Segments - 523: Wisdom Teeth

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

In this episode we discuss a dental procedure from hell... and a game sent from heaven. If I Were You is now on YouTube as a video podcast! Of course the podcast will continue to be available as audio wherever you listen, but subscribe to the If I Were You channel to watch them every week!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I'm pretty sure a beer's a chipmunk What good does that do When it comes to human problems? If I were, if I were you Jake said his father was a gourd man. Wait a minute now, if that's true. Wouldn't that make Jake have a pumpkin? Oh, Chipmunks like, whoa.

Wow, that song was a thesis. It posited a hypothesis that said, don't chipmunks eat pumpkins. Right. And that you would be, it's basically pitching the idea that you could eat me. Is that right? Honestly, I'm not the artist. The man who wrote that song, as it were, is Jason Sill. Nice.

Good work, Jason. as it were is jason sill nice good work jace yeah this theme song is a parody of one of the tracks that uh from an ep he just released called homesickness oh a parody of his own track that's right that's good so the song is called wallpaper if you like what you heard and i'd love it if you can shout out the project and my Instagram at JCSJason. Cool. Done. P.S. I've also been a personal trainer for years, and I met Jake right before COVID at the gym I used to work.

We talked about doing a free training session, but things closed down before we got the chance, and the offer is still on the table if you're ever looking for a new workout routine. Wow. Okay. I left that gym, sadly, but you never know. You never know. What was the gym that you... Do you remember this interaction? Yeah, I do. It was at Willie B Fitness, a gym in Williamsburg. And I remember Jason, a jacked blonde man who came up to me, and he was really strong. So, yeah, I think we hit it off, one strong guy to another. He asked me if I would train him. He said that he wanted to train you.

And I said, I don't really do that. Because he probably noticed you. I'm more of a comedian. Yeah. And then he was like, no, I know you're a comedian. I'm a huge fan. I just wanted you to train me because you're so strong. No, he asked if he could train you, not the other way around. And then he offered as a joke to train me, even though he's like, clearly you don't need it. But I said I would. And then

COVID hit. So yeah, that's the only reason we haven't done it. But yeah. He wanted to make you look more like him. He asked me for a spot yeah he was benching 500 pounds and i fucking i spotted him with my cock what's that mean has mean i could lift that i could lift fucking five wheels with my dick that's what that means that That's what that means. That's actually what that means. Jason will tell you that. Listen to your masculinity right now, just feeling threatened. Traps, lats, delts.

How's that for toxic masculinity? If there's a reason Jake doesn't sound wise today, it's because you had your wisdom teeth pulled three days ago. Very good. Yes. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. We're listening to someone with less wisdom today. And was it fine when they got rid of that?

If you're watching the video at home, I can kind of, can you see back there? No. Too missing. Were they in and then they pulled it out or were they like below the gum line? They were in. They were there. They were there. They were teeth.

You used those teeth. They were teeth there. Yeah. I flossed them. I brushed them. They were part of me. Did they give them to you at the end? Were they like, by the way, look at this fucking size of this thing.

Nobody would want what I saw. I'll tell you the whole fucking, I'll tell you the saga. It starts when I'm 25 or six. It basically starts 10 years ago. My dentist at home in Connecticut tells me I need my wisdom teeth out. But he says, you had a pretty big mouth. We actually don't need to take all of them. We're just going to take the two on the upper and lower on your right side.

And I say, sounds fine by me. We're just going to take the two on the upper and lower on your right side. Yeah. And I say, sounds fine by me. Go in. They put me out. I get the wisdom teeth out. Two weeks later, I come back for my check-in. The dentist, who is a different dentist now, like the one that owned the practice, says to the one who removed my teeth, why didn't you remove all of them yeah like you should have you should have removed them all like if you're gonna go under yeah you're gonna fucking

get general anesthesia go to sleep you should just get all the teeth right do they do that do they do the full anesthesia like at the dentist's office that seems like very extreme for just like somebody next to you is getting their teeth cleaned and you're completely like dead to knocked out yeah yeah i mean i think that's i think it was general anesthesia maybe it was laughing gas but i don't think it was laughing yes i think you're laughing gas if you're like yeah to like make you more calm i was completely out i counting backwards from 10 and instantly dead seated came to not laying down like in a hospital style i mean laying seated in the chair but you know full full recline yeah yeah the 180 you're in delta comfort uh-huh um and i did a bad job taking care of them they tell you not to suck

through a straw and i when i went home had a thick smoothie, threw a straw, totally forgot somehow because I was drunk, I guess. What's the physics of why sucking is bad? It like pulls the wound up or something? Yeah. I mean, it's like a vacuum in your throat. So it's like there's actual holes in your gums. Yeah. So it must be like, you know, just a pull.

Stuff going in and then everything is getting sucked out. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So you want to avoid that. But then I like. We went to, it was the weekend. It was like two weeks before we moved to LA. So I like came into the city, met you, Marty.

We like went out, smoked cigarettes, took vodka shots, ate sushi. I did not smoke cigarettes. Don't throw me into this thing. Yeah. We went out and had vodka shots and smoked cigarettes. No, I did not. All right, you had vodka shots. We did.

