Segments - 509: Alarm Clock

Episode Date: October 11, 2021

In this episode we discuss new slang, bad cats, and Headgum Live! October 22 and 23 at Gramercy Theatre in NYC.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. Spanish, as you know, is when you add a syllable to English.

So, helloa, my name-a is Amira. See you next time. Wow. wow ariba yes finally it's like certain it harkens back to my latin flair a lot of people think i'm sort of a passionate latin lover like i'm sort of like i exude this passionate latin energy i don't know if you do who is that really that was me sort of being a yeah like a spanish sexy flamenco style like i often like people when i walk into a room people like oh my god who's that like sexy latin lover and then you say it is i what's how do you introduce yourself when people think that you're a Latin lover? I say, shalom, it is I. Shalom. Shmuel.

Shmuel. Shmuel. Shmuel. Shmuel. Shmuel. How is it going? Shlomo Yermo. Oy, hola, amigos.

Yo soy oy. Yo soy oy, oy, oy. Donde esta la falafel, Sibu Play. Shit. Donde esta Hanukkah. That entire theme song was written in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish. Yes. So I was hoping, I did some translating.

Do you know what any of that meant? I heard Golden Mike. I heard... Yeah, that was English. Jake and Amir. Yeah, Jake E. Amir. Yeah, that was a good one. Yeah. So you took Spanish for how many years? Was it a decade of learning? Seventh grade until... Yeah, seventh grade till... Yeah so fit five years of yes probably few hours a week for nearly half a decade it was it was six years of Spanish six years but to be fair I actually got mostly C's so I expected So I wouldn't be expected to remember anything. So it goes, Jake and Amir like to go to concerts. That was give advice, yeah. They think they're funny, but they're old.

Interesting. That's not what I was going to guess, but that's fair. La lucha por el golden mic con gran espiritu. La lucha. Lucha is Amir loses the golden mic. That's actually, it stands for fighting. They fight for the golden mic that's actually it stands for fighting they fight for the golden mic with great spirit and then bienvenidos al podcast si llama si yo fuera

to uh okay that's welcome to uh miami buenvenida ami ami welcome to the podcast it's called if i were you it rhymes nice nice uh that one now that we have it in, we know what the words mean. I'll play it again at the end so people can appreciate it more. It's called Si Yo Fiera Tu, The Ballad of El Pincho and El Chipmunko, which I think means like the two funny guys. We know what it means. Fuck. If you could give a shout out

to some of the rad dudes that helped make it. Steve, Miller, G, Mackie, Nini, and of course Ghani. Ghani. Ghani, tell him what he's won. And maybe plug our new double LP coming out next year,

which is Classic Kid and Baby Club, Babies Only. Wow, that's a lot of information. But you know what? He's earned it. Yeah, no, he definitely has. He wrote a song in another league. Thank you, Giorgio. Giorgio, who wrote that.

So, gracias. Or actually, how do I say thank you? Or it's gracias, thank you. Yeah, gracias. Gracias por todos. Gracias. gracias. Gracias por todos. Gracias. Yes, absolutely por todos. Okay, this is If I Were You,

a.k.a. Si Yo Fuera Tu. I am Amir, a.k.a. Johan, the Latin lover. I hate that accent. I'm James, a.k.a. Jorge, which was my Spanish name, even though I guess it would have been like Jacob or something. Jorge is George, right? Jorge is George. We got to choose Spanish names, and I chose Jorge.

That's fun. That seems like the most fun part of Spanish class is choosing the names. Right, everybody gets their own name. In Hebrew class, you just sort of use the Hebrew version of your name. And I couldn't even, yeah, mine is just Amir. So I didn't even get that little minor thrill. You didn't even get that, that sucks. Actually, I ended up choosing a Spanish name

in Hebrew class. So everyone had to call me, I don't know what's an example of a Spanish name that sounds like Amir. Amos? Amos, yeah, Amir. Amos? Amos. Yeah, Amos. Okay.

