Segments - 556: So Random (w/Emily and Sammy!)

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

In this episode Emily Gonzalez and Sammy Smart from "Too Scary Didn’t Watch" are in studio discussing mass transportation crushes, extra sunglasses, and slowly moving into your boyfriend's apartment. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. Three, two, one.

Hey, what's up, guys? Just give me a second real quick. Yeah. Maybe you need some advice, but not from your babe or your peers. Maybe you're scared of the dark and have trouble shaking the fear. Maybe you're drinking too much, could fill a lake with the beers. Maybe your girl wants to peg, plans on gaping your rear. Maybe when you see your reflection, you feel like breaking the mirror.

Maybe she's pretty, but her voice isn't, you hate what you hear. Maybe your situation ain't yet fully opaque, but it's clear that you could benefit from reaching out to Jake and Am amir i think if i were you show yeah it could easily be said these guys are too dope with their help you'll no longer be lonely and horny like some huge joke i'll get you some advice you puto i think if i were you show yeah it could easily be said these guys are too dope with With their help you'll no longer be lonely and horny like some huge joke. Come get you some advice you puto.

I think if I were you show. Wow. That was a really gravelly voice. That was me. That was me. That was beautiful. Wow, so no longer be lonely or horny. This is a great

seal of approval on this podcast. Those are two good things that you don't want to be. You don't want to be. Horny is kind of fine to be. You don't want to be horny forever. No. You want to be horny just for a small amount. In the right time and for the right time.

From like 4 to 4.30. Right before happy hour. That was written and shot written recorded whatever by sketch the bottom feeder is his name okay i got to assume that's a rap name right there's no way that's his birth name i think there's no way that's his communion name right sketch the bottom. Let's see that birth certificate. Holy shit. Sketch the bottom feeder. Amazing parents.

Namaste. Emily and Sammy. Hello. Hello. Welcome to Los Angeles and the studio. You guys live in LA though, right? We do. Okay, cool.

So welcome to just the studio. Thank you so much. You've been here before too. Yes, we have. But it's still nice to be welcomed back. No, it's not worth it. Have you sat on that couch before? I have, we have. But it's still nice to be welcomed back. No, it's not worth it. Have you sat on that couch before? I have. I have not.

Okay, welcome to the couch. I was in that seat before now I'm in this one. Welcome to that seat. Thank you. Amazing. Thank you. This is great. Co-hosts of a new HeadGum podcast, Too Scary Didn't Watch. Yeah. Yes. True or false? True. That's true.

It's a horror movie, kind of re-watched but you guys have maybe seen. Recap. Recap pod. Recap. Yeah, so Emily and Henley, our other co-hosts, are too scared to watch scary movies. And, well, they're getting braver over the course of doing the podcast, but I love horror movies so I just tell them about them.

And really ruin their days some days. Some days. Are you still scared by the recap? Yeah, depending on what it is. Sometimes it's worse. Sometimes it's worse. It's your imagination can make it worse.

I would say there's some movies that it's better to hear about it than see it. But there are some that like the detail and the imagination of like, I would say anything like gruesome body stuff. Like Evil Dead is a good example of that. Evil Dead is so easy to watch, horrible to hear about. I see. Because you make it like much gnarlier

in your head when Evil Dead's actually pretty fun when you're watching. These details are like, and then he chopped her up with a chainsaw and then

Oh yeah, that's grim. Like there was a bite and it spread and the veins got all black and it's like We talked a lot about the fluids in that film.

Right, but it's like the jump scare stuff that I don't like in horror movies yeah that shot is removed right

I see when somebody explains a jump scare do you get scared and then you slam a mirror shut and there's someone behind her

yeah I can see that there have been times where we've been recording and we're like in a really this is more when we record in person but pre-pandemic

but we'd be talking about a really intense moment more when we record in person but um pre-pandemic but there'd be we'd be talking about a really intense moment and like we did it at my apartment like my cat would make a noise or like something would fall and that i would like i remember you screamed in the conjuring i screamed because it was a really scary moment we're building up the tension and then yeah i like kicked the mic or something and it made a loud noise and scared the crap out of me yeah i'm not i don't like scary movies i don don't like feeling afraid. What is the feeling that you enjoy about it? What is it? Why?

Why do you like this? I think it's a controlled experiencing and like a place to put my anxiety. It's like I can funnel it into this film. And the reason I feel anxious is because of this. Not because of anything else in life. I'm fine. Do you like roller coasters? It's kind of the same thing. You know'm fine. Do you like roller coasters? It's kind of the same thing.

You know, I used to really like roller coasters, and I haven't been on one in a long time. I'd be curious to test that. What about like Hollywood horror nights, like not scary farm where people say boo to you? No. If it's real and there's like a person touching me, I know they're not supposed to touch you, but sometimes they do. Sometimes they get really close and it feels like they're touching you too. Yeah.

And sometimes they're just closer to breathe. You can feel the breath. Yeah. I don't like that either. It's basically touching. It's basically touching. If I can feel any aspect of your existence, it's touching. Yeah.

