Sense of Soul - Dealing with Energetic Shifts

Episode Date: May 16, 2022

Today we have a sweet repeat, our soul sister, Katharine Hargreaves joined us for a fun and enlightening conversation.  Katharine is a storyteller, teacher, spiritual technologist, a translator of tectonic patterns, a transformational facilitator and an initiated medicine woman and founder of Ritual Lab, which remixes ancient and modern techniques to enable massive leaps. Katharine has dedicated her career to investigating and illuminating the foundational languages and organizing intelligences that architect reality. Her practice explores the ancient future tools and evolutionary mechanisms that engender exponential shifts in consciousness. Katharine is the creator of the AWAKYN deck and the founder of LANDBODY. She is based in NY/DC. Her first book is The Art of the Experiment, a modern alchemy manual.  Join Ritual Lab, a monthly support group for creative women who want to breakthrough. Drop into our free space to swap tips, share stories, and explore innovative solutions to your most pressing challenges. If you're ready to think differently, this is the space to shift your perspective. Are you at a crossroads and can't figure out your next step? Ritual Lab is a free monthly support group for creative women who want to breakthrough. Drop into our free space to swap tips, share stories, and explore innovative solutions to your most pressing challenges. If you're ready to think differently, this is the space to shift your perspective. Hosted by transformational facilitator and initiated medicine woman, and our amazing Soul Sister, Katharine Hargreaves. Ritual Lab remixes ancient and modern techniques to enable massive leaps. It’s free to join, and if your called to join, we will see you there! First group is Thurs, May 19th, sign up below! Eventbrite Link:

Welcome to the Sense of Soul podcast. We are your hosts, Shanna and Mandy. Grab your coffee, open your mind, heart and soul. It's time to awaken. Today we have with us a sweet repeat, our soul sister, Katherine Hargraves. Katherine is a storyteller, a teacher, a spiritual technologist. She is a transformational facilitator and an initiated medicine woman. She's founder of Ritual Lab, where she remixes ancient and modern techniques to enable massive leaps. She's an amazing woman, and we are so excited to have her on today. Hello.

Hey. How are you? Oh, I'm good. I'm a little like brain foggy today. I feel like there's been so many big, like energetic movements in the world and in my life. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm right there with you. Well,

Hey, what an amazing topic. What do you do when you have brain fog, you're overwhelmed and you have too much shit on your plate. Oh my God. Yeah. How do you handle huge worldly energetic shifts? How do you stay grounded when everything is changing? Yeah. What do you think? What are

some things you do? Oh damn. This has been like the practice of my lifetime. Cause I don't think I'm a very grounded person just like in general. Yeah. The past year has been like such a wake up call. I was just telling Shanna before you get on here, like after we talked last time, my whole world fell apart. I moved from California to the East coast. Yeah. And like basically just like went through another like massive death rebirth cycle and finally came out the other side of it. I'd say like beginning of January, talk about grounding. It was like, give up your business, give up your relationship, give up your cool home, like sell all your furniture, rethink who you are. And so anyways,

like it's been really important. Like I stopped smoking cannabis. I really have been doing a ton of like earthing and grounding. So like literally going outside with like bare feet, being outside a lot more, really being mindful of distraction and multitasking and being in like multiple places at once, I feel like is a symptom of where we are at in this like digital world. Like I'll find myself like watching TV at night and then like also on my phone, like literally doing two at once. And so I've been really on myself to be like, you can't be in five places at once. Like that is the definition of ungrounded. So how do you like come back to, how do I come back to myself? How

do I come back to exactly what I'm doing? How do I like let that finish whatever cycle it needs to be done? That's a lot. Yeah. This weekend I was in California and I was supposed to be at a crawfish boil for a little party and Shannon and I wrapped up the podcast and it was right at one when the party started so i went out to the parking lot to get in the car that i'd been driving the whole day before and laughed so hard because i don't even i didn't even know what car it was i don't know what color it was i don't know where i don't remember where I parked it. So I had to call my

husband and I'm like, you know, that whole fucking humble pie shit. I just ate some, I need to practice what I preach and be a little more mindful. Cause I don't even know what fricking car I was driving. He was like, Oh my God, you are fricking hilarious. I go, no, it just shows you that I have too much going on the fact I don't even know what color I tried to get in a black car it was a white car I tried to get in a Toyota it was a Chevy like you are probably calling the cops on you there's a lady going through the parking lot trying to open doors finally I realized I could press the panic button, but I was too embarrassed because I looked like an idiot already. So I was trying to just like be sly. So I popped the trunk,

didn't see a trunk open. Then I finally was like, fine, I'll just be the idiot. I touched the panic button. It's beeped. And it was a white car and I get over there. But the difference between Mandy now and Mandy then was I would have beat myself up. Like you're, you have no right talking to people about being mindful. You are so full of shit, Mandy, like all this stuff went around through my mind. Instead, I was like, you know what? That's fucking funny. Embrace it. Learn from it. You're not perfect. And this cycle that you were just talking about is going to happen for the rest of our lives. And we just have to learn to do better each time. Yeah. The not beating yourself up is I feel like such a crucial piece of not getting stuck in a cycle again. Yeah. I think I was initiated when I

talked to y'all last, but I can't remember. Anyways, I work with like a, an earth-based lineage and it's been amazing because it's totally shifted my like paradigm and perspective. So I feel like that's going to kind of weave in and out of this because it's number one taught me a lot about like being in relationship with my surroundings and the need to like get really rooted in the earth versus like I feel like a lot of spiritual kind of ideas and practices are very like um can blast you out of your body or very much like let's get ascended and like all of this stuff. I'm like, that's great, but that's not going to do much for you. That's really kind of the basis of my work right now. But.

Okay. So correct me if I'm wrong, if, if I heard, if I'm hearing this right, and I kind of had a vision with it. So, I mean, we can sit here and we can blast ourselves into these other dimension worlds meditations we can go anywhere right okay so what you're saying is really bringing yourself back to where we are right now in this earthly realm and being able to connect with everything that's around you in order to do the same thing bingo yeah that's what i've been receiving too lately me too everything that i've gone through with the whole piece of so Sophia and like learning about like the Kabbalah and all of that, it's learning about that. Yet you compare it to where you are presently.

