Segments - 49: Raining and Complaining

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

In this episode we discuss days of the week, words of the year, and robots taking our jobs.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HITGUM original. there. Now here's one more effort for only positive motivations they swear. Second. Another podcast. Second. Each app different from the last. Second. It's the Swiss Army Knife of Shoes. Now let's meet your two emphatic hosts. Second. Now let me teach you to empathic hopes. Just a second. That was the most animated I've ever seen you

in my whole entire life. Back in LA. You were dancing a second ago. Why are you so low energy, Jeb, all of a sudden? You were bouncing around the room. Really? I don't know, I kind of browned out during the, you're honestly grinning.

From ear to ear, I feel a little low. Like that was all the endorphins were like coming out. Oh, that was everything you had for the month. Just expended. Exercise and joy gone for 30 days and yeah, in, yeah, 49, 50, 51 seconds. It's funny because I do know for a fact

that your house is utterly empty. So you're so alone. It's barren. It's cold. It's 32 degrees in here. Yeah. And outside it's 81. Wow. How is that even thermodynamically possible? Incredible. It doesn't make sense.

It really doesn't make sense. That's October in LA. Yeah, cold on the inside, hot on the outside. Yeah, this is our first segment since our live show. So we did get to experience the hands up in the air. Oh man, the joy. To see if the crowd followed suit. And they did.

It was so good. You really- I would say it was a 90% success rate and then the 10% of people who just knew our videos or came with a friend were really alarmed. My favorite, because it's so good seeing all of the hands go so straight up, so rigid, waving back and forth, fills my heart with joy and then it makes my heart

skip a beat knowing that there's just a few people in the audience who are so shocked, and they're like, what's going on? Why is this happening? That's kind of vaguely resembles some sort of white power rally when every hand shoots up and goes like this. They're very rigid to be sure.

It's a rigid salute and you're surrounded by it. Of course. I don't want to dissuade anybody from doing it in the future. It just has the energy from those who aren't participating in it. It seems very cult-like. Yeah, for sure. Cult-y. I could see that.

We have a special wave. But between Philly and New York, there was, yeah, I mean, everybody got into it and we felt the joy for the first time. So much so that we added a show. Oh, that's right. We never do this. We should talk about it up top.

We never do this. Well, we're very bad at promoting and announcing on time, but this actually might be the first time that we're able to do it mildly. Yeah. Yeah, I guess we could have announced it last week, but what are you gonna do? For sure.

Our tickets for our Chicago live show are available right now. That's right. You can get them at headgum.com slash live too, so that's an easy ass URL to remember. And that'll be November 14th. November 14th. We might even know be the show is November 14. November 14. We might even know who the president is by then. Well, let's not jump to any conclusions. We're still not

even sure who won the 2020 election. So let's figure that out first. A lot of questions. JD Vance is focused on the future. Okay, yeah, I'm just, he should have asked him, so who won the 1996 election? Would he say like, oh, Bill Clinton? Or would he say, I'm still focused on the future? Yeah, I was mildly annoyed that he didn't press that further, but I guess it was. Nobody's changing their mind based on something that happens during the vice presidential debate, so it's fair. Also, I bet if he pressed further, he still wouldn't answer. Yeah. All right, fine. I'm just like Trump lost. Are you happy?

But I'm like, twist the knife a little bit. You know, you got him. He's, he said something really dumb. You were like, who won the, who won the election? I would ask him that. Who won the 2020 election? I'm focused on the future. And then he's like, and then he just like let him talk for. That's a damning non-answered. Yeah, and then he let him talk for a minute about censorship. Like, let's, I feel like, but yeah, this is how I always feel.

I want them to just make fun of the other candidates, but I get that they're not trying to get my vote because they do already know they have it. Right, like you would want him to answer every subsequent question with, sorry, hold on real quick, one second. Who won the 2020 election? Yeah.

Who won the 2020 election? When they talked about school shootings and JD Vance said that schools should have stronger windows, I would want him to just be like, got it. So you said schools should have stronger windows. Just wanna make sure. Stronger windows for the schools. Okay.

Everybody write that down, yeah. That JD said that schools need to have stronger doors and windows. That's sort of on the website as a policy. Yeah, but I guess, yeah, they don't need to make fun of each other, because nobody, there's no high information voter that's like taking in both sides on the VP debate we were only watching to see if our guy could get a punch in. I will say Hillary

lost my vote when Tim Kaine didn't do very well in the vice presidential debate yeah Tim Kaine sort of dropped the ball and I couldn't see myself right I was on the fence. The two candidates were both pretty great in my eyes. I loved Trump, I love Hillary. And I said, I'm gonna leave it down. Yeah, because I, Kane's all right and Pence is all right. So who can win this debate here?

This was pre-Fly. Do you remember the Fly on his head in the in the VP debate? I think that lost Trump 2020 and that lost Trump the 2020 election because again it came down to the VP debate then as well and it was such a close election that it came down to the fly. It was Kamala Pence. I was undecided until I saw the fly and I was like well the fly fucking loves this guy for some reason. He must be pretty fly for a white guy. He must be pretty fly for a white guy. Anyway, we'll get into it all at the Chicago live show,

which again is November 14th. Yes, yes, November 14th. Park West. How exciting, how exciting. We haven't had a show in, I mean, six years maybe? A live podcast? A live podcast was one of our podcasts. You said it was since pre-pandemic, right?