We got a bunch of questions that I wanted to just sort of power through so that we can get to the end of this episode. And I can get to this Moscow mule I have waiting for me in the kitchen. That's fucking awesome. Because it's fucking 10 a.m. your time. It's 10.30. Fucking pound ginger and it's 10 30 fucking pound i need to like power through i really hope you have a copper mug because even though you're drinking in the morning you have to do the moscow mule run you have to honor it you have to put it you're not worried that i'm having alcohol you're you're i hope you're using you don't think it's a little

early i hope you i hope you froze thick cubes because I don't want you using chip ice. I don't want you using that fridge ice dispenser. Not for a Moscow Mule. Not for that 1030 AM. I think you're worried about the wrong thing, I think. You should be a little concerned, right? You are concerned. What do you mean?

Is it a cry for help that you don't know how to make a Moscow Mule? I'm telling you. It's ginger beer. It's vodka. And it's served in a copper mug with ice. You could also... I actually had a little bit of, yeah, the Moscow Mule even before this recording.

Wow. So I woke up and I had it. That's fucking savage. Hair of the dog. Oh, that means you were drinking last night too? And you were drinking Moscow Mules. Are you worried about anything? Yeah.

Yeah. I feel like you're, I you're doing it for to get my attention which i won't give you okay okay uh we had an interesting question which came up uh somebody wanted to know our thoughts on this tiktok thing that's happening right now are you familiar with couch guy no so couch guy is a tikt a TikTok, a video on TikTok that's sort of making the rounds. You know how things blow up like wildfire over there. So it's this video of a lady surprising her man at college. And when they walk in, the man is sort of sitting close to another lady.

And he stands up and hugs his girlfriend in a specific fashion. Nothing is too overtly shady about the whole thing. But people picked up on it. And it became sort of this hotly debated thing whether the boyfriend was excited to see the female. And this guy said he wanted to get our counsel on this situation i can send you the link or i can play it on the on my computer he sent it to us are you near your phone yeah okay i'll send you the link um and like you know people have been making parodies and people have been making dances and, and people have been making dances, and using the audio, and poking fun in every way, shape, and form.

But this is the origin. This is the first video, Couch Guy, which I think just came out last week. Does it need sound, do you think? No. Okay. It's just, you can see what the deal is pretty quickly. I'm going to watch it. These are my live reactions.

Okay. So, what are you seeing right now? She's walking in. She's got a backpack, roller bag. Yeah. Okay. He's shy. He's a little shy.

He's a little shy. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah. Sitting kind of on a couch with some other ladies, maybe just friends, maybe a little bit more. I mean, no no it doesn't seem like that to me it seems fine right yeah let's a little a little something again i'm watching it

again yeah keep a real close eye on the distance between him and his couch mates i think like you you mean they're really they're just really close to each other yeah just sitting really close on a couch and then but the couch is like when you said that i was like um okay so it's like him sitting just with a girl on a couch yeah there's four people on that couch yeah it's a full couch there's not a ton of space for him to that's right to be in you know yeah so you're saying overall that that doesn't raise any suspicions or alarm bells for you i think it doesn't to me on its on its face it does not seem like it warrants an uproar or a public discussion i don't think she's the one who posted it yeah yeah i so she wasn't worried about it at all i think it's the community of

tiktokers that saw it and were like wait a minute yeah rewind the tape look how close they were but you have to think that like this dude's friends she was led in by his buddies like people that had the key people that like knew what was going on in there if there was something untoured happening on that couch i think someone would would have been like, don't do that. Or like, you know, someone would have run interference. Yes. No one planning a surprise like that is going to let it go so awry as you like walk in and your boyfriend is like flirting with somebody.

Yeah. The surprise. That's a real dangerous game to surprise at college yeah i've had i've done that before i've done the surprise someone else or had somebody surprise you i think both it's happened like when you're i think i don't know it seems like when it's like a young person's game i did it to jill when we first started dating actually what'd you do i flew to new york to surprise her but it was really just me being super needy and it wasn't i don't think it was like about her at

the time yeah it'll be really nice and plus i need to see her surprises are there's a lot of stress around surprises like you really got to like get a buy-in of like 30 people to lie to this person where it's like i'm coming in help me plan it i'm on the flight i can't call so you're gonna have to do this and i'm gonna have to lie about this and then i'm close and where are you guys just so much planning for this one grand reveal right it is oh do you remember when i i did a surprise party for me and jill's engagement. Oh, yeah. I think I told this story on the podcast.