That was the night we went to sushi. That was the night we went to sushi. Oh, yeah, we talked about going to Vegas and bought plane tickets to Vegas that we never actually used. Well, didn't we? We used them and then Matt canceled them or something. I thought we like, because we drove, I don't know. Well, anyway, yeah.

That was before you got your wisdom teeth out? No was like three days after wow okay um so anyway that's that's just that's that's a that's a tangent all right that's just so a few years later i knew that i was supposed to be getting my left side wisdom teeth out but i didn't really have any interest and i and, and they weren't bothering me. They weren't ever like, maybe if I don't mention it, it's fine. Yeah. And the reason I had gotten the right ones out is because like there was an irritation in the gum and I kept on getting an infection and it would always hurt. So it made sense that I was like, I'm like, you know what? I'm going to do, I'm going to deal with this. So for years, left side completely felt fine. Every time I went to the dentist, they're like, you really should have those wisdom teeth out. You really have to have those wisdom teeth out. Schedule your wisdom teeth coming out. I was like, I will, I will, I will. But like then a month ago, I like finally

got one of those infections again. I was like, okay, it makes sense. I'll just, I'll get them out. Rip the bandaid. Yeah. I go to my dentist, I schedule it, and they tell me when I arrive that I'm not going to be put out. I'm like, are you guys going to knock me out? And they say, no, you can actually do this. Like, you can do this while you're awake. And I've looked into it since, and it's true, obviously. You can do it while you're awake. I don't know why anyone in their right mind would, because it's insane.

Yeah. So your conscience, your conscious, I should say, fully awake, not even like the laughing gas, but just like numbness to your throat. She just gave me like four or five shots of Novocaine in my face. Each one hurt. So it's like already, I'd rather have just gotten knocked out. Yeah. But a bunch of Novocaine in my face, waiting for it to feel numb. Then, you know, I also have TMJ, right? Where I like can't open my mouth very wide. Yeah, your jaw clicks. With a click, yeah.

Yeah, for anyone at home, here you go. That's the sound of my jaw cracking. Yeah. So I can't open my mouth very wide before it cracks. And if after it cracks, if I shut my mouth at all, or if I keep it open, it'll like lock up and be very uncomfortable. So I really, this is such a good time for a video podcast. This is as wide as I can open my mouth. Ready? Yeah. Right now or just before the crack? Right. This is, this is, yeah, this is without cracking. This is what I can do at the dentist is this.

Okay. Would you say it's shallower than me? Yeah. I'm probably like, I feel like I'm three quarters of what you're at, maybe even half. It's not very wide. Yeah, that's crazy.

I could never do that, what you're doing. Oh, I suck. Yeah. I fucking suck. It hurts to even think about it. Okay. So, and I told them this previous before, before they, you know, when I heard that I wasn't going to be put out, I was like, I have TMJ. I can't open my mouth very wide. This is as wide as I can open it. And they're like, that's fine. That's okay. And in my head, I was like, okay, if this starts to be really painful, I'm just going to walk out.

It's not worth it. But stop right there. This is really painful, and I'm going to walk out. I wonder if that's ever happened during the course of a wisdom tooth extraction. A walkout. Well, it almost did during mine. She was like, they got one out and she was like do you want to stop because she knew how bad it was so they got at the top or the bottom for the top the

top one was first and literally you could just feel them going like boom like removing a fucking screw from a plank of wood you know you go to the dentist and you see like the the fucking the thin little instruments you see the little needles and you're like oh i don't want that when i looked over it was like a fucking it looked like a set of chisels it was like true carpenter tools they had like they were so thick and heavy pliers forceps like who does this job like who chose like you have to be kind of fucked up to like i want to fucking do this like Like I want to pull teeth. Yeah.

Yeah. I think I would agree. It's kind of messed up. So she's trying to get my top tooth. The angle is too bad because my mouth isn't going to open anymore. Yeah. They can't get, and it's the back one. It's the hardest one to remove.

They have me like biting on something. So like I can like i so i'm not having to hold my mouth open but i'm also not having to like uh but i'm also not having to like um you know uh what is the word that i'm trying to say i don't know yeah they basically have my mouth wedged open okay yeah that's that's what it feels like does it hurt when they're pulling the tooth or you're so numb you just just feel like movement. You feel pressure. And, but they're like the, the way that they had to get at my tooth because I can't open my mouth. Like I'm feeling, they're like pulling at my cheeks. They're like using my lips as leverage for their tools. So

it's painful. Like it's pinching. They're like pulling out my beard hair it's not novocaine is not doing the job like it's not enough like yes my i didn't feel the instruments on my teeth but everything i could feel on my face the twisting the pulling the punching oh god and you're just getting like just instinctively like annoyed like someone is punching you so your fight or flight sentence or right she's like turn your head all the way to the side i'm just trying to like i'm instinctively annoyed, like someone is punching you. So your fight or flight senses are heightened. She's like, turn your head all the way to the side. I'm just trying to, like, I'm basically lying in fetal position in the chair, trying to tilt my head back, bury my top teeth.

