Segments - 571: White Lotus (w/Adam DiMarco!)

Episode Date: December 19, 2022

In this episode Adam DiMarco (aka Albie Di Grasso) joins us to discuss public sex, private messages, and birds. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Nice. Good, yeah. Nice. Oh my god. Nice. Like Bob Dylan doesn't have that kind of a voice. And this is a... This isn't Bob Dylan, is it? Is it? Stuck in the middle of you.

I thought it was. Wow. I don't know who this is. So this guy's doing a Bob Dylan cover. Bob Dylan doing. The pinch to the left of me. You boys to the right. Oh, my God.

And I'm on if I were you. Who you? Shh. And I'm on if I were you. Nice. Nice. Nice. That was about you sort of sitting in between us. I wrote that.

That was my voice. Yeah, thanks. We have a guest, Adam DeMarco. Hello. From the White Frickin' Lotuses here. How do you like that? Jake and Amish. Can't believe I'm here.

Nice. If I were you-ish. Yes. Wow. Stuck in the middle with you-ish. Can't believe it. Good man. Stuck in the middle with you good man stuck in the middle

with you Jake you thought that was a Bob Dylan cover because the guy just vaguely sounded like Bob Dylan yeah yeah

but it's not a Bob Dylan song okay you knew that right you were like joking yeah I don't know why we're dragging me

like you haven't even fucking you barely introduced DeMarco here 10 seconds you're like we're here without DeMarco

Jake you thought that was a Bob Dylan song. You fucking idiot. That's a more important thing to address. We have a guest. I looked it up. I've never heard this band is what I was going to say. It's a pretty obscure band is all.

Okay. But I'm feeling like now that you're angry, it's sort of, can we start over? Sure. Is that crazy? Who is it? Play the song again. Adam DeMarco is here from the White Frickin' Lotus. How did this happen?

How did you get here? I took a Lyft. The Uber was taking way too long, so I called a Lyft. I'm more of a Lyft guy myself. Really? What's the difference for you? I heard a long time ago that Lyft treated their drivers better. I think now looking back on it, they're probably all treated pretty bad.

Lyft isn't like the good company. But I don't know. I put Uber in a deep folder on my phone and I've never really found it again. You still have the pink mustache on your car. Adam DeMarco is here. From the white freaking Lotus. If you can believe it. How did this happen? Well, I'm

a fan of you guys, so I exercised my power of publicist to ask if I could do your show. We do often get PR emails like, hey, this person's writing a book. Do you want it to be on your show? We're like, no, it needs to be a friend, whatever, whatever. And they're like, holy shit, he's on White

Lotus. I fucking love that show. Who is it? Yeah, I have him on. Whoever it is. I don't care. Do you know Theo Jamesames would he do this i can text him wow he texts me he texts me back 50 of the time wow pretty good that's pretty good is that the highest rate of people on the show um would you say you're no everyone's everyone's pretty great yeah except for i mean we're all thinking it. Jim. Jim. Jim Stancil. Who is a producer.

Yeah. Producer's assistant. Yeah. But yeah, no, I mean, I've seen every single one of your guys' web series episodes. Wow. Yeah, because it was...

That's a lot. It was airing when I was in high school. So, like, I kind of grew up watching it. Actually, our sweet spot is vaguely Jewish high schoolers in Toronto yeah you're right in there yeah yeah that's true we just search like celebrities in Toronto who are 30 and be like you probably like me at least you have a friend I need more forgive me for saying this but

celebrity friends here are celebrity now. We're old enough now where people that grew up watching our videos are becoming more successful than us. So we should be using that influence. I told you when I got my foot surgery, the doctor told me they were a fan before I went out. That's not a good sign. You shouldn't do that. You can't carve me up. Yeah.

Will you sign me? You have to sign your ass for him. This is going to be a dream. The anesthesiologist loves nadpops. Alright, count backwards from 20. A 20-sided die. Very good.

You guys are also always very great at getting on Facebook Backers from 20. A 20-sided die. Very good. Very good. You guys are also always very great at getting on Facebook early days and the fan engagement. Oh, yeah. I actually just deleted Facebook, which I highly recommend to anyone who hasn't done it. Yeah. I'm way too active on there with my theories and posts to ever consider that, but that's interesting. You're someone who should delete Facebook. Interesting. Interesting.

Because I need to sign into my Oculus with it. We'll figure out a workaround. But what were we saying? When I was going back and deleting, at one point I was like, hey, do you guys mind wishing me a happy birthday? Did we? And you both did. Wow. It was so nice, and it really meant a lot

to me. You posted on our Facebook will you wish me a happy birthday? No, I think I DM'd or something, but you're like, sure. And then I showed all my friends. A video? No, just a message. I feel like I remember that. No, you don't.

No, you don't. No, you don't. No, you fucking. Shut the fuck up, Jake. I really fucking feel like I do. That was a fucking setup to see if you would go along with it. Because only Amir did it. I don't remember what you said, but you said, happy birthday, Jake.

I mean, Adam, which I was like, that's unforgettable. Yeah, but mine was not that. Mine was probably too earnest. Actually, I did search your name on Twitter to see if we've ever interacted. And you did reply to a tweet from Jake in like 2014. Oh, what was it? I don't know because you deleted the tweet. Ah, yeah.

And then Jake replied to you, you do you. So I don't know what you said that got Jake to say you do you in 2014. But my reply was to Adam and also Drake. Oh, really? I tweeted Drake and Jake? Yeah. Maybe I didn't know which one was you. Which one came up with you do you first?

Yeah. It was probably... It had to be parallel thinking, at least. I tweeted at Drake a lot back in the day. Did he ever wish you a happy birthday? Didn't we all? No. No.

Now he would, man. Because you're on the white frickin' Lotus. Lotus, white Lotus, yeah. Great show. We just finished. Jake's not even done with it, so no spoilers. So we can't talk about who dies? You can talk about it.

I feel bad. I don't want to, you know. Are you guys caught up? Yeah. Casey's caught up. Anya? I didn't watch the last one, and then it was immediately ruined for me on every social.

I know I'm pretty sure that it's been ruined for me. Oh, I don't know. One hundred percent. But there's actually like wasn't there the study that even if you know the ending or something is spoiled for you, it doesn't affect your enjoyment of it. Yeah, I'm definitely your PR team. In fact, I watched it twice. There's little things that you should. I'm going to finish the show. I love this. You guys need to talk about it. In fact, we watched it twice. There's little things that you should be watching. I'm going to finish the show.

I love the show. And I'll enjoy it no matter what. So if you guys need to spoil it, that's fine. I don't need to spoil it. I don't need to spoil it. Although talking about spoiling it, my mom, who doesn't really watch American TV shows, and my dad, Israeli couple, they watch Israeli television almost exclusively. But they love Italy.

So I'm like, you guys should watch this season of the show and they got so into it and then my mom was texting me during the finale she's never done this before and she says so who is the body in the water you know from the pilot yeah and I said did you watch the episode keep watching and she's like it's too stressful for me I need to know now two minutes later please two minutes later otherwise I'm going upstairs I can't tolerate stress in movies

I was like okay this is the who dies I won't say yeah and then she's like okay good that's what I thought I'm like you don't get to call it that's what I thought I win I beg to know then I said

I came up with it. I knew it. You were well thinking. All right, sweet. I thought the finale was great though. I thought I mean it was incredible.

The whole show was awesome. Yeah, everything is so fucking good. The finale was like one of the best episodes of TV I've seen. That's correct. Yeah, and you're in it

which is kind of weird. It's so crazy. Are you watching it before the public or are you All the other episodes I did but this one You watched it. HBO like didn't give us and you're in it, which is kind of weird. It's so crazy. Are you watching it before the public? All the other episodes I did, but this one, You watched it. HBO didn't give us the screener for it.

Did you know how it ended? Yeah. Well, I thought I did. And then I was like, well, maybe they'll change it in post or maybe I got dummy scripts. You never know. Wow. The ending was crazy. Did you know everything as it happened?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So it did turn out as scripted. Yeah. I also liked that it was extra long. It was like an extra 20 minutes. I think they could have Okay, so it did turn out as scripted. Yeah, I also liked that it was extra long. It was like an extra 20 minutes.

I think they could have done that with every episode it would have been. Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah, HBO doesn't care what's on after White Lotus at 10, 20 p.m. Eastern.

I mean, apparently they do. They do care. They know what they're doing over there at home box office. I was also skeptical because I love the first season. I'm like, oh, here comes the second season. I don't know about this one. I like the second season better. I was also skeptical because I love the first season. I'm like, oh, here comes the second season.

