Segments - 551: God Mode

Episode Date: August 1, 2022

In this episode we discuss raising children, playing ping pong, and paying it backwards. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. I think you'll notice when I need some half-assed slack How do I become a

Pinblock? Search it and Get nice and less Becomes more when it's Just one moment I swim in your Waters like a True cube crustacean The way that you

Love me's alright It's alright, it's alright If I argue the point then we end and we fight So I'll read, they'll value the show tonight And Jake and Amir will set me right They'll set me right. Set me right. Tell me, is that an original or a cover? The theme song is based on Clearvoyant by The Story So Far,

a very good song that I tried to fill with If I Were You jokes. This is my second theme song submission. It's Kyler, as last summer you guys featured my April Come She Will cover. Oh, very nice. I love April Come She Will. Her promo, my singing skills haven't improved,

but I'm still podcasting. I run the history podcast Death of the Roman Republic, which has recently been reviewing the old HBO series Rome with my friends. Which I actually watched and urged you to watch i thought you would enjoy it but i guess you never did i oh yeah wait i will watch it what's it called rome rome it's on hbo yeah it was like on hbo in like the early 2000s okay

no i'm gonna permission to take my phone out and email myself to watch rome um yeah i mean sure you should be able to remember just because it was really quick. Why are you so slow? R. What? R. O. N.

Eh. And the send. Vroom. You're getting into a plane crash tonight. send? Rome. You're getting into a plane crash tonight. What a fucking waste. He never got to watch Rome. It's on Apple Podcasts, so it's

D-O-T-R-R-Pod on Twitter. Thank you to Kyler for sending us that theme song and for reminding you to watch Rome. I told you to watch it. Didn't really mean much until Kyler mentioned it us that theme song for reminding you to watch Rome. Yeah. I told you to watch it. Didn't really mean much until Kyler mentioned it though, right? My tendonitis. You hit my tendon.

Is it feeling any better or just sort of status quo? It's feeling significantly better from the time when I was doing absolutely nothing for it so the brace makes it so it doesn't hurt at all yeah because i can't do the painful motion every once in a while i'll remove the brace and test her out and that's when you get in trouble yeah it's a lot less significant than it was, but it's still around. But, you know, I went swimming this morning.

Oh, wow. A nice little low-impact exercise. That's good. With the brace. I removed the brace in the water. Not waterproof. No. Yeah, you wouldn't want to take this bad boy in the water.

No. Nor should you. It's hardly fucking skin-proof. I mean, it's falling apart, and it smells nasty, and it's only been like three days. Does that mean you didn't go surfing? Weren't you going to go surfing with Weren't you going to go surfing? I was going to go surfing this morning with Jeff, but he bailed on me because the waves were too big. So when do you get that text?

It's like, by the way, waves are too big. I'm going back to sleep. Oh, he texted me that yesterday afternoon. Oh, they know that? Yeah. He's very reliable when it comes to surfing. Like when he says he's going to pick me up at 6 a.m., he's there at 6 a.m. Wow. Yeah. But. Um, yeah.

But today no go. Yeah. We were going to go for a sunset surf on Monday. Yeah. Um, but waves were too big, too big canceled. Yeah. Uh, then we're going to go, uh, this morning. Yeah. Uh, too big, two waves are too big. And then how, how big is too big? Like 10 feet? No, uh, four to six feet. Four is too big. So you're looking for that one, two or three foot. No, I think four is,

I think if, if the surf report said three to four, I'd be excited. That's good. And they could tell you yesterday if that wave is going to be four or five or six feet, or it's kind of a guesstimate. It's kind of a guesstimate. It's like,

and that's, and even then there's still so many variables that's like, maybe a five foot wave. That's like a nice, slow, rolling wave. Right. Like a nice, big sandbar, you know, shoulder height, water all the way in. That'd be great. Right. But then there's like sometimes there's two-foot waves on a beach break that are just like crashing right on the shore.

So you can't really surf that. That's why I'll never surf because I don't trust Poseidon, the god of the sea, to treat me with the reverence and respect that I need. For sure. I need a surface that will never change. Right.

So I will play. I need a surface that looks calm and ready. Because on the surface, I look calm and ready. Exactly. To drop bombs. So I'll do table tennis. Yeah.

You'll never see like, by the way, watch out, this table tennis is super sharp. Right. Today. Yeah way, watch out. This table tennis is super sharp today. Yeah. No, yeah. There's no variable. There's no variable.

