Sense of Soul - Fear Is Not An Option

Episode Date: July 8, 2022

Today on Sense of Soul Podcast we have Monica Berg, who is an international speaker, spiritual thought leader, and author of Fear is Not an Option and Rethink Love. Monica serves as Chief Communications Officer for Kabbalah Centre International and she along with her husband, co host the Spiritually Hungry podcast. If that isn’t enough, Monica has been working on a Children’s book series along with 8 year old.  As a mother, wife, sister, daughter, teacher, friend, author, podcaster, cardio enthusiast and change junkie, Monica integrates all that she is into her mission of sharing with others, what she’s discovered. Monica is a fresh voice that channels the powerful internal spark of Light living within us all.  Learn more about Monica at her website  https://rethinklife.today/about/ https://www.spirituallyhungrypodcast.com Follow Monica’s journey  https://m.facebook.com/ monicaberg74 IG: @monicarberg74 Visit Sense of Soul at www.mysenseofsoul.com Join our Sense of Soul Patreon!! Our community of seekers and lightworkers who get exclusive discounts, live events like SOS Sacred Circles, ad free episodes and more. You can also listen to Shanna’s new mini series, about the Goddess Sophia! Sign up today and help support our podcast. As a member of any level you get 50% off Shanna’s Soul Immersion Healing Experience! https://www.patreon.com/senseofsoul

Welcome to the Sense of Soul podcast. We are your hosts, Shanna and Mandy. Grab your coffee, open your mind, heart and soul. It's time to awaken. Today we have with us Monica Berg. She's the author of Fear is Not an Option. And she serves as the Chief Communications Officer for the Kabbalah Center International in New York. And she is the host of the Spiritual Hungry podcast, where she has real authentic conversations with her husband. Monica's mission is to show individuals how to create a life that not only feels like it's working, but most importantly, a life in which they are living and loving as the powerful, fulfilled person they've always wanted to be. And we are

super excited to have her on today. Thank you so much for being with us, Monica. How are you doing? I'm good. Thank you. Thank you for coming on. We're super excited. Yeah, me too. Yeah. So this is kind of your jam. You're an international speaker. You travel quite a bit. I do. Yeah. I'm also an author of our children's book or my first children's book coming out in the fall. I co-wrote that with my youngest. So very excited about that. Yeah. I have nine books coming out. So six are written. One is out the door. How old is your youngest? Eight. Already an author. Exactly. I wish that I'm doing all the things for my kids that I had to figure out and took this long to get there, to really provide them with the tools to help them know they can do anything. And that book,

really, it's called The Gift of Being Different. And she was diagnosed with dyslexia last year. So it's about that, about learning differences. But more than that, it's about understanding that your difference is your superpower. And you just need to discover what that is. And everybody has one. And that's amazing. So it's a very inspiring book and all of them are kind of around social, cultural themes like homelessness, autism, Down syndrome, empathy, kindness. And so it's not about the diagnosis, it's about what you need to become as a human and what you need to learn. And that this is a strong vehicle on how to understand that and navigate that. I love that. So that reminds me of like, so I have four kids. I have one who's autistic and then I have one, my last friend, she is so introverted, but she's the one that I struggle

the most with because he could care less if anybody thinks anything about him. He's like, ah, whatever. You know, and my other kids always say, God, I wish I was more like him and didn't care because he literally does not give a shit. He doesn't have an ego hardly. Well, I have four kids also. And one of mine has Down syndrome. So that's what the second book is about her brother, Josh, who, you know, now they both have a superpower and really it's a touch on it. Cause I don't want it to be a book about Down syndrome, but the thing that he has is he's naturally kind where the rest of us have to work really hard to kind of become kind.

That's natural for him. And then the things that we take for granted, like driving a car, tying our shoes, or living independently is something that he really has to work hard or possibly may not be able to do, right? So, you know, and that's exactly the point is that your kids can learn from, is it their brother?

So really be fearless and put yourself out there, not be afraid. The book about autism, Abigail's cousin, my sister's daughter is autistic, her name's Ruby. And that one is called Own Your Own Weird. And I said that on purpose because she's trying to hide who she is because she doesn't want to be weird or different.

