Sense of Soul - Follow Your Inner Compass

Episode Date: November 15, 2021

Today we have with us Danielle Kloberdanz, author of the book, Inner Compass Mom. Danielle was born and raised in The Netherlands. After completing her M.A. in Developmental Psychology, she met her American husband and moved to California. They currently raise their four children in San Diego. Despite having achieved her dream of having a large family, she found herself wondering, Is this all there is to life? Parenting was more challenging and less fulfilling than she had imagined. Fueled by disillusionment and the hope that there was something more, she embarked on a series of spiritual practices and mindset tools that ultimately led to a life changing awakening, transforming her outlook on life and instilling a new understanding of motherhood.  This experience birthed the the Inner Compass Living company and community, and the first book in a series, Inner Compass Mom. Through her Inner Compass Coaching services, she helps other moms on their path to increased inner peace, joy and fulfillment. *Special giveaway/raffle for listeners, a signed copy of Inner Compass Mom, send Danielle an email to [e-mail] and put Sense of Soul in the subject line.  https://innercompassliving.com https://www.facebook.com/danielle.kloberdanz.12 https://www.facebook.com/groups/innercompassmoms/?ref=share Please go check out our Sense of Soul merch, our workshops and learn more about us @ www.mysenseofsoul.com! Exclusively on Sense of Soul Patreon  is the 777 Chakra Journey, 7 weeks 7 Chakras, we started grounding ourselves in the Root Chakra, this week the Sacral Chakra and we will end at the end of 2021 with the Crown! You can also now listen to Shanna’s mini-series about her ancestral journey Untangled Roots and as a member you can join our SOS Sacred Circles! https://www.patreon.com/senseofsoul  

Welcome to the Sense of Soul podcast. We are your hosts, Shanna and Mandy. Grab your coffee, open your mind, heart, and soul. It's time to awaken. Today we have with us Danielle Kloberdams. She is the author of The Inner Compass Mom, Finding Peace and Purpose in the Mist of Motherhood. Danielle hopes to reach other moms who may have struggled with guilt and self-doubt in motherhood as she discovered during her profound spiritual awakening that released her from a lifetime of not feeling good enough and to many false limiting beliefs. And she's here with us today to share her journey and how she came to write The Inner Compass Mom. How are you? I'm great. How are you? How are you guys? We are good. Can't wait to chat with you.

Yeah, likewise. Anyone who calls themselves an inner compass mom has definitely got to be on our podcast. Well, that's why I thought, yeah, that'd be amazing to be on Sense of Soul. That sounds like a great match. So I couldn't wait to talk with you guys. Well, and you know, it's always these beautiful synchronicities because our last interview that we did, we got to speak to a father and how he could support women and his wife and women who are entrepreneurs and the role he plays in helping women find their purpose. And of course, the first question that came to mind is, you're a man, what do you know about being a mom and a mom entrepreneur? But this man's compassion, authenticity, and vulnerability for the space he creates for women and what they do was just so beautiful and about how it affects children.

And so, of course, here you come by complete coincidence right after him. And so clearly it's a topic right now that needs to be put out there. And I loved how you started your book with talking about COVID and this great space. Yeah, the great pause. Yeah. Yeah, the great pause. Did COVID inspire you to write this book? Actually already completed most of it before COVID. So what we did is my publisher and I decided to add something extra to it to make sure that it was relevant for the time we live in right now. Because it's a big challenge. And for so many people, this is one of much more challenging than 15, 20 years ago before all the technology and social media started kind of taking over our lives. At least it's very easy for social media and 24-hour news cycles to take over our lives. So already before COVID, I thought, yeah, I need to write

this book and write about my experiences and hoping other moms will get some support out of that. But especially during COVID, I figured I needed to adjust the book a bit, tune in that message. We can be overwhelmed by all the challenges, but if we maybe have a moment of a little bit of calm or clarity or some moment of reflection, we can realize, maybe I can look for the silver lining. Maybe this is an opportunity to reevaluate my life and something good can come out of this. So that's kind of the timeline of my book. But it took me about six years to get it to publishing stage. It takes a long time.

Wow. That is such a peaceful thought. Because I'm telling you, during COVID, after like the third month, as cute as I think my kids are, they were starting to not look so cute. And seriously, I was over it. But then, you know, I now have the problem where they don't really want to go back to school because they just want to be with me. They've been here for so long.

But as a child, I always wanted to be a mom. That's all I wanted to be. I would play with my dolls and, you know, I would pretend I had a husband and underneath the rocking chair was my car and I would run run run this is how I pretend yeah I pretend I would be busy because that's what I saw and I love children even from a young age I was always very maternal love love kids and still love kids I could have a million I I really would want more. And in fact, I won't even know what to do without my kids because for so long that became so much of my identity, right? Yep. Totally.

