Segments - 461: Morning After JOE

Episode Date: November 10, 2020

Four years later, we can finally discuss where we were the morning after BIDEN got elected. Then answer as many questions as we can, lightning round style.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help.

So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia.

You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous. You're skittish.

You're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now the ad.

Edit this part out. But let's do one clean ad. this part is now edit this part out but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out tell you what i'm gonna say my fucking social security number so you have to edit it out okay let's hear it oh nine one three six six two yeah now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in. But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, follow, don't think twice, always, I know, if I were you, show, questions about dating and masturbating. Damn. Something about Blink-182. It takes me to a place. Yeah, it's because you used to listen to them a lot,

and then you stopped for about 20 years. Huh. I wonder if that's it. I wonder if it's as simple as that. Yeah, you were obsessed with them as a teenager, and now as a 30-year-old, you long for those days. You hear the songs and it takes you back to that era not only in human history but in your life that's what it

is it definitely is definitely a possibility uh all right since we last spoke uh which was the morning after the morning after our special bonus thursday episode last week the media has declared joe biden president-elect of course the media since when does the media since when does the media even fucking tell us who to who won the election i'm gonna wait until the lawsuits settle fine decide who has the most votes after that i honestly i love it wait till the lawsuits prolong your pain the faster you admit that joe biden won the election the faster you like the faster you can just like accept the next four years it's happening he's the president you can go fuck all here's the problem for the other guy tell guy. Tell me what the problem is. The problem for Trump is that he can't keep raising cash if he concedes. So he's like, I got a fight, but I need some money.

Cool. Can you spare a dime? And then he sort of milks his supporters for two last months. And then he's like, all right, I'm going to drop the lawsuits, but thanks for the cash. Or we fought it, but we lost anyway. Those fucking cheaters. All right, bye. I feel like he can raise money for literally anything though.

If he's like, I concede, I lost the election, but give me money for my next, for my campaign when I run in 2024. Like, yeah, he'll,

people will be like, for sure. Yeah, that's, but I mean, I'm perfectly happy with him robbing his supporters. I think that's cool because they're bad too. So,

so here's a question i've been asking people were you first of all where were you and then were you more relieved or are you more happy um i didn't know what i was going to feel like i'll tell you exactly exactly where i was i just gotten breakfast with my sister liza um and at the end what did you eat? I got a sausage, egg, and cheese on a roll. Nice. Yeah. And then anything to drink or just to set the mood. I had a...

Did you drink anything like an orange juice? It was a really nice day. Water? I had... Let me finish if you're asking what I was drinking, right? Ice tea? I'll tell you what I drank. It'll be faster.

I feel like I know what it is. Yeah. You feel like you know what it is? You guessed three things and they were all wrong. Was it? All right. An iced coffee. Yeah.

It was a nice coffee. That's right. You're going to want some water though with it because otherwise you'll get a little dehydrated. But continue. After breakfast, we were like walking. What did she have? She had oatmeal and that's quite enough and she had a nice coffee as well to drink

noted and she had a little water I knew it she was like just telling me how she hadn't been able to sleep because she felt good about the election but she just wanted them to call it and she was feeling anxious that they hadn't called anything yet um yeah and she left

she was walking home i got back into my car and as i got into my car i turned on the radio and like at that second they like interrupted the traffic to make the announcement whoa and i like so you heard about on the radio i heard it on the radio live I heard it on the radio, live, as it happened. I spun my car around. Hit her. She was walking next to this bagel shop, and I blasted it. So I broke the news to people standing out in front of this shop, including my sister. Wow. And then we hugged, and we just felt like so.

It was relief. It was a confused happy relief and then the best part was from there i drove back um to prospect heights and like just driving down the street in williamsburg i'm just like hearing some car honks some woos i'm like driving by people and i start like clapping and we're giving each other thumbs ups but it was like this slow build that by the time i got back to prospect heights i was like driving up washington ave and i could barely get my car through because there were people out dancing on the streets spilling yeah spilling into the road banging pots and pans um i drove

by grand army plaza and it was just like filling up with people everyone is you wow everyone's so happy then i rode my bike back to mccarr Park, and I popped champagne, and it was amazing. Wow. Okay, so was it more of a relief? Holy shit, that was close, but we'll take it? Or like, oh my God, we just won the Super Bowl. Oh my God, we just won the Super Bowl. It's over.

