Segments - 463: Ticklish

Episode Date: November 23, 2020

In this episode we discuss our Thanksgiving plans, Zoom fatigue, and foot fetishes.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter,

and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024,

we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah. Because you're nervous. You're skittish. You're stuttering right now. I'm a little frightened. So I don't want you in this ad at all. I don't want to be steamrolled, but I want the live live. So no, I won't be recording one. In fact, for you asking that, I'm going to keep this part in. Don't. This part is now. Edit this part out, but let's do one clean ad. No.

You will edit this part out. You will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what, I'm going to say my fucking social security number, so you have to edit it out, okay? Let's hear it. 091-3662. Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in, but we'll see you guys there.

No, no, no there no no no no if I were you the show rap star and a shitpunk are your hoes Put your ass on blast and let you know What to do, say and when to move As my poor heart beats, I remember arms beat And if I were you, I'd show, show And if I were you, I'd show Nice.

Absolutely nice. Let's say the name of the person. Did I notice what? They snuck in some Omsby references with a side of rice. I actually did not catch that, but I know you're always listening for Omsby for rice, and I think that is nice. So congrats.

I wonder if Omsby knows omsby of course being a rice restaurant your old office that closed down because it was it was overpriced and under riced really i was over riced was the problem it was under meated there was a lot of rice and not a lot of it was like yeah yeah i yeah. I liked Omsby. Not as much as you liked Omsby, but more than Marty liked Omsby. I was fine with Omsby. Yeah, so this person wrote a theme song from Sweden.

That's why it sounded so cool. So I wonder if Omsby realizes that he has a Swedish musician writing about him. Probably not. I don't know who started or ended Omsby. Omsby was like, you're talking about it as if it's a guy? Wasn't it? I have, I definitely did not think Omsby was a guy.

I thought it was just like a weird name. A restaurant. I thought it was like umami or something. Yeah. I thought it was just the name of of an ingredient or a type of cuisine it is yeah it's like omasabe or however you call those rice triangles but in addition to that i imagine him as like a magical rice man of sorts who would descend on us and sort of give us what we wanted which was lunch at a rate of rice and And the price was rice. It was not inexpensive, but it was not expensive.

There wasn't a lot of good, cheap options near the office. That's for sure. Lunch was not a cheap affair. I think it was five or six bucks per triangle of rice. And you needed three. You couldn't have two. You needed three. I think you could have two and a soup and a drink with a side of rice in a hat with a sauce.

A salmon in a sauce in a triangle with the seaweed and the soup. And how about a little plastic glass of water for my ass? Here comes a theme song from Sweden, which is a parody of chasing my mind by post-punk band holograms and instead of a shout out says tom instead of a shout out i'd really appreciate if you could wish my friend sebastian a happy birthday and plug his twitch okay so my god this is a difficult to spell thing it It's going to be hard. Sebangali. Sebangeli. Yeah.

You're going to have to spell it. Yeah, but are people going to remember the spelling? Like, I'm going to talk about this guy's Twitch, and then we're going to have like 40 minutes of a podcast, and then it's like, oh, let me go back and remember that guy's... Not even the guy. It's the musician's friend Sebastian Twitch. One person might do it, and for that reason, it's worth it.

Okay. It's S-E-B-B-A-N-G-E-L-I. So Sebastian and his friend, Tom, who wrote the song, have been watching our web series for years, and they have a tradition of giving each other belated birthday presents. So whenever you choose to play, this will be fine. More than fine, actually. It would be chine.

So thank you, Tom. All right. Thank you. You think it's cold in Sweden already? What do you think the current temperature is in Helsinki as we record on November, late November, November 20th? I will go with eight degrees. Fahrenheit.

Centigrade. Oh, centigrade. I think that's too warm, right? Helsinki weather. Because you got to keep in mind, it's almost, what, 1 a.m. there right now? Middle of the night, November. That's true. What are we working with?

