Sense of Soul - The Magic of Surrender

Episode Date: May 7, 2021

We have back with us today on Sense of Soul Podcast, the charismatic visionary and transformational coach and teacher, Kute Blackson! If you missed our interview with Kute back in February go take a listen it was a powerful message about breaking conditions and letting the soul lead!  Today we are talking about his new book “The MAGIC of SURRENDER”,  Finding the Courage to Let Go.  A life changing book that teaches you how to harness the power of surrender to live your highest purpose. Too often we limit our lives by putting conditions on them. We think things should go a certain way, and when they don't, we hold on to what isn't working, reinforcing what is causing us pain and affirming our lack of trust in the universe. There is another way: We can harness the power of relinquishing control and discover more purpose and meaning in our lives.  After the passing of Kute Blackson's mother in 2017, he discovered that the powerful lesson his mother had been modeling her whole life had always been at the heart of his own teachings--he just hadn't realized it. In this inspiring book, Blackson traces how surrender was a key factor in the lives of so many great people throughout history, and shows readers how they can move past self-imposed barriers in their lives to discover the freedom and possibility on the other side of surrender. Join Kute for a 3-hour Live Zoom, May 8th, 2021 for a virtual transformational master class for FREE with your purchase of The Magic of Surrender book. It will change your life. Purchase on Amazon and visit Kute’s book website to see all of the amazing gifts that come with this book! www.themagicofsurrender.com https://kuteblackson.com/ Also check out his podcast Soul Talk!! Yes we LOVE!!!  Also check out www.mysenseofsoul.com and thank you Podcorn for sponsoring this episode! www.podcorn.com

Welcome to the Sense of Soul podcast. We are your hosts, Shanna and Mandy. Grab your coffee, open your mind, heart, and soul. It's time to awaken. Today we have back with us the charismatic, visionary, and transformational leader and teacher, Coot Blackson. Coot offers a fresh, bold look at spiritual awareness for a whole new generation and if you missed out on our last interview with Coot you got to go back to February and take a listen because it was a powerful message about breaking conditions and letting your soul lead today though we're going to be talking about Coot's new book, The Magic of Surrender, Finding the Courage to Let Go. Coot, thank you so much for joining us again. We're so excited to talk about your new book. Thanks for having me back.

I had fun the last time. Absolutely. So last time you talked a lot about your relationship with your dad. You told us the story of how he was a great minister and you as a young boy was following right in those footsteps. But then you had your own dreams and that led you to America. Great story. But you didn't touch so much on your mom. And at the beginning of your new book, you do. Would you mind sharing with us a little bit about that story? Yeah, my, you know, the how the new book came about was a little unexpected. Had no idea it was coming. About four years ago, three and a half years ago now, my mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer, totally out of the blue. But I got to spend an entire year with my mother. And the year of her

passing, she was doing chemo treatments and different treatments to try and get better. And so I was flying from Los Angeles to London every month, literally for five days to be with her to take care of her, to be with her through the process. And, you know, during that time, I really got to, I mean, I was always close to my mother, but I really got to spend time with her. I really got to, we would sit in chemo for eight hours and just talk about random stuff, nothing tremendously important. And we would just reminisce on old times and childhood and just, just shoot the shit, you know, and just talk about life. And it was so beautiful. And so during that year, I ended up looking at my mother and saying, I think this has been the best year of my life. And I got to the place after going through the

initial anger and resistance and upset and sadness of I'm losing my mother, she's going to die. Just being deeply sad about that, I really came to a place of acceptance and surrender and actually deep appreciation. And I remember telling my mother, I'm actually thanking cancer. I'm grateful for cancer because it has connected us in such a way that was so deep and intimate and profound that it wouldn't have happened otherwise. And so for me, I remember sitting there eight months, nine months into the process thinking, damn, why did I wait for this event to happen? A life death event? Why did I wait, you know, in the in the process of my life of traveling and serving and seminars and building my career, it's like I was so busy.

And I realized I had not really just sat with my mother for four or five, six hours and just gotten to know her. And so I was just, I had this deep regret in my heart. Honestly, I call it a sacred regret, the sense of why did I wait for something like this to happen, to really appreciate the moment, to really save the moment, to really just spend time with her. And so that fueled in me a fierce urgency to share my gifts, a fierce urgency to love even more, a fierce urgency to write a book. And I thought the book was going to be about something totally different, you know, the sense of life and death. And so the theme of surrender revealed itself. And one of the ways it did, it was because during that process, the year of my mother's passing, I got to see this amazing Japanese woman, you know, someone just a tiny Japanese woman.

