Sense of Soul - Grief, Healing and Holidays

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

Today on Sense of Soul podcast we have Melissa Hull, she is a best-selling author, international keynote speaker, heart-centered life coach, and community builder, who has helped thousands of women going through the process of healing, overcome self-doubt to reclaim their desired life. Unlike most entrepreneurs who check their personal life at the office door, Melissa lets her life experiences guide her professional paths and inspire millions of people worldwide. Melissa is also the Amazon bestselling author of Lessons From Neverland, a book that shares her courageous story of walking through the unimaginable trauma of losing her four-year-old child, the subsequent action of her husband leaving her, and the years of blaming it all on herself. She created an online program, The ART of HEALING, in which she uses her losses and life experiences to coach and mentor others to break away from toxic thoughts and self-destructive behaviors that stop them from living their best life, especially those who have experienced emotional trauma and unexpected adversity. https://melissahull.com 2 Day Event Jan. 8th and 9th https://theartofhealingmh.com/?fbclid=IwAR0Fxv76mNEZ_72ZZyW7rp7aOymrru0eKcS9pKA5WmtLJen1FV8IhcWxt9A Visit: https://www.senseofsoulpodcast.com Check out my NEW affiliates! https://www.mysenseofsoul.com/sense-of-soul-affiliates-page Follow Sense of Soul on Patreon, and join to get ad free episodes, circles, mini series and more! https://www.patreon.com/senseofsoul   

Hello, my soul-seeking friends. It's Shanna. Thank you so much for listening to Sense of Soul Podcast. Enlightening conversations with like-minded souls from around the world. Sharing their journey of finding their light within, turning pain into purpose, and awakening to their true sense of soul. If you like what you hear, show me some love and rate, like, and subscribe. And consider becoming a Sense of Soul Patreon member, Hey listeners, you have now until New Year's Day to enter the drawing to win a free quantum healing hypnosis session with the host of the Soul Traveler podcast, my friend Jennifer Mitchell.

Go to Apple Podcast and subscribe and review Sense of Soul and take a screenshot. And if you don't have an Apple account, you can comment on my recent episode with Jennifer on Sense of Soul's YouTube. Then take a screenshot and tag Sense of Soul on Instagram at Sense of Soul SOS. And on New Year's Day, listen up because I'll be announcing the lucky winner. I also want to thank and give a shout out to my new Patreon members. I really appreciate your support. And on today's episode, I have Melissa Hull. She is a best-selling author, international keynote speaker, heart-centered love coach, and community builder who has helped thousands of women going through the process of healing overcome self-doubt to reclaim their desired life.

Unlike most entrepreneurs who check their personal life at the office door, Melissa lets her life experiences guide her personal paths and inspire millions of people worldwide. Melissa is also an Amazon bestselling author of Lessons from Netherland, a book that shares her courageous story of walking through the unimaginable trauma of losing her four-year-old child. And she's joining us today to share with us that you are one decision away from the life you truly want to free yourself from fear

and how to unapologetically shape your life story. So please welcome Melissa. Hello. How are you? I am great. How are you doing? I'm doing wonderful. So now with all of the packages arriving, I'm like, my dogs are always barking or something. How many do you have?

I have two. Okay. Um, I have four fur children, three Frenchies, one Chihuahua and, uh, two living children. And when that passed when he was four, and I'm sure that we'll get into that today. Yeah. Yeah. Actually. So I have four kids as well at 26 to 11 and my oldest son's name is Drew. Oh, you've got to be. That's so ironic in a really awesome way. I love that name. Love Drew's name. Yeah. Yeah, me too. I had a chance to look at some of your blogs this morning and actually stopped myself because I was like, I would rather you tell me everything. You're so vulnerable. And I feel like that's what the world needs right now.

I just, you know, you can heal so much by knowing that you're not alone. Great. Yeah. I think for me, the point of being vulnerable isn't to overshare. It's to allow the silent sufferer, because I know that there are so many people out there that are truly suffering and they keep so much to themselves. I wanted people to understand that they aren't alone. And the only way that I ever knew how to do that was to be open about where I was. And I have never regretted that decision. I know I share a lot. I do. But vulnerability is a choice that I make because I know the good that results from being that vulnerable. Yeah. You know, when I grew up, I thought of vulnerability as a weakness because I was, it was always told to me, like, don't be telling people your business. We don't want anyone to know any weaknesses, right? And this is really, truly what I thought. My co-host, Mandy, she's so vulnerable in her story.