Is this the one you're attracted to? The dentist? No, she's the one that owns the practice. Got it. Yeah. They brought in the closer. Enter Sandman for the wisdom extraction. I'm not attracted to her just because of how much she hurt me.

Maybe I am at this point. She couldn't get the tooth out, couldn't get an angle on the tooth, to the point where she had to saw my wisdom tooth in half so she could take it out in pieces. Which way did she saw? Like down, like down, almost like imagine a loaf of bread that you're slicing it or like cutting the top off like a mushroom cap? No, down the middle of the bread. So, you know, your tooth has like four little prongs and the cap at the top.

She just cut that cap straight in half so she took out with a weird looking fucking uh like a little hacksaw it looked like a tiny little drill and i just heard the smell of like burning enamel felt it felt so then that's the fucking worst is she freaking out too or is like i want her heart rate monitor like while this is happening is this the equivalent of her like eating a salad at the cheesecake factory? No, this is not casual. Calm?

Or she's like, oh shit, something is going, like I have to put out a fire in my kitchen level. I don't think it's that. I don't think it's like I'm like flatlining, but it's like, she's, she's like, damn, this is not an easy procedure. Like what she wants is that this tooth just comes right out. It's not fighting. But the. Maybe like fishing, that level of adrenaline. Like, whoa, I got this tooth just comes right out. It's not fighting. But the.

Maybe like fishing that level of adrenaline. Like, whoa, I got something here. Right. Yeah. She wants to get a good grip, rip it out. But she can't do that because the, like the tails of my teeth are curved. They're not like, they weren't straight up and down. So she couldn't get that clean pull.

And then she had to cut it in half. So she basically had to like unhook it from my mouth. And I could hear them like using that drill and like almost like a splitter, like cracking my teeth open. And this is just for the first one. This is just for the first one. And she did it. So she got the. How long do you think it took like from the beginning of the injection to like this moment where they're slicing it in half to try to take it out bit by bit?

That took probably 25 minutes. The entire thing was supposed to take an hour, and it took almost an hour and 40 minutes. Oh, my God. Okay, so 25 minutes in, they're slicing your tooth in half, trying to pull it out piece by piece. And multiple times, she's, like, told me to raise my left hand if it was ever too uncomfortable so multiple times i've raised my left hand and i've asked for more novocaine because it's starting to wear off like they'll just be pulling pulling pulling and then all of a sudden like sharp searing pain it's like oh wow you just hit somewhere where you didn't numb my mouth you have to get another

shot in there and then how how is your general attitude slash disposition at this point? Are you like, wow, this is crazy, but like, let's fucking do this. Or like, this is a huge mistake. Get me the fuck out of here. Yeah. I'm like, this is a huge mistake. And I was also like, if, and I was like, oh, wow. So like my idea of walking out, I didn't realize that I would have half of my, like my tooth

is cut in half. I can't walk out. This has to, we have to finish it. So, and like, you know, she's asking like, are you okay? Is everything all right? I'm like, and I was like, I mean, no. I mean, yeah, I guess. Ha ha.

It's as good as can be. And then at one point, so then, yeah. So then she finished one and a half tooth. She couldn't get one of the roots on this one. She's like, the other one is like fully in your sinus. You don't want it out. You just have a hole in your sinus. And I'm looking at the x-ray where she's like showing me how much of my tooth she'd taken out. Like basically there's 25% of my tooth just left in my gum and i'm like does this even count as a wisdom tooth extraction like is this good did this help anything and she was like yeah yeah no it's good

it's good we like needed to get it from the surface and now like your teeth are protected and your gum's going to grow over and it's going to be fine and like there's a chance that in 15 years your your gum will reject this new growth. I was like, and then she, and then that was when she- This is just the top. You haven't done the bottom yet. Not even, no, not the bottom yet. And so she's done it. And I'm like, and I just straight up asked her,

I was like, what is going on here? Like, what is, this isn't a standard procedure, right? Like there's no way that you do this every single time you take someone's wisdom teeth out. And that was when she explained to me all of like, the things about my teeth that like my jawline was like fighting for the tooth, that it was further down in my gum line, that my roots were hooked rather than straight. And she's showing the teeth, and they're just like crumpled pieces of garbage that she's pulling out like willy-nilly. So it wasn't like a single shark tooth.

It was like, look at these rocks that I found on the beach. Yeah, she had to shatter my tooth and then take it out piece by piece is what happened. And then she was like, do you want to not do the bottom? She knew how uncomfortable it was. You clearly aren't having fun here. Do you want to just call it at this point? Yeah. She's like, we can stop now. I know this is a lot. And I was just like, I mean, I have to get it done at some point, right? At this stage, I'm like, I'm not going to go to three different wisdom teeth surgeries. If I left, I would never get that the bottom one. So I was like, so we just have to like do it and hope that it's not as bad as the first one.

And lo and behold, the bottom one was not quite as bad as the first one. She still had to also cut it in half. She still did not get the full tooth, but enough of it came out. Enough of it came out. It was like 80 to 90% of the bottom tooth. Also cut in half. So there is still a little wisdom fragments in your top and bottom. Yeah.

