Sense of Soul - Help Me Be Me with Sarah May B

Episode Date: November 5, 2020

We had the honor of having Sarah May B host of one our favorite podcast, Help me Be me, where Sarah breaks down the “The What, The Why and The How!” You can find so many great topics like “codependency, detaching with love, relationship loops, the narcissistic and so many more, she is our go to!! Founder of Yay With Me where she offers Tools and inspiration to help yourself and love yourself through whatever makes you feel stuck.  She is the Author of help me be me Self” care toolkit. She also cohost Love Is Like A Plant” and has a podcast Break-Up Coach series, you can find on her amazing website  www.yaywithme.com!  You will love her!! Check her out! Also check out our two new online classes on Ancestry Healing and Empaths at our website! www.mysenseofsoul.com  

Welcome to the Sense of Soul podcast. We are your hosts, Shanna and Mamby. Grab your coffee, open your mind, heart, and soul. It's time to awaken. Today we welcome Sarah Maybates, also known as Sarah Maybee, founder of Yay With Me, where she offers tools and inspiration to help yourself and love yourself through whatever makes you feel stuck. She is the host of the podcast, Help Me Be Me, where she breaks it down with the what, the why, and the how. She also co-hosts the podcast, Love Is Like a Plant. And several years ago, her podcast was the very first podcast I had ever listened to. Oh my God, no way.

Yes, for sure. I was in therapy at the time. I was doing some really deep work on codependency. My therapist at the time was talking about a podcast. So I said, well, search for codependency and detaching with love. I came across your podcast. And this was probably back in like 2015. And I must say that your podcast was a very vital part of my journey. And it really,

truly helped me understand how to detach successfully, and which I learned to do. Yes, I know. And I also learned self-love. And I found what was amazing is that nothing in my house changed. Nothing changed in my life except for me. And everything changed. And I was so liberated. So thank you for being a part of that journey. And I also, my son and I were talking about it. I was telling him I was having you on and I was telling him this story.

And I said, you know, I think I emailed her even. And I did. And I actually went back and I searched in my emails and I found my email. And so I wanted to read it. Yeah. Did I write back? You did. Yes, you sure did. Thank you. I try to write back to everybody. Yeah. It says, Sarah, you are seriously awesome. I think I've listened to almost all of your podcasts now, and I've shared many of your episodes. I have had a lot of therapy, and I have gone through a shit ton as well,

and I, too, use many of the same tools that you suggest, and I have learned a ton just listening to you. I have cried and I've been inspired. I had to message you just to let you know how amazing I think that you are. Thanks, Shanna. That's so amazing. Yes, I know.

It's so amazing how far I've come. And that's also what I wanted to say is that since then, you know, thank goodness I've had many healings and awakenings, but I just want to thank you so much for putting yourself out there. And now as a podcaster myself, I know how much work you do. So again, just want to thank you. Oh, you guys are gonna make me cry. That's so nice. You helped me at a point in my life where my marriage was falling apart. I wasn't sure how to handle my anger at the time. And you did an episode on how to stop

bad relationship loops. That one really helped me getting off of that loop. And I also have to say you probably saved Shanna a lot of nights of me calling her crying because instead of her having to listen to me, she'd just send me your another episode. You're my go-to for sure. That's funny. Well, that totally made my whole month. Everything you guys just said, that's so sweet. You know how it feels now.

Reaching people all across the world and just sharing your own stories and your tools that you know helps you. So you're helping others. I think it's beautiful. And it is. It's very humbling. And I'm so honored to have you because I feel like you kind of really even inspired even this podcast. You know, thank you. Thank you.

You're welcome. You're welcome. Thank you for having me. What inspired you to do your podcast? Well, it's funny you say that what you just said about her sending you little episodes. Cause like I started recording voice memos to myself to try and like, remember my own most rational thinking in the times when I was really overwhelmed or dysregulated or you know how we store very visceral physical responses to situations that like time travel us back to a time when things were very dire and scary and we can feel like we're in a terrible dire situation when we're really not so in those, I would play these voice memos just to be able to like, get back to reality, like, no, no, no, no, this is actually not as bad as it feels like this is in

