Segments - 474: Another Super Bowl Bet

Episode Date: February 8, 2021

In this episode we discuss drinking tea, watching football, and judging rap battles.We are also doing a virtual LIVE show for THIS PODCAST on February 24. Get your tickets now at JakeAndAmir.com.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help.

So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. If I were you, I'd need advice too. I've been following these two Jews and sending dupes on the YouTube with the sketch crew. Podcast day one, get the master room. Yes, dude. Now be on the advice game running it.

Podcast network head gumming it. Yeah, they might put you on blast, have fun with it. But they can get you what you want if you can run with it. Taking the missed swish, they never miss. Metal ditch bits, culinary narcissistic shit like hard-won crit. Pinch it off with your boyfriend headed off to college Get it on with the pop fathers dropping knowledge Ay, just drink it for the vlog, cause they're meant to go off on a theme song

Put the pitchy on in the dime pieces, seasoned cheeses in the game, boy Same love for the koi goys, enjoy a little bit of unsolicited advice Spice up your life with 40 minutes of these guys Running up on questions, unprofessional but fine If I were you, show a gmail, ride or die die see you on the other side but not like starbucks suicide kind yeah absolutely epic really cool savage absolute savage for that yeah that was a really savage cut i don't think there's anything... Oh, God, you're so low energy. Really? That was different. Don't whine at the end of your... I'm saying it was mad, mad flow, dude.

You're obviously overtired. Or ambient. Yeah. You're drugged. You're on drugs. I'm drugged. I gave you too much credit. I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday.

We can't host the show. Ambient and a cocaine pill in a jar. You're on drugs. I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday. So I took an Ambien and a cocaine pill in a jar in a sauce. Dude, in a jar with a sauce. Cocaine in a pill? Yeah. And a sleeping medication.

I took Z-Quil, NyQuil, DayQuil, TrinQuil, and I feel fine. I feel fine. I feel fine. I bet I could do the rap like he did a little bit better than... Holy shit. They left your wisdom teeth in a little bit. I could see them bobbling around in the back of your mouth. I got an implant.

I never had wisdom teeth. I wanted extra. They shoved two more in there so that I can convince the fairy I owe $20 a piece. And all it cost me was $6,000. You're middle-aged. You're collecting money from the tooth fairy still? I steal from the rich insurance companies and I give to the poor me. I see.

Very nice. That guy was named Jacob Ulicki uh ends with a j so i hope that j is silent sure is you made it silent uh he sent the theme over in february of 2019 i guess i missed it and then back then he had just met jake while dressed as balnor at the first nadADDPod show in Seattle. Wow. Wow. Oh, look at this. What a blast from the past.

Nothing to plug, but Amir is probably the first person to ever pronounce my name correctly at first guess during an Ask Twitter episode. So I hope, it's funny because I did the same thing right now, which is said Jacob Ulicki, and I hope it's spelled correctly and pronounced correctly, but I guess I got it before, so I trust myself. Yeah, it'd be wild to have gotten it once, and it's like hardwired into your brain the way you would know how to pronounce, the way you would interpret how to pronounce that, right? That's like reading comprehension. Nothing's changed.

Unless I'm a different man now in the last two years because of covid i guess that's possible covid's made a lot of people different for sure yeah i don't even pronounce things the same way anymore everything about me is not as it was as it were what's the biggest difference between you now and you two years ago hmm um the biggest good difference or bad difference oh uh ideally if you can come up with one of each that's good but okay i'll take what i can get i i think that my hectic travel schedule of flying every other week and not ever really being able to give myself my me time made it so I was dealing with chronic pain for longer than I needed to. Since in March, when we went into lockdown, I basically just started working out every single day. And I no longer have pain in my lower back.

I no longer have any foot pain. I feel better physically. I just don't have any pain in my body. Wow. Yeah. I also was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid and I started taking thyroid medication, which I never would have gone to the doctor

if it weren't for that. But I think that wasn't until the summer. So, yeah. Have you noticed a difference? Yeah. Yeah. I feel waking up is easier. I don't feel, like, tired in the middle of the day.