She was knowing that she was going to die. She was in such peace. When I say peace, I mean, you know, we can theorize about it, read books about it, philosophize about it. But we're not dying. When you're actually dying, that's a whole other ballgame. She was in such peace and equanimity and acceptance. And it was profound. I never saw her complain. I never saw her even cry. I never saw her get angry. I never saw her get just peace. And it really hit me like, wow, how is she in such peace? I remember one time we were in the doctor's office. All the

chemos hadn't worked. They were going to do surgery. The doctor said, you'll be on surgery. Basically, he was lovingly saying, get your affairs in order. You could die weeks from now or months from now. I'll never forget that conversation. You know, when it really hits you that your mother, my mother was going, I would never see her again. This is it.

There's no amount of prayers and meditation. Like, this is it. There's no amount of prayers and meditation. This is it. And it was a very emotional moment leaving the hospital. And I sat in the car talking to my mother. And I said, are you afraid? You're going to die. Are you afraid? And she looked at me and she said, no, I'm not afraid. And you can tell when someone is faking it, but she just looked at me and just said, I'm not afraid. I know I'm not just this body. I'm a spirit. I am a spark of consciousness. I'm not just this body. I'm a soul. And the body might die, but who I am will never die. And I will be with you eternally. And I mean, I'm, I'm bawling at this moment. I'm crying, feeling the truth of what she's saying,

but also the reality of I'll never get to have a conversation with her in the physical form again and letting go of that. And I'll never forget, I looked at her and I said, Mom, is there anything I can do for you? Is there anything as your son, anything like an unfulfilled wish, an unfulfilled, can I do something for you? And, you know, you think maybe she'll say, I want this, I want that. She just looks at me matter of factly. And this

showed me her, her greatness. She looks at me and she says, there's nothing you can do for me, my son. You know, the only thing I want in my life, I just want what God wants for my life. Like she was in such peace. And this was what I realized was her freedom, was her peace. She just was in total surrender to what was happening. She was in total surrender to life. And that was the freedom. And I'll be honest, I didn't realize, this was her greatness. I didn't realize that my mother was such a great woman. I mean, I grew up thinking my dad was the great guy. And I realized, wow, real greatness is in your surrender. And she was in such surrender. And then I realized, this is how she lived her whole life. She'd married this African guy who she had no idea who the hell he was, couldn't speak the same

language, African, black culture. They didn't even speak. She accepted to marry him sight unseen. They never even met because she was following her soul, her internal guidance. And so I realized, wait, she'd been living surrender her whole life. Then once she passed, I stepped back and realized, wait a second, all of the great ones, Jesus, Buddha, Bruce Lee, Muhammad Ali, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Mandela, Martin Luther King, they all at some point had to surrender and stop negotiating with life and surrender themselves to something bigger than themselves. And this is what really made them great. This is what allowed something more than themselves to come through them and manifest through them and work through them and miracles happen.

And this is what allowed them to like move the world. And wait a second, I think the key to greatness, to freedom, I think it's surrender. And that's how it came about. But it was really inspired by my mother. Wow, her greatness. Yeah. Her surrender lit a fire in you to spread that and write this book. I'm loving every minute of this.

And that's when I saw she'd been living it. You know, we were talking a few moments ago in terms of my parents meeting. I just want to share that story if it's cool with you, because for me, that the story of even how my parents met really shows the path of surrender. You know, just so we're clear to me, people tend to think in our culture that surrender is weak, that surrender is giving up. Surrender is just like, you know, lighting incense and living on a mountaintop and giving all your stuff away and not being in the world. But I really want to reframe the idea of surrender,

that surrender is actually powerful. To me, the most courageous and powerful thing that you can do to surrender is to give up trying to control life, control every moment of your life. To surrender is to take your conditions off of life. To surrender is to take your conditions off of life. To surrender is to stop negotiating with life. To surrender is to let go, to let go of what's not working, whether it's a relationship, whether it's a job, whether it's a situation, whether it's addiction. To surrender is to live in a state of flow rather than force. And in so many ways, we have tried to control, we tried to control our husband and wife, we've tried to control our children, we've tried to

control the weather, we've tried to control our bodies, we've tried to control God, we've tried to control our pets, our goldfish, our cat, we tried to control everything. The challenge is, has it really made us more happy? No, get more resistance. More resistance, more stress, more anxiety. When we look at our life, has it really worked? I think some of the best things in our lives have happened. One thing that we controlled or one thing that we planned. You know, most people that let's, you met your love of your life

or your soulmate or your husband or your wife, you didn't make a plan, a five-step plan, like I'm going to meet them in the coffee shop at this time. Some of the best things that happened just happened when you were just simply living life in the flow. And even some of the things that you may have felt were a disaster or a failure really led you to exactly where you needed to be. And what I'm proposing is there is a different way. And we are in the midst of a paradigm shift. If you look at 2020

and last year and what we've been in, we had all these great plans for our lives and our relationships and our goals. And then boom, this COVID thing, pandemic hit. I mean, how much control were we really in our lives and what was unfolding? Life to me was just showing us, wait a second, folks, you thought you were in control people, 8 billion people, you thought you were in control. But let me just give you a kind of reminder that there is a bigger intelligence that is in control now. And there are certain things we are in control over. And I think part of surrender is realizing what am I in control of and what am I not in control of? And so we may not control things that happen, the weather, events, the government, the president, et cetera, et cetera, but we can control. And I think