So that's my question to you. Has being a mom always been something that you desired? And is that your identity? Like how would you describe yourself as a person? Yeah. I totally recognize what you just said about always wanting to be a mom. And I think for as long as I can remember, that was my big dream. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, even though I knew, well, you never know when you're going to meet a guy that is going to be your husband, and then you have kids. You can't just sit around and wait for that to happen. So I knew I wanted to go to college and I loved babysitting in the neighborhood. So I did a lot of babysitting. I loved, loved, loved it. And since I always felt like in school, nothing really

stood out for me in terms of what I was good at or passionate about. But I love being with kids. So I thought, well, I'll study developmental psychology. I think that's a good fit for me. So that's what I did. I have a degree in developmental psychology from the University of Amsterdam, by the way. I grew up in Holland and lived there until I was 26. So that's when I met my husband. But yeah, so I always wanted to be a mom. And then I was fortunate enough, like I just said, at some point I met my American husband on my sister's wedding, no less. So that was kind of, that's another side story there. But yeah, we just hit it off right away. We were married nine months after we met.

And we waited a couple of years to have kids because my husband wanted to get his master's in business. So we decided, why don't you go for it now? Because once we have kids, it's going to be really challenging to manage having kids and going, you know, to full time work and doing all this, you know, taking all these classes. So we finally we had kids, and then we had another one and another one. Anyway, we ended up having four kids, which is what we wanted. We were very, very lucky to have four healthy children, even though my pregnancies were quite a challenge with lots of preterm labor and bedrests and all that.

But you get through it, you keep going. But after a few years, several years, and especially when my youngest was about three years old, going to preschool, allowing me to have a little more time to myself, I realized I have everything that I always wanted. I have a great supportive husband. I have four healthy kids. I live in a beautiful neighborhood, a beautiful home. We are in like one of the best school districts around here. My kids have all the opportunities and I'm not happy. What is going on? Why am I not happy?

I got exactly what I wanted. What's wrong with me? And I felt guilty. I felt so guilty. What's wrong with you? Why are you complaining? People would do anything to have my life. You know, this is not right. Anyway, I started searching

for some answers to help solve that mystery of why I wasn't happy while I had everything. Yeah. You know, you described it as you had everything, but you felt constantly disappointed. And then the word that I actually wrote down that stuck out to me was you had, you were like disillusioned. Why did you choose that word? And what did that word mean to you? I chose that word because I had lots of illusions about what it would be like to be a mom. I thought I had this vision of a house filled with kids running around, being all happy and goofing around and having fun with their siblings. And they're so joyful and they're so happy.

And yeah, it's a bit of work, but they're going to be happy kids because, you know, I'm going to be a happy mom and we've got all these great things going for us. So what could go wrong? And I thought I'd be this patient mom because during all those years that I did babysitting as a teenager, all these moms would be, you are so patient. My kids love you. All the stuff that you do with them and the creative stuff. And you're so patient.

So I thought I'd be a patient mom. It's a little different when you can't just say, well, I'm done here. I'm going to my own home now. And, you know, I don't have to deal with the sleepless nights and the mental troubles, the worries and everything. So it's, it was very different. Well, you know, it's just such a big jump from what being a mother was like, say a hundred years ago, we were just something to breed with to being the beaver believer mother that has all the expectations of what you just described to fricking reality. Right. Yeah, totally.

You know, which no one ever talks about, you know, talks about how their children are being a brat all day, you know, they don't want to share that. So it's, it's very interesting because the delusion is absolutely like what you've been watching all along and thinking that you're going to have, but I mean, nobody has that. I've never met any perfect family. Yeah. I do think luckily more and more, at least I feel very blessed to live in the neighborhood that I live in, which is a lot of young families. And more and more people open up. And especially because of my book, they said, oh, I had no idea that.

I thought you had it all together. Like, I always think everybody else has it all together. And then I just struggle. And I think I'm the only one who struggles with the kids and what's going on with my kids and what am I doing wrong. And more and more people are starting to talk and they realize, you know what, everybody's got a story. Everybody's got their struggles. But if we allow ourselves to be a little more vulnerable, we'll actually realize that, yeah,

we have a lot more in common and we all struggle. And it's actually very powerful to share all that. But life has changed a lot since, you know, it's definitely not the same compared to how we were raised, especially with all the technology and, you know, our own new cycle, etc. It's interesting that Shanna just used the word that, of course, I was going to bring up. And she said perfect, because we do. We have this illusion that everything will be so perfect like you dad. I loved in your book, how you talk about the difference between perfection and wholeness.

What is the difference? Yeah. So I had very high expectations of myself to be a good mom, expectations that I didn't even know that I had this definition of what it means to be a good mom expectations that I didn't even know that I had this definition of what it means to be a good mom in my head. But subconsciously I did. And it meant I had to do it all myself. You don't get your house clean because that's weak. That means you can't handle it. You do everything with a smile on your face because you're supposed to be lucky that you have healthy kids and you're supposed to do it all and be patient and do the baths and the groceries and the cleaning and everything.

And, you know, that was perfectionism and it's not attainable. that I realized that because during that spiritual awakening, something shifted so profoundly, it was really hard to find the words to describe what really happened to me, but I tried in my book as the best I could. What I realized was that it's not about being perfect. I think we all know at some level, oh, it's not about being perfect, but what is it about then? It's about being whole. And I was made whole during those few days of spiritual awakening. I was made whole. And I kept waking up and saying, I'm whole, I'm whole. I jumped out of bed. I'm whole.

