Sense of Soul - Psychedelic Healing Experience

Episode Date: January 30, 2023

Today on Sense of Soul Podcast is Ellyn Katherine Shamalov, Ascenion teacher, Catalytic Sound Bath Practitioner, Transformational speaker, Divine Healer and Pioneer of the Quantum Enlightenment System™. Ellyn’s mission is to empower light workers to usher humanity into the New Earth Paradigm by helping them fully step into their purpose and change the world by BEing the change. Ellyn’s back today to share her recent profound healing journey through psychedelics and saced ceremony. She shares her raw experiences of what her journey in sacred ceremonies using a psychedelic medicine. She walks us through what that looked like and how it helped her awaken to higher awareness of her energy and how within her experience she found the space to have a healing break through.  *Neither Ellyn or Shanna are doctors so this is just their opinions and personal experience and are not suggesting or advising and do not recommend you take anything without seeking a medical professional and that all alternative medicines and energy healing modalities should be used as complimentary and not as a replacement for regular medical care. Visit Ellyn’s website and contact her here: https://catalytichealing.com Follow Ellyn’s journey on Instagram @catalyichealing Visit Sense of Soul at www.mysenseofsoul.com Do you want Ad Free episodes? Join our Sense of Soul Patreon, our community of seekers and lightworkers. Also recieve 50% off of Shanna’s Soul Immersion experience as a Patreon member, monthly Sacred circles, Shanna mini series, Sense of Soul merch and more. https://www.patreon.com/senseofsoul Thank you to our Sponsor  KACHAVA, Use this link for 10% off! www.kachava.com/senseofsoul

Welcome to the Sense of Soul podcast. We are your hosts, Shanna and Mandy. Grab your coffee, open your mind, heart, and soul. It's time to awaken. Hey friends, if you are looking for ad-free Sense of Soul episodes, you can find them at Sense of Soul Patreon. Become a monthly member at any level. You will also have access to our monthly SOS Sacred Circles, our mini-series, merch, and

MuchBorn. And it's a great way to help support our podcast so that we can continue to bring you inspiring episodes twice a week with our enlightened guests from all around the world. Check out our Patreon. Today joining me is Ellen Catherine Shamilev. She has been on Sense of Soul two or three times before, and I'm happy she's back with me today. I asked Ellen if she would share her recent healing journey she's been on with psychedelics and sacred ceremonies. Now, neither Ellen or I are doctors, so this is just

our opinion and our personal experience, as we are not suggesting or advising and do not recommend you take anything without seeking a medical professional and that all alternative medicines and energy healing modalities should be used as complimentary and not as a replacement for regular medical care. So with that said, welcome, Ellen. Thank you so much for being with us today. Hello. Hello. I was inspired to share your story with our listeners. You know, we've had two episodes. One was a shaman in Florida who does plant medicine ceremonies, and he does them like different retreats like all over the world, like in Jamaica and different places. And then we had this couple who founded the Journeyman Collective,

and they have a beautiful luxury resort in Canada. And we've had an amazing conversation with him about plant medicine, specifically psilocybin. But recently, I mean, things have popped up. I mean, Deepak Chopra has been talking a lot about psychedelics and Prince Harry was actually on Anderson so much energy and what all this anger and all the sadness and all the stuff was coming from. That's when I understood why I was always purging in ayahuasca. Because, you know, I've heard a lot of people say like, oh, you know, in ayahuasca, you get to speak to spirit, grandma Aya, and you get to have this like beautiful experience. You may purge a little bit, but then, you know, if you keep doing it a couple of times and eventually, hopefully you'll get to that point. And for me, it's just been purge after purge, after purge, after purge. And I kept saying to myself, like, what the hell am I

putting myself through this bullshit? Like, this doesn't make sense. If I wouldn't be connected to my spirit, I'm going to connect to spirit in a different way. And then when I did the MDMA recently, I realized, you know, all that stuff was my mom's. And so I was just trying to clear out all that junk, the emotions and the toxins from the emotions. That's what I needed at that time. So MDNA is the medicine that you've been working with? Yeah. And it's synthetic? This one is because they create it through a lab. So I had two shamans, one who does it through there. And the other one who uses like an actual plan for heart opening.