your body. These are the steps you need to take. And I remember thinking like, maybe this would be helpful to somebody else to hear too. You know, there's a couple episodes towards the beginning of when I started podcasting that are just so strange. They're like three minutes long, you know, and if you listen to it completely out of context, it could probably apply to most any situation. And a couple of them I think are memos I sent to myself to have when I needed to like get talked down. I definitely have recorded many episodes just talking to myself exactly where I was at that time. So if there are moments when you feel a lot of emotion, it's because it's a lot of emotion. And I think that's what helps it resonate with a lot of people that are suffering in similar ways is I mean it. I'm

not just saying I really mean it. I know. I'm like, I know. Thank you. I know. You've been doing this so long too. Your podcast has been around since 2014. Is that right? I think so. Podcasts, you know, are huge now. At that time it was like starting to pick up. It was some people didn't really listen to them. And I was blogging. I like blogged for years and years for the site Hello Giggles, which I don't blog for them anymore. But that was kind of the beginning of what became the podcast. My husband actually kept telling me like, you should try podcasting. And I was like, I don't podcast. I'm not that type of person. I don't want to have my voice in public. And I'm like, I just blog. And he just kept saying, like, I really think you should try it. I really think you should do it. Face memos was kind of like the first version of experimenting with that, you know, like, maybe this could be what my podcast would be. And as you guys know, it's like when you put yourself out there, you just kind of have to like, close your eyes and jump and put it out there and let it be there and get used to that vulnerability. And so I think that's like, you know, pretty much the process has been just like getting used to the vulnerability and then

taking another step and then another step and another step. And I also very much value being a real person and myself. So there's a reason that I don't have like a very polished Instagram. I personally have like a negative reaction to a lot of retouching and things that make you feel lesser about your own life. So, you know, my photos are just my own photos are not like pretty or anything. You're just very raw. You're authentic. You're genuine. I love the bottom of your title where it says for self-help for people that hate self-help. And I loved that when I listened to you, you sounded like just somebody I was sitting in a coffee shop with and I felt comfortable listening to you. It was welcoming. It was simple. And when you're in such a dire emotional state, you need shit really broken down for you. And you really do that so simple

with how it's structured. And then I was able to walk away, not feeling overwhelmed when I already was. And you gave me these simple tools that I could actually implement into my life. And I love that you cuss once in a while. Well, you know, what's funny is that I always send people to the beginning, go to the first episodes because you don't want to miss some of those because some of those are my favorite ones. Oh, really? Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah. Your podcast doesn't seem like it would only be for women in their forties or thirties. It's like anyone, teenagers, men, it's just a go-to for everyone. I love that. Yeah. Well, I try very hard to make it neutral. So it's not like excluding anybody. Cause I don't know about you guys, but I remember when I was starting my journey of like healing and trying to get help for all of the problems I had, I felt like I was

like, I would try and get help in a certain way. And then I feel like, no, I'm not like you though. And it always kind of turned me off to that source of help, even though it shouldn't have. It just, it was my own personal bias that made me feel like, well, but you don't get me, you know? So I think it's important not to reduce it or try to keep it as broad as possible put it that way yeah you are very good at that because I feel like you don't hit like Mandy and I sometimes hit some pretty scary areas there might be a lot of people who don't agree we talked about some pretty crazy shit you know I mean you know we're talking about aliens and yeah just all kinds of crazy stuff I like that though about you but you keep it very broad because that way it's welcoming to everyone very home and safe oh I'm glad this

morning I was listening to your latest one and I have to be honest this thought crossed my mind and I was like this girl has had to have gone through a lot of shit to be so wise. And still going through, I mean, it's like, you know, I feel like life gives us so much material. Yeah. And you mentioned before that vulnerability at first was maybe a little uncomfortable for you. I think that's how Shanna was, you know, her and I grew up with two totally different ideas of what vulnerable means.

She thought vulnerable meant that you could get taken advantage of. For me, vulnerability, I was taught by my mom that it means showing your authentic self. So it was interesting that her and I had these two totally different definitions of vulnerability. And my vulnerability actually sometimes makes her uncomfortable. A sense of soul is about turning pain into purpose. Is that what happened? Absolutely. It's a big question. I feel like because I'm still on that journey for sure. I think I deliberately am pushing myself to be more and more open and out there, but it's, it is uncomfortable to be known to the world. And I think of myself as somewhat private. So it's even more scary. I think the biggest trait that makes it difficult is I really care if I upset people. And if I

hurt someone's feelings, I feel it really a lot, you know, so it's, it's, a lot of it is just self preservation, I think. But yeah, to answer the original question, I think the start of this came from when I started writing that blog for Hello Giggles as like, I'm going to be a comedy writer and Tina Fey is going to stumble across this blog and she's going to hire me and I'm going to write on 30 Rock. That was like my plan. And as I started writing, I was like, this is kind of useless to the world. I'm not contributing anything positive or meaningful. And so I really had to think about like, what is the only thing I could offer to people that's a value?