So yeah, these are really great books. I'm really happy, inspired by them. And then of course, I'm still writing my nonfiction books. So I'm working on that one, the third one now. Well, I appreciate you making those books because I've been saying that for the longest time that they needed those kinds of books. And I'm happy to see that, you know, you do see the shift in the world that, you know, people are being more kinder to people who are struggling with disabilities. But I have found also that there's a little bit of autistic in me, you know, and in everybody, like if we can kind of empathize with what they're going through and kind of

see the world through their eyes in some way, we find ourselves a little bit too. Let's just throw out the word normal because nobody really is. Yeah. You know, I think dyslexia gets kind of overlooked too. Cause you know, my brothers shoot almost 50. And the other day he was talking to me about how he just always carried around this belief that he was stupid and he was always put in different classes and, and he still to this day struggles with the fact that he feels like he's not intelligent. And I was so sad for him. I'm like, holy crap, you've been carrying that like forever. And to see just how much it affected his life was, was sad, you know? Well, that's exactly why I wrote the book because I had a conversation with Abigail

and she turned to me one day and she said, and we had just gotten her diagnosed and I hadn't told her yet. It was I wanted to find the right time and space for grandmother was passing away at the time. So she comes to me as I'm getting out of the shower and she's like, do I need so much extra help? Because I'm stupid. And I was like, OK, she is not growing up. She's not going to have that in her mind. Right. Because she's exceptionally intelligent, by the way. And so that's why I wrote the book. And literally in the book, it says that mommy is it because I'm stupid. So thing is with your brother at that

time, they didn't know how to teach children with dyslexia. Now they have the Orman Cunningham approach. They have the Gillingham approach. They have so many different ways to teach, but for somebody who was 50, 60, like Arthur Fonzarelli, right? Henry Winkler, he's dyslexic. And by the way, it's genetic. You know, I'm really trying to get celebrities on board who are dyslexic or have children that are. So I can really get this out in a very big way. Your story of your little girl just brought back a memory I haven't thought about in so long I remember one time asking my son Ethan do you know why you have to be an ILC um you know like do you understand that and he was like he sat there for a minute and then he goes is it because I'm bad um and I like lost it exactly no

but yeah you definitely need to be open with your children about it too. And there's something wrong with needing extra help. In fact, my oldest daughter in college owned that 504 because she struggles with attention deficit disorder and stress and anxiety. And she used it. She was confident in asking for help. And so that just made her more powerful and successful. Exactly. They just need to know what to do with it. So yeah, fear is not an option. Exactly. So how do we not live in fear? Well, that's why I wrote the book because fear is something that is universal for everybody. And of course we have that to different degrees. I think in the world we're living in in the past two, three years, especially it's very much heightened,

but the truth of the matter is the fear that everybody has and has always had is fear of the unknown. So what I did in my book was I identified three different types of fear because the truth is there are some fears that are healthy and can be useful. But the realm that we live in, where we really feed the fear day in and day out is the part that gets the most of our attention and it's the ones we need to throw out. So I can break that down if you want me to. So the three types are real, healthy, and illogical. So let's start with healthy, actually. It's as it sounds, it's something that's there set up for your survival, for your protection. It keeps you safe. It keeps you from harm. So for instance, if you're walking too close to the edge of a cliff, your stomach might feel queasy. You step back, right? There's something in you that says, you know, stand back, even if we're too close to an open flame,

or even when intuition goes, we feel that in our gut when we're around somebody who doesn't feel safe, right? There's so many stories about that as well. It's there to help us navigate the world in a safe way. So great. Okay. Then there is real fear. And that is based on reality. It's the things that scare us the most, like fear of losing our loved ones, fear of aging, of getting ill. And, you know, those are fears. We see that happening day in, day out. But if you spend your time ruminating about that, worrying about when that day will come, you're missing out on the now, you're missing out on this moment and who you can become and your potential. And also it takes, it steals time away from you in essence. So that kind of fear can be used for a motivator for change. So for

instance, if we take the example of losing our loved ones, right? So you would then make sure and take great steps to spend time with your loved ones, make sure they are purposeful. You tell them how you feel. You enjoy the time together. You keep telling them that you love them instead of one day when that happens, right? So again, a great motivator. The third is illogical.

And that is fear of heights, elevators, death, spiders, public speaking, rejection. I mean, you name it. This is the realm, right? This is where we are. It has the ability to really stop us from living the life we're meant to, from stopping us to make great leaps of faith, to try new things, to go write the novel we always wanted to, to, you know, whatever it is that we really want, but you know, fear comes in and says, you can't do that. Or, you know, you're not worth it or whatever that narrative is in our mind. And that is where real fear can be completely eradicated. Of course it takes, you have to make a decision to do so.