Yeah, I was the same. I received right when she was going through this rabbit hole of the Pista Sophia. I tell Shanna all the time like I feel bad like she goes down these rabbit holes for like a year and I'm over here and I get four words my shit's way more simple and hers is so much deeper I'm like maybe that's because divine knows I can't handle that much well that's why I created my little spiritual sleuth team put the puzzle pieces together yeah you know I mean mine's just one word too I mean I have these dreams and you know this lady telling me that she's the hunter's wife and I didn't find out for six months later who she was you know and so

it's like I said why can't we just get all of it? Yeah. So the little piece that I got was just that everything, everything you hear, everything you see, everything you experience, everything that you're questioning, everything that you ever want to research, all of it, all of it, the relationships, everything is all about you. Period. That's what I got. So one of the biggest things just like working with nature, like, and it's, it's like, I would just want to be explicit. Like I've, I think we all work with nature. Like, I don't think I'm special as a result, but I have become more aware of in the ways in which it speaks to me and teaches me. And something that's come forward is that answers emerge from

communion with your surroundings. When you are open to what the trees have to say, when you are open to receiving knowledge, insights, teachings that come from anywhere, you are open to the answers of everything. Like, right. Yes. Yes. I don't think you need to reach for anything. I think if you are willing to open yourself, everything you need, we'll find you. Yeah. Can I, can I share with you something I wrote yesterday? Please. Okay. Cause it's so aligned with that. My husband and I had been like hooked by like hip to hip with no kids for three days. And I, he was, I could tell we both just needed to like go and do our own space for like an hour.

So I'm like, you go on the rooftop, I'm going to go on the beach. So he was like, cool. Um, I went out there and just sat and the ocean spoke to me, like literally was speaking to me. So, and it's nothing profound. It's something we all know, but it was, it was kind of like your moon writing, Shanna. It was just this moment where I felt like I was literally communicating with the ocean. And so I named it conversations with the ocean. And it says this morning, she is angry. She wants to be heard. I say to her that I thought you only felt love. She replies, anger is love. All emotions are from love. If there was no love, we would not feel

anything. She has disappointment. She feels used and taken advantage of. She feels taken for granted. She feels separate too. Only few truly connect with her essence. Most are which live within her. There are some who come join her in the early mornings when her waves are strong, but elegant with their board. There are others in the afternoon who come to swim and play. And there are those who pull food from her with their boats. She too sometimes feels they only use her for what she has to offer them. She knows these are her feelings she chooses, but she can't help but feel defeated today. She sees the disrespect. She chokes on the trash she's fed.

She inhales the plastics. She digests the junk we throw at her. She's sick. She's had enough. Sometimes she is able to process it and spit it back up, but she's weak and slowly being taken over by the disregard for her feelings and her health. She's sick spiritually and physically. She's feeling cold today. She knows like her waves that this too shall pass, but she is feeling this more often than not. She can't purge on her own.

She's asking for our help. She doesn't want to give us consequences, but as our mother, she feels it's the only way we will learn. She doesn't want to hurt those who she's here to support and nourish. She knows that the only time she can get our attention is if she treats us the way we treat her.

She will knock down piers. She will smash buildings. She will connect with the sky and build tides so high lives are taken, but it never works. It doesn't work. We sit in our pity and think about what destruction she has done to us, not realizing it's her screaming about the destruction we have done to her. She's angry because she loves with no conditions, but is angry. She asked the divine to help her clear her organs and veins of all the floating bottles and fishing line. The divine says, I cannot. She cries. The divine answers. There is a lesson for many, including you. He says from the trash will eventually come a lesson.

If I intervene, that's all it will ever be a lesson. If I don't intervene, it will someday turn into a blessing. They will one day know and realize they are one with you. When they choke you, they choke themselves. When they disrespect you, they disrespect themselves. She calms. Her white tips soften. She says, I understand. It just hurts.

I tell her it hurts me too. I apologize to her. I am guilty of taking her for granted. We cry together. We release. We both make contact and I tell her apologize to her. I am guilty of taking her for granted. We cry together. We release. We both make contact and I tell her I love her. She tickles my toes between each one slightly. She feels warmer. She thanks me for listening to her and truly connecting. Then she pushes something to my foot. I see it sparkle. What is it? I pick up this piece of what looks like broken jewelry. I wonder how long she's been holding onto it.

I feel it's a reminder of this conversation. I tell her I will cherish it. I feel as if the message in this is that if we all truly connected and listened to her, then that would help her to release and purge all that does not serve her. I turn to walk back up the beach and I feel her love. I smell her love. I'm not sure what just happened, but what I do know is today I feel inspired to be better and do better as much pain as we've caused her. And she still offers herself to us. I want to be more like her. The piece of jewelry

that I picked up was a pearl inside of a Lotus. Whoa. And it had, yeah, I could run upstairs, but it was like broken off of maybe a ring or something. Wow. And I mean, does that not completely go with what you just said? Like just taking time to listen. I've only had a conversation like that one other time that deep and I had microdosed on mushrooms. So this time it was like even more powerful because it was just me with nothing being able to connect on like, and literally have a conversation and a, and a, and a lesson in it. I feel like, like so much yes to that. That was so beautiful. And thank you for sharing your teaching with us. I, it's funny, like there are times. So for instance, when I was living in California, I lived by a lot of these big old Oak trees and I just found myself again and again,

like pulled to them. And I would just like go sit with them and like absorb them. And then one day I just was like, I wonder what oak trees mean, right? Like, and again, I think that we can access this meaning inside of ourselves, but I was kind of curious for that external validation. And it was all about like nobility and honor and discipline and like, literally sort of like Royal, like it taught me so much and at that time I kept receiving this message of like you are just like by being alive you have honor you are noble like why do you not see yourself as being like a daughter of the kings of this earth like why do you not recognize who you are and it was was just like, oh my God, like, this is what the tree has been trying to speak to me. And I feel like when we can get, like, again,

talk about like distraction taking over our universe, like how much of this shit do we like spend so much time on every day that is literally not important. And then it's like, I go out in the woods right after work to walk my dog. And I feel like every time they show me something and I'm just like, oh my God, like this is what's important. How could we forget? Yesterday was so cool too, because if you ever want to feel love, go to a beach and just sit and make sure it's one where there's people, because I probably had 20 dogs of all shapes and sizes run up to me and just say hi and look at me and let me pet them real fast. And then they run off and I'm like, this is so fucking cool. Like they're all so cute. And they

just stopped. Like this one guy was like, my dog never stops. It's probably because the dog felt like just where I was at and my energy, but I was like, Oh my God, these dogs are all so amazing. And the lesson I got from that was like, they're all different. They're all different colors. They all have different color eyes. They're all different sizes. They're all different breeds, but they're all the same. So Catherine, how do we do that? How do we still listen to this when we're going through shit, like moving, leaving a relationship and we're in our pain? Honestly, I feel like it's easier than like, we all, we all want like a technique or a formula or a method or a process and something I've been really moving away from and this is okay so I think we there's many definitions of ritual mine is that it is when we co-create with spirit so it's about having an intention it's about recognizing that I I'm bringing things to the table, but if I'm not leaving room to let other things happen, then I'm controlling the outcome.

