Segments - 64: Cat Noises (with Rose McIver)

Episode Date: February 27, 2014

Friend/Neighbor/Actor Rose McIver joins us to discuss flowers, bigotry, and prostitution. This episode is brought to you by FlagLocate.com -- the best and easiest way to let your friends know where you are. Check them out here: http://bit.ly/1gDOmkV See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

All right, let's do a real quiet intro. Why? Here it is. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah. Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like.

Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop. Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well.

Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah.

How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed.

Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters. Yeah, vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store, an online portfolio,

the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code SEGMENTS when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy.

Thank you, Squarespace. If I were you, the podcast show's about to start. If I strayed from the heart, I'd rip your life apart. If I were you, the show Thoughts? Feelings about that? Was that good? I don't know if it was good or not. I think I liked it. It was sort of a sea shanty of sorts.

What? It was a sea shanty of sorts. A sea shanty is normally 15 men on a dead man's chest. All right, enough. The Shanty song is like chanting. That was a warbling Tiny Tim. There's a way to remember it. It's Shanty is Chanty.

Yeah, that Shanty was Chanty. That was not Chanty. That was operatic. It was a guy singing. Well, I sure know that I preferred that sound to what I'm listening to right now. Oh, Sassy Rose. Perfect intro to our guest, Rose. Our guest of dishonor.

Wow. Rose MacGyver. Hello. Rose is our neighbor, roommate, friend, in that order, I think, right? Yep, it's a true story. So we moved to this place in LA,A. and Rose was living underneath us. And now she's living in our apartment. Rose, to clarify, she was living in an apartment underneath us.

She wasn't just living under that. Rose was a vagrant that was under the house. We took pity on her and invited her up. Scrambled me up real good and modded my fair lady. Yeah, I lost my tennis ball under the house, and I went to find it, and Rose's arm grabbed my hand. And it scared me. It scared me, and that's when I found Rose.

So you were playing with a tennis ball in this? Yeah. You were bouncing a tennis ball on the porch. By myself. Like one of those Velcro mitts. Yeah. You know that? When you had like a mitt, but it was Velcro? This house would suit a swing ball set actually out the back. A swing

ball set? What's a swing ball set? Let's also get this out of the way. Rose is an American so sometimes she speaks in codes. Swing ball set? Swing ball set's one of those like stakes that comes out of the ground and then there's a big string off it with a tennis ball and you just whack it around in circles. That's tetherball. Learn how

to talk USA. USA. USA. USA. Back to the sea, Chandy. What's a swing set? It's called a swing set? No, it's a swing ball. Swinging ball?

Well, it makes a lot of sense. A ball swing? Swing balls. It's swing ball. Similar to t-ball, but swing ball. Swing ball makes sense, but so does tetherball because it's tethered to the pole. Yeah, but how often would you use the word tether on like a daily basis versus the word swing i feel like i would use them comparably i don't think that you've ever said tether or tether in your life have you ever heard me say swing yeah yeah i'm sure i have you've known me four days you think i said swing

yeah i feel like that's when was the last time you heard me say swing aside from this room you said amir swing me a cup of that delicious soup your mom made that's right rose mckiver putting you on blast putting ripka on blast your mom making soup it is not good it was good it's bland porridge it's mush here's what i'd say it was it was really delicious when i had a blocked nose and the textures were all really um interesting in my mouth yeah but once the nose started to get better and the taste started to become more apparent, I think I preferred her other meals to that. That's what I'd say.

Amir's mom is a diligent listener to the podcast. Yeah, and she makes beautiful chicken schnitzel. Just delicious. Just delicious. I can't wait to just talk about how much food your mom has made us. My mom is spoiling us. Me, Jake, Rose. Our new roommate.

Yeah. So, well, first of all, thanks for coming on the show. Thank you. We had to borderline beg you to do this, so we're a little bit offended right off the bat. Well, I noticed you started doing like G-chats to every single person on your contacts list, like anyone free this afternoon, anyone free. And once you got there, I knew that i was a better option than no one so i figured i'd take it better than zero have you ever done a podcast before no i've never done a podcast really no wow we're breaking i don't know if the pressure is more on me than on

on you because for me i just want to experience the best podcast I can. And you guys have to give me that experience today. Right. Wow. We have something to prove. You have something to prove. Whereas for me, I mean, I'm just a guest and I'm going to be gone. And, you know, like I think this is all about you guys today.

Well, yeah. If you think about it, we're all going to be gone. Wow. Yeah. We're all specks of dust. Jake, has your book of poetry arrived that's enough that's enough for us we don't want to talk about such intimate details on the show that being said you did order a book of poetry right i'm not ashamed of ordering a book of poetry

i didn't say you were ashamed i it doesn't make me a fucking loser. All right. I didn't say that. Yeah, you didn't. Why are you mad? I ordered a book of poetry curated by Garrison Keillor. Ever heard of him? Yeah. I don't know if you guys like Prairie Home Companion. Are you going to read it or are you just going to leave it around so that people think you read poetry? All right.

So do you know how the podcast... My highlight of the afternoon was when you guys got fucking box Lakers tickets delivered to your door and he was so disappointed that it wasn't his book of poetry that he hurled them he just hurled them don't tell I love sports I love

sports sports and poetry fuck poetry it's girly and dumb I hate poetry unless it's girly and dumb. I hate poetry unless it's about basketball. It is weird. I feel like Amir would be the one who was into poetry out of the two of you. Really? Yeah. Well, you've known us.

You basically have a crash course in us. You didn't know us at all six days ago, but we've spent so much time together that you know us more than anybody else within the last six days. So you are very familiar with us but still have this level of unfamiliarity that you can say stuff like that like right you also you pegged us completely wrong i pegged them completely wrong when i met them i

remember i saw you and she's pointing at a mirror right now oh yeah it's a podcast see i haven't done this thing before i'm used to it feels like a conversation i'm trying to be relaxed i've got my feet up i wanted to point across the room. And I'm being fucking trashed for it. We call that being put on blast. Put on blast. I'm put on blast every day by these new friends and enemies. It all happened at once. So you're saying.