Especially during COVID times, every house is sort of a haunted house. Remember when we used to, did you guys ever do this where you would see somebody on the other side of the street and like take a wide berth on those early walks, you know? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was really like, probably harder to do in New York because where are you going to go? We did used to do that. Or like walk in the middle of the street and be like, hit me with a car, but don't breathe

on me. People would just cross the street in New York City because there weren't that many people on the road just crossing the street. You got hit by a bunch of cabs, I remember, in March and April. Yeah, yellow cabs. That's right. And this guy got hit by what, eight, nine cabs or something? A bike messenger for sure.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Better than having somebody breathe near me. Better. I guess. All right. So this is a device show. It's kind of like a horror movie recap podcast, but these are actual situations.

But like the horror movie, we're removed from them. We don't know these people. They mean nothing to me. I swear. Sickness is so low. Yes. Who cares? They're giving their anxiety to us.

Exactly. A friend and I once dressed as Niles and Frasier Crane for Halloween, so I feel incredibly qualified. There we go. What did you do to dress as? What did you do in life that led you to that? The amount of times I've just, for Halloween, basically been in a man's suit. Yeah.

Away in a suit. And nobody can understand who I am. Did they dress very differently, Niles and Frasier? We carried Freud and Jung books and sherry glasses. Those were the hints, but nobody got it. I see. But anyways, I'm going to be really great at giving advice. I cosplayed as Niall.

All right. This is a 29-year-old man living in Manhattan. Awesome. Try to put yourself in that. Great city choice. Not NYC, Manhattan. That's right. So Emily, let's give this guy a fake name just so we can talk to him without sort of blowing

up his spot. We'll preserve his anonymity as I like to say. Right. Don Draper. That's really cool. That is cool. Don Draper. Oh, like the Mad Men, right? Exactly like it. A one-to-one.

A pretty straightforward question here. Is it ever okay to flirt with someone on the subway? And if you have a good conversation with someone on a subway, is it socially acceptable to ask for a phone number or an Instagram? I'm a 29-year-old man living in Manhattan, and I don't have a particular woman in mind, but sometimes I have a conversation with a beautiful woman on the subway, and then when it's their stop or mine, I awkwardly

say, well, take care. Any thoughts? Jake, have you ever picked up a girl on a subway? Amir, have you ever met another chipmunk on the subway? These fans troll me and call me a chipmunk for whatever subway. These fans troll me and call me a chipmunk for whatever reason. No fan of mine.

Your cheeks and your teeth. I'll hoard nuts for the winter a little bit. Yeah, it's more of your behaviors. Yes, yeah. And I'm like very skittish. You burrow into a tree every winter, right?

I do live inside of a tree, but chipmunks oftentimes, that's a misconception. Yeah. They just sleep under the branches. Well, you have a lot of chipmunk knowledge. Yes, I do have a lot of knowledge of all woodland creatures, not but chipmunks oftentimes, that's a misconception. Yeah, they just sleep in the woodland branches. Well, you have a lot of chipmunk knowledge. Yes, I do have a lot of knowledge of all woodland creatures, not just chipmunks.

And both of your parents are chipmunks. Yes, that's true. Well, my dad's a squirrel. We spend so much of our lives on the subway in New York, Draper finishes, I'm surprised that more people don't fall in love while on transit. Thank you guys, you're the best. From Don Draper. Have y'all lived in New York City? Nope. Have y'all lived in New York City?

Nope. Have y'all been to New York City? Yes. So you're familiar with the subway system. Familiar with the subway system, yeah. And just familiar with the concept of flirting with a stranger in a limited amount of time. Lived in San Francisco. Buses and trains there.

The BART, as it were. So try to picture yourself on a BART train. You're listening to a podcast. A guy has a cool book in his back pocket. Whoa, Steinbeck. But the cover page is missing. It's so worn in. That's really fucking hot.

It's not a prop. It's definitely not a prop. Why are you taking you so long to read The Old Man and the Sea? I just like to have it in my back pocket because I lost my wallet. Oh, this? Forgot it was there. He has another gun in his other pocket. So has anybody ever hit on you or have you ever experienced an in-transit romance?

Someone asked me for my number in Trader Joe's once. Whoa. That's pretty cool. With no conversation before. No, that's not okay. Don't do that. What's your number? A flirt. It was just, hey, you're really pretty. Could I get your number?

Wow. That's kind of exciting, right? I said no. I panicked. Really? Yeah, but I mean... Did you give a reason? Did you give a Riesling? Did you give a reason? You looked at the Rieslings. Great selection and great prices here at Trader Joe's. What an amazing amount of confidence that guy had.

Just walk up to you and be like, you're pretty. Can I have your number? Yeah, I just sort of love that. Zero conversation. Do you remember also, this happened also once at Griffith Park at the observatory. A group of three people came up to me, two guys and a girl. And they said they had a camera and they were like, can you take a photo? I was like, of course, thinking taking a photo of them, obviously, right?

