Segments - 579: Worst Food City

Episode Date: February 13, 2023

In this episode we discuss cereal mascots, blister popping, and skincare routines. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum original. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah.

Because you're nervous, you're skittish, you're stuttering right now. right now i'm a little so i don't want you in this ad at all i don't want to be steamrolled but i know i won't be recording one in fact for you asking that i'm going to keep this part in don't this part is now edit this part out but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what, I'm going to say my fucking social security number. So you have to edit it out. Okay. Let's hear it. 091-3662.

Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in. But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no, no. Yo, Jeff. As per my email, I'm going to leave this intro in because your Venmo hasn't gone through yet. So I'll just wait on that before sending you the final. This tracks aren't free, man.

Nice. Fuck Amir Blumenfeld and fuck that dumbass Jake. Better chew on the thoughts of the headgun podcast fake. How the number one best show that roster leader get canceled by a duo of ass and nut eaters. This whole show is a turdy. Y'all done Jeffrey James dirty. Wow, this mic gets all mightiest. I'm tired of hearing your word street.

How you judging this man? Like everything's wrong. Y'all can barely make your own theme song. Like, whoa. And it's true If I were, if I were, if I were, if I were you Yeah For real Jeff though Please do send me that money

That's Fucked up I keep getting the requests But then it says that they're like Cancel like your account suspended or something So just. In fact, if you guys hear this, maybe you can. Whatever.

Yeah, true. What? That was a diss track. It was a diss track, but it was a diss track for hire, I think. I don't know if that person meant any of that. Yeah, well. It sounds like they were paid off by Jeff. Jeff gave him talking points.

Right. And he sort of hit the main beats, which is that you're an ass eater, I'm a nut eater, and the Hedgum podcast is here to stay. There's nothing wrong with being an ass eater, by the way. Yeah, I think he meant it in an insulting way, too. Also, nut eater is fine too sure yeah like i'll have almonds from time to time there's no big issue and i'll do analingus on a stranger yeah and i'll add cashews yesterday yeah and that's totally fine and yeah i'm totally into rimming yeah that's not like insulting to me i'll have pistachios yeah i'll stick my tongue in an asshole that's right yeah

um nothing bad with that yeah that felt it felt it felt loaded it was awful it was mean it was rude it was hurtful it was spiteful i i call that theme song herbie because it was fully loaded with all these references yeah that theme song was so many of references that was a that was a bad one probably yeah herbie fully loaded yeah i guess like a 2002 lindsey lohan movie or something yeah something like that something like that uh that was actually he wrote our theme song last week called and his name was kevin ramberman if you remember that oh yeah sorry ramber in ramber and yeah he's part of a comedy duo segment show of sorts that's right uh so thank you kevin again definitely but not for that one that didn't feel good but i do like the idea of having beef with the HeadGum podcast.

Well, we're on that one too. I'm not really on that one. I see. Jeff usually texts me day of, says, can you do the HeadGum podcast today at 3? No worries if not. Yeah. And that doesn't work for my schedule. You have everything on lock at least two days in advance. At least. I mean, like the the calendar these days it's stacked there's not really like oh random free hour no i don't have

that no uh we're in the new york studio we should oh yeah that's so if you're watching on youtube you'll notice we're in a different room this time i might be i mean i'm in a similar room yeah you're here with me. For the first time ever, we're together in New York. For the first time ever, we are together in this room, on this sofa, on this chair.

The cameras here light up like when one is the main one. That's a new thing. That doesn't happen in LA. It doesn't happen in LA? Yeah. Emma, what does it mean that two is lit

and then one was lit earlier? That two is the one that I'm watching. Oh, interesting. That's like the main one that's being edited into the feed right now. That's cool. Precisely. So, Emma, you're sort of live editing this,

and then Grim will go in and tinker if necessary? I'm not really doing the live edit. Grim's got a lot of work on his hands. All right, John, if you're listening, you're kind of fucked. We're going to be changing positions a bunch too. Yeah. In and out.

I'm going to be talking to that microphone. I'm going to try to hide for the second half of the show. You'll have to find me. Like, where's Waldo? I'm curious to see

how the episode where Ben calls in and he like FaceTimes. Remember that one? Oh, yeah. He FaceTimed you then he phone called me. Yeah.

That seems like it'll be a tough edit. All right. For sure easier this is a lot easier than remote remote recording it's true uh i feel dry in new york city like um everything is like kind of uh cold and frigid and drier here i couldn't see that yeah do you moisturize in new york uh yeah i have a new skincare routine actually i was gonna say can have a new skincare routine, actually. I was going to say, can you drop your skincare routine, King? Yeah. I would love to.

So every night I wash my face with a gentle rinse, like a cleanser for sensitive skin. Yeah. Then I do a serum. A serum, which is like an oil-based liquid almost like uh like a serum or like an oil put it in my hand like a little eye dropper it feel it has the consistency of like glue before it dries uh-huh um and i rub that on my face okay uh then i'll do uh then i'll do some lotion yeah this is after the serum. After the serum.

So it goes wash, serum, lotion. And then I do a derma roller, which is little pinpricks all over my face. It's almost like they call it a vampire facial. I do a cold plunge outside. This is after. After the, yeah. I go into a hyperbaric chamber. Okay.

But this is before you fall asleep. Yes. Do you sleep? No, I don't need to sleep because I have the chamber. a hyperbaric chamber. Okay. But this is before you fall asleep. Yes. Do you sleep? No, I don't need to sleep because I have the skin carrier. Because you have the chamber, yeah. I put a thousand tiny little seeds on my face, little poppy seeds. Almost like poppies. And I have, excuse me, I have a parakeet peck them off.

And then every one is kind of like a little microdermabrasion style. And then I have a hummingbird. Then I put kind of like a honey on my face. Yeah, and the hummingbird feed. Yeah, and the hummingbird feeds off my face. Yeah. And then you go to bed or you go to sleep. I don't need to go to bed.

