Sense of Soul - Spring Clean Declutter and Heal Through Your Home

Episode Date: March 21, 2025

Happy Spring! If you are in need of a spring cleaning to let go and make space for something new, today's guest Stacy Scott can help! She is an internationally known trauma healer, decluttering expert, Feng Shui practitioner, and Occupational therapist, Stacy seamlessly blends her wisdom into a unique paradigm for healing trauma and solidifying success through the home. Stacy uses her trademark passion and down to earth approach, alongside modern neuropsychology, ancient Feng Shui and over a decade of experience, difficulty decluttering isn’t a “lack of organization” or even “willpower”- it’s a response to trauma. Learning the emotional regulation skills behind successful and effortless decluttering. Including inner child healing, generational trauma awareness, strengthening mind, body connection, nervous system healing and more. Skills that help you erase the survival techniques of trauma from your mind, body, and home. Allowing you a more successful peaceful, and self-loving version to take the lead. @SanctuarywithStacy  www.stacyscott.co www.senseofsoulpodcast.com

Hey Soulseekers, it's Shanna. Journey with me to discover how people around the world awaken to their true sense of soul. Now go grab your coffee and open your mind, heart and soul. It's time to awaken. Today on Sense of Soul, we have Stacey Scott. She's an internationally known trauma healer, decluttering expert, feng shui practitioner, and occupational therapist. Stacey seamlessly blends her wisdom into a unique paradigm for healing trauma and solidifying success, healing

through your home and making your home your sanctuary. Please welcome Stacey Scott. Hello. Hello, my darling. I need you in my life. Do you know? I love it. Literally last night, my daughters, they were watching Hoarders. Oh, I feel so many feels about Hoarders. I could talk for days. Can you? Because you know what? It triggers everybody here. Because we have a lot of areas that are cluttered for some reason. There's certain areas that we all and we each have our own problem area. Right.

And we all have ADHD. Let me just take a step back and just start off with the home is literally a tapestry for our subconscious mind. You know, I think the last time I was here, which was already a couple of years ago already, this wisdom had actually, it had, I had just downloaded it. Like I didn't know whether I was coming or going with it. Like I didn't even really get a chance to share it, but it was like percolating in my mind and on my heart. I've been there with stuff. Yes. Oh my gosh. I'm just so thankful to be here today to be able to share it and that I kept going because I'm just seeing it left and right with people in all the

conversations that I have and the healings that I do with my folks and in myself that the home really is this tapestry of our subconscious mind. And I don't want anybody to think that that means like that a messy home is their messy mind, because I find that those phrases that you typically see in the decluttering world to be very, very shamy, they don't help you, they're not empowering. And what's really causing a lot of the resistance to decluttering is your nervous system. There is something in your past, whether that was when you were a child or six months ago, where a prior version of you learned something that created the resistance to the physical act of decluttering. What you're actually feeling is basically just an emotion that's trapped in the body

that wants to come out. But using these like, shamy phrases or watching things like hoarders, if you're using it for motivation, is not going to get you there because we're really just paving your pathway to decluttering with shame and burden and blame and anxiety. So, you know, shows like hoarders are, which I hate, by the way, that we use people's trauma as entertainment, but Welcome to America, we do that left and right. Hoarders is not the only show that we do that with. But if you look at decluttering as a spectrum in terms of, you know, the entertainment industry as the lens, we have shows like Hoarders on one side that is very much like don't be these people like oh Don't you just feel so much better that you're not as bad as that?

And then if you draw a line to shows like the home at it where we're very much saying like oh You should be like these people everything needs to be color-coded which I love by the way Yeah, I know people do really feel like if they're not perfectly organized, you know, if there's even like one toy on the floor, speaking of kids, or shoes by the door, dishes in the sink, you are somehow failing because your home doesn't end up looking like these afters on the home edit. So you have folks in our country

where we've created this hierarchy that says if you're a hoarder, you are dirty, messy, trashy, disgusting. You clearly have massive mental health issues. But if you're at the top of the pinnacle and you have a home that is Instagram ready, it always looks perfect. You have all of these organizational systems. You are the cream of the, you know, the cream of the crop. You are someone who has it all together. Everybody should really emulate you. And I find it's actually the exact opposite when it comes to decluttering in a trauma-informed way, a loving way, an empowering way, that we really need to look at it more as a spectrum,

that if you have some resistance to decluttering, we just have to kind of move your body closer to wherever is neutral for you. And some people can actually over-declutter. That is a thing when we have such a need for control in our bodies that then we are projecting that out onto our spaces, which that was actually me. I grew up in a very, very cluttered household, lots of abuse as well.

We find that sometimes that goes hands in hand. And so I was developed this coping strategy as a child of like, well, I'm never going to be like that. So I used minimalism to actually help me feel a sense of security and control in my body because I had none. And I projected all that out onto my space. But what society said was, oh, well, you're doing fabulous. Like everybody would just fawn over me and how fabulous my room looked because it was

always neat as a pen. But what they weren't seeing was that I couldn't go to sleep unless every single thing in my room was perfect. I'm talking every book, pillow, knickknack, the bed, I had to open up the bed like the perfect way and shimmy in and then close the covers and just be like so small in the bed so I didn't mess up the bed. Like it was really kind of intense and very OCD like. But of course I couldn't see this because society just kept saying I was perfect. So I really want folks to look at decluttering

from a more empowered way that forgetting about this bullshit hierarchy, excuse my language, but more of this spectrum where if you are just somewhere that you don't want to be, let's just figure out how to relax your nervous system to the point where you don't over declutter and you don't under declutter. So I'm sure you have questions and I will slow down. No. It's like a talk for days.

