Segments - 485: Road Trip

Episode Date: April 26, 2021

In this episode we discuss cryptocurrency, cropping your ex out of photos, and Super League Football.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter,

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That's brooklinen.com, B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle. I should write into if I were you. I wrote a quick email with all that I know. Hopefully they'll read it on the show. I'm falling apart, I don't know what to do. Better write in quick too if I were you. God, there's so much that I don't know If Jake gets the dirty, it's a bad show Go on, fall apart, I don't know what to do

Better write it quick, too If I were you, God, there's so much that i don't know but if jake gets the turdy it's a bad show agree damn agree you've never gotten the turdy what do you mean we've never had a bad show i guess for greatness to keep on this streak that i've been on yeah i haven't ever gotten the turdy i haven't ever deserved the turdy why would i have the turdy if i didn't deserve it the turdy is mine to agree and every yeah and i always i always fuck up i always take it for having like i guess i'm not funny and that sucks. But I guess that's...

I mean, that's probably... Ultimately, that's what I have the realizations that I think you have on. And... And I think that the strength that you just showed in admitting that you deserve most turdies... Yes. in admitting that you deserve most turdies i think that fucking earns you the turdy for this episode preemptive how is it how is it preemptive if it's based on what i just said also you said i've shown new strength and character so why why am i i mean why do i get

the turdy award for that right you said i guess i'm not sunny but i guess i was funny and that sucks and am i supposed to be like yeah good you get the by the way i do for excellence in podcasting off of not i was low-key sort of hankering for a compliment i thought you'd be like that's not true dude you are really funny i didn't think back today if you were doing we'll share the if you were fishing if you were hankering then that that's an auto turdy do you understand i already got that i wasn't but i guess i already got it aware of the turdy you get the turdy do you know what i mean you became aware of it you talked about it first it was in the song and they said if you get a turdy it's a bad show i thought so i said you've never gotten one song

i don't think so you chose the song you played the song i made you the host of this zoom and you fucking brought up the turdy by playing that song and then you tried to put it on me and then you tried to put it on me let's just let's just talk about something else let's just do the show yes great get the turdy i get the golden mic for defending the honor of podcasting and let's let's just have a fucking now that the accolades the awards have been doled out they've been given they've been accepted they've been enjoyed they've been appreciated i think we can yeah just move on without that hanging over our heads you know let's you're talking about the the golden mic and the charity or the oscars that are going on right now

the academy awards are happening as we record that's what you meant by the awards all i care about is podcasting yeah that's why i achieve really achieved excellence in the medium, in the format. So if that song sounded familiar, it's because it's the same guy as last week. Remember Sven the band? Yeah, great name for a band, as I said last week. Yeah, Lucas is the one who wrote it. And last week, I don't know if I mentioned, but it's a cover of a song called Bobby by Alex G. It wasn't an original

interesting this one is another cover of cut your bangs by girl pool don't want to take credit i think some people like tweeted at me saying that wasn't an original it was the cover so sorry it was a cover and this one is a cover of cut your bangs by girl pool and if you want to shout out something else his friends have a youtube channel called Happy Funtime Show. So that's pretty cool. You know, when I was in high school, I was in a band, and we played a song that I thought, and I was led to believe, I was lied to.

They told me it was an original. So I was in this band that played Howie Day's Collide, never having heard the song myself, thinking that I was in a band that made that song up. Do you know the song Collide? I don't think so. What is it? It's a song by Howie Day.

It's like, you and I collide. You know? You've heard it. Uh-huh. And so, was it a joke on you? No, no, no. Or was it like a... The guy was...

I don't know if he was like a liar. I think he was maybe more opportunistic. Like, he played the song. Like, we were playing a show. He played the song. He taught it to me and i think i asked if it was an original and he took that as an opportunity to say that it was and then it kind of just snowballed from there where he was playing other howie day songs and telling me they

were right or they were not i mean they were real they were telling me they were his. And at some point later on in the summer, I found out that all of these songs that he had played told me were his. They were the plagiarists. Yeah, they were Howie Day. So imagine that fucking gut punch. I thought I was going to make it. Like, these songs only.

What if that was Howie Day? Now that I think about it, I never got the guy's name. He was Howard. He's like's like i'm gonna go off and make it yeah i don't think it's definitely definitely howie day adjacent right it sounds like he might have he also howie day's name even from the get-go from the jump yeah maybe there is no howie day it's like fucking william shakespeare follow the money i think yeah it goes all the way to the top probably uh love love from canada and he also says thank you for matching with him on orion so i don't know if you matched with him on orion

but lucas uh is also on orion shout out to everybody that's downloaded our dating app we're up we're over 2 000 people on there we are are fucking cruising. We're on cruise control now. We crossed the threshold that lets you set a radius so you could actually meet a real person. Oh, really? I didn't know that. Right now, I'm set to worldwide, so I'm matching with people all over this country. All over this globe. I'm matching with people in Adelaide, matching with people in Stockholm,

matching with people in Columbus. That's cool. You know, local. Match with someone in New Haven. Love it. Yeah. Oh, wow. Real close.

I saw on Instagram, you went on like that pizza date, right? Yeah, it was. I mean, it was responsible because it was socially distanced. It was a masked walk. No, but it was weird because I'm saying because you're married, it's weird that you

took that person up, and then you advertised it, like, I had just had the cutest date ever, and I'm on Orion now. I think it was, yeah, we had a connection, and I feel... I know, that's what I'm saying. I'm saying it's weird that you had a connection. I'm saying it's weird that you went on a date. I mean, it works because, yeah. So, you don't have to say, I feel. But I think it works because Jill doesn't listen to the show.

She doesn't really know about Orion. So she can't be mad at me. That's not why it works. Yeah. Does that make sense? I understand what you're saying, but it doesn't make sense. You understand my impulse. It actually makes sense.