Sometimes I'd be like, oh my God, like, why are you telling people this? But over the years, I saw how powerful that was in the people that she was reaching and helping by sharing her story. Yeah, I think that there is a truth in the saying that there is a message in everyone's mess, but we have to be brave enough to own the mess and to transform it. And that's really what I believe is one of my gifts is I've learned to alchemize the worst of situations in a way that allows me to not surrender my agency so that I am always in an empowered person at all times by choice. Yes. Choose to be empowered no matter what the circumstance, because to surrender that agency to the situation means that I identify as the situation and I am never the situation. I am the person who is dealing with a situation. And I have found that mindset has really allowed me to always align

with possibility. I still see the possible, even inside of the tragic loss of a child. I'm not going to say that I went right to it, but it was an evolution that was intentional. I intentionally wanted to regain my sense of self, but not lose the memory of my son. And for me, that looked a lot like sharing my story, sharing what those experiences were like, getting into water safety education at the preschool level and, you know, talking with children under five so that they understand how important water safety is and what it means to be water conscious. So that's where Drew's crew, water members of supporting parents or women, primarily women in their pursuit to reclaim their lives. I happened to see this morning, Anderson Cooper, just this morning,

I think he just released it. He said that he has like this, all this stuff that he's been keeping of his brothers and his dads that he hasn't been able to get rid of. Even when he goes to it just to sit with the stuff, like he can't, it's too painful. And I have the same. And so I continued to listen to what he was saying. And he said that he did a podcast and he wasn't going to do another one, but he's going to because of hours of messages that people had left him. And it was all about grief and how they were getting through their grief. And he sat there and listened to all of them. And he said it inspired him to move through his grief that he realized that he never, ever, he never allowed himself really to grieve.

I think that there's so much that we gain when we sit with the pain of the loss of somebody significant, whether it be a child, a sibling, a spouse, a friend, a pet, everybody has different attachments in these people, pets, they hold deep meaning. And so mourning makes sense to me, but suffering was something that I was not able to continue and survive myself. So the hardest thing that I have ever done that was an intentional choice was to sit with the pain to sit with those questions. Was I partly responsible for what happened because my son, my son passed away on a morning where I was home alone with both of my boys. I had two little boys that were 15 months apart. My husband at the time, um, very busy, um, dentist. We had multiple practices. So he had been in the Phoenix area at our dental office there. And so I was home

alone and exhausted and I fell asleep and drew, let himself outside. And I live in a small town, a very agricultural part of the state and drew, let himself outside and wandered to an irrigation canal and fell in and drowned while I obviously was at home sleeping. So that question of, did I share responsibility and what happened would haunt me. I mean, torture me. I almost surrendered to the belief that somehow I deserved to never be happy again because I fell asleep and there was this guilt this blame that just was so ever-present and finally I decided to challenge that narrative is that true is it true did I go to sleep knowing that my son would let himself outside and did I just willfully not care and there was a resounding no no and that was the first moment where I feel like my heart kind of jumped in like that voice of the heart that inner part of my resilience that

finally quieted that mind's ever present dominant kind of messaging, like it's your fault. If it weren't for you, he would be alive. If it weren't for you, your husband would still be here because I lost everything within a month. I buried my son and then my husband left because of his frustration and anger at me for having fallen asleep. And so I really felt so isolated and so utterly alone that I was so tempted to go there too, to let the actions of others, to let the questions, which were fair questions, you know, what happened? How did this come about? I found that I couldn't

answer that question without berating myself until I really asked myself that question. Did I really, did I really not care? Did I really just, am I really that kind of mom that just goes to sleep? And the truth is I never intended to, but I had been up for two days with my son, Devin, my younger child, giving him breathing treatments, doing the best job I could as a mother. My son drew woke up at very early five o'clock in the morning. And I just did the same things that I would do on any other given day. Unfortunately, on this particular day, there were unintended consequences to the decisions that I had been making that I trusted and thought were the right decisions. And with those realizations, the clarity finally came that I was a good mother and an unthinkable thing happened. But I have seen so many moms like