But yeah, that was the last time I planned a surprise thing, and I'll never do it again, because it was so stressful. It always, right before, it always involves somebody doing something insanely weird, which is like, don't go in there. I have to dance around with you in the street for a second it's like what the hell is going on the block again why whoa why is my cousin over there like as you get closer to the surprise shit starts unraveling fast and people start freaking out yeah and you start acting weird like you're taking an elevator up to a room and you're like i'm

completely silent. I have nothing to say. I can't look at you. I'm going to pause the elevator. Let's get off on the wrong floor. Just once. Don't look to the left or right. Your dad might be here.

But I think that most of the time, I mean, you see a lot of things happen in movies and you hear about the ones that have gone really wrong, but I feel like, um, for, for all of the friends to be involved, it must've been a healthier surprise. You know, it's not like surprise. I showed up at your door,

rang your doorbell and you're like here caught red handed. It was like a group effort. So I think this is all above board. Uh, okay. Thanks to David Hernandez for writing in. I'm glad that's a good, uh, like a group effort so i think this is all above board uh okay thanks to david hernandez for writing in i'm glad that's a good uh a good segment for us is bringing tiktok trends or at least me bringing them to you because i'm on the talk and you're not yeah i like that we can weigh

in on the big memes that's cool uh we got another question from a lady at school oh love it a school lady so we'll call her sarah lawrence oh good because that's actually the name of the college i was rightfully rejected from yeah i had low grades and a nasty attitude and i failed my interview letter yeah yeah i'm a 21 year old college students right sarah in need of immediate assistance my roommate has a cat and she is away for the weekend and it just barfed on the kitchen floor i am the only roommate out of five home right now so i feel like i'm obligated to clean it my roommate who is temporarily in charge of the cat is at work for four hours i'm hung over and i don't want to deal with this shit also I didn't really want pets in our house to begin with because of the situation like this.

So let me know if I'm a dick if I don't clean it. Thanks. Also, shout out to my friend Morgan and her brother Bryce who put me onto your podcast in eighth grade. Okay, so that sort of ruined her anonymity a little bit. Got it. And then she included a pic of, it looks like sort like sort of yeah wet oatmeal on a linoleum floor it looks like somebody spilled oatmeal on a cafeteria floor share your screen uh yeah actually i can just yeah yeah i know don't send it to me i don't want to i don't want it on my phone

no of course not this is why the podcast yeah it belongs in a visual medium twice now we've watched we're okay that's that's not bad okay that's it looks like spilled oatmeal on a yeah cafeteria floor yeah i wouldn't want to live in this place it looks kind of uh like those floors are uncomfortable and cold but that's sort of neither here nor there i don't want to walk barefoot at this this kitchen slash living room okay stop sharing your screen please i'm gonna be sick okay okay um here's the question she said the roommate who the cat belongs to is gone for how long the weekend yeah i mean that's just that's that's it right there you can't have that on the floor for the weekend it will well she says that the roommate in charge of the cat now

is at work for the next four hours oh wait i thought the cats i see so the it's like i'm out of town for the weekend you're in charge lady and she's like okay i'm in charge but i'm going to work so whoever is in third in command is going to have to get in on this. But this, I think that like she's hungover, she's not going to leave the house. Usually when I see something like that, I would deal with it versus not. Yeah. Or you cannot deal with it,

and then it would just be on the ground. And then somebody else would deal with it in four hours. You can play dumb if you're hungover. Right. If you think that you'll throw up if you start cleaning it. But I mean, I could see not, like maybe the threshold for me is if it was a tougher clean. That's linoleum.

It's pretty thick. There's not going to be a lot of run. I think you can get that with a glob of paper towels and then spray something, second scrub, and you're probably going to be good. If it were on a carpet, I would maybe feel different. I'm not going to blot it up, get the resolve, let it sit. Yeah, the stain.