No, that was beautiful. And you're right. I was thinking about many people that I know, you know, who are on that other side. And it's in the middle. It's the balance that we're all trying to achieve. No matter where you are in your life and no matter what we're talking about, it seems to always go back to this balance. I think for me, anyways, it begins somewhere else, which is usually with all things. Right. And I think that mine's like stacked because I also had a lot of experience in the field of medicine. for me anyways, it begins somewhere else, which is usually with all things, right?

And I think that mine's like stacked because I also have this thing. I like avoidance. I don't like avoidance, but this is something that I do. For coping strategies. So one of the things that if I'm stressed, right, I will shop online. Yeah. So, and then I end up buying things I don't need or just an updated version. So now you have two and you have to get rid of one. So and I do call the junk people over all the time.

You know, I mean, probably once a season, like, let's just get everything that we're no longer using out of here. But I might use this one day. So this is still usable. That also I'm a Taurus. I mean, I'm just going to admit it. I hold on to things. I'm a Taurus moon. I love things.

I love luxury. I love high quality things. I'm with you there. Yeah. And I'm also very, so I'm very sentimental. I go along with all the tours. I really am like that. And then I look back at the patterns of my family

and that's, you said you went opposite and I feel like that's kind of how it is, right? You have an alcoholic parent, you either choose to be an alcoholic or somehow you're like, I will never drink again in my life, you know, or whatever the case is. I feel like both of my parents had this. Yeah.

So you bring up a couple of good points. So everybody's coping mechanisms that develop are going to develop a little bit differently. Sometimes we end up creating the same conditions of chaos that we are used to. I hear it often from folks that they keep their clutter because it makes them feel safe, because they grew up in a very abusive or energetically chaotic household and possessions, just gave them a feeling of security, that security blanket.

Or you have folks like me who went the complete opposite direction. So that's why I like to teach this according to a spectrum because nobody knows where you need to end up except for you. And we all have all developed a lot of coping mechanisms around the clutter. And you bring in a really good point about money. Money plays such a huge role in not only how we feel about decluttering, because I think

the thing I hear most often from people is, well, I spent money on this, or this is still usable or what if I need it one day? And I am not someone who ever advocates for getting rid of it all. I am not a minimalist. I am not a maximalist. I don't believe in those labels or those boxes. I believe in you. I believe in you understanding what your nervous system needs from your home to heal you, to thrive. Because again, your home is the subconscious tapestry. It's going to change and shift depending on where you are in life.

So like for me right now, I just had a baby about seven months ago. So my home is naturally going to have more possessions in it right now. But I think people think I'm lying when I say that my home doesn't trigger me when there's dishes and bottles all over the place where there's toys all over the floor. It doesn't trigger me because I know within myself when I reach a point where my home starts to tip into too much clutter or it needs a clean.

I know what that feels like in my body. I know what that feels like in my nervous system. I know what patterns I end up then moving into my husband's as well. I know his patterns and I'm like, you're doing it. I guess we need to clean the house. And so it doesn't bother me. And this is what I hope for every single person that they come to accept where they are in life,

whether or not that's possible to keep the perfect home that they might have in their mind. And just understanding that home is this flexible fabric. It's not this you said it once and it's dead kind of thing. We tend to think of our homes as this very dead static thing. We never want something to break. We never want to have to deal with it again, right? But home, think of it a little bit like a toddler. It's got a mind of its own, but it's also got a whole lot of you in it. So you're dealing

with this kind of extra sensory organ that is outside of your body, but that very much is a container for your energy and your subconscious mind and your belief system. So anything we feel, just to go back to money really quickly about and possessions. So anything we feel about money is also going to come out in our home, in our possessions, our relationship to our possessions. Notice how I'm not using the word clutter

because the actual definition of clutter is an untidy heap or trash. So subconsciously we're calling our possessions trash. But if we have relationship to our possessions, we are calling ourselves trash. So let that sink in. Yeah, it's all about perspective. The more we come to terms that we have a relationship to all of these possessions and that

what is then kind of over the blanket or the perception, the perspective overlaying that relationship to our possessions is how we feel about money and whether or not we can't let go of something because we're living in a lot of lack because if we let it go, we're not sure we'd be able to buy it again, which of course is a very real concern in this economy. I'm not shaming anybody for that. But also then you have this what you were saying before about, well, I declutter really regularly, but then I I can't sit in the open space. I have to then refill it with something. I'm feeling lack in a different way. And so it's our job to get to the roots of all of, of all of that. And a lot of times the origin story or the original

experience had nothing to do with possessions and everything to do about the emotional nurturing we received in our childhood. I often time have referred to the five love languages. It was one of the first books I've read, gosh, ever. And then I read the one about the children, which was really neat too. I realized that, you know, that they say, you can ask yourself, how does your mom love you? And this is how you can find out, you know out what you are. And it's interesting, because I asked all my children, that was hilarious, I asked my partner. I asked my partner, he said, oh, well, my mom always gives me a big hug

every time we see her. I wanted to test it out on my daughter when she was in high school back then. And I said, when she walked in the door, I gave her a big hug and she goes, why did you do that? I said, um, because I love you. And she's like, don't do that again. I was like, well, how do you know I love you?

