Segments - 582: AOL Instant Messenger

Episode Date: March 6, 2023

In this episode we discuss Padel Ball, cheese puffs, and screen names. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum original. Hello, if you're listening to this podcast before September 27th, 2024, we're doing a live show in Philadelphia. You can still buy tickets at headgum.com slash live. Hope to see you there. Nice. Try one more where it's clear that I'm like the star. There's a reason I didn't have you say anything. Yeah.

Because you're nervous, you're skittish, you're stuttering right now. right now i'm a little so i don't want you in this ad at all i don't want to be steamrolled but i know i won't be recording one in fact for you asking that i'm going to keep this part in don't this part is now edit this part out but let's do one clean ad no you will edit this part out you will absolutely edit this part out. Tell you what, I'm going to say my fucking social security number. So you have to edit it out. Okay? Let's hear it. 091-3662.

Now you have to edit it out. Keeping it in. But we'll see you guys there. No, no, no, no's perfect. Classy jazz only blink 182. One, two, three, four. Jake and Amir. Oh, it's perfect. Make me cry tears. Jake and Amir. Make me cry tears of sadness.

That's what they call a perfect theme song. It's one for everyone. Really? Because it had the bossa nova style lounge yes i'm smoking a cigarette in havana but then all of a sudden i'm in the mosh pit at radio 104 fest i was transported to two different worlds yeah yeah a little twofer yeah uh and and speaking of twofer this guy uploaded the links to soundcloud and google drive just in case I wanted one or the other. That's really nice. That's professional.

He provided a WAV file. He provided an MP3. My God. He's all over the place. Neil Reed. That's his name. Neil Reed. Thanks for the hours of entertainment and getting real.

Do you remember the origin of Koi Jews? Why? That became like a theme song thing, but I don't know why. Yeah. I mean, think we for a while we were into the word coy because it's funny yeah we i think we're coy divas maybe diva roach we just like sometimes we we do it with tacky yeah we find a word that we really enjoy and we say it a lot and i think we just got into calling ourselves for a while we were calling ourselves Jews, which is fun.

And I guess at some point, Koi Jews, and that stuck. Yeah. So, no, I don't remember the origin, but it's kind of ambiguous. It's Koi. It's Koi. And it is tacky. Yeah. And it's Jewish.

All right, sweet. Thanks, Neil Reed. This is At Fire With You, the only advice show on the web hosted by us. Yep. I'm Amir. I'm Josh. We're still in New York City. We are. I feel like I've been here for a month at this point. It feels like that for me. It's been a while. Yeah. It's funny when people visit you, even though your life still feels familiar. It's all it's all rocked. It all goes by the wayside. Like when I'm in New York, your schedule, your routine,

it's all upended. Yeah, because normally, most of the people I work with are in LA. I have my mornings for free. Nobody bothers my ass before noon. Because that's like 8 a.m. in LA. Yeah, so I'll go to the gym early. I'll handle emails, errands, chores,

things around the house around noon. Cheeky, a cheeky fap. Yeah, cheeky fap to the gym early. I'll handle emails, errands, chores, things around the house around noon. Cheeky. A cheeky fap. Yeah, a cheeky fap before noon. Yeah. Yeah. And then a luxurious fap if I'm starting by 10. Your 10?

A two-hour tease. An edging session that lasts till midday. But when you visit, that's all off. Yeah, I can see you're rocked hard. I guess you haven't like had to release yet. I pre-came. Yeah. I had a wet dream for lunch.

I bumped into you and you, I think, exploded or something. Yeah, it's weird. It's really weird. It's tough. I don't like, I feel all over the place. Loopy. Yeah. Strange.

But I guess this is a more balanced effort like you often come to la i rarely come to new york right when i come to la does does it feel like it's all all go for you i guess it feels a little bit different but you split your time between nadpod and if i were you so actually i'm busy when i'm in la and you're kind of the same you're busy when you're in la but you're also busy and when i'm New York. Yeah. It's sort of a lose-lose. For sure. We should meet somewhere, a third-party city. That's cool.

Me and you in Kansas City. Damn. I don't think we've ever been there together. No. No. I've been there a few times, but without you. A few times? Once with Jill on our cross-country trip back to New York City when we were moving away from L.A. to get away from you.

And then another time I went there to direct a commercial with Bobby Lamb. I love Bobby. Lamb and I on the Lamb. Yeah, one of your good friends. We actually, you would have loved it. We were on a casino. We shot in a casino. Yeah, I wanted to view Bobby and me.

Where was I? Hey. I imagine you were in L.A. Just jerking your gherkin like I do in New York. Yeah. Yeah. God damn. I feel like whenever you go to places without me, it's-

I have fun. To escape you. Yeah. To be away from you. Right. Yeah. And now that I'm here- I want to leave.