The stain, that's not going to be on me. But sweeping it up off the linoleum i think you might as well that's actually a hard move too because it's like hardwood floor in the middle of an island so it's like where am i scooping it to like it's hard to lift something off a hardwood floor you kind of you turn like a a thing of paper towels into almost like a glove that's that's chunky enough that you can pick most of it up. Yeah. And then the rest of it, you got to spray and sponge.

Spray, wipe. I don't think you need to sponge. If you want to, if you want to just like, I want to get this off the floor, but I'm not going to like give the floor a scrub. You could like text the cat owner and be like, the cat threw up. I cleaned it up up but you want to you're probably going to want to get a little deeper yeah what people really need is some sort of like vomit vacuum like a tube that just sucks everything that's a shop that i don't know that's

a shop vac a shop vac does it pick up liquid off floors and stuff yeah yeah picks up anything shot oh yeah this is oh my god this is a this is a beast yeah is this also used for general um general use or is it just specifically wet stains and stuff like that the thing with the shop vac is that it's like a big heavy duty vacuum cleaner it's like you can it could do it all like dust little pieces of debris liquids yeah yeah okay so that's sort of unsolicited advice is get a shop vac for your puke pickups that'll make it real easy i did you that was how i used to clean my loft in brooklyn i would sweep everything into a corner and then i just had a shop vac and i would vacuum it up because i had no carpets in that place because I lived like a little splinter cell.

Okay, so should she do it if she's hungover? If it's on linoleum, I say go for it. You'll feel better. You won't smell it every time you walk into the kitchen. I could see living in like a two-bedroom apartment with a central kitchen and the and the interior has uh cat puke on it you'll smell that throughout the day and four hours is a long time to smell that not worth it not worth the wait not to me uh okay let's take a break come back answer some more questions on the other side of these messages hey yo quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments.

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It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you

know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a

domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday?

Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny, I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters?

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The unsolicited advice, if you missed it, was to get a shop vac to sort of scoop up stains, and specifically cat vomit in the middle of a hard floor boom uh another question from another female this one's three years older than the last so they're sort of aging up with regards to status and question and advice seeking i like that all right cool so this 24 year old graduated from college and she's living by herself in Albuquerque. Albuquerque. So we'll call her Alba, Jessica Alba.

I'm a 24-year-old female living in Albuquerque, and I've been seeing this guy from Tinder for the past few months. He's really sweet, funny, and easy to get along with. He says he's never been beaten at Mario Kart, but I smoke him every time. Score. The only trouble is, he's not that great in bed. He doesn't like to take charge, and he gets tired really easily. I'm no freak, but I never feel satisfied without some help from toys or finishing up the job myself. I've tried to coach

him on what I like, but it seems like he gets in his own head trying to satisfy me that I'm afraid he's starting to feel bad every time we have sex. I like him a lot as a person, but is this grounds for termination? Am I being a shallow diva roach for cutting him off because the sex isn't good enough? Have you ever broken up with someone when everything is great but the sex was lacking? Do I accept the trade-off of an unsatisfying sex life for a great connection or should i cut this guy off if there's no improvement help how long has she been seeing him uh a few months all right um i think it's sex is important i don't think i've ever broken up with someone because it wasn't good,

but I think that it's stopped me from pursuing something like something more serious. You know what I mean? Like, but she's already kind of like gotten far enough along that she realizes she likes this person. Yeah. Sex is not there.

I think there's a couple options. Option one, wait and see. It's only been a couple months. If he is in his head, maybe he just needs a little bit more time to gain the confidence. So if you can wait, that's an option. Option number two, doing the job yourself and bringing toys in doesn't have to feel like a defeat i think you can spice things up in the bedroom that way your guy could use the toys on you you know you don't have to be energized to uh hold a vibrator he can be tired and do that so this is you talking to them he says come on he's all how fucking sleepy are you dude

you can't hold this little fucking egg um actually you could pass that i'll put it in your hand but i think there's like there's hot stuff you can do in bed if if you embrace the like you embrace the mutual masturbation aspect of it, it doesn't have to just be like penetrative sex is the only way that you guys are going to have good sex. Have a different foreplay. You can get creative. In a basketball analogy, it's like there's some skills you just naturally have

and some you can teach where it's like, this guy's got the intangible, the motor, the heart. He can jump out of the gym. He's good at Mario Kart. Yeah. We just have to teach him to shoot. Like there's some stuff you can teach, which is like, you know, how to become a better passer. And then there's some stuff that you just either have it or you don't.