You can agree with it or not. It makes sense. It makes sense you can agree with it or not it makes sense it makes sense yeah but um it's cool that you're it's cool that you're using the you can just use it to chat with people too you don't have to like actually i wouldn't i can't imagine this is a really fucking full cute it looks like you go out on do you go out on the lake and you cast your fucking rod your reel your lure and you catch a fish and then you let it dangle there are you a catch and release guy or do you like to do you like the sport do you like to reel it in the prize i don't i don't like i don't like fishing really

yeah i don't like to eat fish yeah i mean occasionally i'll get like um a dover soul or something like that or i'll have like a sushi dinner or something a dover soul and my date dana actually had a lot of soul and that's why we went on a socially distant walk around yeah oh my god i just saw the instagram post she said yes that's right so jill's definitely gonna see you've proposed to this woman on a fucking on a date date one date two i don't know why i can't have a fiance i don't have a fiance currently it's not the app just launched two weeks ago two weeks ago uh there's like i said a little over 2 000 people on it and you're to be wedded now that's the fast engaged that'll be interesting could you imagine

it is when will that happen when is the first engaged couple who met on orion and do we have to contractually go to their wedding 100 i will i know, God willing, I will give a speech at that wedding. I really liked that. And aside from, you know, aside from the dates that I've been going on, I have met a lot of cool people, but I haven't really thought that much about like, I guess I've chatted with some people that said they were talking to other

people. Yeah. You haven't thought about like fans matching with fans or just friends friends of friends now god if we could like because i also i remember seeing on like um text jake or like even on our show people would like screenshot tinder matches where like they had in common that they liked jake in a mirror and it was a good connection you know so that's a good So that's a good basis. That's the entire dating pool for now until we start advertising it wider.

But I will say the app is a lot more stable now than it was two weeks ago. So if you downloaded it and you're like, this is very buggy, I think we're almost out of bugs to squash. They also changed, Jeff pushed a design change that pushes the new conversations. Your conversations are all kind of in a list and then your new matches scroll left to right up at the top so you don't have to like scroll really far to like see where your active conversations are you've got like left

to right that's great news up up at the top for your new matches and then active conversations up and down scroll below that that that's absolutely great it's awesome it looks good also the other thing i'll say about this app um i was chatting to somebody who told me that most of the messages she had gotten so far uh were people asking if she was a bot and uh she asked me to make a PSA that that was not good flirting. So was that, is that based on the Jake and Amir Tinder or is one of her pictures of a robot?

It's one of the, one of her pic, one of the pictures is her doing the robot and her name is load on the app. So it could be. Oh, I see. Yeah. It's definitely probably.

Yeah. If her name is actually load i bet it is about probably right oh and somebody else actually wait hold on i want to read i want to read this one because it was i thought this was a great conversation this was an orion message you actually got um all right cool she said uh sweet app by the way i haven't been sexually harassed at all so far which is really saying something these days um so you know low bar should be cleared way more often but i'm glad that uh so far orion is clearing that bar yeah that's pretty good to be filled with that many dudes and zero sexual harassment so far keep up the good work everybody also if you're on there don't ruin the streak either that's a really good that's a really good itunes review for us so yeah also just download the app check

it out uh even if you're even if you're taken like, you can still have fun on the app. Yeah, it's not illegal to chat. Use it as an adult friend finder, only an actual one. Like, didn't Tinder and Hinge pivot to that too? You can also, like, Bumble, even like BFF finder. Yeah. BFF.

So you can use it to find friends. You just change your preferences. All right, sweet. Yeah, thanks to everybody that's downloaded it so far. All right, this is if i were you an advice show the only one on the web hosted by me and jake i'm here wow we actually i searched orion just to see if people had feedback and this person had an interesting question so we can start there uh 22 year old girlyear-old lady will call her 20 Cooper.

20 Cooper writes, long-time listener, first-time advice seeker. I'm a 22-year-old girl who's been using dating apps for quite some time, and man, it is a struggle. Something that has recently become a pet peeve of mine is when guys ask for my Snapchat and then proceed to send me snapchat photos of their face no caption no pizzazz no filter no context at this point i'd prefer a tasteful dick pic as opposed to these bland nothing faces my question is this is it mean to ghost these guys that are so bland on snapchat or judge them based on their Snap etiquette before even meeting them? Can I unfriend them on Snapchat,

ignore them on dating apps, and go on with my life? Should I just stop giving random guys my Snapchat? I guess I expect it to be like texting or a fun day-to-day documentation, not just me staring at a guy's selfie. I'm all for breaking out the dating app communication method,

but this just seems like not the way to go. Any advice would be appreciated. P.S. I downloaded Orion and I'm having tons of fun meeting people from all over the world. Also, I think you guys should consider pivoting the podcast to be just Jake and Avital. Avital is simply amazing. Todah, love, 20, Cooper.

Okay, okay. So thanks for the compliment of Avital. We're obviously not pivoting the podcast. Yeah. But I let Avital know that she was a guest last week and she's got some fans. That's cool. She's not obviously going to take over for me,

but it's nice that you guys dug her. So appreciate it. It's actually interesting. And now that i really think about it i don't think we gave the other stuff i don't think we gave a golden mic or a turdy last week uh with avi oh yeah i just assume we all that's on me that's on me and i think that i guess turdy turdy turdy no no no i think i think that i'm gonna give i think we all i am going to give avital the golden mic posthumously actually she's not dead which is a pretty cool honor after the episode to receive it

from somebody that has mostly won every single one except for um one that i believe ben won um so yeah i think Avital gets that. Why don't we not even give out the turdy for a while? How's that? That's awesome. I really appreciate that. Because then that might be the first episode I haven't gotten. Yeah, I don't want that kind of thing,

like souring our relationship. So no turdy. And in terms of her replacing me do you want to squash those rumors i mean i'm definitely i'm down to do that because uh you're down to not you're down to keep it as i think it'd be cool to do me and avital i feel like we had a good we had a good rapport we had a good back and forth it wouldn't make sense to have you there as a foil i'll admit that um so if anything actually i'll be the foil be tall but less you because you mostly would be there to be like that wasn't even part of the question i'm just saying

you'd be more of a producer so like you'd engineer the session you would edit and you'd post no i would not do the edit i don't want to do that i don't want to edit and not even be able to get can i have a microphone that I can occasionally chime in with? Yeah. Even if I'm not. I think you could chime in. I would.

