Sense of Soul - Maiden Goddess to Mother Goddess

Episode Date: June 16, 2023

Today Sense of Soul we have  a sweet repeat guest and friend Vanessa Simpson. She is the creator of Fifth Dimension Therapy, a Spiritual Life Coach, Intuitive Channel/Healer, Reiki Master, and had stepped into her most important job yet as new mother. In this episode Vanessa shares with us the many realizations and lessons that she’s experienced since becoming a new young mother. From feeling as if she was losing her identity, purpose and power. To finding more value and trust in others advice, more than her own. Vanessa found that she had put everyone else first, ignoring her hearts calling and left her soul’s purpose behind. Vanessa joins Shanna in this episode to share how she overcame the challenges and pressures of being a new mother. How she discovered a new version of herself and made the decision to once again allow her soul to lead. Reclaiming her power now as a mother, setting out to realign with her passion and purpose. Realizing that putting herself first she is a better mother. Listen to Vanessa on Sense of Soul the first time: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sense-of-soul-podcast/id1468725665?i=1000492909831 Vanessa is part of Sense of Soul Network of Lightworkers Affiliates. Journey with Vanessa to Thailand September 24-Oct 4th 2023. For more information call Vanessa if you are interested 253-876-4864 or email her vanessasimpson@[e-mail] to get more info. Receive a 30min 1:1 consult with Vanessa to get the most out of our adventure to Thailand & a integration session after Thailand to make sure you take the MAGIC you experience home WITH you into your daily life. Learn more here! Follow Vanessa on FB! Instagram Learn more about Shanna and Sense of Soul at www.mysenseofsoul.com Go can find all of our new Sense of Soul Network of Lightworkers at our afiliates page at https://www.mysenseofsoul.com/sense-of-soul-affiliates-page Join our Sense of Soul Patreon!! Our community of seekers and lightworkers who get exclusive discounts, live events like SOS Sacred Circles, ad free episodes and more. You can also listen to Shanna’s new mini series, about the Goddess Sophia! Sign up today and help support our podcast. https://www.patreon.com/senseofsoul

Hello, my soul-seeking friends. It's Shanna. Thank you so much for listening to Sense of Soul Podcast. Enlightening conversations with like-minded souls from around the world. Sharing their journey of finding their light within, turning pain into purpose, and awakening to their true sense of soul. If you like what you hear, show me some love and rate, like, and subscribe. And consider becoming a Sense of Soul Patreon member, where you will get ad-free episodes,

monthly circles, and much more. Now go grab your coffee, open your mind, heart, and soul. It's time to awaken. Today on Sons of Soul, we have a sweet repeat guest, Vanessa Simpson. She is the creator of Fifth Dimension Therapy. She's a spiritual coach, intuitive channel healer, Reiki master. And since Vanessa has been on Sons of Soul podcast, she has now stepped into her most important job yet as a new mother.

And Vanessa is joining us today to share with us the many realizations and lessons that she's experienced as being a new mother from feeling as if she had lost her identity, purpose, and her power, and how she went about reclaiming that, and the message that she wants to share with other mothers who may be feeling the same. So please welcome Vanessa. Vanessa, thank you so much for being with me. How you doing? I'm doing really, really well. I'm super honored and blessed to be meeting with you. I'm so excited too. I was just thinking about like we had you on, gosh, it might've been like

two years ago. Might've been three. Right. And I definitely recommend to whoever's listening that if they hadn't listened to your first episode to go back and listen to learn a bit about, you know, who you were before and who you are today. Oh, that's powerful. I need to go and do that. I know such a transition, especially becoming a mother. So why don't you go ahead and tell everybody who you are today? Yes. So I am establishing myself in Seattle, Washington. We're building a holistic retreat center about an hour and a half, two hours southeast of Seattle. So super excited about that. I'm a new mom. My baby's 16 months. And who am I? I'm love. I'm the essence of God force energy. However, you want to translate that always first, that connection. And then being a mom has been

the gift I didn't know that I needed. It was definitely a huge surprise. It wasn't something that I planned. I found out that I was pregnant. I just turned 24, I think, somewhere around there. Time's weird. And so I had no plans whatsoever. I'm like, oh, five, 10 years down the line, sure, I'll entertain it. I was so focused on my business and impacting the world. I just got back from a trip with my partner. We went to California. It was a beautiful trip. I was really hungry. I was eating a lot more than I usually do. I'm like, this is interesting, but I'm like, oh, I'm just about to start my moon. That's just how it happens. And so the day after I get back, I literally could not get out of bed. I'm like,

wow, what is going on? And I was running a get out of bed. I'm like, wow, what is going on? And I was running a chakra challenge that week. I'm like, well, I'm pulling myself together just to show up for 30 minutes online for these beautiful souls that I was serving at the time. And it was crazy the amount of nauseousness and tiredness that I was experiencing that week. And then all of a sudden it's the day before my partner's birthday and I'm called my mom. I'm like, dude, I think I need to go to like urgent care. Like

this is just insane. I don't know if I'm sick or what's going on. And so get in the car with my mom and we're driving up in that time, driving up with her. It felt like time stopped when I was with her. There was a lot of nervousness, but I was just there with her. And she was like, you know, what if you're pregnant? I'm like, no, there's no way. Like I did take some tests while I was in California. And then as soon as I get into the doctor's office, they, of course, gave me a test. And the doctor comes in and I'm looking her straight in the eyes.