I was saying I met them and I just felt like Amir was going to be the lady killer. Really? I thought that you were the one who, like you're zany. And I haven't listened to this podcast before, but I've seen you guys on your sketches, and I felt like you'd be the zany out there one who was super confident and, like, pulling chicks all the time. Right. And that Jake would kind of be the wingman

and the sort of struggling one. Like, just the struggling person. You thought that I couldn't pull chicks? You thought that I don't get pussy? I definitely didn't see confidence. There was no confidence radiating from your beady beady eyes what do you call my eyes? beady she said

reedy beady yeah no but then I was surprised and I got to know them and now I feel like you're kind of both in between the two and you're not actually you're not the stereotypes I thought you were okay is that okay to say? yeah it's fun.

It's friendly. It's nice. Describe my eyes again. Now that you got to know us, do you want to discuss them? Now I would say that they're soulful. Yeah. Now I'd say they're soulful.

They're not like droopy or anything? I wouldn't use droopy within the first week of knowing you. But by tomorrow, I feel like... Next time I guest on this podcast, we'll revisit the topic okay but for now they're not they're soulful now they're soulful soulful poetic lakers eyes oh poetic lakers the best two things you could be so let me at least explain to you the show

we'll explain to the listeners and to you at the same time basically it's an advice podcast we get emails from people all around the world and they're in a bit, and they're in a bit of a bind, and they're asking us for advice, for help, because they're that desperate, and we do our best to offer it to them. Sometimes it's just me and Jake, and sometimes we have a guest. That's like how I said to you the other day,

agony aunt, that phrase. What's that? It's exactly what you do, or agony uncles, so to speak. What is that? I don't... This is the ball swing of... Yeah, of advice. She's a... Terms. She's a Kiwi.

You just have to understand. What do you call yourselves? Do you call yourselves advisors? I call myself a god. A columnist? No, you're not a columnist. You're a pod... Podomist?

What are you? A podcaster? A podomist? Yeah, a hypopod... What are you? Because an agony aunt is the... an agony uncle is the fitting description. Just the person who somebody comes and asks questions and you have wise sage advice that you can kind of give back to them. I feel like that's what you guys should be aiming for at least.

Agony uncle. I can be the agony aunt if you want to be the agony uncle. See, that is what? I'd love to be your agony mistress. You want to be my aunt is see that is what i'd love to be your agony mistress you want to be my aunt what you're about to say no i want to be your wife because i want you to be the agony uncle six days isn't enough to get used to this and in another way it's more than enough to get used to it so uh basically we read these real emails from real people but we give them fake names so that we're not uh you know we're preserving their anonymity basically this first one is from um oh you know what okay it's from a

guy can you give me a guy like a native because you're from new zealand right a native new zealand name that would be silly uh in our in our normal country uh that's really hard to do without being deeply offensive. I'm going to go for a place name. I feel like that's better. We're going to go Ruapehu. Oh, wow. Can't even... What's that? Ruapehu. Ruapehu? Rua.

Ruapehu. Ruha. You already messed it up. You repeated it back in chunks. He's already offended music. Rua Pehu? Yes. Ruha. Ruha Pehu. Ruha Pehu.

Ruha Pehu. Right. You're a terrible agony ant. Hey, guys. I found this chick on OkCupid and then reached out to her on Facebook. Unfortunately, she's been dating someone for the past month, so she wished me luck on my search after telling me that she thought I was a cool dude. and then reached out to her on Facebook. Unfortunately, she's been dating someone for the past month, so she wished me luck on my search after telling me that she thought I was a cool dude.

She's got that perfect blend of quirky, cute, and classy going on, and we seem to have a lot of the same interests. Compared to the rest of the girls on OKCupid, PlentyOfFish, Match.com, and in mid-Missouri, she is head and shoulders above the rest of them. I was thinking I might go ahead and send her some flowers for Valentine's Day and was wondering what your thoughts were on this. I doubt it will make her leave this guy, but maybe it will piss him off enough to act like a douche. All's fair in love and war, right?

Hoping for a cool fake name. Love, Rua Pehu. Sorry to disappoint you, Rua Pehu. Yes, I found my weakness in podcasts. Naming is not my strength. No, I think Rua Pehu is actually chill. That's what we asked for, is a native New Zealand name. Well, it's a mountain.

It's a snowy, snowy mountain that's mainly icy, and nobody really likes to ski on it, but it's the best option for the North Island. Perfect for this guy, this snowy, icy icebox over here. What do you think if you were in a relationship and somebody sent you flowers? Did he meet her on... What's she doing on OkCupid if she's in a relationship?

Well, sometimes people are on OkCupid to meet other people, and then they do, and then they deactivate their profile. I feel like the pressure's on her for keeping her profile active. That seems strange. If you meet somebody you take take it down this is this girl on girl hate okay you're being catty you're being a cat

you're a cat I won't make a cat noise because I know that that is one of your pet peeves right? you know me so well on six days wait what? I didn't hear this one time I made a cat noise and she hated it like a meow cat noise a like an angry cat why would you give jake that emma why would you do that i want to just was it like don't jake is that it jake i was like

i have volunteered my afternoon for this and i did not ask and all i'm doing asking you is to volunteer just so because i don't want to make if it's that makes you mad or if it's i mean what's great is what actually. I want to know which one. I really need to know which one. Go ahead. Okay, so what happens is I get more and more embarrassed with the person who's doing it, and I just feel like they have no sense of dignity. But what is helpful is that normally that's about somebody who I care about,

and I really want to preserve their dignity. But when you do that, I feel like you have none. And to be honest, it doesn't upset me as much. Yeah, well, I'll tell you what, to be honest, that cuts me to the core. That was, she's got a, because'll tell you what, to be honest, that cuts me to the core. That was, she's got, because I'm fighting her, huh? You have to understand I never had any dignity

before we started the podcast. This is what I'm talking about. So if Amir did it, when Amir did it, I was upset because I just want the best for him and I want him to, like, I feel like he's,

he does have dignity. And so that was upsetting. But yeah, it is upsetting. I want people to know that I didn't like purr at you yeah what I did was what context did you I will let you know I will let you know what never mind moving on so I think this guy with the uh everyone's just imagining me in a full cat costume actually now I remember I came out to uh get a drink of water last night yeah you were and you were crawling across the hallway with, you had painted whiskers on with Rose's lipstick, and you said,

brr, brr. You were like clawing at the carpet, and what you did was take a saucer. Somehow Amir's not even doing the noise, but it's him who's being embarrassed. That was brr. Yeah, and you took out a saucer and poured some milk. Yeah.