I don't need to sleep because I have spent the time in the hyperbaric chamber and the cold plunge. I do a steam. I do a sauna. A wet heat and a dry heat. Yeah. This is before you even wake up. Then I masturbate on an inversion board which is which is what you have your feet in the air my head you know you're upside down

yeah but you're masturbating um and then forgive me for being crass but the ejaculate you already are the semen i can tell what you're gonna say but yeah. It'll hit my face like a serum. The seed falls onto your face, yeah. And then that's the... Then there's a badger who will eat that. So far it involves three things that animals are eating off your head. Yes. One of them is your own. Two facials.

That's good. Yeah. Yeah. But it looks great. Thank you. I would just cover it in warts. Cover it in warts and cum. I don't need to shower anymore.

You do. It's mostly a bird-based cleansing that I do. A bird-based paste. That you do. Hopefully Kevin was writing that down for the next GIST track, but it is exciting to be back in NYC. Yeah.

It's been a while. You haven't been here in a year at least, right? It was November 2021 that you were here last for the last show? Our last show, which I think was pre this studio. Yes. We had the office, but the studio was in the midst of being built. Holy shit. So we didn't shoot anything last time you were here.

Oh my God. Oh yeah. I think we were even still in the old New York office, right? Or the old Brooklyn office. Yes, we were back in Williamsburg. But now we're here now. This is If I Were You. The only advice pod on the web hosted by us.

That's true. What better way to kick off New York City than by trying to answer as many questions as humanly possible. We got the lightning round episode. That's correct. So we have questions just flying in from the Twitter sphere. Yeah.

I can get us started if you want to look while. Yeah, please. While we do that. These are questions just flung at us. Via Twitter. Yeah, on our Twitter. Which is at Jake in the mirror. Yeah.

Great get, by the way., at Jake and Amir. Yeah. Great get by the way, which we secured fairly early on. Um, and I should say that's also for sale. You know, I'm trying to sell my Instagram. Yeah. So I'm trying to sell Jake and Amir as well on the side.

I feel like I should get a piece of that. It's sort of, I'm doing like a wholesale garage style estate sale for all my socials. Things aren't going well for you. No. If anybody wants facebook.com slash amir.blumenfeld. That's yours too. The crypto bubble bursting was not good.

In my face. For your 401k. My 401k is 401 not okay. That's really good. If you were to change one thing about the Jake and Amir series, what would it be? Should have never ended never ended we should have done the whole finale

come back the next week strong I just am constipated the next week we don't address the fact that the series ended that way when we brought it back it wouldn't have been like this weird thing where have they been for the last five years what would you change? I don't know I felt like it was good at the time.

I mean, certain episodes weren't good. Yeah. But ultimately they led us to where we needed to go. Yeah, I actually, I felt very, when we concluded, I felt very good, you know? And now it's been fun to write new ones too. We're also shooting new ones this week. That's why I'm here

yeah I think it felt good to end it when we did and it feels good to bring it back when we are because now we own the IP again right and we can do literally anything we want we can say like Amir is Spider-Man and then we own that IP too

I think we would get sued for that I see Jake and Amir is not part of like the DC you can't just like make spider-man I see I thought like since we own the Jake and Amir thing we could be like Jake and Amir visit Disney World and then oh and now Jake plays for the Yankees right now we get a piece of ticket sales moving forward these are all get rich schemes. We sort of envelop other intellectual property into these rights. I think that's not gonna work, but I like the hustle.

That entirely works. Yeah, I'm trying to think if I would change anything about the series. Maybe I would have tried to write the pilot differently. Right, the television show attempt. Yeah. Which we only got one of. We only got one of.

But at the same time, we had to do what the network wanted. Which is, what notes did they give us that you thought weren't great? The big one that we got from them and literally from everybody that we pitched it to was like, why does Jake even put up with Amir? Why does Jake like Amir? We have to see why they are friends. So we would always need to put in the pilot, like, all right, Amir, you're my best friend, but you're really taking me off

or something like lame like that. Some expository writing. Yeah. And I kind of wish that the answer to the question was just like, Jake hates Amir. Yeah. Like, don't. Amir's obsessed with him. Jake hates it.

They don't need to like each other. They have to sit across from each other at work. Right. But everybody was like, well, we need to see some kind of like friendship. Right. Otherwise, audiences will be confused. Yeah. like well they we need to see some kind of like friendship right otherwise audiences will be confused yeah i think i think that a lot of the time network people think that audiences will be confused and audiences actually won't be confused interesting like the most popular show of a year or two ago just being squid game after ted lasso uh-huh it i think the audience has continually

proved that they like different shit and you should just make whatever you want right or is it like maybe the audience is that watched true TV we're expecting something whereas on other networks there maybe but like there those people watch like impractical jokers and I don't think those shows are like necessarily about like you know the impractical jokers week to week aren't like, this is why we're best friends. It's just, you see them laughing and having a good time. And even though they're fucking with each other, you're like, they're friends.

I've never seen the show, but that's what I assume. Yeah. That's fairly accurate. They also wanted us to add, you know, other characters to, you know, put out, like blow out the universe. Yeah. So it wasn't just me and Jake. It was like me and Jake plus five others that were trying to scramble to put together great performers but i don't know if we gave them enough

to work with yeah it's hard to just write it's hard to like do jake and amir characters for 10 years and then be like all right who are their co-workers it was like well it was pat and sarah but they didn't really have anything in the series either come up with other people I guess yeah we just like randomly we threw interns in the videos yeah but yeah that's why White Lotus is so impressive because like every year Mike Lotus Mike White comes up with like 17 clearly defined new characters yeah yeah definitely so an easy way to for us to do that is to just like steal characters from other shows that we like. Right. What if Don Draper was here and then he's also hanging out with whatever, Grandpa Simpson and he works at Headcumbe too.

See, well, I think what Mike White does really well and like what a lot of shows with characters that I love do is they give every single character, even if they're just like seemingly a peripheral character, like a really interesting flaw. Yeah. Which is not something we did in Jake and Amir. It was just like, oh, this is like this character's quirk and that's it. Yeah. He's old. Right. This person's nice, but he's old.

This person's nice, but he's a nerd. Yeah. And it was just like, everyone's nice, but they're this weird little thing. And you're weird. So it kind of is just like okay so everybody's weird yeah we should have made um rick fox nice but he's actually a murderer oh that's cool yeah something like that yeah the the cast itself was all went on to do bigger and better things so we were good at casting yeah that's true. Not so much the writing part. Yeah.

