Segments - 462: Screen Time

Episode Date: November 16, 2020

In this episode we discuss smoothie bowls, nightcaps, and cellphone addiction.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter,

and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. Are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com.

That's brooklinen.com, B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star.

There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous. You're skittish. You're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live light.

So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now the ad. Edit this part out, but let's do one in don't this part is now edit this part out but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out tell you what i'm gonna say my fucking social security number so you have to edit it out okay let's hear it oh nine one three six six two yeah now you have to edit it out. But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no.

You chose hope and unity, decency, science, and yes, truth. You chose Joe Biden as the next President of the United States of America. But while I may be the first woman in this office, I will not be the last.

Because every little girl watching tonight sees that this is a country of possibilities. Dust off hope for years you've waited Tell me it feels good to see the sun Oh, if I were you Well, I'd thank Maine and Minnesota If I were you Pennsylvania, maybe Arizona If I were you I'd cheers the folks that saw it through If I were you Yeah, yeah

My fellow Americans Let us be the nation that we know we can be With full hearts and steady hands With faith in America and in each other A nation united, a nation strengthened, a nation healed. Ladies and gentlemen, there's never been anything we've tried and not been able to do. So remember, as my grandpappy said when I walked out of his home when I was a kid up

in Spanning, he said, Joey, keep the faith. And our grandmother, she yelled, no, Joey, spread it. Spread the faith. God love you all. May God bless America. And may God protect our church Woo Spread the faith Joey

Come on Joey Hell yeah Yeah Nice Anyway Come on You're still reeling from that fucking W? I just, I don't want to politicize the podcast, that's all.

That was a nice theme song, but it skewed a little left and center. We spent the last year railing against Trump. I know. We spent the last month saying we wouldn't even do the show if he got reelected. We were looking up real estate in other countries, brother. It was nice to hear Kamala talk about maybe a little girl is watching and is inspired to run for president. That's nice. But we're also going to be missing a lot with our current administration.

What are we going to be missing? What would we possibly be missing? So, yeah, he assaulted several dozens of women, which was bad, but he didn't admit to it. Which was also bad. Right, but we won despite all that. And there's something to be said there about how fucked up our country is. You actually, what do you mean? You didn't win, you lost.

You won in 2016. Are we still talking about that? No, we're talking about the recount. What an epic theme song. I didn't realize. It sounded like he had just made an amazing song for himself. But yeah, it was about our podcast a little bit in there. Yeah, that was incredible.

It was awesome. I loved it. Every second. Dustin Clark. This is a post-election theme song and kind of needs to be played for monday's show or it will not make much sense so yeah we played it i think a week too late but still we're still in that zone yeah it still makes sense yeah biden still won uh he still won despite uh republican leadership's best efforts i guess and still continued best efforts uh this guy says, Dustin writes,

I wrote this literally the day Joe Biden was elected president. So he was also moved. He said, this is a musical exhale, releasing all the conscious or unconscious Trump tension. So let it all out. And this guy was able to do it with music. Congratulations, America. We did it.

We did. The blue wave. But we're back. back obviously we were talking about ending the show we don't have to do that anymore we got some questions this is after all we'll try to find it we'll find another reason to end the show don't worry yeah like when he refuses to leave and the supreme court has his back or some shit um but this is an advice show and advice podcast the only one on the internet hosted by us i'm amir i am jake let's see here we have oh actually we got one email that wasn't really a question it was just sort of a post-election joyful message so i wanted to read that one first all right um about an hour before I sent this, this is Marty Van. He doesn't have to be anonymous because no compromising details here.

About an hour before I sent this, Biden was projected winner of the 2020 election. And as per your promise, the show goes on. My question is a two-parter. It's time to take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself this. When will more episodes of Jeffrey the Dumbass be released? Interesting. Question two. A long, hard look at ourselves in the mirror. Question two. Jake, you're a tyrant. Give a golden mic for this episode to mark this glorious occasion. That wasn't really a question. Oh, well, sue me. Much love, Joe Jorgensen.

That's cool. So, yeah. I like that idea. I actually, and I think I would, I'd actually do that. The only issue, of course, being. Do. The only issue was that it was, you know, for the episode just after Biden won, now we're like a week past that.