She said, I like when we go on journeys and we have fun together. So hers is time, you know, and I thought, um, how does my mom love me? And it's gifts, gifts. It is material things. I thought, how does my mom love me? And it's gifts, gifts. It is material things. Anytime she was mad or whatever, or I was mad, she'd show up with a purse or a new outfit or whatever it is. And we'd be like, oh, thank you.

I'm all in it. I know you love me kind of thing. So things became worth more than the tag, right? Yeah. So it sounds like, I mean, you just pinpointed the origin story of it. I mean, and not that your mom was doing anything wrong in that situation.

We certainly don't blame, we just learn from our experiences and we move on and we heal from them. And she gave me this beautiful thing. Oh, that's so pretty though. Oh, that's so pretty. Look at the crystal on that. Right, she bought it in New Orleans.

Oh, love New Orleans stuff. All of the many bracelets that I have, this is one that I've managed to keep. I've had it like maybe over a decade. You're right. So pretty. Yeah. And so like we can also, the beautiful thing about coping mechanisms is as soon

as we become aware of them and we feel a little down about it, that means that the coping mechanism is no longer working for you and you were in the perfect position to build something new. So yeah, as soon as you see it, you have awareness. We can't fix or heal things we don't see, that we aren't ready to see. So as soon as you see it, you can change it. So if that was ever something you wanted to shift, you can, but if it's still working for you, it still feels good in your system, then we keep rocking on with it, even if it's a coping mechanism,

it doesn't have to be a negative one. So that's why I'm so not here for the shaming of people with their possessions. I'm so not here for telling people how many possessions they're allowed to have or to just get rid of it, or why aren't you minimalist enough? Do you know how much simpler your life would be? Because you know what? The road to simplicity

and joy is not, you can't build on a foundation of shame. So the road to simplicity and joy is not really real unless you're building on self-love and impairment. And that brings me back to, you know, the show Hoarders. If you are sitting there, and this is not to shame you, but truly open up your eyes. If you were sitting there and thinking, well, thank God I'm not that way. Those people need a lot of help. And even if you're saying it internally in a very loving way, your inner foundation is still not built on self-love. It's built on, well, thank God I'm not that person. It's built on judgment around you and your home and what your home looks like. Especially as women from the 1940s, 1950s on, women were judged based on

what their children were doing, what their homes looked like. And some of that is still hanging around. Right? Yes. Yes. How family lore, I call it, like how your parents, parents, parents were parented and all the way down, we've got all that generational trauma rolling on downhill and women still feel like they have to make amends for how their homes look like. How many times do you walk over to a friend's house and they say,

oh, ignore the mess. Or they might like pin it on their kid. And like in a loving way, but like, oh my God, he was just playing with all those toys. That's where the floor is a mess. But like, yeah, we're sort of pinning it on them when it's like, just come on in. This is our life. If it's not works for you, then I love you. But there's the door. But we're still not ready to have that conversation and get to that point yet. So you have all these different societal, cultural, familial, trauma based things that are falling into this possession soup,

you know, that is making this, that's creating this resistance in our bodies to either stop over decluttering or to stop under decluttering. Right. You know, I used to really truly believe and I even recommended to other women, shamefully, this is the shame, that your husband will be happier if he comes home to a clean house. Yeah. But we also know men don't like pay attention to it at all in a lot of ways. No. You know, yeah, probably not to the things that you spent hours doing. Yeah.

But, you know, I remember your home all day with the kids, you know, what are you doing in Bob Marz? You know what I mean? And then we know what we're doing. We're busy. Yeah. And the fact that I had to clean it to make sure it made, you know, that it made you feel comfortable, right? And then worry about what's coming for dinner. I mean, women have a lot in their plate and have never ever gotten any recognition for

it as being a job, which I think being a mother is the most important job. It's a 24 hour 7 job. You do not get a break. No, you're the CEO of your house. Basically, you're not given recognition. You're not getting paid for it. And half the time you're feeling guilt and shame around everything you're doing. Yeah, or not doing because God forbid you stay on the couch for five minutes

while your kid is napping and you decide to shut your eyes, but God forbid there's dishes in the sink or there's laundry to be done and folded. Like, yeah, it's an astounding amount of shame. And you made another point that I think people don't talk enough about is that we look for our children to make up for that. Yeah. We don't. I may be a mess, but my child's looking clean, and they're going to represent how I look. Exactly.

I've been there. I've done this. I still do it sometimes. I mean, we oftentimes will say, OK, declutter your rooms. Let's let some of these things go that we know that no longer serve us. I'm gonna start changing my words. So I think that's important.

We need to talk about that. Yeah. But then it goes out to the hall. And then we have a hall issue. Yeah. Yeah. And then when friends come over, I'm like, oh, excuse that stuff in the hallway.