Finally, I'm good enough. I'm good enough. Because it's not about being perfect. It's an illusion. It's a static state of being. And the universe and the world and nature is never static. It's always evolving and changing. And it's about going with the change.

It's about growth. It's about evolution, our own personal evolution. It's about how we get deeper insight in who we are and how the world works acceptance of our human flaws because we're all flawed. Everyone is flawed. And when you accept that you make mistakes and it's okay, it's about learning from them. It's what we tell our kids. Don't worry about making mistakes when we don't apply it to ourselves. I was just thinking that when you said that, I was like, that's what I would tell my kids. I know.

And it's what you would tell your own daughter, your own son, don't worry about it. You want to take away the pain. Well, we need to start telling that ourselves. What you would say to someone who you truly love, don't worry about it. You already learned from it because you know, you feel bad that you kind of made that choice. And you know, it's what we need to tell ourselves. It is about wholeness. It's about integrating and no longer denying that we make mistakes, that we're not perfect, that we can't figure it all out. It's about integrating all of that into acceptance. It's complete acceptance of who we are and no longer wanting to run away from it or fixing it. I had a client and a friend, she was sharing with

me how stressed out she was. You know, she's a teacher. She has kids with disabilities. So she's single mom. She and I were talking and she was talking about what a mess her house is and how she needs to clean it to get organized. And I said, girl, I said, if you saw my closet, you would die. And I sent her the picture of my closet and she responded. She goes, I so needed that. Thank you so much. I mean, she was so grateful. It's about allowing yourself to be a little more vulnerable, you know, every step of the way, but with it has to come being okay with yourself and knowing you're good enough it's okay i don't have to feel bad about it and when you start practicing sharing that you're not perfect your closet is a mess or your kitchen is a mess your house is a mess and

you're like it's just the way it is it's okay you know another time it might be cleaned up but it's not the most important thing in the world you You know, we have to prioritize. And when we start sharing that and you get the feedback of other moms that say, oh my gosh, I needed this so much. You have no idea. That's when you know, okay, I need to keep this going. I need to keep sharing that of myself because it helps somebody else, but it also helps me in return. And that's what is so beautiful when we start connecting more deeply through vulnerability, really, because it's really true connections where we share and it's just amazing how it helps shift energy. Then you're also empowered to keep going. Like I've talked to many moms during the whole process of me writing this

book. I was so unsure of myself. Like people think I'm going to, I'm crazy when I share about my spiritual experience and bit by bit, I started to allow myself to be vulnerable. First bit, some safe people who I knew would not judge me for it. And then you start to expand it. And then the feedback you get is so positive, because they recognize themselves. And they say something like, I could really use a book like that, or thank you so much, I thought I was the only one. And this is so helpful, I feel so much better. And then you, it just expands, you know, you become more courageous with your vulnerability, and they become more courageous and it's just all good.

Yeah, I do a lot of writings called raw, real authentic words. And recently I shared two of probably the most shameful things as a mother I'd ever done. And, you know, one was breastfeeding. I was highly intoxicated in my addiction. And then the other one was a day of just complete chaos where my daughter was having a complete meltdown in the car and I couldn't help her and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. And then when I got home, I decided that I was going to let her just sleep

because she fell asleep as soon as I pulled into the garage and I was going to unload my groceries and let her just have a moment of peace. And I forgot her in the car. And my husband came home like an hour later and heard screaming in the car. But I just, I think I was on the phone with Shanna and I forgot her in the car and my, and she, my husband heard her screaming, brought her in the house. And she kept saying to me, mommy, it was scary. It was dark. And the guilt and the shame that I felt was so intense. Like I didn't know if I could ever forgive myself. So I shared this on Facebook and I had so many people inbox me and say, those two stories you shared are so brave. And I thought it was interesting that they used the word brave and I've shared a lot of stories,

but I think especially as mothers who have made these kind of mistakes, even not this extreme, we tried to hide it because so much shame that we carry as moms. city one time, like literally left him. And I got to the light and I looked in the rear view mirror and I had two kids and no kid in the middle. And I said, Oh my God, you know, I'm like freaking out. And I call his dad. We were both driving that day. I was like, do you have Ethan? And he's like, no. And I was like, Oh my God. You know, and I go back and he's like playing he's looking at the games and he he was so quiet he was a quiet kid because yeah but you know you're so busy and if you're not counting them sometimes you lose one of your little ducklings but I laugh at it now because you know what come on let's be real we've all done stuff like this yeah and yeah you know where we weren't conscious to it for sure in this busy mind monkey brain totally dealing probably with hardly any

sleep overworked yeah you know you know when you have the newborn their face looking backwards and I'd have this little mirror so I could see my baby. And I remember driving one day, you know, it's really, you're so sleep deprived and you're driving a car, which should be illegal. But what else are we going to do? Right. How else are we going to do the groceries? And I realized I forgot to buckle her. Oh, I'm the worst mom in the world.