And it really came down to the things I'd learned that maybe people needed to hear. And so once I started to write about that stuff, I started getting people writing back to me saying like, oh my God, thank you so much. You know, this really, really helped me. And that's, you know, as you guys know, the most addictive elixir in the world is like helping other people is feel so good. It's like crack cocaine. I mean, it's the best. So then I, all I wanted to do is like share things that I thought were helpful to people. And then this has been kind of a natural progression of that. And putting it out there in a way that I know that for all creative people, it's kind of about allowing the voice to come out or being in the setting

that allows the voice to come out the best way possible or getting into flow or whatever you want to call it. So really it's for me now about how do I get to that place mentally where I can give something of value? Like, and it, it tends to be things that I'm,

I care about that I'm going through or that has come up in like a conversation with a friend or somebody like a client I've worked with recently. It's the topic that's in me that I feel like I want to put out into the world. A lot of our listeners are empaths. These are people that their whole life have been taking on the world's pain, the people around them's energy.

A lot of sensitive humans that listen to our podcast that are looking for understanding of self. And I mean, that's what life is about, right? Evolving and healing. So with that topic, that's kind of why Shanna and I wanted to ask you about narcissists. Now, I know that word is getting thrown out a lot right now, but it seems that empaths always find themselves in real life. Not always.

One of the most common relationships with empaths is to be in a relationship with a narcissist codependent too right so the codependent and the narcissist they do that dance and so why do you think that there's an attraction there i mean it's like a i don't know i think of every relationship as a yin yang and sometimes the shape is bigger on one side or smaller on the other side or warped this like yeah the shapes change and i feel like for you know somebody like that has the narcissistic personality traits the perfect inverse of that is a person like an empath or codependent your magnet is really attracted to that magnet it's kind of completing all the places that you need to grow into kind of trapping you in that dysfunction i can see that it's kind of like the shadow self so seeing in them what you need to work on within yourself or just not having to think about yourself at all it's like um i think that's the

probably the most attractive part is just like, it's not about you anymore. It's about them. And like, what a relief, you know? I don't know if you guys dated narcissists. Like if you're in between a relationship, it felt like I'm hollow. I'm lonely. I need something. Like it's an emptiness of like not enoughness all the time.

It's very uncomfortable to be in that state. If you haven't worked on yourself and filled your own cup yet, you're just, all you feel is like empty and scared and vulnerable and not enough, not enough, not enough, not enough. And somebody who just wants attention from you completes that feeling. So you don't have to think about you anymore. It's really just about giving to somebody else nonstop. So it feels like, ah, this is where I'm comfortable. This is safe. What are they thinking?

What is on the other side? How are they feeling? It's like we try and read into them our thoughts and feelings, and we try and relate to them based on our own brain. So we're like, but do they know, do they know how I feel? And don't they know why that I'm suffering? And it's like, well, it's, it's not the same thing. It's not, you can't just translate yourself into them and think that you understand who they are. It's like, there's certain, it's like you're different machines altogether.

So on the other side, it's really about adoration and getting the feeling of total power and control often and having someone that worships you. And that doesn't take into account, like they don't have a sense of joy and fulfillment from the same sorts of things that the other person might. So a lot of people that end up in relationships with narcissists, they can't tell, but the narcissist has very much just created the image that will get the most adoration and the most attention. So they're, they're portraying a version of a person that is not truly them. It's really about what, what is the thing that plays this instrument perfectly? And how do I get, become the God in their eyes? So that's why they're so hard to get out of. They're so intensely addictive and intoxicating i mean you can google you know the narcissistic relationship loop or you know there's forgot how many stages there are but they're like clockwork

you can predict exactly what they're like because it's all based on this kind of enchantment dance that they do and like gaining total power over this person having this adoring fan and then you know they get bored of it or they don't they decide that like all right i already have this one i'm maybe i want another one but i'm going to keep this one in case i want to come back to it so then you know that's when things start to change and you can find yourself doing things you could not imagine doing doing because you don't know why it changes. You're like, but wait, I thought we were like true soulmates. Like what's changing all of a sudden? This person's starting to like lose interest in me. What did I do wrong?