They wanted a photo of me with one of the guys and I was so shocked and confused. It sounds like a TikTok prank. I know. I was thinking what the hell was going on. Take a photo with a stranger. I asked why they didn't give me a, I don't know, no reason. And I think I took the picture

and then I was really pissed about it afterwards. And he also asked me for my number and I didn't give it to him. don't know, no reason. And I think I took the picture, and then I was really pissed about it afterwards. And he also asked me for my number, and I didn't give it to him. Oh, really? There you go. Guys are over, too. If the guy who asked for your number was objectively super handsome and hot, would you have said yes? If it was actually Don Draper. If it was a six-foot, four-inch, cool dude.

I think the flirting before is kind of an important part of it. I think just coming out of the blue and asking for a number is a little, it's a bit much. I think it shows a lot of character to like flirt but not ask for the number. So he's like confident and a little shy, which is a nice attitude to have for a guy, I think. This guy. Yeah. Not the guy that asked. No, that guy sucked.

It's so tough because it's like on the one hand, I think if you're having a nice time with someone, ask them for their number. As long as you're not being like, it's so situation dependent. Dawn, I don't know you. But because it can often be, you can feel very trapped as a woman sometimes being like, oh, no, I'm appeasing this person and I'm stuck on the subway. And then he's going to ask my number and I'm going to have to say no. But then the worst that happens is they say no. The best thing that happens

is you made a connection with someone and you get to talk to them again. The worst thing that happens is they say no and you never ever stop thinking. No, for me, I would never stop thinking about it for the rest of my life. Are you okay? That's something to be explored, I think.

Yeah, I think that that's an opportunity for growth. Maybe, maybe. My mind is littered with thousands of women. I'm 37, I'm not gonna grow now. So this is my advice. I don't think I've ever asked a stranger for their number in my life because I'm the crippling fear of rejection. So how I would do it if I needed to now,

I would say, I would give them my phone so they have all the control, you know. It's like, do you want to put your number in here? It can be fake if you want. That's really nice. You're already getting through rejection. So that way I'm not... This is what I've been calling prejection. That's good. Which is

subverting them getting rejected before. I'm rejecting myself a little bit, so you can't hurt me. It can be fake. Dang. As long as you hand the phone back to me. I'll type 555 and you give me the last four digits. Yeah. It has to be fake.

Give me four digits. I'll call that a win. Here's what I think you do. This just to encourage me. Okay. Okay. I think you carry a pen. Cool.

Maybe a- Pen is way cooler than the phone. A pre-worn copy of your favorite novel. Love it. That you have an additional one of so you can tear out the pages. Nice. As the conversation is coming to a close- This is my number.

Write it down. I really liked meeting you. Here's my number. Do with it what you will. That's really good. That's nice. It's also charming. Yes.

And then you're not like, what's your information? Give me your- And it's not- You don't have to pass the phone. It doesn't feel too like premeditated. You're like, hey, hold on.

Here's my number. You can have a, if you're really being strategic, you can have a pre-written and just act like you're writing it, tear it out. That's good. Cause you don't have a lot of time.

The door's open. You don't have a lot of time. Hey, we really like meeting you. Could you give me your number? And then it's like, the doors are already closing. It's like,

this is too much information. She says, no, you just missed your stop. You have to stand in the train. 9-1-7-5-5-4-3-8-5- the train then you got to do the craigslist misconnections thing or did you write the number write your number on your hand get off the train slam it on say i love you you're losing that arm how do you like these apples? Sneered because you're fucking sweating up a storm.

So nervous to pull this move off. You can't even handle it. Fall between the track and the train. That's a really good idea is the here's my number. Yeah, I think you nailed it. Yeah, the here's my number, the writing it down. Especially bringing back the book callback. You have to be on the subway with the book. You got to be on the subway with the book.

Otherwise, would you just sit in there? Yeah. That's crazy. Oh, it could be. It's not a page from the book, but it's your bookmark, which is actually like the hours that you volunteer

at the children's hospital. Yes. So it's like kind of like your, Yes. Yeah, your like information packet from there. Yeah, really good.

Try to include some, yeah, personal details. Keep her curious. Okay. Or on a bank receipt where you just like fake deposit like $98,000. So you get like.

Deposited it? Well, you go deposit like for $100. How do you bank? Can you print this for me? Type it up. Type it up. You can like go in and put a deposit for like $100. But like when in the amount, just say 98,000.

And then they'll print out a receipt. Yeah. And it won't be verified. It won't say that's your new amount, but it'll just say deposit amount. That's actually, how about this? You literally deposit your phone number worth of cash. Whoa. So it's $310,907,864.2.

My phone number is exactly how much money I have. Yes, exactly. So the two of us have made your idea significantly worse. Start off by lying. Start the relationship off with a huge lie. If someone could scrub back, then there's actually good advice in there. All right, cool. That's good.

Let's take a break, come back, answer more questions. But so far, you're one for one. So it's good that you guys are here. We wouldn't have thought about that one. Great. I hope it works for him. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah.

Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update

written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lififters. Yeah. Visionlifters with a Z

and not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store

or an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch,

just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to Squarespace.com slash SEGMENTS. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments.