in stores where they're looking for their kids, you know, and they get away from us. There's no perfect parent and there's no perfectly safe environment. We have to be vigilant and do our part, but I also think we have to have grace for those moments when our humanness steps in. saving grace because it finally was allowing myself not to run from this thought or truth. I was the parent that was home. This is what happened, but I am a good mother. I am still a good mother. I am a loving mother. I deserve to be supported in this experience and not isolated. And so I just made that decision for myself that the first person who would stop criticizing me was me. I had to stop it because there was no one that was doing a better job of making myself feel absolutely worthless than myself. So it all started with me. Everything started with me, how I allowed other people to treat me changed as I began to embrace the actual truth, which was I was an exhausted mom

on that particular day, but I loved my son and I did everything that I could to be a good mother, but I didn't and still can't control all of the external circumstances. My son had agency. My son had his little curious spirit And all he did was go out to explore. And that's something we did every day. So there's nothing about what happened that I can say he made a mistake or I made a mistake. It's the unfortunate part of life that we can't control everything and that bad things will happen to good people and pain will come to all of us. But we have choices that we can make in the midst of those experiences that can allow us to find that internal place where we can still love and accept ourselves, see ourselves for the

good that we do for the impact that we're making just by owning the fact that life is not always easy and we don't always have the answers, but we can sure find in, for me, it began with that internal kind of support of getting clear on what I chose to believe about me inside of those circumstances. I'm so sorry. You know, I appreciate that, but I have arrived at a place where I can talk very openly and very vulnerably about my life life because it no longer is a source of, of shame. I don't see myself as a woman that is undeserving of anything but joy and happiness. So that's what I constantly align myself to, but that isn't an easy journey. And I understand that it's an evolution. It's something that as we know more, we can do better as we understand and accept ourselves more,

the more access we have to those internal resources that are truly what I consider to be an unshakable resilience and an unbreakable will to continue on. But I have also found that inside of that journey, that there are very specific things that have helped me. And it might sound cliche to the person who is learning to walk this new normal of having one child, you know, that has transitioned and another child here, it has not been an easy, I guess, these are, these are truths and this is knowledge that was hard, hard fought to find. But the one thing I always knew is that I didn't want to bury Drew and then Drew just become this picture on the wall. You know, Drew is every bit a part of my world today as he was when he was alive, because the work that I choose to do could only have resulted from his life and his transition. And so I choose to see it as a point of great gratitude and to see the beauty inside of the tragedy that has allowed his story to continue to touch lives.

And this is 23 years later. It's been 23 years since my son passed away. He was four. He would be almost 28. So my journey is something that has been going on for a few decades. And I understand that I'm at a different place than a person that's on day one or year one. But I choose to, I guess I think of myself in this context. I know the storm that they're in, but now I get to be the lighthouse. I get to be that beacon of hope

and a source of information for others that are looking to not lose themselves inside of this grief. And it's personal. I have a lot of reverence. Like that's the word that I choose is it's a reverence because I understand the depths of the sorrow and the depths of the pain when you're talking about going on after the loss of a child. So it's, it's work that I, I hold so dear, but I feel like I do this as partnership with drew all the time. It's, but for the fact that I lost my son, that I am able to hold this particular space at this particular time for a world that I know is crying out for someone to care, to see them. And I do, I see them. I can feel the energy of a person who is standing near me. That is the smile is on, but the heart is breaking. Like I know that brave, putting your best foot

forward, getting out of your house, going out and being around people, and you're just dying inside. It's painful to go to birthday parties. It's painful to go to holidays where everyone's got their kids. And it's painful to even do that. It's painful just to get out and still try to go forward. It can feel very painful. And so for me, I had to figure out, well, how can I take this pain and turn it into something that is going to be of use? Because if I'm just meant to feel pain, I'm not going to make it. And that's really where I think my love of gratitude and my sense of service has evolved and absolutely come from. It's a beautiful thing to be able to hold space for somebody who's not where I'm at