Yeah. You want to go somewhere else. Thinking about getting away for the afternoon. Yeah. To get space just to... Yeah. It's not a big deal. You're a lot.

You're grading. You're tough to be around for an extended period of time because you're needy. You're needy in a way. It's not even just being needy because you expect the attention and it's also

I don't think so yeah it doesn't feel that way to me right well nothing feels that way to you because you are you right and you feel like you're all

like this coffee that's easy going that's easy going we were supposed to record the podcast you said I need caffeine and we're like well we have to get this podcast out of the way

because the engineers are coming in to train in the studio we're going to set it up and then you're like well i'm not doing anything until i've had my coffee yeah i said don't talk to me until i have my coffee yeah which is like and then we're like okay let's go get your coffee but then you wanted to take a nap because you didn't want just the jolt of caffeine right because i crash afterwards so now it's 11 p.m and you made everyone stay late true true and we should say it's december 31st everyone else had plans right and we're probably releasing this late february early march it's like why are we doing this to ourselves to accommodate you yeah but like it's not even to make you it's not even

to three two one happy new year yeah let's focus on the episode yeah you don't want to do too many production jokes uh okay um like we said if i were you uh-huh advice show let's see if we can answer some questions let's do it i found some uh pretty insane ones really some pretty salacious kind of fucked up ones these ones are dark like holy shit i can't believe this person had the audacity to think this let alone write it down wow all right but here we go this one's called mind games mind games love it so we'll call this person um david blaine oh that's good i'm going to visit my sister for a few days in about a week i'm staying with her for about a week while i move my concern is actually about her boyfriend they've

been together for a while now and i used to think he was a really nice guy just a bit on the quiet side my feelings for him changed after the last time I sated with them. Sated, I guess, yeah. I mentioned to my sister that I can't stand Cheeto Puffs. Where's this going? But the next day he showed up from running errands with a big bag of the cheesy snack. For the entire rest of my stay, he always had a bag nearby. It just seemed really off to me. Like, who does he think he is?

Is this some kind of dominance thing? My sister doesn't even seem to notice or care. Is it just me? Or is he trying to spite me by eating Cheetos puffs? Please tell me I'm not that crazy and that this collar-popping douchebag is being a dick. Love. I was going to say his real name. Can you imagine? David Blaine.

P.S. I was FaceTiming with my sister and I saw him in the background eating Cheetos Puffs. Well, so then he might like them on his own. What? It's like you don't like this very popular snack. A lot of people love them.

Yeah, but they're not too popular like you haven't probably had them in years we have some in the kitchen puffs yeah cheeto puffs i believe so yeah yeah oh yeah really yeah a big blue bag i don't know if it's the blue well they're individual i think and i mean like pirates booty or like anything at trader joe's these puffs are they're still popular yeah they don't not like I remember when I was a kid we used to have like the plastic tub of Cheeto balls oh the cheese balls yeah I used to like suck

on them until like the cheese went away and then they like became like rock hard they went from like big sponges to like that's so gross yeah I used to do that they were called cheese balls like C-H-E-E-Z cheese balls yeah yeah fucking plastic wheelbarrow or a keg. Yeah, I love that.

I don't know what it's called. Yeah. Bucket, the plastic bin. Plastic. It's like, you know, in the old west, like Donkey Kong threw them. Barrel. Barrel, yeah. A big plastic fucking barrel of cheese balls.

Yeah. I love those, too. I love cheese. I didn't do the sucking thing. In fact, this guy's making me want to eat Cheeto Puffs at this point. Yeah, what you did was basically just remind him that he liked Cheetos. Or Cheesy Puffs. Cheese Puffs.

Whatever they are. Yeah, Cheesy Poofs. Remember that from South Park? Cheesy Poofs. This is it. Beefcake. For the back of my throat. Yeah.

That show is good. It's great. Like it's been co-opted by like needy tweens. But it's still funny. It's still hilarious. Beefcake. Cheesy Poof. That was actually my aim name for a little while cheesy poof yeah wow not bad i was a fairly early adopter yeah cheesy poof's pretty good no no numbers no extra letters just cheesy poof yeah do you remember the password on

that it was yeah it was spade like david spade remember there was justin justin roulette was a programmer at vimeo whose screen name was refrigerator oh yeah that's pretty cool it's pretty good screen name but now like you know you're sitting on these like awesome aim names i don't even think aim exists anymore yeah could you possibly sign into aim or a right did they park the domain names or could i now get a great AIM name? Right. Are they gone forever or do they expire? Is ChillDude22 available? AOL Instant Messenger.

Could I download AOL Instant Messenger right now? Do you think yes or no? Ooh. I guess I do think so. You do think I can? Yeah, I feel like they made some kind of new version. AOL Instant Messenger. It redirects me to cancel.aol.com.

