northwest. Yeah. Yeah. You could do both.

Well, Nova Scotia is on the East Coast. Yeah. Pacific Northwest. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you could do both. Well, Nova Scotia is on the East Coast. Yeah. A lot more doable. Yeah. All right. Cool. Thank you to Trevor. Thank you to Alex.

Thank you to you guys for listening. If you have your own questions or theme songs, send them all down to ifirewshowatgmail.com. That's right. And we'll be back next week. Later, folks. Later, everybody. If I were you, I'd eat my own shit. Because Bradley Cooper did it in Limitless.

Check the deleted scenes. If I were you, I'd grow a chin strap beard. That's how you make a bad booty. Go clap, go clap, go clap, go clap. If I were you, just start now. And for everyone's information, I can still get with girls. That was a Hiddem Original.