Segments - Episode 308: New Years Lightning Round!

Episode Date: January 1, 2018

New episode for a new year! Ring in 2018 as we tackle as many questions as possible, while discussing our resolutions, favorite memories, and podcast ideas.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. straight to your door. How do I know this? Because Brooklinen delivered me a quilt, sheets, pillowcases, and I love them. Plus, Brooklinen has been tested and awarded by experts, including Good Housekeeping, GQ, Wirecutter, and the hosts of We're Here to Help. So listeners can save a ton by purchasing a hardcore bundle, which includes a core sheet set, which is the thing I got, extra pillowcases, and a duvet cover. You can also mix and match. They do this stripe thing that's cool, but that's a dealer's choice. So are you ready to build your dream fall bed? Visit in-store or online at brooklinen.com. That's brooklinen.com, B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N.com. Get 15% off your first Brooklinen order and save extra when you bundle.

With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only look if you had one shot one opportunity to seize all the cheese you ever wanted Just capture it and just let it slip Yo This pod is heavy Microphones armed and ready There's semen in the bath Objectments in his mom already He's nervous

But if headspace has served his purpose He gets calm But he keeps on regretting Holding a shoe now The whole crowd goes so loud He opens his mouth But the beer won't come out It's frozen how, I think I heard some hard work sounds It's awkward now, bow to the master, bow Snapchat like Ozerian, oi, the ghost wolf in his koi And I'm beefing with soy, so I summon Gameboy

And he'll raise my esteem when I feel like a gore But she shit was a dream, like I'm camming with Lord But my roommate was a fiend, so it seems like I'm coming with Lord when my roommate was free so it seems like I'm mad like I can't bring my baton to the Bahamas so back to the show and let's pray

for positivity that if I send an email they'll preserve my anonymity yo yo they didn't do the chorus yeah

just the verse that's wow you better I was really excited you better lose yourself Yo They didn't do the chorus Yeah, just the verse That's, wow You better I was really excited You better lose yourself in the podcast The Game Boy, the Mamas, Cookies Dead or Go Go You only get MeUndies, Do Not Nature Box to chew We can actually freestyle

That was freestyle? Most of it Jesus Christ, that was bad. That was written by Mike. Half the freestyle was an ad. Of course. That was written by Mike, who made an Eminem parody. Shout out to his brother Danny, who's huge Day One fans.

Come to Sweden, he says. Okay. New year, new us, new you. This podcast episode being released on January 1, 2018. January 1. We hanging out on New Year's Eve? New Year's Day? Yeah.

Oh, on New Year's Eve. Yeah. Yeah, New Year's Eve, I think so. We don't know what we're doing yet, though. No, we don't. It's real. It's real thorn in my side. There's so many ways New Year's Eve can happen.

It can be like a chill house party. It can be like a crazy house party. It can be like a regular bar. It can be like a fancy dress-up, $100, all-you-can-drink whatever. It can be a dinner party. It can be like a little wedding, but the guests don't even know each other, so it's like everyone's dressed up. A masquerade ball.

Yeah. Or a fucking crazy four floor rave. Yeah. Or it can be like a movie night where it's like four people watching a movie and falling asleep at 12.15. Yeah, you can masturbate by yourself and go to bed at 11.52. Who gives a fuck you're missing New Year's? You didn't live last year either, you know? What's your favorite kind of New Year's? What are you hoping for? I like to do New Year's big. You know, like there's some holidays that have a lot of pressure

and people are like, oh, I don't like New Year's because you're like, expect that. I like the pressure. And I will rise to a pressure. I like living up to the hype. I like New Year's like needing to be fun and then also having it be really fun. But for the last couple of years, you did like a friend trip, not like a party at a, with strangers type of deal.

Yeah. Well, so a couple, going back years and years, our friends used to always like either do a house party or a rent out a bar. And it was really great. Then we upgraded. I think we upgraded to,

um, to extravagant trips. We like rented a mansion in upstate New York. We brought 20 people, and then we did the same thing the next year in the Poconos. It's like a co-ed bachelor party of sorts. It felt like a big party because there were so many people, and everybody brought

fancy clothes. It felt like we were living in a haunted mansion, which was awesome. Then last year I went to a wedding, which was great because it was a built-in party that was... Oh, that's a cool thing, a New Year's Eve wedding. Yeah, yeah. I don't mind that.

But now this year, I feel like since I went to a wedding last year, I broke the chain of hanging out. Like, now all of our friends are doing different stuff. Right. This is my first New Year's in LA. Right. And then it's like, what do you do in LA? What kind of New Year's do you want?

I want a... Do you want to dress up? Yeah. I want to wear like... I don't want to wear like a suit, but I want to wear a collared shirt and a jacket. I want a classy affair that turns into a little bit of a debauchery. I see. I want like...

I want Gatsby meets the Virgil. Oh, interesting. So you want everybody... Great Gatsby hip hop Virgil. Oh, interesting. So you want everybody... Great Gatsby hip-hop top 40 party. Got it. So you want everyone to dress up like it's a nice night, but to be dancing like it's a stinky basement. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess I do. Are you willing to pay cash? Because a lot of these places have covers. Yeah, I will. I suggest they're going to... There's some insane party that they do at the train station works. Yeah, I will. I suggested going to, like there's some insane party that they do at the train station here.

Oh, at Union Station? Yeah, but it's like $150. But there's, it seems like there's so much shit going on. That sounds fun because then you could do a little bit of everything.