There's actually no God that controls table tennis. Nor should there be. Right. Because it's a game. You could become, the way that Poseidon is the God of the sea and Zeus, the God of thunder, you, you could be the God of table tennis. You imagine that. Shmuel be the god of table tennis. You imagine that. Shmuel, the god of table tennis.

And what would I control? Because I feel like there's not a lot of- The top spin. The fact that sometimes the ball will nick the net and dribble over, and that's your point. Or sometimes it'll hit the net and dribble back. Oh, interesting. You know?

I think that's usually- That's god. That seems like it's usually reliant on how hard you hit the net and dribble back. Oh, interesting. You know? That's God. That seems like it's usually reliant on how hard you hit the ball and where. That's the type of shit that you would know as the God of table tennis. Oh, okay. That's really cool. I'm beginning to feel like a whack God. Whack God. Yeah.

But not like whack in a way that's bad. Right. Whack is just like... You call it a thwack God. That's pretty good. Although if I could just choose what to be a God of, I feel like I stake my click. Because I don't necessarily like ping pong that much.

I feel like, can I do it for something else? For what? I don't know. Fucking basketball. No way. else for what i don't know fucking basketball no way you could do it for for mazda what i feel like a japanese car company is gonna hire me to be there you could be the mazda god maz god yeah maz. So I'm in charge of how fast these cars go. They're pretty normal. Yeah, exactly. Throw in Toyota.

I want to choose which Camrys. I'm not going to give you Toyota because they make the trucks. They make the Tundra. They make the 4Runner. I feel like those rugged automobiles is not really something. I'd give you Hyundai. It's not bad. So I get to choose which car is the soul of that something. I'd give you a Hyundai. It's not bad. So I get to choose which car is the soul of the...

And I'd give you a Daewoo. Which one's a Daewoo? Daewoo is a Japanese car brand. Can you imagine me rolling up in a Laganza, and people are making fun of me, obviously, because it's kind of falling apart, and then I say, you wouldn't be yelling mean things at me

if you knew that I was actually the Daewoo God. Yeah, exactly. I'll take it. No, other hand. That actually did hurt. I'm sorry about that. It wasn't your fault. I twisted my hand to make it touch you.

I don't know why I did that. All right, this is If I Were You, the only advice pod on the web hosted by us. I'm Amir. I'm Jake, and I have tendonitis. And you can see it. We're shooting this.

We're back in the studio together. So it's another classic studio app. You can watch it on our YouTube channel. Wrist brace activated. I'm the tendonitis god. What if they wanted to put you in a cast?

Would you do that or would you say it's not worth it? It's not worth it. Got it. Would they suggest a cast or it's not even that kind of problem it's not that kind of problem understood yeah uh okay this is a guy who's wondering if it's too late to change something about himself all right let's find out uh hey guys we'll call him uh daniel radcl Cool. Is it too late to change my handwriting?

Everything about it is off. I hold my pencil wrong. It ends up hurting my hand. I write in a weird semi-cursive way. So my pen rarely lifts it from the paper, but I am writing print. My writing ends up looking rough and gross, actually. I'm starting a new school program soon and would like to look back on my notes and think this is nice

instead of what child stole my notebook. Please advice on how to change something about yourself that you've been doing since you were a young child. I'm 25 years old. Thanks. I'm floored that you care about your handwriting. Yeah, it doesn't come up a lot. Yeah, it's weird that

high schoolers probably just type notes, right? Or do they still require you to write it just because i don't know you learn that seems kind of crazy i think if i were sending a high school aged kid to school i would probably as a parent uh sitting on the pta you know be like they should be allowed to type their notes because that's a much more relevant skill set to develop but it's also like i bet there's parents are like no there's you you have so much more tactile like learning when you're actually writing shit down you learn it better more true or something yeah and then i would be like yes and and that's why your kid will be slower than mine because they will be a typing speed demon. He has a gun. I am the god of tendinitis.