And she's like, so I don't know how you're going to take this just based on what I'm feeling right now, but you are pregnant. And everything that I grew to know up to that moment yet again, and that's what started my spiritual journey was that moment where everything that I grew to know my identity, how I felt about life and myself and where I was going. It felt like it came to a halt, a stop and everything fell away. And I just fell so deeply into myself. I cried the deepest tears I probably ever cried and felt all of the fear, the excitement, the unknown, just because this was not in my plan whatsoever. And I was doing what I felt like I needed to do to not have that happen at this time, you know, trying to be conscious of that. But as I started really taking in what this meant for me, and I didn't have the answers, I didn't know

what this was supposed to mean for me, but all I felt in my heart was, this is a moment yet again, Vanessa, that you need to lean in and trust. You need to lean in and trust that the nature that's coming through you, that's connected to this universal intelligence is coming up within you in this moment, right here, right now, for a reason, for a purpose. These moments during these transitions that we go through in life, they come up in these waves, whether it's when you graduate high school and you're coming out into the world, or when you're having a child or someone passes away or you get married or a marriage ends, these transitions that we go through or becoming a mother and now your children are grown and

you're having to rethink your identity and who you are, why you're here, what your purpose is in the world. And that was that moment for me. And the only thing that brought me a sense of peace was leaning into that trust that this is what was exactly meant to happen for me in my life. I mean, when I reached out to you, like, honestly, just setting up the space, pulling out my mic, it was the first time I pulled out my mic in almost two years. And this is something that I love. This is what brings that passion, that power, that sense of this is what I'm meant to do into my life. And so that has been extremely hard to be pulled away from that into a new

direction. And I feel like, I mean, no matter how old you may be, but especially the younger moms out there and the younger people out there there that there is this new energy, this new consciousness on the planet and people like you that are doing this work now and being a platform for people to come on and share their message. You may have not been aware during that time necessarily consciously aware, but your soul was working to establish light into this planet. So people like me could wake up even earlier. When I was your age, having my second child, I definitely was not aware at all.

I'm so envious in the fact that you were aware. You already had awareness. So you could be very present with this. I wish that I could have energetically connected with them prior to them being born. Right. You know, I remember, and I've said this so many times because it just one day just was so awakening to me. The fact that no one tells you, okay, when you're going to become a mommy mommy the most important thing to do is trust your gut because you have an instinct inside of you it's like that

mama bear instinct it's like the lioness and her cubs you know best more than anybody no they tell you to read this book written by this man. You're getting all this advice from 500 different moms who think they know best. And it really just blocks you from almost just trusting and connecting with your own intuition that we have, especially with our children. Absolutely. And what a lesson to learn from that in life from the very beginning, watching my daughter and with my background being in psychology and human behavior, watching her take in the world and be programmed literally in front of my eyes to her environment. She's taking in everything. She's mimicking her

environment. Those mirror neurons are going off. I mean, I believe I read a study that was the amount of neurons that are firing and wiring in a child's brain is two times more than ours. It's like a hundred billion constantly going off. And so from the very beginning, we are being told who we are, what the world is, why we're here, how to be, what to do, all of this. And then eventually we get to a point where we get to choose. And she's even showing that now at 16 months, like, no, yeah, no, yeah. And that's great. But still there's so much input coming in and eventually there will be a choice of output, but continuously throughout our life, we are, we're being told. And so this can absolutely lead

to living a life that isn't even yours. And that actually brings up a really incredible realization I had after I went through a yoga class and I was driving home. I was at the stoplight and just had this moment and realized that I have spent my entire life just trying to be what I thought everyone else wanted me to be. That instinctual tribal, like I need to be accepted into the tribe. That's what I always come to and find meaning in. But that part of me that just wanted to belong and fit in and becoming a mother has made me really look at even how the way I was once serving the world and how, yes, I'd get inspired by these other influencers and thought leaders, but I would almost like just try to become them or do what they're doing.

