Segments - 567: Amir Is Sick

Episode Date: November 21, 2022

In this episode we discuss throat spray, law students, and Jake’s father. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. Picture yourself in a sticky situation What the hell, you don't wanna face it

Nothing left to do but turn to the internet For some sage advice, yeah Everybody with a semi-successful schedule Should be able to find some sound advice And if I were you Tell me what to do, cause I don't wanna be here This is shaking, I'm here That was sick. That was so sick.

Oh my gosh. Oh golly. Great theme song. That was way too loud way what's the matter bud was it too much for you bud i thought it was pretty neat bud yeah wow i'm sure you did uh that was eric from the band bad magic that's cool thanks eric i thought that was incredible it's a good thing we didn't play it right at first because he kept sending us updated versions of the theme song. So that one was the third and final mix.

Yeah, that's good. I'm glad we waited. I'll call it a polished final. A polished final on final, yeah. Yeah. That's good. If you're watching this on our YouTube channel, as you can always do,

we're now recording the zoom slash in person records as video episodes correct you can see that i'm dealing with a series of shadows yeah you certainly i've been doing more puppetry recently i don't know if you can see that that's cool i'm glad you're getting back into your puppeteering. That's good. That's a dog. That's really nice. That's nice, right? Let's see if you can cast the shadow of your dick on the back wall. Because that'd be interesting.

Because then it would finally look big since you have such a... There it is. That's good. Yeah. It looks like a baby's fist. That's awesome. Not really a baby's fist. It's a mangina oh my god i'm serious you do have a man uh i said eric right eric novak from bad magic you did say

eric yeah all right cool uh last episode we talked about how we should get vaccinated and boosted and how i was going to vegas and how I might get COVID and all that stuff. Yeah. And then you... When I went to Vegas. And then I got COVID. I felt sick there. You were actually one of the people that everybody else has warned about.

A sick person in Vegas. That's right. Because you got COVID right before you left. It's either right before I left or on the way there because I started not feeling great on the Thursday I arrived. Oh, my God. Which is exactly a week ago. And then by Friday night, I felt ill. And then we were leaving Saturday morning.

Did you do anything on Friday night or did you stay in the hotel? We, like, had such a long day on Friday that by the time, like, it got to 10 p.m., I felt so tired and ill that I like kind of collapsed in our hotel room. Did other people stay up? Did other people stay out? No. I mean, I'm sure other people did. I was just there with one other couple and they were also kind of beat from the long day. I see.

What was the occasion? Why did you go? The occasion was Sean's girlfriend's birthday, like a birthday trip. And so it was like four of us, two couples hanging out. A couple. And you, I forgot, Avital left you and you have a new girlfriend, right? Yeah, Sherry. Yeah.

She works in Vegas. So she hooked us up completely. That's amazing. Yeah. She was the one who actually gave me monkey pox three weeks ago, if you remember. Right. She gave you the vaccine and the antidote, which is to have it. No, Maxine, her twin sister gave me the vaccine.

Yeah. And Sherry gave me the vaccine. Yeah. So, yeah. And then I just felt like crap for the weekend. And now as I start to get better, I still have a very sore throat. I can't get rid of this feeling in my throat that it's... Are you still testing positive?

Yeah. Oh, no. God, I'm still testing positive for sure. But I just wish it didn't hurt to swallow. For sure. Yeah. Long COVID is when it lasts more than four days. I'm fucked, basically.

But I can't remember the last time i had a sore throat let alone when that lasted a week yeah so you like can't it hurts to swallow it hurts to swallow which you do you know thousands of times a day and you don't really think about it until it hurts to swallow does it hurt to be like is if you're does it hurt at rest if you're just sitting there if i don't at first it did like the first few nights i was like it's already dry and i know if i swallow it's worse now it's like that part is over but when i swallow it's as if there's like a slice on the inside of my throat and it's like i acid coming through every time so that has not so ben recommended this to me, this sore throat spray.

I've never done a spray before. Yeah. Okay. Have you ever done a nasal spray? Yeah. I think that's the, I think the Afrin. Yeah. Where you just, I used to do that when I had a cold.