Interesting. I guess aol.com still exists. Like you can use it as a mail client. AOL. Yeah, this is the AOL front page right now. It looks like Yahoo or something. Oh, wow. They really rebranded with like the minimalist Helvetica AOL.

Yeah. It looks like a coffee shop in Copenhagen. Right. It's high-gee. Yeah. Low-key high-gee. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to try to log into my former AOL account

and see what's going on in there. Yeah, my Bob Rooney. But this is not instant messenger. I really think they killed AIM. AIM? Slack killed the aim star. What do you think? Slack killed the aim star.

In my aim and in my star. Slack killed the aim star. You should talk with three views. Oh, look, Product Sunset on, so it came out in 1997, which is basically the highlight of my life. And then in 2012, AOL ended employment of AIMS development staff while leaving it active. And on 2017, it was announced that the AIMS service would be discontinued. Wow.

However, a nonprofit team known as the Wildman Productions started up a server for older versions of Instant Messenger known as AimPhoenix. That's cool. So you can go on Aim still. Yeah, you can still use AimPhoenix. What a fun little nostalgic thing. Goddamn. The noise of the door opening and shutting. It really would be so fun to just like, if that account still worked and I could just open it up almost like it's a time machine and see what that list

of that buddy list i want to see what my buddy list was junior year of high school oh that's like i don't talk to oh god i mean not half almost any of those people i guess just jeff dave and mike wow this this phoenix things look like you can talk on aim icN chat, Gchat. It's all the old types of chat. Wow. Group chat service have retained conversation history. Huh? I wonder if Phoenix can fucking access that shit. You got to look into this thing.

Man, to read your old AIM transcripts, if you could get them printed out almost as like a book, like an encyclopedia, would you want if you could get them printed out almost as like a book like an encyclopedia we have that yeah probably I mean worst case scenario is I don't read it what about you can get all of your aim conversations but you have to tweet a link to them god no you wouldn't want anybody else reading it no cuz someone would read through them up much much more carefully than me and I'm sure I said some pretty nasty shit at age 14 yeah in 1997 yeah yeah it's not good i wouldn't want that i wouldn't want that out in the world i don't think i'm actually accessing what was yours

38 jake or something not even close i bet it's really close big jake 38 way off it's way off what was it you're right the first time uh all right we'll look into this later but what should this person do i assume maybe the cheeto puffs thing sort of reminded him yeah i think next i think the only way to know for sure is to go stay with them and eat a bunch of cheese puffs. Just get over it just for that weekend and just eat them nonstop and see if he says anything. If he's like, I thought you didn't like cheese puffs. Then he was doing it to fuck with you.

But if he doesn't notice, then, and that's, that's also how you big dog him back. That's cool. He's like, I actually love puffs myself. Yeah. Break young hives

no it's really good actually i'm not allergic to the corn starch uh okay don't take it so personally ultimately i think so uh all right and either way so if don't take it personally and if if he meant it personally, then you're fucking him over. And if he actually didn't, then all is good. Yeah. Honestly, if someone is mean to you, that's fine because you're in the right. Yeah. The goal is to just not be mean to other people. Right.

Exactly. Right. So ultimately, anybody can be mean to you and that's okay. That's on them. Yeah. That's sort of making them look bad. And you look cool by not caring, or evidently caring a lot. Yeah. But hiding that.

All right, let's take a break. Come back, answer some more questions after these messages. Okay. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell,

easy to promote. Squarespace is my all in one, first stop, one stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI.

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Yeah, that's true. This is like a robust, thriving urban metropolis, and I'm not going to spend it in this room talking to you about what we should or or shouldn't be doing yeah i can go within 10 minutes be at the natural history museum right and you could yeah you can be at different museums you could eat at world-class restaurants you could be going to shows to broadway musicals concerts at the drop of a hat and what have you done since you've been here i yesterday uh we had the day off so what did you do i had breakfast at chipotle at two yeah and then i passed the fuck out i think i'm jet lag or something no i think you have food poisoning because you only eat at chipotle and then i issue yeah you basically just

eat it you wake up and eat at chipotle and then go back to bed. Yeah, I had this barbacoa outbreak allergy thing. And then I went to bed at 4 p.m. and I woke up at 1 in the morning. Have we talked about paddle tennis? Have we talked about paddle? That's what we should talk about. Because that's something we did do. That's what we should do. We can't fully endorse it.