And I spent two hours lapping it up with only my tongue. Incidentally, their fridge is held together with a duct tape shelf that Jake built. He thinks he's like, honestly, Bob the Builder over here. And he builds this duct tape shelf. There's a lot of animosity coming from this side of the room. And I think that the duct tape shelf has only broken once, whereas the shelf that Sub-Zero built broke three or four times. Sub-Zero, the fighter from Mortal Kombat.

Yeah, he does some plumbing work, too. On the side. Fixed our fridge. I think the duct tape shelf was a decent... I thought you were going to bring us back to the question. Which is whether this guy should give a girl with a boyfriend flowers to try to fuck up her relationship. That's funny. Yeah.

He should? Of course. Really? That's a chill move. He hasn't met her though, right? He hasn't met her. Has she seen her on Facebook? Yeah.

Or he just met her on OKCupes. He just met her on OKCupid and then added her on Facebook and now he's going to send her flowers. I think even if she didn't have a boyfriend that's a bad move oh sending someone flowers on valentine's day when you haven't met them yeah i i think if they had a really genuine connection that would be a different question but the fact that he hasn't even met this girl and she's got a boyfriend and he's just obviously interested in her because she looks hot in these pictures maybe or what was it quirky Or was it quirky cute?

Was it quirky cute? Yeah, she's got this perfect blend of quirky and cute, and also she has a boyfriend. I feel like he's going to meet his own quirky cute girl in the flesh, and then that will be lovely, and she won't have a boyfriend. That's all well and good, but this guy lives in Missouri. He hasn't met anyone on any of these social networks. He found one that he likes and he's gotta he thinks

he's gotta go for it and he thinks by sending flowers let me ask you as a female do our flowers good or are they lame they could be they can be both right depends on who the guy is sending it to you is yeah definitely so like flowers can be pathetic if it's like someone you don't like sending it to you yeah every gesture in the world can be lame if it if you if it just comes from a shitty person right like when i make the cat noise it's sexy and it's funky it's cute and when you do it it's like oh god i'm losing respects for you it's bizarre i by the way i do want to know what the context was that you purred at rose i didn't purr at rose i think he made a bitchy hiss noise no i did not do that either no is that a cat that's a snake that's like

a gay best friend you know the gay best friend sort of like the thing that they do where they're saying like oh you shouldn't say that that's catty like you kind of did and this whole conversation started actually which makes you kind of the gay best friend in this equation i resent that um not because there's anything i'm still thinking about this guy i I feel like the flowers are a really lovely gesture, and I have belief that he's going to meet somebody else and that he shouldn't. Why do you have that belief? Why do you think that this garbage, trash loser

that doesn't understand any social cues, that took OkCupid to Facebook, and now he's so out of touch that he's like, I think I can send her flowers even though she has a boyfriend. What makes you think he deserves to find love? My biggest concern for his mental health is that he asked you this question, not his mother or some kind person. Oh, that's the best.

And now he's going to ask his mom for advice. Mommy, should I give this girl flower flowers? That's what he calls them probably, right? This guy, I promise you, is 48 years old living in his mother's basement in Branson, Missouri. Well, that's why he's not meeting anyone. Oh. Don't spend any money on frivolities like flowers. Go get your own place.

Set yourself up. Buy a coffee machine. Have a girl over. That's all it takes is a coffee machine and having a girl over. Is that true? Ask a neighbor for sugar. How did we, what did we first say uh you were i think you just came out and apologized for playing music that we couldn't hear oh yeah that's right that's right do that then look four days

later i have these great new friends so why don't you um like have some kind of nice over the fence conversations with some people around you i think the problem is he's not he's not enjoying it i think i liked your uh advice of moving out of missouri no that's not I think the problem is he's not enjoying it. I think I liked your advice of moving out of Missouri. No, that's not, you can't, no. Sure. He's in the heart of America, the heartlands.

Dixie, come on. Is that true? Is that Dixie? I don't know. That's where all the Dixie chicks are. But you can't just hate on Missouri just because we live in Los Angeles. Well, he doesn't have to live

in Los Angeles, but I'm sure he'll find more ladies that are up his alley if he moved to New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, Austin, New Orleans. You're small-minded. You're small-minded for thinking he can't be happy in Missouri. I hate to put both of you guys on a Tuesday blast, but I'm going to do it. Technically, this comes out on Thursday.

All right. Well, I'll put you on a Tuesday to Thursday blast. That's a Wednesday. That's a full Wednesday on blast if you can survive that. Jesus, probably not. Don't give the flowers. Don't give the flowers. Believe in something more. Give it a little while. I have hope for you. Would flowers ever break up a relationship? Absolutely not. Or at least tear at the fabric of one? Well, it might tear at the fabric. What if her boyfriend, her new boyfriend that she met on ok cupid never bought her flowers oh but i don't think it would

make rope who have any better chances i just think it might sabotage what could have been something beautiful but that is a good call like if he didn't give her flowers and then this guy gives her flowers i feel like that can tug away a little bit yeah of course and i think also if like he if he gives her flowers and then the boyfriend is like, hey, who the fuck sent you flowers? I'm really jealous. And she's like, oh, yo, that's not an attractive quality. You're like freaking out over these flowers. But I don't think that the end is going to be Ruapehu with the chick.

I'll say that. Oh, so you're saying best case scenario, they just break up, but it doesn't end up with you there. Yeah. Is that what you want, Ruapehu? Let's wait for an answer. That's a yes. Wow. Are didgeridoos from New Zealand? No, Australia. Okay, very good.

Very nice. Are kangaroos from New Zealand? Australia. Are didgeriroos from Australia? I think we got a couple of them at home. Let me ask you this question. The term Kiwi for New Zealanders. The number of times that you have confused me with Australians is ridiculous. It's bordering on insulting. Okay, well, two questions. One is, three questions. One, is Kiwi an offensive term for somebody from New Zealand?

