Segments - 573: Polar Plunge 2

Episode Date: January 3, 2023

In this episode we discuss New Years Eve, New Years Days, and suppressing your emotions. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. I got money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only. Yeah, picture yourself in a sticky situation What the hell, you don't wanna face it

What else can we do but turn to the internet For advice, that's right, because Everybody with a semi-successful schedule Should be able to offer some advice To help you get through If I were you Tell me what to do, cause I don't wanna be here This is shaking, I'm in

This is the truth If I were you I don't know what I did to piss you off. Did you like that? I loved that. I actually really loved it. And I needed to hear it. Yeah. And I had to have a little dance break during it.

Yeah. But you're welcome to anybody watching at home. Yeah, you could be watching these on YouTube still. We're still recording the Zooms and uploading these as a video podcast if interested. That's true. If Pinterested. And it is Pinteresting. That was Eric from Vancouver.

And as far as plugs go, my band Bad Magic just put out a Halloween-themed single slash music video called Devilish Ways. Sweet. I wrote, recorded, mixed, mastered, filmed, and edited the whole thing in less than three weeks. Wow. Good job. Filmed? Yeah. Was it a music video?

Maybe. Eric from Vancouver, Canada. Hope to see you guys live again someday. There you have it. All right. I love it.ic with a c not quite as cool as eric with a k huh but i don't know eric nobody's perfect nobody's perfect i actually really like the name eric either way either way do you think of that uh either my son or me eric well for you it's too late you don't get to decide that yeah you'd have to

you'd have to legally change my name you'd have to give it to the to the next generation eric or eric or something eric related right yeah i could give it to one of my children for for sure but i could also have them call me that instead of dad because that's kind of like a given name eric you know dad daddy dada or eric they won't call you eric eric's an interesting one because like i get thinking eric is fine but like as a new parent you can choose anything in the world to to make a list and narrow it down all the way to this one ultimate name and land on eric who's doing that well it's an old world name it's what i feel like it's one of the oldest names isn't it and it's i don't think it's biblical so maybe there that. Like if you want to go non-Bible, old name, maybe Eric is the goat.

Yeah, Eric's pretty, it's a strong name. Also, I think it's probably a family name at this point. Yeah, like my great-grandfather's name was Eric. Eric, yeah. Sir Eric, and now you're little Eric, Eric Jr. Who's the most famous? Who's the most famous Eric? My, okay, Princeic from the from the

little mermaid okay that's pretty good eric dyer uh defender for the tottenham hotspur no he's the most famous he was on the world cup team didn't play much but he did make the cup he's made a few mistakes this season but ultimately he's a good player yeah um he's one of my favorites i really love eric prince eric did you say was that your first one i think that prince is in little little mermaid uh name was eric also prince eric is what i call eric dyer my favorite uh spurs player yeah prince eric is also what you call your little dick. Nice. But I actually have a huge to normal-sized cock. Maybe a little small for some, but just right for me. Asshole.

Just kidding. Actually, speaking of shrinkage, how were your polar plunges? They were great. They were great. Each unique in their own way and a lot of fun. A lot of fun. So we were talking about this pre-New Year's that you had two polar plunges planned. That's correct.

And then during the course of the week, there was some sort of polar vortex happening in the East Coast. It was quite cold so two i think we talked about my sister sarah invited me to the the polar plunge in new haven yeah um and then pat castles invited me to the polar plunge in coney island right um what i did not know is that sarah was not inviting me to a sanctioned polar plunge she was just inviting me to jump in the ocean. Got it. So that was not with anyone. She was just like, let's do it the day after Christmas. So when I found that out that we could go anywhere, I texted my cousin Scott, who lives like on the shoreline in Connecticut, in Bridgeport. And I was like, do you want to do

this too? My buddy Nate lives there. He actually does the polar plunge every Sunday all through the winter. He, multiple times a year, did it twice that day that we did it. He went back in the afternoon. Oh my gosh. He's like, he's addicted to the plunge. It's a lifestyle. And I've, and I have found that, I found that out. But that first day, so we went me micah sarah nate and my cousin scott um drove out met at scott's house um any second guessings like when it was like 22 degrees and you're like in a jacket you're like maybe we shouldn't do this i was looking at like so i think the day before christmas it it was that crazy polar vortex and

it got down to like eight degrees and i went outside and it was so cold and i was like this is gonna be awful but i saw that like by monday it was gonna be up to like 28 degrees so i was like that well maybe that'll feel warmer right um so i wasn't i wasn't ever gonna back out but i was like this is gonna be really cold yeah and then we got out of the car we we drove there with the heat on it was like, this is going to be really cold. And then we got out of the car. We drove there with the heat on. It was like 80 degrees in my car. And we had our jackets on.