If you insult the narcissist and or ask for your needs to be met and you tell them all the things that they're not doing for you that you expect like a normal human being to do for you anything that attacks their ego is completely unacceptable so usually what the response is is like how dare you do you realize like they become a victim and um just so totally uh without blame in every sense of the word. I don't know if you guys have ever heard that episode of All in the Mind, the Australian ABC podcast. It's about there was a neuroscientist who found out he was a psychopath based on his brain scan.

That sounds good. It's amazing. But he basically like he was studying psychopaths and then he was looking through all these x-rays and he saw his own brain and he was like, oh, that guy's a psychopath. And then he was like, that's my brain. And then he told his family and it was like, oh yeah, I could have told you that.

So once he knew, he started to really alter his behavior accordingly to be a better husband. And it worked. Like, he was able to be more compassionate just because he was trying to, like, do this kind of manual workaround. So just having the knowledge, I think, you can do something about it and you can do something with it for sure. But see, that's the problem with nurses. They have a hard time looking at their own stuff. Well, and this guy, he even talked about all of those traits,

and he was like, that's totally me, and now I'm trying to do X, Y, Z because of that. And he described it as it never really felt true for him, really was inclined to do those things. But because it was something he was aware of as a problem, just based on being a doctor, he did them to be a better person. So I don't know, I guess that situation to me highlighted, like, it's possible for sure. You know, and I think we all do things like that. As we mature as adults, like, we learn about our own flaws, probably from a partner or from maybe in a work review or whatever it is like, and then

once you if you're able to hear it and if you're able to really accept it and take it in we can borrow like another person's tool sets and like act as if you know or act in this new way and practice this new way of being and sometimes it's a little slower like it's like not you know our nature but I think we can still do those things to help other people feel better. And that's a very compassionate way to go about living life. Just recently, I had a very similar situation. So I'll throw this little bit of hope out that I had done an implicit test. I am not racist at all. I kept getting this result that i was not happy with there's something

in my brain that i am not aware of how is this possible i am right now consciously telling you that i don't agree with this but i keep doing this stupid test and it keeps telling me my subconscious mind says differently so i was fucked for like a week. I was so upset. She's like, I don't understand. You know, you have these underlying things that you're not even aware of because they were learned as a child. These things I'd never even thought of before.

My conscious mind knows that it's not right. Between zero to seven years old, when you're in theta brainwave, you're just watching a movie. You don't have your own input yet. That develops after. So here, that was stored somewhere deep inside of me and that really bothered me. So what I did is I spent the entire month just determined to not have this within me. And I did, I sat with it. I did meditations. I connected strongly with my ancestors who are African American, kind of like cut those cords. And it's like, this is not going to be within me without me knowing about it, conscious to it. Yeah. It's interesting. Cause you know, Shannon, you brought that up and it made me think of a narcissist. So like consciously they're learning things that they don't even know is actually stored in their brain.

You guys ever read The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog? The brain develops like from the inside out. So it's like the, you know, brainstem outwards. And so at different ages, there's different kinds of developmental milestones that you're hitting and if damage is done at that stage of very specific nature you can't reverse it so some types of personality disorders like there is some damage of related to neglect or a specific kind of neglect that can create a personality that lacks empathy. So I think for really serious case, it's some very specific developmental stage where you're supposed to develop an innate sense of empathy.

And that didn't happen for whatever reason, maybe because the caregiver was not present, or if they were, you know, crying and crying and crying and never, no one ever came that kind of thing. It's, it can make you start to just stop trying. There was a period of time where they told moms, do not pick up your baby. Don't hold them too much. Or wake them up every two hours. Do they still say that shit? That's crazy too. I don't know that.

Oh yeah. That was like my third child. Like every single kid, it was like something completely different. Oh, you're not allowed to do that anymore. Like that's what you were supposed to do before. Oh, okay. Like what? Yeah, I know. It changes all the time.