I don't know about this one. I like the second season better. I'll say it. Yeah. I think, yeah, I prefer it.

Thank you. Yeah. Has nothing to do with your character. I'll tell Theo James. Please do. Can you text him?

He's a buff and a cool. He really is a buff and a cool. Jake and I were texting like, we just love characters like that.

I said we always were suckers for a himbo. Yeah. It's like. Just a hot jacked fun dude who cheats on people and does a lot of drinking and drugs. He's always just kind of happy. Yeah. You're watching it wearing your drive jackets. That's correct.

Matching drive jackets. We should do that. Jake and Amir. But you get a crab. Oh, yeah, one with a lobster, one with a scorpion. We should do a Jake and Amir. A sequel to the Jake and Amir in the club where you and I are both trying to pick up girls at the bar. But you and I both show up in drive jackets.

We're trying to get the other guy to take it off. Yours is a scorpion. Mine is a lobster because I misremembered it. I thought it was like a crab or some shit. It was a fucking scorpion, you idiot. Did you even drive here? You can't fucking show up in an Uber with a drive jacket. Okay?

You get on a motorcycle, don't know how to start it. All right. This is an advice podcast, of course. Oh, yeah. If I were you, the only one on the internet hosted by me and Jake. Oftentimes, it's just us. Today, we're with a very special guest. Adam DeMarco from the White Frickin' Lotus is here.

How'd you get here? Thanks for having me. How'd you get here? I drove. Oh, we're back baby here's a question called I can hear my brother fucking his girlfriend

awesome that's pretty much the question but I'll read it anyway can I get do you still do fake names we still do fake names we sure do

good call so this is a I think a dude although the name can go either way so if you want to do like an ambiguous one we don't really know ambiguous name yeah it could be a a boy or a girl a man or a woman

brinky brinky wow that is very androgynous it is who knows who's saying this it could be a teddy bear hey jews love the show right off the bat you're not jewish are you i'm not sorry to disappoint i don't know. All right. Let's take a break. Because I see the face and it's Adam, which is, you know, could go either way for sure. The last name is DeMarco. Yeah. That one is so good.

Adam DeMarco is here. Yeah. I thought that was a stage name. My last name was really odd. Dildstein or something. Dildstein. You wouldn't need to come up with a stage name for that. Adam Dildstein is here.

Yeah, that wouldn't work. All right, here's the sitch. Dildstein got the part. Deadline on Dildstein. Here's the sitch. My brother and his girlfriend have been staying home with us lately and will be staying with us while they're in summer vacation from college. Our bedrooms are across the hall from each other.

They're young, spontaneous, whatever. I heard them having sex, exclamation point, question mark. I heard her moaning and practically yelling, oh God. Anyways, I was fine with it. Didn't mention it to anyone. Then a couple days later, my sister hears the same thing. That's not even the bad part. A couple days after that, I was watching a movie with my sister and parents

while my brother and said girlfriend are downstairs during a quiet part of the movie. We hear the moaning. We hear the sex. So do I tell my brother to keep it down? Do I put up with it for the rest of the summer? Help! Sorry for the long email, love.

Brinky. Brinky. Brinky. B-R-I. Brinky. N-K E-Y E-Y E-Y-R-I. Brinky. N-K-E-Y. E-Y. E-Y-I-E. Yeah. It's two endings in one. Brinky.

Yeah. Have you ever experienced this, hearing somebody else? Have you ever fucked at home? Yeah. Have you ever fucked so good your sister heard it? Yeah. Do you have any siblings? I have four older sisters.

Four older sisters? Well, yeah, two half-sisters who are quite a bit older. And then, yeah. That doesn't count. But yeah, that's an interesting thing. Cool. Two sisters. Four older sisters? Well, yeah, two half sisters who are quite a bit older and then, yeah. That doesn't count, but yeah, that's interesting. Cool, two sisters. Two half sisters, so that's one sister.

And then two sisters. So three total, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I, have you ever experienced this thing, hearing somebody have sex? Well, they ever heard

you have sex. Gross. That's a gross personal question. If you had to do the noise. You said everyone asked you the same white lotus question, so we're asking you when you haven't gotten it. Have your sisters ever heard you fuck? Or vice versa.

Or we can go back to how was it shooting in Italy? No, no, no. Yes, no. No, that's never happened to me with a family member. Or friends?

Friends. I feel like it must have happened, you know, roommate situation. Yeah. This sounds like uniquely terrible. It's spreading like a horror movie throughout the house. At first I heard it. My mom has heard me having sex and told me. What did she say?

She said it sounded like a train was going through the house. It was so foul. That's like a compliment. Yeah. That's the hottest. It sounds like I'm bragging, but it's like burned in my brain as being so fucking, it was so embarrassing.

A train? Were you running train? Is it really was running train no it was I was very standard sex and it, I, which is, let's all say it. So we know. Yeah. One, two, three. Running train with your boys from college. Nine guys, one girl. That's enough.

That's actually too far. What I said was fine. You said running train. I just described the joke you made. I described what it means. Okay. I think it was because my bedroom was in the attic at the time. And my mom's bedroom was directly below mine.

In the basement. I think the bed was shaking. There was no moaning, but it was just like probably a little bit of a jumble. It sounded like chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug. We also lived near train tracks So it could have been a train How did you know it wasn't the subway? Mom

But anyway I think You should say something before your mom does Because your brother would probably rather hear it From a sibling Hey man Dope sex dude Sounds so cool That being said We did all hear it I don't know if you care about that kind of shit Hey, man, dope sex, dude. Sounds so cool.

That being said, we did all hear it. I don't know if you care about that kind of shit. I know I like it. Yeah. Do you? I love that you're getting off. I love that you're moaning. It sounded like, oh, oh, and that's amazing. Have you ever fucked a train?

That's exactly what it sounded like. Yeah. I think with a sibling, you could just be like, yo, by the way, everyone heard you having sex. Cool it. Yeah. It doesn't have to be that delicate. It's a sibling. Siblings are like, you know, you're supposed to be able to say anything you want to one another.

I have good advice for the person who was found having sex. The person who's getting the sex. Yeah, the person who's getting the sex. And so you, just to throw them off your scent, you can have like the noise going on and everyone's like, oh, they're having sex again. And then you guys like walk out to the living room and be like, what's going on?

What are you guys hearing? It's like, oh, this whole time we were actually hearing and then I don't know. Watching a hired actor. Watching My Lotus. It's perfect. Yeah. So then you, yeah, that's the cover.

Yeah. Yeah. We're just watching a horny show in bed. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah. So then you, yeah, that's the cover. Yeah. Yeah. We're just watching a horny show in bed. That's fine. Yeah. That's absolutely fine. You were watching him having sex on an airplane. That's right.

You were on an airplane. I was on an airplane. He was having sex in a hotel room. Yeah. I've seen everyone in that show shows their ass. There's a lot of butts in the show. Is there a male actor on that show that doesn't show their ass? F. Marie Abraham's cock is in the finale. You haven a male actor on that show that doesn't show their ass? F. Murray Abraham's cock

is in the finale. You haven't seen that. I haven't seen that yet. It's in the, it's during the credits. Amazing. I can't wait. I guess Murray and Michael.

Oh, wait. Is Michael? I can't. Yeah. No one would think so. No butt doubles? That's your real butt? No butt doubles

from what I know. Yeah. I don't know about the other actors, but yeah. That's cool. Yeah. Cheeks out for Mike White. What? Did they offer that?

Did they offer a butt double? Yeah. I'm sure you could have made it happen. Called one in. Yeah. Because I have some. You want to work? You want to get in?

You have salt and pepper hair on your ass though, so I don't know if that would work. That wouldn't read on TV. Well, I don't think. I'd wax. I'd wax too, but at a certain point there's like zits down there. So you would want a butt double? I would do the, let's call in the bullpen as it were, bring in the butt dub, the B-dub. But you have boils, zits.

I have a mass on my ass. Yeah. Yes. You have an infected hemorrhoid that's so engorged it looks like a plum. I have a mass on my ass. Yeah. Yes. You have an infected hemorrhoid that's so engorged it looks like a plum hanging from your sphincter. I have a fissure. Yes. A pink sock is what it's called. Kind of like a prison tat thing of a cherry.

Yes. It says, God, what a Musk tweet. Sorry. We'll cut this out so it's seamless. It says, prosecute on one cheek and Fauci on the other. That's what I meant. He wrote prosecute Fauci?

He said my pronouns are prosecute Fauci. It's not funny, but to have it tattooed on my ass would be a funny thing. I need to buy more Tesla stocks. We're going through the roof with this guy. Okay, so what do we tell this guy to tell, or girl, you can sit down with your sibling and say, we can all hear you having sex.