Oh, interesting. Is that like a technique? You're trying to like steam yourself so that the cold feels refreshing. I don't know if it's a technique. It was our technique for that day. Yeah. And then we got, we pulled up to the beach. And it was like the tide pools were frozen solid. And I was like, oh, this is going to be really, really fucking cold.

Because it hadn't been above 30, above freezing in days. Yeah. So everything was frozen. Right. of taking my shoes and socks and sweatpants off at the car and walking down to the beach. Because that's just what you do when you go to the beach, but not when it's this cold. So by the time we're standing near the shore,

I'm like, I've moved off the ice. I'm standing on the sand, but it is, I feel like I'm starting to lose feeling in my toes. It's so cold. Are you shivering? Like teeth chattering? No, the adrenaline is pumping and I'm acutely aware of how cold my feet are, but that's it. And I'm kind of thinking like, let's go, let's get this over with. And I'm like, is it time? Is it time? And then, and then we just walked in and it is really cold. Yeah, just walked in nice and steady. It was very cold, but I was definitely fixated on my feet

because they had been cold before we went in. They're the first things to hit the water. So it was like pins and needles feeling almost like knives stabbing my feet. Pain in my feet. But the water was like 40, it was 25 degrees out, but it was like the water was 45 degrees. So it didn't, it felt, I mean, it felt very cold, but it didn't feel like I was hurting myself aside from my feet. And I couldn't really feel anything except for the pain in my feet.

So numb, but then pain in feet. Yeah. Did you leave the car running? Yeah, car was still running. It running it was like you know 50 yards away it was really close it was a small beach i think it was actually called small beach um and nate does this all the time he showed up with like big duck boots with the laces taken out wearing like a jacket his beanie like he had pro. Yeah, he's wearing the boots on the beach. And I realized when I saw him, I was like, I should have done that.

And he was trying to stay in for five minutes. And what about you? The rest of my family, we were just, we just went, I think we ended up staying in for like from the moment our feet hit the water to when we got out, it was like a minute and 20 seconds. Okay, pretty long for frozen water plus frozen air. And then is there any relief when you walk out or is it still just really cold? That was the interesting thing. It was really bad when we walked out because the water was a little bit warmer than the air and outside it was kind of like 25 and a little windy. So I was like shivering, frozen to my core. My feet had lost all feeling.

And I was kind of like walking back to the car and I was walking on the asphalt, like walking on the road. And it felt like I was walking on a cloud, like slippers. And I was like, I know this doesn't feel like this. And that's that's just like how i knew that uh my feet had lost all feeling i also could have cut your feet and not feeling felt anything yeah i i dunked under three times i did or four times i like dunked under twice just like to feel it and on my way back in i just had like a rush and i went under again and again and the the last time i came up I had like I had like tunnel vision I couldn't really uh I was like oh my god so were you ever scared or you're like kind of like pounding

kind of crazy no it was awesome I've like felt really invigorated and alive afterwards and we're all like hugging and taking selfies and it was, when you first got out of the water, it didn't feel cold because I was just like so amped. And then I'm standing there like trying to like dry my shoulders off, but I didn't know if I should dry my feet or my shoulders and my feet were so cold. And then I was like, I need to get back to the car. I'm going to die.