And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free. To support segments, it'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard folks take this survey and we will read the results it's g-u-m dot f-m slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s cool sorry i have to spell it out for some people yeah

and we're back hey emily or sammy do you guys have any mom i'm coming any. Mom, I'm coming! That was gross. Weird. That was so... Who did that? I think Jake. I'm the one that said gross at the end. I'll take credit for that. Thinking it's gross.

That was so random. Who does that? Yeah, unsolicited advice. That was so random. So random. Yeah. Unsolicited advice. However big or small. I have one that probably most people know. But it's an important one. Or just in general.

In general. Okay. If you're just starting out with edibles. Oh, this is good. No, this is actually important. It's important to start small. This has happened to both of us. 25 milligrams is not a starting dose.

It's too high. And start small, but I would also, I would say, I would take it a step further and say, read and reread that package. You're going to want to read it. You're going to want to, you're going to look at it, you're going to think you read it. You're going to go, yeah, I get it. So what's a good entry amount? Five?

I think five is pretty, you can start lower. I started at 2.5. Well, I started at 25. Yeah. I want to know the story behind the advice. Yeah. I had a cookie that I think it had more, it was listed more as nutritional information than like serving sizes. And I think it was the whole cookie was this amount. And I was like, well, I can't, I don't eat the whole cookie. So I'll eat half of it. So the cookie I think was 50 milligrams. Which is too high, right?

Yes. 25 is... They shouldn't put it into, like, that's how it used to be even before all these dispensaries. I think most people know, like, don't eat a whole cookie, but I was like, one cookie. I didn't stop eating a cookie. Like, who on earth does that? You're supposed to slice a fucking chocolate chip like a pizza or something like that. Right, I had heard this story.

This is a Sammy story that I have known for a long time. And then we got some gummies. And similarly, the serving size of a gummy is half a gummy. You cut a gummy in half? Just make it smaller. Make it smaller. But so, again, I was like, right, right, I get it. Knowing this would happen to Sammy, not thinking a thing of it.

Ate the whole gummy. And thankfully, it was only 10. So I was like, fine. But I was immediately like, whoa. I'm like actually very high. But like make them smaller. Yeah. I'm afraid of edibles.

I can't do it. I've had I'm afraid of smoking. I'm afraid of that too. Smoking seems harder to gauge how high you're gonna get. It feels hard.

Yeah and I also don't like being high either so and the cookies don't take it. So what are you gonna do? So like how am I supposed to be cool in today's economy? For me it's just alcohol and cocaine.

That's really cool. Thanks God those are still cool. Those are normal. They don't put cocaine in Jolly Ranchers. You can dose it because it's snipping and snorting. Yeah, it's easy. I don't like the eating, you have no idea what you just ingested.

Let's take this to something we're all far more used to, which is snorting. You know how you'll snort a salad? It's the same situation, only it's mad. Just regular snorting. Okay, that's a good one. 25 milligrams. It's not.

Way too high. But also good to know. Start small. You can't die from it. That's good. I Googled it. It took me 10 minutes to type it into Google. It will pass.

It will pass. Yeah. Yeah. All right. You got one better than that? No, but I got one, which is, this is very, this is very small and boring again, but I've really taken to keeping spares that live in my car. I've got a car set of several things.

Oh, I love it. I've got a car set of mints. Okay. I have a car set of sandals. Yep. Nice. I've got a car set of sunglasses. Amazing.

They don't leave the car. They stay in the car. Yeah. Because if you're in a rush and you're on your way out and you're like, oh, I'm about to meet somebody. Oh, no, I just had lunch.

Got my car mints. Got it. Or, oh, it's bright. Got my car sunglasses. Sometimes you want to change into a comfortable pair of shoes. Wow. So I've just-

You've got masks. I've got- Oh, I have an absurd amount of masks in my car by now. But yeah, you've got car masks. Yep. Also, just for safety, you've got to have some earthquake shoes and an earthquake kit. An earthquake?

What's in an earthquake kit? Like, you can just buy them pre-made. I bought mine like 10 years ago now, so it's probably unsafe. But it has like a blanket and some like protein packs and like water, things like that. Things if you have to run to your car and drive into the desert. Yeah, basically.

I mean, I think like, honestly, you're fucked. But, or if like you're in your car when an earthquake happens and you can't leave for a while, you know. Or go back to your house. So yeah, you've got like

food and stuff. I really do want to bury a bag somewhere of stuff. Bury it somewhere. Bury it. Yeah. Not have it on you. Like in Central Park.

Make it like an adventure. I need it outside the city so I can just get in my car Yeah, you do need it outside the city. Yeah. Not have it on you. Like in Central Park. Make it like an adventure. I need it outside the city so I can just get in my car. Yeah, you do need it outside the city. Yeah. Drive to like my bunker or something. Yeah, where would that be? Like where to get outside of the city? You know, I think I'd probably want to go north.

Yeah, we're all going to want to go north eventually, I think. Right. Yeah, so Hudson Valley somewhere. Yeah. Maybe Red Hook. That's nice. Okay, well, don't tell everybody to go north eventually, I think. Yeah, so Hudson Valley somewhere. Yeah. Maybe Red Hook. That's nice. Okay, well, don't tell everybody. Okay.