Yeah, that was the feeling. And it still is the feeling. And he can do whatever the fuck he wants with the lawsuits. Waste your money. Waste everyone's time. Actually, the Supreme Court just said that they sided with him the uh in which state he votes for biden yeah biden has he has to do it to like five he has to do to four different states he has to pick off he can't fucking do it uh for me i i i was up all night late night every night and then by the time it actually got called i was fast asleep because i'm like all right i think i don't have to stress out anymore oh man

no because it was it was like 8 30 i fall asleep like three like like they have to call it right he's up by 31 000 in pennsylvania and then i'm like if they don't call it then i guess they just won't call it until like weeks and weeks and they're just like waiting for like all this drama to subside. And then I wake up and they're like, all right, they figured 28,000 up in Philly wasn't enough. Let's go to 32,000. And now we can call it. And then once they called it, the floodgates opened. And I felt, I think I was more on the other side. I felt more relief. I'm like, oh oh my god i can't believe it was so close i had already like sort of spent the joyous energy because he had come back and it felt like he was already gonna win so like it wasn't like a holy shit we were about to lose and now we went instantly it was such a slow burn towards victory it was a release that we were yes it was a release yeah we were edge but i didn't explode i didn't like. And like, I wasn't the one dancing on cars in a parking lot. I wish I felt that level of euphoria, but I was more just like exhausted. It's sort of like the end of a marathon where I'm like, okay, it's done.

It's finally done. Or how they describe when you get to the top of Mount Everest. You didn't scream woo at the top of your lungs once that day? I did, but only because Avital made me do it. I wasn't screaming elated joyous. I was more like exhausted, happy that crisis was averted. But overall, I felt like that was too close for comfort

and I knew he was going to win for three days and it was weird the way it was done. I think I truly had the opposite experience where like i felt like calling it on saturday on just it was a beautiful day in new york city um yeah here too it was like rained for the first time in seven months and there were like rainbows in the sky for the first time ever. I feel like it was a gift that that happened on a Saturday. And I had an entire day of like partying and being happy and joyful with people. It was a gift. It was a wonderful thing.

Don't get me wrong. I'm definitely happy people partied because it was fun to see Trump sort of like slowly realizing that the day he lost was an international music festival in his dishonor. So it was nice to see him bummed. But I didn't have the energy to like celebrate with everybody. I mean, it was like, we should not necessarily have gathered in the amount of groups that we did. Yeah, definitely a lot of singing and dancing in close proximity. Yeah, it was wrong but my god i couldn't help it yeah what else were you gonna do we've been waiting for this

moment for four years yeah it was worth the risk for me and then is it is any part of you um a little like nervous or downtrodden about how it went down like how it wasn't the overwhelming yada yada the senate yada yada i'm i think i've gone back and forth on this as they continue to tally up the votes the the popular vote margin is getting bigger and bigger i do think that it it'd be nice if it was like totally unequivocal nothing he could do about it. But in a way it's kind of fun that he's going to whine about the results. Like him tweeting, I won the election by a lot is,

it still makes me laugh every time I look at it. And I look at it sometimes just for the joy. And then you got to also remember that Biden flipped, like so far it's four states back from where trump had them um and it's a broad coalition too it's not just um you got the rust belt back or whatever like georgia and uh arizona arizona and michigan like i feel like that's a good broad coalition and there are the people that will want to see hunter biden's emails and I just don't, I just cannot give a fuck about them. If Trump won by, or Trump lost by like 4 million more votes,

it still wouldn't have been enough of a rebuke to eliminate those people. They're here to stay. So I don't think there was anything, there's not really any results that can be better just like in a, like black black and white this is what happened trump lost biden's the new leader that's great that's all i care yeah right yeah the the end goal is good we can all agree on that this is what we wanted the senate is definitely frustrating but

there's still a um you know snowball's chance in hell that we can get it that's right there's two georgia i'll be donating to asaf yeah 31 year old jew yeah dude i you thought you were gonna be able to unsubscribe from the emails but no you thought phone banking was over oh no no no no we're calling georgians you better believe we're calling georgians i feel bad for people who live in georgia for the next two months they're gonna get like half a billion dollars worth of ads thrown at them yeah jesus christ imagine this much important on one senate race at what point did it occur to you that we are going to keep on doing our podcast uh i think wednesday morning when i woke up and like everything was they were talking about how the votes coming in will propel Biden to victory

easily in Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin. And that would be enough. I see. But like on Saturday, you weren't like, we're going to keep on doing the podcast.

