Segments - 96: The Fly (w/ Sarah Schneider!)

Episode Date: August 18, 2014

Our friend Sarah Schneider joins us to discuss underwear, oral sex, and the fear of rejection. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace.com, Slugbooks.com, and MeUndies.com! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Huge episode today. Epic. Massive. Really, really true. Hey, I'm Jake Johnson, host of the podcast We're Here to Help, but this episode right now that you are listening to is sponsored by Brooklinen. Brooklinen provides luxury bed sheets, pillows, comforters, and blankets delivered straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I

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Truly gargantuan. And it took multiple sponsors to bring it home, so let's thank a couple of them now, starting with... Amir Blumenfeld. No. I want to thank him. No, no, no. An actual sponsor, not just the host.

Just like a sponsor? Yeah. I couldn't do it without you. Appreciate it. And we can do it without Squarespace. And you couldn't do it without me, is what I was going to say. All right, focus. And together, both of us needing each other need Squarespace.

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Just because why not? Yeah, exactly. So thank you to Slugbooks. Slugbooks.com. You see, the college bookstore is not a good deal. Textbooks are crazy expensive. College bookstores rob us blind. Yeah.

They rob us blind. They gouge us. College is actually a scam in general. I think you're zooming out way too much. I think it's a little bit of a... I don't think it's a scam. It's a little bit pricey to get educated in this country, and I think that's a problem. Okay, it is pricey.

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You're obviously thinking something funny. I'd love to hear it. hear it keep on thinking about it me railing against college i hate college yeah and i hate learning yeah i hate women yeah and no one likes me so how does slug Books work? Well, they take your overly-priced textbooks at your overly-priced college that you shouldn't be going to because the world doesn't need Harvard or Yale. You're off script. It doesn't need it. Okay, but you have your books and they're expensive. And what's a cheaper alternative?

SlugBooks.com. Right, so you find the ISBN number of the books you need at your college professor You don't need the books at the college You don't need the college But I guess since you're there, you might as well get the professor's book that he wrote himself and he's charging you $400 for. That's normal

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Check out slugbooks.com. All right. Thanks, guys. Thanks, slugbooks.com. Alright, thanks guys. Thanks Slugbooks. Thanks Squarespace. Let's get started because this is a special Sarah Schneider episode. We finally got her. We landed her. We landed Schneider. We got Schneider, folks. We got Schneider.

Hook, line, and Schneider. Yeah, let's get started. Enjoy. Oh wait. Jesus Christ. That get started. Enjoy. Oh, wait. Jesus Christ. That was really fucking close. That was the realest it ever fucking got. Thanks, guy. Real fight.

If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. I don't know what What I would do If every you If every I were you If every I were you

Show.com Mark and Ryan Lambert Brothers Siamese Not twins, Siamese brothers Is that a thing you can be from? They're from Siam Is that a place you can be from? Like a Siamese brothers is that a thing you can be from Siam is that a place

you can be from like a Siamese cat I think Siam is Thailand oh let's never introduce Sarah thank you so much for having me you just said that

at the end after we have the entire show without you well we finally got Sarah on the show and she didn't say a goddamn thing we did talk about Siam for 41 minutes worth it uh sarah schneider hey i don't know what we're gonna do

now that you're on the show because half of all the emails we get are about having you on the show oh gosh so now what people what are people gonna complain about yeah um i'm sorry sorry how would people know you from our videos for one college humor for two you write for SNL you're nominated for an Emmy I am but mostly people know you from our videos you're in nutrition test

well actually the weird thing is most of our fans do know Sarah from our videos I guess that's true they're not diehard Emmy fans. Uh, if this episode comes out on Monday, August, uh,

uh, like 18th. Yeah. You have already known. I'm a loser or a winner. Oh, you, you're,

you're this Saturday. So let's celebrate this moment of not knowing. Filled with hope. Yeah. What are you nominated for? I'm nominated for best original song now an honor just to be nominated yeah of course i mean don't put words in my mouth but yes are you like basking in this moment now because it's like you haven't lost yeah it's i'm very excited and like the possibility

is there however we are nominated up against a song that Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote, which is like genius. Wait, is he going to give you the Emmys too? Yeah. Oh, he is? And it's amazing. Wait, which song did he write? He wrote this opening song for the Tonys, which is like an amazing rap.

With the Neil Patrick Harris one? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That one was really good. That I watched sadly with my mouth open post-nomination. But it would be an honor even to be up against it. And you are. It would be an honor to win.

It really would just be. It's just an honor to win. So if anybody's listening who's in charge of that. What do you get for being nominated for an Emmy? You get to go. Oh, so you get an invitation

to the Emmys? Yeah, well, we get to go to the Creative Emmys because our category is presented at the Creative Emmys, which are a week before the real Emmys. It seems like the Creative Emmys because our category is presented at the creative Emmys, which are a week before the other, the real Emmys. It seems like the creative Emmys sound better because it's like creative.

What's the, so what's the creative Emmys versus the real Emmys? The ones on TV. But your, your song was on TV. One award ceremony is televised. But why isn't yours? Why isn't yours part of the one that's televised?

Um, I think it's cause there aren't usually usually people you'd recognize nominated for these. But you're not the best actor. Yeah, it's not like best drama where you see a billion people you want to see. And you see the producers and the directors and the actors up on stage. This is like frumpy little writers. Sarah's an exception. Yeah, but everyone else is pretty frump.

Everybody else is frumpy. It's the frump Emmys. Is Lynn going to go? What? Is Lynn going to go? I think so. It's the frump Emmys. Is Lynn gonna go? What? Is Lynn gonna go? I think so. We should have him on the show. We hope he wins. The fuck, man? So have you heard this show before, Sarah? I have. So you know how it works,

right? Yes, I do, but can you tell me? Yeah, just in case you forgot. We get email from people that need advice. You get a singular email. Yeah, we get one email a year. One email from people. need advice you get a singular email yeah we get one email from people from 8 000 people the world agrees on one question and they send it to you and i get it via fax on a ticker tape like an old-timey stock machine and if it's bad we just don't record that year uh and that email if you have questions is if i were you show at gmail.com sometimes we get questions sometimes we get theme songs submitted like the one that by mark and ryan at the top of our show those are maybe

my favorite part of the show i guess no offense and i guess a lot of offense is taken we are we were that song was also nominated for uh creative emmy wow yeah mark and ryan you're up against it yeah i can't you shouldn't i shan't uh what was i gonna say um oh right and then some of our emails are just requests for guests oh like you yeah that's so nice of people yeah i hope i don't disappoint but i probably will save them off long enough have you there's even like posts on our subreddit page about having like a petition oh my gosh i do that's my default homepage

so you know that already so I know alright cool well that's really nice I'm glad we finally worked it out to have you on the show me too

after 95 episodes right I was trying to hold out to 100 and I just couldn't make it we wore you down yeah so

we're gonna be reading these real emails from real people giving them fake names to preserve their anonymity do you have a fake name to give this first female rightress um dorf monroe wait dorf what monroe very it's maryland's much less sexy sister. Dorf Monroe. I shall call you Dorf. Marilyn Dorf. I like that it's from a girl. I mean, you guys get so many guy questions.