I think if you're going to choose like one of of these things like being a nice normal guy who's fun to play mario kart with is you can't teach that that's you either got it or you don't by age 24 or whatever i think the sex stuff is uh knowledgeable learnable pedagogical whatever you want to call it didactic you can like actually study learn and become better and usually that comes with um chemistry as well yeah but the guy has to be willing to learn to shoot like yes he needs to be an apt pupil right and very good if he's too tired if he's like not into i mean getting into your head is one thing but being like i I don't feel like doing that. I'm too tired or whatever.

That's, I think that's grounds for termination. So not being great at sex after a few months, not necessarily grounds for termination, not being willing to try, that's grounds for termination. Not saying that that's how, what this guy's attitude is right now, but that's just where I, where the logical next step goes for me got it okay um what is this dead ass generational language barrier email that you sent um this he's got a question i guess about uh new slangs and terminology okay let's see if we know any of this you're you're on tiktok and you know we're in our late 30s uh this is good to see if we know any of this stuff. You're on TikTok and we're in our late 30s. Oh, this is good.

To see if we know what the hell some of this stuff means. Okay, let's see. I think I know what most of it was. Okay, great. As a mid-20s man, I'm losing my grasp on slang these days, writes Webster. Keep in mind, I'm American. English is my first language and my governor is Gavin Newsom,

so I'm not in North Dakota or Rhode Island, per se. A few I can think of. Sussy. Baca. Y'all, but when non-southerners use it. Grifter. Gaslighting. Doomer.

Okay, let's just see if we know these ones. Are these real words that just found new popularity, like gaslighting and grifting? It'd be so simple if we had Dank Sick Fuego Baller Yolo Bay. So yeah, I don't know what any of these means, and they sound cringey whenever I hear them. Is it worth trying to learn this new stuff? What are your thoughts on this new lingua franca? Yeah. Okay, so sussy do you know what sussy means i just would imagine that it's means like suspect or yeah yeah i've seen sus

like sus like yeah it's suspicious almost right uh backa no fucking idea y'all i assume is you all just like when southerners use it grifter i didn't know that that was a slang as far as i know it's like a thief or a con artist and it might just be a word that's gaining popularity again like right after it's just it's it's the same thing as it always was like maybe but i don't know gaslighting that's a, that's a one that's gained popularity. I want to know. That's like when you're accusing someone of something, um, in a way that they don't,

they feel like they're just have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah. I think it's like any time that you make someone feel crazy, cause you can do it a lot of different ways, even without accusing some, somebody like, I feel like sometimes you can like ask someone about something like, Oh's the first i heard of it but it's like you i've been talking to you about this for for a month or whatever and yeah that's gaslighting too i feel like that's that has its origins in an old movie and i forget

what the origin is it's either called gaslighting or they use that term and now people are bringing it back doomer is that like a boomer that's full of doom and gloom like a pessimistic boomer perhaps or is that what we call boomers now because they kind of um fucked the world so hard that it's gonna it's pretty good there's also zoomers which are people who use zoom so they're younger than boomers i think i yeah i don't even understand because literally everyone used to zoom so did zoomers start because of boomers or are they just uh the name of a generation unrelated generation z zoomer is an informal term uh of generation z it combines the word boomer referring to um geez whoa there's a full wikipedia page of it wow on zoomer yeah what about on so

it combines the word boomer referring to baby boomers with the z from generation z so zoomers it has nothing to do with zoom the app we all use it has to do with just a generation z boomer okay uh i'm trying to uh starting it's people who were born in the mid to late 90s as starting birth years and the early 2010s as ending birth years got it yeah that's the that's generation z yeah it's like people who are 10 to 25 years old right now yeah that makes sense sheesh of course i've been using that yeah exactly bet which is like you use bet how you use yeah i use bet a lot i went from ironically using bet to just using bet it's like basically saying fine or okay or good yeah yeah bet bet bet i think i want to start

using bet because i still use word which is not which doesn't feel right now yeah it's the same it's the same thing yeah word became bet i say word a lot too much over text not in person chud do you know what that is no fucking clue should we look at what it means chud we should look up all these i don't i want to know what baka is a gross or unafeeling person that's a chud i guess so that's good that's good one i like that uh poggers poggers i think that's when you go crazy like you jump up and down i wonder if it's related to pogs yeah it was i that was my first instinct but then it's like we had no no gen no like no person coming up with gen z slay slaying those pogs right yeah that's just you want to explain pogs to anybody who was born after 1990 they were these tiny little cardboard discs. Milk caps, in a way.