And then you have to put effort. And the truth is you just, you know, small step after small step, again, Julie, you have great change that will occur, but that's really how you want to approach fear. That's what I was going to say. It seems like change is kind of the root of a lot of fear like I don't want to try to do something different because even though I'm fearful this is my my comfort zone well it's like that saying better the devil you know than the one you don't right I mean my the third book I'm working on now actually is about change and my second book is about love so I think fear love and change I think fear, love and change. I think those are the themes in our life that really play a big part. We obviously understand relationships are

super important. They have the ability to make us very happy or very miserable. And namely the relationship we have with ourselves is the one that needs a lot of attention that doesn't get it in the very beginning of our lives. And then we kind of forget about ourselves. We go on to investing time and energy in other people. And then we come back and say, wait a second, I'm still not happy with me. I need to put energy there. But with change, we spend a lot of time going through life, trying to feel safe and secure and to collect things that are going to make us feel safe and secure, right? The house, the car, the job to provide for our families. And the more things that we accumulate, the more that we have, the more we fear of ever changing anything, even if we're not really feeling happy, right? And even

if we're curious about something else, well, I better play it safe because it's better than that person over there who has financial instability or that other person over there who, you know, is single. I mean, at least my relationship's okay. It's not amazing, but it's not horrible. So we get into this place of the almost where we settle. It's good enough. It's not great. This is what I know.

So I think that to your point, fear and the desire for change, but the fear also of I have to change. We crave change, but we actually don't want to change, right? So when you start to live your life, understanding that taking those leaps of faith and really putting energy there, first of all, you'll love yourself, you'll accept yourself. And from that space, you can really change all the other areas that don't work for you. It's something that's really not talked about. Like people don't just openly talk about their fears. It's like we fear our fear.

There's a lot of shame that comes along with it. We really try to be perfect on how we appear to other people. We like to pretend like we have it all under control. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves that at a certain age, we should have had some things figured out by now and living a certain kind of life. So when your thoughts are all about the external and how it's perceived and what you should be, that doesn't leave a lot of space for actually being right. It's all out there. And it's really outside of your reach because you'll never find happiness. You'll never find fulfillment because it's always like, oh, you know, if I do this, then

what does that look like? Or if I do that, that it's not, you're not really living. It's basically what I did and how that makes me look and what I could do and how that makes me look. Yeah. I feel that a lot right now with my daughter and her friends that are all just graduating from high school and getting ready to go to college. They, they, they just have like so many fears that are, they don't seem like they like they're big things, but for these girls, they are like things like navigating directions in a new town, the they like they're big things but for these girls they are like things like navigating directions in a new town the classes that they're going to register for you know not

having a kitchen to cook in and showering in like a community area it's like they all seem silly but it's I mean these kids are just also conditioned into thinking that they have to go to college they have to you know get good grades it to, you know, get good grades. It's almost sad, honestly. Well, I wish that the emphasis, especially, I mean, throughout a child's life, but the question should be really what would make you happy? What in the world could you do that's going to also give back to the world? How can you be part of community of building? It can't just be, you know, get good grades, you get a good job. So you make a lot of money because without those other things that I mentioned that you

will not be happy, right? You can have those other things, right. That are all physical, but unless you feel purposeful, unless you're passionate about it, and also really a big part is giving back to the world. But at some point it's just not going to be enough. Yeah. So was there like a stage in your life or something that you went through that you kind of just awakened to this shift within yourself where you started speaking and really concentrating on being a powerhouse when it comes to

positivity and teaching people about tools to help them with life? Well, I think that I just started paying attention to life, but specifically, you know, asking questions like, what is my purpose in it? I think early on, very, very early on, I looked around to the adults around me and I noticed that nobody was really happy and they were all still searching and, and it felt scary to me. So I think that I, first, I didn't want to live my life that way in the uncertainty. And it was kind of chaotic. You know, they really weren't living their lives for themselves.

So I think early on, I started to ask those kinds of questions of what would make me happy? How could I discover that? And of course, first it happened with me not loving myself and not accepting myself and getting to a place where I made a choice that I don't want to live a mediocre life. And I came from a long line of sufferers. I'm Middle Eastern and that suffering mentality is very prevalent. And I just don't believe in suffering. And I don't believe in a life that just seems to be random.

