Segments - 527: Bad Hair

Episode Date: February 14, 2022

In this episode we talk about combing your hair, quitting a game, and rowing across an ocean.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. His name is Amir And he wants a mic of gold

But Jake doesn't care He can wait till he's gray And all the fans all want Jake to right this wrong But what if Jake is right? And what has Amir done for the spotlight? He always deserves to get the 30 He always deserves to get the 30

Jake gets the mic and Amir should get the 30 Jake gets the market Me or should Get the 30 Ooh Oh yeah Get that Oh Me or should always get the 30 Oh yeah Oh, me, you should always get the dirty Oh, yeah

Get that Oh, me, you should always get the dirty Really cool. Really cool. That was so me. He was singing like thoughtfully and nice, but he was saying like repeating ad nauseum that I deserve a shit. That you should get the dirty.

Yeah, the shit award. The award for shittiness in podcasting. We bequeath it on to you, bro. Nice. Me and the fame to greet. That was a parody, of course, of Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus. Yes, great song um if you could please plug my youtube at david at eme cool at david at eme yeah guess how how do you I-E-M-E. Close. A-D-E-Y-E-M-I.

Wow. That was not close. Yeah. And his Instagram is DavidTAdemi. So if you like that song, there's others on his YouTube and on his Instagram. Cool. Yeah. Great song.

Also, shout out to Drew. He's behind on episodes right now, so he'll probably hear this in a couple months. And if you ever open up a Chicago HQ, I'm in video production and would love to work for you. There we go. That's awesome. Yeah, we're... Were you in?

You were in Chicago recently, weren't you? I was. Indeed, I was. Did you have the deep dish pizza? Hey! That's not what people in Chicago sound like, man. That's like a bad New York Italian accent. But you did it for Chicago.

That's a turdy. That was so fast. That was so fast. Minute two. Wow. Amazing. Epic. I think you've gotten it faster before. I went to Au Cheval in Chicago. What's that? It's like the best burger place, I think, in the world ever, according to me. And some others might agree. It's definitely a top tier destination destination burger and it was insane are you familiar with this smash burger thing where it's like now burgers are smashed and flat and crispy and thin whereas like

when we were growing up it's like you want a fat juicy red burger yeah there were places called fat burger and now there's places yeah smash burger that That's right. Yeah. Which do you prefer? I mean, I think there's a time and a place for both. I like the kind of like small, crispy burger as well. Like In-N-Out style. Yeah. But I think if I had my druthers and I needed to make a choice, I like a big, fluffy burger. And the one in Chicago? that is a fluffy burger you know it's not

it's not like oversized it's appropriately sized it doesn't fall apart yeah and the meat is very very tender the cheese is incredible um toasted brioche bun yeah toasted brioche bun um i also get in a house thick cut bacon very thick cut bacon um and some people do a cracked egg on it but i opted not to because i wanted i wanted to taste just the burger and the bacon of course but i felt like the egg would have been maybe on another trip if i go back i think if i went back i probably wouldn't do bacon what he just said you loved the bacon i did but i want to taste the burger out it's thick yeah i thought the bacon was really good i mean i'd like to go back sides yes there were sides

there were sides and i actually don't agree. It feels like we're not having a conversation anymore. It feels like now you're giving me the third degree. You're angrily asking about the sides. You seem dubious of the buns. You seem upset that I said I wanted to try it without bacon. And I don't like your attitude. I don't like this line. I don't like this

line of questioning. Let's drop it. Was it anything more special than fries, or is it like, that's pretty much it? The fries are what I got. I think there might have been onion rings or something. I don't recall. It really was about the burger, and now I'm begging you to move on. I'm on the website of this place. It closed in 2018. They don't have burgers. This is a pasta joint. You got poke bowls. You're lying to us.