No, that's what I said. I felt like it was already over. And I was like, I was just exhausted waiting for them to call it and they wouldn't call it. And then by the time they finally did, I was like, I had already mentally decided that

he was going to win. I was just like frustrated that it was taking them so long. Yeah. Calling it definitely meant something to me. Yeah. I mean, it meant something to everybody. There were parties happening in Paris and London. I hadn't even like made my mind.

I definitely thought that, but it wasn't like, I was in the camp of like this is this thing's over you know i was like as long as they haven't called it this is there's still like a lot of damage that can be done it is awesome that biden's already acting like president so like everyone's like no wait we have to wait and biden's like all right i'm meeting with the task force today i'm gonna give speeches they're gonna air them on cnn and trump's like stop it you're kicking me out actually we have to wait yeah all the world leaders congratulating him too don't congratulate him actually because i am gonna sue there was a guy who was supposed to be six feet away in pennsylvania when they counted the votes and he was 12 so that could be what about kavanaugh tell him um come on amy i gave you a job

corsage you're such a piece of shit uh what about the the four seasons total landscaping thing did you uh i was enjoying it yeah i i still don't exactly know what do they know exactly what went down like the order of operations but it felt like a veep episode yeah i don't exactly know what, do they know exactly what went down? Like the order of operations? But it felt like a Veep episode. Yeah, I don't, I feel like the truth is never really going to be known. Because whoever made the mistake is never going to admit it. But like, it's so very clear what happened. So this is what did happen.

Trump tweeted, we're having a press conference at the Four Seasons Philadelphia. Then he deleted it and said, actually, we're having a press conference at the Four Seasons Total Landscape. deleted it and said, actually, we're having a press conference at the Four Seasons Total Landscape. And people were like, wait, that's not a hotel. It's an actual landscape business. And then they're like, yes, we actually are having it there. And Rudy Giuliani did a press conference there in front of a dumpster. It's like he found out on the fly that the media had called the election for Biden while he was there.

Right, while he was there, people started partying in the streets while he was there in the outskirts of Philadelphia in a weird industrial part of town next to a crematorium and a pornographic bookstore. Right. That's so funny. It is just so good. What's possible is that they told Trump, or he's like, do it at the Four Seasons. And they're like, done. And then they either couldn't get the Four Seasons, so they got something called the Four Seasons, or they called the wrong Four Seasons. And then by the time they got there, it was too late.

They couldn't change it to the hotel. Yeah. I think it was booked by mistake, couldn't help it. And then, yeah, they couldn't change it, so they just had to go with it. And they were like, we chose this place because it's an american business you could have done that with any business happens to have the name of a hotel that trump tweeted about yeah also that's the guy in charge of the lawsuits this is a pretty big deal don't you think you should have someone a little bit more confident yeah this fucking crazy person who couldn't book a hotel i love it it's gonna be a wild two months uh all right but enough about us this is if i were you

an advice show after all that's right it's about the only one on the internet still hosted by us we were going to retire but we're back baby, baby. Four more years. Four more years. Four more years. Four more years. We asked for some lightning round-esque questions from the peoples of Twitter. Let's see how many we can get through. Okay. Well, here's a question.

No question mark, but very concerned about your hawaii plans someone yeah at us what are you what are your what are your thoughts about uh moving to hawaii now that we have um a good president-elect yeah it's not it's less necessary for sure i mean it's still it seems more relaxing um and especially with winter coming it seems like a fun place to sort of spend January, February, March still. And Corona seems to be more in control in Hawaii than say, anywhere in the mainland. So there's still some positives to be had. And what about Noosa, Australia? Because I was sending you some, actually, I was sending some office space available in Melbourne.