Is there food? Yeah, there's food. There's like four different beaches. I didn't hear that recommendation. Did you tell me that recommendation? I don't think you ever

floated that idea to me. No, because I floated it to Jill, and she shot it down because it was too expensive. Of course. But now that you own Bitcoin Cash, everything is sort of free up until... Money is not an object to me. Because it's digital. Because I'm either rich or poor based on where that little thing is. That's pretty good.

That's a good tagline for Bitcoin. It's like, Bitcoin, money is not an object. Oh. Because it's like, you know, it's not an object. It's digital currency. That's true. All right, but for now, we wanted to start the new year off right,

since, after all, this is, if I were you, the only advice podcast on the internet that we host. I'm Amir. I'm Jake. We are going to start it off lightning round style. I asked our Twitter followers

if they had any quick questions for us. We're going to try to get through as many as possible just to set the pace for the new year. 2018, we're going to try to answer as many fucking questions as possible. Lightning round. Do you see any good ones? I scrolled to the very, very bottom because I felt like I wanted to reward that person.

The people that first person they answered. The very, very first person. I believe the very, very first person said wine or beer. Oh. Cool. I don't love either, but I prefer wine because I don't think there's a beer that I enjoy as much as like a white wine, which sort of tastes sweet enough for me to like. Yeah, I agree. I'm a big whiskey drinker, as y'all know.

And what's closer to that, beer or wine? Given this choice, I think, I mean, I can enjoy both. I just don't like to drink more than one or two beers. Yeah. And I don't like to drink like more than a couple glasses of wine because I do not like the kind of drunk wine gets me. Yeah. It's hard to, I don't, I guess it's not hard, but I don't, I rarely drink enough wine to get drunk or enough beer to get drunk. Right. I don't do either of that. It's too much liquid per alcohol. We're such losers.

But I like a nice full-bodied red, a nice earthy red, a Malbec with a steak. I like a stout. And I like a fucking hoppy brew with some chips and guac. I want a beer so heavy I can't even lift the stein. I want a glass of wine. Give me a hoard of your finest ale, brother. I want a mead so thick I can't even pour it out of the fucking bottle. I service myself meat and mead.

Meat and mead for my brethren. What's that? Meat and mead. Got it. Let me sit at your table. I am a vegetarian, that is, though. Some tempeh for my brothers and a Riesling to go in a plastic shoe. Yar.

Oh, here we go. Biggest regret of 2017, writes Andrea. Ooh, I know what yours is. Is it selling Bitcoin at 19,000, hoping that it'll fall down, and then it just never did? And then, yeah, yeah, that's what I thought it was. Yeah, and then, sorry, I sold it at 16,000, hoping it would fall, and then bought back in at 19,000, because I got scared, and then, sorry, I sold it at $16,000 hoping it would fall, then bought back in at $19,000 because I got scared, and then it fell back down.

So, yeah, regrets, I got some. Yeah, yeah. I can't really think of any. I'm sure I have them, though. Regrets. Let me think if I can think of any for you. Oh, that really dumb, I mean, I don't regret it now, but like I had that pretty dumb like flight itinerary.

A flight itinerary? When I went to, in October, when I went to my friend's wedding and I like for some reason flew out of Hartford at 6 a.m. the next day. Oh, yeah. No, it was to Hartford, wasn't it? Well, I flew at 6 a.m. from Boise to New York, which didn't make any sense because as soon as I landed in New York, I took the train back to Connecticut. And then on Saturday, I had my friend's wedding. And that morning, I had a 6 a.m. flight out of Hartford that I had to wake up at 3.30 for.

Wake up at 3.30. It was the dumbest itinerary you could possibly imagine. And I landed here and I took the train to Santa Barbara. Okay, follow up. How much American money would someone have to pay you to eat a tablespoon of human cum? Let's say the cum was safe and you knew it was from a clean guy. Oh, I was going to say $1,000 before she even told me that. I'd probably do it for $1,000.

Really? A thousand dollars to drink a tablespoon of my semen? She didn't say yours. I do that for way less. For yours, I would do it for 50 bucks. I'd do it for fucking fun, for the shits and the giggles. I'd be too scared to do it for a thousand dollars. I mean, it wouldn't taste good, but a teaspoon, right?

Or a tablespoon. Teaspoon. Oh, sorry. It says tablespoon. I read. Well, that's a teaspoon, right? Or a tablespoon. Teaspoon. Oh, sorry. It says tablespoon. I read. Well, that's a huge fucking difference, Blumenfeld. Too late. No.

You gotta drink a glass. Here comes the flame. Where's it gonna land? Some coming meat for my friends. Amir, are you going to Burning Man this year with Jake? Writes Andrea Daskarit. You're not even going to Burning Man this year with Jake? Writes Andrea Daskeret. You're not even going to Burning Man. Not this year because I'm getting married the week before.

But you know what? I actually did. I've said in the past that I don't think I'll ever go to Burning Man again. And now? And now I think I want to. Go back. I want to go back. Not this year, next year.

Do you think it's changed since you've gone? If you go next year, how many years? Would it be four years apart? Yeah, I think so. I think I went in 2013. Yeah. And? Or 2014.

Yeah, I went in 2013. No, I, yeah. Huh? What year did we move to LA? I think 2013. That I went right after that? Yeah, I went that year. In 2013.

The year, yeah. I went in August and we moved in December. Oh wow, so it'll be five years after that. And you do want to go back. I do want to go back. Why do you want to go back? I guess I feel like I want to take my brother because I think he'd really like it

and I think it'd be a fun brotherly bonding activity. Oh. And I don't know. I think it'd be like a fun brotherly bonding activity and I don't know I think that like I learned you learn so much the first time you go that it's sort of a shame that I like went and like hacked my way through and sort of survived but didn't thrive

and now I could go and like and do it differently do it better alright well I will never go so the answer to me is that I'm not going back with Jay-Z. You would hate it. All right, you got a question? Where did you find the guy who played Larence in the Barbershop Quartet?