Okay, he can use an iPad. Please. Well, this actually gives me an idea, which is there should be, we went to elementary school 30 years ago. We learned this shit, but we don't really use it anymore. So there should be a-

Handwriting. Elementary school every 30 years, I should be able to go back and like learn algebra yeah i will never definitely forgot i mean we forgot it all basically when the the rare instances instances where you actually have to write something down yeah do you find that it's like pretty hard yeah pretty hard yeah it's really it's weird it feels It looks weird. And I'm also bad at spelling when I'm writing stuff. Cause I'm like getting ahead of myself. Right. You want to type it. And there's so much auto-correct that like, I mean, in elementary school or junior high, we used to write full essays by hand. Yeah. I haven't written a full page of paper probably in 25 years. Yeah. Which I think actually made for much worse essays because it's

actually great to be able to like read what you wrote realize that something is repetitive or something's dumb or it needs a setup line or whatever and then like make edits so you're not nostalgic for that time like oh i wish we'd do that no no i'm i'm actually not interesting if you seem to be like you would be like uh oh, I wish we would go back to that way. Everything's too digitalized. Yeah. I mean, no, I like, I don't know, a handwritten note or something. Right.

But there's not really, I also don't like clutter. So I do like to throw things away. So I'm not necessarily like into handwriting notes. History is another thing we don't really, so i do like to throw things away so i'm not i'm not necessarily like into handwriting notes history is another thing we don't really like we learned i learned u.s history in 11th grade okay i forgot the fucking details in the last 25 years yeah in my old age i've like gotten into history again so yeah i guess there's documentaries and stuff that adults do yeah and i started buying history books. Really? Just like a textbook?

Yeah, well, I also bought a Kindle recently. Interesting. But yeah, I bought a, I bought like, I was reading like, you know, all the history books that you're supposed to buy. And I found one that is just like, that truly starts at the beginning. Time? Yeah, like 70,000 years ago. Oh, yeah. When like the people first left like the cradle of civilization

and kind of spread out across the george washington shit uh no that was old that was like 300 years ago now i'm saying like you know all that shit um fucking well right now i'm sort of learning how people came to inhabit like kite the samoan islandsoan Islands. In a key, yeah. I'm saying even before that. Yeah, way before that. This is like Columbus sailed the ocean. Like 20,000 B.C.

Yeah. Eons before that. Like Jesus was a fucking Not even 20,000 years He wasn't even a god yet. He was just a dude. No, not a dude.

Not born. Not even close to being born. People's like skulls were just changing. I see Yeah, just like way way way like hunter Galileo level Galileo who came after after Jesus really? Yeah, but like fucking like the the Hasmonean's fucking yeah like Greek Fighters of 2000 BC level shit level shit no this was like pre-civilization

yeah do you have a cold i think i do i saw flies fly into your nose it's laying eggs in your brain i'm learning that's how it works so anyway that's my TV show pitch idea is a new high school catered to 40-year-olds. It's a TV show? Yeah, a TV show. So it's like we're not actually going to do this. Right. Obviously, it's kind of insane. But high school too.

Yeah. Where every 18 years you go back to high school to learn the shit that you didn't know. Okay. Billy Madison meets Clone High. Yeah. It's kind of Billy Madison meets Clone High. Yeah. It's kind of interesting as a TV show. I mean, no one would go for it because it's a little like- High concept?

Yeah. High concept, but low brow. Like one note, a little too one note. Yeah. Sort of Saved by the Bell, the new class wherein the kids are now in their 40s. Right. Only like Zack Morris is a a dad what was the question the what how to change your handwriting oh i don't fucking know take a calligraphy class or

some shit yeah but that's what you could learn in high school too yeah calligraphy yeah this guy could be a producer on the show. Yes. Grammar rules. You remember grammar rules? I don't remember any of those rules. Yeah, I remember. I remember. Oh, I don't know that. But yeah, I remember the grammar stuff. What other classes were there?

There was history. Chemistry is kind of fucking weird. Chemistry, biology, physics. Yeah. English. Yeah. The weird thing about, I was talking to Jill recently about the idea of homework I thought you guys

Yeah no we're trying to work it out Well I'm trying to work it out She's not interested in seeing her talking to me She doesn't return my calls or my texts She doesn't answer my messages or my emails. I reached out to her dad. I reached out to her mom. I texted her sister.

And the yield blocked me. Yeah. But one of the last conversations we had, I think the saddest thing we've ever done in 580 whatever episodes. What? The song. I hummed a tune. It was awful. It was bad,

but it was also sad. I'm working on it. Yeah. But yeah, we were talking about homework and like you would wake up for school at seven. Yeah.

You'd go to school all day. Afterwards, you do like, you know, you do a sport. You go to practice. Yeah. You come home.

You have to eat dinner with the family. And then it's homework. Homework. That is just a full, you go to practice, you come home, you have to eat dinner with the family. Sure. And then it's homework. Homework. That is just a full, it's, that's such, it's so much time. Or reading. Yeah. Read the next two chapters.

Like I have to fucking do this math worksheet and then I have to read a history textbook. And reading the history, that was actually the one that I brought up. It's like, you know, you're filling out a math worksheet. You're, you're answering like a, you know, vocab quiz. But then for history, it's just like read 40 pages of a boring ass book. You're 16. You can play Madden or you can read about the X,

Y, Z affair. God, I really, I literally never did homework. Really? I never did. You show up on the day everyone's handing in and they're like, Jake, your homework?

Yeah, I would. I wasn't even, I was not even, I didn't even have enough like fucking drive to copy it like the other bad students. Oh, I see. I would just not have it. You wouldn't have it. I would just be like, oh, I don't have it. And would your parents be like, did you do your homework today? Yeah, and I'd be like, yes.

And they'd be like, let me see it. And I would like show them an old draft. Right. And they had six kids. They can't look. They can't keep track. Yeah. They've got eyes on the homework.

Yeah. But I was such a bad kid. Now that my friends are having children and seeing how hard it is to have two. Yeah. The fact that your parents had six should be illegal, I think. Yeah. There's no possible way they could have done anything but feed you and clothe you. That's a full-time job for both of them.

Yeah, nonstop. Yeah, absolutely nonstop. Constantly thinking your schedules. Just giving six people three meals a day for 20 years in a row. Impossible. Really. It would take three hours to create, feed, and clean, and then you have to do it again for lunch and do it again for dinner. And then you go to bed. How could you possibly have any time to do anything else? Yeah. I mean, to have a 10 year old and an infant at the same time.

Impossible. With, you know, four year olds and six year olds in between. Yeah. Just absolutely, absolutely bonkers. They must have been so sleep deprived. But then your dad would also go to work and your mom had a job too? No, my mom was a full-time mom. Yeah.

She couldn't have done anything else. No. It must have been very stressful, I bet. She became a teacher when Micah was, when everybody else had gone to college, Micah was in high school. Yeah. Then she's like, I'm going to go back to work. Yeah. If I was your mom, I'd be like, I'm never doing anything ever again.

Right. I'm not, I'm like, Micah's 18. Yeah. I'm never doing anything ever again. Right. I'm not. I'm like Micah's 18. Yeah. I'm never cleaning a fucking dish. She should have had like a four. She should have gotten cash when all of us went to college. When Micah turned 18 and we had all survived, she should have gotten a payday. You should have all been paying her $1,000 a month for the rest of your life.

Yeah. That's actually true. I owe my mom cash for sure. Have you ever paid like for a drink for your mom or like a ticket or a meal or anything like that i wonder no but when you go home i'm considering getting her like a watch yeah i might get her a fucking garmin i'm really about to pull the trigger on a car. How'd you like a TomTom, Mom? I use my phone for a ways and stuff. I can get you a Fitbit.

A fucking corporate holiday gift for my mom. Yeah. For two decades. I got one from IAC in 2013. And if you still have a micro USB. The charger doesn't exist anymore. But thanks for the whole feeding me every meal and taking me anywhere with a cd mom

oh dad i got you a hat choking on spaghetti that she made you i got you a fucking hat i got you a hat it's a visor your I got you a fucking hat I got you a hat it's a visor your mom giving you a hat I'm like holy shit

I almost just died again I do remember like so many of us almost died I remember of course six of them I remember like

just hanging out in the dining room one day everyone's eating and all of a sudden Micah starts choking my dad just like jumped over a chair

smacking smacked him on the back till he threw up Rachel also choked one time Everyone's eating. All of a sudden, Micah starts choking. My dad just like jumped over a chair. Smacking. Smacked him on the back till he threw up. Rachel also choked one time on wadded up toilet paper that she put in her mouth. Micah wandered into the street, almost got hit by a car. Sure, yeah. It seems like that's going to happen a lot. It should happen a lot more.

Like babies are fucking shoving full pieces of bread in their mouth. Actively trying to die, for sure. Yeah, jumping into traffic. They don't know pain yet, so they don't get the consequences of life. To have that times six feels like impossible. Right. Anyway, shout out to this guy who I guess should take a fucking handwriting class.

I'm sure there's TikToks about it or some shit. What do you want from me? Let's take a break. Okay. Now I'm all like mad. It's not even your fault. You started mad, I think. Yeah, I was pissed off at the day.