Like I'm actually not allowing myself to be changed by what happens. And that's where transformation is when I give up some control so that something can happen. And I love control, right? Like I love the feeling of being like, I'm going to do this. I'm so that something can happen. And I love control, right? Like, I love the feeling of being like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to make this happen. So to me, it's sort of like this paradoxical thing of like, it's too easy, right? It's like, go out in nature without an agenda. And it's kind of like dropping into the innocent wild child that lives inside you right like um it and it often doesn't manifest in like um articulate eloquent human language it's

like sometimes I walk through the woods and the, it like shows me all of the places, like all of the little like burrows, like, it'll be like, here's how animals like retreat and hibernate. And maybe at that time I need to retreat and hibernate. And so what I'm noticing is what I need, right? Like, isn't that serendipity? Yeah. Well that, and if you think about it, isn't it amazing that when our brain, like our pineal gland is actually releasing the chemicals that we need to be happy, to sleep better, to have better health is only found in space. It's not found. I can't think it so much that it's going to come in, right? I can't think myself happy. I can't think myself healthy. This is not where it's at. Your brain actually needs

the space and the nothingness, the void, that nothingness. Yes. That no thing that's where you create and receive infinite knowledge and wisdom and answers. That was really hard for me to understand that word. Nothingness was like, wait, what? Like, no, like I really struggled. And maybe that's because early on we had on a guest that just, I was, my brain was not ready for it. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? That there's nothing, this is nothing. There's no, they're all this nothingness. I was like, there's gotta be something. Cause we as humans, like if there's nothing that words, that word for me, I'll speak for

myself, created like this fear. Like how can I get something from nothing? It just, it terrified me. Totally. Totally. I, I just recently wrote this story about the best, worst compliment I ever received. And it was this horrible man at this like, you know, exclusive leadership retreat. And he basically like took it upon himself to kind of like take me down a notch and like cornered, like basically like hunted me down. I had no interaction with him cornered me and was like, you are nothing. And at the time, yeah, I, yeah. Oh, it was so messed up like I was like who are you and why do you feel the need to just like

hurt me and it's something that I it took me a really long time to really understand what happened when he did that which is what the story is about but like the hilarious part is when I finally let go of my own like my own suffering which was my own fear of being nothing my own, like my own suffering, which was my own fear of being nothing, my own fear of not being enough, which unfortunately he had picked up on and reflected back to me in a pretty brutal way. But like in the story I wrote, I write, I'm like, how hilarious. Cause you know, one of the great teachings of the Buddha is like, you are nothing. Right. But like here, my ego is interpreting. This is like, I am nothing. Like, I mean, nothing. I don't, you know, like I'm going to disappear one day. Holy shit. This man is like putting me down. But like, at the end of the day, we choose like what direction

we want to go with our teaching and we can go into the darkness of the nothingness. Here's an example of like, you can be here now, right? Or you can be everywhere all the time. That's what nothingness is. It's like, it's quantum physics. So the moment you release your attachment of being something in a certain place at a certain time, you get to be everything. Oh my gosh.

And that's how I describe like my outer body experience. It's like when my soul left my body, I was there and everywhere. You're everywhere at every same time. Yeah, which is exactly why you if you can never just be you so when you say it's all about you really it means it's all about everything oh we just came up with our own sick twisted buddhist what did we call those Shanna like a Zen story like figure that one out yeah you know and here's the other thing you can choose to go down into that dark place well this gives me an opportunity to share a little bit of Pistosophia and the fact that that place actually in the

Pistosophia is in 3D this This is chaos. This is chaos. This world. What are you talking about? This world is not chaos. Yeah. Right. This 3D dimension is chaotic. And this is where she found herself because she looked into her reflection. She saw her own light, but thought it was the light of God. And, and so she's in this, this chaotic realm of darkness where she no longer has wisdom. She no, and this is okay. First of all, let me tell you, this is the divine wisdom of God who looked and fell into the chaos. This is a story and a metaphor used to show that we all are divine beings and we all can fall into the darkness, even if we choose it to this false God or chaotic dimension.

And it wasn't until she had the quiet darkness that where she could find a connect with the divine spark that each one of us has um to kind of go along with what exactly what you just said have you heard the concept of indra's net i've heard it but can you explain it is a buddhist like metaphor and what it says is it's basically like imagine everyone in the universe is a diamond with an infinite amount of faces on it right like facets and that diamond is connected to every other diamond in this net and in each infinite face it reflects the infinite faces of every diamond in this net so it's it turns your brain kind of inside out but to me what i love about that metaphor is it it explains one of the laws of the universe

which is like fractal patterns the micro is reflected in the macro like in these calls for peace it's like end whatever war exists in yourself because when our response is to go to battle with anything like that energy is still carried in our world. It's still carried as a vibration in us. So I genuinely believe if we're looking hard enough for our reflection and something, we will find it. I think recently I've gotten to a place where I might be like in a spot where I feel like I might want to pick up the Bible again, because I had to grieve it. I had to get angry at it and I had to throw it away.