Yeah. That's why the best advice I ever got was just like, whatever you feel like is the right thing to do is the right thing to do. Like let the internet raise your child. But like at the end of the day, you have an instinct and you really have to respect it. So going back to the narcissist says, I have been in a relationship like that. I will tell you it was mind blowing to me now to look back and think that I would physically with my eyes, see something happen. Every sense in my body knew it happened. And then that person could tell me it didn't happen. And I would actually

believe that it didn't happen. I just want to ask you, since that memory is now like in your body, isn't that such a specific feeling you remember forever of like a little bit off balance? Like, wait, what? What? Where you're trying to spot like the horizon line. Am I crazy? Am I losing my mind? You got to hold onto that. Like, remember that feeling and trust it when it shows up again. Yeah. Actually my stomach feels like, like I want to vomit right now. I, I remember at one point sitting in my closet and going, holy shit, something's wrong with me. I've got to get help. Am I imagining this stuff? What is wrong with me? Looking back now, I've been watching that new Netflix series, The Vow, and I started thinking a lot about how easily brainwashed we can be. And it's actually

very scary because in that show, there is some extremely intelligent people that within weeks are completely brainwashed into this program. And I could get that. I understand that because when I was in that relationship, there was absolutely no self-trust. It was because I was being told that I was crazy and making shit up. So what are some tools that you would give to someone who might be in a relationship like this? I know that's such a broad question, but if someone is in a relationship with a narcissist, we got the, what the narcissist,

let's just break it down. That's the one thing I love about you. Sorry. As you break the shit down. So amazing. Well, I would say, I think one thing that's really hard for people in those relationships is because they're so intoxicating. It's like, you cannot imagine leaving. And the thought of leaving just makes you so scared and sad. It just feels impossible. So first thing I would say is

like, it doesn't happen all at once and it only happens when you're ready. So it's really just about starting the process and allowing yourself to start learning about where you are and start gathering some tools for your eventual departure. Because it can take up to, I would say it's like an average of eight times of trying to get out of the relationship.

For a lot of people, it's many more. A lot of people get stuck in it for at least a year longer than they think they will be. So you're not weak, you're not stupid. It's so hard to get out of these kinds of relationships. So it's so much more chemical than, you know, I think of it as very much like being addicted to a drug.

The other thing I would tell you is like, start to recognize that feeling of being dizzy and just notice it. Notice when it happens for you. And like, if you can't trace what happened and you can't understand what's happening in the conversation, that is the answer you need. That is an actual answer. It doesn't, it feels like, wait, but I'm lost. That's the answer. You are lost because that's deliberate. That's a real thing that's happening. So if you feel lost and you feel confused, that's all the information you need. The right person will not ever make you feel

lost and confused. You will be able to see things and they will make sense. So if somebody's making you feel like, wait, but are we committed? I don't know for sure. That's deliberate. Know that you should know where you stand with somebody. And if you don't know where you stand with somebody and if you don't know where you stand with somebody that's a piece of information for you to hold on to if I don't know where we stand that is because they have made it so I don't know where we stand so just start to kind of put things in cement for you to really like grasp and know about your relationship I think a lot of it is just accepting and realizing you're in that kind of relationship. Because I think a lot of people

don't allow themselves to ask things of others. We don't want to upset them. We don't want to lose it. We don't want to make things unhappy if we're feeling so much joy or pleasure in the relationship. So it's like we'll avoid talking about things or asking things or saying what our values are to other people. So it's like, I would say just

start to really like define what it is you have. A lot of people sacrifice their values to maintain relationships like this. And it's because they don't want it to go away because it's such a pain reliever. So many of our personal voids and it's very much like you just don't want to lose your painkillers because it's going to make all these other feelings flood in. And I think that's like the fear is the impetus for just like saying like, maybe I'm okay with someone cheating on me or maybe I don't need to know where they are every night or maybe I don't need them to say they're every night or maybe I don't need them to say they're sorry ever or you know etc etc the list goes on and on I find it interesting that when I have joined some groups and this is a conversation especially like on Facebook empath

