Segments - 528: Failed Projects

Episode Date: February 21, 2022

This week we're answering as many questions as possible about movies we wrote, Wordle's we played, and everything in between.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. Dirty is the worst achievement you could ever do

Amir has embodied the dirty, he's the dirtiest ho since episode one Jake is the happiest person that you'll ever know Yes, he's the happiest person you'll ever know Cause he's won the Golden Mike over 500 times To Tony is the worst achievement you could ever do Jake's just that good sense of me Amir, what is first dirty? Stepping out of line Because dirty is the worst achievement That a man will ever do

Amir is the loneliest host That won on Turdy. Turdy is the worst achievement that you'll ever do. Turdy is the worst achievement. Congrats to Jay. All right. The song is already on your side. Why are you flipping me? All right. The song is already on your side.

Why are you flipping me off? I'm flipping you off for all the folks watching at home. That's my new favorite part of recording a video podcast is the pre-show dance routine. That's just for the viewers. Yeah, you were flipping me off, giving me the bird, as it were. And you can watch that because we are recording these as a simulcast. You can see it on our YouTube, the If I Were You Show YouTube channel. We're uploading all these videos.

Shout out to John Grimm and Grayson for helping us out with that. Shout out to the whole squad, the whole team. That was, who was that? Sorry, I sort of got flustered. Isn't it the Beatles? Telling me to fuck off. Oh, no, I meant, who made the parody? You can parody your own song.

Shout out to the Lawn Boys podcast. Yeah, it was Sigmund. Shout out to the La lawn boys podcast that my friend and i do every week did they do that as a collab with paul and ringo or is it just dolo those no way it's just them he just took the song you probably can't hear without paul's express written permission all i'm trying to say is that i feel like can beetle there's no way sir paul knows about this show knows about you giving yourself a fake trophy every fucking really nice and definitely a little wow the smallest insult you don't give three minutes of telling me to fuck off and then

i say you make up a fake award and you're getting more upset than i am real mature real mature your skin is rice thin like rice yeah rice thin like rice in i want to know when i get my tries in my buys in my bison i'm eating lots of bison so cool that's a good yeah super bowl commercial for i don't know bison meat or something like that really good really good did you watch the super bowl we didn't make a super bowl yeah we didn't but you're i tried to i tried to make a bet and you didn't take it so you could have yeah you could have won because i wanted the bang well first you wanted you wanted the bangles and i wanted the bangles and I wanted the Bengals. And then you said that stakes should be shaving our head. One of us has to shave our head.

So I said, I'll take the Bengals. Loser shaves their head. You said that you also wanted the Bengals and your hair. And then I said, I'll take the Rams. Loser shaves their beard. Right. That'd be a really nice bet for you to take because you've had a beard basically nonstop for five years, right? That's right. Yeah. I haven't bicked it down to the skin. Yeah. I mean,

that's crazy. I just feel like, don't you just wonder? Aren't you just curious? And it'll grow back so fast. Yeah. Well, I've gotten short and I didn't like it. So I'm like, I definitely don't want to go the shortest. And I don't, I really really i've never even used a straight edge on my beard like i grew up being afraid of the razor so i only did electric and then electric got better and better with the norelco which i don't even have anymore i don't even have a norelco what do you have i have just like a uh gotta be a manscape but like a long lower 4.0 that you use on your dome and i have the fucking ball deodorant behind my ears too i'm a fucking i'm a company man through and through but yeah i'm afraid to go all the way down to the skin yeah yeah i like going

down there every once in a while yeah just to see what's going on. And I'm glad it's good for your skin too. There you go. But were you ready to shave your head? Kind of. I would have. Wow. I would have not been happy about it. But I have been thinking about getting, my hair is pretty long again. It was obvious, you remember it was really long. Yeah, I was probably double that, right?

Yeah. And then I got a haircut. And now it's like medium long again um and i kind of i feel like i just sorry car drove by that's okay i feel like i want to resist the urge of growing it long for the summer again which i'm on the cusp of doing so i need to just i need to cut it cut it back real far full reset yeah full reset that's what i need uh okay did you like the super bowl were you excited about the game were you rooting for cincinnati or you didn't have a really big deal um didn't have a dog i was i was rooting for cincinnati i wanted the bangles but at the same time, I was not like, I feel like Los Angeles has enough going for it

that I was like, I won't be upset if, if the Rams won. And now that I think about it, I'm like, oh, there's some like, you know, Matt Stafford, Odell Beckham Jr. I feel like they're and Aaron Donald. I feel like there's older players on that team that i like to see win i like i like people to win before they leave the nfl and it feels like the it feels like burrow still has some shots oh yeah he's still he's a youngster but yeah the the older statesman won and then odell beckham was crying so i'm like i guess this is nice he really wanted to win and tore his acl during the super bowl so it would have been really sad if he didn't lost in the Super Bowl. Definitely. So yeah, ultimately I'm happy.