But yeah, that's where you were on tuesday afternoon florida sort of went red that's right um yeah i guess the idea of living in another place i still have my wanderlust but it's definitely no longer fueled from a need to get away and disassociate myself uh with the country which is good yeah It's nice that a really nice, kind person beat a really dumb, mean, incompetent person. Yeah. Even though that dumb, mean, incompetent person got 70 plus million votes. Definitely. Biden will get 78 million.

And that's just enough. It's just enough. It's all we need. We always knew that we were split in half. But now we see how, I guess, how rotten the other half really is. I saw this. Somebody did this math where it was like, if you just take out California, the rest of the country preferred Trump, which is a pretty bleak way of looking at it. Yeah, definitely.

So 49 of 50 states and trump wins the popular vote that's not okay that is it i get like there's no reason to to like offer up a bleak hypothetical that's not real i don't even understand um but here's a question about biden's cabinet what cabinet positions asks rb fen 20 would you and jake be in biden's administration um that's a good question i think i'd be secretary of state i think really that's a big one um that's a really big one because well for three reasons one i uh get along i'm good at getting along with people um i think that i could get along with foreign leaders and dignitaries uh two i uh i'm a frequent flyer i actually have delta status so yeah you would probably not need to fly delta i would i would need to but i might want to. Because I get my almost there cookie. I get the turkey sandwich.

You could probably get a bisque off if you were the Secretary of State delivered to you. You wouldn't have to go on a fucking flight to Dubai. But I'd get to. I'd get to fly Delta so I could go to the sky zone. I think that'd be cool. By the way, isn't one called like transportation department? Like you can be like the head zone. I think that'd be cool. By the way, isn't one called like treasure, like transportation department? Like you can be like the head of transportation.

All you care about is transportation. Yeah, but that's more about transportation around here. I want international travel because I want the points. Also, my third point that I was going to say is that I know a lot about foreign policy. Like for example? There's always that. Kindness is the best policy.

Nice. Yeah. Who's the current Secretary of State? Do you know? Isn't it Mike Pompeo? I don't know. I just, one of the best things about Biden being president is that all of Trump's friends and family don't live in the White House anymore. So it's like a full cleansing of everybody that's in charge.

It is going to be fun. The worst person is not in charge of the education department. I want to follow some of that. Every single one of those cabinet appointments that everybody was so horrified. Like Betsy DeVos. Yeah. Scott Pruitt, he did leave already. But just all of these shitty

shitty shitty people um it's not just trump losing his job they lost their jobs too stephen miller lost his job jerry yeah that's good lost his job yeah lost her job that's cool kellyanne connor lost her fucking job yes yeah the press i want to be the press secretary uh what's her name kay Kaylee? Yeah. Kaylee McEnany. The job is open. She lost her job. Yeah, that's right.

You could do like a little stand-up set every day, answer some questions. You like the idea of being in front of people, the cameras pointing at you. You want to answer the questions. Yeah, I want to be sort of the face, the cool face of the organization. Because I see like Ossoff and people are like, damn, that guy that guy's hot that guy's gonna be a senator and i'm like so fuck that i'm the fucking press secretary i'm actually not even a secretary i'm actually the press boss nice you'll never you'll never be like hot like ossoff is though but well i just have to i have to be like taller a little bit and like it's not just tall

yeah it's like a pretty defined jawline yeah like a nice groomed beard and like thicker curlier like the the bone structure on his face is good across the board and you don't have any of that so even if you were taller and you had a better chin you'd be tall with a good chin but like bad eyes yeah bad nose and like teeth my attitude is poor yeah and i like most most of all like i don't have the energy to keep fighting like he does in like a fun exciting way totally it seems like all i did was to call you ugly and you're like giving up on your dream of becoming press boss already i don't yeah maybe i'll do like uh what's like um what's a pretty random one like there's no one like yeah interior a pretty random one like

isn't there one yeah interior isn't there one called like the department of the interior department of the interior department of agriculture

that'd be good yeah I could do that probably you'll be in charge of corn probably I love corn that's perfect for me alright