And I was just focusing on so many things and I was not taking the time to sit with myself and my own heart and allow that guidance to come through. So that's why having that spiritual connection, you asked me, who am I? And sitting with that connection of who you truly are in your own way of thinking and feeling about that in your own heart, and then starting to do that more frequently in your life and choosing to consciously create your life instead of creating a life by default. That is one of the biggest shifts that we can make spiritually on our journey. I feel such power. I just think about also like before my kids were even born, I mean, I was going to choose their religion, Vanessa. You know, I had already chose their belief systems, what sports they were going to play.

As an unconscious parent, I was doing it for my kids on their behalf before they were even born. It's crazy. You spoke about how, you know, during these first few years as they're just observing and in that more theta brainwave then they move into this space and I swore I was like what why is my child all of a sudden so judgmental on herself I have never you know asked her for perfection why all of a sudden does she care about all of these things that we don't ever care about here at home, right? So there is, it's very interesting because I do see, yes, it's like the world outside obviously is going to affect her as she's 11 now. But there's also these things I can tell are just about her personality that she came here with.

Yeah. Well, even the study that they did with rats and generational trauma, and I believe it was with a spider, like a rat being scared of spiders. And just, they saw that that fear went down about four generations. And so there's information in their DNA that comes from us, that comes from the father, that comes from whatever it is that they're meant to face and work with. And so that's important to remember that yes, they are a sacred mirror. Our relationships are a sacred mirror for us to learn more about ourselves. And that's when I would check in, like, is there any part of me that exhibits that type of mentality? Even

subconsciously, I don't even realize it because my daughter does the same thing. She gets really frustrated when her dolly won't fit on the, we're starting potty training, won't fit on the potty, right? Or I don't know what it is she's trying to do, but she gets really upset and she'll bring the baby to me. You hit the nail on the head, Vanessa, too too because Kinsley has told me so many times mom it doesn't have to be perfect so you know what I mean I'm not trying to do things perfectly but maybe you know I don't see this in myself so much it's so interesting that five percent conscious mind 95 unconscious mind not even realizing my daughter she does not know portion control right now like she will literally stuff her face full of banana oh no and then just like

try to eat it and I'm like huh like okay because I know I'll go a long time without eating and then I'm making her food and then I'm just like I I feel like I am just like, Oh my God, let me just like get it in real quick before I feed her. And she's not, and she just like, and I'm like, Oh man, I definitely, when I was a kid did not learn a portion control for sure. Well, you know what? That brings me back to my having my first child. Cause of course every kid is so different but I remember someone telling me this he can sense that you're stressed and this is why he's crying you know so much because I'm like what is wrong with this kid he's dead he's clean he's dry why is he crying you know it's because I was stressed and he could sense that

yeah oh absolutely that's a deep part of our limbic brain, that emotional part. I'm rereading The Body Keeps Score. And I might be butchering this. I'm doing my best to remember. But it's one of the first parts of the brain that's developed. So it's one of the oldest parts of the brain, the emotional brain. And so that emotional brain also translating to energy and motion, like it's that, that energetic sensitive part of ourselves is how I translate that. Cause that's what emotion is.

You can walk into a room and feel the vibe, the same thing with them. And going through my yoga teacher training, I found out that until they reach age three, their aura is intertwined with the mother. So it's like, even before I even know that I'm frustrated, she's frustrated. I mean, I totally like I'll wake up not feeling that great. And we just don't have a good morning. You know, she's just everything's frustrating her. And again, like I'm just beginning this journey. So I don't even know the depths of what's to come, but I know that what this has brought up in me, what I feel that I'm meant to bring into this planet, she has definitely course corrected me.

And a mentor told me that right before I had her, that this is, you know, it's the wake up call that I needed. Like sometimes God will like thump us on the head and sometimes it's a two by four or sometimes it's a baby coming out of your vagina. It might just, you know, who knows the intensity of the wake up that you need. And so, you know, taking that in these transitions very seriously, I feel like transitions are a time to be really conscious and aware of how you're feeling, what's coming up for you and taking that time to tune into your higher being, your heart. And I say that with the simplicity of it. It doesn't need to be complicated. Spirituality can be as simple or as complicated as you want to make it. And just taking that time to listen to the

whisper that is within you, that comes in those times where you get into the theta brainwave, where you can calm your analytical mind. That's why having these practices and taking care of yourself. I thought that I took care of myself before Aspen when really I was a slave to my business. I mean, I was working 10 plus hours a day. I was addicted to it and just trying to create this thing and make this impact. And not that there wasn't centeredness within that, but I was taking away from, wait a minute, Vanessa, you're a student first, and then you're a teacher. And recognizing that in my relationship with Aspen, that she has also this master within her and learning from her

and holding space for her to be who she's meant to be in this planet. So, so crucial that I feel we can do as space holders, as guides with people in our home that we're holding space for in whatever way that you hold space. I feel like being a mother is the ultimate space holder. And that's what I was doing as a healer before. One thing that I feel really called to share is how important it is to, when I say take care of yourself, it's really about keeping your dreams alive. That there is this calling, this higher purpose, this higher being within you that is meant to contribute to the world. And I am doing work currently with my coach right now on, Hey, just so you know, being a mom is a contribution in the highest form. Just know that. And so that's important to recognize, especially for the high achiever moms out there that may be listening to this, that you just showing up for your child and being a mom, that is you contributing to the world and impacting the world in the purest form of bringing a legacy onto this planet.