And now after through messages and Shanna with the Sophia, I've, I've realized that everything was a metaphor. Yeah. So now I can pick it up and read it from this place of love and not anger anymore and compassion and look for the juice of the story, the metaphor, you know, like I'm finally, finally there now, of course it's so hard for me, but there's part of me that's like, I didn't think that would ever come for me. I was too angry and I was too mad at what it had done to our world. And I would suggest reading all of it. Like, let's not forget about the books that have been taken out and selected to not go into, you know, the narrative of the

story they were creating because Jesus taught the Pistis Sophia. If that would have been taught from the very beginning, we would be different. You know, all of these things that were hidden have been unearthed, unearthed. People are awakening enough to like me, if I can read it, anybody can. Well, I have to tell you, it took me a year to figure this shit out. So I definitely believe we need some groups to help each other get through it. But I mean, I cannot believe, you know, the amazing wisdom that Jesus spoke within these gospels. They are absolutely aligning with me, aligned with what the Mayans teach, aligned with the Buddhists, aligned with Hinduism

and all of the cultures around the world. Mm-hmm. You know what's cuckoo? Nothing. Me. Everything. No, so- Nothing but everything is cuckoo.

Both. On this whole Bible tip, I was not raised religious. I have never read the bible like i know the the gist of the story but in the past like two years it's like i i'll send these to y'all after and you can see for yourself but it's like wild how the metaphors and the symbols and the meaning of this yes like they have started coming through in my writing to the point where I'm like, who am I? I was not raised on this Jews, but.

You hanging out with that Archangel Michael. I know you do. You want to know what else I think is really important to bring up to our listeners is we so overthink everything as humans. Like you're talking about like these symbols you're talking about, really important to bring up to our listeners is we so overthink everything as humans. Like you're talking about like these symbols you're talking about, like, we're really, we make everything so much more fucking difficult than it is. The most profound shit I've ever heard in my life messages that I've gotten from the divine are be still you're one you're a messenger you are love okay like most people might be like you call that profound those little tiny things that we just overlook that are the most profound

fucking things of all nature something like that oh yeah they go so the beings that I work with are constantly like they love word puns so they're always pointing out to me these like these words that have double meanings double entendres and they're telling me why so like I'll give you an example one of them so it comes through in divinations that I do with people a lot where I'll be like like you know kind of explaining this message and then they'll I'll be like, like, you know, kind of explaining this message. And then they'll be like, how do I explain what they're really trying to say? And they'll be like alter. And I'll be like, Ooh. So for example, a friend of mine was, um, is really trying to, like, he's never been in a long relationship, like ever. And he's like, when will I find love?

How will I find love? Blah, blah, blah blah that was kind of his question and they basically were like you need to create an altar that embodies the love that you are seeking and as I was kind of explaining like the why behind it they were like well when you build an altar and you devote yourself to something your devotion changes the fabric of reality and so they're saying altar like the shrine altars change right yeah yeah and holy shit yeah and symbols you said symbols like we just overlook symbols because we don't give them enough space to like resonate with us. There are times when I finally wake up to something that's been like in my orbit, a symbol, a metaphor, a message, a word, even just been like repeating and finding me. And then I'm like, wow, that's what it means. Like you've been trying to communicate.

And I've just been like you know passing right over it because I'm too busy I'm too this I'm trying to make it more than what it is totally yeah like Shanna you've been getting a lot of symbols yeah with so many I mean just I'm I in fact I have so much around the divine feminine wisdom. The Sophia thing is that I'm actually creating a separate mini series to be able to explain it all. So I've got to break it down. But it's very, very important information that I've received that I have to share. I mean, I have to.

Otherwise, what good would it be just for me? It all has so much meaning. And so that's what I named my mini series Allegory, because everything is an allegory. Everything is a story within a story within a story. I love that. It goes so deep. It goes so deep. Yeah, so deep.

You know, I have a question. I've moved a lot. You know, you just did this big move too. The one thing that I've realized recently through all of my moves is I don't have to go to Peru to have an experience and to get whatever it is Peru wants to teach me. I don't even have to move out of this house into this acreage to get the experience I'm searching for right now with the end. Will it be more convenient and helpful? Yes. But the reality of it is that when Shanna was talking, I was kind of thinking about like, I think God or the divine,

whatever you want to call it, knows that we couldn't all be in India. We couldn't go around the world to have these experiences to awaken us, find them wherever we're at. Does that make sense what I'm trying to say? Okay. So something that I've just, I've been thinking a lot about, cause I have also been doing a lot of ancestral work this year and I have not. So before the pandemic, I was traveling like so much, right. Going all around the world, doing all kinds of things. Great. Awesome. Love it. And since the pandemic, like obviously I was grounded, rooted and kind of forced to stay home for a lot of reasons, like literally did not leave my mountain for two years, have found myself really slow.

And anyways, I really am trying to say this without judgment because I think that people travel for a lot of different reasons, but I have become a lot more present to the fact that like going to Bali to have a spiritual awakening is a form of kind of like imperialism. And I think that it's really important to be mindful of like this extractive idea of like, oh, I go to this other culture to extract this idea that I bring back with me because I'm like, how is that serving you? Like, as you say, God lives in all of these things. It lives in us. It lives in your backyard. It lives in a McDonald's. And while I am someone that really wants to have certain surroundings to feel more in tune with myself, like I'm back living in a city again, which is wild. I never thought that would happen. It's probably not my permanent location,

but I feel it's really important for us to like, keep that in mind. Like you can have an awakening in fucking New Jersey. If you want it. Girl, we're in Aurora, Colorado. Exactly. We're not up in Boulder in the mountains. That's right.

We're all special. We're all equally divine. I'm telling you right now. It could be a homeless person right now in the middle of a city that might be the wisest like, I need to go down to Peru to have an Iowa. Yeah. Like, cool. I think there's, it's great to support these tribes and these cultures and like, by all means,

like I'm probably going to go internationally, like travel again, but I just think that's part of like, we as Americans, I feel like feel very unrooted and unrounded in our identity. For me right now, the real work is like, I have a lot of friends who are like, oh, we should all go down to Costa Rica and like start a retreat center. And it's like, no, I, if I'm going to start a retreat center, it's going to be on like my ground, my land.