Also, there's a real dirty face mask play on the Bengals' touchdown. Yeah, that was pretty blatant. You're not supposed to be able to sort of touch the cornerback, let alone grab his face mask and yank his head so that he falls to the ground. So that would have felt a little weird. Like if that he falls to the ground so that would have felt a little weird like if if the bangles won by three that would have been like well damn i guess they uh shouldn't have had that score it's also funny that like that guy like celebrates in the end zone he's like whoo yeah nobody touched me you yeah you have to otherwise somebody's gonna somebody's

like why aren't you celebrating because you know you have someone's face mask. You whipped my neck, so I fell down. Yes. Did I then? First score of the game for us. Go Bengals. Six points. Go Bengals.

But even the game was good. It was so good that the halftime show was entertaining. And the commercials were pretty funny. It was like some weird throwback. Yeah. I don't have any recollection of the commercials. I never do was like some weird throwback yeah i don't have any recollection of the commercials i never do um i'm sure they were fine but the the halftime show put me in such a great mood just like seeing snoop dogg and dr dre smile at each other i was like

thinking of everything that they've been through together. And how good that must have felt for them to be like, you know, they were like, I don't know. They were like, everybody tried to shut them up for such a long time. They're so controversial. And then here they are, like, they won. They're just performing at the halftime show. It's so awesome.

And then 50 Cent and Eminem, Mary J. Blige, and Kendrick Lamar. Good times had by all. Yeah. Oh my, dude, Kendrick's segment was so good. The dancers, that was wild. That was so guttural. Yeah, and the camera work was awesome.

Yeah. I guess this is how 60-year-olds feel like when the Who is performing at the halftime show. And I'm like, I don't really know this band, but older white people seem to be happy. So that's fine. Yeah. Now us middle-aged white people are really happy.

Did I tell you about my Snoop Dogg bet that I made? Oh, yes, you did. That he was not going to smoke during the halftime show. Right, so one of the prop bets on a gambling website said, will Snoop Dogg smoke during the halftime show? And I thought it would be heavily skewed towards no because like you can't really smoke weed on tv let alone during the halftime show of a super bowl but it was even money it was like they're like 50 50 whatever you bet you'll win so i'm like wow this is great like

i guess so many people are like yeah snoop he's gonna have to smoke he's got a smoking that's his whole thing yeah exactly so like i bet against that i assumed he wouldn't smoke even though i i understand he likes weed uh right you were i felt you were taking the bet because you forgot that snoop liked weed i felt so confident and then he started rapping like i could just see him taking out like a fake whatever a little cigar and start puffing away yeah and then uh he didn't smoke for the first song and then they like cut back to him and he's on a couch i'm like oh no this is when he's gonna fucking do it now he's on a couch and he's just chilling and then at the end they're like all

like on top of the house singing and dancing i'm like okay this is it he's gonna take out a fucking spliff i know it he doesn't give a shit fortunately snoop did not smoke during the half time show but it recently came out that he was smoking seconds before it started there's like shots of him puffing on a joint oh my god so how much money did you bet that was 50k and then i parlayed that with the rams um adjusted line my they just had to cover 10.5 and under 57.5. That was 150k. And then I parlayed all of that

with orange Gatorade, so I ended up losing everything. It was blue at the end. Yeah, close though. Fuck! I think didn't Drake win like $800,000 on Odell Beckham Jr.'s touchdown?

Yes. I think he bet over a million dollars with Bitcoin that the Rams would win and Odell Beckham would score a touchdown. Wow. I think he also bet that he was going to have like some amount of yards that he didn't have. But I'm sure Drake did fine. I was at a buddy's house, and Carnell and our friend River made a bet on the length of the national anthem. Yeah, you could do that too. It was going to be over a minute and 50 seconds,

and it ended up being like 152. Wow. It was the loudest anyone cheered in the entire – all the anticipation of the game and the and you win the bet in the first in like the opening fucking song yeah you can you can bet so much stuff that it's like you could bet the national theme the national anthem length then the coin toss and then whether the opening kick will be returned for a touchback or not it's like before the game even, you could have lost three bets.

Yeah, that's insane. Truly insane. It's the Super Bowl of gambling, as they say. But I guess none of us had to shave our heads, so I consider myself a winner. I do think you should shave your beard in good faith because I proposed that bet. What?