But that's what I said to them six months ago when we did this. But I mean, it's different stuff. We're just, like you said, yeah. Yeah. But the rooms are getting, you know, less cluttered, but there is some sort of hamster wheel. Yeah. Yeah. I know it can, it can make your brain explode. And that's why I feel like it's taken me so many years to finally put voice to this because there's so many different influences at work. I just had the biggest aha moment though. Tell me please let's unpack. So I have one child who's on the spectrum who does not have attachments. He's the only person who doesn't have a problem with that. He doesn't have a problem with that. And you know what's interesting is his problem is trash and

not being as clean, which my girls don't have issue with. None of us have that. which my girls don't have issue with none of us have that ours is more clutter but his is he doesn't have that he doesn't have mess outside of his room of stuff doesn't need everything all the time yeah whoa yeah that's interesting and because he's wired differently system system wise. Yeah. Mine isn't mind fucking him. Like it is us. Exactly. Yeah.

And he's just living, you know, and I'm gonna use this very positively but in different worlds from, you know, the shame and the societal messages that, you know, we're picking up on at our level of nervous system, wherever that is. you know, the shame and the messages that, you know, up on at our level of nervous system, wherever that. He could care less girl. He could care less. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Oh, that's really weird to think about. A lot of people have stuff with attachment. Yeah. Well, you know what? Because decluttering, the physical act of decluttering is really purging fear. We are purging the fear that we are somehow not enough.

We are not lovable. We are unwanted. And I think for so many of us, this came from a childhood where we really just didn't get the love that we needed. Even if we had great parents, even if they really tried their best, we maybe something was missing. We just did not get parented in the way that we needed. So a lot of us have trouble letting go of physical possessions because we can't let go ourselves. We hold on to the memories where, you know, something embarrassing

happened in sixth grade or where we farted in class or where we, you know, something embarrassing happened in sixth grade or where we farted in class or where we, you know, we said something silly or we got broken up with or you know what I mean? Like we hold on to these things. So the physical act of decluttering in my world and which is why I do this because I don't give a flying rat's ass what your home ends up looking like, you know, the we do this because you need to break your earthly bonds.

This world is changing. Our systems are crumbling in the best way. We have to learn how to rebuild, but we cannot rebuild holding on to all this grief, shame, blame, fear. So the way I teach decluttering is very much inside out, we're going to release all that in your body with somatics and somatic practices, so that the physical act of decluttering the actual picking up the box and taking it out to the car, or wherever it's going, becomes more effortless

because you have already released the stuck and pent up emotional energy that's creating the resistance in the body and then the subconscious mind in the first place. Okay, this is such an individual thing. This is very different. Oh, that's, that's, that's one thing I think I really needed to get from this today is that how I do it and why I do it is completely different than everybody else. I mean there might be some patterns that are the same because nature versus nurture and you know they got both for me. However like my youngest daughter, she's a minimalist.

And that's fine she gets the half of that. Yeah. Third thing though And that's fine. She gets the half of that. The third thing though, is that about every six months she wants to change her entire scenery. And it's down to the T. Like everything will have to be white if there's one thing that's not, it's got to go. But I just put you that. Like six months ago, it's got to go. I need that in white. Like six months ago, it's got to go. I need that in white. You know what I mean? So there's, but that's just as bad. These things are just as not bad.

I need to change my work. It's the other side of the spectrum. So in my world, nothing is negative. It's just maybe what we're moving through in the moment. So for example, I think we're millennials, millennial gray, millennial white, because you said white and it brought this up in my moment. So for example, you know, I think we're millennials, millennial gray, millennial white, because you said white, and it brought this up in my mind. You know, that was a movement. You just had to be there. Every we were going ape shit over like gray

and whites. But it was also this girl boss era, right? It was all this, you know, drink your coffee, get out there, do your thing, build the business, struggle, do it. And it's so funny to me when I look back at home trends, because home trends very much match the collective hive mind of what's happening at the time. Collectively. Collectively. In feng shui, white and gray is metal energy.

And metal energy is very much creative. And you know, it's all about the throat chakra. It's speaking your piece, which is very girl bossy. But that's when it's in balance. When it's out of balance, it can be, when we have too much of it, it can feel a lot like anxiety. The mind monkeys just wanna go a little bit too much. And I'm not saying that's what your daughter's

dealing with at the moment. But I know when I first started doing Feng Shui consults, when I started in 2020, I was going into all these millennials homes and they were like, you know, there were all these flipped homes, everything, literally the whole home was gray and white. And they're like, we love this home. We just bought it.

Why do we hate it? Why have we been here three months and we are so snippy with each other? I cannot sleep. What is happening? I'm ready to quit my job. And I'm like, you have too much mental energy. So we can go off in this direction of too much of a good thing. And now that we're moving into this more colorful maximalism era, which is this very kind of more Aquarius,

do your own thing, come as you are. I just wanna remind people not to go too far with it because a trend in the home is always going to be reflective of where this conscious collective is at that moment. But that might not necessarily mean, is it good for you? Good for you. But we're all gonna move and shake constantly. That's why I say this home is not this dead thing. So if your daughter's feeling this need to purge

and try a different color and try a different hat on for size, you know, maybe in another six months, she decides to do something different and that's okay. She's a kid, she's allowed to throw shit at the wall and see what sticks. And now you can be, you know, you can be, is it versatile that I want to say where you can, you know, get a new duvet or a new cover, or you don't have to change your pillows.

You don't have to change. Yes. Keep the main frame artwork. Yes. Right. She did go from having a lot of the cottage core. She went from cottage core. Cottage core? You're right. Cottage core was fun.