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unsolicited advice we got questions to get through yeah here's a question for you just for me when the republican senators it almost felt like they might have started splintering off from trump being like maybe you shouldn't say that the election is gonna be rigged in a fraud and then they're like actually no yeah he's right he's right here's five hundred thousand dollars i actually agree with you president trump yeah that was an annoying u-turn that they took yeah yeah i there's nothing that republican senators could do to redeem themselves or fall further um like out of like the zone of my respect though so like yeah lindsey graham is like if he if you were like trump should concede i'd be like good you did the right thing

you're still a piece of shit but instead he like tacked way further to the other direction donated 500 000 like but that's great you have to like no matter what they do it's all good because it's all dumb like lindsey graham is 500 000 poorer now that's awesome he sucks yeah and he lost 500k to a worthless cause dope like trump has all of these guys, like, held hostage. I think it's fun that they are, they must be so frustrated and so afraid of him that I think it's cool. But why still? If he's about to lose, they still have to kiss his feet on his way out? I think, yeah, because they know that, like, he has such a, like, a hold on his base and it's people that they need.

But the weird thing to me is that you need Trump's base and people outside of it to actually win. It's evidenced by the fact that Trump underperformed the rest of the GOP in Congress and in the Senate. Yeah, you need the never Trumpers and the always Trumpers to sort of get together.

So it is a really tough uh like line to walk i imagine where you have to like not totally repudiate trump but also yeah totally embrace him like lindsey graham this is what they do in uh like a more normal state right so they this is exactly how they got together and they said, let's just tweet, we must count the legal votes. All right? You can't get mad at us for that. Trump can't get mad at us. We're not saying the election is rigged. You should call all the votes that were cast for Biden illegal.

Well, we can't do that because they weren't. So we're not going to say that. Let's just say count every legal vote. Yeah. Yeah. And certainly you'd agree with that. You can't get mad at me for that. The thing where people disagree is which votes were legal and which ones were illegal.

Because most people would admit that all of the votes that they counted were legal. And Trump thinks that all of the votes for Biden were illegal. The ones that came in after Election Day. Yeah. I can understand. The ones that were in after Election Day. Yeah. I can understand. The ones that were actually cast before. It must have been very sad for him because he was up by so much. That's fun.

Yeah. And do you think that he thinks that they were illegal votes? Or is he just lying to his base to get them to give him cash? I truly have no idea. I mean, he seems to actually believe a lot of conspiracy theories. Like, do you think he actually believes that Obama was born in Kenya? That's a great question, too. I don't think he was doing that for publicity.

I think he's a fucking dumb lunatic who thinks there's a conspiracy out there. So, like, I'm not surprised that he's this committed to it. Interesting. And I think that he doesn't necessarily care as long as it like puts him on top like all he cares about is being popular and being a winner so it almost doesn't matter how he gets that right i if i would love to know his real thoughts i think that he's fully gone off the deep end and like his own Kool-Aid now. So I think he is.

Even if it started in a place where he was making a deal with the devil for things that he didn't necessarily believe in but wanted to be famous, I feel like it's gone too far now. Okay, here's a question from The Gil Moreno. Where's the first place you're going after you get the vaccine? I don't know if you saw, but there's vaccine not quite done yet but trending well uh with pfizer's vaccine or whatever is doing well in studies so we're getting closer we're trending closer and it's good that we'll have the biden administration to actually roll out the vaccine because i don't know if a lot of people would trust donald trump with medical advice that's correct um i i've been really just missing the UK. So you want to travel abroad?

I do want to travel abroad. More so than like go to a movie in America. Yeah, I don't give a fuck about, like, I don't think I miss, I don't know. Yeah, I don't think I miss like crowds and like the old America and like going to, I'd like to go to like a bar and have a drink inside and like, but I don't want to be like, yeah, I don't miss like going to the mall.

Right. What about going to the mall? Hi. Oh, that's different. Nah, going to the mall. Stoned of yourself. What about, I want to go to england and just travel

around by train again that's what i miss more so than like what about performing we could do comedy shows again yeah i mean that would if we could i think my dream trip at least right now as this question is being asked is going to England, Ireland, and Scotland doing shows everywhere, a show in Dublin, show in Manchester, show in London, show in Edinburgh.