Actually, it would be in these coordinates. Definitely Red Hook. I'm going south. It's actually Tivoli. Okay, good. Whisper it so nobody heard. All right. You get there and the bag is empty.

What the fuck? They left the bag, just emptied it. Oh, I needed to put stuff in the bag. Damn it. All right I needed to put stuff in the bag. Damn it. All right. Two solid tips. One is to keep sunglasses in your car. The other one is to not have to.

It's having duplicates. It's having the duplicates is really important. No, but the sunglasses is important. I'm going to do that. I have regular glasses in my car because I have to wear glasses if I go to the movies. And it happened once that I forgot my prescription glasses. It was to see Baby Driver. And I only had prescription sunglasses

and so I watched the whole movie in sunglasses. That is honestly the funniest possible movie to wear sunglasses in. It's so funny because people probably thought I was like, I love Baby Driver so much that I also have to wear Baby Driver. Leather jacket, sunglasses. I feel like there's a Seinfeld episode about someone forgetting their glasses, having to watch the movie in sunglasses.

Yep, I had to go to dinner with a friend who they had to wear sunglasses the whole time because he forgot his glasses. Weird. Okay, here's another question that we could potentially help with. All right. Roommate dilemma. Another dude. How about Sammy? Why don't you give us a fake name for this dude?

I'm going to say my roommate's name, Amanda. My old roommate's name. Amanda. There you go. A man named Amanda. Imagine that. That's wacky. A man named Amanda. Imagine that. Imagine.

That's wacky. Keeping it really secret. That would be insane. But it could happen. Literally. Yeah. Like there's no law against it. It'd be so random.

It would be so random. That's the name of this episode. So random. I knew you were going to try to do that. And you didn't stop me? No, I wanted to hear it. I've been dating a girl for seven months, says Amanda. And how weird would it be?

And it just recently dawned on me that she's been slowly moving into my apartment. Seriously, I woke up one day and I realized half the shit in my bathroom isn't mine. She's just got more clothes in my closet than me. And she probably spends more time in my apartment than I do. Could just be duplicates. Except for these. It's true. Sometimes you gotta have duplicates.

To be fair, after we'd been dating for four months, I gave her a key and told her that she can keep some of the stuff at my place to make it more convenient. But I didn't expect that it would lead to this. I confronted her about it. She said living at my place is more convenient for her because my place is closer to where she works and goes to school. I guess I understand the convenience factor, but I didn't expect to be living with this broad so soon into our relationship. To make matters worse, when I told her I needed some space, she accused me of wanting to cheat on her. She said the only reason I could possibly have for not wanting her to live with me

is that I could bring other girls home. Wow. And nothing could be further from the truth. I, I've just, I think I switched sides. What do I do? Oh, I've stayed on the side I am firmly on the whole time. What do I do? Do I suck it up and let her live with me?

Is there any way to politely tell her to leave without hurting her feelings? Obviously not. Help, I need my space. Please. Thanks. Love, Amanda. Both cut your losses, break up. Yeah, I think this is, I think probably you guys don't like each other, seems like, enough.

Well, she loves him so much that she's afraid he'll cheat on her. No, she's... That's not love. She feels like she needs to guard his apartment. Yes, on call. She can't even sleep a wink because she doesn't know if at any point in the night he can sneak a woman. Are you peeing in there or cheating on me?

He's cheating on her. How did you know? Assuming best intentions. Okay. I think you gotta just have a conversation. You gotta talk to each other.

And just say, I want, I, I don't know, actually, no, just break up. I can't even think of that. I agree. You should break up because to me, this is, it's basically – it's happening at an appropriate timeline. It may be a little accelerated. But like four months in, you give the key. You say you can keep stuff here if you want.

Seven months later, that's another three months, there's more stuff and she's spending more time there. That's like – that is – you set that up to happen. And if you don't like what's happened since, then yes, break up. Have you seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days? She puts all of her female stuff in his drug closet.

Not a tampon! Oh! I think I'm gonna puke! It's not like a horror movie. Slams the mirror, but there's no one behind her. So you don't have to freak out. The horrifying stuff is inside. Yes,ke. It's not like a horror movie. Slams the mirror, but there's no one behind her. So you don't have to freak out. The horrifying stuff is inside. Yes, exactly.

It's coming from inside the cabinet. I mean, in a scenario where it doesn't seem like you don't like each other, then you would have that conversation. Hey, I like you being here. I've realized I need some time that's just my own. Can we find a way to work that out? But I don't know that these two can. But they had that conversation and she said.

This wasn't a confrontation. Yeah. That's true. I confronted her about this. Feels like. Yeah, sounds like you're coming at it with the wrong attitude. I caught you with a dress in my closet. The fuck is this?

I caught you bread handed. That's because she moved her gluten free bread into his pantry, which is so fucked up. Yeah, you got to break up with this guy. Me? What did I do? I'm just here to mediate. Christ. Yeah.

