Sense of Soul - Kiko Ellsworth Shining Bright

Episode Date: April 5, 2021

Today on Sense of Soul Podcast, Shanna and Mande have a soul filled conversation with Kiko Ellsworth an Emmy award winning actor, producer, director who has appeared in hundreds of television episodes, films and commercials, from General Hospital to Bad Boys II! Several years ago he dropped all his agents and managers, walked away from the Entertainment Industry to build a more fulfilling life for himself. Today he’s a Kundalini Yoga teacher, men's evolutionary life coach. He's a soulful, animated and dynamic speaker whether he's speaking to thousands of people on stage or one on one. He shares his amazing inspiring story on how he became the person he is today and how he and his ex wife chose to end their relationship with a sacred completion ceremony and now share with others that it’s possible for a peaceful and healthy separation.  If you want more of Kiko, which we definitely do, follow him on Instagram here and visit his website www.kikoellsworth.com ! Please check out Mande’s new coaching program on www.mysenseofsoul.com and all of Sense of Soul workshops. Don’t forget to Rate, Review and Subscribe!   

Welcome to the Sense of Soul podcast. We are your hosts, Shanna and Mandy. Grab your coffee, open your mind, heart, and soul. It's time to awaken. Today we have with us the multi-talented Kiko Ellsworth. Kiko is an Emmy award-winning actor, director, producer, author, and self-defense expert. He also has an inspiring story about how he came to be the person he is today. He joins us today to talk about how he walked away from the entertainment industry to build a more fulfilling life for himself. He is soulful, animated, and he is a dynamic speaker, and we are super excited to have him today well thank you

for having me i appreciate it love you grateful to be here really am i was reading through some of your stuff today and actually it's kind of funny because i text mandy before i had actually even known this but i said he he looks like my people he looks like a French Creole that's what my that's my lineage is from too it's not hilarious I knew that just by looking at you because I looked at your eyes actually it was your picture of you on your website as a child which great I love that you did that we should do that Mandy with our one picture that we have like the boy haircut oh my god yeah i said wow i said his eyes i knew it that's that that's that intuition yeah for sure kiko tell us tell us about you as a kid i mean because i i love that you have that picture on your website i really was drawn to it

i was drawn to your eyes i was drawn to your soul through that picture for some reason. So I really want to know who you were and where you came from. That picture is the picture. That's the one. That's the one that tells my life story, my life story from beginning to end. My challenges. And if I can break down that picture for you of like five years old. So my mother, my loving mother, she always called me throughout my life, her sunshine, her S-O-N, shine. She's always just seen my light. You know, we all have that light from within. And even throughout my life, when I forgot who I was, when I was in the darkness, when

I was fearful and all this stuff, when I just forget the core of who I am, my true truth identity, you know, that was always back in, back in my mind, you know, that, that I'm my mother's sunshine, that acknowledgement for me. And I think for many of us, that's my power, you know, that light, that love is the only power that there is, you know, and I didn't know that my entire life. But now kind of like with that consciousness coming in, it's like, oh, I only have a certain amount of time. I better focus. I better actually, you know, make, you know, my days very, very productive. You know, with that, for me, I'm just like, out of nowhere, realizing that love is the ultimate power. And all I got to do is stay focused on that. And I'm invincible. You know, like, that's

where I get my power from. That's where we all get our power from. That's where we get our strength from. And it's like, that's who, who I was as a child, you know, that expressive, happy, buoyant, accepting, just expressive, happy self. And that's, you know, what I definitely find myself coming back to as, you know, if you will, a big kid, I'll say a big kid. And it's just like, I just want to freaking have fun and do what I'm here to do and dance and dance with my sisters and my brothers and express ourselves and have fun and build some cool stuff here, some stuff that's good for our planet. It's like what else do you what else is there to do? You know what I'm saying? Like I want to I want to die proud of the life I've had, the relationships I've had, the difference that I've made on this

planet. You know one of the things I'm most proud of is making peace with my dad. And I had anger towards him for over 35 years. And we just made peace in the last five years. And that took just the warrior spirit just to battle through all that stuff here and to connect. So that's who I am. You know, I'm my mommy's sunshine right there. Oh, that's's beautiful I always knew that my mama in Louisiana she would always be praying for me I mean that woman had like the direct line to God and no matter what it was going through my life that was always in the back of my head that oh I have someone who I know that is praying for me right now that loves me so much, that powerful, like you said, light. Sometimes it's don't even know. Someone may be sending all three of us good stuff right now, that invisible love that has no distance. And as an energy worker, I mean, that's the one thing that I could say that I know a hundred percent is that

love energy is most healing and the largest energy that we have as a human race. Yeah. And speaking about that as well, I found like my balance in working through these times that we're in right now, I want to know what's happening in the world, but I don't want to focus too much on it because just the drama doesn't deserve my energy. Like my energy needs to be dedicated to what I need to build. That's that's going to contribute to what you're building and what the whole tribe is building. Like I need to dedicate most of my energy to that. But I'm watching this video and researching just to stay somewhat in touch on what's going on with what's happening in the world. And so I get to this point in the video, and they talk about how to be able to protect ourselves from these sorts of not just negative energies, but these sort of like little Magellan disease, string worms that can get in the body through all this like, you know, chemtrail stuff, right? All this other stuff. But then they talk about what can protect you the most