Do with that information what you will. This one sounds pretty easy. I don't think you need to write into a podcast about it. I just wanted to reach out to you. Should I tell my brother or listen to him fuck all summer? It's like, yeah, I think say something. Do you want to? Yeah. I guess it depends on what you want out of the situation. Some people want to hear it. Go for it, I guess. Okay, let's take a break.

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meal deal at mcdonald's you pick a mcdouble or a mcchicken then get a small fry a small drink and a four-piece mcnuggets that's a lot of mcdonald's for not a lot of money Price and participation may vary For a limited time only And we're back! Holy shit! Hey Adam, do you have any? Oh, it's a little bit Mom, I'm coming! Gross

What? Say what we're all thinking. There's an elephant in the room. Yeah, so you're coming. Yes. I mean, at the time of recording. What is the context of that? That would be a, hey, mom, get out of the room.

I'm currently either trying to or have just finished. Or in the act of currently yes but obviously that wasn't like a live read it wasn't a documentary you know it's just a bit a joke a goof yeah okay like the boils on my ass like you do have boils but you do right yes that's that was a bad example but i'm just saying this i was likeitating art. What's your unsolicited advice, man? I feel like I'm on trial here. Yeah, okay. So, I mean, this is just like what works for me.

Totally personal. Yeah, so like if any, if, you know, whoever's listening can get in like season three of White Lotus, I would definitely say like go for it. Season three. So your advice is to be in season three of white lotus i would definitely say like go for it like season three so your advice is to be in season three because it really super worked for your career i have no complaints like yeah just in general just because it was a good show and you were in it yeah and how people know you yeah yeah i might try to follow them i might just anywhere in the room if you want if you can text mike white yeah yeah does he respond over under 50% of the time?

Mike always responds. Wow. That's so cool. That's awesome. So yeah, I guess that would be... Although it seems like he favors non-American actors. Jake is from Connecticut. Pretty American. But he loves Harold and Kumar 3.

Amazing. Mr. White, it's an honor. Is your name Avery in that? My name is... Aiden. No, it is an A word. Adrian. Adrian, that's it. What was the audition process like for that?

That's a really good question. I'm glad you're here to ask because Jake often just sort of sweeps that entire thing under the rug. It was a movie that came out 11 years ago. I was excited to see you in that. Thank you, I appreciate it. It was like your first...

Very Harold and Kumar Christmas. Yeah, it's a 3D Christmas action. I'll say the title. Do you still make residuals off of that? Yeah, a couple hundred bucks flows in every year. It's a Christmas movie, so they're great for that. That's right. My friend directed it,

and so he sort of helped shepherd me along the process. You had a man on the inside man on the inside tooth and nail correct the studio hated you salaries uh prices whatever was locked up in more expensive actors in other roles so they needed to give somebody the bare minimum and my friend is like oh we can give this guy absolutely nuts yeah he'll fucking do it for experience I know it did I don't know if extras stayed in the fancy hotel in Italy but I was not in the fancy hotel in Detroit where we were shooting right like a Radisson across the street right I don't know if that

was the same situation there there's like the White Lotus where like the actor stayed but then also maybe like a fucking budget hotel two blocks away that most people stayed at. Oh yeah, I don't know where the extras, I think they just like lived there

in the town. Yeah, local hires. I had to be, yeah, I had to move to Detroit for a summer so that they didn't,

they didn't pay me any relocation fee either. But yeah, having a friend that directed it helped push that along. Wait, how did you get yours? we can keep on talking about Harold and Kumar Christmas can I ask a couple more questions

about Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas I don't actually know very much about it so you did your first tape was it in the room the first read? I believe it was on camera with a casting director and your friend wasn't there friend was not there but he got the tape.

You know, it's like, oh, this is really funny. We can use this. He knew you were going in or he found out after? He recommended it. Okay, okay. And then there was like one more, not like even that intense. There was no like chemistry read or anything like that. It was just like another put yourself on camera with a casting director.

Just two? Two camera. Two different days. Yeah. Were you really nervous for the second one the callback uh not really nervous but probably kind of i was more nervous on the actual shoot day because i had never done like a movie and they're like okay you're in first day and it's like you and cal penn and i'm like oh okay cool uh 400 people in a set and like sit here and stay this like land on this mark without looking at the ground

and say your line and everything was 3D cameras so you have to like be very precise and be funny and be funny and you forgot that part

on the day right haha what's so funny messing with you and then did you watch it in theaters yes I did watch it in theaters

that's a cool experience getting to see yourself on the big screen. Yeah, the premiere. And it was 3D. Did I go to the premiere too? You keep saying that like it's a good thing. Yeah, 3D. Well, I feel like you guys are dropping the three dimension of it.

Oh, yeah. I think you went to the party after the movie. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I went to the after party. Yeah. I watched Avatar last night. Speaking of 3D movies. Is that good?

I hear good things. I'm very confused. You know, people, everyone- I didn't see it since the theater. The first one. No, not the new one. Oh, you saw the first one. I re-watched the first one because I'd seen it so long.

I was like, what happens in this again? It's a weird fucking movie. 3D? It is 3D. No, it's 3D. How? How did you watch something in 3D? I mean, I thought it was 3D.

It was. It was. It was, but like, how am I going to watch it in 3D now? Oh, you didn't go to like a theater and watch it in 3D. How was he going to go to the theater and watch the old Avatar? Because they're fucking reshowing. Because they wanted to make a quick buck and they didn't have to fucking pay that much because it's a re-airing of a movie that came out in

2007. Is that so absurd? Like is that, like that's actually a really good business model. Okay. I feel like you're getting super worked up. About 3D. This is why you shouldn't be involved in Hollywood. You're the reason 3D failed. I'm trying not to be. Will you be my friend, basically?

I've been hanging out with podcasters for the better part of a decade. Put me on a thread with James. I can get him to respond. No one calls him James, dude. Really? What do you call him? No one would ever call him that. Theo or Theodore?

Teddy? Teddy? People call him Teddy. Teddy. His friends call him Ted. That's awesome. I'll call him that. Theo or Theodore? Teddy? Teddy? People call him Teddy. Teddy. His friends call him Ted. That's awesome. I'll call him Jim. That's cool.

Theo Jim. He's going to hate you, dude. We'll see how much he hates me when I tell him I saw all the Divergent movies. So much more. Was he in those and good? He was. I mean, yeah. He was in them and good? He was. I mean, yeah. He was in them and he was hot, which was all he needed to be.

But in this one, he's actually funny in addition to hot. Yeah, yeah. They definitely didn't. The Divergent series wasn't funny. Yeah. But it didn't need to be. It didn't need to be. Was it 3D?

Stop. It's true. You know, it was a great moment in the shows when Cameron, the Theo James character, is rubbing Aubrey Plaza's leg. Did you see that part? Yeah, yeah. That was a really moment in the show is when Cameron, the Theo James character, is rubbing Aubrey Plaza's leg. Did you see that part? Yeah, yeah. That was a really fucking tense moment. Yeah.

That was cool. Very good. Yeah, I mean, I remember Will and Megan talking about the filming of that. They're like, we see, it's so obvious. Yeah, yeah. It's so hard. Like, where are we looking? Right.

Because it's so obvious what's going on. When they cut it, it totally was normal to do that. Pretending that you don't notice while it's happening is very hard. And like, yeah, her reaction to that wasn't quite pushing him away, but also was kind of pushing him away. It was also like, it wasn't, it was just creepy enough without being like an overt leg rub. It's just like kind of tap. Yeah. That's like, let's see.

You guys like Don Draper as well? It was like that that and then how would you react to that and like i wouldn't see it yeah yeah you're looking at your computer i'm touching the leg yeah that's really good uh all right oh yeah that was another solicitor that's it that's it wait can we ask about how you got... Is this your first big thing? It's my first thing I've ever acted in. Really? No.

Holy shit. Can you actually tell us your story, like your audition process and stuff? How did you get started? Tell me everything. Start from the top. I wished you a happy birthday when you were 16 and I know nothing else.

What's happened from then until now? You had a happy birthday, you were 16 and I know nothing else. What's happened from then until now? You had a happy birthday, right? I was 14. It was really weird. Why were we even friends on Facebook? I shouldn't be messaging you. I can get canceled for that. Retroactive.

Rightfully so. Yeah, I went to an acting school for a year and a half. And then I just got pretty lucky after one of my teachers recommended me to their agent. It's just like, you know, just like Harold and Kumar. It's like who you know sometimes. We never did any acting prep. We never learned anything. No teachers, nothing.