That is a great question. The episode... I feel like, how did that person ask that? They've had to have known Larence. We had an episode where I'm in a barbershop quartet. It was me, Anu, Dan, who are all college humor producers, and then a 53-year-old middle-aged man who... Was he older than 53, I think?

Who was not an actor. Not that he... He won a contest. He won a contest. I think because his kids or students were fans of it, and he wanted to be in the video. And he was like so naturally funny because it was like no actor would act that way. Yeah.

And his name was Larence. His name wasn't really Larence. We named him Larence. Yeah, his name, his character's name was Larence. When I was, what does he say? Like I was 19 and a fisherman found me and raised me. Named me Larence and raised me. He talked in a cadence

that was so unnatural. Yeah, and I say, at 19, you should have been raised and named. He says, that's fair. That's more than fair. He talked almost like

an interested rabbi. I love the idea of something being more than fair. That makes it unfair all of a sudden, doesn't it? The most fair. Yeah, is there gradients of how fair something can be? Yeah, fairness is the middle.

It's more than or less than. It's not fair. Well, it's more than fair. More than fair. But I guess you say it when you're getting a good deal on something, right? Yeah, that's more than fair. Christina Jonas writes, you guys ever think about making some of your memorable sayings ringtones? I don't know about

anyone else, but I'd love a yes dude or a ha text tone, lol. Oh, or that's fair. That's more than fair. Every time you get a text. Ringtones were so big like 10, 15 years ago, but I don't think about them anymore. Like back in with old Nokia phones, you could program your ringtone and it was kind of like a cool thing. Now a ringtone could be any song, anything, any word, any like, any audio clip. But it's still mortifying

every time it goes off. Like, oh shit, I'm sorry. Do you remember, did you ever like program in the ringtone or like you get to choose the notes? I didn't do, I guess I didn't program my own in, but I remember like

downloading ringtones for like my old like not smartphone pre-iPhone phone and it cost money yeah you used to have to pay for ringtones

a ringtone or a text tone is like an alert that tells you to look at your like I don't need an alert to tell me to look at my phone I'm looking at it all the fucking time

are you are you a vibrate guy or silence guy because I'm looking at my phone anyway I'm looking at it all the fucking time. Are you a vibrate guy or a silence guy because I'm looking at my phone anyway? I'm still, I vibrate. You like straight silence? You just know to look? Sometimes I'll put my phone on silent to go to sleep and then when I wake up,

I don't put it back on vibrate for a little bit. That's exactly what I just did. Do you sleep on silent? Yeah, I sleep on do not disturb. I also, I don't look at my phone until after breakfast. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, I got it.

I'm instantly, I'm on that Coinbase app with one eye open. As you, yeah, I mean, I'm trying. With one eye open. Very nice. It's a new thing, but that's, I'm gonna, sometimes I'm like going to bed and I'm like watching TV and I'm just like, I looked at a screen the whole day. I'll be answering emails and I have to use the bathroom.

And on the walk to the bathroom, I have my phone out looking at it. Yeah, it's crazy. It is. It's so sad. Well, that's a good... That's why I got to go to Burning Man again, dude. That's a good New Year's resolution segue. Do you have any New Year's resolutions?

Would it be to look at a screen less? Or you're not even... That's a good one. I guess I always have a couple things, but I'm narrowing it down. I think that I'm going to try to be friendlier. Interesting.

I want to like... You're pretty friendly as is. Yeah. I'll be it disingenuous. You want to be more genuinely friendly. No, no, no, no, not that at all. No, it'll still be fake. More like friendly to coffee shop, bar, people I meet out in the wild. I want to be a regular in my neighborhood places.

So aren't you now pretty friendly? Or you just kind of stick to yourself? people I meet out in the wild. I want to be like, I want to be a regular in my neighborhood places. So what do you, aren't you now pretty friendly or you just like kind of just stick to yourself? Don't call me my name. I don't call you your name. When I'm like getting coffee or something, I don't say anything to anybody. I'm like, I'm when I'm alone, I'm pretty quiet. I'm friendly to like the people I know. And like, when I'm introduced to somebody. So you want to be openly friendlier to strangers? Yeah. Like when someone's like, what do you want?

I'm like, oh, I want a whatever, coffee. Also, how are you doing today? Yeah, exactly. You want to be like the nice guy. How's your day going? Yeah, exactly. And that shouldn't be that hard because I am nice. And it is free.

Right. And then I also want to be more invested in going out in my neighborhood and making people like me. I want to be the mayor, you know? Oh, you want to be, so who are you thinking of when you think of like the ideal amount of nice? The ideal amount of nice? Like you want to be, are you like thinking of someone like George Basil or someone like? That's too much. I can never be as well liked as basil and i wouldn't want to

be it seems like it's a lot of pressure maybe like a billy or an adam even that's a very effusively nice that's true so you just want to be i sort of want to be me except two um strangers to yeah and not even strangers but just like uh shops it's a pretty now that i think about it, it's a pretty bad New Year's resolution. I want people who own coffee shops to like me more. Fuck it, read more. But like, in New York,

I remember, I used to be able to go to the whiskey, and like, as I would walk in, the bartenders would pour me a shot of whiskey and like,

shake my hand. And I don't, I've never had that in LA. You want to be a regular. I've never been a regular anywhere in LA, yeah. Except for Starbucks. But Sienna quit, and I haven't seen or heard from her in years. And you've tried.