I forgot to buckle my baby. I wrote about that in my writing. I wrote about how, like, what was that cartoon? I forget his name, the go-go gadget arm. Do you guys remember that? Inspector gadget. I used to love that brain with the dog. Yes. Okay. I feel like as moms, that's what we're like. We're like, how does my arm twist that way to go into the back seat to hand them their pacifier as yes and like you're right it should be illegal for moms and kids to drive wait speaking of cartoons I always wanted like the Jetsons had a Rosie I was like that would be ideal I mean she

was the luckiest mother in space so funny because, because that's what we do, though. We compare to Flintstones or whatever we're watching, that everyone should have a best friend, Betty. That's how we're molded. We're so conditioned. I talk a lot about breaking patterns, especially when I'm doing my coaching, my inner compass coaching, I often stumble upon women who have very strong cultural traditions. And I remember one mom talking about her family or cultural background, and it was all about the family. You could never ask anything for yourself because you constantly had to give to the family. So after she read my book, it basically caused an inner conflict.

She wanted to start doing some more things for herself, but she couldn't see how that could be compatible with her culture. some perspectives, such as when you fill your well, when you pursue things you always wanted to pursue, or you start going on a path of being more inspired, really carving out some time for yourself on a regular basis, you will come back to your family more refreshed, with more patience, and with more understanding instead of always feeling drained and overwhelmed, and oh my gosh, what do they need now from me? And oh, this never ends. I'm just always feeling drained. And the quality that you bring into the connection with your family is so much better. And everybody will sense you're happier. And then they also don't have to worry about you, because some kids also feel a little

responsible for their mom's happiness at some point, you know, because kids don't understand, they don't have that intellect to understand that whatever's happening with mom is not, you know, my responsibility. And I absolutely, both my parents, anytime they were stressed, I thought, what could I do to make it better? Yep. And then with your kids, you always want to make it better. And then at some point, you know, as they get older, you learn. Yeah, of course, you will always be there to support them. But at some point, they're responsible for their own emotions, and they need to learn to regulate that. And they'll be okay. It's, you know, a great learning opportunity to have for them to learn to manage. We're not responsible. And definitely when it comes to other adults in our lives, which I think many people have other adults in their lives, whether it's relatives or friends or neighbors or whatever, who we sometimes feel

responsible for them emotionally. Oh my gosh. If it's a close friend, of course you're there, you're supportive. It doesn't feel like that. But sometimes when we've internalized those feelings of we're responsible for how our parents feel and oh my gosh, we got to make sure we're not triggering anybody. Then all of our lives become like that. And we're doing, we do it with other adults. And you realize I'm not responsible for someone's emotional state. We all are responsible for our own. It's a whole process of kind of letting that go and taking on a different perspective. And it's not received very well when the person starts to say, no, I will not take this. I will not be responsible for your stuff. There is a shift from, I have to take care of my child and,

and I am going to be responsible for this child to when they hit a certain age, this is your journey. And now you're needing to be responsible for that. How do you feel about that? Cause it is like, there's no age to do it. I guess it's based on each individual's maturity totally and every child is different and every child matures differently so the way I look at it and I will continue to say it if you need me you can always come to me no matter what I will always be there for you

and then you can always encourage and try to solve just well and you know when they come to you and like oh come on you can solve this yourself you know when it yourself. Well, and you know, when they come to you and like, oh, come on, you can solve this yourself, you know, when it's kind of more little stuff or give it a try, you know. But when it comes to, you know, more complicated, deeper stuff, lay the foundation that they know they can always come to you.

And then it's up to them. You're not going to meddle with their lives. You're going to trust them. It's that sense of trust. And it's a whole journey. You're not going to meddle with their lives. You're going to trust them. It's that sense of trust. And it's a whole journey. You don't get there overnight. It's a whole journey of letting go and of placing that trust back to them. You will figure it out.

And if you really don't know what to do, if you really stop, let's see if we can come up with something together. And often it's by asking the right questions that they can come up with something together. And often it's by asking the right questions that they can come up with their own solution. Like, what do you think is best? What do you think we could, you know? It's a whole journey of letting go. And my oldest is 19. So I don't have an empty nest yet.

So I have no idea what that's going to be like. But I have friends who've gone through it. So I know who to call. I going to be like, but I have friends who've gone through it. So I know who, who to call. I see all these moms on social media, like saying they haven't gotten out of bed for days that, you know, they've been crying their eyes out. I've been, you know, consoling a couple of friends whose daughters are leaving for college. You know, I actually have talked about this before, but I had guilt that I didn't feel that way. I was like, peace out, have fun, go fly.