Oh, interesting. And, yeah, like, no, like, crash after, like, no 3 p.m. crash, really. So that's better. And then I'm, like, mildly depressed, which I think is, like no 3 p.m crash really so that's better and then i'm like mildly depressed which i think is like worse overall right so it's like physically better stronger faster no more pain emotionally and mentally sadder yeah so it's like if i could see my friends and family and travel and i felt the way I do physically, I would be probably the happiest I've ever been. But... Oh, interesting. But since you can't do that... Yeah, then I'm a

little sadder for it. But that's fine. I'm healthy still. So that's, you know, you're... I have it better than most. Oh, for sure. Yeah. A lot of people are still struggling right now, dealing with homeschooling kids right now with no space of their own. You have plenty of space, minimal responsibility in the grand scheme of things. Job, health, everything is good. But that kind of just goes to show you how rough all of this is. Because even the people that have it good are a little sad. We're not as sad as we could be if we had it bad but it's still not nice to have the virus i wonder if in florida where they're where they're just going out still eating restaurants people are partying if they feel like covid is kind of over or never really affected them there's got to be people that were just like yeah yeah i don't know last year just sort of felt like a normal year for me. I didn't do anything differently. I still went to work.

I still saw my friends and went to restaurants and stuff. They must feel some type of way because other people were behaving so different. Even if you're being as normal as you think you are, there's still everything around you that's changed. It's not easy for you to do all of the stuff that you were doing before. So like, even if you think they were, you know,

people wearing masks and honoring closures and social distancing, you still had to like, at least be confronted with it, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I should, I should think so,

but yeah, I guess it'd be nice to talk to someone who just like, hasn't adjusted at all. Never really felt the ill effects of COVID whatsoever, like in a small town somewhere. Or maybe you're in New Zealand. was like no they pretended it didn't happen oh and then who who is this guy in sweden you know and how are they doing i yeah i haven't i haven't heard from him uh but i somebody that i used to rock climb with in los angeles shout out to shane oh well there you have it all right but i don't bring him yeah we'll give him a call get him on the podcast how was swedish covid the best kind of covid was swedish covid it's like meatballs they just do it a little bit better over there i'm curious to hear how you've improved and unimproved in the last uh year oh um i would say i feel like uh yeah mentally i'm just like slowing down because i there's like very little stimulus so i'm not going anywhere or planning anything or dealing with anything so i feel like kind of crazed where

i'm every week is sort of the same week over and over like on sunday nights i play poker monday i go to work tuesday i'm playing tennis wednesday i'm working out with Billy. Thursday, my off day. Friday into Saturday is the Mario Kart. Sunday is the poker again. And I just do that and see nobody over and over. So I'm going a little bit crazy. And my attention span is like all over the place. Like I'm trying to like read books, but like my brain is too frazzled or stressed out or anxious to like,

just sit down, relax and do nothing. So that's my mental acumen has changed. Physically. I'm probably not as strong. Cause I used to go to the gym and like lift a lot of weights. Right. I'm like, you know,

trying to do like the at home workout, like we'll do pushups and squats and mountain climbers and maybe two to three times a week and i'm not like playing basketball so i'm not like sweating and sprinting with my friends that was like a great endorphin boost now i'm playing video games with my friends so like right i feel an endorphin i guess yeah i feel like mentally and physically a little bit lower but not like to the point where it's uh dangerous yet another year of this i don't know if we're getting used to it or if it's just going to be an exponential decline.

I feel like, are you happier now than you were in the beginning of lockdown? I was more stressed out in the beginning, not without knowing anything. Now that we've been doing this for so long, I think that I'm like balanced out. I'm not like, I'm uh as worried yeah well the first the first the beginning of lockdown was worried it's like holy shit is everybody gonna die and now it just feels like the this never-ending slog of dealing with covid will never go away so it's going to be like this low-grade covid issue it seems like like to me, for years and years. Like, as long as there's 10 people in America that have it, won't it just always do what it does? 10 becomes 100 becomes

1,000, it becomes 10,000. Like, we're not going to completely eradicate it, will we? Well, the vaccine, no, the vaccine is not 100%. And there's, I don't see a world where of the 400 million people in America that have it, zero zero cases of covid unless we literally limit international travel okay so that ruins that part of your life or limits interstate travel or yeah it just seems like i don't see an end in sight and i'm just dealing with it in a fine way put on a happy face i'm a little depressed frankly after yeah after that small monologue i'm sad you've saddened me you've saddened me i feel hopeless i'm listless now you list list me you list list s grant i wonder what happens after everyone gets the vaccine or doesn't. 150 million vaccines administered by July. What's September looking like?