and they start talking about the heart and they start talking about love and they start talking about how this other stuff that can be a threat is on a binary system right and then they start talking about love and when you start coming from that love and focusing on like the healing green energy that comes from your heart that you actually bypass that binary sort of system and you go to this and i'm not saying it right but it's like you, you start operating from this trinary system, right? This system that is elevates beyond that, and that that energy protects you. Wow. Right, right. Wow. Strengthens your immune system. It is, you know, it's directly from the source. I freaking love that. I love that. Why have I been so naive to not think that love could protect me from those pollutions and the chemicals? And I mean, wow know that we know that. And then once we know it, once we know that

your love actually is real power, real defense, real chi energy, it's like, whoa, oh shit, I have this. But if you don't know, you can't use it. You don't acknowledge it. Right. And it's within all of us. We've been searching outside of us for this all along when because I know in my family that was a generational thing you know there's no self-love it's all about your children and so once I was able to break that and find this love within then I had an abundance of it that I didn't have to go try to find from everybody else. Yes. And that's like, that's like our struggle, isn't it? You know, we kind of look outside of ourselves for all these things, love. It's not there. And when we realize it's not there, that it's actually right here, we get it all. Yeah. And then what happens if everyone does find that in the world you know what happens i

mean i think a freaking miracle would happen when i when i talk to someone like either if i'm coaching with somebody and i'm helping like a woman or whatever and we talk about that we talk about relationships because for me it's all about our relations right and if we're relating with one another if a man and a woman is, you know, in a relationship, it's like you want to have two whole beings that are already whole coming to the game and then mixing up your energies to create something better. Like, I don't need you to be whole. I'm doing my work within me to be whole myself, to be happy. I'm already happy. I'm doing my work within me to be whole myself, to be happy. I'm already happy. I'm already happy. It'd be great if someone can add to that and we can create something even better.

Great. But like, I'm already happy. You're already happy. Like, you don't need me. Right. But in a sense, we do need each other to go to another level of happiness right and and so it's just beautiful you know finding that balance it's so great it is gorgeous it almost reminds me of a string of lights like you would put on a Christmas tree or something or you know where it's like you have your own individual light but then all of us together create like this brighter light my former wife that we're most amazing friends and and everything actually she would say that uh yeah there's a big story behind she's like the biggest parts of my life actually you know i have some questions that i wrote about that yeah we're about to get some land together actually and there's no there's no

romance nothing like that you know yeah but anyway she had said um we're all a part of like the most beautiful song in the universe right and each of us are this note and if one note is off it throws the entire song off because what you want is it's it's the collection of all those notes put together right you want to hear that song in its entirety so if you're off it's like no no no you can't be off my sis because we're doing this together you know we all are trying to shine and make this grand symphony together that's beautiful you know what it reminded me of too when you were talking is shanna i'm gonna go to the christmas tree lights it pisses me off so bad when there's just that one that's out it turns all of the lights off now they have these tools where you can like check each one i'm like who has enough patience

to do that like i'm throwing in the trash and i'm gonna go buy some new ones at Home Depot for $12 and so maybe now I need to start looking at that one that's burnt out with a little more compassion instead of being so pissed off at it yep and then it's gonna it's gonna start to twinkle and then it's gonna turn on you're gonna be like holy whoa and then you're gonna be like have the power. I had the power all the time. And I just needed to give that little one that was like in the garbage, a little bit of love and it shined this light and we all good now. I love it. So speaking of you and your ex-wife, I saw on your Facebook page that you guys did a ceremony together. Yeah. What did you call this ceremony? And can you tell us a little bit about it? Because it seems like it was very full of love. Oh, it was, it was a completion ceremony.

We were co-parenting in the same house at the same time. So we had already said, okay, we're going to, we're not going to move forward in our marriage in this way. And she was in a relationship with her boyfriend at the time. And she had hit a wall with her heart and being able to give her heart to him. And she came in to the studio. And she said, basically, will you give me your blessing to move forward with this man so I can give him my heart? I was in the middle of something. I remember I had some stuff in my hands and I was like, oh, well, I guess we're doing this right here, right now. And I'm like, well, yeah, we put this stuff down.

Guys, you're like the coolest ex-husband ever. That's what she says. She said, you're the best ex-husband I never wanted to have. Oh, God. But look, but look, let me tell you, but let me tell you, during our marriage,

I didn't know what I was doing like it didn't click for me I didn't click for me here I didn't have access to my own heart to me right yeah and I was always two steps behind I was always off I couldn't connect I didn't have the empathy I didn't it was always like those Christmas lights that never strung together that never came on at the same time, right? It was like, this one will come on, then this one will go off, then this one will go on,

and all these other ones will go off. And it was always like that sort of miscalibration. But on that day, when she asked for my blessing and I gave her my blessing, it was when it all made sense. It was when they all came on at the same time. It was when it was like five emotions all at once. It was like, we were kind of afraid.

It was joy. We were crying. It was like, oh my God, it was awe. It was like all these emotions in one. And as we were blessing each other and thanking each other and learning from each other and acknowledging each other and loving each other, for me, it was when I really first entered manhood. It's when I really entered manhood permanently.

