Segments - 558: Gamer Love

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

In this episode we discuss vacation romance, Twitch streamers, and National tragedies. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. Loving ain't easy.

And it sure ain't for the weak. But you gotta fight every battle. You gotta travel so far Because everything you want Is on the other side of art You gotta fight every battle. You gotta travel so far. Because everything you want is on the other

side of art because everything you want is on the other side of art we love you lighter So stiff. He's on the other side of our... We love you! Lighter.

Studio catches on fire. Oh my God. The frame TV was so flammable. How is that fair, Samsung? Back in the lab slash studio. That's right. IRL. In the same room. That's right. IRL. In the same room.

That's right. Easier to edit without the Zoom when you hang out in the same room. Yep. That was from Rex, who has an NYU.edu email address. So you're either a student or recently removed. Yeah. Or just can't let go. Can I talk about something?

The other side of hard. Yep. It's not fun to hear or say. I understand the spirit of the saying that you mentioned. Like, I think it's good for like a coach in a speech. That's where it came from. It doesn't translate to a song really at all. Why is that?

Like, just phonetically? The other side of hard is just like, it's grating to hear. You're just sick of it. I would want to hear that in a locker room. What do you want? Like working out the other side of hard? Yes, it's motivating. But translated to lyrics, to hear them sung, respect to all of the musicians who have tried.

Yeah. You can't make it work i'm sorry am i crazy casey what are you like we're in the studio wow can you back me up on this yeah i i don't know how it could work i think it's possible but you gotta be you gotta have some kind of magic yeah is it because the way it sounds like side of hard? The other side of hard. It's just not fun to say. I don't think hard is the right word to have in a song.

Hard is a soft word. Yeah. Soft is a hard word. Huh? Hard is a hard word. Yeah, hard is a soft word. No, it's not a soft word. H-H-A is like,

it's like not anything. You have the hard pump. Hard. That's a hard word. No, it's not. No, it You have the hard. Pump. That's a hard word. No, it's not. No, it's not. Pump. It's kind of a hard word.

Yeah. Deft. But the R-D, that's hard. Yeah. Hard. R-D is good. Yeah. Hard.

Trad is a hard word. Yeah. Hard. Yeah. Like hard is soft. No, it's not a soft word. I think it's a soft word. It's not. Hard. Yeah. You're saying it's soft. No, it's not a soft word. I think it's a soft word. It's not.

Hard. You're saying it's soft. Hard. You're saying that's a hard word? It is a hard word. Hard. Hard. Hard.

Hard. Way in below. Anyway, I haven't done a theme song before, writes Rex, but everything you want is on the other side of hard was too good to pass up. It's not too good. It's a little trite, to be fair. We definitely milked it more than that actual coach ever did. Yeah, totally.

It's not his fault. Yeah, no. Great coach. Good thing to come up with on the fly. Bad thing to make your mantra forever. So here's my attempt at fully realizing your McCartney-esque idea. McCartney? I don't think so.

Not Paul. Just like Andrew McCartney, the actor. You could shout out my SoundCloud page, Local Radicals. That would be great, too. Cool. I have an album coming out soon. Local Radicals is a good name. Yeah. Okay, so thanks, Rex. be great, too. Cool. We have an album coming out soon. Local Radicals is a good name. Yeah.

Okay, so thanks, Rex. Thanks to you guys for submitting. We still need more theme songs, so now's the time, folks. And it doesn't have to be Other Side of Heart related. Ideally, it's not. It could be anything. Yeah. Like, whatever.

Two dudes hanging out. It's fun to be there. Two dudes hanging out. It's fun to be there. Two dudes hanging out. It's fun to be there. What do you say? Yeah, or anything. Like, that's perfect. Just do that.

That's better than Other Side of Heart, I think. We have transitioned from... Two dudes hanging out. Yeah, yeah. We're two guys in the same room. Woo! Do you have a problem with me? I was saying that we transitioned away from TV jinglish intro songs to like full musical songs.

Yeah. I think we can start drifting back to 15, 30 seconds. Yeah. I think that's cool. Yeah. TV musical. Have you been watching the new Game of Thrones show? I watched the first two episodes.

I hear they just used the Game of Thrones theme song. Yeah, the first episode, I don't think they did. The second episode, they did. That seems illegal. Why? It's the Game of Thrones. It's not, though. Yes, it is. Isn't it a prequel? There's no

the same characters. The game is the same. Yeah, the game is the same, and it's the same houses, the same families. I just think that they're cheating by saying, oh, here's the same. Yeah, the game is the same, and it's the same houses, the same families. I just think that they're cheating by saying, oh, here's the same theme song, so like it almost tries to trick the audience into thinking this is just a new Game of Thrones season. I mean, then you could say that about literally every aspect of the show.