It's true. We wanted to make it a little more female friendly. In my wheelhouse? Since we have a female brain on the show. Jake's. Exactly. Thank you. That was me.

I'm Dorf Monroe. Well, he's certainly got females on the brain. Thank you. That was me i'm dorf monroe well he certainly got females on the brain thank you that was me all right ready yeah hey what if i said no then we would just not we would stop just stop it yeah okay thank you for respecting my wishes we had been on the show or like a month or two ago and he basically didn't let me read any questions. Oh, nice. So you could do that. Okay.

Well, he's already done it. Yeah. I'm a little nervous because I think I have very strong opinions, but sometimes they don't, like, line up with each other. That's perfect. That's exactly what we need. Okay, cool. Great. I need strong opinions that don't line up.

Yeah. All right. Ready? Yeah. Hey, guys. So my boyfriend and I broke up because I moved out of state to take a new job we parted on good

terms as friends with the understanding that we probably couldn't make a long distance relationship work before I left he passively remarked

that if I was in town again I could use him as a booty call I'm headed back for my grandpa's 90th birthday party in a few weeks

and I know I'll have a free night of no strings attached hookup sex here's where i need your advice i'm currently self-conscious about my blow jobs and i was wondering if it would be weird of me to ask him if i can practice on him and have him give me pointers all in all can i ask this guy to take me to blow job academy thanks dorf monroe that sounds like dorf miss monroe she's so insecure that's so many layers of a question of like a tangled web yeah man she wove do i do i start yeah what's your

initial reaction my initial well i want to know like how long they were dating and if there's like any emotion left that's a normal initial. I always want to know more information. Yeah. Okay. But she didn't give it to us. Oh wait, didn't she say they were together for three years? Did she? Did I just make that up?

Yes. Yep. Made it up. Let's just say three years. You know who this person is. Three years? Her anonymity. She wants to know if she could ask her ex-boyfriend

if she could practice blowjobs on him or would that be weird for me i feel like this guy found a genie's lamp and this was his wish and her ex-girlfriend to just practice blowjobs isn't that wouldn't that be the greatest i if i if i had any old flame come to me and be like hey I need you to teach me how to give blowjobs I'd be like well so you can do them to who oh you'd be jealous yeah of course she's trying to get blowjob

tips she's gonna give him a bad blowjob get the pro tips and then go off and give a whole bunch of strangers dope dome thank you that's your rap name if she's giving strangers Dope Dome. Yo, my name's Dope Dome. Dope Dome in the house.

Dope Dome, Dope Dome. That's it. I came up with the name. Do I have to come up with the rap too? Jesus, how is that fair? I'm curious. It's not like Drake had to write any of his own raps

after he came up with the best rap name of all time. Drake. Drake. You just put Drake on blast. Holy shit. I'm just saying he could rest on his laurels. Drake. Drake. You just put Drake on blast. Holy shit. I'm just saying he could rest on his laurels. So, wait.

I'm curious. I mean, does this mean she was giving him bad blowjobs the entire time they were dating? Maybe. Or maybe she was just self-conscious about her non-bad blowjobs. I think in general, when you're giving a guy a blowjob it's only natural and sexy to ask for feedback like i like the idea of being able to be like do you like this are you into this tips what do you want for that feels like something you should be like learning with the guy that you're doing it with and not like getting tips from an old right boyfriend

that's fucking this is why we have guests that's right and i never would have thought of it oh my god uh jake passed out and hit the floor it's perfect uh that was jake's brain exploded like a bottle i don't know i feel like it um, like not like backsliding, but a little bit like move on and build a new sexual relationship. Everybody's dicks are different. This is crazy. You're telling her not to give prep.

Like this seems like the ultimate win-win situation to me. It's such a no brainer. I feel like it could be a win-win brainer. This dude is like, Oh yeah. Uh, I'm so happy you're asking for my advice. I like it when you grip my dick really hard and go really fast and suck the top like this. Okay. So she'll do that to him.

Right. And maybe that's the way he likes it. But then maybe she's going to be with somebody else who likes nice and slow, not so firm. Maybe somebody else is going to want her to double grip the dick. It doesn't matter. We're not worried about these mystical people down the line that might not get the best blowjob. She's just wondering if she could ask him for blowjob lessons.

But he shouldn't give her lessons because she might apply the lessons to another guy who doesn't like the lesson. He could sabotage her. He's not going to sabotage her. I mean, you've got to think about it. But I think everybody's different. She should do what Sarah's saying

Grow with a new person Ask that person how they like their blowjobs Cause I'm sure she has If she's dated anyone she has a baseline For how a blowjob works Right? I guess They have been dating for what? You know her three years right?

How long was Dorf with her boyfriend again? How long was Dorf with this dork dwarf with her boyfriend how long was dwarf with this door and the boyfriend's name was steven door i'll try to catch you almost got you imagine if she married steven door her name would be dwarf dwarf yeah your favorite movie is that's my rap name dwarf dwarf coming at you don't you feel like you don't need to come up with any song ever yeah that was it that was it we are once long was our name we only enter well you are an emmy nominated songwriter so you would know thank you so much um cool so i'm saying definitely do it and you guys are saying

no i guess i worry a little bit that that it's like a loaded it you want it to be a carefree like fun friend that you would just ask how to give a blow job yeah which could be fun but it seems loaded to be to have a previous relationship attached to it it'll be loaded thank you how dare you both quit it i'm just trying to implicate me? What if it's a... How dare you, Sarah? I'm not saying anything. Anybody who's not Jake is the same person as Jake. Well, you were making it sound like... So, like, that could be anybody, you know?

What if this is a friend, not an ex-girlfriend? If a girl's like, I want to practice blowjobs on a guy, would you also say that's not a good idea? No, I'd say that's dope. That sounds more fun. What's the difference between the ex-boyfriend? Because to love each other used to be that's a totally different reason you guys like a teacher how to blow another guy i'm giving too many reasons you're you're not being consistent into why you don't like it what do you mean i'm not you're saying that's the one thing i feel bad for the other guys secondly you feel bad that they have an emotional sorry if I'm poking holes in the argument across the board.

I'm allowed to have multiple opinions on why it's not a good idea. I'm glad you got to see this. You have to dumb everything down to one reason for you. Yeah, boil it down. One reason for you. Yeah, here's one reason. Let's hear it. One reason I can debunk it.

You can go fuck yourself, dude. Host the podcast alone. Sarah, I'd like you to stay forever. Yes. Shit, wait. Come back. Also, everyone should know that every time jake gets heated like this he is slowly undressing you guys can't see it but he's barely wearing a shirt he's getting physically and emotionally heated uh so final answer yeah do it or not i think no jake i say hook up with him, but don't be like, give me blowjob lessons. Just have fun and hook up with him.

You don't... Don't make it so formal. I don't think it needs to be a blowjob lesson. I don't think it needs to be that kind of thing. I guess she's thinking that as an option because she is more comfortable with him than just like a brand new person. So I get that. In a way, I'd like to infer just a little bit from this question.