That's when I really became a man on that day is when I really knew how to show up with all of my energy, my heart, my mind, my words, my body, everything was in sync together. And that's when I became a man. And I never, and that was, you know, I don't know if that was like six years ago, something like that, but my entire life, you know, it was just, I wasn't working in sync with myself. And so, yeah, that was our, that was our main completion ceremony. And then after that, and thank God we didn't move out of the house right away when we knew that we weren't going to keep going forward with, with our marriage. Thank God we stayed in the house, which is very important. I believe. Yes. Unless it's like toxic and there's danger and stuff like that. You know what I'm saying? That's different. If

there's like different types of abuse, that's a whole different ball game. With us, it wasn't. For us, it was. And I think for many people, the knee jerk reaction is to cut it, get out, separate. I would advise completely against that. Do not do that. You didn't get into the relationship like that. And you don't want to get out the relationship like that. You know, you got to think you've been in the relationship for how many, whatever years and you've grown and you guys have like grown like this to each other. Right. And there's parts of him that are in you and parts of you that are in him. And you guys have interweaved your lives spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, you're so interweaved. And so if you just cut it like that, you can, but what you're doing is

you're cutting all of that. And there's still parts of you that are in him and him that are in you. And what needs to happen is that we need to take the time to unweave these things and take them apart gently, right? And then you get to a point where when you start to do this, you really start to become complete. And then when that is done and you clean up the messes, because I had a lot of mess to clean up and a lot of pain that I caused that I needed to clean up.

When you start to pull this apart, then when you really do the work and you know as well as I do, you got to do the work. Like there's work to be done. You can't just not do the work. There's work, there's karmic stuff. When you take all of this stuff out from each other, then you're able to truly start seeing the person that you love in the beginning of the relationship that you love, how you got into the relationship.

Then you can start to see your friend again. Then you can start to see your divine brother again. Otherwise, you still have this unresolved pain, all this unresolved stuff. So that was very key for us to be able to stay in the same house, to start to unweave and start to unlink ourselves from each other. And our child got to actually witness that as well, too. Yeah, it's a lot. That is beautiful. I've never really, I don't think I've ever heard of that. You know, I think I'm thinking War of the Roses. I've seen that movie. I don't know if I've seen that. Yeah. They get stuck in the house because they just bought the house and it's a disaster. It's a good movie. It's an old one. That's beautiful. Yeah. There's a big shift happening. A lot of people are putting out like articles on

psychology today. And a lot of people are talking about this cohabitating as parents. Yeah. Actually me and my former wife just did an interview and, you know, we're more, we're more along the lines right now of really sharing that it's possible and that it's healthy and that it's, it's, it's a, it's a viable and great option because right now, at least here in the West, in America, a lot of us only think that there is the paradigm of divorce and that's not true.

There's many different other things. There's divorce, there's conscious uncoupling. Of course, some people just, they kill each other, which is totally unhealthy, obviously, right? There's this whole toxic thing. Yeah, that would be unhealthy. be unhealthy yeah yeah but then there's the option of like what we did and I didn't I didn't know what to call it in the beginning yeah I know I kept telling people this beautiful thing happened between me and my former wife and and I would say something divorce and then they would apologize I'm like okay okay I'm getting the wrong reaction. They're not, they're not getting what I'm saying. Cause I'm not saying divorce. It's not negative. It's not lawyers. It's not fighting. It's not, it's not that. And then I realized that's the charge with divorce. So I said, okay, there has to be a whole new name for this. Then I was like, okay, I heard

about conscious uncoupling. And I was like, ah, that sounds like a sanitary hospital procedure. There ain't no fricking soul in that. Like this was something that was sacred. This was something that was hopeful. This was something that was more beautiful than our wedding. That's freaking unbelievable. I'm sitting here like melting over this, this uncoupling or what did you, what did you call it what did you end up on completion we called it a completion ceremony is what we called it and we can even go as to call it you can call it a sacred completion ceremony you know wow oh yeah how did she deal with this mess and the pain that you had caused her while you guys were still living under the same roof did she did she find

healing through watching you shift or did she get therapy or did you both, or how does that work? Well, I'll just say this is generally how it worked for her. And, but I think it works different for everybody. And, you know, but what I would say is definitely seek the type of support that you need. Trust your intuition and get some sort of support from a healthy, viable source. Because we had support in different ways, whether it be like spiritual guidance or this sort of guidance or things like that. It wasn't just us trying to do it by ourselves.

I would definitely recommend some sort of support. So what it looked like for her in this situation, I think she did get some counseling. She was in a place where she was angry for a couple of years. And then she also felt like our marriage was a failure because it was the one thing that didn't turn out the way she had thought it should turn out and the way that I think we were told marriages should turn out which is happily ever after which is so inaccurate you know it's so not realistic and I'm not saying that that that it's not but that's not the only way see look here's the thing one thing that's not saying that it's not, but that's not the only way. See, look, here's the thing.