So I think if we could change anything about the series, it would have been writing the pilot better, sticking to our guns and knowing what was funny. That's good. But also then it still wouldn't have gotten made, but maybe we would have felt a little bit better. Yeah, that way we could have leaked it because now people are like, post the pilot online. And we're like, we can't. When we probably can, we would just be a little embarrassed ashamed what ended up happening is that we watered it down to the point where we thought true tv should like it and then they didn't yeah and instead it was a lose-lose so we didn't like it and neither did they yeah instead of we loved it and they didn't that would have been an easier pill to swallow

yeah oh wait i should say who that question came from okay uh but i won't uh i love that let's oh sorry tony montoya all right t thank you uh conrado b says as a fan from brazil how much are you guys aware of your international fan base i just thought all our fans were in Toronto in America. Yeah. I assume that you're either in, let's say, Boston or Seattle. Yeah. So we're not very aware of our international fan base. I mean, we toured internationally a little bit. We went to, but only in English-speaking countries. Australia, England.

Australia, England, Canada, Ireland. Actually, two ladies recognized me at this coffee shop down the street here. Oh, really? And I'm like, this never happens in LA for whatever reason. It's more of a New York thing. It definitely happens to me more in New York. Yeah. And I guess you just see more people in New York.

That's true. But also, I think we were based in New York for a long time. Also, LA, not that we're famous, but I think people in LA are used to seeing people that they recognize on the street more. But I also think it's kind of interesting because our fans now are getting older and they're entering the workforce and I feel like I come into contact with them more.

It's like guys that work at my climbing gym will tell me that they like my old videos. Right, because they used to be 17 and now they're 26. And I wouldn't run into them in the wild, but now I do. It's like guys that work at my climbing gym will tell me that they like my old videos. Right. Because they used to be 17 and now they're 26. And I wouldn't run into them in the wild. Yeah. But now I do. Yeah. All of our high school fans have come home to roost.

Dude, I don't like that. What's that? I didn't like that. It felt creepy. Even if you didn't mean it like that. But you did. And you come on your own face. You're the arbiter of what's creepy.

That was 10 minutes ago. I've shifted gears. Richard. We never, we also did a show in Amsterdam, but we've never done a show in like South America. And I do every once in a while hear that we have fans in Brazil and it's a very populous country. I would love to do a show in Buenos Aires.

Why not? Yes. We're never going to do. Nobody goes. We're never going to do a show in Buenos Aires. Why not? Yes. Even if nobody goes. We're never going to do another show in Boise. No. I'm not going back to St. Louis. Yeah, Denver. It's not happening.

Not for us. Not like that. But I'll go to Buenos Aires. Of course. Yeah, that'd be interesting. Santiago, Chile. Let's try that. Ecuador. Even if we sell nine tickets and we lose a lot of cash. We'll have, yes. We'll have the memory.

We'll have the experience. Yes, cada uno. We can go to Barca. We can go to Porto. My tongue is fucking swelling. We can go to Dallas. The ladies of the coffee shops poisoned you. We can go to San coffee shops uh poisoned you we can go to san diego or what's happening to me all right let's take a break thanks to the sponsors come back and answer more questions okay new york city style nice thank you to squarespace for sponsoring this

episode of our show hell yeah jake you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop.

Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help.

I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah. How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available?

It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah, which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters? Yeah. Vision lifters with a Z.

And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store or an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS

when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. Quick note to let y'all know that we're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash segments. And we want to hear from you guys to keep making content you love. Exactly. It's a survey that lets us know what you think about the ad experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you, our audience. The survey is quick, easy, and free to support segments. It'll take two minutes and you'll be helping us a lot by taking it. It's at gum.fm

slash segments to fill out the audience survey. That's right. So if you've been talking about the ads somewhere else online, now is your chance to make your voice heard, folks. Take this survey and we will read the results. It's G-U-M dot F-M slash S-E-G-M-E-N-T-S. Cool. Sorry, I have to spell it out for some people. Yeah, you do. And we're back. Your unsolicited advice was sort of dropped earlier as the skincare routine.

Yeah, yeah. So that's a wash for sensitive skin, serum, lotion, derma rolling, have a bird peck at your face with the seeds, have a hummingbird peck at your face. Yeah. I think I said cold press, cold plunge, steam sauna, hang upside down, jerk off on your own face,

badger eats the semen off your face. think that was everything yeah all right it was like a memory game uh post mo long asks okay what's your favorite simpsons side character talking about side characters from our universe slash white lotus slash now the simpsons i feel like when i the last time i really like gave a shit about i mean i think simpsons is great but i feel like i remember when like they were they made like these simpsons action figures when i was in like 10th grade or something and i was really into it and the ones that I wanted the most were Lenny and Carl oh yeah those are good ones I thought that I thought they were like the funniest yeah I think Lenny is one of my favorites Lenny is good because he's sort of uh semi-homeless

yeah yeah just always around yeah eating beans I'm a millhouse man right yeah that makes sense I'm a thrill ho man you could take me with your baked beans guy I'm a millhouse man also Ralph Wiggum pretty good there's like literally hundreds of Simpson side characters at this point yeah pretty insane how much they've grown that it's really true it's probably the most impressive part of the show yeah John Garcia asks, what's your favorite, sorry, what's the best just because gift

for a significant other? I replied to this one with gulp because I realize I don't do a lot of just because gifts. Well, you have different love languages. Yeah. Everyone, like my love language is acts of service. Yours is going to the gym. Yeah.

And that's the love language of, that's an acts of service for my body. Exactly. Yes. Your love language is going to Chipotle and then being like, oh shit, I forgot I was going to get you chips, babe. But at this point, it's so late in the game that you don't want me to go back out. My love language is going to Chipotle, turning my phone off, coming home saying,

I didn't get you anything. My phone died and I couldn't get your order. And then Jill's been making a lasagna and be like, that looks so good, baby. You sort of kiss near her head, but walk past her and you go to the fucking upside down machine. You start cranking it.

It's disgusting. It's disgusting. Yeah, I agree. I don't kiss my wife and I jerk off, what, on my own face or something? Yeah, that's what you said. What about flowers? Flowers is great.