Yeah. We'll be back soon, guys. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes.

So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly.

And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know, that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own freaky friday.com that'd be great is that available it's not available yeah but how'd you like to own freaky tuesday interesting freaky tuesday so that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change but ultimately it's not a full

body swap right mostly you're just concussed yeah which is new it's kind of like having a new personality yeah it's funny i consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters? Yeah, vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio. The greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com

for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments.

Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love.

Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results.

It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a lesson in the Bible. Mom, I'm coming.

I do. I do. And you actually, you have to let this audio clip have time to breathe. You said we're going to take a break because you were in a bad mood nothing changed we came right back in you're pissed and i took an hour you took a walk i was in the bathroom for an hour beating up the fucking dyson i took a bath to the air dryer all right go you told me not to say this one week. Really?

Yeah. Because it was bad advice? We were recording and we were like, do you have any unsolicited advice or should we answer more questions because we hadn't got to a bunch. And I said what I was thinking. And you said, yeah, let's just not do it. Yeah, not do it. This doesn't count. Yeah, because it's, quote, just unsubscribing from emails.

I see. And that's what it is. Unsubscribing from emails. I see. And that's what it is. Unsubscribing from emails. Because I insist that this is actually really good advice because it has improved my life dramatically. Whoa. Dramatically. Dramatically. I was getting, I think, like 20 to 30 emails of just like random listservs that you end up on from buying stuff online.

Yeah. listservs that you end up on from buying stuff online yeah and and yeah they that creates even though i would just wake up in the morning and archive them it just creates a behavior of like picking up your phone or you like get a j crew uh sale alert on your phone you i want to like i see an alert i open it and then i look at my phone for other stuff yeah it's that pattern it's a gateway yeah so and i think for, not having notifications is very healthy. Can you get truly down to zero or is it a few always sneak through? I am, I mean, I guess maybe a very few will sneak through, but I'm basically at zero. Wow.

Like, days go by. So you wake up and there's no email in your inbox. Not one that's not, only ones that are relevant. Only ones from real people or things that I want to hear from. Yeah, like newsletters or whatever. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I wake up and it's just normal emails now. I wonder if there's, is there like Google Chrome Gmail extensions that do it or you have to actually go in and unsubscribe?

You really have to do it or you have to actually go in you really have to do it and yeah there's sometimes you can like click unsubscribe on the top of an email like Google knows that it's a you know if it's a listserv but a lot of these places make it really hard you have to like click through to see the whole message then you scroll down and then the unsubscribe button is actually a link but the promotion is tab yeah are you sure you want to subscribe it's not to see hyperlinked it's made the same size. What's the reason that you're leaving and you say too much email? You know the reason. You have to get through. You have to know the reason.

But it's worth it. At the end of the day, you get no emails and it's actually really beautiful. The light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah. I wonder if there will be a time when you don't, like if we retire in whenever, if we just won't get any emails. Yeah. Like full days will go by. This advice is very specific to me because one of my problems is just won't get any emails. Yeah. Full days will go by. This advice is very specific to me because one of my problems is that I get too many emails. That doesn't happen to everybody.

You're also hyper-focused on inbox zero. Like I have like dozens and dozens of emails. And so like a few random spams is just adding to the list. For you like to go from two to four is a big deal. Yeah. I treat my inbox like my to-do list yeah you punt it get rid of it yeah yeah and so less spam emails like less things in your to-do list right but you do find i think the inbox zero is not perfect because then you i find myself just

batting away things and like right leaving things that are hard to do just at the bottom yeah like i have an email to myself which is like like work on a pilot idea that I had. Yeah. And that's been there for a month. I have like a gift certificate. Jeffrey got me by borderline as a joke to the Cheesecake Factory a year and a half ago, just at the bottom of my email. Because you don't want to forget about that. Right.

But at the same time, am I ever going to go to the Cheesecake Factory and use this? It'd be fun to take Jeffrey there someday. That'd be cool. I just don't want to see him. I don't want to be with him. Right. That's the issue.

He also got COVID at the Cheesecake Factory, so I'm wondering if maybe that was kind of his way of saying he wants you dead. Yeah. Wow, that's a limp finger that you have. This one? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

When you do that middle finger, that is, it's thin, small, wet in a way. It's wiry. It's soggy. I have a soggy hand. Do you know this guy? He's like 5'11", but has a super soggy hand. Oh, yeah. We went to high school together.