It was pre-pandemic. I guess we did, so we did a virtual live show, a remote live show. That's what's tripping me up, yeah. And we also did, I think we, I think you and I were part of like the Headgum live show in 2021 at the Gramercy. But I don't, I can't quite remember

what our involvement was. Like, but essentially you and I have not done a full on live show since pre-pandemic. And if Philly and New York are any indication, honestly, those were awesome until the Chicago show got announced. Now I consider that pre-season.

It was a joke. It was a nothing burger to me. I hated those shows compared to what's coming. Actually, now that I think about it, we might've done JFL in 2022. Is that possible? I was gonna say, it felt real that we did a live podcast in Montreal in 2022.

No, I don't think we did a live podcast there. We just moderated an event. We hosted something. That's what it is. We moderated two years ago in Canada, an event at JFL, and then they closed the entire festival down there. Because of us. We were the last thing they did. But anyway, yeah.

We moderated it to death. If you wanna catch some of our first live podcasts, now is the time. Correct. New York, Philadelphia, yeah. We moderated it to death. If you wanna catch some of our first live podcasts, now is the time. Correct. New York, Philadelphia, Chicago. We're going to all the big cities. You think it'll rain? Rain when we're there?

Like when I first landed in Philly, it was a beautiful day and then it started raining for three days straight and then I left. Yeah. Is it something I said or something that does not ring? Is it somewhere I am? Is it the energy I have? I will say on the weather.

I get pretty annoyed. I guess it's like, maybe it's just like an old guy thing, but I get really annoyed when it rains. I'm upset by the rain. It bothers me. Interesting, interesting. That's a very LA philosophy. As a New Yorker, you should say,

I don't care if it rains, I like when it's cold. The seasons remind me that every day shouldn't be sunny. I used to feel like that. And I did, there are times when I can appreciate the rain. Like if I don't have to go anywhere and I'm staying inside, I think the rain is great. But now that I have so much responsibility in my life, like I wake up and it's raining,

I'm like, well, the dog still needs to go out. I still have shit to do and now it will just be yet and it will be inconvenient. When I was, yeah, when I was 25 and it rained and I was like, oh wow, awesome. I won't do anything today. That's kind of nice. So now that you have to do things in the rain,

you don't like it. I don't love getting wet. But I will say on getting wet since you asked, I think one of the best feelings in the world is when you are walking home from work, you went to work not knowing that it was gonna rain. You walk home, you don't have an umbrella and you were just like,

I am committed to getting absolutely soaked. I'm gonna get drenched in rain. But you get home, you are soggy, sodden, dripping with rainwater. But you go inside, you put all of your wet clothes directly into your hamper, take a shower, and get into cozy PJs early. That's one of the best feelings.

Getting hamper soaking wet wet moldy socks. It's dark and dank, you leave it there. So for overnight, one night becomes five. Suddenly it smells like cottage cheese in the bathroom. Now you have pontovirus somehow. No, I think it's... You have gangrene. I think it's one of the best feelings

to just commit to getting completely wet, knowing that you are gonna get nice and cozy when you go home. I don't mind the hard rain. The problem was there was a drizzle. It was a hard drizzle for three days. So like I would go to the show and they're like, all right, well walk 12 minutes from the subway.

I'm like, okay, should I buy an umbrella for a 12 minute walk? It seems fine. Let me start walking. Oh, it's starting to rain a little more. All right. Let me go under this tree. Oh, thick drops.

Okay. Now I'm eight blocks away. Should I buy an umbrella for eight blocks? Let me just keep walking. Oh, now it's raining really hard and I'm four blocks away, but I'm getting soaked and it's right before the show. Should I buy an umbrella for four blocks? I feel like not worth it.

What if I still step in a puddle? Like the umbrella only does, it's feel like not worth it. What if I still step in a puddle? Like the umbrella only, sorry, I'm not done. I was just, I was trying to like join in on the conversation. I didn't realize it was a diet truck. It was a diet truck. Yeah.

Okay. The umbrella really only blocks your like top half. Like if the rain's coming down and it's windy, like you're not wearing. I buy it, I'm like you're not wearing. I'm like, I really don't ride umbrella. It was the type of rain where you could, where you would think it wasn't raining and you would, you had to like press your face

against the window and look at like a headlight to be like, oh no, it is raining. It's raining harder than it looks like it's raining. You look outside, it stopped. The other very annoying thing about this rain, which lasted for three days, was every time I looked at my phone to see what the weather was, the forecast,

it said light rain for the next hour, and that was it, and it would be like, and it would show the hours after that were just gray skies. It was just light rain stopping soon for three straight days and it never ever actually stopped and it was never even that light. As we moved through time,

the one hour followed us all the way to Sunday. It never stopped raining until I left. No, no it didn't. But you stayed at a hotel called The Saunders and that was fun. Yes. Talk to me about The Saunders. The Saunders was interesting.

It was one of those new modern hotels that doesn't seem to have anyone that works there. It's kind of like, hotels took a page out of Airbnb's book. They're like, oh, we could actually save a bunch of money by not having anybody to hire. Powering. Yeah. Correct.