And I think that we can create our lives. And I think we can do anything we really desire And I think, you know, we can do anything we really desire. Do you have to figure out what that is? So I just decided that no matter what happened to me and difficult things did happen along the way, but I was going to find purpose and meaning from them and then thereby grow from that experience. And so I started living life in that way. But again, that's not the model that I had. And I'm grateful for that because I think that it also helped me see and choose early on that I need to make a life for myself. I need to be able to figure that this is all there is to life, all the things I'm seeing, all the things that people are chasing that seem kind of meaningless, ultimately I saw enough. I was just like, I don't, this is not for me type of thing. You know what? It reminds me of you and your co-host who I want to talk about in a minute,

but you had talked about something that I was like, I have to get her to share this with our audience. And I thought it was so amazing. I look to nature, absolutely my teacher, especially the tree. And I heard you and your husband talking about the biodome story. And that was so amazing to me. Can you share that? Because it kind of like reflects what you just said about your life, basically, you know? Yeah, it's such a beautiful example. And again, we can look to nature so often for the big life lessons that we need.

There was a biodome that was created and it was perfectly put together with everything that it needed to thrive, right? The right trees, right? Animals, flowers, everything could occur in the most perfect way. And they wanted to really study and see what happened to the plants, trees, animals living in this infrastructure and ecosystem. And at first everything was fine. And then eventually they noticed that the trees were falling down one by one and they couldn't figure out what is it? What did we not look at? What did we overlook in creating this biodome that these trees now, and they were thriving, they were fine, but suddenly, you know, one by one by one. And they realized that the one component that they forgot was wind. And why did it need wind? Because when it's windy out, the tree's roots become stronger and stronger and more rooted in

the ground because it needs to, right? That's how it holds on to when it's windy out. And without that, these trees were weak and they weren't able to grow as they should. So the lesson for us, of course, if we take this into our own lives is that we all need opposition to really thrive and to really become the person we're meant to become, right? Because we never really know what our potential is and we're never really tapped into that. And most people don't, again, they don't think about that, right? So in raising our children, we really, you know, when hard things, difficult things happen to them, we're like, great, this is really good. And what is it that

you can learn from this? And by the way, remind them constantly that, you know, this is one of many, many hard things that are going to happen to you. If you think this is the worst day of your life, wait, there will be other days. And I don't want to scare them, but I want them to understand that this is something that's going to grow them and build them in the person that they are really meant to be, that they have the ability to be. I mean, I talk about this in relationships a lot too. Even if you're in a happy relationship, I mean, my husband and I are going on 25 years of marriage in August and every relationship is meant to be greater and greater and greater. And that's not the approach to relationships. You think you found the one, you're in love, there's attraction, you feel stable, whatever your narrative may be. And some

don't have even great narratives, but even in the best relationships, it can be even better. And I think that we need to understand that going into it, understand the love that you have for each other is meant to grow year by year. You're supposed to feel ways that you can't even imagine in the place you are today. And that's why growth and transformation is so important because from your perfected self, right? Your potential self, who you become, you have no way of understanding that from the place that you're in today, right? Because wherever you are today is as far as you can see, right? So imagine who you can be if you devote change and that's your constant each and every day, you'll be unrecognizable to self

five years from now. Wow. And that really starts with Ben, totally. I mean, because, you know, you can't think like I'm going to make him happier or I'm going to make him healthier since I am. I mean, it's just, I've been getting this question a lot lately. Actually, I created a circle just recently to be able to talk about this because a lot of people, you know, don't go on the same path. One's maybe a little bit ahead of the other, or maybe one's completely asleep. And, you know, what do you say to people like that who have challenges within that spiritual growth? Well, that's the thing. It's hard when, because I always say that

the one ingredient that every relationship really needs is spirituality. And I don't, I don't really care what it is. It could be any form of spirituality, but there needs to be that, because if not, there's a tricky thing that comes in the middle. It's a three-letter word, and that's called the ego that really pits people against each other. I want to be right. You're wrong. How could you do this? You didn't understand me. Why didn't you read my mind? Why didn't you get me flowers? Whatever it is, ego is at constant work. So if there's not a spiritual component, then it's hard to stay connected and it's really hard to grow together. I often, you know, my husband marries many people and I also now speak at the weddings and I often

say that your commitment shouldn't just be, you know, to the love that you have for one another, but it needs to be a commitment to growing together every single day of your lives. I mean, that has to be the intention because if not, and this is what people underestimate about change. We're changing every single moment. In this moment, you and I are changing in ways we can't even see, right? Suddenly you wake up, you have a gray hair.

When did that happen? How did that change occur? There are constant changes all the time and we don't pay attention to them. And it's the same with our partners. We're not noticing the ways they're changing. We're not even noticing the ways we're changing. So your only free will is you get to choose in what way you're changing, because it's either going to be that you're going backwards, right? For instance, as we talked about fear earlier, if you have a fear and you don't actually challenge it, the fear becomes stronger and stronger. And then you have another fear, another fear.