And then Scott cooked us some breakfast quesadillas and the car was warm. I couldn't feel my feet so sarah had to drive us back to scott's house cooked us breakfast and it was lovely it was really great when did you finally feel like back to normal i felt back i mean i i my feet i got feeling back in them over the next like two hours and then that afternoon i played squash with my brother and i broke a sweat and that was when i was like okay i'm like oh uh all of the effects of being cold are gone and then the polar plunge in coney island was like the opposite of that it was like

not just a quaint thing where we pulled up to the beach with some loved ones and walked in. It was like we drove to – first of all, I partied on New Year's, and I was so hungover I threw up in the morning. And I was like, I really wanted to back out. But like the night before, in my drunken stupor, I had convinced like four other people to go. So I was now like carpooling with people I couldn't drive like I went to jail I was like can you please drive I and she was like like 8 in the morning we left at 11 I was so hungover I was so hungover I was so ill I like I couldn't jill um was downstairs making us breakfast and the smell

of uh browning butter made me throw up and i couldn't eat she got me coffee and i couldn't drink it how did you drive half an hour to brooklyn or deep deep whatever it is to yeah coney island yeah i mean twice jill pulled over because i thought i was gonna have to throw up um i kept on just like covering my eyes and saying oh my god i was like the kind of hangover where i like couldn't even like be jovial or entertaining about it this is just yesterday we're recording this on monday this is sunday yeah this is sunday um and i was like i i didn't i couldn't feel nervous or excited about the polar plunge i was full of regret because i was like i imagined myself like running in and feeling really good and like right like wow that was a hangover

experience now i have to do that whenever i'm sick so i'm like so i'm so miserable going there but then and then we like drop people off we parked the car we couldn't know all of the lots are full there's like a line around the corner of people who've like registered for the polar plunge and you get like a free t-shirt and stuff there's thousands of people there it's a it's a full-on carnival it's at coney island with like the cyclone and all that with the boardwalk and nathan's um there's like it's it's a party there's like a live band there's a dj there's people in costumes by the time we got through i'd eaten half of the sandwich that jill had made and i was like starting to feel a little bit better. And like we were there with Amanda, Pat Castles, Vinny, Hannah, Amanda's girlfriend, or fiance Kim, and Micah, Micah's girlfriend, Jill, and one of her friends.

So it was like a big crew. And I was starting to feel like being around people. I was like, you know, this is fine. My brain is still feeling very, very slow. And I'm feeling ill. Was anybody else's hungover as you? No, no, this is fine. My brain is still feeling very, very slow, and I'm feeling ill. Was anybody else's hangover as you? No, no, not at all. I ate half the sandwich, and then I was feeling a little better,

but I had to stop because I thought I might throw up. We get through registration, and then I'm starting to feel pretty good. And then by the time we get to the beach, I finish the sandwich. When I take off my shirt i'm feeling yeah i'm feeling like excited again this is the hangover cure in action it's it's pretty warm it's like 50 degrees and sunny jill wasn't even in a jacket i was just there in a hoodie yeah um but the water is as is basically the same temperature as the first plunge so like 44 degrees but it feels colder because it's colder than the air

yeah it's colder than the air but at the same time the air was like so warm that like it really felt perfectly fine to be there even in a t-shirt oh wow um and then and then we all like like we even like hung out on the it wasn't like before where we like as soon as we were on the beach we needed to get in the water and get back in the car we're like hanging out in the beach being like when should we go is it time right some jumping jacks uh and then we all ran in and i like went back in it felt so good so you were that was the first one prepared you because it was below freezing in in and out yeah i could see like it might have been a miserable experience if it was 25 and everyone was on the beach but it was it was like a day you could have a picnic so it was it really felt like

a party in the sun the water was actually warming to you you didn't have to run to a warmed up car yeah yeah exactly and was it indeed a hangover cure i i felt completely fine afterwards a hundred percent cured and then i got sick again on the car ride back got it because that was that was sort of car related yeah at the very least it felt like the hangover cure i was hoping for interesting do you think that i'm converted i'm gonna do it again and again this winter uh oh you're gonna do it like weekly? I don't think I can get to the beach every week, but I'll do it every month. Wow. That's a guarantee. That is a guarantee because I'm going to go surfing every month.