It feels like the ship has sailed. I think it's a cool idea. And I would have loved- You can give me one retroactive for last week. I would have, you can't give a retroactive. You cannot give a retroactive golden mic. You don't re-litigate the golden mics. You don't ask for a recount on the golden mics.

Okay? And that's almost turdy territory that you're suggesting. This is just a quick recap. Jake has given himself an award at the end of every podcast he's ever recorded. I have not given it to myself every single episode. Ben Schwartz won it once and Thomas won it once. I have never won it. You every single episode. Ben Schwartz won it once. And Thomas won it once. I have never won it. You have 460 some odd episodes.

I thought you won one. No, I don't think so. When is the one I would have won? I'll take it. I'll take the award now. I thought I gave, I thought it was like, I gave you one and me one, but maybe you didn't ultimately earn it. I can't quite remember.

You have, I'll say you have a pretty impressive, you have an impressive streak of not getting one. Almost as impressive of a streak as I have of getting every single one except for episode 300 where Ben got it. Yeah, Thomas got it, I remember. Got it. So for the most part, yeah.

We're starting a new phase of our lives, so we can maybe start a new era where we both get it. I don't even need you to get to charity. I can get a golden mic, you can get a golden mic. Maybe. But let's say at least for the spirit of this question where you deserved a golden mic on post-election day podcast episode because it was such a joyous occasion

you don't get it because we didn't talk about it during the episode so the ship has sailed you can't get a posthumous golden mic you can not retroactively give a golden mic um and actually that episode i would give the golden mic to joe biden and kamala harris so that's pretty cool they got the golden mic without even being on the show damn so neither of us got the golden mic neither of us got the i get it because i have i i got it that episode because i'd have they can't just earn it for nothing i think i had it for the episode and i'm gifting it um kind of like accepting it in their name if that makes sense yeah not really but that's fine but neither of us got a turdy then you got a turdy that episode yeah that's for making it political what the fuck are you talking about you you just gave a fucking fake award to the president and

i'm getting the shitty award because i made it political listen to yourself you're contradicting yourself it's no it's not contradictory i think that i you know the president deserves a golden the president-elect gets the golden mic the vice president-elect gets a golden mic because they won the election that's not political that's that's a w and they get that golden mic for that you made the podcast political you get a turdy now you know what it's like to like tweet as trump where you're like sort of like forcing these weird illogical confusing sentiments all into one magical tweet it's odd yeah, it's odd how easy it is. I guess he and I have something in common.

Yeah. It's like when he's like, the Democrats said this election would be rigged, which it's not, except it is for them. And you're like, what are you saying? Just don't type anymore. You don't have to say stuff. You're stepping on your own feet.

Just relax. You're too dumb. You're too dumb. dumb well he's not changing any hearts or minds he just he's yeah i don't even know yeah you don't have to say you don't have to say anything he didn't have to address it he's like he's catching them in a lie which catches his own self in a lie halfway through the tweet then he like tries to save face but like he could just click on cancel and then not have to back himself into a corner.

He's not required to tweet about any of the stuff that he does. He could not, he could opt to not. Ooh, it'll be fun. It'll be fun when they don't mean anything anymore. Um, all right,

here's a real question from, uh, a NAD pod fan. So do you have any new NAD pod names to give this dude? Yeah. Um, um this this campaign i am playing an echo knight named henry hank hogfish so we can call him hank why are you looking at me like that henry hank hogfish henry hogfish is his name hank for short, Hank Hogfish.

Hank is short for Henry. And is he like hard one in that he has like what, really strong thick legs or something like that? Actually, what's interesting about Henry is that he's very average. And I've made a point of specifying that. He is of medium build. He's five foot nine. He wears a size nine and a half shoe.