One thing that's guaranteed is that life is supposed to change. It's supposed to evolve. Things don't stay the same. That wouldn't be life. That would be very boring for us. Things are supposed to evolve. So whether someone stays together their entire life and they're married or not, you know, we know sense of soul, right? We know that we're soulful beings.

So at some point, it's going to change anyway, whether it's going to, the relationship's going to change at the end of your life. And then you become, go back to, go back home into these soulful, dynamic, energetic beings that you don't stay married forever. Even if you transition out of your bodies, you want different experiences that help you to grow. Right. So, yeah. So she actually had thought our marriage was a failure for many years. And then recently, maybe almost a year ago, I had asked her, I was was like because I never thought that it was I really really consciously saw the growth even though I couldn't show up and I was not really performing

that well and I didn't know what I was doing and I was getting d's and f's and d's and sometimes a c minus you know I'm saying but at the same time I did know that I was learning you know be it I was behind whatever but I did know that I was learning, you know, be it, I was behind, whatever, but I did know that I was learning, so I asked her more recently, because how our relationship has progressed has also been a big part of healing as well, you know, her seeing the evolution in me as a man, and me, how I'm able to show up towards her towards other people what I'm doing in my life her as a friend look I helped her to move when when we completed and when we sold our house in 2019 right we in the house for 15 years in the last like three years we co-parented

and then we ended up selling the house in 2019. When we sold the house, I helped her. It was me, her boyfriend, and her. I was helping her and him to move her stuff out of our house into the moving truck so they could move to drive it three hours north to move into his house. I helped them do that and it was all with love. It was all with support. Several months later, I helped her move out of his house. I was the one that moved her boxes and helped her move out of his house into her own place. I want what's best for her. And I don't care if she's in a relationship with him or another. I want her to be loved. Like, this is something that like, I think this goes back to what we were saying. And you'll kind of see this as well, too.

Look, she's my sister. At the end of the day, before anything else, it's divinity before humanity. She's my sister first before she's my ex-wife. I want her to be loved. I want her to have romance, even if it's not from me. I want her to have victory in her life. I want her to be safe. I want her to be happy, of course. You know what to be safe. I want her to be happy. Of course,

you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm just really clear about that. And I think that a lot of us are starting to see that we have a divine relationship, that we're tribe first, that we're family before anything else, before I start, before I look at a woman and I look at romance and all that other stuff before that, can I love my sister? Can I love my brother? Can I have genuine, pure agape love? You know, that strength, that loving power. Can I love that way before I start looking at her in a way romance, right? You know what I'm saying?

Right. Without conditions, just love. That's like how we did when we were kids going back to that picture you know how we used to play with the girls and boys you just loved them and then sometimes somewhere around junior high school it starts changing right the boys on this side of the dance floor the girls start standing on this side and they start and we forget the friendship we forget our real bond as divine siblings we forget the friendship. We forget our real bond as divine siblings. We forget that. But I think that we, it's something to where it's like, we got to bring that in like strong.

What about when you're in a relationship and you're going, you're not parallel anymore. One's growing more than the other. This happens often with people as they evolve. What do you, what is your suggestions about that? Well, I mean, it's one of two things that can happen. Basically, if one person is growing and the other one is struggling growing, let's just say they either want to grow or they don't. It's simple. It's either they're willing to do what it takes to grow. That's one

thing. If someone's willing, that's one thing, right? That's at least they're trying. I was trying. I was failing, but I was trying. You know, you see what I'm saying? No matter what you do, if you're trying, you'll eventually get there. If you're genuinely trying, you'll eventually get it. All right. So that's one thing. Now, if the person is just like, well, you know, I don't know, you're becoming somebody different and F that. And that's a whole different ballgame over there. They'll let you know exactly who that is.

So it's really, I think it's determining which one of those it is. Because if you're with somebody who doesn't want to grow, you got to go. Plain and simple. Easy. Or if they don't see that they need to grow. Some people just are like, I'm good. I don't know what you're talking about. Then that's kind of the same thing. That's kind of basically the same thing. You can't tell someone they need to grow all the time. If they're not getting it in that particular way okay they're not going to get it it's not going to be a conscious thing you can you can uh because this is your friend right this can this at the end of the day this is your friend this is your brother right and you want good for

this person you can strategically start to show an evolved person you can start to change their environment and put them around different people so then then they can start to change their environment and put them around different people. So then they can start to possibly notice it themselves. Start having yoga classes in your living room. Exactly, exactly. So, you know, you never know how and when someone is supposed to get it on their own. You see what I'm saying? Now, if, if someone is like really hindering the growth and really dragging it down, you gotta like, it's like, you gotta really calibrate where you're at in the relationship and what your agreement is in that relationship. You know, cause like say, for example, with my former wife, she's glad she hung in there. Right. And I'm able to really support

her. I'm really, you know, I'm able to, I do, I'll do anything for her. I don't care. I'll do anything. She can call me at 3.40 in the morning. And if I have a girlfriend, it doesn't matter. My girlfriend's going to understand my girlfriend, whoever it is, is going to trust me because there's trust. And I, I got my sister's back and I have an agreement with my, my sister. You see what I'm saying? And there's no reason not to trust there. But the example with my former wife, like she knew that she needed to hang in there to a certain point.