Streeter put me on that tip, actually. Because we would go on tour, we would get sick on like night one. We had three or four more days instantly sick always yeah without fail i was big on that afrin tip it really helps and it is a tip you're supposed to stick it in your nose i've never done that i've never done this throat spray i'm hoping to god it tastes like the um anyway i thought i'd do it on the podcast so we could discuss it but i'm hoping that it it's that it has that same flavor as a cough drop. You know, like when a cough drop is melting in you and you're just like, ooh.

It gives me some instant menthol-y relief. I feel like it will. I'm hoping it's just that concentrated into a spray. Right. Because what you wouldn't want is for it to be like a list green. Yeah. You don't like gum. You don't like gum. You don't like mint.

You wouldn't like, would you spray like binaca in your mouth? No, never use binaca. You never use binaca? Never use binaca, yeah. I don't even like gum. I don't even like Listerine strips. We just got some binaca for the house. Really?

The dog eats the leash sometimes and what you're supposed to do is like spray his mouth with banaca uh he doesn't like it then you spray the leash like the part that he always eats with the banaca so he doesn't eat the leash yeah yeah yeah so he stops doing that but i was curious i almost i almost sprayed some in my mouth yeah because it's been a minute since I had binaca. Like I remember the 90s had spray deodorant. They had to like spray your hair. It was a major aerosol era.

Yeah, we don't really do that anymore. An era de sol. Nice. Okay, so here we go. Ready? Mucinix. I'm going to do this throat. And I guess it's like habit forming forming you're not supposed to do this very

often so right that's what they said about afrin too right yeah i'm kind of afraid to like it at this point forget hating it yeah i think you're gonna be fine i'll do the jim carrey no um you're putting it down let's go to a break 15 minutes early come back we never mention it sherry actually pranked my ass she put lysol in here you wench i love her to death. All right, ready? She's good. First few pumps, nothing came out. There's a lot of pressure. You think it's one of those things where I have to open it and take off that and then put it back on?

You have a trash can? Just spray it a couple times into the trash can. Get that nice mist so you're not getting an ugly spurt in your mouth. Hey, Sherry, Jake's asking if I can spray this at you. Oh, my God. What side of the room is she on? That's a fucking goof situation. Let's see here. It's toxic for you guys.

Okay, we got the spray. We got the spray. Ready? Okay. Yeah. He's wincing, folks. He doesn't like it. You look like my dog when he had the panaca.

You're crying. You think I'll swallow or just let it? I think you swallow it because I think it has to cool on the way down. I think it's got a... Oh, my God. It is like the concentrated. I'm numb, basically. My tongue is numb.

Yeah, I guess that's how, that's what makes it stop hurting, right? It's just, don't wash it down. You got to let it coat. It's got to coat the throat. It really does feel, it feels like somebody Novocaine. You can't talk. My tongue, I can't talk. What a dumb thing to do before we have a podcast we should have saved this for the end you can't speak you have a fat tongue it's absolutely this is crazy it feels like oh my god so it has benzocaine which i guess is uh what they put on your gums like before they inject it oh yeah make it numb right it's incredibly numbing this is crazy this is so old ben's a drug dealer for giving that to you ben is actually short for benzocaine now

whoa benzocaine schwartz this This is so bizarre. This is so weird. Like, it's a... Yeah, you're chewing on nothing. You're just like smacking your lips. It's like the numbness, but it's just a spray. So it's like a little bit here is numb, a little bit under my tongue. Yeah, your lip. Yeah.

It's like I got smoothie all over me. But instead of smoothie, it's numb. Does it feel... I don't know if this was good. Well, does the throat hurt? I guess it does hurt less. You know, I didn't think I... I didn't directly aim it at where I thought the sores were.

It was just like a general blast. Right. You kind of put it on like it was binaca. Instead of... You should try one more time and aim it at the sores. Your mouth is already numb. What do you have to lose? I don't even know. Let's go one more time at the sores.

At the sores of the sores. Because otherwise you don't even know if it works. Yeah. It's got to go towards the sores. Over the course of the podcast, you convinced me to drink this entire thing i really think you should have a shot because that way it goes all the way through this just playing in a courtroom after you're after you're dead i'm on trial but i didn't know it would kill him right the girl from plainville. I think I'm not supposed to do multiple sprays.