My mom to this day still doesn't sleep. She worries about us kids. And, you know, I'm 45, my brother's 47. I be honest with you. I think maybe I could count on one hand, how many nights were sleepless because I was worried about my children. I just don't because I guess, and you talked about it in your book is number one, guidance, the divine. Also, I believe in soul contracts and I guess it must be my faith that I just trust that no matter what happens, that in God's world, nothing happens by mistake. And it's that surrendering piece that maybe is why I'm that way. But it's interesting, I felt guilty for not being like distraught over the fact that my child was leaving because you see everywhere on social media everybody's worried about that kid and why am I

not and then you start feeling guilty which is not necessary at all if you do feel guilty you don't need to feel bad about that either because you're a human being and we're all we are who we are it's a whole journey that we're on. But yeah, when you talk about trust in the universe, that's definitely, I am so grateful on that spiritual path, because if there's anything we could want for ourselves, I think, or for somebody else who we deeply care about, it's inner peace. And when you learn to trust and surrender, then it creates a lot of inner peace. And through the spiritual awakening, I realized how little control we have over things. And when you learn to just focus on what you can control and leave everything up to the universe, the flow of life, life is so much more enjoyable, but it takes practice that.

But I was very grateful. I had that spiritual experience that showed me just do the best you can. It's good enough. You are completely good enough. You will never understand everything, all the influences on our lives. You will never understand how the universe really works, but there's a state of consciousness that allows you to accept all that is without worries, without needing to change anything, with complete complete profound, deep sense of trust and joy. There was so much joy and happiness and peace, trusting the universe and letting go is definitely something that I was one with for several days. And now I have to remind myself and kind of get back into that feeling. Yeah. So, You know, it's so funny because my oldest son, who is 24,

oh my gosh, I raised him so much differently than I do my youngest. Different generations, raised by the same mom, who is completely not the same mom. My two oldest, there's 19 months apart. And then between number two and three, there's four years. And then between three and four, there's two years and then between three and four there's two so it's like I got two different sets of kids there's still a different approach because you grow as a mom and I I've heard other moms talk about it like oh my gosh my first child it was

just such a new mom well every mom goes through that with their first child they're a new mom and it changes and it's just the way it is and the way I see it we're all raised a certain way we all have our opinions about that you know the way we were raised this and that and to me the journey is and our children will also hopefully go on that journey invert is it's just the way it is but even if I feel I am some kind of victim maybe of it, or I didn't get enough or whatever the story is, I'm not my stories. I am more than that.

Who am I? Who am I? If I hadn't been raised this way, who am I really? And what do I want to get out of life? How is maybe my history, my past holding me back now? And what can I do about it? Because, and some people's stories are far more challenging that gives you the answer. There's a gazillion. And the answer is it's because nobody has really figured it out. I still haven't figured it out. We will never really figure it out because it's ongoing. We will forever evolve in our role as parent. And every time there's a new situation, we got to figure out what's the best way to go about this. We're

never done learning and growing in a role. Danielle, I absolutely loved that you opened up your book with a quote from The Alchemist. That's, you know, a book that Shanna had placed in my hands that I really struggled with, to be honest, it was a hard book for me, but then when I sat with it and gave it a chance, it ended up being probably one of the most profound, beautiful books I've ever read. I don't know if you have the book in front of you or if you haven't memorized, but can you talk about that quote and why did you start your book with that? Yeah. So the quote is, what is the world's greatest lie? The boy asked, completely surprised. It is this, that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what is happening to us,

and our lives become controlled by fate. That is the world's greatest lie. And that's the lie that I was stuck in, that, well, this is it. I'm failing as a mom. We'll just have to keep on going with it until they leave the nest. And then maybe I'll have a chance on some freedom and retirement with my husband and then whatever, we'll keep going and going and going. But it wasn't looking very rosy and sunny. And then I woke up and realized, no, that's not how it needs to be that's a lie I'm not stuck there are things I can do that I am in control of it's just my mind and my beliefs that are holding me back and that's the whole journey where it started but it's a lie when you see I'm stuck there's no way out when you believe, then it's your truth. Then you are stuck.

And if you start telling yourself, maybe it's not true. Maybe there's a way. Then you're creating an opening for a change. That is beautiful. I love that quote. I love that book so much. You're so right. And that brings me to like that inner compass, which we're not taught to use as a child. We're taught to, you know, seek the church or seek your parents, seek your teachers, seek your friends, and all these books, you know, that are written to give you the answers that you already have within, especially as being a mother, you know, best mom knows best. And that is something that I hope that my daughters as mothers, if they get nothing from me, that is the one thing that I want to make sure that they get. Yeah. Is that trust yourself? Yeah. And in my book, I described the different tools that people

can use to kind of develop that intuition because it doesn't mean you can't use books. Use your intuition, throw it out. This is what I write about in my book. When you have a question, you really want an answer, throw it out into the universe. How do I solve this X, Y, and Z? What do I do with this situation? Show me the best way for me to manage this. And you throw it out and you keep asking the universe, come on, show me. And then you learn to receive the signs of where the answer is. You start to sense, oh, here it is again. Hold on. You look around or you overhear a conversation with the answer. And maybe you will be guided to a parenting book that totally resonates with you. But there are millions of parenting books out there. How do you know? There's so much stuff on social media, on the internet,

that might help you. But how do you know? How will you be guided? And the way I see it, technology is, of course, it's part of our evolution. It's not, oh, let's be done with technology, because it's here to stay. It's part of our evolution. But how do we manage, how do we not get so overwhelmed by it? So first you go within, you tune into that inner compass and see what it is that you need. Well, maybe you need an answer. And then you learn to have the answer come to you basically. And you will start getting signs and signals to the answer.