Like, they're sitting on the Iron Throne. They're in King's Landing. Is it called, like, Game of Thrones colon Dragon Soup? I think it's called House of the Dragon. House of the Dragon. So Game of Thrones is not in it. Yeah, I don't think so. So they can't use the theme song. What are you fucking...

Don't hold my hand. Who the fuck do you think you are? I feel like we're on the same page finally about that. We're not. Because I was like, I don't watch Game of Thrones, and I heard Avital watching, and I was like, I'm like, oh, is this Game of Thrones? She's like, no, it's like the new Game of Thrones style show heard Avital watching and I was like I'm like oh is this Game of Thrones she's like no it's like the new Game of Thrones style show

they're doing that yeah they're trying to like earn that like you know they want to hit they want to hit the fan in the heart like oh here's

here's that show you love don't worry it's the same but it actually you know I feel like that that theme song was also triggering because season 8 was so bad.

So now it almost makes it the opposite. Yeah, they're erasing a mistake. It's like a better call Saul use the Breaking Bad theme song. Yeah, which I think rightfully, if they wanted to, they could. It just doesn't feel right. You don't even like the show. I don't need to like it to weigh in. As a critic.

And I had some notes on episode one. Like I didn't know any of the characters. Which is fine because they're new. But at the same time, I felt like I was being left out in the dust. Did you watch episode one? No, did you? Did you like it? I didn't love episode one. I thought it was like, it was a weak impression of Game of Thrones where they did a little bit of that like gratuitous violence just to be like, hey, this is that crazy show.

Edgy. Yeah. But they didn't really set up enough. They didn't set up the characters enough to make me feel like anything for it. It just felt like kind of gross. But episode two, it started to episode two was interesting i heard episode three gets even better so there's also a lord of the rings show i haven't watched that yet but i want to jill's making me watch other shit it's like we're

i like can we watch lord of the rings and she's like no we have to watch pachinko what's that? It's a tale of South Korea and Japan in like the 1950s, 1980s, and today, or some version of that. Or maybe it's like the 1910s, 1950s, 1980s. Yeah. And it's really beautiful, way more like meaningful and nuanced. But I'm just trying to watch a dragon blow smoke up a Targaryen ass. Don't blow smoke

up my ass. And if she doesn't watch it you can't watch it or do you guys ever go into different rooms and watch different shows? She would do that. I'm too needy. I'm like I want to just hang out together so like we'll watch whatever we can both agree on and then i come to la and i binge yeah i can sometimes and sometimes i have to record too

late but last night we got home early and i was able to watch an episode um and yeah what about you like it sounds like you and avital don't watch the same thing like she'll watch game of thrones and you'll what are you doing? Yeah, I'm usually jerking it or I'm in the office cranking it. Where do you fap while she's watching? I'm either in the office jerking it or I'm in the kitchen having a cheeky fap. Or if I'm in the bathroom and I get turned on or whatever, she's watching it. And I'm sort of jerking off in the bathroom or the bedroom. You'll put a fleshlight into the, like,

your sliding glass door, and between the sliding glass door and the wall. I'll fuck the front door, the mail slot. And you'll pretend you're watching a loop, and you're sort of humping the fleshlight. That's enough. Don't bring the dog into it. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, gosh, oh, golly. No, we usually deviate because I'm watching sports where do you watch sports on your phone on your computer either like she's watching on her laptop I'm watching on the TV or I'm watching on an iPad she's watching on the TV I see but you're hanging out in the same room sometimes sometimes we separate like if I need to listen to something yeah you don't put headphones on and just hang out on the couch? Don't put headphones on, no. All right.

All right. Speaking of shows, this is an advice podcast after all. That's right. People are in desperate need of our advice. It's called If I Were You with Jake and Amir. And Amir, yeah. Sometimes we record over Zoom remote. Sometimes we're in the same room.

Sometimes we're wearing the same color shirt. Isn't that interesting? And red is kind of rare for us. I feel like we both only have one red shirt. This is my only red t-shirt. Yeah, I think so too for me. Very cool. You know, this is the t-shirt that I actually have two, but the other one's too small. Anyway, this is the shirt that I wore in the last episode of Jake and Amir. Wow. There are pictures of you in that shirt, but it's green, right? There might be. I know there's another thing where I have, like, a green shirt and they made it red. So it might be that.

Right. In, like, Photoshop afterwards. Yeah. Yeah. Or it was, like, orange and they made it green or something like that. Yeah, something like that. Oh, yeah. The Turn Soap Into Sun is a green shirt, and I think they made it orange.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a good shirt. It's a good shirt. It's a great shirt. Okay, this is about a lady who fell in love on a vacation to L.A. Okay. You're on somewhat a vacation in L.A. right now. Indeed.