surrender is also the responsibility to realize we can control the meaning we choose to make of things that happen to us, you know, how we choose to respond in our lives, you know, to surrender doesn't mean you give up and just don't do anything to surrender means you show up and you, you give a hundred percent and you live in a way that is without attachment to the outcome. That's the key. So it doesn't mean surrender means you don't try. It doesn't mean surrender means you don't give yourself fully. Yes, you commit fully, but you don't get attached's the key. And then you're able to remain open and curious as to where, like, if I give 100%, let me see what happens. Let me see, without saying, this has got to happen and try to force something to be that isn't.

So how my parents met is my father, an African born in Ghana, West Africa, when he was around, say, seven years old, would have these visions of a japanese spiritual teacher a guru would come to my father in his dreams to teach him about life and the mysteries of life and the cosmos and the nature of reality when my father was 15 he had a spiritual experience became christian he started healing people and literally as a 15 year old kid in africa he started putting his hands on people. We're talking the blind people who couldn't see, people in wheelchairs. I mean, he just figured, Jesus said, the things I do, you can do these things and more.

And totally untrained, he starts healing people. And it was miracles that started happening. And so my father, basically from the age of 15, started his ministry. 18, launched the church his ministry. 18, launched the church. From age 18, it blew up 300 churches. He became known as the miracle man of West Africa. Presidents and heads of states would come to him, kings. When he was 37, his first wife had died. He was in a store in Ghana, West Africa. This is in the mid-70s. A book falls off the shelf. He looks at the back of the book. He sees the face of this Japanese guru, this Japanese spiritual teacher who had been coming to

him in his dreams since he was a kid. And my father, you know, this is before internet and telecommunications. Yeah. My father didn't even know this was a real man. He just thought it was a guy in his dreams. So my father writes to this man in Japan, you know, gets the address, writes to him and says, you've been coming to me in my dreams since I was literally age seven or eight. And I didn't know you were real. And you've been guiding me my entire life. I feel like I need to meet you. So this man responds, sends his son, son-in-law, but we'll call him his son, sends his son to Ghana to meet my father. The man is so impressed.

He invites my father to go to Japan to meet the guru, to give a lecture tour with the guru. My father says to the son-in-law, he says, I accept. I will come to Japan. But I'm also, I'm looking for a wife. Please pray for me because my first wife died. I'm looking for a wife. No problem. Power of prayer. The son-in-law goes back to Japan. He gives a lecture in Japan. At the end of his lecture in Japan, he announces to everyone on these dates, this guy from Africa, the miracle man of Africa is coming to Japan to give a lecture with our guru

my mother her parents they grew up in this spiritual organization so this Japanese man who'd been coming to my father in his dreams was her spiritual teacher her guru so to speak my mother was in the audience now bear in mind in Japan in the the mid 70s my mother is 28 years old she's not married if you're not married at 24 25 26 27 it's over you're old you know she's 28 she's not married she's getting stressed and so her prayer to god was universe i will marry anyone you tell me to marry anyone just make it just make it i. Just make it. Just make it. I don't care if he's, you know, we often have these ideas. God, he's got to be six foot five.

He's got to be, you know, dark. He's got to be blonde. He's got to have, you know, go to Harvard. He's got to be making a million dollars. He's got to be this. He's got to be yoga. He's got to be vegan. We put all of these conditions online.

And we think we know what we really need when the universe created us and so my mother she was practicing surrender before i was even born right so she says universe i'll marry whoever basically she's saying i surrender i'll marry whoever is the right person for me just make bring him to me and make it clear that this is my soul mate i don't care if he's if he's rich if he's poor i don't care what he looks like i don't care Just bring him to me and make it clear that this is my soulmate. I don't care if he's rich, if he's poor. I don't care what he looks like. I don't care if he sweeps the streets.

So long as it's clear that this is my soulmate, I accept. She's in the audience hearing about my father coming to Japan. She says she felt chills in her entire body. Wow. Her soul said, this is your husband. She said, she knew in that moment. She writes to my father. My father is in London. Okay. Long story, but I promise you it's worth it. My father is in London. He's meditating. In his meditation, he hears a voice, says, your wife will come to you tomorrow. He gets a letter from Japan, from my mother. Nothing romantic. My mother simply says in this letter, I look forward to hearing you speak in Japan on

these dates, blah, blah, blah. My father says, this is my wife. He writes back to my mother. Bear in mind, my mother speaks no English. She speaks in the Japanese. It's translation. My mother's getting her letter written by her sister. Oh, my gosh. Yes. So he writes back and he says, would you be open to moving to Ghana? He hasn't seen a picture of this woman. Okay. She writes back and says, if it's God's will, I will move. She's not seen a picture of this guy.