I'll chime in. I'll be the host. I'll be the co-host. The host, the co-host would be me and Avi Tall. And I think that's what makes the most sense.

And I think you're the producer, you're on mic. You would be using your like in computer mic and we'd kind of like splice it or you would splice it in because you're yeah but i feel like it's important for people to know that like it's saying like this like this wouldn't be good people i think that paints it helps paint

the picture of like the hierarchy of the hosts and like whose opinion yeah i fear that might make me lesser than uh your fear is my hope. So I don't know what those are. We're just going to have to agree to disagree. But I think as long as the upshot is. I agree to disagree. I agree with that. I agree to disagree.

So we're on the same page. We're on the same wavelength. Yeah, but I get my way. Yes, you get your way. I feel like you always get your fucking way. You always get your fucking trophy feel like you always get your fucking way you always get your fucking trophy and you always get your fucking way okay that's um all right that actually did we answer this person's question can we take a fucking break that attitude right there that moxie kid that's the type of shit that's the type of the shit that will win you the turdy every time do not oh i thought you wanted me to stand up for myself.

I thought I'd finally push back and you could say like, holy shit, that's what I've been waiting for. You've been too polite this whole time. Why don't you actually take a stand and get the trophy with me? I think like that was going to be the 180. That's why I was pushing you so hard. Try being more demure. Try being more contrite.

That's my default. I'm a little kitty to you. I'm always a little lat kitty. Why don't you purr like a cat? Why don't you purr like a cat? I'm going to purr. Why don't you purr like a fucking cat? Why don't you meow for me?

Right. I'll meow once. One time. But I'm not going to purr. One time. See if I take away one of your 500 turdies. Meow. Meow.

And that's it. No purr? Really? No purr? That's it. Wow. That's sad. That's a turdy.

That's a posthumous turdy for last episode. The fact that you groveled. I can't fucking believe what's going on you're emotionally abusive you have to be emotionally i'm starting to feel bad honestly you've turned me into a cat that was fucked up that was so sad i'm gonna eat canned tuna fish for dinner because like i'm in that headspace now yeah no i'm sorry about that that was too much um this lady is getting snapchats of guys faces and i guess it's so prevalent that it's become an issue so i guess our advice can be to guys if you do match with someone and get their snapchat

um don't just send them selfies um uncaptioned bland selfies so i think i think what the issue is and i've been off snapchat for a while and i've also been out the game for a while until i went on my uh date with dana soul yeah dana soul that's her last name sort of just a play on the dover soul from earlier but yeah got it got it yeah i think think what is happening there is like, there's no caption. I mean, there should be, but I think what they're doing is like,

snap, you're sending that wide. You're sending that to everybody. So it's the lowest effort, and it's like machine gun fire being sprayed and just hoping anyone responds. So the fact that she's ghosting them, I feel like it largely goes unnoticed because I imagine they're snapping a ton of people. So you shouldn't think twice about ignoring them,

about unfriending them. I don't think that anyone's taking it personally. Yes, I think you could totally ghost guys that are giving minimal effort. It feels like they're just afraid to do anything or they lack the personality to do anything more than just send a stern photo of their face and hope that you do something.

I guess that's what makes the prompts in Orion so fun and necessary is that it's a conversation starter because nobody can just send a picture of their face if it asks you, hey, at what age do you think you'll die? That's a good prompt. We should add we should actually update we should really we have written i i'm looking at the prompts now we have about 300 so i think we have to come up we have if we're trying to get more people to get on the apps we gotta write more prompts we need more prompts all right i got a prompt right here ready what was your um first internet browser oh that's good i like that yeah do you remember yours uh yes uh

was it netscape navigator i believe the i mean i think netscape was like the alternative wait yeah you clicked netscape to get on the internet. Yeah. So you used Netscape. There was also Internet Explorer still back then, back in the day, the OG. Wow, interesting. Yeah, I definitely used Netscape.

What was your first search engine? Ooh, God. Alta Vista or some old shit like that? Mine was also... Web crawler? Mine was Alta Vista. some old shit like that? Web crawler? Mine was Alta Vista. But if they didn't have the right nudie Pamela Anderson pictures, I went over to Lycos. Yeah, you actually caused the dot-com crash because every search engine that you would use, eventually the bubble burst on them. That was my bubble bursting. Yeah, that's right. When I finally noted to the Pamela tommy lee sex tape i stopped using the internet and it all crashed

yeah that's when pets.com went belly up you bankrupted them from the fuck from the get-go um okay let's take a break um you you can ghost these people and uh we'll thank some sponsors we'll come back with more questions and answers after this. Oh, yeah. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly.

Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag-and-drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create. easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well.

Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know, that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting.

Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality.

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There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Answer less than five. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a lesson! Mom, I'm coming! Gross. Um, I don't think I do. Do you? I watched a sketch comedy show that was very silly and funny. I'll throw it out there.

Have you heard of, I don't, I believe it's just called Auntie Donna. Auntie Donna. It's a sketch comedy show, three dudes on Netflix, that I guess came out late last year. I had not heard of it. Dan Gurwitch told me about it. I was finally out of sports to watch, and I said, okay, I'll watch something on Netflix. Turned on this sketch show.