So we'll call this lady... Who's a famous Los Angelino. Oh, gosh. There's so many to name. Yeah, it's a city of stars. Yes, exactly. Toss any celebrity out's so many to name. Yeah, it's a city of stars. Yes, exactly. Toss any celebrity out, they probably live here. Yeah. Just think of a celebrity. Like the queen.

No, she's... I mean, she's dead and famous. She's famous, yeah. She's a celebrity, basically. Okay, fine. Do you want to use the queen? I feel a little wrong because it was her funeral the other day. Yeah. So why don't you just come up with any... Actually, Meghan Markle's from LA.

Perfect. She's in line to the throne. I don't think she is. Okay. Okay. Meghan Markle writes, she's from the Valley. Why don't you read the question? All right.

Don't make small talk with me. Oh, this is funny. I'm a 28-year-old female from Canada. Oh, my God. She was just visiting LA. Well, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine.

Yeah. Do you want to come up with a fucking famous Canadian? Alanis Morissette. Go ahead. Well, the queen did kind of rule over Canada. Fine. Perfect. We'll use the queen, even though it's a little bit in poor taste.

Yeah. And it's important. Mm-hmm. Queen Elizabeth II second you hate it how about we just call her liz perfect liz writes i'm a 28 year old female from canada i actually met you guys at your live show in calgary whoa blast from the past i recently went to la on a girls trip for labor day weekend we had non-stop things planned, hiking, surfing, shopping, Dodger game, et cetera. And honestly, I had no plans to party that hard.

But lo and behold, we went out our first night there and I met a guy. I wonder where they went out. Button Mash near Dodger Stadium. Yeah. That's really cool. So it's sort of like drinks and Asian fare pregame. You're sort of playing games, maybe one thing led to another. And is he playing games? I don't think so.

Air hockey. You're both sort of dueling sombrero puck thing situation and then like you do a slap shot and it fucking like jams your pinky. Jumps up. Chips his tooth. You guys hook up on the way to the dentist. What?

We immediately hit it off and had the exact same sense of humor and just laughed and chatted all night. We ended up hanging out the next two evenings as well and we slept together both of those nights. Good shit. Wow. When I left on Monday morning, we were texting, but the messages got further and

further apart. Eventually, I accepted defeat. Gave his last text a thumbs up and figured this was a fun weekend fling, but that's all it will be. All right. He ended up texting me yesterday after chatting a while. I mentioned that I'm planning to go to San Diego for Canadian Thanksgiving and that if he can swing it, should meet me there. He said that he would like to see me and will look into it, but when I responded to keep me updated, he didn't reply.

Now I just don't know what the next play is. Is there a perfectly crafted text I can send that asks whether he wants to see each other again slash figure it out? Or should I let this go forever? I know it's naive to think a long-distance two-night stand could ever lead to anything more. But I've never felt such a connection to someone before. And it's hard to let go of that excitement. I realize this would be a grand generalization but our most late 20s guys in la still looking to live the single life and was i just some no strings attached fun any advice or input you could have would be greatly

appreciated ps fate on shuffle has been on every single one of my summer playlists, that shit slaps. Mini dab. Mini dab. Tiny dab. Good shit. Good shit. Wait on shuffle. Pop it on. Put it on that Spotify playlist.

Okay. So she was visiting. Slept with a guy twice. A two night stand. So it was more than just a one night stand. Two night stand. That means more doesn't it i think well here's the thing like was i just a no strings attached fling for the weekend

yes you were but he was too i think that was kind of probably the vibe and maybe why it was light and fun and easy or whatever but now you're asking how do i parlay that into a longer term thing yeah i feel like trying to get the answer that you want is not going to get you the result that you want you want like self-sabotage to be like we should meet up in san diego that might scare him off i think that's fine to be like we should meet up in San Diego, but to get confirmation that like, so do you want to meet up in San Diego? Yes, I want to. Like that will make you feel, it'll settle your anxiety right now about, does he want to see me? But I don't think that following that road is actually going to result in him wanting to see you. Does that make sense? So like, she's kind of anxious to be in this gray area of like,

do we have a plan or not? Yeah. Then if she like tries to concretize the plan, it might scare mom. Can you just tell me yes or no if we have a plan? Then I'll be like, well, let's not. Because of that attitude. So I think while it's hard, on the other side of hard, you have a better chance by just being like, sweet, like you're going to let me know. And like just if you feel like chatting, talk about anything else, because you had a lot in common. You guys vibed.