He's just sort of a, he's five foot nine he wears a size nine and a half shoe um he's just sort of uh he's just a guy who knows what's gonna happen to henry he might get hot over time i think he'll get hot he'll get abs yeah the first fucking possibility you'll roll like a 20-sided die to give him a 12 pack or some shit well i have already established that he's a bit vascular he's svelte he's not he doesn't have a lot of body no right he's low body fat he's lean he's lithe got it in fact he's got pretty strong structure he's somewhat hot he's more of like a rock climber is He's five foot nine. Doesn't have an ounce of fat on his body. All right. Anyway, Hank writes, Henry writes, I recently moved out of my parents' home in New York

and now I'm on my own with my dog in Ohio. I had more than enough saved up and I'm working DoorDash, which is pulling in more than enough to pay the bills out here. My question is now that I have all this free time and money saved up, I've been thinking about starting a D&D podcast with some friends. I have a mic and some free recording programs on my computer. I'm a big fan of Critical Role, Dimension 20, and of course, NADDPod. So I was wondering, where do I start? Should we try streaming a campaign? Where would I even post a podcast? I'm a total noob at this, and I don't even know where to begin any advice would be greatly appreciated love henry okay so this guy is essentially asking uh how do i how do i make a podcast where do i put a podcast how do i get a podcast out there into the world and this is like this is something we're actually we don't ever get uh questions about how to start a podcast but like I would say this is one of the rare areas

of our actual expertise. We've started shows. We know how to do this. We can answer this with authority. Right, all right. You wanna go through the step-by-step process? Okay, microphone, he's already got. That's a huge one.

Something to record your audio. And then again, it's not about how good the mic is. It's about how good your room is. You want a soft room, dampen it up, no echoes. The smaller, the better. The wetter, the weather. The leather, the header. The heather, the sweatshirt.

That's right. Wrap your head in a heathered gray sweatshirt of sorts and speak into that softness. I was sort of marveling the other day at just the fact that we started in your apartment making like a weird little towel fort. That was like the OG podcast. Then we got a house with a studio.

Then we got an office that had a podcast recording studio. Then we had a second office. We had two podcast recording studios. And now after all that, we're back in our apartments in weird little towel forts sitting in closets it's like podcasting from the beginning all over again yeah corona has backpedaled us five years um and now we're doing it over the internet which even when we were doing it together it was a lot easier but all you need is a microphone all your friends need is a microphone all your friends need is a

microphone and then if not you can even record the zoom zoom as a record meeting function so you can sound good and then it records the audio that's being recorded uh as the zoom conversation is being played out that is correct that is correct um and then you can edit using i mean any editing software you can use garage band that's like on your mac already for free people use audacity is that another one yeah you can edit on audacity um yeah and then there are little like plugins and um uh applications which will equalize your audio so it makes the loud parts uh quieter and the quieter parts louder so it's all the same level that's pretty clutch and then all you need to submit a podcast to like itunes

which puts it everywhere really is um to upload one episode to a host and you can use whatever host you want i feel like a lot of um like meetings we have with potential podcasters like one of the questions we very commonly get is like how do you get it on itunes and spotify like like that's the hard part that we have like we have the inside knowledge of how to make it appear on apple yeah how do you click the upload button um but yeah as long as you have i mean there's plenty of places that host for free i think libsyn hosts for free is that right. A lot of places have like free options where it's like, you don't upload a lot or not a lot of people are listening to it. So you don't have to pay for a lot of bandwidth, but it's not too expensive regardless.

Right. And your host will send the file to Spotify and they will send it to iTunes. Your podcast will appear on these places. And I think if you want to grow that show, you just hit up like the forums where people might be interested. And like you mentioned, there's a lot of D&D communities out there that might enjoy your show if you're making something that's thematically similar to Adventure Zone or D20 or NatPod. That's right. There's a supply. There's a demand, I should say. A D&D man.

So as long as your supply is good enough people will start consuming it and then before you know it you have a critical hit on your hands a critical role on your hands that's right um and you can post it anywhere i don't know simple cast uh what's the free music ones sound cloudCloud. SoundCloud, yeah. Libsyn, you said, Art19. There's dozens, dozens of options. Yeah. And then once you put a couple episodes up, anybody can grab those episodes from their podcast app and you're off and running.