That was a fun era. That was so fun. It didn't last long enough, I feel like. It didn't last long enough. It didn't last long enough. No. It lasted about six months. And I think kids now with so much internet, they're seeing just so many of these micro

trends which are just not making it. And if you're creative, it needs you. And she has that art creative, you know, inward. Yeah, her room is gonna be her little tapestry and she gets to try on all these different personas. Cause again, the room is the tapestry, the whole home is the tapestry to the subconscious mind, but your room is even more as a kid.

Your middle school, it is your place. Yeah, it's how you're showing yourself. So I think when it comes to kids, you just let them rock and roll. They want to splash black paint on the wall. Let them do it. It's how they're expressing themselves. And I love it.

I love that you're giving that advice because, you know, some people might think that, you know, wow, you're redoing her room again. But, you know, she doesn't ask for much and that is her sanctuary. You know, she's not asking me to spend thousands of dollars on sports a year. You know, she wants a little space to do her art and play her violin, you know, and everyone is different. So I think that it's really important that we don't judge people because they don't do it the way you do it.

Exactly, that's what this whole conversation is about. I never create or help somebody create a home. Like my home business is literally called Sanctuary. I never help somebody create something based on rules that I think are right. I want to get to the deeper nuggets of what they need to heal, thrive and manifest. You can do all of that for your home,

but I need to get to the root with you first. So I understand what best to recommend rather than telling you, you should only have 15 books and you need to fold your sweaters in this way. And, you know, you know, all of that is fine. But I don't believe in hard and fast rules at all. And going back to the kid thing, too, people thought I was a little wackadoo when I said I wasn't making my son a nursery. So he has a room, but I was not going to spend a lot of money on creating a nursery that I wanted, choosing colors that I wanted. It's his room. So we're leaving it as is until he is old enough to tell me what he wants.

100%. I did that. I actually have talked about this before. When my daughter Lindsay, who's now 25, when she was coming into the world, I imagined her this little soft ballerina, you know, and I made her room Victorian. I had pink with back then it was the wallpaper, like a little board of wallpaper with a little chair rail. And I did like this, what's it called? Tool from the top of her bed. You know, I mean, it was in a princess room.

By the time she was three, I had to completely change it. It was like a bright purple with bright colors. She was nothing like that. You know what I mean? Her personality was not a little ballerina. And I even put her in ballet. And you should see how uncomfortable she looks in those pictures.

Oh, that's funny. She was more of a jazz dancer. It wasn't this delicate thing that I had, you know, dreamt of having or thought of having. And of course I love who she is. You're right. And so it's very interesting how you're right. Before they're even born, we're planning out, you know, what sports they're going to play.

What? Yeah. What kind of energy they're going to have when I think kids and this is really what I got from my own childhood was I just wanted to be seen for me. I wanted somebody to help me understand who I am without using me. I also have a narcissistic mother so without using me as a human shield to make her look feeling good about herself. And so I am so careful to not do that to my son. And then the best way I knew how is to not plan his life for him based on color, artwork, and design, because I know how important Feng Shui is to the subconscious

mind. Because as soon as you're putting that out into your home, it's reinforcing subconsciously what you believe. And so when your little boy or little girl doesn't come out the way you envisioned them, are you gonna be upset? I think a lot of parents might, because we create this vision in our mind. So I tell parents, if you can, your money, just put it, you know, do the bare essentials.

Yes. Here's the other thing that gets me about the how we create rooms for children is we put adult furniture in their rooms. Now this hits my heart as a occupational therapist, but we put adult furniture. We buy adult dressers and you know, for a tiny kid who can't get into an adult dresser instead of creating a room with child likes child furniture that creates more of an independence for them. And then we get upset that, you know, so and so can't get their shoes and socks on or can't get themselves dressed in the morning. Well, we haven't set them up for success. So that's neither here nor there. This is very interesting.

So it starts somewhere. So each of us need to figure out, we need to pinpoint. So how do you lead someone or how do you lead your clients to doing that? You mentioned somatics and then from there, can you give me an idea of like where to start? Cause that's kind of what me and Lindsay always say to each other. I don't even know where to start mom. I don't, I'm just not gonna do it.

Yeah, that feeling of overwhelm is real, especially in the home. So, so the somatics that I use with my one-to-one decluttering clients and everything that's, it is built into everything that I offer, all workshops, everything is inner child healing. I have found that to be not just the methodology, but also the answer to releasing some of these really deep seated traumas that maybe when you look at it rationally have nothing to do with possessions or clutter, but there's some sort of link in the body.

So inner child healing says that there's some prior version of you that any resistance you feel to decluttering or even over decluttering, not resistance, but it would be if you are over decluttering. Yeah. There is a prior version of you who learned something, whether that was through a traumatic experience or somebody casually saying something to you as a child

or even six months ago, any sort of experience that is still emotionally stuck in the body is what is creating the dysregulation in the nervous system that is then creating the physical resistance that you feel to decluttering or the physical over-de decluttering that you're seeing. So when I use inner child healing, you know, it's very gentle. We guide people in and usually within seconds, some sort of prior version of them steps forward.