Flowers is nice because it's a gift for the whole house. You're creating a nice environment at home. It brightens up the room and it creates a new sort of thing you can see slash have and enjoy and they will also die and they'll be thrown away so it's not like getting someone's stuff all the time yes exactly to do it's a ticking time flower of sorts yeah yeah um but i have gotten i for a long time i was like more shy about buying gifts because i was like well you know i don't know what the right, I'm not going to buy Jill a shirt because I don't know if she'll like it or whatever. But now I just buy her stuff all the time.

And I'm like, if she doesn't like it, she'll return it for something else. And then the gift is the... The gift becomes a gift certificate. Yeah. Everything is a gift certificate this day and age. That's really cool. But I do think flowers are really good. That's always a nice surprise.

They're beautiful and they don't take up a ton of space. And your favorite just because gift to receive? I don't want anything. Thank you, but I don't want anything. I think you'll very much enjoy the just because gift that I gave you today. There's something so loaded about it just because gift for me it's a brooch because i'd like to broach this conversation with you yeah i see so it's a very it's like a diamond encrusted gold brooch worth tens of thousands of dollars and

even though it's just because now you kind of expect me to owe you a favor. I don't expect to owe you. You do owe me. So it's not just because. Yeah. That's loaded. Herbie. Herbie style. That's Herbie fully loaded. Rachel. Rachel asks,

happy early birthday, Amir. Well, this was just before your birthday, I guess that we asked for these questions. How would you describe entering this new chapter of your life? Wow. 40. This is 40.

This is 40. This is 40. So far it feels the same. Although I do hear that if you don't eat grains, at least for breakfast and lunch, you'll have improved mood and energy. So maybe I'll try that going into 40. Oh, I see. To see if I can reinvigorate and jumpstart my like energy and diet.

That's cool. Yeah. I like that. There was this podcast about like praising the idea of like solving, I guess, more serious mental issues with diet. And it's like, and it's not just for like people with schizophrenia. It's like, it's also just like for anybody can try it just to see if it is helpful for you. Right.

So what do you mean not even oatmeal in the morning? Yeah, exactly. The idea is to starve your body of the carbohydrate energy throughout the day so that you feel lighter. And then if you do have carbs, you try to have it at night when you're trying to go to bed soon anyway. That was my wedding diet. Yeah. And how did it it make you feel it was the best year of my life but then it tastes good to have bread and rice so it's hard to yeah no i mean mealtime mealtime was a little bit sad yeah for sure um but i've never tried a diet yeah i've like tried to eat healthier in general but i've never been like i'm not gonna

have any fruit or breads and you're and you're this diet is not even about your body it's about your mental state yeah i'm just out of curiosity it's like okay like the extreme version is the keto diet where you literally starve yourself of this energy and your body uses your own fat to survive so isn't a banana banana, that's correct. No banana. So what are you gonna have for breakfast? Eggs. Nice, did you have that this morning?

I didn't have anything this morning. So skipped breakfast this morning. For lunch, you're gonna do no grains as well. I haven't really committed to the diet yet, but I was just saying. I'm gonna be with you every, I'm gonna be with you basically for every meal for the rest of the week.

Let's do it. You're not allowed to have grains. I'm not allowed to have grains. I'm not allowed to have grains. You're not allowed to have grains. Just because New York City pizza is pretty good. Well, you can have it for dinner. You can have a piece of cauliflower. Cauliflower pizza.

With heavy whipping cream. And how would you like some ham and cheese? Loose in your hand, please. Dan, oh wait, we didn't talk about the gift you got me for my birthday. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because I haven't quite enjoyed it yet. Right.

But for my big BD, you got me tennis lessons. That's right. I figured you suck at tennis. Not really. And I was like, is there somebody out there? Excuse me. Is there someone out there that could make this hopeless lunatic just a little bit? Like, could I get some, could I pay someone enough cash to get you to hit the ball over the net? To hold the rally.

To hit it over the net. To be able to keep score. Because, you know, in tennis, it's different. It's like love. 15, 30. Yeah, I know. And you change sides every time. It's a little confusing.

And there's also the court, which you were... You don't change sides every time. You don't understand. Last time I played with you, you couldn't open the fence to get in to the court. The fence was jammed. Yeah. It doesn't mean I don't know how to hold a racket. Because there's singles, there's singles lines, and then there's the doubles alley.

Yeah, I know the doubles alley. And, you know, the net has to be how high? Yeah, I don't know how high. It's just fucking there. And I have to hit it over the net. What is it? Three feet or some shit. One bounce, two bounces.

You have to throw the serve up. One bounce. There's a lot of things that you don't understand about tennis. And you know that you hold the racket. So there's the head of the racket. Yes. There's the head of the racket. I'm telling you, there's the head of the racket where you have the strings.

And then you want to hit the ball with the strings. And then you're holding it on the. I'm already so far past that. The lessons would be. Last time you ate a can of tennis balls. Because I thought it was a soup. I really did think it was soup. That's not because I'm not good at tennis.

So, yeah. So, I texted some guy who hosts like a clinic. How did you find this guy? I think I believe I searched on Yelp, like best tennis lessons. I think I just Google searched tennis lessons Los Angeles. Then there was Yelp. Then I was like clicking around trying to find the courts near to your house. And then I found there was like a website for this guy that had a bunch of pros that do lessons at the courts that you play at.

Interesting. And is it a tennis pros and tennis hoes themed lesson? Yes. Golf pros and tennis hoes. Yeah. Some people wear a mini skirt. And you're going gonna come having had a bottle of kettle one but it's gluten-free so it's totally fine um yeah so i texted this guy i emailed him then i then he emailed me back and he's like that he responds faster on text so i started texting him trying to figure out the time to go and he's kind of just like it doesn't seem like communication is his strong suit maybe he's a really good tennis player. Got it. But I was trying to find a time

for a private lesson. And he was, every single time I suggested, he was like, well, that's when I have the group lessons. You should just do a group lesson. I was like, I don't think you, Amir, would like a group lesson. But then I was also remembering that you said you've only played with Cohen for the last like two years. I'm'm like you know what maybe he does need to play with strangers with some strangers one time yeah so i got you one group lesson and one private lesson the group lesson is happening first yeah and he's he was trying to schedule it with me but i'm here so when i go to back to la you're gonna get that group lesson yeah wow that's gonna be a real poopoo platter of people that I'm going to

be hitting balls with. He said it's a bunch of people and you play like mini games and like do drills. Yeah. I see them sometimes when I'm playing with

Cohen. Do you really? Yeah. A group of like 12. They're going back and forth. King of the Hill. Yeah.