So keep on doing that without worrying about like, but will I see you again? Because you can't until you go to San Diego anyway. So you just have to keep the vibe alive, then go to San Diego, then make it happen. Yeah, it's almost like a candle that can extinguish completely or go off. Exactly.

We're piling the kindling on. And the kindling is the flirting. It's the fun chatting. Not the firming up of plans. The firming up of plans is the structure. It's a wet log. It'll smother the fire. It's a wet log.

It's not kindling. It's a wet log. So let's keep on putting the It's a wet log. It's a wet log. It's not kindling. It's a wet log. So let's keep on putting the kindling on there. It needs to be dry leaves. Yeah. Like a text that's not about the plan. Exactly. That's a dry leaf. That's a twig.

Yes. A twig. Every time you look at a text, you know, try to decide if it's dry or wet. Is it small? Will it catch? Yeah. Or is it a smothering? What do you think a twig could be an acronym

for? Text without... Oh, text without a goal. That's twag. Yes. And you fumbled the ball with the one. Text without eagle. Eye goal. That's... Notigl. That's not a word.

That's T-W-E-I. Text without eagle, Eigl? Obviously not. Text without implied goals. That's good. You have to throw twigs on there. Implicit goal. Oh, that's good.

Okay. Text without implicit goals. So it's not like, hey, hey are we gonna fucking do this or not yeah yeah yeah shit or get off the pot you have to act like sort of like hey i'm here it's cool whatever let's meet up or not right act like you don't feel yeah but at the same time you you don't know what this other guy's thinking it could have been just a fun he could have heard oh she's in canada and that's exciting because then i won't have any local obligations to hang out more. But the further you go along this road of being like, oh, wow, she's actually really

fun to talk to, you know, maybe the text moved to a FaceTime moves to like him, him going from like, oh, this is fun because she's in Canada. There's no pressure, no strings to, oh, wow, this is fun. But I wish you weren't in Canada. I wish you were here. You know, like it's just it's a slow burn to continue the twig metaphor. This was sent in September or just a couple of days ago. Yeah.

So Canadian Thanksgiving, I think is in October. So maybe she can give us an update then. Perfect. And if you're listening to this, Lynn, oh, let's not say her name. You already did. Not that it matters. If you're listening to this, Liz. If you're listening to this. Where did you go out to meet this guy?

Would love to know. West side, east side. Was it indeed Button Mash? Yeah, definitely want to know. Okay, let's take a break. Thank some sponsors. Come back and answer more questions after these. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point.

Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly.

And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah.

How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality.

Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, visionlifters? Yeah, visionlifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store or an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS

to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash SEGMENTS. SEGMENTS. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS

when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that,

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So like going to secondhand. Secondhand. Yeah. Not buying new clothes anymore. Is that a, you're all in or like you like a mix of old and new? I haven't bought anything in a, I guess I like

new plain white t-shirts. But yeah, new socks, new underwear, of course. Of course. But pants and shoes? Pants.

And shirts? Not shoes. No. Come on. Not pants either. No, God, not shirts.

Well, yeah, well, not really shirts. No, yeah on. Yeah. Not pants either. No. God, no. Just shirts. Well. Yeah. Well, not really shirts. No. Yeah. Pants. I bought a jacket once. Pants, t-shirts, regular shirts, jackets.

I think they're, I find that they're better quality. Better ingredients. Everything about thrifting them feels better. Okay. Here's my two problems with thrifting okay one the clothes kind of smell funny right when you buy them but you wash them and then they smell just like normal clothes yeah yeah wash them on high heat with your with your laundry and you're gonna be fine two they fit weird like they're not normal fitting it's like this is how people

wear shirts in the early 70s. And like the sleeves are long or the thing is shorter. It's not boxy or it is boxy. Like I can never figure out the style of it. Totally. I mean, you have to try on a lot of mildly smelly clothes. Yeah. But I think that when you find something that fits in the thrift store, it's really satisfying.

You also can take it to a tailor. I have a tailor in the city that I like. Tailor your t-shirts? Not t-shirts, but a regular shirt. T-shirt, I feel like most thrift store t-shirts are better than regular shirts because they've been washed and dried. They're not going to shrink in the wash. The colors aren't going to run. But aren't old shirts half polyester?