Whether it be a book or conversation or somebody comes on your path who has the answers and that's that's how I go to life now following that in a compass I loved your June 30th and how it comes up in your life so much um without your grandfather correct yes. And my husband. I loved the story about the day you were doing the laundry, how you got a answer by putting it out there and how you give people tangible steps on how to get that guidance. Yeah.

I also wanted to ask you about how you called it the true north. What's the true north? Your true north is the direction that your soul wants to go into. And that is, you know, when you're following your true north, when you are inspired, you feel so much energy and something maybe sometimes releases where you're like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. This feels so good and so right. I'm inspired. I want to know more. I want to do this. I want to do that. When you really have that positive surge of energy, you know you're on the right path. I do tell people it could be different

paths. It's not, it's not always one thing. For me, it was very clearly writing this book, exploring awakening and the spiritual path. And it's not just writing, it's also coaching, it's connecting with people, it's doing podcasts. So it's So it's this whole topic. For other people, it might be multiple things. So it's not just about doing one big thing, but your true north is definitely the direction that your soul really wants you to follow. Because some people think, well, purpose, it's something maybe God places upon me, something I must do. That's to me, that is never it.

It's something you want to do because you love it and it energizes you. And it's so meaningful. Yeah, I think you called it enthusiasm is the purpose, right? Yeah, exactly. And you were talking about that moment when I found the answer, when I had been asking the universe, how do I look at purpose? Because I knew I'd found my purpose in writing, but I was struggling with writing this book and I wasn't making any progress. And so I thought, what am I doing wrong here? Isn't this my purpose?

What about it? Come on, show me an answer. Show me a different way of looking at it. Come on, show me an answer. Show me a different way of looking at it. And then as I was folding the laundry, I was starting to feel irritated again and frustrated about this whole topic of purpose and that I still hadn't gotten an answer. And then I realized, hold on, I've asked universe enough. And then I realized often in that moment where I'm like, no, I've asked enough, it's enough. I realized, oh, hold on. I think there's an answer somewhere. And I, you just start sensing, it just takes practice. I started sensing, where is it? And

I looked around and my eye caught this book across the room and it was Paulo Coelho's The Pilgrimage. And I knew to look in the, at the end of the book where there's a little more about the author and, and I scanned a couple of pages and there it was, it was, if people just start doing what brings enthusiasm, they will find their purpose. That's purpose. It's enthusiasm and inspiration. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I found it. Yes, it works. Following your inner compass and throwing it out into the universe, you will receive signs. I've had many signs. And it's amazing when you

start applying it and you get some of these successes. And it totally helped me. Because what happened, why I was stuck with my book was, I have to do this and it has to look good. And, oh, how is this topic going to fit into the book? So I was totally judging and criticizing my writing about how it would fit in. Instead, all I had to do, find the flow, just have fun with writing, just go for it. Who cares how it's going to fit in? You'll figure it out later. I had a couple of hours of amazing writing later that day. So just because I shifted my perspective. But I mean, you have to be able to realize that you're not just a mom. You're not just this, whatever, quote unquote, to even realize that you have something more for a purpose. Cause I used to think my purpose was to be a mother. Can you imagine all of the pressure it is on the children to realize that they're their

mother's purpose? I mean, holy shit, talk about pressure. And that's why I think we end up with all of your parents, emotional, you know, emotions and stress and all that. But I really literally, that was a huge part of my self-realization was that I was more than a mom. Totally. I wasn't just a mom and actually the nurturing part that I thought was my purpose was more than a mom my purpose wasn't just for these four people I get and I get that a lot and that was my whole idea like well my purpose is going to be raising these kids and that's who I am that's my identity my whole identity was I'm a mom that was all I am I'm a mom. That was all I am. I'm a mom. And I realized, well, one day, they're going to be out of the house living their own lives. And then what and a lot of moms say,

but this is my purpose. I'm raising my kids. This is my purpose. But when they realize, yeah, there is going to come a day when you're no longer needed. And that's often when a lot of problems arise because they hadn't figured out how to create a life besides raising their kids. And I realized I'm going to get that problem too. I better figure this out now. And I want to encourage every mom who's actively raising kids, start now, bit by bit.

It's not about creating massive changes and, you know, taking it or, you know, quitting your job if you're working out of the house. I very much believe in creating very small changes, doing little things for yourself to start with, and it will slowly integrate. And small changes, in my case, had a tremendous impact because the shift happens in your mind. That's where the shift happens. And then it happens outwardly. And then your environment also starts to respond differently and everything just gets better over time. And I believe in gently integrating the changes. It's a beautiful transformation. If you just start. You know, I love that you said that because I remember having this break on my identity where I was like, this isn't enough.