I noticed that she says, I'm insecure about my blowjobs. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So let's talk to her about that. I don't think she needs to go to a dude and get his validation and be like, oh, you suck a dick like this

and now you're good at blowjobs. That's not the way it works. Yeah, I agree. I mean, you suck a dick like this, and now you're good at blowjobs. That's not the way it works. Yeah, I agree. I mean, you guys tell me wrong, but mouth on penis to start is great. You know what? If it's warm and wet, it feels really good on it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

We can teach you. Don't use teeth. Oh, Sarah, we're blowing this guy's blowjob academy. I'm sorry. You feel so bad for this dude. I know, we were blowing up his spot in a big way. This guy had one student on his blowjob academy. She's about to drop out.

We're giving her a freaking diploma before she even knows. She's going to drop out instead of drop dome. I think, at least from what I've heard, girls give each other blowjob tips. Do you guys trade knowledge like that? For sure, 100%. So yeah, maybe learn from your peers. And watch a porn. That's extreme, but watch a porn.

But is a porn blowjob a good blowjob? Yeah, I'm sure there's lessons online. Oh, blowjob lessons as a porn subsection. Yeah. Jake, can you confirm or deny? Well, I just know that with all the GFE, POV porn that I watch. DVDs. GFE, POV DVDs that I downloaded.

You can, yeah, you can. I'm not sure they're like blowjob lessons, but you essentially, yeah, you can get there. Although that's a whole different dangerous thing is getting sex advice from porn. Yeah, that's true. That's why I'm saying GFE. What's GFE? Girlfriend experience. What's that?

The sex is a lot sweeter. It's not like disgusting and rough. Oh. It's like romantic. Yeah, it's like girls saying, oh, I love you, baby. But they're still actors. Well, yeah, of course. I don't know.

Call me old fashioned fashioned but I like girlfriend experience porn I just like it when a boyfriend has sex with a girlfriend on porn there's like

girlfriend experience porn where they like try anal sex and like the role plays that they're trying it for the first time but you can see

these porn stars assholes are so stretched out and gross they're like I don't think this anal sex is that exciting for you i think this is old hat actually and that i can fit an old hat in your gaping sausage old hat in your old ass uh all right leave we've we've given we've given our thoughts about this i hope that was helpful don't want to blow it for that dude, but. I would love to follow it for that dude. Yeah, maybe.

Whatever. All right. Next question. We're still going to have sex. You're just not going to go to Blowjob Academy. And we don't even know if you wanted to do that. True. I wonder if she's like 15 years old.

You can't ask that question legally. Okay. We need a guy's name. For me again? Mm um trent brent you're good trent brent yeah okay trent brent writes hey guys soon after we got married my wife stopped wearing underwear no bra no panties at first i was okay with it but now i'm worried her boobs will get saggy and panties are At first I was okay with it, but now I'm worried her boobs will get saggy and panties are sexy. I tried

talking to her about it, but she claimed that bras hurt her back. She's 23 and her boobs are almost touching her belly button. What can I do? Cheers, Trent Brent. Jesus. Wait, they got she's only 23 and she married him? Yeah. That's what sticks out. That's early, man.

That is early. Not where where trend brent is from 1950 yeah that's a good joke yeah that's funny i just want to take a second yeah like we don't pause enough to be like that's not a place thank you guys that caught me off guard yeah and i liked it it was like you know when you're expecting a place and you hear a time it's funny yes any insight well bras and panties i'm 99 sure that bras don't make your tits less or more saggy right or is it keeping them up it's less gravity it keeps them i mean if if they're touching her belly button which seems like a men's exaggeration for sure yeah but she must have very large breasts then yeah that's kind of like you would think that she would want the support that's yes for that large yeah it's weird that

say bras hurt your back isn't it the opposite is it not wearing yeah bra? Yeah. Large boobs hurt your back. But bras, unless it was like the clasp was like digging into her or something. But in which case it's just buy a new bra. Yeah, get a front clasp. Yeah. A front clasp bra.

Case closed. That is a thing. I want everyone to know that Jake is right. But if you... Yeah, go underwear shopping with her. But is it his place to say? To wear a bra?

Yeah. Well. Can your boy tell you what underwear to wear? I guess if my boy bought me sexy underwear, I'd wear it. Oh. It's a nice gesture. Maybe that's what he could do. He can buy the underwear.

As a gift. Yeah. That way she feels more inclined to wear it. Right. And if it's like nice gesture. Maybe that's what he could do. He can buy the underwear. As a gift. Yeah, that way she feels more inclined to wear it. Right. And then you compliment her. And if he gets something that's supposed to be extremely comfortable or supportive or et cetera, et cetera. Which is what he should be. He should be comfortable.

He should be supportive. That's true. Yeah. I think he could say something using the pure heart rule. Yeah. And just say- What's the pure heart rule? That you say i have your heart rule that you can like that is this a rule from you guys i yeah from jake i i like the pure friday night lights

so like your man couldn't necessarily be like you have to start wearing bras of course but you could with a pure heart knowing that you love her deeply no matter what just say hey i want you to know that i find um bras and panties sexy and i'd be really happy if you wore them i respect whatever you're gonna do no matter what so just soften your intentions yeah just just to like let them know that you're not you don't have like it's it's not like a it's not black or white but you have an opinion and hey i'd appreciate it if you considered it if not okay i'd like to divorce you i have a lawyer who will bring the case to a court irreconcilable differences i'm thinking i want you to wear a bra you clearly do

not i mean not wearing underwear is a little umhygienic. It's really funny because that feels like a guy's dream. That's like, yeah, my girl never wears underwear. We could get it on anywhere. Yeah, I would also be 100% fine with a girlfriend never wearing underwear. I would think it would be more like it's weird to be out and about if your girlfriend has big boobs. And if she's not wearing a bra, it's noticeable. That's true. You could also gift her with clothing that has support built in keep an eye out for

that kind of thing so there's shirts with bras in them yeah you gotta start shopping for your girl i know there must be a better way to communicate this though instead of like covertly filling her wardrobe with supported items she's brainwashing. Have you thought of the pure heart rule? I just learned it one second ago. So let me think on that a little more. Do you like the pure heart rule? I think it's okay, but it kind of just... Oh, okay.

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah endorsed. Sarah Schneider says the pure heart rule is A-okay. Is it okay if I add an A in front of the okay? It makes it sound a little more endorsed. Endorfed. Endorfed with an A. Endorfed. Did you hear me say endorfed?

Endorfed. I did hear it. And? We want to pause and recognize it as a good joke, because you gave one to Jake. But meanwhile, I'm saying endorf. I said Krippendorf's tribe. You did nothing. You said Krippendorf's tribe?

Yeah. I'm really sorry. I said that was her favorite movie. That might have made it. Have you guys seen this fly that's attacking me? Well, you've been nonstop swatting at nothing for like 20 minutes. You look like you're fanning yourself like an old gay southern gentleman. Theodore Leslie himself.

