Segments - 56: Business Ideas

Episode Date: January 27, 2014

In this episode we discuss climbing and grandmas. Then we make a SuperBowl bet. This episode is brought to you by LegalZoom: Online legal services, made easy! Check out LegalZoom.com and use either coupon code "Jake" or "Amir" for a discount -- http://zoo.mn/GPfH89 See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes.

Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well.

Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace.

Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap.

Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters? Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z.

So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store or an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. You're insecure, don't know what for If I were you I wouldn't be like that anymore Your dad is lame, you are ashamed You do you, see the cheese, clearly Jake's to blame Joking at me, run the silver lining

They'll make a fool of you I mean you light up the world like nobody else The way that Jake switches air gets me overwhelmed The way you're down in the dumps in heart to cell Oh, oh, oh Listen to the podcast show Oh no. He was getting stung by a lobster at the end. What?

Yeah. Lobsters stung him. Lobsters don't have stingers. I know. Well, that's why that noise came out of him. He was so shocked i think you were just stung by a lobster and a scorpion what the hell was that was what was my joke or what was that ending i guess both now i'm doubly confused i was confused by his by his noise

and then more so i was confused by you describing that noise as someone being stung by a lobster. Enough, actually. All right. You don't have to put two people on blast within the first 30 seconds of that fucking episode. You know what? To be fair, sometimes people deserve to be put on blast. And? I think it's a justified case of being put on blast.

So right now, just to be clear, you're putting not only me on blast, but Rosmarin, Norgi, and Christian from Holland who submitted that One Direction parody? Makes a lot of sense that they're from Holland. Why? I don't know. Because I just imagine everyone talks like that in Holland. I do love that song. You don't know you're your beautiful listen to the podcast

is that what he says at the end yeah oh okay that makes a lot more sense i just don't like i think maybe that dude should have let rosemary sing the last line of song give north jia freaking chance to shine this is north jia's hour of power especially if north jia just was stung by a lobster, I think, his sister. I also imagine they're brother and sister. Did he say anything about that? They're Siamese triplets, he says. Wow, there's just a dead fetus on both of their backs. That's Norcia.

Oh, dude, I was thinking about conjoined twins this weekend. Oh, cool. Hey, this is... Excuse me. What? Oh, can they masturbate this is... Excuse me. What? Oh, can they masturbate? Yeah. No one's talking about it.

Yeah, I know no one's talking about it. No one's talking about it. I think you should take the lead from everyone else and not talk about it either. I'm just curious. Well, would they... Conjoined twins can be anything. They can be conjoined at the hand,

and then it's mostly two bodies. They can be like a two-headed person. What were you about to say? A two-headed monster. were you about to say a two-headed monster you son of a bitch that's what i'm saying though if you have if you're like inseparable conjoined twins uh-huh then um like do you do they masturbate yeah no i know what you're saying it was very clear from your first and i And I googled it. And? I was sure I would find an answer, but nothing. I checked Yahoo Answers and Quora. There was never an AMA request for a conjoined twin to be interviewed on Reddit. There's never been an AMA of conjoined twins on Reddit?

There was an AMA request, I think, actually, but nobody, and it was all jokes. Everybody's joking about the masturbating, and no one's trying to find out any real answers. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of more actual scientific questions about conjoined twins that you should probably get answered before the whole thing. I know a lot about conjoined twins because I read a lot about them this weekend when I was curious. And? I know that they have sex less than other people. Yeah, makes sense. What with them being two fused humans and all.

Well, a lot of them compare being with their conjoined twin as having found their soulmate. They're like their second part. Oh, like they wouldn't,

is it like one of those things where like, we don't want to be separated. They're not as sexual as somebody who's lonely and wants to be with somebody. Right. They have someone.

Do they prefer to be conjoined? I mean, it didn't. Because it's all they know it's well yeah i didn't say anything about that see this is why we need that ama yeah anyway this is if i were you the only advice i'm not even halfway done talking about this shit holy crap sorry i'll use it on the internet hosted by us. I'm Amir. And I'm Jake. And we are out of time. All right. Wow. This is a micro episode. Five minutes and done.