today, but where I once was. I have an immense respect and gratitude for being able to do that because Lord knows there are earth angels in the forms of other people that did that for me. I absolutely needed someone to be that for me. And so now it's an honor. It's really not even a choice for me. It's just something that I feel called to do. There was a man that we had on years ago, Sergeant Tom Campbell. He served in Afghanistan, Iraq, all those. And actually he was the master sergeant of my best friend's brother who was shot and killed. And we had him on. And one of the things that he shared, I thought it just stuck with me. I never forgot this, but when he would go to therapy and talk about all the things,

the therapist would say, well, what was the worst thing you've ever, ever seen? And he would share. And when he would share, he would tell the story and he would cry at certain parts of the story. And then the next time he'd go to therapy, she'd have him tell the story again. And he would tell the story and he would cry at a different part of the story. And he did it over and over. And as he began to share with different places all over the world and share his story with other soldiers, he found he was doing that too. As he was telling the story,

his voice would crack in certain places or he would cry. But then the next time he wouldn't, and it would be a different place. And then he got to the point where he didn't feel that anymore. And I saw the power in sharing. And've experienced for myself since in speaking about certain things. Now this story holds a lot of power and it's not that it's not emotional and I don't care, but I've healed through it. Yeah. I think that's the one, if there is a misconception, when I talk about my story is that somehow I'm like disassociated from it. And that's not the case at all. I just have dove into it. I sat with it for years. It's almost like a Lotus flower, you know, a Lotus flower opens and it can continue to open and the blossoms

just continue to be revealed. And the grief is an awful lot like that. It comes in evolutions. It comes in maybe some waves and layers. And then there's some learning that we arrive at. And then the learning changes and we find greater depth inside of what we've learned and gained. And being able to be truly present and to be really mindful as a result of having maybe not understood just how important those daily interactions are, that forever changed the moment that I lost my son, Drew. But it's also allowed me to hold a space now for my children that's very different than the presence that I had before.

And I look at grief more as a gift that I do as this horrible thing that happened. Drew is not a horrible thing that happened. His passing was too soon. Yes. But there's nothing about Drew in his story that I find anything but just a depth of real gratitude for. And like I said, it might sound cliche, but gratitude is the fastest elevator of our emotions that I have ever found. It's finding the appreciation in the moments at all. When you can say, I would much rather have this experience and have had him than to never have known him at all. I'm not saying that I'm glad my son passed away. That's not it at all. I'm saying that at this particular point in my life, I can see how his transition, his passing allowed my evolution to go beyond anything I could have

comprehended unless this experience had happened. I wouldn't be able to do the work that I do. I wouldn't be able to support the parents or the women in their journey to reclaim their lives, to not say goodbye to the memory of their loved one, but to learn how to bring them forward in a meaningful, fulfilling, and purposeful way. Because the pain can oftentimes feel like an anchor, right? Like our boat can only go out so far when we're anchored to it, but boats are meant to go from destination to destination, right? So how do we pull the anchor up and still allow ourselves to move through the experience and not lose ourself inside of it? And that is different for everyone,

but there is a path for everyone if they're willing. And that's the key part of this. If they are willing to commit to the process of discovering what that is, there is no magic pill. There is no one that is going to come in with the grief code and unlock yours. You are, you are the one that gets to discover what that combination is that sets you free of the pain, but it's the growth from the pain that becomes that wind in your sails, if you will, allows you to continue to move through life in a deeper, richer, meaningful way. And that's for me, that's what I needed. I needed to believe that that was possible. I know that it is, but I know the commitment and the time that it took for me to discover that. And so I just want to help people that maybe offer tools,

whatever helps them discover their combination to unlock that code that is about honoring the memory and extracting all of the beauty from that relationship. And then allow them to see the possibilities that still are here for them and align to that and support them in that. That's my, my entire focus inside of coaching women is to help them unlock that combination, to put themselves back onto that path of living richly. Like I don't want just to exist. I want life to be wonderful. You know, we deserve wonderful.