But the gum grows over it. And in theory, there's more room for your, now, for this back molar to live and breathe. Yeah. And what I looked up after the fact was also, like, because everyone was telling me that I had to get them removed because of crowding. And I looked it up and it was like, crowding just happens naturally as you age. It doesn't really have to do with your wisdom teeth. So it's kind

of a farce for the dentist to make cash. So the procedure ends and are you like, wow, that was intense, but I'm relieved to finally go home? Or are you like, I didn't want that. That was messed up. Fuck you. Yeah. I was like, you guys lied to me. I asked if I was going to get put down. You said I didn't need to. And then you gave me the worst experience of my life. You were like, it's all going to be fine. Don't worry.

And I told you that I couldn't open my mouth enough. I said it was going to be hard. You said it was going to be fine. And then the most egregious thing. You have to pay for parking on the way out. Do you guys validate? I'm serious. Do you validate?

There's like pain meds that uh you get prescribed there's a cvs just down the street they're like we're gonna call it in right now it'll be ready within like 20 minutes you can go pick it up is this in brooklyn like are you walking these places or yeah yeah it's in brooklyn so i'm just i walk from the dentist to cvs uh they say it's not ready i wait a CVS. They say, it's not ready. I wait a little bit, check in. They say, it's not ready. Wait a little bit, check in. They say, it's not ready.

They say, did you, are you sure they called it in? I call them. They say, yeah, we called it in. Oh, actually, no, it got, it got bounced back. We're going to call it in in a second. The doctor's in a procedure. And I'm like, I've been standing at CVS for 30 minutes. I ended up by the time that they finally like, also every time I called them, it went straight to their voicemail or picking up.

So you're wearing a mask and also like chewing on gauze or something. Yeah. I'm spitting bloody gauze into the garbage can at CVS. They got rid of all of the chairs and like the waiting area because it's for COVID shots now. Of course. So I'm just standing against the wall in a crowded CVS with my mouth bloody. The Novocaine, or yeah, the Novocaine slowly wearing off, all of the pain coming back. Can't get the pain meds because they didn't call the name. I ended up waiting there for an hour and a half before I finally got the medicine. And what was the medicine? Was it like the good stuff?

No, it was not the good stuff. It was just like extra strength ibuprofen. So they didn't give you like Percocet. They gave you like the equivalent of having three Tylenols and two pills. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh my God. So then when you left, were you like, I didn't like that, bye? left were you like i didn't like that bye or were you like hey thanks bye i gotta go we'll talk later but i'm not okay i'm gonna i'm gonna

write them another i'm gonna i'm gonna get in touch with them because i also found out today that my insurance didn't cover it so i need to be like you guys fucking suck. Was this your, like, childhood dentist? Or is this, like, a new recommendation? No, this is, like, a bougie Brooklyn dentist that I thought was supposed to be good. But they're, like, they're too bougie to take insurance or something. But they've worked with my insurance for a long time. So I think they should have, like, preempted and told me what it was going to cover. I asked what it was going to cover, and they what it was going to cover. And they said, it's going to cover 80% of the procedure. And then I got the bill and

it didn't, not even close. And then I called my insurance and they were like, yeah, we cover 80% of like our rate or whatever. I don't know. Everybody's the worst. Everyone's just trying to get my fucking teeth and my cash. Jesus Christ. How does it feel now? Like, what was the next day? Was it as painful, but you had painkillers? That day and that night was really, really bad. And I was like, aside from being in pain,

I was just like morose and full of regret that I had ever even gone to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth out. It was almost like I felt stupid. I was like, I shouldn't have done this to myself at all. But I think in the long run, it'll be good. Like in two weeks when your mouth is fully healed, will you be happy that you did it? I think I'd be happy that I did it if I had gotten it covered by insurance, which it always is. And I've gotten, aside from the dentist not getting them all out the first time in Connecticut, like my childhood

dentist, they did a good job. So I would have just, and they take my insurance. So I would have just done that or gone somewhere that takes my insurance. So I guess the lesson here, the unsolicited advice is get your wisdom teeth out as early as possible. And if they offer it to you in one fell swoop, do that. And if they tell you you can go completely out subconscious, do that. Do that. For sure, do that. And check with your insurance before you get anything done. I guess people probably do that, but I'm too trusting. I'm just like, oh yeah, my insurance covers this, great. And then you get the bill from your insurance and you find out that they don't.

And I think the doctors know that you don't and just don't want to tell you because then you won't get anything done with them. And they'll charge a lot because insurance companies will sometimes blindly pace. They'll be like, cost twenty eight thousand dollars insurance companies are like yeah that's fine we'll just charge everyone seven hundred dollars a month to get our insurance and then cover this shit right but if you have guardian dental you

pay like seven dollars and uh and it feels good but then they actually don't cover anything so oh that's fun we have the same dental insurance i just realized because we're both employed by the same company which is yeah gum so really we actually ourselves to blame yeah we we founded the company so we should definitely get everyone better dental but i think dental is like just not that good across the board yeah because they'll assume that you don't have to get this insane procedure done. Although if they recommended it and it's like for your health, I guess they're saying you didn't have to get it done. They, I don't know. No,

they should, they should, they, they usually cover this. They just don't cover it at my dentist. Sheesh. Well, I'm glad,

um, it hurts less now. That's good. And, uh, hopefully in the long run, it'll be worth it. And it felt good to complain

about it i feel that i'll i'll let me pay for it because i feel i feel like i kind of messed you up it was my idea uh forty thousand dollars um forty forty five thousand dollars did you tip yeah i tipped 200 percent you tip ninety thousand dollars you idiot you're gonna cover it or not You tip $90,000? You idiot! You're gonna cover it or not? Fine, I'll send you $135,000. That's enough. Then you really have to stop complaining about this shit. You made out like a bandit.