As I mentioned before, I got super into ancestry.com during lockdown. And I found out where all my ancestors are from in Scotland and Ireland. So I kind of want to like go, go around and see what's up, like walk through those green Hills and see if i feel a calling to my ancestral home uh what about you uh i think i want to do indoor activities here like basketball games football games oh you miss like sporting events yeah sporting events um

sports bars watching stuff with people, stuff like that. But yeah, traveling friends. I'd like to see my friends in a setting that's not very cold and distant. Yeah. You want to see your friends, uh, outside of a zoom. Yeah. Outside of a zoom or outside of like a, a 12 feet apart.

And we're both wearing masks, yelling at each other. Yeah. Um, if you could do, if you could plan a tour right now, where would you want to go hmm uh hmm huh um canada we can go to vancouver toronto um someplace warm would be nice um

go to australia during our winter do you think we think you'll travel within the last year of... Basically, do you think you'll spend a year not traveling? So your last flight was February 29th. Do you think you'll take a flight before February 28th of this year? I think there's a chance. There is an outside chance that I will. Yeah.

What about you? I don't, I'd probably not. I mean, by the time the vaccine gets here and then people take it and then like, it's not instantly effective and who knows how long. So you won't, you won't get on a plane before you're vaccinated.

No, I don't think so. I think I would get on a plane before I was vaccinated. Then you might as well do it now. Yeah, no, I might. Got it. I mean, it is the perfect time the numbers have never been higher that was another funny subplot of election week

it's like coronavirus which started last march has never infected more people as during the election as trump is saying we're rounding the turn but like how fucking would you have been stressed out if this pfizer news 90 effective vaccine comes out monday morning before the election yeah because then people will be like see he did a good job yeah that would i wonder if trump trump is probably angry about that too definitely which is awesome god i love that he's so mad he probably thinks it was a plot against him. And honestly, if it was, hell yeah. That's great.

That's probably good, yeah. I mean, you see all these leaked quotes from the White House being like, I'm relieved. Thank God this is almost over. I didn't want to work four more years. This would have been really bad. You got to send me some of those leaked quotes. I want to read them.

Also, the night of the election, his chief of staff just had coronavirus at his party. Yes, and Ben Carson just got it, too, from that same party. Seems like it was a super spreader. What a fucking idiot. God, it's fucking good. He's bad, and now he's finally gone. It feels so good. I might start following him.

I never followed Trump, but I think I might start because it's so funny. All right. Which West Wing character does Jake most resemble in Amir's eyes? Asks Anna Claire Day. Claire Corsi. Which one? Been re-watching West Wing. Great show, by the way.

I highly recommend it still. I know you've re-watched it once or twice already yeah an amazing show um he's i guess you're most like josh lyman bradley whitford's character because it's sort of like sarcastic and snarky but you know kind of well respected around the office you think i'm well respected at the headcount office yeah but like not like leoarry level, obviously. But when Leo, a.k.a. me, needs to get something done, he'll assign Josh, his little piss boy.

I'm Josh Lyman. I don't really know how to do anything. All right, out of the way. Let's get Sam Seaborn, a.k.a. Marty, here. What was Josh Lyman's job in the White House? He was the deputy uh deputy chief of chief of staff yeah so leo was the president's right-hand man and josh was one under him cool and josh got shot right did he i'm not there yet don't spoil it i thought you you said you're watching it for the first time no i'm watching it i watched the first two seasons like

seven years ago now i'm re-watching it but i remember somebody getting shot but i don't remember specifically yeah i thought you had i thought you had watched all of it and now you're re-watching all of it so you watch the first two seasons now you're re-watching the additional those two seasons and then going on yeah i don't even know if i'll go on because i think sorkin leaves at a certain point it becomes less of a good show. Right, that is true. I think he like leaves and comes back. Like he's gone in season four and five

or something like that. Interesting. Not worth it. Oh, here's an interesting one from Lenny. Alid underscore Z. Does lingerie even make a difference? It comes off anyways, question mark. So that's interesting.