And you know what, on the flip side, when I lived in Las Vegas and was just like, you know, deep into the self-hate and shame and the addiction and drinking all of my pain away, I thought if I moved from Sin City to the Bible Belt, then, oh, then I won't have the fucking problem anymore. No, people, you can't run from your problems because the problem wasn't the city. It wasn't the strip clubs. It wasn't the cocaine. It wasn't the drug dealer. It wasn't the strippers. It was fucking me. It was you. And so when I went to Arkansas, I just drove my little ass to the Missouri border and continued drinking and destructing and hating and shaming and guilting myself back into that dark space in

this beautiful acreage on a lake with a golf course, looking at fucking Eagles in Arkansas. And you know what? I would also say it's the same with the relationship. You leave the relationship thinking, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to leave this one and go to, you know, and figure it all out with the next one or whatever. And you find yourself right back into the same. It's the same thing. If the work doesn't need to be done on the outside, the work is in the inside. Yo, my, when my life fell apart and this is not the first time it's fallen apart, right? Like that is something I'm here to explore. That's part of my gift to myself and to the world is that I go through the crucible again and again and again.

But there was this moment as I was living in my parents' basement in Western Virginia, where I was just like, why me? Why me? And let me tell you. So I was doing a lot of shadow work at that time because I was like, I need whatever I need to see. I need to see, I need to see it. And one of the things I finally did was like, I took responsibility for like what you just spoke to, which was like, oh, wait, I'm the one who decided to call in a head fuck of massive proportions. So I could show myself one I'm never going to go through this again

yeah two that I like living at the edge right like it was me who called this in and I share that with my entire newsletter because I was like I'm holding myself publicly accountable y'all it was me yeah I'm like I don't know why sick twisted part of me that just like, it turns me on when people hold up their fucking accountability. I'm like you, I don't give a shit what you do. I don't care if you're, I don't care what it is, but when they hold accountability, I'm like, that is fucking hot. I feel that about myself too, because it's so freeing is so freeing. It's so sexy to be accountable.

And we have taught ourselves that it's like horrible and we should keep it secret. And it's just, it's so freeing. And it takes a lot of sitting and listening, a presence with conversations and relationships, you know, to be able to, you know, kind of like own up to that shit or let it go and understand that's not yours. And then the space that it takes, like you said about the war, which I thought was huge and so symbolic that so many times we're just impulsively jumping into war when we can pause a little bit and kind of weigh our outcomes a little bit. Is this going to be beneficial for me to interact with this? Probably not. Yeah. You know, what

kept popping up for me when you were talking about that was chaos. And it's because my brain was originally like wired with the principles of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. So I always go back to a lot of times in the big book, they would talk about the principles of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. So I always go back to, um, a lot of times in the big book, they would talk about the insanity and the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and getting the same results. And I feel like that we as humans are stuck in that cycle, in that loop and repeating history over and over again. And God's just up there. God and goddess are up there just like, Hmm, I wonder how long it's going to take these fucking idiots to get out.

Actually, though, if you think about it, we are coming out of that. And that's exactly what's going on is we are moving into the fourth dimension, just the fact that a three are in the fourth dimension right now, you know what I mean? Just talking about all of this. So we are escaping this and that the fact that we have 10,000 people over 10,000 people a week listening to us is amazing because they too are searching for other people who are awakening to that too. Because when you do, you're looking at the three dimensional people and the chaos, like jump on board people. I think that we have to have grace for our human side that gets caught back up in that chaos sometimes because I think as a whole we're

addicted to it which is why the humanity can't get out of it because we're actually all an addict. We're addicted to chaos and insanity and so we can each do our individual part but i find myself getting sucked into that insanity and chaos sometimes as a spiritual person who's had growth and then i i can either beat myself up like we talked about or i can go all right now it's time to fucking put your armor back on and charge forward okay i love this and yeah kind of coming back around to like why it someone um pointed something out to me the other day because not taking a not being responsible to myself allowed me to kind of live at a critical distance from my life right it allowed me to feel less so that when it didn't hurt so bad but also didn't feel so good and it was was such a wake up call to be like, oh, I don't want to live like that.

Like, I don't want to live like a few steps removed from who I am just to kind of like not feel so intensely. And I feel like that's a lot of what people are struggling with is like, oh, if I take responsibility, then I have to come to terms with like the immense amount of shame or judgment or anger or resentment or grief. Like all of these super intense, difficult emotions, which let's be real, fucking suck. Like having to process so much of my shame and grief, my anger, my resentment, all of that over the past few months was just like, did not want to like call my friends and have, my anger, my resentment, all of that over the past few months was just like, did not want to like call my friends and have a nice catch up with them because I was like,

I feel horrible. I am in my shit storm. It is not fun to share or to be witnessed in, but I feel that that's part of what we need to do as a culture is like come back and take responsibility. And at the same time, like forgiveness, atonement are super key ingredients. Because if we're not able to forgive ourselves, we're not able to forgive other people. And, you know, in studying the course of miracles, they talk about how miracles emerge from right seeing. And that to me is like the real truth is not you are wrong. I am right. I am right.

You are wrong. The real truth is neutral. And when we can find a place of actually recognizing what that is, even when there's like these huge stakes and taking responsibility for our role in perpetuating it without beating ourselves up, I think we could have some really freaking amazing movement as a culture. Like to me, it's kind of like the distinction of, when I think of like patriarchal energy, it's like the, it's like the fist, right? It's like the punisher. It's like the judgment. It's like control. And when I think of like the mother, like the divine feminine, it's like, we're all a part of this system. We all play a role and we don't get to just eliminate something that we think is not working. Yeah. It's a completely

different mentality that we're trying to arrive at. God, you said that so pretty. And I mean, of course, that's why we had you on again, because we just love the way you break shit down your words. And you're just so raw. You know, I was sitting at that crawfish boil and I was talking to this kid. He's like probably one of the smartest mechanical engineers. He builds robots like he was like so smart that I actually said to him, yo, like I am not understanding shit you're saying right now. Can you like come down to my level a little bit? He laughed and he did. And we ended up in this deep conversation about how he's been researching the history of California because he wanted to know what his part was in slavery and I was like

wow that's really like deep like that he took the time and I said like what was your intention he's like I just wanted to hold myself accountable for my piece in it and even though like you know people say it was forever ago or like you know like I still like we all have a tiny piece in it and even though like you know people say it was forever ago or like it you know like I still like we all have a tiny piece in it and I so we ended up in this conversation and he did say that he he had some shame and guilt which is what a lot of people are afraid of but I think what people are forgetting is what you just said is once we can all just see, we played a piece in it, whether, whether if we could just admit it, there's so much love and freedom that comes from that. It's not something you're going to sit in forever. And then what

comes from that is this all standing together in that uniting and making these movements you're talking about. In that place, in that vibration, there's no hate and shame and all that stuff can't even survive within that and within love and forgiveness and all that it just can't even survive i mean it doesn't even exist when you're out in nature i was thinking about that when you're talking about guilt and shame and all these low vibrational things that eventually turn into hate, war, disease, COVID and all these things. But when you're out in nature, are you feeling guilt and shame? When you're sitting with that tree, putting your feet in the ground, you know what I mean? Maybe you are like Mandy was, she was receiving wisdom or whatever and feeling that, but that was just, you know, that was wisdom.