My soul is longing for something else and it's outside of being a mother. And to me, that looked very extreme. It meant, you know, go out and get some title and letters in front of my name, a degree. And I mean, I was reaching for things that were just too much for me at that time with having children that small. It's like, you're going to just not be a stay at home anymore and you're going to run out and you're going to, you know, get your master's and become a therapist. I mean, for me, that's like where I went. And then it became so overwhelming to me, integrate those small little things. Yeah. Yeah. Integration. I have a whole heart about integration. It's the key to wholeness. And I believe in gentle integration and yeah, it's very easy to fall into the trap of

the ego where I'm going to do this and that, because it'll look good. And then I'll feel better about myself. And that's the outward experience. And ultimately, it always has to do following your true north, no matter what it looks like, it's always about the internal experience. How does it make you feel what you do? And maybe it could be wanting to go to get that master's. It doesn't mean, no, that's too much. No. If that feels right and everything keeps pointing to that direction, then yeah, by all means, go for it. And maybe it was exactly what you had to do, Mandy, to realize this is not it. It's not, it's never a straightforward path. Oftentimes we have to meander and that's okay.

It's the part of us judging ourselves. Why did I do too much? Why did I fall into the ego trap maybe? Or, and then we're judging ourselves. Well, you know what? Now you've learned to not judge yourself because I'm sure you've learned a whole lot while you were pursuing all that education. You've learned a lot. And that's ultimately what it's all about.

It's not about we made another mistake. We fell into the trap. No. It's always about, well, what did I learn along the way? And when we can look at our lives and our choices that way, we're going to be blessed with a lot of things we've learned. You know, I loved the quote in your book about judging yourself. Oh, yeah. That's Brene Brown.

When we feel good about ourselves, we don't judge others because it doesn't matter. We're content. And that's a big part of a spiritual journey is following our true north. Because when we do, we will be a whole lot more fulfilled and content. And when we do that, we're not judging others either because we're just letting them be because we realize they're just on their own journey. Who am I to judge them? They're on their own journey and we all are. And there's no one, one right way to do this. There was a part in your book that you wrote, what mystified me was that I always believed that once I found my purpose, life would be a lot easier. Is that true? What did you

find out? No, that's another illusion because we never get there. There is no end goal, which sounds very depressing to some people. But what I found is that you can be in a state of awareness where you're completely at ease knowing we will never get there, but that it is the journey of growth. Once we go on that journey of growth and we find the courage to keep moving forward and to keep, it's about expansion. We're expanding our awareness. We're expanding, you know, our courage and how we are in the world. And it is exactly that. That is the goal. The goal is growth. And there is no end goal. You can celebrate your little victories. Of course, that's for human beings. And we should but know that we never we just never get there. And but there's a way to be at peace with it. So. That's a great point. I

remember sitting one time in an AA meeting and people that walk through those doors want us to tell them that sobriety means that life just becomes so easy. And unfortunately we can't tell them that that is not the case life stays just as challenging life is still slaps you in the face shit still happens yeah but you have a peace and a serenity with how you're able to handle it that you would not have had before and so yeah I feel like it's it's the same you know people think once you find your purpose, or once you get a little bit of that spirituality, that all of a sudden life's going to be so easy. And that is absolutely an illusion. And, you know, Danielle, for people like you and I and Shanna, who have had these experiences like you did over that five to six day period, it's addicting because you want to, you want to keep,

like, you want to go back to it and you want it to be forever and you want it to surround you at all times. But that's just not reality. Reminds me of the seasons and the tree, you know, you're growing, but yet the seasons are going to change and you're going to be having to go through a lot of weather. And you know, how are you going to be fluid with the storms and just allow them to come knowing that, you know, there'll be another season just around the corner. Totally. And as we grow the, like you know, there'll be another season just around the corner. Totally. And as we grow, like you said, there will be new challenges. And, you know, just as you think, oh, I'm more comfortable with this situation. I have grown. There's a new challenge.

And now you're challenged to manage that. And you keep growing and you just, there's always something. But you're will say, you're getting deeper roots, you're wiser, stronger. Yeah. It's easier. The more we tune in to our inner compass, where there is that sense of inner peace, when we learn to calm down that nervous system and that all those thoughts, you know, through meditation, through journaling, or any of the other tools that I discuss in my book, we can tune into that calmness a little more easily. And we can also learn to see challenges, not as, oh, here's another challenge. Why does this always happen to me like a victim. We could see it as, okay, well, here it is. Let's see what's happening to me. What can I learn from this? Maybe we realize we are approaching it in a much healthier way than we did 10 years ago, five years ago. And that's growth. Life just becomes, challenges just become a little easier to manage because we're more grounded in ourselves, more confident in ourselves. We're stronger. One of my clients, he said, my anxiety is still coming, but every time it comes, it

doesn't go away unless I sit and I have to breathe. And it goes right. I'm like, that's freaking great. I'm like, you've learned how to take a second for yourself and breathe every day. I'm like, this anxiety is the best thing that ever freaking happened to you. And he's like, yeah, that's amazing. Oh yeah, I guess so. I guess that is good.