And it was insanely absurd. Weirder than like any college humor video we've ever done. But very, very, very silly and very, very, very funny. And I was laughing out loud by myself. So if you're completely out of shit to watch and you want to LOL and you think we're funny. And you must think we're funny a little bit if you listen to this then you'll probably like auntie donna the sketch show on netflix who's in it it's three dudes that are insanely funny and i not heard of it i don't know if they're from

england they seem to have accents how did you wait how did you come across it oh they're from australia there you go and they performed at edinburgh they're from Australia. There you go. There you go. And they performed at Edinburgh. They're just like very silly, weirdo, fringe, alt comics. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They're all... It's an Australian absurdist comedy group from Melbourne. There we have it.

There you go. Okay. Dan told me about it. And they were making videos, I guess, like for the last 10 years. But they finally got a Netflix sketch comedy show. So they put it um they made it with like super high production value and it's very very funny i'm going to send you one about there's a sketch about trendy barber shops that you'll like because you know

those trendy barber shops that you like where everybody's very cool and they drink beer and coffee while they cut your hair so there's a very funny sketch called trendy barber shop perfect you will very much dig cool and there's also just like a bunch of insane, silly shit. So check them out, Auntie Donna. Wow. What an earnest plug. I know. Maybe we can be friends with these guys.

If anybody knows these guys, let them know. Yeah, we want to be friends with Australian comedians. And also, remember that Australian band that we love, Furnace and the Fundamentals? Oh, yeah. Weren't they a cover band? Yeah, they were a great cover band that we saw. Iurnace and the Fundamentals? Oh, yeah. Weren't they a cover band? Yeah, they were a great cover band that we saw. I think it was in Sydney, though.

Yeah, not Melbourne. Sydney. I think we saw them in Sydney. And we loved them so much that I genuinely looked into getting them to play my wedding. Right, just flying in an Australian cover band. Yeah, then I remembered it was a day for me and Jill, not me and you, unfortunately. Oh, yeah. We should save them for our wedding. That's right.

All right, sweet. That's my unsolicited. Good shit. All right, next question, which, of course, I have just on deck. Like, I can just instantly find it and figure it out. It's not even like a big whoopsie-do. No problem.

Exactly. Oh, here's one about Bitcoin. Since Bitcoin is going ham yet again, we can't leave it. We can't leave cryptocurrency. Right. This is an email from a lady. We'll call her Cryptopia.

Cryptopia writes, In 2018, my brother said that if I had some savings I could forget about for a while, I should invest in Bitcoin. After talking to him, we both ended up investing the same amount of money of portion for a portion of a Bitcoin. As of January 2021, I have quadrupled my initial investment. When I texted him to thank him for the great advice, I find out that he sold his Bitcoin more than a year ago. I realize at this point it sounds like I'm sending an email to brag about my crypto success, but there's a question. I feel bad that my brother sold his Bitcoin while I'm profiting off his advice as we speak,

especially since I'm trying to figure out what the hell Bitcoin even is. So what should I do? Should I give him some Bitcoin? Should I shower his family with lavish gifts for the rest of our lives? Should I send him a check when I sell it? My brother's a huge fan. So give a shout out to Dan. Shout out to Dan.

Thanks for your advice. Shout out to Dan. Cryptopia. You should have held, Dan. You gotta hodl. You always hodl. You must. So this lady, this sister, she's very sweet

because she feels bad that she took her brother's advice so much to heart that when he sold, she did not, and now she's making cash. Because over the last year, I don't know if you know, but Bitcoin went from like 3,000 per coin to over 60,000. And now it's down around 50,000. Bitcoin's at 50,000. So let's just say, I know she said she brought a fraction, but yeah, let's say she bought half.

Her and her brother each put in 1,500. He sold his for 3,000, and now she's sitting on 25K. Does she sell and give him some or is it like sorry you gave me the advice i don't know you shit i think i mean i don't think you need to give him any bitcoin that's that's beyond the pale yes that is but um can you sell some and buy him a gift that would be a nice gesture well i don't know like i don't you want to you want a hodl though i think you want a hodl i don't like just because somebody gives you like financial advice doesn't mean that like they're

entitled to a piece he's not an actual um you know financial advisor and you know by the way you you advised me a couple years ago to sell some of my bitcoin and buy a whole bunch of weird alt coins tron rye blocks ripple ripple shit yep yep yeah and i lost cash and if i had a whole old i would have had cash that's right and i don't think you owe me money right unless i don't think so i definitely force you to buy now that i saw that i was doing it you said teach me in fact i think i advised you against it you said shut the fuck up you spendthrift jew show me what you're doing or i'll sue i can't total this forever actually it's funny you mentioned that because right now there's that was like an altcoin boom where like all these

knockoff bitcoin and crypto were were mooning and making people money like the end of 2017 early 2018 that's when they all sort of you know went up and then eventually went back down to earth as most nothing coins tend to do now there's a whole new world of that cropping up because it's now easy to create your own crypto so anybody's just making their own and you can like invent and like they start off as like a micro penny where it's like one millionth of one cent and some of them shoot up to like seven millionth of one cent and it's like oh i put in five thousand and i have thirty five thousand dollars worth of this like weird scam coin and then a bunch of people buy that it's kind of like doge you know like when doge started as a

joke it was worth less than a penny now it's worth like a quarter so everyone's trying to create their own new doge and it's easy to create and it's easy to convince people and some of these have millions of people and millions of people holding onto these coins that don't really do anything so this whole thing is happening again is there any chance that nav coin comes back then i'm still holding you joke i did exactly what you did yeah i'm still hodling hope that nav coin comes back or ripple comes back some of them did come back to their peak and some of them are still like hovering around 10 of what they were worth in 2017 i mean i so i but i do think that for for this reason because all of it is essentially nonsensical like i i get that there's no rhyme or reason yeah i get that it's. I'm not saying crypto is like, I think it's as dumb as lots of things.