Well, we'll get into it. So Micah, your brother, played paddle tennis about a month ago here padel p-a-d-e-l paddle i think i don't know how it's pronounced he was calling it padel but also paddle right there is paddle tennis which is like more of like an open source sport that anybody can play seemingly anywhere evidently some kind of proprietary sport called padel p-a-d-e-l yeah and it's a very specific sport that like you have to build specific courts to specific like dimensions slash some of the wall is a glass wall some of it is a cage it's very specific there's a lot of there's pickleball there's tennis there's squash there's

racquetball there's platform tennis there's paddle tennis yeah um but they're all so basically just racket sports but right but what he found is that there's this place that's basically like a huge indoor uh paddle court um arena where there's several different courts um should we talk about what the what the court looks like yeah the court is sort of like a carpeted indoor tennis court. Yeah. But instead of with like a stringed racket, it's more like a flat metal racket that you play, but with a real tennis ball. Yeah.

Yes. No strings, real tennis ball, kind of like a firm carpeted ground with some sand on it. Yeah. Sometimes there's sand. And then it kind of reminds me of racquetball. Cause you can like hit it against the glass wall in the back and it

bounces off the wall and goes to the other side. And there's, there's a, there's three quarters of the court is covered in like or is walled by a cage and the rest is glass. Yeah. And there's three squares. There's like a forehand side, a backhand side, and then kind of like the baseline. Back recting. Yeah. But there's not really any in or out as long as your serve

goes cross court and into one of the service boxes you're good and it doesn't bounce and hit the fence then the ball is in play and after that as long as the ball bounces once on the other side of the court it can go off a fence it can go off the glass you can play the ball like it can bounce and you can hit it off your own back glass. Yeah, and then it flies to the other side. So yeah, it was a fun tennis hybrid racquetball thing that we played. Yeah, yeah.

And you and I played on a team. Yeah. We talked about how we need to play each other, but we played on a team. And we beat Micah need to play each other but we played on it we played on the team and we beat mike and his friend in kind of a glorious fashion i wish we videotaped the whole thing though it wouldn't have gone down that way just a slight variation would have tilted the entire game off because yeah we went we went down early in the first set to nothing came back one side of that yeah two two they went up four two and then we ended up winning six four of course next set it seemed like they turned it on we switched sides they they jumped ahead for nothing

that's right and i and i was like great well we're gonna have to split sets and and play a third one to see who that's right we got to get it out within the hour but we stormed back come back kids we won six four uh so it was very fun to play but the reason i hesitate to endorse it is the um the expenditure the pricing was um i was stunned i was shocked i was taken aback it's i mean new york is an expensive place yeah everything is like 1.5x more than you would think in another city. Like for instance, my climbing gym, I think it's like $30 for a day pass and other places I've gone, it's like 15 to 20. Exactly. A salad is $18 instead of 12. Yeah. But this was, this was beyond the pale. I, I think. Right. So the only thing I had to compare it to is

what I paid to rent a court in LA for tennis, is eight dollars an hour right and then mike is like padel tennis yeah which is really fun is 55 an hour right so i started laughing i'm like well that's forex what i usually pay for the court yeah but i guess this is also a different kind of tennis variation but so i guess you're telling the truth 55 an hour seems extreme right he's like yeah but it's per person yeah so there's four of us and then i'm like okay so you are fucking with me we're obviously not paying 220 an hour yeah for a court because that's like how much you pay for like a helicopter ride and it's true we weren't paying 220 an hour we actually had to pay a little bit more exactly it didn't include the rent it didn't include the rent which And you need a racket and you need the balls. But actually

you can't rent the balls. You have to buy the balls. So it was $60 per person. There was four of us. It was $240 for the hour. Yeah. Which is unprecedented hourly rate for anything. Even therapy is cheaper than that. Yeah. And it comes with nothing. Like you don't

it's not like going to the paddle house gets you access to a juice bar a locker room yeah you could stay there the whole day yeah no yeah you just one hour literally 240 for the hour which is like a really nice dinner but you get to spend a lot of time at the dinner this is like you got to be out of here at five yeah because you're here at four but look i will say i will say that we had so much fun that we considered going back yeah yeah so like it's insanely expensive but it was essentially worth it sixty dollars per person it's funny how expensive it was but i think it was worth it i don't have any regrets i don't have regrets for doing it once i don't think i could

afford to do it every day though well the so this this gym for it's called the paddle house paddle house you can you can join and be a member for what was that 120 150 150 a month plus a 490 initiation fee 400 500 initiation fee which doesn't get you free access to the court it gives you the privilege of paying 35 an hour to rent the court. Yeah. So $450 an hour plus $500. You can get $20 off your hourly rate. Yes. Which you'll break even if you play eight times a month, which will cost several hundred thousand.

And are you allowed to bring guests? We didn't even ask that. Of course not. I assume not. You can't bring anything. So I would pay $35 an hour, but if I brought you, it's not $35 an hour for you. I'm still paying the $55. I would think so.