And they're asking you as another adult, you now in the present to give them something that they didn't get in that moment. And it's usually unconditional love, but it can be unconditional love. It can be seen, feeling, seen and heard. Sometimes our inner children are very, very angry and they just want space to rage and scream. I do that a lot with people. And once that prior version of you has released it, the energy and has said what they needed to say. And again, you're doing this all internally, I'm guiding you through it. It's like people just, they look 10 years younger,

they just, something has been lifted off of them. And that's when it gets really good because then I start to get the messages from people. They're like, I don't know what came over me. I just decluttered my entire closet in two hours. I just put a 32 pound bag in the car. I just did. This was my client who I'm currently working with. She told me this two days ago. I just decluttered my entire garage. I have not been able to fit a car in there in seven years. to fit a car in there in seven years. She did it in a day and that was after four sessions,

if I do say so myself. So this stuff is really powerful. Whether or not you believe that you had a traumatic childhood or not, it could be just a little grain of sand that your body is not too energetically. I noticed this? I noticed this a while back. You know, unfortunately, I remember when you're in trouble, go to your room. Your room no longer is a space for you to feel safe. It's a punishment area. Or I'm going to take your door off. Oh, actually, my dad did that one time. That takes away your autonomy, your privacy, your sense of safety. I was 15, I was 16. He took my door off and lined up all of the Boone's Farm bottles that I drank with my friends on the top of my headboard. That's pretty funny though. He took whatever out of my car because I couldn't drive it and yeah, I was in trouble. So but the other thing is is can I do this clean your room or whatever you had to clean your room. Okay I cleaned it, shove everything in here real quick, I gotta go. Shove, shove, shove, hide and I also have done that most of my life. Say I have a bunch

clients coming over, I can clean in two seconds. Open the closet. Oh, I'm pushing the closet. Because you have pressure. So when, when parents use the, you can't go out until you clean your room. You can't have dessert until you clean your room, some sort of cause and effect. Again, where you say then the home is not the place. I mean, the, the room is not the place of sanctuary and safety to a kid.

When you do that, you can't do something until you do X, Y, Z. What were you saying is, like you said, your room now becomes punishment, chores become punishment, cleaning your room is now punishment. And then you cannot, as an adult, clean your room without some sort of external pressure or anxiety to get your nervous system out and to get your nervous system to do it.

But what's happening is that's still a coping mechanism. You're not cleaning out of the sense of, I want to do something great for myself and my home today. It's, oh my God, somebody's coming over. I'm going to get in trouble. Or when you're a kid, oh my god, mom's coming home, I hear the garage door, I gotta go do the dishes really fast. So it's internally you're feeling anxiety and pressure and the sense of, yeah, you're going to get in trouble, like whatever that looked like in your house, whether that was an emotional tongue lashing, a physical, whether that was, you know, the silence, the walking on eggshells and silence.

So that's what I'm talking about, about coping mechanisms that will follow us from childhood into our adulthood. Can you recommend or give myself or our listeners or watchers now a exercise or a suggestion that we can do to help us get closer to this. Yes, yes, yes. So this is where I tell everybody to start because we can't heal what we can't see. So we don't want you taking anything I said today and using it to shame yourself that is I know I speak very very Deeply and that can hurt it took me many years to get comfortable with the truth bombs that I drop So I don't want you to take this To a negative place. So here's what I would like you to do

Anytime you catch yourself doing these things, I want you to notice what your body is feeling and what your mind is saying. This is that brain-body connection that we have to heal. I would even take it a step further and say we're healing the brain-body home connection. So you can't understand how to stop the coping mechanisms if you are still very much asleep at the wheel as they're happening.

So understanding that your body is feeling something as you are, you know, hurriedly feeling like you're going to get in trouble to do the dishes or your husband's coming home or your partner, whatever it is. Stop and notice if you can what your body is feeling. You are feeling something somewhere. It might be a tightness in your throat, your jaw, your stomach might be getting upset. Your kidneys might be hurting. That's where we feel fear in our bodies.

So just stop and notice, but then also see if your mind is saying anything to you. So often our minds are saying that kind of nasty things to us. But remember that is a prior version of you, an inner child, if you will, that is reaching up for your love and attention. But they have adopted a voice that is not yours. They've adopted your mom, your dad, your parent, the voice of society. So if you have a very icky voice that's saying kind of mean things to you, I need you to know two things are true at the same time. That one, that voice is not yours.

But two, that is a prior version of you who is asking you to slow down, to stop, and to sit with them and say, okay, I'm here for you now. I love you. I'm the adult in the room. I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to give you everything that you didn't get in that moment.

So hopefully that's clear. I can tend to ramble, but just stop if you can. That is how we heal that. I cannot possibly tell you, you will, you're supposed to get to the root of it. But don't worry about that. Don't worry about the whys just yet. Worry about what you're feeling in the present moment.

That will open up untold doors for you to heal all of this. So yes. Okay, so here's one for you. Yeah, lay it on me. I needed a new couch because the couch was falling apart and also I had a white dog and the couch was dark So this was not working out for me when she started shedding and I was like losing my mind about it Okay, so couch went out and actually it was it was a couch that was given to me My mom was moving, you know

It was like less expensive for her to give me the couch or get rid of the couch than for her to travel with it across four states. So I ended up with the couch. The couch was great for a while and I got rid of it. So I got a new couch and then I went, I just was like, I envisioned a whole new living room, which I did, I did.

Of course it was expensive, but it was fun and I was super happy and I was super proud. Yeah. I'll even share it with you. It feels good to change our homes around. It really does. It's completely decluttered and looking amazing. Everything else in my house kind of stayed where it's at,

but this room is exactly where I want it. in my house, kind of stayed where it's at, but this room is exactly where I want it. It's funny, anytime we get something new, we tend to treat it very preciously, right? Especially if it was more on the expensive side, like a new couch, you know, you're not dropping that kind of money every single day on a new couch. And I got a dog couch too.