Yeah, it's just like stocks. They seem to go up based on what people think will happen more than what's actually happening. Right. Those do go up, I think, based on feelings and projections and how people view things. The rumors more than the news. But all I'm saying is that because it's all so volatile and you had just as much of a chance to lose your investment, lose your money, just that your brother got it right doesn't mean that you owe him anything. Also, by the way, if he was really cared about giving you advice, he sold his and didn't tell you shit.

Now that you mentioned it, that is a weird wrinkle. He's like, yeah, I gotta get out. I gotta get out of this. This is going to tank. Well,

I didn't mention that to you. What if it actually did go all the way down to zero and he's like, Oh, I sold mine for $3,000. Would he have given you any money? Um, yeah, you can't feel,

you can't feel too bad, but you should be grateful. know you're you're happy you know this is it's cool tonight said he gave you this advice that you followed you're the one that followed you followed through and you hodled when it mattered most yeah i can't stress enough you did a great job hodling which is how crypto nerds say hold because it's based on a typo so now you know that that's one extra thing you know about bitcoin congrats on that and congrats on hodling um all right we got another question about being a workaholic if somebody who's i guess addicted to this new beer called workahol where where you just sort of, one shot gets you completely wasted. Sounds awesome. Actually, no, I like drinking too much.

Okay, here we go. It's actually about being addicted to work. I think I misread it. This is a 25-year-old male in Phoenix, Arizona. We'll call him Devin Booker, who I think is 24, but lives in Phoenix. That's close enough enough i started a small business after finishing an associate's degree writes devin booker i combined my passion for classic automobiles and welding abilities to offer a metal restoration service after the start uh after starting the business from the ground and several years of work to make it operate it has finally started to give back and i make a decent living but the problem is all I do is work. My life has become a perpetual cycle of car in, car out, six days a week, 10-hour work schedule.

And most Sundays are set aside to meet clients and quote vehicles. So here's my question. As two individuals who have started businesses and have become very successful, wow, his words, not ours. How do you find the balance between work and play? Do you set aside for yourself or personal projects? Do you set time aside? How would you justify not working, say, the weekend, knowing that it could potentially mean time, money, or clients lost?

Thank you for taking the time to read my email. I listen every Monday morning. Wow, respect. Yeah, thanks, Devin. He also saw us in Tempe, so hopefully we can go back there wow Tempe that was a fun show yeah that was a random show we don't think about very much mm-hmm it was a great time okay so trying to do you feel like you work to work too much it's hard because like we technically it's Sunday night now the academy awards are going

on and we're working it doesn't quite feel like work because we're not fixing a car or waking up like at 6 a.m to go in and deal with physical labor manual labor but you know our work happens to be a little bit different than normal work but we do work weird hours i've been thinking more because i think that my um my default is always being very self-deprecating about work and saying what i do is easy and i've been thinking more recently just because um i think i think it's hard i think yeah i think you're really you're willing to stand up for yourself finally once and for all. I think we host so many podcasts. Yeah, you more than me. Yeah.

But even you have like, I guess buckets doesn't really count. What? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, actually, you're on the HeadGum podcast more than me. But yeah, like NADDpod is like a two and a half hour show that gets recorded every week i've go show with my brother this show with you um and the occasional hg pod yeah and it is not easy so i think it's it's it's basically the only thing i really know how to do it's

something that comes natural but it's still not, it doesn't, that doesn't make it easy. And just because you're doing something that you're passionate about doesn't mean that that's easy. Your passion, actually, if it's really, if you're really passionate about it, you should be working hard. So first of all, I guess that was a long winded way to say that I admit that I work hard. Okay. But that wasn't even the question. No, God, no no this guy already assumed we did so shout out to him great appreciate that and the other thing work-life balance i think it's a complicated because like to some extent i don't think i have a great work-life balance or i or if i do i have like a good I basically don't have a good

professional balance I think that we have so many irons in the fire sometimes that we don't focus on like uh writing tv shows or a movie like that's what we used to do you and I would write Jake and Amir sketches and then when we weren't doing that we wrote wrote a movie, you know? Yeah. We only had one job, and now it seems like we have many, many jobs between podcasting, Patreoning, and various other professional endeavors. And again, our dating app, which is a nine-to-five grind. I mean, I am on there. I am swiping. Thankfully for that one, we really only came up with the prompts, so light lift there.

Right, right. And honestly, that we had a lot of help with anyway uh the but yeah it feels like the balance is is still like i i i have like a work life balance but not necessarily like the exact professional one that you would want because we're like halftime executives now too yeah yeah yeah um and like i mean how do you justify not working the weekend knowing that it could potentially mean time money or clients lost for him it's like it seems like he's um stretched so thin just at this one job where like if he literally takes the weekend off he'll cost himself money so he's grinding six days a week almost seven days a week trying to reach that break-even point where it's profitable uh potentially and making him money um so he's finally got himself to that place which seems like a very stressful place to be in because can this guy even take a vacation

like you want to be like yeah just take two weeks off every six months to recharge your batteries and he's like no i don't even have time to do that yeah well i think that there that is the trade-off where you're like you're an entrepreneur you're starting your own business you kind of do have to burn the midnight oil for a little bit like all hands on deck head down but if he's like now reaching the clip where he's like able to turn a profit um you know a maybe it's not that much longer or b if you're starting to turn a profit maybe you can take your foot off the gas a little bit i would give like very specific advice to this dude that um you he sounds like he's a real artisan, like a professional.

