Segments - 562: Athletic Lightning Round

Episode Date: October 17, 2022

In this episode we discuss bicycling, tennis-ing, and everything in between. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of mcdonald's for not a lot of money get the five dollar meal deal today prices and participation may vary for a limited time only nice Running a podcast company Takes everything you've got Having to deal with Jeff and Riley Sure sounds like a lot

Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go out for lunch To eat Japanese And order onigiris You wanna go where others don't, where prices are quite insane You wanna go where the food is at best just plain You wanna go where rice is light and meals in humane you wanna go where it costs too much

for that rain very good cheers theme yeah respect it and cheers to omsby which was cheers to omsby is this not an old theme song have we not played this uh according to lauren mince we haven't he resent it but um i see yeah it's actually the same guy that sent in a terrible blink 182 cover and a pretty good louis armstrong one is that what that's what he says yeah well that's what we called it we probably called it the opposite a great blink 182 cover and a pretty good louis armstrong one hmm yeah we're never we're never rude uh this time i wanted to do something no one has done yet for the pod which is to parody a theme song for a tv show

that's not true i chose to parody Cheers and provide a theme song called OMSB. I hope you guys like the song. Nothing to plug. But I did have a question for both of you. Oh. After 560 episodes of If I Were You,

you had almost every College Humor alum on the show at one point. But is there a reason Jeff Rubin has never appeared as a guest? Jeff has a podcast, he really he should i thought he did once in the middle of the pandemic i remember like oh yeah he did it was like me you

jeff and pat but was a it was definitely one of those non-traditional if i were used yeah it was like so early in the pandemic we thought we had to like record a phone conversation i should listen to back on those it's's just like a time capsule. Remember the first episode after the pandemic, we like called Ben and Jeff and Marty and asked them how long they thought the pandemic would last. And we should re-listen to that because I don't think it would have aged well.

I remember thinking that it was going to be a month. I remember being like, yeah, we'll be back in an office in like six weeks or something like that. Yeah. I vag month. I remember being like, yeah, we'll be back in an office in like six weeks or something like that. Yeah. I vaguely remember my brother being like, people are saying it's going to last through the summer. And I was like, the summer? No way.

Until June? No, I don't think so. That would be the worst fucking thing in the world. So I think we have had Jeff on, but maybe we can have him in a more official capacity. Yeah, definitely in a traditional sense that'd be nice i actually don't know if omsby our old um or at least my old favorite lunch spot um survived i think it did not didn't it close it i thought it closed pre-pandemic yeah that's a funny thing to imagine like a restaurant failed anyway but then like if somebody asked like yeah yeah, the pandemic just wiped us out.

I thought it closed in December. Yeah, but like the writing was on the wall. Yeah. The data was coming out of Wuhan and it didn't look good. So we shuttered the restaurant. It's a good excuse. Something that's kind of similar is I remember people trying to get jobs in 2015 or something. I mean, now I don't remember the years, but it was like, oh, yeah, the recession and the job market. I was like, I think that has passed as a reason that you can't get a job.

It's fun to blame the pandemic. And oftentimes it's true so nobody really calls you out on it yeah i mean things are bad generally so it's even if it's not bad for you specifically because of that it's it's created conditions that aren't good um all right so thank you again to who was that gosh lorn mints yeah lorn lorn good stuff you don't really meet a lot of lorns it's just michaels and this guy i guess right uh all right we asked uh for lightning round quick hits fast questions trying to answer as many questions as possible sometimes we take our sweet ass time with it and sometimes we rush through it all so let's let's have a rush through it all episode oh that's fun we'll get a lot a lot let's

get a lot done yeah high quantity low quality this is a fire you the only advice pod on the web hosted by us indeed some of these are actual advice questions so we can try to answer those as well um for example that's good stuff buddy love asks how do you tell a nice person that they talk too much without being overly rude without being overly rude yeah you can be rude just don't be overly rude I think you just take the blame on yourself. You say, like, sorry, I'm really tired. Like, let's calm down. Let's both of us shut the fuck up. I feel like we're both talking a mile a minute. Can we?

Yeah. I mean, I'd have to know exactly what they were saying and what they were doing. But I think you say something to the effect of like let's change the subject or let's slow down or can we talk about something that's less stressful I've had a long day something like that you just politely ask to move the topic um and say that you're tired and then they might not even and they might not Venture into the new topic because you've kind of told them the truth that you don't feel like talking about something. Talking is hard, but listening can be harder because if somebody is talking at you, then you have to like occasionally, your brain has to be on and listening and chiming in when necessary. Yeah.

You could always fake an email or a phone call. You know, sorry, I have to deal with this. And then make it seem like you're taking something really seriously. So it's not like that easy for them to just jump back in and be like, so anyway, I was saying, you know. Then they require you to talk. You can also take a phone call and sort of tell them everything that you should be telling them.

So it's like, sorry, I have to take this hello shut up shut up you talk too much you really do talk too much leave me alone that's right sorry this you get it all out davis talks my ass off every time he calls me and it's the worst i can't stand when people talk incessantly without a point. That's all. Anyway, you were saying. I see you didn't get a call. You told me to shut up. Low key.

Taking out a pocket knife. Do you have a problem with me? Yes. We're back. That's right. Speaking of back aaron dick reed asks unfortunate last name uh when is jugo coming back aka yugo is that like a thing that you guys have to decide together can you sort of force yeah i can i can unilaterally decide. I could actually just show up at Murph and Emily's with you in tow. With you in go.

Having had me in the car. Yeah. And they would have to abide by that because I brought Hugo and you can't insult Hugo on the day. All right, cool. So that should be soon. Although I usually come in around the holidays, so that's got to be coming up day. All right, cool. So that should be soon. Although I usually come in around the holidays, so that's got to be coming up too. That actually is true.

Yeah, when we record, I guess in November or December, you should come through. Ali Hagani, aka iAlligator, asks, what are your favorite cars? Also, why is the head gum license plate in the la studio and not on my mazda he knows i have a mazda that's cool um wait you don't have the head gum license plate anymore i do i think i had to get a new license plate because i got a new mazda so i put the old one as decoration and then the new one is on my car that's cool that's cool um i actually just got a new car

it hasn't arrived yet but i um would you say it's your favorite car i got a lease no i would actually not say it's my favorite car i'm a little disappointed that i got it but it was the right thing to do so i went for it i got a rav4 hybrid yeah very practical smaller suv got rid of the car that i do love the toyota 4runner that would be that's that's your favorite car um i think i mean my favorite car is probably the one i had before uh 2000 toyota tacoma so you're a toyota man through and through i do love toyota And I love that Tacoma. Many good memories in that car. And just felt happy every time I drive it.

I'm not one for like technical specs, like horsepower, that kind of thing. I just like to feel happy every time I'm in my car. Yeah, what makes you feel happy about the truck? Is it just nostalgia? Like would any car have given you that or i think i guess maybe it would have to be for the nostalgia it would have to be a pre-2000 car um and i i like the boxy elements i like the analog features that's just like like a key going into a thing yeah it's power windows but really nothing else everything else has like freaking buttons there's no motors everywhere. That's why you didn't like renting the Tesla

because everything was too smart. I despise the Tesla, yeah. What's a good car to you? A Mazda? I was going to say a Tesla, but... Oh. Because you despise it. We're allowed to...

We can have different opinions. It's fine. I'll say a ford i don't like ford not a like ford truck dodge durango not really but it's fine that's okay i want you to really cruiser painted green and the license plate says why why so SRS? I feel like you trying to come up with a car that I like. You're not even saying cars that you necessarily like. An 88 Chrysler LeBaron. That's perfect.

Really? That's actually sick. Convertible? Yeah. In the cobalt blue? You better believe that. Convertible by accident. What about your first car? Do you the the one you got at age 16 was it a hand-me-down or was it a real it was um it was purchased

used for me and my sister uh she was i think she was like 19 and i had turned 16 and we both wanted a car and we got a 1992 Toyota Camry. Oh wow, very similar. I got my older brother's hand-me-down, which was a 94 Honda Accord two-door. Oh, very nice two-door. The first night that I had my new used car, I felt like it smelled a little bad. So I rolled down all of the windows and opened the sunroof. And it was a torrential downpour that night. I woke up and my car was beyond soaked. The cup holders were overflowing with water. It never, ever smelled right again it was which is why 16 year

olds shouldn't be allowed to have anything important yeah i didn't look at the weather i would just it's like this car smells bad open up everything go to bed wake up afternoon oh shit is there even like a drainage system from inside of a car? Or would it just fill up to the brim? I think it would just fill up to the brim. I mean, it was cloth interior, so it just soaked deep into the seats. To the point where it could never dry ever. It never, ever, ever smelled right. It always smelled like moldy cardboard for the rest of its life.

And that's what you've been chasing ever since. That's right. Do you have any ones? are you on that twitter thread um yeah is jay kerwitz aware that the colorado avalanche reunited blink 182 i was not aware and is that true the colorado avalanche well we should say that blink is uh back on the road or they're they have a reunion tour coming up i saw and i don't think anyone has ever sent me that that link came in through uh my texts my dms the head gum slack people know that i'm a blink fan and they wanted me to know they wanted me gabrus was in the announcement video did you see that that was incredible so cool uh so what's the closest blink show do you do you look at the schedule is are the

tickets released uh it looks i mean they're coming to brooklyn i think or new york uh new york in may the schedule is yeah it doesn't say where they're performing but i guess i would guess like msg yeah is it or is it like you look and it's like actually just a 3 000 person venue but just like you're the target audience their reunion tour is going to be huge they were they were playing arena not arenas they were playing stadiums though aren't stadiums bigger than stadiums are like a hundred thousand arenas are like twenty thousand okay so maybe arenas yeah that's what it is yeah they weren't like selling out a football stadium. No, no, no. They weren't selling out a football stadium. But they were selling out the whatever it is in Hartford.

Right. That's where I saw them. Who do you think is going to open for them? I think it's, I thought it said. I thought like Rise Against or something like that. I don't know. What is that? Is that like a new band or like a band that would have opened for them in 2002? or like a band that would have opened for them in 2002 i think a band that would have opened for them in 2002 i'm also not 100 sure it

is rise against but it seems like just other punk bands so everyone there will be 35 to 45 right there's no 15 year olds at a blink show currently unless a 40 year old has a 15 year old kid yeah and brings them to the show. And then do you think, was it a thing just at Blink concerts or just concerts in general that girls would flash them and they would do stuff with that? I think that was a thing in general. Not just a Blink show. Blink definitely made a meal of it, for sure. Yeah.

It was a part of their show. I remember seeing some boobs. I think it was a Blink-182 concert once. Yeah. It was a part of their show. I remember seeing some boobs that I think it was a Blink-182 concert once. Yeah. Yeah. Because if people showed their boobs, they would get like shouted out on stage. Yeah. Take off your pants and jacket indeed. I really respect that they like stayed true to who they are with their announcement. They're coming. We're coming. Yeah. They're still just super sophomoric, even though like Mark K is a 52 year old cancer survivor or something yeah it's pretty crazy i wonder uh i wonder how the colorado avalanche let's take a break let's look up and try to understand how

that's even possible yeah colorado avalanche blink 182 uh thanks to sponsors and we'll be back after these messages thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show hell yeah Jake you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point exactly eons it feels like yes so you know how easy it is to use their simple intuitive drag and drop design technology, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I

did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com.

Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store or an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off

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It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ad somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard folks take this survey and we will read the results it's g-u-m dot f-m slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s cool sorry i have to spell it out for some people yeah you do. And we're back. I told you this, but last week, one of my friends, Ofer, his father, challenged you. Yeah, he found out that me and our other buddy, Amir Cohen, play tennis every week.

And he's like, you know, I play tennis every day at a country club. Mm-hmm. Let's play together. I'll try to, you you know destroy you at tennis and i said sure yeah let's uh let's rally bring it on old man yeah i only play with amir cohen so it's like we're not necessarily getting better beat you right he's never cohen has yet to beat me in a set but we're roughly comparable like we're not hitting some really hard shots. We're like a lot of slow conservative trying to hit the ball back in. What's the closest that he's come?

He's tied. Like we've got to like five, five and run out of time or six, six. And like, we had to leave because somebody else was kicking us off the court. And it's been two years. How insanely frustrating for him.

Yeah. Now it's sort of a running joke where it's like, he's not so close that it's frustrating. It's kind of like, this is ridiculous. How do I never, like, it's not so close that it's frustrating. It's kind of like, this is ridiculous. How do I never like, it's not like I'm a lot better than him. So it would make sense.

It's not like if I was playing a professional and I would never win. If you were to see us play, you would have been like, okay, half the time, maybe 60 to 70% of the time I would win. And then he'd win the other, but no zero for whatever.

Interesting. So over his dad who plays tennis every day is like, let's play. Let's let you know, you think, think you know you're so good let's uh let's have at it one-on-one mano y mano winner take all uh i said sure i wasn't really competitive or combative i wasn't saying that i was gonna kick his ass because i'm like you know i'm a lot younger than him but at the same time he plays tennis every day so like maybe his form is better and i can run a lot faster or whatever yeah so are you thinking like oh man i hope i don't embarrass him by like actually being good or were you like i wonder if he'll beat me or well my other friend matched my other friend jesse said that i was

gonna beat him because he's uh 25 years than me. He's like, just make him run. You're not even 40. He's over 60. You'll be fine. I'm like, well, I hope you're right. But at the same time, I've only played Cohen once a week for two years. He plays every day versus a variety of people. Maybe he's taking lessons. Maybe he's learning faster, getting better than me. I'll try to make him run. But at the same time, he's also in probably pretty good shape if he's playing literally every day. So the day comes last Thursday where I drive to deep into the valley to his country club to play him at tennis. A bunch of my friends want to come and see. Ofer's children, this guy's grandkids are there. They made some of them say go saba which

means go grand grandpa so they are not in your camp no although some of them did say go saba and amir which was really nice so it's like you know they just wanted to see a good game yeah over the over text me that day and he's like my dad has already played this morning like oh okay that's is that a good sign for me? Because he might be tired? Or is it the fact that he's playing two a days now, and I haven't played in a week and a half? Is that a bad sign?

I get there at five. He's already warmed up. He's sweating like he's been playing since four. So, like, he already played in the morning, and he's been playing for an hour. Oh, my God. I only play for an hour once a week. So, like, I don't have – I clearly am not in better shape than him and yeah he's

warming up against the guy who's awesome he's like the other guy is just crushing the ball top spin forehands down the line right to right to ofra's dad they're training and practicing i just arrived like you know pretty cold training just for you that's gotta feel pretty cool yeah or at least like you know i want to show this 39 year old who's boss um so i'm like yeah let's hit a round as soon as we start hitting around i realized like um rami you're in trouble oh first that yeah he's better than me at tennis it's not even like it's not particularly close he's very good control a lot of pace a lot of top spin on his shots like he can like run me around fairly easily uh so we start the set he wants to play best of three sets which i've never done i usually just play one set he's like we know you got to win two

i'm like all right great yeah he starts serving his serves are fast and slicing. So I'm never trained against somebody like that. Going on that serve particularly slow. Is he acing you left and right? Not acing me, but not... You just can't return it. I can return it, but my returns are always just getting a racket on it and it's a lob back to him. I'm not returning it with power or anything like that. I can get a racket on it and it's a lob back to him i'm not returning it with power or anything like that yeah i can get a racket on it but the lobs that go back to him he's like putting them away fairly easily like i have no i have no answer to that i'm like your rallies are like him to you you to him he puts it away correct okay yeah then it's my turn to serve if my first serve doesn't go in my second serve is very slow.

Also, he just puts it away. At this point, I'm like, I'm sorry to everybody who came out to see this. This is not an equal match. He's going to beat me by a lot. This isn't about me digging deep. I'm not better than him. I'm not as good as he is at tennis. Did you address the crowd?

No. Everyone was very funny and laughing and supportive. But he was just like, you know, he was a lot better at tennis than me. Yeah. Quasi-toying with me. The first set ended probably in eight minutes. He won 6-1. Eight minutes?

Very easily. He beat me 6-1. I'm like, okay. Let's play another set. I think maybe like when I was serving serving one of my few of my first first serves went in or maybe he made a mistake when he was like returning it like hitting it wide or slightly long very fortunate uh more friends show up how's it going what's going on i'm like uh poorly or great for him he is a lot better at tennis than i am um it was 6-1 in the first set second set i

was sprinting towards his balls like instead of like letting the shots just sail by me i was like actually running for them using your youth using my youth trying to make him run as well i maybe he also just got bored it was 3-3 i'm like holy shit i'm so gassed but it was 3-3. I'm like, holy shit. I'm so gassed, but it's 3-3. If I win this second set, I don't think I have anything left in the tank for set three, if it happens to go that way. Fortunately for both of us, he then ended up beating me 6-3. So the final score was 6-1, 6-3,

but he didn't really have to try very hard. He was just a better tennis player than me and he had already played earlier that day and was training before i got there so like as winded as i was he was in better shape than me as well was he like let's play again or was he like okay we got that out of our system uh i'll never see you again yeah it was more like well you're the vibe was that it's it wasn't an equal match. It's not like, wow, that could have been anybody's game. Let's try it again.

It's just like, you should learn how to hit it like this before we play again. Or like, you can't always spin it back to me because it's really easy for me to return. I'm like, yep, that's true. I blame Cohen because I feel like you should be training with a pro you should be taking lessons yeah many different partners yeah you should be playing more you should be getting more match time um i think i i haven't been taking it as seriously like he's been training for this moment and i have been just sort of hitting around with a buddy do you feel like you want to take it seriously now yeah i mean it'd be great to get better at tennis for sure um but when i'm

playing against cohen there's this this win streak on the line that i never want to like try to hit it harder to go for high you're not improving you're just trying to preserve your streak yeah so i'm never gonna to go for winners that often will miss because I don't want to lose at this point. You're only ever going to be good at beating Cohen. Correct. I've been training for one opponent and one opponent only. And one goal to have a winning record.

Yes, against this one opponent. A random guy. Yeah, exactly. And we're both not taking it seriously, very seriously. It's not like he's taking lessons as well. So I will only get as good as he gets by playing against me. He should take lessons because that'd be really fun if just one day he showed up and blanked you. And that would be the only way I would get better is if he starts hitting the shots that Ofer's dad was hitting against me.

So I can practice and try to train against that style of opponent. Well, we should play. We've talked about it before. You and I should play. Yeah, you're coming this weekend. Maybe we can play. Yeah. I wonder if you're more of a me or more of an Ofer's dad.

Oh, definitely more of a you. I think I would almost certainly be worse than you. But what about your peak powers? If I, I mean, now I haven't, I hadn't played like 10 years and I haven't played in a year since I started playing like last summer. So I wouldn't say, I don't think my powers even have a peak. If my serve is going in, i think i could win a few games but like when you were playing in college fairly regularly oh then i think i was like i was decent

i wasn't i wasn't good i couldn't win against any college players but i could win against any of my friends that wanted to play tennis oh shit okay because i sort of said that when i was walking off the court i said i have a friend that could kick your ass. And he's like, who? Bring him. I'm like, who, who do you think it is? It's fucking Jake and he played in college. So name a time and a place. And he did. And I sort of set you up. I put you on pedestal. To fail. Yeah. And now I'm worried that. Go Saba, go Jake. I'm kind of frightened that he's going to sort of kick my ass again by proxy. You're going to make me look bad, Hurwitz.

It was very humbling to lose that badly. Really to anybody, but to somebody who was 25 years older than me. Yeah. That is, that's an interesting feeling. I felt helpless too. Yeah. It's not like it was nerve-wrackingly close. It was just a...

You know when it's one-on-one like that and someone is just more skilled, it's like, I don't have it in me to beat you. Whenever I go home and I play soccer with my dad and his pickup soccer league, there's some guys that are my age, some guys that are younger, but then there's like guys that are in their 60s, 70s.

And I think that I'll be able to like get around them, stop them if they're coming toward me, but they just have more ball control and they know how to play soccer. They're cheating. Yeah. All I have is my speed and dedication and my desire to not look a fool

but that's not enough it's not enough it's not enough so like a 70 year old can just kind of deke me out because i fall for like the oldest trick in the book because i've never played soccer yeah maybe we could do a web series in which we challenge older athletes at different sports and just get our asses handed to us see that's actually that is pretty fun i wonder if there's any sport that we could beat a 75 year old professional in yeah probably not i mean i was thinking of pickleball but i've never played pickleball and i've seen a lot of older gentlemen sort of dominated that. I've been watching pickleball take a hold in my neighborhood. Like near my climbing gym, there's a big open lot.

And I rode my bike to the gym one day. I saw one pickleball net up. Rode it the next week. There was two. Went there last night. And there was just like eight different pickleball courts that were all set up with people like with temporary nets people that brought their own nets their own rackets drew their own courts it's it's a phenomenon it's spreading and you know who you know who hates

pickleball over his dad over his dad that's right older tennis players think that it's like this new fad and it's like taking courts away from their hobby. Yep. That makes sense. That absolutely makes sense. Maybe I'll get better at that and challenge him at pickleball or something. Although that's more like ping pong, I think. Right.

Okay. Here's an athletic question. Best surfing tip for a beginner? Says Cia Red. Damn. I haven't been surfing in i think a month and a half now maybe even two months um so my advice is to go uh you have to go because otherwise you won't get better and that's the hardest part about surfing is getting to the beach it seems yeah yeah and well the conditions also have to be right there have been a couple days where i

was like i'm free i'm gonna go surfing and then i look at the wave report and the waves are too big like i'll go if the waves are one to two feet i'll go when they're small oh wow i don't give a shit as long as it's 24 inch waves or less i'm fucking there true i mean if they're six foot waves i can i will i'll um get my ass kicked there's no point in me going i don't even i don't have a board for those waves um so if you but if you're beginning i think one uh maybe like rent a board your first few times so you don't end up buying like a nine foot board that you don't want the need to sell it it. Get a foam top because that helps you catch waves and work on your form a little bit more. And yeah, all the gear is expensive. So rent your first few times.

And then if you like it, then check out Facebook Marketplace. That's where I bought my surfboard. Here's another basketball related, sorry, athletic related question. This one is about basketball. It says, what is the peak moment of your basketball playing career? I guess, do you have a peak moment in your basketball career or maybe in any athletic career, like a moment or a thing that you did that was the most impressive athletic feat? Wow. I think, yeah, definitely. I think think so do you have a basketball one i'm gonna try to think of my crowning athletic achievement i remember in high school once i threw a volleyball across a basketball court one-handed and it went in so that was pretty cool it's like one singular thing like a 90 foot heave that went into a basketball hip hoop that is yeah that's pretty solid and then like a few

months ago i made seven threes during a pickup session it was not one game but like over the course of three games i made seven threes so that was my most recent achievement so those two things between making seven threes and then also throwing a volleyball in from 90 feet. That's pretty sick. Okay. So I'll go with an old one and a new one. I believe I won the 12 and unders doubles championship. Wow. At my pool club. Yeah. Me and Scott Fitzsimons won. And it was, you know, nobody expected me to win. I don't think I was an underdog. Scott was good. He was really good, yeah. Yeah, really good.

Actually, I twisted my ankle in the second game. Take a seat on the doubles alley and I'll sort of play Canadian style one on two. And he destroyed the next best 11-year-olds. And then the other one is maybe just this past week when i rode my bike 100 miles from brooklyn to new haven wow how long did that take uh 11 hours jesus 11 hours of riding straight uh no it was 11 hours we left at like 7 30 and we got to my parents' house around like six something. Oh my God. And then, but like just pure riding time, I think like eight and a half hours. And did you feel like I could just keep going like I was walking or like by the end you're like, this is like the end of a marathon and I'm dead.

It was, it came in waves. Like after, I think when we got out of like the Bronx or when we were in the Bronx, I was like, Jesus Christ, this is like, the riding wasn't that challenging. Like it wasn't like hard on my legs, but it was just like, you had to be constantly aware of all of this crazy shit that was happening in New York City. And I was like, if it's, you know know 80 more miles of this it's really gonna suck yeah um and then once we got out of the city it was really beautiful we stopped for lunch around hurt your ass my ass always gets bruised whenever I'm sitting on one of those seats yeah we have to get the the um you know the the padded uh. Even with that for eight hours, you don't feel it? You feel stuff everywhere. I didn't feel it.

My ass felt fine. I've been riding a lot, so it doesn't like, the ass don't chafe. It don't bruise. But like, you know, from hunching over the bar, sometimes I feel like a pinch in my neck. From the motion on my legs, I usually, I feel something in my hip flexor sometimes. Yeah. My quads. I mean, every, when you ride for that long, everything starts to hurt. And then like after lunch, I think it was like 60 miles. And that was the heart. Like we finished lunch. We're like, okay, we're like a little more than halfway. And then we had to like, the first thing

we did was ride up a hill. And I was like, I was so gassed. I don't, like, I'm really going to limp home. And then it just kind of came in waves. By the time we actually, like, got to my parents' house, I felt good, and I could have rode for, like, 10 more miles probably. Oh, wow. And the next day? It was just the right wave. The next day, I also, I felt kind of like, physically, I felt fine. I felt emotionally drained.

I felt very hollow. I felt like a shell of a man, physically, I felt fine. I felt emotionally drained. I felt very hollow. I felt like a shell of a man, especially that night. Wow. And then the next day, I was like, I just still felt like my, I had like a little bit of brain fog. Interesting. I wonder if like the runner's high like depleted your serotonin like you had taken MDMA all day.

You felt like you were saddened the next day that does feel possible it was yeah it was a it was a big high we like pulled in my dad made cheeseburgers and cracked some sea hags it was like very celebratory and it felt really good we're all super amped so yeah maybe the next day i was just depleted the next day you were like at the end of hurt locker just found yourself in a grocery store looking at fucking a box of frosted flakes wondering if this is your life now they're ringing in my ear ptsd from not riding a bike wait did you ever do that hit by a car in bridgeport didn't you have to do a triathlon recently oh wait did i not talk about this on the show? They canceled the triathlon the day of the race or the day before the race. I was packing up.

We had all of our stuff by the stairs and I was worried that we were going to be late because I saw there was a ton of traffic. And I was like trying to call the race directors to see if I could pick up my packet after 6.30 if I didn't get there in time. And Jill went on their Instagram and they had just posted. So they canceled, they didn't fully cancel the triathlon, they canceled the swim, making it a duathlon. And it was just so bizarre. They didn't't email anybody they didn't do anything except post on instagram and it's basically not a it's no longer a triathlon it went from being a half mile swim 12 mile bike ride three mile run which is the sprint triathlon to just a 12 mile bike ride in a three mile run and i was... I'll just do that at home.

Yeah, why would I stay... Why would I drive three hours, stay in a hotel, wake up at five to go on a... Like, that bike ride is like my commute. And I... It was so much about the swim. There was an algae bloom in the lake and it was unsafe to swim.

And the fucked up thing was they had been dealing with it in their post they've been like we've been dealing with this since july and i was like well so why didn't you say that anything to anyone about it until today an algae bloom what does that mean there's like slime in the lake and it would yeah it was like yeah it was like unsafe to swim in because it was toxic algae that's actually not a terrible nickname for me algae bloom that's true algae it's it's your your initials stay the same too yeah call me algae algae bloom i like that uh that's unfortunate yeah pretty insane right but at least you saw the Instagram post.

It would have been worse if you drove for three hours and they said, can't go in the lake. We were so fucking close to doing that. We were so fucking close. So the next day, me and my sister and Jill, we were all going to do the triathlon together. We just went on like a 30-mile bike ride, which was a casual day trip for us. And three times as long as the bike ride for the triathlon that they were trying to make me pay for. So yeah, it was crazy. All right, let's take another break.

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time only and we're back uh okay braided magician asks have y'all ever been to the magic castle oh i have not i feel like we had we had a connection there and i almost went but i magic doesn't do it for me wow uh yeah there's this house castle mansion restaurant thing here in la called the magic castle where there's like a dinner and then you walk around and people are doing magic and then there's like rooms where people are doing like more stagey show magics uh in in this giant castle of a house in kind of near Hollywood. That's right. So I had my sixth grade birthday party there because my brother's friend was a magician.

Wow. Yeah. You're here, huh? No, Ben's friend was like one of the best magicians in the world at a certain point. What?

His name was Thomas. Yeah. And he got us into the magic castle. Is he still magicianing? I don't think so. I think he's sort of like burnt out from it and like moved somewhere far, far away. Interesting. Yeah, he got us.

Because you have to be invited by a magician. It's all like very like country club chic and like you have to eat after. You have to wear a suit, right? You have to dress up. You have to dress up and eat at their restaurant, which is bad. And they make you pay for it before you get to see the magic. So it's like this weird money laundering thing. You have to eat at our bad restaurant,

and then you can watch the magic shows because they know nobody would eat at the restaurant either way. I think part of that used to kind of be appealing. I think it was a funny date spot. If you can get a reservation, right. First of all, you look cool. We can get, I can get us in there. It'll be funny.

We'll look good. Yeah. We'll eat some bad food and see magic. But for me, that's like too many hills to climb to do something that I don't really, I like barely like magic. If it's like forced upon me, I wouldn't really seek it out. I, and then I think somebody like DM to me once and I like actually did go there on a first date once. I don't know if you remember that, but it was kind of a funny first date location because you have to eat dinner with this person and then you have to like watch magic.

And I mean, the magic itself is pretty good because it's like... Didn't that magician end up fucking your date? Yes. And that was so funny. That's a good lonely and horny me taking a date to the magic castle they saw me in half and leave me on the stage i actually i thought of another really dark uh lonely and horny premise um or a jake and amir one where you get a new bike and you walk in and it's one of those like

ghost bicycles that when it's one of those like ghost bicycles one that's like painted all white that means a cyclist was killed somewhere so a guy stole one of those on Craigslist and is charging me $800 to drive it and then I finally get it and everyone hates me for it

there's flowers all over the bike god so fucked up what the hell is your problem I paid top dollar for this There's flowers all over the bike. God, it's so fucked up. What the hell is your problem? What? I paid top dollar for this. It's a Cannondale. There's some freaking spray paint in the gears, but it's still a goodbye.

Yeah, so I've been to the Magic Castle. It's kind of fun. And me, I think it's a tragic hassle nice thank you jake asks the burning nerd podcast have you been liking the lord of the rings show oh i so i watched the first three episodes of it and i think it's it's cool it looks good it's got some of my favorite characters in it um the unfortunate thing is i'm watching it at the same time as i'm watching game of thrones it's kind of weird that these two kind of similar things are happening at the same time yeah but it's there's something like when i'm

watching lord of the rings right now it feels like i'm watching harry potter it just feels very like childish like teen yeah the dwarves are singing songs and like the comedy is so like hokey um at the same time i'm watching like you know really fucked up shit on uh on the hbo and it just feels like i don't think that uh game of thrones is necessarily better but i think that it just feels like, I don't think that Game of Thrones is necessarily better, but I think that it just makes me feel less like a child. If I had a nine-year-old, I'd be loving Lord of the Rings. Right.

It's more like PG-13 versus the Game of Thrones. Yeah, because I feel like the old, and it's totally, it's really similar to the movies, which I think is good and which is what I would hate if Lord of the Rings was trying to do Game of Thrones. But the other movies have like the nostalgia factor for me and the new show doesn't have that going for it.

So it's hard for me to get into that. It's the, are you liking the new Game of Thrones as much as you did Game of Thrones? Not as much as I like Game of Thrones, but I am liking it a lot. The first episode I was like, Oh, they're just trying to like regurgitate Game of Thrones and I don't care about anything. But they're like making a graphic as hell just on purpose to try to get a reaction from me.

And I sort of rejected it. But then episode two was better. Episode three was better than that. And now I'm kind of back into it. I was told that the episodes are too dark. Have you noticed that? It's kind of hard to see everything that's going on. Yeah, I have noticed that.

But I adjusted the picture settings on my TV. And it looks a little washed out, but it definitely looks better. It's pretty annoying. They did it at the end of season eight, too. And like HBO, didn't they, they made a, they responded to somebody and they were like, this was an artistic decision. It was like, why was, why was someone allowed to make that decision? Make it so dark I can't see anything.

It's bizarre. Mariam Gerges asks, what's the best sandwich in LA? It's got to be wax paper, right? It's a good sandwich. The Terry Gross at waxax Paper, I think, is my favorite sandwich in LA. Although, didn't we get a different sandwichery? You guys might have. I always try to get Wax Paper. I think Wax Paper is the best sandwich in LA.

It's tough to get a good sandwich out there. There's not very many. What's your favorite sandwich in New York? It depends where I am, really. But I think Anthony and Sons in Williamsburg. Oh, wow. I've never even heard of that. Yeah, you haven't.

Oh, here's another sporty one. If each of you can pick one sport to be world class in what sport would it be bonus question if you if you would then choose an abnormal or strange feature or a handicap for each other within that sport what would it be so you choose to be world class and then i say actually i'm going to give you a boil so you can't really excel oh Oh, that's cool. So yeah, I think it would be football. International football, not American football. I'd be a footballer. And you could give me a boil right on my forehead, so I wouldn't be able to head the ball without...

Oh, it's off the boil slash crossbar. Another epic strike for Boyle Hurwitz. A worldie from the Boyle Man. I don't want to play anymore if you're going to call me that. It's a hat trick, but he can't wear the hat because it will irritate his Boyle. Because the puss will trick. Trickle down his face, that is. But another excellent strike from the unicorn slash Boyle Man. Boil! Because the puss will trick. Trickle down his face, that is.

But another excellent strike from the unicorn slash boiled man. And for me, I would choose to be so good at tennis that I would cram a serve down Ofer's dad's chest so fast that he wouldn't even be able to return it. And I would make you 75 so you'd have 10 years on him so he'd have he'd have the legs on you yeah uh rafael sentino asks if you could live anywhere in south america where would you live and why anywhere in south america um man i guess patagonia because the weather is so bad. Interesting.

That's where you would live because the weather is so bad. Yeah, well, I was just kidding about the weather being bad. It's really beautiful. I do hear that the weather is really bad. Yeah, because it's really close to the Arctic Circle. Yeah. Or Antarctic Circle. Maybe Rio then.