Right. Yeah. Pure instinct. Yep. Pure instinct. Pure instinct of not being that good at acting. And that's how you do it when you're doing 3D. Yeah.

The hard part is standing on the tape without looking at your feet. The third dimension sees everything. So you're in acting school and your teacher is like, of all these students, this is the kid. He recommended three of us. And then we were also all pretty young. It was a variety

of ages. So I think they always are looking for young actors. There's a lot of roles out there for young actors uh so I started working in Vancouver pretty quickly um I did like a couple Disney Channel movies you know like the Disney Channel original yeah yeah so I did a Cadet Kelly um Twin Swap what are we talking are you making these up? Are these real? First one's real. Second one was clearly not. Twin Swap. Twin Swap. Oh, sorry.

I'm on Pornhub. Oh, come on, Anya. We're all adults here. Except how old are you? I'm 32. Yeah, we're all adults. We're all adults here. And then, yeah, I mean, yeah, 10 years later,

and I'm still going going at it and then i got this audition last year um when i was like i was like calling my manager i was like i don't know what's going on like should i go do like a groundlings class or you know some yeah it's just something to help or like yeah and he's like i i got an audition coming for you like literally next week that you're perfect for just like hang in there wow i mean also that's a dangerous thing to say to an actor because they see thousands of people and it's like yeah get your hopes up because there's one coming in two weeks you're definitely gonna get it yeah and then yeah i just i read the breakdown and i was like oh i i feel like i could do this it's like half italian i'm

half italian right i am this guy yeah albie di grasso adam di mar. It's like half Italian. I'm half Italian. Right. I am this guy. Albi DiGrasso, Adam DiMarco. It's like weird connections. And I was like, okay, let me like really put a lot of work into it. More work than most auditions. Yeah. This one, like really, I watched every episode. I like did every scene like five, six times just to like nail it.

Do you always do that level of work? No, no. Because I remember like when I used to get auditions, I would like, you know, read them on the subway to the room, stumble through, and then expect never to get called. I was like, why am I doing this?

And it worked. You actually never got called. Never got called. You were right. And I wonder if that was because I didn't prepare. That's right. Like, why would I even prepare?

I'm not going to get it. Hi, welcome to the store. Let me guess. I didn't get a shit. That's right. Yeah. Like, why would I even prepare? I'm not going to get it. Hi, welcome to the store. Let me guess. I didn't get the part. Yeah. You're kind of rude. You don't know the sides at all. It doesn't seem like you want to be here and walk the job.

This isn't 2 fucking D and it's not worth my time. Name both dimensions this is. You can't. There's no way. So after you auditioned, how fast did you get your callback through the next thing? A couple weeks maybe we can have. That's also a long time. Yeah.

And then it was just two. So the first one was a self-tape in my kitchen. And the second one was a Zoom callback with Mike and then the casting director and the producers. And then we just read, there was new scenes. We just read them once. There was like no notes. I didn't have to do it again. That's insane.

I didn't have to like jump through hoops. The show was so nice. The show was so well cast. Yeah. They find people. Yeah. I think they just like know. Once they see you, they're like, yeah, we know.

Right. I think they just know. Once they see you, they're like, yeah, we know. And Mike is like, he just sees into people, maybe even things that they don't even see in themselves for the characters. And I think whatever he says goes at HBO. Yeah, he has a one-man wrecking crew. I wonder if he would like me. Can we do a group thread? There's no way of knowing.

There's no way. Unless I... You put in a fucking good There's no way of knowing. There's no way. Unless I, you put in a fucking good word, which is so absurd. There's no way he would do that, right? Unless you would. Put in a word saying, do you know this man? Yeah, like do you imagine him being at the Lotus next year? Have you ever dreamed this man? Have you seen this man?

It's a picture on a sign on a telephone pole. Is your face in a carton of milk? No, a picture on a sign on a telephone pole. Is your face in a carton of milk? No, I haven't. All right, all right. Just putting it out there in the ether. That's amazing. And now what?

You're just, now everyone knows who the fuck you are, so you don't have to. Yeah, I told my friend that you were going to be on our podcast, and he said, oh, that's the hot one. Whoa. Yeah. Watch out, Theo. Theo who? He said said theo james yeah you're not theo james so i haven't actually seen the show uh no yeah he said you were the hot one cool yeah hot one hot one tell him thank you actually gonna mean a lot to him coming from the hot one for sure yeah i mean it's yeah it is weird now i mean yeah if i meet someone that like i'm a fan of then they also have like seen my work so that's like a cool

thing rather than just like i'm a you know it's also cool that everyone watches the show um anyway like you don't have to tell people to watch the show like sometimes my friends are in shows and i don't watch them because i don't like the show yeah this show i would watch anyway so it's nice that your friends sort of back into being supportive because they're watching white lotus for you right and yeah it seemed it does seem like everyone's watching it but then but then i was like oh i guess everyone's watching this and then sometimes i'll be talking to people and i'm like because you know the show and they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm like, oh right.

Not everyone's seen this. Because you know the show. They're like, what? Yeah, so I stopped assuming that people have seen it. What's your recognition rate? You're on the street talking to somebody. I mean, it's been happening yeah more

people are staring more that's cool it's not that cool it's you're a lot more paranoid and then like

people are like taking a video or a picture of you through their car and then you like look and they're like pretending to film a license plate

or something oh yeah that license plate you went to film like PQR like FJJ really cool those are my initials, sir.

The hot one. Or not the hot one. Yeah. What's like the most annoying thing that everybody comes up to you with? Oh my God. For me, it was like just knowing that they had seen Harold and Kumar. Adrian! Yeah.

Usually it's like a rocky thing. Yeah. They were asking for me. That would be annoying. Adrian. Is there like a joke that everybody says that they think they're the only one to say? No. I don't.

Nothing major. Yeah. And I'm definitely not going to tell you or like your listeners. Because then they're going to get it forever. I'd love your phone number. I think I should have your phone number, actually. All right, dupes. I think I should have your phone number, quite frankly. Is that fair to say?

I feel like it's fair to say, but maybe not on camera with the mics on. More natural after the recording. Yeah, putting them on the spot for sure. You've also already expressed that you're trying to social climb. You asked for a Mike White intro. You asked for Theo James' number. And then he said, I want to be friends with you. Yeah.

Right. I should have done friends Mike White. Yeah. The order was. I wonder if it's just Mike White at iCloud.com or some basic. It usually is something like that. It's like Mike.White at Mac.com. Yeah.

Yeah. Gmail.com. Yeah. It's worth a shot. TomCruise at Gmail.com. Hey, it's me, Tom. I'm just checking my gmail He's Jack Nicholson

That's Tom Cruise That's you doing Tom Cruise You really do need to know Tom Cruise's email address It's probably fucking like Maverick Maverick guy Maverick underscore Tom Maverick Tom

That's really cool Okay let's have another question Isn't this an advice show? Maverick underscore Tom. Maverick Tom. That's really cool. Okay, let's have another question. Yeah, isn't this an advice show? Yeah, no, totally. It's an advice show. And I am advising, or giving advice often. Is it a Canadian number? Like, would I be able to text?

Yeah, it's 778. 778. That's how it starts. Write it down. You're asking. We'll cut it out. We'll cut it out on the day. I'm trying to find...

Okay, here's one that's pretty funny. It's a... I searched pizza in Italy for White Lotus adjacent questions. That's smart. Oh, you searched Italy? Yeah, in our email box. And so how the sex... I figured...

Well, this is a sexual question in nature, but he does reference pizza at a certain point. Actually, it's a lady. Do you have a lady's name? Shinky. Shinky? So the first one was Brinky? Brinky. Brinky and Shinky. You're naming like the Pac-Man ghosts. The knockoff Pac-Man ghosts.

Yeah, they couldn't get the rights to the real ones. Dear Koi Soy Boys, I have found myself in a sticky situation. After many Tinder convos that went nowhere and Tinder dates that made me want to shoot myself, I found a boy I liked and we had a nice coffee date.

Then a second date at this really nice pizza place and then a third date rolls around and I invite him to my place to cook. Eventually things get a little frisky and we move on to the bedroom. It's a little awkward but it's all good. I can deal with it. But something keeps me up at night that's happened.

He took off my bra and he started laughing. Without saying another word, he proceeded to take his pointer fingers and poke my nipples and say out loud, boop. I did not appreciate that at all, obviously, so I told him so.