We go into a baseball game again? Or is that also scary? Can I go to a movie theater? I don't know. Or is there also a danger of death? I really don't know. Yeah. I hope.

I will, as soon as, I guess like the only thing that I know is that when when like the WHO or like the CDC says I can go to a baseball game, I would go to a baseball game. Like, oh, really? You're like that. You're you listen to the CDC and you're not going to be like, let's wait and see how it affects other people first. Yeah, I would be on. I would be the front line of things reopening, I think. Yeah, and I would not be. I would be the wait-and-see guy. It's like, all right, everyone's been vaccinated.

You can go to restaurants again. I'm like, all right, I'll catch you later. I'll see if it's actually dangerous in a month, if cases spike again, and it's like nothing's actually changed. Yeah, definitely. That's smarter. But I really want someone to give me a burrito on a plate with a fork on the side. I haven't seen or talked to a waiter or bartender probably in a year.

So you wouldn't even do the outdoor dining? No. I mean, I got to go and sometimes would eat it outside, but mostly would eat it at home. It's crazy. I don't know. Yeah. It's fun. Anyway.

It's fun. It's crazy. It's fun. It's good. It's awesome. I don't need to see people anymore. I see I'll be tall and my parents, and that's it forever. And that's good.

Maybe we've just compartmentalized. Cause like talking about it makes me really sad. I'm bummed out now. I've my afternoons ruined, but like day to day when I'm not really thinking about it, when I'm just like going through the motions of COVID, you know, like not going outside,

like doing the normal stuff that I'm depressed about right now, thinking about it. I'm not that depressed. It's. You can sort of convince yourself that that's like your worldview, right? Like, oh, now I'm doing this. Yeah, right. It's, I guess that's the structured aspect that helps. Oh, here's something new and exciting. Our virtual live show. Yeah, we can't go to Seattle or Canada, New Zealand or Australia, but we can still do a live show over Zoom. That's nice. It's been way too long since we've done a live show.

I almost forgot the structure of them. And then I remembered we just read questions. So it came right back so we're gonna do we're doing our live podcast and you can get tickets um which will let you watch that night which is wednesday february 24th at 6 p.m pacific or you can watch it for a few days after if you miss the live recording right yes and uh i guess the the bonus of that live show is that we're uh able to just because it's a it's a zoom link instead of you know asking someone to fly to uh calgary with us we can we can uh invite more people we can have more friends and guests and people will drop in which will be fun yeah and another frequently asked question aside from will

we have guests is uh will this be released as a normal podcast episode and i don't think so i think it's going to be an exclusive we got to make it special we got to make it in that moment and we can't just put it on the feed because then it's like no why why would i it's not right that's not right to do to ask people to pay cash and then to drop it on the feed the next week that's we wouldn't do that shit that's really tacky that's actually really tacky it's small it's petty it's tacky there's no front row seats because it's always it's you in front of your computer so every seat's a front row seat so there's no like meet and greet there's no front row seat you don't have to travel you don't have to get in line you can just it's 15 bucks and democratized everyone's treated equally yeah and that includes all the fees. Sign in, watch us, talk to each other,

and then also some special guests, which we really have to get on. Like, we have to start asking our friends which one of them is available Wednesday night. I don't know where they're going Wednesday night. Where's Streeter Wednesday night? What if he can't make it? Streeter might have SNL.

I think they're still doing stuff. Yeah, they still do the show. So Streeter could easily be our hardest ask. Everyone else will say yes. They have to. They have to be available for us. We can't. They're sort of cornered at home, not doing anything.