And I've already done like three or four. Oh, come on, coward. No, you haven't. You can handle it. You're a big boy, aren't you? How long does it stay dumb to you? I'm freaking out. Look at the directions.

Does it say how much you're supposed to have? Don't use. What the hell? It says don't use. It's just culling crossbones on this thing. The fuck? Bleach? There's no way.

Rat poison? Sherry! Sherry! You card. Just a supervised use. So, I guess you're the supervisor. I'm watching. I'm right here.

Yeah. One more. Come on. Here we go. One time. All the way down the throat, bud. There he goes. Good boy.

Good boy. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. I didn't want that oh wow i was thinking how hard it must be to have like a two-year-old kid with a sore throat because they have no idea what the hell's going on they must think like and they don't want the medicine you're doing it to them yeah they don't want the medicine yeah it's kind of that's kind of how it is with the dog too yeah you have to trick it yeah we're putting like

ear medicine in him a couple weeks ago he's just like it was torture and then he would get it in and then just like run away from us like we don't want to do it either man you're you're the one with a fucking yeast infection i one of my friends who has a kid yeah so numb thonem uh said that like his three-year-old just refused to drink this cough syrup and so they they literally had to, like, waterboard him. Like, hold him down, hold his nose, open his mouth, and pour the medicine. Oh, my God. Yeah. What else do you do?

And now, like, the kid is afraid of them a little bit. Like, it's like, all right, I'll do it, but just don't hold my nose. Oh, my God. That's so sad. Psychological torture just to get him to take a robitussin yeah like in that case what's like what if what if like you say if you drink this i'll take you to disney world and then you don't they're like and then you don't it's like i could i can't really take you to disney world every time you take medicine you get that right yeah they can't they can't hold a

grudge when they're like 12. You'd be like, yeah, I lied to you. I get you to take a minute. Now that you're old enough to understand. Right. Is that ultimately better than waterboarding them? I would argue yes. I think if I had a kid, I would bribe them to do stuff and then take it back.

Daddy got you again, didn't he? Yeah. You shouldn't trust daddy. that's the problem yeah because now they can't trust daddy but every once in a while we just go to disney world randomly you know that's cool just all these fucking mind games i also heard a story recently where a dad lied to his kids saying that they were going to go fishing but they were actually going to disneyland so like as they were driving to disneyland he's like oh no i forgot the fishing pools i guess we got to go to disneyland but they were so dead set on going fishing that they started crying like i

don't want to go to disneyland i thought we were going fishing that's so funny god promised me a really cheap dinghy and a fucking pole and now you have to pay 700 and i don't want to be here anymore kids have long memories too that's that's not going anywhere yeah you'll remember that forever oh my god ah what a unique a weird moment um for us to this is our first podcast where I can't feel my tongue slash throat. I guess this is better. Yeah. The throat feels better?

Yeah. In that I can't feel it. Yeah, there you go. I think that's the point. I think you just basically keep on numbing your throat until it naturally goes away. It naturally goes away. Yeah.

So it's like, that's what all medicine is really. The weird feeling is better than the pain feeling. Yeah. It just hides it. It blocks it. Okay. We need to take a break, I think. I need to pause and sort of rinse my mouth.

Re-set. Yeah. Don't rinse. In fact, two more pumps. Come on, bud. Two more pumps during the break. We'll call it a sprake or a spray break. Okay, we'll be back after these messages

with some questions and answers. I should say this is if I were you. Two very wise guys answering questions, trying to help people out of their sticky situations. I'm Amir. I'm Josh. I'll be right back. Thank you to Squarespace for

sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all in one first stop, one stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held.

They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great.

Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap.

Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com.

Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah.

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It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a lesson in the fight. Mom, I'm coming. Gross. Mucinex Throat Spray.