Okay. So how does it work? People find themselves in difficult places. They email us at ifireashow at gmail.com. We read their questions and try to give our advice. Perfect. Todah. Todah.

Robot. Let's get into it. You know, even when I do do well i really don't appreciate that you're the fucking arbiter yeah that you're still you're still you still quietly look to me when you're done talking i hate that you know yeah that's on you though that's on you though i hate that you've trained me to seek your approval sorry dude i'm sort of taskmaster. Sorry, I'm not sorry. Hashtag sorry, not sorry. What an embarrassing thing to say. Worse than being stung by a lobster? Worse than I'll just leave this here? Oh, yeah.

Oh, God, I'll just leave this here. What are some embarrassing things to write on your own Facebook wall? Want. This period. This. All of the this. No shits were given that gay.

Alright. Should we get this party started? Up in here? Up in here. We are going to be reading real emails from real people, but we're going to be giving them fake names to preserve their anonymity. So you got a fake name for me in this guy?

Uh-huh. Chris Sharma. All right. Pretty specific, but here we go. All right. Chris Sharma writes, hey, guys, love the show. I sent you an email a little while back about a girl who wants to go climbing with me

who has a boyfriend. The problem was essentially that I'm super into her. Don't know how to handle going on climbing trips with her. Well, now she's coming on a multi-day climbing excursion with me and some friends. Camping. Spending the whole day together. And I'll be working on projects

so I'll need to be focused on climbing hard. On top of this, she's applying at my work, a rock climbing gear store, so I might have to work with her too. My question is, how should I handle this? I like this girl a lot. She climbs, she's funny, she's smart, and she's a goddamn dime. Should I play it cool and wait in the wings? Should we just be friends or should i avoid her until she breaks up with her boyfriend some help would be greatly appreciate appreciated thanks guys chris sharma this is so funny because i'm really imagining chris sharma wrote that email

just this this lean handsome man chris sharma for anybody not that doesn't know i don't know why you wouldn't well chris sharma is chris sharma is one of the best rock climbers in the world. Yeah, I know why people wouldn't know that. So this guy, Chris Sharma, now I'm going on a multi-day rock climbing excursion. I work at a gear store. No, you don't, Chris Sharma. You are a gear store. It's shit.

Well, you go rock climbing, even on rock climbing expeditions. Yeah. Is it romantic inherently oh my god yeah because it's like it's physical it's physical a lot of shirtless dudes just pumping through uh rock climbing bouldering roots it's like it's primal you know you like working your way up the wall then you also like have people's lives in your hands like if he's doing uh if he's like sport climbing or trad climbing, then he's like belaying this girl.

Just holding her. Holding her up. Feeling her weight. She's belaying him. Yeah, he'd like to belay her. End of the day, end of the day, you're sitting around the campfire,

the sun's going down, it's that magic hour, you crack open a beer and oh my God, somebody starts playing acoustic guitar. You gotta go retreat to your tent just to J-O, dude. You gotta be gotta go retreat to your tent just to jo dude you gotta be jno in your tent my man why just so you can keep those feelings at bay keep those feelings away jay i say uh yeah this is tough she She's smart, funny, a dime, and she climbs. I want her, motherfucker.

Keep her away from me. Look out, boss, because I boulder a V2. Which is the second easiest thing you can boulder. The third easiest. There's a V0 and a V1, you son of a bitch. I thank you not to bring it up. Yeah, all right. Easy does it.

But climbers love other climbers, right? Like how well you can climb is a huge thing amongst the climbing community. Like a girl who's not that attractive would be extra attractive if she was an awesome climber. Yeah, definitely. She would be extra attractive if she was a great climber, though. I'm not sure that like how good you climb is super important. I feel like just how much you love it is what's important. Rock climbers are like a very, cool uh group of people yeah they're a little more they're a little

more chill it's not about like oh what can you climb it's more about like do you love it you know you have chalk all over your hands all over the microphone it's funny that you chalk your hands and a full heart do other you have the like this split personality where it's like half of you loves rock climbing and then the other half of you would like also loves getting wasted and going to like clubs in vegas right the two powders i love are uh are ground up uh moon rocks just just uh snorting a line off of my kitchen counter, rolling my face off and going to Brooklyn Bowl. Or waking up at the crack of dawn trying to chalk up my hands and hiking into Red Rocks. It was Seminy Valley.