They're just made out of weirder materials. I can never quite get comfortable in an old shirt from the 70s or 80s. I find old t-shirts to be significantly more comfortable. Interesting. And so do you go to a specific place or is it just like any thrift store in the city? I mean, anyone that looks cool. I mean, in my neighborhood, I'll just be walking past one and I'll pop in. There are a few near me that I like

and what's been your best find so far there's a place called Awoke Vintage which isn't like it's not like going to Goodwill or something it's still

kind of expensive there's a difference between like Salvation Army and thrift stores right like one is like two dollars a t-shirt and then the other one's like

oh this is actually a hundred and eighty dollars right there's the curated shops where they've like, they've gone to the Goodwills, they've gone to the Salvation Armies and they've gotten like the clothes that are stylish now and you can buy the thrifted version of it. You pay a premium for it, but it's slightly better than going to the store. Yeah. But it's bad when you go to a place that's supposed to be curated and they clearly just like dove through a bin at like Salvation Army and are charging three times as much. Yeah.

But anyway, there are some that are really well curated. I think my best find though was an old pair of Levi's 505s. Oh, that was just like. Yeah. Aged to perfection. The kind of jeans that you have to wear for 10 years before they look like that. And someone else did it for me. Yeah.

And you don't mind that, the fact that somebody probably died in those pants? I don't think they died in the pants. No, it's in play. Died in. No, not really. Yeah, kind of. It's not really in play. It's kind of in play.

How? Because somebody passes away. Wearing their jeans? Yes. I feel like maybe they're wearing a hospital gown or more comfortable clothes because they die in bed? It would be, yeah, or a sudden death situation. A sudden death. If it's a sudden death, then it might be like bloody and they might be stained.

Yeah, or maybe like heart attack. Like some guy was just walking down the street and had an aneurysm and crumpled to the ground and died. Yeah, or yes, exactly, an aneurysm. And his loved ones were like, let's donate these jeans. No, it's like, let's strip the body because now it's time for us to praise the body. Well, actually, if that happens, if he dies in those pants, they probably cut them off. They probably cut

them off. Yeah. And then how do they fit if it's like sliced down the side like that? They don't. Yeah. That's why I never like can get fully comfortable in that. No one died in these pants. They're just jeans. Okay. And I did buy a hospital gown, but that's different. Because it opens in the front, which I thought was interesting.

And someone was operated on in it, but they survived. Barely. Yeah. All right. Have you bought winter clothes, jackets? Not this season. I bought a fall jacket last year wow but i'm going all in on it and i think it's nice to not support fast fashion i'm trying not to i'm trying to do

that less because i was getting too many clothes just like delivered to my front door it's like you order two sizes you send one back and at the very least i i want to start shopping in person and beyond that i want to start uhhand shopping. Better for the environment, better for my body. Have you gotten rid of clothes? Yeah, I get rid of clothes all the time. I make a big pile and I let Micah go through it. And then I take what he doesn't want and I give it to my dad. And if my dad doesn't want it, then it goes to Goodwill. And then, but like, you still have shirts from like 15 years ago as well. Yeah. I hang on to my, like this shirt that I'm wearing is from, I think I bought this

when I was 20. Wow. I'll buy it off of you. How much? Four bucks. Okay. Sure. Let's switch.

Right now? Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. You first. Giant tattoos. I knew it I fucking knew it

alright maybe I'll cause I haven't done it since like my early 20's the thrift style yeah I feel like there was a time where it was like oh we're gonna go look for like cool t-shirts at Salvation Army yeah and now it's more like there's a nice the bearded beagle

it's just up the street we'll go off to work you don't wanna hang out with me? I'm down to hang out during work There's a nice, the bearded beagle. It's just up the street. We'll go off to work. You don't want to hang out with me? I'm down to hang out during work, but I really don't want to do after work shit with you anymore. Okay. That's. Ah, shit. I have a fucking migraine.

Damn you. Why did you fucking talk about that? Shit. Can you read this? I have a fucking, what's it called? Migraine. Not, yeah, but like when the colors are like starting to swirl. Why don't we take a break? Because you said something that was pretty hurtful to me.

And you also appear to be unwell. We can power through. I'd rather not. Why don't we take five? No, because we haven't even we haven't answered a question this act okay god damn it i didn't do anything i don't feel like i should be an ocular migraine i think it's called there's some shit yeah um why don't you let me read the next question or something i'll forward it it to you. I really will forward it.

My computer is covered in... Oh, no, here, I got it, this one. Okay. Can I ask out a Twitch streamer? This is from another lady. Okay. We'll call her Zelda. Nice.

Zelda is the princess, the lady that needs to be... You're over-explaining the name. Link is the character. Yeah. Yeah. I know. A couple of details.

Should I ask out a Twitch streamer that I've been following for about a year? Got it. A couple of details. He's on the East Coast. I'm in California. Great. Long distance. So it wouldn't be much of an ask out as an ask to do a literal online date.