He writes back and says, it's God's will. Please marry me. She writes back and says, yes. This is all through letters, right? They haven't even spoken on the phone she says yes they agreed to get married my father flies to japan meets her for the first time with chaperones because it's old school he goes on the six weeks lecture tour with the guru it's a big sensation uh they they set a date to get married last part of the story my

father has no money by Japanese standards. You know, Japan is expensive. So he has no money for a Japanese wedding. I can't just marry this Japanese woman as a foreigner and not put a wedding together and respect the culture. Okay, I guess surrender in play. Says nothing. Six weeks later, he's done with his tour.

The date for the wedding is approaching. He goes to his mailbox. There is an envelope with $7,000 in cash, US cash in the 70s. Right. And the only thing in this letter was this is for your wedding. That's it. Holy shit. They got married. And here they were. They couldn't even speak at the wedding. They couldn't even speak together for the first two years. So my mother marries this African man because her soul guides her to. In so many ways, we keep negotiating with what our soul is guiding us to. Maybe folks listening in today, your soul is guiding you to launch that business.

Maybe your soul is guiding you to get married. Maybe your soul is guiding you to get married. Maybe your soul is guiding you to get divorced. Maybe your soul is guiding you to move house and move to a different state. Here's the thing. Sometimes what we're guided to do is not always convenient, but I really believe that when we follow our true internal guidance, we are tapping into a higher law. We're tapping into a deeper flow. Then we're able to ride the flow and the energy of life. And that's when life, the universe, and nature begin to support us to fulfill our goals, dreams, and desires. That's why I say, if you want the magic, the magic being miracles, abundance, joy, love, if you want the magic, whatever magic means to you,

you have to surrender. You have to be willing to let go of everything and everyone that isn't working in your life. And many times we hold on to all of the things that aren't working because we're comfortable, because we're afraid, because it's safe, because we know, we think we know what it is. And so we hold on. But holding on to that which is no longer working, which we've all done in certain moments of our lives, only blocks the flow of blessings. Holding on to that which isn't working is simply our affirmation of our lack of trust in the universe. So I believe when we let go, even though it's hard, even though it's scary, even though it's a death sometimes, even though we have it sad sometimes sometimes we're actually making space for new blessings for new relationships for new opportunities in our lives that's freaking

incredible this is like the most amazing story a crazy story it's true it's all true i verified it from my mom i verified it from my dad they spoke to each other through a dictionary for a long time. A dictionary. A dictionary. Even when I was a kid, we would laugh at my mother's English because she made no sense till I was like 10. Are you married? Not yet, but I'm available.

Have you asked the universe to send you your wife? I have surrendered to the universe and said, here's my prayer for everything right now. You know, I used to have all these goals and intentions and, you know, used to be very specific. Now my prayer for everything in my life is universe. I am open to the highest good unfolding in my life. This is my prayer, the highest good, whatever the highest good is, I'm open and available to that and then i move in the direction i follow my guidance and i move in the direction share my gifts to the world but my openness and my prayer and my availability is the highest good see sometimes we set these goals it's got to be this it's got to be that she's got to be that he's got to be that i got to be that

they got a little bit i mean it's great be specific, but the challenge is we end up limiting life. Then life, you know, life's got to like fit into the small box of our idea of what we think our soulmate should look like. Our idea of what we think our goals should look like. The challenge is many times we are setting our goals and our dreams and our desires based on our mind, based on our ego, which is simply conditioned. Our ego is a really just condition based on the programming of our past. And so my prayer for anything, my prayer, whether it's a soulmate, my prayer for anything is I'm open to whatever the universe has in store. I'm open to the highest good, however it wants to show up. Then we are in a zone of no limitations.

Then there's no limits on how it can happen, if it's meant to happen. There's no limits. Then we are open to true infinite possibilities. That's not being wishy-washy. We're still showing up, but we are open to infinite possibilities. And what I have found is when we don't limit the universe and when we live in that state of true willingness and openness, usually what shows up is way beyond, way beyond what we could have planned and imagined and written down in our journal with our minds, way beyond what we could have imagined for ourselves because there's no limitations there's no limits to life life is infinite i'm just simply saying why not open to the infinite magic of life rather than the sort of limited sort of possibilities of our imagination

don't limit yourself so yeah so that doesn't mean oh does that mean i don't set goals what do i do do i just sit here and no you can set goals you might set oh, does that mean I don't set goals? What do I do? Do I just sit here? No, you can set goals. You might set some goals, but I would say don't attach to those goals so tightly. Oh, here's my 10 goals. It's got to be this. Oh, my God. Because many times from our egos, we can only see a small piece of the entire puzzle of possibilities for our life.