All right. So MTNA is considered, it is like a recreational drug, isn't it? Ecstasy. Of course, but you're taking it for, you know, healing, not to go to the club downtown and go have a crazy night, which I have definitely done. It all depends on the intention. You know, when I learned in sound bath healing, a lot of the focus was on like, what is the intention behind the sound bath? So if I were to have this medication and have the intention of go to party, I'm sure, I don't know how the hell I would do that because when I'm on it, it's just a whole different ball game. But I guess again, the the intention, the energy behind it when I took it in ceremony was to be more aware of what was happening in my body.

All of those things are basically they're, you know, boosting your serotonin. Yes. And it also says that it strengthens mechanisms of attention in your memory and effectively reduces stress. So it's basically creating the space of what you would need to visit some of those inner negative patterns or memories that you've stored in your cellular memory record. Yeah. Yeah. To reach beyond, you know, into the deep parts of ourselves to understand certain aspects of us and you know it's interesting when we set certain intentions in in this case it's two intentions we set the space and the intention for what this what this drug and the ceremony

ultimately will will do and then we set the intention of what we want to learn while we're in the experience. Okay. So that's where I would think that ceremony is a big part of having this experience. Yes. So walk us through like what that looks like when you are going to journey into something like this. What is this or what did yours look like? So in this case, it was, you know, setting the intention. So we when we first walked in, you had to be cleansed, grounded and connected to Mother Earth, cleansed from outside energies. And the home was cleansed. So that you know, that can be like an inviting energy of only us connected to each other. When you're in ceremony, you're basically in a group with, for us, it was about six to eight people with facilitators. So when you're in ceremony, you're basically setting the intention

to be with other people who want to have the same experience or who want to have an experience to journey. And you have facilitators who are trained to be able to guide you on this particular journey. And when I say guide you, it's like for me, for example, when I went in it, like they are very much into, you need to take ownership and ask for help. Like if you're not feeling good or if you're feeling like all sorts of emotions or something's happening and you're not sure how to handle it, instead of trying to do it on your own or hoping somebody can feel you and come to you by themselves, you need to be the one to get up and say, I need help. And that's when you'll give them permission to be able to assist you on the journey.

They're very much about like energetic boundaries, which I love because then they respect other people and what they're going through in their process. And do they lead you through like a meditation or do you guys just kind of sit around? Basically we had our own bed. So we had beds lined up in like two rows. It was kind of like a circle. If you think about it, like when we sat together, so we would sit on the, on the mattress or whatever it was. And the facilitators would have us sitting up before we even take it. We get into a grounding space. He puts us through a meditative practice so that we can be safe in our bodies, be safe in the space that the intention to receive.

And then when they go around to give you the dose, you don't take it right away. You receive with your left, as they say. So then you hold it up to your heart. And then as a group, before we drink it, we again set our intention internally. So everybody has their hands to their heart. When he says you're, you know, you can drink it now, you can drink it now. And then at that time afterwards, since it takes about 30 minutes to hit the body, he just allows us to be in another meditative state. So we're all sitting up for that time. We are kind of like listening to the music that's behind.

It's very different. It's a very different frequency, but it's like all about consciousness and opening your heart and love somebody who's playing the sound bowls, and that's just cutting us into that space. Just allow the medicine to flow through us. And then after about 20 minutes, you know, some people like me, for example, I don't like to sit up too long. So I'm like, I'm just going to lay down, put my eye pillow, eye mask on. It's actually required to wear so that we don't get distractions from the outside. And so that we don't actually look at what other people are going through and stuff and just be in our own process. I learned that in my jump journeys, you know, and then I continued that tradition in my circles. When we journey, I just bought like a bunch of handkerchiefs and wash them.

That way you're able to move freely you're not worried about people looking at you or yeah that's pretty much the reason I mean overall the shamans I have to say like they were extremely helpful and they were very open and in tune to what you needed at that time. When I first started my first time, it was, and I'm warning you now, I might get emotional because, you know, the liberation from the understanding of it was really powerful. It was a very profound experience for me. So, you know, when I went into it, I already started like not being able to breathe. The asthma, the, you know, the wheezing, the breathlessness all started coming up and all I could hear was this voice. Sorry, I'm having a hard time breathing right now, actually.

Well, muscle memory. so all I could hear was internally this voice telling me this is what you need to work on because I was just saying like oh my god I can't breathe I kept getting up and I opened up my eye mask a couple of times and I was looking around and just like okay my head was spinning at that time so I was like I gotta go lay down again but couldn't breathe. And for the life of me, like I couldn't understand like what they wanted me to see. And I kept on like kind of, I guess I think I was just trying to, it was so much in my head. I was trying to get out of it. The music was driving me insane. I just kept hearing all these words about love and this.