He's providing a service that people really need, like restoring their classic cars. So you can just charge what you think you're worth so then you're not hustling nonstop to try to get new clients. You're just working on one project that you can fully dedicate yourself to and you're doing it for a price that makes you not need to take on other work right can you charge more like

the simple math is like i just charge double and then even if i lose half my clients i'm making the same amount of money in half the time but yeah of course but you have all of his clients right well i imagine that like these clients, it's a small community. So, you know, you like work on somebody's car. They take that to a show. Then word gets around, yada, yada. But I do think that you can be like, you know, when you have your, when you're full up on clients, you just tell people like, I'm not taking on any new work. And that's kind of what makes people really need you to work on their car.

Yeah, when you turn them away. That's right. any new work and that's kind of what makes people really need you to work on their car because yeah when you turn them away and then you're right and then you're like especially if you're if you're so busy that you're needing to do stuff on sunday i feel like next time you meet with somebody you could be like this is the price and if they walk away then it's fine because you're still super busy and if they say yes then you realize then you realize that you can make more cash. Yeah. Or the trade-off is you can make less cash and work less hard, whichever one will make you happier.

Would you rather make a little less money but have more time to yourself? If that's worth the trade-off, then you can do that too. But it's your own personal pros and cons list where do you would you rather work like would you work twice as hard as you are now for double the money i would say no yeah same the other thing that's like what we did at head gum is like when things got busier we could have worked harder we could have made more money but instead we hired people and we didn't make more money, you know? Yeah. We started spreading the salary around.

Yeah. Instead of accepting all the cash and doing all the jobs ourselves for like 18 hours a day, we took less money and hired more people. Yeah. So maybe if you can identify like some pain point, some bottlene um of your business that's like i wish i had somebody to help with this so i could focus on this and that's what would like grow the business like then you know then you could do that find a partner yeah and again if you just wanted to create like one of these shit coins on the side sort of scam people out of their cash and then pull the rug uh when the price gets pumped you dump and then you can probably make millions of dollars that way

leave other people high and dry but at that point you're completely anonymous halfway to aruba with all their cash hey that's what stellar did so it feels like actually xlm is mooning right now you want to buy in now really what you have it's only down 47 since i bought in 24 years ago that's a really good because over a year over a year that's only down 10 a year that's pretty good and bitcoin's what bad up up four thousand percent so that's not that different much different this fucking app is so funny it lets you look at like the movement in the last hour. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Yeah, people are micro-trading it.

Probably for the best that you delete that app. No, it's still a couple dollars in here. And who's to say it won't go a thousand X tonight based on somebody's speech at an award show or something. Let's do it uh all right

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Hey-o! How are you feeling after taking a 14-hour drive today, right into another chair? I feel pretty... I actually feel pretty good, all things considered. So you're saying you're not like, your back doesn't hurt, you're not mentally fried, you're not like your back doesn't hurt you're not mentally

fried you're not ready to give it up i'm a little mentally fried but i think that's also because i woke up at 5 a.m like that the drive itself didn't seem that bad i feel like i've taken like seven hour drives that were worse than that 14 hour drive you almost which hour which hour was the hardest was it like hour 11 where you're like holy shit we still have another long drive to go and we've been in this car for 11 hours i was actually listening to the tottenham hotspur game uh they were in the final for the carabao cup against man city you know these guys they really need some hardware. They fight hard, my boys, my lads, my team. So the hardest hour of the drive was when I was listening to that game because Man City was just hammering at the top of the goal

the entire time I was on edge. And Man City, they're going to win the Premier League. They're going to win the Europa League. Like, they don't need this. They don't need the carabao cup you don't even know what the carabao cup is i needed the carabao cup i don't know what it yeah i don't think you knew what it was four weeks ago either no i didn't i didn't know um but when i found out that that this was our last and best and only chance to win a trophy this season i decided

that i needed to win the carabao cup uh and i thought that my boys could get it done but it was actually um they lost one nil in like the 84th minute or something so it was really just like a nail-biting stressful game like every every 30 seconds the announcers would kind of scream and there was like a really good chance on goal that it was like miraculously not even saved but just like just barely kicked wide or something like yeah basically man city not quite being able to finish so i couldn't even be proud of my guys for the defending no yeah because they eventually let up the game-winning goal yeah um so that was pretty sad that was pretty bad and that was probably a low point maybe that whole game and then for

like an hour after that because i didn't have anything to look forward to anymore yeah and then what did you do food wise did you like stop at like a mcdonald's did you allow yourself to eat fast food or you're like let's just pack a sandwich and we'll eat it in a bathroom while we drive faster get home sooner jill made it was the second one jill made sandwiches and i ate my sandwich at 7 a.m so that was that then there was that was early yeah yeah there was a peanut butter and jelly that we split so that was kind of lunch then i was eating some chips then i had an apple um and then around three i was really famished and yeah uh we stopped by we stopped to get gas and i went in and i was like you know what fuck it i'm gonna get a chicken sandwich i'm gonna go to wendy's i'm gonna get a

chicken sandwich but i walked inside and the line was so long that i that i was like i can't i even though i like made the deal with myself the bargain that i was going to eat the garbage as a reward for the dry you get the garbage it was too it was too crowded so i left and actually right now it is almost 9 p.m i have a burrito that has been delivered it's in the other wow yeah wow it's in the other room so how you can still focus on this is mind i mean you're hangry and you have a full fucking burrito yeah just waiting for you and here we are yammering on about well actually i'm yammering on about how i have the burrito in the other room yeah but i brought it yammering on about what i ate today yeah i had a sandwich then i was

gonna get a chicken sandwich and now i have a burrito in the other room but I'm doing this at this point I should just be eating the burrito we got questions about football recently because of that whole Super League that people said they were gonna start I guess a bunch of the best clubs in Europe were gonna for a few days gonna launch their own separate league called the Super League, and then the fans got so mad

that they all decided to not join the Super League. Is that somewhat correct? Yeah, essentially. It was the one thing that united all football fans was hatred for the Super League. Yeah. Like, our buddy Jasper from Three Black Halflings is actually going to come on the show.