And so I'm saying, yeah, set those goals. Set those 10 goals and then have a relationship with those goals where you can say this or something better, this or the highest good. And so you work towards that, but you stay flexible. You stay 100% commitment, low attachment, and you stay flexible to allowing life to guide you, to allowing life to show up, to allowing life to reveal to you what is best, what is highest. To me, that is the key. How do you know that your ego talking or your soul? Yeah. So what I would say is, and it is tricky, right? Because sometimes what we think we want is really not what we really want. What we think we want is just what we think we want is really not what we really want. What we think we want is just what

we think we want based on our pain, our conditioning, our trauma, our hurt. And we think if I get that, it's going to resolve something from the past or give me something. And so many times goals that are coming from ego are seeking happiness. We're seeking happiness. But a goal that is from your soul is coming from that place. So a goal from the ego, we're trying to like, if I get that, then I'm going to be happy. But a goal that's from the soul is not like trying to get the happiness or get the validation or get the acceptance. It's not trying to get that. We're coming from that place. And usually the goals that are from the soul, they're not dependent on that thing happening for our happiness,

for our validation, for our acceptance, for our existence. Or have like emotional attachments. Yes. Or the attachment. Yes. We'd like to take a moment to thank our sponsor thank you podcorn for sponsoring this episode shanna and i have been really picky about who we would let sponsor us and when podcorn offered we were super excited why might you ask well shanna let's break that shit down i personally was excited because the podcorn platform is super user-friendly and I am definitely one who needs things simplified. Shanna, maybe tell our listeners what Podcorn is. Podcorn is a way for people like Mandy and I to get sponsorship and make more money so we can continue our mission of putting light and love into the world. Podcasts of all sizes can browse and choose paid sponsorship opportunities right

on their platform, set their own rates and collaborate with brands directly without any exclusivities. You know what else I love, Shanna Banana? What's that? Podcorn gives us the choice to send written proposals or to send a quick authentic voice message. Voice message is definitely my style because it takes like 30 seconds. And considering we're so busy, this is amazing that they have that option. Speaking of being authentic to who we are, I love that on Podcorn, we can search brands that align with who we are and what sense of soul represents. Yes, girl. Podcorn is brilliant. It's an amazing way to connect with other podcasters and brands and to get money, money, money. I'm also digging that

they give you guidance on what rates to charge, but leave it wide open for you to ultimately decide. Podcasting takes a lot of hard work and time. So thank you so much, Podcorn, for sponsoring this episode and for creating such an easy platform for podcasters like us so we can continue our purpose. If you have a brand you're trying to get marketed or you're a podcaster trying to build your listeners, you guys have to go check out Podcorn. Again, thank you, Podcorn, for sponsoring this episode. Now back to our episode. You know, sometimes when we don't get what we thought we wanted, even though in the moment we may not understand, when we don't get what we thought we wanted, I believe it's actually grace. It can be the grace of the universe, a higher blessing to not get what we thought we wanted. And so can be some of the best things that ever happened, even though we don't understand it in the moment. And that's why I say we have to learn to accept, then we have to learn to

surrender. And surrender is really a step beyond acceptance. So to me, surrender is a state of full, heart open participation with what's happening. Acceptance is like, okay, I'm not going to resist. That's a key step. I'm not going to resist what's happening because it's happening. COVID is happening. My father is this way. My mother is this way. The weather is this way.

It is this way. I accept, step one. But the next step is to start the wholehearted participation with, let me open my arms to what's happening fully, knowing that there is a gift, there is a blessing, there is something beautiful here that I need to learn. And I'm going to dive in and embrace this and give thanks for this and embrace this,

knowing that everything is happening for my good, even though I can't see it right now. So I'm going to participate with this experience as fully as possible. To me, that is surrender. And this process that you went through with your mother was a great example of what impermanence is, because you could not change that. It was inevitable she was going to die. There was nothing you could do is out of your control. You had no choice, but to surrender or live in pain. And when you did do

that, I love that. This is what impermanence does. It brings you to the present moment with that person. You know, you can't go thinking too far in the future. You don't want to live in the past. All you have is right here right now. So you learn to appreciate things so much more when you're not attached to them. Because knowing that at any moment, this present moment is over. Actually, in the next moment, it is. I had like a spiritual moment with your book this morning for many reasons. It was really speaking to me on many different levels. And surrender is such a hard word for people to comprehend. And I had to learn it through Alcoholics Anonymous because in Alcoholics

Anonymous, you know, acceptance and surrendering are two of the main steps. I absolutely loved, and I would want to ask your permission if I could read a page out of your book that I really enjoyed. Soul tunes into what the body needs, knowing there's nothing to prove. Ego desperately seeks what society deems success, even though it isn't what you are meant to do and still leaves you feeling empty. Soul knows that true success is being who you truly are and living authentically. Ego plays small, hiding your light in order to please those around you. Soul realizes that it's your true nature to shine and that you being you is the greatest gift you can give the world. And I loved that. Thank you for that. That was amazing. That was a great

example. Yeah. You know, my ego and my soul battle because I doubt, I doubt myself and I go, wait, is that really my ego thinking, or is that my soul feeling? And so I try to use the discernment. I try to sit with it, but then other people are getting in my mind and the world is telling me things. Yeah, I would encourage you and anyone who is in that questioning, realize there is always a part of us that knows deep down. There is a deeper dimension inside. We know. We know inside. We know there's a part of us that knows everything. At the deepest level, we are everything. It's really giving ourselves permission and having the courage, having the courage to tell the truth to ourselves about what we really feel. Because we know, you know, I know, we know deep, deep down, if we're really honest, if we were to say, put your children's lives on the line, we know. But having the courage to really own that knowing, that takes courage.