And it was a game where you would play the pogs face down. You had something called a slammer, which was like a metal disc. You would throw it at the cardboard ones, and any of the ones that flipped over on the right side, those were yours to take off the table. And you'd keep on playing and whoever had the most pogs at the end won did you ever have i never personally played it was all over the place but i never got into it yeah i was super into it i was i was big into it we had a

little like game store in our neighborhood and me and my friends would go after school and like buy pogs i remember they had like this fucking amazing metal slammer that was like 13 and i was like i'll never be able to get that did you have a case for your pogs that looked like a wrist i had a big big blue tube for my pogs oh god can you imagine if like your children are like will you spend a hundred dollars on this tube of cardboard? I'm playing a game someone invented four hours ago. Me and my friends would play for keeps sometimes, but then we'd end up losing pogs that we like,

and we'd just cry until the parents divided them all back. The stakes were too great. Yeah. Have you seen Squid Game? Yes. Not all of it three episodes in so i've only seen one episode myself but um the game that they play at the train station where they're trying to like hit an envelope to flip another envelope yeah it's very pogs chic did you like the pilot i did yeah i did like the pilot. Poggers means just excited. All right.

Got it. And then litty, which I think means lit or awesome. Right. That's kind of fun. Yeah. If something is litty, it's hot, it's fire. It's actually intense and fun. And frankly, now that I know these words, they're all over.

So I certainly hope that we'll start hearing new ones officially out of fuego bet absolutely bet for that you can bet on that when two chuds know these fucking no baka yeah it's all went to doomers okay we have to find out what these slangs mean uh all right which one i'm gonna do i want to know what Doomer is. A person, usually a millennial or a Gen Z in male, who has experienced apparent hardship. Oh, so it's just kind of like a sad person? Yeah, that's not too exciting. Okay, what's Baka? Let's see.

A Japanese word whose primary meaning is fool, idiot, moron, stupid person. Baka, B-A-K-A? Yeah. I miss, I don't know. I miss herb. That was my favorite. Yeah. I mean, every one of these is just a newer version of something we used to say.

I guess I'm just going to spend more time on Urban Dictionary and try to get some of these before they pop, you know? Although you can't, I feel like I can't skip that step. I can't be the first one to say bet. Like I have to hear it on Slack for a while and from other people. And then it's like, now it's my turn to say lit. Now it's my turn to say these things are fire. Now it's my turn to say poggers.

What about the phrase, not here to to fuck spiders that's a full phrase it's australian slang the term is derived from and is another way of saying uh not here to fuck around i am here to get the job done stop wasting time jesus it is it can also be as used as a declaration that a person has arrived at a place of work or sporting team with a set of goals. I love that. Okay, let's take another break, come back, and learn some more words on the other side of these massages. Yes. Bet.

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all right we dead ass have one more question that's right that's dead ass that's another word i've sort of been toying with it means nothing so you sort of just add it into sentences it's kind of like just adding fucking that's yeah that it's it's i don't know arguably better because it's kind of how literally means figuratively now yeah yeah yeah that's an annoying literally means everything yeah i i use it all i say literally all the time i say it literally all the time nice you're dead ass always saying it literally it's a crutch uh okay let's move on up from a 21 year old question to a 24 year old female question to a 25 year old girl who just moved in with two of her best friends moving on up moving on up uh okay it's been two months now and i've moved in with two of my best

friends and uh and now that i have learned one of them let's call her susan has a very strange method of forcing herself to get up in the morning she sets her alarm in an entirely different room of the house from her and her fiance's bedroom it took me a while to get to realize what the hell was happening i would often be woken up super early in the morning to an unidentifiable beeping noise in the house. Then about a minute later, I'd hear Susan getting up and turning it off. In my sleep-addled state, I thought there was just some machine or something that would malfunction or freak out regularly in the morning. And it got to the point where I was feeling bad that Susan was always going up to turn it off.

But whenever it would wake me up, it would always take me a long time to fall back asleep and it would disrupt my entire sleep pattern and make work that day pretty hellish but then one morning two weeks ago notably the morning i was about to embark on a four-hour solo road trip and really needed my sleep the beeping went off and my roommate didn't go turn it off a couple minutes went by and it was still beeping so i finally dragged my ass out of bed to check what was happening. And lo and behold, it was an alarm clock screaming at everyone from the living room. It took me a second to understand what I was seeing. And another second to understand why I was seeing it. But I finally realized she set it up out here so that she'd be forced to get out of bed to turn it off. Yeah, so frustrated. I shut it off then

sent Susan an annoying text, letting her know that her alarm had gone off and i tried to fall back asleep to no avail it's now been two weeks and i it's still been going off almost every morning at six in the morning i've tried talking to her about it and she says sorry it's the only way we can wake up and won't engage further is this a normal thing to do am i over react overreacting and how do i get her to stop doing this? Thank you, love. Sleeping in, Meg Ryan, sleepless in Seattle. Nice. That's tough because you talked about it.

You basically did what I would advise you to do and she's not meeting you halfway. I would, this is, I would be much more mad than this lady is. She's like, should I do anything? Like interrupting sleep is basically roommate cancer it's the worst thing you can do yeah like you really like your sleep you don't even yeah you don't set an alarm because you're i know i'm alarmless i've i've established an alarmless artist's lifestyle so i cannot be woken up earlier than my body allows and especially at six in the morning are

you joking me that it ruins the entire day slash a week it throws everything off yeah like there's a reason this alarm is so effective for susan but it's not fair because not everybody wants to get up at the same time as susan you're not allowed to have a public alarm. That's not how it works. Yes, yeah, no way. Especially in the living room so that it wakes other people up? That's fucking absurd. Yeah. I mean, if it's just a clock,

I'd steal it. I would just take it. Yeah, you cannot do that. That's a non-starter. And it seems like she moved in with two best friends. What's the other one going through? Maybe she's a heavy sleeper, doesn't notice, moves moved in with two best friends what's the other one going through maybe she's a heavy sleeper doesn't notice doesn't care yeah well that's it's nice that there's another room roommate and it could theoretically you know be a tiebreaker you could talk to the roommate and be like hey will you tell susan that this can't stand

um because i wouldn't turn into yeah i wouldn't turn it into a public forum in case that roommate is like whatever i sleep through it so you know you can't have two against one for a thing where you're obviously in the right so uh you know do do the legwork ahead of time also she sleeps in the same room as the fiance like now she has like this other guy in the room who's also getting woken up potentially is he also in on this plan this whole thing sounds very hairy yeah wait i didn't so it's it's meg ryan's fiance and her or i thought it was susan and susan's fiance yeah susan and susan's fiance okay and maybe susan's fiance loves it because the alarm's not in the room so he you know it's also i mean if

she missed it one day it's not perfectly effective so it's like if she's like it's the only way i can get up it's like well actually it's not because uh i turned it off the other day right yeah so it seems like also yeah it'll wake you up if it's closer to you too like that's how alarms work if you can get really close then it'll also wake you up you're just it's all about getting out of bed it's really all about getting out of bed but there are other like she could get the kind oh no that would be even worse have you ever seen that alarm clock that like blows up and you have to put it back together to turn it off yeah that's terrible yeah no that's not or an alarm clock that like chases gets chased around the room like on wheels what a terrible way to wake up it's the opposite

alarm clock should like soothe you in, like slowly getting light, slowly getting louder for it to like go, and then like scamper around the room, like a skittish cat. Yeah. I mean, I use an alarm and I don't love it,