You know, she wasn't actually feeling, she was feeling love and all. Oh, absolutely. Like when I got to the point where I realized I took the ocean for granted and that, um, I had sat there and bitched about all the trash that she's digesting and never gone and picked any up on a Sunday or chosen to help be the one that picks it up. I was like, you know, I didn't feel it. Like I hate you, Mandy. and never gone and picked any up on a Sunday or chosen to help be the one that picks it up. I was like, you know, I didn't feel it. Like I hate you, Mandy. There was none of that or like you're shitty person or you have no compassion. It was like, it's okay. You were ignorant to it, which is exactly what we have to tell ourselves who, who like myself, who does have plantation

owners. I mean, I went through that, you know, you don't have to carry the shame and guilt. I think a lot of people think you do. That's the misunderstanding is that again, just like my fuck happy motto this year, like fuck happy. People think happiness is this place you're supposed to go to and stay in. Well, it's just like the shame. You might feel it for a second, but then once you own it, it's like happy. It's just an emotion that will come and go and the shame will be fucking gone the second you own it all of our emotions are temporary but the love it is that connectedness to everybody and I think that people get like the feeling of love and happy kind of instrued I'm looking for. So I need to be loved when really, if you just connect with yourself and the love within, and, or you connect with nature,

you connect with Sophia or whatever, that's where you actually feel the divine, which I think that's when we feel are happy. That's what I think is the happy thing called divine here's the thing too I feel like I relate to that so hard because it's like why are we all aspiring to feel a constant when some contrast is an essential paradox of the world like right like you clarity you're so focused on feeling happy all the time the way that like happiness is given more intensity is like when you have felt sadness right like you can better understand happiness by experiencing grief and depression yeah and so like this idea that like I'm just gonna stay happy for the rest of my life like this is just like a flat line of happiness. It's like you remove aliveness.

So my little girl, Kinsley gets stuck on. I'm sad. I'm like, what are you sad about? And she's like, I don't know, but I feel sad. She doesn't know how to process what she's feeling. But, you know, now that you're saying that about happy, I almost wonder if it's really not sadness that you're feeling. Maybe it's just heaviness. Maybe I need to have her kind of go deeper with what she's experiencing and stop, you know, putting labels on words like happy and sad. Well, and I would like what comes to mind too. And it's something

I've been practicing for myself, which is like recognizing that I mentalize, I intellectualize my emotions so much, which actually prevents me from feeling. So I've been like every night after work, I take 30 minutes and I turn on beautiful music and I dance and I don't think about it. I just let myself like, it's been so cathartic. And, um, so I invite you to be like, how could she express whatever she's feeling in like a physical way? I urge exactly like move it because that to me has been the most profoundly, as you said, like every emotion is not forever. Yeah. She thinks she has to be happy.

That's for sure. Yeah. You should make her a fuck happy t-shirt. I'm sure her teachers will love it. I would love a fuck happy t-shirt. Double meaning. You want to know it? I was just in there thinking the simplicity of this feather I found from an owl. So we overanalyzed that happy is supposed to be like this profound experience or this place we go. And I was just rubbing it and feeling like happy, like just the design and how beautiful it is and how it feels like silk in my fingers.

Like for our listeners, like happy doesn't have to be this big fucking profound thing, just like messages. You know, that word you talked about Catherine alter our world is really fucking hung up on words and they're in the wrong way. So we've got this generation of kids that are using anxiety and sadness and depressed, not truly even knowing because it's almost trending. I hate to say that, but it's like, we have got to teach them that sadness doesn't mean something's wrong with you. That sadness is not a bad place to be. That being depressed is not a bad place. Like there's a lesson in it. Like we have really fucked people up by creating these words to label people. They grab onto it and they hold it. And they think that they're permanently that they don't know that there's a process and that it can move. Yeah. Just like we don't call

anxiety, anxiety, we call it energy on the chest. And I say all the time but maybe Fanny I need you to shift your sadness or something or just maybe focus more on the experience of what she's physically feeling like that discernment part and less about the word yeah because it's like like I think about like what does my body want to do when I'm angry it wants to move it wants to move. It wants to thrash. It wants to release a lot of intense energy. Like each emotion has a function. So like alerts me to a violation of my boundaries. Like, oh, that person didn't treat me well. And I'm upset. Like I can crash and move, but if I'm not willing to enforce my own boundaries, then I'm going to continue to feel that anger. I was on Venice beach and I walked by, you know, your typical store that

has all the same shit as the next one. But there was this guy's just sitting in his chair and I was like, how are you doing? And he's like, I'm so bored. I'm so bored that if you come in my store, I'll give you 60% off. And I'm like, Oh, here we go, Mr. Salesman. So I look past him and I see he's got like some gold chains and my son's graduating and he wants a necklace. So I look past him and I see he's got like some gold chains and my son's graduating and he wants a necklace. So I was like, all right, so me and Kurt go in and we start talking about Kurt bought like a Buffalo nickel coin from like 1932 that he wants to make a new necklace. So we're talking to this gentleman and he used to be a Chippendale in Vegas. OK, I swear to God, but he was one of the most spiritual people I've ever met. He sat there and he goes, it's okay.

If I give you guys like a little insight on what's happening with your two's conversation right now, because we were going back and forth about this gold necklace. And we're like, yeah, he's like, you're a Taurus. You were born in April and you were born in November in the beginning of November. Your birthday is right. Like the first couple of weeks of November spot on told me my birthday and my husband, our birthday and told me that I meant I mentally am always overanalyzing every emotion. I'm always in my head and like, it ends up like breaking our lives down to the point where we were like mouth dropped.