I don't want to get you off of eight degrees centigrade. If you really truly feel it in your mind's ass then you should go for it what is that in fahrenheit that's what i need to know first yeah i would guess like 50 something oh what yeah no really eight degrees celsius hold on oh it's 46 yeah no i'm gonna go i will go i definitely intended to go lower um so temperature in helsinki i was thinking 28 28 fahrenheit yeah that's a good guess i'll go slightly above 28 fahrenheit helsinki weather is wow zero degrees celsius do you know what that is jake that's 32 that's 32 slightly above 28 we did we set a good line and i nailed it you're that's fucked up so are we each we each had a guess and you get we each had a guess i guessed 28 a specific number no you said oh you guessed for you guessed 46 i talked you off of that and then

you said fine 28 and i said i'll go a little bit above that a little bit above 32 what is that so you guessed wrong twice and i guessed right once i nailed it yeah i am giving myself credit you did not nail it you said eight centigrade instead of celsius i was just having a fucking i was making a beef at the moment i was just fucking around around. I was fucking around. You called my ass out. And then I came with the real answer, with the real real. And you just took that as the leaping off point instead of submitting your own. I don't think that's fair. That's tacky.

That's tacky. That's tacky, man. That's really tacky, actually. Actual-acky. that's really tacky actually actual aki i don't know if this is a real uh mathematical or statistical theorem but if not then i'm gonna try to coin it right now which is if you want to know the true good estimate of something you ask two people and then just take the average it's like i noticed that like when i asked like oh how many like a statistic i found recently is how many people in america currently have coronavirus and i asked two friends and it

was like the answer was right in the middle of their two guesses what was the answer what do you think uh a million currently with corona yeah one of them guessed one one of them guessed five and it was three three million people jesus yeah it's a lot either way you slice it it's too many it's not good it's definitely yeah it's about one percent of the population very bad very currently have it very bad yeah this doesn't include people who have died or got rid of it in some way so there have one there one out of hundred million right is that right that right? Yeah, 10 million total. And like 3 million currently. So I guess stay safe.

Yeah, wear a mask. Have you noticed that like now that the numbers are on the rise, people are close to you again or like you hear like, oh yeah, my aunt has gotten it. There was like a time where that's the secondhand Corona sort of died off and now I'm like hearing more murmurs of it.

Yeah, there are definitely, there are people in our neighborhood that got it. Everyone I know in New York is fine. Like my parents' neighborhood is where like friends and family, people are, are getting it. Are they,

are they lax up there in Connecticut? No, not very lax. They have like pretty low, low, like cases over there numbers but they yeah they they do they don't seem very lax um but it's just like something that is super contagious i suppose is your dad playing soccer with a bunch of friends still uh yeah they said and they have two different games

they have one game where people don't wear a mask my dad doesn't play in that one but he and he plays in the masked game which is usually around like 15 people and there have been there have been no um no cases and i think he also talks about like no no um no instances of like transmission while playing soccer also wow so even though you're like rubbing and bumping and sweating up on people i mean they don't play they definitely they don't play that kind of soccer i played one of the games a couple weeks ago and like there's not close contact at all you're never within three feet of somebody i guess you're within three feet but like i've played i've played in their games before and like there is not the level of contact

that there usually is because i still haven't played basketball but people do but i guess some people do some people are playing outdoors and i don't know it just feels kind of risky still especially indoor basketball bumpinging, like hitting people. There's some times where I get a whiff of someone where I just assume if they had Corona, that was, that would be it for me. Yeah.

But isn't there that also, also that thing about Corona that's like, it's a, it's like a dosage almost. So like if you're playing with somebody that has it, you're like, it's not like the same as like going and like sitting in a restaurant or a bar or a bar with them.