This past weekend when I was in Vegas, it was like the two, both of my personalities. During the day, I was climbing, and at night, I was just in a club with my brother yeah that was your happy zone yeah i don't know i think since i've been here i've been way more into um the day yeah climbing exercising being healthy it's the la lifestyle it's i think it's it's half la lifestyle and also half living at your parents house lifestyle my mom is pretty pretty uh epic task master you said what did you say lights out at 10 yeah well i don't have to be i don't have to be asleep at 10 yeah i just have to be in my room with the lights off at 10 i don't actually have a bedtime that's what she tucks you in yeah and then like i really should be asleep by 10 30

or 11 when she comes to check in on me. But sometimes I can fake it unless she listens to my breathing. And she's like well dessert was at eight now the sugar is gonna make it so you're up until 11 yeah and the other night she slapped me across the face backhanded i said i left my room at 11 15 i said i'm actually a bit thirsty can i have a spot of water she she actually wound up there was like a backswing on this and she she she she borderline punched me in the face she said she slapped the thirst out of you if you're hungry for more i got one more coming if you're if you really need something else which wasn't even true because i started weeping and it made me feel very dehydrated. Yeah. You were losing a lot of that salt water, that sodium. Yeah. This dude, what do you do?

Climbing aside, because we'll talk about climbing all day. You started rock climbing too. Yeah, I really like it. Do you enjoy it? Mm-hmm. What's your favorite part about it? I think getting to the top. Getting to the top.

Getting to the top of a route feels good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And leaving feels good, like putting moisturizer on your blistered-ass hands. So your two favorite things about climbing both don't necessarily involve the actual climbing. Oh, no. Climbing is the worst part. Being at the top and then putting the lotion on your hands.

Yeah, resting and leaving in lotion. You know what? I think I'm just going to buy a ladder and lotion. Yeah, if you just take a ladder to the top of the wall and there's lotion up there, that's all you really need. That would be ideal. That would be a keel. Keels. So the real question is how into this boyfriend is she?

If it's a new relationship, I'd say maybe it's worth trying to sow some seeds of doubt. If it's been going on for a really long time, you can wait it out because it might be almost over. But if it's in the lovey-dovey, super intense, hardcore period, this guy's got nothing to do but wait. Right. I also feel like sowing seeds of doubt sounds borderline illegal. There ain't nothing illegal about it. Right. Just like chipping away but i i think he also has a better chance if this other guy's not a climber and he is oh yeah that's i mean that's

it game over if you just start climbing harder than that dude does even if he does climb you become the best yeah if he's a better climber than you we suggest doing nothing yeah we suggest yeah quit the gear store uh take up a different hobby, boss. Tip your king over. This is checkmate. He's got you beat. I don't think that like sowing the seeds of doubt, as you say, isn't necessarily – you can't do it by being like your boyfriend. The right way to do it is just by being yourself.

Be great. Yeah, be great in her presence. Yeah, that's all it is. And then she'll realize that there's somebody better than her boyfriend and then you express interest in her and she's like wow the guy that's better than my boyfriend likes me i'm gonna jump ship that is if you are better than her boyfriend right so first step be better find out if you're better than her boyfriend if you are great if you're not be better if you become better then make the move and if you can't become better, then make the move. And if you can't become better, peace out. Those are your options, Chris Sharma.

But I wouldn't ignore her. Just be her friend. Be there for her. Be cool. Be good in her presence, which you should be doing anyway even if you didn't like her. You should just be good. So, do that. You can always be thinner. Look better. That's not what I meant by be good, but it is correct.