She knew that she needed to hang in there and give it her all. And we had an agreement. Like we know these certain things about each other. We had an agreement with each other, right? And she fulfilled her all. And we had an agreement. Like we know, we like, we know these certain things about each other. We had an agreement with each other. Right. And she fulfilled her agreement, karma, whatever the case may be. That's all like different for everybody. Some people should have left a long time ago. Some people it's maybe it's about time right about now to leave. Some people need to hang in a little longer, put a little more effort, and then they'll get a clear, no, okay, now I know it's time. We have to be in touch with ourselves to know when

it's time to shift. There's always a time to shift, always, always, no matter what, no matter if it's a relation with a significant other or relation with self. We always reach those points where we need to shift and take a pivot and up level or whatever the case may be. We always got those. So we got to be in touch with ourselves and aware when it's time to shift. Wow. Thank you for that.

Before we even logged on, I was trying to pull my shit together because I was crying like two seconds before you got on because I just had that conversation with my husband that I'm shifting and I just know it's time and it was hard yeah yeah you know because he's he just doesn't understand he wants to know why like what did i do and i'm like nothing i've just evolved and and it was it was painful and hard yeah yeah and yeah and sometimes like you know and i work with like men as well, too. I call it like the three, three phases of healthy manhood, healthy masculinity, phase one, phase one, phase one, phase two, phase three,

right? Phase one is when we're still this operating an ego, very material world, materially driven. And that's mainly our reality. Sometimes we just think that that's who we are. Sometimes we don't realize that there is an evolved version of ourselves that there is to strive for. Sometimes we just don't realize that, right? But sometimes the greatest inspiration is to see someone else who's starting to change and to evolve themselves and starting to become something else. That can be the greatest inspiration. That was why I got with my former wife in the very, very beginning. Because I knew that I was this guy.

But I also knew that there was something more that I knew that I was this guy, but I also knew that there was something more that I, that I wanted that I didn't have. When I saw her, what I, what I could identify is that she had herself. And I knew that I didn't have me. I knew I had this stuff, but I knew I didn't have like, you know, and I kind of hold like the me right here, you know, that third chakra area. I didn't have the power of me. Because what I say right now is like, once you have you, you have everything. Right? So a man sometimes if he's caught in this phase one, let's just say, sometimes the best thing he can do is to see something that is evolving into something

else and that can become like the greatest inspiration to say wait a minute maybe there is something I saw her or him go from being a caterpillar to like this weird muck stuff, because that's got to happen, to having wings, right? And that can be the greatest inspiration is to witness the transformation of somebody else. So we can do- And I think it also can be envied, which can sometimes not be so good, because then they could be like, you know, upset that you evolved and that they're stuck in the material world absolutely and that's choice we we make a choice to be stuck we make a choice to choose envy yeah make a choice to not humble ourselves make a choice to make someone else wrong instead of doing this. That's a choice. Because of fear, you think? To look inside? I think that's the only option is, you know, love can take you through the fear. But if you're not relying on that love to take

you through the fear, then all you're left with is the fear. And if you're stuck in the fear, then you're stuck with the behaviors of the fear and the ego and survival, and you're threatened. Because a man that's in that phase one, we all know who that is. He makes you wrong. He's insecure. He's physically driven. He's, you know, he doesn't spend, he doesn't, he's probably intimidated by, you know, he doesn't want to be associate himself with anything that's like feminine because that makes him not a man. He doesn't realize that there's feminine and masculine aspects of himself, right? And a lot of us are caught in that sort of archaic identification as a man. realize that he's got that yin and yang within him and he doesn't really realize know how to use those those navigational elements of himself well how can you kick him into the second phase

yeah what kicked you into that phase well i mean well well first of all here's the thing you gotta you gotta you have to want more than what you have or you have to want to be more than what you are if you're cool and complacent with where you're at or want what you had because a lot of people are like you know i wish you were just like this like when we were first together you know that's what you really desire is that like playfulness at the beginning yeah but you have to accept people in their in their time in their divine time where they are yeah yeah and everything changes yeah so it's like if a person is really caught in the past and the way things were and i like this and that

that just means that they're you know you got to really calibrate if they're really fighting for this version of themselves if they're really fighting for this world if they're really fighting to stay in this dimension right because you don't want to regress that that's not what the humans are for we have to to evolve. What was it that happened? Was there something specific that happened in your life that changed you from living this materialistic life, living more from ego and less from soul? So what knocked you into a soul-filled life?

I think there was hundreds of things. I think at the end of the day, in the beginning, like I knew that there was a a version of myself that I wasn't being I think that that really was the undergirding of it uh that there was something that I needed to to do or become there was more so that there was like that was like a constant like pull from my soul to want to actually be that. And then I had these constant, like sometimes these little things where I would just get these, you know, sort of. I kind of liken it like this, you know. That picture on my on my on my Web site when I'm when I was a little boy at the beach when I was five years old, that was the last, that was the time that my mother caught my sunshine.