And I'm like, oh God. So I was just in this process of trying to get it out. Like, what the hell does they want me to see? And then I started seeing myself in this tomb. And like, it was just closed. I'm just seeing myself in this tomb. And I can just feel like the suffocation from it. And when I finally got up and said, I need my asthma pump, they were very courteous and said, okay, well, let's see what the process is. We can give you your pump. You can hold it here, but do you want to use it? And something internally was like, nope, I don't. I just wanted to understand what is going on. So he threw me through the process

and he asked me all the right questions. And at first it was one of the other facilitators who started with me. She started like clearing out my lungs and clearing out things that she felt. And then she started asking me some questions and I gave her the answers that first came to mind. So that was good. Like for me and my process from what I'm just noticing is that I needed to talk it out. Other people were just laying down and experiencing and seeing things and either shaking or, you know, it wasn't shaking from coldness. It was like really the body just trembling things out. But for me, it was, I needed to process through speaking. And I think one of the things that they actually said was it was because the need was for me to be heard. And part of like, the healing process was while I'm speaking, and I'm also a speaker. So for me, I think it was a

twofold. I just need to speak in order for me to process it. And then on top of that, yeah, I guess it was the need to be heard because, you know, they heard what pain I was going through and what I was holding on to. And then to be able to help me release it, it was big. very profound because I finally understood that like when I was talking it out and realizing where all this was coming from, because they asked me the right questions, I finally understood like, wow, all this is not mine. All this energy, all the sadness, all this grief and anger that I've been feeling for years and trying to heal for years. It's not mine. And you know, the real work comes after like you're in this experience and you see things and you learn things, but then to be able to process it after and to integrate it. What I learned from it was that first of all, the breathing issues came from the overwhelm of energy. It taught me to be more in my body and to be present with what emotions

I was feeling at the time. So I noticed that a couple of times after ceremony, if I was in an argument or in a situation that made me feel overwhelmed, my body would just contract and I wouldn't be able to breathe well. And when I hear the wheezing, I right away would stop and get myself in a different space, put my hand on my heart and just breathe. And I would just process whatever was going on to allow it to be able to flow through and let it go. And that was one of the biggest things that this ceremony taught me. It allowed me to understand that the trouble breathing, the lack of being able to breathe was because of the overwhelming emotions. And that's why I was diagnosed with asthma at age two,

because I was taking on my mom's energy for such a long time, you know, in her womb when she lost her child and then her carrying that grief and being pregnant with me, that just goes straight to the child. I also, another thing came to mind after the second ceremony, and this was again, because if this is just speculation based on my spiritual teachings, if she wouldn't be able to handle living, it would give me a different lesson of what I'm learning in my life here. So the twofold thing, I get to come in, contract to take her energy so she can survive and still give me the lessons that I need to learn from her. And another lesson is to learn about boundaries and to be able to be into my body and to learn how to feel people's energy is such a powerful gift. I didn't realize how powerful this gift was until I started doing these ceremonies. And I didn't even know that I was doing that for all these years until I started doing these ceremonies.

And me being a spiritual teacher and a healer, you know, when I started doing the quantum enlightenment system on my clients, I started gaining a lot of weight because I was holding onto their energies and I didn't realize that. And only now, you know, as I'm realizing it, I'm working on spiritual boundaries where not only am I putting up my own shield so that I don't feel from other people, I'm also putting up these boundaries where I, and I'm making a new agreement with myself that I will not tap into somebody else's energy without their permission.

And so that's another huge one that took me a while to actually learn. But because of these ceremonies, it helped me bring that awareness to, I'm not just allowing other people, because this is the thing I was doing. After my first ceremony, I was putting up these shields and always, you know, making clear intention that I will not allow other people's energies to penetrate into my field. Right. But then there's the other part about how, when you bring awareness to what else is going on, what else is going on? What, what did I see from that? I saw that I was taking on other people's energies, even without me realizing, because I didn't bring the awareness that maybe they, there was no permission on their

end. Yeah. That's actually, I think for myself, Ellen, that's kind of like where my breakthrough was years ago. That was, that was it for me because I was such an unhealthy empath, just like what you're saying. I carried the weight of the world unknowingly. I had no boundaries for my energy. It was spread everywhere. And I was just an open vessel to receive anybody's pain, whatever. And I think that unprotected empaths, they often, you know, carry a weight of other people, like literal weight sometimes. But when I was able to fully understand that this is my energy and I can protect it and that's yours, that's your energy. You know, we have our own, we're responsible for our own and I'm not responsible for your energy. And I got to a