Yeah. It's like the viral load of it all like if somebody's smoking how much secondhand smoke do you get if you're sitting next to them for two hours a lot more than if you're like running around in the same gym as them i mean none of it's good that's that's for sure it's all bad yeah it's all bad it's all bad and potentially getting worse you know thanksgiving christmas hanukkah new years people congregating indoors more than ever yeah i can't quite i mean i guess are you what's your thanksgiving plan are you doing anything uh if i do it'll be like me avital mom and dad are outdoor lunch like it's definitely not a indoor family affair anymore and nobody's traveling for it

life's fun they are estimating that like 50 million people are going to travel for it so try not traveling and having a full meal with 20 people in a room i i totally agree with all of that stuff i think it's hard for me to separate like what we should be doing without without just like just like being mad at the colossal fuck up that the government had here like it was it's yeah it was hard to be have any level of success already because of what what it is but But they ruined the holidays for us. They're the Grinch, but they stole more than Christmas. They took our Thanksgiving, birthdays, Easters, family get-togethers,

weddings canceled across the nation. Right. And I think everybody is still doing a decent or like the people that are taking it seriously are like making huge sacrifices it's just fucking annoying that we have to that like yeah that we went into a full lockdown in new york uh in like march and april and and nobody like got anything even like remotely under control now you might have to do that again this march and april yeah they closed schools oh yeah that's nice it'll be like an annual tradition well the the winter lockdown or whatever but aren't you feeling hopeful about the vaccines that's kind of nice

that was that was good news that'll be good but not till not not for a while it seems yeah but i like i mean it doesn't when when stuff comes out like that it doesn't feel like it's a never-ending hellscape i'm like yeah there's a light at the end of the tunnel i love thinking about the light at the end of the tunnel i love thinking about um going to bars and patting my friends on the back and like you know like that with all the fun cocktails like oh what is your can i try that can i try your cocktail like yeah yeah i was thinking i was thinking the other day i'm like remember like when you used to be like a little under the weather and you just went to a bar and it's like oh try not to drink from my drink i'm a little congested like that was the amount of sacrificing you did

like i'm still gonna go here i still don't feel well it's still crowded and indoors but i'm gonna let this person know not to drink from my drink specifically. That's like kind of, I think that maybe we'll get a little more polite about passing colds and stuff. That'd be good. Yeah. At the very least, a cold. I'll give you the flu, but I don't feel bad giving you the cold. Just don't go out if you feel sick, whether it's coronavirus or anything.

Yeah, that used to be like a thing. Like, oh, you're not that sick. You can come out. Oh, come on. You just have a cough. Like, you'll get over it. Yeah. All right.

This is If I Were You, an advice show. It's not just corona advice, but general advice. We don't have an advice show. It's actually the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us i'm amir i'm jake uh i actually found a quarantine question because there are people who are still working from home just like us every day day in day out oh yeah uh so we'll call this guy after zoom after yeah after zoom after zoom after zoom after zoom after zoom nice uh yeah so this person's actually it's a lot of zooms i get it is all you don't have to say

that we understand it's a lot of zooms actually we'll call this guy quentin because he has a quarantine question all right so this is a quarantine question a dilemma straight from lockdown londontown my job involves talking to people a lot non-stop day in day out and i'm having meetings shaking hands being personal so while this viral contagion is undoubtedly a total nightmare the world over the first couple of weeks of lockdown were balm to my soul. They were exactly what I needed, not seeing anyone for an indefinite period. I needed a period of enforced rest. I needed to give my mind a time to shut down for a while. And I'm still doing my job via email as much as I can without pay. But here's the thing. I'm super not down for all these Zoom parties, quizzes,

phone calls, texts, this nonstop unending barrage of social events and enforced interaction with everyone and everyone via webcam. So while I can muster the energy to talk to clients via webcam and the odd phone call with my friends, I generally ask them to email me instead. So my question is, how do you get out of socializing online without looking like a douche? I'm a sociable guy from the old world, but I'm so tired of my phone buzzing and endless people wanting to do online quiz nights. But I don't want to say it's for my mental health because it's not. And if you just say, I don't want to do this trivia night, I don't want to Zoom, you look like an asshole. So what's your solution, Jake and Amir? Thank you.