And that was like me saying bye to my sunshine. That was like the last moment that I was fully expressed, fully me. And then from that point forward, like over 30, 35 years, I was like lost in darkness. And trying to find your light, trying to find my life the entire time. Right. And so what I would always get these things constantly like these, these, you know, sparks, these little sparks, little thing. Okay. That's not it. This is it. That's not it. And I get all these constant things. And so to be, you know, living the fast life and whatever Hollywood, you know what I'm saying? And you're supposed to be able to, this is supposed to be it. You know,

I remember there was like a part of me that was like over here outside of what I was doing. And, and then there was a part of me physically that was the, that was doing what I was doing. And it was like, this is it. Like this, this is it it you became the witness yeah and I was like clearly it's not it was fun and it was doing what it was doing here but that's not what I was looking for right it wasn't a real heart and soul connection it was a physical connection and it was it was temporary fine I'm a soulful kid that's that French Creole in you yeah man yeah man yeah man you know what's

interesting about that is that my first near-death experience when I was 18 you pretty much described it now that I think about it it was that one was an outer body experience where for the first time ever in my life, I was the witness to what, to this event happening and going, there's gotta be more to life than what I just have been living. Yeah. It was the first time I was ever forced to be the witness of looking down and going, you lack self-care, you lack self-love, you lack presence. Like there is more to life, Mandy, wake the fuck up. Yeah. I had a bunch of those. I had a bunch of those throughout, throughout my life. And it was like these little steps, little steps. Like for me, personally, I realized that it was important for me to like work my way out of this I had to figure my way out of this you know I got really good being lost in the dark room like I just got really

good like being lost and not not knowing who I was and and all that stuff well and acting your way through it so you say that all the time you have to be a good actor through it all yeah because you don't want anyone to see that you're lost so is that how you became a good actor acting was one of the things that actually helped me out of it because I got on basically got on the stage and I had stage fright and I was like I was like I couldn't even talk and I I was talking all breathy yeah and I got off the stage and I was like f that I was like, I was like, I couldn't even talk. And I was talking all breathy. Yeah. And I got off the stage and I was like, F that.

I was like, what was that? I was like, that wasn't me. That wasn't the truth. I've always had this situation for the truth. Right. I was like, that wasn't the truth. I was like, all right. All right, cool.

It's on. I'm going to figure this shit out. Like, I'm not, I'm going to do this acting thing for me. I'm going to find my voice. I'm'm gonna know how to stand in my truth and so that was that was a that was a tool that I that that that I was using to to figure me out that is beautiful I mean I you know what I can totally relate to you when you are speaking from your truth and from your heart there is no in your throat I mean it is flowing because it is connected to divine I love it wait so I just want to clarify so what you're saying is is that when you were doing the acting it was a tool to help you to find your true self yeah that's that's why I started okay that's what you know that's what propelled me

throughout half of my career and then when that stopped being the fuel when it started becoming something else uh that's when that's when I started like kind of moving away from it and then that's when I actually I met my former wife I met her in the acting game right and then that's she had my attention and I said I I need to I said, I need to shift, right? I need the next level of what this growth is for me. Because acting kind of got me into it. But it's not the sole shift that I need. But she's got something.

She's got a connection. I can feel it. You know what I'm saying? And there was some sort of connection between her and me, you know, that something needed to like happen between her and me your agreement I love it yeah exactly exactly so it's interesting to me that now you're a female empowerment trainer you know most people might think what is a man doing training women explain your love for that and explain this feminine and masculine energy, because I love how you talk about encouraging men to embrace that side of them and to be vulnerable because I'm huge on vulnerability. I believe it opens people up and that's what helps people connect. So talk about that for a minute. Yeah. For most of my, almost two decades, since 2003, for about, you know, almost 15 years,

you know, I really worked in the field of like female empowerment and self-expression. I was the vice president of a domestic violence nonprofit. I was the self-defense empowerment coordinator. And we did rape prevention seminars and things like that. And on a soul level, see, because currently really my work largely is with men and I still dip with, you know, women and help them understand their man. And because it's all about the communication, right right I didn't know that I'd be working with men in the way that I do in the trajectory that I'm on right now but it makes

sense that I needed to start in the feminine because what am I teaching and working with the men with how to access your feminine so I had to start there you know know what I'm saying? So it's important for women to understand their own divine feminine energy. That's something completely different from their divine feminine power, which is different from accessing the masculine power. A lot of women think that to be powerful, they have to be this masculine powerful thing, but they start to become a masculine being. We're talking about being in your feminine power and you can use the masculine, but largely you lead with the feminine, largely I lead with the masculine, but we both have both within us, right? So for women, it's like, it's sort of like a resetting of like re-identifying that femininity is power.

It's not just soft. It's not just something that receives, but what is feminine power? How to use that feminine power. And then also how to use the masculine power, right? And then also for women to learn how to take up space in the world and that it's okay because for thousands of years that the patriarchal has

suppressed that power has been intimidated and we've created and made it not okay for you to be the powerful self that you are that was because many men largely were lacking in our own evolution with working with women in that capacity for that period of time, and it goes both ways, but I'll start in this way. There's something that happens when a man can say to a woman, listen, you are powerful and you are more powerful than me. And you have a power that I don't have. And that when a man does his job and create a safe space for a woman so she can relax and be all of she needs to be, it changes. A woman can't create the same space for a woman that a man can. And a man can't create the same space for a man that a woman can. So you create a safe space for me as well, too.