Right. So I walk into the building with a passcode that they emailed to me, thinking I would go to a front desk and check myself in. Then I go into the building and there's a maitre d' for a restaurant in the lobby. And I say, hi hi is this the hotel front desk and she's like no the hotel's over there pointing to an empty lobby with an elevator

I'm like I don't where what do you know what to do like I can't am I the only person that's ever done this she's like um yeah for the hotel it's uh we're separate from the hotel so like I think they emailed you like instructions. Instructions? I don't know if you like the reservation. You're really bothering this woman. Instructions? Instructions for what? How do I?

Here, you read it. I have the new iPhone. It took me a fortnight to get it. I'm back at the Apple store getting yelled at. Yeah, and the instructor's like, all right, when you get there, this is your code. Then use this code to get up to your room. Then use this code to get into your room.

And now that's your room. And I'm like, okay, I just, is this an Airbnb? Like I have nobody to talk to. What if the code didn't work? I can't call anybody. Fortunately, I guess they set up this thing to be like a completely keyless, no human entry. I'm like, there's nobody to talk to if anything goes bad.

I stayed there for one night. I'm like, can I leave my bags in the lobby? I don't know, there's nobody here. So I'm just gonna leave my bags in the basement. You just left those works. You didn't talk to anybody? You just left your bags in the basement? Yeah, because there was like a luggage storage room

that I found in the app, but like, yeah, there's no humans to speak to. And then as soon as checkout happened, 11 a.m., I get a knock on the door, like, hey, housekeeper, we're cleaning. I'm like, okay, so there are people to kick me out. There are people to kick you out of the room. That's what the people are there for.

They're not gonna bring you ice. They're not gonna give you a wake-up call, but they will kick you out at 11. So that's the new thing. It's like self check out, no humans. Checking into a hotel, no humans. And like we're just on the cusp of that age group where like maybe the next generation will be like,

yeah, like a person checking you into a hotel, all right, boomer, or like somebody checking you out of a store. Yeah, but if my parents walked into that hotel, oh no, they wouldn't have that. They wouldn't like that at all. I mean, I don't like it either. Call me old fashioned, but I miss the human touch

and call me boomer, but it's kind of interesting that the quality of service is going down just as the prices are going up. So the inflation makes the room cash. Of course. Yeah, they still want money. And the way they're making the money is to make it cost-for. Well, we have to keep up with inflation.

So like, yes, everything is more expensive these days. Obviously, you know, people are gonna work here. The robots are very expensive. And yeah, the system is a lot. So that's why you're paying $400 for a room that you swiped into with nobody there to guide you. Yeah, and do you have a question? Well, you can text the chat GPT

and hopefully there will be a candid response. It's a virtual assistant. Yeah. Yes, and it will be virtual. Same thing happened when Verizon's entire network went down last week. I couldn't reach anybody, I couldn't talk to anybody. The only people I could talk to was a virtual assistant.

It's really, it is very, I think this happened a few, like a few weeks ago or maybe last month or something. I'm like on a family Google plan and I don't know, something had gone wrong. I wasn't, this is so boring. I was not able to see Jill's family calendar. So I had no idea what was going on. I'm like trying to solve this.

And there's just, how do you get in touch with somebody at Google? You can't, there's no Google customer support. Like, okay. Even though 1 billion people use it. You can't like call Google and then have somebody be like, oh, this is what you have to do. You make so much goddamn money.

And instead, if there's an issue, I search it, it's like a bunch of different answers. It's like, did this help solve your problem? And I click no, and that's it. Good luck. Then Google, you must be able to, can Gemini help me in some way, shape or form? This has to be the first line of defense.

And as long as we're complaining, which we are, I also get tax information and bills from the government. And when I call to ask what it's about, they say the line is too long and nobody can help you. Oh yeah. So it's like, do you want $3,000 or do you not? We still want the money, but you can't ask us because so many people are calling us.

We'll never explain to you what this money is about or for, but we will hound you for it. I had to call the IRS, this was actually yesterday. This was literally yesterday. Federal or state? I called the federal government. And it's a guy at the IRS. It was a big, there's a list of options

that I need to press one through nine for. None of them were quite right, so I pressed three. They say it's gonna be an hour long wait. They're like, you can get a call back. I'm like, I can get a call back. Like I can get a call back. But the interesting thing is with phones these days, because there are so many spam calls that if it's an unrecognized number,

it kind of just sends it to voicemail. So how will I be sure that I get this call back? Thankfully I do get- So I have to wait for an hour. I get the call back. But not lose reception. Oh, you did get the call back. I got the call back.

I talked to somebody who is like, I can't help you. This is outside of my scope. I need to transfer you. They transfer me and it transfers me and they say this there's another it's another hour long wait to the number they transferred me to. And then they said, Do you want to call back? And I'm like, All right, well, it works the last time and I pressed that I would take the call back. And then it went to give me the call back.

And it said that my number was already on the list for a call back. And it like, and that canceled each other out. And it just hung up on me. I never got a call back. I had already dedicated an hour and a half of my life to getting through to this person

that could get me through to the next thing only to be shut down. They're definitely not financially incentivized to help. Like honestly, the worse they are at that part, the more money they get. So if anything, they're financially incentivized to like make you wait, have you like give up, have fatigue. So you just pay the bill blindly and hope to God.