Because you proposed it? That means nothing. I didn't accept the bet. You wanted the Rams. I wanted the Bengals. Sorry, you wanted the Bengals, I mean. You wanted the Bengals. I wanted the Rams.

I proposed the bet. I feel like the gauntlet is thrown at that stage. In good faith, you should shave your beard. Or I'll shave my beard if you shave your head. Fine. But it's going to beard if you shave your head. Fine. But it's going to be the same length. Okay. So whatever length you do to your head, I'll do to my beard.

Okay. I'll bick my head. Sort of a lose-lose situation, yeah. I'm going to get a straight razor shave on the dome. That's right. And you have to go to the barber shop that sort of ruined my trip to New York last night. Oh, my God. Have you been there recently?

No, I haven't even. I mean, I walk by there every once in a while. Okay, that's good. It's nice that they're still in business. I thought I was responsible for their fucking demise or some shit, but I guess that's just a delusion of grandeur. Uh-huh. Okay, we asked for lightning round questions. This is If I Were You, the only advice pod. but I guess that's just a delusion of grandeur. Uh-huh. Okay.

We asked for lightning round questions. This is If I Were You, the only advice pod on the web hosted by us. I am Amir. I am Jake. These are questions that we asked for on Twitter, if you can believe it. That's right.

That is correct. You deleted Twitter from your phone. Yes, I did. Is this just so you wouldn't be at a line on a toilet on the subway, loading it on your phone? I want to live less on my phone, especially in public spaces, especially when I'm out and about in the world. So Twitter is gone i didn't find that it was fulfilling or um a good place for me to be so have right yeah it's still on my twitter exists it's on my desktop i'll like look at the mentions every once in a while but i i think gone are the days where i would like scroll through forever and right sometimes i'm at like

in line at a coffee shop or a whole foods or something like that there's like a line of 10 people and i'm on my phone then i look up and most people are not on their phone i'm like what the hell are you guys doing you're just standing in line interesting i i applaud them that's not the i don't have that same experience here. Most of the, I mean, so many times when I'm in a line, everyone's on their phone.

When people are walking, they're just looking at their phones. Yeah. Walking is the last, that's like the real dystopian with like when everyone's just outside and still staring at their phone. Yeah. Staring and walking down the street,

like vaguely bumping into each other, but it's all fine. You're too distracted to even realize that's happening. Yeah. You get hit by a cab, but you're too distracted because you're on twitter yeah i was i was just so deep on twitter like i think it was especially during like the election cycle where i would just be like it was just such a reflex i would look at twitter close my phone i was like what was i doing i'd open it look at twitter refresh there's no new tweet so it just sort of shows you somebody that you, you might be interested at tweet that they tweeted, uh, six weeks ago. And you're like,

this isn't, I'm not getting anything anymore. No, God, no. But that, are you still just using your phone, but with a different app? Um, I definitely, I don't know if I use Instagram more, but I use Instagram as much. And that was also a big time suck. My overall like screen time is down below like four hours. It's like three hours ish a day. And I think a lot of that's also navigation based. I think it's skews because of navigation to be honest. They shouldn't count that. They shouldn't count.

It's not right. It's not right. You should be able to erase navigation. And you shouldn't count TikTok. You shouldn't count TikTok. Because I'm learning shit. There is a new trend that I've seen on Instagram or an old one that has just been getting targeted at me. But it's like these kind of like day in the life,

50 day challenge, some kind of like little snippet of somebody's, somebody's 24 hours. And. Oh, like day in the life of a 41 year old investment banker in New York or something. It's,

but it's a little more like aspirational, like mellow. It's like, it's always like a dude or a girl that like wakes up, makes their bed, makes a healthy breakfast, does exercise, makes a really nice looking coffee, works. Morning pages. Yeah. Then I shut down my phone and I work for three hours and I go for a run.

It's quite aspirational. And I'm like, I don't know. I'm enthralled by it. Yeah. Just a shot of you sort of like slack jaw drooling over your phone watching it. 9.15 a.m. because you haven't left bed yet. I just got home. I was in a rush to record this podcast.

Opened up a tinfoil leftover thing of salmon. Just ate it cold in my hands in a huge hunk like the opposite of making a slow cooked egg and an espresso then i do meditation twice a day yeah it's important for me to unwind ran upstairs threw my jacket on the banister jumped in and recorded a podcast that'd be funny you do a fake uh a one like a day in your life and it's just like everything is terrible i wake up in a cold sweat at 6 15 and i try to go back to sleep but i have diarrhea it did and i'll it made me think of uh like doing one of these for ruby jade where it's like you wake up make the bed perfectly um fried egg and a cup of coffee morning newspaper and then it just like

one cut to you sitting on a stool jerking off with your laptop just blocking it i did it for the clout slash likes yeah um all right let's try to answer some questions um okay here's a quickie when was the last time you had a grilled cheese asks l's giving or merle on twitter okay good question definitely recently definitely recently i don't i can't remember i don't really like just a grilled cheese i What's that thing called? Grilled jizz. A grilled jizz sandwich.