So I'll at least get in the ocean. And I think I will also run into my bathing suit and do the cold plunge. Would you do it in the snow? It's snowing on the beach. Yeah. That sounds like a lovely would you do it in the snow um it's snowing on the beach yeah that sounds like a lovely time to do it i've already done it when it was 25 so if it's like if it's let's let's call it 30 and snowing and that sounds really nice a nice fluffy snow the kind that's not totally sticking yeah i would definitely do that i don't think i've ever seen snow on the beach is that like uh i guess it's a very specific east coast thing but there could be snow where the

sand is right i've never seen that yeah yeah no it happens all the time all right i mean i'm definitely not doing it but it would make for great photos i think right like if you're like sort of in your underwear doing a snow angel on a beach yeah if you want to when you're in town at the end of january if you want to go to the beach you don't have to go in but i'll do the polar plunge then oh that's good i'll bring a drone or something yeah yeah that'd be perfect we can go and fare well i can't even do like a cold shower it's too cold yeah you don't like the cold don't like the cold it's actually it's 61 here now and i'm kind of freaking out right i almost canceled

this podcast recording you're in a parka and it's 70 in my house but just the fact that i can see something in the 60s it's kind of i i'm also getting the numb feet thing i think it's eye-opening it's scary uh all right so i guess your unsolicited premature advice is uh polar plunges are good yeah i love it i'm a convert uh all right let's take a break thanks to sponsors come back and answer some questions after these massages. Right on. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love.

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You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. And we're back. Okay. Your unsolicited was indeed the Polar Plunge, right?

That's correct. You're recommending it. Correct. Yeah. Highly recommend it. I think it's great. I think it's great. Did it feel, did it have any carryover effects or is it more like a rush of natural adrenaline? I don't know. I feel like I'm sure you could find stuff online that says that there's a lot of health benefits. And I bet there's a lot of people online that would say that it's really bad for you too. I don't know. For me, it was all about the rush effects, the immediate aftermath, that endorphin dump, that feeling like I'm the king of the world. And I mean, I'm still happy when I think about it. So that's a good enough effect for me. Yeah, even a temporary adrenaline is good, right?

Because you rarely get that in a normal life. Totally. I'm a seeker. All right, questions, answers? I have a question. I want to know what your ass did for New Year's. Like, which parties did you go to? Which clubs did you attend

what festivals we did a rave did you invite a day rave yeah redondo beach that sort of blended into a night rave that was that 48 hour party right yeah it was a silent tiki disco actually i gave you a viking funeral i did go out though i didn't want to because it was the rainiest night in years in la there was like pouring rain to the point where there were like power outages all around town oh my god oh my god so it was just like pouring rain cars were like hydroplaning puddles everywhere like you couldn't drive more than 40 miles per hour and then people were throwing parties one that we arrived to that didn't have electricity so we didn't even park and we just left right away then there was another one that didn't have

electricity but everyone used their iphone flashlight to kind of illuminate the room enough to hang out and see one another why uh but it was still a relatively tame evening where i went out saw some people friend of the podcast george basil included uh but was back home by midnight definitely back home to see the ball drop you saw the ball drop at your house yeah well the you know the replay the the midnight version for LA. Right. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. But you were home pre-midnight. Yes, home pre-midnight. Again, pouring rain, scary cars, no parking, no electricity. Right.

Terrified to be outside. And did you, so you didn't like Lyft or Uber you uh you were designated driver yeah I was gonna go there I'm like I'm not I'm not drinking a lot tonight it's just it's just terrible it's cold it's wet I can hardly even like walk to my car without getting soaked I wasn't about to like go go ham yeah did you dress up or were you wearing like that hoodie I was wearing that hoodie but with a uh rain jacket over it because again thick heavy plumes right yeah scary rain scary rain yeah it wasn't even nice baby man it was dark dark and cold rain yeah the no traffic light based rain you know it was freezing and rainy here at night that didn't even come up for me. It didn't even factor. That's cool.

Well, you didn't have to drive anywhere. I took an Uber to dinner and I took an Uber to Mike's house. Was it crazy? Was Uber surging? No, no. It was normal. Yeah, it was nothing. It was normal. I was thinking, remember in 2008, when midnight happened, you used to get all these texts from people. Happy New Year's like oh everybody's texting me. I didn't get any text this year. Yeah. Like social media kind of like eliminated the need to text people now it's I think I, at least at midnight, I made more of a decision to be like, in the moment in in our party, rather than like texting people, or videoing it. Yeah, yeah. I've been rejecting the phone a bit more recently. and it feels good. It feels right for me. I saw another guy with a tiny phone that like small phone that doesn't have any apps on it.