Yeah, because it looks like a giant brazilian fuck fest 24 7 for me there's only one place to be and that's buenos ares nice in catalonia oh god my tongue is swollen your tongue is swollen that's the thought of eating that ceviche here lick my boil oh thank god it worked um all right a few last ones anything let's do it um let's go rapid fire um here we go uh tom holt how's animal crossing going i don't play i haven't played for two years tom nook is a crook i'm out on that game um are you still into crypto or is it all over now as will russian lo yeah everything surged at the beginning of the pandemic and now much like every other market on earth um with the instability of the global economy slash um impending nuclear holocaust

damn i didn't realize bitcoin is it only at 20k i maybe i should unload my 48 bitcoin that i have 48 you have over a million dollars in crypto unload it you could purchase a small farm in bueno thyrith for that kind of chiefs or bills this sunday give me the bills on the road there's a reason the chiefs are home dogs they didn't look great against the las vegas raiders this weekend and josh allen is here to prove himself that this wasn't an aberration give me the bills p.s go bills go Bills. Go Bills. This is your year. Who would play the other better in a movie? So you play me in a movie or I'm playing you?

Oh. Wow. I think you would play me better. I don't know how to act. That's awesome. Yeah. But with you playing me, you would just have to get glasses or something.

Right. Actually, I could do it. I don't know how it would be you. All right. Final question. Ready? Yeah. Go ahead.

Jay Sizzle asks, what's the best dog size? You got to go medium. You got to go medium because it's in between the two yeah largest i've seen some large dogs and that seems hard here we go if you're watching on if you're watching on our youtube you can see jake is currently showing his dog that passed away and he refuses to move him for for four days that's the the world premiere of dingo. He is so, he's zonked. He's chilled. He's absolutely zonked.

So it's a new dog for you. How has his sleeping schedule been? Is he waking up early? Is he staying up late? His sleeping schedule finally got good. Going to bed at like 11. Sometimes he needs one more pee before he goes to bed, which is like waking me up at 1230.

And then he'll sleep until 730. And do you do walks or do you do let him out the back? I always do a walk because if I let him out the back, he still will like, I think that he eats a flower. Yeah, right. So, but he, you know, we go down the stairs in front of our place and he pees right away. And then you're back up. Yeah, right back up. He wants to come back in too.

He's like, let's go outside, pee. I got to go back inside. That's where the treats are. But the last night he had diarrhea every hour on the hour. Of the mouth? No, of the south. Interesting. So that's sort of ass variety.

Does he let you know or do you just wake up and you hear some sort of faucet on no he he cries and he yeah he cries and he he knows that he needs to go outside he is potty trained yeah so yeah he wants to go outside i wake up i run downstairs usually he walks really well like just right at my foot yeah um but when he has the diarrhea he like runs out ahead of me runs to the sidewalk shits everywhere and then like looks confused and then comes he would come back inside and just like flop down on his dog but he'd be like wow that was crazy and it's like that but six times yeah we woke i woke up at like one two three four five um you know all throughout the night and then jill was like we should take him to the emergency room and i was like i don't want to go to do that right now

don't think he's gonna die yeah the vet's gonna be open at eight let's just do that uh-huh uh and yeah he's fine is it a food thing um it was i think it was a reaction to one of the vaccines that he got or also it could have been a food they were like puppies uh they just called it puppy stomach it could have been anything like sometimes he eats a rock sometimes he like tries to eat a wood chip sometimes he'll like eat a piece of lettuce that's on the side of the street and like i try to get everything out of his mouth but he definitely ingests bad stuff every once in a while um also he got his vaccines so it really could be anything it could have been a we tested his shit to see if he had a tapeworm uh in conclusion no a parasite parasite in conclusion medium is the best size for you

absolute medium because dingo right now he's kind of he's small to medium and the best size for you absolute medium because dingo's right now he's kind of he's small to medium and the diarrhea was not overwhelming to pick up yeah i've seen some really enormous dogs with really enormous poops like grapefruit sized shit you got to pick up yeah that's a lot and i like the small dog that i have because he can sleep uh in between my legs in the bed which you can't really get with a big dog either. Yeah, that is really nice. So I guess it's a personal preference.

I'm sure whatever size dog you have, you think is the best one. Yeah. All right. We tried to answer as many questions as possible. We did our best. Was it enough? We did a good job. Let us know.

We will be back, of course, next week. So keep emailing us your theme songs and your questions and your debates yes please we need those debates uh if there's a debate that's been tearing your friend group or relationship apart email us at if i were you show at gmail.com thank you for listening thank you for watching we'll be back next week and you can watch more of us on our patreon which is patreon.com slash ja weekly videos where we're uh checking out old jake and amir videos and reacting to them we just watched the grand canyon series there's two episodes about a canyon being grand and she is canyon yes exactly check it out we

watched them both uh and they're online so yeah great episodes if you're ever in the need for more that's patreon.com slash j a one last time that omsby themed cheers of exactly parody by lorn mince here we go get better see y'all soon. Bye. like to get away Sometimes you wanna go out for lunch to eat Japanese and order lollipops You wanna go

where others don't where prices are quite insane You wanna go where the food is at best just plain You wanna go where the food is at best just plain You wanna go where rice is light and mail's inhumane You wanna go where

it costs too much for that grain That was a Hiddem Original armspeed. That was a Hiddem Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts,

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