Yeah, then it's just promo, baby. And then comes the hard part. I spent the better part of our first year flyering. So basically outside of comedy clubs in New York City, sort of handing out papers with URLs that are nearly impossible to remember. We did cold email advertisers before we had anybody else,

before we were part of a network. We just like straight up emailed like frank and oak uh we emailed uh nature box it's like cold people i had to get them on the line by ordering a shirt and then claiming that something was definitely wrong with it and it's like now that i have you on the line can i sell you a podcast ad and it's like you know it's usually like customer support that they've outsourced to india so like they weren't in any position to take the take it on but i ended up selling this fucking guy on 500 worth of ads for his bicycle shop

so there's any way to get it done although this is a good point we you can plug Gumball, which is our podcast advertising marketplace. Oh, that's right. So anybody that has a podcast, anyone that's already done all of these other steps can use gumball.fm to upload their show and list all of their open ad inventory. That's one of the things that we built because we're so fucking genius. And if had well we didn't build it but yeah uh we worked with people that did you

didn't do anything it was our idea to have people it was our idea to hire people it was our idea to hire people that had the idea to hire someone to build it is what i'm trying to say and that takes fucking forethought buddy that. That's not easy. That actually is pretty smart, to hire someone that has an idea that hires somebody that actually does some shit. Wow. Wow. What's a king to a god? What's a pod to a prince?

And if you have something that you want to advertise on this show, really any head gun podcast you can just that url is the same it's just gumball.fm and you can buy podcast advertising as well it works for both sides correct uh so yeah start it up let us know i should say the one thing you need is podcast art 1400 by 1400 a square image that represents your podcast correct that is also correct which which we also keep threatening to update ours and have yet to do right it's time come on isn't it time what do you think it was time years and years ago we don't look like those tweenagers on the art anymore yeah actually now that i've like i feel like now that it might i grew my beard back i might look more like that dude than i did when he when it was originally made oh really shit so maybe yours is the same and mine is different you definitely look like that because

you don't have a you don't have a beard in our podcast art yeah and i have glasses yeah that does kind of look like you we could just take our patreon art which is relatively new. Yeah. Make it easy. Yeah. That's all we need to do. But it'd be cool to have a new color. I don't know if we can update the green to something. That would be cool. We should definitely do this.

We should definitely do this. There's no reason not to. Let's take a break. We'll thank some new sponsors. We'll come up with new cover art. We'll upload it. We'll upload a full other episode, and then we'll come back, answer more questions on the other side of this break. Bye. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience.

But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's gum.fm slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s. Cool.

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And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a lesson! Mom, I'm coming! Gross. um um i don't think so do you here's a specific one so niche that i haven't even tried it yet oh wow yeah wow but you want other people to follow it. Do as I say, not as I do. Right. I haven't done it yet, but I would do it if necessary. And I think this will help you out too. Maybe you can be the guinea pig and try it for me.

Okay. So I got a TikTok tip. A tip from TikTok about how to make your smoothie bowls thicker. How specific is that? Yeah. Okay. So, you know, smoothies can come in all shapes and sizes, but like at a certain point, it almost becomes juice. You can't just pour it into a bowl and eat it like cereal.

It needs to be a little thicker, almost like ice cream or something. Right. You want the thick smoothie. That's the goat smoothie. I prefer the smoothie from a bowl, not from a cup. Yeah. And you don't want it to be like so thin you can drink from a straw you want the smoothie bowl thick enough that you can eat with a spoon right the ice cream smoothie so this the way this smoothie bowl specialist did it is she

added rice cauliflower to the smoothie which she says doesn't affect the taste but only the texture interest and you get some cauliflower yeah so it's rice cauliflower in theory which he says doesn't affect the taste, but only the texture. Interesting. And you get some cauliflower. Yeah, so it's rice cauliflower. In theory, couldn't you just do regular cauliflower? Because the smoothie blends it up into rice anyway. That's a good question. Yeah, or would it liquefy more if it was a full stock versus like it's already been riced?

Does it need to be the rice? Is the rice right? I'm from the USA, but I'm using cauliflower rice. Rice. Do you have rice cauliflower? Do you use that? Is that in your repertoire as is? Yeah, I fuck with rice cauliflower.