but I like waking up early. I don't like. When do you set your alarm for? I set always before eight, depending on when I'm going to bed. Yeah. love it but i like waking up early i don't like what when you set your alarm for i set always before eight depending on when i'm going to bed um yeah but like usually generally 7 30 i feel like i'm getting a late uh a late night then i'll then i do 7 45 wow way to treat yourself that extra 15 goes a long way and then how many nights of the last 10 nights how many of them have the alarm woke you up and how many of you woken up naturally before the alarm um

i think usually even if i wake up naturally before the alarm i'll like hang out and go back until the alarm goes off even if i don't go back to bed or if I shut my eyes for another five minutes or whatever. I like the alarm to tell me that this is when previous you decided that we should get up. So let's do it. It's also hard with somebody else in your bed. They wake up.

It's such a personal thing, your wake up time. Yeah. It is interesting. I'm like, Jill's alarm will go off and it doesn doesn't affect me if i hear that it's her she has a much more soothing alarm than i do do you fall asleep at the same time or are you guys on different sketch we go to bed at the same time because i am a weird little puppy and i'll like neat if i'm even if i'm not tired if i'm trying to convince her to watch another episode of tv and she's like god you can watch it i'm gonna go to sleep I'll be like no no I'll go to sleep

stay up alone I hate that it's scary in here yeah um but sometimes and we and we generally go to sleep at the same time sometimes I'll stay up a little later reading because I'm reading dune right now and it's pretty really yeah that's kind of cool so you're just like reading and you're like i can't put this book down i'm simply devouring it yeah while you are what sleeping yeah i guess i find myself a little bit more of a curious book this is you talking to her while she's snoring uh yeah i'm my unsolicited advice try to wake up naturally and, my unsolicited advice, try to wake up naturally. And my other unsolicited advice, actually solicited, is break this Susan's alarm clock.

That's insane. Yeah. She's ruining your life. It's not allowed. What she's doing can't stand. It's untenable. It's unsustainable. Sleep is everything.

It's uncouth and it's uncool. Dead ass. Dead ass. Not okay. All right, cool. Thank you for writing in uh your questions your theme song send them all down to if i were you show at gmail.com uh the theme song from the

beginning was so good it deserves another play uh so thank you to georgio for sending that in and now we gave you the translation so you can enjoy it extra ccc and we're also making new jake and amir episodes on our youtube that's jakeandamir.com and we're watching um classic episodes of jake and amir on our patreon at patreon.com slash ja correct there's always more of us if you need it so like don't say oh this was too short like i i need more it's like okay go to fucking jakeandamir.com then like don't there's don't get mad at us like because now i'm starting to get pissed off about it to this specific episode i mean i'm sure someone will but yeah no i'm saying like that already i like getting mad basically like i often sort of crave slash seek a reason to get pissed off, scared, coy.

There's the mule. Look at that. He's drinking the Moscow mule. Oh, God. It's got to be 1116 a.m. somewhere. Actually, in a way, because I am the first person to drink after the show, that's low-key, dead-ass, golden mic behavior. But I'll let you decide. God, man.

That was a turdy for fucking that sentence. Low-key, dead-ass, golden mic behavior. Fuck off with that. That stung me to hear. I guess we both don't get it today, then. I guess we both don't get it today.

Well, the episode's about to end. No, we'll see. It's now or never, and you didn't get one. Thus. No. No, not we'll. It's over. I guess we'll see. you're gonna end the episode it's the episode's not over because you haven't you haven't um uh you haven't uh thanked i did it all no you didn't say where people you didn't say where people could yes i did you didn't say if i were you

said gmail you didn't say that i absolutely said i don't think you said that questions theme song email address you're saying it now. And I feel like you're not knowing how to host the show and me telling you how to bring it to a close. It's not even true. You're making shit up. That's a golden mic for my ass. You're gaslighting me. You're finally doing it.

You're completing your final form. You're a real chud for that gaslighting uh okay we'll see you all next week bye everybody oh wait head gum live you can buy tickets to see us in person actually whoa uh we'll be at the head gum live podcast uh there's four podcasts two of them are sold out but the head gum la head gum podcast is still i think there's like 50 or so tickets available so you can get those at head gum.com slash live new york city october 22nd see you soon bye do it Thank you. That was a Hiddem Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast.

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