Alright. We need another we need another name because we're going to answer another question alex honnold alex honnold writes hey guys i got accepted to a scientific phd scholarship which will start soon the workplace is very nice good weather no stress or traffic and the work environment is friendly. The problem is that I cannot get out of my mind some business ideas I have, so I'm really not focused or motivated for the PhD. But the scholarship will get me a steady income for some years in contrast with the serious risks of starting a business in the middle of an economic crisis. Should I throw myself to the sea and find out if I drown or swim?

Love the show. Wish the best for you. Alex Honnold. Wow. Honnold. Sticky, sticky, sticky situation. Well, he's got business ideas. Well, yeah. I've got some business ideas, actually. I'd be down to become a doctor,

but on the other hand... I have an idea for a business. I actually have a couple ideas for different businesses. One of the business ideas is actually pretty dope. Yeah. So I'm considering doing that instead of becoming a doctor with a steady income, with good weather, and a friendly work environment. And last time I checked, some businesses actually do pretty damn well.

You ever heard of a little business called Nike? Yeah. How about Starbucks? How it works is people buy shoes and coffee and you get a cut. Yeah. Yeah. So businesses don't seem to be too bad of an idea, do they now? In fact, I can't think of a single business that's failed between nike

starbucks just glancing over this new york stock exchange app that i have these are all seemingly pretty profitable ideas ge that's good one right okay right off the bat this one universal they seem to make make real bank and actually actually, Clear Channel actually has a pretty sizable net worth. Yeah, and I'm looking at a steady revenue stream. And I can imagine these Warner Brothers that started Warner Brothers are pretty loaded, I think. I bet they're well off. And to be perfectly honest, my business idea isn't much different than theirs. Yeah, in fact, it's the exact same.

I'm going to finance some big picture blockbusters. Business is risky. Okay, buddy? Being a doctor with a PhD, nice weather, no traffic, and a friendly work environment? That's all reward, no risk. Yeah. But the heart wants what the heart wants. I think you can look at the list and see the pros,

which is for your PhD program, only pros. One con being you don't get to work on your business ideas. And then you look at your business ideas list and it's all cons, risky financial crisis, startup money, likelihood of failing. And they're all cons. And one pro, which is you get to do what you want. But is that one pro worth the cons? Here's the thing.

That one con you were talking about, not being able to – Whoa, excuse me. You were just stung by a lobster that was actually a lobster nest up there they've been buzzing about these little red bastards yeah there's a little hive over the corner of lobsters you should try lobster honey oh shit will change the way you think about lobsters and honey shit will, we'll check your ego. What was I saying? Oh, yeah, the one con of going a PhD that you said,

which was not having time to start your business, might not even be true. He might be able to start his business while in the PhD program. Oh. Just like a small, bare-bones, skeleton version of the business just to see if it'll succeed. And then as it starts to succeed,

then you can start failing out of school because you've brought that lifeboat closer to the ship. Yeah, why don't you not get rid of your safety net? Just do the PhD, work on the business as a side, and when it becomes mostly business and then the PhD is taking a back seat, then it's time to do all business. Although it is ironic that we are addressing Alex Honnold here because he's a very risky guy. He does a lot of solo climbing without a safety net.

Free soloing. Yeah. And the cons there are you're going to die. You know what? He still goes for it. That's right. Because it's what he wants. Fuck it.

You know what, man? Go for it. What it's what he wants. Fuck it. You know what, man? Go for it. What Hanel does is beautiful. And I think you should try to climb Half Dome without any gear. Yeah, I don't know. It's almost like if you really wanted to do it, you would have done it. Well, yeah. I think the two pieces of advice are either no matter what if you really

feel in your heart of hearts that you've got these great business ideas then you know what you should just go for it and try to try to achieve your goals but there's no reason you have to do it while sacrificing the phd but you if you really feel like you need to do this like all or nothing then fuck it fuck the phd although this show is If I Were You, what would you do if you were this guy? I would clearly just do the PhD program. Right. And I would not. You would not.