Well, this is all because of a letter that I was supposed to get in the mail that never came. of have fatigue so you just pay the bill blindly and hope to God that'll be better. Well, this is all because of a letter that I was supposed to get in the mail that never came. So like I'm calling, I'm on this like fruitless effort to track down a letter that. Help me help you. I wanna pay my taxes. Give me the letter.

You just haven't told me what it is. Is there a copy of it anywhere? Can you email me the letter? I'm on the website clicking everywhere. I'm just trying to find this goddamn letter. Have you ever been to the part of the website where they're like, all right, let's prove it's you. In 2018, put line 22, your itemized deduction loss

for that year. So that may, we could prove that it's you. And you're like, I think in an email, let me look. Oh yeah, 11,642. Doesn't match our records, bye. Okay, well, I tried. I tried to do the fucking scavenger hunt and I lost, so I can't pay my taxes.

Since this is a complaint hour, I wanna just complain generally about the digital errands that like every single website sends you on to log in. Like, I'm a member at Nike.com so I can get free shipping, but I can't just sign into Nike.com with a password. It's my password. It's gotta be two factor. And then it has to be two factor.

And then it emails me an eight digit code, not even a four digit code. My bank emails me a shorter code than that. It emails me an eight digit code. I have to go into my email, go back to Nike to get free socks to share. Like, and then, oh my God, just, it's obscene. Have you ever had to do a captcha to donate money?

Oh yeah. It's like, all right, food bank, here's $100. All right, let's prove that you're not a robot. Why? Why do you care? Take the money from the robots too. You don't make me fucking jump through a hoop. I'm giving you $100. This should be like the easiest process of all time.

It's nice to not be hacked. It's nice to not be hacked, but the price that we have to pay is, it's just, it's so frustrating. I mean, I pay so much for cable and I can't sign in on a single digit like device to watch a game. And I think that's everything that's wrong. With society.

The world. Yeah. I think that's, other than those few things. There aren't any bigger problems. I mean, I should be able to watch USA on my device if I want to watch. In the USA. Yeah, I should be able to watch.

If you're in the USA, you should have the USA channel for free. Look, if I'm paying $200 to watch the Tottenham Europa League matches, I think I should be able to just watch them from my phone or my computer or from a TV pretty seamlessly. And yeah, I'm gonna share the password with my brother. That's all we'll say.

And that's everything, okay? And literally, if you just fix that, we're all good. Then we live in a utopia. So I don't know if somebody's listening or somebody can handle those things between the virtual assistants, the Nike.com, the taxes. Taxes especially. Square those out and we'll call it even,

I'll vote for whoever. Fucking Trump, Vans, Harris Walls, whoever can get rid of two factor authentication. Well, especially because they have my face. I've given you permission everywhere to just use my face. Just take my fucking face. I don't care. Just look.

I think you're spying on me anyway. Just spy on me for my convenience at least Rig it for my pleasure. I'm looking up. I'm looking to the left. I have a virtual ID. I have a virtual assistant You have a DNA Fucking the the Apple employees are looking at my face when they desire They can do that anytime they want. Just do it so I can watch soccer. Just do it so I can order socks.

I don't care. Just do it so I can have sushi. Yeah. I accidentally signed up for Uber One yesterday because when I hit on place order on a food delivery thing, it's like, oh great, we signed you up for this thing. It's $11 a month. I'm like, whoa, I didn't wanna do that.

I actually did sign up for Uber One because I was ordering food on Uber Eats so much and I kept on clicking and went, like get out of here, stop it, you're annoying me. And I realized with how often I was seeing that message was like, you actually are ordering Uber Eats kind of a lot. It might. So you probably should do the Uber One thing.

It might save you money and it has. All right, here's a little life hack. I did accidentally sign up for Uber One, which is $10 a month, but if you go to cancel Uber One, which I didn't know how to do, but Avital was able to figure out, they're like, wait, wait, before you go,

we'll give you 90% off the next month. So Uber One is only 99 cents for a month. I mean, at that point, I'll do it. At that point, if you really just want 99 cents a month, fine, I'll sign up for your Uber One. So if you threaten to leave, sometimes the subscriptions go down. You should always try to quit.

They will try to give you a deal. And then the other thing, a lot of online shopping places, if you put something in your cart, they're kind of trapped and leave. Yeah, they'll email you and give you a discount. That's good. That's good. All right. Two good hacks at the end of this the sort of 28 minute long complete session. Jesus Christ, we suck. We can't do the taxes. This is what we're gonna do. We're gonna do our tax talk in Chicago.

Oh yeah, we should say that the Chicago show is sort of an audit, a live audit, and we'll have a few accountants with us to go through everything you need to know. We're gonna bring our K1s from 2021. I guess we didn't submit them properly, so we owe $7,100 for whatever reason. All right, let's take a break.

I haven't breathed in a half an hour. Right. Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode of our program. Oh yeah, baby. Halloween is just right around the corner, Jake. It's true. But what about our fears

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Hello, hello. All's well that ends well. Yet. You had a question for me for this segment? Yeah. So I had, um, kind of like, uh, I guess I had a bad night's sleep last night. Yeah, which is kind of rare, but I woke up in the middle of the night and I had kinda,

you know like when you have a dream, a joke in a dream where you're like, is that funny? Like you think it's the funniest thing that you ever thought of, and then you kind of- Because then the dream people are cracking up. Yeah, and you're like, wow, I have to remember that. Then you do remember it over breakfast and you're like, that isn't funny at all. Right.