How much does sexy underwear matter? And think of Trump in a thong while you answer this. So he's wearing a corset of sorts and he's sort of dancing playfully trying to

get Melania off. But it's not quite working. Yeah. I never cared about lingerie. I think that it's just, it's for different strokes for different folks, you know? Cause I think that it's,

there's a, there's an element of people that are attracted to people in lingerie. There's an element to like feeling attractive yourself while you were in the lingerie. Personally for me i i think that like comfortable clothes are hotter and lingerie always like makes it seem like it's like too i don't know like too tight or something right or like a lot of effort is being had in the same way that like i don't like a full face of makeup and jewelry and stuff like that right i also just i i have a distaste for makeup and uh high heels freak me out it just seems like painful

and i'm like why or like when you get really close you can just see it it's like very thick and uncomfortable you can tell some of the makeup is nothing's hotter to me than a gray hoodie and granny panties and i'm not even kidding. I think that's sexy. I'm wearing that right now. This is insane. All right. Jeremy Umpelby.

Yeah, Umpelby. What's the most fucked up thing you've seen on the internet? You know, I'll tell you what like the i was i was looking for like a lot of people i was like i spent some months of the quarantine thinking about getting a quarantine dog and one of the dog rescue places that I was like looking into, they seem to really specialize with like dogs that like really suffered some abuse and some trauma. And they're also always asking for money for the surgery for these dogs. And sometimes I'm still like, like in my suggested things on Instagram from them or like from their, their emails that I was like on in the list serve

they'll like send me photos of like these really mistreated dogs like dogs that were attacked by other dogs dogs that like were held on a leash for too long and they're like necks all chafing and they're like donate money for sprinkle surgery and it's just like it's you feel for the pups but like it's such a fucked up photo of like a pitbull's exploded face and like you shouldn't be allowed to put that in my email that's i should yeah that should be like flagged for like i should have to click through to see that avital sees them in like ads like facebook ads like she donates money to like some like puppy organization and then like the next day it's like here's this abused dog it's like jesus i'm just on facebook you can't be able to use that what about you it's the most fucked up thing you

see on the internet i mean as you know as someone who was a teenager when the internet was coming of age there was no holds barred back then. You could see whatever you want. You're like 16 and you're like, holy shit, this is fucking insane. Remember some of the shit on rotten.com? Some of that stuff was fucking bleak, dark, weird, self-mutilation, weird death shit. There's no end to the insanity on the internet. It's a dangerous question

don't start pulling the thread really don't start playing i'm thinking about one video that you made me watch once i think that i i cannot unsee i won't even talk about it on this podcast oh is that the one where the shit was going up into my ass that was me yeah that was a video that you made yeah it looked like I was getting pegged by my own logs. Yeah. You put that on rotten.com? It was rejected. It wasn't rotten enough.

I mean, Tub Girl alone was like a popular meme of like a weird woman diarrhea-ing as a fountain onto her own head. I mean, we all watched like Two Girls, One Cup in the office. Oh, yeah, that's a great answer this foul that was and that was like a video that most people like yeah saw on their own or like maybe maybe with a friend we like had it playing publicly at the office with like 40 people around like cracking up jeff rosenberg's like eating cookies during that video eating pudding uh do you have any questions that you see um ryan davis says how's your beard game going what's your routine and um it occurred to me that a question um stuck out to me because i'm currently growing

my beard i feel like i go through oh really with my beard where, like right now I'm trying to not cut it for, until New Year's. Uh-oh. You're doing that thing again. What? You know where it's headed. This is where you look like a weird homeless person for like three months for seemingly no reason.

That's right. Your beard looks bad. Your hair is overgrown. That's right. And then like in April, you're like, what the fuck was I thinking? And then you get a haircut.

It's like, oh, I look much better. Yeah. So you might as well just fast forward to that point you can already look like that better person already right now that is it i don't know why you put yourself and your loved ones through this weird phase of self-uglification you i think my beard looks cool when it's really big yeah but then like it gets it's cool when it's full and then it like it gets too full there's the there's the excess two months where it's like a gets it's cool and it's full and then it like it gets too full there's there's the excess two months where it's like a little bit too much and it starts going to your

mouth and you start like drinking a smoothie and it gets stuck in your mustache we're at the point right now where the mustache hairs come over the lip like i gotta put them out to the side yeah yeah i'm due for another haircut at home too like the hair is falling into my eyes when i like look down at stuff it's not a good dude to try to get feeling just normal usual hair trimmer and that's like the length that you'd like to keep it at right now yeah and when it gets into my mouth that's i don't like that feeling anymore would you ever go shorter would you ever go back to the stubble days of yore? That would be interesting. I don't know.