Love, Quentin. Quentin, it's a tough cookie. I got a couple opinions here. Number one, I don't think you're the only person that feels this way. I think that there's a lot of people going through the motions

being like, I don't want to fade away into non-existence i don't want to lose touch with people i gotta i zoomed all day for work now i want to got to zoom with my friends and family i don't think that they would react badly to you being like i'm zoomed out i can't do it tonight i have zoom exhaustion you like you have to just be honest with people about your emotional state these days it's not a normal thing that we all just went into lockdown and started working remotely and zoom everywhere and look at screens all day like you're dealing with everything while being anxious and depressed

because of the state of the world and i think that you gotta you can give yourself a pass and just tell people i'm not up for it you don't have to say if you're uncomfortable being like i have to do for my mental health you just say something like uh i've been looking at a screen too long today i can't do it so you know why is it why is that harder like why is going to four zoom meetings and a zoom birthday party harder than going to four real meetings and then like a real birthday party i don't know i what's your theory i think that zoom like with screen stuff you give a lot of energy but I don't know if you receive it, or at least I don't. Like, it's hard to really connect.

You kind of just have to like put out and leave it all out there. Whereas when I'm in a meeting or when I'm at a party or when I'm seeing people in real life. There's like a give and a take of energy and I can feel other people's excitement and buzz and that makes me happy. I don't feel that over Zoom. So it feels like give and give and give and get nothing in return. Yeah, it's a one-way mirror. It's like you're giving to the other person,

but there's nobody there. You're just literally, like if my dog was staring at me he'd be like why is why is master just sitting or standing and staring at this computer for eight hours a day and now it's time to do it again you're not moving anywhere in your house even and i mean when you're zooming like how do you i already know the answer to this because i zoom with you and I see what you're doing. But like, it's not like we're in a meeting where we're like talking to each other and I'm like looking at your face. You're like, I'm a smaller box on your screen where you have like emails and texts and other

stuff coming in. It's like, you can't give anything your full attention so you feel just like scatterbrained and and like brain dead every every time you're uh trying to like talk to anybody yeah i wonder if some of it is also like when you are in a party you literally can't see yourself um you can hide yourself you can hide yourself on zoom yeah but most people like it's either like presenter mode you can see yourself a little so like i'm always like checking myself out am i looking fine but like if i was in a party i wasn't i wouldn't just be like staring at a mirror like looking at myself constantly checking myself out seeing my zoom background is there a light in your face or

whatever right and that is the annoying thing about like um sometimes i hide the self-view and then if it like comes on for any reason um i'm i like realize that i'm doing something like bad with my posture like or there's a light flare or something so you do kind of have to check in on it and make sure you're not like leaning out of frame or something yeah there's also no reset with zoom meetings there's no like all right let me take a 20 minute break and drive somewhere or let's have this meeting at a lunch and then meeting in a conference room it's like oh yeah they can go back to back and they all back to back and you're sitting in the same place like you're not moving at all right i think that that's just the other it comes back

to the point that i already made but like you feel mentally exhausted but the thing to remember is that it's not just happening to you so i i really do think that there's like sharing this kind of thing with people you can complain about just like you and i are doing right now like there's there's people out there that will commiserate with you and have empathy on this subject as long as you are willing to share it also you can never like on your computer on your zoom yours it's a conversation and then surrounded with texts on one side email on another social media on the bottom whereas like at a party you can't like surround yourself your field of vision with your computer yeah but at a party sometimes i see other people and I'm like, oh, I got to go talk to that guy.

Oh, I got to go talk to this lady. So, you know. But that's exciting. That's good. And that's like cool. You're like, oh, I haven't seen this person in a long time. But now I'm just like, oh, I haven't refreshed Twitter in a second. It seems like there's a lull here.