It feels like there's issues outside of the living together thing. Yes. There's trust issues and insecurity issues and jealousy issues. Yeah. Communication issues. It's not the details. It's the, you know. The living together is making all of those things worse. Yeah. Communication issues. It's not the details. It's the, you know. The living together

is making all of those things worse. As it often does. It exacerbates what's already there. It's shown you the cracks are getting wider and it's time to break up. That's unfortunate.

Best of luck to you both. Sorry, Amanda. Actually, this was sent a year or two ago. I can ask for a follow-up. I would love to know. What if they're still married with kids now? Happy now. All it took was a conversation It's ago, I can ask for a follow-up. I would love to know. What if they're so happy now?

All it took was a conversation. It's possible. I mean, it really would only take conversation. So wait, you said it was sent like two years ago? Because what if this was like March 2020 and then now they're stuck? Oh, my God. They didn't know. They moved in.

They got two pandemic puppies. There's probably a lot of couples like that that like accelerated their position. Both two of my siblings. One of my sisters and my brother. Oh, really? Both. My brother's third date with his girlfriend was, went on for three and a half months. Because they just like.

Yeah. I mean, I think. Yeah. It happened. For a lot of people. She met my parents like so fast into their, But now, you know, they're still together. It's like Love Island. It's like the relationships progress so quickly because you're spending all your time together.

It's true. I do feel like a lot of people through the pandemic, I had like long – people I knew who were in long-term relationships that ended because of it. And then people who really like locked it in. Because it's a lot of time to spend with somebody. Yeah, you couldn't leave for like months. Couldn't leave. You either realize that's a good thing or a very it in. Yeah. Because there's a lot of time to spend with somebody. Yeah, you couldn't leave for like months. Couldn't leave. You either realize that's a good thing or a very bad thing. Totally.

I got married two years before the pandemic and COVID basically made me like really sure of the decision. Yeah, totally. I was like, oh, wow, I couldn't be married to a better person because I had to live in just an apartment with that person for a year and a half. Yeah. And not even your apartment. Right. Can you imagine? Disgusting.

Okay. I'll follow up and we'll try to get an answer from this person. I'm curious. I really wish them both the best. I just hope it's with other people.

Let's get one more break in. Come back and answer more questions after these messages. Left-handed for some reason. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back.

That's correct. And the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards, and if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff, then you should play pick six from DraftKings, which is an official daily fantasy partner of the NFL. Wow. So if you like watching football, and it sounds like you do. I do. Yeah, I do a lot. This can really heighten your joy. That's right. I grew up a Raiders fan. And now I'm just a fan of the league in general. But I still have... You're a fan of gambling. Yes,

of course. You're a fan of gambling in general. Yes. And I do have an affinity for the silver and black. So if you like football as much as me which is not likely because i do know a lot like do you know what a nickelback uh does in a cover two defense or like do you know what a play action passes like these are like some advanced things that i know that you wouldn't i basically know run and hail mary you actually know both of those yeah running is when you run and then hail mary is when you chuck it right damn i think you should download the draft kings pick six app select between two and six players for you to put some money on you select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat it's that

simple and for all first time pick pick six players, check this out. New customers play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits. Whoa-za. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings pick six app now and use code SEGMENTS. That's code SEGMENTS for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits only on DraftKings pick six. The crown is yours. There you go.

Anything to add? Yeah, I was going to say gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling. Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.oregonconnecticut. Must be 18 plus. age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions pick six is not available everywhere including new york and ontario void were prohibited one per new customer non-withdrawable pick six credits expire in six months limited time offer see terms at pick six dot draftkings.com slash right Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings.

With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. And we're back. This is a good gif.

Left-handed kiss bump. A little not right. Okay, we need a lady's name. So you guys can just sort of shout one out together at the same time. Oh, let's try to see if they can come up with the same name. Oh, that's cool. One, two, three. Jacqueline.

Same name. Can you believe it? That was crazy. We said the same name. Really? They both said Sammy Jacqueline. We both said Sammy Jacqueline. That's crazy. You guys are so insane. That was so random.

Okay. I'm a 25-year-old female. Right. Sammy Jacqueline. Sammy Jacqueline. No dash or anything. It's just this one continuous name. Yes, one long name.

Sammy Jacqueline. Without any capital letters in it. No, all lowercase. And I've been dating my boyfriend for almost nine months. Pretty early into the relationship, he established that he had, for lack of a better term, a panty fetish, which to him is just liking a specific kind of panty, and this has been an easy way for us to connect intimately.

However, he was scrolling through some old photos on his phone, and I noticed he had some scandalous pics from his past girlfriends. Of course, that can be excused since I know everyone has their past. But the weird part is I noticed in the photos the ex in question was wearing not one, but two of the exact same panties that my boyfriend has bought for me. Not just the same style, the exact same brand slash style slash color. Ever since that, ever since I saw those photos, I have not brought it up. But is it messed up of him to buy the exact same pair of panties for different women?

Or is he just not over his ex? I'm fine with most fetishes, but this seems strange to me. Thanks, lads. Hope I can see you soon. All right, us too. Yeah, well, if he has a fetish of this specific kind of underwear, he buys it for all of his lady friends.