We eventually had sex and it was literally the worst I've ever had. My friend said he was so nervous, so I gave him a second chance, but then he still did the things that took me out of the moment. We are not sexually compatible and it sucks because I the best way to inform him that i don't want to see him again i can't do it in person because of quarantine or do i even need to tell him at all love shinky shinky shinky uh yeah they had a date at a pizza place that's why pizza came up so this is yeah yeah it almost sounds lotus-y that somebody would do something this weird during class. Just like be seemingly normal and then have one thing that really makes you be like, you're fucked up. Yeah. Or like Seinfeld's like, well, it was nice, but he said boop while he touched my nipples.

He's a nipple booper. He's a nipple booper. So I guess this is just general advice for people. Don't do that. Yeah. Yeah. Should we just general advice for people. Don't do that. Yeah. Yeah, should we go to the next question? Don't do that. And then as far as telling him, it seems like you can be honest about

the reasons. It was because of the pooping or do you want to keep it vague? Do you want to know exactly why somebody breaks up with you or would you rather just keep it? I want to know exactly why. Yeah. Don't sugarcoat it. Yeah, yeah. So I want to hear it internalized and maybe change it for the better. Yeah. If it's something I can take and bring with me going forward in future things,

don't ruin. Yeah. Especially if I like the person. Yeah. If it's something I can work on. And that's an easy fix, right? Like maybe. Don't poop.

Yeah. But also. It's easier than losing weight. It was more general. She said the sex was bad and they're not compatible sex-wise. Yeah. Yeah. Because of that, like –

Yeah, that's definitely the wrong foot. She got the ick immediately. It's like you started with the ick instead of like whatever. Like if they had had some – I just don't think you'd need to say anything to the guy. You'd just say – I would also – I'd want the feedback. Yeah.

But I wouldn't be owed the feedback. If – Feedback is a bonus. What if she's like, we're not sexually compatible. The boop was weird. She's like, I'll never boop again. Give me one more chance. I'll be awesome at sex.

Give me one more chance. I can't resist. Draw comes up. Ah, fuck. Must boop. What noise can I make at this point? Can I do a beep? Give me a beep.

If I can't boop, I'll beep. Have you been broken up with more or breaking up with other people more? Breaking up with more. Like they've broken up with you more? No. The other way around. Yeah, but like it's like a 64. It's not like a huge.

Yeah, yeah. A slight favorite. I'm still a slight favorite. And do you get feedback? Do you give feedback or is it more like an obvious this isn't working out? If I'm broken up with.

Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. But usually it's so personal. It's not like you do this to everyone and this is why. It's more like,

yeah, I like being outdoors and you like being indoors. So it's not like a fix. Yeah. It's just a compatibility issue. Yeah. What are the reasons you guys have been broken up with? Cheating. Yeah.

Eating. Eating. Yeah. I think it's basically only ever cheating. But I've never been broken up with. But that's why my relationships have ended because I was cheating on somebody yeah but it wasn't like a perfect yeah because like i'm cheating on them a lot at this point so i should really usually the cheating is an indication that the relationship isn't perfect for other reasons i'm a i'm a piece of shit yeah yeah

that's the underlying root issue yeah yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like my relationships ended because it was my fault. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Well, it could have been a compatibility issue. And that was your like immature way of acting out. Maybe.

Yeah. Like I don't want to sit down and have a conversation with this person. I'll cheat. Then they'll either find out. I'll cheat. The relationship will be ruined. And then I'll have to break up. Yeah.

Yeah. That was a healthy thing that I did. Cowardly tactic. Yeah. I'm a healthy thing that I did. Cowardly tactic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a craven. Tactic of cowards. Yes. A craven man.

Well, the other way to do it is just sweeping it under the rug and staying in a relationship too long and then grow to regret and resent the other person. So at least you're able to cut it off early by cheating on that person. I'm too selfish to stay in a relationship that I don't like. I have no impulse control. I care only about my happiness. Sure. And I'm a coward. And a lame.

Also, coward and a lame. A horndog who needs to run train. Yep. And have my mommy here. Love eating corndogs. Yeah. Love eating corn dogs. I do love eating corn dogs. A horn dog who loves corn dogs.

I'm a horn dog who loves corn dogs. And that's why my relationship's... Why do yours end? Let's talk about you. Amir? Yeah, I do the stay in...

I used to do the stay in relationships too long thing where I'm like, it's year four and we're no longer really in a relationship at this point. But nobody wants to like have that difficult conversation, sit down and break up. Yeah. I don't want to break a heart.

Nobody wants to like make me sad. Yeah. I've done that in my first ever relationship when I was like 19. I was like, I tried to break. I was like, how do I break up with this person? Like I tried and it like didn't work. I didn't know how to do it. And then it's like, oh, if I like cheat on this person and, and then I never had done

that again. Cause I was like, okay, that's obviously not what you want to do. Yeah, totally. You learned that at age 19. I learned it at age 29. We're all different. And then it's the Canadian American difference is the exchange rate. And then I have stayed in something too long as well.

Because breaking up is hard. Yeah, experience kind of both of it. But now I just feel like I'm 32. I know what I'm looking for. So I'm not going to even get into something with someone if they're not special to me. I mean, we're all in our 30s. We have matured beyond that. We're all the same age.

One month away from being 40. One month? No, way more than that. Huh? all the same age. One month away from being 40. One month? No, way more than that. Huh? Way more than one month. Way more than one month? Yeah, today's the 13th of December.

When does this episode come out? Monday. Monday the 19th. When's your birthday? January 18th. What? I couldn't.

But I was, January 18th, but I was born in Israel. So? So wouldn't it be the other way? What other way? There is no other way. You're either 40 or you're not, and I'm not right now.

Yeah. Exactly. We're all technically in our 30s. Yes. You being significantly older than frankly adam and i how old are you 36 or 7 37 37 so we're both you made it sound young by saying the incorrect age first i'm 35 ish yeah that's like you're i'm running 5 to 20 minutes late i was like okay you're running 20 minutes late yeah 5 to five to 20. Imagine if it were five.

Because it's really going to be 29 minutes late. But I've already said, now I'm only nine minutes late. That's not anything big deal. I said five, it's 29. Okay, you can break up with this guy however you want. You don't owe him anything.

Not the blooper. Not the blooper. That's a blooper. Do you guys have bloopers on White Lotus? Do you ever laugh during a sex scene and you just get the giggles? I actually booped a lot in the sex scenes. Really? You couldn't resist. Yeah. Can I tell me to stop doing that in all my

sex scenes? Can I give you a compliment? Oh, yeah. I thought that it's a little personal, but I thought that you're – Stare him in the eyes when you're doing it. You're like looking all over the room. Your orgasms on the show were the most believable orgasms I think I've ever seen. Nice, dude.

They were so pure. They truly were a 19-year-old – how old were you in the show? Like 24, 25? They were a kid in their early 20s, like, coming for the first time. It was so, it really, really. You weren't, like, trying to look cool. You were just, like, literally orgasming. Yeah.

It's like you have no control over it. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. I heard if you come in the show, you come in real life. Wow. It's like dreams. This is me watching next to a sleeping 75 year old

on the plane hoping he doesn't wake up do you have to practice orgasming or is it a natural a lot of solo practice yeah

a lot of solo getting into character as it were yeah give us a quick quick oh quick cut so we can see

alright cause we are recording this okay just like ow ow ow no no and that's exactly why I love the Choma coming in Because we are recording this. Okay. Just like, ow, ow, ow.

No, no. And that's exactly why I loved it so much. Coming in pain. Stop, stop, stop, stop. It's too intense. The lady you're with is an actual Italian. I was really nervous about that. Really?

So that's a nice compliment. She was a real Italian actor, not an American actor. She still is, yeah. Still is. Holy shit, I thought she died on the day. My God. She was and is. Okay, great. Now I know she doesn't die. Well, we don't know anything for certain. an actor that's she still is yeah holy shit i thought she died on the day my god okay great now i know she doesn't die well we don't know anything for certain we don't we had a funny

exchange on twitter about oh yeah between me is like what dm me who dies he's like yeah big finale tonight and i'm just like dm me who dies like yeah hey so it's just like a random sicilian fisherman or some shit i barely remember i was so high during the table read and he was like, yeah, hey, so it's just like a random Sicilian fisherman or some shit. I barely remember. I was so high during the table read. And he was like, it's actually a PA from the show. I'm going to reveal it during the credits. Yeah, it happens during the little Q&As after. Yeah.

Mike White chokes on a donut. He's the dad. Dedicated to Mike White. Okay, let's take another break. Thanks to more sponsors. Because again, at the end of the day, this is a business, Adam. I am going to need your phone number. We'll be back after this.

Don't try to make it official. It's for the call sheets. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes.

So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well.

Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available.

Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah.

It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters? Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And. Vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience.