I see the Lakers signed. The other piece of advice I have, if you don't want to say that you're doing anything for your mental health, you can just be like, I have another Zoom. Because there's always a billion Zooms. And nobody's going to be like, who are you Zooming with? I've definitely gotten out of things over the summer by just being like, oh, I can't do that when I have another Zoom birthday party. my like jill has a zoom uh baby shower that i have to make an appearance on so i can't

do that so yeah it's it's hard because you can't blame the traffic either but you used to if i there were times when i didn't want to do something in old days and and if i didn't, I'm trying to think of like an example, but like if I didn't want to go out, like lying was harder then because you couldn't like say, I can't go to this because I have to do this and then you could get caught out. But like, if I just say there's another Zoom, I can't get caught with anything. I'm just going to watch TV and you'll could get caught out but like if i just say there's another zoom i can't get caught with anything i'm just i'm just gonna watch tv and you'll never know you know yeah you won't see me at a different bar you'll just never see me again yeah it's nice and easy to lie which is nice and i think that you should take advantage of it because it also feels good to get canceled

on when i'm when i've got a zoom meeting and somebody slacks me just before and they're like let's move this i'm not like oh what the nerve i wanted to get on that zoom every single time i'm like thank the goddamn lord now i get to walk outside and see the sun when's the last time you went outside personally yeah uh this morning that's good where'd you go i walked to whole food starbucks and got some food snacks for my home and uh like a that um like probiotic blackberry yogurt smoothie drink that comes in a bottle i forget the brand but yeah it was like a good snack um a good walk and then you're able to get some vitamin d some exercise maybe listen to a podcast on the way in a way on the day and then get like an egg bite

from starbucks you just pick that up yeah Yeah. You know, you do like a, you'll get like a mobile order and then it's like sort of ready for you right there to pick it up. Suvida loca. Nice. Suvida mocha. More like it. Cause I know you like that mocha.

I don't, I don't get that. I usually don't. Yeah. I don't really like it. I have a new, sorry. What were you saying?

I don't like mocha. Yeah. I don't like chocolatey drinks so okay sorry okay let's yeah don't be you're like i know but offensive i was just kidding it's a joke i'm not i don't drink chocolate milk i mean you like a sweetened vanilla ice yeah sometimes with chocolate too you do like chocolate i love it you have a sweet actually i started getting a new drink at starbucks that i really like what yes is it warm or cold cold okay um is it um an espresso type drink espresso or cappuccino no so it's just a black coffee style drink but different than just cold brew or just an iced coffee yeah usually i just got a black iced coffee okay and this is a new drink from that interesting uh is there any dairy in it non-dairy be like say like a splash of almond milk or something something like that yes okay uh and is there any sweetener in it

i think so yeah you're getting a pumpkin spice latte no a unicorn frap i see it in the background it's a lot of whipped cream i'm getting a cold brew with dark cocoa almond foam dark cocoa almond foam yeah and do you like saying that out loud or usually i do the i do not i love asking for a black coffee because it was so simple. They never, ever messed it up. And it's cool to say. Yeah, it's cool to say. Well, luckily, I only order off the mobile app, so I don't have to say it to anybody.

But there have been times where they messed it up, and I have to go to the counter, and I say, this was supposed to be a dark cocoa almond foam, and that's not fun because it's kind of complicated but it's like on the menu you know it's just really but it's really good highly recommend out there how did you even try that dark cocoa almond foam jillian got it once what is a dark cocoa almond foam anyway they take almond milk and cocoa powder and i think maybe a pump of syrup but i'm not entirely sure if that's in it or not so i'm hoping that it's not but i know it's 70

calories and i don't know if any of them come from sugar anyway anyway just oh wow look at that yeah it's like a little it looks like a little beer yeah it's the foam it's it just like it's chocolatey it's delicious it's so good and now i wake up in the morning thinking about it in a way that i have never ever that i have not done since i kicked my habit of the grande sweetened iced coffee yeah you ever get that for old time's sake or do you feel like that phase of your life is gone forever i used to get that as a little treat for myself. Like, yeah, every other Sunday, a couple times a month maybe. If I'm going on a long road trip, I'll get an old coffee with the sugar in it. But mostly I switched over to black.