That's when your dad hits you over the head with a skillet. I actually don't have that either. Okay. It's just a reference from our old... It's funny, but... It's a reference from our old web series. I thought you'd be interested. Dread lightly.

You wrote it. I'm allergic to jizz you know that and i'm trying to be more gluten-free that's good i feel like it was over the holidays like christmas thanksgiving i know i feel like i was in connecticut at my parents house yeah i mean it always smells good and it tastes good but i'm never like i'm never one to make it and whenever there's an option to get a grilled cheese i I'll probably get something else. Right. It's more of a, it's definitely more of a home cooked thing for me. It's like a comfort food. I don't get a lot. I wouldn't get a lot of joy of like going out and getting a grilled cheese. It's too much of a snack. Do you consider

it a snack or a lunch? Like would you have a grilled cheese for lunch? Or like, it's just 4.15 and I'm hungry and it's too early for dinner? It's less than a lunch, more than a snack. It's a real, it's a meal replacement, I'd say. I feel like you... Yeah, it's like a slim fast or a soylent. Right. It's almost like if you, I wouldn't be like, oh, it's lunchtime, I'll have a grilled cheese. But you could be like, I had a late breakfast and I didn't have lunch.

What do I want to tide me over until dinner? Let's do a grilled cheese. Or you could be like, I had a late breakfast and I didn't have lunch. What do I want to tide me over until dinner? Let's do a grilled cheese. Or a grilled jizz, for that matter. I'm not going to have a grilled jizz. It's when your dad hits you over the head with a skillet. Back your head, actually. All right, one last one before we have to get to break. Wow, this is funny.

What is the worst or best bet you've ever made there you go right into the super bowl um wow worst bet i ever made i bet on hillary clinton winning the election that was pretty bad that's unfortunate yeah because it's it sucks to lose a bet that you all like that you really wanted to win aside from the monetary thing. It's like you lost twice. It's like you have a bad president and you lost cash. And I usually don't bet for or against the Lakers because of that. I'm like, I'm already emotionally invested.

I don't want to root for them to lose. And I'm already rooting for them to win. Right. Have you ever bet on the Lakers? Yeah. Okay, cool. I remember one of the, actually, no, it was the first time I ever went to Vegas. I think it was the first time I went to Vegas.

Maybe it was this, anyway, I don't remember the specific bet, but I remember losing $200, which was a ton of money to me at the time. Yeah, it's almost like your stipend for the weekend that you give yourself was like $200, which was a ton of money to me at the time. Yeah, it's almost like your stipend for the weekend that you give yourself was like $200 or $300, and it just goes instantly. Yeah, I was like, I don't want to lose more than $200 this weekend. That's the max. And I was there for, I think, two or three days. So first night, very quickly lost $200.

And I was like, well, I can't just go to bed down $200. I'm going to just get back to even, reset for the weekend. It took me 30 seconds to lose another $200. It happens fast. And it can happen so fast. Yeah. Because you're just like, you sit down at a blackjack table. It's like, oh, I thought this was a $10 bets. It's 15. That's okay. I'll make, you just like lose a bunch of hands in a row. Four thought this was a ten dollar bets it's 15 that's okay i'll make you just like lose a bunch of four or five in a row double down bye-bye this is just bye-bye yeah so um it was something like something like that and then where i like tried to get more money

out the next day i it wouldn't let me i had to call my bank they said we saw you took out five hundred dollars yeah in once vegas are you sure you want to take that more yes mom yes yes i'll make it back uh good times i love betting i really do it's my favorite vice whatever i think one of our best bets was and we've all right so our one of our best bets was one of our best bets was on the road trip with John and Giancarlo we got to New Orleans and we went to a casino did we put $100 on

like red or black? yeah we all put $100 on a single color and it hit and then we like went out to Emeril's restaurant we're like we're eating not for free but very close to it yeah but we act we act like we all won a million and a half dollars like jumping around you want it so bad it does it feels so good um and then there was another time when we

did that on the ch on tour road trip me you a streeter we like we're just on the road we're like let's pull over here we'll place a bet and we'll get back on i believe there's a story of it on your instagram or mine yeah and we pull over go to a random casino in like illinois i'll put a bunch of money down walk in lose the cash go home it's like we all just pulled over on the side of the road and shredded a hundred dollars for no reason. Yeah. Okay, let's take a break real quick, come back and answer more questions after these messages. Okay.