It's a very expensive hobby slash sport. Yeah. Very fun, but also $240 an hour is hard to justify. Yeah. Every, yeah, like, and it's like, oh, we should have reserved the court for two hours. For sure. Okay. So that's what?

$120 to exercise per day? But then you start saving money on the rental because you're not renting per hour. Yeah. Or you're renting like the equipment rental. Yeah, that's an overhead one-time rental fee. Uh-huh. Yeah, so activity good. Actually, somebody DMed me. They live in Dublin and he pays nine euro an hour.

Yeah. What we need is more paddle houses to flood the market so the price can go down because it's very, very fun. There's not even one in LA. Yeah. Like that's how rare it is. I think they're going to take the world by storm because pickleball is fun, but it's too free. Yeah. And we need something. Pickleball is already over because everyone's free yeah and we need something pickleball is already

over because everyone's playing it people are annoyed with picklers yeah so we're we're at least this is a contained place there's a place for paddle what we could do is just hire someone to build two padel courts in like an empty warehouse ultimately cheaper yeah and then we would be the ones charging we should shutter head gum and do that yeah because this could be a court it's not that much space or this could be this the area where you charge for the rentals oh that's cool and so for the racket how much do you imagine um well what does paddle do 15 10 and 10 for the rack i think five dollars per hour for the racket oh we sure up that because we don't have the court we need to make our money on the racket yeah you think it's a racket nice nice dude you think people would rent the racket from us if there's no court though

because then they would take take it to the paddle house so you rent it because we rent it by the week instead of by the hour that's cool yeah it's kind of like surfing in that way exactly my other expensive hobby but the beach is free. You'll never see someone charging the ocean. Yeah, but you have to pay to park. Really? Shit. No, parking's free too, actually. Imagine hanging 10 and charging 10. That's good.

That's like impossible, right? There's no way, right? Yeah, I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud. Yeah, you are. Actually, someone wrote us an email saying that they're in a pickle. Let's hear it. And it's about sports. Great.

A sports pickle, literally. I love that. I'm a junior in high school and I come from a family that lives and breathes football. And I was pressured into playing it all my childhood. And this year I finally decided to quit. And my whole family is very disappointed because it was the only sport I played. My question is, should I play this year for my family or just shake it off and find another activity? Did you ever play a sport

just for your family? Yeah, kind of. I think everything I ever played was because my parents were making me in their own way. Yeah. Now that I think about it, like every kid before the age of probably 13 is just like, like I was not like, take me to basketball tryouts. My mom's like, yeah, basketball tryouts. You'll try out for the team and then you'll play the thing. I imagine like, yeah, I think I was presented with choices, you know, like, and I was most resistant to some of them and less resistant.

Like I really hated soccer for some reason. I never played little league soccer or baseball. I wish I played more because now i love soccer and i wish i were better at it yeah now that we're closer to the age of the adults i'm like now i'm thinking from their angle like if i have kids i'm just gonna make them play all the sports like yeah so they're a little well rounded when they grow yeah and then you can be like yeah even if you suck it builds character as an adult that you were really bad at this thing and you learn how to adapt. Or if you're really awesome, it's cool. Cause it's like,

Hey, look at my fucking kid. You just scored 10 points. Right. Maybe you like it. Yeah. I mean, I remember,

I remember being like pushed to wait, shut up a second. No adult wishes. They played sports less as a kid. You know what I mean? All right. I don't know. That's also not,

it's not true. I like, I've, uh, friends who were like, I wish I didn't play that much i took it too seriously yeah like my my sister liza was like uh she was doing gymnastics like 30 hours a week at one point and that's like yeah well i mean at the time she did but now she's grown up and she's like wow i like really i have yeah like nick uh nick rad was like a world-class wrestler in high school. And he's, yeah, it feels like that was, you know, too much to put on a kid.

So some, yeah, there it goes both ways. Okay. Yeah, for sure. Also, you interrupted me to have this kind of like milk toast, ill thought out take. Yeah, that didn't need, it didn't justify basically pausing. You told me to shut up. You said shut up for a second.

No, I thought I said stop for a second. Really? Well, I meant I said shut up for a second. Yeah. But stop for a second really well i meant i said shut up for a second but it wasn't like shut up yes it was it was like it was basically like shut the fuck up for a second yeah that's exactly what it was like but not in like uh in what a mean way i'm telling you how you felt yeah what were you saying even i don't remember now right yeah that thought doesn't matter slash gone i think this person is not going to let their parents down as much as they think they are um and and yeah like i think maybe it's like lets a parent down to be like i quit football

and i don't want to do anything but like if you're if you want to if you have a good reason for quitting football um i'm into this other thing your parents can get into that i think parents just need to find a way to support at least good parents need to find a way to support you or like show their like their love for you that's cool so it's almost like a lesson to your parents i'm not going to play football now what right do you like my art uh i used to play little league basketball growing up but only because i had friends who played basketball my friends were really good uh and I was bad. My friends' dads were like the coaches.