And before you know it, you're a fear-based person. You're not aware that that change is happening, but that's what happens when you don't challenge yourself. And it's the same that if you did develop a new fear and you challenge every day that I am not going to accept this, I'm going to do the thing that scares me the most. So you are directing which way that you're changing and growing. So it's the same with relationships. It's just so important to be able to have that, those conversations day in, day out. You know, this is what I want our lives to look like. These are the things that I'm noticing about myself,

and I want to share them with you. I want you to invite you on this journey. And even if, you know, your partner isn't spiritual, let's say, let's say you didn't think that was important to you and you discovered it after you were married. That's why it's so important to know self before you enter a relationship, because then when those changes come about and that becomes a priority for you, you're like, wait, this is not who I married. Why did you go changing? This is not what I signed up for, which is such a naive thing to say, because again, we're always changing.

So even if you don't reference it in the frame of spirituality, I would say the idea of change, you know, have those conversations with your partner so that you can at least start communicating in ways that perhaps you're not now. I love that. It's funny. Like as moms, we watch our kids and we like observe how they're changing all the time. And then we get sad because they're, you know, getting taller, they're getting bigger, personalities are shifting. But with our partners, I mean, I've never really sat there and thought, oh, how is he changing? How is he shifting? It is so important. Yeah. I had another thought today too, because I think that when we have a child or we grow a business, whatever it is that

you have created at the inception of it, right? We're much more forgiving of them and their process. And also we take more responsibility in our relationship with them and our influence on them, but we don't do it with our partner because we see them outside of self in a way that we don't with children or business. And I think it's a mistake. And that's why, by the way, it's easier to blame them for things like, oh, it's you and you did that because we don't see ourselves as helping in their growth or their transformation or their nurturing when in fact we should, both partners should do that for one another. Yeah. I said the other day, we choose better friends than we do partners. I see that all the time. And I think that we rely heavily, again, we've been programmed, you know, with rom-coms and poetry and romantic novels, et cetera, of what those relationships look like.

So I think we're set up for kind of failure unless you challenge that. And that's why I wrote the book. I really try to help couples understand that early on. But I think if you are able to reframe the partner, it's not just about chemistry. It's not just about attraction. It's not just about lifestyle, right? All these expectations we put on a romantic partner, we don't put when we choose a friend. We don't care if our friend is rich or poor, let's say, right? We don't care about a lot of things. We just, you know, we recognize something in them and we feel a connection and we want to grow that connection. We're much more complicated when it comes to romantic relationships. You know, I think that it's interesting because I realized recently in my relationship, which

has gone to so many different levels throughout the years, but like the most important thing for me and that I respect the most in our relationship is that he supports the things that I, that I love my journey and is even proud of me with that. And that kind of, that's just a whole nother different kind of love, you know, that I feel that love is so very authentic to me. Yeah. I think that's really more about unconditional love. And I think, you know, that's what a real partner is. I think it's, it's how they show up for you when you really need them and in times where you don't have certainty and you're not clear, it's how they show up for you when you really need them. And in times where you don't have certainty and you're not clear, it's how they show up. It's not even what they say or do.

They are there with you, supporting you. And again, not a lot is said about that for the most part when we're picking a partner. Did your book kind of coincide with the fear you were seeing with COVID and people? I mean, I just feel like for the last two years, so many people are living in such great fear, war, government, and obviously pandemic. My book came out a couple of years ago, but it's a constant theme. I think it will forever resurface because, and I named it fear is not an option because the message really is if you tell yourself fear is not an option, then you need to find a new viable option, right? So it's about choosing where you want to put your attention and your awareness to. Of course, if you watch the news every night before bed and you're probably not

going to sleep restfully, you wake up, you're probably not going to have the best day. I think you may need to be much more protective of what we allow in, when we allow it in, how much space we give it, how much mental space, emotional space. And of course we can have empathy and we can help people that are struggling, but to allow it to influence us. I mean, the truth is a lot of the way the news is reported, it's about, you know, making us alarmed of things, you know, and, and creating this kind of chaos. Like I have to get this, or there's not going to be enough or the sense of urgency on the wrong thing. So I think that we really need to be very guarded of, again, what we allow to come in. And there's no space for fear. It's not going to change