It takes courage. And so one of the things I'd invite people to do is take time out to be still. You know, take time out of the distractions of life and the busyness of life to just sit with yourself and just feel. Like, what is my truth? If money wasn't an option, if it wasn't about money, if it wasn't about what people think, if it wasn't about what people think if it wasn't about anything be still and ask what is my truth and just feel i think so often we don't take enough time just sitting in the stillness to really listen to our soul it would save us years if did, we would start tuning into the deeper truth inside of us rather than the distractions of the mind. You know, and I think we have to remember, too, is we incarnate into this human experience as souls, into this human experience.

The purpose of life for me is really about the evolution of our consciousness. Life is really about the evolution of our souls and how we grow and evolve and how we learn are through relationships and experiences. Every situation, every relationship, every experience we attract to us because there's certain things that we are seeking to learn, grow and evolve in. And so when we have either learned the lesson or we've outgrown the situation or the relationship, the time comes for us to either restructure the relationship or the dynamic or to move on. We've kind of graduated the situation. And so I think when we can start seeing everything as a classroom, everything as an opportunity to learn lessons, everything as

an evolutionary opportunity to learn, grow and evolve, then we can change our relationship with letting go. We can change our relationship with relationship itself and say, well, maybe it's time to let go, even if it's hard, you know, and it does take courage. But I think we have to be also willing to feel the pain, feel the sadness, feel the grief, because letting go of who you think you were, letting go of a dream, letting go of a relationship is a death, is a death of something, is a death of what that represented to you, is a death of the version of yourself that you were when you went into that relationship also. And so we have to be willing to feel the grief to honor the grief to acknowledge the grief because if we don't we tend to keep ourselves

stuck but I think if we're willing to feel the grief you know when my mother was passing I allowed myself to feel tremendous grieving in terms of letting go. But what I realized was, was the grieving, it broke my heart open to more loving. It broke my heart open to more connection. It broke my heart open to even more, you know, and it was, it was beautiful, but it's also the grieving is part of what allowed me to let go as well. I loved how in the book, you said that the feelings will dissolve if you acknowledge and give them space. Yes. Yeah. All feelings. Sometimes we don't allow ourselves to feel painful feelings because we're judging. We shouldn't be feeling this. It's not spiritual. I would say there's nothing more spiritual than allowing yourself to feel your feelings, acknowledge those feelings, and allow them to move. All feelings remain present until fully felt.

So when we allow ourselves to feel the pain, the hurt, the sadness, the grief, it will dissolve. And we sometimes don't feel the feelings because we're afraid if I feel this, it will overwhelm me. If I feel this, it will last forever. If I feel this, it will never stop. I won't be able to cope. I will die if I feel this pain, if I feel this sadness, if I feel this hurt. But what I found is all feelings have a natural cycle. Feelings are temporary. And when we allow ourselves to, with awareness, feel them, experience them. One thing that I find helpful is when you take the judgment or even the label off of the feeling. So sometimes we label the feeling as, oh, this is sadness, or this is fear. Then our mind can kick in and start judging, oh, this is bad. I shouldn't be feeling this. But when we can just

have the feeling as, shall we say, sensation, there's the energy of sadness. The energy is moving in my heart. And just experience the sensation in your body and be with that and allow it to move. It will move through without, this is fear. This is sadness. It will move through and it will dissipate and dissolve and move through. And sometimes if it's grief, it might take moments. Yeah, I think that people forget that grief is love. Like if you never experienced love, then you would never experience grief, you know, vice versa. And so it's a part of loving. It is love. Shanna, would you not agree? All of them always end up going back to love. I remember as a child, always thinking that I was a bad person because I had anger. Well, when I really looked at the anger, the anger was coming from a place of hurt and love as well. Yeah. And if you can transform anything into love,

well, then you just won and congratulations because that literally I think is the freaking seed of life is love. So absolutely. I loved the part of your book that says how many people go into relationship, like a used car salesman bullshitting about what they want. I love long walks on the beach. I love adventure. You don't love adventure. You hate whitewater rafting. You hate leaving the house. Be honest. Say I like sitting on the couch, watching too much TV and I'm a slob. And then if somebody goes, I love that, then you have found true love. But it's so true. Like we always think we're speaking our truth and we're not, you know, if so, I tried this one day, I experimented with it. When someone asked me how I was that day, I stopped and took the time to tell

them the truth you know so you're at the grocery store and some stranger says hi how are you and I'm like I'm doing okay I'm actually really struggling right now in my life you know I'm dealing with addiction and my mom was kind of being a bitch this morning you know like if people ask we've come to this place where we just find ourselves saying whatever we say to like kind of please people and we don't speak our truth. One of the things I think keeps us stuck the most as human beings are all the ways we lie to ourselves. But I think it's one of the things that keeps us stuck, keeps us from being happy, keeps us from truly transforming. We are constantly lying to ourselves. Sometimes we don't even know that we're lying, that we're in such denial.