And like when your dad is the coach, did you ever play like youth basketball? You basically have tryouts and all the coaches watch you play. And then they literally have a draft where it's like I want this kid, this kid, this kid. So there's like some parody. I played like JCC basketball and that was not how we did it. Yeah. And so because you're his, my friend, my best friend growing up,

his dad was the coach. He always got the, that player, his son, who's really good. Right. And then also they would throw in me. I would be on the team

because they were like, nobody wants this other kid. Yeah. Oh, that's like the, so he'd be the star and then I would always be on the team. It's like, yeah. All right.

Like you get the star because he's your son, but that's not totally fair. So you have to have this dead weight. Yeah. And Amir has to fucking start. And then all the other coaches would giggle. Yeah. And then the dad, the coach, would be like, all right, I can start him, but I don't want

to have to play him equal amount of minutes. And then one summer you spent every single day practicing in your driveway. And at a growth spurt. Yeah. You had a growth spurt. And you came out and you showed everyone because you practicing in your driveway. You had a growth spurt. And you came out and you showed everyone because you still sucked. Yeah. And I had done. Do you think I'm bad at basketball now?

Good God, man. What? I wanted to show them I could shoot the rock. Awful. Awful. I'm not a part of this. By shooting a single rock, which was ultimately fine. It was a loud noise, but nobody was hurt that day.

Yeah. In this fucking metaphorical story. You rescued this weird joke. But I have no actual experience playing real sports like football, wrestling, nothing combative like that. You ever put on pads and stuff like that? For football? Yeah.

No. Never. Wrestling? I don't think so no yeah yeah it seems hard definitely i played flag football oh you know what i did one time because one of my so my high school football team uh basically my high school i we were it was a really small school so you were required to play two sports two yeah a year so like wow um i think in the year year one i did like cross country and then tennis um but the next year i didn't want to play anything because i wasn't good um and one of the one of the ways i could get out of playing sports was by being the athletic manager's assistant.

So I was just kind of like, I would go to the athletic fields after school and I would just like drive around in a golf cart and like I'd bring the soccer team water or I'd go and like, if a football player was injured, I'd drive them to the bus or whatever. Yeah, you were a de facto i was a gopher yeah i was in i was just an assistant and i it wasn't a real sport but it

counted because i was doing something yeah and i remember um the football coach like needed me to help like them run a play to kind of like show them how they're supposed to block or whatever yeah and i was so inept that even when he was like like he was like setting things up he's like all right so like just yeah run towards me and i like was like walking and he's like and i juke left and i was like didn't know what to do i don't know what yeah everyone on the football team was just laughing at me trying to run a fake football play so the coach could fake tackle me to understand what they were supposed to do didn't you spend a summer as a jockstrap like your team didn't

have enough jockstraps yes and you had to literally protect the quarterback's balls that's right during a drill right so they would long snap it into your face just to like check but i was able to put that on my resume and i got into college yeah i was a cup because yeah you know it's an student government being a cup here let's test the cup you wear a cup and hurwitz you put your teeth where that guy's balls are and i'll kick you people need to they you need to have like that like volunteering really good for your college resume yeah being a towel a towel boy yeah no no you just be a towel. Shucks. A towel boy. No, no, no.

You just be a towel. So yeah, they'll use you to wipe their face after a play. I was a drying rag. I did the same thing because there was one semester a year, the PE was aquatics, which is like swimming stuff. Oh, yeah. And I did not want to do that at like 7.30 in the morning. I wasn't good at swimming.

It was really cold. I had to deal with like changing the locker room so you could sign up for a pe elective so i took badminton nice so like all these guys would go like swimming in the morning and i would like i don't know do nothing and then i would take badminton and that's why you're so good at padel exactly which brings us back to the padel yeah badminton is another fun racket sport that's true yeah. Yeah, a lot of running. All right, you don't have to play football. There, we said it. Yeah.

Are you happy? You are absolved. But everything else you have to do. Soccer, tennis, padel. Being a cup. Yeah, as a towel. Being water. You have to be at least water.

Will you at least be water this semester? All right, let's take another break. Thanks, Amores. And we'll be back after these messages. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o, DraftKings. The NFL is back. That's correct.

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Visit audible.ca to sign up. All right, we've returned. Yes, we have one last question. To rule them up. All right, we've returned. Yes, we have. One last question. To rule them all. That's right. This one is sort of about politics. So let's tread lightly. Yeah.