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Go to her website, harpspace.org. That's H-A-R-P-S-P-A-C-E dot O-R-G. And make sure to tell Nicole that you found her from Sense of Soul Podcast. You can also go to www.senseofsoulpodcast.com under the Network of Lightworkers. You can find these links in the show notes. Now back to our amazing guest. But we don't always allow for that to be the belief that we hold. I believe that I am designed for a wonderfully fulfilling, meaningful purpose driven life. And so that's what I create

by design. It is not by chance. This is by design and my intentions. This is something that has evolved over decades, but now it's a way of being. It used to be a practice. It used to be a mindset or even a challenge. And now it's a way of being because of the consistency and because of the dedication. And through that, I saw the difference in who I was, but I felt it more importantly. And then it was beautiful to kind of see without saying anything, but people would say, you know, you're different. You're different. People who didn't know anything about me, I'd go on stage, I'd share my story. They would say, I would have never known that about you. You're so happy. And I believe that that's still possible

for a lot of people that have gone through very tragic, sometimes horrific experiences. My belief is that we're still meant for something greater than that moment. And that moment can be a catalyst for propelling us forward, or it can become the anchor and we have to decide what it's going to be for us. I love that you're speaking a lot about choice and making that decision. I mean, because it is a choice. It is. During that particular time, I definitely wasn't where I am today. And it was very difficult. And I needed others. And there was a particular family that had lost their son to cancer. He had had cancer throughout his childhood, but as an adult, young adult, he lost his battle. And I remember looking at this couple and seeing their strength and seeing their bond and their commitment to each other and to their family that I drew from. And I thought, okay, I want to emulate that.

I want to be able to be that genuinely happy because it wasn't an act. I mean, these, you know, you can tell falsehood. You can tell when someone's just putting it on. This was so genuine. And I thought that's remarkable putting it on. Taking it to make it. Yeah. This was so genuine. And I thought, that's remarkable. It is. It's almost a miracle, you know, when you see that strength. I found my inspiration through, you know, having conversations with other parents that had lost children.

I don't know why it seemed to cut through everything and really reach me in a different way. Maybe because I, I felt like they truly understood. I just remember being in, in therapy and even talking with counselors and, you know, clergy, when I would ask, have you ever gone through a loss like this? And they hadn't. And I don't know why, but for me, it almost disqualified them. Right. You don't know that I'm going through. You empathize, you have sympathies, but you don't understand. And there's a knowing that I need, I need for someone to know this the way I know it in order for me to, I guess, I don't know. I'm not saying that what

they were saying wasn't a value, but it didn't reach me in the same way that the words of this family, or quite honestly, the words from a mother who just wrote me a letter. She wrote me a letter and she said the most remarkable things she had read about the accident in the newspaper. And she wrote to me and her words were so poignant. She said in this beautiful letter that she understood my story. And then she shared with me what had happened with her. She went inside. She left her daughter by the car. She'd forgotten her purse, ran back into the house.

A little girl had something in her hands that blew out into the road. She ran after it and was struck by a car and was killed. And so she understood that part of my story where something so harmless, so innocent laid down beside him, patted his back because he needed to sleep. And I just wanted him to sleep. I never thought that I'd be gone for more than a few minutes. And she spoke to that part of my pain that I believed her. Like I leaned into what she was saying differently. And then she went on to say that she was certain that I would be tempted to blame myself and to beat myself up. And she encouraged me to find grace for myself in that moment and to believe that I was still

worthy of a life of joy. And she said very clearly, but you will have to choose that every day of your life. You will have to choose it. So she just encouraged me in that moment. And it has never left me. I've never met this woman. Her name is Teresa. And I can't tell you how grateful I am to her for just taking the time to write a letter to a perfect stranger. She recognized enough in the circumstances of what had happened to understand what I might be going through and

then to care. You've carried this all the time. That's beautiful. I think that it's probably the most beautiful part of humanity is when we have the ability to hold the space of grace and understanding and encouragement for a person who is at their worst particular, like facing the worst thing that they can ever face. And I think the world needs more of that now than ever. We need brave, vulnerable people to share more of themselves through their stories so that others can be seen. Because when you don't feel, when you feel like no one understands and you feel like no one could ever understand, it's such an isolating place to be that you do withdraw. You withdraw in very significant ways. You stop going out, you stop interacting, you stop really even caring about yourself on a physical level. Like I remember I didn't care if I ate or if I didn't eat. I didn't care if I never met write me a letter that honestly shook me out of that is no small thing.