the reality of what is, but it will change your experience of it. You know, I was listening to you, I can't remember on what it was but you were talking a lot about judgment and I was reflecting back on how I think it was Deb Shepard I'll shout her out she's a a well-known psychic around here in Colorado and she had put on Facebook one day and it was early on in my I'd say awakened journey I guess to challenge people to have a new judgment day. And who I judged most was myself, but it was the awareness actually that, you know, wasn't actually failing because that was amazing. It was amazing. Really great tool for starting to combat judgment and ultimately limit, like completely eliminate that you can actually, because I used to be very judgmental and you can't judge others unless you judge yourself first. And I think that that becomes so uncomfortable that then we start judging other people more because how much can

you live in your own judgment? And I grew up in a very judgmental environment. And actually I've removed that. Like I just stopped treating myself like that. And I really don't judge others. But one of the big things that helped me do that was benefit of the doubt. So what I would do is if I saw somebody, and this, for instance, and I remember when I had this epiphany, it was years and years and years ago, I was driving the same route every morning to work out. So every single day, I saw this woman on the corner, and she'd walk back and forth with the street sign. And she looked pretty healthy, and she's like, help me my five kids, you know, we have no food. I can't support them. And I, and I remember my judgmental thought was, well, you have enough energy to walk back and forth all day long, every day with the

sign, you look healthy enough. Why can't you get a job? And I caught the thought and I was like, Monica, come on, this is not, you can do so much better than this. So I started to create a different narrative. And I thought, well, maybe her husband just passed away and he was the sole provider. And maybe she has a physical challenge or a mental challenge. This is her best. This is the best she can do. And that was it. And I was able to transform that with really that feeling of, of not enough, but now with empathy and compassion and I felt better. Right. And I started just to do that with everybody that I came across, even people who were not nice to me. And I, and it really wasn't about me. It was so clearly about them. I'm like, okay, well, what do I know about

this person or what could be happening in their life? Right. Because we're all a series of things that have happened to us and how we understand it, how we've accepted or learned from it or not is how we express ourselves in the world. So for me to react to something we understand it, how we've accepted or learned from it or not is how we express ourselves in the world. So for me to react to something in that moment, I have no idea about the history of anything this person's been through, all the things that happened to them throughout their life that made them be where they are today. And how foolish of me to think that I know, and I have an opinion now about why it's right or wrong when I have no clue about this person or anything really for that matter. So was that thought they first had, do you think that there was something rooted inside

of you that would have came up with that thought? You know what I mean? So like when we just assume or these things, they're just flying out of us without really any conscious thinking, there's usually something maybe it's connected to within ourselves that we would have even thought maybe that. Do you think that? Well, I think it makes us uncomfortable on some level. I think seeing somebody beg on the street, right? And she's saying she has five children. I think that doesn't make me happy to think about that. Right. And I think, or maybe there's fear there. Maybe, you know, I don't know. I think there's something

underlying that I was definitely having a reaction to. And more importantly, I don't think we can always figure those things out. Sure. We can explore, but it didn't even matter. It didn't matter why I knew that I didn't want to be that person. Right. So I think that's really powerful that you realize that you can dictate where your mind goes, where your consciousness goes. I can decide. I don't have to be at the pawn of my mind. If my soul, if my heart decides something, my mind's an obedient servant. It's going to follow that and then change accordingly. So I started just making those kinds of choices. Yeah.

You know, I think that word judgment is so misunderstood also, probably for biblical reasons, but people really throw that word out there a lot. And I think there's such a huge difference between being judgmental and discernment. It's like, oh, you don't want me in your life because you're judging me. No, that's not the case. Just I have to protect my happiness, my energy. That's why. But it's just that word just seems to be thrown out all the time as like almost a form of manipulation. It can be. And I think that that's just an indication that maybe that's, that you have more proof of that relationship that isn't really serving you anymore. Or you might want to keep that person in your life, but you might want to create new

boundaries and be really clear about how the exchanges make you feel and what you're comfortable with. I mean, we are allowed to change our minds and we are allowed to create space when needed and to redefine relationships and friendships. But first you have to be clear with yourself. And again, the requirement for that is self-love, self-care, self-knowing. That part's so important. And again, I don't think enough people spend nearly enough time. Some don't spend any time. And then I find that, you know, in their seventies, they're still asking the same questions. Like, who am I? What makes me happy? So not the life that I want. Right. Yeah. It's interesting that that was kind of your pivot in life is that you saw all these other people around you, like adults that just were still searching because for me, I started