His grandfather had been teaching him astrology and like numerology his entire life. And like, it ends up as we're sitting with this guy, he talks for two hours to us about like, he was so spot on. I was like, you were in the wrong business. You should be an astrologist. He was so wise. And, and I, it was, we were walking away and I realized, you know, that's why I'm not very grounded because I am a lot in here. Yeah. And so, you know, back to what you were saying, I tend to take those emotions and instead of letting them flow, like the anger and feeling it in my body and then letting it

release, I tend to hold onto it in here. Fixed earth, baby. Amateur is rising. So I get it. Take my ex relationship. For instance, my last one, I rationalized staying in a toxic relationship that was not serving me because I was like able to do so. Right. I was able to kind of override, like literally every time we hung out from the beginning, it was like, like gut clenching. And I ignored it. I was like, Oh, you're just excited. Oh, you're just this. And then I was like, finally one day I was like, Oh, I think this person energetically is too much

for you. Cause you literally, your guts clench. And that should be a big sign that like, like that's my, what was it? Sacral chakra. Yeah. So like I had to look at that pattern in my life too. And my experience was that it felt that uncomfortable weirdness, that gut clenching place was something I was actually felt safe in because I had had it living within me since I was so young. Bingo. Like I was like, Oh, number one in my family. Like there was a lot of like

suppressed and swallowed emotions. Like not a lot of, I would say constructive like conflict. Yeah. So I think that's part of it is like, I was like a certain level of chaotic emotional dysfunction. It feels normal to me. A friend in a channeled Akashic reading recently like blew my mind because he was like oh you put yourself in this situation of like infatuation romance and betrayal so that you can feel something and I was like and how long have we faked it you just fake it and just pretend everything's okay I know I grew up that way. I mean, you know, as a child, I pretended and said I was okay. You know, when I wasn't, no one told me to listen to my body and tension in my body. If something didn't feel right to know that that was a sign, we weren't taught

these things that we're trying to figure out in their forties. And like, are you kidding me? But you know, now that I'm listening to the both of you like Kinsley is very very honest about her feelings because I've always had her tell me her feelings and now that she is I'm afraid of them because Kinsley would never just pretend to be okay to me okay she might at school or to other people but I've always given her that safe space that she would always be raw and honest about her feelings so maybe I'm just I'm the one afraid of the things that she's saying when I've been telling her all along to tell me how she feels oh I guess fuck oh yeah so you're thinking what Shanna so maybe she's just being very raw with me maybe I'm more worried about her honesty because this is my own issues

I will say that as someone who has gone through like who I would say I'm still codependent like I'm still working through that. Yes. Me too. Yeah. Like that is a huge, I have a friend who's very honest. I love him. And there are times where I noticed myself like bracing when he's so direct with me, because like, again, that wasn't something I experienced in like safe environments. I did not have a lot of experience with people just communicating their truth without there being

some sort of anger or consequence or rejection. Me too. No one ever wants to talk about that, but see here, I was opening up, you know, I'm healthier in my life. So I was trying to bring her into that. And now she's, you know, scaring me with her emotions. But Shanna, like, I'm going to, okay, I'm going to be that friend that she just described to you real fast. You do avoid. I know. You avoid, like, I'll be very raw with you about something. And you just skip that shit.

Like, I ain't talking about that. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Now that she's telling me emotions, I'm like, oh God. But I've really tried not to do that with her because it really scares me it's your daughter it's so hard not to attach to her feelings when she's telling you she's sad or something you know like it's so fucking hard as a mom to do that whole non-attachment thing like i know but now i'm thinking it's good that she's telling me that so

it is very very good girl yeah because i would have never told my mom that ever. Oh no. I swallowed that shit. I was like, no one's going to know that I'm struggling ever. She tells me all the time. Do you know how many times a day she comes to me and says, can I get a hug? And then she'll be like little longer mom. I mean, just stuff like that.

She tells me what she needs. That's amazing. I mean, just stuff like that. She tells me what she needs. That's amazing. I know if she can express and ask for like things directly, I'd say that's a huge accomplishment. Guess what else? If I touch her too much, she says, please stop. That's uncomfortable. Oh, good. Shanna, you've been teaching her this. Like, this is this is beautiful she's she's saying to you things that all the kids that age are probably thinking and it's freaking you the fuck out that's what i'm just thinking just now yeah and then the thing is that i still have some work to do because i don't it freaks me out but she's actually doing what i've been teaching her. Okay. So I think what we've basically come to on this

episode today is we have work to do still girls. And guess what? It lasts for fucking ever. Dude, every time I think to myself, got that one figured out. Good for me. Here I go. And then like a week later, something happens that's challenging.'m like wait a second like oh is it funny i'm like why do i delude myself into thinking like i'm on the train to pleasure town forever i know because we're still receiving we're like leveling up leveling up if we're never ever faced with this shit then how would we ever continue to evolve well and guess what kat you said that you got into this little pity party like why me why me why me I still go there too because I'm like I you know I've said it a million times on

here but sometimes I'm like I'm gonna fucking semester off like I just want one fucking semester off God from this school that's reasonable yeah just that's it you can fucking slam my face with some shit in three weeks, but give me like just, just three weeks of just some peace and serenity and nothing. It's okay to sit in that space for a minute, but you got to just eventually climb out. So then I remember it's okay that I fell into that pity party for a moment, but the difference is I didn't stay there and I didn't feed it. I felt it.

And then I, you know, me and Shan always call it our warm shit. Like our warm shit is really cozy. It's it feels nice to sit in and you don't want to get up because you're just used to it. Well, no, I'll sit there for a minute now or before I'd sit there for years. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to sit in my pity. I'm not my pity party. And then I'm gonna get the fuck up and get out of it. Okay. Wait, I just happened to have cats cards in my hand because I knew we were having her on and I just pulled a card and guess what it is? It's about one shit. I want us three to do this.

All right. We're going to give each other a sacred name. So Kat, first of all, Kat's cards are awakened. Are you still selling those? I am. They're so amazing. The portal to connection. They really do.