groups I find it very interesting that a lot of people are more interested at figuring out if they can label the person as a narcissist instead of focusing on themselves. So this is part of that, you know, disease almost or addiction they're in. So instead of, it's almost like they need to know for sure that the person they're in the relationship with is a narcissist. 100%, they need to know that. And I think it's almost like they need validity so that then they can make the step to possibly leave. I just find that so odd that they, it's like, they have to know like for sure is he or isn't he, or you know what I mean? I have the same situation around me, the exact same situation around me. My life has changed because I changed because I learned boundaries. I learned how to

detach with love and I knew where I could find all my information on Sarah's podcast. That's where I would send you to go. But I'm just saying, I didn't have to break up my family. You can't rewire someone else's brain, but you can your own. So that's where the focus needs to be. Well, I'll jump in really fast for listeners though. If you're in an abusive relationship that's verbally abusive or physically abusive, I would not suggest staying, especially if children are involved. Yeah. I think one thing that I notice in people that I work with who have that same reaction to, you know, I need to know, I like, are they though? I mean, does this sound crazy to you? If they said this, does that mean that like, because when you don't trust yourself,

it's really hard to take any actions because you're so worried about messing up. And you're so worried about, you have so much guilt already. I don't want to hurt somebody else. I think that's like one of the hardest things to overcome is that setting of, I feel bad. And like, maybe it's because I didn't try hard enough and maybe I didn't explain it enough. It's very much about like, you got to start the process by filling your own cup and really like going inward and doing the work on yourself, starting to build up that sense of self-awareness and self-trust and learning to hear your own voice as valid, because it feels like that voice can't be trusted at that stage. You're like, but I don't know, but maybe I didn't do it. And maybe I didn't see it clearly enough. It's like, we're still so much in that state of doubting ourselves. Yeah, it was so deep that sometimes I was like, I need to like get a camera installed secretively

and see if I'm actually crazy. But I'll tell you what, even if I would have played the video and watched it, I still could have been told that the video was not real. And I probably would have believed it because I was so deep. And it's interesting, the pattern. It went from one narcissist to the next, from 15 all the way up. You know, it's such a young age. But like Shanna said at the beginning of this, I thought I could love them through it. I thought I could help them through it.

Yeah, it's like that quest we're forever trying to solve. It's like that repeated loop. I could just say it in the right way, then they'll change. Yeah, I had not been taught self love. I had been taught that you love others. So how am I supposed to teach someone that I can love them through something if I didn't even love myself? Sarah, how do you think children are affected watching that kind of relationship? I mean, I think usually they're the ones that are the most neglected in relationships like that because that combo is so infatuated. It's like such an intense loop that they become invisible oftentimes. And it ironically often makes for the same type of personality,

another codependent, you know, generational. If you're a child that's invisible, you keep thinking like, if I just act the right way, then they'll see me. If I just am good enough in a certain way, then they'll see me. And so different kids, I mean, with an alcoholic, for example, it's like, you become the master reader of emotions and just studying the tiniest little gesture or whatever, you know, the temperature shift in the room, you would start to do that in the future as well, like your relationship. So it's like, it depends on the type of parents that you have, but you, you compliment it in a way and you try and get your needs met in any way you possibly can. So some kids, they become overachievers and perfectionists. Other kids, they become like the black sheep where they are like very self

destructive. You are the master. I'm like, if someone would have asked these questions, I would have been like go to like 115 episode on help me be me. I love how you always say, I believe we suffer because of what we don't understand. And the reason I love that is because I think that we are really blessed to have the internet and Google.

It gets a lot of bad rap, but people there's so much help out there. Use discernment, go on the right podcast. I mean, we're lucky that we have all that right there. My mom was like, we had nothing. We were just stuck in it by ourselves, like on my farm in Wichita, like we didn't have options. Can you imagine? No, I can't. And that's why my mom stuffs things away because that's what she had to do. Right. And so, you know, we, we always talk about how crappy social media is. No, you know, there's so much good out there. You just have to search for it. And I love that you said that because understanding is where healing starts. So research it, get help, talk to people.