You are CEO, seriously, of your family. I just think that sometimes moms don't think that's enough. Oh man, the work that I've had to face over the last year since having, or year and a half of having Aspen has been really focused around that. The, I would say, you know, I, I look at postpartum depression a bit differently. I've looked at depression differently just with my study spiritually and personally in human behavior in the mind and psychology for the last eight years. I knew that what was coming up for me, yes, the hormones are coming in and playing a role in making things a little bit more apparent of what is going on deeper in my subconscious mind. And I definitely woke up many days at 3am and I'm like, what is going on? What, why is this happening? What is this?

And going through it and to be as conscious as I can through the process, I have came into, you're not doing enough. You need to do more, but then physically and mentally not being able to actually do it was very detrimental to me emotionally. That's like, I just, I would love to pull out the computer and share and get my mind and my body were so trained into a certain way of living. And for that to be completely taken out of that emotionally, mentally, physically, it was very hard. And that feeling of not doing enough, it was so strong in my mind. And it made those days where my baby's crying and I just don't know what to do.

I've tried everything. I ended up being that mother that wasn't able to produce enough. And then eventually, you know, had to find out, oh, maybe she's not getting enough. I feel like as women stepping into our power is our purpose. Just by the process of bringing children into this world, if you are someone out there, that's wondering who you are and why you're here, starting with what makes me feel powerful or even starting with what has taken away my power and my strength again. Then you look back and you recognize those moments where you were so down, you were so in the darkness, and you're able to look at it with a clear eye and give yourself love. You're able to hold yourself again. And that's the process of stepping into

your power. You recognize those moments where you didn't have power, those times where you felt so powerless, and then you work on healing that part of you by loving that part of yourself. But it's okay to want more too, but not to the point where it's taking away from your ability to be a mother. And I say that with also me going through this process of, oh, I need to spend all my time with Aspen. And I recognize that because I feel this other calling in my heart and almost feeling guilty for that, almost feeling guilty for wanting to do more and be more in the world,

that it was taking away from me being present with her. And I realized it's quality over quantity about the time that you spend with your child, with your relationships, that the quality of the moment, the quality of the connection, the quality of the presence that you show up with. So whatever your heart is guiding you to do, that's the butterfly effect of that. You're going to show up a greater human being for your child. Even just having that little bit of time, I've been doing some local ceremonies here and just having that little bit of time to go and be creative Vanessa outside of being a mother, I come back so overfilled and so present with her. I feel

abundant. I feel filled up and I get to pour that into her. But that guilt that I felt for many months, because everyone was telling me, you should be grateful that you get to spend all your time being a mom, that you don't have to work full time. And yes, yes, and yes. And boy, did I feel guilty for not feeling that way. And that's a very vulnerable thing to say, but I felt this calling in my heart and it needed tended to, and it just starting as simply as just having that five minutes to just meditate and tune into the source that I connect to and the source I believe in just having that time that provided me the ability to be such a greater mom for her, those simple things. And those simple things eventually added up to, I'm going to a yoga class and then I was able to do a lot of things actually

while being a mom and the support that I have, I'm very blessed with. But if you don't have that support, make that support, create that support because you tending to your heart, even if it's just being with yourself and gardening or planting flowers or going out for a walk alone. Don't feel guilty for tending to yourself and your own needs. And my God, the gene in me that felt so guilty to make myself a priority in my life. I don't know what that's about. It feels generational to me, but I know I'm meant to overcome that and share that, that it's okay to have your own needs, wants, and desires outside of being a mom. But you know what? It ended up being, it's that foundation for me to be more and go and do more in the world. Your voice and you speaking out on this is so powerful because you know how many women right now, how many moms, young mothers, new mothers are listening to this right now who

may even feel guilty right now for listening because they could be doing something for their children. That was me. That was so me. for listening because they could be doing something you know for their children i thought was me that was so mean put your oxygen on first before you do your child you will be a better mother if you care for yourself first hey listeners did you know that sense of soul has a network of lightworkers affiliates program now you get to work with one of our inspiring guests. Go to mysenseofsoul.com and in the menu, look for the Network of Lightworkers. Now back to our amazing guest. It's the balance. And it sounds like all of the things that you have done outside of your

house were things that were actually building you up. That's a really big distinction. I was guided to do a yoga teacher training. I've been practicing yoga for seven years. That was the beginning stages of my awakening as well. And I was presented the opportunity from my mentor, Angela, who I love very much. She was like, hey, there's this training coming up and it's probably the most spiritually connected group that I've seen. I think you need to do it now. And she's been telling me this for years. Right. But it's like, you know what? I have like no time to myself right now. And this would be an excellent excuse to have a day, you know, a couple of days a month. Go do something for yourself. I've had many things that