We'll call this guy Hunter Biden. Thank you. Longtime watcher slash listener, and I need some help. Recently, my best friend and I were talking about politics, and she said that we should send all the immigrants home because they were stealing our jobs and our money. When I say immigrants, she's talking about every foreigner. She also dropped some pretty extremist right wing views recently, like how working class are subservient to the upper class. She's basically a neo-Nazi. The weird thing is she comes from a family

of first-generation immigrants. No British blood in her and both her parents work, so she's technically working class. Before this, she also was a really good friend to me and helped me through loads of stuff. And I used to think

she was the nicest person before I found out she was mental. How am I supposed to react to this and should I stop contacting with her before she starts healing? Sorry, hailing the third Reich. Am I overreacting to stop talking to her just because of this? I think not necessarily.

It's fine to be like, this is so fucked up. I don't even want to change your opinion. Yeah. Like some people are so far gone. There's, there's nothing doing there i mean it's i don't know i think for me it'd be hard like if one of my best friends just started

saying that i wouldn't feel like i had a connection with them anymore you would feel like i can't even get through to you yeah but i also don't know i know. Yeah. I think it kind of depends on how important, like how often are you having these conversations? Because people have to live with this within their families and stuff, you know? Yeah, it's like, oh, I got the one conservative uncle. Yeah. And I'm lucky that I don't really have that. But I know that people, you can't just like completely cut people out of your life sometimes. Yeah. Is your entire family, even extended family, a bleeding heart liberal cuck? I don't think entire extended family, bleeding heart liberal. Like we had some conservatives in like some second cousins, like some, some very far off cousins. So you don't have to interact with very much, but they don't, I mean, they like we're conservative, but don't have to interact with very much but they don't i mean they like we're conservative but don't vote for trump right you know not like i think that's like a different

level now a mit romney republican yeah yeah this lady seems to be like a very extreme yeah that's that's rough and i think i personally would excommunicate just about anyone for my life for having those thoughts yeah i remember when we were talking about the when trump was first elected billy was on our podcast he's like yeah if they're my friend i'd want to like get to know them get to the bottom of it try to change their mind yeah you were more like no if you actually think this stuff i want nothing to do with you yeah that seems to be the gamut of what you can do yeah right so and billy's a better person than me so i'd maybe take billy's advice but for me is the equivalent of them trying to change your mind? Like, it's that not going to happen?

Yeah, I don't know. What is it? It's you. God, I forget the metaphor. But like meetings, meeting, like debating somebody. Oh, yeah. Debating someone that's stupid. They bring you to their level and then beat you with their intelligence or something like that. Interesting. So, yeah, I don't want to get into these conversations with everybody. It's always weird when someone who's like. Oh, being with experience. Yeah. When you're like debating with someone and they like, they know a bunch of like minutiae that you don't.

They're like, well, what about the thing that happened in 1979? You're like, I don't know what that is. See? Yeah. You don't know what happened in 1979? Imagine you don't either because whatever it is, you live your life fueled by hate and I don't. But it seems 1979? Imagine you don't either, because whatever it is, you live your life fueled by hate, and I don't. But it seems like someone changed this person's mind, or at least someone formed, like, nobody has this opinion from birth.

They have to have been mind-changed at one point, and I guess we have too. Yeah. From our friends slash television shows that we watch. We're all in our own corners, but one of them is the right one yeah we're in the right bubble for sure yeah we're we're extremists but for the correct side um so should i stop contacting with her before she starts how like how did they say this is the best friend was this like uh recently my best yeah. If it was your best friend. Yeah, I really don't know. I think if that's my best friend, I start looking at my other friends

and being like, maybe your new best friend and the old best friend is kind of just like close acquaintance. You don't have to like fully cut that person out, but it's like, all right, well, I think that your takes on politics are so bad that i think i can't spend all my time with you like i would a best friend yeah but maybe you're good in small doses and my other best friends we can hang out and like anything is on the table because i know that i

i feel more comfortable around them yeah also when it comes to my like best friend i don't have like a singular person i have like a group of friends you do me is i'm would say i'm your best friend but you mean like after me or do you mean like i was trying to figure out because you were like you said you don't have i barely know you like i'm sorry Record scratch. Yeah. Record scratch. Like, we go weeks, months without talking. Sometimes I don't care to know you on a personal or interpersonal. I don't know your opinion about this kind of stuff. Yeah.