He's definitely single and I'm pretty sure he is interested in women, but I've never met him in person. He only knows that I exist as a username that pops up in the chat. He doesn't know what I look like or who I am other than what I reveal in the chat. I only Twitch prime to his channel, no donation or gifted subscriptions. So I'm not an important financial supporter to his community, but he doesn't have that many viewers, maybe around 80 to 150 on an average day. So he does know my name and messages in the chat. And as an aside, I know he does read my messages because he'll address my username slash message

or read the message out loud. I feel like your best chance for success, there's an in-between step here from being in the chat, non-prime user, he responds to your messages to will you go on an online date with me? Yeah. Something needs to happen in between there. She's gone from A to C. Yeah. And there's no B situation. Yeah. So he has to see her in a way. Yeah. And there's no B situation. Yeah.

So he has to see her in a way. Yeah. An email? No. No, I wouldn't say that. A DM. I'm basically, I'm trying to be nice, but the answer is no. Jake's the Twitch streamer. The answer is a little bit no.

Well, maybe not. Maybe not. He's a gamer and she loves watching games. It could be a perfect fit. But for you to be like, you don't even support the Twitch channel financially to just be like, let's go on an online date. Like, let's enter into a long distance relationship. How's that? Yeah.

I like to watch you play video games. How would you like to be my boyfriend from across the continent? So she should donate to his channel first? She should follow him on Instagram or TikTok. That's good. Something where you can see each other and see if the physical vibe is there and matches the

emotional vibe that actually only is felt currently one way. You to him. So, yeah. There's an in-between step. Why don't you move it to another app? A DM search. An app yeah, there's an in-between step. Why don't you move it to another app? A DM search. An app with an app maybe where there's a bit more, I don't know anything about Twitch,

but I feel like an app where there's a little more like one-to-one engagement rather than like you chatting and him like shouting out a bunch of people. Yeah. I've been dabbling with Twitching again slash now TikTok does video game live streams. So you can do it integrated into there oh we should do the tiktok video game live can we do it together we can do well i got a key that lets me stream from my computer slash tv to tiktok directly wow so i wonder if there's a way for you not like me and you in a separate room.

Got it. We have to be in front of my computer. All right. So we'd have to do it when I'm in town. But I want to do the thing where we play Goldeneye against each other. That's good. Goldeneye is not available yet, but it will be soon. And then we can do it.

That's good. Yeah. As soon as you, we could probably YouTube and or Twitch that. Great. Just not TikTok right now. Yeah. Okay. We should do that.

But yeah, find us Instagram and or Twitter and or TikTok or whatever. Yeah. that we're just not tick tock right now yeah okay we should do that but yeah find his Instagram and or Twitter and or tick tock or whatever yeah have a one-on-one chatting situation right you can try to move it to one-on-one without asking him out yet try to move it to a one-on-one situation another platform get off twitch as a gamer mm-hmm and like I say this just strictly as a video gamer, I can't have anything clouding my shit when I'm fucking in front of the tube like that. What games do you play? Tetris.

You do the mini golf, right? Yeah, I do a virtual reality mini golf. And I can't have a girl in my life clouding that. I have to be 100% all in or I'm all out. You don't have to worry about a girl entering your life and drawing your attention away from Tetris. I wouldn't worry about that. Because like I'm trying to set up like all the- What's the highest level you got to in Tetris?

Four. Because then they start coming down pretty fast. Yeah. And like I'm like constantly thinking about girls. They cloud my vision, whether I want them to or not. The siren song is too loud for me. And then I can't set up that alleyway where like one long piece gets a

Tetris and since. Yeah. Whatever. In level four, you can't do that. Yeah. Level three, level three is my max.

And I've never been to level four. Basically, I've gotten 29 lines. Man, that sucks. Yeah, thank you. The easy part is keeping the women away. At bay. Yeah, at BAE. Okay, let's take another break.

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And we're back. Yeah. We got one last question about a college roommate trouble. Okay. It's a twin-related question. Twins. That's right. So I'll call him Dave or Jeff. Let's go Jeff. I saw him more recently. I love the podcast and was wondering

if you can help me out. I just got accepted into Indiana University and I'm in the process of picking a dorm and a roommate. I found the perfect place to live, but my twin brother wants to be my roommate. I really wanted to branch out and meet new people, but I also don't want to let my bro down. Should I try looking for a new roommate or live with my twin brother for a year? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. This reminds me of the story that Jeff and Dave went to the same school freshman year. Oh. They both went to James Madison.

Oh, I didn't know that. And they lived in different dorms and they would pass each other on campus and pretend they didn't know each other they look more different now but at the time they were identical twins two guys they would pass each other

and not even say hello just so like if one person saw that they'd be like what? and sometimes people would say to jeff hey dave and he would say hey just basically kind of assume his identity for a brief spell so they would pretend that the other didn't exist to the point where it's like i don't not only want to live with you but i don't even want to like acknowledge that you exist you don't exist to me and like and also not even acknowledging the other person's existence to strangers because you would be like, hi, Dave.