But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free. To support segments, it'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online,

now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results it's g-u-m dot f-m slash s-e-g-m-e-n-t-s cool sorry i have to spell it out for some people yeah you do all right we're back um during the break adam requested we game boy that's how big of a fan you are this isn't like some bullshit pr nightmare this is a real deal yeah you requested to i want to meet the game you want to meet the game can i just see the game did you say game oh my god oh no oh oh oh talking about orgasms yeah yeah oh that's how you do it man yeah learn from the best it's fonzie slash orgasming uh Game boy. When we can't find a question.

Anya's very confused. So basically when we can't find a question, we summon this artificially intelligent alter ego robot boy of Jake's. Yes. Called the game boy. And he searches our email for a word. And the goal of the game is to find just one email. A word so obscure, but it still comes up, a one email search query. So do you want Jake to come up with a word?

Do you have a word you think? I would never interfere with the Game Boy in the process. Did you say game? Yeah, he already said game. Oh, you're already here. We've established that. The word is parakeet. Parakeet.

Really specific. I don't even know how to spell that. What happens if there's zero? Does the Game Boy lose a heart? I lose a life. Like Zelda, one of his hearts goes away. There's no way I know how to spell parakeet. Well, then open a new tab and fucking figure it out.

Oh, my god. You're not using this laptop to the full power. That is what he's like just so you get the idea. Damn. Everything up until now has been like nice to you, polite. It felt like a really nice version of Jake until that fucking moment. Unbelievable. Just open a new tab.

Yeah, why don't you? This is ridiculous alright here we go parakeet did you mean parakeet how did you know how did you spell it parakeet alright I think it's p-a-r-r-a-k-e-e-t

that's close but there's only one r fuck search it both ways in the email oh my god close but there's only one R. Fuck! Search it both ways in the email. Oh my god. There's one! One unanswered email

from 2013. That's how you do it, man. I think that's golden mic worthy as well. Holy shit. Adam and I are going to share the Golden Mike. This email is from your cousin. By the way, that's a fucking turdy for you. For what?

For not knowing how to spell parakeet? No, you said two R's. Also not wanting to open a tab or whatever. You basically didn't want to look up parakeet because you didn't know how to spell it. And you didn't want to steal his golden mic. No, I did not. I didn't steal his thunder. You knew it was a good word.

You knew parakeet was a good word. And it was slanderous when you were like, he's always like this when I said open up a new tab. That's turdy. Yeah, that's a turdy. You guys are co-hosts. You should be nice to him. I thought so.

I really thought so. Oh my God, you have his number. Yeah. When did that happen? He put us on a thread. Me, Mike White, Theo James. You also missed. You're like rubbing each other's legs. I've been staring at my

fucking tab. You created a ruse. A parakeet tab. Hyena ate my bird was an email sent to us May 16, 2013. That's so sad. Hyena ate my bird was an email sent to us May 16th 2013 Hyena ate my bird? literally almost 10 years ago to the date

what's this person's name? Minky the trifecta is complete talking about Zelda we got all three of them the horcrux or whatever the fuck here's my problem rights. Minky.

Don't say it like that. Sorry now I'm getting mad at you and it's really just stemming from how close you're sitting to Jake. You can win two turdies you know. Yeah I have about 500. I know you can win two. Are you not going to read the questions? The question is fine. He's shutting down. Are you not going to read the question?

The question is fine. He's shutting down. He's getting tired. He's cranky. I have a problem if you want to call it that, because honestly, it's kind of a blessing. A hyena ate my frigging bird. My mom's going to be pissed because my dad spent his last dime on the parakeet.

But honestly, it's a pain in my ass. How do I tell my mom and not get her mad at me? This can't be real. I don't know if it's real or not, but we have to act as though it is because it's a 10-year-old question. I don't know where he is that a hyena is there. I don't know how he got the bird.

I think we should respond to that. Hey, we just answered your question. Hey, just getting to this now. You're a decade older or dead. Please let us know what turned up. We need proof. Did you really record it? How do you know?

Where are their hyenas? They must have seen it. Yeah, a hyena? There's no way unless this person lives in some sort of outback steakhouse. Have you ever had an animal die via another animal eating it? Probably. Really?

I had a bird that flew away. Oh, you did? Yeah. You had a bird? I had a cockatiel. Interesting. I was thinking about cockatiel as the word. Oh, yeah.

Damn, dude. Oh, there's a thousand emails about cockatiels. Only one about turkey. Just take my number. I would love that. I'll get that. Yeah. I was going to say cockatiels. Only one about turkey. Take my number. I would love that. I'll get that. Yeah.

I was going to say cockatoo. Cockatiel. Cockatiel. Same shit, asshole. It's actually not. That's another turdy. Cockatiel, asshole. That's a funny sound bite. We don't usually do sound bites, but isolating Jake saying cockatiel asshole would be a good one.

Yeah, I had a cockatiel that flew away. It was like we would let it out of its cage. No, we would let it like go on top and like sometimes it would like fly to our shoulders and hang out. And then I was going to school, high school in the morning and like the door was open and it just like flew to a shoulder to hang out and then it just like got confused in the garage and just like flew out and I like tried to catch it.

I was like running after a bird. I'm like, I'm gonna get it. It like goes into my neighbor's yard and I like hop the fence and it like flies back over. Really? I like didn't see. I'm like, it's in here somewhere.

Can they survive in the wild? I doubt it. Yeah. Not this one. Yeah, it was like didn't see. I'm like, it's in here somewhere. Can they survive in the wild? I doubt it. Not this one. In Canada. Yeah, it was like winter. Probably was eaten by a freaking... You murdered a bird. A bird-er. You're absolutely a cold-blooded bird-er. It put itself in that situation.

You took a tropical bird and brought him to the icy tundra of Ontario, set him free in the blistering gold. Yeah. If you love something, set it free. I'm going to text you about that. That's so messed up, man.

What was this question? Do I tell my mom? How do I tell my mom? You just tell her. That's awesome. Great. Yeah, you just tell her. It's 10 years ago.

You can tell her. I think you can come. You can stop holding on to this. It's been a decade, bro. Are you really not going to tell your mom? Come clean. 10 years. Let's get one last question.

Let's get a real one. Yeah, let's get a real one. Here's one. A recent one. This one's good. This one's recent. Okay. This one's good.

We're going to need another name. Oh, God. How will I come up with another lady's name um aubrey plaza what a fucking huge right turn you made do you have a her number i wonder if that could be a fun thread to be on fun thread or you mean advantageous thread career-wise yeah although i bet i wouldn't even be able to parlay it into a role at this point yeah you're really like thinking i'm moving up what number on the call sheet were you um i'm serious no you're serious i think three it's alphabetical just like the credits oh yeah everyone interesting. Everyone was kind of like, you know, treated equally, which is great for me. Yes.

Like, yeah, me and Coolidge were the same. Alphabetically speaking. Yeah. You didn't have any scenes with her, right? I had one where like she was kind of in the background and myself and Healy Lou were just at brunch or something. Oh, yeah, and a dinner. So there are like actors that you spent almost all your time with, and there are actors that you didn't even hang out with at all.

We all hung out a lot, yeah, and then there was just, like, different kind of little groups, winter groups would form depending on who was shooting that day or the next day, and everyone was pretty social. Who was your BFF on the show? Haley and Megan and Leo. Yeah. Leo? Yeah, and Megan and Leo. Yeah. Leo?

Yeah, he plays the Essex guy. Oh, that guy was fucking cool. Oh, God, I love that guy. Oh, you're going to really like him in the finale. That guy is really cool. Yeah, he's supposed to sing like that? Yeah. He's got to be like that.

And he has a beer. He has a beer and a face. And a cigarette. Yeah, dude. You're going to love it. Yeah. He's not acting. I mean, that guy looks like a genuinely cool dude, and he's playing himself.

He's very cool. I mean, he's doing an Essex accent. That's not his real accent, which is cool. He looks like a Love Island contestant. Yes. He's just like on. Yeah, he's so good. It would be a fun twist if he was American, but that never really happens, does it?

Yeah. Piece of shit. I'll just read the question. I will. I just want this guy's number. Leo was it? You want everyone's number from this show. What will you do with it?

You're so socially awkward anyway. Yeah, you have all of the numbers. What happened? He's too young to have seen Jake in a mirror. Yeah, British too. Yeah. How old is he? 25-ish.

Wow. That's cool. 26? I don't know. Okay. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year, writes Aubrey Plaza, and we're moving in together to study in the same city. Everything is good between us, except for one thing.

He's too normal in bed. A regular Albie. That doesn't say that. Read the question. A regular Adam DeMarco. Oh, my God. my god he likes to have vanilla sex in our bed sometimes we have shower sex and maybe a couch session but super. I lost my virginity to him, but he's been with a couple of girls before me, including a long-term girlfriend. Now, I've been a bit bummed that he's so vanilla.

I mean, I want to try public sex, maybe in a restroom, maybe by a lake, something forbidden and fun. I want to go insane. I want to have sex near a lake. I want to go lake mode on this bitch. On the Silver Lake Reservoir. Lake mode. But he refuses.

He hates it, claims it's disrespectful to the people who might be around. Even when we were celebrating midsummer in our friend's summer cabin, we got our own room with a huge bed, but he couldn't have sex with me. He wasn't comfortable enough. Interesting. Sure, I've been a bit salty over this, but I figure there's nothing I could really do. huge bed but he couldn't have sex with me he wasn't comfortable enough interesting sure i've been a bit salty over this but i figure there's nothing i could really do so while we were talking about previous sexes um i said something along the lines of so what's the most public place you've

ever done it and he replied with i did it in the middle of a soccer field once in the middle of a soccer field that's the fucking hottest thing i've ever heard i want that the fucking second he said that i stormed out to get fucking pizza why are you playing at me but i literally the white lotus connection all of the pizza from the show you're italian i guess i literally wanted to cry it sounds silly but after all the times he said no to me because of all those stupid and probably made-up reasons, it hurts to know that he was fine doing it with an ex. And now I can't stop imagining it.

Not him and I, him and his ex going at it. It was a week ago, but he managed to mention it again in a funny way about how I exaggerated. But the mere mention of it made me want to cry again. And I don't know. I don't want to be jealous of the sex him and his ex had. But I am. And frankly, I feel unattractive for him to not want to do those things with me. Will I ever get to experience the sex of my dreams and die jealous of his ex-girlfriend?

Any advice would truly help since I can't ask this to anyone else without sounding mad. Love, Aubrey Plaza III. I think you're a bit of a Casanova in this regard. So am I. So am I. What's the most public place you've ever had sex? Public? Yeah.

Probably a hotel room. That's private. Absolutely public. A hotel. A hotel. forget i said room but it was triple deadlocked lobby it was bolted holiday inn express the door was latched children could have walked in that's right shout out to white lotus again i don't know if you got to that part uh this guy's unbelievable do you even watch the show?

I'm binging it watching it right now did you get to the part where he comes back to the room but it's latched shut and he's like why'd you latch it? she's like I don't know I love watching him lose his shit yes he goes mad wow I haven't seen it

but it sounds awesome you're gonna love it soccer field is cool there's a game on actually Yeah, well, I haven't seen it. Yeah, but it sounds awesome You're gonna love it Yeah, Messi had to do a free kick around us yeah fucking public during penalty we blocked This new thing the guy that lays down underneath the wall? That was them. I mean, it's relatively new, but they've been doing it for a while. That's cool. It's an option.

I don't know how you get to how that is your job. They must rotate. Who wants to be the fucking floor mat? So you'll lie here, and if the ball's going 80 miles per hour at your face, that is you. And then we'll be there jumping up, covering our balls. Don't cover your balls. Do not cover your balls. Your arms have to be at your side for maximum blockage.

Yeah, because it might be a handball. That's me in a natural position. Don't put your hand on your balls. Hits you in the balls. Yes, you're the hero. Yeah yeah i've never had public sex i've actually i've been the boy here where the girl's like let's do it in the bathroom at this fucking convention center or whatever i'm like yeah but like won't we get arrested if we're caught like is it worth it to be arrested for that i don't think so yeah no right to me at least but i like her gumption spirit at the idea

yeah i've had a lot of public sex did you ever get caught no oh but did you kind of yeah your mom no i mean i was having sex on the beach and i remember like we thought we heard somebody and then we like looked up and someone had just like passed us and they had a flashlight so i no one was ever like stop that or whatever but i feel like i was seen who's gonna say stop yeah hey you guys stop that yeah that's enough it's you it's weird to get caught but like i imagine if you do the person is shy and probably walk walks away not like they're not gonna stand there and reprimand you. Call the police or something. How long have these guys been dating?

Does it say? It doesn't. It feels like it's been at least a few months or something. They're talking about sex and stuff like that. I feel like all of the answers to all of your questions you get is just like, communicate to the person's face. Don't tell them that because then we won't get any more questions. I was going to just tell her to grow up.

Interesting. Yeah. Meaning? I don't know. Keep it, keep it in. Internal. You can like get your strange elsewhere and don't tell the boyfriend about it.

No, don't, don't do that. Like you want to have public sex, but he doesn't. Well then go fuck someone else to hurt him that's actually the character on white love yeah yeah exactly god it's so toxic it's so good i love it their relationship is both the worst and kind of the

healthiest on the show yeah adam adam is right i i think i think that you can come to a middle ground where like you think that having public sex is really hot but for whatever reason maybe he's he's out on it because he's already done it but there must be some other thing that'll get you both excited and you just find out what that is yeah and then you'll have new hot sex you don't be copying the ex anyway or just like keep putting yourself in situations in like public where it could happen yeah like you're near a tennis court and you're scantily clad. Yeah. It doesn't have to be soccer. Any sport really. I wonder if you could just role play it.

Oh, okay. So you like get natural turf for your house. Right. So you're in your bedroom. Turn the basement into a soccer pitch. Basement's a soccer pitch. And you say, we shouldn't do this. They're playing the World Cup. Yeah, you turn on the TV and it's like highlights or something.

There you go. Yeah. Oh, what a strike. It's a worldie. It couldn't be anyone else but him. The beautiful dream continues. Leo Messi in the sands of Doha. And then it's like suddenly you're getting a Pavlovian response to these fucking announcers

where he can't even get off unless, I don't know what's this guy's name, Robbie Anderson or some shit, is narrating the whole thing in some sort of bizarre fashion. Landon Donovan. It should be Landon Donovan calling the game. It needs to be Landon.

Yeah, I don't know what to tell this lady other than I'm sorry. And I don't know how to get over the soccer field thing. It seems like it's eating her up alive. This is a sticky situation. It's a sticky situation. This is the stickiest of the ones so far. It's communicate.

Just, yeah. Because the boyfriend doesn't want you to be this upset. And maybe he just doesn't necessarily know. Yeah. So tell him about it. Yeah, tell him that you're upset about the whole soccer field thing. And if that doesn't work, cheating is fine.

No, it's just. Not fine, but like. Yeah. The opposite of fine. Yeah. I wasn't going to say fine. I think maybe work, work the way, work your way up to the soccer field or something, you know.

Start with baseball diamond. Yeah. And then lacrosse. Pitch. Pitch. Finally. A pickleball court. Is that fair to say? Yeah. Or just like in terms of publicness. Yeah. Likeitch. Finally. A pickleball court? Is that fair to say?

Yeah, or just like in terms of publicness. Yeah. Like, get a hotel. Yeah. Get a public. Start with that. Imagine all the people near you. That could, that's kind of.

Hotel with the window things open. Right. Yeah. Hotel, open the windows. And that's kind of hot because like we can be seen. Balcony. Balcony. Start on a balcony.

Yeah. We're not looking. We're, anyone looking at us is a pervert. Remember those people that were fucking outside our Airbnb? That was you, I thought. Yes, yes. In a train car.

What were you about to say? I think, yeah, get like a balcony at a hotel. Start there. And then room change. Now you're on the first floor and you're on the balcony again and you like fall over the balcony

you're like in the bushes or the parking lot you're like oh wow isn't this crazy I see so that's kind of dangerous

it seems because you're falling over a balcony no the first but you're on the ground floor it's like a ground floor yeah I see so you're not actually

falling you're just sort of stumbling and then you just kind of keep rolling together is that what you meant by roleplay? Yeah. And then there's a soccer

field next to the hotel. You just kind of roll. Steamroll over each other. Did you like the roleplay joke? Turdy-wise? Do you think that was good? What-wise? Turdy-wise. You already have the turdy. We're not going to give you a turdy for was. You already have the turdy.

We're not going to give you a turdy for that. No, not a turdy. The golden mic? The golden mic for the role play. It was earned and rewarded for this episode. It's shared by Adam and I.

I'm going to give up my golden mic. No, not give up, but I feel like it's a fun thing for the three of us. You gave me it. I didn't give it to you. Jake did. You did.

It's an award that... What does it say jake and amir yeah exactly and i feel like i haven't had a vote i'm holding the mic right there and this that's it that's yeah that's a representation and it looks like you have a tiny what's in your hand on i have like a clump of dirt or something like that i think yeah just like this little bucket of mud. Like a little log of... Shit. Debris or sod, almost. Yeah, manure. Yeah, it's like manure, like a clump of shit,

almost like a little turd or something like that. Congratulations, by the way. For sure. What a streak. Speaking of streaks. Adam, what do you have to promote? I mean mean i don't know if you guys have heard this but he's on the white freaking lotus and odds are you've already seen it unless you're jake yeah i guess i'd recommend to jake to watch yeah watch the finale i guess if you want to be part of the conversation yeah that's kind of all i guess i don't know it's a great show i mean

it's been really cool getting to actually like do press or publicity for something that is just objectively good. You don't have to, like, pretend that you liked it or, like, enjoyed filming it. It'll be good career-wise if you get, like, a CBS sitcom next. But then it'll be, like, weird for you emotionally because you'll be like, I mean, it's good. I was on White Lotus. You guys should watch that. Everyone knows that. All right.

This show is fine, but it's no White fucking Lotus. More critically acclaimed box office hits. That's fucking sick. Yeah. Although I guess you want to do both because you also want the cash from the not necessarily Oh yeah, do you like cash? Yeah. Do you guys have any?

Money. Yeah. How much am I getting paid for this, by the way? For this? Yeah. For this? For this? For this.

How much is it for this? What's the going rate? Cash. Cash. Cash wise. Well, you have the mic. The golden Yeah. For this? For this? Yeah. For this. How much is it for this? What's the going rate? Cash. Cash. Cash-wise. Well, you have the mic, the golden mic, which you can hawk

on the secondary market. I would never do that, but they are solid gold. Okay. They're worth $28,000. Jesus, you're a millionaire for having it 500 times over. Yeah, that's true.

Amazing. Yeah, I would say just, yeah, watch. If you haven't seen White Lotus Season 2, give it a watch if you've seen it and you liked it

it's a good rewatch as well yeah I bet there's lots of shit that you miss you pick up on a lot of stuff are you on the reddit

or like the tweets about like I saw like there was a camera going on in the background and like she was being recorded and like all this

like yeah various theories I've creeped reddit a little bit it's fun yeah twitter

all that stuff but then there's always just like a rant, you know, you see a random mean tweet like about you and then you're like, all right, I've had enough of that for today.

Well, you searched Adam DeMarco ass on Twitter. Of course. That's good. I also like make music. Whoa. Music name is good one. Excuse me.

Yeah. So yeah. Maybe give that a listen. Yeah. I mean, I don't really talk about it too much, but I'm going to be putting out a couple songs next year. Holy smokes.

Yeah, just kind of like bedroom, like dream pop, self-produced on a laptop. Yeah. I love dream pop. You did the White Lotus, dude, right? That was you. I'm just realizing it now. There's no way about it. Yeah, they sampled my music.

Wait, you have a music name? Yeah, a good one. Good one? And it's just you? Yeah. Holy smokes. So I can Google that but not Parakeet, huh? You just type in willy nilly?

Yeah, I'm just curious. Yeah. All right. Guitar or piano? What are you thinking? Singer-songwriter, Dave Matthews style? Dave Matthews style. No spoilers.

That's awesome. Yeah, I just get high and make beats on Ableton, basically. Wow. He admitted to drug use, folks. It's legal in Canada. And in California. We run ads for Dadgrass, for Luby Labs. Okay, okay.

Tread lightly. We do a lot of weed ads. Do you guys have anything to promote? I'll snort cocaine and play video games. With your number to boot. I'm OK Bloomer on TikTok and Cardi B on Nintendo Switch. Are you Cardi B? Are you Cardi B?

Oh, Cardi. Yeah, Cardi, like Mario Kart. Yeah. You play video games? I have a Switch. We could, I'll add you on Switch. We can start there. That's a on Switch. We can start there. That's a good start.

We can start there. That's a fucking start. No. Like, don't think like, that's like it and you're placating me. You're a bit of a cart,

Mario cart head, right? I used to be a carter for sure. Yeah. Do you smash? Are you a smasher? Never smashed. Never smashed. You're a smasher.

No, I never played. No? Although GoldenEye is coming to Nintendo Switch. Yeah. And you are the most frustrating person to play GoldenE No, I've never played. No? Although GoldenEye is coming to Nintendo Switch. Yeah. And you are the most frustrating person to play GoldenEye. We've only played once. But I remember this trip.

I beat every single person at GoldenEye. And then when I played you, I couldn't beat you because you fucking played the Proximity Mines. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. You're so annoying with Proximity Mines. They're good. You just get strategic throws and then Jake would constantly be running into them. Yeah.

It's the high traffic. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was so annoying. No skill. Well, proximity mines is its own little skill. Oh, yeah.

Actually, too much skill. No skill on your part. Yeah. There was no bravery. No bravado. Stolen valor. Slaps only. It's like a mine.

It didn't do anything Because he didn't slap me with it A proximity slap Do you have so many live shows coming up? Do you still do those? We do not Jake has with his NAD Pod show Yeah, I'm going to Australia actually

In January NADpod.com slash live Check it out Cool Will you be there? I will. You can come if you want. Oh, that's cool.

I wasn't even invited. We have live shows. We have live shows. We do. HeadGum Live. Oh, nice. Good thing Anya's here. Good thing Adam is here.

January 12th. January 12th. In LA and January 27th in New York City. That's right. January 27th in New York. Amazing. Jake and I are hosting. Adam, wherever you are, you can come.

You guys are pretty excited about it, aren't you? We're thrilled to be that. Yeah. It's going to be insane. HeadGum.com slash live. Are those announced slash available? We'll make sure that they are. Even though that's sort of out of our control, Adam.

Just make sure it happens. Just look out for links. The cleanest plug at the end of an episode ever. Yes. We were make sure it happens. Just look out for links. The cleanest plug at the end of an episode ever. Yes. We were put on the spot and taken off of the spot. We don't even know

if we can promote what we just promoted, but we did. And there's more information at headgum.com slash live or not. There's not. Not yet.

There's not. But there will be soon. But there will be soon, so stay tuned. Or don't. Right. Exactly. Yeah.

Watch White Lotus season two. 2 I mean it's so good and you're great in it congratulations thanks for being on this program let's all show our asses at the end okay that'll be on our Patreon patreon.com slash JA

Adam will watch one with us pantsless I think if I text him about it nicely how long are you in LA for Adam will watch one with us pantsless, I think, if I text him about it nicely. How long are you in L.A. for? What is going on? I'm curious to hang. You got the plug. I got the plug.

And now I'm just sort of casually dropping into conversation. This is something you can ask him on the way out. Of course, and I will. After the show. How long are you in L.A. for? Why is that interesting? Anybody listening to the show? Because what if Adam and I become boys and then

suddenly they're like, that's cool, we were there for the beginning of that. And now they might be because they know you're gonna ask him after the show. After it fucking ends. You wanna do another 10 minutes? How long are you in LA for? You're in a rental car? He said he took a lift.

I assume you don't know how to drive or some shit. But I'm sure he has a car. You have a car? All right, guys. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much for having me and we will see you guys later on the other side. Do you remember who

made that opening theme song? Gosh, it was the... We might have not. Stuck in the middle with you. Yeah. Did we give him credit or did that not come up because we were excited

to talk about Adam? Probably feels like we didn't... That one? The one where we didn't... The to talk about Adam. Probably feels like we didn't. That one? The one where we didn't. The proper do. Yeah. Yeah, because I don't remember talking about it.

You were accusing me of saying that he sounded like Bob Dylan. And now you're looking for it. Could you not find it? Yeah, I can't find it. Did we say who it actually is? Steeler's Wheel. Oh, yeah. Steely Wheel, right?

No. Steely Dan. I'm Steeler's Wheel. Absolutely falling yes. Steely Wheel, right? No. Steely Dance. Absolutely falling apart at the fucking buzzer. I'm never this flustered, man. I think this is another turdy. Yeah. You've never gotten a turdy on the outro, but here you go, man. I don't know if this is the theme song.

I hope it is. Yeah. It's Tommy Dowdy. Third or fourth theme song submission. Love to mention his Instagram, Animatrium Studio, where I showcase animations and music. Nice.

Ta-da, and don't forget the sauce. Thank you, Tommy. We'll be back next week with Adam, if you can believe it. Okay, see you then. He'll never be back. I'm sorry that I'll make a mistake. I'll even take advice from a mirror. If it means it's gonna save me from tears. Turdies to the left of me, golden mics to the right. Here I am, I Were You And I need to hear what these boys will do I've been listening since 2013 And I'm still waiting to seize the cheese

The pinch to the left of me To the right, here I am I'm on if I were you. Yes, I'm on if I were you. That was a Hiddem original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast We're Here to Help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door.

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