My dog is jealous. Yeah, I had to, because I was sick of the dogs, you know, ruining couches. So not ruining couches, but our dogs are also our babies. And so we allow them on the couches. Same with my dog. My dog's in bed with me. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, takes over my bed. But we get these new things. And because we live in a very capitalistic society, there is no way any of us are able to step outside of capitalistic bounds. We get new things and we treat them very preciously. And then we never we have trouble parting with them because we spent money on them. Maybe we spent a great deal of money on them because we still don't believe that money can come to us

easily without a ton of efforts. So that really makes our bodies wanna hold on even more, especially if we had experiences as a kid where maybe we didn't get something we wanted, or we were told we couldn't get the toy that we wanted unless we brought home good grades. That happens to a lot of kids. So it's a very interesting thing. So anytime we get something new, we were very much like that. We don't want it to be used because we need to save it. We need to savor it. Oh my God. I know. I'm like, don't sit on the couch.

Right? No, we got to save it. That's why my grandparents had plastic on their couch. It was that silent generation to a T. You know, don't touch the couch. We're gonna make this couch the couch of hell and torture with this plastic cover because God forbid this couch gets used and gets loved. I've had, I've definitely had friends who had houses like that where you weren't even allowed to walk in certain rooms.

It's like, what's the point of having a living room if you can't live in it, right? Yes. And actually Feng Shui says any room that you have that doesn't get used is actually dead energy. It's draining on get used is actually dead energy. It's draining on your chi or your energy if you have whole rooms that don't get touched. So that's why when I have two people, like a couple with like, let's say they're boomers

and their kids are out of the house and they're in this huge home and they're like, I just don't know why this home doesn't feel good anymore. I'm like, cause you have huge dead pockets. Right. I really like how it turned out. It gives, it makes me feel calm. Yes. Beautiful. But then if I turn to the other room that's not finished, I'm like, yes. And so you're saying, you know, pay attention to how you feel. Panic sets in. And I, and I do know that I'm feeling in my body, but I need to listen. I need to listen what's going on in my head.

Because I would argue that the panic that you're feeling about the room right next door not looking as beautiful as this one is a learned behavior. And that so often we carry in our minds and our bodies these kind of negative things about our spaces. Oh, well, this room's a mess or why can't I ever keep this clean or just, you know, just that judgmenty feeling, whatever it is. But if we think about manifesting principles, all of that is playing in your mind just on repeats. So what I

usually tell people when you have a space, a junky closet, a drawer you can't seem to declutter, a whole room that just kind of makes you feel weird, is to actually send it some love. And I know that's hard because what you're doing is you're sending yourself love by saying, okay, room, doing is you're sending yourself love by saying, okay, room, right? You are not quite where I want you, but I'm not going to hate on you. You have been loved. You have furniture that has been with me for many, many years. Maybe I'm making things up now for you, but I mean, look at how much life has been lived in this room.

I played with my kids on that floor. You know, I kissed my husband there or my partner, my spouse. So I want you to remember the life that has been lived in these rooms and let that fill you with happiness and peace and gratitude and knowing that you still can change it, but that will soften that panic that you feel in your body of, oh my God, this room is not as good as this room. Right.

So when I was getting the couches or when I got this white couch, I wasn't sure I was going to put anything there. I was going to put a table. My kids looked at me and said, Mom, Aila's favorite thing to do is look out the window. So I was like, you're right. I have to get a dog couch. So I got one that was, you know, easy to clean. The material doesn't hold fur, right? It's not white. And yeah, I just thought that it would be a good dog couch. And it was, wasn't, you know, it wasn't very expensive, but it was nice, you know, to fit for dog. And she likes it. It was you. I love this so much because it's you paying attention to the actual needs of your home and your family and the energy of your space. Like if that is where your dog loves

to be, why take that away from your dog? Especially because dogs bring so much loving energy to us. So you know I think what you did there is it's not a common thing. You know, I think people have it in their minds what they expect home to look like. And if, you know, they expect it to look like something that leapt off of a magazine or off of Instagram. And I think we forget really what our homes need from us. And they're going to give, if we put that love and intention into it, we are absolutely returned getting that back in spades. So I love that so much. Your dog must be so happy.

Okay. Well, and I'm leaving this conversation feeling proud of myself. So thank you. And not shameful. Cause I even thought about that. Isn't that strange? I'm like, by the time I get off with her, probably going to feel so yucky about all of this stuff. And if I don't get it done,

I'm going to even feel worse about myself. No, no, no. I've been there. I know. Cause that's how we talk about decluttering in this country. We use shaming phrases. I have to like block everybody that I see on Instagram or TikTok that's also in the decluttering space

because I just don't agree with how they're doing it. You know, they get to do it however they want to do it, but I have seen this work miracles in people's lives by just changing our perception of our possessions. So I like to tell people you don't have to open up a trash bag and get rid of it all. You don't have to declutter a whole closet or a garage in five days, like stop listening to that because it's not feasible. And it's just going to dysregulate your body more and cause more feeling of shame to rise up in your body. So I like to tell people to declutter according to

timelines. When we feel ready to let it go. And then of course, the question is, well, when do you feel ready? It goes back to what I just gave all your listeners. Stop for a moment. When those coping mechanisms start to pop up, that means they're ready to be shifted. And that's such a beautiful thing. That means you evolved.