Yeah, I was going to say, I don't want to give a specific brand our endorsement, but Mucinex specifically, the Insta-Soothe sore throat and pain relief. I bet there's other options too. There's the generic kind. You just got to get that Benzocaine slash menthol. Are you a convert? Because you didn't like it at first, you cried. And now I can't imagine living my life without it. That was 20 minutes ago. Now I'm going to stub my toe and spray this on it. He said it was habit forming. Anything you don't want to feel. Sherry breaking up with you, you spray it on your heart.

That's the Homer Simpson version, just like spraying it on things around the house that doesn't work. Oh yeah, this gate is a little creaky. Thank you, music spray. So so yeah that's my advice i'm sure some people out there are dealing with covid i mean this is the season after all people are heading indoors so uh yeah it's something to consider it's gonna be interesting um what do you think about uh trump'sacy for president? Because he recently announced. Yeah. I kind of look forward to the Republican primary more than, like, the election now,

just because I want to see infighting within the Republicans of, like, Ron versus Trump. Yeah, this is kind of the fun part of politics, where we get to watch a little bit of a car wreck. From afar. Right. But when it's the general election, when it's all of the fun part of politics where we get to watch a little bit of a car wreck. From afar. Right. But when it's the general election, when it's all on the line, then I'll be stressed. But right now it is kind of funny to watch. Like, yeah, the infighting is great. I just don't understand how.

Yeah. No one should have ever told him he was good at nicknames because he's gotten a little too big for his britches. Yeah. They're not all long. That one's a long one. Desanctimonious. Even I don't really understand what sanctimonious means. I can't imagine his supporters fully get it.

Is desanctimonious a word, too? I guess it must be. Yeah, but I can't see a world where after like winning 60 to 40 either desantis or trump then like uh fully supports the other one in their candidacy for president yeah that'd be nice they'll be like nice they'll all be like no fuck that guy don't vote for him and then that'll just be the tip of the whatever necessary to hopefully win us eke out another very small election in 2024 yeah goddamn it's it's i don't know it's living in a country well i guess it's good that we have elections but every few years it's just the stress gets so high it's not that

fun did you see new york is like very much trending red like all the all the voting versus 2020 has like shifted to the right i did see that but then i also was reading that like we flipped we flipped more seats than any other like state seats than in any other state. Oh, really? But I just heard that on the radio, so I don't actually understand how that works. But yeah, New York doesn't look good. A lot of districts move in red. Do you sense that when you drive upstate, that you're kind of in Trump country?

It always felt a little bit like that. I think you sense it more like driving to Long Island and stuff. Right. God's country. Yeah. Oh, yeah. All right. Let's see here.

We got some nonpolitical cues from people that we should probably answer. Yeah. I think so. This one's not too dissimilar. Actually, I'm going to send it to you to read so I can relax my already numb-ass throat. Okay. This one is about moving abroad.

I love it. I'll put it in the chat for you. I appreciate that. Okay. While I fucking absolutely house-slash- guzzle another shot and a half of this you should just put it in a shot class you can consume more and it will soothe all the way down actually actually if you put some of it in rectally excuse me if you put some of it in rectally the two will meet in the middle from the throat to the anus and you'll

have the full soothing effect in the whole body. I'll have what's known as a blind kidney. You haven't put anything in the chat yet. Yeah, it's not letting uh it's called should i move abroad okay um let's just pull her up okay just see about that yeah uh so this person will will call them uh ron that's cool ron de sanctimonious hey jake and amir i've spent the last five years in Chicago, but I spent the first 20 years of my life living in various countries throughout Eastern Europe and Asia due to my mom's job. While I love my life in Chicago, I've always felt that sometime in the future, I'd like to move back overseas for a couple of years. And the company I work for has told me that I can relocate to our international offices for a few years if I'd like.

I've been dating my current girlfriend for two years, and I feel like she's the one. We get along great, she's incredibly smart and fun, and all of my friends agree that she is the perfect woman for me. However, she has told me outright that she would never be interested in living outside of the country and tends to get sad when I bring up my dreams of moving to Europe, Korea, or South America, even if I assure her that I'd want to move back to Chicago within three or four years. I get that love is compromise and all, but it's kind of killing me to realize that I won't ever live outside of the country again if I stay with her. Do you think I should abandon my plan of living overseas again? Do I try to persuade my girlfriend to join me for a year at the risk of

her resenting me for pressuring her to move, or do i prioritize my dreams at the expense of an otherwise fantastic relationship any advice is appreciated much love if a european wants to live abroad is that just what he calls it when he moves to america like if a guy from spain is living in, is he living abroad? Or is that just our word for living in Europe? I don't, it's interesting. I think we would say he's, this Spaniard is living abroad in Detroit. Yeah. But I don't know what they say in Spain. And that's your problem, because you've never lived there. That's what I'm saying. I don't think what they say in Spain. And that's your problem because you've never lived there. That's what I'm saying.

I don't think it's my problem. You have such a myopic worldview that like... You also don't know. You also don't know. So I don't care to learn. Don't try to make this a teaching moment when you don't know either. I feel like you're belittling being a man about the world. No, I don't. I. I feel like you're belittling being a man about the world. No, I don't. But I

absolutely do not. I almost take pride in the fact that I don't want to travel. Like, everything I have is here. I feel like you're trying to do some kind of got you thing to me, but you look worse. I feel that. When all is said and done. Yeah, you should. Yeah, I'm weak. Because you're... I'm absolutely fatigued. Yeah, and you're numb too. You have COVID. So try not to be so hateful while you have it. I have long and short COVID. And that's the long and short of it.

And that's the long and short of it. Nice. Nice. Also, this guy's already lived... He said he's already lived in Eastern Europe and Asia. Yeah. So what's the wanderlust about? He's been there and done that.

Do you think he'll ever live abroad? Well, it's not like he lived there when his mom was there, too. So like living somewhere abroad on your own, that's different. Yeah. Did you say, do I think I'll ever live abroad? Yeah. I think I like to imagine some kind of extended stays overseas. Like I'd love to live in London for a month or two.

I think that'd be really fun. But not like I'm packing up my house and getting a place and paying taxes here. Yeah, I don't think I would. Yeah, I don't think you could handle that either. It's not what that is about i think it's probably a little tough yeah it's tough it would be tough for me to leave my whole entire family who's all based on the east coast that would be tough and i wouldn't want to do that and that's the reason that i wouldn't want to live abroad but like i don't know what you think is so bad about that you're saying i couldn't handle it like i'm not tough i don't think yeah what is that right i

i'm i am a tough guy i am a tough guy but i wouldn't want i wonder. I think it's pretty tough that I'm standing up for myself right now and not saying that I would move to... You know what? Fuck it. I'll move to Europe to just prove you wrong. How's that? And it won't even be a convenient English speaking town. I'm moving to Barcelona.

Wow. I love that for a lot. I'm moving to Latvia just to fucking one-up you. How's that? And, you know, his girlfriend for two years she he thinks she's the one it seems like moving to europe is a clean start style thing not a continue my relationship style well i mean if she's on board i think that's a really magical little dream moment you know like me and my girlfriend are going to go and like have our overseas experience. I think that sounds awesome.

I honestly feel like if your dream is a non-starter for her, then the relationship isn't actually as good as you think it is. So that's kind of like, I don't know i would i guess not like grounds for dismissal fully but i think you could just be like i really want to do it and if you won't do it then i well that's maybe that's kind of like that is a made me yeah i think you just you got to go for your dreams i'm a big fan of going for your dreams i think i feel like you only live one once right right that is that is the saying that you didn't right i feel like you only live once don't say i feel as if you came up with it i feel like you Yeah. YOLO is a saying.

You do only live once. I think the music went to your brain. It hurt me. And now I feel light and live, actually. Your frontal lobes are numb as well. You know what I'm thinking now? You know about Paxlovid, the drug that like kind of masks all of your COVID symptoms and then sort of gives you a metallic feeling in your mouth. But if you take it quick enough, then all your symptoms go away.

And then there's a strong chance that they just come back when you're done with the Paxlovid. Oh, no, I didn't know anything about that. Yeah, it's kind of like Mucinex, but for your entire body. Body. But yeah, yeah. My friend took it and I called him a cheater i said you're just masking the symptoms of covid why don't you go through it like an adult and now i'm thinking like i'm no better than him like i was trolling this teenager right basically calling him a coward ass and now look at me i'm on the mucinex tip like

he we're all a lot of projection like because you were calling me a coward ass. And now look at me, I'm on the mucinex tip. Like we're all just dumb and shit. You do a lot of projection. Like, cause you were calling me a coward for not living abroad. You're calling this kid a coward for taking medicine. That's not even, yeah. That's taking control of his medical journey. That's important.

And now it's just like- Why don't you just- Why am I so quick to judge, I wonder? And so are you, by the way. I'm quick to judge you, but it's only because you have a long-standing reputation of being a little shit. So you always err on the side of thinking

I'm kind of a little weakling troll kind of guy. I wouldn't give you the benefit of the doubt because you haven't earned that. You've really let me down on numerous occasions, if that makes sense. I wonder if you'd give me the benefit of the gout. Do you have any idea how much my joints hurt from this fucking poison-ass throat? Why don't you spray that on your knees and elbows, actually? I think that'll help. I wonder if it would numb the skin. Spray it on your finger and elbows, actually? I think that'll help.

I wonder if it would numb the skin. Spray it on your finger and see if it numbs the skin. That's a good question. It should, right? Yeah. All right. It's on my pinky. Good.

I want to put it on an important finger. Yeah. Holy shit, my entire hand is numb. I can't fucking fap today. I wasn't even doing No Nut November yet. I was giving myself a break. I do No Nut November, but only the last week. How many doses do you think are in this thing?

It says it at the bottom. How many sprays? I'll guess 88. That's a good guess, but it's 500. Wow. That's a lot. That's a good value. Thank you.

That's a really good value. What do you think this guy should do about his dream and his girlfriend? Oh yeah, fucking go to, where does he want to go? South Korea or some shit? Yeah, I think you gotta go. What are you not gonna go?

I think you gotta go. Because the thing is like, it'll breed resentment if you stay. But right now also, I feel like you're being like, the only reason I'm not living abroad is my girlfriend. She doesn't want me to go.

But why don't you just treat that as a non-factor? Because maybe she's like, he's not actually going to do it or something. So get started. See how possible it is and how tantalizing it is and how much you want to do it. And then you can be like, hey, I looked into this. I think I'm going to do X, Y, and Z to get over and get abroad how much you want to do it and then you can be like hey i looked into this i think i'm going to do x y and z to get over and get abroad yeah um do you want to come i really want you to come with me and then she says if she says no then there you go but if she says yes then it'll be good and maybe she'll be more enticed to go if uh you've like laid a little bit of ground

work and it's a tough decision and it takes courage but like so does this shit like we're all doing like crazy shit don't try to like don't insert yourself into the question right oh my god are you spraying more i kind of started feeling it wayne and like i now i'm like chasing that you know like yeah that first high yeah now it's just like it's the tingly before you know that like yeah doesn't cocaine also numb like all the cane benzo cane cocaine i don't know i guess maybe numb some stuff don't they like put they used to put like cocaine on oh yeah stuff to like yeah yeah they're it's the same shit right i don't think that's the same shit but yeah it is there's that there is that

feeling i guess when you put it on your gums you think this is cool like if you saw me at a club would you be like that guy knows what's going on yeah like licking your the inside of the bottom of your lip like that no i think that would be really off-putting for a lot of people we need to take a break just because it is starting to sort of spread but i wanted to dig into my i'm starting to do chewing tobacco i wanted to talk to you about that after um after uh after the i feel like you lay off your throat because it's obvious. It's a lot. You're putting yourself through the ringer. Bub. Exactly.

I went to class and it goes through shit. Why don't you go on a vacation or something? I think I need to. I think me and Sherry just need to get the fuck out of Dodge. You're lashing out at people. You're not being good to yourself. You're addicted to mucinex. Things are falling apart.

That's not even Thanksgiving yet. The last time you went away, you got COVID. So, yeah, I don't know. Now I'm immune, though. All right, let's take another break and come back and answer more questions after these messages. Bye. Nice. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show.

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for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. And we're back. Yes, we are. One last question to rule them all. Why not? And then I really have to go back to the hospital. Yeah, I think so.

We got another email from a Berkeley Law law uh student how cool is that whoa didn't you go to berkeley and your mom wanted you to be a lawyer so it's almost like this person is like your mom would be more forgive me for being blunt but she would be more proud of them than you right uh i mean probably but that's this person um is he has questions for me so it's almost like she should really be like oh look at look at this guy but you host a silly advice show so it's kind of like but yeah you're basically you're like a radio dj and this this person's like a lawyer which which is kind of interesting. Let's hear what the question is. Yeah.

Can you read it for us? Oh, yeah, of course. Of absolute course. Let me just pull it up. I have it right here. It's returned to a former lover, is it? Yes, exactly. Okay.

So let's call this person Amir uh shalom nice uh oh wow look since amir is clearly a sucker for emails from berkeley students i figured i would give this a shot wow so they're smart too i'm a grad student and had been pretty consistently hooking up with one of my classmates since the beginning of the semester until it ended last week. The relationship was complicated. We both liked each other, but agreed that it wasn't a great long-term fit. There was a relationshipy, cutesy vibe to our situation, but I don't think either of us would describe it as a relationship.

We went from non-exclusive to exclusive to non-exclusive again before ending things last week. Without going into details, the breakup was messy. We are both sad, but my feelings got hurt worse. Parentheses, she would tell you the same, even though I'm the one who initiated ending it. Your guy's recent advice about trusting yourself during a breakup has been super helpful, and I'm confident I'm not going to go crawling back to her anytime soon. But I'll be honest, this was the best sex I've ever had in my life. Like so, so, so good. The kind where we're both lying

thereafter like, holy shit, that was amazing. I used to think that just happened in movies. So here's my question. Would it be a terrible idea for us to hook up again in a few months after winter break? We will have gone a while without seeing or talking to each other, and I think it's likely that we'll both be down even if it's a terrible idea is there a way to do it that lets us get nasty without feelings getting involved again and eventually restarting the breakup slash sadness cycle i guess i want to have my cake and eat hers too Wink, wink. Appreciate your help and go Bears. Go Bears indeed. Yeah. It seems like he misses the sex most of all.

Right. Is there a possibility that he's just good at sex now? And because once you've reached this level of being good, maybe the majority of your partners will be good at sex now. So it's not like you have to go backwards. You can still go forward and find out with somebody else. Yeah. It sounds like you had like one of two things going for this relationship. The sex was really, really good.

But then the emotional connection wasn't really there. And it sounds like she hurt you so i think the the goal would be to not get hung up in that orbit and go forward searching for good sex and good relationship that's right that's the dream that duo and that's out there and it's possible but it just speaks to how good sex is because sex like time wise is like a small slice of a small slice of a relationship but if it's good it can outdo the bad 99.9 of the time where you're being like a normal and emotionally abused person not that he's been abused but just like right unfulfilled but it's like yeah but that one slice is so good

that it's worth all the other shit, but maybe it's not. And sometimes sex feels better when you actually don't like the person. Oh, interesting. That used to be fun too. But I think it feels the best when you do care about the person. So that's what you really need.

So there's a world where, I mean, it seems like an eligible bachelor. I mean, he seems, he's writing funny emails. He goes to Berkeley. He's a law student. Yeah. He's everything that my mom wants me to be. And he's probably a lot younger than me because he's in law school.

Right. Looked like graduating grad school in 2024. I wonder if Avi Tal could date him because that would that would kind of work in in its way i mean sherry could double exactly exactly but sherry's old enough to be this fucker's mom actually she does have a lot of kids so there it's borderline in play really yeah she has nine um nine kittens sort of littered about town is that what she calls them okay for the sake of this story yes i would never do that. Nine kittens littered about town. Ooh, traipsing about. Here's one now.

She has a brood. She had a litter. What was I going to say? Oh, yeah. Is it possible that being a law student is cooler than being a lawyer? I guess it's probably cooler than being some lawyers yeah because if you're a lawyer there's almost a negative stigma attached to that being a law student is almost like kind of like can be misconstrued or positively construed right as like you know you're young

and ready to take on the world it's more like idealistic exciting bright-eyed you're young and ready to take on the world. It's more like idealistic and exciting. Yeah, young, hopeful, bright-eyed. You're going to go out there and win a big civil case like Aaron Brockovich. Yeah. And then it's like, I'm a lawyer. I actually draft the fine print for pharmaceutical companies so that they can print ads. We're waiting. We're returning.

We're trading with the other attorneys. We redline these documents. Some words. Yeah. Careful're waiting. We're returning. We're trading with the other attorneys. We read some words. And I'm just up to my ears. My dad's a tax lawyer. My dad is a tax lawyer. Okay. Yeah, that's what we're. And the type of shit that we're like making fun of,

that actually sounds like some emails that I've seen him send. Like the red line is attached and that's like i feel like we're being a little bit catty sorry for bringing back the kitten thing but i feel like we're being a bit catty and a bit tacky and i beg you to stand down because you're talking about my dad well i guess i mean i was talking about lawyers in general i do i wasn't even thinking about your dad not now we're all thinking about your dad because you brought it up like that so well cool yeah yeah i hope people are thinking about him with reverence and respect because he makes a lot of cash and that cash comes to me okay and i'd really hate for anything to stand in the way of

that like disrespect to my dad so you're saying he would i don't know how much support he still provides for you financially everything everything my whole entire life i was gonna say hopefully not that much because yeah no they're already aware clothes i'm wearing today pictures frank behind me he got me a gift card you're saying there's a world where he can come? This LaCroix that I'm drinking, I have his credit card linked to my Amazon Prime account and my Amazon Fresh account. Honestly, pick up any fucking thing in this room. This pen, daddy. This little figurine, that's daddy.

What is that? It's a Dungeons & Dragons mini that I got on Hero Forge. And my dad's credit card is linked to that account. So I really think you should treat him with a little bit more respect. I treat him with respect. I think. Lest I get cut off. Yeah.

It's you that I don't respect anymore. Because you make your own money, you're afraid to like touch it or something, or it's all part of like a different family system. He gets all the money, and then he like allots it to you and your siblings. I don't really know what's going on there. I funnel my money that I earn from HeadGum and Patreon

to my secret family that I have in Duluth. What don't you understand about that? And then you get money from your father. My dad to take care of me here. Right. You really don't get it. I think the sad thing is i do um okay uh so i mean the advice for this guy is obvious it's keep calm and chive on yeah i think that's fair i don't i think if you're

if you basically just ended this relationship and you're already thinking about when you could have no strings attached sex, it actually sounds like you're still a little bit caught up in the relationship. So you kind of shouldn't even be thinking about that yet. I think you should just focus on yourself and focus on moving on and focus on being single and maybe eventually finding somebody that's not this person. Because the sex will be good and the connection will be better. Yeah. All right. on being single and maybe eventually finding somebody that's not this person because the sex will be good and the connection will be better yeah uh all right thank you to uh y'all for listening thank you to y'all for writing in uh we need questions if i were you show at gmail.com that we're running low on theme songs and questions now that were organized so now's your best bet to have us answer your dilemmas

and listen to your theme songs. We basically unsubscribe from all of our spam so we can finally read questions. So now is the perfect time. That's right. And we're also making videos on our Patreon every week, patreon.com slash J-A. Ja.

Next week, you're coming to LA, right? We're going to be able to record in the same room. That's right. We'll be recording together on monday and or tuesday as i hawk cough sneeze and fart into the same room as you i wonder if i'll be safe bodily functions that should be fine all right cool uh so we'll see you then thank you you for listening, everybody. Let's play that Eric Novak ditty on our way out. Yes, please. What was it? Bad Magic? Bad?

Yes, Eric from Bad Magic. See you guys soon, everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Picture yourself in a sticky situation What the hell, you don't wanna face it

Nothing left to do but turn to the internet For some sage advice, yeah Everybody with a semi-successful schedule Should be able to find some sound advice And if I were you Tell me what to do Cause I don't wanna be here This is shaking, I'm here

So if I were you, tell me what to do. Cause I don't want to be here. This is shaking. I'm here. Listen to if I were you. That was a Hiddem Original. comforters and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match.

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