Yeah, I'm thinking that's kind of par for the course. I'm wondering when, how did she see these text messages? I guess he was scrolling through like on an airplane probably and then she's like what are you looking at and he's like nothing don't worry about it but kind of angling it towards her so she could see it nothing yeah and he uh so she's kind of offended that it's the exact same brand slash style slash color.

I don't think you have to worry about that. I think it's fetish, right? Like I feel like that's what he likes. It's consistent. He didn't just come up with this fetish brand new during your relationship. Yeah. In theory, he's kind of like he has this and now he's applying it to your relationship. I think there's something that's like, I mean, I would have to know more about the underwear.

Is it like the shape or is it like actually this is the brand and color that is the fetish? Because if that's the case, then there's not like, honestly, you shouldn't even be surprised, right? Yeah. Yeah, I also feel like there's probably a good chance this guy just knows that website and

is like, purchase and repurchase. I know which ones I like. He has an I know. I know which ones I like. He has an Amazon subscription. Yeah. These are the ones I liked. Yeah. So you could easily just buy similar ones that you like that you don't have an association with,

with the ex. I think ultimately, once again, you should probably talk about it. You should, you should say. That's blanket answer for most questions we get. Yeah.

It's like talk about it with someone besides us. Choose a person. Leave us alone. I think especially if you saw the photos, you could – there's a way to bring it up saying like, hey, so I saw these. I don't want to – you know, I just have to express to you that it made me feel a little insecure. Can we get – is there a pair you'd be into that you could get for only me? And we could do that one.

I just want to feel special. Oh, I have a fetish. It's you not fantasizing about your fucking ex. That gets me off. You know what I would fucking love? Do you think the old photos on the phone is

no bueno? Would you delete them? It sounds like they're more recent. She said they've been dating for nine months. I feel like nine months ago, I'd have to scroll pretty far. You've got to be looking at those photos at that point, right? Because what else do you scroll back that far for? I think it's fair

to also ask Maybe he has an album. Delete the photos? If it makes you uncomfortable? Not that far forth. I think it's fair to also ask. Maybe he has an album. It's got to be an album, right? From the cloud too? If it makes you uncomfortable? From the cloud too? No, not from the cloud. I think it's, how deep does this go?

I think it's common decency to kind of like at least try to hide those secrets from somebody. Right? Like leaving them right on the phone and like in a place where someone could see them and be hurt by them is the. If it's the lock screen, that's too like in your face. The lock screen is way too in your face. Yeah. Even the home screen. Home screen is not great.

Don't make it my contact photo. Please. That's not me. That's not even me. I think shielding someone from scandalous photos from your past is the bare minimum. You don't necessarily have to delete everything from the cloud. Right. Because that's a little much.

You might want that later. We don't necessarily have to delete everything from the cloud. Right. Because that's a little much. You might want that later. We don't know. But yeah, I think just like being a little more discreet on his end and expressing that on her end probably is the best way to go. But you probably – I probably wouldn't be okay if there were still old sexy photos of boyfriends past on my girlfriend's phone. I'd be like, what's the point of having this? I'd want those in a hard drive in the closet at least. Yeah. Yeah. And please off the cloud. Clouds fine.

It really shouldn't be in the cloud. I don't even know how to get to the cloud, so. Nobody does. Yeah. My cloud keeps filling up and they're like, your cloud's full. You have to delete those sexy photos. It's just part of life. What am I supposed to do? It'll always fill up, Apple. Okay, thanks.

Okay, thank you for letting me know so much. Once I bought a little more storage, and then I was like, it's full again. I don't know what to do. Okay. That's where I'm at right now. Okay, great, thanks. You're in between like two,

because it's like two gigabytes or nine terabytes for $10 a month. I'm like, I can't. Not doing it. I can't go through all the photos. I don't know how to get there. You know how many videos I take of a dog sort of sunbathing?

I can't fucking go back to the week. And that's your fetish. Yes. And he is in panties. And he's in panties. The dog is in panties. Now that does sound fun. So yeah.

So would your advice specifically for this lady be like, talk to this guy and say, you shouldn't have old photos or just say, I know this. She's not even asking about the old photos, right? She's asking if it means he's still into his ex, which I think, to Sammy's point, not necessarily. Right. I think he's really into these panties. I think he's really into these. He wants more panties.

He's just a panty fiend. And that's... Maybe I also say, like, send him some pictures of you. Send some better replacements. Oh, that's good. So out with the old, in with the new. I never understood the panty fetish. What's so exciting about underwear?

There's all kinds of fetishes. There's all kinds of reasons. I need a fucking coat. Panty fetish is one of the, it's one of the tamest ones you can have. I need a winter coat. Like a fucking, yeah, what's a fucking sleeping bag? It goes all the way down to the ankles. Arctic wear. Sub-zero, negative 60 with a sleeping bag it goes all the way down to the ankles that's arctic wear sub-zero

negative 60 graded sleeping bag I could get into that hot as hell I have an ice climber fetish they need to be just like you know like

south park characters crampons and strap-ons crampons that was really good did you guys hear that heard it cause you didn't quite laugh I laughed

I laughed Yeah Let's roll that back I didn't guffaw But you know I laughed I guess come to think of it It doesn't fully rhyme

Right The way you sort of Yeah I only laugh at rhymes Yeah It needs to be a perfect rhyme Otherwise It's not really for me I think rhyme. Not even a slant, right? Not really for me.