place where I was so good at protecting it, almost too good. So now I found throughout time, you know, a nice balance of being able to protect myself when I start to feel like I can't breathe, right? Those triggers, those feelings that our bodies like give us the warning signs. And you know what, to add to that, the one thing I think empaths are really missing, and this is what made me understand it. It was, it was through the process of consciously making that decision to not take on other people's energies, but then I would go to work and I'm sitting there and talking to people and they're all of a sudden feeling emotional. And I'm just literally feeling all of it. And I thought, what the hell am I doing wrong? it's actually abuse of power well you came into this life doing that you just said you you know you signed a contract with your mother so wow

right but there's also abuse of power when we are invading somebody else's privacy by not consciously putting in the intention to allow permission from somebody else to allow us to feel them. And I've always had the gift for and I didn't realize how powerful this was. I remember when I worked with a coach a few years ago, you know, I did this assignment where I would look up people on LinkedIn and I would see their profile picture. And I already like immediately I would look at them and say what they were unhappy about in their life, what was going on and what they wanted, like what they were searching for something more. And certainly different things just came up to mind. And I, I didn't realize that I was, that was actually a gift until now.

I know that sounds crazy. So if you're doing that in all areas of your life, some places that could be intrusive. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Like the other day, I caught myself reading somebody's mind. Yeah. And I was like, oh, shit, I'm doing it again. You know what I mean? And that day I actually came into work not doing that intention that I was doing the other day because I was rushing. So I completely forgot to sit with myself and put that intention for the day. And I caught myself doing it during the day. And it was just interesting that, you know, how you become so aware. And that's what I love about these ceremonies. It's like, I can't wait to go back because it's like big, beautiful breakthroughs that you receive when

you're in it. The whole idea about protecting ourselves is not just ourselves. It's also protecting other people's energies or having that boundary where we're not only allowing for or permitting other people's energies to penetrate in our own, it's also us asking for permission to penetrate into somebody else's. That's something that I teach in my Reiki courses, it was to not get Reiki without someone's permission. And that permission can also just be to ask their soul. That's really interesting because you know, somebody else did tell me about permission and I didn't understand it again. Because of ceremony. I had such a clear like, aha, any aha moments, actually. You remember when back when I was asking your husband's soul if I could send him energy. Yes, I do remember.

Yeah, you can definitely ask the soul. But I think what makes it more powerful based on the way they've done it in ceremony is that when you use your voice and you use the power of, you know, your own free will. Yeah. You're actually allowing the full connection between mind body spirit to say yes or no yeah that's that's definitely a rule in reiki however if you can't reach somebody and like say they're in a coma or in the hospital or say that they are emotionally blocked from all people in the world in a very dark place and stuff like that. You can just set your intentions to close your eyes. And do you know that I've actually been

told no before? And I was like, you know, of course everyone's going to accept it. No, I actually got such a resistance one time and I was like, okay. Yeah. That is interesting. It just was such a no, it was like a clear no. Because even if it wasn't like something clear, it probably would just like my ego would be like, yes, of course, you know, but this was like a clear no. And so that was surprising. But yeah, I think that when you can start like seeing you are you and I am me. We each are responsible for our own energy. They're separate.

I think a lot of times we don't really realize that when we do, it's so huge. And that's the confusing part. I think that for a lot of listeners, what they would hear is like, in one aspect, you're saying we're all connected. We're all connected. And we are, we are all connected in a different dimension. We should be more connected, but in this dimension, we came here to be in separate bodies. We came here to experience different experiences in separate bodies. That's why we decided to have physical density so that we're not going to be fully connected

on the same level that we were connected to all that is in a different dimension. If you work on yourself and heal yourself, that actually helps the collective. Yes, absolutely. You know, healing past lives helps, you know, in different dimensions and different ways and different timelines. And it helps with the, you know, future as well, because if you're healing the past, the DNA changes, and then it also helps the future as well, because if you're healing the past, the DNA changes, and that also helps the future in that same DNA category, right? And then if you are healing yourself, obviously, you are with that electromagnetic field that you emanate and come into other people's fields, you are healing other people.

It's not just healing other people, you're allowing them to awaken because when they're in your presence, they feel differently than when you would feel like when you're with someone who is in a low frequency, you feel that low frequency energy. And then there's no awakening there, right? It's just feeling down and dirty. Then when you're around someone who is having that light embodied more in their body or who has that higher frequency around them or within them, you also feel that and you want to be able to continue that. So you start to awaken internally. And then Ellen, do you feel that once you were aware of your energy and you were around someone that may have had a lower vibration, did you feel the need to protect your energy? Because I feel like a lot of times empaths

attract or it's not that we attract it because it's like energy, but it's like this lower vibrational field is searching for energy. So it's going to go to the ones that have the higher vibration. Interesting. I understand what you're saying. I can see it internally in my head. I can say that during ceremony, I had to hide. I literally had to go into separate rooms. I had to go outside. I could not be around everybody else because I did. I try to be around everybody else. As soon as I did, oh my God, I felt everybody. And I didn't know who I was feeling. I just knew I felt it.

And then obviously in the morning when we spoke, the person who was next to me told me she felt X, Y, and Z. And I was like, oh, I took your energy because I was feeling all of that. So I don't think like in ceremony, it's different, right? You sometimes like when you're so open, when you can still feel everybody else. And I don't think that they're going to be trying to take your energy.

And I don't think they're purposely trying to give you their energy. So everyone's open, right? So it's like, yeah. But when I went outside, one of the coaches told me that when your heart is open, the MDMA and you know, the drug itself's going through, you are still very much open and super vulnerable to everything. So you could feel like that's why they said you have to be careful where you go. Be careful of where, you know, where you decide to be. If you're going to go to the hospital, when you're through this, then, you know, be prepared that you're going to feel a lot of people's ailments or a lot of people's pain and suffering. Right. And so don't go home and watch the news. Yeah. It's just basically,

you have to be careful of where you're going, where you're allowing your energy to be, because you're going to be so vulnerable. But I feel that that kind of responsibility and awareness of what you have around you should be something that we always do. And I know that you're conscious to a lot of that too, you know, cause I know you don't watch, you're worse than me with the news. I just think good for anybody to do that. I absolutely believe the same. And I think that's the reason why, you know, going back to the part of being separate. In the body, we're separate. And I think one of the things that are really important for us humans is to learn how to be able to manage our own energies.

And what I love about Reiki, and this is actually what humans, every human should be learning. What Reiki teaches you is how to be able to transmute someone else's energy and not allow it to be held in your body. Like you can flow it, it'll be felt for a minute, but you transmute it. And that's, what's really important for all of us to be able to learn how to do that. When we have the experience here on earth, it's to, you know, feel what it's like to have an experience. And I think a lot of us, because we're, I mean, there's a lot more to it than that, but a lot of us through the experiences that we have, because there's a lot of emotions and we're not sure how to process it. And because it's a lot of energy, we just store it instead of being able to process it and let it go. And I think now when you start having the conscious awareness and intention on a daily basis,

you know, just connecting to your body, asking what it needs, putting your hand on your heart or in your belly, wherever you feel more connected. And then just asking, what do you need? What do you need right now? And just letting it go, feeling it, letting it go, and then setting the intention to what kind of day you want to have. You make the conscious choice of what you want to feel, how you want to be, how do you want to set the tone and the frequency for the day. And that automatically changes everything. I agree. But let me ask you this, Ellen, you did a lot of work prior, you knew with your own modality, with Reiki, you and I have done with many of the healing that you've done prior therapy, all the things you were at a good place for this, to receive this, to be open to it. Your stuff was

right there waiting to be processed. Do you feel that the work that you did prior to this was very important that otherwise maybe, you know, you would have had just another ayahuasca experience. I'll explain. That's a very good point. And I'll explain this. One of the people who comes to ceremony, very young, 21 or 22, she's doing it for her collective and, you know, progenies and whatever, but she's doing it for herself. And she's doing it in a process that is good for her, right? It's not accelerated. When I'm there, what they've told me, the facilitators have told me a couple of times is the work that I've done in the last two ceremonies is what a person would

have done in within four years. So to answer your question is because I've done a lot of the work prior to, and because I've already had it at that surface and it was just like beaming to come out, this just accelerated it to like 10 X to just come out and to be processed and to move on and to have all those breakthroughs. And that's, that's essentially what the work prior to did for me. If someone doesn't have that experience or hasn't done a lot of work or it's completely new to it, what they'll experience in the ceremony, they'll experience first being in their bodies. They'll experience, unless that's not their intention, they'll see different images. What happened to one person who is in her forties and who has never done any type of energy work,

she basically came there and all this stuff, memories started just coming up for her to see. And I remember when she was talking to me about it, she said, all I kept seeing was images, images, images, images. They were painful images, things that she didn't want to see, but she had to look at it. And all she kept seeing was images. And we understood that that was her body trying to release things from her cellular memory record, just to like get her used to being to see these things, and allowing it to process through. So everybody will have a different experience. But from her first time doing it, that's the experience that she's had from not doing any type of energy work from somebody else's experiences who has maybe done Reiki and some other things, but not as much of energy work that I came into

it with, she had also a different experience. And it just really depends on how much trauma and if you've actually processed it before or not. And what is it that you're really ready for? Like, what is your intention? Yeah. Ellen, do you feel like, cause I mean, you know, I've worked with you quite a bit and so I could see how something like this would be very helpful for you to get into that space. You don't like to meditate. I mean, you know, your intentions are there and you are, you know, willing to be in this space, but it's hard for you to, you know, get into that really deep space where you needed to be for all this to really heal is what I believe. Yeah. I'm not a fan of meditation just because I feel like I haven't been able to quiet my mind.

Yeah. That's what I mean. Yeah. And you know, like, I'm not expecting for me to just be quiet and not have anything pass through. And that's another thing that I'm processing to disallow. And so for me, instead of calling it meditation, what I've tried to implement on a daily basis was a connection with myself, with my body and allowing whatever came up to my mind to just be, and just let it flow through. Yeah. That actually happened recently with my breathing. I wasn't able to breathe. I don't know what happened. I just started wheezing out of the blue and my mind kept saying, we got to change this. We got to change this. We got to, we got to feel better. We got to do things right now to feel better. And a part of

me was, I just heard like this other part of me that was just like, just let it be. Thoughts are energy. So if you're trying to connect with something and you keep on having thoughts, I mean, that's blocking you. That's energy blocking you. It could be energy blocking, or it could be just thoughts that want to be heard. Oh, yeah, totally. I agree with that. Yeah, for sure. And I think that like once we accept that, it'll be easier when we do the connection

process because then we're just like, OK. And it's still something I'm working on it's it's still something I'm working on it's obviously still something I'm working on that witness that voice that said wait Ellen just let them be just let it be yeah that was another key part of my journey you know to listen to the thoughts to see what they were saying to be heard yeah know, what I noticed brought in that witness was when I started doing the light code activation. I'm not going to forget this because I remember when I started doing what before was a separate pieces than what I started putting together. It actually started bringing in more light into the cells, into myself. And the more light you can carry in yourself,

the more of it's basically a vaster part of your spirit residing in your body. It's more of your spirit, which is another aspect of you just becomes that much stronger and louder because then it's just really just there and it's guiding you. And when you're not doing these kind of meditations or, you know, inviting more of the light in, you know, when you're just doing that energy work, like that energy to have the imagination visualization of having that light entered into your physical body, if you're not even doing that, and you're just expecting change, it'll be really that much harder to hear your intuitive thoughts and to be connected to your spirit. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. Do you think sound could also, you know, if you sat there with like seeing bowls and just allowed that resonance, you know,

with the frequency and all of the cells in your body create light as well. Yes, I do believe that if you have the right frequency and also the right intention. I mean, you know, Dr. Jerry is constantly talking about, you know, here it is. You know, it's not even about the words. Sometimes it's about the energy behind the voice. I believe it. Yeah, I would have fights with my husband in the past where he would say one thing and I'm just reading his energy more than I'm listening to his words. And we would have fights and he's like, why are you fighting with me about this? And I said, because your energy is so off.

He's like, but why are you looking at my energy? And it's like, because that's what's speaking to me. I'm literally just reading your body language, which is emanating what your frequency is. And I'm telling you that what you're saying, even though you're using the quote unquote, right words is not actually what you want to say. And I know it, I can see it. So, you know, he's been kind of working on his frequency in that aspect, but it's so interesting because that's why they say, you know, you read body language and you can tell everything that a person is thinking or feeling. Yeah. It's all about the energy.

You could totally tell. And I think it's even, you know, going a step further. I've always thought it was so interesting how your body language is so showing to like where your chakras are in balance. You know, I mean, you in balance you know I mean you have you know stress you might put your worry you might put your hand on your forehead and be like oh my god or you know something bad happens and you put your hand on your heart you know or if you're not feeling very confident you might you know cover your stomach you know it, it's, it's just, Oh, wow. Amazing. We're so amazing. Yeah. That's so interesting. It is. Yeah, it totally is. Because while you're saying that,

all I'm thinking about is all the instances that I would just, you know, encounter everybody who's talking to me or, you know, even the interview process is who I'm interviewing and what they're doing. Yeah. And I can see it. It's so crazy. Like, you know, someone will get on my table and, you know, I noticed right away how they're laying. You know, a lot of times they have their hands on their stomach or lower, you know, or on their heart, you know, it's just so interesting and you can tell where they're protecting and so I'm like okay let's move your hands on the side you know and it's interesting yeah it's very telling I'm usually right you know I don't know why this is coming out but I guess it's just something that wants to be said do it I wish we could just I like honestly just wish that we could get to that point where

we could instantaneously just know that this is energy and not take it so personally and not hold it to the point where we're you know feeling from it, just being able to process it. Like we all say disconnect from the matrix, but I feel like there's more to it than just the matrix. And that's actually what I remember. I was telling you, I was working on something, something was coming through about all of that. And it was, it has to do with the crystal skulls and something in our heads and reptilian energy. It's just all this stuff that's coming through. And I feel like it's such an easy fix. If we could just be aware of that.

It's not even just awareness because all this stuff makes it sound like it's super hard. You know? Right. Yeah. But you know what I think it is? I think that plant medicine and these ceremonies are so successful for people is because you get out of the way exactly exactly we think we know better you know yes yeah mainly our minds you know our minds are just so activated and humans have been searching outside of themselves and trusting

the systems for so long we haven't had that self-trust I feel like there's all these programs that make that happen that are running yeah from all the systems from so many different freaking systems. There's so many programs. And so really it's creating the space, which you have been doing for a long time. And all of your things were very superficial, just ready for you to, you know, process and you allowed yourself to do it. So, you know, you said the first journey was the most potent, I believe. Right. It was profound. It kind of set the stage of what was what was happening.

And how many have you had since? And do you plan on doing anymore? Yeah, actually, I'm going on my third one in a couple of weeks. Are you? OK. And I feel like that one is going to be very different. I just don't know how I just feel that it's going to be very different. Not only he's doing a little bit of a different mixture this time, he's going to actually add psilocybin into it, but it's going to be a whole different

way. And he, and I spoke about it. He tried it first for himself to see how he would feel. And he said it was such an amazing journey that he had, you know, I don't know how it's going to be, but I can imagine to have the heart opener and then like the psilocybin, how it's going to be able to because the clients that I'm working with right now, very interesting enough, are actually mirroring the things that I have been processing since the first two ceremonies that I went to. And it's just beautiful to see, like when you start to see the clients that come through, what they're working on, whether it's something you worked on before and you're able to help them, or if you're mirroring them right now, and they're just on, whether it's something you worked on before and you're able to help them or if you're marrying them right now and they're just really assisting you in this cleanse. You're so right to, and the same with my podcast, same with my clients. I find the same. Yeah. And it's very interesting because I'm working with someone right now

who is dealing with grief and loss. And I just thought, wow, how fitting is this? This is happening right now when I've just been processing this for my mother, releasing that, and then also doing this a couple of weeks before the next journey. So I definitely feel like this is going to be, you know, an exciting breakthrough. There's this period of grief that you go through, you know, you're finally letting go. This letting go requires a grieving process that I think needs to be honored as well. Well, I appreciate you saying that to me because I actually had someone who recently told me that I'm in a cocoon and I'm like, she can see this whole big transformation happening within my field. And you saw it too, actually. I've been all up in your field before.

No, but I'm talking recently. Yeah. You've seen, you know, after the quantum enlightenment system, after this whole thing, like it's, you saw the reworking in my fields. And then she, a couple of weeks later, which was recently, um, she saw that there was this cocoon happening. And she said that there's this big transformation happening within your body and you just really need to allow yourself to grieve. Yes. And I think that it's layers of yourself that you're grieving, that you've held on to, which, you know, feels uncomfortable as they come off. That continues even to come for myself, you know, with every stage of evolving. You know, when you shed something, there is a little bit of a grieving process that you have to honor.

Yeah. Remember I told you that Andre was going through something. Yes. So that night that I texted you urgent, urgent, I came home and I see him laying down in the bedroom. His body was shaking. His hands were on his heart and he's like, Ellen, don't freak out. I was like, I'm not freaking out. I need to tell you something. And I said, okay, let me light candles for you first. So I lit candles for him. And he told me, you know, he's going through this process right now. Something is cleansing out of him. He cried a lot. He released a lot. And now his body's just been shaking like that for like 15 minutes and he's just allowing it. And he was like in this space of such vulnerability. He looked like the same person I saw him, I said, wow, he looks exactly like that night. And I could see like all this beauty that was coming through. And you told me about this

grieving process. So I'm just mentioning that he was going through that. And he's been resisting it for a while. I asked him what's going on. He said, I finally surrendered. I finally surrendered. I'm letting it go and then you know what was really interesting because a couple days before that happened remember I told you just a few minutes ago that I realized that I came here as a contract to take my mom's energy so she can survive yeah Yeah. He actually told me the same thing. Like I sat next to him. Like he asked me to be next to with him. I gave him a hug. And then I had such tremendous pain that day, my stomach. Yeah. So I laid down and he was holding me and then he was

just rubbing my stomach and all this like wisdom came through his mouth. And part of it was you made a contract with your mom so you can feel all this so that you can take it on so she can survive. Now it's just time to let it go. Just let it go. You don't need it anymore. And it was like, wow, he just, number one, confirmed what I got a few days ago. And number two, it's just like this beautiful grieving process that I saw him go through that I feel in a way I'm kind of resisting because there are bouts of like me wanting to cry that comes in random spouts and I allow it to whenever I can.

But like in the middle of the day when I'm at work and all of a sudden I want to cry, I can see myself going into a room and crying, but I'm afraid that people will see it. So I have to hide. So I know what you're talking about. The grieving process is really important. And I'm, I'm sharing this here because I think it's interesting that, you know, Andre went through that grieving process. One to remember, remember you know grief comes in waves too you know that's one thing that I've learned about grief you know just with my own experience with grief not just with my own for myself but you know from people I've lost it comes in waves you know the way our bodies are processing it so you never know when it's going to come you know

sometimes it comes with something that triggers. And if it's still there, then that means you haven't fully allowed yourself to to honor the grief yet. Yeah. And I think that part of the grief is also really allowing and permitting the mind to feel safe, that if it releases this, that it's not going to lose its identity. That was one of the biggest things that I've heard, you know, that it's just the mind is afraid to let go. So, you know, what is a good exercise that my coach, one of the shamans told me is to just picture us zipping down this human suit, or like, even if it's like a layer or something, zipping it down and just hanging it on the wall and saying that it's okay, because look underneath

all that suit, I'm still that spiritual being and I'm still here in his body. And so it was safe to finally just like hang it up and not worry about it. So that's just a good exercise that came to me just now. I actually haven't done that in a while. And I'm curious what's going to happen if I started doing that. But it just came to me now because I did a couple times with him and it felt really good. Wow. Well, Ellen, that sounds amazing. I'm happy for you. And thank you so much for sharing your story and for being vulnerable. It's always a pleasure to have you on. You can come and co-host with me whenever you want. Oh my God. I love it.

Thank you. And now it's time for break that shit down. Thank you for allowing my story to be shared on here. You know, I do hope that it helps your listeners to feel not shameful because, you know, one of the things that I did notice was a lot of people when they hear MDMA, it's ecstasy. Oh my God. You know, and they start judging themselves and worrying about how this might or may not help them or how they can feel shameful towards themselves for needing that guidance from a drug or an outside source to help them. But one message I want to say is that if you're called to do it, it is spirit guiding you to be able to allow this so that it can accelerate you into this transformational process. Right. And it's not like you're going down to the corner and buying Molly or ecstasy or whatever off of some drug dealer. You did it in a very ceremony

with us. Yes. With professionals who do this and it's a therapy. Yeah. But thank you so much for allowing this to be the space where I can share. And, you know, as always, I always invite anybody who have questions to contact me or if you want to forward those questions to me. tubes and I hope that you create more. You just have just a nice visual presence. You're beautiful, but you can really, for myself, I guess maybe because I'm just a visual person, I just can feel you so much when I see you. Oh yeah. I do wish that I can continue doing the YouTube channel, the videos, and I appreciate that feedback. I do plan on doing that soon. And I'm excited because I have a lot that's coming through for it. So where can people find you? They can email me at support at catalytichealing.com. They can also Instagram me at catalytichealing.

I think those are the two best ways. Facebook also catalytichealing. Awesome sauce. And Ellen is just one of my lifelong soul sisters that I've met through this journey. I love you dearly. And thank you so much for your friendship and for coming on. Love you lots. Thank you. Thanks for being with us today. We hope you will come back next week. If you like what you hear, don't forget to rate, like, and subscribe. Thank you.

We rise to lift you up. Thanks for listening.