That's awesome. Do they look like they're your age or are they teenagers? They're like in between 20 and 50. Oh wow. Some older, some younger, some good, some not. So you actually might make some friends. Will you try to get Cohen to take it too? your age or are they teenagers uh they're like in between 20 and 50 so oh wow some older some

younger some good some not so you actually might make some friends do you try to get cohen to take it too uh no because i want to advance past him right yeah if he takes it then we're both improving at the same i see yeah and i really kick his ass yes exactly all right cool well either that or the the tips will get in my head and i won't be able to beat him anymore yeah all right well let me know how it goes. I'm very curious. Oh, and also we're playing, we're playing paddle tennis tonight.

Right. So we'll have an update on that too. Yeah. I might also affect my tennis game. You and I have both never played paddle tennis, but we like racket sports. Right. Paddle tennis,

which is different than pickleball. Yeah. Which is different than squash, which is different than racket ball. A lot of racket sports. Yeah. But I had a great time playing squash. I've heard good things about pickleball. I feel like I like paddle tennis.

Micah said it's the most fun he's ever had. So, yeah. High praise. Yeah, it should be good. Jeff, Jeff the T, I don't know what his, oh, Jeff the tweeter says, is Jeff being removed from the company? How did he, how would he know that? I don't know.

Yeah, so Jeff is being forcibly removed from HeadGum. He's being disbarred. Is that a gradual phase out? Do you imagine or do you imagine it's sort of i think we have to slam the door at some point cold turkey yeah we have to just call change the key card yeah it's a sunk cost basically right he's been with us since he was 18 is that true maybe even earlier yeah wow young for his grade or whatever yeah he's been with us basically since the beginning. And he's 25 now.

That's crazy. Almost a third of his life has been spent. Trolling us. Poisoning our water, as it were. Yeah. It's funny. Also, like the first, his first summer as an intern, he was just like, you know, a normal, happy, wanted to do anything kid and then when we like i think we

were like joking around about making sketch videos and that was when we did like a jeffrey the dumb ass sketch yeah um almost like improvised how dumb he what he was he could be and then he's like basically slowly become that character he's running with it it's not unlike me and you working at college humor yeah just like not unlike me and you working at college humor yeah it's like jeff and riley working at head gum definitely where you kind of like at a certain point people are like is jeff really like that exactly yeah and is amir really like that and the answer is it's there's somewhere in the middle yeah all jeff everything he says is in earnest if you're that character all the time, are you just that person too?

Burning nerd. How do you get in the mood slash zone to write something when you aren't feeling it? When you aren't feeling it is the hard part. Yeah. It usually just takes one joke to get us going. Yeah. It's really, it's like, it's just like going to the gym. You don't want to go to the gym,

but once you're there, you're there. And once you've like started working out, you're working out and you can kind of like do it better. I think the hardest part is like, I don't feel like starting to write, but once you like write that first sentence. It's also easier with a partner much like the gym. If you're meeting somebody there, you're like,

okay, now I gotta go, cause he's gonna be there at eight and he's gonna judge me if i'm not there that's true to go by yourself is a little more harder to self-motivate yeah which is why we're doing that keto thing together yeah you should if you are worried like this person should take a spin class because like if they don't want to go to the gym i feel like just signing up for the class yeah makes them so what's in that metaphor would you imagine the writing part to be huh you're signing up for writing i thought you said writing writing you can take a writing class you could take a course you should get me a writing tutor so the first one's a group class and the second one is one-on-one

brin brian win asks what's snack food mascot is the hottest hottest Hottest? Oh, snack food mascot. Trix Rabbit, pretty hot because he's naked. Tony the Tiger is jacked. Tony the Tiger is jacked. The Keebler elves aren't too unzaddy either. Yeah. Captain,

what is the, oh, Captain Crunch? Yeah, Captain Crunch can get it. Because Captain Crunch has like authority. Yeah. And that's hot. And I love a man in uniform. That's a life of service the least you can do is blow him. Yeah exactly. He gave a lot for his king and country. Yeah the honeycomb

bee is zaddy. That's right. But for me the Wendell and his chefs who are friends on the box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch have dad bod energy. They definitely do. And Cuckoo, the Cocoa Puff Bird. Sunny.

Yeah, Sunny. I kind of think that sometimes someone who's a little bit unhinged is hot because they're good in the sack. That's really nice. They'll toss you around. If I search Cinnamon Toast Crunch Chef's Lemon Party, do you think that's already been'll toss you around if i search cinnamon toast crunch chefs lemon party do you think that's already been animated a hundred percent a hundred percent i'll say a hundred percent it might be crude but i think yes at the very least a sketch yeah so let's see cinnamon toast crunch chefs that is the three chefs oh autofill do you search this before wow a purple link uh

what are their names the case of the missing cinnamon toast crunch chef wendell okay i don't say no cinnamon toast crunch chef's lemon party you have to search images yeah nothing uh let's see if my safe search is on if there's nothing that's a hole in the market we can fill that void we can fill those holes i bet we can find it but i have to oh safe search is on do some real day dark web style. I feel like that was a flex just now to say your safe search was on. Or the fact that I don't even know. Right. Like that's how infrequently you look at porn. Well, I don't, my porn isn't Google image searching.

I see. Yeah. Do you use Chrome for porn? Or do you have a different browser? I have a different browser. I use their app. and it is proprietary the proprietary brazzer cold brew ny asks worst food city oh so what's foods what city's food is sort of a nothing burger and can you order a nothing burger um boston like chicago has pizza and new york has you know yeah international cuisine la is like

hole-in-the-wall taco places yeah yeah what's boston got yeah boston beans i feel like i never the thing is i'm usually on tour when i'm visiting a city and we're eating like in the green room and then like getting a drink after a show right i really rarely get to be like oh what's like the best restaurant in this town yeah and i'm sure boston has good stuff but it doesn't seem like they have their their own thing yeah is there a hipster part of boston there probably is but i have no idea what it would be. Yeah. I mean, I was just there. What's the Brooklyn of Boston? I don't know. I really don't know. Cambridge?