I buy it frozen. I make a little stir fry with it. I like it a lot because I mean, I love rice. But really what I love about rice is its ability to soak up the soy. Nothing's better than soyed rice. A soy rice-o. So, I mean, really, really what I like is soy sauce, I think. So you could put that on anything. You might as well put it on the cauliflower.

It's slightly healthier than putting it on the rice. Okay, so try that. The other thing that you could try is if your smoothies are too watery, just put less liquid in them. Because that's what I do. I put frozen banana, frozen strawberry, frozen blueberries, a pinch of blackberries, and then just, oh, and then a big old dollop of peanut butter. You want that PB. And then you do just like a splash of milk. You know, you don't need to over milk the thing.

You just under milk it. And then it's pretty thick. Okay, because you sent me a photo. This one doesn't look so thick. This one could be a little watery. Maybe you can thicken it up with some rice cauliflower. I resent that. That photo that I sent you is quite thick. It'silling it's absolutely spilling over i mean look at that it

looks like it looks like strawberry milk i'm sorry it looks like you're this is a quick ad a quick ad with a strawberry bunny this is not thick and that's quite enough i can see the magic spoon cereal it's absolutely submerging it's fucking melting into the the the pink it's resting on it's resting atop i don't resting atop i i resent the continuous of this conversation i want you to stop it i want you to shut up shut up you'd rather you want me to rice this thing i want you to nick it in the rice try adding it i don't know maybe it works i'm gonna try it myself i haven't done it yet so i can't speak with authority but it did seem smart so you're getting the tip tops have you got have

you did i tell you that i am off tiktok what jesus christ everything i get you onto you end up either selling like a nintendo switch or disconnecting because you become too what what was the problem with yeah i also i sold my i i sold my water pick on craigslist as well no um no i i i found that i was i was using tiktok a lot like the recommendation on you know if i'd like it was spot on i did like it i was not using it for good. I was not getting anything from it. It was like, I'm looking at it for like workout tips, but like the workouts on it are impossible to, I can't like track them. I can't, it's not like anything that's usable.

It's just jacked people doing stuff that I do all the time, but they're hotter than me already. So it's like- I see, so it's getting you mad. Oh, you want, you mad oh you want yeah do you want to shred abs do 35 seconds of high knees 35 seconds of via like that's what i do and i don't look like that so there's something else yeah there's something else to this 100 you're not seeing what he does the other 23 hours of the day all of these like tips and tricks that people show you in like 30

seconds i feel like is a lifetime of effort towards being an expert and influencer in this space and it's like it's gratifying to watch 30 seconds of it but you can't actually live that life so i was getting like the endorphin dump that like the little fire of uh happiness just by looking and i wasn't actually it wasn't turning into anything actionable um so i so i deleted the app and then i was also like there were just like hot girls dancing and like shaking their butts and that would just like send me uh over the edge you know it's like not like you would start good for my you had to masturbate regardless of where you were you're like this is too hot oh my god you want a subway i'm gonna not this guy just made a healthy banana bread and showed me his

six-pack and that girl just fucking twerked that's all that's all my tiktok was and it was like the algorithm it like it pegged me it thought that it had me too much so much to the point that it was only showing me the same exact thing over and over and over again and i was going there like some kind of like rat in a maze and that couldn't escape but still like seeing the jacked guys and the big butts and i'm just like scrolling scrolling scrolling forever and it did nothing it did nothing for me at all except make me want more and more and yeah so i you're describing every app they're all sort of vying for your attention in different right but none of them none of them got it that good and i think tiktok got it too good so i had to get this dangerous

so not worth it if something you get you don't use it all you give it away and if you use it too much you give it away you need something that you use a healthy amount and then put away forever otherwise it's not worth it that's right okay all right well i guess i'll continue giving you my the slight recommendations that i do get try rice cauliflower in your smoothie bowl see what happens i'm curious yep by the way this is how i prefer to get recommendations like you get thrown into the tiktok vortex and then tell me what the deal is like if you uh yeah you know you just you learn you spread the knowledge um as as joey's grandma said spread the faith keep the faith joey now joey spread it okay spread the faith. Spread the advice, actually. Let's see if we can answer some more questions.