Just like text. Oh, the light calls. Yeah. Yeah. Still thinking about that. Are you willing? I think I'm not willing to like go through the hassle of switching my phone. If I could snap my fingers and test out a light phone, I definitely, I would be happy to do it for like a month

and be like, let's see what happens. But I don't want to like order a phone, transfer my content. Yeah. It sounds like something I'd have to try when like every single other aspect of my life is settled. But I have like, I got errands to run today. Gotta go pick things up in the post office.

Gotta get dog food. And I need to be on Snapchat for that. Yeah. I absolutely need to be on Twitter. I'm trying to be on my phone less in lines. I think that's, I don't know why, because it's like a line is kind of the best time to use your phone. Yeah.

But I just don't want to like move through a line like a zombie, just looking down, kind of shuffling forward as other people do. Yeah. I mean, that is a lot of it. It's just like you're in a line of like 13. You're just like, all right, I'm going to be present. God, this sucks.

I'm going to look at my phone. Right. You look at it when you're bored. Yeah. And then you start being bored in situations where you shouldn't necessarily be bored. Like, oh, I'm sitting in this room with someone I love, but'll look at my phone it's a slow time yeah in this movie right so i guess i might as well check my phone i mean it's a slow time in the movie it's a slow time in the oh i watched the godfather last night for the first time ever

that you'll i yeah actually so when i had when i had COVID shout out to you I was I watched The Godfather for the first time never seen it um watched it technically or not technically not with Jillian but she was watching on an iPad downstairs and I was watching upstairs in the TV room oh I see like a remote date night yeah yeah I thought it was great it's actually pretty good yeah people were saying uh two is even better and I watched two last night and I thought it was great. It's actually pretty good. Yeah. People were saying two is even better. And I watched two last night and I thought it was really good. I didn't think it was better, but I thought it was really good. Yeah.

And then I hear not great things about three. Yeah. I wonder if I'll even see three. I guess maybe I will because I'm like mildly curious. But it feels good to have seen one and two. Yeah. I wonder what other classics are out there that you just haven't ever checked out. You and I should do a movie podcast where we just watch.

Oh, yeah. Didn't we talk about this once where we watch like the 100 best movies of all time or something? Yeah. All these movies that we haven't seen. Yeah. I wonder if there's any podcast where people watch movies. It feels like it's kind of uncharted territory. Untapped.

Yeah. Exactly. Well, there were no advice shows when we started this one. So, yeah, we're actually grandfathered into any idea that we spin this off into. Technically, our movie podcast will have started on 2013. Yeah, exactly. speaking of questions this is one from a freaking guy at in college if you can think about if you can believe it and i believe it's a british college nice why don't we call this guy eric love it uh i'm writing you in dire need because I'm currently in a lukewarm.

Eric Dyer. Yeah. Eric Dyer says he's in dire need because he's currently in a lukewarm pursuit of an absolute dime piece. The story begins at the start of my college's current semester when I entered my English class and noticed. Maybe this person isn't from England. I just saw English class when I entered my English class and noticed a strapping young female class't from England. I just saw English class. When I entered my English class, I noticed a strapping young female classmate. In England, do they take English class? Or is that just an American thing?

Right. It is weird that we just call it English. Yeah. In England, we're not taking American classes. English. like i have in england we're not taking american class english i'm learning the language that i know and love uh halfway through the semester she came up to me after class and we began to chat next thing i know we're getting hour-long lunches together after most classes and things are going swimmingly um after several post-class meals, I decided to ask if she wanted to go out sometime. And though I didn't call it a date,

I think my intentions were fairly clear. She said, yes, I got her number. I was flying high. But two hours before our scheduled meetup, she texted me saying that she forgot her dorm had a mandatory drugs and alcohol class to go to, so she couldn't go out anymore cupid yanked the arrow right from under my heart and i lost all hope did everything fall

apart after our date fell through do you think her new post-class meetups are her way of showing that she doesn't want to get lunch or talk to me anymore should i even continue my lukewarm pursuit or am i just being paranoid? Help. Wait, the post the post class meetup stopped at this point. However, we haven't been able to get lunch because she's had to meet up with someone else after every class. Hmm. Interesting. I mean, a mandatory drug and alcohol class in the dorm feels like a legitimate excuse but but at the beginning of relationships she could be giving you the jake fadeaway

she certainly could be giving you the jake jake fadeaway yeah like one date being rescheduled is enough to completely derail this entire potential relationship i think what it was i forget i had a formula for this it was like two dodged texts and a canceled plan or something two cancels two canceled plans and a dodged text or something like that yeah so i think well she's i think you're allowed to uh now you have the number she canceled on the date because of a of a mandatory class that she had to take i think you could say let's hey if you want to reschedule um that date or reschedule the drink reschedules like let me know or suggest maybe not let me know maybe suggest a time and see what happens.