And now I love the dark cocoa almond foam so much that even there's days when I'm like hungover that I would normally have treated myself to the sweetened coffee. And I prefer the dark cocoa almond foam. Dark cocoa almond foam. Try it out, folks. I should have saved this for unsolicited advice. It's true. Wow. Does it make the whole thing taste kind of like a chocolate milk?

Yes. Yes yes it does do you keep the foam on top or do you mix it in um i take one perfect sip of the foam from the top and then i mix it in because you don't want to you it's too much if you if you just have the foam but that first sip is really good because that's nice and foamy you you should fuck with making it at home. I wonder how hard it is to make your own dark cocoa almond foam. Micah and I talked about that, actually. I don't think it would be hard. I don't think it would be hard. We just need the cocoa powder.

You need the almond milk. I got to find out the other thing. And then they blend it in some things. I don't know how exactly to make it into the foam. Yeah, there's like a foamer. Yeah. I don't really care if it's foamy or not. I think I just like,

if they just had the chocolate milk, they could put it in there and I'd be fine. I'm not like, it's not the foam that I want. It's cocoa, baby. Good to know, no. All right, let's take a break. I'm in love with the cocoa. Nice. Let's take, baby. Good to know, no. All right, let's take a break. I'm in love with the Coco. Nice.

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There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. Thank you to Squ. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes.

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It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah.

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purchase of a website or domain. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments, you save 10% off your first purchase, and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a little sooner than I think. Mom, I'm coming. Gross.

Try the dark cocoa almond foam. Yeah, almond foam cold brew from Starbucksbucks fam that's that's good that is the goat it's so good you can start putting that once you figure out how to make that foam at home you can start putting that foam on anything like uh yeah like uh if you're having a smoothie you can make a smoothie with dark cocoa almond foam like a tuna sandwich i could have like with yeah like a little bit of like that foam on top yeah though yeah and then do you ever have fomo the fear of missing out of the dark cocoa almond foam yeah i have a lot of fomo it's like a starbucks ad have fomo fear of missing out on foam god i would love to be a starbucks spokesperson i think i fucking earned it are

there starbucks uh tv commercials i feel like i'd never see a starbucks ad i remember there was one there was like holiday yeah but no i don't think that i don't think they have a lot they they don't need it because their product's so good and it's addictive it's like cigarettes don't need ads either you just sort of smoke one one day don't worry you need it yeah you just you'll need it so that's the ad don't worry you'll need it um all right here's a question from a guy who's dealing with a jealous wife a jealous wife wife which is so hot let's call him tiger woods oh god yeah i guess he cheated on his wife she was so mad at him when he cheated on her jealous that i fucked a porn star oh that was a cocktail waitress babe relax uh all right let's call this man um jane george jetson george jetson uh i've been with my wife for 10 years now we began dating in high

school and we were our first relationships however she is overly jealous last night she showed me a video of a girl in heels juggling a soccer ball, and I just said, wow, that takes some mad talent. She's skilled. And my wife proceeded to stop the video and say, okay, that's enough of you drooling over her. She complains that I never mention what female celebrities I'm into. I avoid doing so because she acts weird when I do.

Last week, she asked me if I thought Ashley Benson was pretty, and I mentioned how I thought she was extremely pretty, and she responded by saying, sorry, I don't have her figure and her blonde hair. I guess you just have to be pretty miserable for the rest of your life. And to top this off, if I mention anything about how a certain male celebrity is jacked, let's say Michael B. Jordan, she begins accusing me of being into guys since I never compliment female actors, and she said she should be worried. Is there anything I can do to fix this? I have not done anything in the slightest to have her have any doubts. I do have a tendency to befriend females easily, but I've

never done anything out of line with any of them as most of them are interested in other females or married help all right it's so funny to imagine her showing this soccer video like what what reaction could he have had that would have pleased you. My lord. Well, she's pretty talented. What, do you want to just fuck her is all? I don't know. I'm sorry.