And that's why I just know and believe that what I'm doing does have value, even if not everyone sees it. The person that it's meant for does. And her child has touched you. Absolutely. And then in turn, you've helped thousands of people. It's pretty amazing that just that decency, that being a human and reaching out, how it spread like that. One thing that with the holidays, I remember that in my grief before I really sat with it, that these were such painful moments, things that just really did a number on my heart. And there was something that was offered to me by Carol Gwen, who is the woman that had lost her son to cancer. And she said,

give the gift of memory, give the gift of memory this Christmas, write down as a gift to each person, a memory that you have of them with true, something that is really meaningful or special that maybe they didn't even see or know about, but give them that gift. And it is something that to this day, I do. And I have seen the beauty. The gratitude component elevates. It allows us to share the best of the time that we were fortunate enough to have with our loved one in a present way that feels like bringing them forward. In death, it's a living tribute. I love that. Yeah. And so that's one thing that I would like to offer the listener is give the gift of memory this Christmas. Allow yourself to find meaning in those small moments that maybe you didn't really think

were significant at the time, but allow yourself to reflect and to see the gift of those moments and then share them with the people that knew your loved one. And just the ripple effect of that is so wonderful. It's so rich. It's so meaningful that that is what I truly believe this time of year is really meant for. It's meant to not just gather together, but to appreciate and acknowledge each other for the gift that they are to us and those memories are to us. Because the one thing that I know for certain is that love transitions, but it does not die. And I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe in soul contracts. I believe to not really be attached to everything in the world. And I see what a blessing your son has been in your journey. What a blessing he is.

I just, I love him to pieces. You know, I'm so fortunate to have the gift of his life. Even though it's just four and a half years, it still is a constant source of inspiration for me. So thank you for that. Thank you for that. I appreciate that so much. You know, I, I mean, and it's just the stories that we tell ourselves, but for years after my dad died, I carried this guilt for bringing him to the hospital, which is where you bring people when they're sick. And he was like code blue, but I felt guilty for bringing him to the hospital. Felt like maybe he would have lived had I not. I mean, the stories we tell ourselves, it's not even common sense. Sometimes you really

do have to cognitively listen to what you're saying to yourself, the stories. And are they true? You know, most times, no, of course not. Of course, anything can happen. You know, really in the big picture, we're not really responsible for anybody else's journey. Absolutely true.

We think that we're in control, right? We think that we have ultimate authority. This is the outcome that I choose to have. So this will be the outcome. And I understand why, because life, we do make a lot of decisions and we do have a lot of control with certain things, but ultimate control, we don't have. Ultimate say, we don't have. Ultimate say, we don't have. We cannot control everything in this life. But what you talked about, that internal part of us, that whatever that part is, there's a voice that we hear that is so punishing. It's so criticizing and it just, yes, it just beats the crap out of you.

And I've never really understood why we spend so much time listening to that when we have this gift that I think we just have become so disconnected from our heart space, our heart space also has a voice and it's a voice of compassion. It's a voice of love. It's a voice of resilience. It's a voice of strength. It is so beautiful. That's where I, when I talk about finding grace for yourself, I'm talking about go to your heart, go into the truth. That's where you're going to find the truth. But the difference is the mind is so loud. It's the louder voice. We have to get quiet to hear our heart. And our heart isn't going to compete with that voice of the mind, that part of us that just doesn't allow us to almost get a break.

I love that you're helping women too, because I feel like it's difficult for mothers. We carry so much guilt, shame, all these things. I mean, I remember literally left my number three, my Ethan at Skate City. I got all the kids in the car and I'm like, you know, it was a birthday party, you know, I've got all the presents and I get to the light and I look in the back seat and there's an empty car seat. And I'm like, oh my God, you know, and I call his dad, do you have him? No. You know, and think that if we all talked about, we've all done these things. I mean, I could tell you stories for hours. I have four kids. It's hard to be a mom.

And then even harder when we make a choice to listen to that voice that continues to say, you suck as a mom. You're failing at this. Right. I think it's because we have this belief that perfect is where we have to arrive at, right? If you were perfect, if you were a better mom, if you were this mom or that mom, this would never happen. And that is the biggest lie. It doesn't matter what kind of mom you are, you're never going to create perfect. It doesn't exist. You will be in the pursuit of progress to do things better.