And I create a safe space for you. I like that. That's what I'm like imagining. Exactly. You know, we protect you from the outside in women protect us from the inside out. And of course, sometimes it kind of bleeds or whatever the case may be, but those are both very powerful aspects. A lot of, let's say women feel like from fear, they have to go into this masculine area because a lot of men are not showing up into the masculine area and creating a safe space from the outside in. So a woman feels like she has to do it, but also in doing that in a particularly like in relationships as well, too, she feels like she, she needs to do it because if she doesn't do it everything will collapse and that's also true but when she takes up that masculine space he doesn't have the space to actually be the masculine that's like the yin going too much into the yang when you think of that yang if the yin takes up too much yang space now the yang doesn't have any space okay

i just had a total realization when you said that same thing opposite, right? The women in my family took care of their children. The men didn't. All four of my children, no man ever fed my children. No one really even ever, I don't even know if they ever changed diapers. I did it all. I didn't create the space for them ever because that was what I was taught. It was generational.

Now I broke that and I don't agree with that I feel like I should have allowed that space and I see it in other people like Mandy definitely has allowed her husband to have that space yeah but I didn't allow it I took that power yeah yeah and that's what happened with me as well too like we're we can't feel bad about it no right because we're actually learning something new. And I'm learning right now. Thank you. Yeah. And thank you. You know, and that's in my marriage, my wife took up that space as well, too. And I didn't have this, this, the void to be able to figure out how to be a man in that space. And then we blame you. You don't help me.

Exactly, exactly. But it's no, and it's nobody's fault. It's a dynamic. It's a dynamic that we have to understand and understand what needs to happen. And if it collapses, we have to also realize that and be okay with the possibility of it collapsing. But that also creates the dynamic

to where as the man gets to actually show up. You see what I'm saying? I know. I totally see it. I'm like freaking out. I mean, it's the same way with the trash can. I remember the first time he looked at me like, can you take out the trash? And I was like, are you freaking crazy? We're going to take out trash? Like what? And I'm calling my son then you know you don't want to take it out yeah but you're right this is something definitely that's generational and it needs to break because we do need to allow each other's feminine and masculine energy to be more equal and you have to give them the space to be able to do it. I'll just say there's something that, that is very powerful that happens when that happens. You define me as a man, like you are my opposite, right? You're my opposite

energy. And I define you as a woman. When, when a man or a woman is genuinely in their energy, if I am genuinely in my healthy masculine, the feminine naturally relaxes. She naturally relaxes back into her feminine energy. She can be the queen. She can be that emperor. She can be that yin energy, right? which is very powerful she can be in her natural state but she has to feel my genuine true yang energy in a healthy way we're not talking about this aggressive i can take care of you you can you know relax we're not talking about that we're talking about an open heart awareness communication that's when the divine feminine will feel safe and she can relax into her feminine and then the same is opposite as well when a woman genuinely is aligned in her feminine resonant power right then naturally the man will be like i I just kind of, I feel like, all right, all right. The energy

balances it out. He becomes naturally aligned in his masculine energy as well too. And then of course that needs to be sustained. You know, it's a practice to being able to know how to healthily stay and maintain your own energies and then how to ebb and flow. Because sometimes, you know, I need to go into my feminine a little bit. Sometimes she may need to go into her masculine for a little bit, you know, maybe 10% of the time, but then 90% of the time, let's say 70% of the time she's back in her space. She's resonating. He's back in his space over here and they know how to ebb and flow together. That's ideally the dynamic that is really healthy that I found at least.

Wow. I just feel like a student of yours right now. I'm just absorbing all this like, whoa. How does one know what feminine energy is versus masculine energy? Yeah. It's like sun and moon. It's like forward and backwards. It's inside and outside. It's expressive and it's also internal, right? And they blend into each other. So it's an awareness that needs to happen. So with like the masculine energy, largely it's more expressive, external. It's more penetrating, right? It's more of that sort of external sort of thing, the manifestation. It's the crashing of the wave, but the feminine is the swell.

And you need the swell for the crash, right? That masculine is that slam dunk. It's fun. It's obvious. It's there, but the feminine is the assist right before you get the slam dunk right so the masculine is that punch that punch that punch but the feminine is that block that block that bob that weave you see what i'm saying so it's like you got to have both you have to be able to you have to you can have day without night just beautiful it's beautiful you're beautiful like we are beautiful we are like you are beautiful jesus i'm like oh my god i love you kiko i love you too i love you too like you know my sisters you know i'm saying it's like when we are in our our natural energies when we learn how to discipline ourselves and which is love ourselves care for ourselves and be in our

natural energy do the things we need to do to be aligned which is eating a certain way practices and things like that which is loving ourselves self-care a lot of men we don't know how to do this we're not caring for ourselves right and it's like we get to actually see that we are really beautiful together. I know that as a man, I cannot be my best without you. I can be great, but I cannot compare with what I can do, who I can be, what I can manifest and create if I'm in perfect harmony with my opposite. I singularly can't compare. It doesn't make me less than a man. It doesn't make me weak. It doesn't make me less than a man. It doesn't make me weak. It doesn't

make me any of that stuff. But our co-creation ability that yin yang together, I can't outdo that by myself. What we have to together is beautiful. And I think that that's what we're doing. We're learning how to do that, you know, for the future to create a world like that. We need to break a lot of conditions in order to be able to, to get there. I mean, we've been told don't cry, you know, you're a cry baby, suck it up. And, you know, I think we are allowing that space now for men and, you know, and I think there's not enough to say about women who they were told the same thing. I mean, we are more emotional, but I mean, it was, you know, be strong.