I've got certification on as an adult, as a mom of four. Those have been the most proudest moments of my life. To be able to do that and be a mom. Yes. Oh, absolutely. I agree. And since becoming a mother, I've also reflected on all the time that I had before being involved, how I spent that time. And now that my time is precious. Yes, exactly. So being very conscious and intentional of how I want to spend this time. That has been one of the most beautiful gifts in my personal life, but also business wise as well. How much time I spent in just being busy and not actually doing the things that are going to move the needle, as Brendan Burchard would say. Just overall, I'm seeing how these lessons that I'm learning, becoming a mother, they're just making me a better person in the business that I'm building. All of it.

What about boundaries? I mean, I'm sure you have to put down boundaries. I mean, before when you had the time to continue to go on with clients far longer than you should have, you know, you're going to have to put down boundaries now. Yeah. Wow. That again, I thought that I was pretty good at that, but honestly, right before Aspen came into this world, man, this was one of the most difficult times with relationships. I had a roommate who was one of my best friends at the time, but our relationship grew to be very toxic. And she just had some behaviors that were not going to be conducive to raising a human being, say that with the most compassion, right? And at the same time, my mom was also going through a transition with her relationship,

leaving my stepdad. And so she was needing a place to go. There was a lot of transition. This was a month before I was going to be giving birth to Aspen. And one of the hardest things that I had to do was I had to ask her to leave. And I knew that her financial situation wasn't good. I could have came up with a million excuses why not to do that, but I had one reason why I had to. And it was one of the hardest things that I had to do. There was so much chaos during that time. And I'm like,

I'm basically nine months pregnant, eight months pregnant at this time. And there was so much stress, so much chaos. And I had to do it again. That gut instinct was so strong. It was so difficult. And that was the beginning when I realized like, wow, Aspen came into my life for me to step into my power. And, you know, they also say that, you know, prior to giving birth, your child in womb is actually experiencing and can even experience PTSD, which is so crazy to me. Yeah. Getting all the feelings. Yes, absolutely. And that's why it was just like, when I walk into my house, I feel sick as a dog. Like this is not going to work. It was that sick gut feeling that I had to make a change. And my mind was coming up with, but this or that, but all about her, not about me. And that's when I recognized like, wow, this is the beginning of me learning how to say a sacred no, where I learned

a bunch of sacred yes. Oh yeah. Yes, yes. Yes. To all the opportunities. And so boundaries and learning how to say a sacred no, that has taken, you know, really tuning into, I'll immediately feel it. It'll come up like, Oh, I'm Nope. That's just not going to happen. And stepping into your power is learning how to have that sacred. No. And what about your relationship? I know that's a huge one for new parents. Yeah. So our relationship was very young and still is. We actually just came to our three-year anniversary here last weekend. And I'm very blessed with how it all transpired. He has a 11-year-old daughter, so he's gone through the process and I, you know, I was asking him a bunch of questions. He was like, man, that was like, you know, 10 years ago.

Oh my goodness. But it has been a definite test of our connection and our love as a foundation and coming into our relationship again very consciously as well like health and self-care was like our really big thing before children came into the picture and so we've been very supportive towards each other empowering each other to take that time for self-care, take that time for you because he has been working full-time and some days, most days it was, it's getting better now, it was 10 plus hours a day and he only took four days off in the beginning. So has been a lot on my plate. But again, I know he's providing for our family and I have the strength to be in this. I have it within me to be in this.

And when I have stepped more and more into that, my ability to ask for help and support, it's been getting easier. And something that I'd love to share too, I had a really powerful coaching session last week and she asked me, she's like, you know, you said that you're getting better at asking for help in your physical reality, but when was the last time you asked for help spiritually, like to your, you know, whatever it is that you believe in your guides, your angels, your council, you know, the people that you connect with on the other side. And I'm like, Oh yeah, that'd be good. Yeah. Okay. And like that feeling that guilt though, like, wait, I, I remember it. I've heard through the line of law of attraction,

like, oh, if you ask for something, that means you don't have it. Or, you know, if you're, you have to embody already having it. But something she told me was spirit demands specificity and being specific. And so ever since then, every single day, I will pray and ask whatever it is that I need that day, even for this session with you to ask for support. And my message that's meant to come through, to come through with passion and purpose and clearly as possible you know I was gonna say that's another thing that happens when you're a mom is you get this mom brain it's like I can never remember anything what was I gonna say why did I come in this room it's the lack of sleep combined with I don't know they like suck all your brain cells when they come out. Thank God our brain makes new ones. So I have a whole new brain.