That's really cool. Anything next to a school. Yeah. Boston's appeal is that it's really old. There's not a lot of warehouses converted. I say that as somebody that hasn't been there in 11 years, so I might be wrong. And I might be too. But to me, it all feels kind of like New York's financial district down there. Yeah, exactly. Like after 9 p.m., it's kind of a ghost town. It's like a TD Bank and that's it. Peanut butter and fluff or peanut butter and jelly ass hurricane is coming.

I've never had fluff. I've never had fluff. Peanut butter and fluff, it's like a marshmallow spread. I've never had fluff. Huh? I've never had fluff. Peanut butter and fluff. It's like a marshmallow spread. I've never had fluff either. Interesting. Yeah. This is a perfect time to try it

with our new low carb diet. I assume there's not much sugar in marshmallow paste, right? Yeah, definitely not. White bread, fluff, and skippy peanut butter, which they add sugar to. I didn't, I mean, even peanut butter and jelly,

I only think is pretty good. I basically like peanut butter the most. I actually recently started eating Uncrustables, which is like a very American kid snack because we had some at the Hedgum office in the freezer. Yeah. Never had it. Basically started eating those when I turned 39.

Yeah. You take them out of the freezer, let it thaw for 45 minutes and you eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Yeah. I had one when you suggested it. It's great. Yeah. That's really great. This guy. All right, wait. Asher. Asher writes, who would be better at hosting the others podcast? Example, amir hosting nadpod versus jake hosting buckets interesting uh well you don't host buckets you host buckets sorry you don't host nadpod right i'm one of the hosts like i guess like put me in on buckets or you and on that i could easily do what you do you couldn't touch my jock strap when it comes to doing what I do. That's the difference. Yeah.

Let's take a break. Okay. And I do want that to- Let's cool down. I mean, very cool. Because when you play on NatBot, you need Murph to roll your dice for you. Yes, because my wrist hurts when I hold them too much and I don't know which one to roll. Yeah.

It would be fun to do a swap one episode. Actually, a whole Hedgum swap could be fun. Oh, everybody. We just line up all the podcasts and everyone moves one place to the right. Right. So I used to do that on like NBC Thursday night. Like, whoa, like the cast of suddenly Susan is visiting Carolina. Oh, yeah. Like a mix and match universe. We should expand. Right. So you could host any show like you would host High and Mighty instead of Gabrus. Yeah. I wonder if I could host any Hedgum show for a day, what I could host any show. Like you would host High and Mighty instead of Gabrus. Yeah. I wonder if I could host any HeadGum show for a day, what I would want to host.

I think I would do Doughboys because they get to eat at a fast food restaurant and just talk about it. Yeah, that sounds about right. Maybe I'd do Newcomers, and I would just already know everything about Lord of the Rings. Right. It would be for a nerd franchise you haven't really dug into yet interesting i'd be into that is there a is there a nerd thing that you haven't

has escaped you um i guess i've like seen the star trek movies but like i don't know anything about the show that's pretty big star trek next generation could be a good one for you yeah you should just do that anyway. Maybe. But I feel also, I feel like I host enough podcasts. You should host one more. Yeah.

Bring back the goat show. Oh God. I remember. Yeah. I can host anyone to be my old show. Okay. Let's take another break. Thank another sponsor.

Come back and answer more questions. Here's a good one. Have you ever mowed a lawn? Cliffhanger. Whoa. Cliffhanger. cliffhanger nice thank you to draft kings for sponsoring this episode of our show hey yo draft kings the nfl is back that's correct and the best part of football season is checking out the post-game

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And we're back. Okay. We teased this up earlier, and it's finally here. James Gnomes asks, have you ever mowed a lawn? The million dollar question. We have different answers, I think. You have and I have not. Yes.

Yeah, I've never mowed a lawn. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I guess that's living in the Northeast versus Los Angeles. Yeah, did people just constantly mow lawns? I think having gardeners is a much more of a thing in LA.

Because it's a 12 month year upkeep. Maybe like, yeah, I just remember like when I moved to LA, most of like the apartments that I was renting were like, and it comes with a gardener that you don't pay for. Right. So maybe that was just like- hopefully somebody's paying for it. Yeah, someone trimmed your lawn and stuff. Right.

It just wasn't you. Yes, exactly. Yeah, in our neighborhood, we always did it. Did you ever do the thing where it's like, can I mow your lawn for cash? No, but I would like have to mow my grandparents lawn and they would give me $5. It seems dangerous.

Yeah, I mean, it can be, I guess. There's like the blade is protected. You'd have to, but like I've definitely heard stories of like people's foot getting run over by it or something. Did you ever do the sitting down and driving the lawnmower? I've done that before on like somebody else's grass where they had the ride ride on mower that's cool but yeah we never had that i just did the the push and we had a pretty big yard and then what about the edges are you using that uh that whip thing that no no it was it wasn't like that it was just like yeah the grass is getting along you gotta the grass is getting along you gotta go outside and cut it um all right. Yeah. Maybe I'll do that one day.

I also haven't changed a tire. Yeah. I've never done that either. Yeah. I've seen AAA do it and it seems doable in a way. Yeah. I think given, if I were in that scenario, I have faith in my ability to read the instruction manual properly and figure it out.

On a card jack. Yeah. Yeah. I could definitely watch a YouTube video and get it done yeah um but i feel like oftentimes when it happens it's like you're stressed you're in the middle of nowhere you don't have service it's raining you need you need to have that kind of like i can do it without i can do it on the fly you can't do that there's also like different levels of car jacks there's like really nice ones And then there's like the easy one that your car comes with. And that one's like, you can't be on a hill.

Don't do it this way. Don't do it that way. Your car might fall down and land on you. So I'm like, I'm just not going to try this. The stakes are really high. Yeah. I've changed my wiper blades. Yeah.