Okay. Here's one called, am I an alcoholic from a lady? We'll call, you know, who's that famous female in the alcohol industry? Samantha Adams. Samantha Adams. Sam Adams. Sad Adam. Sam. Sad. Sad Adam. Adam. Sad Madams. Right. Sam Adams is a sad madam. Sad Madam writes, I recently lost my job because of the coronavirus and I had to move back in with my parents. I feel like I'm headed nowhere and I mostly spend my days looking at new jobs.

And this is embarrassing. Quilting. Oh, I also can't sleep because I'm worried about my future and what I'm going to do I resorted to drinking to help me fall asleep first it was just one drink to relax before bed and now I'm getting buzzed every night

should I get help or is this the kind of thing everyone secretly does will I die at the ripe old age of 20 from liver damage thanks love zoinked in my parents' basement. Sam, madams. First of all, I'm sorry that you lost your job. That's rough.

I think that you are not, you're definitely like self-medicating, but I don't think this borders on alcoholism at all. Like when you're feeling anxious, when you're feeling stressed and you find something that helps a little bit, it makes sense that you're going back. Maybe it's a slippery slope, but I also, it's not like you're getting trashed every single night. I also think that like spending your day looking for jobs and doing a very wholesome hobby is not sad. That's good. You are looking for a job and found a way to pass your time that's like not completely useless so good on you yeah it seems like you're during the day it's fine you're

looking for jobs you're being very responsible with your time you're doing something that's not staring at a screen like tiktok actually there's a bunch of good quilting tiktoks if you should get into that quilting tiktok is i know that there is is quilting TikTok, but that's so fucking incongruous. Like, something that takes time and patience versus, like, 30 seconds, beautiful quilt. That's fucking, I hate the world. But I guess it all depends on the moderation. Like, are you having one drink five nights a week? Are you having four drinks every night to fall asleep?

So it's all up to you. You know more than we do, but it's probably not the healthiest habit, I should say. Right. But I mean, during the height of the pandemic, I feel like I was drinking not seven nights a week, but like definitely more nights a week than not drinking. But drinking to what extent?

Just like one, like a beer and a whiskey, maybe like something to take the edge off. Yeah, that's probably fine. It's probably fine, but it's not like, I think that if it's,

it's definitely fine if that's what you like and that's what you want to do. But if it not like, I think that if it's, it's definitely fine if that's what you like and that's what you want to do. But if it's like, I am doing this and I know that it's not what I want, but I need it to take the edge off, then maybe you do want to get away from it and find something else, like find another way to relax. Yeah. There's plenty of healthier sleep tips. Yeah.

You found one thing that works, but it's not making you fully happy so try try a couple different things yeah and then the other alternative is to just like recognize that it's okay to like have a drink to unwind if if that's what you're craving and just don't let it go further than you're comfortable with but yeah i think it's you're still you're still in control here. I hope. You better be. And if not, two melatonin and five whiskey ginger ales will fucking put a horse to sleep. Check out alcohol TikTok. There is cocktail TikTok. Just different cool ways to make drinks and stuff.

Yeah, and there's probably also binge drinking tiktok there's something out there for everybody tiktok had my algorithm so wrong that it was like showing me like these really fucking foul like popping videos like pimple popping but like not just pimple pop like lansing shit like that didn't make any sense like almost like mutilation videos and and it's like i'm not i don't like watching this you keep on showing it to me and you think that i like it it was you do like it i remember back in the college humor offices you would watch like fucking pop my zit.com lansing videos right those were fun the caterpillar shit yeah was it different the tiktok algorithm knows you more than you know

yourself is the problem it's potentially but didn't we talk we talked about this once you told me that i needed to like like more videos right yeah like and um communicate comment follow i didn't like any of those videos i started liking uh like stretching videos and i started liking lifting videos, and now my algorithm is all fucked. That's cool. It's crept into my Instagram. My Instagram for you page is just like fucking so many jacked dudes.