We're not even aware that we're lying because we think that what we're feeling is really the way we feel. And it's not. You know, we're so disconnected from ourselves. And so I think we have to be willing to surrender to the truth of what we feel in order to truly open to creating an authentic and fulfilling life. When I realized growing up, as my father was a minister, my life was set out for me, and I was ordained as a minister and all these expectations that I was going to take over my father's church. I looked into my future and I realized, wait a second, I can't be truly happy

living someone else's life. I can't be truly fulfilled being someone that I'm not. And so I think one of the places where people can start to create a shift in their life is really look at what lies am I telling myself and really sit with what lies am I telling myself? Now, people might do it. How do I know if I'm lying? Just look at where you have pain. Just look in your life where you have pain in your life, pain or suffering.

Look at where there's pain. To me, pain is not bad. If you pay attention, it's simply a signal that's probably pointing to where you may not be fully authentic, where you may not be fully honoring the deepest authentic feeling that you have. And that pain is trying to get your attention to say, look here, there's some deeper authenticity, there's some deeper truth that needs to be owned. And so what lies are you telling yourself? What are you pretending to not know? And what is it costing you? And I think it's important, we're talking about feeling, but actually being willing to feel the pain, feel the pain for a

moment of what it's costing you. Because I think if we're willing to feel the pain and not numb that pain, when we numb the pain and pretend, numb it through drugs, numb it through alcohol, numb it through food, numb it through sex, working, social media, whatever we use to numb the pain, it kind of allows us to perpetuate the lie even more. Then we just keep ourselves stuck. And so really look at what lies you're telling yourself. Have the courage, you know, have the courage. To me, life is so short. When I realized with my mother, you know, and I thought my mother was going to live forever, you know, I thought, and my mother is 10 years younger than my father. And so I actually thought, for sure, my father's going first. I mean, this is the no brainer. And my mother was the one that went first, totally unexpected out of the blue. And it made me really, I mean, we hear it, we're told it, we read about it. But when it's someone so close to you, the reality of it hits home. When I started to really realize how fragile this life is, how short this life is, you know, how delicate this life is, how precious this life is. And the

truth is, there's no refunds in life. You know, all the time we spend wasting in a relationship that is not truly aligned with us or in that job that is not truly aligned for us or in that dynamic or situation that is not really in alignment with who we are, it's time that we can't get back. And so I really feel more than ever this fierce urgency. You know, like if you're holding on to resentments towards someone in your life or a parent or a mother and you're like, I'm not going to speak to them because I'm simply here to say, don't waste time. Don't waste time.

You don't know how long you're going to have. Yesterday, my doorbell rang and there was this massive package on my porch. And I was so excited. I thought it was going to be a new pair of shoes from Nordstrom's or something. It was 4,000 pages of my medical records that I actually forgot I ordered from Parker Adventist Hospital when I was in a coma from my near death experience. And it was emotional for me, of course, to read everything that I went through in my coma, but also it really, I thought about that. I thought this was seven years ago, Mandy.

That's a lot of time. Of all people, you have learned that your life can be gone in two seconds. I mean, I was asleep at four o'clock in the morning, and the next day I was in a coma for nine days fighting for my life, organs shutting down, ventilator. And I thought to myself, what have you done in these last seven years? And I am proud of myself because I've made a lot of progress, but I did have a sense of urgency to kind of shy away from things that aren't aligning with my soul. And at first that felt ugly and it felt wrong. And then I was like, no, just give yourself some grace. Life is so short. Just listen to your soul.

It just really put things into perspective. And one page I sent to Shanna that said, hopefully she won't be brain dead. I mean, it was just very eye opening because it put me back in that place of life is short. Yeah. And, you know,. And you know, Q, I, you know, I lost my dad and I remember feeling like I had the rug pulled out under me because I too thought he's going to live forever, at least until old, you know, very old. And he was my rock. I mean, he was my everything. He was my go-to. We had a family business. So he was security. He was my children's go-to. When he passed, I just was in such a shock. Like, oh my God,