That's what happened. I was in college. Well, you wouldn't have gotten in. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So imagine you're smart enough to get into a PhD program. Well, all right. Well, first of all, fuck you.

Excuse me. Well, let me. Yep. Uh-huh. Fuck you. I want to take this and apply it to myself, where college humor was my business idea when I was working, when I was an intern at College Humor.

Right, not really your idea, but sure. Oh, yeah, but like, that's like the equivalent of my, of a risky, I have no idea what this means. This internship could last one semester, or it could last a year, or it could turn into a job, whatever. No idea, but I knew I liked it.

And then on the other side, I was getting a degree in creative writing, which I knew I liked it. And then on the other side, I was getting a degree in creative writing, which isn't necessarily a PhD. Yeah, not necessarily. Or at all, actually. Right. But I was getting a college degree, which people say that you should be doing. Yeah. As a quote unquote safety net, something to fall back on. So I was in college and I had an internship and I was like, which one do I do? My boss said, you can come in and work as many hours as you want whenever you're not in classes. in college and i had an internship and i was like which one do i do my boss said you get to uh you can come in and work as many hours as you want whenever you're not in classes so i said fuck it

i dropped out of college and i came into college humor all the time and look at me now motherfucker i got a podcast the hardest thing to get podcasts and academy awards are the two trophies you get for being in show business for as long as you have. This mic stand that I'm holding right now is a trophy. If I close my eyes and squeeze hard enough, it's a Grammy. But I think that's why I think both, well, I guess maybe not necessarily, but you stayed in college, got a business degree, and then also went and worked at College Humor.

Right, so I guess it is true. If I were you, I would stay in school. And if I were you, I'd drop the fuck out. There you have it. The little angel and devil sitting on your shoulder. Which one's which? I'm the angel. Why do you think that it's so good to go to college?

How dare you question my morality on this show? Yeah, you think you're angelic because you went to college? No, I just think you're a you're a bigot you think i'm a degenerate because i dropped out you're the one who thinks lobsters sting people that's you you didn't learn that in your four years of fucking public education excuse you um all right next question yeah we need i think uh i'm trying to remember if this is a lady or a dude uh i think it's a guy so give me a guys adam andra adam andra adam andra adam andra writes about three weeks ago my n Nana moved in with my mom, and they don't know each other a great deal.

It cost my mom thousands of dollars to move my Nana because she wanted to do it in the easiest possible way for my Nana. My Nana is depressed and shiz and cries half of a normal day and tells my mom that she nana is a burden and not wanted which makes my mom sad and makes her house a hostile place to live i can't act out at my nana because she is my blood but nobody is allowed to make my mom sad what would you do if i were you thanks mama's boy oh no so this guy's mama took in here his nana and his nana is acting mean to his mama and he doesn't know whether to act uh yell at his nana what a hard situation this is a real situation yeah this shit's hard but you are handling it the absolute wrong way why because he Because he's getting pissed at his Nana.

You have to look at this from your Nana's perspective. Well, wouldn't she be pissed at your Nana if she was yelling at your mama? I think I, well, I'd feel bad for everyone. I don't get pissed. I wouldn't be like, hey, grandma. Gram it. Man up motherfucker

Yo Nana Nana you gotta nut up If you're gonna live in my mama's house You check yourself right now Nobody makes my mom sad Nana you gotta man up Yeah man up Nana

Nana Nana you got no manners Nana Motherfucker Motherfucker never allowed us Get some mannersas nana And while you're at the store Get me a banana nana I ain't a fan of my nana

In fact I'd like a Fanta And a Flanna nana And a bandana nana Go make me a Flanna A Fontana and a bandana nana Yeah yeah yeah Then we could listen to Shannah and Arthur Fonzarelli. He converted.

The Hanukkah song, bringing it full circle. It's about time. I just think you can't yell at your grandma. You've got to, you're right in your, he says I I can't act out at my Nana because she's my blood. True. Yes. It's good. But like, I think you're harboring too much hate and resentment in your heart.