And rather than being like, no, Dave is my twin. Yeah. They would just be like, yo. And then Jeff was like, I can't handle this anymore. I'm moving to NYU. Yeah. I don't think he ever liked James Madison as much as Dave did. Interesting.

Yeah. It must be a nature versus nurture thing. Uh-huh. I get the, I mean, yeah, I think you should just tell your brother that you want to you don't have to make it about him you don't have to be like i'm i don't want to live with you you just make it about you say i would love to live with you but i really want to uh have like an independent time at school yeah did you have this option where it's like do you want to live with someone or do you want to live with a stranger?

I think in my school you maybe could have like requested a roommate and they've granted them. And I also know that like freshman year, some people like traded dorms once we made friends. But yeah, I didn't know anybody. So I just rolled the dice. Yeah.

I mean, it seems like a totally normal ask and it might be slightly offensive at first, especially if he wants to live with you. It's like you could still make friends and live with your twin, but it's a little weird to have identical twins in the dorm, the same dorm. I mean, I get both sides because I get why he wants it. He was like, oh, it'll be more comfortable than living with a total stranger. Yeah, it'll be better.

But you're like, well, I actually want the college experience, which is to potentially have a bad roommate. Yeah. But you don't have to do it for, you don't have to do it for that long. If it's awful, you can move. So I say, roll the dice, see if you can make a brand new friend, have the, like the real college experience. Maybe you'll be like, wow, my brother was right. And I want to move in with him, but he got a great roommate. He doesn't want to live with you anymore. He actually wants to divorce you as your brother. He wants to legally untwin. Could you do that?

Make me different enough? Yeah. You request a new birthday. I'll still be your cousin, but I just don't want to be your brother or your twin. Yeah. Were your dorms bigger than this room? Like our dorms were half the size of this room.

And then sometimes it was three strangers, 18-year-old dudes just living in a small box like this. I think my dorm was probably the exact size of this room. Holy smokes. Maybe a tiny little bit wider. So a little. Because we had the bunk beds over there. Yeah. Ken on the bottom, me on the top.

Yeah. My computer over there where that door is. Yeah. Ken's computer here. Yeah. Ken on the bottom, me on the top. My computer over there where that door is. Yeah. Ken's computer here. Yeah. And then along this right here, we had two reclining chairs. Wow. That we picked up at Salvation Army.

Holy smokes. And you brought them into the room? Brought them into the room. Mini fridge there. Could you do that? Add furniture to your dorm? Yeah. It was legal. Video games, TV? Did you get a big screen? Yeah your dorm? Yeah, it was legal.

Video games, TV, did you get a big screen? Yeah, we had the mini fridge there with the TV on top of the mini fridge. Wow. Big TV? It was, I don't think it was big. Big TVs cost a lot of money back then. Yeah, but Ken worked at Best Buy, so we got it for a discount. Holy shit, yeah.

Ken was a 51-year year old manager, right? You met Ken the day before you were supposed to start college. Ken was a non-matriculated 51 year old man, uh, manager with a family of four who actually shared the dorm with us. Our TV was so small, but like, you know, cause TVs were expensive. So like we had like a little small, like tube television, but we had one know, cause TVs were expensive. So like we had like a little small, like tube television, but we had one of the few TVs in the hallway or in the dorm hall. And I remember I started college September of 2001. So when nine 11 happened, everybody was just in my room watching that TV, but I was still sleeping. So I woke up and a bunch of people were in my room watching a small TV.

That's crazy. And that's how I like, I found out about nine. Wow. What a fucking moment. Yeah. It's kind of crazy too. Like you went to school in 2001 and it was so different.

Even three years later when I went to school for the first time in 2004. Yeah. Yeah. By then it's like everyone had, we had like flat screen TVs in our flat screen. And we also had like also had like big computers like you know a computer with a monitor that you had to bring in yeah laptops quite yet i got my first laptop at school but it didn't have wi-fi you had to like plug into the yeah and then like did 9-11 like rock your college experience or is that not college yeah it was you know it's four years after yeah Any tragedy, national or otherwise, that sort of defined your first week at college, I'm wondering?

It didn't have to be on the scale of. The Yankees blew the ALCS against the Red Sox. I think we got swept. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Johnny Damon hits a towering grand slam in game four. No chance of a comeback. I think that doesn't matter.

I mean, yeah, kind of. Like, because that wasn't really... George Bush won that year, too. Oh, that's nice. That was... I remember on election night going to bed, everyone on my floor, as the results came in, chanting four more years. Oh, they all liked Bush.