No. Okay, two, is it named after the fruit or the animal? Animal. Do they have Kiwi the fruit in New Zealand? Yes. That's sub-question to number two, not a three. Okay. Do you have Kiwi the fruit? Two, part B is, yes, they do have Kiwi the fruit in New Zealand? Yes. That's sub-question to number two, not a three. Okay. Do you have Kiwi the fruit?

Two, part B is yes, they do have Kiwi the fruit as well. Okay. Three, New Zealand and Australia. Is that like USA Canada or is there more of like a brotherhood and bond there? It's like USA Canada, I guess, but because we're smaller and we're more isolated, when we're on the other side of the world, which you don't necessarily do as much as Americans, but Kiwis will go abroad probably a lot more. Yeah, because they live in New Zealand.

Of course they want to escape. Yeah, yeah, thanks. You're thinking of New Zealand as Missouri. Yeah, yeah. Not everybody is you. We're in paradise right now. No, that's not true. You're in your paradise,

and you're projecting it onto people in Missouri. When you live in heaven, you don't live in hell. Why did you pour it, Rose? Why did you pour it her? I want to know what context you hissed

at our neighbor. I was on OK Cupid in New Zealand for bloody years and I traveled to the other side of the world to try to get away from it

and I get hissed at by a new man living upstairs have you ever used an online uh dating site i haven't i haven't is it because you don't have a problem meeting guys uh yeah i guess to tell you the truth it's interesting because i don't have a problem meeting girls but my problem is that i don't meet enough girls so i want to use tinder okay cupid well the problem is that enough is never enough with you enough is not enough yeah there's nothing kind of beautiful that's kind of poetic rose give me a beat no come on here we go

i said enough is never enough enough is never enough enough not enough not the stuff that's what's up that's your stuff that's That's my muff. Yo, going down. Doof. And he's reading straight out of his new poetry anthology. Yeah, this one's by Sylvia Plath, bitch. Doof. Oof. Oof.

I love that the beat was doof, doof, doof. And I love that you turned that into a word like you're rhyming with the beat. I felt like there was a hearty kick drum. A hearty kick drum. This is what you are like, here, I'll show you what the B is supposed to be like. And then Amir can rap over the top. Yeah, yeah. All right.

Rose, give me a topic. I'm saying cats and neighbors. Okay, cats and neighbors. Oh, yeah. Cats and neighbors. Neigh neighbors neighbors and cats don't eat those cats unless you'll be fat because cats have a lot of fats in their hats that's what i call heads don't eat their brains it's upsetting that amir is showing more promises than Jake. Are you kidding me? Cats! Cats! Don't be fat.

What the fuck are you talking about more promises? Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake. You sound like you listen to way too much. Do you know Razel? Did you guys ever listen to Razel? It sounds like I listen to way too much of the best beatboxer of all time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know how that whole wave of... I'm sorry if I take your insult as a compliment.

Remember that wave of rubbish trash teenagers who thought that they could beatbox after they heard Razel? Yeah. I was one of them. Yeah. Yeah. Turns out I was the only one that was right. Now, yo. The beat and the melody at the same time. Have you ever seen Rozelle throw up? There's a YouTube video where he tries to do the beat. He does the beat

and the melody and then he tries to do the beat. He does the beat, the melody, and then he tries to do the hook, and he just goes... Fucking yarfs, it's incredible. So at that point, he's throwing up while giving a... Yeah, the big four. Yeah. It's crazy. So don't give this girl flowers.

Don't give her flowers. No, don't give her flowers no don't don't give her flowers you don't have to move out of missouri either be the bigger man be so big you can't even fit in missouri all right that's enough you two there's something noble there's something you go to fucking missouri i will go to missouri you live there good luck doing the podcast without this yo good luck doing the podcast actually uh rose Yo, good luck doing the podcast. Actually, Rose said she would just stick around and be the co-host if necessary.

I feel okay with the Rose and Amir show. How about Amir gives you a beat, I give you a topic, and you freestyle. Can I say that that would really make me very deeply uncomfortable because bad beatboxing is almost as offensive as bad cat noises on a human. And I'm absolutely not going to do this.

All right. Pterodactyls. Here it is. Doof. Doof. Doof. Doof. Doof.

All right. My name's Rose. Oh, my God. Pterodactyls in the ground and I love. Sorry. I don't know where I'm going. Wow. What's your favorite dinosaur?

Probably the stegosaurus. That's a pretty good one. Mine's the where I'm going. Wow. What's your favorite dinosaur? Probably the Stegosaurus. That's a pretty good one. Mine's the Ankylosaurus. Cool. What's yours? Hey, come on. We're getting to know each other. Is an eel a dinosaur?

Like if I said eel. God, you showed your hand with that one. What? You're a boring man. What's the most boring dinosaur? The one that's borderline still around today. Like a fish or something. There's a...

A Tunnyfar. No, don't worry. That's a New Zealand thing. That's another mountain in New Zealand. That's the next advice asker. Mr. Tunnyfar is coming at you with... That's actually really good. Tunnyfar.

We do need a female name. It could be Mrs. Tani Far. These names are sort of ambiguous. This is really cool because this email came to us from New Zealand. Really? That's right.

It's probably a friend of mine. You guys remind me of my time living in America, which is a great nostalgia kick. I live in New Zealand now. So here's my issue. I'm a lesbian and my grandpa has left me a shit ton of money. All good so far. But I don't, quote, look like a

lesbian, end quote. He thinks that I'm just being rebellious and has told me that I'm out of his will if I, quote, continue this behavior. I've never actually told him that I'm gay and somehow he's found out that I've been dating girls. I'm single at the moment and I have dated and have had sex with men in the past, but I've never been sexually attracted to them. So my question to you is, do I date men until he kicks off and leaves me my five zeros or should I be true to myself and sacrifice the money? Todah, Mrs. What's? Tenifer.

Tenifer. Tenifer. How many? What's... Tanifa. Tanifa. How many... What's... Zeros? Five zeros? That's like 100,000 bucks? Yeah. 100 to 900,000.