Those are easy. Wipers one, two, three. Shout out. Snap them on, snap them on snap them off um what's a lie you've told your partners in the past that backfired 74 md a lie that you've told i guess we could just open it up to anything a lie that you've ever told that backfired i don't know oh the a lie that backfired i mean i feel like most of my lies i get away with i would say a lot of my parents more than anybody else and it's to like not worry them yeah and do i have any of those ever backfired uh

i'm sure they have because it's eroded decades of trust between me and them but as far as like i said i wasn't going to be here now you caught me here right that's never happened to me i don't think yeah i mean i'm sure it's just like some kind of cheating thing um definitely cheated on somebody and said that i didn't then they found out oh yeah or like i cheated on someone multiple times they caught you said it was only once yeah and then it found out it was more than once. That happened for sure. And did they catch you? They caught me.

They saw an email from someone. Oh, interesting. That was pretty damning. Very damning. Evidence wise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So that, I guess it's that. Amir, I want to get into basketball, but never watched a game. When do I start and what do I do? You sort of got into basketball when we were living together and then sort of faded away. Yeah. I mean, I think the playoffs are a good time to do it because there's stakes. Yeah. It's, there's, to me, they're like right now, there's just a lot of basketball games on all the time. It just doesn't mean anything.

It's a regular season. It's a long season. How many games do they play? 90? 100? Yeah, 82. So yeah, and they're on different times. It's just hard to keep track of.

But I think playoff basketball is good because then you kind of learn the best teams. You learn the best players. And sometimes you end up falling in love with the team just based on like something fun that happens in the playoffs. And then the next year you can be like, okay, well now I'm an OKC Thunder fan.

I'm going to follow them. Right. Game by game. And it helps to watch with a fan who's like explaining like that guy used to be on this team and now they hate each other. Cause there's a lot of drama. And it helps to watch with a fan who's like explaining like that guy used to be on this team and now they hate each other. Right. Because there's a lot of drama.

And I think that also, that definitely helps making emotional stakes. And I think that the, when you learn things like that, when you learn some of the storylines, you kind of find out who your favorite player is. Because that was what got me into the NBA for a while too. I was just like, I love LeBron, so I'll just like anywhere he goes. Right. And you were a Cavs fan for a little, and then you were a Lakers fan for a little too i was just like i love lebron so i'll just like anywhere he goes right and you were a cavs fan for a little and then you were a lakers fan for a little yeah and i'm still i'll always be

a lebron fan and he's still good yeah i don't know if you know this but he's been good for 20 years now pretty insane pretty insane um so yeah choose a favorite team choose a favorite player good time to do it is the playoffs right uh if there was one thing you could be good at asks, your boobs are big that you're not good at currently, what would it be? Um, it's really small, but I suck at throwing. It's not really small. Everybody, everybody talks. Everybody brings it up.

You're not a good thrower. I don't have good hand-eye coordination. And I do think that I'm athletic. I think that I'm strong. I think that I am actually an elite athlete in a lot of regards. Ow. Truly did just hit the mic. Blood everywhere.

Mostly anemic. Oh, here we go. But yeah, I think it would be nice to have better hand-eye coordination. Catching or throwing? I'm definitely fine at catching. And I can throw a football, but there's something about the act of throwing around baseball that my hand spasms when I throw it. Did that just happen or was that already there?

That's your burn. That's my burn, yeah. From last week it's pretty nasty yeah that's uh not close to healing it doesn't hurt anymore but i'll tell you what i this burn scar it had so like i put i ran under cold water yeah i put the band-aid on it right away with the Neosporin. And for two days, this blister, it didn't pop. But one day it kind of like raised and I was,

and Jill was like, maybe you should pop it. And it's like, I don't think there's any liquid in it. It feels like it's just like, it's all air. And then I went to the gym and I was using like a dumbbell and it popped it uh-huh but like only in the in the tiniest little corner and i like realized that it was kind of like leaking yeah and i was like oh shit did the blister pop and i pressed it just a little bit and it sprayed sprayed against the mirror uh on thankfully on me and not on anything else almost like a leak yeah i watched the dumbbell but then and then i went i tried to take a leak. I watched the dumbbell and then I went

I tried to take a video because I knew it was going to be amazing. But I went to the bathroom I tried to squeeze more out and it was dry. No, I squeezed it came out like a waterfall. So you have a video? No, because I couldn't prop my phone against anything. And I was too excited to get it done

and I was afraid it was going to leak out. Can you hold me? Oh, are you doing a bench press? No, I have to lance this boil and I think it'll really fucking explode. Hold my phone. Open your mouth. What do you think you'd want to be good at? It's the tennis thing for me. Yeah.

I'd like to be better. I mean, that's so attainable. I guess so is throwing. Yeah. Throwing is doable. I think, did you ever play baseball growing up? I did. I did not. And there's, I feel like there's a disconnect between me and people who learn how to throw a baseball, like at age six.

Yeah. They know how to just do it. Definitely. I feel like I, when I like, when I see somebody and they're like, oh, throw me this thing. I feel like it's a 50-50 shot that I'll throw it to them or that it will like go such on like a violent. Downward. that I'll throw it to them or that it will like go such on like a violent, like downward trajectory, the other side of the room that it will be like, I did it on purpose. I'm going to get you a throwing lesson.

I would love that. I would love for somebody to step. I would actually really like just to have me on like an indoor football field. Yeah. Like just big AstroTurf, completely empty. No one's there. Me with a bunch of balls, tennis ball,

lacrosse ball, golf ball. Yeah, different balls. And just somebody that will coach me through it, spend a day, few hours, teach me how to huck things. I'm gonna show you this. This is funny. I follow a quarterback academy on Instagram. Really?

It's my most obscure Instagram follow. This could be my unsolicited advice because they just showed me a random video from it once. And so I followed them. Is it guys throwing different stuff or is it all footballs? It's all footballs, but like the technique and like the slow motion

and the way it looks like, wow, that looks awesome. How do they do that? Like it looked when I'm watching them do it, it seems easy and fine, but like, I know I can't toss it this way. I want to pull one up just to show you.