I think it does count as a slant, right? I have a slanty fetish. So the more things sort of don't rhyme, the more I have that as a picture on my phone. Yeah. So that sort of rhyme. Picture of a sound. On my phone. You're making everyone uncomfortable.

That's fine. That's where the comedy happens. Yeah, I jerk off to curb your enthusiasm. Okay, remind us one more time about your podcast. It's called Too Scary Didn't Watch. It is available on HeadGum. Nice. And if you're interested in what happens in scary movies,

if you're not willing to watch them, we're there for you. If you love scary movies, we're there for you too because it's just more scary movies. What's the most recent few that you've seen? We all just watched. We did a rare Everybody Watches the movie

this past week. Special treat. A special treat for Prey, the new Predator franchise movie that just came out. It was great. And we got to interview the director, Dan Trachtenberg, which was totally awesome. We tried to get him for this podcast

and he wrote in the panty fit. Alright, that was him. Yeah, and that was great. What else have we... Oh, there's a lot of new releases this summer. So we've done Nope and Bodies, Bodies, Bodies. Did you guys like Nope? I mean, there's a lot of new releases this summer. So we've done Nope and Bodies, Bodies, Bodies. Did you guys like Nope?

We did, yeah. Sweet. Same. And we all liked it. We all liked it equally. We all liked it equally. I didn't see it, so I don't have to even... I have heard good things about Bodies, Bodies, Bodies, though.

Super fun. Love Bodies, Bodies, Bodies. Great time. All right, sweet. So check out Emily and Sammy on Too Scary, Didn't Watch. Thank the bodies, bodies, bodies. Yeah. Great time. All right, sweet. So check out Emily and Sammy on Too Scary Didn't Watch. Thank you for coming

on this show. Thank you guys for having us. Would love to watch a horror movie sometime with you guys. Let me know if that's available.

I can't do horror, but there's a rom-com. Okay. Like sort of a wacky week that you guys do where we watch. Certainly. So when you said you'd love to watch a horror movie with us, you don't mean that.

Not that. Not horror. Well, not an actual horror movie. But not a horror movie. Kind of like maybe something kind of opposite vibe. Have you guys ever watched a scary movie? We could do that. We could do a scary movie.

Because it is kind of scary. I feel like that's close enough. We've done Shaun of the Dead and some other horror comedies. We did what we do in The Shadows. Oh, that's horror comedy. Basically. Yeah, but the Dead and some other horror comedies. We did What We Do in the Shadows. Oh, that's a horror comedy. Basically. Yeah, but those are way, way, way too scary for me. Way, way, way.

Like, not even close. All right. All right, sweet. Thanks to you guys for watching. We should have said that we're in studio and you should watch the show on YouTube. But at this point, they know. They know. It's too late.

You either did or you didn't. You either did or you didn't. And you can go back and watch it, which would have been really above and beyond. So thank you guys for doing that. Thanks for listening to it and upgrading it. Pretty cool left-handed fist bump at one point. Yes. You guys want to see that? One more time.

The opening theme song, the closing theme song, the theme song is by... Oh, gosh. Do you remember his name? I... Something... Oh, The Bottom Feeder. Scrappy the Bottom Feeder. Scrappy the bottom feeder. Scrappy the bottom feeder? That was definitely it. Are you naming a goldfish?

Don't look it up, don't look it up, that was it. There's no way. Elbow the bottom feeder? There's no way. There was an S. Scramble bottom feeder. Scramble's the clown. It was Scratch, I think. It was Sketch the bottom feeder. Scrambles the clown. It was Scratch, I think. It was Sketch the bottom feeder.

Scratch was pretty close. Scratch is the closest we got. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Sketch. Thanks to everybody for watching. We'll be back next week. Bye. Later.

Hey, what's up, guys? Just give me a second real quick. Oh. Maybe you need some advice, but not from your babe or your peers. Maybe you're scared of the dark and have trouble shaking the fear. Maybe you're drinking too much, could fill a lake with the beers. Maybe your girl wants to peg, plans on gaping your rear. Maybe when you see your reflection, you feel like breaking the mirror.

Maybe she's pretty, but her voice isn't. You hate what you hear. Maybe your situation ain't yet fully opaque, but it's clear that you could benefit from reaching out to Jake and Amir at the EFI where you show. Yeah. It could easily be said these guys are too dope. With their help, you'll no longer be lonely and horny like some huge joke. Come get you some advice, you puto at the If I Were You Show.

Yeah. It could easily be said these guys are too dope. With their help, you'll no longer be lonely and horny like some huge joke. Come get you some advice you puto at the if i were you show that was a hit gum original hey i'm jake johnson host of the podcast we're here to help but this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by brooklinen bro Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me

a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed?

Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com. B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle.