Segments - 569: Vasectomy

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

In this episode we discuss soccer, football, and Norwegian Nerds. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Beware of free advice from greedy rodents For a dirty every week he's always chosen He has a furry shriveled heart and his friendships all fall apart But the odds are he'll be back again

tomorrow Secret Chipmunk Man secret chipmunk man he is talking about crypto and eating acorns from your hand it goes on for another minute quite Wow. I guess we'll play the full version at the end, but that was the first minute. That's like your theme. Yeah. That one was called Secret Chipmunk Man. Makes sense.

Not really. A bunch of the stuff was off color, off couth, too blue, too soon to be forgotten. Okay. I feel like you made the energy weird up top because like i was dancing because i forgot to roll you weren't rolling your audio i it felt like you were asking me if i was rolling so you were saying you forgot to roll i forgot to roll and i'm like oh are you rolling i forgot like to say let's roll. So that was like an earnest, you were actually trying to figure out

if I was recording my audio. Yeah, like I didn't want to like get into it and then it's like, oh shit, I forgot to say record. Hit record, Joe, you know? That's interesting. Yeah, you like, you can, if you watch it on the video, it like it noticeably dampers the mood.

Yeah. To kind of like talk production during the dance. You can watch this. Everybody who's listening right now, you can watch this everybody is listening right now you can watch this on our youtube sometimes we're in the same room sometimes we're in the same zoom yeah uh did you should we break the fact that we're gonna maybe record some jake and amir's on the head gum youtube channel uh no we don't have to do that okay so we won't break that news yet yeah not yet right because it's not even official it's just what else is

new oh i had another a new idea yeah sure go ahead i just have to close the door you can keep talking about the idea okay well i had a new idea for uh for our new podcast for a pivot for us um so yeah would you say I was not wearing the headphones? You're wearing wireless headphones and you walked towards your door and took them off. Oh no, they're wired. I plugged them in. Oh, they are. Yeah. These are wireless, but I plugged them in for the record.

I see. Okay. So my idea is a World Cup podcast. Oh, it's, yeah. Very, it's late in the game, right? Cause we're already through. Late in this, for this one, but then next one's in four years. Yeah.

So we'd have probably the first World Cup podcast. Yeah. The next one's when? The next one's in America. So America doesn't even have to qualify. That's awesome. So yeah, we can get started with it now during this World Cup, basically World Cup preview podcast.

So we're previewing the next one. Whatever. And then we do predictions and just talk football. Do you have any predictions for the next, while this one is happening? It's fucking four years from now. Right, exactly. Yeah, I guess I think Spain will do it it what what do you know any of the players on

spain um yeah you're not gonna host knife to my ribs i could name caesar asper asper la queta knife to your ribs instead of gun to my head that's so much more painful yeah that's why i'm pretty desperate to come up with an answer you want by the time this episode comes out us will have either been eliminated or won their greatest match of all time against the netherlands yeah i and we actually did argentina come back from halftime because we could make a bet oh interesting so yeah it might be too late late. We watched the first US group play game together, USA Wales. And it was me, you, and Emily, the original crew.

And I was telling you guys all about the fun bets you can make online. Yeah, the side bets. The prop bets? Is that what they're called? Prop bets? Yeah, prop bets, side bets, any kind of bets. And because it's such a popular game, they really give you a lot of options.

You can bet on how many passes a team will have, how many corners a team will get. We bet on the teams to not get three corners in the second half. Yeah, so it's not just like betting has evolved. Maybe it's always been like this. But I used to think of betting as like, oh, you bet on this team to win or this team to win and that's it right um but yeah we made a bet that neither team would get more than or get two three corners in the second half it was like only two there was two corners two corners for wales and one or two for the u.s and one for wales in the first half yeah it was like which team will hit three corners first usa wales or neither team which was like 17 to 1 we're like oh let's bet on neither

maybe it'll be like one of those games where randomly no team gets more than two corners yeah which happens it does happen i mean in half and not a whole game yeah just the second half and it almost happened in this one actually we almost hit it but like usa got to three corners and wales was stuck on two so it was very close yeah um but it did ruin the second half for me up yeah you didn't like it point i did not like it at all i was watching i basically enjoyed the first half and then the second half i was non-stop watching the the goal line to see if there if there was going to be a corner yeah it helps if you're betting on something you already root for so for example in the usa iran match marty and i bet that the usa would win okay we're already rooting on the usa to win so if it happens and it's like just amplifying yeah exactly i should have bet on the us to get to

three corners because then i would have been like rooting for them every time they got close to the goal yeah and also um also i would have won so that would have been good yeah and then sometimes people like hedge their emotion like okay i'll put a thousand dollars on iran so like if they win i won't be devastated because then i'll win like $4,500. And if USA wins, then I'm already happy or whatever. Right. But then you will hedge your joy because you'll be like, yes, USA won, but I lost $1,000. You don't really think about that, like of losing your bet. You're not going to be that happy to lose $1,000. It'll be slightly dampened. Yeah um did you see what the odds were

for the usa netherlands match oh no i did not netherlands heavy favorite for like the usa to win it's like almost four to one wow what are you gonna do i might bet on a draw because that bet only happens for the first 90 minutes so if it's's like 0-0 going into extra time, you win your bet, and then the USA can win on penalty kicks. Oh, that's kind of nice. Yeah. Though from what I hear, they're very bad at corner kicks, very bad at set pieces, and very bad at penalty kicks. That does kind of track. They're young. I feel like they're fast and feisty, but they're not necessarily great at soccer. I used to love the penalty kicks, and as I've grown up,

they give me way too much anxiety. It's just too much pressure on single people, and it's a fucking guessing game. Well, I have two problems with penalty kicks. One, they shouldn't be worth as much as a regular goal. Like USA Wales, we score a goal. It's incredible. They score on a penalty goal. Like USA Wales, we score a goal. It's incredible. They score on a penalty kick. That's a draw?

No. We should win by a little bit. Right. I guess there should be different color cards. Because like getting a, basically, I feel like you can get, you get fouled in the box. And like, for instance, Christian Bale's penalty like christian bale or christian christian sorry gareth bale gareth bale yeah but the penalty on bale in that game i think

he had his back to the goal like that was like not it was a foul in the box but like it yeah they should it shouldn't be allowed to like, oh, now you get a gimme. Right. But then there are also like penalties where somebody has like an open goal and somebody like slide tackles them because it's their last ditch effort. Or uses their hand to block the ball. It's like, all right, well, at least it's not like it's a goal. I'll just give myself a chance. But then sometimes like, oh, if you slow it down, you can see that ball accidentally touch that guy's elbow. And now you guys have an 85% chance of scoring the goal,

which gives you like a 60% chance of winning the match. It's really not perfect. It's a tough place to be because like, now that that technology does exist, it's like, should you really just not use it? Because after every single game, somebody would be somebody like they should have called handball and then they show the technology like yes they should have called handball yeah but it seems like the rule the rules were made to like like offsides the rules were meant to like just eyeball it and like if a guy's clearly cherry

picking or like being offsides then you call it but not like oh actually his elbow if you slow it down and get this 3d rendering was ahead of that guy's knee like the usa second goal right before the first half last night should have probably been a goal anyway but and actually if you slow it down and render the video it looks like his one knee was ahead of the other guy's elbow yeah that's that's fucked up i feel like they should use the technology just to be like this person's feet are planted further up the field. Because they've gotten to the point where it's like, oh, this guy's pinky. Yeah, is that an advantage?

They were pretty much tied, ostensibly tied. It should be like where their feet are or like if there's any part of an overlapping body. If you get to jump on somebody and you start your run, you're leaning forward to run. They're planted flat-footed like an idiot, but like, oh, you're technically offside because your shoulder leaned past me. Yeah, that doesn't seem like it's correct. I feel like you and I should be in charge of FIFA because they've done some—they're essentially perfect, but I feel like they've had a few missteps, especially with the— I'm also down to have the next World Cup in Qatar. Should we do everyone here in the dead of winter from now on?

I'm actually getting bribes just to suggest that on a podcast. Two more other things about soccer that I've realized from watching it for a week now. One— Yeah, football, go ahead. Blocking a penalty kick should be worth a goal. That's the hardest thing to do. Harder than scoring is blocking a messy penalty, which did happen in the first half.

I don't know if you saw. Messi got a penalty kick. I love that Polish goalie. He had eight saves in the first half, maybe more now. Insane. That should be worth one or at least half a goal. Right. And then if it's messy, it's a goal and a half.

If you're willing to take a penalty kick, you should be willing to get punished for missing a penalty kick. There has to be some negative outcome to missing it. So you have an issue with penalties. I have an issue with VAR, for sure. Also, the penalty kick leading right into free play, where it's like, all right, can we at least slow down? I can't kick a penalty. It comes back to me and then I kick it right in. I feel like that's not okay either. Yeah, that happened to the Euros. You had an issue with Harry Kane's putback. a goal and it's cancelled there's very little fanfare about that like sometimes a team will celebrate for like three minutes and then they start playing like

we reviewed it it wasn't a goal but they're still playing like do they know that like the crowd is still going wild they just like the ref like in the sidelines like oh by the way that wasn't a goal it's like we should stop the match and let everyone know like now we should all be as devastated. Give them a chance to grieve.

Yeah, exactly. Like, they're still celebrating the goal, but they're just like, by the way, that wasn't a goal. Goals are so important. The fact that they, like, wipe them off with such little fanfare is kind of weird. That really, it sucks. league where like they won in a in stoppage time like with a miraculous harry kane header um in the rain everybody like running around like fucking maniacs it was incredible and then like they spent three minutes reviewing it the game is over um after three minutes they're already lifting up the trophy yeah like what are you doing that's it's i don't know i i feel like

they've trusted the robots a little too much but then it's still the humans that look at the robots and and say what the robot said so it's it's not it's not all there yet and how also this is more of a situational problem but like yesterday when uh prulisic prulisic whatever cp scored the goal he hit his nuts so hard that he didn't even get to celebrate like he hit the he kicked a goal in which is like pretty much the best goal in u.s soccer history but instead of being joyful he was just writhing in pain and then thus the team couldn't really celebrate either yeah that was just like straight into the pain there was no joy that's also that's the coolest thing that's happened to a u.s team in almost a decade

so like the replays of that will always just be like no no fucking cool slide to the corner like run to the yeah run to the corner slide on your knees everybody's celebrating joyously it's like our our world cup moment will forever be a replay of a nasty nut shot it's like a buzzer beater basketball but a guy tearing his acl at the same time so everyone was just bummed during it yeah their smiles certainly faded it was it was very sad but man what a hero i think christian pulisic is awesome i hope he plays in the netherlands match yeah it's funny like everybody the like the the team doctors and the coaches and stuff being like he's being evaluated we're treating him and he's just

posting on social media it's like i will be in the match i don't need a fucking right ball heart of a champion man do you think they have a chance against the Netherlands? Yeah, I think they do. I mean... If we tied England, anything is possible. Yeah, England is like a really good team. I think England is better than the Netherlands. Right.

I don't know. All I know on the netherlands is that they have a good defender it's good defender virgil van dyke and then um gackbo they're like striker is supposed to be very very good i'm sure the team is good seems like america needs one of those striker guys yeah we don't have like a tall guy with a cool header who can like kick the ball in from far away. It seems like we just, we have small little fast dudes that try to get so close to the goal that eventually we can nut shot the ball into the net. Yeah, but I almost feel like that's what works in the World Cup.

Like you really see a lot of the stars end up getting like double teamed and they're ineffective. So like it's not, well, I guess that like creates space, but I don't know. I, I, I like that there's no defined hero on the U S team.

Argentina did score, but it wasn't messy. Okay. Well, I guess I don't really, I'm trying to think, I don't think I care about that bracket at all. You don't like Messi or Ronaldo or any of that stuff?

I love Ronaldo. I also love Messi. But I don't necessarily want the bracket to be that stacked for our boys. Oh, you're already looking ahead. Like once we beat the Netherlands, what's up? Yeah. Yeah. I think i want uh

saudi arabia and mexico to go through yeah um doesn't seem likely right now especially not the saudi arabia part for sure for sure uh all right this is not a soccer podcast or a football podcast but maybe one day it will be yeah maybe we'll pivot 2026 world cup preview podcast uh this is if i were you an advice show the only advice podcast on the web hosted by us yes i'm amir i am jake um gosh what do we do We're almost at the 20 minute mark right away. Do we answer a question, push everything back? Do we try to take a break now? It feels kind of too much too fast too soon. Yeah, are we are you this is just like, you're you're given the show notes during the episode, huh? I just can't. It's right on the borderline. I wish we had another thing to talk about. That't a full question. Like, we don't want to take 15 minutes now to answer a question, you know? Yeah, we could talk about the fact that I got COVID last week.

I gave you COVID, maybe. We don't know. Low-key, possibly gave me COVID. I think, I don't know, would you put it at greater than 50%, greater than 20%? I would put it pretty low because, I mean, we're able to track it with the podcast that we record. So like two weeks ago, three weeks ago, I talked about going to Vegas. Then two weeks ago, I had COVID while we recorded. We talked about that. Yeah. And then last week's episode, we were in the same studio after I had COVID.

And in this episode, you have slash are getting over COVID. Going by the release schedule, it certainly looks like. Yeah, me having it, then us together, then you having it. Right.

I see how that looks bad. Yeah. And if someone could look at the unedited footage of Jake and Amir watch that we recorded together in my hotel room where you're just like brutally coughing. Yeah. Yeah. Sneezing. Hacking up a lung. Yeah.

That wasn't good. Symptomatic for sure. Symptomatic for sure. But I think I wasn't anymore because it was like day 11 or 12, giving off the coronavirus. Right. So my theory is that you got it on the flight there or back, because nobody— It's going around. Nobody you were with—

I mean, it's a pandemic, man. Yeah, nobody you were with in L.A. or New York got sick, right? No. So that's something. Like, we were there with Rochelle the producer she didn't get sick either i asked oh all right so maybe you didn't have that exact moment yeah that's but that's at least my story it festers for a few days doesn't it yeah it festers for sure yeah definitely uncle festers either way man i forgive you thank you i needed to hear that all right now let's take a break

we'll come back and answer a question uh on the other side of these messages yep yep quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments and we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes

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Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag-and-drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have

also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday?

Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap.

Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store,

an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. And we're back. Jake, do you have unsolicited advice? Mom, I'm coming.

Gross. I don't think I do, mate. Do you? I got unsolicited advice from my haircut man, my barber man, my stylist of sorts. Interesting. How do you think my hair looks right now, for those of you watching on YouTube and Jake IRL? It looks, your hair looks good. Everything else, I mean, sorry, your hair looks good everything else i mean sorry your hair looks good that's what i'll say everything else dot dot dot yeah everything else so i got my haircut last wednesday

and i was told to rinse my hair but not to wash my hair. The difference being shampoo. He told me because my hair was at this point nearly 50% gray, gray hair is wirier, drier, frizzier. And if I would shampoo it every time I shower, it would create a dry, brillo mop that was unruly and out of whack. And so what you're seeing right now is a hair without any product in it, but a week worth of, I guess, natural grease that's keeping it in place. And I got to say, it does look slightly better, and I haven't used any shampoo in a week. Do you remember Julia Nunes came on our podcast and gave that same advice? Yeah, I think that was more of a holistic thing. She was like, I'm using deodorant, soap, shampoo, like all these like chemical products less. Right. Yeah. This is specifically about

hair right now. Right. I don't know about the other stuff. So you're still wearing deodorant. I have to still wear deodorant, yes, unfortunately. But there is something to natural cleanliness versus chemical cleanliness. I don't want to go full on into never use soap, but this is my first foyer into that. It's funny. I've been doing the same thing because I was getting like a really dry, flaky, standruff, I guess you could call it. And I was like, what's going on? And my barber told me that I, she asked me how often I shower. And I said, sometimes twice a day. And she said, do you wash your hair every time? And I said, yes. And she was horrified. So I've stopped.

So now I shampoo my hair once a week. But she told me that I could condition it every single time. Because I feel like I haven't showered unless I put something in my head. Yeah. Like the sweat that dries onto your skin is what smells. Does it dry onto your hair? Or like you could just wash it off with water and your hair doesn't stink anymore i mean i think i think that's what your what what your barber i almost called them your doctor i think that's what my hair doctor told me yeah i think like you rinse you put soap on like on your body and then rinse out the hair that seems that seems fine it also

i mean all of this stuff is always like how do you feel about it how does it make how do you think it's looking and it is looking good i think everybody has such different bodies and different hair yeah um i guess i'm saying it's worth it for me worth a shot give it a shot yeah i like are you not gonna go to shot i already am and i enjoy enjoy it. I've been, I'm down to once a week with the shampoo. Yeah. I mean, I used to wear like hair grease products and I hadn't since the pandemic because I went so long without seeing anybody. So now I'm on this like natural kick and it seems like my hair is holding as though I'm putting stuff in it, but I'm not. Yeah. It looks better than it has in a while.

And it's actual actual actual bedhead instead of a product called bedhead yeah right i was gonna say um before you've like you've been looking awful frankly and i feel like the it doesn't don't worry about like other stuff or how i look in general or anything like that all i'm talking about what was that that was that dingo he's he's hanging out in this room relaxing with me only now he he has the sense that there's uh intruders nearby yeah he senses slash feels that to be the case yeah he really doesn't bark and then every once in a while, something will just concern him. He snaps. And I've always been telling him to relax,

and then I find out that it's something I was glad that he was barking about. So there's probably someone robbing my house right now. Yeah. All right. Well, while they do that, we might as well answer some questions on this show. Good call. Thanks for barking, buddy.

That was really nice. Here's one. Speaking of getting older and our fans getting older, we finally have our first question about a vasectomy. Oh my god. Let's go. We'll call this guy Victor. Asectomy. Right. I'm getting a vas in february and i'm a little nervous about it for one i don't like the idea of a doctor cutting open my nuts while i'm knocked out but i'm not a coward and it needs to be done anyway i have a couple of questions what is the appropriate level of shaving slash trimming that needs to be done before the doctors slash nurses see my grundle do i have to shave? Two, not only is the surgery scary,

but apparently the first time you nut afterwards is a bloodbath. I'm preemptively scared as shit about that. Any ideas on how to get over it? Love the show. Thanks for making me laugh. Victor. Okay, Victor.

That's interesting. I've had some friends get vasectomies recently i'm at the age where my buddies uh are so far along in life they're done having kids medically they're like this is this is enough no more snip me up cut me off literally uh i don't want to be at risk anymore and from what i understand some of my friends who have gotten vasectomies are awake while it happens is it that small of a procedure it's pretty borderline because some of them are indeed asleep the entire time but like imagine are the ones that are awake how do they they feel? They don't feel anything. It's numb. But like there's, you know, the sounds of soldering happening where they're doing small incisions into your balls. Like you can't really feel or see it, but you can probably smell and hear it.

It's not comfortable, I would assume. Yeah. assume yeah i mean i don't think i i know i have it was the worst experience of my life i think getting my wisdom teeth out while i was awake so you'd go you'd opt for the full sleeper yeah why do i need to what do i need to be there for yeah you don't need to be there um knock me out i'll get up i guess there's some risk to slipping into a coma and dying but that's you know fine ultimately because then you don't feel any pain anymore on the other side yeah yeah and then risk if even if you were kind of awake or half awake or fully asleep are you manscaping to use the term uh for the people snipping you up down there just out of courteousness courtesy i was gonna i was

gonna say no but then also i was like oh yeah before i go to the dentist i'd like brush floss yeah i i don't think i'm shaving grundle i don't think i'm like i wouldn't do more than i usually do but maybe if it's like I am someone who trims regularly, I'll give myself a fresh trim. They probably ask you to do some cleanup, right? Like, unless they're like, yeah, we'll shave you down there if there's anything in the way. They might.

And if that's the case, if they're like, we'll shave you or you can shave yourself, I think maybe I would opt to shave myself rather than have some fucking butcher do it while they're cutting open my nards yeah i'll i'll handle that pre actually pulisic got a vasectomy that's what happened right after his goal yeah the goalie gave it to him and then uh uh from my friends recounting some of them are yeah, it hurt like a low grade, like getting hit in the balls of pain for a week. And then eventually it goes away.

But you have to literally like masturbate yourself to the point of getting the rest of your semen out. So like you do have to like sort of almost on doctor's orders, masturbate enough times. Sign me up. I'll get a vasectomy. Hell, I'll do it myself. Yeah, no, I mean, it's pretty bloody and painful the first few times, from what I understand. But then after that, it like clears off, you know, it clears away all the remaining sperm in your system, and then you're finally good to go.

Right. So if you get a vasectomy, have second thoughts, and think you might want a kid or something, you could still theoretically have sex a couple times, and it could take. Yeah. Isn't that a story in your family, a delayed vasectomy causing some sort of situation?

Birth of my brother. Yes. My mother famously said at Micah's bar mitzvah, Micah is the direct result of a delayed vasectomy. Delayed? Delayed. Like, let's push it one week for weather reasons, and then... Yeah, I think there was, I think it was like a snowstorm or something.

Wow. That, you know, and I also imagine that my dad wasn't like super eager to get the vasectomy so maybe like snowstorm come cancels it pushes it to like the next month who knows i don't know yeah but yeah um micah was supposed to not be around because your family had already had two kids and then triplets yeah so they So they were like, I think let's, let's close the loop here. Let's, it must be rare that triplets are not the last child.

Like triplets are so rare. And then to be like, all right. And now one more. Why? Yeah. Obviously. Why would we do that?

People are usually like, whenever I tell people about my family, they, they're like super surprised at the triplets. You know, that's always like, oh my God, they're super surprised at the triplets. That's always like, oh my God, they're triplets. And then the second one that's even bigger is like, there's another one after? What? Why?

Why did they do that? A sixth child is already rare, let alone after the triplets. I wonder if there's any other family in America that goes, girl, boy, triplets, boy. That's got to be an insane. Yes, interesting family makeup. If you know of any like that, hit us up. Please, please let us know. Any ideas on how to get over that preemptively scared as shit.

What I like to do during, you know, surgeries or COVID or sickness is like, you know, this is bad, but you're not the covid or sickness is like you know this is bad but you're not the first one in the world ever doing this we're all going through something like this vasectomies has happened for decades so it'll hurt but it's nothing that nobody else has done before yeah if anything be thankful that you're getting it now instead of like hell what did the what did the guy getting the first vasectomy feel like? Yeah, it had to have been the first vasectomy, the first lacy, the first whatever. He's like, hey, I got a crazy idea.

I want to have kids anymore. I need your nuts to try. Yeah. Maybe it was an accidental thing. Like he was soldering his fucking vas difference for fun. And one of the side effects was that he couldn't have kids after that's interesting that's very interesting he was playing with his balls i guess i would if i was done having children slash didn't want to have children slash didn't want to risk children at

all right but you're still like you're on the fence about the kid anyway so you're like oh maybe i'll i want to leave it on the table. Keep the gates open just for an accidental purpose. Maybe God will sort of force me into having a child by accident slash happenstance. Yeah. That'll be cool. But yeah, stay tuned. We'll let you know if we ever get vasectomies or otherwise.

Yeah, it'd be cool. Okay, let's take another break thanks some more spons and answer some more quests on the other side of these messages nice thank you to draft kings for sponsoring this episode of our show hey yo draft kings the nfl is back that's correct and the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats. I want to know which wideout scored more than two tutties, which QB threw for less than 350 yards. And if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff, then you should play pick six from DraftKings, which is an official daily fantasy partner of the NFL. Wow. So if you like watching football, and it sounds like you do.

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Like, these are like some advanced things that I know that you wouldn't. I basically know run and Hail Mary. You actually know both of those? Yeah. Running is when you run and then Hail Maryary is when you chuck it right damn i think you should download the draft kings pick six out select between two and six players for you to put some money on you select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat it's that simple and for all first time pick six players check this out new customers play five5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits.

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That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. And we have returned. Yes. One last question to rule them all. Yeah, let's do it i'm ready this one's from an email address that i think is in norway a nordic fan yeah yahoo.no is that norway i think so yahoo.no that's funny uh okay we'll call this lady uh mrs. I'm a 35-year-old woman from...

Mrs. Claus is from the North Pole, you fucking idiot. What's that? Mrs. Claus lives in the North Pole, but... Oh, yeah, sure, we could pretend she lived in Norway. You fucking idiot. Yeah, whatever, man. Who gives a shit? Oh, my.

You're on the naughty list. I'm not on any fucking list.anta claus is real yeah i bet i'm a 35 year old woman from scandinavia says mrs claus christina kringle herself i met this guy at a work function and we really hit it off and spent the whole night sitting by ourselves gossiping over our co-workers I really liked him, and I found myself missing him after that night. We have been texting off and on the last couple weeks, mostly about shared happiness,

but also about life in general. It's not really flirty, but... Shared happiness. Yeah. I also want to ask him out on a date, but here's the thing. He's 25. It feels like a big age gap,

and I don't really know how to get over it. My sister is 25, and I always view really know how to get over it my sister is 25 and i always view her as a baby so it's hard for me to reconcile being attracted to a 25 year old man my brain tells me it's too young 35 oh are these feelings irrational if so how do i get over it how much of an age gap is too big thanks in advance it's tough i feel like i am my experience is uh is probably shaded by watching um reality tv where oftentimes the young guys turn out to be fuck boys so it you know it could be everyone is different yeah some young guys have old souls. That's a big age gap.

But it also depends what this guy is looking for. Like, is he somebody that is normally in long relationships or not? You know, like, if this person seems to be a serial dater and seems to be a fuckboy, but they're telling you that they aren't going to be, then I think I wouldn't trust that. But if they seem really nice, normal, cool, I think you give it a chance. I also just think it always comes back to expectations. If you are like, I like this guy, I'll see where it goes with no expectations, then maybe you'll have a nice time. But if you're going into it being like, I want a serious relationship, but I don't know if he's ready, but he should be, so I'm going to give it a shot, then yeah, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Yeah. It's also, well, one, it's kind of weird because it's the younger guy and the older girl, so that's a little unorthodox. Usually it's the other way around for whatever reason uh and also since this lady lives in norway i feel like all bets are off like who knows what kind of crazy shit goes on over there the mayor is probably like a pickle and they're like dogs are married to fucking houses like the fact that it's a 25 year old and a 35 year old is probably the most normal shit that happens in Norway, quite frankly. Isn't your dog Luke married to your house? Yes, but he has Norwegian blood in him.

That's why we got there. Yeah. And the mayor of the town where you grew up, what kind of vegetable was he? I'm trying to remember. It was a cabbage. All right. So not a pickle. No, it would never be fermented is what i'm saying it just things are a little weirder in norway is all things are

a little different there yeah so i think as long as you're fine with it the weirdest part i bet what's making you feel the weirdest is the fact that your baby sister is 25. So you're like, I can't date someone the same age as my baby sister. Yeah. I mean, the difference between me at 25 and 35 is extreme. I was a piece of shit when I was 25. When I was 35, definitely less of a piece of shit, you know? Still a mild piece of shit for sure. But 25-year-olds come in all shapes and... Jeffrey just turned 25. He's a different 25-year-old than we were. Totally. He's a lot less of a fuckboy than I ever was. So I do think that, one, it's no expectations.

You know, don't project anything on into the relationship. And also, I think you can be fair to yourself and just be like, you're getting so far down the line from, from like text thread to am i ready to be in a relationship with a 25 year old it's like let's go one thing at a time you're just flirting with a 25 year old right now and that's fine you can that's actually hot place out yeah that's probably the sexiest age you can flirt with at this point yeah because any younger it's a little little off right but a 25 of 25 year old that's the goat age for a 35 year old girl to be flirting with yeah 10 years exactly actually that guy should probably come on our show just because imagine a fucking 25 year old norwegian i assume god there's not like any there's no like five foot seven inch nerds in norway right they're all like six four blonde it's all erling holland yeah just tall

blonde viking men yeah i guess the nerdiest you can get for a norwegian is like a scrawny guy with like a long brown ponytail you know what i mean kind of like glasses and a ponytail and he's really good right rubik's cube or something like that yeah yeah slender comb over yeah but he's still kind of strong because he does like taekwondo and you're like oh i guess yeah he like eats and shit yeah but he's like still kind of nerdy like ultimately like pretty nerdy he's just like insanely like wiry and strong. Like he could still put you in a weird Norwegian headlock or some shit. Right, right. Yeah.

Like he would go, he'd go on like a 40 mile hike in like the Norwegian mountains, but like it would be a stroll to him. But he's not like jacked and hot. He's just kind of like, he's sturdy. He's got nerd stamina. Yeah. He's dirt, like he's wearing shorts and fucking sandals and it's 31 degrees out or something like that fahrenheit yeah he's always has energy yeah yeah he has big norwegian nerd

energy or bnne yeah let us know which your guy has and don't let him know that we said that shit about him because i am kind of low-key afraid he'll beat the shit out of me. That's true. But yeah, good luck out there, especially if you're in Oslo. I hear it's really expensive. Oh, yeah. We should move there. That'd be cool.

Okay. Thank you for listening, everybody. Thank you for writing in. If you have your own questions or your own theme songs, now's the time. Our inbox is cleared and ready to read uh it's if i were you show at gmail.com right on stay healthy please get away from us stay as healthy as possible uh don't talk to us uh and if you want we're also making videos on our patreon patreon.com slash ja every week we're're watching two Jake and Amir videos and commenting on them.

Watching these videos that we barely remember ourselves, but it's been a fun time. Indeed. Indeed it has. Good holiday gift too, if there's a Jake in your life. Great holiday gift. That's right. So if anybody's asking you what you want for the holidays, let them know. Patreon.com slash JA.

Shanuka. Okay. That's it. That's our time. We'll be. Shanuka. Okay, that's it. That's our time. We'll be back, of course, next week. The theme song was written by... Did we give this guy his due props? Or did we just go straight into it?

Probably not. Secret Chipmunk Man, right. Well, we got to finish the song anyway. Yes. So it was Secret Chipmunk Man. God, we totally did not read any of this stuff. Yep, yep, yep. That sucks.

Happy Thanksgiving. My name is Sean Hotley, and I made this song with the help of my friend Drew on drums. If I could promote something. This spring, we're launching my long-term dream project we're launching my long-term dream project our little world a children's show on youtube focusing on helping kids explore their communities foster their curiosity and build confidence but no i guess we wanted to talk about fucking soccer and you should record an addendum and put it up front or something that is that's brutal we need such a good song too we need three verses all right here's what we'll do if you made it this far now it's like we can always promote at the top by the end you don't remember if you made it this far, now it's like we can always promote at the top, but by the end you don't remember.

If you made it this far, these people need 100 subscribers to customize their YouTube URL before they post their first episode. So call to action. Actually do this. If you're at your computer, go to their YouTube channel on their website, which is ourlittleworld.show. I'll fucking subscribe, okay? I'll give them that subscription. That's at least one for messing up. I'm sorry.

Yeah, man, you should be. Yeah, you are sorry. And if you're listening, please, yeah, subscribe. They only have 35 subscribers right now, so you guys can track their progress. Let's get these guys to 100. Let's do it. And let's listen to that song again.

Ready? Here we go. See you next week, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. There's a man who leads a life of anger A woodland creature is his doppelganger If you hear the things he'll say It'll ruin your whole day.

But the odds are he'll be back again tomorrow. Secret Chipmunk Man. Secret Chipmunk Man. He is talking about crypto and eating acorns from your hand. Beware of free advice from greedy rodents. For a dirty every week, he's always chosen. He has a furry shriveled heart. And his friendships all fall apart.

But the odds are he'll be back again tomorrow. Secret Chipmunk Man. Secret Chipmunk Man. Chipmunk Man He is talking about crypto And eating acorns from your hand guitar solo Secret Chipmunk Man Secret Chipmunk Man He is talking about crypto And eating acorns from your hand That was a Hiddem Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help.

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