Sense of Soul - Ancestry Healing Recoding DNA

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

Today on Sense of Soul we had on Judy Wilkins-Smith. Judy joined us to tell us about her book, “Recode your Emotional DNA to Unlock Your True Potential.” She is a highly regarded organizational, individual and family patterns expert, systemic coach, trainer, facilitator, thought partner, leadership conference and motivational speaker and founder of System Dynamics for Individuals & Organizations. She has 18 years expertise in assisting high performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives and their teams as well as legacy families, to break limiting cycles and reframe challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance. Visionary leadership and personal transformation lead Judy’s work. She uses the systemic dynamics approach along with a dimensional approach called constellations, or interactive mapping, to map out issues and connect the dots. Participants can literally see and acknowledge old patterns, recognize their purpose and create a new path. Then, Judy shows you how to flip limiting cycles into breakthrough performance–personal and professional. It’s truly life-changing. Learn how to heal and recode your DNA in Judy’s book, “Recode your Emotional DNA to Unlock Your True Potential.”   Find her book and learn more at www.judywilkins-smith.com @judywilkinssmith Please go check out Shanna’s CLEAR ancestry workshop and learn more https://www.mysenseofsoul.com Exclusively NOW on Sense of Soul Patreon Shanna’s mini-series about her ancestral journey, “Untangled Roots” and Mande’s mini series, adfree episodes, SOS Sacred Circles and more! https://www.patreon.com/senseofsoul Special thanks to our Sponsors! KACHAVA: www.kachava.com/senseofsoul ATHLETIC GREENS: https:// athleticgreens.com/senseofsoul

Welcome to the Sense of Soul podcast. We are your hosts, Shanna and Mandy. Grab your coffee, open your mind, heart, and soul. It's time to awaken. Hey friends, if you are looking for ad-free Sense of Soul episodes, you can find them at Sense of Soul Patreon. Become a monthly member at any level. You will also have access to our monthly SOS Sacred Circles, our mini-series, merch, and

MuchBorn. And it's a great way to help support our podcast so that we can continue to bring you inspiring episodes twice a week with our enlightened guests from all around the world. Check out our Patreon. Today we have with us Judy Wilkins-Smith. Judy joined us today to talk about her new book, Recode Your Emotional DNA to Unlock Your True Potential. Judy is a highly regarded organizational individual and family patterns expert, systemic coach, trainer, facilitator. She is a motivational speaker

and the founder of System Dynamics for Individuals and Organizations. She has over 18 years of experience in assisting high-performance individuals, including Fortune 500 executives and their teams, as well as legacy families, to break limiting cycles and reframe challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance. And we are so excited to talk about a topic that is one of my favorite topics it's something that i feel like is part of my purpose that i saw very early this morning all about your louisiana roots i had a look and and yeah it was interesting very interesting because so often we're protecting by changing identities but it's going to pop back up and what is going is don't exclude me I belong the way I belong I have a guy who you relate to who came in and he told me

I'm very very very very very Christian and I said okay and I need you to go and look for this and he came back and he went and my great-grandfather was very, very, very Jewish. So when people are super dogmatic about a place that they are or aren't, I want to know what in the family is being protected. I love your accent. Where are you originally from? South Africa. Nice.

I love that. And so you're in Texas. Yes. Now, by the way, because I've now got dual citizenship. So I am the real deal African-American. Whoa, gotcha. And so now you're going to take on that Texas accent, too, and your accent is going to be hard. I could do y'all. My favorite American word, never mind Texan, is dude.

Because, I mean, you could say anything just with that one word and people know exactly what you're saying. I was telling Shanna a couple of weeks ago, I met a nurse and apparently his tribe in Africa is called Mandy. Interesting. Yeah. And it's all, it's one of like the hugest tribes. And he thought I was going to have this great story. And I was like, I don't have a good story for you. Gone.

But I do because I come from South Africa and the work that I do when I started when I was about a year in somebody said to me of course you're going to be able to do this and I went why and they said because that's where it started I didn't know that and it was based on the Zulu tribe when I I was in the healthcare arena, and when I left, the person who gave my farewell speech was a Zulu chief. And he said, you may be leaving us, but you'll find a way to represent us in the world on Dano and Yaya. Ancestry work, it's not like it's new. I mean, this is, you know, and I really think that America doesn't really have that. And I, you know, I wonder if it's because we come from so many different places, so we don't have that deep-rooted, like the Native Americans would. In most indigenous cultures, they had to memorize.

They did. That's how they passed on pieces. We actually do have them, but we've now got them, as I write in the book, we've got them coded very differently. They're literally still there. You don't lose it. It's in your language. It's in your thoughts. It's in your feelings. It's in your actions.

It's sitting right there. So the work I do is genealogy 2.0. Genealogy 1.0 says here's where you belong. Genealogy 2.0 says here's why it matters. Here's why your language matters. Here's why your actions matter. They don't just belong to you, but they are a portal to an incredible life if you understand what you're seeing. Yeah. Yeah. That's one thing that happened to me and Mandy as well. And you

know, this wasn't a journey that I chose. And so I'm kind of excited to find out how you got on the path that you're on. Well you did choose it you just don't know you chose it. I'm the same by the way but we did choose it. For me we moved over here my dad was killed. They failed him in all three areas of my medical specialty and it was so that was the door closed. I wasn't going back near that and it was a case of either start writing books or go crazy and I was so that was the door closed I wasn't going back near that and it was a case of either start writing books or go crazy and I figured writing books was probably a little easier than going crazy so started writing the books then met someone who said come and study this work and I'll help you with a book went and studied the work got zero help by the way with a

book then had people saying to me well if you could do this for one person can you do it for companies and if you could do it for companies can you do it for leaders and so that began and then people wanted to learn how to do the work that I do so that took me literally around the world I've been to Australia and South Africa and the Latin countries and the Nordic countries and worked with top of the tops and very quietly with heads of state and that sort of thing. But I think the minute that I got into it, it was like you described. I went, okay, that's it. And didn't stop. Every time I want to stop, something else happens. So I don't get to stop. You know, it's like the universe has a very good sense of humor. Yeah, that was how I got into it.

Totally agree. And I think Mandy would too. It's like, as soon as I thought something was over, well, I had something else. It was almost like my ancestors were like standing in a line and like a mile of ancestors kind of waiting to be heard and waiting to tell their story. And push you forward because you're the one who's now their legacy. So they needed you to hear the story so that you would understand how it was impacting you now and would impact others going forward. Yeah. So Judy, I would love to hear more about what you found in your ancestry and talk a little

bit about, you know, what's in your DNA. Sure. So I am Irish, German, British. My great grandfather was the first chief inspector of Scotland Yard, which of course then isn't surprising because he was always sleuthing around. My father, the only degree he didn't have was his 33rd degree as a Freemason. So I come from that. I had a grandfather who was a reluctant mystic whose grandmother used to, the picture used to cry if somebody was going to die, and a mother who was very, very psychic. So people ask me all the time, are you? And I go, no, I'm just willing to look. What patterns did you see that maybe like were transferred down? You know, me and Shanna, our favorite topic is epigenetics. And with all

the science. Oh, I love epigenetics. Well, you know, it's in my book. I love epigenetics. We had a grandfather who left his homeland. And of course, we've now left ours. I think if I look at all of them, there were two things. One was if you're going to do something, do it properly, which means that perfectionist piece definitely comes out. But it's more than a perfectionist piece. It's if I'm going to give you something, I want to know that I've given you the fullness. You're going to get a full amount. So when I hear people being in the victim mode here, no matter where you've come from, I think sometimes I look at it and I go, and I said this yesterday, I was teaching on the shift network.

And I said to him, if you want to transform, there is one basic rule. Quit being a victim. Because we all are in some areas, quit. And it's not that it makes you good, bad or anything else. But for as long as you're invested in that, that's the mindset you're invested in. Those are the feelings you're invested in. Those are the thoughts and the patterns you're invested in you can't move and so I've got from my own patterns was there are no victims here we all have a path and it's a good idea to walk it and I think if you've been victimized you want to work out what is your journey to unvictimize and to be in a place where you look at it and go wow look what I did look where we've gotten to. If you've always got to depend on someone else who you label the perpetrator, the problem with that is not only will you not get there in a happy space, but you have an extremely high chance of being the perpetrator. Is this part of the systemic work that you do?

Yes, it is. Often with systemic work, what you're looking for is a limiting or often limiting pattern that keeps you stuck or you may be looking for a reason why you act in a certain way it could be good could be difficult when you find that then generally as you find the pattern the pattern has served its purpose and you can choose something new where I work the most is finding the pattern having a look at where it came from, what its effect was, why it's there for you now, and then what are you going to do with that? What is the chapter that only you can write and the system is waiting for you to write that? Because that is your purpose and that is your legacy. Okay, do you believe that everyone has that everyone has it yes there's no exception it's

everyone we think you've got to be some mystical some swami floating two inches above the floor no this is everybody the minute you start to look at where you're annoyed where you're sad where you're stuck and then you also pay attention to your heart's desire. You're literally looking at the pattern trying to stop and the pattern trying to emerge through you. And then it's your job to go in that direction. There are times when I have somebody who comes in and says, I was treated terribly as a kid, terribly. My mother abused me or my father abused me. And they look at me and they wait for me to go. Oh, that's terrible and I go what did you get from it? And they go

Excuse me What did you get from it? How did that change you? Well, I was determined to never be this way. So you got Something when you can keep looking at what did you get you're not going to feel stuck by what's in front of you because that is your life journey and for some people a life journey begins with a big bump it doesn't come with a beautiful bow it comes with a smack if we're smart in the moment when the smack is happening you start to watch your thoughts watch your feelings watch your actions because if you pivot properly

you're going to go all the way up if you don't you're going to go into the big sleep that most of us are in just recently and you tell her about you know what you had sent me about Salem because man he has one of the um a couple teenagers like advocated to get one of the last witches that was hung exonerated and it was just these young girls that did it and i thought that that was so great that they even cared you know and you know what and it's funny i don't easily get touched by that but i can feel myself tearing up because, wow, somebody was finally willing to look. Yes. Me too.

Completely. I love that. How many, like, it was in the 1600s. And the interesting thing about that, Mandy, is the ones who actually got them into or accused them and got them convicted were young girls. You want to hear something crazy? We did a Reiki retreat. We did it twice last year. And I had two clients who are sisters. And Faye took my Reiki class and Mandy was joining me for Reiki as well. We went to this Reiki retreat. Mandy's ancestor was Ann

Pudiator. And the two girls that were sisters, their last name was Putnam. And I was thinking to myself, I offered her. I said, you know, I do ancestry work and I work with ancestry.com. I said, you know, it's always great to do. And I really just wanted to get in her tree because I wanted to see if she was related to the original Putnam sisters who were the first accusers.

And they were. And so here we are up in this amazing victim and perpetrated descendants together what i told mandy and i told the sisters and i told everybody in the retreat mandy and the two sisters did not connect or hear me i told them again not one of them and so even one time we're in the kitchen at this retreat place. And I said, do you think it's kind of weird that like, they're not talking about it? They don't connect to it. And I said, I told, I told them several times we get home later. And I'm like, I tell Mandy, I'm like, I'm surprised that you guys didn't kind of like talk about it.

Maybe like, you know, whatever. I thought it was kind of neat that thought you know generations later oh my god you guys are here together and she's like what I was like I told you and she goes Shanna I would remember that that's obviously important I would have definitely same thing with the Putnam sisters when I talked to them so they couldn't they couldn't hear it the system could not hear it but it's interesting for me because what happened with you and this is what we see with with generations you get this group who wants this group to make reparations exactly the wrong move when you've got a group who comes in and voluntarily says we're going to sort out this right move that is amazing so literally the two lots were brought together and could not

see each other there is some sort of energy that for some reason I guess is that ready to reconcile do you think that I think there are many energies that are very ready to we have large demographics of people who are not willing to look at the moment. The minute you get to these ultra right, ultra left ultras, they're the ones who are holding that I'm not letting this go down. It really is up to a more moderate group in the middle to say, can we look? And to then create a safe space for ultra and ultra to come in and be able to sit down. Because for as long as we don't create a safe space for them to be there, they're just going to keep getting bigger and bigger and wilder and wilder. And eventually you've got Palestine and Israel or Lebanonrael or lebanon and israel because they didn't sort it out way back in in the desert in the bible days now we've got this happening and the crazy thing is if we were willing to sit down now and simply acknowledge all of the demographics and give each one its place and then say okay up to now these have been the patterns and this is what happened

moving forward i cannot take care of your ancestral burden and pay you back for whatever you cannot take care of my perpetrator side of the system and blame me forever what can we learn from each other so i can't take credit for this question because you fed it to us, but I have to know what is the scientific evidence for emotional DNA? Epigenetics. Epigenetics is the first one. The minute you have a significant event that creates a severe enough or hard enough impact on the system, it begins to echo through the generations and it creates a blueprint for the generations of behavior. And that's thoughts, feelings, language, actions, inactions. You will see it all. You can see that in the studies done on the Great Dutch Hunger Winter, the studies done

in 9-11, and the studies done on the Holocaust. In the Great Dutch Hunger winter, they had an entire city that was ringed around and they were starved. And they then did studies on the women who had been pregnant at the time and the children carried those PTSD markers but in the form of food or eating problems. That still continues four generations later. 9-11, the mothers who were pregnant had PTSD markers. The children have active and elevated PTSD markers, like with the Holocaust. Somebody who gets compensated, the survivor's children or descendants are compensated for that. Here's the problem with that. They are compensated, but because they're compensated for a suffering they believe they must suffer so you've got to be very careful when you're handing down compensation

and when you're accepting it if they were to take it and say i can do something good with this it switches it up if they say i too will suffer great. You've just perpetuated another pattern for the next how long? And I have Jewish friends who've said to me, you don't understand. It is our legacy to suffer. And I go, and how much longer are you going to perpetuate that one? Or I have German friends and they say, we are not allowed to grieve because of the terrible things that we did you did it well our ancestors did you did not stop stop because the minute you keep doing that all you do is perpetuate misery what joy do you want to bring just because your ancestors were actual you know victims and suffered you know it's time to take that suffering and turn it into like the legacy of strength.

I swear we've got more energy on here than we think. I think all your ancestors, it's all your ancestors. But that was a huge shift. And my husband, when I talked to him about epigenetics and, you know, he was raised by a father who was in a war and his grandfather that was in a war and his great grandfather that was in a war and his great grandfather that was in a war. And his grandfather was given one of the most elite awards that a military man could receive. And he never even told his wife about it. These men were men of few words. They hardly spoke. They never shared emotions or feelings.

And I believe a lot of that was passed down to my husband. And so when he was able to see that pattern and I brought it to his attention, it really clicked for him because he's like, well, I don't want our son to be that way. And, you know, as he's gotten older and also through the ups and downs of our marriage, he's really like tried to be more mindful to being able to express himself and to be able to not be that strong military man all the time and to be able to break down and show himself a little bit more. So here's the piece that your husband hasn't clicked yet. That pattern passed all the way to him for a reason. It said to him, here is what we've got. What can you do that's different? If we're from military and we've been given an award

for valor in war, how will you be given an award for peace? If we were strong military who didn't have voices or didn't choose to use our voices how will you use yours because that's exactly what's being asked of him the ask of him is to be the peaceful voice yeah i know we're always so focused on like the material world and if that's not part of it but it is i think like you said earlier it is our purpose you know i had never wanted to know about my ancestors i was like who cares what they did well the thing was is that what happened is really how i connected it was that i was brought up in a family that self-love was very selfish in fact you did nothing for yourself you only only did for your children. Oh, I love it. You served, served, served.

And I admired that in the women in my camp. Of course, because you were born to do that, right? I do that. And I broke that mold. I broke it. My daughters broke it. And then it was like my purpose became to share my self-love journey with everyone because it was like I didn't even have a self. But I thought that I shouldn't have a self.

I should just have my religion or my children. And when I came out of that, and really living in Colorado actually helped me with that. Because if I had been in Louisiana, that was more accepted still, but here in Colorado people, you know, women were more liberated here. And so I remember Mandy one time even saying to me, like, you know, I'd be like, well, I can't leave my kids, you know? And she's like, why? I mean, you know, or like my partner's mother has been a business owner her whole life. Her mother went to college. I mean, these are dreams that I didn't have because I was supposed to just be a mom.

Exactly. But there are dreams you can have right now. There's never an expiration date on dreams. Just first remember that. I love that you flipped it around. That's what you were intended to do. Sometimes the system squeezes as tight as it can until you're so uncomfortable you can't anymore. And the system is saying, do something different.

Learning about my ancestors helped me discover why it was that they were like that. I mean, the French Creole women who couldn't marry were oftentimes taken as mistresses. Their whole life was their children in their church. And so I was able to see this pattern and understand how it trickled down to. Absolutely. And I love that you said women in church, because you could then say for all of you women who had church and children look at me i can have church children thank you for all the steps you put in thanks to you and the steps you put in i can do all of this it's like i saw the weaknesses but i also saw the strength that it came to get through that absolutely and then you amplify that and flip the weakness.

Right. You asked about the scientific evidence. The one piece was epigenetics. The other one is neuroscience. We know the brain is neuroplastic and you can literally change your life by changing one thought, one feeling, one action at a time. Now, there is a bit of alchemy in that. I always say to people, I could say, sit here all day long and go, I'm a billionaire, I'm a billionaire, I'm a billionaire of alchemy in that I always say to people I can say

sit here all day long gamma billionaire my billionaire my billionaire it's not gonna do anything but when the brain tells the body a story that the body can believe and the body goes yes then you've got game on then you will get to where it is that you want to be but it it's got to be head, heart, and gut so that it aligns. And that then goes to your neuroplasticity, your neural parts, and neuroscience. So those two are very heavily into this. We've had some people on before that said you can actually change your DNA. You really can't actually change your DNA, correct?

Well, if you have one new thought, one new feeling, and one new action, what you're looking at as well, bear in mind, is with the epigenetics, there are pieces being activated and deactivated. If you come from a line who have been very ill, and you start taking different steps, and you're rewiring your brain and your body, I think the jury's probably out. I am not so sure that you cannot not rewire your DNA. And bear in mind that doctors already know that your mind is where your disease process starts. You're either living by the hormones of stress

or the hormones of love. One or the other, pick it. And each one has an outcome. The one initiates a disease process. The other one initiates an insight process. Most of us are really adept at initiating or activating the disease process. I have a theory. So every time we create a new neural pathway. Yes. So like I did with the self-love, you know, I made new neural pathways that I've been going there so often that light is so bright. It's almost automatic for me there. Right. But it is, it is an energy and a light and it became brighter and brighter.

And that's how it gets faster. You know, at first it wasn't that fast, right? At first I had to make a conscious decision to go there, but then eventually got brighter and the energy got bigger, right? And it just like became automatic almost. In doing that, I'm creating this extra light and energy in my physical. My soul's coming forth more as in light. My light is actually coming and making brighter light within my DNA yes you're choosing the mindset of the one who will go towards the light and that's exactly what we're saying with victims and

perpetrators you choose it's not that it happens to you you choose you see people in awful circumstances who are still not victims. You see people in fabulous circumstances who are still victims. It's choice. It's choice. You want to hear my theory? Yes. I need to figure out if it could actually work. I was thinking about, you know, you do this ancestry work. You've got people from all over the world that were brought up eating different foods. Yet we all try the same diets. Isn't it interesting to think that maybe if I go back to my roots and see what my ancestors were eating, that maybe that's the stuff that my body might need? I'm with you because I will tell you, I can eat South African garlic.

I cannot eat American garlic. There are a will tell you I can eat South African garlic, I cannot eat American garlic. There are a couple of things I can eat I think that does hold true is we have gut biomes that are based on also on our origins. I would say absolutely yes. I think we're far more complex than we imagine but and that gut biome if you go back to you'll find that there are different diseases, different DNA strands difference because that's the process that we followed. Shift you over to another country and either you're going to adapt or you're going to start finding that there are just things that you don't adapt to. And the question then becomes, what part of this country can I not take? You know what else is very interesting, and I don't know if you do, when I'm talking to people, like within the first five minutes,

for sure, I'm hearing their ancestors. I'm kind of getting all these clues of where they're from, who their ancestors are. And I start to see them and I, and in their words, in their language, that's coming out. I'm saying, oh, wow, she's got strength. That's a Viking right there. You're tackling on your ancestors all day long, all day long. Everything that comes out of your mouth is tackling on your ancestors and the events that live there. I had a woman who came in and said to me, events, by the way, are what sparks everything. Sparks everything.

Because the event creates, the reaction creates, the decisions, the thoughts, the feelings and all of that. So I had a woman who came in and she said to me, oh my goodness, this was an absolute catastrophe. I was almost eviscerated before I got to you this morning, nearly wiped out a half a dozen times and then I was nuked by my boss. I'm burning, i'm burning and i said to what happened and she says oh well i got into the car almost ran a stop sign it was a little bit unpleasant then my boss told me i was late and i went wait that's not the story you just told is there a big event in your family system that you don't talk about and she went oh yeah my mother and I outran a volcano my brother

and father did not all of the language sitting right there you may have outrun it but your language sure did not and people tell on themselves all day long when I'm working with a group most facilitators will say to you please sit still sit in a circle da da da da da and we'll take breaks i don't i'm working with them if they need to get up and move around i love it because they're tattling on themselves and i am sure watching you know like me talking to you right now i can see you know and plus you shared your ancestors like certain things you said i was like oh there's that scottish i was tapping into that and we had a guest on she had my ancestor she was actually talking about that and all of a sudden I stopped seeing her and I

started to see this like old woman and really kind of looked a little alien as well and I drew a picture and I stopped even listening to her because I was so like, when is she going to turn back to normal? And she never did. But you know, do you see my ancestors? I feel them and hear them and I know their place. So I never walk into a room without mine with me. And I don't ever work with somebody without theirs behind them because I know that's what's there. And when somebody accuses, I want to know who they're accusing in the system, who they're accusing, and why I should go and sit in the place of the one being accused. What's happening to that one who's being accused?

I'm really interested. What caused that? My mother never saw me. Okay, what happened to mom? I'm interested in that piece, because you're the recipient, but I'm interested in that piece because you're the recipient, but I'm interested over there because that's where it came from. I'm seeing a lot of people's lives disrupted by ancestry. I've had a good friend's call

because they found out their dad cheated on their mom and they have these other siblings. They're getting really upset or even for Shanna, it was hard at first, you know, so it can really stir up some deep emotions. And a lot of people are just seeing the surface of that when they get on Ancestry. And what advice would you have for people getting on there and finding these things out that are upsetting? Lots of things. First of all, I'm not too sure why actually I am. If you're upset it's because that's what you were conditioned to be we've got to be outraged we've got to be upset we've got to be miserable we're going to discover the family skeletons now if they were to switch their brain just a little bit and

understand that all of that is treasure waiting for you it's literally treasure waiting for you to sit and look at and go, oh, I got that. I got that. I can use that. I want to do that differently. This is why that is. What looks like a junk pile is your treasure. So that's number one. And here's my other one. Okay, so we now know I've got a half brother because dad had an affair with, and you've now got more, not less, but because you were raised a certain way, you think you have to grieve or be outraged. Stop. You're sitting with a treasure chest. Go and explore the treasure chest. The other thing that I would say to you is on my website, I created two constellations meditations. One is the meditation of the mother.

The other one's the meditation of the father. And I was very fortunate. I had a Grammy award-winning producer and composer who worked with me. But it's specifically to take you all the way back into your lineage so you get a very felt sense of your father's lineage and your mother's lineage the next thing i would say to people is don't judge it we're very quick to judge history that doesn't teach us anything except to be prime judges oh good yippee you can learn nothing from judging go and have a look at two things where do you struggle in life the most then have

a look at the patterns in the system and see is it really me or am i repeating something then listen to your heart and ask it what it really wants what are you the most called to do and see how those two patterns are trying to fit. Your husband who doesn't understand he's calling. Everybody major, everybody military, everybody man of few words, everybody stoic. Along comes husband who could be a man of peace, a man of many words, a very different man who may not think just rigidly but in many directions and that's what the system is asking you to evolve its need is to survive its biggest desire is to thrive and that's in your hands so when people find out their ancestry and they start to cry I'm like what is wrong with you you've got

this whole treasure chest in your crying i swear if if god or the universe came and said here is your treasure chest you go oh no stop this is your treasure chest use it well i absolutely love that like looking at like you said what can you get from it and what are the gifts there are always you know i i sent this to shanna because it was on your speaking of your website. I loved it. Life flows from your mother to you when you can accept that life exactly as it is given to you. Free of limiting stories, you and your world become transformed. Beautiful.

Yeah. And I do want to say all of us have good and bad in our ancestry y'all of course I mean they're all not nuns and priests and you know whatever you need to get out of my manual because that's exactly what I wrote there yesterday for the one coming down oh we all have pirates thieves nuns you name it they live there quit steering and start using what they've given you. So looking at the whole bigger picture, Mandy and I are so curious about the constellation thing. So we're going to have to go there. Okay. So what a constellation. So most people think a constellation is the stars. That's not what we're talking about. A constellation

is a 3D process that we use in systemic work. So what we do is in a room, wherever the event is, you might come and say to me, my mother never saw me. I don't feel capable of being out there in the world. And what I would say to you is, let's have a look where that comes from, that feeling small. Pick someone to represent your mom. Pick someone to represent your mom, pick someone to represent your dad, pick someone to represent you. Now place them in the room for me the way that it is for you. In other words, a spatial relationship. Maybe you've got you and dad close and mom over there,

or you've got mom and dad close and you over here. From that, I can begin asking you, why is dad all the way over there? What's happening with mom over here tell me about mom you're not close to mom I'm not close to mom yeah I can see the distance tell me about mom oh well mom had a really difficult upbringing and then she lost two children and I'm I'm going oh so now we know where mom's attention is and why she couldn't see you. And often that's when somebody goes, you mean it wasn't my fault? No, look where mom is. So by being able to do it all, all of this work in 3D, people are seeing it, hearing it, touching it, walking it, sensing it, feeling it. They're making use of all of the multiple senses and so then what happens is

in the moment the brain begins to rewire. The person goes, oh it wasn't my fault. In fact, I had somebody recently I did one with and they said, my father hated me. He gave me a spanking when I was about three because I ran near the edge of a cliff and I went, whoa, let's play that out. Put it up here and I want to see the representative. Did he hate you or did he love you and he got a fright and she went, you've just undone 62 years of the ways I've been thinking. And when you can see it, and what I do is I watch. And as I'm working with them and I'm using their language back at them in service of them the brain starts to rewire and I'll see that physical jolt and then I know okay we're in and I start connecting it to all of what's happening here and by the end if I had someone

like Mandy's husband I might have the military over here and I might have the children over here and I might have him thank the military for everything they did for him and then turn him around to face the children and say what are you bringing to them and you his brain will start to rewire too because now he's no longer just anchored there he's got a very strong reason to be looking forward here and the minute the reason to look forward is stronger than the need to look back you start to shift well I think that you were you're in sync with my session I had yesterday with a client so we've been doing work she's on her sixth week and you know she went away from she

she lives in Norway like on this day and she goes camping and stuff by herself all the time like on this little island and she likes to well her mom her sister and dad got worried and went to look for her and she saw them coming as she was returning and she was oh gosh you know her first thought was oh great you know they're gonna judge me and this and that. And then it shifted. And she said, you know what? They just care about me. She was actually, that's wonderful. That's it. Yeah.

And then when they got there, she got what she kind of expected. Where have you been? That's how irresponsible, you know, whatever. And she was like, you know what? Thank you for caring about me that much. And totally shifted. That's exactly it. It's exactly it and when people see this work happening in 3D it gives them that embodied aha shift which means it takes away years and years. People often will say to me I've

been working at this for 20 years how in an hour and a half done in 3d i picture you like using barbies i use live representatives you do i do live representatives here's the wild thing we are very able to sense into each other's systems think of when you watch a tv and somebody really struggles and you go or you're watching the voice and you go, you're able to sense in. So what I do is I use live representatives and they very accurately will begin to move or offer me pieces. And this was something that Hellinger discovered a long time ago. So, and you'll see the synchronicities and the strange things that happen. I had a girl who came in who could not get a high-paying job because she was too ashamed and I said to her what's the shame her father was had come from Vietnam and

They were she said in my in my city in my town They made us leave because he was he'd come back from Vietnam and so they were very ashamed she started to all right pick someone for you someone for your dad someone for your mom so she sets them up and the guy said the guy actually said me I couldn't do this and I said to me don't need you to do a thing just allow yourself to drop in if something happens for you fine but I just need information and I need you there as a place marker well we get to the end of it me. He actually interacted very well We get to the end of it and she says to me I Will never feel the same again

everything's my body is changing and The guy sits down on the floor and he starts to cry and he cries and he cries and he cried So I sit down and I said to what's what's going on for you he says you know why did she choose me of all the people in the room and this I hear this all the time why did she choose me his name was the same as the father but he said my father was a draft dodger and because he draft dodged I'm here your father was not I will never look at somebody from Vietnam the same way again ever I've now stood on both sides because when I stood in as your father I felt like my soul was being

shredded and we have this all the time. It happens all the time. Do they volunteer or do you have like... Typically what happens is I've got one happening at Disney World, November 10 through 13. And so at that live event, this year's capability and resilience DNA. And so what we're doing is working with where is the capability and the resilience in your family or not in your family how are you responsible for that and how do we wire it in for you and so you go through a whole series of these kinds of constellations day one and day four I'm the person doing them days two and three I'm I run it and I have two or three facilitators I'm working with. And so I'm moving

between groups. But at all times, you're busy working with it. So you're either having a piece of work done or you're representing for somebody else's piece of work. Here's the neat thing. If you're not doing a constellation and you're representing, you're still going to get a piece of work done. It will tweak a part of your system and you can't help but move. So by the time people leave, they've had three, four, five constellations and they are never the same again. Okay, when you say move, where are they moving? Okay, so here's what happens. So I will say, somebody somebody will say they're going to

put their mother their father and and so i'll say place them for me the way that it is in other words how do you see yourself in relationship to mom and dad and perhaps she puts herself with dad mom self and then suddenly what happens is one of the representative for dad says i can't stand here and i say where do you need to move to and they'll start to move and maybe out and I'll say to what's this and she'll go yeah that's right dad's always disengaged that's that's right when did dad first become so disengaged well he went to the war never came back so then what I'll do is I'll pick a representative for what's over there and maybe it's the ones who

didn't come home and you'll see the representative for dad move all the way over and go this is where I belong and you watch the family jolt and they go he's never been the same that's why so we will have a completing conversation over there before he can turn around and she will suddenly say something like that's why I always feel absent or drawn to yep you're sucked into the systemic trance so they will move in response to what's happening in the system come in I've worked with several families and legacy families and they all look at each other and go here's one that I had I had one come in and she said my mother never saw me she blamed me for everything that went on I was nothing to her and the brother's eyes got as big as saucers and he said you know to before we came to this

event today I was sitting at home and I discovered a box of old letters that mom had given to me and she actually gave me one for you and she said to me if there was ever a time I needed to read it to you. I think this may be the time. He'd never read it. He opens up the letter and it says my dear child you probably don't always know how much I love you, but I'm leaving this behind so that one day when you most need it, you will understand how much you meant to me. The guy sitting with the tears running, she's sitting with the tears running. He said, I've never seen this letter before. It surfaced today. I wasn't going to bring this letter to class and I sure wasn't going to read it. So I was just triggered because that's my scenario with my mom, my brother and me.

So that's something that I would want to work on. So when you have something that is repetitive in your life that keeps coming up, there's something deeper. And if you just do a little awareness, a work trying to be seen it's asking you see me there's something that needs to be seen and maybe re-hyphen membered maybe it's been excluded or something that's trying to change you're it will you finally me? That's what it's doing. My brother has a letter. I should call him up. You never know, but he will have things that neither of you know until you start doing this kind of work and you go, whoa.

Yeah. Because we all have unique relationships with our parents. Of course. But our siblings may not have that at all. so it's so interesting in the same household because they're reacting to different parts of the system very interesting pattern in my family is all the women were you know married like very power powerful men um a lot of the women in my family were hurt by men so for the first part of their lives, they were giving, giving, giving themselves to their husbands. And then the second part, they spent hating men. Right.

My grandmother hated men. She always talked horrible about men when I was growing up. And now my mom is in that state. But you can see the pattern throughout my ancestry. And it's coming for you. Unless you turn around and you say, I love men. They are delicious.

I welcome them. They're incredible. Welcome in. Yes. And you know what? I noticed that I would say snide remarks around my daughter and I was continuing that pattern. So once I saw the pattern in my ancestry, I was able to have awareness around a better choice of words around, which also means that men could actually come into

your system and not feel threatened and not know they would be hated. Right. Let's talk about this book. This book is decoding Your Emotional Blueprint, A Powerful Guide to Transformation Through Disentangling Multigenerational Patterns. What inspired you to put this in writing? I see you for our listeners. She's shaking her head and rolling her eyes. Yeah, I got nagged. You got nagged. All right. Tell us about it. Well, I've been teaching this for a while and I teach it very differently to the way that most others will teach it. And people kept saying to me, there needs to be a book. There needs to be a book. There needs to be a book. And eventually I went, I'll do a little ebook. And then it kind

of took off from there. I did not have that in mind. But I think the other thing for me was I got so tired of hearing people saying I'm stuck when you couldn't be further from the truth. And with this work, because it is highly experiential and very transformative, I've had to codify it in a way that's also very logical because I work with it in large companies. But I wanted people to be able to, instead of having to come and see someone because not everybody can get to an event, I wanted them to be able to take this book and go on a fully transformational journey and be able to do it for themselves understand their systems and begin to

understand that this is genuinely genuinely the transformative gold you've been waiting for all your life it's right there you just have to take it and so honestly that that was the biggest reason for writing the book was getting serious and not just saying, well, I do this stuff and, but saying, okay, it has a purpose. Do you teach other people how to facilitate this? Yeah, I do. I'm a trainer. Yeah, I'm a trainer in this work as well as a straight systemic facilitator. So I do. I teach people around the world how to do it. I teach them in intact teams in company and I teach individuals how to do it. I do a lot of my work with people on Zoom. But if you really want to have the full impact and understand what's happening,

it is super smart to come to an event and actually get that full on 3D experience. You know, like Queen Elizabeth's family, they might need you. I have been, well, so I will tell you very gently, and that's all I'm going to say is I have worked with royalty indeed. I have found that, because I've probably done, I don't know, maybe 100 trees, you know, I mean, I've done a lot of work with people. And I have found that most a lot, like I'd say, 50% of us here in America are connected to the royal families. And I thought that that was so interesting. And then I start going down like the royal bloodline. And I'm like, Oh, man, it was quite interesting. But which was the same journey I was taking to find Sophia which was even more interesting so my it was like I got past the ancestry but I used the skills from ancestry to do my my work on the discovery of Pistis Sophia and like how those Gnostic Gospels

it was very interesting everything has been connected everything does connect and I think that the other thing about the book, Mandy, that's super important is that it's literally genealogy 2.0. Now we know that there are over there, there's some, a couple of billion family trees out there. So people are very aware that their connections matter. This book shows them exactly why they matter and how to use them. It is, it's genealogy two pointer. What Shanna does, I, my brain can't do on ancestry, like the way she tracks people and the way she writes, you know, the census reports, like it's very hard for me.

I mean, Shanna was so connected and guided. Like that's the one thing she taught me was like, if you see a name and it's jumping out at you, follow that for a minute, study that person, listen to, you know, Shanna even like started reading French out of nowhere when she was doing her ancestry.

That makes perfect sense. The thing that I like is that she will do it, but then she walks you through it. So it's not like you just have someone do your whole tree for you and hand it over to you on a pile of papers. Is that kind of what you do? Do you start them out on their tree or do you have them do your whole tree for you and hand it over to you on a pile of papers. Is that kind of what you do? Do you start them out on their tree or do you have them do it themselves? No, no, I don't do anything on their tree.

I tell them, go and look at your tree. I have nothing to do with their tree. But what I do have to do with is that emotional DNA. Where is your emotional DNA? That's my specialty. Where did it come from from how is it affecting you what are you going to do with that and then they go back and they start looking at their family trees and they go oh oh oh because that's when the light bulb goes on when they've started working

with their patterns they now go back to genealogy 1.0 and they go oh this is what this is it's not just this little thing it's a big deal and then I say to look at the events events matter events are what created the language the thoughts the actions the feelings the the links and the choices go back and look so now you're looking at where do I belong how does that matter and then what is my purpose so when you go to Disney World are you going to be working with Cinderella to figure out why her stepmom was so evil are you gonna use Mickey Mouse as like the evil step sister first of all I'm gonna tell you you should be at this event that i'm

doing because both of you will have your minds blown you're going to get it in spades all over so you should be secondly the reason i take people to disney world is because if you're going to make magic you may as well be in the heart of magic to discover your magic and walk you a little something magic is not a woo-woo word it is a very very deep part of your soul and so I take them to that so what we do is during the day from eight until four we work from five until nine I take them and I say now go and take your heart into Disney and and don't just look with commercial eyes disney understands very well the hero's journey now go and walk the hero's journey and bliss out because that's what you're here for

you've been such a pleasure i love that you got nagged to write this book great you two need to be there for you particularly mandy for you it'll have a very different thing so shanna you'll just sink into it and that'll be it but for your connection mandy listen to those constellations meditations you'll see how you can connect differently i know that channel is going to make something different out of those i can tell you now but if the two of you are doing what you're doing, you might seriously consider joining us. Yeah. What are the dates again? November 10 through 13. It's during the International Food and Wine Festival. Oh, heck yeah. I love my food. Let me tell you, they do the most amazing stuff. Judy, where can our listeners find your book and where can they find your

website? Okay. So book easy, Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, all the good booksellers. And then to find me, just go to judywilkins-smith.com and you'll find everything that you need to know about me. And now it's time for break that shit down. I would say that you are not, there is no such thing as a train wreck. You are a remarkable life. If only you know how to see it, be willing to look.

Love that. You know what? I love that too because I tend to always call myself like the hot mess express. I think I'm going to change that now. Please don't do that. Sometimes as a mom, I feel that way. You know what? And I hear that.

And I'm going to tell you about you because I get different feelings from both of you. You play a lot smaller than you should you do you're a lot bigger than your point of view you hold about yourself yeah she's holding you are ready to give everybody their place make sure nobody is ever excluded no matter what thank you so psyched about your book I'm so psyched to get this out there because I just it's one of the things that I don't think is talked enough about. And I think it is truly like, it is our purpose to discover where we came from, who we are and what we're going to do with it. We are big. We are very, very big on my website. It says, how big are you willing to be? God in the universe never put us here to play small. Did not. We decided that. Don't do it.

You're beautiful. Thank you for sharing today. Thank you both. I really enjoyed my time with you. Thank you so much. Have a great day. Keep looking. Thanks for being with us today.

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