And you've got, you're turning it into a hostile place to live. Right now, it's a sad place to live. Yeah. So what you need to do is recognize the core root of the problem, which it sounds like you did, but you maybe didn't. Maybe it went over your head. Your Nana feels like a burden to your mother and to you, so why don't you do your best to make her not feel like a burden,

which will in turn make her stop crying, which will make your mom happy, which will make your Nana happy, which will make you happy. You're so selfish. All this is to make you happy. Well, it makes... All right. You small little Jew. You this is to make you happy. Well, it makes... Alright.

You small little Jew. You leprechaun Jew. You're more Jewish than me. I identify very strongly with my mother's side of the family. My Christian faith actually guides me. I'm quite Protestant, now that I think about it. And I'm tall. No, that's good advice.

I mean, my advice is not really for him, but for everyone else listening to this podcast. You think you're in like a shitty place, you're kind of bored, you're not really doing anything in your life. Think about how much worse it can be. Let's take this person and treat them as an inspiration. At least you're not living at home

with a mean nana who's acting mean to your mama. That's an inescapable situation. Well, not fucking inescapable. You want to know what the real inescapable is? Imagine you're an old nana living at home as a burden to your daughter and some resentful prick of a grandson. Everybody hates you. You feel like a burden. And, uh-oh, you are.

And you're like, holy shit, why can't i just die no one's nice to me jesus well at least this kid can fucking move out that's true um all right so in summation what would you do if you were him i think what you what you have to do is be nice to your elders they're the ones that have been alive for a long time. They've seen a lot of shit. Their whole body is hurt and they have to deal with being dead very soon. So you just have to be nice to old people all the time.

You should definitely be nice to an old person who is your grandmother, who has loved you unconditionally since the day you were born. And I understand you want to protect your mother, but the best way to do that is by making your grandmother happy, not by telling her to fuck off. I totally agree.

I couldn't set it better myself. You were asleep that entire time. I could, yeah. It's one of those rare occasions where me and Jake pretty much said the same thing, but in a different way. I had a wet dream just now. I watched your penis grow and ejaculate in your jeans did we ever look up time lapse time lapse photography of a man having a wet dream no we

have two we have two things we need to learn more about time lapse photography of guys having wet dreams and uh conjoined twins masturbating would that not be an amazing visual art uh work of uh guys sleeping in a bed on his back naked that's why we should be fucking artists dude and then and then the camera is facing down bird's eye view this guy looks like jesus on a goddamn cross all of a sudden seemingly out of nowhere his eyes start convulsing his dick gets hard and it just starts ejaculating i would volunteer for that i would i would volunteer to like be part of a study that i just if anybody has uh access to some kind of laboratory uh i want to sleep naked just give me a third uh uh what are those uh thermopad mattresses what are those things tempur-pedic give me a tempur-pedic mattress and i and make the room a nice balmy

74 degrees i'll sleep naked i won't jerk off for 12 hours and i will have a wet dream on camera guaranteed wet dream on camera i want it i love i love thinking about it i want it i really want it i want that i don't know when i think about it i want it all i want my birthday is a wet dream on camera I really want it. I want that. I don't know. When I think about it, I want it. All I want for my birthday is a wedgie on camera. And then if they're out of that, a big booty hoe will suffice. When I die, bury me beneath the corner stove. All right, it's break time.

We got some live shows coming up. We have a live podcast at the UCB Theater in LA on January 30th. Advanced tickets are sold out, but if you wait in the standby line, they let a lot of people in. It's like, yeah, a lot of people in. A lot. Right. Like at least three. No, like 70.