Bog palm. Yes, yes, he has bog palm. Okay, here's a question called Just Stood Up. Yes. You forwarded it to me this morning. Right. Hey guys, I'm a 26-year-old dude and I'm writing this minutes after realizing I've been stood up. Let me set the scene. I matched with this girl on Bumble and started talking to her.

The conversation was going well and she gave me her number. We also followed each other on Insta. After continuing the conversation on text, we agreed to meet for lunch. Cut to the time we agreed to meet, I'm sitting in my vehicle and texting her saying I was at the restaurant and the message was delivered. I give it a few minutes and I ask if we were still meeting up for now and it doesn't say delivered. I become skeptical. I check her Instagram. I think I'm sounding like Tucker Carlson a little bit. I become skeptical. I check her Instagram and it says the user cannot be found. Why would the Democrats do that? The witch freaking blocked my ass.

Suffice it to say, the situation has left me rather confused. Now, why would the Democrats do that? That's peculiar. We were just talking last night and 12 hours later, she hardcore ghosts me after seeming enthusiastic about meeting. I'm confident that I didn't screw this up with my words. So my question is, why would the Democrats do that? What would motivate someone to make definitive plans only to block and ghost them? Any words of wisdom you could provide would be helpful so I can get some closure or at least avoid this happening in the future.

Much appreciated, love. Tucker. Yeah, Tucker. Great. That's bizarre. be helpful so i can get some closure or at least avoid this happening in the future much appreciated love tucker yeah tucker great czar yeah why would the democrats do that but that doesn't really add up why would the democrats do that oh have you ever been stood up probably i'm trying to think stood up maybe not like let's meet here hey Hey, I'm here. Where are you? They're gone. That's a bizarre. I think this- I've been like canceled day of like, hey, maybe we should not be that far away. Right, that's totally different. Yeah.

Stood up, like truly, I'm going to be there in a no show. And then delivered and then not. Yeah. That's some hot things. Yeah. God, now I have to see her. You have to make a Finsta. Oh, you have to make a Finsta and find out. I need to know why, just especially the blocked thing. It's like delivered

to not delivered to like from the blue bubble to the green bubble. Like she boarded an airplane or something like that. I don't think you'll ever get the closure that you want unless she's just like, you know, a lot of people are just like in their heads about this thing. Like make plans and then i get too scared and i block them like we don't know what's going on in this totally i think it's usually um it's usually the simplest solution and it's not usually about you yeah so we have other things going on maybe she got back together with an ex maybe she realized that you were ugly and she was like that That one was kind of messed up, actually. Yeah, that one was kind of about him. Yeah.

But maybe she was like, not ugly, but just like she looked at your Instagram again and was like, Oh, this guy doesn't look the way that I would want someone to look. Is that okay to say? No. It's actually somehow worse. Your backpedaling was frontpedaling. And why would the Democrats do that? Why would the Democrats do that?

I think that it's really not you. I'm sure you're hot. But I think that it's at the end of the day, you're never going to find out. And all that you got out of this is a fun stand-up story. You can pay it backwards. Interesting. Is that like where you go to somebody else just to sort of keep the cycle of vicious behavior alive and well in the ecosystem of Bumble? Yeah.

It is a fun idea to have a negative experience that you have and then you sort of project that into the world. It's kind of like, you know, victims of abuse end up abusing people because that's all they know. Yes. Do I recommend doing it? Yeah. Get a taste of their own medicine. Yeah. Even if the other person doesn't deserve it.

I'm very Tucker of you. Neither did you. So words of wisdom, we can say that it's not your fault. Robin Williams style. It's not your fault. But at the same time, I wonder if he can find out. I think it's not worth letting it. The thing is, if it happens again, then it should be investigated.

But if it doesn't happen again, this is just a one-off. This is probably something that'll happen to you once in your life. Just once? Wow. Literally stood up? I don't think that would happen to most people. Interesting. There's so many dates

happening all the time. Yeah, but like a full-on ghost, like I'm at the restaurant and they don't show and block you on Instagram. Yeah. That's an extreme case. You could do the full like,

hey, I'm here. Where are you? Do you see me waving? I'm in the red dress. Yeah. Block. That's the Mickey. Can you see me waving?

Right. Maybe this girl is a fan of her videos. I ordered us appetizers, Mickey. Come eat the wings before they get too cold, Mickey. I hope you're ready to tip the server 25% because she's been on top of the margs, Mickey. Can I get you an unsalted margarita, Mickey? No, I can't, Mickey't because I'm not there Mickey block

break your iPhone get a new number get a new sim move out of the country you're gone forever and yeah it was Valentine's Day calling for another neat whiskey at a bar 50 miles away alright let's take a break. Come back and answer some more Q's after these M's.

Noice. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back. That's correct. And the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards. And if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff, then you should play pick six from DraftKings, which is an official daily

fantasy partner of the NFL. Wow. So if you like watching football, and it sounds like you do. I do. Yeah, I do a lot. This can really heighten your joy. That's right. I grew up a raiders fan and now i'm just a fan of the league in general but i still have a fan of gambling enough yes you're a fan of gambling yes and i do have an affinity for the silver and black so if you like football as much as me which is not likely because i do know a lot like do you know what a nickelback uh does in a cover two defense or like do you know what a play action passes like these are like some advanced things that i know that you wouldn't i basically know run and hail mary you actually

know both of those yeah running is when you run and then hail mary is when you chuck it right damn i think you should download the draft kings pick six app select between two and six players for you to put some money on you select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat it's that simple and for all first time pick six players check this out new customers play five dollars on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings pick six app now and use code segments. That's code segments for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits only on DraftKings pick six.

The crown is yours. There you go. Anything to add? Yeah, I was going to say, gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling. Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org in Connecticut.

Must be 18 plus. Age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions. Pick six is not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Void where prohibited. One per new customer. Non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months. Limited time offer. See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash.

Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. We have returned. Yep. One last question to rule them all. This one's from a lady.

Love it. A lady love it. We'll call her Lyle love it. Cool. Lyle writes, I've been seeing this really great guy for about a month and a half. He's 20. I'm 18. Though we haven't known each other for very long, the relationship got intense very quickly. We talk basically every day, all day, and I completely trust him. The thing is, I made a huge mistake when I was out drinking with my girlfriends. I kissed some guy. Uh-oh. I was really drunk, and I know that's not an excuse, but it still meant nothing to me. I told the guy I was seeing what happened.

Uh-oh. What happened, thinking I was doing the right thing, being truthful. But he says he doesn't think he can trust me again, and he says he needs time to think about what he wants to do. I asked him if we could keep talking just as friends, and we have been. My question is, what would a girl have to do to regain your trust after this? And is there any chance you'd give a girl another shot after she did this? Thanks so much. How much?

She says the relationship got intense very quickly. Does that mean like three weeks or does it mean like nine months? It seems like they weren't really in a relationship yet. Yeah. They've only known each other for a month and a half, she said, right? Oh, that's right. A month and a half. Yeah.

Six weeks in, it's still gray enough of an area. Yeah. And the fact that he wants to still talk to you as friends, he doesn't really just want to be your friend. Yeah. The thing with this, it sounds like he told you what he needed. Which is? Time. Just get over it.

He's like, I don't know if I can trust you. I need time to think about what I want. Yeah. And that is really what it takes. It takes a little bit of time. And I think it also takes what you already are feeling, which is guilt. He sees that this has put you in a painful state of mind. He's like, okay, so maybe I can trust her because it's obviously like,

it's not something she did casually. Yeah, and she feels so bad. I guess in retrospect, maybe she shouldn't have mentioned it because it seems like she would never do it again. She feels the guilt and this guy's really upset about it personally i wouldn't have mentioned it no but i also think fine that you did you erred on the side of honesty yeah now he'll know that it's definitely the noble thing to do and i think he

will he'll come around and at the end of the day if you guys stay together for like many years then one errant kiss in the very beginning of your relationship isn't going to shape anything. Yeah, you're also 18. He's 20. Yeah. It's very young. You could also just gut the whole thing off and start fresh somewhere else. That's cool.

You can also pull the old, I was fucking with you. Oh, that's good. I didn't kiss anyone. Four weeks later. Yeah. You thought I was serious? Now that we're just talking as friends, I can tell you as amigos, I didn't really kiss anyone. I wanted to see how you would handle it.

And the fact that you were so pissed off at me was such a turn on. Oh, it was weird. Yeah. That's what I was going to say. Or you can slide them a hall pass, laminated index card. You get to kiss the same guy. Yeah. That I made out with. Yeah. You get to do it. So then we have, we've done the same guy yeah that i made out with yeah you get so that we have

we've done the same thing yeah on a literal hall pass but he has to use it within six weeks because after like a month and a half maybe the relationship is more meaningful right i guess if it got intense and they talk all day every day six weeks could be a long time yeah yeah i mean i'm sure it's also like the beginning of the relationship is the most intense part and whoa there was a loud noise outside yeah it was a moth and you probably have that thought of being like if you can make out with someone when we're in this like early honeymoon falling in love with each other phase then like what's to like why wouldn't you do that you know what happens when i'm 22 and you're 19 yeah i won't be able to trust you even then babe but that's the thing all you have all you can do is keep on doing

what you're doing which is talking and giving him time and space she could pull a two wrongs we'll make it right situation fascinating that way she sort of muddies up the water right so she gets caught for shoplifting and also makes out with her fucking cousin

and then it's like this girl's insane yeah what she did at first was fine yep and I overreacted I know that now

because now that she's kissing people if you can just go back to kissing guys but keep it not in the family and no stealing. Or if she carjacks.

Forget it. If she carjacks, there's no way he's still thinking about the kissing. Because then she might go to jail. Yeah. But obviously, but probably maybe not because who would believe that like a woman, this 18 year old girl stole my car. Yeah. You have to believe me.

I'm the Mazda God. You don't steal from me. You keyed my laganza there's no way you can do that oh my laganza you keyed my lasagna uh is there any chance you'd give a girl another shot after she did this has a girl ever done this to you yeah definitely yes and i did give them another shot and we ended up breaking up two years later. Two years. Yeah.

So you still stuck it out. You stuck it out. Did that thing become a thorn in your side? Yeah, I never forgave her for it. Really? And I actually, I gave, I used that as permission for me to cheat on her. To change grass later because. So yeah.

To make it even. It was unhealthy and it was toxic was this the hawaiian lady yes yes that situation was fraught from the get-go right and it was my fault so you know that's the other you guys are young maybe you're more mature than i was but also these are these are the mistakes and the mishaps that happen in your late teens and early 20s that make you then ultimately hopefully be a better partner to somebody well that's why it might not be this guy it might not be this guy but you maybe learned your lesson about cheating that you're going to apply to someone else further down the line which is what's so exciting about high school too because

like everyone's more mature there's not this backstabbing, weird, infighting, hooking up friend group. It's just 40 year olds fucking each other and learning math. Yeah. So you're just like learning geometry, but also 60. Yeah. And the teachers, do you imagine them being 20 years old or 60? Fully reversed. What can't we learn from children?

That's beautiful. Thank you. Teacher, teacher. reverse what can't we learn from children that's beautiful thank you teacher teacher i don't understand this fucking i don't know social studies problem the teacher's nine yeah so they don't understand it either you're 40 yeah who would even let this power dynamic play out in such a weird i'm gonna go back to my bunk because my sciatica is really kicking off so that's a summer camp, right? Yeah. Bunk. Did I mention the principal was a cat? Everything's fucking topsy-turvy here.

This is us in ABC. Anyway, Bill Lawrence is attached. We just need a showrunner and a joint. We need someone to shepherd us because we're only 40 and I want to get high tonight. We need an eight-year-old showrunner, ideally.

Even the show is reverse cowgirl. Nothing makes sense. I'm wearing pants over my arms in the pitch on the Zoom in the room. On the day. And they buy it in the room they have to yes and they're probably getting fired soon anyway so it won't actually matter yeah uh all right thank you for writing in these questions if you have your own questions or theme songs submit them all to if i were you show yep at gmail.com yep um the opening theme song same as the closing one uh was written by oh do you remember no

no i do not uh no no no that's not right uh clairvoyant clairvoyant the the parody by kyler yes that's right with the roam podcast roam. Rome. There it is. Full circle. Thanks for watching. If you're watching, thanks for listening. If you're listening, more of us on our Patreon, patreon.com slash JA. Yeah. And of course, we'll be back next Monday. Ciao, everybody.

Later. I think you'll notice when I need some advice Like how do I become a pin block? Search it and get nice And less becomes more When it's just one moment I swim in your waters Like a true cube crustacean The way that you love me Is alright, it's alright

If I argue the point then we have and we fight Don't worry, they'll value the show tonight When Jake and Amir will set me

right, they'll set me right That was a Hiddem Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast. We're here to help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillow cases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping,

GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N dot com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle.