Sense of Soul - Awakening Through Ancestral Wisdom and Motherhood

Episode Date: November 2, 2024

Join Shanna on the Sense of Soul podcast as she engages in a profound and enlightening conversation with Dr. Tori Ellis, a multifaceted mom, entrepreneur, and life coach. Dr. Ellis shares her journey of self-discovery, turning challenges into opportunities, and the deep connection she feels with her ancestors. Her insights into raising a spiritually gifted child and the significance of ancestral healing offer a unique perspective on navigating life's complexities. In this episode, Dr. Ellis discusses the importance of understanding one's lineage and how it can guide us in breaking generational patterns. She emphasizes the power of mindfulness, meditation, and holistic approaches to healing, drawing from her own experiences with overcoming health challenges and embracing her true self. Explore the transformative power of embracing your past, understanding your roots, and nurturing the next generation with wisdom and love. Whether you're a parent, a seeker of truth, or someone looking to connect with your inner light, this episode promises to inspire and uplift. Discover how you can work with Dr. Tori Ellis and learn more about her programs and initiatives aimed at empowering individuals and communities. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and awaken to your true sense of soul. Visit her website: www.thesoundofbusiness.org Follow Sense of Soul on IG and learn at www.senseofsoulpodcast.com  

Hello, my soul-seeking friends. It's Shanna. Thank you so much for listening to Sense of Soul Podcast. Enlightening conversations with like-minded souls from around the world, sharing their journey of finding their light within, turning pain into purpose, and awakening to their true sense of soul. If you like what you hear, show me some love and rate, like, and subscribe. And consider becoming a Sense of Soul Patreon member, where you will get ad-free episodes, monthly circles, and much more. Now go grab your coffee, open your mind, heart, and soul. It's time to awaken. Today on Sense of Soul, we have Dr. Tori Ellis. She is a mom, a serial entrepreneur, a life and business coach, a doctor of human and organizational psychology, and is committed to vulnerably sharing the lows, not just the highs, and tools to navigate that terrain with transparency to create lasting change. And she's with us today.

So please welcome Dr. Tori Ellis. Hi. I'm good. How are you? I'm good. I'm tired. My daughter, I have a three-year-old, and she was up with a nightmare. So, yeah.

That's so weird. I have a friend who just asked me two days ago has your kids been having bad dreams yeah we're seeing i remember that stage though i have four kids oh my god i mean i basically had to sleep with my youngest like almost every night it's not comfortable you're sleeping in this little ass bed I kind of miss those days to be honest because now I mean she's like I go and lay with her in her bed she's like yo why are you in here yeah yeah I'm taking in those moments well she's old soul so she has her moments where she just wants to be by herself and I'm just like okay it's like mommy just go and I'm just like, okay. It's like, mommy, just go. And I'm like, oh, already?

Yeah. Just go. And I'm like, okay. But then she's been calling me and it's like been like popping me out my sleep because I haven't heard her call me this often. And mommy. And I'm like, okay, I'm coming. Their imagination starts going. So tell me, why do you think that she like is an old soul like what

has made you think that anything particular i mean there's so many so many different things you know i'm very in tune to myself i mean my my grandmother and them were too so before she was born i would get like dreams very very active dreams. And even in those dreams, it was kind of like preparing me. Like I had a Passover loved one who I'm really close with and he came in my dreams and he was like, you're ready. She's coming. And I was like, you know, okay, when? Like, you know, like in that dream, it was like 108 108 I used to see 108 a lot 108 my daughter was due March 18th but we had a ton of complications because I wasn't supposed to have kids they counted me out pretty young yeah they were trying to do a hysterectomy when I was 19.

I want to say I was like okay you know my dreams are very pretty accurate for the most part. So I did my fraternity shoot January 6th. And January 8th, I was in triage. I was dilating. The one year. Yeah. So she's been, I think she's always had a mission. Like, I feel like she chose me to come into this world because she really, like, fought her way to get here. Where are you from?

New York. Okay. Yes. I'm? New York. Okay. Yes, I'm from New York, but I'm Southern. Heart and mind, my family were from South Carolina. So every summer from the time I was 13 months to 14 years old, the summer, three months out the year, I would be in the South. Yeah. So I'm originally from New Orleans,

Colorado, and every summer I would spend at my mom's house. So what is 108? Does it, is it significant to you in any other way? I mean, well, the number itself, like once I started seeing the number a lot, it became very significant. And then just so happened that I started dilating on January 8th and I'm like, okay. But then like when you look up numerology and stuff, it has like a real powerful meaning. I feel like everything I'm giving a sign, I'm giving a message and I take heed to it, whether it's from nature, whether it's from synchronicities or numbers or my dreams, something is always a message. And I'm one of those people, I just take heed to it and I I follow it and it's definitely has guided me to

so much I'm grateful for it I'm just grateful to just listen but she does things where you know it's out of control like she talks like an old lady she acts like this my daughter's like this youngest yeah she tells me oh she acts like like only like she's on a mission like she has stuff to do and I'm like my dad told me a story the other day um I was at work and my daughter had met one of my dad's cousins who the name is Keith so she met him for the first time she kept calling uncle will uncle will uncle will and my father kept correcting her and our cousin keith was like no don't correct her like he's like that's one of the ancestors talking to us because my first name is actually william whoa like yeah okay i don't got my dad knew that either

so you know she has this thing she'll ask me like mommy where ask me like, mommy, where's so-and-so? Mommy, how's so-and-so? And I'm like, you know, they're fine. And I'm probably getting a phone call within five minutes, a couple seconds. So it's, she's definitely gifted. Definitely an old soul for sure. She would tell you about yourself. Like, why would you do that? You have to do this right.

Okay. And I'm like, okay. I do know this. My youngest is just like that i mean i have four kids and they're you know they all have special gifts but she is just like that me my oldest daughter always say she's always mothering us she always has yeah and she always sees my journey before me she'll me a nugget. And one of the biggest ones was years ago when she woke up in the middle of the night scared.

And I went to her room and she goes, Mommy, I have a new angel. And she's got long red hair and a green dress on and burgundy trim that image that she saw was kind of like the first sign of the divine feminine coming into my journey and it just rolled after that rolled but she always sees it first i mean i felt like i don't know these kids it's interesting but i feel like these kids are definitely like our guides especially when we have to go through a lot of unpacking ourselves we get gifted a kid who's just like all right well we're gonna mother you along this journey too and you're teaching us we're teaching you just as much and you don't know it and it's interesting because I'll pour into her certain things like meditation and mindfulness and like calm down and the moment she spits it back at me I'm like how do you know this you know but she the other

day i was frustrated and she goes mommy take your breaths okay i'm taking my breath and lately she's been asking to go home to the south of course asking to go home i want to go home i want to get on a plane ride i just need to get on a plane ride she sounds so stressed like she needs a vacation and i'm like what do you need amazing so yeah they are definitely definitely beautiful beautiful souls here they're gonna change the world i know that there's some hope for the future there's so many like that and it was my youngest when she was four told me that she one time was mad at me and she was like, I shouldn't have picked you. And I was like, that is so mean. But wait, what do you mean about picking me?

And I have on, have you ever heard of Daryl Anka? He channels Bashar. He said, not only are these younger generations divine, but they're not even the same species. They're like angelic beings coming in to help us on a whole nother level because we need it. This world is a freaking mess. Yeah, I believe it. And I mean, just with the certain things that they do and how they say and how they carry themselves, it's like it's such an old soul. Like I'm not even talking about it's

like they've been here a few times more than probably we've been here and they have so much knowledge like she's like a sage like you know like they just they just have this like 100 plus years of information and just the way they say it or the things that they do and it's just like i swear she's more mature than me sometimes i told my godmother the other day that's a bad word like don't do that bad don't don't do that again and i'm like we call her three major because that is definitely what she's giving now i mean it's a journey with them like their journey i'm happy to assist yeah i feel like she's leading me more than anything I'm here for the ride oh my god but it's been I feel like it's definitely a blessing like I wanted to have

kids I thought I wasn't gonna have kids and to have her has been like what I needed like it I mean catapulted me forward as far as just thinking like I became so much more sensitive with her and just like you know wanting to do things differently that you know I couldn't do it my mom and my mom worked out all the time and she worked a lot so we didn't have time to really connect a lot and then by the time she did she was so tired and you know as kids we don't understand that. When I became a parent, I was like, I am so sorry for the headache I gave you. But yet now me being an entrepreneur, I wanted to do that so I could be home. And, you know, I just so happened to start my career as an entrepreneur before I had her so it was like i was you know leading up to these things not knowing where i was going with it and when she came it's like every every path that was dark every moment that was real dark every hole i had to climb out of she was that reason why yeah and you know once once we when she got here it's just been like you know just more opening more eye opening just seeing more things understanding more things more accepting of you know, you lose your identity.

All that old stuff that you used to be before you became a mom is just like out the window because now you're a mom. You got to integrate this new thing in. And I'm loving the process. But, oh, my gosh, the becoming like who I am supposed to be now. It's like it's daunting at times. And I'm sitting here like, okay, what's next? And she's just, well, mommy, you know, you had a good day. You had a good, you had a good day at work.

Did you eat? Like, yes, young child, I ate. Yes, I did. She had a very little baby phase, huh? Wasn't a baby for very long no and I don't know where time went and I have a grown a grown child I have a grown child I don't know where time went and I am you know just here I'm I'm here I'm blessed I can tell that you feel like I feel I say sometimes I'm like oh my god I'm so honored to be your mom.

I think there's so many differences in generations and they should be acknowledged because we've seen the world from a different lens. My older children are from a different generation and I was a different person. Back then I was trying to live the conditioned life. I was a different person. You know, back then I was trying to live the conditioned life, right? I was in that box and I wanted to put them in the box too because that's what I thought society required and that looked like success. To think that I chose my children's religion, I chose even their sports,

I chose everything about their bedrooms and thought that this is the personality that they're going to be. If they want to choose that, then that's on them. But I chose it for them, for the kids. It's the unlearning that we have to do. You know, like we were raised with parents who knew one kind of way, you know, and it's not their fault either. Because the society that they grew up in was tough i mean society is tough now especially since everything is way more easier access to view

because before you couldn't view all this stuff real time so you didn't know how crazy the world was and what was going on but because that's a whole nother part of how advanced these kids are but like literally what they were seeing on a day-to-day is probably just seeing their community not knowing how big that community is or how big that state is they're knowing just that area so they're knowing the same people the same religion the same way to dress, the same culture. This is the right way. Yeah. Everything is so in that box, like you said, and they didn't know how to step outside of it. And sometimes too, it was like shameful to step outside of it, you know? Oh, absolutely. Heresy.

You know, I mean, even wanting to go to different state, even their dream or something, or, you know, it's just seemed, when you look back at it now, now I'm thinking about it, I think one of the only things that seemed normal to do in order to leave the state was to join the Army. Definitely, this is a thing in the South, for sure. I feel very fortunate that my dad moved us to Colorado. And I'm also grateful that my parents went back every summer. So that they'll have- Who's able to hold that? Yes.

But to have grown up in this culture here in Colorado is completely opposite of the South. But yet, I've done so much ancestry work. I was the only one who could do it now that I think about it. They couldn't do that because I was separated from, I almost see like my DNA was like kind of stretching a little bit, be able to separate a little bit to see it from a different perspective. That longing too, that longing to like longing of like who am i and who am i in totality you know like that that was me in like 2019 so my grandparents my grandfather and my grandmother on my dad's side is from

orangeburg south carolina he traveled and he the reason why he travels because he was in the army and then he was in vietnam right so he came back and when he came back that's when you know they started having their kids and then they moved to new york so going from the south to new york where this is this like the melting pot of all places up here you're seeing so many different things you know and after a while their kids got settled they went back to the south because you know retired went back to south but again when you get older and now the kids have to take care of you you you come back up north. So it's like they always were always on the go, always moving. But they stationed Tennessee was the place that I was at growing up during the summers.

But we would travel to South Carolina and North Carolina to see family all the time. And that was like that happened every summer. So I'm getting different parts of the South, getting deeper into the heat, deeper, deeper into the heat, deeper into like, you know, those small tight knit communities. And then, you know, deeper into just how their life was. Like, I remember my grandfather asking me, like, you want to go chase the chickens? And I'm doing that in New York right and as I got older and just like you know trying to understand myself more and where I fit in and because I didn't feel like I fit in I didn't feel like

I didn't know who I was completely like I just felt like some pieces were missing like there are times I would miss wanting to be in the south because the cold was just not doing it for me and seasonal depression is a thing so come september to december i am no good oh my god i need some heat like i need it's your dna too like literally this affects us exactly so i'm just like you know what like I want to know more and wanting to know those things and my grandmother too she it's funny you said you mentioned your grandma my grandmother has Alzheimer's so when I was pregnant my parents had mentioned like you know my grandmother always had this thing when she knew that people were pregnant so I had got on the phone with her and I'm talking to her like you know hey Nana how you doing and she's like hi she's like there's two of you what but she didn't even see my belly she's

only looking at me from here up and i'm like she said there's two of me and it was like she always used to be able to see you know and know when someone was pregnant so i'm like that's crazy like even you know even with her having alz's, it's like those gifts are still there. That's also in our DNA because it is passed down through the women. Some people want to deny that because their religion. Mm hmm. But yes. And that's what makes you want to know more.

That one makes you want to go and figure it out. And I'm just like, you know know I know we have Native Native American blood like I know you know these what tribe is like you know who were we in you know in this in our family what did our family do like why do I have this entrepreneurial spirit and able to trace everything back not just going and getting the listen me and the computer and ancestry i was listening to i had conversations with two aunts on my mom i had one on my mom's side and one on my dad's side i called them was on the phone for probably hours and i was just getting a ton of information i called my grandmother my mom's side got a ton of information and went on SESG.com and was just typing in names and, you know, going back and then fully feeling like this all makes sense of

why i do certain things or this all makes sense of why i'm like this and then you start seeing those generational like those those we call them curses but those generational patterns that you like we gotta break this and then you start seeing how it was not just this generation it was like three four five back and we're like i'm like oh my goodness this is how this all started yeah i'm like wow and no wonder they're so hard to do and break because they're deeply rooted you know and no one ever wants to look at that oh that's in the past yeah that does yes it does yeah every day and when you become aware of it then you have an opportunity to say no this stops with me it's not going to be for my child but you know what so i've helped probably

i don't know 200 or more people do their tree. This is something that I do. That's beautiful. But when I first started, it was the same. So I come from French Creoles. Okay. They're known as the forgotten people. They're absolutely a huge part of American history. That became my purpose, to let everybody know. We skipped over a bunch of history people, a bunch of history. Selective history. Yep. skipped over a bunch of history people of history selective history yep and I too found when I

learned about my ancestors wow no wonder no wonder no wonder I was right no wonder my mom's that way it is in your blood yeah definitely people don't and I don't think people do the correlation a lot of times and they don't see how far back it can go. And it takes a willing soul to do it because once you start unpacking and once you start seeing some stuff, you can't unsee it. And once you start learning some stuff, you start learning some stuff that probably, you know, the family doesn't know with the information. Like, how are we breaking this news? How are we doing it? And it's like, you know, you have those conversations. Am I going to be the one who's going we breaking this news how are we doing that and it's like you know you have those conversations am I going to be the one who's going to break this news am I going to be

the one to sit here and say this maybe I should just pass this computer along right so they can't see this and they figure it out on their own you know but you know did you feel like you're I felt like my ancestors like reached through generations to find someone to tell their story it definitely felt like geez you said that and it gave me goosebumps because you know when you they say with depression you're suppressing a lot of emotions you're suppressing a lot of thoughts a lot of times too I feel like in that moment because I didn't know exactly what was going on with me too health-wise just suppressing certain parts of me that I didn't know what was going on or all of that, it was contributing to that. But the moment I wanted to know and me being willing to

know it too, that's when I'm like, everything started coming out. I feel like it was just like I could feel the hands on my shoulder like, read that. You know, like you can hear those whispers in your voice. You can see them in your dreams. Like I remember seeing ancestors in my dreams that I never met. But I'm able to describe them to my mom. And my mom is like, that sounds like your grandmother's home soul. You know? and my mom is like that sounds like your grandmother's home you know and and yeah and you know even with her because all of us they said it's a new woman but then too you'd be surprised because it's in some of the men too and my grandfather was like that he was open my

father's like that he was open so it's like you when i'm able to openly express these things like hey i had this dream the other night. And my mom was like, oh, man, whenever you dream, girl, something's going on. I have dreams too. That's me too. You got to trust it. It's like my faith has always driven me. But then the two at the same time, I can't say that because my sight has not been the sight that people are expecting it to be.

True. It's your own dreams. Yeah. Because my sight is in my dreams my site is right here and your daughter must have it too girl with her dreams too girl doesn't know how to process it doesn't know how to process it and that's when you have to be real mindful too about who your kids are around you know what school they go to because you don't want them to lose that oh my god you just close right now we're great and watch the shit out of your kids i'm so great i had to literally like do some thorough research to find a school that would fit her um and allow her to just be herself you know it takes a village even my village was

like yeah she can't go to regular school yeah you know like she she can't because they're gonna take like she they're gonna take that joy out of it for her and she loves to learn but then she does these things where it's like how did you know that like you know how did you do that how did you put that together and she just giggles i think it's the most funniest thing to do oh my gosh i feel like too even in that process like that process you sometimes it's like you don't realize the support that you had even from the people who are not in this room because even with certain things it's like those whispers or even that guidance or even it's just like you probably were supposed to make a right on this on this block but you end up making the left and then

you've seen something that's like wait a minute you know they put you on a different path and you're guiding you i always say my guardian angels is always they're always guiding me and i pray for their guidance like i appreciate their guidance it's a beautiful thing to be able to say like i know i i know and if that's another thing with your wording i know and i feel i am protected i know I feel that my ancestors are walking with me. They're guiding me. I know and I feel that, you know, the most high is, you know, highest hand over me and my family. Like, it's different, especially when you have that knowing.

I never in my life thought my ancestors would be such a huge part of my journey. Huge. Yep. I mean, I have nicknames for them you know how you're saying like you know i mean i know them i know a lot of them a lot of them because i've been doing this work for so long i mean the reason why my tree was so very challenging people were denying their culture their race in many different areas of my trade, changing their names completely. Oh, yeah.

I mean, insane. But that made me want to go deeper. Like, why? What's here? Why is this hidden? And we know why. There definitely was a deny of that gift, too. Thank God that your family was more open because mine was afraid of that gift.

They all have it, though it though like it's okay yeah like look at all of the prophets in the in the bible i mean it's i mean do you think god just stopped talking to us i feel like after a while too because too they're from you know our families from the south so like you said it's that closed off they're not too open to understanding it but then like having certain conversations south so like you said it's that closed off they're not too open to understanding it but then like having certain conversations and then like you know I remember when you know my mother used to say certain things or I remember when and they start to like think of it back a little bit more and then they're like wow like you know I felt like too I was trying to fit in this box yeah and I wasn't able to fit in this box. So I was running from it. And the moment I did accept it and the moment I really started to like, really like go all in with it, I feel like it was more accepting to my parents about what was going on because I was in the happiest place I've been so they was like if this is where you're happiest and this is your

healthiest we've seen you the happiest we've seen you then okay we're open to it we're open for it and now it's just like a regular conversation like me too a regular conversation because you know you had to break those those barriers at first like you know that's not like what do you that's not what we do or that's not you know how we see things or that's and it's just like hey even breaking down the getting out of the religion yeah that was a whole to do and to be to be honest i think my brother was the first one who started questioning it because he was you know looking into science and he's very educated too he's the one looking to science and questioning it like this doesn't make sense and this is my it was very uneasy then and then we have a nine-year gap between me and the oldest okay he was the one who was very vocal and it just so happens that we're the same sign too

we're both Aries you know so we're 12 days apart too on top of it so I was like okay and personality daughter and Aries too she was supposed to be instead of being a Pisces yeah oh that's my daughter my oldest yeah 222 99 222 look at the numbers there man oh man so your brother and you were both Aries. Yeah. So I have a brother who's an Aries, a brother who's a Cancer. Oh, I have a son who's a Cancer too. Yeah. A brother who's a Cancer. So just like how certain things happened, you know, happen in your life. You start seeing those synchronicities, even down to like with Yomi and her name is Yomi, by the way.

What does it mean? Divine. It means divine. Her her name was Yomi, by the way. What is her name? Divine. It means divine. Her middle name is Love. I got the middle name from doing my lineage search. I think my grandmother's, my mother's great, great, great grandmother. Her name was Lavinia Love. And I was like, if I have a girl, I bringing back that middle name just to honor our lineage and I had this little wonderful bundle of joy yeah you owe me love oh my god I love that

so yeah so you know it's interesting I remember someone coming and telling me at the beginning of my journey because I was taking mindfulness classes because i was getting off meds for my adhd and they said i was doing cognitive therapy mindfulness they're like you better be careful you know and i started meditating and oh you better be careful meditating i'm like i said really because you know i feel better than i've ever felt before our journeys are very similar okay i know i know because i can feel the energy the pain it was okay so between the depression anxiety the therapist put me on antidepressants and then because i had very very strong pains not even just during my menstrual but throughout the month after a while i want to say in 2014 2015 they put me on a pain management regimen which meant i was on until this day i'm kind of just like

ow i was a walking zombie because i was on morphine a morphine tablet and i've been 800 in the morning and at night can you believe that so how is someone supposed to be functioning on that i i was diagnosed fibromyalgia you should have seen my bag of meds that they would give me ridiculous i was i i mean i couldn't even cry and i'm an emotional person i was just sorry you just sit there like the meditation i think the part that people were scared about the most when they when they say I'm an emotional person. I was just not. You just sit there like the meditation. I think the part that people were scared about the most when they, when they say like,

you know, be careful with that. It's because your mind is opening up. A lot of people don't have an open mind. And of course an open mind is dangerous one. We don't just look at things from one way. We look at it from all angles. And then we're like,

okay, we'll just make this educated decision and call it a day. And however it happens, it was meant to happen that way. And to get off of those, I did it cold turkey, which was crazy because I was on it for like a year and a half. Super addictive. My meds kept changing because they couldn't find out what was going on. I think they just found out what was going on with my uterus and stuff in 2022. Instead, you couldn't have kids.

10 years, 11 years this is gonna do a hysterectomy on me at 19 this is so insane it was a lot you know you go through and then the self-doubt on top of it to going to doctors and i'm like you know oh there's we don't see anything wrong physically like this is all in her head and i'm sitting and looking at them like there's no way you are telling me or telling my parents is all in my head and i'm sitting and looking at them like there's no way you are telling me or telling my parents it's all in my head and that is defeating too like you're not understanding that i'm physically not okay like they tell women that's a lot even today and it's not it's not it's not right in any shape or form so i cleaned out my system of that i know my mom and them came up to school and when I was in college

and took me off of those antidepressants they detoxed the crap out of me right and gave me an ultimatum like you either finish out this year and graduate or you want to take off a year you have to come back and then you can do your master's because I had gotten to a five-year program I'm like oh man so I got an ultimatum came home then I had the pain meds and stuff I was on and you know even going through that you separate I separated from the family I isolated myself because I just didn't know what the hell was going on so I was just so overwhelmed and like I just felt like no one was getting it and after I did that to weed myself off of those things me and Mary me and Mary Jane were best friends and that was but it's true that it was the closest thing to nature at the time yeah the closest thing

to nature I'm gonna get at the time and it's helping ease the pain but when you're on it and you're so you become codependent on it right it just replaces something just it literally literally just did that no matter what it is so yeah so yeah so you had to i had to detox that and then i detoxed that with just my mindfulness my meditation so now it wasn't something i would do for my pain it's something i could do for recreation if i wanted to but it's like you know at some point you just get to the point where it's like your mind it's like hey you done did this a little bit too long it's not really working anymore you're not getting to that point if you do get to that point it's only for 30 minutes where before you could be like this for probably a good couple of hours like so meditation mindfulness sound bath

healing like all of those things really helped and earthing i love to earth oh girl so earthing going outside that's something i can't i can't be in new york like i have to go south i need the grass i need the trees i need water i need like i need my body's calling it and that recharge sitting in the sun to just recharge that is like the most peaceful most cleansing thing ever and people don't understand you have all the natural medicines right i did this back every day it's just about you just gotta awaken it and once you awaken it the journey is endless but it is not easy at first because everything that was not right or everything that was uncomfortable everything that was not fitting in your life everything

that you were comfortable doing that no longer served you will be stripped away and that is the hardest part because it's like you almost grieve that you have to grieve it you have to you're losing parts of yourself that you thought you would never lose but but then you have to be grateful for those parts because they got you to where you are now but they can't go with you and that's just like anything and everybody and i think that's when i started to love myself because i used to have this i want to see everyone else happy even if i don't even if I'm not happy I want to see everyone else happy and that was what I would live by and it is hearing it now it just sounds absurd because I'm I'm loving on everyone else but then I'm not I'm not loving on myself but then I'm not showing people how to love on me either and then

I'm not valuing myself in that process and now when you understand a point from an empty cup even if you feel like you're giving love to somebody you're not loving yourself they're probably not receiving it as love they're probably not getting it they it's probably very overwhelming or like it's not meeting what you think would be authentic or genuine or even full when I look back what made me start to question a lot I started to question at a very young age and then when I started going through all these things health-wise it started to make me question some more stuff with you know what has really shown to be true yeah I grew up in a good right and yeah I grew up in a baptist religion baptist church baptist home but in

high school i went to i decided decided okay to go to a catholic high school wow all girls at that like when i say i was very strategic or what i wanted to do because i wanted to go to school go to work go to practice and come and come home. Like, Target. I was, like, militant like that, you know? Come to a small Baptist school. My graduating class was seven girls, 14 boys. I'm going to an all-girls school. I'm not going to school with you guys again.

Because I was at school with y'all from K through 8. I'm tired of seeing y'all. I need a new experience. Going to an all-girls school, and now I'm in different cultures. Russian, Jewish, Spanish of all kinds. When the school I was at was all Black. Wow. Different.

And then to go to a college and now i'm immersed more and it's just like my brain had to process a lot but even even in the house i gotta go to mass on friday and then church on sunday and i'm like i've had enough and none of this stuff is adding up like everything everyone's version is different what you know like and that was the cause of a ton of conversation and conflict in the house so like I seen the conflict and where it was like we weren't seeing eye to eye when I was like 16 17 15 because that was my high school years and then now when everything started to really become more accepted because they're seeing how happy I am,

I was 25. That's a gap. So then if I'm having a gap like that, I can only imagine what my older brother is having a gap like when he's questioning things and I'm hearing him question things when he's in his 20s and that is like this you know and I'm just like as parents you do have

different parents when you have different kids and it can play a role on everyone's mentality and it's just like we're all navigating it each. But I feel like the more that us as parents know ourselves and what we are open to, you know, receiving and us being open, we will allow our kids to just be able to do. Yeah. And my oldest son came to me not long ago and was like, why did you teach us all of that stuff before? And now you've totally changed your mind about everything. I'm like, I know. And it's like, because I think that I got it wrong. It's not that I don't want you to believe in Jesus.

Jesus was a beautiful example of what all should be. But that's where they got it wrong you know people have used him and his beautiful message you know for fear and for separation for shame and guilt and all of these things and but his message if you just read it for itself it's the most beautiful thing ever that's why i think that you know some people have this belief but it's for you to find it. You know, it's for you to be able to receive it and connect with it, not because I said for you to. I mean, I taught Sunday school for years. I brought a lot of people to Jesus.

Now I have a totally different relationship with it. And I actually, I study the Gnostic Gospels, which are, I don't know if you're familiar with them, but, you know, they're Christian text. But they were buried. They weren't touched by hierarchy or anything. They're written by other disciples that didn't make the cut. And, you know, and one of my favorite sayings ever is in the book of Thomas, come to know yourself and you will be known. And that's the part that I think that I was missing my entire life. The coming to know yourself part.

Yeah. I mean, you ideally, you create your reality. You co-create it. Right. you co-create it right so you have to know what you like what you don't like what you're gonna tolerate what you ain't gonna tolerate that's power you're meaning your power and it's doing it from a wholesome way it's not doing it where it's a power trip it's just more so doing Because you see the goodness and you see the love and you see that Christ consciousness in you. So it's beautiful. And you know.

Yeah. And then you're able to exude it out because as within, so without. And that's when you co-create with your reality. Because honestly, like you said, your most closest connection is when you're able to trust in yourself and understand yourself. And then you feel more connected to your God. And when you feel that connection

and you grow that connection, I mean, it's like that weight is lifted off, you know, because now it's nobody. It's something that cannot be stripped. That's when those healthy boundaries that we didn't have before could come and be like you know yeah i know how to set my boundaries you're standing in your truth it's yours yes it's not what someone told you to believe or this is what you're supposed to connect and you know i have a question for you because this is how you're supposed to connect. And I have a question for you because this is interesting because I talked to you a little bit before just reading your stuff online,

trying to get to know who you were. And I even thought about this. I wonder if she would understand that there's so much healing even in your DNA that needs to be done before you get to the place where you are. And I had no idea that you do. So many people don't know. And you're right. Some people don't know. But honestly, a lot of that healing starts with you. Like you have to, you have to start, you have to heal your mind.

You have to heal your body. You have to heal your spirit. It's like making space. There's like all this density, you you know and you have to make space you said it because nothing can come in if it's if everything is so blocked nothing can come in it's so stuffy yes you have to make space you have to clear things out of what's fitting and what doesn't but then too there's a lot of things that because it probably has affected us at a very young age or touched on something that probably happened from a very long time that you don't even recall.

You kind of buried it under the rug. You got a hill that is a lot of, I keep using this word unlearning, but like, you know, you have your higher self, your shadow, your inner child. And your inner child is not just your one age you got seven year old you eight year old you high school you teenage 11 12 year you figure it's not always major trauma sometimes it's just something little simple thing you got picked on by a bully at school about you know about how you look right or how big your head was or something can be so simple. But because you didn't understand your body at the time, you felt like something is wrong. It's just I'm I'm just uncommon. I'm I'm different and I'm not accepted.

And those small emotions, especially because we don't have that. We didn't have that emotional intelligence. That's another thing. Having that emotional intelligence to be able to see like, hey, you're picking on me because probably you get picked on too and I can't take on what you're throwing back at me because you're projecting that and yeah my head may be big but it's beautifully big you know like that's not trying to teach my daughter now like there's gonna be some mean kids out here okay there's some mean adults out here too but it's literally being able just to see it and once you're able to

just sit comfortably in you people can say all type of things and it probably could ruffle feathers but for the most part it's going to roll off your back because you know your truth and you sit in your truth and you're comfortable in yourself and that's where you hold that power within you and you don't give it to anybody else because you are comfortable in you you know this is also because back then it was so important for like our parents and their parents to fit in you know what i mean i had someone on not too long ago where we talked about her ancestors who came over from mexico they named her the most american name that you could possibly name a girl they didn't teach her they're like it was because they were trying to fit in yeah this could be in all cultures

that is that's in culture society race like you put a name on it and that's what's in it for example the two of us were from the south you already know the southern ideals are very different from the northern ideals they they're separated we still have some southern states or parts of in the south we can't go over there and be safe you know what i'm saying like that is the honest to god truth there's certain places that you can't stop the gas because it's you can't and that's still today my daughter brought her you know her boyfriend is african-american she's not they went to louisiana certain places we're shocked as shit the looks they got this is today it's still today so it's it's certain certain things that are still not accepted and so

especially when you have those southern states that were segregated and some of them still uphold those segregations you do they're still in the box so our parents our grandparents they were conditioned that way because they had to one of the strongest things that my my brother had to teach my nephew and his kids his sons about being black men and he said that was one of the hardest conversations to have and he he said something and he said he asked my grandmother and they were in Tennessee at the time asked my grandmother why you so strict with us about how we have to look how we have to act and the whole bit like why can't we just be kids and her response is because I have to make sure I get my black

grandkids home you have to make sure I have to get you guys home because she's conditioned to see how that cannot happen and then there can be no repercussions for it if it doesn't happen. That's the time she grew up in. And that's my grandmother saying that. And then, too, they had their kids younger. So it's like the age range is not that far apart. So we're not talking about, oh, this is over 100 years ago. No, we're not too far from that.

There's history that's not spoken of there's history that they're rewriting and they're changing and they're limiting what they're talking about and how they're expressing it and sharing it and a lot of the history that is being erased is pivotal history because it's prevalent it's how people were raised i've sat with my ancestors i took there's bad stories horrible stories and i think that's with anything in your life right i could sit in the shit of my fibromyalgia and all the bad challenges or i could take the power from it that we overcame that you don't carry the bad you don't carry the bad, but I feel like how you put it, I love how you put it. And it's how I look at things now is like, you know, I'll carry those with me, but not in a negative way. I'm carrying it with me because now I've gone through those things.

And I was told to read this book. So I'm going to tell you about this book. Read this book, The Dream Giver. The Dream Giver? The Dream Giver by I think Bruce Wilkerson. And in there particularly, there was a part of it. I'm just going to sum it up. The character came across someone who was on their journey to their dream, but she was dying because she was

wounded. And she said she lived her dream because she did what she's supposed to do. In that, the lesson from it is that there are people that come before you who may not make it as far as you do, but have paved the path to make your path a little bit easier. So I don't forget those journeys. I carry them with me so that way I can use those, like you said, as power, as knowledge, but now wisdom because I'm able to pass on generation before the generation after and be like, hey, or even the person next to me. Like, hey, this is what has happened or this I went through. And with me being able just to share the wisdom and to share that knowledge, I'm probably opening up a door for someone else who for a lot of pills, like they probably are the only one going through it, or are they not too sure how they're going to get through it. And that's not saying you got to follow and do what I did. You can take it,

flip it, be innovative, switch it to fit you because we're all different, but just know that you're not alone. So not to forget those things and not to put those things down, but to pass down that wisdom of, hey, you can get through it and you're not alone and I understand. Because at some point when we really do got to be like, okay, this was my story. I'm no longer carrying this as my narrative now. I'm putting down this narrative and putting down these tools because my story is now different. But I honor them and I remember them because now my narrative and my new journey does not require this. So then that's where i'm at right now it's that sounds like a timeless healing to me what you just said

and you wouldn't have been able to have i think that timeless healing unless you at least acknowledged your path to You have to. Whether that's your ancestors or your current life, whatever. And you just healed all those generations and your beautiful daughter's future. Yeah. Thank you. I'm trying because it is not easy, girl.

But hey, it's all about how you transmute the energy. And that's all you can do do do it with a lot of love because not every story is beautiful some of them is really yeah what can i what can i take from it it's a gross it's a nasty story i don't like reliving it and every time you revisit it sometimes it's like another level of healing that you do because healing is continuous and never ends you know i think i just think that you're a beautiful example as someone who is willing to do the work yeah happiness right and for for your child and it's not just for myself it's not just for my daughter i definitely do it for generations to come they need that upliftment and they need that support and i feel like my ancestors have been such great support

if i'm able to support in some way for the ones that haven't touched here yet then i'm doing a service ahead of time so well yeah you your daughter she definitely picked you she was like i'm picking this one. And turned my life upside down, girl. Turned me upside down. But I love it. I love it. I wouldn't change it.

I wouldn't change it. So in helping also, I think, humanity, because you're also doing the work that you do. Can you share with my listeners, you know, how they could work with you or what you do? So I am a transformational life and business coach. And so if you do want to definitely work with me, you can go to the sound of business.org. And I do have some programs up there where, and it's one-on-one. So I like to keep everything really close knit together. Everyone's unique. So I want to give you your unique time. If you want to follow along with my journey and see just the life in all things that I do from my kids' programs to my mom life. Yeah, I teach kids' programs. I have a company and a nonprofit. We do K through 12 and we do mindfulness and STEAM. So we teach kids about urban gardening, veterinary medicine, financial literacy, you know, the whole to-do.

They're not doing in school. Right, right. You can see that on my Instagram. You can see it in my bio. And my Instagram is always underscore Dr. D-R-T-O-R-I-I. And my LinkedIn, you can type in Tori Ellis, comma, PsyD. So P-S-Y, capital D, period. And you'll see me pop up.

But my bookings and stuff are open. I'm here to chat, even for the mamas. My main focus, well, one of my main focuses as of lately, because of this beautiful journey I'm on is the mom behind the business so every mom we remember mompreneurs you're doing this podcast you are a mompreneur it was it's hard it is I wish that I would have had a coach through that time that would have made life more easy you know I mean I was relying on meds and that during that time. And I'm so glad that I know now there's another way. And there's people like you who are out there encouraging people. I'm not saying get off your meds.

Meds sometimes are important, but there is another way. And so, you know, thank God for people like you. They didn't have stuff like that for me back then. It wasn't fully broadcast. And I'm glad that we're able to do it now. But even, listen, you're still growing too. You know, your businesses are growing as well. So sometimes coaches may come in and need it.

You know, as you get to new levels, a new teacher may arrive. So if you need a coach, call me. Oh, I know. I love you. I feel like we could talk forever. It's so similar in the way that you receive and our kids, the way they are. Well, you know, it gives me hope for the future.

So that's at least that because we need it. The earth needs it. The world needs it. We need a lot more feminine energy to come through. So that's also a thing. It's coming in. It definitely is coming in. Absolutely.

Voices like yours, daughters like ours. Oh, hey. We're in for a treat. Thank you so much, Dr. Tori. Thank you. You have a good one. Thanks for listening to Sense of Soul Podcast. And thanks to our special guests for joining me. If you want more of Sense of Soul Podcast and thanks to our special guests for joining me. If you want

more of Sense of Soul, check out my website at www.mysenseofsoul.com where you can work with me one-on-one or help support Sense of Soul Podcast by donating to my coffee fund. Thanks for listening.