Yeah. I'm like, look at it as an alarm. And it's like, just shift your perception a little bit. Yep. I mean, so you learned how to breathe. Yeah. Congratulations. It's just amazing how we still judge ourselves so much, right? When we've

made lots of progress, we're just so wired to, to be negative, right? I've caught myself so many times doing that. Cause I'm like, you know, six months ago, I was so confident in this decision that I made and my soul was like, do it. So now I was sitting in this space of, well, maybe I don't know the difference between intuition and ego then, because I thought that was my intuition. Well, then I was just sitting with it last night and I was thinking, wait a minute, just because things shifted again, doesn't mean that wasn't your intuition. That decision was meant to be made and was meant to happen to get you to where you're going. So quit, quit trying to ego your way out of this. What happened in the space that was created over these last few months was meant to be exactly how

it was meant to be to create this different perspective and to make things shift. So it was like, so funny how my ego wanted to jump in and be like, oh, well, then you can't trust yourself ever again, because your intuition was off for doing that. No. Yeah. I agree. I can totally relate. I'm thinking of me writing this book just because I am convinced this is part of my purpose. Doesn't mean it was easy. I had plenty of setbacks and challenges and worries and, and doubts. And, but, you know, you just keep moving forward. So just because you think, you know, this is part of my purpose, it doesn't mean it's going to be, you know, flawless. And just because there's some setbacks doesn't mean you didn't follow your intuition, like you said. Right. You know, I have to tell you, we had on another guest, Adapia, and she had this beautiful life and she put out a very, it wasn't about being a mom.

It was just about how she walked away from what everyone would think was this perfect life. And she was really scared to put out the story. And she did a Ted talk and she did, she got some haters that were like, you had everything. You had the perfect husband, you have the beautiful house in Italy. Like you're how ungrateful are you? And, you know, it was really sad because it, it, it put her into like almost a two year kind of depression where she pulled herself out of that vulnerability. And then she bounced back like, no. And so I applaud you as well, because every time we make a choice to put our story out there and we're putting ourselves

out there for people to judge us. And so I applaud you for your vulnerability, because it can be a real ugly world. And I'm sure all those fears were in your mind when you were writing it. But again, that's just all earthly ego. And so thank you. Well, thanks for those very kind words. To that I also will say advise, I give to everyone, when you want to put yourself out there and be very vulnerable, start with some really good friends and start sharing it and expanding it so you don't get burned so hard. You know, like when you throw it out on social media right away that you're really taking a chance. And I knew I couldn't handle that. I knew myself. I knew I had to start expanding that circle of people who would encourage me. But yeah, it's, but it's so meaningful, but it's hard. Yeah. You put yourself out there and you never know what kind of criticism you're getting. And you guys for sure are doing that and have been doing that for a long time, but ultimately, you know why you're doing it. It's for yourself and it's for others because when we share

people know they're not the only ones and and you know you're not the only one yeah it's easy to judge somebody you had it all why are you complaining but you just don't know and i know there's a lot of people who have it all on the outside and they're miserable. And to them, I say, just keep looking inward, go inward. And there are ways that you can be happier and just want to be that encouragement. So, but thank you for your, for your kind words. Yeah. And just to add to that, your book is very well structured. I want our listeners to know there's very tangible, like summaries of each chapter, which I loved, like how you broke it down. It was almost like I wanted to print out each one of those. Where can our listeners pick up this book and where can they find you for coaching on their inner compass?

Yeah, all the information on my book is on my website at innercompassliving.com. That's the name of my company, Inner Compass Living. There's definitely several links to order my book on Amazon. It's actually everywhere online. Any bookstore that sells online, you can find my book, Inner Compass Mom, but definitely on Amazon and through my website, there's a link to Amazon so people can easily order the book for coaching. It is under the tab connect. I think connect with me or connect. And they can, if they want to request coaching, then there's a special little box that they can submit their email.

And they can also sign up for newsletters and my monthly blog at the bottom of that page, that connect page. And also I would love to do a giveaway. I have a book, a signed copy of my book, Inner Compass Mom. And if people send me an email to innercompasslivingatgmail.com or even innercompassmomatgmail.com, I have that address as well. And then in the subject line, sense of soul, then I will do a raffle at the end of the day and somebody will receive a copy of my book. That's so nice. Thank you so much.

I think that many moms listen to us. And so I think we're speaking to a lot of people. And even if you're not a mom, I think that everything that we've talked about, you know, is just some really good life skills. Thank you so much. You've been a pleasure. Thanks so much for having me. I really enjoyed being on this podcast. Thank you. Yes, you have been just an absolute pleasure. And again, I really enjoyed your book. And now it's time for break that shit down. No, you're good enough. You are right where you need to be.

Stop comparing yourself and start feeling your own. Well, you have the right to feel your own. Well, that's great. You're a badass mom. Thanks. That's a great title to get. Oh, you're adorable. Thank you so much.

Thanks again, guys. Thanks for being with us today. We hope you will come back next week. If you like what you hear, don't forget to rate, like, and subscribe. Thank you. We rise to lift you up. Thanks for listening.