I guess you're right. Alright, let's take a break. Oh wait, I guess I should say this is If I Were You. Dental podcast. The only one on the internet hosted by us. I'm Amir. I'm Jake. We have been talking a lot about dental procedures recently.

Yeah, I mean, write what you know, I guess. And we've been in the thick of the dental shit right now. But when we get back after these messages, let's answer some questions, shall we? I think that's the right thing to do. Enough is enough. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back.

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That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a lot. Let's do it. Mom, I'm coming. That was gross.

I can tell the wisdom teeth story again, just to really hammer it home. Yeah, how did they slice it in half? Go into greater details. Was it almost like splitting wood, or was it more of like a hot knife through butter? It was definitely more of a drill, actually. Yeah. So it's almost like they... Into concrete, a jackhammer of sorts yes that's exactly what it was so it's split from the yeah but yeah you go ahead you go ahead have you

been playing wordle no great that's that's the answer i wanted to hear so have you been seeing things about wordle in the twitter sphere no No, because I'm also not on Twitter. Okay. So there's not, I'm like, I'm fully out. I saw, the only place I've seen it is on our Slack. Right. So there's this daily word guessing game. It's kind of like, I've ever played a mastermind as a kid where you try to guess the four pegs

and it's like. No, I never played that. Okay, great. So this is a word puzzle game uh and the cool thing about it is that it started off as like just a random website game that somebody made like six months ago and like several hundred people were using it and then in the last like few weeks like hundreds of thousands of people are using it and you only play one puzzle a day and everybody is trying to guess the same word so the entire globe is sort of trying to get this one word uh every day and

there's a new word at midnight every night whoa interesting so like when people post their score it's like oh i guessed it in four tries i guessed it in two i guessed it in six i didn't guess it at all. So I can explain it to you by sharing my screen. We could do today's puzzle. Obviously, I've already solved it because I do it right at midnight, but you've never played before. Is it a website or an app? It's a website.

That's how old school this is. That's great. I'm not going to ever download another app. You don't have to. That's beautiful. Okay. So we're looking at, can you see this? Wordle?

Yeah. So it's powerlanguage.co.uk slash Wordle. That's how low-fi this is. So every day you have to guess. You have six rows. Those are each your guesses as to what the daily word of the day is. And it's always a five-letter word. And it starts, you can just start by guessing any five-letter word. What five-letter word do you think it is?

So just any five-letter word in the world. That's right. Let's go SWORD. S-W-O-R-D. Okay, then you hit enter. And you see how those turn gray? Yeah. If one of them turned yellow, you would know that that letter is used, but not in that spot.

And if one of them turned green, then it's like you used that letter and in the right spot. I see. So right now, you were 0 for 5. You didn't get any information, but you know that those five letters are not used in that word. Okay. Let's go gauge. G. Yeah. U. A. No, no, no. G that word. Okay. Let's go gauge. G-U-A-U-G-E.

Yeah. Not an ideal word because you're guessing the letter G twice, but I can still input it for you. I see. Yeah, let's make me suffer. Okay. Oh, there's an A and an e in the word of the day not there but not there and no g's no g's no u's so like you can see the keyboard at the bottom those

grayed out letters are not in the word of the day and again everybody on earth is trying to guess the same word today and today only okay so there's definitely an e yep definitely an e definitely an a okay so let's try b e t a s betas you know that there's no s though oh i already eliminated s from swords all right okay okay all right this is not a time thing right nope not a time thing great but it's it's a how many times can you guess it or how many words do you guess before you nail it okay so let's go uh-E. Yeah. Could it be?

T-E-A. Uh-huh. Oh, fuck. I can only think of four letter words and add an S. I see. This is the challenge. You got to look at the light gray part of the keyboard. That'll give you some options for letters. okay okay yeah totally totally um all right may fucking hell meaty give me meaty m e a t y yeah enter uh oh oh jake do you see what happened there yeah that's why there's a y right there too that you nailed the y but there's no t okay there's no

t there's no m there is an e and an a just not there and it's also not where the upper letters are it's like the a can't be here or here and the e can't be here or here but it does end in a y so if you get it right now you'll get it in four if you need another guess then you'll get it in five if you need another guess you'll get it in six i mean i definitely need another yes i don't i but you're eliminating a lot of the keyboard there's not a lot of letters left. I straight up can't think of a fucking word. Yep. Yep. That happens.

That happens for sure. Okay. So let's go. Can I suggest four letters and a word? Like any, there's some four letter words here that can end in Y, like picky or licky or hicky. Yep. That's right.