Right. I mean, word finding, like I can't, yeah, it takes years to recover. Yes. Yeah. The research that I did, it was like up to two years for your body to go back to really homeostasis of what it was semi before. Right. And then hormonal. I mean, like you go from one extreme to the next, right? The highest hormones to the very lowest, like right as you give birth. Boom. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's why it's the most powerful medicine that we can tap into going through that process in whatever stage, baby or no baby, having compassion be your medicine and building a relationship with compassion itself that you need to visualize that as an entity, as an energy, as a being for you to have compassion with yourself. That was also what came through in my coaching session was that spirit knows the beans. No, God knows. They know how difficult it is to not just be on earth, but to be conscious on earth. Because when you're conscious on earth, you're not just taking in the earthly energy and

what's going on in the world, but you're also tuned into what's going on around the world or like not in the world too. In one world, in the other, one foot in this world, one foot in the other, as is above and below, you're tuned into your multidimensional self. There's information coming in in so many ways. And so that's why having compassion with yourself that when you wake up with anxiety one day or you wake up feeling depressed and maybe that's been going on, it's okay. I know one of the most powerful things that I've been told when going through dark times in my life is it's okay to feel how you're feeling. It's okay.

There's so much of me that wanted to resist the feeling. I want to get away from the pain. I don't want to feel it. The mind's going to do whatever it needs to do to protect itself. And if you're not feeling good, the mind's going to do whatever it needs to do to move out of that instead of just being with it and realizing, wait, if I just be with this enough and sit with it enough, the body's meant to heal. It's meant to release and heal. So it will release itself. It will turn over.

The evolution process continues within you. It absolutely will. We can let go of feeling hopeless because that's our natural self. That's our natural instinctual intelligence within us that is meant to continue evolving and growing, but we can resist it and slow it down. And that's where that tension builds mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, because we're not just allowing what's meant to come through to come through and supporting ourselves through it, through the self-care practices that we put in place. Well, I had my two older kids 21 months apart. So, and then I had another one as soon as they went to school.

And then when he went to school, I got pregnant again. When I got to work on Sundays, because I work, I've always worked Sundays. It's like a vacation for me to leave for four hours. God bless you for saying that by the way going to the grocery store just looking at everything that i did having a vacation here to everybody that would listen to me and i get home they're like where have you been i was at walgreens for two hours, sat in my car, listened to some music. I love that. Tell me it's true, right? You have to steal your moments and make the most out of them. Yes.

I love that you said that. It's just so real and raw. And I absolutely could not even imagine at this point, just having one and then an 11 year old as well. I could not, I could not imagine. Believe me, I know you could. You know, with each child, I'm sure there's this new self. I mean, what kept you going through those times with each child, like up till now, and when you can reflect on what really pulled you through? You know, it's so interesting. Because as you said that, you know, I have four kids. So I'm like looking back at each one of them. You know, my first one was hard. I didn't know what I was doing. I was listening to everybody's suggestions. And there was too many suggestions. Doing the most.

And then with my daughter, I relaxed a little bit. And she was so much easier than he was. But then I had my third child. And that humbled me. Because here I had one who was super, super smart. And then his little sister was trying to keep up with him. And then here comes Ethan. And he's not hitting any of the milestones

that are on this list that says every child should do by this age. But, you know, he did end up being on the spectrum. Really, you know how they say you'll eat your words if you ever actually say, oh, my child will never be like, don't ever say that, you know, because I don't even say that you'll never be like that. I mean, I am a mom who almost every single night would drive to Taco Bell to get her kid tacos because that's all he would eat. Actually, I went to Taco Bell today. So, I mean, just stuff like that, you know, you never know what's going to come up. That was very humbling. It taught me a big lesson because I'm sure that when I had just me and my son Drew and he was so

super smart and looking at other parents like, well, why aren't your kids doing that? You must not be giving your kid attention and then you know being humbled by ethan and then it was defending him of why he wasn't like everybody else and so you know being a mom a lot of it you take so personally right it's personal so if your child isn't say the most athletic one on the field, you'll feel it, right? As if, same, the opposite. If your child's hitting all the home runs, you will feel it. And it's interesting, as I became awakened, I realized how very personal our journeys were.

And that this was your journey. It wasn't mine. Because, you know, you hear my children, my greatest accomplishments, people say like, you did good mom, right? Like on graduation day or something like that. And you're like, that wasn't my accomplishment, right? I mean, yes, I'm proud. I'm proud that we got here and all that. But you really do have to recognize we're all on our own individual journey. You know, I mean, seriously, I think I would have been that mom at one point. But I can't steal their accomplishments.

They're not mine. They're not mine. How great Drew was at reading and doing all the things he did that was not mine I could have probably given him zero attention and he still would have been amazingly smart and same for my Ethan right I read to him every day and did all the things that any expert says to do and he's still on the spectrum right but so I think that to me has been the biggest lesson is that even though I gave you birth my journey my journey and you have your own too no matter how little they are wow

that is so powerful and just looking at that from where God giving birth to all of us, yet you have your own life, your own destiny that you chose. I truly believe that, that you chose for your soul's involvement and growth. Their own mistakes too. You can't take the guilt of all of your children's mistakes. It's theirs to make. I mean, I don't want my children to suffer. It's the worst. You will feel it, but it is theirs to go through. And you can't steal that from them.

And we can definitely remember that the struggle, just like bringing the children into the world wasn't all a pleasurable experience. Although I did study how to do that. Didn't really work out, but it does. And that's absolutely amazing. But I do feel that struggle and challenge challenge is we're just meant to go through it. If there wasn't challenge, we wouldn't be the strong human beings that we are if we just had it all easy. And so remembering that I feel will help us detach ourselves from, oh, it needs to be this perfect straight line. If it's not this perfect straight line and they don't have that bad relationship or they don't hang out with the wrong crowd or whatever it is that they're doing, but knowing that there's purpose to all of it. And I just love that. I feel like your story, you sharing that just reminds us that we all have a purpose that

we're meant to live, whether or not we want to try and intercept and change and try to take control. There's this aspect of life that we cannot control and bringing life into this planet is an ultimate, oh my God. I feel like I started my labor early just because I was trying to have it on her due date. And so I paid for that because then I was in labor for three and a half days on the day that she was meant to be here, Vanessa. But if you would have just allowed it to be, then maybe I would have cut a day, you know? Oh my gosh. Yes. Well, this is a learning experience, right? So for your next three children, you maybe won't do that. Oh God, don't scare me away. And I think that my advice to you as a new mom was the best advice

anyone ever gave me was don't sweat the small stuff no matter what age and phase that they go through from like 1 to 18 or whatever there's so many things that you keep so flipped over or make a big fuss or cause trauma for our child for the rest of their life over you know yes kids will be kids. People make mistakes. And if it's small, let it go. Let it go. Taking away, or at least if you're going to be upset about it, just own it that you're upset. You are literally taking your consciousness down into the anger vibration. You're taking away from another opportunity to be grateful that you have a child, that you're here, that you're breathing. You're taking away from all that to sit within the frustration because your child threw her cup

in the toilet. You know what? This is me now when any of my kids get in trouble. This is a great opportunity to learn. We are going to learn a lesson today. That's what we it's 30 again. Like what's the point of cleaning just this constant cycle. Right. And I've gotten better at it, but I love that just, you know, resting my thought and having that come through in my voice to her that, Oh, this is a great opportunity to learn. I love that. But there was many, many times where I was that helicopter mom. Yeah. It's so interesting to see these aspects of ourself come up. I love being able to look at my instant reaction of who I show up to be, and then being able to have that reflection of like,

wow, what is this coming from? The helicopter aspect of me, where is that coming from? What is the intention of that self and needing to control? What is that? And looking deeper into it. That's the kind of stuff that just fascinates the hell out of me. And it's the ultimate, if you can reflect on yourself and how you show up every day, it's the ultimate spiritual awakening and evolution for you to see these reaction parts of yourself that just come through automatically and then figuring out like, Oh, what, what is that? If it only, if that's not, that doesn't

mean you go around analyzing yourself all day. Often, you know, I like doing that just to learn and I'm curious and I do that with others too. So that I, that's something I'm learning how to dial back, right. To be just present in the moment, let things be, don't try to figure everything out. Yeah, me too. But it's so much fun to go through that and reflect on it so that you can come back to the space of like, is this aligned or not aligned? Right. Is this something that needs to change?

What am I possibly bringing into my child or their thought process by being this way? And how can I communicate that? Hey, I have this tendency. I'm not going to be perfect, but because it's not about, you know, trying to be perfect. Right. But in just like, allow yourself to be who you are, but then being able to communicate with your children in a compassionate way of yourself, like, Hey, I realized I just reacted there. I'm sorry. I love you. This is really what I mean. I need to reflect on that. You know, that's showing our children that you don't need to be perfect, but being able to take responsibility for how you show up and what comes out of your mouth is going to help teach them that

self-responsibility in their own life. In that reflection, do you ever see your parents? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think, I wonder if it'll happen more as you have more experiences with, say like discipline and stuff like that. Right. Oh yeah. I mean, just what I, cause I actually, I don't have any siblings. I was an only child. I haven't had babies around. I haven't had kids around really at all in my life. So I'm like, I don't even know how to do this. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I had no babies around