I don't even know how to do life. I'm going to fail at everything now. And for the first time in my life, I had to like rely on myself. And I now say he gave me birth twice is what I say. He gave me birth and in my actual life in this life, and then again, in his death, because I actually literally became my own person for the first time. And so when it seems like you're going through a hard time, and it's so dark, you know, just to surrender because you know that you're opening yourself up now to something that will take you where you need to be, where you're supposed to be. Yeah. Yeah. I'm of the belief that the universe is always working for our good, even if we can't see it right now. And we tend to resist. To me, control plus resistance is suffering,

and that's what blocks the flow of the magic. We are often the ones blocking the flow of the magic. People often say, well, I want what that person has. That never happens to me, but we don't realize how tightly we're holding on to what's not working. And I just invite everyone to really look at what's not working in my life. Really be honest about what's not working. And I just invite everyone to really look at what's not working in my life, really be honest about what's not working. Maybe 2020 give many people the opportunity to really get real about what's not working. Wow, doesn't work for me. This job

doesn't work. This relationship doesn't work. This situation doesn't work. What's not working? And trust that everything is working for your good. Everything is working for your highest. Even when it's difficult, it is the evolutionary impulse of life that is pushing us to grow, pushing us in a direction, pushing us to evolve,

pushing us to go out there, pushing us to shine our light even more. And sometimes it's scary. Sometimes it's painful, you know, but the universe is always working in the direction of our evolution. And either we're growing or we're not. Like for instance, in the last year,

I left LA where I had been living 23 years. Boom, totally unexpected move to where I was in Phoenix. Left my office in LA, left LA, left my apartment in LA, moved to Phoenix, ended a relationship with a woman I thought I was going to marry and have children with. On top of that, ended up moving to Miami, selling my house in Phoenix. That's what happens when you write a book about surrender. So what was that move like from Phoenix to Miami? To be honest, it was a process of surrender because I really love my house in Phoenix.

Love it. It's one of a kind. I was kind of attached to it. I just loved it. I was attached to it. But again, the universe was moving me. It was like nudging. It wasn't loud. The nudging was never loud. It was just, just, just, just, just go check it out. Went for three days. Poking me. I went for three days. I was like, there's something happening here. I could feel the energy. We have to learn to follow the energy. I had to find the courage to let go.

My own subtitle, find the courage to let go. I said, sell the house. Within three days, she said, I haven't put the house on the market, but the house has sold. Someone made an offer, a full offer, and wants the house. That was a sign that things were in flow. Blowing, yeah. I think that's how things unfold. No resistance.

When you have constant resistance in your life, you must pay that attention. We've gone so far away from trusting ourselves, and this is another message, just that you need to learn how to trust our God again. Trust, trust our God, trust. I was saying this morning to someone, we trust GPS and Sydney more than the universe, you know, with GPS has turned left. Okay. Turn left. But our internal guidance has turned right. We're like, well, that puts it into perspective right it's so true and we have to start learning to follow living life in a way where we're following the clues we're following the energy and we're riding the energy of life yeah we have to show up and many times we want the magic but we don't even show up we don't even do our part will our universe do it but we don't show up so i believe we have to show up we have to give a hundred percent you know it is very true

and i learned this the hard way that we are truly always the one standing in our own way and we are our worst enemy so many times i tried to take control and figure it all out and do it Mandy's way. The day I surrendered, I've been sober since and had many blessings. I love the intro of your book. I'm going to leave our listeners with this. Listeners, can you consider that today is a chance to try another way? Another way. So simple. Yeah. A new way. A new way. You just are an abundance of wisdom. I love that you surrendered and wrote this book, even though you had an idea that you were going to write another one. That's a perfect example of surrendering. It was just placed on your soul.

And you said, okay, fine. I'll write it. And you put your heart out there. You put some very raw stories, very intimate stories about your mother and her passing and I just love how vulnerable you are in your funny for those that want to check out the book you can order it from obviously Amazon but go to themagicofsurrender.com that's themagicofsurrender.com all the infos there's video there's info what have you once you order the book on amazon you can go there and there's like five amazing free gifts

that you can get just punch in your receipt all the free gifts will be sent direct to your inbox nice there's some good okay well and now it's time for Break That Shit Down. All I can say in this moment is life is a miracle. That we have the opportunity to incarnate into this human experience and live each moment. This experience isn't perfect. There's ups and there's downs and there's war and there's peace you know, hell and there's magic miracles and there's messes. Life contains all of it.

Don't resist it. Embrace it. You are incarnated to grow and evolve in this human experience. And so live it fully, experience it fully, feel it fully, love it fully so that when your time is done, You have no regrets. And ultimately, I think the only thing that really matters at the end of the day is whether you're growing, evolving, and how much you are loving. And so to me, that's the magic. You are amazing. It's been a pleasure. I highly recommend to our listeners to pick up a copy of this book. Thank you so much again for coming on for the second time. We got double cute. Hopefully we'll have triple quadruple down the road. book. Thank you so much again for coming on for the second time. We got double cute. Hopefully we'll have triple quadruple down the road. Awesome. Thank you both.

Thanks for being with us today. We hope you will come back next week. If you like what you hear, don't forget to rate, like and subscribe. Thank you. We rise to lift you up. Thanks for listening.