And if she says no, but doesn't give you a new time, then it's over. It's hard because like, you don't want to be the only, like she says, I can't make it. And then you'd be like, all right, what about this time? Or it's like, why do I always have to come up with like the rescheduled plan? Yeah. But at the same time, like some people like to be pursued and she's like, well, you never asked to reschedule. So I wasn't interested in that either you do have to sort of yeah exactly attempt to swing the bat if you want to get a hit it's seemingly like but if she keeps saying no no

no then you have to like at one point realize okay i've struck out and i have to move on to my next at bat the thing like taking it taking taking this additional swing is not embarrassing. Like, on paper, you were hanging out after class. You asked her out. She said yes, canceled before. And you asked her out again. That's all super normal. And it's especially not embarrassing if she becomes your girlfriend,

then you guys get married, okay? That can happen. Then it's like i pursued her and i finally got it and now she's into me too or you can let this really petty thing eat you alive and be like well she canceled so she never ever wants to see me again right it's like that's not necessarily that's that's a projection so i feel like i used to be like that where i like would i would never want to like be i would never want to to be a pursuer to the point where I erred on the other side, where it's like, okay, she pushed one date, I'm gone, I'm never going to talk to her again, but I didn't embarrass myself, and that's that. Yeah.

And I think ultimately, you did embarrass yourself. By not pursuing more. By missing out on love but this person you know um is like you said hasn't embarrassed himself yet so far there was just one attempt one push you can give another nudge the thing is always it's always the people that are this is almost too self-aware this is almost uh you swing too far to the other other way but like it's always somebody that has this level of inner monologue that uh that is doing the most normal thing so like i really don't think that you can be like oh man i came on too strong because you're afraid to ask her out again after she said yes. So you shouldn't be.

Right. You're so far from being the creepy person in a DM where it's like, hey, how's it going? Next week, hello. Can you read these next week? Hello, what's going on? Why aren't you responding, you fucking bitch? I'm talking to you. I'm not saying anything.

You see those online and you're like, I don't want to be that. But I think you're at the polar opposite end of that it sounds like you're not that yeah you're currently not that and even one more attempt to hang out would leave you very far away still not that yeah yeah definitely so if you like her ask her out one more time and she says no, then you can think it's over. Two strikes and you're out. That's how it works? Yes. Although it's a rescheduled attempt. Is that a foul ball where you can just keep doing that?

Or is that considered a strike? I think at a certain point you have to take a hint. If you've asked her out like five times and she's like had a reason to decline each one individually but hasn't had the courage to overall reject you i think that's you have to take some of that on yourself right but i think you can ask her out and be like are you free next thursday for whatever and then she says if she says no you could you could theoretically ask her out one more time after that. We'll call it three strikes. Yeah.

And one foul tip. Yeah. But the first two foul tips are strikes. Right. The last one, I think you can just be like, okay, like, so, all right. So you ask her out. She says yes, then has to reschedule. You say, how about this date to reschedule you say how about this date

to reschedule she says no and then you can say i think what i would do in this situation i would be like okay let me know if there's a time that works for you i'm around and that's it because you like your court i'm bad at fucking finding a time so let let me know and I'll make myself available. I don't know your schedule. So clearly I'm just, yeah, I'm finding my way in the dark and it's not working, babe. Okay. Imagine if she's like, hey, can you do next Thursday at noon? And there was an alcohol and drugs thing at his door and he'd be like, yes, definitely. I'll fucking skip this meeting.

I'll not go to this funeral. You're priority number one. Yeah. I love you, girl. Is that too early to say before our first date? I'll be there and I brought you a fucking necklace. How's that? It's a promise, Rose.