Let me see what it shows me now that you have me. I guess I never thought about the algorithm for myself. It's just funny videos, but let's see what it's showing me because this will sort of indicate who i am baseball um naked guy who's sort of jacked and next to cars stand-up comedy okay so far it's killing it jim carrey giving a graduation speech awesome vfx a guy grabbing something and moving around and dropping his girlfriend on an airplane and stuff like that. Accent challenge.

Hot guy with a cat. Hot guy making food. A lot of jacked people baking shit. Prank videos where a guy just runs into people in a in a walmart prank video hot guy making a steak video every eight videos is this is how to make the perfect steak have you seen this one the guy just walks up to rich people's cars and say what do you do for a living and the guy the people usually answer i date rappers that's cool she's driving like an eight hundred thousand dollar car uh so yeah solid living i like hot people and steak i guess i never thought about it until

tiktok sort of gave it to me like that tiktok showed me as well so many steaks and burgers like i think you get it after two you do not like yes you put a ball of cheese inside the burger yeah you put the you put the steak in a cast iron to put the cast iron in the oven very cool everything everything looks easy because it all happens in 30 seconds and it's filmed nice but when you do it yourself it's not that, it's not that clean. It's not that good. Everything's hard. The cheese in the burger, that's a classic tip. I put a fucking stick of butter on top of a steak while it was in the pan.

Yeah, I guess it does taste better. That would make it good. Yeah, you drenched it in butter, sir. I just don't want to eat that much butter is all yeah and look at these rock hard abs because this is the only steak that with butter that i've had in three and a half months yeah i can't do the cooking tiktok and also the shredded guy tiktok i have to like do one or the other yeah i was for for like my last day on tiktok i i had like there was some sort of weird like workout tiktok where the guys would like uh list everything that they ate for an entire day it's like 8 a.m overnight oats yeah

nine eggs why the fuck do i care it's better to just stare at the ceiling because like you're doing nothing and you're not hurting your eyes that like tikt is doing nothing, but it hurts your eye a little bit. Yeah, it is a lot of screen time. I got my like screen time report the other day and I was like, you're down 8%. It was 21 hours and like 20 minutes a day. And I'm like, holy shit, I am looking at my phone way too much. 21 hours. That means last week i was staring at my phone for 22 hours a day like when you see it written like that that's like such a fucking slap in the face holy shit i do want to look let's let's look through our screen time right now that's what

i want to say okay mine is embarrassing because i watch full sporting events on there but that being said oh i see all right let's let's see okay mine's actually really embarrassing have you ever like seen a tweet that's like oh my god this is shameful 48 minutes a day on twitter and then i'm like jesus christ that's embarrassing to you that's nothing how do i look at it where is oh if you go to settings oh yeah and then screen time and we both asked how do i do it at the same time um that's how often we're in there today week all right we're gonna go oh geez that is definitely pretty embarrassing yeah mine too what's yours though first let's go first most most used app what's your most used wait where is

it where is it i'm i'm at screen time oh app limits no then you know go to below that it says see all activity oh yeah yeah yeah yeah most used is twitter okay wait first what's your daily average a lot but you have you have to understand that I'm watching two football games, so that's already six of those 30 hours. What is it? What's your daily average? I'll lie to you and say four hours and then see how you react to that. That's higher than mine.

So yours is probably way higher than four hours. Mine is three hours and 34 minutes. Yeah, mine is eight hours and 59 minutes. That's not true. Oh my God. All right, well now let's break it down. You have to understand that I'm on Instagram a lot. So that kind of fucks it up.

Right. Go to all apps and then we'll see. Because you're watching the football games on like Chrome. So you can deduct that. This is also the election week. So like I'm just staring at my CNN, New York Times, whatever the fuck. Right. So I'll go.

My most used this last week was Twitter. Six hours, 23 minutes. Yeah. Twitter is 11 hours, 15 minutes. All right. Instagram. What do you got? Three hours and eight minutes very close two hours

46 minutes and then i have a poker app on here that i play with my friends that's four hours four hours right there right then so yeah yeah this is stop judging me so much everyone you're you're sort of pissing me off what about my porn hub app, 98 hours. See that? You use your watch and Android on, so it's a completely different type of screen time. But I watch full porn events on there. Yeah, that's my Oculus, though. That's a completely different screen.