That's what's up, baby. I know my math. My maths. I know my math. Is your granddad on social media? Why do you ask that? Well, I feel like... like oh that's how he knows if he's gonna know oh wait oh she's not trying to hide it she's trying to actually change her

sexuality no she's saying should i just hide it for him until he dies or so he doesn't no she said should i date men which is that's a different question like if she's hiding it from her granddad because she doesn't want to upset him that's one thing but if she's gonna stop seeing girls and start seeing men that's different and i need some clarity um shit you've poked a hole in our uh podcast and that's well there's i think i think her quandary is um she feels weird about lying to her grandfather and she well she she's like confident that she is a lesbian but she also wants her grandfather's money so she's saying should I try to hide my sexuality from him until he dies? Is that okay?

Or is that like robbing him? Do we think that she's had a really honest conversation with him explaining why it's okay to be homosexual? No, you can't do that. Once you're 60, 70, 80 years old,

you're not going to change your mind. People that's people are not changing their mind at that age. Well, that's the question is, question is, is it considered, should I take a stand and be my true self and sacrifice the money? Or should I lie about it and borderline rob my grandfather? I mean, I think it's obvious what the answer is. Borderline rob his grandfather? Her grandfather? She's not a man just because she's into women.

Mia. Wow, and the truth comes out. Mr. Bigot? Mr. Bigot there? Bigot Blumenfeld. Bigot Blumenfeld. No. No.

Meow. Is that it? You were like, really, it's a guttural reaction for you, huh? This is the time when I wish that podcasts were visual because I don't want to say anything in words about it

because I want to let it go, but I want people to know how deeply it affects me and I feel like they would know that if they saw. Yeah, well, you're crying. There's tears streaming down your face right now. Welling, don't exaggerate. You really are welling right now. This is...

She's squeezing tears out. What about other animal noises? Should I get my tear stick? Are there other animal noises that you dislike, or is it specifically cats? Well, I feel like cats are the only ones people really try to make. Who makes an elephant noise or a cow noise in casual conversation? What was that? That was a dog pretending to be an elephant.

Jake's just blowing his nose. Can you tell me what a tear stick is? Is that an acting term? It's an acting trick where you just put menthol under your eyes to make yourself cry. We didn't mention that Rose is an actor. Actor or actress, what do you prefer? I don't mind. Okay.

We didn't mention that Rose is an actress. Actor. Yeah, I wouldn't have said that. I mind. So that's one of the tricks of the trade. But I guess he doesn't think women should have rights. He called our lesbian friend a boy. And he called our actor friend an actress.

I would never say that I'm friends with a lesbian. You put that word in my mouth. Got it. I would never befriend a homosexual. Is there any way in which Amir could get to know your grandfather, Tanifa, and get the money from him because I feel like they would be like-minded? Yeah, if I can sort of gain his trust. I do feel like if you're a bigot, then you don't even deserve to have money.

Really? Yeah. Bigots don't deserve to have money. I think that if somebody donates money to anti-gay legislation, their assets should be seized. Really? Yeah, I actually do. So you love America so much, but you're against one of the

first amendment rights freedom of expression i'm against what are you talking about yeah yeah of course freedom to think whatever you want you're not you're not down for that as long as people have opinions that are different than yours they don't deserve to have money i think if there's an opinion that's so black and white that it's in the wrong that i should be allowed to kick the shit out of that guy. Cart launch. Fart launch. I think that if you're different than me, you don't deserve to live in the same country as me.

Bigots are different than me, so I don't like them. But I don't like them because they're bigots, not because they're different, because they hate people that are different. They pay taxes. They do the work that you're not willing to do. There's a lot of bigots, not because they're different, because they hate people that are different. They pay taxes. They do the work that you're not willing to do. There's a lot of bigots out there. I pay taxes. If you got rid of all the bigots in America, you're standing up for bigots.

If you got rid of all the bigots in America, this country would fall apart. I'm sorry to tell you that. This country has fallen apart if there are bigots in America. I love America, dude. I love you as slave owners. Open your eyes, man. Why don't you suck my dick, it's in America I love America dude I love you a slave I love you a slave slave owners this country open your eyes

why don't you suck my dick dude that's what's up there's a motherfucker outside wandering around with a package I think it might be my poetry book

is the guest expendable for this moment to go collect a poetry book of course not no you'll stay right here no Jake is expendable is the guest expendable

I've barely even understood that. It's broken English. Big words for a little man. Are you talking to a mirror? Oh, this dude. Oh, he's going to knock on the door. Oh, I can't fucking wait. I'll be right back.

So Jake's just left to get his book of poetry. Yeah, this is a first. I'm glad you're here for this, because otherwise it would just be me talking to myself. I really hope that it's not tickets to Cirque du Soleil or something because you'll hurl them out the window into just the banks below. So now that Jake's not here, who do you have more fun hanging out with, me or Jake? I mean, I haven't seen either of you separately.

Right, because we're always together. Yeah. So it's tough for you to differentiate. I feel like that's going to be a high-risk situation, living together, working together, cooking together, cleaning together. Yeah.

When one of us leaves, there's going to be an interesting dynamic when it's just two of three. It was a guy delivering a pizza to our landlord, Bill. Is that true? Yes. Bill's not our landlord. Bill is our neighbor. He's another tenant.

So I don't give him any more rights. He's a tenant? Yeah. Bill lives here? Yeah. Next door. What do you mean next door? It's the same, it's that weird garage that he seems to work in. Does he live in that garage? Well, he's always there. Any hour of the day or night, I think he lives there. He lives in the garage?

Oh, he's calling you out for talking different. Don't talk different in front of Jake. He'll seize your assets and doesn't think you deserve money if you're different at all. Right? What about someone with an accent? Is that like-minded enough for you? For them to be able to keep their money and for you not to beat the shit out of them? I'd love you to explain this.

You imagine that I hate bigots because they're different? Yeah, that's exactly right. No, I don't. Yes. Yes, my friend. Yes, that's exactly right. No, I don't. Yes, yes, my friend. Yes, that's the case. I've never heard our podcast before, but Amir has advocated for the closure of humane societies

and now he is standing up to fight the good fight. I think the bigots of America need a hero and I think you are it. He's a real underdog story kind of guy. Yeah, I really am. Oh, that's not a bad idea for your billboard that I have to design. What?

Let's close together, let's close America's humane societies. It also turns out Amir doesn't like dogs. Yeah, I've been called out on that for quite a lot in the last couple weeks. On the podcast

or in life? No, in real life. I mean, you seem to look down on it. Your friend who we met yesterday said that dog lovers are better people, and Jake said, I don't like dogs. I don't dislike dogs. I just don't like dogs. Do you like cats?

No. I mean, I could take or leave a cat. You saw me struggle with that, and I didn't. I didn't do it. I think that I deserve some kind of accolade or praise. You're getting nothing. Okay. Why?

Do you think it's nice to like dogs? Yeah. And if I don't like dogs, do you think that's kind of sociopathic? I'm going to show you a film called Last Minutes with Odin that I showed Jake the other day. And if you don't like dogs and understand dogs after that then you are the robot that I've suspected all these days all these years for the last six days you've been calling me robot it suits you because I'm emotionally unavailable which is nice it's nice you actually said that you're more like you're like an a robot like artificially, and you've been taught that this is what you should say

and what you should do, and you're really struggling with emotional capacity. And I think that that's accurate. Yeah. Like I was an alien that was made, and now I'm sort of starting to learn how humans should act, and that's what I say and do. It's like perfume, where he wears that smell of a human.

Yeah. You know that book? No. He wears the smell of a human because he doesn't smell, and he creates the smell. It's like human-like. It's like that. You've just put on a big human smell. I do smell.

You were reeking yesterday, baby. All right, let's go back to the question. Woof. You just smelled yourself. Yeah, because I didn't put on deodorant today, so I wanted to make sure I wasn't ripe. And? I am. So what do you say?

You say, be yourself, don't accept the money? No, rob this motherfucker. Okay. Rose, vote. Be yourself, don't accept the money? Be yourself, don't accept the money, but I feel like after he passes away, things might all be a little bit different anyway, and you might end up with it. So I'm hoping for you.

So you're saying be yourself, and whether he gives you the money or not is up to him. Well, maybe make a deal with a sibling where they get the extra money, but they understand you. And then after he passes away, you can kind of renegotiate the contract with the person. I really think that you have to look. She has to be thinking macro, not micro. And sure, she's got this pride of, like, I want my grandfather to like me for who I am. But he's never going to accept her.

So she might as well pretend that she's straight up until he dies, which is probably going to be soon. And then she just uses the money to take girls out. She's slaying pussy. She's munching box. She is chowing down on muff. And I think it's all on her grandfather's dime. Are you saying she's not monogamous? She doesn't have to be monogamous.

She's single. She said she was single. But she might be monogamous. She might meet somebody lovely. I feel like you're suggesting that she's just going to hook up with lots of chicks. I'm not saying she's got lots of chicks. She could munch down on the same box forever for all I care. I just think that she should be whining and dining either many bitches or just one bitch,

just with her grandfather's money, to stick it to him. He's rolling it around in his grave as she's rolling around in bed, fucking licking clit, taking names. I'm serious. I think that that sounds like the best advice. I guess I'm with you. Well, what about this for advice? Before he writes the will, you sit down with him and be like,

Grandpa, I know you're thinking that I'm gay, but I assure you that I'm not. You have to believe me. I need your money. I want your money. I deserve your money. That's what a robot would say. That's what a robot would say. Yep.

And then as he's dying, as he lay dying in his deathbed, before the last thing he sees. And it's too late to change the will. You slink your little coy little diva girl in. And you just go to town. You scissors. You 69. I think you 69 on his deathbed?

On his bed? No, on his body. Oh my, is that the pressure of two girls just fucking with him? And fucking on him. Fucking hot. I'm dead serious when I say meow on that shit. Meow. That's not a cat noise, Rose.

I don't know why you're covering your ears. That's the name of the... Oh my god, dude. I didn't even say the noise. I know, but I'm thinking about it and it's a soft spot for me and i feel like if i've revealed this weakness to you it's just nasty to to kind of keep exploiting it over and over and over again in the same podcast it's tough it's tough did you think that there was a world where i found out and didn't make

the noise over and over absolutely not but i thought that amir was more well trained as a robot than to give you that kind of information but you noticed i received your feedback and i grew from it you programmed me to change and i haven't uh made the noise since then because i knew that that would be what was off with your programming that you made the noise to begin with because i think me and rose could have lived our entire lives without me ever feeling it necessary without me ever being compelled to make a cat noise in her presence i don't understand even if it was like do you know what i think it was i think it was i know what it was i remember clearly what it was tell me am i wrong i am sleeping in the solarium at the moment in your house because

my house is great but i'm sleeping outside god i hope gray doesn't listen to this she definitely doesn't i uh i am sleeping outside and it's a very cold room and it'll be great in the long run but not in winter. So I'm taking advantage of a solarium upstairs. I'm sleeping in a solarium. I wake up with a coughing fit in the middle of the night. I go through to the kitchen. Jake's duct tape shelf falls to pieces as I get a glass of milk from the fridge. Let's mention that you opened the door too hard.

Go on. And I'm drinking milk on the floor and I feel like it was around that time that you said something like a cat noise am i wrong is that that did happen but i didn't do the cat noise 4 a.m 4 a.m rose is out there in her pajamas sipping milk off the floor all he could do you yeah i think rose was out there she had killed a bird and she was trying to hide it and what she was yeah yeah had killed a bird and she was trying to hide it. And what she was. Yeah, yeah. That was it, yeah.

And she was sort of scratching our litter box. We have a litter box. We had changed the litter box. She had taken a dump. She still takes dumps in the bathtub, which is annoying. She takes dumps in the bathtub. We have the litter box. We clean the litter box, but she'll poop in the bathtub.

It's disgusting. Oh, everybody's got a vice. Let's answer one more question and then I'll tell you. You haven't said. All right, everybody's got a vice. Let's answer one more question, then I'll tell you. Wait, you still haven't said, all right, fine, over the break. No, no, that was the break. That was the break?

Break's over, baby. Break's over. We have time for one last question. All right. We need a dude's name. We'll go Ikeda Huna. What? Isn't English the official language in new zealand nope it's a binary nation with two languages and what's the second language maori and do you speak that oh

yeah maori the the the uh the chanting and the hoof like the similar to the sea shanty we heard at the start apparently uh no yep maori that is there is some chanting there's a really awesome uh youtube video where they like actually talking about the the passing of um same-sex marriage watch that video is that in new zealand yeah happened in new zealand and it'll reduce you to tears i will say no more how many of what's the population what population what percentage of the population is majority i'm a little bit scared about you asking this trivia because i don't know the exact answers and I'm going to sound ignorant.

Are they a minority? Wow. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, sure. That is. Would you say you lost respect for him

similar to the way you lost respect for me when I made the cat noise when he said that? Definitely not equally, but I did lose respect. Was it more for him or more for me? I think we don't even need to humor that with an answer. You're right, him, totally. The Maori population, I don't know exactly how big it is, but Eke Tahuna is a little town in New Zealand,

the middle of just, I don't want to say nowhere, because that's insulting. But it's the Missouri of New Zealand. It's the Missouri of New Zealand. It's no hubbub, like bustling city center. No, it's no Auckland. Thank you. Did you look that up?

It's no Christchurch. Absolutely. And it's no, all right, ready? What is the name that you gave me? Ikatahuna. Ikatahuna writes, Hey guys, so I'm 20 years old and I just saw a hooker. The strangest part is that I haven't got the slightest clue why.

I'm at college and I can and have gotten pussy many a time. And normally I would have laughed at anybody who pays for sex. But for various reasons, I'm not in the best place lately. And I thought the answer would be to see a hooker. Wrong. Now as I write this, I feel like shit. Worse than shit, in fact. More like a scum-sucking scumbag degenerate piece of filth. I mean, I obviously use protection and I'm not a complete moron, but I still feel like so dirty all I want to do right now is to take a scaldingly hot shower using

bleach for shower gel and give myself a VD test. Now, I don't expect Amir to be experienced in such a situation, but I'm sure Jake is a beast in this regard. How do you make yourself feel like less of a turd in these situations, Jake? Please help. I want to just, I want to say that I resent the implication. That I would never pay for prostitution? That I would know how to deal with a situation like this. It's funny, because earlier you were like, how dare he think I got a prostitute? And then Rose was like,

have you ever gotten a prostitute? And you're like, well, I paid a stripper once to blow me. $300. $300. That was a joke. I'll tell the story. It was... A joke story?

Here's what happened. I was in Las Vegas, okay? Rewind Sin City We are going to rewind I'm going to take you way back Three and a half weeks ago Get in my time machine

It's a little broken It can only go back a month It was a couple It was like two years ago I was in Las Vegas And I went to I visited a strip club As a lot of people do

Huh? Did you go to Vegas with a girl? No. And I was in Vegas with my boys. With my boys, my girls. Was that Amir? I think Amir might have been there. Was it when we were there with John and Giancarlo the first time?

I think so. Okay. And I was getting along with a dancer, of course. Would you say famously? I would say it was pretty famously. She was talking to me about her picks for the Oscars, and that was... Oh, yeah, you filled out an Oscar pool with her?

Yeah, yeah. Which is crazy, because this was like three weeks after the Oscars. She didn't know. She didn't get it. She had no idea. She... He fell for her intellect.

I did. I thought that the way she interpreted Life of Pi was really on point. It was pie opening. So, ah, toda. That's a good one. So I liked that one, yeah. Okay.

We went to the back room, and she said, for $200, you can do cocaine off my ass. Do you have to provide the cocaine? Well, at that point, I wasn't really interested in doing cocaine. And least of all, I didn't want to do it off of her ass. Yeah. So I said... For $150, how about I eat a PB&J? I was like, what if I don't want to do that?

And she said, well, if you give me $200, I'll blow you. And then I said, that sounds like a fair deal. Well, actually, what I said was, I don't have that much cash. And then she said, that sounds like a fair deal. Yeah. So I, so, well, actually what I said was, I don't have that much cash. And then she said, we'll take a card. And I said, okay. Can I Venmo you? And then I went over to this big, scary bouncer guy. He swiped my card, made me sign like a document to make it, I guess, to make it official that

they weren't robbing me. Did you have your lawyers read that? We, I sent it to my dad, but he's a tax lawyer. So he just said it looked good, but I don't think he even read it. He didn't have a lot of notes. So I went back into the back room where she proceeded to grind on me and give me a private lap dance. But the blowjob never materialized. And I came out wondering if I should complain or if that was just going to get me in trouble.

Bias remorse? Sorry? Bias remorse? Yeah, yeah, I definitely had bias remorse. Well, it wasn't even a bias. It was a bait and switch. Well, yeah, I paid for a, it wasn't even a bias. It was a bait and switch. Well, yeah, I paid for a product that didn't exist. It was a gosh darn bait and switch.

What you did was leave a negative Yelp review. Yeah. I said, I paid for a blowjob, but I actually got fucked. So this is your case for you not being a good person to give advice about sleeping with a prostitute? Yeah, because he never actually collected on the sexual goods that he deserved. Right, you'd have no idea. I resent the implications. Suffice to say, I resent the implications. I genuinely

do. So I'm sorry, tuna sandwich, but, um, that's what was his name? Eka to Huna, dude. Eka to Huna. But what I would say is don't use bleach in the shower. Oh, and don't give yourself a VD test. Go to a clinic. and don't give yourself a vd test how do you go to a clinic how do you give yourself a vd i don't think you should i think that's just like a really close

examination it's like yeah it's it's a a magnifying glass can you show that to your next girlfriend and it's like valid yeah you sign your own little card i've never ever gone on a date with somebody without bringing a clean bill of health just to show them that I don't have VD or explicitly that I do have VD. Do you ask your dad to draw up that contract? Yes, my dad. He's a tax lawyer. I've mentioned that, but he has drawn up a contract. Well, I feel like he's better with contracts than you are.

He's a tax attorney, which contrary to what you guys say, is not a glorified accountant. I love my father. Rose, since we don't usually have a female presence on the show, where do you land on the prostitution scale? Are you virantly against it? Are you totally cool with it? What is virantly? Like, are you extremely against it?