We have no deeper, meaningful conversations literally ever. Switches level. Yeah. But we make each other laugh, and we bring each other a lot of joy. And I think ultimately, I was going to gonna say i think ultimately that's what matters to right and i disagree even with that yeah right i see that yeah but so we do have i was gonna say what we do have is history because we you know we've known each other for a long time and you can't even the only true thing is that we've known each other for a long time you can't take that away from us we've known each other for a long time that's history and that's meaningful and i think that's what makes us closer than say any of your other

friends i was gonna say if there's a group of friends someone's gonna feel like your best friend if they're hanging out with like nine people yeah then it's weird if they're all on the other side of her like i think one thing and my eight friends in this friend group don't yeah don't you then start second guessing one your friends and two whether you're actually correct about your thoughts or do you just think oh all my friends like do you have a do you have an opinion that eight of your closest friends all disagree with? I don't think so. Oh, I remembered when we went on a camping trip, this was like 15 years ago, I said that you could cheat on someone you loved and everybody said that you couldn't.

Really? Yeah. Oh, because by definition, you don't love them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then you're like, no, you can still love them, but cheat on them. And I remember everybody was kind of aghast. Yeah. And I was like like, no, you can still love them, but cheat on them. And I remember everybody was kind of aghast. Yeah.

And I was like, well, I think that's true. Right. And so I guess they could think that about foreign politics or, you know, immigration or. Yeah. Some things are just taboo. And you don't want the things to be taboo with your best friend. But like if I got in the back of an Uber, I wouldn't just like start talking politics because you're like, this won't be fun. So maybe that's kind of the thing that you do with this friend now.

You sort of push that stuff off. Fade away from this best friend on these topics. And I think inevitably that that person will become less your friend because you're not talking about every single thing. It's not all on the table. Do you think that you think you're cheating thing? You still believe in your friends still disagree with? Or you guys have sort of common ground? I, well, I don't talk to these people about that anymore. Like, well, I haven't talked to them.

I think it's still true. Yeah. I think it's still true. So it's up to them if they've changed their mind. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure. Yeah.

I bet a lot of people think they're wrong, but I think it's true. Yeah. I mean, I guess that's how it works with anything. I think some things that other people disagree with. I'm sure if I had listed all of my opinions, there would be some that are 99% of people that I'm friends with disagree. Yeah. Like the fact that I think beer isn't good. Right.

Or the, what's it called? The mafia story. Oh, yeah yeah where i thought i was right playing the game a lot of people agree don't take my side yeah but i i do take your side on that and i take your side on the cheating thing best friend maybe we are closer than we thought we could find common ground anybody can exactly uh all right sweet thanks for writing in thanks for watching we're on youtube right now so you can watch us this video or this podcast as a video yeah or you can continue listening on the go that's right you ever watch a full podcast episode on youtube uh not me no i

think we're old school like that yeah newer fans like watching stuff yeah you watch passively while while you're at work a window window that's open. Right. Yeah. I've seen that. Yeah. So thanks for, if, if you're doing that, if you do that,

thank you. Uh, and if you have your own questions or theme songs, send them on down to, if I were you show. That's right. At gmail.com. Um,

let's hear that theme song again, shall we? Why not? Yeah. And you can watch more of us on our Patreon, patreon.com slash J A. Ja. We're watching old Jake and Mir episodes.

Classics. Classic Jake and Mir episodes. Well, some of them are pretty bad, actually. Yeah, actually, for sure. Some of them are old. Some of them are classic. Some of them are awful. And we shot some new ones now,

so there's probably new ones potentially on the HeadGum channel by the time you watch this. Yeah. So definitely subscribe to the HeadGum channel. Do that, for sure. Watch our new episodes. Check us out on Patreon.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. One last time. This is Neil Reed, I believe it was. Neil Reed with a theme song that was the Bossa Nova slash Punka Rocka Blink-182 theme song. Yeah. I was way off. Neil Reed was last week. Okay. This is, holy smokes. I didn't182 theme song. Yeah. I was way off. Neil Reed was last week.

Okay. This is, holy smokes, I didn't read this at all. Oh my God, I was way off. Really? Yeah. Just threw this theme song together today. I hope you guys like it and use it for the show. If you end up using it, would love a plug for my Spotify slash Instagram.

Oh, come on. Ethan Sermon. Who did we plug up top? Neil Reed. Maybe that was the last episode. Oh my God. And my band, The Neighborhood Watch.

We're from Toronto and have been loving your comedy since I was too young to know. Awesome. We should probably use this song next week too so we can promote him properly. Yeah. Holy smokes.

Ethan Sermon. We're sorry. And I was about to fucking let this play out as a neil reid original we've been doing too many episodes yeah it's too much we're at capacity our brains are fried goodbye forever later Sittin' by the parka with two crutches Jake and Amir, boss and Nova If I were you Baby, don't you wanna wanna advice too? And then I think to myself What would they do?

They don't like classy jazz Only blink 182 One, two, three, four! Jake and Amir make me cry tears. Jake and Amir make me cry tears of sadness. Hey, Trevor is sad too! That was a Hiddem Original. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast That was a Hiddem Original. and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt,

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