It's a promise to be with me, Rose. All right. Let us know. Follow a pup. Although I should say this email is from 12 and a half years ago. So maybe they are already together with child. That'd be awesome. Let us know.

Let us know how that. Yeah, for sure. Let us know. Okay. Let's take another break. Answer some more questions after these massages. Yes, please. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back. That's correct. Yes, please. 50 yards and if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff then you should play

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and participation may vary for a limited time only and we're back um yo yo all right we got another question this one's from a lady okay uh interesting interesting topic which is the idea of of an emotional fuck boy emotional fuck boy yeah let's call this lady erica dyer that's really good i started talking to this guy uh a 22 year old girl living in massachusetts i started talking to this guy and from day one it felt different he put the kind of time effort and emotional intimacy into our conversations and dates that you don't come up with if you just have a hookup situation he He was open and emotional from the start, and it felt like we were dating. Although, of course, I never assumed this, but we were talking about his family. He asked about mine,

regularly cooking for me, calling me randomly to tell me things about his day. I don't know, sounds like dating to me, but sure. Our physical and emotional chemistry were crazy. And he even introduced me to his friends on the second date. He obviously had been telling them about me because they knew a few things about me. He texted me things like, I just saw a cute old couple holding hands and it made me emotional. The sex was unbelievably good. And he never initiates a what is this conversation. So I finally tell him I have feelings for him, which I thought were obvious to begin with.

And he says, I really enjoy your company, but I'm not in a place to pursue things in that way. And I don't want to lead you on. That's cuckoo. I feel very blindsided. My question is, was this all an act? It felt too real to be an act. I couldn't have made it up all in my head. Is this the new kind of player that I have found that gets very emotional? Why take all the time and energy to do that? Or did he actually care about me and just freaked out? I didn't even ask for a relationship. My exact words were, I care about you and i care about whatever this is can you shed some light about whether this was an elaborate time-consuming act that i should look out for in the future are boys evolving help me understand thank you so much this guy is me to a t in 93. it's it's me 15 93. It's me 15 years ago.

So is it an actor? He's just, it's a brain thing where he's literally convincing himself that he's in full on love with somebody. Everyone's different. And for some people, being emotional and having those connections is like, that's them letting their guard down more than they're really comfortable with. But some people are just instinctually vulnerable, almost as a defense mechanism, like me. I am very, very open when I meet somebody. I like to connect on an emotional level instead of like a shallow one. But often I'm doing that in my head with lots of different people and that can make people feel blindsided for sure somebody that doesn't isn't used to someone that is like that

yeah would you if somebody if you were doing that style of courtship and then somebody's like i care about what this is would it freak you out to the point like uh never mind i don't want to lead you on bye maybe when i was 22 and i didn't realize then that everybody wasn't like me so i think this person this 22 year old guy has emotion has some maturing to do to realize that like when he's behaving like this he's sending a message to people which is something that i realized ultimately yeah so i you need you need to say this kind of thing up front because it is normal to be like oh if somebody cares about me this much that's the beginning of a relationship but some people are like this is just how i am with everybody i'm just an open person and you'll introduce people to your family and friends that early on i can't even tell you how many girls my parents met.

So many. It's not like a big step in your relationship mind. It's like, I'm finally going to introduce this person to my parents. It's like, no, we went on a date, had a sleepover once, and now you're meeting my mom for brunch on a whim. I used to show my grandfather girls I matched with on Tinder. Who's that ho? And that's you talking.

Yeah, I think I just like talking about romance. And I like, I don't know. I was very earnest in those situations. And it was, I meant meant it all but it just was fleeting so that it wasn't dishonest i just needed to learn who i was better to protect other people from me it's not a lie if you believe it yeah and i always did so every single first date that i went on i was like oh i could marry this person and then i would go home and wake up and not think about them anymore it was so it's almost like if it's in front of you you're excited and emotional

and then when it's taken away you're like what's next yeah yeah i was a puppy dog and everybody everybody that listened to the early episodes of this podcast knew this stuff about me. You didn't have object permanence. Yeah, and I've matured. So this person will too. But I do think that they're not necessarily doing all this just to fuck with you. I think they're young. They don't know who they are either.