Yeah. I feel football for whatever reason, I think because it's like a, such a unique throwing motion. Yeah. It's meant to be thrown in a very specific way. I'm not good at throwing it, but I can throw that more reliably than like.

A baseball. Yeah. I mean, this past week at my shows, I tried to throw a blueberry into my mouth. Yeah. And the way that I threw it up was like, it didn't even come as high as my mouth. Like I just have such bad kind of like signaling to my to my muscles right what about um everything i do is

like hold on to something you know like yeah like you're secure in that and then yeah like riding it riding a bike rock climbing i think my hands are just like more used to like knowing when to squeeze and grip than to like release i don't know anything about that and uh also juggling are you good at juggling juggling oh yeah i can juggle that's sort of similar yeah it is but the stakes are of juggling are a lot smaller i feel like throwing is often like you're throwing it to someone and they're gonna see how bad you are at it that's right that's my fear so these are just cool quarterback throws and they always have like tight spiral like it's just like a really quick clip of a guy just fucking throwing

rockets yeah and it seems easy but like i can't do that really right now that's insane yeah he's whipping it fast yeah and it's big that's. Yeah. My hands are the wrong size. And now I have this blister. This is you talking to the coach day one. All right. One last one. The ball just disappears so fast. And in a tight, straight line.

Yeah. These guys are also so good that like they're throwing it. They're guys just like standing, getting the ball like chucked over their head. Yeah. I wouldn't have that level of trust. I'd be like, oh, they're throwing it they're they're guys just like standing getting the ball like chucked over their head yeah i wouldn't have that level of trust i'd be like oh they're throwing something i need to walk behind them because you know when you throw something it's it's a roll of the dice well not for you not for yeah exactly uh okay one last question sure uh i saw one good one uh okay friend fresco ernesto asks what would you recommend to a mid-20s fan whose sense of humor has been warped from years of watching your videos

um so they like jake and amir now it's like what should i watch yeah in addition to that i've heard i think you should leave yes that's very absurdist and funny um uh dave i've heard i'll i'd never watch comedy but I yeah Dave is good these are things that I've heard Dave's a little more like cerebral and weird than strictly funny

I think You Should Leave is a good one okay I would say The British Office it's 12 episodes and there's a lot of like Amir stuff in it

right that was an influence of ours yes exactly yeah yeah I guess Arrested Development is like probably my favorite comedy of all time also absurdist also imagine this person's already into it but okay so those are three options for you uh okay and then i guess you can watch the nfl playoffs too

yeah i think i model a lot of my comedy after joe burrow. I just feel bad for the Bills is all. Yeah. They lost at home in a snowy fashion. Yeah. Shouldn't have happened. You never want to lose and it's also snowing. Yeah. Because you're like cold and sad.

And you're supposed to win in the snow. Exactly. In Buffalo. And then you go home and you're just in Buffalo still. Yeah. But you're not like enjoying the good parts of Buffalo, which is like the AFC championship game. Yeah. It's just like now I'm in Buffalo and it's late January. Yeah. It's rough. It's rough. But next year is their year. Oh really? Yeah. So it

takes one more year after the adversity. So who are you rooting for now? There's four teams left at the time of recording. Potentially the Superbowl already happened. So you have to choose wisely. Yeah. The Niners, the Eagles, the Bengals and kansas city chiefs i guess probably the bangles yeah i think so too joe burrow is cool yeah and and he didn't win last year and i think it'd be fun for him to win this year yeah he's a cool dude um but also the 49ers haven't won in a long time either right the 49ers uh last time they had a chance was Colin Kaepernick when the Ravens won, right?

Yeah. And they lost to the Chiefs like a few years ago as well. Yeah. Jimmy G lost. So I wouldn't mind a Niners win. Joe Montana style.

Yeah. But the Eagles won recently and I mean, I like that team, but I feel like Eagles- You don't want fans from Philadelphia to be happy. Yeah, the fans are kind of insufferable.

Yeah. And- The Kansas City Chiefs. I mean, I like that team, but I feel like Eagles— You don't want fans from Philadelphia to be happy. Yeah, the fans are kind of insufferable. Yeah. And— The Kansas City Chiefs. They just won two recently, and they— Even though Burrow beat the Bills, I don't hold it against him as much as that game where the Chiefs beat the Bills in, like, the last, like, 38 seconds. The Mahomes magic. Yeah, that was tough to watch for me. Okay, so let us know how we did.

We're hoping the Bengals won the Superbowl. Hopefully by the time you're watching this, they already have. Oh yeah. And we'll, we'll, we should do a Superbowl bet this year too. And retroactively post it to Twitter or something.

Yeah, exactly. All right. Thank you guys for watching or listening, however you consume this. That's right. Thanks to Emma for getting here early and setting this up. Thanks Emma.

Dominated once again. And if you have any of your own questions or theme songs, send them to ifirewshow at gmail.com. Exactly. We're obviously running low on theme songs because we're playing diss tracks against us. Yeah, that's true.

And for more of us on video, you can check out our Patreon. Patreon.com slash J-A. And also thank you to john grim who's editing thank you to emma for producing thank you to grim for editing that's right thanks to jake for being here i know you didn't want to you sort of fought not to do this i don't like you you don't like me but let's just get this show posted and done so we can get paid so we don't have to talk for another week uh yeah and uh exactly we will be here next week for sure yeah let's hear that theme song one more time thanks everybody thank you all right wow are we done yeah yo jeff uh as per my email I'm gonna leave this intro

in because your Venmo hasn't gone through yet so I'll just wait on that before sending you the final this tracks aren't free man fuck Amir Blumenfeld and fuck that dumbass Jake better chew on the thoughts of the headgun podcast fate

how the number one best show that roster leader get cancelled by a duo of ass and nut eaters this whole show is a turdy y'all done jeffrey james dirty wow this mic gets all mightest i'm tired of hearing your word street how you judging this man

like everything's wrong y'all can barely make your own theme song Like whoa And it's true If I were, if I were, if I were, if I were you Yeah For real Jeff though, please do send me that money

That's fucked up I keep getting the requests but then it says that they're like cancel, like your account's suspended or something. So just... In fact, if you guys hear this, maybe you can... Whatever. That was a Hiddem Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast, We're Here to Help.

But this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover.

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