And you, you want to know what else needs to be broken. That's very interesting. Kiko is that I thought vulnerability meant sharing my love with people and Shanna grew up thinking vulnerability meant that you were putting yourself out there. Nothing's wrong with people. And Shanna grew up thinking vulnerability meant that you were putting yourself out there. Nothing's wrong with you. You don't have to say nothing. Don't tell nobody. She thought being vulnerable meant possibly putting yourself out there to be taken advantage of or that people would look at you like you're weak. And I was taught by my mother that it was the opposite. Half the world probably thinks her way and half the world probably thinks my way. Now, Shanna has really come along and this podcast has brought out her vulnerability.

And I love that you teach men this too, because a lot of men are in those conditions where they think that vulnerability means you're weak and it doesn't vulnerability actually and it's going to sound you know oh yeah but like really got to look into what it's saying vulnerability doesn't mean weak vulnerability means having like the strength to like open up and like be real this is what's really going on with me you you know? And that also makes yourself vulnerable that where sometimes, yes, sometimes you can get hurt by being vulnerable, but that doesn't mean that. And when I started to be vulnerable, there was a connection. There was more than just my life, right? Vulnerability is definitely not a weakness.

Vulnerability is a strength to connect. It's a strength to be real, right? And then sometimes when we're doing that, we can still have healthy boundaries. Look, if I'm saying to you, look, Shanna, what you said, I took that in a particular way that it really, really hurt my heart. And, you know, it really did something to me where like, it just really hurt my feelings. And then maybe you say something, you know, that's me being vulnerable. You hurt, you know, you hurt my feelings. Right. And then you say something that's, that's negative. Well, maybe you shouldn't. Well, we'll listen, Shanna.

That doesn't mean that you can take advantage of me. I'm telling you my truth so you know maybe you need to go out over there and do something over there because I can't have people like you in my life if you're going to try to hurt me and I'm still being vulnerable that's a great example that's being vulnerable but with boundaries because that's yeah can we write that down? Hey, just so you know, Shanna, I've been taking notes this whole time. We'll do, we'll do, we'll do our session after this, after we get off, we'll do our session, you know, behind the scenes and everything. Oh my God. You're just, you're full of so much wisdom and you know,

you're, I love your vulnerability with sharing these life experiences that have helped you to achieve this wisdom because we don't just get it skipping around life and I think it's interesting a lot of people would look at your life and be like dude you've had it all like made it, like you had all this light, you know, you've been in these amazing shows. You've, you, you have this beautiful wife and this daughter at one point, like people probably thought, dude, what's wrong with you? Why, why aren't you happy? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Because you're only looking at the outside

on the inside, on the inside, I was in prison. Wow. And you know what though though I'll be honest with you Kiko this whole time I've only seen your soul and I and I actually forgot about the Emmy and and all of your achievements that you had outside of your soul I really truly have only connected with your soul which is is awesome is awesome. Yeah. Congratulations on that. And thank you. You know, I think that that's a, that's a constant practice is something that I constantly am intentional about. Like, I just want to be more and more of my real self every day, which I think many of us just want to be ourselves. And like we have, but you

got to work for that. You know, you got to figure out how to be yourself and how to block out the things that are not us and take out the things that are not us. And how do I express myself truthfully, you know? So, and thank you for, you know, holding this safe container, sense of soul, because that's important for many of us to be able to feel safe so we can reveal ourselves. So thank you, my sisters. I love you dearly both. Thank you.

For sure. Wow. So Mandy and I do this thing called break that shit down, which you kind of just did. Break that shit down. Break that shit down. Wait, can you say that again. Break that shit down. Break that shit down. Wait, can you say that again? Break that shit down.

And now it's time for break that shit down. All that all of us want is to be with you, to see you and to feel you. The rest of it is the work that you got to do we just want you i wish everyone knew that like you're not just you yeah so tell everybody where they could find you where if they if they're like oh my god i need more of kiko right now i'm on instagram that's where you can find me. And that links to everything. Kiko Ellsworth with two L's.

That's it. I'm easy to get in contact with. You are seriously inspiring. Thank you so much. Yeah. And if there's anything I can do to support y'all and I, you know, I'm here. You brought so much new shit to the table today with divine timing. That was just, there's so much for me to think about and so much more for me to

learn so thank you for that thank you for sparking that curiosity and evolving and expanding my awareness around these sort of topics thank you for that i love you both dearly yeah love you you're so special yeah break. Break that shit down. Yeah. We might have to start using that, Shanna. That's why you got an Emmy. Yeah, right? You're good.

Because I can do a take two. I love it. Thanks for being with us today. We hope you will come back next week. If you like what you hear, don't forget to rate, like, and subscribe. Thank you. We rise to lift you up. Thanks for listening.