That means that coping mechanism is no longer working for you because you are going forward. That is beautiful. So when you are ready to declutter, that because you are going forward. That is beautiful. So when you are ready to declutter, that means you are moving forward. You are walking your journey. You are becoming in greater alignment with who you are

and where you need to go. So that is a beautiful thing. So we do not force decluttering here. If you never get to it, I still love you. You're still perfect. You're still a good person. And I think you are productive, not lazy. And you are worthy of love. No matter what your home looks like in this moment, you are already a good person. Oh my gosh. You are a great person. I just

love you so much. And definitely some of the corners of my house are calling me. They're no longer serving me. This COVID mechanism is not serving me. And I want every room to look like this one because it makes me feel good. Makes me feel good. Not that I haven't even invited anybody over to see it. It's not about showing it off. Like you said, it was very personal.

You know, how I did everything. And I did everything for a reason. There's all kinds of storage involved Like you said, I, it was very personal, you know, how I, I did everything and I did everything for a reason. There's all kinds of storage involved, you know, that we needed everything I bought. I wanted it to be functional. Yeah. And you listen to your intuition. That's really the takeaway there is no matter what it, what it ends up looking like is did you use your intuition to arrive there? Then it is absolutely you and your home meeting the moment of where you are right now, knowing that that might change. Like your daughter Did you use your intuition to arrive there? Then it is absolutely you and your home meeting the moment of where you are right now. Knowing that that might change,

like your daughter in six months, that might change in six years, it doesn't matter. We are allowed to grow and thrive right alongside our home because we are manifesting through our space. We didn't even get to touch on that. We absolutely can manifest through our homes. We heal through our homes. And I just love

that you're already doing that because your intuition is so spot on. You just did it naturally. Well, if everybody wants to come and find you to learn more about the other things that you speak of, tell everybody where they can find you. Yeah. So you can find me on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube under the handle Sanctuary with Stacey. You can also find me on my website stacyscott.co, C-O. And yeah, I have, you know, I do one-to-one with people. It's a four-month journey.

I've got all sorts of workshops. And actually the thing that is most heavy on my heart to build right now for the rest of this year is a membership because people are just coming at this from all different angles. And I really want to be able to meet people where they are in their healing journeys, which means being able to meet people at various different points. So that is coming, but you can come and learn more and just hang out in my world. I'm definitely hanging out in your world and I think my daughters are going to be too. My daughter, my oldest daughter was like, where is she?

Can I hire her? Oh, we can fluctuate your space. I love to get my hands on people's spaces and, you know, help them see the deeper meaning behind what they're doing and, you know, really uplift them. That's my, that is my greatest goal. I have failed if you don't walk away from any sort of experience with me feeling good about yourself and where you're headed, knowing that you might need to do some work. I don't let you get away from it, but I want you to feel good about, okay, I got to do this work, but I can feel good about who I am and where I am right now.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's about you feeling good, not about trying to please anybody else in the in the about your mother, your mother-in-law. Did you say that it could take 10 years off of you? So I say that because my clients, they feel that way. They feel that way. They look lighter. You know, I often have a lot of clients say, you say, that chronic pain I had is gone. I had one girl a few years ago, she had chronic left kidney pain. We went back, it wasn't even something about clutter possessions, but she had kind of a traumatic experience at a grandmother's house and that kidney pain was gone. It's just, it's unbelievable the things that we unpack and you release, Uh, you know, it's just, it's unbelievable. The things that we unpack and you release, and then you're free to go do the physical

act of decluttering that you've been, you know, beating yourself up for years that you can't, you can't do. And then the mind of course creates an additional narrative that says you're lazy, you're this, you're that. Of course, none of that is true. So yeah. This morning I was reading some of the comments on your, on your website, stacyscott.co.

Yes. And I have to, I have to share. I never connected my dislike and avoidance of doing the dishes to this experience until now. I did the exercise and I did the dishes. I've got a lot of clutter and stuckness to work on. This brings a spark of hope to overcome something that makes me feel so ashamed. Thank you for the work you do.

I'm listening. Yeah, holy cow. Dishes, I hate dishes. And I'll never not have dishes because we eat. God forbid you eat. I tell my husband all the time. I'm like, we have to feed our kid again. Laundry.

I hate laundry. Oh, Justin historic closet clean out after watching your videos for months and continuing to process things we uncovered over a year ago. Thank you for consistently showing up on here. My inner child is feeling so much release, allowing and letting go of things that no longer support the life I'm living and building. It's given freedom and capital letters. You're helping more people than you'll ever know. Lots of love always

stay magical. Stop, I'm gonna cry. I mean, I could go on. I am a cancer son. I am a crier. So I just like love that I get to do this work in the world. It has taken me so long to get here. I couldn't be happier to be where I am after all the things I've been through in my life. happier to be where I am after all the things I've been through in my life. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Sense of Soul. Thanks for listening to Sense of Soul Podcast. And thanks to our special guest. If you want more of Sense of Soul, check out my website at SenseofSoulPodcast.com.

It's time to awaken. soul, check out my website at Sense of Soul Podcast dot com.