Oh, yeah, like 70. So come to the standby line. Come one, come all. Well, not all, but at least 70 of you. Please. Then we also have shows in Nashville on Monday, Februaryay february 17th and in charlotte on tuesday february 18th and then in syracuse at syracuse university on wednesday february 19th i always wanted to visit syracuse in february it'll be fun it's supposedly a lovely lovely place uh nine nine feet of snow on the ground as uh maybe three feet of ice it's gonna be cold i heard those kids rage

man like lake effect snow just a real blizzard like environment you care so much about weather you care more than anybody I've ever met you just like that's all I think about you care a lot about weather yeah

why is that? I don't know I don't get it I don't even like I've never ever looked at a forecast you never looked at a forecast if you're traveling somewhere next week you would ever looked at a forecast. You never looked at a forecast. If you're traveling somewhere next week, you would not look at the forecast. I think I've looked at maybe I've looked

at a forecast like four or five times in my whole life. I looked at the forecast 30 times today. And the weather in L.A. is identical every day of the week. There's no need for me to. It's just 76 and partly cloudy. That's what You must hate living here in LA. You never have to think about the weather. No, because what I do is I sort of get off to looking at other cities' weathers. Yeah, I checked out fucking Anchorage this week. Holy shit, I almost, I nutted on camera, actually.

It's fun to just look at the range, like it's a high of 60 one day and then a low of eight the next. Oh, oof. I use Forecastio, forecast.io. It's a nice little weather app. and then a low of eight the next oh i use forecastio forecast.io it's a nice little weather app if you guys have any better suggestions do let me know this episode is brought to you by forecastio um yeah i don't know any um those are just the three shows that we have lined up yeah well four right because there's three there's charlotte nashville

syracuse and then the one in LA. Yeah. The big four. The big four. You guys got to come, please. Even if you don't live near Charlotte, we sort of promised them more than a sellout. Yeah, you got to understand. If you live in Raleigh, you live in Chapel Hill, you're like, oh, I'll wait.

I'll wait until they come to my town. That might not ever happen. All right, relax. This is your one goddamn chance to see us in North Carolina. The best city, or the best state in the fucking union. North Carolina.

It's in the union? Or I meant, yeah, in America. Okay. Also, our billboard is still up. That's an exciting little news. Go check out our billboard. Please, if you live in LA, Highland, and Santa Monica,

could not get enough pictures of this billboard. That's right. live in LA, Highland, and Santa Monica, could not get enough pictures of this billboard. That's right. We were talking about what else we can do once this billboard goes down and we have access to billboards for several hundred dollars. Do we have continued access to these billboards? I think a big thing has to drop out

and then they have to get rid of these billboards at super discount prices. But we know the guy. We're in the loop. We're in the loop. We're in the billboard loop. Wow. We're in his inner billboard circle. If you have any funny ideas for a billboard,

like, I don't know, it could be a prank, like just a picture of a streeter. If we can find a funny picture of a streeter and make that a billboard, that could be a funny thing. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah. Or somebody's phone number. I want to just have a picture of me on the billboard

with a sign that says, I love my mom. Yeah. That somebody's phone number. I want to just have a picture of me on the billboard with a sign that says, I love my mom. Yeah. That way she knows. Yeah. Did you say you wanted to put your Tinder profile picture up there or something? Yeah. I was like, my Tinder profile picture with my zip code and just swipe right, ladies. That would be something I could do to you to embarrass you or that would that would be something i can do to

you to embarrass you yeah that would be awful we should do a have a bet where the loser has to do uh embarrassing billboard of the other person's choosing oh that's great now to think about the stakes super bowl the stakes are here oh yeah now to think about the actual bet the actual bet super bowl oh yeah i think the uh seawks are going to win it all. Right, and I think Denver will. So maybe we should make a bet. Loser has to get a billboard of the other person's choosing. All right, done.

Really? Yeah. All right. And the loser has to pay for it, too. Okay. So $380 plus an embarrassing billboard, and I'm rooting for Denver and you're rooting for Seattle. Yeah. Can't wait. Is this podcast coming out before the super bowl yeah oh great

now you guys know who to root for now that there's no taking it back yeah which one does manning play for you truly are the richard sherman of billboards that's what happens when you mess with greatness don't come at me with a sorry ass bet um all right last question yeah uh yeah need another uh male climber's name geez louise man i mean it's a it's a male dominated industry no we have to say at least one female climber. Alright, female climber, but this is a male writer. Sasha DeJulian. Sasha DeJulian, the male, writes, I'm a university student and have always been taking my class notes on my

laptop. This past week, for midterms, I began writing my review notes on a legal pad and highlighting them for review, which worked very well. My friends keep referring to my notes as pretty now, and highlighting them for review, which worked very well. My friends keep referring to my notes as pretty now, and I can't help but be bothered by that. Is it effeminate to highlight notes? Should I go back to my laptop and not do as well? Thanks. Sasha.