thinking about people in my life that are like in their seventies and eighties. And it's sad because I kind of feel that way about a lot of people in my life as well. I wondered like, why are they so unhappy? And I think that at that age, it made me feel kind of less than like, am I not enough? You know, you have these children, you have a beautiful home, you have your health, you have the life. Why isn't it enough? And so I think that again, at first I took on that responsibility, you know, my middle were three sisters and I'm the middle child. And I thought, Oh, I'm not enough. You know, maybe if I can, I'll make them happy or I'll, you know, and then I, I just started feeling

more sad. And so eventually, right. When I went through life again, I was paying attention and I developed an eating disorder and I just, I felt like I wasn't even enough for me anymore. And when I got to that point, I had to kind of stop everything and choose differently, really choose myself. My mom is going through this right now. So she lost my dad about six years ago, but she had never had anything for herself. She never had the self-love. She never had her own job.

She couldn't even pay a bill. So my dad dies and she is so displaced in this world because everything in her life was always outside of her. My happiness, my success as my husband and my children, everything was outside material. So you're right. I mean, you don't want to be 70 years old just discovering this for your first time. I feel like I've been so blessed to be able to discover that I have my own journey aside from not only my partner, but my children and impermanence. I feel like it's one of the most greatest teachings that we can have as humans. Thousand percent. And that's the thing you can't outrun that chapter of your life or that part.

And so it will always come back because that sense of, of knowing of belonging of self, we always crave that. And it's never too late to do the work. You know, it's harder, I think later in life, but it's never too late. Well, and I think a lot of people in my experience think purpose and meaning has to look so grandiose and so big, you know, it's like my mom's just loves watching Hallmark channel and doing crossword puzzles, you know, it's like my mom just loves watching Hallmark Channel and doing crossword puzzles, you know, in her 70s. That's her thing. That's where her comfort's at. She, you know, we always think our purpose, our meaning has to be running ourselves ragged, doing service work, or that we have to be some successful corporate person.

I don't know. I just feel like we put so much pressure on ourselves. Like sometimes just being is enough. I agree all that pressure. And, but I think that it's important to define for yourself, each person, what is it that makes you happy? And also look at studies and science of what they know to make people happy. We know that sharing with the world and going outside of yourself, volunteering makes you happier, doing more for others than yourself. Of course you have to do for yourself as well. And I agree with all of that, but I think also to make sure that it's not only about you, right. And appreciation and gratitude in each and every day. I mean, there's certain things that we know are formulas for happiness. I think we should put more emphasis there.

And again, that's what I'm trying to do with our youth. You know, if they can start to understand that early on, it's going to save them, you know, years and years of trying to figure that out. Do you feel like we have like a collective responsibility to humanity and to the earth? I kind of feel like we do. I mean, we're humans and this is our home and, you know, and we are all brothers and sisters. So, you know, that unification, I feel like it definitely is, of course, each individual's, you know, responsibility,

but I think collectively makes a real change. A thousand percent. In my spiritual study, Kabbalah, there's this idea that the world is our responsibility and it's up to each person to make sure that we take care of others. You know, Margaret Mead, it was a famous anthropologist, and they asked her, what was the first sign that you found that there was civilization? And, you know, most thought they would say, you know, many different things. She discovered an artifact or whatever it was. And actually she said a broken bone that had healed, which was so interesting. And why she said that is because at that time for somebody to have had a broken bone and to have been able to heal means that other people had to take care of that person. They had to help them. They had to fix

their arm. They had to feed them. They had to help them hunt and gather. They couldn't do it alone at that time. And that was the first signs of early civilization. And I think that that's so powerful. I mean, I think that that's really still a lesson for all of us today. We're only as strong as those around us. I think we forget that far too often. It's easy the way the world is set up today to live in our own bubbles and live more of a selfish existence. Not a happy one, but a selfish one. You know, I went on this journey over the past year studying the Gnostic Gospels, which led me to a desire to understand and learn more about the Kabbalah. And I know that you are the Chief of communications for the Kabbalah Center in New York International. Yes. How did you land there? And tell us about that. Well, that was what I discovered when I was 17 was Kabbalah through the Kabbalah Center. My husband's parents actually opened the study to the world and opened all of the Kabbalah centers worldwide. We're actually celebrating our 100th year anniversary this fall. And so for me, it was

finally finding the answers to all those questions I had growing up. Why are we here? What is our purpose? Why is there pain? Why is there evil? What are we meant to do? It's like every single question and even things I hadn't thought of, such an ancient wisdom. And I think that what I always loved and what's really helped me navigate my life and derive purpose and meaning, especially from the painful moments or the challenging times is that, you know, I think our world's very interested in what we put in our mouths healthy and we put so much effort there. And yes, that's important as well. But Kabbalist voice said, it's much more important. What comes out of your mouth, you know,