I had that except for something that was really, really kind of deep. And I was like, I want, I want to talk about this with Amir, but I don't know if it's actually deep. So I'm just going to ask you. Um, okay. All right. I will, my thought when I woke up and I was like, because I'm approaching 40, it's like midlife, and I'm like,

am I in the Wednesday of my life? If my life is, you know, the days of the week. Yeah, I'm right in the center, I'm in hump day. But then I'm like, well, is Saturday really the end of your life? I don't think so, because it's kind of like, that's a fun party night. But then I was like, maybe I'm in the Sunday of my life

because I'm feeling so like, reverent and appreciative of things. Yeah, what day of the week is your life in right now? Right, that's my question for you. Well, to me, it seems like Sunday is always the end of the week. Like that's the way, between the first 20 years of being a student

and then the next 20 years of being a student and then the next 20 years of being a worker, it seems like Monday's the first day of the week. Yeah, right. Yeah, I guess that's true. But does that apply to your life? Because we're talking about the week chronologically, but not necessarily the feelings.

Like Sunday Scaries, I guess maybe that's like the end of your life, but I also kind of imagine if you live to old age, you've more made peace with death and the Sunday Scaries end of life style thing isn't really how you're feeling. Maybe then you are feeling like it's Friday night and you're like, I'm ready to go, ready to party. If we're doing emotional, then like the first 20 years,

we were just like a student and learning and like not responsible for anything. That's kind of like a Thursday, Friday vibe. Cause you're like, I don't know. I don't have to do anything. My parents will keep me alive and fine. Right. And then when you're working, you're the 20 to 40, you're trying to like guess and check, do try to make money, try to fail, try to follow your career, passion, figure out what you want, maybe start a family, find a partner. That's more of the Monday, you're like getting started. Yeah, yeah.

So you go from Friday straight to Monday. Then there is something to be said about the weekend, but I don't think 40 to 60 is the weekend either, because like you're supposed to be the most responsible for things then. Right. When you have children or pets or a house or the taxes that we're talking about.

Did I talk about the virtual check-in at the Sonder? Yeah, we did talk about that. And did you pay your 540 estimated? It really has to be a 540. Yeah. Unless you're late and then they owe an interest and you get the interest payment in the mail or you didn't get it.

I don't think you got it. There's a lien on your house now. A lien on your house is such a Tuesday of life. So 40 to 60 feels like that's, yeah, I think you're right about entering the Wednesday. That's the hump day. You're getting shit done. 60 to 80.

Now it's like we're talking about retirement and resting on your laurels. That could almost be the Saturday, Sunday. We're playing baccarat, et cetera, et cetera. Yes. You're having fun. You're just sort of sowing the fruits of your labor. And then 80 to 100.

I don't know if you've seen pictures of Jimmy Carter celebrating his 100th birthday. I did. I saw the video of him being wheeled out for the flyover. Yeah, it's God bless his soul. He was a great man. It still is. But he looked not unlike an exhumed corpse.

Couldn't believe he was still alive. Yeah. Jaw agape because he can't control his muscles. Eyes closed because he sleeps 22 hours a day. That I would say is a Sunday night feeling. That Sunday night feeling. I'm not sure that counts. So 80 to 100 is Sunday, 60 to 80 is Saturday,

40 to 60 is Wednesday, you're entering the Wednesday. So you feel like you're in the Wednesday? Why do you feel like you're in the Wednesday? I'm in the Wednesday. Because you feel like you're in the Wednesday? Why do you feel like you're in the Wednesday? I'm in the Wednesday. Because you actually don't have any kids. You actually have kind of, you know, very little responsibility. Yeah, my one responsibility is to pay

for enough things to exist. Like I have to pay for this house. I have to pay for food. I have to pay for a vacation. I'm not relying on mom, your daddy. I just got to make enough money to break even on my life. Yeah. And then I have the dog.

The dog is a slight responsibility. You got to keep him happy and healthy and alive. For sure, for sure. So that's the Wednesday. I'm still working. I can see the weekend up ahead. I can see the beginning of the week behind me, but it's nose to the grindstone stone getting shit done.

And actually we can track our career in tenure increments because for the first 10 years from 20 to 30 when we were working together, that's Jake and Amir. The next 10 years is head gum. So we're coming up on the 10 year anniversary of head gum. We are. What's that next 10 years gonna be? Well, that's what we have to figure out

as we enter the Wednesday. The Jake and Amir 10 years felt like, that felt like a Friday. That really felt like a Friday. That was all play no work. Even though we were technically working, I think I was having a good time basically the entire time. Headgum 30 to 40, that 10 years,

that maybe felt more, maybe that felt more like, I don't know, that maybe did feel more like a Wednesday. There's still a lot of, I don't know, Wednesday's not really fair for it either though. What about a Tuesday? We haven't really talked about that Tuesday feeling. But it almost could feel like a Monday,

because sometimes you go to work on a Monday and all of the stress and the scariness was on Sunday. You go into work, you've made peace with it. Mondays can actually be fun. You can get a lot done. I feel like the last 10 years maybe did feel a little bit like a Monday. You're building something, we're excited,

we're doing our own project. Also, I went to a school where I kinda liked going to school. Did you have that kind of high school experience or did you have the dream of high school experience? Of course not, yeah. I hated, I... Like I'm like, school is fine and all my friends are there and it gives me something to do.