I don't have a desire to, but maybe just to see what it's like. Yeah, there's no reason not to. I think now is a time where we can all experiment with our facial hair and our hair. Yeah, and our bodies specifically. That's right. Maybe I'll get a temp tattoo on my neck or something like that. That's a cool idea. I love that for you.

A few more questions before we run out of time. A week ago, I listened to the Morning After Trump podcast in preparation for the election. It'd be great if you could compare the feeling then and the feeling now. Man, for one thing, I was incredibly hungover during that podcast. Interesting.

When the election started to go south on um on tuesday in 2016 i got drunk i like oh drank a lot of whiskey so the next day i was like it felt like a hangover like an emotional one and also a physical one it was there was like i mean i remember feeling like we needed to like connect with the people that abandoned us and now i feel like we don't need to do that anymore like they need to connect back with us they need to come back to reality and there's more of us than there are of them so if they're going to be crazy and racist, they should just go fuck off. Yeah, that's another internet debate right now.

Reach out to a Trump supporter. You know how much pain they're going through. Shouldn't we be uniting and not dividing? I think not. Well, at least that's not my job. That's Joe Biden's job now. But I, for one, this morning was listening to conservative talk radio and just laughing because it's so fun to hear them talk about, like, you know, it's not over.

It's not over. We've got a challenge in court. The votes are actually close in Georgia. They're talking about, like, Arizona. It's like, it's only 29,000 votes behind. That is actually a lot of votes. Yeah, that's a basketball stadium filled with people who preferred Biden to Trump. So I don't know if you're going to find that many sources of fraud.

Is Rudy Giuliani on the case? Because last I saw, he was next to a dumpster yelling at the clouds. So I don't know if you have your best man on the job. Yeah, got tricked by Sacha Baron Cohen. I don't think he's bright. All right. We got a lot of more questions, but maybe we should try to answer them as the JNA AMA on our Patreon. That is right.

So if you're hearing this on Monday, just know that on Thursday, there will be a video of us answering the other questions that we didn't get to. Yeah, I mean, there's hundreds of good ones. Hundreds. Dozens. Read me a teaser that we're going to answer on JMA AMA. Can you remember, this is from Slex Axton, Alex Sexton writes, can you remember a time when you thought you were being recognized as Jake and or Amir and you acted on it,

but you had read the situation incorrectly? I can. Yeah, I've got a, I've got a small and embarrassing, very cringy story to tell on JNA AMA. All right, cool.

Sweet. Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. I guess we're back another four years what can we say the people have spoken we wanted us we have a man we have a mandate that's right that's a wide rebuke of trump and a pro jake and amir movement i can't believe it a jake and amir wave i can't believe we carried illinois the man. A Jew wave. You're welcome, I guess. All right. This closing theme song is by Ethan Dawson from Perth, Australia.

So maybe we should go back there. Yes. Oh, goddamn. I never thought I'd say that I missed Perth as much as I do, but I miss you guys. Ethan says he woke up early on a Saturday, worked out, then smoked a bowl and made this acoustic song. Shout out to Alex Caruso, his girlfriend Kate, his drummer Aaron. Okay.

So there you have it. All right. Thank you, Ethan. Oh, wait. Did I ever say who did the All the Small Things parody? I honestly don't think so. I don't think so either. Wow.

That was Matt Windsor. Okay. We are the County Cousins from the beautiful Prince Edward County in Ontario, Canada. Another place we should go to. So, a Canadian and an Australian making theme songs for us. Yeah, damn. Let's do it. And they posted cover songs on YouTube. So, this is good. I'm telling you guys at the end of the episode, so you don't have to remember the whole episode. The County Cousins cover songs on YouTube. They made the All the Small Things parody. Ethan made this closing theme song.

And that's it. Thank you for your time. If you have any more questions or theme songs, send them to ifireyoushow at gmail.com. And we're out for now. Peace. Bye, everybody. Later. dot com and we're out for now peace bye everybody later that was a hit gum original