The biggest, most monumental change in my life was when I read trauma and recovery. Yeah. But there's a part in that book where she talks about the symptoms of PTSD and that people who have PTSD will put themselves in situations where they, that evoke terror just as a way to kind of normalize the terror. And that like blew my mind because I'd been doing that. And I was like, wow, is that why I'm doing that? It allows us just the right education, the right information allows us to forgive ourselves for so much of what we've done that have hurt us, you know? So I feel like if there's something that's making somebody out there feel

stuck or like they don't like about themselves, there's a reason you don't like it. And that's because it hurts you. And really what you lacking is the right information to unlock what's forcing that habit to continue in your life. Another thing you said that I love it's, it's always these simple things. Why do you as humans make things so much harder than they are that's why again I love your podcast because my brain needs simplicity but you said if you're struggling you're not broken I love that you said you just

have to see what's blocking you from change I think so many of us just go, oh, I'm broken. And we don't know where to even start. So just bringing awareness to that blockage. I loved how you say that. I think it's also when you've done a lot of bad things and you've witnessed yourself doing the bad things. It's like the shame is almost, it feels insurmountable because you know what you've done. It's like you feel that's like a sentence for the rest of your life that you'll never ever be able to undo because you'll still remember those things.

But it's almost an excuse to stay in that state of self-punishment because it's a lot harder to actually make a change. It's actually doing more harm as well. And it's not impossible. Just based on how long life is, it is not impossible to overcome any terrible thing you've done and get to a place of self-acceptance. It's just like you really have to choose to manually overcome the state of paralysis that is shame. You have to just choose to go through the motions of altering the course of your life. Even if you, your heart is not in it at the

time, it can be paralyzing. You can stay there forever, just depending on what it is that keeps you there. I like that. I never thought of it that way. You got my brain going like always. You're truly subconsciously punishing yourself. You know, that damn subconscious mind. I wanted to throw out just a couple of podcast topics to show the listeners what an amazing range of things you speak about are. I'll just ask you, like, what are some of your favorites? What are some topics? It's so funny. The ones that are my favorites are not necessarily the most popular, but I think that's a good thing because I never really know what will resonate with people or

what's going to be more attractive to people. But my personal favorite episode was the extra strength lightning bolt, which is a pretty old one. I can't remember what number it is. And it's for if you're in a state of hopelessness. And then there was one I did on vicarious trauma, like secondary trauma for caregivers that I was proud of. I felt like it was inspired by a book I was reading at the time and a couple trainings I had. And it was, to me, a really important thing for people to hear, especially during a time like for moms, you know, or you're also caring for aging parents. Like that was an episode I think was if anyone is struggling with things like that, I would recommend it. Yeah. Those are my faves

off the top of my head. Yeah. I'm telling you guys, check it out. She talks about so many amazing topics, kicking toxic love, fear of intimacy, messy loss and death of a loved one, codependency, how to deal with rejection, being stuck. That one really helps me a lot. Thank you for that one. Just tons of awesome topics. It's my go-to. I highly suggest that our listeners check out your podcast can you tell them where they can find you yes I am on soundcloud apple podcast stitcher I'm I think google can even play podcast directly from a google search pretty much anywhere you get your podcast you can find how maybe me or love is like a plant and you can also go to yaywithme.com and that has all of my podcasts and my books

and I have a breakup album that's a podcast album for anyone that's gone through an intense heartbreak. I loved your little online store also. Oh, thank you. And now it's time for Break That Shit Down. I will leave you with, right. I think everyone's really burned out, really overwhelmed. And we can get into that state. Like when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed or we're just fried and we're like our brain kind of subconsciously decides like I'm

fried. I'm going to stay in this state. I'm not going to give extra. I'm just going to be pissed and I'm going to be short with people. And the next time, if you're in that state today, the next time somebody leaves you an opening to complain or be weak or be annoyed or maintain that state, I want you to just for me, try and zag and do the opposite. Apologize, offer a compliment, do what is against the grain of that feeling. Because what happens is you change the energy course of the entire day, it'll be something so small, so subtle. If you give someone a, you know, a few tokens, and instead of depleting them, it's like you've started just an upward trajectory that reminds your whole body that that's still in

you, you still have that capacity. Even when we think we don't, it's just like, we just have to almost throw ourselves in the opposite direction than we feel. And it won't feel like it's authentic, but it's like, it will become authentic. Just alter that wave. Perfect. Thank you so much. Again, it's been an honor. And in my life, you're a so bad you also helped me more than you could possibly ever know on my journey so thank you for what you do and for taking time for us today oh absolutely all right thank you guys thanks for being with us today we hope you will come back next week. If you like what you hear, don't forget to

rate, like, and subscribe. Thank you. We rise to lift you up. Thanks for listening.