I kinda liked school. Yeah, I hated every second of school. Even, I think I remember, like even teachers that I liked or classes that I liked, I would have, you know, I would have killed to just be able to hang out at home with my mom. Yeah, I really like your mom more than your friends. Yeah, my friends are, right?

Yeah. My mom fucking loves me. So for you, for me, Monday is exciting for you, not so much. Yeah. Well, when I got older, I used to love Mondays. When I started working at College Humor, the weekends would drag sometimes.

And I'd be like, I can't wait till Monday because I'll get to hang out with everybody and make funny videos and stuff. I was buzzing in the elevator. So I love it. What we need is, we need another 10 year plan, quite frankly, so we can enter the 40 to 50 zone with something exciting to show for it.

You know what was exciting actually? We talked about on stage in Philadelphia, because we did, at these live shows, we were doing a Q&A. And somebody asked about Fate on Shuffle, me and Gareth's, and you know technically you too actually, you wrote a song. Our pop punk music project.

And we talked about the musical that we had started writing. Yeah, that takes place in 1999. Yeah, our 1999 based musical. The Saturday of history is 1999. That's the best idea that we have in the hopper right now. Like if we could quit everything and work on that for a decade, I think we can make a fun musical.

And that would be fun to do. Yeah, because it would change gears so severely from what we do now. I think for the last 20 years, you and I have been doing weekly content. Because you think about CollegeHumor, it was daily content. We were putting out articles every single day. We were constantly posting things online. Then it moved to two Jake and Amir's a week, one Jake and Amir a week, a podcast every week.

Now it's a podcast and a Patreon every week. There's always something that's, and I'm not complaining, it's great, but there's always something that needs to be recorded for the following week. Basically a weekly responsibility that needs to be out there. So I think it'd be kind of fun to just be like,

we can noodle on a script for a month and not worry about anything being posted because we have to write it. Yeah, well think of this metaphor. It's like we're not letting our creative reservoir fill because it's like, it's 10% full. All right, let's dump it out to a podcast. All right, let's dump it out to a video.

What if we just sat and just thought for a year? Imagine the amount of creative water that would fill our reservoir. Then we can dump it into something grand, like a musical or a movie or a something. The hard part is, while you're doing that for a year, no one's paying you jack shit. So you gotta like do the podcast thing on the side.

So it's like, I'm still making that and then I'm running out of time to do the bigger thing. Right, exactly, yeah. You make a, if we've recorded twice in the day, we're not gonna be like, okay, now let's break out one. Write a song. Yeah. I just wanna sort of eat a burrito.

Ooh, Uber One has a pretty good deal on a Mexican place I haven't been to yet. I think a lot of creative people have these, you know, these exact same conversations. Like it keeps on feeling like if we, if we like, it could slow down for a second, we would have the time and the space to create something else.

But it's happened before, like when you went to England, and I think some of the NADDPOD folks were traveling around then too, and I just like had eight days where I wasn't recording anything. And I was like, I'm gonna, maybe I can write like something during this time. And then it came and I ended up just being like,

wow, I really need to recharge. Maybe I'll go on a bike ride. Maybe I'll go surfing. I really need to recharge. Maybe I'll go on a bike ride. Maybe I'll go surfing. I really need to, I need to recharge. I need to regroup. I need to let my brain settle. So you can kind of like justify not doing anything to yourself based on,

I'm working too hard. I'm expending too much creative energy or it's time to conserve my creative energy. I should. And we're kind of, we're kind of lucky most artists or creative types are like, I'm working at like a service job for 12 hours a day. Then I'm really fried by the end of the day.

That's really hard. That's why the best writers don't write. That's awesome. So we should not be writing. That way it sort of cements us as what we consider quote unquote the best writers. Well we're not writing so I think that's fair. We haven't written anything. I get I mean since shut up that's perfect. We don't I'm just saying the best writers don't write. I don't think I I don't by the way I get my guitar. I haven't go ahead actually.

I didn't come up with that. I'm gonna go get a guitar is what I said. I have to get my guitar. I haven't, go ahead actually. I didn't come up with that yet. I'm gonna go get a guitar is what I said. I have to go to Guitar Center. You get into a fatal accident. Well, what we need is to get fired. That way somebody's forcing us to quit or give up or start over. With a really nice severance package

so we don't have to worry about getting another job. Exactly, is that too much to ask? I bet you could get fired. You think so? I don't know if you could get severance but so we don't have to worry about getting another job. Exactly. Is that too much to ask? I bet you could get fired. You think so? I don't know if you could get severance, but I bet you could get fired. I think I almost did last week. I wore underwear as shorts to the office.

Yeah. Which by the way, they're just as long as like a skirt. And you groped Cohen. Yeah. I air humped him by the way, not even a humptum as a goof at lunch and people had a problem with it or one thing led to another in some bizarre fashion. Yeah. Anyway, to come back to your last night, when did you have these thoughts you woke up at? What time was it? This was, well, Gemma woke up at like, I think like 1 a.m., which is a very weird time for her to wake up.

She doesn't usually wake up in the middle of the night. But like, I was like exhausted. I kind of heard her like crying. Jill went and got her. And then I, she like had stopped crying. And then I, Jill was standing in the room with her and it was so, there's something just so weird about it being one in the morning.

She is standing at the foot of my bed and she's looking at my water and she goes, Dada sip and I gave her a sip of my water and then she said, mama sip. She wanted Jill to drink it. So she was just playing a game with us at one in the morning, I was so tired. So after we did the sip thing,

we all had a sip of my water. The game. Yeah, I think that was when, I think then she went back to, Jill carried her back into her room, and as I was falling asleep, maybe one in the morning, I thought of this. Or it also could have been when I stirred maybe one in the morning, I thought of this. Or it also could have been when I stirred

at like four in the morning, I'm not entirely sure. Right. So this is nothing to do with the joke that you thought was funny, this was just an idea that you had. Oh yeah, no, no, no, I was just relating it to the, yeah, the way that a joke comes to you. This was like the question that came into my mind.

I was like, you know what, I think it was, maybe it was because I was feeling so tired. I was like, I'm not used to feeling this tired. I think it was just because it was in the middle of the night at a time when I normally, you're used to wake up in the middle of the night. You know, like I'll wake up to pee at like 3.30 or 4. But that's on your terms.

Right, waking up at one when you went to sleep at like 11, 20 is such a bizarre time. Yeah, and I was so exhausted. You're at the deep sleep end and someone's nudging you. Yeah, and I think there was something that was like jarring about like Jill being up and Gemma being up and Gemma like kind of like playing this game that I was like, wow, I'm too tired to do anything. Am I dead?

Am I dying? Am I in the Wednesday of my life? And that was to be what I thought of it. But now I think of, I thought about it more today and I think I'm actually in the Thursday of my life because I find a lot of joy in Thursday. There's a lot to look forward to. There's the Friday, the Saturday, the weekend,

but you still have- There's more optimistic for sure. Definitely, but I've been going out on a Thursday and been like, well, I shouldn't go too hard. I have to work tomorrow. So there's this little sense of, it's not the weekend. You have to be a little bit responsible, but the good times are right around the corner. That's how I feel. Yeah, which is why I think it's a Wednesday, because the good times are right around the corner.

That's how I feel. Yeah. Which is why I think it's a Wednesday because the good times are right around the corner, but they're not tomorrow. There's still work to be done. Which is why we need to write this play. Correct. By the way, we're recording this on a Wednesday.

I don't know if there's some sort of kismet to that cosmic. Interesting. Yeah. So I don't know. It's gotta be. Maybe that's why I'm feeling a BWE, a big Wednesday energy coming out of us. I could see that.

By the way, I looked it up. I'm not 41. I was born in 86. So you're younger than me. So I've been like, yeah, I'm younger than you at this point. Like I keep like looking shit up and thinking that I'm 41.

Right. Soon to be 42. I'm 38. That's amazing. 38 sounds young. That's awesome, right? Yeah. 38's sort of the new 40. Right.

Cause I feel 40. And I just looked it up and I was born in 1979. So I think I'm pretty old now. You're turning 46 in October. Who's 46? Which is now. You're turning 46 in October. Who's 46? Which is now. Right. It's you, it's Andy Samberg probably.

I could see that. Okay, thank you for bringing up this existential dread. Let's take another break. And of course we gotta thank some sponsors. We're still a part of this machine. That's right. We're not fun employed yet. And then we'll be back with the third and final segment.

Ooh, spooky. No, but I do need to probably cry. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. You're absolutely in the Tuesday of your life. Okay, we're back. We gonna play a game I just wrote a word on This pad of paper You have five guesses to guess papers. No, that's one guess down jelly

No, but that's getting closer You can't ask me any questions. Juice. Juice? Juice. Juice? No, and I think it's actually got a little, and it's getting a little bit, it's a little further.

So it's closer to jelly than juice? Yeah, no questions. Okay, bagel, very close. We're at four, that's four. Not very close, I don't want you to think it, very close. We're at four, that's four. Not very close. I don't want you to think it's very close. It's closer than jelly. We're playing, what we're doing is playing semantle.

Really, if I can get it with just hot or cold, it would be really impressive. So you have to just tell me if I'm closer or further based on my previous guess. Right, so closer. Bread. Closer. You're at five, but I'll just play to 10.

Okay, so bread is closer than bagel? Yeah. Okay, turkey. Wow, way close. Really, bacon? Further. Turkey. Wow. Way close. Really? Bacon? Further. Turkey is chicken.

Chicken. That's right. Yes. Yes. That was good. Fuck yeah. That was really good. So hot or cold based on guesses.

I got it in what, eight? I think less. Oh wait, no, it might've been eight because you went a little rogue with bacon. Okay, I'll think of one. Write it down. I can't write it down. I don't trust your ass. I don't have a fucking pencil.

You know I don't have a pencil. All right, fine. I'll write it in the chat and then I'll send it when you get it. Okay. Okay. It's in. Microwave. Not close.

Basketball. Further. Further than microwave. Egg. You're getting warmer. Fork. Further. Okay.

So I guess we're getting banana. Closer. Oh, okay. Sorry, I should say warmer. Yeah, you're getting warmer. Okay, what's warmer than a banana? Nothing's warmer than a banana. Why, a banana's the hottest fruit there is.

Broccoli. Closer. Really? Avocado. Yeah, you're getting hotter. Colder. Colder. What is? Closer. Really? Avocado. Yeah, you're getting hotter. Colder. Colder.

That's, it's hubris. It's a- Lettuce. Unwarranted guess. Closer. Kale. Closer. Spinach? Closer.

How are we getting closer? Coleslaw? Further. That was just a weak guess. Cabbage? That's a weak guess. Cabbage. Further, colder.

Okay, so I was really close when I was saying different lettuces. Cucumber. Closer. Carrot. Further. Boo, further. Honestly, I might end the episode at this point.

No, hold on. That was so ill-advised. What else? Peas. Closer. What other green vegetables are there besides broccoli, kale, cucumber, pickle? You know, it does have closer. It doesn't have to be a vegetable.

Maybe it doesn't have to be a vegetable. It's just a word. It's just a word? What the fuck do you mean? It's just a word, man. I've been close with vegetables and further with fruit. Correct. So it's closer to word, man. It's just a word. I've been close with vegetables and further with fruit. Correct. So it's closer to a vegetable word.

Is it a vegetable? Don't tell me if it's vegetable. You can't answer yes or no. Radish. Correct. Beet. Further, colder. What?

Beet. Cold. Okay, okay. Beans. Further. And honestly, I forgot to say this, but play along at home. This is, please play along. I'm past 10.

I'm absolutely past 10. Yeah. It's cheese, further. Okay. So we are, so it's a vegetable. It's a salad based onion. Further. Bad. Oh my good God. It's a salad based onion. Further bad.

Oh my good God. It doesn't have to be a food, by the way. It just has to be a word. And I feel like I've already said that to you and you're just steamrolling me or ignoring me and it's starting to kind of, oh, further. All right, tell me what it is starting to kind of further. All right, tell me what it is. But I like the way you've left the lane.

Tell me what it is. No, I'll give you a hint. You've already said the word in your brainstorming. I've said it in, what are you talking about? I said the word in my brainstorming. You've said the word in the last five minutes. Peas? Closer.

Is that the word? You haven't officially guessed it, but it was a word you said. Oh, salad. Closer. Is that the word? You haven't officially guessed it, but it was a word you said. Oh, salad. Closer. It's not salad. Base? Further.

But I like that you're not on food right now. So I don't want to discourage that. Groceries? Oh. Ingredients? Further, but closer in a way. I think you suck at this. You have said the word in the last game.

But now I'm not even playing. Now I'm just trying to think of things that I've said in the last few minutes. Guests? Food? No. Colder. Colder. of things that I've said in the last few minutes. Guess. Food. Nope. Colder. Colder. Boo colder.

Freezing. It sucks. I don't wanna play anymore. Tell me what it is. I'm gonna tell it to you and you're gonna be like, oh yeah, I guess, yeah, I should've gotten that. And if you do get it, it'll feel so fucking good. God, you got it?

At this point, it won't. It really won't. I said pickle. I guessed pickle officially. I guess- Pickle was a good guess. Oh, vegetable, vegetable. Closer, but again, and this is the last time

I'm gonna tell you this. It's not a food, but it is a word. A vegetable is a word, not a food. A fruit. It's a food. Of course it's a fruit. Fruit. Now you're reaching and that's actually quite the end of the game I think so. Yeah. I think that marks the end. Tell me what it is. Green. You're an ass. So every time you said a green word, I said close. And then you're like, what else is green? Beans?

You had me so far astray. Absolutely not. You fucking loved that. We listened to the entire segment. Every time you said a green, I was like, yeah, you're close. You're like, what else is green? What else is green? Beets?

No, man, not beets. Oh, not a food. You shouldn't have said fruit. Closer for some vegetables then. You should have said that they were all the same. You got lettuce and spinach really fast. Like yeah, close, that's closer than. But they're not closer.

But carrots is further than peas for sure. But you said kale was closer than cabbage. Or you said it's greener. Pickles were. It's green you said it's greener. It's greener. It's greener. It's not greener. It's not greener.

Green, kale is greener than cabbage. Kale is greener than cabbage. It's a darker green. And that's actually. It's a bigger greener. It's a different shade. A darker green is greener than green. It's amazing how fast you got chicken.

Really good. Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. That's all I needed to hear. That's all I needed to green actually. All right. Solid game.

Great game. Great game. Again, ticket to our live show in Chicago at headgum.com slash live. Yes. Hope to see you guys there and thank you for listening or watching this episode on our YouTube channel. For more of us, you can watch our Patreon, patreon.com slash J. A.

Ja. We got videos of us watching Jake and Amir's. We got English Premier League podcast episodes. We're trying to create a wealth of crap you guys can enjoy. That's all on Patreon. Amir is becoming fully coys. Not fully, but I am trending towards, at the very least, knowing the team more

and finding myself rooting for these players a little more, which is pretty good for six, seven matches into a 40 game season. They're a fun team to watch. You can't deny it. Uh, and we'll be back next week. Happy Jewish new year, everybody. That was a Hidgum original.