And that's, I believe wholeheartedly in that, but to ever believe that you can control it all, all the time in every conceivable way is something that sets you up for that voice of the mind to really run the show. Absolutely. Expectations lead to future resentments. I was a total helicopter mom with my older children. And there's been a lot of undoing that we've had to do with my older kids. A lot of that was because I was trying to have the perfect life and the perfect kids. And I made choices for them. I chose their religion. I chose, you know, what sports they were going to play all before they were even born. There's a lot of things, you know, that we've had to undo. And I wasn't conscious, you know, I was listening to that voice.

That voice was running my life saying, you need more, you know, and all of these things are going to make you a better person if you have these things. And, you know, it just, it was a facade. And now with my youngest, she's 11, you know, I've been more awakened, so I'm a totally different mother. And, you know, it's still hard, no matter what. And so, because she has her own little voice in her head, especially now at 11. We are all our own unique expression. You know, we come in with our own unique gift and quirks and peccadillos. That is so true. Can't blame everything on your parents. No, no, they'll try. They might try and say it's all right. But the truth is that's exactly how it should be. And the sooner we can allow for everyone, including ourselves, to not strive for perfect but authentic, I think it just shifts the game.

It shifts everything. I would rather be authentic than perfect. And I want everyone to also understand there's a freedom in that. There is something really beautiful that leaves. It's like this weight just goes when you're like, you know, this is me. This is how I do it. This is what I think about it. This is what I believe. The good, bad, the ugly, whatever. Yeah. But I embrace it. You know, I love the skin I'm in. And that for me

is a big statement because I didn't always, but I am very, very, very proud of the woman I have chosen to evolve into. And I'm not done. Like there's still more out there for me, but I am, I'm proud that I've come this far and it feels good to be able to be in this place because of the service and the good that I can extract from my experiences and my wisdom and share with others. So again, you know, being on the podcast today is just another way for me to do that. And so I truly thank you for this opportunity. No, I thank you. I mean, you're such an inspiration. Your message is very beautiful and very felt. I know my listeners will appreciate it. So for your listeners, if there's anything that I can do or resources that they would

like to find, I do have a website, melissahull.com. I do offer trainings. I have one coming up and they're free. There's, I'm asking for, there's no monetary exchange to attend, but I do ask that we meet and that we get to know each other for a few minutes to make sure it's the right fit. Because as I shared earlier, I'm here and ready to serve in the capacity when a person is ready to move themselves forward. I'm not a counselor and I'm not a therapist. I am a very skilled life coach. My background is pretty diverse. And in terms of the different modalities of support, emotion, code, healing, Reiki, I believe in energy, you know, the body balance and energy and then cellular release, which

for me was a life changing experience, learning how to energetically release things from a cellular place. And then also a heart-centered life coach. I really want people to tap into the beauty of their heart and quiet their minds down so that they can really truly see the potential and the beauty that still does exist in their lives. So melissahall.com and I would sure love to serve in any way that I can. Thank you for turning your pain into purpose and sharing with the world. We need more people like you. And I appreciate you taking the time to have a podcast like this, because we need platforms. We need people to offer this out into the world. And I think the world

now more than ever is crying out for it. So thank you for what you're doing and your contribution as well. Thank you. You know, it's so important, I think sometimes to look from a different perspective, from a greater perspective about things, because things can be really shitty in your life. And then you look and you're like, Jesus, you know, they're killing each other's children across the world right now. Yeah. There's so much that I don't understand. I'm looking at it through my lens of experience. And unfortunately, not everybody does value life the way that I do. There are issues that they've allowed to become disagreements, whatever you want to call it, to become so desensitized almost. Yeah, that they've lost the appreciation

for the fact that we all have value. That's why these kinds of conversations are important though, to remind people that life is precious and to keep going even after a loss. responsibility not given to our lesser nature and use violence and harm as a primary way of working through differences. But you do know that whenever there's bad, there's always something good that maybe comes out of it in the end. We can't usually see it when we're going through it, but there is light on the other side somewhere. I believe that.

I believe that. Absolutely. Well, thank you, beautiful soul, for joining me today. I really appreciate it. Yeah. Thank you. Have a wonderful holiday. You as well.

Thank you so much. Thanks for listening to Sense of Soul Podcast. And thanks to our special guests for joining me. Thank you so much.