You're the one who showed me the TikTok. Isn't that why you got rid of TikTok? Because it was just a bunch of tweenagers twerking? For me, that's what it was. My algorithm had me pegged. It wasn't tweenagers, though. They were were a lot younger no they were old they were fucking ancient there was 107 year old doing the on the empire state building uh yeah? What? What the heck? How do you deal with such a jealous lover? I think what the framing should be in your head is why is my wife feeling so insecure?

And it's not that she's, her, like, you know, her shit is taking the form of jealousy but i don't think that you're going to be able to like make her not be jealous based on anything you do i think you got to talk about it you got to be like i i feel like you are you're jealous of stuff why is that you i don't know exactly how to frame it okay but that's that's really what it is you it has to be a conversation and i don't think it's going to be like oh i'm jealous because you have um you have friends that are girls it sounds like maybe especially the ashley benson example is like that's an insecurity like she's worried that she doesn't have a body type that makes you happy. Maybe you need to be a little more free with your compliments of her.

I don't know what that looks like for you guys. But I think that she's got things to work through. And you can help by talking. Who's Ashley Benson? Is she a famous actor, singer, songwriter? Yeah. I think she was in, I forget. Is it Pretty Little Liars?

She's something. Something like that. I see. I see. A Disney show. She was in a college humor video that I acted in. What? What was it?

I forget. It was very weird. She was in a college humor video? And you were in it? I forget. It was very weird. She was in a college humor video and you were in it too. Yeah. Oh yeah. I guess she's a movie star. That'll do it. Yeah.

Remember when college humor just tried to be like funny or die and get celebrities in videos. We're like, let's just do exactly like they did. Yeah. That was good. And then you were in it too. Yeah.

Then I got to, after working at College Humor for 10 years, I got to guest star in video. Was it secret girl language? Yes. Yes, that's right. That is right. Oh, yeah. I see you here.

You're sort of being used as a mop. So she's picking you up and sort of rubbing your face into dirt. That's right. I mopped for that shoot. Yeah, it wasn't even on camera. You were just sort of a mop in the background. I did crafty that day because I needed to be near Benson. Yeah.

Usually, I assume jealousy comes from like a place of deep insecurity about maybe how she's feeling after 10 years. So it might just be more about for every compliment you give to a TikToker who's doing amazing tricks on a, with a soccer ball, you pay some compliments to her as well. So she doesn't feel like she's left out. Right. And I don't even think it's necessarily something that you could be doing better.

I think these are like demons that she needs to exercise by sharing them with you. So find a way to, to unearth it. Yeah. All right, one last question. Okay. This one is about a 21-year-old girl

from a tiny town in Spain. So what's a tiny town in Spain girl name? It's a huge megalopolis. Millions of people live in Madrid. Barcelona. No, it's a huge megalopolis millions of people live in barcelona now it's another huge city we're talking about a small tiny town in spain something that like yeah fine okay fine all right fucking marie no i said perry i said said Peri. I wanted to give you, I guess, the benefit of the doubt for no reason. I'm not calling her Peri. Obviously, that's a huge French city. I'm calling her Marie, which is maybe that's her actual name. But we're just guessing. We don't know. Fake name,

anonymity, real problem. I have a friend who experiences a lot of pleasure when someone tickles his knees up to the point where he says it feels similar to an orgasm. As it is easy and can be done anywhere, I sometimes like to do it to him, and he obviously enjoys it. My point is that we're just friends, best friends actually, so I'm afraid about it being weird, like maybe too sexual for friends. Should I just go ahead and talk to him about it? But I'm worried that i could be the one who's actually making it weird by bringing it up what do you think is it weird should i talk to him about it love in advance marie there's a city

called maria in spain and it's very small little it's like, they're not necessarily orgasm laughters. It's just, it sounds like it's just her. Yeah. He's very ticklish and he loves it when people tickle his knees and she's just a friend and, you know, they're tickling each other. And is that too sexual? Is that too weird? Do you bring it up?