Messages is up there. Messages. What's your messages? Four hours and 38 minutes. Wow. My most is Twitter by a lot. Then it's Instagram. And then after that, they're all under two hours. Yeah, I have Spectrum and Poker on here,

which is just news and playing cards with my friends. Though I have been inching very closely towards getting an iPad. So if I'm playing poker on my iPad, is that considered screen time? Do they communicate with the other track it yeah i guess should i just use a different dummy a dummy phone to use my apps on i wonder i wonder i've never seen you so uncomfortable on this podcast is when you needed to share your screen yeah i've also been lying by a lot. Like when I said eight hours and 59, it was 59 hours and eight. Oh, man.

Love it. Good stuff. Yeah. No, I mean, this is all super healthy. And then it's like, all right, let me use my phone less. I'll watch TV more. Is that a different mentally or is it, is all the same thing where it's like,

that's a screen. You're just changing one screen for another. No, I think, I think that the TV is a healthier screen, honestly, because there's a little less like manic behavior to it. Yeah.

It's also definitely better for your posture, like staring at a TV 10 feet away, then hunched over a phone. Another relic of my TikTok days was trying to get better posture, doing chest openers. Oh, that's good. Yeah. I need to do that.

It stuck a little bit, for sure. Oh, really? I'm definitely hyper aware of when I'm slouching now. There's almost like bras that you can wear, like a backpack that like opens your shoulders up that was an early covid purchase for my ass oh you got it i had it yeah and you just wear it all day i stopped wearing it uh of course because it's very uncomfortable but i think it once you do wear it you start to realize like how insanely bad your posture is.

Like it, it totally changes your body. And, and then like when you're, every time you want to like slouch, you like feel a pull and you're like, Oh wow. So it kind of reminds you,

I mean, my brief time wearing it has made me have better posture, even though now I don't wear it because I'm just like thinking about my posture more. Yeah. No, that makes sense yeah there's a time where i like catch myself in the mirror i'm like oh jesus christ i'm a question mark of a man yeah actually let me check my slouching app i've used it 19 hours this week um let me just get some wild lines for um when i'm editing this episode what what two hours and four minutes what's yours come on 42 minutes what's yours small small man i don't have that app i don't have that app let me just get that clean i don't have instagram

you have your audio completely isolated you don't need it cleaned you can get these as pickups later you coward Twitter says 30 seconds it says 30 seconds for Twitter Twitter I got down to 30 seconds that one's an hour but that's New York Times it's a charity app I use

my number one app is a charity app that I use to donate to charity a lot alright I think we're good yeah i think i got it thank you yeah you did right yeah of course uh all right sweet thanks for listening uh for more content if you want to consume even more content on your phone or computer uh you can check out our patreon patreon.com slash ja yesA. Yes. What episodes are we watching on this week's Patreon? What episodes are, well, this comes out on Monday. So the last one we did was answering questions

that from the podcast, J-A-M-A. And then the last episodes that we watched were crabs and real world audition. And coming up next week will be knives And then the last episodes that we watched were Crabs and Real World Audition. And coming up next week will be Knives and Profile Pick, I want to say. That's right. So if you're curious, if you want to see some behind-the-scenes commentary on those, I guess, all-time classics, check it out. Oh, yeah. I mean, they're all A's to A pluses for sure.

Yeah. We do give letter grades, and they're often A's to A pluses for sure. Yeah, we do give letter grades and they're often A's to A pluses. For we deserve them. The opening theme song, again, was that epic election theme song. And this closing one is a Cats in the Cradle cover. Let me see who wrote that one.

Cats in the Cradle. Yeah, it's by Duffy Connorsman whose Instagram, actually Duffy conners instagram duffy conners nice twitter duffy connersman okay so check him out use those apps even more and more please somebody tell me out there you've beaten my eight hour and 59 minute record screenshot screenshot send those screenshots makereenshot, please. Send those screenshots. Make me feel better. Please.

I can't be the number one in the world. Not at this. Not like this. Not like now. And we'll be back, of course, on Monday. Thanks for listening, everybody. All right. Listen, if I were you just the other day They were being coy in their usual way

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