whatsoever. Just my cousins every now and then when they were little babies but I was 13 at that time and yeah I am interested to see how that's going to come through especially because that's my only way of you know subconsciously having these besides like you know obviously your intuition and what you're being guided to do but also you have that programming piece that will come through as well sometimes Sometimes I'm like, oh God, I just sounded just like my mom. You know, or, oh God, that was totally something my dad would have said, you know, kind of thing. Yeah. I know. I definitely, as far, I'm a total foodie. And especially when it comes to like crackers, like goldfish, I would down a whole box in

matter of two days when I was younger. So I do find myself with her that I'll have like these little, you know, little snack things, not very often, but we will. And I'll just, when she starts to like fuss, it's like, okay, here's some food. I'm like, oh God, this was, this is what caused my eating problem yeah right my emotional eating my mom would see when I was upset yeah but this is how you break things too though right I mean this is how you break those patterns is being aware so boom yeah you know I remember when I was little that's literally all I wanted to be.

And you know, what do you want to be when I grow up? I want to be a mom. But in the end, it's not all that I was. And so I'm glad that you know that too. Like it's, it's a blessing and I am a mom and it is my best job. It was the biggest job. And I feel like it's an honor. I tell Kenzley that all the time. I'm like, I am so lucky have in your heart of wanting more to be more. It's okay. It's okay. And yes, yes, yes, absolutely. There is more to you being a mother. You learn the skills that are very foundational, I feel, in making a difference in the world. The things that you learn, compassion and patience. And I mean, I had that as a healer, because it's not my own child. I'm able to take myself out of it, right? But still the amount of compassion and patience and love, These foundational skills that we can consciously

develop by becoming a parent that is very foundational to make a difference in the world. I know that there's a calling inside of each of our hearts. And perhaps it's not that being a mom, that's the calling, right? That could be. When you tune in, it's like just to be a mother to whoever whom you meet. It's not just your own children, but how can I be more of that in the world? What does that look like? How can I show up as that nurturing mom in the household showing up like that in the world? How can I be more of that? I love that. There is more of you that you can tap into, that your children can help you tap into. Whether you're a father or a mother, there's this place within you that's so sacred that in those times of stillness that we can check in and tune in and listen and we will be guided. It might not come through the first time, but as you keep coming back to listen, and we will be guided. It might not come through the first time, but as you

keep coming back to listen, there'll be this whisper that starts to come through. It may come through in a voice or a vision or a feeling or a knowing. And if you don't have support in your life physically, you know, you're a mom of three kids, you're working full-time, you don't have much support around you, then this is especially for you to tune in and ask for divine help. Ask and know that you're worth it. Take that surrender moment and ask, and what will come into your life in that surrender moment? What will begin to pour into your life is God's abundant flow of love. It'll pour into your life. You know what I had also heard one time, if some people feel like they don't even have like that mother for them, asking for like a sacred mother to come through on the other side, whether that's mother Mary, mother Teresa,

for me, it was mother Cabrini, you know, your grandmothers, you know, on the other side, whether that's mother Mary, mother Teresa, for me, it was mother Cabrini, you know, your grandmothers, you know, on the other side. I love that. Wow. So powerful. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Get specific. What type of support are you needing? So are you still offering any services like you were before? So right now I'm currently working on rolling out a new opportunity to work with me and my business partner in more of a group setting. It'll be a membership type of deal right now. And then I have some local events that I'm doing that will be working to streamline as well. You don't have to be here locally to get in on that. So that's currently what we're working on. And then of course, we're building the retreat center,

but yeah, just super simple that we're working on the membership and the retreat center, doing the events here locally and just carving out more time. So I can come on and share more in the world on social media, on the platforms of what I'm experiencing, what I'm learning, because I know that it's a sacred discipline, but it's important for people to know that there's tools, that there's support out there. And of course, you don't resonate with everyone. And I know that I've came across a few mentors that have really transformed my life by what they've shared with me. And so through that, I hope to make a difference, you know, so. I love that. It's like, just because you became a mom does not mean you have to just throw all your dreams away. Keep your dreams alive. Do you still have your podcast?

I do the holistically fulfilled and I'll get back into that, but I haven't got back into it yet, but that's something that my business partner and I want to do. So just keeping tabs on me on social media, fifth dimension rising on Facebook and Instagram. And so you can reach out to me personally on there. Just say, hey, send me a DM. What's up? And just keep everyone posted on what's going to be coming through. It's going to be really, really powerful the next couple months. And I'm really honored and excited. Thank you for being such a beautiful soul. I have hope for the future with people like you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah, so much love for you, my dear.

Thank you for continuing on. Thanks for listening to Sense of Soul Podcast. And thanks to our special guests for joining me. If you want more of Sense of Soul, check out my website at www.mysenseofsoul.com, where you can work with me one-on-one or help support sense of soul podcast by donating to my coffee fund. Thanks for listening.