I think we're recording with him this week. So maybe next week. He'll be able to tell you much more about it. But basically, yeah, it sort of exists now. Like the four best teams in the Premier League and like the two best teams from the Spanish League, like all of like the best, basically like the teams with the top records go into this thing called the europa league so like teams from france can play teams from england in this yeah right in this europe cup it's like barcelona from spain is the best team there and they'll play the best team from england

but basically the best teams um not even that's the weirder thing so like basically kind of the top like 12 markets for teams just decided like hey we don't want to keep on competing to have to qualify for this every year let's just make our own tournament where it's always us right and then we're always in and we'll yeah we'll make more money so like yeah it's kind of just ruined football for everybody and the funny thing it's it's the funny thing is like some teams that just haven't really won anything in a long time were included it's like if it's like if the 12 11 best teams and also the knicks decided to make their own biggest market right it's like it's

like if the clippers were involved it's like wait you guys have never made it to the conference finals why are you here like well we're from la yeah exactly so we get to join the party as it were yeah i see and then how did it end up not happening after just one weekend of tweets i think just like i don't know i mean there a protest erupted in England. They were like burning jerseys out in front of stadiums. So I think that like, I think the backlash was pretty severe. I think the owners maybe deluded themselves into thinking that people were going to like it. So having it be roundly rejected wasn't good.

A lot of like the players and the coaches, people that'd be playing in the league and coaching the teams in the league spoke out against it. I see. And then like, I think Liverpool bailed on it first. And then the teams just kind of started like, you know, falling like dominoes after that. Interesting.

Yeah, it's cool that sometimes angry fans are right and sometimes they're actually listened to by billionaires that's that's a rare maybe that's it's because it happened in europe in america they would have like laughed burned a cigar with a hundred dollar bill and moved on with their lives yeah exactly but you know that is interesting that you say that because a lot of those teams are owned by Americans. So maybe there's hope for us yet. Fucking cowards. This is why we left England.

We didn't have to fucking listen to poor people. You're just in a mood. I'm pro-ownership is all. So, like, I'm on their side. I don't necessarily care about these common fans. You're a big Bezos guy. I've been petitioning for Elon Musk to host SNL, and it's finally happening. Finally happened, yeah. Yes.

Hell yeah. May 8th, everybody. Check it out. My boy. My guy. Musk. My dude. It's a Musk watch TV.

Nice. Thank you. Musk CTV. I'm going to pitch that to Streeter. Okay. One last question? Yeah. Then I have my to pitch that to Streeter. Okay. One last question? Yeah. Then I have my burrito.

Yeah, Jesus. Burrito. It sounds good. Thanks, man. Like you're just sitting here because you just didn't eat, huh? With the Wendy's was a no-go. Did you even get a snack to like tide yourself over? I did actually get a kind of like a sleeve of pepperoni.

But the way that tasted out on my mouth wasn't right. So I didn't, without the cheese, without any other appetizer, without a hos or without. It's not charcuterie if it's just the pepperoni. It wasn't. Yeah, it's not a charcuterie board if you just have it in a loose sleeve. No way. And now you have this pill pill this amazing thick pill for you to just go ahead i mean my god imagine just

taking one bite of that burrito that would be oh my mouth is watering thing i'm honestly my mouth was watering reliving the pepperoni at this point so uh okay let's get to this question then um this is a dude we'll call him um burrito bill no that's too obvious because his actual name is burrito william let's call him peter pepperoni right what a couple months ago i became suddenly single after five and a half years recently i decided to get back on dating apps naturally um my although my match rate is reasonable i feel like my profile is lacking in one crucial area picture of myself with friends the problem is all those pictures feature my ex i'm in the uk and while the vaccine game is pretty strong it'll still be a while before i can get

close enough to my friends for a photo that might reassure potential matches that I'm not a social outcast. So here's my questions. Those pictures with the X in them. Can I just crop her out? Todah, love. Peter Pepperoni. Peter Pepperoni, you can crop your X out. Here's the thing.

I think people can tell. I think it's clear. Unless it's like an actual just photo of you two, they won't know that it's an ex, right? It's like you, a girl. I guess if your hand's around the girl and there's other... Yeah, it depends what the photo is. But I do think that like basically any... Even if it's just a photo of two people,

I think that the assumption is that it could be the ex. And it really ruins the photo it ruins the moment like even if it's not your ex even if it's you and your sibling that's that's one of my favorite photo prompts for the orion um profile you have to upload nine photos yeah with various prompts and one of them is you and your ex so you get to use that good photo yeah which is really and that's that's uh i think mine i have a photo of me and you and your ex so you get to use that good photo yeah which is really and that's that's uh i think mine i have a photo of me and you and it says you and your enemy um but you and your ex would be an yeah right here i'm fucking with you man it's fine that's like a joke yes yes it is a joke

okay your reaction okay no not okay because you're yeah you're by the way you're still mad and even your initial reaction was too much now you're snarling at me pirate yeah who's your enemy now killian's irish red that's a whiskey i can drink it's a beer what's that? Killian's Irish Red is a beer. Okay. Okay. You're going to fucking call me out on everything. And vodka is a wine. Like, I get it.

I know what shit is. You don't have to, like, hem and haw and review and audit every joke I make. I won't anymore. I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were that sensitive. You did say vodka was a wine, which is incorrect, obviously. Right clear it's a clear you know what wine is it's not a wine it's not a wine i'm just saying it's not made from grapes what's rum oh good question uh no rum is when you forget an olive in a La Croix for a month. That might be.

Really? You rarely have a rum enthusiast. You rarely see that. It's like, yeah, I really like whiskey. I'm like, oh, I'm like a wine connoisseur. Me, I'm a rum man. So I'll sort of look and wait and see which, what's your rum list?