I'm virally against it. Isn't that vehemently? Is it? What's virulently? Virulently. I'm virile. Are you totally against it? What's virulently? Virulently. I'm virile. Virulent. Are you totally against it?

I'm fertilely against it. You're fertile and against it? I think that it's the oldest profession in the world. I don't want to do it myself. Right. But more power to them. What do you mean more power to them? They're victims.

They're hapless victims. I don't know. I don't know, dude. I can't believe Jake's the voice of reason right now, debating prostitutes. Well, what? No, that's not fair. That is not fair.

I don't have a judgment on prostitutes because I haven't been in a situation where that has been a realistic thing in my life. But I feel like it's their deal. If they want to, like maybe certain things... None of them want to do it. That's not true. Have you seen all those high-class escorts? You know what?

I have an opinion on escorts, and I think they're victims. And I think no matter how empowered they feel, they're actually victims of society, of a misogynistic culture, of a money-hungry, bloodthirsty, lusty... I can't look you in the eye. I think it's... I'm virulently against it. But you'll still pay $200 to experience. She never blew me, dude. She never blew me.

So what did I pay $200 for? Sorry I helped her sign up for fucking classes. I think she was at the UNLV. I think she was taking a pottery class. And I think $200 gets her buy-in. She's not a matriculated student, but I think she can get there. And guess what? I didn't make her fucking swallow my load.

Jesus. I didn't. Yeah, she didn't see my seed. She didn't touch my D. I think Rose needs to take a bleach shower after this conversation. I just think, you know, certain problems aren't something that I understand. I'm not in that position. I don't understand what it must feel like.

Personally, I wouldn't be okay with selling that as a product. But look, some people are terrible in relationships and really mean to girls. And why is that any better than being able to do it it as a business negotiation i'm sort of with you i mean i don't quite fully understand it's so i don't i don't know that it's so reprehensible when when jake's just shaking his head this is the first time i feel like we've reached his moral limit i what i think that is kind of closed-minded to say prostitution is bad. I think that's very closed-minded.

So you think prostitution is good? I wouldn't say good. You think a woman selling her body for money is good? You think pimps rounding up women? Excuse me, Jacob, but why on earth would you assume it's just women? Here we have another just narrow-minded example from the brain, from the shriveled up peanut brain of jake hurwitz this is wow this is uh you've been you've been skewered today that could clearly be a male

that could be what is male prostitution okay for you no of course not it's not at all no prostitution's okay what about porn porn's not prostitution why aren't you getting paid to have sex so if i'm taping a prostitute fucking me that's okay no i i'm also not okay with porn but i mean like i don't give i so you don't watch it i love watching porn i watch porn all the time so you uh totally implicit in it all and yeah i mean oh i don't think mcdonald's is good for me but i like the way it tastes i'm too lazy to like make a soap make a real change but i can hey i got a fucking podcast i think you should join the society of america with amir blumenfeld huh the biggest I'm too lazy to make a real change, but I can, hey, I got a fucking podcast. I can speak out against things.

Why don't you join the Bigot Society of America with Amir Blumenfeld? Huh? The Bigot Society of America. I am not a bigot. A BSA. Being against prostitution does not make you a bigot. I'm unsure. I can see.

I'm genuinely trying to see it from your perspective. And I feel like your heart is true. Look, it's not that I'm saying prostitutes are strong, empowered women. I'm saying it's – You're saying there's a world that could possibly exist. Well, maybe in the same way that for porn stars. I don't have a judgment on porn stars because for them they can do that and it doesn't make them feel sleepless at night and unhappy.

I think the danger is – Oh, shit. I'm getting genuine by accident. Let's talk about this after the podcast. It's their body they're jake herwitz gets genuine no i can't do that not here not not now not like this we're actually out of time if you can believe that we're more than out of time we usually like to keep this under 45 minutes we're at like the 55 minute mark I'd very much like to know the just why don't we end with the Oh yeah. The reason? Okay. You guys were juggling

and Rose threw an errant ball and it went outside and as a joke I went like it hit a cat. Oh. And then you were like oh I really don't like it when men or people, humans.

Humans. Humans do cat noises. Any other species besides cat doing a cat noise is bad. No, no. Yeah. Oh, you don't like it when humans do animal noises. No, I don't like it when any species besides a cat does a cat noise. What about when a parrot does a human noise?

That's embarrassing. What about a human doing a parrot noise as a human so i'm like is that does that bother you that's not bad i found a new pet peeve it's me in general uh thank you so much for coming on our show rose how did it goes i mean it was great i was here anyway so it was easy yeah yeah you don't even you didn't even realize we were recording for the first half we just had to come into your room to do it. Yeah. You just ended my solarium

and we went from there. I clipped a little wireless lavalier mic to you when you were asleep and shook you awake halfway through the podcast. But I'm glad we got to do it. It's fun.

Thank you so much for having me. And do you want to plug anything? Any movies or TV shows or whatever that you're in that you're on that you want people to watch? I mean, I'm not a plugger.

I'm not very good at that. Do you want me to mention some stuff and then you'll stop me? No, no, just, you know, I hope that I come back and maybe one day I'll have done stuff that you guys like. That'd be cool. Yeah.

Or maybe you already have. Maybe I have. And they don't even know because you won't say anything. Exactly. So I like to leave it with an air of intrigue. You know my name. You know my name.

You know my number. We are going to put your number in there. See you on OKCupid. You know my stance on prostitution. Let's do it. Those are the big three. But I'm not a prostitute. Just don't forget that bit.

So if you have your own questions of your own or your own theme song, you can email us at ifirewshow at gmail.com. That first one I don't think I ever mentioned was from a dude named McClain who had submitted a song before, and that was his second song that he submitted. And this last one is from someone named Cullen. Thanks so much to all of y'all for listening, and we'll be back soon. Peace. Living in this moment.

Never understand. While we're living in slow motion. Sometimes I need a hand. So I call my brothers Jake here and Amir here. Living in this undecided world, don't know what to do. And it's hard to answer that question. It's got to say, if I were you. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken.

Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only.