to be responsible for your words and your actions and how that affects people, but also how it affects you ultimately. And that our purpose is transformation and that every soul is destined for greatness, whether you believe it or not, but it's our responsibility to find that and to really live that. So when I founded at 17, I, I know, I just knew it was like coming home. I didn't know what I would do. I didn't know how I would do it. I didn't, I didn't have a lofty plan, but, but I knew, I knew I had found home. So if someone wanted to study, cause I do, what would maybe be a good book or where would I

start? Well, we have a website called Kabbalah.com and you can find, I mean, a ton of information, classes, content, uh, on there. I have a blog called rethink life dot today and great books. They're my books. My husband's books are great. I would recommend the secret he wrote or becoming like God is really good or the power of Kabbalah by Ruff Berg also. Yeah. All right. Well, I am definitely, I have been on that website in searching for that, which is why I told Mandy, I said, we have to get her on sooner than later. This is coming to me. And, you know, I feel like our podcast is like an instrument for both Mandy and I's journey. And we're always receiving exactly what we need at the moment. So thanks so much for coming on. It's been a pleasure getting to know you. Thank you. Thank you. You too. So where can everybody get your book? And you did mention

your website. Yes. Rethink life.today. You can follow me on social media, monicberg74. My podcast is called Spiritually Hungry and you can get my books on Amazon. Yeah. Tell us about that and tell us about your co-host real quick. My husband, Michael.

So we have recorded, I think 93 episodes and we talk about everything under the sun. Forgiveness, anger, relationships, parenting, sadness, resiliency. I mean, it runs the gamut. It's super fun too. I think a lot of feedback that we get is it's nice to see a couple that enjoys each other and that has a healthy relationship.

And that really comes out. We are having fun together. I honestly forget that anybody's listening. I kind of feel like I'm just on a date. And I think that that comes through. And that's not the intention. But it's really, you know, we have four kids, we have a really busy, busy life. It's like the one hour we're talking, and it's really interesting conversation. And it's packed with science, psychology, Kabbalah and personal stories and humor. I love it. And now it's time for break that shit down. Just be kinder to yourself. You don't have to have it all figured out in the moment. You don't have to be all knowing you're not responsible for the outcome of everything.

Really the process is the purpose. And when you understand that and you really start to look at life like that, you're less invested in the outcome and you enjoy the journey, that whole process, the messiness of life. You know, I threw away perfection a long time ago and really just embrace messy, embrace kindness, and just be in this moment. And you can really only do that if you do the first things that I said, and time goes by faster than you realize. So make sure you're paying attention. Yes. It's so sad. They're only little ones to parents that have, I have one graduating and I have one just about to go through puberty and I'm so sad, but I did get a puppy. But here's the thing. That's the thought. Like I went through that stage too, right? My oldest is

23. My youngest is eight and we have a puppy too. And I, and I would feel sad about it because, you know, as a mother that you have to change, nothing's going to change you more than that because they are forever changing and you're forced to change in the relationship. I don't know one other relationships that is that expansive for a person. But then what we forget is that we are also changing. We are, because we're so focused on them. What I want to leave your listeners is that really pay attention to the ways that you're changing the ways that you want to change and start to parent yourself.

And I had shared that with somebody recently, and she was like, oh my God, that's terrifying. I'm such a strict parent. I was like, maybe you want to rethink that part by parenting yourself. I mean, really nurture yourself, care for yourself, notice the different things that excite you or that don't and adjust yourself accordingly. Jana and I always talk about awareness and you keep saying pay attention. And that's, what's really about pay attention to that fear, pay attention to the change, pay attention. If you just run from it, you're not paying attention. We think the time is there forever. And, you know, there's a quote, I actually didn't watch

the show, but I had read an article about it, the divorce. There was a line that just always stuck with me. And it said, I want to do something about my life while I still care about it. Right. Because when we do get older, sometimes that wanes. And I just think that like, we want to feel this motivation, this inspiration, this immediacy to really make sure we're creating the life that we want. Love that. Wow. Well, thank you. It's been awesome. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Nice to meet you.

Thank you. Absolutely. having me. Nice to meet you. Thank you. Thanks for being with us today. We hope you will come back next week. If you like what you hear, don't forget to rate, like and subscribe. Thank you. We rise to lift you up. Thanks for listening.