I don't think you bring it up but if like i think it's a little sexual you're tickling your friends yeah it doesn't yeah like it doesn't matter of like if he laughs so much that it seems like an orgasm you guys are like touching each other to make each other tickle like i don't even care what the laugh sounds like it's it's definitely sexual especially the knees there's something about the knees you know the elbows of the legs like imagine if you and if avital found out that you had a female friend that you got together with and you like to tickle each other it's just a tickle fight relax we just tickle each other. She's super ticklish on her neck and her knees, her elbows and her back. And, you know, I'm ticklish in my nose and my ass and my lips and my mouth. Yeah, it's a little sexual.

It's a little sexual, inherently. So I think there's a chance he thinks it's flirtatious if you really don't want it to be flirtatious maybe don't tickle him yeah that's that's the move but if you want to maybe you might want it yeah if you guys if you if you want to it to be sexy then i bet he thinks it's sexy and if you want it to be platonic i bet he doesn't think it's platonic yeah so make your decision based on that yeah he doesn't think like oh it's just a whatever like a casual friendly tickle sesh think about how many casual friendly tickle sessions you have can you imagine if you had a foot fetish like how easy that would be to like be super turned on why because you see people's

feet a lot yeah all the time when you have a foot fetish is that like the are you finding feet more attractive than anybody finds any part of a human body i don't know or or is it like when you see feet it's like me seeing boobs or you seeing butts where it's like, yeah, you can imagine just by seeing someone's shoes just as I can imagine just by seeing someone at a beach. Interesting. Or is it like, no, no, no, I find feet hotter than you'll find anything. I just need to fucking see a foot and I'm going half hard. I'm half hard talking about feet right now and likewise if it is the exceptional degree like can you have a boob fetish where it's like yeah

everyone's turned down turned on by boobs it's like a forbidden part of the body i'm a butt guy but i'm i don't do i have a butt fetish i don't think so i just like them a regular amount but even if you're in the 80th percentile, yeah. Does it just have to be above average, or is there a specific threshold for fetish? We should have a fetish doctor on. Yeah. Or someone that studies them.

Does it seem like an anthropologist? Yeah, we have to have a fetishist on. So if you're a local fetish Scientologist, let us know. And it really has to be a scientologist right because we need we need to be clear yeah uh all right if you have any questions of your own send them on down to if i were you show at gmail.com if you have any of your own theme songs same address if i were you show at gmail.com uh the opening theme song was by Tom in Sweden. This closing one is by Hiram, H-Y-R-U-M,

in Ottawa, who made a theme song out of Thomas Middleditch's improvised singing on episode five of the earliest show with Ben Schwartz. Okay. It's a Ben and Thomas themed song, but for something they did not on our program.

Got it. And he just wants a shout out to his Dnd character if that would be cool should we shout out his dnd character uh yeah dude i fucking love dnd it's a halfling druid do you know what that is yes i do of course i do you played a halfling i think yugo was a halfling really so i get a halfling rogue i appreciate this guy yugo style uh this halfling druid is called bagwise samgi nice you know what that's a reference to yeah samwise ganji nice or is it banji it's gamji yeah so this guy's bag wise amji nice uh and if you want more of us our patreon patreon.com slash ja weekly videos every thursday yeah dude that's right damn we have a lot of videos now we've been doing yeah we're

over is it two years no yeah i think it might be yeah we're watching some thanksgiving videos this week or some of our old thanksgiving videos for thanksgiving week yeah check it out pour through the catalog baby and uh yeah we're thankful for you guys thanks for watching stay have a have a safe ass turkey day that's right and we'll be back next week bye everybody bye can you sing a song please oh sing a song for the baby. Send an email to Jake and Amir Talk about email If I were you, sure I'm in for you, sure

If you thought I'd put on your guitar I'm in for you, sure Broken heart, broken bone Undescended testicle You can ask them anything you want But I'm going to show Well, that felt good. Thank you so much for that.

That was a Hiddem Original.