But you're teaching them a valuable lesson by being like, I thought you really liked me because you texted me when you saw an old couple. That's like not a normal thing for me. So maybe you can just explain to them how to communicate with you better. But like, do you want somebody who is feeling like that and thinking that to like, just, I'm not going to text this person that because it's leading them on? Or do you want them to be themselves and find someone that likes that and is ready to whatever? Yeah. I mean, those are, those are great questions to ask this person. I think that you're allowed to have like follow-up conversations about this, you know, like if you're sleeping together, you can be like, this is what I'm getting from you. If that's not what you want, then we need

to like talk about it. Yeah. It's like when you go out on a few dates with someone and you're like, I miss you, but you don't want to say I miss you. Cause that's like, whoa, that's like really intense. A serious thing to say after a few dates. Right. Would, would you advise somebody to not text somebody I miss you if they genuinely miss them? Yeah, I think I would.

I think I would. Right. Which is weird. Cause it's like not really the be yourself advice right be yourself yeah but don't let don't let other people see yourself i think you can yeah be yourself within reason yes reason don't stop thinking i miss you yeah just stop saying i miss you yeah i think you have to use contextual i don't know everything has context so like you might be feeling that maybe it's yourself to say something like that but maybe you know that this other person won't necessarily respond to it because they think and act differently than you so maybe you wait and you think it in your head because that could freak somebody out the i miss you text too early on or the I care about you or the I saw an old couple holding hands that made me think about what the future with you could be. Totally. But maybe

you're hanging, like maybe you're, it's early in the relationship and you're having those sleepovers that like last until the afternoon and you're saying these things in person. Like I like spending time with you. This is so nice. And then you do feel confident enough to throw out and i miss you on week three and that could work it's all it's all subjective right because what if you're like i miss you and the other person's like i totally miss you too and then you have a passionate romance that leads to a long marriage that's also in play slash positive there's truly no right answer it's either the perfect thing to say or it closes the door on what otherwise would have been a good relationship or maybe you say it and it's right in the moment then you regret it you're either fucked or or you nailed it each time every time you open your mouth so

just keep on keeping on brother so basically we don't really know what to say this is our last show yes this is over yeah i mean you you've told someone it's always right it's always drugs at a concert yes and it's too early and they reciprocated and then they were confused when you broke it off why would you break it off with me you said you loved me at the fucking film festival and i regret and i regretted it at the time but now with even more space 10 years later i think that's a fun part of my history that i enjoy yes so even when you fuck up it's good it unless you fuck up really bad and then yeah yeah you don't want to you don't want to hurt others of course it's just part of your growing pains and you didn't do anything wrong others, of course. It's just part of your growing pains.

And you didn't do anything wrong in the moment. You did love that person. What, were you just not going to say it? That would have been bad, too. I love you. The DJ told me to. He said, look at the person you're with in the eyes and tell them you love them. And I said it.

I said it because fucking, what was the dj's name and where was it burning man it was that burning man yeah it doesn't count burning man love is not real world love yeah that's not how it goes it was for the night uh all right good luck lady and good luck all of you yes and thanks to thanks to all of you for listening to this episode sorry it was a little late but you know it's a technically a holiday today so i hope you understand everybody knows how hungover i was yesterday now yeah you weren't able to record you were no busy puking slash jumping into the ocean that was not gonna happen that's right and i saw rain so we were all dealing with different levels of trauma yeah exactly uh okay thanks for listening we'll be back of course next week and for more of us you can check out our

patreon patreon.com slash ja right on that one also never takes a break every thursday we're watching jake and amir videos commenting on them reminiscing going down memory lane indeed uh one more time that theme song was eric uh who is has a halloween theme single slash music video called devilish ways that listeners can check out fuck yeah so thank you eric thanks to you guys for. And you can email us your own questions at ifirewshow at gmail.com. Amazing. Ciao for now.

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, picture yourself in a sticky situation What the hell, you don't wanna face it What else can we do but turn to the internet For advice, that's right, because Everybody with a semi-successful schedule Should be able to Offer some advice To help you get through

If I were you Tell me what to do Cause I don't wanna be here This is shaking, I'm here If I were you Tell me what to do Cause I don't wanna be here This is Jake and I'm here

Listen to me If I were you That was a Hiddem Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast. We're here to help. But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door.

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