They're amazing. My kids have used them. My adult, young adult kids have. My younger kids. I have, we used them at our retreat. Yeah. They're amazing. They're, they're adorable little cards. You could just put them in your purse. I think I had them in my purse for like six months. It was awesome. Um, but they're called awaken and we'll put the link on there for everyone to get online and buy them. But I pulled one and it says, give someone a sacred name. Yes. So let's give each other a sacred name. All right. Hold on. I got to think of. Okay. All right. So who's giving who,

should we just go in a circle? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have cat to my right, Mandy underneath me. Nice. That's what I see too. Really? Oh cool i didn't ever i always wondered i'm gonna have to connect and really yeah okay i put absolutely zero ego in it these two words came to me and i wrote them down and boom and they're weird as fuck dude that's what i was thinking i was like man i don't know where absolutely zero ego in it. These two words came to me and I wrote them down and boom, they're weird as fuck. Dude, that's what I was thinking. I was like, man, I don't know where this came from, but that's what I love is that now I just, you know, I've gotten to a space where I can just trust it and say it. And at some point it's not wrong. It's not right. It's not weird.

It's not, it's just,'s just it is yes so interesting that we brought up this game because another version of this game is introduce yourself as the actual like meaning of the words of your name so like I was hosting this um like uh online sort of rite of passage thing and I had everyone go look up the meanings of their names and then introduce themselves as that. Oh, I would be there for like an hour talking about the map. Right. It's like, where do they go to look up their name? So anywhere. So like you would look up Mandy. Oh, right. And then like you, and you might have to do a little research depending on what your name is.

Oh, mine for instance. What is it? Yeah. What is it? Hold on. I looked it up one time. Um, to order or to command. But on that one website for teenagers, the the slang one what's that one called

where you look up slang oh your urban dictionary name yeah it means whore whoa what are you serious yeah i almost pissed my pants i was dying i'm like i'm cool with that i don't take any offense to that whatsoever I'm a commanding whore I like this I do too it definitely reveals some interesting like um okay should we reveal our our real yeah name yeah okay mine are very strange should i go yes okay so shanna yes this is what i just was like who is shanna tell me it was mandy shanna what came up for you was lily bear oh i like that um mandy what came up for you was water oh honey oh i have a very special relationship with water okay you want me to go yes shanna i this is strange i got sahara

sahara what does that mean mandy the desert sahara and for you i got this is so weird i got ist ist okay you know what's funny because one of my nicknames for myself is like isness yeah i just got ist for you ist oh i love love it. Also, I really quick looked this up because I was like, oh honey, what does that mean? Warrior, water warrior. Ooh. Oh yes, I totally get it for the water. That's so, mine actually was going to have water in it too,

but I couldn't find anything that rhymed. I love it. Hannah's over there trying to create a rap oh i you know it girl yeah i'm looking for like rhyming words she's like trying to channel like freaking tupac no i'm not actually you know what yours is peaceful fuck happy goddess also i love that fuck happy also to me brings up like she is fucking happy and then yours is the goddess of authentic metamorphosis i love where we all went with me i know You know what I kept getting for you too, Kat? Was like, everything that was coming through my mind was with the ist.

And then it said, stop, it's just the ist. But like the vocabularist, like the alchemist. Metamorphosis. See, yours rhymes with mine. There you go. My subject metamorphosis is the ist. Okay. That twist. There you go. Oh my God, you guys, thank you for that. That's actually one of the ones I've,

you know, cause sometimes you like pull them with people and you'll get like certain ones or people like to play certain ones. I've never played that one with anyone. Oh yeah. I don't know that I have either. I love that your game has very simple ones and then ones that you might have to connect with so there's ones you don't need to and ones you do i think what was really cool that our listeners could just learn from playing it if they pick it up is just to trust the first thing that that comes to you and don't try to overanalyze it because that's what connection is all about. Amen, mama. Yeah, for sure.

It's been so refreshing to have you on, you know, like it was really cool too, to just let the conversation flow. I didn't feel like I was interviewing someone. I felt like I was with one of my best friends, just chilling. Like this is how I would talk to anyone sitting at a coffee shop or out in the woods. So thank you. Yeah. And the next time you move, come into the center and come closer to us.

I will let you know, cause I might be in Colorado this summer to visit a friend. And I'd like to like actually hang out with some cool people. Oh my God. Guess what my name means. Which means ancient lily wait which part god did you see my face i like my heart too it says the meaning of shanna is ancient lily god is gracious beautiful and in Hebrew, origin. What? Are you kidding me? Dude, I've been taking a telepathy class recently.

That's so fun. You're doing good. A plus. Wow. Holy crap. Are you kidding me? The meaning of Shanna, I've never even looked it up, the meaning of Shanna is ancient lily. I've got chills dude oh my god yeah

i love shanna you need to get rid of all your florida leaves and put up a bunch of lilies girl oh it's so funny because like as soon as i asked for both of you the first two words was like lily water and i was like okay like let's just see what like right what you said like running with your intuition not second guessing it yeah hold on you guys i went on to read the rest of it and it says which means also professor or wisdom oh like so yeah And now it's time for break that shit down. Well, first of all, I want to share my gratitude. You two are just amazing ladies. I so appreciate this time every time. What I feel called to share is a teaching from one of my teachers that

rocked my world, continues to rock my world, and kind of bubbled up throughout this conversation. And it was when the conditions are right, time begins. So don't reach for anything. Just get more ready because when your conditions are right, time starts. That's good. You're so amazing.

I love you. You can come on whenever you want just to shoot the shit with us dude seriously i appreciate this so much because i was like that's what i felt like we were doing just a bunch of like woke ass women being like let's shoot this shit let's talk about what's happening maybe we need to just make that an episode like every once in a while it's just going to be called shoot the shit oh yes so we need to just make the o because you know i'm an ackerman chick what could o stand for shoot out shit fucking love it you're rad you're amazing you you raise my vibe like i'm ready for my day now so thank you really i seriously cannot believe you pulled that out. That was amazing.

I love it. Blessings to you both. Are you at a crossroad and can't figure out your next step? Ritual Lab is a monthly support group for creative women who want to break through. Drop into this free space to swap tips, share stories, and explore innovative solutions to your most pressing challenges. If you're ready to think differently, this is the space to shift your perspective. Hosted by the transformational facilitator, initiated medicine woman, and our soul sister, Catherine Hargreaves, Ritual Lab mixes ancient and modern techniques to enable massive leaps.

You can sign up for this group at youarethemagic.us. It's an honor for Sense of Soul to sponsor Ritual Lab. Find the link in the show notes to sign up for this Thursday's group. Thanks for being with us today. We hope you will come back next week if you like what you hear don't forget to rate like and subscribe thank you we rise to lift you up thanks for listening