You got Chipotle. Yeah, there's a picture of you on the tour. I got a deep dish bowl of Chipotle. Yeah, there's a picture of you on the tour. I got a deep dish bowl of Chipotle. You got the, what's the fake meat one called? Sofritas? Oh, maybe, yeah. And you didn't pay for the guac. Jesus, come on, man.

I made them comp the guac. All right. What's new with you? Do we have to do another weekly Wordle deep dive? I feel like we've sort of exhausted everything about that game at this point. Yeah. I think I've decided today that I'm going for a two. I just want to get a two.

I'm going to keep on playing until I get a two, and then I'm going to retire. Because it's not worth the stress that I feel. It's not word the stress. I don't look forward to it anymore. I dread it a little bit. I dread it. What a complete cycle we've had. I think a month ago, I played it with you for the first time on this podcast.

You got into it. Got so into it. Fell out of love with it. Yeah. On my family thread my sister texted one time i can't wait till tomorrow and now you're begging the wordle gods to get it in two so you can stop give me a two i need to i need to move on because it stresses me do you when you load up wordle.com uh power language uk or, do you feel joy or do you feel apprehension?

I feel excitement that my first word is good enough to guide me towards a two or even a three. I'd be happy with a three. I've been on a string of fours and fives recently. Yeah. So I'm begging the Wordle gods for a three at this point. Right. I've been getting way too many fours. Way too many fours.

Threes, it used to be an average of like three and four. And now it's shifted to fours and five with an occasional three. And it's not fun. It's not fun anymore. Yeah. Especially if you do the first guess and it's just like gray, gray, gray, yellow, gray. Do you see what I mean? Okay, great.

Now there's an R in it. Yesterday, or two days ago, my first guess, all gray. My second guess, all gray, except for one yellow R. It was... And I nailed it in three. It was so stressful. I was like, oh my my god i'm not gonna fucking get the wordle today well there is a fear that you lose yeah and if i think if you lose you

should also stop playing right if you lose the game should eliminate you kind of like hq i don't know if i could ever like if i got if i was on my sixth guess and i wasn't sure i might cheat i couldn't i can't handle the x i couldn't i couldn't i still have never gotten a six a six except for when uh when we played for my first time so it's not a public record that's pretty good how many games is that like 20 30 30 in a row without getting a single six? Let me see. I like how he said, is there anything to talk about, Wordle? I mean, we've talked about it all.

It looks like I played 25 with 7 threes, 11 fours, and 7 fives. Wow, 7, 11, 7. Yeah. That's a perfect four average. It's the first time in your life you had a 4-0 grade average very nice you should tell your dad that hey dad i finally got a four that's not fun for me to say to him right i don't know i thought because he's still no no he still thinks I'm a dumbass so I'd rather not prove it

okay okay okay actually you sent me some questions we should say this is if I were you the only advice show on the web hosted by us I'm Amir I'm Josh you sent me a bunch of questions,

but now I see there's one in the unread called New Guys Pubes, and I think we should just read this one sort of sight unseen. That's fair. Yeah, let's do it. New Guys Pubes. We'll call this lady Zoe Deschanel.

Cool. Because she's a new guy. That's nice. I'm a 26- 26 year old girl who recently started dating this guy and things are going pretty well so far the only issue is his pubes are a mess it sounds like a manscaped ad but i assure you it's not uh they're completely unattended to and they're making it so the whole genital region isn't visually appealing at all it's honestly to the point where i feel reluctant to go down on him,

which sucks, link, because I love giving head. Wow. How do I suggest to him that he gives his bush a trim to clean things up down there without hurting his feelings? I feel like we'd been dating for a while. If we'd been dating for a while, this would be super easy. But since this is a new relationship, I don't know how to broach the subject. Thanks. Love, Zoe. I feel like you stumbled upon the answer in the question, right? Which is wait until you've been dating a while.

No. Which is no one is going to feel like have their feelings are hurt if after you say the hurtful thing, you say, I love giving head. Oh, I see. So then he'll hear that and he's like, I'll do anything you want. I'll nair my entire body for that. He becomes a zombie after that, is my guess. Yeah. Because he doesn't want to lose that sweet, magical sentence. Yeah. If you were like, cut off your off your ear i love giving head he'd be like fine yeah van gogh did it why not i um yeah i also think that you i don't know like i feel like trimming pubes is more out of like laziness for guys than actually like a preference i don't think that

i'm like oh man no i prefer to be natural it just happens because i don't remember to like trim my pubes all the time right are you a trimmer are you like a bear bicker god no the trimmer loose trimmer yeah i don't get very hairy though like i don't have any chest hair here oh there's a video podcast one second i just went out my dick subscribe to the video everybody your dick is such a little bean yeah that is a lot of hair by the way it only looks like a lot of hair because it's not a lot of dick i thought you were talking about your chest hair jesus man well yeah no i don't have any chest really anyway yeah yeah um body hair really varies from guy to guy i wonder if there's any

ladies that that's a non-starter to be either hairless or super hairy. Yeah. I mean, a lot of people have hair preferences. It's never affected me either way. I don't care. I mean, some dudes that even have like hairy backs. Yeah. Is that fine for some? That's got to be.

I wouldn't like that. But then again, I don't like, you know, I don't have a proclivity for men. Maybe if I did, I would prefer the hairiest man. Yeah, I think there are people that do. There are people that like a hairy man. There are people that like a nary man. This episode is brought to you by Nair. There's a preference out there for everybody,

but for this person, her preference is a trim, proper nether region, and this man does not have it. So I think voicing your preference is completely fair to do. And you don't, again, pure heart rule, no expectation that this person has to do it. But I do think you could have a reasonable level of hope that he will, because the caveat is that you'll go down on him more, which everybody likes oral sex. What about the sponsored answer of giving him that gift, giving him that manscaped as like a anniversary slash Valentine slash birthday, something's coming up. I just don't think you need to be that passive.

And it might even be weirder in a brand new relationship to give someone a gift no matter what it is if the relationship is so new that you're worried about even talking to him getting him a gift seems like more insane a gift specifically about shaving or any truly any gift at all but specifically is like more a gift to you? Yeah. All right. Something to think about. Wait, you didn't tell me what you do to your pubes.

I like to do figure eights. So it's sort of like a landing strip of sorts that starts with my below belly button strip. Yeah. That sort of coils in and around the balls. An infinity sign. Slash slash taint that's right oh interesting so it's like it looks like it's an eight above your dick and an eight below your dick in like your taint and ass area can yeah that's why they can the video yours at home uh see your taint i'm worried that like youtube will flag it because it's like pretty it's pretty pornographic down there to see my entire nether region including my taint my anus right my belly

but why don't you just show us right now and then uh john grim who's editing this video together can make the final call on whether or not to upload it. He'll mosaic it, but like not that much. He'll make it so it's like slightly grainy. Mosaic over my face. That's a good bit. That's a good bit for a comedy about a Zoom or something like that that we can write for the future.

I like that. So it's like, yeah, it takes place entirely over Zoom. So by the time it comes out, people are sort of fatigued slash not interested in seeing it anymore. Yeah. I actually might do a Zoom birthday this year. So funny. Next January.

A Zoom birthday. That'd be, God, I hope. Different rooms. I hope it's a really funny bit next year. Not a necessary mandate. Yeah, really could go either way. But like, God damn, to send out a Zoom in like five years, I hope is something that everybody is like, oh, that's so funny.

You could send one now for August. Hey, guys, just wanted to put this on your calendar save the zoom date i think we're gonna do like different rooms virtual cocktail hour the dress up just in case you wanted to like rent or find a nice suit now for because it'll be hot in aug in your house. Thank God. All right, let's take a break. Thanks to the sponsors. Come back and answer more questions.

Actually, we have another question about a girl complaining about a guy's hair. Yeah, it's perfect. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly.

Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a

domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny, I consider myself a vision lifter,

which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters? Yeah, vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz. With a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah.

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Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a lesson in the fire. Mom, I'm coming. Gross. Yeah, you know what?

I actually, I do. I want to shout out some guy, okay? Just any guy? All right, let's think. No, just, it's not any guy. Oh, yeah. Which guy were you going to shout out? There's this dude that works at this coffee shop,

and he's always pretty chatty with me. So you don't even know his name to shout him out? I it's like brian or some shit what's the coffee shop it's uh i don't want to say where it is because it's really close to my house and i don't want people like paparazzi posting up but uh it's very exclusive it's an exclusive coffee shop let's just say what neighborhood it's in it's in it's on the east side good very good and i'm actually i'm not allowed to go back no but dinosaur is a cool name for a coffee shop shout out dinosaur coffee i never go there so you can check that out it's a good spot um there's this guy his name is well on instagram his name is jac, on Instagram, his name is Jacob M.B.P.

Okay? That's man, boy, pig. Jacob M.B.P. So this is why I want to shout him out. He's doing a solo row across the Atlantic Ocean. Okay. Has that ever been done? Yes.

And I'll tell you a brief story this really resonated with me because when i was little i don't actually be when i was in high school my dad like found this folk singer that he really liked this dude from massachusetts and the song that my dad really loved was uh was a song called the ballad of harbo and Samuelson, which is a folk song about the first two people to row across the Atlantic. Right. And I think there was a time, actually, that I was telling you about Harbo and Samuelson

because I wanted to write a movie about them. Right. Anyway, it was like a big- Like a Jake and Amir on a raft type situation. Yeah, exactly. Where I wanted us to play Harbo and Samuelson, but now we're too old to do it. But yeah, so the song is about these guys.

I think it's like in 1900 or something. A publisher, maybe it's Hearst. Anyway, some rich guy is like, we'll give $10,000 to whoever the first people to row across the Atlantic are. And these two Norwegian guys living in Brooklyn never, ever rowed a boat before, decided that they're going to do it. And they did it. And then no one else did it for almost 100 years. Yeah, it seems hard because you have to row all day, every day for months and then have enough food on your boat. Yeah. So it's several months long. I think in the

song he says each day they would row 13 hours together and each night they took turns getting four hours sleep. I don't know how the math works out, but it's something like that. They just row nonstop. One person goes to sleep while the other keeps rowing other guy wakes up pretty much torture and then how do they i wonder how they eat do you think they fish or you think they like brought enough beans i think they bring alive they bring provisions yeah but there's not you can't you can't get it anywhere like on the way either you got to leave with all the food that you need. That's right. Yeah. The story of Harbo and Samuelson, they actually capsized in the Atlantic at some point. Their food is lost. Their water is lost. They think they're going to die. And then a ship passes by. It's a really meaningful, beautiful part of the song. Everyone should listen to the Ballad of Harbo and Samuelson

by Jerry Bryant. So anyway, yeah, this is a big part of my life, this song. And I saw on Instagram some surfer that I follow from the UK shared this guy's story. And then I was like, oh, my God, this is crazy. He's the fifth person to do it since, you know, Harbo and Samuelson are the first two. So I started following him. Then we started DMing.

He's a lovely guy. Wait, the guy who's doing it right now, you're DMing with him? He's not doing it now. He's raising money to do it in 2023. And he's leaving from New York and I told him I'd send him off. So I donated 50 quid to him.

So everyone else should go. You pushed him and he capsizes instantly. I do not want to death on my conscience but everyone should go to his instagram and which is jacob mbp um and support him on on this uh on his crowdfunder if you can because i do want to see him do it does he say we should almost have him on the show because i'm i have so many questions about how do you even like it seems like the amount of water you need to get from here to there in three months however long it is would weigh more than the boat yeah if you go to his instagram or his website you like he

writes about the boat but i believe it's a 20 foot wooden rowboat called a dory and uh he's a truck driver who's never done a long distance road before maybe you bring a boiler so you can just sort of drink seawater as you get it that's interesting we should you should definitely ask him yeah i'll i'll ask him if he wants to come on the show just a brief little interview there is a photo of him in the boat it looks it looks very legit like this thing looks like he can't capsize it looks like a weird little pill submarine i mean i'm sure you can definitely die so i hope he doesn't have you ever done like a rowing machine that thing like gases you in like a few minutes like if you do some hardcore rowing you're dead in 30 seconds

right sometimes i will use the rower at the gym to like warm up. I'll go five minutes on the rower. And it's a lot. So I imagine this is going to be a little bit different than that. Yeah, of course. He's taking a paddle boat from New York to England. Is that where it is? Portugal?

Where is he ending up? Let's see. All right. Well, hold on hold on i also wonder if you're like steering you're like wait a minute i'm going too north right now i have to go let me make a right or is it just like i can go straight forever i think there's like he's one of the things he's raising the money for is like satellite navigation and stuff on the boat um which harbo and samuelson of course didn't have yeah i mean i guess you can have a compass at the very least a protractor yeah he should definitely have a protractor and it pierces the boiler we should outfit the boat for him because you're gonna want an ipad it's kind of boring you can watch season

two of euphoria on there euphoria holler at euphoria if there's a day that you don't feel like rowing you could binge the witcher uh all right cool solid. I might even follow myself, actually. Good. Yeah, you should. I'll ask him if I can send him out. Throw him a follow. He says I can ship him out. Really? Because he's like, it's sort of open to the most followers.

I thought we had a meaningful connection. He said, I'll do it because you're verified with 130K. That's awesome. Did you say you because you're verified with 130K. That's awesome. Did you say you're going to give him 130K? Why is it so hard for you to type? Your tongue is... Oh, my God. Hold on a second.

Jesus, man. I keep fucking doing this thing where I like... Yeah, it looks like it's getting shorter and shorter. I'm down to do a freaking stump, man. This sucks. I can't concentrate without biting off an inch of my freaking. You've ruined your voice for podcasting. It's fine.

It's fine. In fact, they're really fine. I don't know why my pitch also changed when I lost my tongue. It's interesting. Okay. Here's that question that we were going to answer about the hair the bad hair we went from bad pubes to uh uh uh uh bad hair on a guy uh another uh lady i believe um Another lady, I believe, we'll call this lady Bad Tilda. Okay. Like Matilda, but bad.

Here's the sitch. I recently started seeing this guy who I met at work. We've gone out a couple times, and he seems to be going well. We have a lot of the same interests, good conversations, and I actually like his original guitar music. Here's the problem. He has really bad hair. It's longish and bunchy and generally unstyled.

I think it's legitimately holding me back from being excited about him as I don't have the usual butterflies despite all the attractive qualities. Should I talk to him about it? It seems way too harsh to tell him to cut his hair after only two dates, but doesn't he deserve to know that he could be ruining his chances with not only me, but the dating population at large? I'm 22, he's 24, and I do think he's a good looking guy if the hair is out of the picture. Any insight would be appreciated. Thank you. Wow. Same problem. Maybe there's a business opportunity here. Ladies hire us to tell your man to cut his hair.

Right. And they don't know who it came from. But it's anonymous. It'll come from, yeah. That's really cool. Tell your significant other something that you're afraid to tell them through us. Yeah. Hello, this is a service. You don't know me and I don't know you, but you have to cut your pews and your hair. Basically like anyone, it's almost like a free service. We don't even have to do it.

You just need some kind of voice changer. In a way, yes. But I guess it would be obvious who it's coming from too. Because if this guy is only dating this one person. I like this as a business idea. We should almost do it as a podcast segment we call it the bearer of bad news or the bearer of better news because the better news is that you'll be dating someone or you'll get more dome after that's cool after you address this not

necessarily in this one this one right yeah this one yeah. This one's a little trickier. And actually, I have the opposite advice. The first one I say, tell him about it. Tell him everything he pubes. And this one I say, don't tell him about it. Yeah. Not yet. Because it's too early?

Too early. It's too early. It's actually tacky. I understand longish, and I get generally unstyled, but what do you think she means by bunchy? Bunchy. Bunchy. Like, what could that, maybe like curls that aren't getting teased? Yeah, like greasy, greasy almost almost where it like sticks together in

certain places yeah maybe kind of like bedhead where like you have just like a you know a mound up on one one end yeah but isn't that cool now like disheveled guy's hair is like it seems like that's also cool i don't know i guess it could. I think you could inch your way along on this one. Like rather than suggesting a full overhaul, you're just like, oh, we should style your hair like this. Like, oh, like what have you tried sweeping your hair back? You know, you run your hands through his hair. Like, oh, your hair looks so good like this. And it's just a little different. It's not get a haircut. It's just wear it this way. That's step one. But it's hard to suggest that so early yet. And even almost at all, like when you grow your hair long, you've often said that Jill doesn't necessarily love it, but doesn't want to tell

you that. And you guys have been together for longer than a month, I think. Right. Yeah. But I think it almost gets, that's just not her nature. So there is an argument to be made that like, if this is your nature, if you do like to meddle in the appearance, maybe there is something to be said with getting it out of the way up front. Because if he doesn't like that, then you'll know this relationship is doomed. Yeah. But I'm just trying to think about like who I know that has longish bunchy generally unstyled i mean it's almost us yeah we almost have longish bunchy i guess yours is more styled than mine

why is that styled at all well you like sort of do you ever come i run my hand through it a lot but that's kind of it yeah there's and then there's bad hair like decision and then there's bad hair genetics like thinning hair that a guy is keeping for no reason is different than a lot of hair that's styled poorly. Yeah. And one of those things is easier solved than the other. Yeah. You can't grow hair, but you can sort of shape hair in a different way. Yeah.

But if your hair is thin, I mean, there's an easy solution for both. I think the shaved head beard is a is a very solid look yeah oh yeah this is a difficult situation i was actually i found myself in something similar recently with my dad he uh got a pretty ugly haircut last week i had to i had to let him know i had to tell him that your dad is so sharp he's so much more stylish than you are he's i've sat him down better dressed better educated does better financially shorter yeah and he's sharper he's in better he's in better shape than you are he looks stronger he has more energy he's actually peaking and you're bottoming out.

Well, that's actually- Your dad has it all. When I said that to him, he punched me in my fucking, it was such a direct hit to my collarbone that it cracked. Because your dad is doing jujitsu. He is. He's doing a lot. Yes, he's doing a lot with his life.

And I think he really resented the haircut thing. And he literally, my mom held my fucking arms back and he cracked my what is this called clavicle so it didn't happen that fast it sounds like your mom held you back yeah she held my hands behind my chair like in this weird like it was why did you say it while you're sitting in a chair we We were at lunch. We were out to lunch. And I said, I have something to say about your hair. And my mom got up as if she was giving us our space, but she ducked behind my chair. And your dad sucker punched you.

Yeah. She called them Italian handcuffs. Have you ever heard that phrase before? No. Doesn't make sense. No, not at all. No way. But she was using one hand to hold my wrists together.

That's because your wrists are really thin. They're thin wrists, yeah. Yeah. And the bones of them. You're really weak. You're really weak. And you have bad hair. And your hair looks really bad.

You've got a bad haircut. So I think you're projecting onto your parents. Your mom was able to hold you behind a chair with a single hand. That's a low point. That's a bad place to be, Blumenfeld. Oh, man. But at least my hair's not bunchy. Yes, it is. Is it?

Take a manscaped take the lawnmower to your dome that's the only way to fix it I'm afraid of getting a haircut Omicron style right yeah yeah

okay let's take another break thanks to sponsors and come back with more questions on the other side of these messages. Sick. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey, yo, DraftKings. The NFL is back.

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Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. And we are back yet again. We got one final question to rule them all. Great. This one's from a Canadian who wants to go by a different name. Ah, I guess. So let's call this guy J.E. Skeets, who's our Canadian friend who goes by a different name than his birth name.

Love it. He was able to do it. Let's see if we can help this guy out. Skeets writes, When I was in college, I had to find an internship at a place related to my industry as a film major. I had to apply to a bunch of places

with a resume. And whenever I use my resume, I use my full name. I do this because it makes for a more even distribution of letters. When I went in for my first interview, I forgot to introduce myself as, I guess we can just say this guy's name. It's not that terrible, I forgot to introduce myself as, I guess we can just say this guy's name.

It's not that terrible. I forgot to introduce myself as Leo, so they just went with my full name, Leonard. I didn't think much of it because I didn't think I'd talk to these people for longer than two months. Years after I finished my internship, I ended up getting a job at this place, and I still don't have the courage to tell them my preferred name. And now I'm on the board of directors, and i've known these people for 10 years i don't mind that they call me by my preferred name i just wonder if i can pivot in this situation i humbly accept the turdy alongside amir for my decade of cowardice whole HG crew. You got to see the picture I drew of Murph. Oh, wow.

I would love to see that. And he looks real good. Okay. Yeah, we're due back in Ontario. Yeah. It's, God, it's so funny that 10 years and your coworkers have not shortened your name. They absolutely just think that you need to be called Leonard. Leonard.

Why don't you, why don't you just say you're, you thought of this name change now, not that they've been wrong for 10 years. You can say like, I think I'm going to try Leo. How random is that? I'm going to, I feel like, yeah, you just be like, oh, call me Leo. No explanation at all. The problem is like. How are you doing, Leonard? Oh, call me Leo.

I'm fine. I'm fine. Call me Leo. If you said that at a HeadGum meeting, it's like, actually, I go by Jacob now. Everyone would be like, nah, you already know. No. Well, actually, I don't think that's true. I think you would say I don't. Maybe Marty would. But I think everyone else at the company would actually respectfully start calling me Jacob.

Yeah, I would double down, sort of call you Jake more. Start calling me Jakey. But I think HeadGum used to be me, you, and Marty. And now there's like 20-ish other people that are normal professionals. Oh, I see. And so they would actually listen to you and marty and now there's like 20 ish other people that are normal professionals oh i see and so they would actually listen to you and respect your wishes yeah i mean half of the people i haven't met in person so if i like they'd have to i made an announcement it would be so weird for them they haven't known me for longer than a few months yeah so it's not that weird or it could be a jeffrey jeff situation where you're fine with both right i mean jeff started going by rodney at one point so this has happened you and i changed our names all the time i introduced myself today as john yeah what's in a name you use josh more than jake at this point you're trying to do this with josh When I climb with my brother and Carnell, and for some reason, for such a long, I always,

my nickname for my brother Micah is Michael. And my nickname for Michael Carnell is Mikey. It's just like, it's so confusing. It's just like, you got it, Michael? And Carnell's like, what? Josh and Michael. That's what Jake and Mike are called. Yeah.

Jake and Mike become Josh and Michael. I think you could also just start signing your emails, Leo. Because it is weird to have these conversations and to make an announcement. But I think you slowly but surely go sign you know sign best leo and then everyone's like oh does he go by leo like maybe he's going by leo i'll try it out oh interesting and then it's just going to happen over time a digital thing first you go for email maybe your slack name yeah right where and like your business card basically wherever you can just write your name without actually having to correct anyone or tell them that you go buy something new,

they'll just see Leo and it's going to start happening. And now when any, I don't know what kind of turnover you have at your company, but when anybody joins, you introduce yourself as Leo. Is Leo always short for Leonard? I never thought of that. Or Leonardo. I mean, you can go Leo just straight.

You don't have to name him Leonard and then have it be shortened. Yeah. You can do anything you want. Anything you want. That's awesome. I think I'll go Leo, L-Y-O. Yeah. A lion nerd. That's cool. Yeah. So that way prevents this future situation, you know, where my child is working in some sort of future office. And he actually will be a coward. He actually will be a coward for a decade so that he actually doesn't speak up for himself because that's the level of poindexter I'm going to be raising. Right. I can see you being kind of a bad dad. I was going to say. Just because you had like. I was going to say your your mom held your wrists and your dad punched you in the neck this week so i feel like that kind of like trickles

down for sure for sure for sure for sure for sure that's not like regular trauma basically yeah uh all right anything else you want to discuss before we get the hell out of here? No, you know, what's your, it's Tuesday. What's your week look like, man? It's pretty relaxed, actually. Working from home, mostly trying to like get to the other side. I think the cases in LA are dwindling down to the point where in like a week or two, it's going gonna feel like summer all over again nobody's gonna even be thinking about this shit anymore what are yeah the cases in new york are uh back to where they were pre-omicron yeah does that mean no masks indoors or still you still gotta mask up indoors no everybody kind of still has a the mentality

that it's omicron still that's not there's some kind of like delay the mentality that it's Omicron still. There's some kind of like delay with the information or some like holdover apprehension from, you know, the trauma of Omicron. Yeah. And that's probably fine, you know, to keep the numbers low. So ultimately that's good. I wouldn't say good. I'd say fine in california they're saying you don't need to wear a mask and then la is like actually here you still do right yeah it seems like nobody actually like the governors in new jersey and connecticut are ending the mask mandate in

school but then being like and now we'll let the cities decide or like the school kind of decides. So no one's fucking, there's not anybody that ever really has like power. They're sort of just giving other people like. And ultimately it's my decision to do with what I want to do. Like there's California that says you don't have to, LA that says you do, and then I have to make the decision. And I'm always going to just probably opt to wear a mask anyway. Right. But you couldn't make the decision to not.

Yeah. That's not something you could do. I guess I should say my decision is always to wear a mask and that's going to happen whether the city requires it or not. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. So it's nice that the city is forcing everyone else to do exactly what I want to do.

You love the mask. Somebody stop me. Nice. From the mask somebody stop me nice from the mask yeah i know uh okay thanks for listening uh thanks for watching we should say as well you can uh watch us on our youtube channel if i were you uh if i were you damn right and uh more uh videos of us on our Patreon, patreon.com slash ja. And you can email your questions and theme songs to ifireashow at gmail.com. That's everything. That's all. A lot of stuff.

Appreciate you guys for sticking with us through thick and thin. This is our last episode, we should say. Whoa, amazing. But it's been a wild, wild ride. You're springing this on me as well. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm so sorry.

I feel like I would have done the episode differently if I knew it was the last one. I thought I said that. No, you hadn't mentioned it. But it makes sense. I just wish I had learned. Somebody stop me. And somebody did. I did a lot of, like, taint stuff and i feel like would have been yeah it

should have been like a bigger hoopla yeah i would have done like a oral for sure for sure like that yeah should we end with the themes oh yeah the teenage dirtbag for the last step the last step that's insane namaste amazing bit if we never did another episode oh if only we had the courage instead we're like a fucking leo we'll keep going for 10 extra years too afraid to cancel ourselves the two leonards uh all right see you guys next week everybody bye His name is Samir, and he wants a mic of gold, but Jake doesn't care. He can wait till he's gray, and all the fans all want Jake to right this wrong. But what if Jake is right? And what has Amir done for the spotlight?

He always deserves to get the 30 He always deserves to get the 30 Jake gets the mic and Near should get the 30 Oh yeah, get that Oh, Near should always get the dirty Oh, yeah Get that

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