But there's no, but then there's no E or A in there. Nope. No A and no E. So I need those. Yep. Don't I? You do. So thanks for the fucking suggestion.

Or you can just assume, okay, I'll get the E's and the A's later. Let me just remove some of these consonants that I don't know. Oh, I see. Different strategies involved. Yeah. I see. I see. I see. Okay. I respect that. Yeah. At the same time, I think I want to try to think of a word that starts, okay, here we go. A-C-H-E-Y. It's funny you mentioned that because it's not in the word list, but I also tried it and all my friends who I've been talking to also tried it.

So much so that I actually tweeted today, hey, wordle, achy is an actual word and it's doing great. I guess a lot of people are in fact running into that same problem. Achy does not have an e in it evidently interesting but it's funny because everybody on earth is playing this game and so many of them tried achy i'm glad you tried it wow wow that's that's gonna fuck me up a little bit yeah okay okay so we are gonna we from, we got to start fresh. Yep. It's really fucking nerve wracking to play.

Live. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. For sure. Let's go H. Yeah. It could be hacky. It could be hacky. Um, let's go H. Yeah. Hmm.

It could be hacky. It could be hacky. But no, it couldn't be hacky because that, that A, that A. Yeah. But that'll eliminate a C and a K. Okay. All right, fine. Let's do it.

Hacky is the choice. Not in the word list holy shit okay let's go um we can't go tacky that would be tacky um uh okay it's so fucking hard and this is sort of the daily struggle that you have whenever you decide to do it because you're you're going to be sharing your score and you don't want to be like i got it in six or i didn't get it at all there's some i consider like four to be good five is like baseline average and if you can get it in three that's worth bragging about i see but if you get it it's like yeah you shouldn't even fucking say anything yeah six is like yeah you did it that's worth bragging about i see but if you get it i've done it it's like yeah you

shouldn't even fucking say anything yeah six is like yeah you did it that's baseline and some people can't even get it at all yeah i don't think i can yeah and then i've only gotten three once and i've been playing it for a week so this is last night was my seventh and i got this word in four okay let's go oh my god janky okay let's see if that's a word it's not a word i don't know what to tell you these are all hacky janky they're words maybe they don't have the entire dictionary in there. All right, picky. That's what you said originally, and it's not right. E-I-C-K-Y. But it can eliminate some stuff.

Unfortunately, it didn't eliminate much of anything. Yeah, that is awful. But now you're down to knowing that it's basically these consonants right here. Because odds are there's no Q, Z, or X in it. So you're into thisants right here because odds are there's no q z or x in it so you're into this zone right here yeah so wait there's no oh yeah we know and it's not going to be q because there's no u there's no u yeah that's right all right so we know that you start eliminating some stuff yep okay and then you start to notice patterns in words like maybe the it's it ends in an ey maybe the right you know it ends with the y there's not a lot of words consonants that can go right before that right it's not like an end in hy or jy or something yeah yeah totally um

you know that's kind of like a chicken satay that's yes there's an ay but that's a t a y oh yeah that's but that was that's not what it would be um no and yeah it's not gonna be x and you know that there's no a or e here or here or here belay b e l a y yeah j, we're getting really fucking close. That was your fifth guess, but you know that there's a B in it now. And you know that there's no A here, here, here, or here. So you know where the A is, and you might even know where the B is. So it starts with an A. That's right.

You've eliminated every possible A except for the one that it's in. And you know that there's a B in it. Yeah. So A... What? That's, this makes no sense to me. Or doesn't make all the sense in the world. All right.

So there's no, so A has to go there. That's right. There's no E as a second to go there that's right there's no e as a second letter yep that's correct so the e has to go probably right before the y yeah yeah and you also know that there's a b somewhere in these last two then it's almost like a sudoku you can start eliminating oh is it just abby is it abby yes it is abby so in six so there you go that was your first wordle you did it in six guesses and then it keeps your statistics so if you you have like a current streak of solving it and an average answer, this is good for you because I sort of took your training wheels for that first guess. So like by the time you do it tonight at midnight, there'll be a new word you can do, play.

And you'll have all this built-in information. You won't have any like practice round. Do people ever get it in one? Some people have guessed it in one. That's, I can't tell if people are lying on Twitter or actually bragging about guessing it. Like two days ago, the word was drink. And somebody's like, yeah, I was just thirsty. I guess drink.

Interesting. Some people even get it in. Almost like that's more luck. That's not even impressive. Like it's more impressive if you get it in two because it's like, then you're solving the puzzle. That's actually another tweet that i posted two days ago i said three is the goat abby uh wordle score because it means you figured it out one or two means you got lucky and then like four through

six is just like it took you a while you really want to get that third one where you can eliminate so many good letters and then figure it out by guess three damn so how do you think i i mean i feel like i did pretty bad no you did pretty good um this one is a hard one because there's really no consonants it's like a vowel two b's and then a vowel vowel so like you had to eliminate a bunch of consonants it's it's sneaky with the double the double because you when you look at the board you you're like, how can I make a word? But you forget that, like, you know, that B being yellow doesn't mean that there's only one. Yeah.