Why? This fly, I've never met such a brazen fly. It is attacking you. Well, I never. Yeah. I've never met a brazen fly like this. The fly's also wearing a top hat.

Like from the karaoke pre-rolls. And a much tinier fly is bothering him. Alright, let's recognize that as a good joke. Thank you. That's one for each of us.

You got one for Krippendorfs. Or something. What about this? It's a Farsight cartoon. It's a giant fly. He's a hobo. He's taking his pockets inside out and a little human comes buzzing out.

Oh. Not bad. Yeah. Not bad, you said. What more do you want? I feel like you can't think of a Farsight that doesn't exist. It's such a well-drawn world. Oh, there we go.

That answers the question, right? Yeah. I don't know. I would say. I don't know. That's a tough one. I mean, always the answer is like communicate with your wife. But like don't be rude.

I guess that's the pure heart rule. Thank you. I think just be more communicative. Be open. I think he has to come up with a better excuse than I'm worried her boobs will get saggy when he tells her. Right, because that's shallow. Right.

Right. So you should come up with a medical reason. Oh, your back will hurt more if you don't have underwear. That way, it's not a pure heart rule. It's sort of a half-hearted rule. And the fly's back. The fly is back. I mean, guys, this is not okay.

There's a nest in your ear, dude. Laid eggs under your skin. You showered with honey you gotta stop showered with honey i'm a dumb bear uh all right i say tell her but make up a rule that's less bad than her boobs will get saggy which is also the it's the same thing as the pure heart rule no pure heart rule is telling her 100 you're pure of heart totally honest say you're afraid that her boobs will get saggy. Which is also the same thing as the pure heart rule. No, pure heart rule is telling her 100% you're pure of heart, totally honest. Say you're afraid that her boobs will get saggy. I don't think it's necessarily boob saggy. I think he's saying he thinks

underwear is sexy and that's the problem to me. That is what you tell her. Nothing else matters. You want to be sexy for the person you love. That's what you'll want. Not once you're married. You don't give a shit about looking sexy. She's still at first that's how you you uh you hook that's the hook but once you reel the person in you don't have to be sexy you should have never put a ring on it boss yeah i mean if they got married they've been calling the shots for years if they got married

at 23 there's a chance they didn't have sex until they got married so maybe it's a new thing extrapolating get it oh my god i want to kill this fly kill kill the fly he's so courageous this fly this fly is fly this is about to turn into an old superhero radio show. The courageous fly. He flies around with me. I'm turning into a creature. Oh, wait, never mind. I just have to take a shit. All right.

Third question. Cool, great. Moving right along. How do you like this so far? This is fun. I think I'm eating this microphone, though. I had it pressed full in my mouth, and I looked over jake and he has it like three inches away from his mouth i think i mean i probably don't hold it as close as i should i hope it sounds like i'm screaming and you guys are whispering that's the beauty of these new

microphones you can be a little liberal with how you hold them but you do want to keep them three inches or less erased from your mouth is this gonna will this be like a Doppler if it's like... No, it won't. It's just 10 seconds of me screaming at the same volume. I wanted an Ace Ventura moment. Oh, yeah, with the sliding door? Yeah. The sliding door? Yes!

Wow, nice. Oh, I thought you were going to say no. That was a good joke. Let's pause. Let's reflect. We're 10 second joke identification. How about somebody else reads this? That'll be fun.

It's a guy. Oh, Sarah, you want to read this? It's a guy? Yeah. Yeah, sure. What's his name? Why don't you like reading the questions? I noticed that.

I get stumbly. He can't read. Oh, my God. I thought I told you. All right. This is a guy. You want to give him a name and then read his email? Oh, yeah.

Okay. Algebra McDaniel. Wow. That's a cool name. It's a fancy name. It's Al for short. Algebra McDaniel. I saw that fly just fly right into your glasses.

It is brazen indeed. I think I'm just going to have to try to kill it. A tiny crack in your glasses. Yeah. It is brazen indeed. I think I'm just going to have to try to kill it. A tiny crack in your glasses? This fly's got a death wish. You guys talk. I'm going to try to kill this fly. Don't read the email yet. Really?

Yeah. You can sort of narrate what's going on. Oh, okay. Whoa, this is, all right. So, first, right off the bat, Amir has lost the fly. We don't see, oh, and there it goes right out the window you really lost it i see it i have to sit back here maybe you're the bait you have to be bait for your own trap i'm gonna pantomime talking so that he thinks i've i've lowered my defenses

he's a tiny robot sent from a rival podcast oh Oh, ruin. And he's going into my ear right now. Do you see that? Oh, yeah, I do. Oh, yeah. Should I smash him into my face? Wait, it's not there. He's on the top of your head right now. This fly is hijacking our lives.

Oh, Jake's going to help me. Jake's going to... Okay, this is good. I think it senses danger. Oh, it's right next to the microphone. Oh, it's on my ear. Oh my god, it's gonna happen. It's on my fucking ear, dude. It's on the top of his head.

No, you didn't get it. I hope he spent 20 minutes like this. Oh wait, it's on top of his head again. Is it? Is it okay if I hit you? Ow. Did you kill it? That was a practice swing.

Just from now on, do I have permission to hit you? Sure. Hit to kill the fly, though. Don't just hit me. I don't know. Hit to kill. I might have killed it. Really? In my hair?

Wait, what's this one? Oh, that's another one. Oh, God, that's his mommy. Back for revenge. All right. All right, now you can read this question. All right. Algebra McDaniels writes... Algebra McDaniels. back for revenge all right all right now you can read this question all right algebra mcdaniel's hey guys so i'm working in a candy shop sometimes when i read things my voice

goes up one full octave yeah i just felt it okay hey guys so i'm working in a candy shop this summer the job is fun the pay is all right but here's the real winner i get plenty of beautiful girls my age who come in every day i've struck up conversations with quite a few and let me tell you things went swimmingly here's the issue the fly has attacked jake i saw you were after it okay here's the issue things go swimmingly but here's the issue i never have the balls to ask them for their number or anything of that sort so i can see them again i always convince myself that we'll somehow cross paths again even though it never happens um how do i initiate this info exchange of sorts without sounding like a weird bitch should i lay off and wait for a more casual encounter so many beautiful women gone to waste please help toda aljama mcdaniel nice cool so

have you ever been in a place where, as a female, have you ever gone into a place where a guy asked for your number? Like a retail situation? No. Or like flirted with you? I don't think a guy's ever asked for my number. Is that true? True, true that.

How? Why? What? I don't know. Are women against guys asking for their numbers? No, but it should come out of like vibing. Right. Like it should never come out of just blind. He's saying they're flirting though. They're flirting back with him. I read it, but I didn't actually hear it.

I have this problem where I like... You were saying the word... Oh my god, the fly is... Oh my god! I wish! The fly was on her forehead and she slapped it into her forehead. Oh! It's still up. Look towards your hands. It's on me. You can hit... I wish. The fly was on her forehead and she slapped it into her forehead. Oh, no. It's still up.

Look towards your hands. It's on me. You can hit. It's behind you. There's another one behind you. There's two. Start closing these windows. You have to slap clap above because they fly up once they see your hands.

Why don't you fucking kill it, dude? You know all the tricks of the trade? Kind heart rule or whatever. Pure heart rule. And not whatever. Don't. And I said that with a pure heart. So the CliffsNotes version of this is a guy who works in a candy store.

Girls come in all the time. He's friendly, flirtatious, but he's never had the balls to ask for their number. Got it. Should he just do it or should he just wait? Right. And how does one ask for a number? Right.

If a guy asked for your number, if you went to a candy store and you were flirting, would you say yes depending on what he looked like or depending on how the vibing was? Well, it seems like a very short span to vibe with someone, so it would probably be pretty look-based, unfortunately. So, like, if a handsome guy, if you went into Starbucks and you were single, and then you took a guy's order, and he was, like, dreamy, he's like, can I have your number? I'd like to take you out sometime. I'd probably say yes, because that's so superficial.

It's a cute way to meet somebody. But if he was medium attractive, would you say yes? I mean, if he had been funny, if he had engaged me. It's such a short time, but if he had engaged me at all, I'd probably say yes. What's the protocol? You ask for a number or you give a number? I also never do this. It's really hard.

So what do you do? How do you meet people? How do you do that? Here's my theory, because I thought about this question a little bit. You guys read these beforehand? Amir reads them, and sometimes I read them too. Yeah, I mean, we have to approve. So I'm the only one coming in blind on this. That's right.

This is a sham. This whole show, there's no fly. This is a trap. You're reading a script. You guys already have answers. Those are those papers in front of you. It's a fake fly. It's a remote control fly.

Why fly? Why? Fly. Here's my theory. What. Why fly? Why? Fly. Here's my theory. What's the Wi-Fi? Oh, nice. Thank you. Two jokes.

All right. So I think it's always uncomfortable when you ask someone for their number, even if they want to give it to you. Because you have to do that whole thing of pulling up your contact and having it blank and she's whispering and you're writing it down or like you hand them your phone right it's just like it's always a little uncomfortable but then you never ever think about it once ever again after that yeah so you might as well since i'm not this guy i would be too much of a pussy to do this but i think he could i think he would just

he should just say can i have your number if somebody says no then that pain will be over in a second, and they'll leave, and you can try it on somebody else. And if they say yes, then it'll be like a little weird when you're getting their number, but then you'll have the number, and you'll text, and you'll meet up, and maybe you'll fuck, and it'll be great, and it will be worth it. And you'll get married and have kids. And that kid grows up to be the goddamn president of the United States of America.

You don't think. Barack Hussein Obama. I swear. Ladies and gentlemen, he worked at an ice cream store. That's like the whole it's, there's such a fear of talking to new girls. But there shouldn't be.

Well, also the thing, yeah. What's the fear? I mean, the fear is rejection, of course. But why is that so scary? It's so quick and it's painless. When you're younger, it's everything. No, it's now it's everything. It's like quick and it's painless. Well, when you're younger, it's everything. No, it's now it's everything. It's like getting stung by a bee. Well, then why are you asking?

I don't know. We went to a bar last night and Amir wouldn't talk to a single person. For this kid especially. I swear he didn't. You're a pussy, dude. Not even you. Yeah, as if you were talking to everyone and I'm just in the corner by myself. Dude, I'm a social animal, man.

Last night I wasn't really on. I've seen Amir pick up girls in bars, so let's be real. Oh, thanks, Sarah. Let's be real with our crowd. Hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm not saying you don't pick up girls at a bar. I'm just saying last night you didn't talk to anybody.

But it's true. It's scary to approach people, strangers. But he's also saying he never sees, he's always like, there'll be a better encounter, but he never sees them. Right, exactly. So that's number one. You're not not gonna see these girls again unless you do this

so there's like no risk of later embarrassment exactly and i wonder if there's a world where you just have like a card or something ready to give to them where it's like easier that's true if you live if you're in an ice cream store i used to work in an ice cream store, I used to work in an ice cream store. So did I. So here's something. This is something you could do if they're cute. We had little coupons for one free ice cream cone. Mm-hmm. Right? Oh.

This is good so far. Tell them to come back, get the free ice cream cone, and then you have a little relationship. If they come in a couple times, then it's going to be easier to ask for the number. There's a candy store. Or you write your number on the ice cream cone thing. It's a candy store. Sorry. Okay. Fine. There's a candy store. You write your number on the ice cream cone thing. It's a candy store. Sorry. Okay, fine.

Free bag of gummy bears. Free coupon. But that's the most I can do. I swear, you're twisting my arm. It doesn't matter. There's a discount. There's a promo.

There's a card. There's something you can slip to them. That's what I'm saying. That's good. You've been giving all our gummy bears to pretty girls.

That's sexual harassment, I think. We can't afford that. That's a lawsuit. We're giving special discounts to attractive women. Just to the pretties. That's a good thing. You have a card with a special promo.

You give them to attractive. Or, you know what you do? You give them to some attractive females and then also some less attractive people. That way it's like, no, I also gave it to that dude and that girl and that girl. It's just something I have to be.

You give them away for everybody. It's a promo promo card that's good for the business but then maybe some of them have the number yeah so you put the number down on the ones that you write your number on it and then you say what here's a discount code also here's my phone number if you ever want to hang out no you like do a little wink oh it doesn't have to be so explicit there's something flirty and like sexy about it being a little this guy sounds like he's flirting with these girls already yeah he said that he's having some flirtatious interaction. Yeah. But also, I want to go back to just like talking to people in general and rejection in general.

Yeah. Because it's true. You like, you work yourself up in your head so much. And then when you just go up to somebody, you, everybody's warm. Nobody. Well, there are some mean people. There are some mean people. Yeah.

But like as mean as they are, mean people but yeah but like as mean as they are even it's not as bad as like you're you've never been like laughed at for like hey how's it going yeah haha yeah right you're ugly the fear at which we don't talk to people is like as if when i approach a girl the entire bar will the lights will turn on and everyone will laugh as i leave like that's my of. Yeah, you might be hot if you didn't have like a gut and your shoes are really dirty. I don't know.

I'm embarrassed of my shoes being dirty. It truly is like the worst that will happen if a girl is not interested in you is she'll just make an excuse to exit. And like, that's fine.

Because nobody wants to be uncomfortable. Like it's a lot to be rude to somebody. Yeah. I think if most of the time rejection is very passive and they're like, oh, cool. Yeah, nice to talk to you. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I think most of the time rejection is very passive.

And they're like, oh, cool. Yeah, nice to talk to you. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go get another drink. And then you'll never talk to that person again. And I will say in terms of getting a number versus giving a number, it's scary for girls to give numbers to people. Yeah, because guys are sketchy and scary. Because guys can be sketchy. But if you give the power to the girl, I think that's ballsy.

And it's much more likely that it'll turn into something i think and it's i feel like i'm less scared of that because it's like oh i just gave away a bunch of numbers and then if i i'll forget about it and then i don't have to think about what to text or when to text yeah it's like hopefully one day i'll get a text message from a phone where the name is not even in it just the digits might a girl say oh that was a little passive i don't know if he's really interested in me if he was interested in me he might have said i want your number can i can can i have your number versus here you take this and if you want i don't know like that's a little too passive what do you think sarah i guess i think that's like a little i don't know i hope

that's like a little dated i mean i like i like to think that we're in a world where like a guy and it could give a girl a number and that's not like him being a pussy about it i agree but i think if i gave my if i gave a girl a number like that's definitely the less scary thing it's almost just like it's like being like uh you do something right exactly you do something that's why i'm more likely to that's why i liked when sarah said that because i wanted to do it anyway that's yeah that's yeah that is the easier thing to do and i think i guess i mean there's nothing wrong with it as long as he doesn't fear that a girl might say you're putting the ball in my court and that's like uh that's not cool that's not as ballsy as you think it is but i think it's i actually think i mean i think it takes less courage to get a girl's number

a little bit less courage to get less courage more slime it does take a little bit of slime to be like hey what's your number yeah well you don't say that at the beginning of the conversation right you say it at the end of the night when you're parting ways what you're parting ways at the end of the night oh let me get your number i'd like to see you again oh right i'm sorry i was talking about the candy store so the night thing threw me off i see uh jake only eats candy when it's daylight out he's a candy vampire i mean our candy store closed at 6 p.m so i just didn't i really didn't compute all right relax i'm very relaxed my shirt's coming off the question hold a thousand flies buzzing around your head in a halo it Not that. An organized halo.

All right, so maybe I'm smelly. An organized halo tournament. Fly thing might be my fault. I'm Lord of the Flies. Where were we? Just talking about... You do approach a girl? The thing is, these girls are at these bars, and these guys are at these bars to meet new people.

But are these hoes loyal? I mean, honestly, these hoes ain't loyal. They're not always going to be loyal. But I feel like I'm in that category of people where I'm like, I can't ever approach a girl cold, but I can like, if your friends were there and I was meeting them, I could be friendly. Yeah, totally. That's the way to do it. Friend of a friend. I've seen you approach a girl cold straight up i know and it was scary but that's also where

alcohol comes in because it deadens your scary receptors yeah yeah yes also that's what wingmen are they're supposedly like people who break the ice for you and then you can just like a fullback but you know what all their all of their lead block through the holes into the end zone so you can score touchdown actually here's a point after or let's go for two I flew into your nose

it's controlling me I started flying that was fucking real cut to it in my brain like a control center how does this fucking real cut to it in my brain like a control center how does this never happen doing your bidding you're just eating shit i could finally eat as much shit as i wanted clearly this isn't good for you fly it's just eating my shit anyway i think like alcohol something that um uh it's gonna make you make going up to girls girls easier is once you get rejected a couple times or once you find success a couple times. Once you just start doing it, it gets easier. Yeah.

I'm saying that from literally no experience in this field. Also, there's a certain level of clout that you get just for coming up to a girl. Right. Just for having the balls to like – because there's, I mean, every girl's been stared at by a hundred creepy guys in a bar who never talk to her. So like the one that does,

you're like, oh, you actually have the balls to like come up here. Put yourself in like her position. She's just getting ogled and no one's talking to her. Yeah.

She's like, I'm staring, but I'm too afraid to say anything. Well, is the female equivalent wanting to approach guys or is it standing by a bar female equivalent wanting to approach guys or

is it standing by a bar waiting for guys to approach you um when you're single do you look for guys to approach or you just present yourself into the bar and then you hope that the cutest ones come talk to you a little bit of both i think in bar scenarios it's all about that like one little moment that like gives either of you permission to whoever has the most balls in the situation there's like one little eye contact there's one little smile there's something and then like it's fair game to go either direction yeah i think it's like orbit you're like put your you like see somebody you put them in there and you like in your orbit your path and then like that's the passive weenie way you're like i don't want to talk to her i want to stand next to her

and have a drink and hopefully she spills something on me. Hopefully she bumps into me. That is passive. But it's like, I don't know. I also think that passive might sometimes be the move because it's sort of weird to just go directly up to a girl and be like, I'm super confident. How are you?

She just said that was a good idea. I did. It's always different, man. You got to feel out the sitch it's i guess it's whatever you're comfortable with but you're saying it's better to be more comfortable approaching women maybe yeah well there should be also a level of like just general awareness of like is it the right time or not i mean like you don't want to have go into the middle of like a group of like a bachelorette party that like clearly just got there right i've got to talk to you what's your deal baby you into flies i think i'm a fly i'm so sorry there's one in my brain

one of being controlled by a gnat how's your night going can Can I have two jars of sugar water and a half-eaten banana left on a picnic table? And what do you all want? A rum and Coke? I'll suck the sugar from your margarita. So... Yeah, I guess we kind of went all over the place with this one, but... Yeah, you can creepily approach girls or you can creepily stand idly by.

But if you're a nice normal uh kid yeah you can approach and you can also be in their orbit and hope yeah because also like i mean most girls i would hope would like not completely be a full bitch and just like turn away from a guy who came up to them at the very least you'll talk for a minute and then be like there there's not a chemistry here. Whenever ice is broken, it's always nice. I think the rule is that, or what we've discovered here is that there's no real rule in ever-evolving scenarios, but

to not be afraid to be yourself because usually I think people default to warmth rather than iciness. I will also, I mean, this guy is trying to make moves at his place of work, which is fine, but it feels so fleeting.

They're going down a candy line and then being like, bye-bye. That's 10 seconds. It's a little dangerous for the business model. If he just keeps on asking people for their number, they're just like, I'm never going to come to your store again.

I think coupon with phone number is the way to go. Yeah, I think that's cute. I guess I, yeah, me too. So we all agree. You said it. So we're agreed. Oh, yeah. Jake's idea is best.

We usually take a little break, but that was kind of a nice tangent. Felt like a break anyway. Oh, cool. So I have to pee really bad. Okay, great. I'd also pee. Oh, you know, we should take a break right now, and we'll do the other sponsor that's sponsoring this episode. I'd have to pee really bad. Okay, great. I'd also pee. Oh, you know what? We should take a break right now,

and we'll do the other sponsor that's sponsoring this episode. And then when you guys get back from the bathroom, we can finish the episode. Great. So we'll be right back. I'm kind of excited. Yeah. Another quick, easy sponsor this week,

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Just get back. Okay. Hey, get on the Schneid. Everyone's always talking about getting off the Schneid. Just get back. Okay. Hey, we're back. Whoa. That was a fun commercial break. I laughed. Sponsors. Yeah, you cried.

I laughed a lot. You mostly cried. Yeah, unrelated. We usually go this long, but since you're here, we wanted to go even longer still. Because who knows when we'll ever have Sarah back. Oh, my God. Oh my god. Get the door. After she wins this Emmy. You're holding up a cleaver.

A cleaver. Cleaver was good. Cleaver was the right medicine object. Oh, we need another female's name for the last question oh okay yakitori no relation to dorf here you should read this one too since it's a lady okay yakitori dorf but remember in a girl's voice oh yeah whatever you think yakitori sounds like

uh but remember to actually uh comprehend what you're reading. Yeah, I know. It's really hard for me. Yeah. How'd you do on the reading comp section of the SATs? I guess great. I'm a writer. I'm a writer.

I am an Emmy-nominated songstress. You're strongly the Ws on this show, right? Yeah, yeah. I keep doing it for some reason. If I were you. Hi. So me and my boyfriend have been dating for four months now and it's great. I can't, I can't do it.

I hate you. It's so weird. I feel like I can't listen if I'm doing it. Hi. So me and my boyfriend have been dating for four months now and it's great, but he keeps doing something that really bugs me. Whenever we clean our teeth together before bed, that's how it's written. With previous

boyfriends, brushing my teeth with them has been fun and because it's followed by going to bed, it's part of foreplay. But every time he gags, it makes me feel really ill and once I had to lift up the toilet seat because I was almost sick. I told him to stop, but he says it's cleaner. Shall I break it off with him

or just refuse to clean my teeth with him? Love. Love. Yakitori. Yakitori. Extreme. I mean, I shouldn't say this. The actual name looks fake.

Oh, yeah. Maybe she did. What is it? I can't say it. You can say it. We'll bleep it out if it's really real. I guess that might be real. I'll bleep it. You can say we'll bleep it out if it's really real. I guess that might be real. I'll bleep it.

Bleeped. It was just a bleep sound. It was written here. Her name is E-flat for nine seconds straight. Is there anything that grosses you out like that? With a boy? Like a pet peeve? Yeah.

A lot of things, probably. That would be a game changer? That would put your foot down. Was there anything that would make you almost want to vomit like that? No, I mean, okay. Let's really think. Can we edit out a 20-minute pause? I really want to give this one some thought.

I'll edit it down to 10 minutes. Well, I can say what mine is. Yeah, go for it. I was in a relationship once, and the lady in it hated when I hocked a loogie. So like whenever I wake up in the morning, I always have phlegm in my nostrils. Yeah, but like it grossed

her out to the point where I couldn't do it in front of her. But I still did it. Living with him, I can tell you that he does this. Every morning, every night, sometimes you do it in the shower. You hock a big loogie. Yeah, but imagine that's inside me. I have to get it out.

And I'm sorry if it sounds like the most disgusting thing in the world. Oh, I know one. What? It's so close. What? I hate snot rockets. Oh. Like if a guy legitimately just walks down the street and blows a snot rocket, I could

never, ever, ever do that. You're a big booger guy. Oh, i got a big nose yeah boogers get up in here you know what i'm saying it's a home for the books yeah uh so have you ever dealt with a snot rocketing boy and have you ever put your foot down i mean i would it would like i would completely walk away i could never do it. Well, what if, what if a boy you were dating basically snot rocketed every morning like I do? I couldn't do it. What do you mean you couldn't do it?

I would be like, either stop doing that or like, I cannot be with you. Right. So you would be like, I won't do it in front of you. I would still know. What if you could hear it? Like if you could just hear it, like outside, he went, he left the house. It's the grossest.

I hate it so much. Ugh. It's so gross. Well, also like, it's not, well, as this girl says,

part of foreplay. It's not part of foreplay. That was good. I would want to clean my nose before I had foreplay with someone. Yeah. It's a necessary part

of my routine and his, it looks like. It Yeah. It's a necessary part of my routine. And his, it looks like. I understand where she's coming from in that it's very cute to brush your teeth with someone. It's a nice little clean activity. You're like, oh, everybody's cute. Everyone looks good in the bathroom mirror. And then he's just like...

Wait, but do you guys have anything about girls like that i guess girls do girls do gross things yeah but i think mine is i used to be really grossed out if like somebody smelled bad but like yeah also i think when you love somebody you love their bad smells yeah so like i don't i don't think i guess if i was dating somebody and i was like really turned off by certain ways that they smelled i would take that as a bad sign yeah sarah are you the type of girl that could pop a zit on your boyfriend's back or would that gross you out i mean this is very revealing i am very into that really yeah that's well streeter and i used to watch like zit popping videos all the time. PopThatZip.com. We will do a shout out. Hello, PopThatZip.com if you're still up.

This episode is brought to you by PopThatZip.com. That's very revealing. I feel like that's polarizing. I think so too. Some girls, like that's disgusting for them. They would never even want to see that. And some girls like, oh, I feel so therapeutic. Yeah.

I mean, I don't like seek. I don't like every day wake up and like do a scan to be like, what's on the docket today? But if you're like, oh, I see a zit on your back. Can I pop it? Yeah, probably. Unless it was like really bad. I don't know. I think probably.

I would. Yeah. I'm like, I'm that too. I mean, you've popped zits on my back. And I love you. Yeah. Oh, that's nice, guys. He has fucking.

He had last. Was it last week? You had that enormous zit on your ass. Yeah. I, that's nice, guys. He has fucking, he had last, was it last week? You had that enormous zit on your ass. Yeah. I've not ever seen anything like that. My ass gets sweaty. And so I get a, like Jake said, enormous. This is real.

I didn't pop the zit on his ass. I just, he showed it to me. Where on the ass? I would say if the crack is 12 o'clock, the top of the crack is 12 o'clock. It's at 11. Is it still there? It's like drying out. Show Sarah. You can see the blemish.

Do you want to see it? I mean, I've seen shit coming out of Amir's asshole. So you can't show me anything new. Have you seen a reversed? A reverse of shit going into your asshole. Of your asshole sucking up shit. You're talking about it being revealing that Sarah likes popping zits. It's revealing that you filmed shit coming out of your asshole sucking up you're talking about it being revealing that sarah likes popping zits it's revealing that you filmed uh shit coming out of your ass oh yeah sorry played it in reverse yeah this was before we had a vine though oh we have a vine now that

was the oh you do yeah that was the first vine ever probably that's why the app took off so if you're on vine follow us i promise not to put my ass or my poopoo it's not it's nothing it's a it looks like a blemish now do you want to see it no that's okay it's okay you really want me to yeah i want you to see how big it is there you go wow was it that whole thing? I mean, it looks pretty mellow now. Yeah, it's mellow. But you can see where... Yeah.

The crater. Yeah, the crater. You can see the big bang. You can trace it back to its beginning. You saw where the cheese came out. What I like about ass zits and back zits to some extent is that, unlike facial zits, you can really go to town on them. Right, yeah. There's no like...

Yeah, because you don't care if it bleeds, cuts, scrapes. It's your back. That's true. Yeah, that's the best part. I'm glad we're all in agreement. But I wonder if this is indicative of like, if he does something that really grosses her out, you think that there's somebody that you could love so much that like nothing they did grossed you out? Ooh, that's a good and like deep question.'s very optimistic but it's untrue if something grosses you out it's gross

even if it's from a lover here i will say there's something very i would never ever date a smoker it grosses me the smell and taste of a cigarettety mouth grosses me out beyond it truly i could never love someone enough to like it so like no i guess that's my answer to you okay and that's a good thing that someone can quit for you because it's a healthy step in the right direction well this guy's saying that cleaning his tongue is healthy right right this is a little i guess i would you should try to stop brushing your teeth with them you might want to try saying um well geez this is something i used to really like doing with my other boyfriends and then it'll probably stop real quick why don't you say this you say uh let's brush our teeth together but don't do the tongue scraping thing until after i leave if she can't hear it it's not bothersome is it right or is the snot rocket thing bothersome

even if you know that you can't even if you know that it's happening yeah hmm i kind of feel like i guess i'm on the girl's side in this case where it's like if um if i was doing something and a guy that i loved was like that makes me want to throw up i would be like oh my god i i will stop it's not that important to me or would you say like that's kind of offensive that i make you want to throw up no i mean I mean, no. It's not endearing. It's not cute that I do this cute little thing. You used to like it. That sounds like that blowjob girl. The what?

Remember that blowjob girl that we found? It was like... That's something that does not happen in GFE porn. That's something that does not happen at the blowjob academy. He could steer her away from that. But that doesn't exist anymore because there's no students.

It got shut down, okay? Still accepting applications. Like this trio. Okay, so I say tell him to do it after you've already left. Or just don't make this part of your foreplay.

I mean, like, it cannot turn you on so much to watch someone brush old food out of their teeth. Foreplay for her starts at dinner yeah just oh look at the food that's getting stuck in those

grooves oh when he fucking brushes them off that's the beginning yeah just imagine what's being well okay flushed out of there what would you do if this if I were you so if this were you

what would you do if this girl were me got it I would say oh man that's really gross can you stop doing that so you know baby it's healthy it's good for my tongue okay then do it after i leave please i love you i don't know pure heart pure heart that was a very effective useful role play thanks guys for acting that out uh i think i let things like that just completely that was really good we're gonna shake i mean i want to shake hands sorry you were doing like this uh it looked like you were raising the roof from like starting at your waist

sweating a fly again i think i would let this just like eat away at me i would never say anything oh yeah because you don't want to bring it up yeah you would you would bottle it up and get you'd say like hopefully i'll get over it one day. Uh-huh. But then soon you'll be so comfortable and you're like, that really bothers me. And then the person will be like, I've been doing it for a year. And you're like, yeah, we're just at that level of comfort where. I'm not saying I'm healthy or right.

I'm just saying what I would do. I'm just saying it. Jesus. I think there also, well, there is an element also of, like, her thinking that something is gross and that alone being grounds to maybe break up. Like, is she maybe looking for a reason or like nitpicking because. It's very extreme. She should just break up with him next time he does it. I don't like that he does this when he brushes his teeth.

Should I dump him? It feels like the question should be like, should I ask him? Should I talk to him about it? No, I think I just want to dump him. The options are talking to him about it or running away. Just next time he gags. Should I set his him about it? No, I think I just want to dump him. The options are talking to him about it or running away. Just next time he gags. Should I set his house on fire? Should I kill him with a cleaver?

Sometimes he coughs really loud. Should I kill him with a cleaver? Imagine they're brushing teeth together and he's just like, and she's like, oh, we're through. I'm done. I think I'm going to go. I think we're breaking up. Are you fucking kidding me?

What? We're halfway to sex. This is foreplay. Come on, man. We're practically there. Yeah, sometimes you prematurely ejaculate as he's flossing.

Yeah. The foreplay gets so hot. That's actually the toothpaste that's coming out of his dick. Yeah, it's Crest. Fun fact, I almost said that and censored myself

because I thought it was too gross. Nothing's too gross for if I were you. That's the comfort level that I've reached after 90 some odd episodes. Toothpaste dick.

We're over an hour. Oh, shit. That's bad? This might be a record. That's okay? No, that's good. People love it. Thanks for coming on the show, Sarah.

Oh, guys, it's my pleasure. You're the best. I love sitting in this fly den. This 100 degree fly den and just watching you two swat. Covered with moldy cheese. Do you have anything you want to plug? Keep in mind that tens of hundreds of 15

people are listening right now. There's a lot of people who listen to this. Don't be rude to yourselves. I'm just being humble. He's being rude to me. I have fans. They actually turn down when Jake's talking and only listen at my parts. They know. They can sense it's coming. I send them the raw audio files and they just listen to my microphone feed a lot of your bits don't make sense

it's just me giggling and then silence me giggling silence coming at toothpaste silence and those last two questions i read you just it's just completely quiet yeah so do you have anything you want to plug mention oh yeah the untelevised creative emmys are this saturday you could just send some vibes. So go back in time. That's a good idea. They should send vibes. I'll take some vibes.

Well, it's going to be this episode's coming out after. So still send vibes. Send reverse vibes. Okay. I think you could send some congratulatory vibes. To Lin-Manuel Miranda. For writing a killer song. I don't know.

SNL's starting at the end of September. Watch SNL. Love for you to watch it. We'll try and write some funny stuff. Oh, you should write like a podcast episode. I gotta go. Why? To write the podcast episode?

That's right. An entire SNL that's just an episode of a show? That's so rare, right? Usually they do sketches, but this one's going to be a podcast episode. That would be huge for our Vine. Yeah, I feel like Lauren would be down with that. Actually, yeah, Lauren Michael might really, really like this idea I had. You should say his name correctly, at least.

Yeah, at least. Lauren Michael? Lauren Michael. An email from the peoples? Oh, the email address. Again, if you have your own questions, it's ifireyoushow at gmail.com. We're still accepting theme song submissions from you guys. The first one was from Mark and Ryan.

Oh, yeah. You do another one. Yeah. We do two new ones for every episode. Let's try and guess the genre. Oh, of this last one? Yeah. Well, you know.

So just, wait, do you both know? No. I think, oh, you know what? I think it's a specific thing. Okay. Okay. A female rap. Wow.

That is so wrong. Yay. It's a guy named Dan Hanson who did a like a Rolling Stone cover. Oh, okay. Bob Dylan. Real close. Another shout out. What is it called when you ask for stuff?

Request. Request. Another request for new thumbnails for our podcast because when we post it on facebook it's fun to do customized thumbnails so we'll post those too uh thanks again for sarah for coming on the show my pleasure and uh we'll be back soon bye once upon a time you committed a crime You called these students before arriving You did it in time

Didn't you? You're caught in this thinking situation You need advice You caught yourself in a vice If you're on device Didn't you? Once you cried out, Help me please! They told you to just seize the cheese

Now your problems have gone to the thieves And your life is quiet as a breeze Now stay tuned because things are about to get real. How does it feel? How does it feel? To know what to do. To be free to do you To write to these dudes What if I were you? Hey, this is Dr. Drew, and you have been asking for it.

So here it is. We're going to give you three episodes of Classic Loveline every week. That means more Adam. Oh, shut up. Or me. Listen, listen. And more of those amazing Classic Loveline show moments. My aunt gets mad at this stuff, and Adam's like,

Oh, who wears the pants in your house? How dare you put up with that? My wife knows not to behave like that because she knows... Now, your wife calls the show and yells at you during the show. I always wait until I get home and I'm done by the time I get home. Download them every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at PodcastOne.com.

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