Loved him. And I remember just leaning against my pillow and being like, I have to transfer. I can't be here. I'm too big of a John Kerry fan to be at this school. Yeah, everybody fucking loved Bush at that school. Four more years.

Yep. And then you ended up going to John Kerry's school. That's correct. Hunter. Hunter. Did he go to Hunter? No. But you didn up going to John Kerry's school. That's correct. Hunter. Hunter. Did he go to Hunter? No. But you didn't transfer to Hunter, did you?

No, I transferred to John Kerry's actual school, Southern Connecticut State University. He's the first presidential candidate to go to a Southern Connecticut State school. SCSU. Yeah. Did we answer this guy's question? It's fine to tell your brother that you don't want to live with him? Yeah, I don't think you're going to hurt his feelings, especially if you don't make it like, I don't want to live with you.

Just make it about, you know, enriching your own personal experience. Cool. All right. Thanks for writing in questions. If you got questions or theme songs, we need more. Send them all down to ifireashow at gmail.com. That's right. It's the perfect time.

We've cleaned out the inbox. We're reading them as they come in now. You heard us read one from September. Yeah. fire you show at gmail.com that's right it's the perfect time we've cleaned out the inbox we're reading them as they came as they come in now you you heard us read one from september yeah this month exactly oh wow i uh i emailed the lady to see where in la did you meet whoa this guy and she responded what did she say a follow-up pop within the same episode that's incredible this doesn't usually happen this This is so cool. We could almost start doing live callers. Wow.

She said, hey, can you not email me here? I just meant to sort of ask the chat show, and now it feels like you're taking it personally. Yeah. Please do not read my question on the show. I wonder if we can re... We have to retake that whole segment. Okay, here we go. So my friend went to San Francisco a few months ago and met a group of

guys. While we were there at the Dodger game, she posted a story on Instagram and one of the San Francisco guys said he was also in LA and to come to the Victorian that night. Where's the Victorian? Do you know that, Casey? No, I've never been there. The Victorian

Los Angeles. Oh, it's a Santa Monica thing. Got it. There you go. Wow. So they went from Dodger Stadium to Santa Monica. Very long drive. Yeah. We went briefly, but ended up going to someone's place to play drinking games after last call. Wow. The place we ended up at was my guy's apartment. And as a brief update to the below, we've still been texting relatively frequently and there are some loose plans to meet up, but it's very noncommittal. I'm at a weird place where I'm super excited about him

and still intrigued by just how much we hit it off, but also logically know that there's a good chance we mutually fade away. Again, any advice would be interested. Love you guys. Amazing. So does that change anything? No, I think the advice is still in line.

It sounds like she might have been doing it on her own anyway. They're still chatting, flirting, and the plans are remaining non-committal, which I think is the correct vibe. Yeah. It seems like Instagram is now more of a dating app than actual dating apps now. Yeah, for sure.

You say like, hey, I'm here. People respond, DMs. It's an instant feeder. Yeah. And then like the grid, the actual main feed of Instagram is dead. Right. Like who's posting just like a picture

of like me on my birthday. I mean, you do that every day. Every year. I do it every day. You say I do it every day? Sorry, did you say I do it every day? You said I do it every day. No, I don't. I do it on my birthday. Is I do it every day? You said I do it every day. No, I don't.

I do it on my birthday. Is it my birthday every day? Or do I have one birthday a year? Just give me the fucking turdy. Clearly that's what you're angling for or something. That's a turdy. That's a turdy. That's an absolute turdy.

You fucking fumbled your joke, the mystique. There you go it's a golden mic for me for catching you on that bullshit what about before that if I hadn't brought that up at all it's tough to say it's tough to say you had a couple good cracks this episode

you sort of talked about me fucking a door for a while oh I would have got the golden mic for that what do you like that it was good alright well thanks for You talked about me fucking a door for a while. Oh, I would have got the golden mic for that. What? Do you like that? That was good. All right. Well, thanks for, yeah, Queen Elizabeth for writing in.

My God. More insight, more videos of us on our Patreon, patreon.com slash JA. Ja. And of course, if you listen to this and want to watch it, it's on our YouTube channel, the If I Were You Show YouTube channel. Thanks for writing in, thanks for watching, thanks for listening, and we'll be back next week. Goodbye, everybody. Loving ain't easy

And it sure ain't for the weak But you gotta fight And it sure ain't for the weak. But you gotta fight every battle. You gotta travel so far. Because everything you want Is on the other side of art You gotta fight every battle You gotta travel

so far because everything you want is on the other side of art Because everything you want Is on the other side of art That was a Hiddem Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast We're Here to Help.

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