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Yeah, you do. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology?

Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all in one first stop, one stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a

domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right.

Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. It's funny, I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying

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to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. first purchase and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial enjoy thank you squarespace and we have returned um no time for unsolicited we got too many cues to get to all right yeah let's do it uh here's one where is it it was um well how many oh yeah how many movies or tv shows have you guys written and tried to sell meme tour interesting wow what a mean question um i feel like it's it's um it's it reads to me as just curious because it's like yeah you can we've been around for a long time. How many? I would guesstimate two movies and like five to 10 shows, but like maybe not wrote the pilot, but like wrote an outline and that took a while or something like that. All right.

I believe I have a folder on my computer. Ooh, wow. And it's filled with gold. Wow. This is so, so funny. funny i have it's 19 movies and 41 shows a depressing sum okay so there's there's one from 2000 wow all right 2012 i think 2012, I think, is maybe the earliest one where we had some kind of... All right. This one's unrelated, I think.

But we have Scoops, which I believe we've talked about on here. Scoops is a multi-cam, kind of like Cheers, but about an ice cream store where some kid inherits it from his dad. Yes. And that was actually, I think, the farthest we had ever gotten. We pitched it to a production company. The production company was into it. inherits it from his dad yes and that was actually i think the farthest we had ever gotten we pitched it to a production company the production company was into it we pitched it to the network and we were pitching it to the studio we were like uh we got very far we wrote the pilot uh and did not get paid for any of it no wait scoops never mind scoops was a different one that was just garbage

trash nobody liked it home again home again home again that was the one about five college roommates after they graduate by their original house that they lived in in college and move in together right which feels like a fine idea still fine idea yeah and that was the one that got really far at ABC. Then we also had the If I Were You, the scripted If I Were You show. Right, which was Young Frasier. Right, Young Frasier it was called. About two podcasters. Basically, like, Frasier was about a radio show, Young Frasier, two podcasters.

Yeah. Also feels like a fine-ish idea. Fine-ish idea idea we also had the jake and amir uh pilot which which we did get paid for and shot so that's so maybe that's i mean that's technically the farthest we got but it feels like having one almost go at abc is is a bigger deal as it right yeah we also were considered by a larger network rather than shot a pilot for TruTV. Back in 2013, we had one called Working From Home. Do you recall?

I do not. That's just, what is that? Working From Home outline. Here it is. I'll just read you the log line. What happens when your coworkers are also your roommates? Yeah, I don't know. It seems like normal. This is, in April, Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer

rocked the tech world with her controversial decision to ban employees from working from home. Why was this such a big deal? Because more Americans are working from home now than any year since the industrial revolution. So that was pre-COVID, but now when everyone works from home but it was still banning it if you can believe it we had the idea that like um friends and roommates start a company

together i guess it was oh wow but it was so it's a workplace a workplace comedy set in someone's apartment that was the vibe because i remember when we used to come up with show ideas our reps would be like it has to be based in either like a new york times article like about adults moving in together as friends slash roommates or like something about your life like yeah because they'll ask you why are you equipped to write this show it's never good enough that you just have an idea right you have to have to, it has to be, you know, yours for a specific reason. Yeah.

Oh, and then the animated show. The animated. Oh, right. Which was recent. Yeah. Recent.

Oh, and all right. So there's the animated show, which was called, can we say what it's called? I guess we can. Sure. We're not making it.

I still love this idea though. If this one's too recent to be for me to like, think it's bad. Well, I guess I thought the other one was pretty good, too. The animated one was called Jake and Amir for All Time. And it was a story about how our ancestors crossed paths in every single era throughout history. Right. It's like Jake and Amir, but as a schoolhouse rock or clone high style some of it takes place during abraham lincoln's time some during ancient rome or whatever right

we were one of our ideas was that we were the two guards who let the uh trojan horse into into rome it was rome yeah yeah um yeah so that was great one. And then Adult Ed, our unscripted game show. Yeah. So that's what, eight? Eight scripts. Something like that. Plus a few movies. Each one better than the last.

Oh, and speaking of gambling, one of the movies is about one of us just putting our life savings on a... Yeah. A fucking roulette spin. A roulette spin a roulette spin um that's the one that we wrote that one we wrote just you and i but it was like we wrote it as a me you and ben schwartz vehicle yeah it was called all in we wrote that in 2011 2012 yeah you write these things and it's like uh you put your heart and soul and you're like, this is really funny. This is really good. And then like, it gets passed on and four years later, like, what were we thinking with that piece of garbage? God, this is probably so bad. But you

never, I never revisit, never think about these ideas ever again. Yeah. I guess I don't either, but every once in a while, I think I'm back into the nostalgia point where I'm like, oh, Home Again, that would have been cute. That's a fun idea for a show. And for whatever reason, you're not allowed. The system is so messed up because you're not allowed to pitch ideas again. It's like this idea that would be fine if I thought of it now and pitched it. It was like, no, ABC passed on it in 2014.

So like you really shouldn't take it out. And it's always just trying to like, it's trying to construct like an ensemble who hang out and that's it. It's like, yes. Okay. So they work together. They live together. They're old friends.

They're new friends. What's their, like, why do you have to come up with a new scenario? And sometimes the conceit lasts just the pilot. Like, you got to think of something new and exciting, like the new girl, where it's like a girl moves into a house. It's like, okay, now what do they do? What's episode two? She can't move into a new house again.

It's just funny people there's some original there's some ideas that we had where we like sent all of them to our agents and it was like it was around the time when they when they said yes to scoops we were like jake and amir work in a bike shop jake and amir work at a climbing gym i just remembered a different show that we didn't mention what the yosemite one oh my god that one got really far too i'm very far yeah what was that one uh it was called rangers and it was just we worked at um we worked at yosemite park rangers we should pitch that one again we should dust that one off and pitch it again yeah but we always went through the same problem which was like

we know the Amir character, we know the Jake character. It's like, who else is in the show? And we're like, a neighbor named Paul, who's, I don't know, kind of tall. And we just couldn't do anything else with anybody else. Yeah, it was always, and it was always like, there's two characters, you guys are great.

Who are the other people? And I remember thinking like, why does it even matter? Why does it matter? Plenty of shows are around two people it's okay yeah but like network shows have to be like five four to seven friends and like yeah cable shows like workaholics could be like two or three right or broad city yeah i don't i don't know who made that rule but that's one of the rules as well yeah so that's another show and can you believe we sold them all if any execs are listening to this please we're willing to we'll dust off the script we'll dust and everyone wants somebody else's dust off you guys i'm not gonna rewrite it but

i will dust i'll change the date on the on the on the title page it's don't think of it as used think of it as refurbished because like the characters will be new and they'll occasionally have to Zoom. And we'll bring up COVID if necessary. Twice loved. Yeah. Okay, let's take another break and then try to go lightning round through the rest of these questions. Good, good, good, good. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show hey yo draft kings the nfl

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as me which is not likely because i do know a lot like do you know what a nickelback uh does in a cover two defense or like do you know what a play action pass is like these are like some advanced things that i know that you wouldn't i basically know run and hail mary you actually know both of those yeah running is when you run and then hail mary is when you chuck it right damn i think you should download the draft kings pick six out select between two and six players for you to put some money on you select between two and six players and I have a sure thing for you to put some money on. You select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat. It's that simple.

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one per new customer non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months limited time offer Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. And we're back. Joey asks, Hey Blumenfeld, do you actually enjoy playing D&D when you're on the pod? You're such a numbers guy.

It surprises me it doesn't get your chipmunk cheeks going. Would you consider playing it seriously? Do you consider D&nd a mathy game i think it's the opposite isn't it more of like a fantasy storytelling thing i don't consider it a math game i think there i mean i think everybody gets different things out of it there are people that love like the stats and the odds and min maxing their characters and getting crunchy with the rules and stuff. I would think that the thing that would appeal to you about it is the gambling aspect of it.

Like you roll a dice to see if what you wanted to happen happens. And that seems like something that's up your alley. That's true. I do like the gambling aspect of it, but I'm just not good. Like I never got into anything fantasy related at all like some people are like i don't like fantasy but i like lord of the rings i don't like fantasy good i like game of thrones like i don't know any of that stuff so it feels like it's too rooted in something i'm not familiar with if i were to if i were to DM a basketball one-shot where you play a Jewish teenager in a basketball tournament at the JCC.

Wow, some real escapism. I don't know if I can get there. It's just too exciting. Or you could play an NBA. If you could play in a modern-day NBA-style thing. So it's not swords and stuff. It's just straight straight up basketball. Maybe light magic. Would you be into that?

Light magic Johnson maybe? Like Irvin. Just a little bit of Irvin. He's on the Wizards but he's also a wizard. It's Daniel Gandalf instead of Daniel Gafford. Yeah yeah so it'd be like that like

you play an and you're a you're a power forward playing the charlotte hornets but then actually a powerful forward yeah exactly then the mascot is it's a real giant hornet and it's attacking you and then you'd be like okay i'm gonna fight this thing so like yeah that's so there would be a little you know it's fantastical sure yeah it's magic that's kind of cool it's role play but it's set in a world that you like more like do you think the world is what prevents you from doing it i think the world is what uh prevents me from yeah eagerly wanting to do it myself sometime but like it's fun to jump in for an episode for sure just because it's not anything that i do otherwise right and what what if you play what if it was like a um succession style world like

because you can set dnd in any right in any setting it doesn't have to be like it could be boring fantasy yeah yeah if you want it to yeah a D&D about just a guy at an accounting firm. So it's like, roll to see if he ends up getting a coffee today. Right. Ooh, two. He opted for matcha. Yeah. Roll to see the number of dependents his client is claiming on a W-2.

Roll to see if he gets audited. All right. You have to do a nine or above that could be funny dnd but for boring shit i'll roll it and see if i get audited that's a 19 okay so you've avoided that you're not going to prison there we go we're having a great time already uh okay here's another question from the players fund aka jothk.a. Josh Rothkin. Why don't you guys play Wordle on hard mode? I read an article that there's basically three types of Wordle players.

It's those who play on hard mode, those who don't play on hard mode but play on hard mode their own natural way because it's a strategy and then people that that don't uh don't adhere to the hard mode rules i play on hard mode without turning hard mode on because i don't understand why i would play any other way i'm trying to get it in the yeah there's a way not playing hard mode style will let you get it in three or four more relatively frequently. Yeah, I used to play not on hard mode just because I didn't know how to activate it. But I was playing in a way that is hard mode, which is basically for those of you who don't know, hard mode is just the game saying you have to use a yellow or green letter that you've gotten right so like if sometimes if you're stuck on like there's a y and an n and you're like i don't know any other words that have that so i'm just going to guess a completely new word and eliminate five other letters you can't do that on hard mode but i don't play like that anyway so i activated hard mode just to get the haters off

my back recently. And that's why you get the little asterisk next to the score. I say bring on the haters. I play on hard mode. I'm not going to fucking adjust my settings. No, thank you. That's right. And you can tell if somebody did hard.

Like if there's a random line of all grays at like line four, you know somebody's playing an easy mode. Yeah, no, I don't play like that. But the biggest, newest newest controversy did you see today's issue with wordle no i the our wordle slack on the head gum wordle slack is the most active channel like more active than uh business marketing more active than anything else that's right the the wordle one pops off and that's right i saw i saw people there were like three different articles that were sent and i didn't have time for it today

let me paraphrase okay the new york times which people were already accusing of giving us harder words already like wait what the hell this is not a word that the pre-New York Times- Cynic anyone? Yeah, cynic, like double letters twice. I had to guess civic at some point, C-I-V-I-C. I'm like, this is that kind of New York Times wordle shit that I'm not into. Is now showing some people different words than other people. Why?

The number one rule. I don't know if it was a mistake. I don't know if it was just them trying to start the process of splitting up Wordle into a multi-word per day thing. But some people, today's Wordle was aroma, which you got aroma? I got aroma. I got it in three, by the way. Oh, wow, that's very good. I got it in four.

Some people got the word agora, Ag-o-r-a what which i think is not a word but i guess is a popular new york times crossword puzzle word or something like that oh that's fucked that is fucked yeah so the the grand divergence is starting to begin the wordle that we all knew and loved for four weeks is starting to become a different product. I need my two so bad. I need my two so bad because I want out on this shit. I want it done. I almost had it the other day, too, with Robin.

The two fucking words. That was also, I'm like, is Robin a word or is it just a type of bird? And I actually posted to my instagram story what is this birdle which got a really good feedback i think a lot of people are upset like is blue jay a word like robin is not a word is it it seems like it shouldn't be but i and and that's probably why i guessed cabin over robin right you had those two words and you were like, I know that it's B-I-N. I know that. And I'm going to guess either Robin or

Cabin. Would you not have guessed Cabin? And would you not have expected? So the fact that it was Robin, that Robin made my two. After three, I knew there was an R, an N, and a B, and I'm like like it can't be robin so

like i spent like 10 minutes just staring like brain no that doesn't fit should i guess like a different word i'm like i guess i'll just guess robin and maybe it'll like help me get there and then when it actually was robin i'm like this i don't think this is a word i don't know yeah i'm i'm starting to doubt it and they're saying that they're still using like the the word old words that would have been used anyway but i can't believe that yeah i don't believe it one bit i have to have a war i have to have a ward with wardle i think because some things the wheels are falling off and now the clones are coming there's quartal there's worldle there's nurdle people are coming for the mantle i and i have been playing worldle have you yeah you've been really good

at worldle i got world i got the worldle in one i think that's the outline of a map of the czech republic right yes and i guessed it and i got it in one and and how did you guess like if you either know that that's what the czech republic looks like or you don't like it just looked like a horizontal blob i yeah and i knew that the czech republic is blobish like that because i went there and i was like and i remember looking at a map and there i basically think that there are there are countries that are vertical there are ones that are horizontal and then there are some that are square all right and and that was the czech republic it's it's always been in my mind as a blobby, horizontally kind of guy.

I guessed Russia. Couldn't it have been Russia? Isn't, I guess? Yeah. Yeah, it could have been. And then I was like, actually not. Russia is 2,900 kilometers to the right of this country. I'm like, all right.

And that's pretty close. Well, that's pretty close. Then you kind of know that's like Europe. Right. I don't know if that was Luxembourg or what the fuck it was yeah the tough one is i today's was very hard i don't know enough of like the names of countries in south america it was guyana yeah africa i basically found out guyana was a country today and it was the clue um another quick world question or wordle question how would you guys react asks dan goldstein if a friend got a two and didn't tell you if a friend got a two and didn't

tell me that's right and then there's somebody that i that usually tells me like their score that's right i would be confused i would i would be confused like i guess that but i wouldn't be like that upset i'd be like why didn't you tell me like whoa why actually tell me i'd be happy i'll be tall i got a two on robin it was brand and then straight to robin wow that's really good that's but i guess she didn't have the binge hers Hers was just an R and an N. So Robin was the first word that she thought of that had both of those words in it. An R and an N? Yeah. Starts with an R and ends with an N.

Straight to Robin. Yeah. I guess that's fair. That's fair. Damn, that's awesome. I had a very good first guest today. Let me pull it up. Because as we said, it was a aroma today for at least for me um oh yeah my

first word was crate c-r-a-t-e so what did that yield some greens and some yellows i guess it wasn't that great it gave me the r in the right place and the a in the wrong place and then my second guess was grown and that gave me the o in the right place the a in the wrong place but it didn't leave a lot of other spots for the a so then you went straight to aroma although if you get it in three i think you could still be proud of that yeah yeah not bad i haven't gotten a three in a while, actually. HSTSDT asks, what's the most perfect flawless TV series or movie you've ever watched? Flawless.

Flawless. Without flaw. Damn. I mean, Peaky Blinders is one of my all-time favorite shows. I love everything about it. There's no flaw. I mean, it's hard. No, I don't think so.

You have no notes. Yeah, I don't think I do have any notes. There's some performances I don't like, but that's not really a note on the series overall. I think Succession is near perfect as well. Yeah, though you thought it dragged a little bit in season three. Yeah. Yeah.

Succession, for sure, for me, I really love Breaking Bad. I know it's kind of like a hacky answer, but a lot of TV nerds are like Sopranos and Wire are much better than Breaking Bad. But Breaking Bad did it for me more than, I guess I haven't seen The Sopranos, but more than The Wire had of what I've seen of it. Yeah. I mean, I think that it's hard. Well, Breaking Bad is old at this point too.

I loved The Wire, but I was watching it as it was coming out still. So it felt very current and it felt very good. And I wonder, it's very, it's a slow moving show. Yeah. The non HD shows are hard to tolerate right now. Quite.

Okay. That's it. Let's maybe we can answer some more of these questions. Still got a lot good ones coming in, but we'll stop it right here. We definitely should. Thanks to you guys for submitting for writing the theme songs and questions all to if i were your show at gmail.com

correct uh and thanks to you guys for watching this as well as listening to it yeah and we're still making videos uh weekly videos on our patreon patreon.com slash j a watching jake and amir videos reacting to them um kind of like we're watching them for the first time because some of these stuff we haven't seen in 11 years it's wild uh all right the opening theme song sam is the closing theme song it was the one is the loneliest number by sigigmund I believe his name is oh right yeah Sigmund and he wanted to shout out his lawn boys podcast so shout that

out again alright sweet thanks for watching thanks for listening we'll be back next week everybody ciao peace dirty is the worst achievement you could ever do Amir hasn't partied the dirty He's the dirtiest host since episode one

That was a hit from original. Jake is the happiest person that you'll ever know. Yes, he's the happiest person you'll ever know. Because he's won the Golden Mike over 500 times For Tony is the worst achievement you could ever do Jake's just that good since Amir. What is first, dirty? Stepping out of line. Because dirty is the worst achievement that Amir will ever do.

Amir is the loneliest host That won on Turdy Turdy is the worst achievement That you'll ever do Turdy is the worst achievement That you'll ever do That's today So many golden nights.

That was a Hiddem Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help.

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