Oh, he's gonna be really pissed that we gave him a woman's name. No! We hate to break it to you, bud. It's very effeminate what you're doing. Yeah, I mean, your friends called it pretty. It's borderline womanly.

I don't care if it works, if it gives you a better grade, and you succeed more in life. You don't want to be that guy that has... That guy, that girl. It's all nice. Just go back to the fucking laptop, dude. I can't believe you even wrote us in with this trash. This is a no-brainer. Obviously, take the C+, but at the very least, your notes are doodly.

Did you want to ask what to do with the feminine highlighter notes? Because I suggest burning them so no one ever sees them. I don't know how many friends called them pretty, but you obviously have to kill them. Nobody can know. Nobody can know you did something pretty. These friends aren't even insulting him. If they were insulting them, I can see, at least understand his point of view,

that he doesn't want to get ridiculed. But all they're saying is that his notes are pretty, and he took it. I guess this guy is a closet homosexual who's so afraid of being outed that like. Or homophobic. Yeah, he's trying to overcompensate this much that calling his notes pretty is making him seriously reconsider his, what he calls. Sexual identity. I think you don't, as long as you are you do better you're doing better so

that's great you never apologize for something that makes you better that's beautiful thank you never apologize for something that makes you better yeah you make me better all right i'll never apologize for you thank you um you're my best friend i know my brother in arms right my soulmate that's fine my wife no i'm not and i won't apologize to anyone for that apologize for the wife part i think it's an affront to wives That you call me that I love you I'm head over heels Enamored, infatuated Obsessed

In love With you And I wrote you a song Oh my fucking god I'm head over heels In love with you Thank you so much for everyone who's read I'm head over heels in love with you. Thank you so much for everyone who's read. I'm head over heels obsessed with you too.

Bad song. I love you so much. Bad song. Do you love me? I don't. I love you so much. Please say you love me. Oh, bad.

It's obviously a work in progress, but that was 99% done. I think I might add a string accompaniment. So it's not a work in progress. I'm head over heels. I don't know, a cello or something. I haven't quite nailed it down, but it's going to be not pretty, I'll tell you that. How dare you? I'm pretty good at guitar, but my friend called my last song pretty.

Should I break my guitar and take up a more manly instrument? I'm actually pretty upset about it. But then I don't want to be pretty upset because then the word pretty is in it and I start freaking out even more. I hate the word pretty. Oh, Merce. Get over it. Do good. Get over yourself, boss.

All right. That's enough. That's our show. Thanks for everybody who's written in so far. The email address, again, is ifireashow at gmail.com. If you need advice about something, we will do our best to guide you out of it. We're also still accepting theme song submissions. Every episode starts and ends with an original theme song written by and performed by and recorded by our talented, talented fans.

That's right. We do nothing. Yeah, we do literally nothing. That first one was written by Rosmarin, Nortje, and Christian from Holland. Can I suggest a band name for them? Yeah. Holland Oats. Nice. Holland Oats.

Nice. Holland Oats. Nice. Especially if you guys love oats. And this last one is written by a dude named Matt whose band is called Something Noble. We'll be back once again on Thursday. Thanks for listening, everybody. Peace.

If I were you, this is what I would do If I were you, this is what I would do If I were you, I'd listen to Jake and Amir, that is why they are here To help you through all these situations To help you through life's hardest problems Let their voice be a shining light to guide you back home when you are lost. That's it. Another episode in the books. Visit LegalZoom.com to save on your legal needs, like wills for $69, LLCs for $99, plus

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