Like, I think one of my first words was banal, B-A-N-A-L. And I, like, couldn't figure, I couldn't get my, wrap my mind around the fact that there's an A in there twice. So I'm like, banal, b-nal, bonal. I'm like, what could it possibly be yeah but all uh all right yeah so that's my unsolicited hop onto the wordle train you'll see it everywhere and it sucks you in all right i'll do it um all right should we try to answer a freaking question after all these beers yeah let's do it uh okay here's a quick one just to get us just to get us in the mindset yeah let's do it um

hi i'm a 33 year old male who's selling the recreational cannabis company in oregon that i've poured my blood sweat and tears into for the last six years. It's been so stressful and combined with me losing my only surviving parent and worry about the future of big canna companies it seems like the right move. But after I sell, I should have a couple million dollars. That will maybe not be enough to completely retire

is pretty freaking close. I plan on spending at least six months off to enjoy my newfound freedom before I start grinding again. If you quit your jobs with a somewhat large amount of money, where would you go? And what is on y'all's bucket list? What would you do if money was no object? Also, if you could retire pretty young, would you?

I kind of want to half retire so I'm not bored, like starting another business that doesn't take over my life and all my free time. But that seems hard if you want it to succeed. Anyway, much love from another secular 30-something-year-old Jew. P.S. I found you on NADDPod, and while not a Day One fan, I'm a Patreon supporter of you both. All right. Hell yeah. Well, you better be with that cash. Can you imagine just pouring your blood, sweat, and tears into a company for six years and then somebody just writes you a freaking four million dollar check for your efforts shout out to this guy shout out i mean that's is that how long head gum has been around six seven years yeah much much longer than this guy we honestly started head gum before this guy started his cannabis company he's already yeah sort of selling like 2015 it's almost the exact same amount of time yeah i feel like we

should have just pumped all of our resources into weed that would have been smart you should have invested in this guy's company this guy this question made me so jealous yeah really i but i won't be jealous i'm happy for you proud of you congratulations i feel nothing but anger greed wrath whoa this guy also got abby and three yeses damn all right fuck you man uh that is the dream it's it's totally the dream just to like not fully retire but to just like stresslessly check out for a little bit take a well-earned respite and use some cash that you earned to experience some cool shit while you're still young. I think that's awesome. Yeah. And you can sort of go anywhere in the world minus the whole COVID thing.

So like, right. Take some of the cash and I don't know, check out Italy for a month or two or London or something. Yeah, I think that's what I would do. I would probably live abroad somewhere where I could travel a whole bunch, you know, like get to know a country or continent. Yeah. But yeah, do check those COVID restrictions because you don't want to end up in a place and then sort of have to quarantine there for three weeks. Yeah, that would not be that fun. That would definitely not be that fun.

And then when you come back, you don't necessarily have to like hit the ground running and grind again. You could like become an investor or a consultant or just like advise people, you know, dip your toe back in because you've done something that everybody wants to do. You can help other people build and grow their businesses. Yeah. And there's probably ways to invest your cash so that you're making money every month, probably enough to live in a different country. Oh yeah, definitely. America is somewhat designed to keep rich people that way. So there are probably some

hacks and games you could create to turn your lump sum of cash into a passive income that won't require you to ever work again, but still remain in the top 1%. Yeah. Actually, me and Amir will invest your cash for you for a really small fee. You want to just be this man's money manager. Ideally, yeah. Because he and I are on a fucking catamaran in Ibiza, and I'm just making day trades, pump and dump, crypto, NFT, fucking whatever.

Yeah. So, yeah, I've lost a few K of your money, but, like, let's not sweat the small stuff, bud. We're in it for the long haul. I want to be your friend. Just me so sunburned on a catamaran. I'm actually pretty hangry and a headache um do you mind if i write off another ten thousand dollar check where we can get a poke bowl or something do we have any cold linguine what linguine passing out. He's falling off the boat. He has to save your life.

No one dives in. Just let him go. It's fine. His teeth hurt a lot. This is probably for the best. I shouldn't sink too low in the water. That pressure will get to me. Dry sockets wise.

Okay, let's take another break. Thanks to more sponsors so that we can make as much money as this guy one day. Someday. And answer another question on the other side of these messages. Boom. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point.

Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all in one, first stop, one stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well.

Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly.

Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's notarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own freakyfriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday?

Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new.

It's kind of like having a new personality. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah.

So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know

that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it.

It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's gum.fm slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. All right, we're back.

Let's try to get one more question on the books. Okay, let's do it. A 24-year-old guy from Australia. Okay. Yes, an Aussie. We'll call Aussie, O-Z-Z-I-E. Love that. I'm part of a friend group that's mostly online with people from different states within the country.

However, one of the guys in the friend group who I went to school with is getting married, which is cool and all, except for one of the girls in the group was super excited and really wanted to go despite living in a different state, but she wasn't invited. Obviously, she would understand if she wasn't invited due to her being in another state or the wedding size but they have invited someone else from her state as well and a few others that i know she would think aren't as close to them as she is i'm her closest friend in the group and she'll find out eventually who's going to the wedding but the groom has said to keep it secret so should i tell her she wasn't invited to the wedding beforehand or just wait for the day to happen? Yours sincerely, Ozzy. Yeah. I think I've said this before, but after planning my wedding, they're just, they're very personal things.

Don't go rogue. Don't take matters into your own hands. The bride and groom are dealing with a lot of moving pieces. So you don't want to tell her before because then she'll reach out and be like i just wanted to know why i wasn't you didn't think it right for me to show up did you yeah i i think that was a really good accent actually how could you not invite me at least bring me on the hen do. It's me, Edith. And I want to show up to your wedding day. You call that a knife? This is a knife.

That's a perfect Edith impression. Not Australian, but a perfect Edith. I think that you just like, this isn't, you can't take these matters into your own hands. The options aren't keep it a secret or tell. I think if you're feeling very concerned and like this will really hurt somebody, I would sidebar with the groom and just be like, you don't have to invite her, but I think keeping it secret, that's not something we can do. It's going to get to her. Are you okay hurting her feelings? How do you want to play this? How do you want to play this groom knowing that it can't be kept a secret?

If this guy's your friend. What about getting a plus one and bringing her? Just straight up bringing her. So you show up like Willy Wonka. Like you look sick. You have like a cane and you're like attending the wedding. Then you collapse forward, somersault, reveal. And then it's Edith.

Oh, hello. You thought you could have it without me, did you? Yeah. Then she gets to confront them face to face, which is good. Edith should pop out of a cake. Like a fucking stripper. Imagine Edith covered in frosting during the dessert course. Oh, yes. I'm from out of state actually i didn't even get to eat the dinner

because i was in the cake what did you guys eat chicken or fish oh edith put some fucking pants on you're insane yeah i think you you just, it's not your call. This isn't your wedding, so you don't really get this kind of, you don't get these decisions to be made over the invite list. What you do get to do is tell your friend if something that they're going to do is going to hurt someone's feeling because that's really it. Yeah.

I'd like to hear more about this friend group that's mostly online. What do you think that entails? It sounds like there's a lot of drama around this, which isn't necessarily good. The fact that all of these online friends, and they're inviting some to the wedding. It's one thing to be like, we have friends. Some are invited to the wedding somewhere. That happens at weddings. They're expensive.

They're hard to get to. There's a pandemic. But when you're keeping it secret from someone, that's a red flag. That's not a position you want to be in. Weddings should be out in the open. So if you feel bad enough that you didn't invite someone that you need to keep the wedding a secret, I don't think that's a fair thing to do for you and your wedding, you know? Yeah. or you can

invite them virtually sort of send them an oculus headset have a live stream and then she can sort of walk around the wedding as it were virtually almost like a ghost in the metaverse of sorts i really do want to follow up up on this i need details i really need details all right ozzy you heard him let us know i'll also reach out and ask specifically great uh okay if you have any of your own questions your own theme songs send them all down to if i were you show at gmail.com damn right uh who was that opening theme song again i already forgot he had a cool name and uh instagram oh yes yeah jcs jason it's jason sill from his uh a parody from his ep called homesickness right so check out jason sill a jacked trainer in brooklyn who was also a musician yeah damn me and him really have fucking huge muscles it's awesome you're jealous of everyone

on this show it seems like like really you said you wanted to be the guy that retired early you say you wanted to be the jacked musician guy who's training people that's actually another good thing that that uh that dude who's retiring could do um you could yeah certainly just get jacked. That'd be a fun, fun one. All right, no golden mic, no turdy for this episode, but... I got the golden, you got the turdy. Let's close this one out. Thanks, everybody. I'm honored, humbled, cheesed.

It chuffed! I got the golden mic when I guessed Abby on my second try. I saw some wisdom teeth fragment sort of fly out of your mouth when you sang that. It seems like they just did not. They didn't finish the job. They went to sew up the hole and I skipped town. I said, fuck this. I'm out.

You did the DMX. What is it? The DX, Degeneration X suck it. Suck it, yeah. As you left the dental chair. is it the DX Degeneration X suck it suck it yeah as you left the dental chair they didn't finish the job

I don't know what to tell you that's correct they want you to come back they emailed the Fiery You Show at Gmail asking you to come back

you didn't feel comfortable giving your actual email you're afraid of spam or something it didn't make sense because I paid with our company card

so I needed to kind of keep it all under the same in the same bucket under the same umbrella as it were i spend a lot of cash on uh the company so uh speaking of company you can now watch this episode uh on our youtube channel there's an if i were you show youtube channel you can watch these episodes we're gonna give that simulcast life a shot yes why not and also more videos on our patreon patreon.com slash ja so if you ever want more of us there's always more to be had there sure is uh all right take us away jason thanks for listening and we'll be back next week bye be back next week bye bye if i were if i were you i'm pretty sure here's a chipmunk

what good does that do when it comes to human problems if i were When it comes to human problems If I were you Jake said his father was a gourd man Wait a minute now If that's true Wouldn't that make Jake have a pumpkin? Don't chipmunks like pumpkins? That was a HidGum original.

Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast. We're here to help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match.

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