We would have done it for them. Is that true? I probably would have told. I used to be on buckets a lot. And you're always like kind of pulling the family card, as it were. My mom doesn't want you to be on buckets a lot and you're always like yeah kind of pulling the family card as it were yeah my mom doesn't want you to be on the show my dad doesn't like you and for me to be on that show it's not really pulling the family that's me being insanely honest my dad doesn't like you so i can't do your podcast you're sort of a a bad influence in a way on the day you're pulling the my dad doesn't like you card

what card well i pull a basketball card oh i want to send you a pack of my basketball cards i bought a case of basketball cards so i can send you some you're gonna send me a pack yeah you said you wanted a pack right i can't send you a whole box but i can write a pack and then i said yeah well then you said the text thread i asked for a pack you said you couldn't send me a box i said i only wanted a pack and then i think you said no yeah i said they'll crease in the mail but you know what fine fuck it have your michael jordan card graded psa2 you think i give a shit yes dude that's what i want that's what I want. That's what I want. Actually, if you had to buy not a basketball card, but any trading card, what do you think you would pony up the dough for? Would it be like a nostalgic thing from your Yankee days?

Would it be a new exciting player that you learned to love recently? Would it be like a Tom Brady? I would probably do basketball cards because i feel like the only the only impulse i have is to like relate to my friends and everyone and like my friends are into that right now like i don't think i could that's good i would probably give more of a shit about like early 2000s baseball cards like an andy pettit oh my god can you imagine or a fucking rocket holy shit i mean actually, Jason Giambi, Roger Clements. They've all been destroyed. We should make a bet because it's the Super Bowl this weekend.

We can make another classic Super Bowl bet. Loser has to get the winner a $50 playing card from eBay. Wow. I don't even know. I feel like the easy money is on mahomes right but then you don't want to bet against brady yeah i feel like i'll just i'll just bet brady i'll just say brady's gonna win i feel like he always finds a way he really does it's very annoying i bet on him like i'm sorry i bet against him the last two weeks and it's always like tampa's not that good of a team going into green bay and tom

brady wins again it's like all right so he's just always gonna win he's not even that good yeah what is he doing that's so special it's just being tom brady like he makes the other coach call bad plays it's like the will of the universe is for him to win yeah and it's funny because he used he used to be like an average quarterback in college and like was drafted 200th out of the draft and then for whatever reason he made this deal with the devil where he became hot successful and the best quarterback of all time over the last 20 years he's the kind of guy where during covid like we're talking about he's like i didn't really notice anything my private chef kept me sharp and my barber kept

me hot and i'm back in the super bowl with what team is this the tampa bay whatever the fucking ears anyway i spent 14 hours a day in my hyperbaric chamber and that was kind of my thing and then i beat the best team ever the kansas city chiefs they were no match for me i'm tom brady best friends with the fucking devil it seems like he should lose so i think you should take the you're gonna take my home yeah i'll take the chiefs i'll take what are the stakes of said bet um i think the trading card loser has to get the winner a trading card from ebay we'll cap it at 50 okay all right cool that works that works for me um all right okay let's take a break and then we'll come back and answer some questions on the other side of these messages yeah quick

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somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's g-u-m dot f-m slash s-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show.

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I do. Yeah, I do a lot. This can really heighten your joy. That's right. I grew up a Raiders fan. And now I'm just a fan of the league in general. But I still have. You're a fan of gambling.

Yes, of course. You're a fan of gambling in general. Yes. And I do have an affinity for the silver and black. So if you like football as much as me, which is not likely because I do know a lot. Like, do you know what a nickelback does in a cover to defense? Or like, do you know what a play action passes? Like these are like some advanced things that I know that you wouldn't.

I basically know run and Hail Mary. You actually know both of those? Yeah. Running is when you run and then Hail Mary is when you chuck it, right? Damn. I think you should download the DraftKings Pick 6 app. Select between two and six players. I have a sure thing for you to put some money on.

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There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. And we're back. Jake, do you have any mom i'm coming gross yeah yeah i do i've been drinking tea i'm a tea guy okay yeah i see what's happening here you in the last two months you started cooking you're drinking wine you're having tea you're adjusting to this quarantine by becoming sort of like this boring middle-aged man like the next thing you're gonna do is like i'm into records and classical music it's just like you're slowly devolving into a different person. I agree. I think that I would have not grown up except for this time to sit and reflect quietly, and then it happened. Like, my life, every single weekend was the exact same from when I was 34, for sure. Like, I did nothing different.

I was an immature little brat. I was a piece of shit. I was a fucking garbage man. I really was. Okay, okay, I get it. I was a trash pail kid. I think I was. But here I am.

Now I'm fucking, now I like tea. I like tea now. I learned how to make it, which is really the hard part. You don't know. I feel like tea always seemed like a chore. I'm like, I don't want to make tea.

That takes, that's too much time. But it turns out it's actually really low effort. I don't know if you knew that, but it's just heating up the water. Yeah, you put a bag in hot water. And then the bag. Yes.

Yes. I know. Actually, Avital's been getting into tea and making me tea, so I've been having tea. It's a good post-dinner drink to have. It helps with digestion. Yeah, it helps you sleep. I love it in the afternoon because I feel like I always just wanted something new to happen in the afternoon. I'm majorly off afternoon coffee now.

You remember, I used to have a post-lunch coffee. Yeah, and that's not white. Yeah, that's not me anymore. That's not me anymore at all. It's also a good wintry drink. Like it's cold outside, you want to hold a hot mug that's right yeah it it feels good to sip on um feels nice to put a lemon in there um it's just it's it's nice there's something very nice about like the the kettle whistling too the the whole

ritual pouring yeah what she taught me what avital taught me is that you can't like i used to just leave a bag in there half an hour an hour hour, while you're drinking, while you're not. Right, you're steeping it. And she found out that you have to steep for five to seven minutes, then you take the bag out. If it oversteeps, it ruins the flavor profile, and you're not actually doing the tea justice. Interesting. Yeah, we got some nice tea bags, and it was like, steep this for five, steep this for seven, steep this one for nine one for nine add this don't add this so there's different steeping requirements as well i had no idea i was doing um i was doing the post steep that's when you just drink the boiling hot water and

put the bag up your ass sorry say that again what do you do? Post steep, I was saying. Because then you... So the bag doesn't soak in the mug. You don't have to soak... Or steep, I should say. You were saying five minutes, seven minutes. What you do is you boil the water. You heat up the kettle. Pour that into a mug.

Drink that down. And then you have the tea bag. Sorry. Don't even get to that part yet you're just first things first you're drinking just boiling hot water and you're like that it's okay it's brutal it's in you it's bad it's hard yeah so you and then you drink the boy you do with the tea bag then the bag you be at your english breakfast your earl grey it doesn't matter what the bag is a ginseng what do you do with that i don't mind honey ginger you shove that up yes you put that you put the bag

in your ass are you positing that the boiling water hits the bag somewhere in the middle there or i don't know i don't know how it works i don't know how it works but it's i don't know how it works. I don't know how it works, but it's... What I like about it is the ritual, I would say. The ritual aspect of it. Just doing something every day. And it's a dry bag or you're soaking the bag? It's dry because you don't need it to steep. It's a dry bag. Yeah, me too.

You're post-steeping is what you called it. Post-steeping. Yeah. And then they say there's-steeping is what you called it. Post-steeping. Yeah. And then they say there's caffeine in tea like there is in coffee. I don't feel that same jolt. Do you ever feel that same level of caffeination from a tea? No. For whatever reason, I never do.

No, I do not. I wouldn't hate to feel some caffeination, but I don't really. But I think that it's not the kind, like coffee caffeine, like you feel it, you're like, I'm like, almost jittery, you know? I can tell when I have had the right amount and the wrong amount of caffeine from coffee, and I often strive to have the wrong amount. I, like, want to feel wired. And then with the tea, I'm not, like, looking for that, you know? That's more just like i think that it's it must be working without me really really i see okay all right so you've you've moved from so your daily routine is basically water coffee water tea water wine you always have to have this specialty drink

it seems to look forward i do yeah i do i do love a a drink to look forward to it's nice that's good and will you have we have wine and tea at the same time are you keeping those those are separate for me i don't have the nighttime tea i have the afternoon tea i have the two to four pm tea sometime around there i i made some uh tea just before this podcast actually let's see it let's see your fucking little mug your sweet little mug and how you you you blow on it to make sure that it's not so hot yeah i can see you you hold it with two hands and you don't sitting cross-legged with a little book or whatever very higa very higa but you don't see the it's empty because I drank the boiling water and it's empty because I put the bag of, I believe it was green tea this afternoon, directly into my ass. You know, I'll just assume that you're butt chugging the tea for now and you don't have to say directly into your ass.

Just know that we all think that you're drinking the tea. When I say post steep, you'll know. I post steeped that not a thing no way that's an actual thing by the way i could make that trend where where parlor parlor oh my god did i mention i'm maga now? So ever since Trump, quote, won the election, but wasn't allowed to continue to serve, I've been doing a deep dive into what brought him here,

and the election was stolen. And I do think he's the president, and I'm MAGA now, and I'm on parlor, and I shoved tea up my ass. That's, I guess, the biggest ways I've changed. Yeah, since COVID. A lot. For the better, quite frankly. I've changed. Yeah, since COVID. A lot. For the better, quite frankly. I've changed for the wetter, too.

Aren't you also into baths now? I do love a fruit-forward, full-bodied red with those grippy, grippy tannins. Let's go. A fucking pinot? Get out! A bath is when you're the tea bag if you think about it so you just like dipping things in hot water whether it be you or yes a dry bag post steeped i know what you're going to say up your ass we know okay We really have to answer a question.

Okay. But we need some help. We didn't quite find a gem and I figured maybe we can turn this into a game a little bit. If you know anybody who can help us out. Oh my god. Game Boy.

Have you changed since COVID? Oh! Are you also drinking tea, Game Boy, or is it more of a Jake thing? Game Boy doesn't really believe in the virus. Oh! What? Game Boy is a COVID truther? What do you mean you don't believe in the virus?

Like Game Boys can't get the virus, or? Like it's not real. Oh! How is it not real you see the images you see the data you think everybody's just lying to you game boy yeah oh what it's absolutely undeniably real game boy i'm kind of disappointed in you quite frankly but you invented this game and i guess we have to use you to play even though you're not really i really don't understand your role in this at all game boy it's a little problematic oh yeah right and look what do you bring to it like we're the ones guessing you just just, you kind of just say, oh, and things either go right or wrong. We don't need you here, Game Boy.

I just like the game. I just like the game. Okay. Anyway. So, Game Boy or Jake, do you want to guess a word? We're looking, we're going to search our email for a word that has only one search result. One search result. That's how you win the game.

Barnacle. Barnacle. You piece of you win the game barnacle barnacle you piece of shit look up barnacle you little dick let's do it let's see what happens when you look up barnacle fucker come on oh it looks like the only thing is a thumbnail submission which we should also talk about we changed our podcast start for the first time in seven years. Haven't really brought it up. But if it worked out well, you can see it on the apps. And if the apps are still grabbing the old image, you can see it on headgum.com.

But we do have a new podcast art, thanks to Dave Klock. Shout out to the goat. Shout out to the goat, Dave Klock. Looks good. Love holding that golden mic in the art. It's really fitting. It's beautiful. And I think I'm also holding a little trophy as well, a little golden mic, which is fitting,

which is nice. It's fitting what you're holding for sure. And then the other email, this is interesting. The other email that has the word barnacle in it is a potential intern application from five years ago. And this guy was the editor-in-chief of the Quinnipiac College newspaper called The Barnacle. So is that why you thought of it?

No, but it's interesting. My proximity to Quinnipiac right now is very close. So there must be something in the air. You're dangerously close to The Barnacle. The New England air. Do you have another word? Seahorse. Since that one didn't yield anything. it yielded something yielded to you're just in a nautical themed that's right nothing no see blowhole blowhole on one word yeah it's to have to be. Otherwise, it'll be way too much. Oh, my God. Is there one?

I think this is it. It's a one of one. Oh, my good Lord. Holy shit. That's insane. We won the game. I think this is a question. It's called Filet-O-Fish ruined my life via rap battle at Billy Scafuri.

Huh? Did we ever answer this question? Never. It's an unread on not unread but unresponded to or unforwarded okay okay um wow here it is uh let's start at the beginning i've always been intrigued by the filet-o-fish for me it holds some sentimental value it reminds me of the times my mom would take me to the Golden Arches and make me order fish fingers because she thought they had some nutritional value. Spoiler alert, they don't. But I've always been far too embarrassed to order it. I mean, can you imagine? The cashier would lose all respect for me. However, me being the beautiful fool that I am, I entrusted this

information that I was embarrassed to order the Filet-O-Fish to my closest friend, but what I received in return for my honesty wasn't acceptance. No, she was furious. So after weeks of back and forth teasing and public humiliation, she finally forgot until Billy posted that photo of you guys eating a Filet-O-Fish at McDonald's. She then added my Insta in the comment section, ready to hit me right where it hurts in the goddamn blowhole. But I didn't want to let her get away with it. I had a retort. So these people are having a rap battle in the comment section. But I didn't just let her get away with it. I had a retort. And within a couple message, we're in a full-on rap battle, spitting bars in the comment section of Billy's Instagram. So my question is, who wins this rap battle? If I win, we have to eat Filet-O-Fish together. And if I lose, I'll eat

five burgers one after another in one sitting, one hour maximum time. Okay, so we have to judge this rap battle competition that happened in this Instagram photo. I'm going to pull it up right now so we can read it. Well, I guess we just need to, just let's judge based on two lines. A line from the person that wrote and a line from the other. Okay, the person that wrote writes, delusions of grandeurur a sense of entitlement and fantasies of being a god you're a narcissist on the world's largest metaphorical bod okay so

that's one and then her friend aka ex-friend response you think i'm delusional honey what i say is provable no mortal's flow is this nice it's clear that i'm christ oh that's pretty solid pretty good right yeah i think the friend based on let's go one more one more bar give me one more guy the email writer will call her um billy holiday because it's a female billy put that palm leaf down the only waves i will be making are grabbing your crown and then her friend responds you're trying to hurt me with drake oh bitch for goodness sake go find yourself a quentin because my pride ain't gonna dent in is what who's quentin i don't know tarantino i think she just said

quentin to rhymes with rhyme with denton all right then the then the the writer wins that round i think um give me one more one more back and forth. This is the rubber match. Our email writer, Billy, writes, Boo, a blast from the past. Halloween is over, but this ghost has been recast. I might be your nightmare, but I'm old McDonald's dream bitch. We're in Connecticut because I'm about to take this haunting to an extreme. I'm Ronald McDonald's dream bitch is a great line all time fucking great that's i think i want to make that my instagram bio and then the friend responds bitch hit me up

like boo i turned around like bitch who had to google your name don't keep irrelevance in my brain. Like Satan, you're not too easily forgot. That's really tough. I think it's a fucking, it's a draw, man. I just can't. Can you call it? I don't know. No, they're both too similar. I think you guys have to go out, make amends, and much like we did, go out and get a Filet-O-Fish together.

There's a picture of you eating this Filet-O-o-fish and we didn't know how good we had it you know you sitting in that fucking mcdonald's holding that fish sandwich with half a slice of cheese nobody's wearing a mask we're all just happy to be alive yeah it's it was a it was better time we should have enjoyed like it's deep fried fish it shouldn't be that bad right i'm sure it was okay i think that we must have been hamming it up i should i'll go back i'll get another filet of fish this weekend i'll get it up but then i'll get like a chicken sandwich as well just in case that filet-o-fish is actually as bad as we remember absolutely yeah you'd have to the weird thing was the half slice of cheese just go for the full cheese um okay let's uh let's take a another break and i have to play the game boy

one more question on the other side of these messages thank you to squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show hell yeah jake you've been building on squarespace for decades at this point exactly eons it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out.

But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace.

Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and

some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny, I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters? Yeah, vision lifters with a Z.

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My turn. I'm going to search antibody. This is going to be a really popular question. It's actually only two whoa and one of them one of them is uh an la county advisory something antibody testing oh sort of a win sort of a win no yeah that's that's for real uh this one comes in july and it is about indeed my friend's aunt, the antibody queen. This is from a 22-year-old guy living at home.

We'll call him Dude Fur. Dude Fur? Hi. I'm a 22-year-old guy living at home. As I'm single, I've been abstained from sex for five months now. However, when I go on my daily walks, I'll often run into my friend's divorced aunt, a gorgeous and friendly woman in her mid-forties.

My friend's divorced aunt. Okay. We chat and walk together, and she recently asked for my number and texted me. She says I should come over to her place for some wine sometimes soon. I haven't told my friend about this. I haven't told my friend about this.

I haven't told my friend about this as I'm not sure he'd want me to sleep with his aunt. Four years ago, this friend fucked my cousin without asking me, but I didn't mind and laughed it off. As I see this cousin twice a year and I'm not personally close to her, he sees this aunt about twice a month, but they aren't particularly close. Here's the catch. The aunt took an antibody test after dealing with a cough, and she has antibodies. Ontibodies,

I should say. My research suggests that she should confer at least some immunity, so I can probably seize the cheese without permanent lung scarring. Do I go for it? I don't know how much longer I can do this intimacy without intimacy, and it seems like the safest opportunity.

My friend also broke his ankle last week. Does this make it an insensitive time to have sex with his aunt? No. Any help was appreciated. I mean, I feel I'm going to go out on a limb and say this has already happened. I don't know how old that email is, but he's slept with the aunt. They're actually living together. I can ask.

You should ask. I think let's ask. Let's find out. We'll get a good follow-up put for next week. But my vote is yes. Obviously, yes. He should do it. Or you're saying he has done it i mean as long as he's okay assuming the risk which as it sounds it's pretty low she's got the antibodies um as you know you're

not seeing anybody you haven't slept with other people um yeah you can ask you know you can ask her like hey before i come over for wine for wine, have you been pretty isolated? But maybe you already know based on your walks that you're both being single. Your walks and talks. I can't imagine what it's like to be single these days. I don't think anybody is actually waiting an entire year to go on a date. People are finding ways. Yeah.

I would say he should ask for permission first, but you don't need to ask for permission from somebody's nephew. Like, do you have to do you owe this person a heads up at least like, by the permission, but you do owe your friend the heads up. At least post. At least afterwards. I don't want to make things weird, but I did fuck your aunt. I don't want to make things weird, but I've been hanging out with your aunt. I don't know, it's weird enough you're going on walks, right? That seems kind of strange.

I'm walking around with my friend's 40-year-old aunt. It's kind of a weird thing to care about, and yet I think I would. I wouldn't want anybody sleeping with any of my aunts. It feels like a tense, borderline dramatic situation that I'm being thrust in because then it's like people accuse me of something it's like i didn't do anything they met independently i'm sorry and i don't think it's a bad thing and then people start you know like if you're if your mom if your mom was like why did jake fuck my sister yeah thank you jake doesn't ask my mom doesn't ask me for permission. I didn't grant it. I didn't say it was fine.

Yeah. It can be family drama, it seems, potentially. And I don't know. It's a sticky situation. So if you're thoroughly lonely, I guess you should go for it, you know, because it's a special situation. It's a special time. These are extenuating circumstances,

and I don't think it'll stop the relationship with your friend. Yeah. And you emailed this person to ask? Yeah, I sent them an email. We're going to get a follow-up. We deserve a follow-up. We deserve to know what happened. He fucked his friend's aunt

potentially and that's something that everyone here listening deserves to know at the very least yeah there um all right cool go for it unless you have already or not but let us know but let us know the advice generally is to go for it um okay uh that's it that's our time uh if you have your own questions or theme songs send them to if i reuse show at gmail.com the opening one was of course jacob ulicki hopefully uh and this closing one oh my god let's see who wrote this one you want to talk about the live show again as i yeah you know you can get tickets to the live show come check it out watch what we're doing see who our guests are see who we texted right after we recorded this episode to ask if they would be on our live show you can get your tickets at jakeandamir.com

this closing theme song is written by jack i am at sprag jacket on Instagram and shout out to his music producer, Richie. Cool. Whose name is rich underscore IE on Instagram and to my friends, Lisa and Seiji. So thanks everybody for working on this song. Thank you. Thanks to Jack for recording it. Thanks to Jacob for the opening theme song.

Thanks to you guys for listening for more of us. You can always check us out on our patreon we're making weekly videos over there a lot of jake and amir watch videos coming out recently and it's all at patreon.com slash j a and we'll be back here next week uh of course as always for free every monday See you soon. You hate the grind trying to deduce what life's about and find don't go in blind for the love of Jesus Please just freeze and let these two just tease you seize the cheese and freaking ease your mind Ever feel the need a yellow hat listen to the game boonies chipmunk chum And if it personally needs it the roast like an almond and making get their head in the gum

They'll take you to school when you tune into schmool and Jake's killing a pelican But golden next I can win and again and again and again and again, and the mirrors are cool. Do you ever ask God for a new pod, with co-hosts who can kick it with a squad, who are one of a kind, a couple of goofballs who riff, and are charming and cheerful and shine? We should check out Review Review by Jeff and Riley.

I mean, I'm a fan. Dare I say I'm a stan, if you will. And I hope you will. That was a Hidgum original.