You've reached out. I sure have. What's your resolution? I got two. Awesome. All right, next question. Who came up with the idea for beer? Mine are pretty simple.

A little cliche, but I'm going to try to stick to it. Let's hear it. Read more. Cool. Run more. Oh, run. Yeah. I stopped running because I hurt my foot, and I never went back. Wow. So I can read more, and I can run more. That's great.

Three miles a day, ten pages a day. Is that your plan? Sure it is right now. I could say anything. Three miles a day is a lot. Average. That's a lot of running a week, though. Yeah. But even if you fall short, you're still running.

Oh, three miles a day, average. Yeah, average. I see. Yeah. That's cool. So would you run two, three times a week, four times a week? Yeah, whatever. I don't know.

I mean, it would just incentivize me. Because I can run around the Silver Lake Reserv lake reservoir for my house and i've never done it yeah i took a walk around it yesterday and beautiful i got a coffee listened to a podcast oh that's nice wasn't exactly healthy right but at the very least you did something yeah and then reading i haven't read in over a year because, again, always on the phone. No time to lift up a book. What kind of books do you like when you do read? I think I'm going to do nonfiction at first.

Yeah, nonfiction's... Yeah, I can't get into a completely fictional story yet. You read some John Krakauer? Whom? Oh, the Into Thin Air? Yeah. Yeah, I did read that. You read Into Thin Air?

Did you read Under the Banner of Heaven? No. You would like that book? I have a lot of recommendations that are just piling up. Maybe I'll get through them all. Yeah, I'd really appreciate it if you started with John Krakauer's Under the Banner of Heaven. All right. I don't know why you wouldn't.

Because, like I said, I had some other books to read. It's a quick read. Nothing is a quick read to me. It's a quick read. It's 780 pages on Amazon right now. It's not a quick read. It's not, nothing is a quick read to me. It's a quick read. It's 780 pages on Amazon right now. It's not a quick read. I just bought the second or the third Game of Thrones book. And it's, it was like book number three, part one.

I was like, fuck that. You better send me the whole book. And then I looked at the whole book and it's like 1600 pages. Like part one's fine. Let's start with this and see what happens. They're so dense. They're like 600, 700 pages. Smart people read is the long and the

short of it. I'm dumb and I read. Maybe I'll stop reading here. Got a question for us? Yes. When are you coming back to do a show in London? When are you coming back to do a show? Who wrote that? Someone named Cameron Bloom.

Sounds very British. Yeah, that's like the British version of me. I want to go back to, I want to do that. Yeah, can we? This is a question from me and Cameron to you and asking you to email our, actually, this is fun. Let's email our agent right now on the podcast. Wow, December, the problem is nobody's there. Nobody's going to answer this email. Let's email our agent right now on the podcast. Wow. The problem is nobody's there.

Nobody's going to answer this email. That's true. But maybe he'll see it. Well, we're going to Canada, which is like sort of a baby step towards London. It's like a British commonwealth. But we usually do London like every other summer. We didn't do it last summer, right? Oh, so we're due.

I think we should do it. Maybe after your bachelor party. That's a cool idea. Since we'll already be on that side of the universe. Yeah. I don't know if we updated everybody, but we're going to Iceland. Oh, you want to officially announce it? Sure.

Why not? I'm not saying when we're going. Just saying that we're going. And not even saying where we're going in Iceland. It's a big place. Who knows what major metropolitan city in Iceland we'll end up at. It could be Grimsey, for all I care. It's fucking Vik, if you can imagine.

Is that the Black Sand one? Yeah, V-I-K. Vik. We're spending four weeks in Vic for my bachelor party. That means I'm missing my wedding. But I want to go. I think it's been too long since we've been back to London. I want to go back.

I want to do the London, Dublin, Manchester. People always tell us to go to Scotland and shit, too. The triple play. Yes, it's true. And we've never been there. No. I think we should, yeah, we should try to make a little European run

in the summer. After my bachelor party would be honestly ideal. Of course. Of course. All right, let's take a break. We'll thank some more sponsors and we'll be back

with more, many more questions after this. Thank you to DraftKings for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hey-o! DraftKings. The NFLfl is back that's correct and the best part of football season is checking out the post-game stats i want

to know which wideout scored more than two tutties which qb threw for less than 350 yards and if you think you can pick who will do what before the kickoff then you should play pick six from draft kings which is an official daily fantasy partner of the nfl wow so if you like watching football and it sounds like you do i do yeah i do a lot this this can really heighten your joy that's right i grew up a raiders fan and now i'm just a fan of the league in general but i still have a fan of gambling enough yes you're a fan of gambling yes and I do have an affinity for the silver and black. So if you like football as much as me, which is not likely because I do know a lot like do you know what a nickelback does in a cover to defense or like do you know what a play action passes like these are are some advanced things that I know that you wouldn't necessarily know. I basically know run and Hail Mary.

You actually know both of those? Yeah, running is when you run, and then Hail Mary is when you chuck it, right? Damn. I think you should download the DraftKings Pick 6 app. Select between two and six players. I have a sure thing for you to put some money on. You select between two and six players and choose if they'll have for you to put some money on. You select between two and six players and choose if they'll have more or less of a stat.

It's that simple. And for all first-time pick six players, check this out. New customers play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in pick six credits. Whoa-za. Very cool. Download the new DraftKings pick six app now

and use code SEGMENTS. That's code SEGMENTS for new customers to play $5 on your first pick set and get $50 in Pick 6 credits only on DraftKings Pick 6. The crown is yours. There you go. Anything to add? Yeah, I was going to say, gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER and help is available for problem gambling. Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.oregon, Connecticut. Must be 18 plus. Age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdictions. Pick 6 is not

available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Void where prohibited. One per new customer. Non-withdrawable Pick 6 credits expire in six months. Limited time offer. See terms at pick6.draftkings.com slash. Right. Promos. There it is. Thanks, DraftKings. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yeah.

Jake, you've been building on Squarespace for decades at this point. Exactly. Eons, it feels like. Yes. So you know how easy it is to use their simple, intuitive, drag and drop design technology? Yes, yes, yes. Easy to create, easy to sell, easy to promote. Squarespace is my all-in-one, first stop, one-stop shop.

Yeah. It's kind of funny that they have also award-winning customer support because it's so intuitive that even Jake was able to figure it out. But if you have any questions, they can figure it out for you as well. Exactly. And I did need a lot of help. I needed a lot of help. It's easy for everybody, but I still like to have my hand held. They even have AI at this point. You can update written content, product description, or email with Squarespace AI. You can even buy a domain name through Squarespace. Exactly. Like, you know that movie Freaky Friday? Yeah.

How'd you like to own FreakyFriday.com? That'd be great. Is that available? It's not available. Yeah. But how'd you like to own Freaky Tuesday? Interesting. Freaky Tuesday. So that's when like you run into each other and some parts of your personality change, but ultimately it's not a full body swap. Right. Mostly you're just concussed. Yeah. Which is new. It's kind of like having a new personality. Yeah. It's funny. I consider myself a vision lifter, which is why I recommend somebody buying visionlifters.com. Oh, vision lifters.

Yeah, vision lifters with a Z. And not where you think. And it's not biz with a Z. So if you're looking to buy a domain name for yourself or for a loved one, build a store or an online portfolio, the greatest way to do that is to head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, just use that coupon code SEGMENTS to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Hell yeah. So again, you go to squarespace.com slash segments. Segments. You save 10% off your first purchase and then use the coupon code segments when you're ready to launch that free trial. Enjoy. Thank you, Squarespace. And we're back.

We mentioned the Canadian run. Tickets still available. March 6th in Winnipeg. March 7th in Calgary. March 8th in Vancouver. Damn. It's back to back to back. I love that we're doing it in March.

Yeah. Just nice and fucking frigid. I want, I want that back. I love that we're doing it in March. Yeah. Just nice and fucking frigid. I want, I want that snow. I want to see it. I think it's going to be fun. Yeah, we're looking forward to those shows.

All right. Got a, here's another question. Sam Muldbingham writes, Larry David or Jerry Seinfeld? Who do you prefer? I think Seinfeld. Interesting.

As a human or as a comedian? Oh, I don't know. Aren't they the exact same as comedians? They're very similar. I think Larry's a little more like George, so he's a little more anxious, a little more frugal. Jerry's more like a, oh, whatever, I don't give a fuck sort of attitude. I think maybe that's why I like him.

He's a little more inherently likable. Yeah. I'll go Larry because to me that is more likable. He's the more like self-deprecating one. I like that about him. Plus I like the season of Curb and I haven't seen a new season of Seinfeld in a while. Do you think Seinfeld is better than Curb though? As a show?

Yeah. Yes. Great. Me too. Got a show? Yeah. Yes. Great. Me too. Got a question? Yes, from Tara. Is film school worth it? I want to go to one that's pretty expensive, and I'm trying my best not to think too much about the tuition,

but it's hard, dude. Have we done a question podcast since Twitter's upped their... Oh, yeah, their character limit. I guess not. It's a little more less of a lightning. More of a thunder round. Very nice.

It seems like a lot of the people we work with did go to film school in terms of film production. It's true. It's interesting because we're vaguely in film. More like writing and stuff. And you went to business school and I dropped out.

So it's weird for us to say, yeah, you should go to film school. But we also don't do the practical parts of it. Like shooting, editing, directing. I guess directing, yes. But people think, oh, film, you're going to get into the arts. But like, there's a lot of fucking money in film. Yeah. Look at us.

We're rich beyond all measure. And, oh, Bitcoin is plummeting. Okay, I'm ruined financially and otherwise. We have to go back to film school. The music industry is, or the movie industry is like a big, there's a lot of like jobs there. Jobs to be had. And so if you go to film school and you're good at one of like jobs there. Jobs to be had. And so if you go to film school

and you're good at one of the jobs to be had in the industry, then I don't think it's like any dumber than going to be an accountant. Yeah.

It seems like one of the practical schools. Unless you're talking about film theory school, in which case, don't do that. What is film theory school? Like when you study film

and then like write critical essays about it. That definitely feels pretty stupid. Yeah. Because all you can do is write stuff no one will read and talk, and nobody wants to talk to you, right? Of course. Of course. A lot of people would disagree with us, but you know what?

You're not listening to their podcast. They're right, because it's boring. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

Ten more minutes of that. Favorite birthday presents from each other, writes Mean Musical Nerd. Wait, what's that? Favorite birthday present from each other. Ooh. Nothing's going to top my giving you the water pick, I think. You really like that.

I do love the water pick, but it did break. Yeah, but even as a broken object, it lasted you longer than most gifts have lasted you. Yeah. I guess I also like the year that you got me the Got Rings shirt from the Yankees t-shirt. That was good. Got Rings. And then in terms of gifts that you've given me. Yeah.

Can't recall even one. Wow. It's amazing. That's kind of fucked up. I get you a gift every single year. There was a tie clip in there at one point. That was one of the first gifts I ever gave you. Never used that. Because you were into Mad Men. There was a tie clip in there at one point. That was one of the first gifts I ever gave you. Never used that.

Because you were into Mad Men. That was really thoughtful. The running shorts at one point, I used them as a cum rag. Why?

Twice. And the fabric tore. What's wrong with your semen? It was an acidy, thick stream. And then, what else? What else we got?

What did I get you this year? What did you get me? Oh, Squatty Potty. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I used the Squatty Potty. All right, I'll use Squatty Potty. Thank you. Got a good one.

I've recently lost 90 pounds and I'm looking good until I lose the shirt. Then I go from a six and a half to a four. My New Year's resolution is to get swole and jacked. What workout plan do you recommend? Ooh, to get swole and jacked? I like, there's something great about the classic New Year's resolution of just getting fucking ripped. Shredded, hot, sexy. Yeah.

I tried to do that last year and I got i got i got months in but you got pretty jacked yeah i got pretty jacked but i never got shredded ripped crazy i never like went to the fucking like seven days a week balls to the wall absolute protein shakes every day are you gonna try to do that this year well now i'm gonna try to run more so you're gonna go back now i feel like i'm out of yeah i'm out of cardio shape i. So I'm going to try to still do the weightlifting, but sacrifice some of that for sweating because I didn't sweat a lot. But exercises, I don't know. There's a lot of apps that kind of keep you on your toes.

I do recommend doing some plan because when you go to the gym, you're like, I'll just exercise until I'm tired. You never really push yourself. But if you're trying to follow the numbers on the app where you're like, I'll just exercise until I'm tired. You never really push yourself. But if you're trying to follow the numbers on the app where you're like, I only need to do 12, I need to do 10, that's when you push yourself. And pushing yourself beyond the level of casual exhaustion is when you get shredded and ripped.

Bodybuilding.com has an app that I like. I mean, usually I climb, but sometimes when I just work out, there's like, they have a lot of workouts that are pretty solid. Which, bodybuilding.com? Yeah. It's like the bodybuilding.com app for your iPhone. I use that sometimes. I also think that like the first thing I ever did to try to get in shape was just get a pull-up bar in my house.

I think that's the best thing you could possibly do. That's good. But that only, that does like back and bys. Yeah, it does. Pull up and then push-ups. It's not going to do, it's not going to do everything, but it like will, it starts to change your body in a way that like makes you excited about working out and like finishing the job.

Yeah. What's the best advice for someone starting out trying to make YouTube videos their lives? Rights forward life. Best advice for someone starting out trying to make YouTube videos their lives. I don't know. I honestly don't know. We didn't do that. Yeah.

We backed into it through making videos for College Humor. Yeah, we never tried to make viral videos or anything like that mine would always my advice would always be to like get hired somewhere that pays you to make content that they have a channel for yeah but they're not going to hire you unless you're doing it for free right but it's in i so i just don't i just don't fucking know like we i don't think we would have been as able to just like put our videos on YouTube. Yeah, and like has the vlogging train left the station? Like can you no longer start a vlog because like nobody will see it?

I guess if it's good and you're vlogging, somebody will find it. Maybe. Or maybe it is like it's really hard. Maybe you have to like. I guess do what makes you happy, what makes it fun for you to do. And then if it's good, people will find it. But that's kind of general. Yeah.

But I mean, that's like, that's the case with most art and creative things. True, true. So make stuff that you like and then try to find, whether it's YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, Vine RIP, or submitting it to random websites and stuff. I miss Vine. Would you rather, says Gautam Bar... That's what I'm at too. Oh, really? Yeah, it's kind of crazy.

Would you rather live in any one city as a billionaire and never leave, or travel the world with a budget of $10 per day for the rest of your life? One city as a billionaire? Yeah, and never leave. Or travel the world with a budget of $10 per day for the rest of your life. How would I, so I'd have to be homeless in all those other cities?

No, you can, you know, you have the money you have now, and then you get $10 per day. But I would, yeah, eventually run out of cash. So it's like be a billionaire or be like a wandering destitute person? Not destitute, but like hostile style. $10 a day is destitute. All right, let's say it's $100 a day. All right, awesome. Billionaire.

I just want, it's kind of a hard question. I just like, like, would you rather be a fucking loaded dude who can't leave LA or New York ever? Or, um, like live in hostels,

but you can travel to Thailand, wherever. I guess, you know, Thailand and the other places. Yeah. It would, the traveling shit would get old after a week.

Yeah. If I'm eating fucking noodles for breakfast and rice for lunch, cash me in LA. I'm going to be fucking large. That's the thing. I would be a billionaire, but I'd do it in a fucking crazy ass city. I would bring shit to me. Shanghai. Yeah.

That way I'm traveling and I'm a billionaire. That's the way I get to travel to China once. And I'm staying there. Yeah. I would do, I'd travel, I think, though. I would do one city as a billionaire, for sure. I know, I would regret it. But I feel like, I just don't like the idea of closing off myself to the whole world. I could never. Yeah, at the very least, you can say, you can just answer that question as a traveler, because you don't actually have to do it. Oh, yeah, that's true. To say it. I would, I could never ever sacrifice traveling. I have a wanderlust. I would be a homeless person in Southeast Asia forever. I don't even need the $10 a day. You can give that, you could give that to charity because I'll pitch my tent on the beach. I'll sleep and I'll sleep underneath the

stars. And I'll fish and I'll eat sand because that's what I need to survive. And I love it because I'm not attached to any place. All I need is my Pentax camera and a cup of Joe. $40 a day and some, I want a billion dollars too. I really still want that. And I'll live in fucking New York City. Do you have a question? Yeah, of course. This

dude, he has a bunch, he's tweeting at us a bunch with these cash-related questions. Okay, that's interesting. Would you rather work every day for a year, eight hours and 365 days, and get $500,000 at the end

of the year, or have to take a whole year off and get $30,000 at the end of the year, or have to take a whole year off and get 30,000 at the end of the year. The work is data entry in a cubicle, no time off for lunch, but you can eat non-hot food at your desk. Non-hot. He's specifying the temperature of the food we get to eat at our desk. It can be warm. So would you sacrifice a year of your life to make half a million dollars or would you just take a vacation and sacrifice that half a mil?

Ooh, good question. I think this is when I go a little bit more less money inclined. I think I'd take a year off and make 30 grand. Interesting. Yeah, because I think I would be too sad for a year to do data entry seven days a week for 365 days. Yeah.

And eat a non-hot food lunch on my desk. You tell me the lunch can be a fucking panini and I'm back in, but you're right. I'm out. I need to toast that sandwich. I need a hot salad. I'm begging you. Alright, what else do you got?

Planning an East Coast trip soon. Any cities besides the normal tourist spots that are a good idea to check out? P.S. Any chance you guys will come back to Las Vegas soon? We didn't do a show in Las Vegas, did we? Never. We should do that as soon as possible. East Coast trip. Where else

do you want to visit other than New York? New York, D.C. D.C., Philly, Boston. I guess Vermont's really nice. Vermont and New Hampshire are cool to see. Yeah, Maine, Portland, Maine. Yeah, just keep going up north. It's more uniquely beautiful than anything you can see anywhere else in America.

Yeah, the Hudson Valley, all those upstate cities are cool too. Hudson Valley, Berkshires. Lukey Linden writes, who came up with the idea for the beer script and how long did it take you to shoot? Oh, wow. You sort of predicted that somebody was going to ask this? No, I read that.

Oh, got it. Beer? That was like one of our first videos. Maybe it was based on me not liking beer. I don't remember how long it took to shoot. Back then we shot like everything. We just ran through it twice. Yeah.

Probably took like 23 minutes to shoot. Uh-huh. And it shows. Yeah, all those ideas back then were just based on things that you would do to impress me. Right. It's like I'm trying to act cool. You're trying to be my friend. Let's see.

Let's see. TV Lab Sam writes, What is something new you have learned about each other this past year? Something new you learned about me or me learned about you in the last year. Did we learn anything new about each other? That's a tough one. Don't make me think about our relationship. That's too intimate.

It makes me very uncomfortable What did I learn about you? I don't know Should we come back to that one? I don't think I learned anything new about you In the last five years Or if you did then it was non-eventful What else we got here?

Where is Raven's Nest? I think it's in the same place we left it. You think Raven's Nest is back on the market? Oh, did it? Wasn't it? Did we ever say what the street was really called? Oh, I guess we can now that we don't live near it. We were talking about it so much,

but we didn't want to talk about it because, we didn't want to say the real address because then if we lived, if we actually did live in Raven's Nest. Yeah, it would be too open. But it was called Iverness. Yeah, I-N-V-E-R-N-E-S-S. I remember thinking that the bit was so much stronger with I-N-V-E-R-N-E-S-S

because that's such a funny name. And now Raven's Nest has become the new normal. Raven's Nest is pretty good too. Mars writes, why does the HeadGum office bathroom only carry one ply toilet paper? Wait, sorry? Marissa, our producer, writes, why does HeadGum

office bathroom only carry one ply toilet paper? Because Marty orders the TP and he's a cheap ass cuck. A cheapy TP. That's why, Mars. I thought we had some nice toilet paper. No, our toilet paper is pretty... You know what?

I've been using the hand towel, so I don't even notice the TP situation. You... Sorry? I don't use the... Or, yeah, I use a squatty potty. All right. You don't... I don't need to wipe.

Let's see here. I get so much splash back. It's like a fucking natural bidet. Joe Kirkpatrick writes, what are your Overwatch mains? I'm at JDogMoneyHR, rifle slinging, tote bagger. And I'm Coral Gun. Look for me. Cash me outside the game.

Cash me inside, inside gameplay. And then if I'm like doing like some noob shit where I'm like trying to like figure out my real overwatch. Are you a striker or are you defense? I'm a striker, yeah. Are you mining? Thick fuzzy gun is my,

is my handle when it comes to that. Anna Mitchell writes, what kind of shampoo do you use? Head and shoulders baby really? yeah holy shit head and shoulders 2 in 1

I guess that answers my last question something I learned about you oh yeah that's true are you doing the daily shampoo or are you going like the new school which is like shampoo once a week I do I go daily

oh you're back you're zigging back to yeah before I was before I was like once before I was once back. You're zigging back to having new hair. Before I was once a week. But I think everybody's hair is just different. And you're like, I don't think my hair is good when it's greasier. Yeah. It just goes flat on my head.

My hair is better when it's poofy. A little drier. Yeah. A drier, coarser fluffier. I need the poof. I need the volume. Yeah. I use keels, some sort of keels. I bought a lot of it, and I've been just milking it months and months and months.

That's fancy as shit. Yeah. Go for it. Treat yourself. You're worth it. What else? What else we got? Any other ones towards the end over here?

How's Lonely and Horny Season 2 coming along? Great question. What's up? Great question. Great question. Great question. Thank you. Their Twitter handle is just Merry Christmas. We are...

Oh, Christina. We are in the process of editing it. Post-production, as they call it. Putting it all together. The season looks funny. It's going to be good. And I'm very optimistic and very excited for people to watch it.

Excited for... Yeah. Lots of great cameos too. All the friends that we couldn't get in season one are in this season. Some familiar

HeadGum podcaster faces too. and the new friends we've made since we did season one. That's right. We do have some fun cameos. Yeah, I'm excited to just like

put a trailer on there so people get like a taste of everything. Yeah. That'll be good. Should we look for one more question each? All right, that's fun. Hmm. trailer on there so people get like a taste of everything yeah that'll be good uh should we look for one more question each all right that's fun um let's see here i don't like this horse size this or this size that yeah yeah it's true favorite jake and me we've answered that one a lot

how dare you is kind of funny, but not really a real question. I like this one from somebody named, another person named Christina, but it's a different one. Yeah. She said, what's your best memory from 2017? Ooh, best mammary from 2017. Was the election in

2017? Or that was 2016. How could you even? That was the worst. How could you even? That was the worst. That was a W. What a shitty night that was. I'm trying to think about what else could top that. I'm just sort of going through. Oh, what about Doug Jones beating Roy Moore?

I did. I cried happy tears that night. That's pretty fun. It's hard to beat that. When a Democrat takes Alabama. Yeah. If we're talking political stuff, John McCain killing healthcare with his final vote. That's good.

After Collins and Murkowski helped too. But that was like a nice, fun, dramatic moment. The thumb up, then into the thumb down. That was a good old time. What about- That's cheering. Yeah. Shooting Lonely and Horny. I don't know if there was one highlight, but starting to shoot that again was really fun. That's true. I'm looking through my photos that I took in 2016. There are some really nice memories. I went to a beautiful wedding.

I don't know. That was fine. Oh, I got engaged. Really? I just scrolled that back. I got into August, and yeah, there it is. I don't know. That wedding you attended was maybe the highlight.

That was two weeks after we got engaged. If you could have any celeb on the podcast, writes King Shell, who would it be? You can include dead people. Oh, not really dead, but Matt Damon. Oh, yeah, especially now that he's in the news.

He's in the news? Yeah, he said some pretty unwoke things, and people are not taking too kindly to him. He can come on our podcast and sort of clarify his statements. No, never mind. He's not allowed. Have you seen the trailer for Downsizing?

Yeah, it looked really good. Yeah. I wonder if I could still see it without feeling bad about myself. You can't. All right, you got a last one? I already had a last question. It was best memory of 2017. Yeah, that was a good one? Wait, the last one? I already had a last question. It was best memory of 2017. Yeah, that was a good one.

And I just found another one. Me and my brother, when we rented the Westfalia. Oh, yeah. Everyone should do this. Go through your photos for the last year, people, and just feel grateful. Be happy of yourself. Podcast, maybe we'll do a quick podcast. What's it called?

Pod, uh, podcast resolution. I still want to maybe get into the idea of segments. I know we, we constantly tease it and talk about it, but I think some segments, some new segments to breathe some new life into the podcast is a good idea. Tinder bios. Tinder bios would be a good one. Maybe we can introduce one segment every episode and then see which one sticks the best. You know, it'd be fun is if we had like a little, a little wheel of segments. would be a good one. Maybe we can introduce one segment every episode and then see which one sticks the best.

You know what would be fun is if we had like a little wheel of segments. Oh, and we spin it. So it's like first half is we answer questions and the second half is wheel of segments. Yeah, that's good.

So we need some suggestions. Suggested segments. I wonder if we're allowed to just read, like one of the segments is read a Jake and Amir fan script. Oh, that'd be good. I was also thinking

un, un, what's it called? Un, unsomething advice. Like advice that people didn't ask for. Oh, unsolicited advice?

Yeah, unsolicited advice. Like one bit of advice that people didn't necessarily ask for but we can give. That could be a good one. That's cool. We could do like

a passive-aggressive thing like unsolicited advice for you. Yeah. Like you need to stop farting as much. Right. And then it gives people something to look forward to. Like I listen to some basketball podcasts

that have good segments. Like the starters have really good segments and then Twinnovation has really good segments. Yeah, they have all the leading music too. Catch of the day. Yeah, we can get some music. All right, that's my podcast resolution. All right, breathe new life into the podcast.

My podcast resolution is I'm going to start five new podcasts. What the fuck are you talking about? The Daily Monday with Jake. The Daily Monday. The Every Other Tuesday with Jake. And that's every Wednesday. Wednesday. That'll be my Thursday morning show

Freaky Friday That's Thursday Every other Thursday And then Tipsy Thursday Tipsy Thursday And then my daily show Which launches every third Saturday It's called the Jake Daily

I'm gonna do a I don't know if I can do a podcast Called the Daily Monday I wanna confuse people And it's gonna be every Wednesday I really wanna confuse people I really wanna a podcast called The Daily Monday. I want to confuse people. And it's going to be every Wednesday. I really want to confuse people. I really want to do Daily Monday podcast. All right.

That's it. Thanks for listening. Thanks for being with us. Happy New Year. Opening theme song was written by Mike. This closing one is an Elvis parody. I can't help falling in love theme parody. Hell yeah.

Send us some more theme songs. We're running low. And send us some more theme songs. We're running low. And send us some more questions. Everything is if I were you show at gmail.com. Ciao. See you all soon, everybody. And listen to if I were you. That was a HeadGum Podcast. The $5 meal deal at McDonald's means you get to pick between a McDouble or a McChicken. Then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets.

That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Get the $5 meal deal today. Prices and participation may vary for a limited time only.