Where's the rum go? You rarely see that. Yeah. I feel like rum is like an island thing. Yeah. It's pineapple liqueur almost. If you have any Baja friends, they probably like rum. The room. All right.

So this guy should crop out, should not crop out. What's worse? You should download Orion because that's the one that gives you the prompts. There's no guesswork. It tells you. The prompts are helpful for sure. The prompts are great. I love the prompts.

Yeah. It's good alley-oop for a joke. I think if you if you're on just some subpar standard ass dating app, I think crop an ex, but really try to crop it. Don't make it look like it's a

romantic. If it's sunset and you are leaning to the left and your arm is clearly around one person and you crop somebody's and you can like see their chin close to your face. I think that's too obvious of a crop. If you're just talking about like your conscience, because like, oh, this is a trip that we took and she's in this photo on the side. Or even like this is a photo that she took of me. I think that's okay

i think that's all right because we're we just what about through yeah go ahead what about the cheeky covering of the face with an emoji then it's sort of like look at me i'm hugging a frog isn't that silly or i'm actually spooning here this is a sex tape with me and a rabbit. Okay, well, don't do that one. But also, imagine your ex is also getting back on the app. She just sees a photo of you hugging a frog. She's like, what the fuck? Yeah, but that's okay.

She could be a frog. If she broke my heart, she deserves to be an emoji of an egg on her head. And I'll get the last laugh and that's your opening chat uh yeah i didn't really look at your photos really in fact i swiped you right by accident unmatched um yeah you crop no crop decrop i think you can get by with a crop or two and you don't have to worry unless the you know but you use your judgment you can't go with an egregious crop if it's clearly a romantic photo crop then it's not why is it bad too like what's the big deal it's like yeah this is a picture of me with my ex why is that grounds for dismissal it's not that bad it's i think it projects an image of

someone who is not really that available to date yeah but like by the time you're however years old like everyone's been in a relationship before isn't that a good thing yeah i'm not i'm i'm not saying that like i wouldn't assume whoever's on the apps has exes but if you have like if all of your photos feature an X, it feels like a more recent thing. It just feels like they're nearer in your life. And I'd probably rather go out with someone that is like definitely over their X

than hung up on their X. Yeah, that's true. Okay. All right. Todah. Glad I convinced you. Yeah. I mean, I have to change everything about my profile.

It's a fucking love letter. To your ex? You're with somebody now. I know, but I wanted to project that I have an ex. I've actually been with more than one woman. Two of the photos are just a list that I took one time on my notes app of everybody i've made out with or frenched that day day maximum one have you ever kissed more than one person in a day yeah i didn't think so no i have not yeah thank you for bringing that up

fuck there's still time i guess what's your maximum of people i kissed in a day yeah it feels like it there's definitely been like parties where like everyone was making out like what's been it's been the bottle you never played it's been the bottle where like people made out i've done i've not but yeah i guess what i guess i get what you're saying yeah i've never done that but yeah i guess that would skew the numbers a little bit i think we actually did that at your birthday party i wasn't involved you were not nor was i invited yeah but it was party it was uh amir's not here type of celebration yeah it was at your ex's apartment it was at your ex yeah she sort of threw a ding dong the bitch is dead soiree oh it was right after you broke up yeah the spin the

bottle it was a danger about it she broke up with you over brunch and it sounded hot it was funny because you came in there like kind of crying to collect to pick up my shit yeah and we had a notebook and i think a volleyball you did leave the notebook and you didn't get that back because we were we were in your ex's bedroom i slipped reading i slipped on some beer yeah you did and i twisted my ankle i had to sort of lay low for a little in her roommate's room you didn't lay that low we We actually turned you into a piñata. We raised you up high. I'm a joke. Yes. You lifted me up.

You raised me up so you can beat the shit out of me. You raised me. Now you choked me out. I almost died. You hung me to dry. You hung me out to dry. Literally. On a clothesline. After taking turns with a switch, you sort of just dumped my lifeless body on a clothesline after taking turns with a switch he sort of just

dumped my lifeless body on a fire escape which I thought was silly that year and I still can't hear out of my right ear this is the saddest fucking slam poem autobiography no only half that stuff is true don't worry I'm doing great okay that's it that's our time

that's our show you have to go eat a fucking burrito for crying out loud please you should start an only fans where you just eat a burrito on video people would pay top dollar to see you what is it like chicken steak sour cream you ever get stuff like guacamole on the side of your mouth it sounds like you would pay top dollar i'm 20 i'm gonna fin dom you uh all right opening theme song lucas of course closing one anderson reagan anderson reagan wants to plug their tiktok at churvel that's C-H-U-R-V-E-L. My girlfriend broke up with me and has nearly 100,000 followers. So you understand how bad I need this. The sample at the beginning is Amir reading my band name from episode 471.

All right. So follow at Churvel on TikTok. Thank you, Anderson, for writing this theme song on TikTok thank you Anderson for writing this theme song thanks to you guys for listening more videos every week on our Patreon we're watching all Jake and Amir videos so check us out there as well

patreon.com slash JA happy Oscar Monday everybody wow I bet Hollywood's biggest stars shone so bright last night, and I'm so excited to read the recap and the red carpet. Actually, Jake, before we go, who are you wearing? Let's just roll the music, man. For sure. Let's roll the music. Acid goth. Acid goth. Acid goth. Acid Goss Acid Goss Acid Goss

Jake Hurwitz Host if I were you Rolling in New York, Golden Mike. Jake hosts a podcast and it's called If I Were You. I sent in a theme song and I asked a question too, like, what's it like to get a golden mic? What's it like to get a golden mic? I'm asking Jake, not Amir. Let me be perfectly clear. I think that Jake is the one true king. That was a Hiddem Original.