Sense of Soul - True Love and Suffering

Episode Date: May 20, 2022

Today we have with us an inspiring, true life hero, Pavel Ythjall. He is one of the top contemporary photographers for in fitness in America. Originally from Sweden, Pavel came he to seek the American dream, which lead him to meeting his beautiful, wife Kat, a major in the US Air Force, originally from Belize, an avid fitness enthusiast, marathoner, and triathlete, earning pro status with the International Federation of Bodybuilding. After only a year of living his dream and only a year after being married, tragedy struck. Pavel found himself staring into the eyes of a neurosurgeon who told him point-blank: “Your wife will be paralyzed, neck down, for life.”

At the time, Pavel had a broken neck too. His vertebrae were supported by a halo screwed directly into his skull. A tragic accident on the way to a Christmas party had changed their lives forever. 

With no family to help them, reality sank in, everyone thought Pavel would leave her. But with unconditional love, he found the strength to have a miraculous recovery and was determined to be there for Kat and discover a new way to move forward—together.

Pavel joins us tho share his  beautiful, heart-wrenching story of trauma, love, grace, and the ultimate meaning of life. Pavel is the author of the best seller, True Love and Suffering. He continues to take care of himself so that he can take care of Kat, who needs 24 hour care. As they continue you heal body, mind and soul, Pavel is the CEO of Fighter Diet, and one of many of Kat’s caregivers. Kat runs a family home command station for Pavel and their four Yorkies, managing her caregivers while taking online classes for a second master’s degree in psychology.  Order his amazing book here and learn more about him at https://truelovethebook.com Be on the look out this fall for the documentary of their amazing story. https://strongwithkat.com. www.fighterdiet.com www.amazon.com/fighterdiet   Follow their journey on social media! https://instagram.com/truelovethebook?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= https://www.facebook.com/pavel.ythjall https://m.facebook.com/strongwkat. FOLLOW US AT @SenseofSoul1 and visit our website to learn more at www.mysenseofsoul.com. Join our Sense of Soul Patreon!! Our community of seekers and lightworkers who get exclusive discounts, live events like SOS Sacred Circles, ad free episodes and more. You can also listen to Shanna’s new mini series, about the Goddess Sophia! Sign up today and help support our podcast. As a member of any level you get 50% off Shanna’s Soul Immersion Healing Experience! https://www.patreon.com/senseofsoul NEW!! SENSE OF SOUL’S NETWORK OF LIGHTWORKERS! Go check out our Affliates page, adding new amazing programs each month. Check it out! https://www.mysenseofsoul.com/sense-of-soul-affiliates-page  

Welcome to the Sense of Soul podcast. We are your hosts, Shanna and Mandy. Grab your coffee, open your mind, heart and soul. It's time to awaken. Today we have with us Pavel Yatol. He is one of the top contemporary photographers in fitness in America. Originally from Sweden, Pavel came to America to pursue his American dream. He was on top of the world when he met his beautiful wife, Kat, who was a major in the U.S. Air Force. After only a year of marriage, their entire lives and future were about to change when tragedy struck and they got into a horrible car accident. And Pavel was told in the hospital, as he laid there with a broken neck, that his wife would be paralyzed from the neck down for life. Pavel joins us today to share with us this amazing story

and to tell us about his new best-selling book, True Love and Suffering, the beautiful, heart-wrenching story of trauma, love, grace, and the ultimate meaning of life. Everyday heroes. I see about 6,000 patient encounters every year. But you and your wife stand out for your determination and surpassing of superhuman obstacles. What makes a hero? What specific qualities must a hero have?

Well, you know, we're family. Family does what family has to do, keep everybody, you know, in line and safe. I think that something that creates worlds, universes, has got my back. Every good attribute that I have is being channeled through me from God. Pavel.

And it's a privilege to even interact with him. God bless him for being in her life. Hey, good morning, baby. We are so excited to have him on today and can't wait to hear about their amazing story. Good to see you. Shanna and I hopped on a few minutes before you got on and she said, I love that he honors the people that helped them. I really take a lot of time to honor the people that helped me as well. I've built friendships with them. And it was sad because when I went to the fire department to thank them, they said that I was literally the only person who had ever come into the fire department to thank him in 25 years.

I'm getting goosebumps for the wrong reasons. Wow. Are you serious? Yeah. In 25 years, I was the first one to ever come to that fire department and thank them. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. I can talk hours about thanking people and who helped us. And I don't know your full story and who helped you, but both my family and Kat's family abandoned us. So after we both broke our heads, we were basically alone and they wanted nothing, nothing part of it. You know, they couldn't handle the sadness or the stress or the trauma or the change in their lives. So we were just two broken birds left alone.

But other people came and stepped in. And those are the people I want to thank in a documentary. And those are the people I'm honoring. And they're also mentioned in the book, obviously. It's a whole new family that's been created around this. You know, it's just such a reminder that sometimes our family isn't blood. It's that soul family that's other people that you never knew. Where is your heart at with forgiveness for your families for leaving you and abandoning you?

Good question. Yeah, good question. Yeah, that's a tough one. I write in my book that I've forgiven everyone that didn't help me. And that is the truth. That being said, though, I am, I also write that I don't necessarily want to share my dinner table with them. I have so many stories, but I was literally on my knees with an imaginary gun to my head, seeing my paralyzed wife just wobbling back and forth in like a standing frame, screaming from the depth of her lungs. That was three, four months journey into it. And I was just in such despair and in such anxiety that I just didn't even know if I could take this anymore. And at that point I begged on my bare knees for help. And when you don't show up, when the person is that broken, you can forgive, but it's really hard to repair the relationship to the point where

you want to see them and actually interact again. Because what are we going to talk about? Like I was on my knees with a gun to my head and I asked you for help and you didn't show up. So then you have to go through all that again, like that, that journey. And yeah. I guess Shannon and I feel very blessed that we learned about the pain body from Eckhart Tolle because that was their pain, right? That was their shit, not yours. Yeah. No, Eckhart is a wonderful man. He's just a gem of a person. I love him. Maybe that being said, maybe my journey to forgiveness is not ready yet. Maybe I'm not just haven't reached it yet. So I never realized that I understand that. And again, maybe not,

you know, it's like, I have truly forgiven them. And I don't think about it. But now I have all these other wonderful people to interact with that are there for us. So I just choose wisely where I spend my time, so to speak. I love that people, even strangers stepped up for you. That is seriously gives me, you know, a little bit of hope for humanity because sometimes, especially in the last two years, it goes down and up. Yeah. How was it for you? Oh my gosh. You know, my little girl, Sloan is named after my ICU nurse. She was so kind to me. Her middle name is Jonna after the father and the son. So the two firemen saved me 18 years apart. The father saved me in 94 and the son saved me in 2013, complete coincidence. And yeah,

they, a lot of people came to help me. I mean, I had friends to shave my legs. I had friends that came over and fed me because I couldn't feed myself. I had friends like Shanna who just came bedside and I was lucky. My family really stepped it up, but my recovery was nothing like yours and your wives. And then it was interesting. I had people like my husband who actually didn't know how to handle it. And even though he stood by my bed while I was in my coma, when I woke up, he kind of went MIA and went into work zone because he didn't know how to handle it. And I held resentment for that for a while. Yeah. I sent you a clip this morning. So my neurosurgeon, it's the first person you're seeing that clip. And she sent me a quote the other week and I called her up and I said, is this a mistake?

And she said, no, that's right. That's the quote. So I see about 6,000 patient encounters a year and you and your wife stand out for your determination and surpassing of superhuman obstacles. I thought she was joking. What she said also was when these accidents happen, most men disappear. They just get out of the picture. It's whatever trauma it is, they just can't handle it, which is very surprising to me. But the women almost always stay with the men. Yeah. So it doesn't surprise me that your man went into more work mode. Well, and how'd you come from this very supportive, loving family, embracing you and feeding you and doing all the things that you were doing, maybe you would have bolted too.

You know what I mean? So maybe that lack of support that, you know, should have, you know, made you more of an empathetic, kind, caring person. I'll tell you what made me empathetic, Shana. It was, it was Kat. It's the person. It's my wife. She's the true love and the true love. I'm from Sweden and I was a filmmaker in Sweden and director. So I was a big time in Sweden, small country. And as many Europeans, I wanted to come to America, came over, wanted to make it big. I discovered that I was just a little fish in this big pond called Los Angeles. And I wasn't an evil person at all.

And I wasn't unpleasant. But I was arrogant. And it was all about me, like it is for a lot of young men. Long story short, she opened my eyes to the world. She made me adventurous. She made me a giving person. And God knows, I resisted it. I mean, I really resisted it.

I was like, why the F do we have to do this? And why do we have to do that? There was just something in her. And she saw it in me and pulled it out of me. And so when the accident happened, for me, it was never a choice. It was just, I have to be there for her. It wasn't something I thought about or weighed the pros and cons. It was just an immediate decision

like let's do it she was the yang to your yang yeah yeah yeah I know she was how did you meet I was a fitness photographer for those magazines once there were paper magazines and Kat was actually she was a major in the air force but she was also a bikini pro model and a triathlete and a marathon runner. So just an overall super athlete. It's a little cliche, but we met at a, I think it was W, the hotel in Los Angeles on the rooftop. There was a fitness party.

So that's where we met. That first night we didn't speak that much, but I remember she started interacting and she sat on my lap the whole night. We didn't kiss or anything. I just sat there and stroked her hair. And then the next morning, I think sat there and stroked her hair. And then the next morning, I think she texted and said, do you want to go running? And then we went running at five or six o'clock in the morning and that was it.

I don't know what your guys' experience is, but she lured out the better person out of me. She made me better. She made me a lot better. And kudos to me for realizing it though, that like, Jesus, this person is bringing out something from me that I didn't even know I had. And I realized that fast. And then I just jumped aboard. And then when the accident came, it was, there was no question. So yeah. And Kat came from a similar situation. You said, you know, both families kind of abandoned you after Kat came from another country as well. And her father put her on a plane and said, you're joining the Air Force. Yeah, she's from Belize, from the country of Belize. This is public. No, it wasn't public

for a while. But she was raped multiple times by her mom's boyfriends when she was young. And then she was adopted to America. And then the family had a son and his son was aggressive towards her and tried to rape her too. So he sent back to Belize. And it was just a constant bad circle of abuse. Luckily though, her mom had dated an American.

So she had an American passport. And then at, yes, you're right. At some point she was more or less sent away to the Air Force. And that was probably the best thing that could have happened to her. You know, the first thing that comes to my mind is Shannon. I just talk a lot about, you know, releasing that trauma that you hold in your body. So here she was, you know, her body's hosting all of this trauma from her past. And then on top of that, this horrible accident, I can't even imagine like all of that inside of her. And it sounds like fitness and running is, was really like a therapy

for her and for you. I mean, you're right. That was her therapy, right? That the physical activity activities was what subdued her demons, so to speak. I think work was what subdued any demons I had at that point. But after the accident, the physical activities have become my thing. But yes, you're right. Absolutely. So yeah, even worse than now that she's paralyzed because you can't use the physicality to get the demons out. So now she had only her brain, which we're thankful for.

Yeah, you're so right. I mean, she was just about to overcome her youth trauma, I think. And then this happened and it just is poured. Yeah, my father, you know, during the winter here in Colorado, when he can't go outside and run, his mood changes. Yeah, because it's his way of also fighting his demons and getting out of his own mind. And you can just see the shift and we all know when it's coming. It's like when the man knows the woman's period is coming. We know when my dad's mood swing and personality shift happens in the winter because he cannot run.

And I wish I was like that. If some person asked me to go on our first date and go running, I don't know that I'd ever talk to him again. Well, I'm from Sweden. So I know everything about Colorado in the winter, we have the same sort of attitude. So it's very dark and cold in Sweden. Alcoholism is very high in Sweden. And so I know, yeah, me and my dad, you and your dad and me, we would click. I know all about it. Yeah. Yeah.

Running off steam, huh? It's like a literal thing. Yeah. So can you take us back to that night and how the accident happened? Where were you guys at? How long have you guys been married? Yeah.

Yeah. So this is, hopefully we'll make the documentary first and hopefully I'll make a feature film out of this. That's the goal. And so it's a fairytale in the sense that just two weeks in when we dated, she invited me down to Belize. I didn't even know where Belize was.

I had to like, you know, and it's just this little small country in Central America that's just hardly noticeable, but just such a bohemian place where there's just this little small country in Central America that's just hardly noticeable but just such a bohemian place where there's just no there wasn't any streets there was just on islands just sand people go fishing in the morning and they carve it out and the water there so after two weeks we went down to Belize and that's sort of what we like okay we're a couple and we were married pretty soon after that and And a big island wedding in Belize. And then one year after the marriage, the accident happened.

And it was actually close to Christmas. I think it was five days before Christmas. We were all happy. We were dressed up. We had a Christmas tree decorated. We were going to go down to some friends to live down in Laguna Beach, which is a nice beach town here in California. Jumped into the Range Rover at that point and headed down.

And on the way down there, we were going to pick up a friend. So we picked her up. And then I accelerated up on the, what do you call it, on-ramp. Up on the on-ramp, came up on the highway. And then we just heard something. We heard like a boom. And the whole car shook like this. Boom. Like like it was still don't know what it was it shook too shook and then the car just started sliding and i grabbed the steering wheel and i tried to control it but it was just sliding towards the

end of the highway towards the uh the side whatever you call that where there's gravel and stuff so we're sliding, sliding, sliding. And we hit one of those big, big road signs where it says, look in a beach, 40 miles or whatever. And then the car started rolling. And I remember the first roll because my head went, boom, into the windshield. That's where I broke my neck.

And I thought before I passed out, this is going to hurt. And then we just rolled four times. And then we landed upside down on a metal barrier. And so the car was kind of hanging upside down over like a hill, so to speak. So we still don't know what happened at that day. We just heard something from underneath the car that was really loud and that shook the car enough for it to sort of like spin. And yeah, we just don't know, but I think the wheels, maybe the brakes, maybe the wheels, something happened that made it unsteerable because I was like really holding on with my hands like this. And then dust and everything was flying. We hit the sign and we start rolling and then we land upside down. So, you know, the scary, the weird thing is that

while this was happening, neither Kat or I were scared. We were both thinking, because we talked about this, obviously, we're going to be okay. We're going to be okay. So I don't know if that's some, I don't know. It's weird. We shouldn't have thought that.

You're there upside down. Was anybody conscious? Oh yeah. I, yeah. Good question. I came to after we've landed shouldn't have thought that your there upside down was anybody conscious oh yeah i yeah good question i came to after we've landed and started screaming like are you okay are you okay okay and we were all conscious at that point kat said um kat said get help i've broken my arms i've broken my arms so she thought she had broken her arms because she couldn't move her arms um elizabeth yeah our

passenger um she couldn't get out and she she was okay but she was screaming um i didn't know i'd broken my neck i had blood everywhere and and uh and pain um but um so i the windshield was broken so i sort of buckled myself and just fell out of the car onto the grassy hill below, so to speak. And then, yeah, then everything unfolded from there. But yeah. So, yeah. So did they have to have a fight for life or what happened after that? It was, you mean with the ambulance and stuff and all that stuff?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I walked so there's two things then I guess um Kat told me to find a phone find a phone find a phone her like her instincts from the air force kicked in right off the bat and I was looking on the ground for the phone but I couldn't I didn't understand how a phone looked like so I was obviously messed up um so I was told her I can't the phone, can't find the phone. Go look for help.

Go look for help. So I started walking and there was no one. And after a while, I walked out onto the 405. And the 405 in California is like a six lane highway. So, yeah. And I literally walked out on the highway and was waving. And I was like, I was ready to die at that point because I understood how bad things were.

At that point, I understood it. No one stopped. And you may call this divine intervention or God or something, creator of universes. But a homeless person dressed in a blanket came up and asked if we needed help. And I said, yes, we need help. We need help. We need help. Call 911. And he said, hang on. And he ran down the hill. After a while, we heard the sirens, so to speak. So yeah. Yeah. So that's cool. One person that stopped to help

was a homeless man. Yeah. Yeah not it's not something were you ever able to find that man that's such a good question um i promised myself that before i wrote before the book was finished i would go out there and and look for him and i i didn't i i chickened out so now my promise is to have in the documentary to find him and my wife has been there and she says he still lives there so so hopefully we'll hopefully you'll see him in the documentary and and we'll get his version of it because i was gonna say i wouldn't be surprised if a lot of times those people don't really actually exist they're angels, you know, like, yeah, I mean, I've had that happen to me a couple of times in my life where there was a miracle that happened. And then I went and asked people like, where'd he go?

Where'd he go? And no one knew who I was talking about. Oh, wow. I'm just shaking over here now. You should see my legs. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that happens. An angel placed right there in your path.

I need to know, how does someone with a broken neck get out of a car and walk up to a six-lane highway? Yeah, good question. I need to know that too, to be honest. And when the neurosurgeons met me at the ER, she said my C1 was broken. So C1 controls the breathing. So if the C1 is just off a little bit and you don't breathe anymore, and C1 is the one that connects your vertebrae

to your skull base or your skull base to your head, basically. So that was cracked and all the ligaments were torn. So I think adrenaline kept me going and hopefully love for my life and love for my wife. Because once I got to the to the ambulance in the er i couldn't do shit i was sorry for swaying i i was i was i couldn't lift my head i couldn't do anything so the angel or yeah that happened just in time i don't mean to sound melodramatic but i knew i was dying i knew my time was running out i did don't know how but i just

knew it so when he came i was very grateful because I just wanted to lay down and sleep and and you know I felt very weak so yeah guys went to the same hospital could they care for you the same place or how that yeah I went first and they had to use all these like big bolt cutters and stuff to get cat out because cat was sort of trapped inside a metal wreckage like I forgot to say but the car landed on her side so she took most of the impact so she was just like this little tiny person walked in by the range of a wreckage so yeah and then it took a while for me to see her at the hospital yeah it took three days before I saw her oh my gosh I mean I think about that all the time like when you're both like a family you know goes in it's like to not be able to see each other must have just been, you know, so hard because you also wonder, like, are the doctors telling me the truth?

Are they just trying to save me from being in more agony by not telling me what's really going on? Like all of that just would run through my mind. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny. You asked how a man with a broken neck could walk around and, and that was just a point that I shouldn't have been, not be able to walk around. Cause I was, the neurosurgeon had me laying still, like I couldn't move anything still for three days until she figured out what to do with me. So I had to lie exactly still, couldn't move at all. It gave me a lot of time to think. But then instead of surgery, because she realized that someone has to take care of Kat, my wife. So instead of surgery, which

can damage more than it can heal, so to speak, she put a halo on me. And I don't know if you know what it is, but it's like a metal frame. Yeah. They drill into your skull and then it presses down and it attaches your head to the vertebrae. So after three days, I got that. And then I was able to see my wife. So, you know, I hate this question that I'm about to ask, but I just shoot shit straight. What was going on in your mind as the driver of this car? Like, did you have to carry that guilt? Did you like beat yourself up? Did you have to find

forgiveness, even though you have no clue what frickin happened? Oh, I'm shaking of goosebumps again. Yeah, you know, all the right questions that obviously, um, yeah, it was hell. Like, well, first thing first, I hadn't had anything to drink. That's the first question everyone asked me like the hospital, or that paramedicsamedics the police everyone and i never drink can drive because in sweden it's you're not allowed to have anything you can't drink a beer even so that's kind of like i'm born i'm born with that so so there's no alcohol in the picture so that that saved myself from myself so to speak in the sense that i realized that it was an accident, but I went over, trust me, a million times in my head, and I still do, but it's just, it sounds weird, but I can't

find any faults of my own, so to speak, and I realized accidents happen, but that first week in hospital was pure hell, and everyone who knows me know I raged against the world, man. I was like, F you to everyone. I mean, I raged. And I went through the cycle, like, you know, pray to God, hated God, love God, pray to God again, turn back time, all that stuff, like over and over and over and over. But after one week, I made peace. It took one week and then I made peace with myself. And like Pavel, it was an accident. Move on. Now you have to get strong for cats. And yeah, so since then then I've actually

made peace. How did you find out about Kat's condition? You know, you said you saw her three days after, did you know? Yeah. So here's the thing with that. And that's, I have long talks with my neurosurgeon about this. So when I was in the ER, I was here and then Kat was over here on the opposite end. Dr. Farrah, my neuros nurse, examined her and then she walked over to my bed and I was laying down, obviously. And she like up on top of me and leaned over and said, your wife will be paralyzed for life. At that point, it was a microsecond. And then I started repeating, I have to be strong for Kat. I have to be strong for Kat.

I have to be strong for Kat. And I repeated that for three days and three nights. Like that's all I did. So that second was like, that was my moment of choice, right? Either to run away like some men do or feel sorry for myself or like, but it's just, I took the choice right then and there. Like, okay, this is what we have to do. And it gave me an opportunity not to feel sorry for myself not to dive into my own wounds and worry so so and a neurosurgeon she says she didn't say it we're not we're friends we're okay with it but that's what I heard at least and that gave me the power to tell myself to be strong so those are the words you heard whatever she said after before probably was nothing yeah you, you're probably right, Chana. That was probably it. She probably said a lot more. Yeah, you're on point. That's what my Yeah, and it's good. That's what I needed to hear at that point. Like that. Yeah. I don't want to keep going back to the accident piece. But I did want to share that. My dad was

driving from Colorado to Las Vegas in a huge expedition with my aunt, my uncle and my mom. And they had all my wedding centerpieces and stuff in the back. And it actually has me with complete chills too, because the way you described what happened, happened to them, except for my dad was a truck driver, but he said he was white knuckled. One of the tires had popped and he went sideways and they started sliding down the gravel. My dad grabbed the steering wheel and he said he remembered grabbing it so hard that his arms hurt the next day. That's exactly it. That's exactly it. He said they all remember thinking,

how in the hell did we land back down? They they don't know how it happened, but my dad got really sick after with shingles from the stress of what he went through. Because my mom is like, if your father did not like hold on with every ounce, like he will even tell you, he doesn't know how he got the car to go back down. They didn't have like a long slope, like you that they were fighting against. It was more level. My dad was like, we were going 75 miles per hour. And he's still to this day battles with like PTSD and shingles from that experience. I mean, this is exactly how I experienced it. This is what your dad went through. That's, that's it. I mean, you tell it better than I tell it. I mean, because it happened to him, that's exactly it. But in one

weird way, you telling me this gives me sort of a little bit of comfort, to be honest, you know, this exact thing has happened to others, you know, it's just, yeah, it sounds so similar. Yeah, I gotta, I gotta talk to your dad some point, you know, even if it's only an email or something, but maybe you guys can meet at 5am and go on a run. Yeah, maybe we should. He's 83 years old and he still runs. That's awesome. I want to be 83 and still run.

I'm your dad. Yes, he's amazing. So Kat, oh my gosh, what did it feel like the first time you got to look at her? Yeah, it's, it's, I was rolled up in a wheelchair to, um, to the ICU where she was at and she was, um, in a coma. So the doctor had given her 10% chance to survive. I didn't know that at the, at the time, but that was the percentage um so yeah i was rough man like i was in a halo and and obviously in a pain and um could hardly stand up and then then i see my wife just with tubes and machines beeping and yeah i was rough cat is such a beautiful woman yeah no she is in her in her and out yeah that was tough i remember half standing up trying to

stand up and I was like screaming at her you know fight for us cat fight for us you know so she said she never hurt me but uh yeah that was rough then it was rough yeah how long was she in a coma um it was about a week um so I think that was medically induced just to be able to get her body to heal because she'd gone through like a 10-hour surgery and then 10% chance to survive that surgery. The doctor didn't have too high hopes. But she said she fought hard just to be able to give Kat a chance to be able to sit upright and have some sort of life.

And luckily, though like her brain is intact and she's the smartest woman on earth. So that's, so she, she handles herself well with that. You know, you talked a lot about in the little clip you sent this morning heroes, and clearly you're a hero. She's a hero. This story also just reminded me of a gentleman that we had on who went blind just randomly one day, completely blind while he was studying at Harvard. And he travels internationally now for a job. He's a hero. So what is a hero to you? Yeah, it's my ex-wife defined it for me, actually. I wish I had the quote here, but it's someone who goes above and beyond and doesn't

expect anything in return. Her quote was a little longer, but for me to be totally unselfish and laid all in line and don't expect nothing, that's a hero to me. And those are the people that we met and they all really went above and beyond and they never expected anything and that's why i want to give them everything that's why i'm doing this documentary and putting all my energy soul and heart and money into it because i want to honor them like i want other people to see them even if they don't want to be seen i don't care they like they need that they still need their five minutes to be seen because they also have something that other people can be motivated by something drives them so i was curious what what drives these people

that just come out of the woodworks to help us and it's different it's interesting to interview them different things drive different people but um i do want to say that god or divinity or the creator or however you want to call it, that is a driving force for many of these people. So, but not for all, it's not, it's not for everyone, but for many. When you said selfless, I immediately thought about a couple of interviews, Shanna and I have done like my brother's master Sergeant, my brother passed away in Iraq in 2007 and his master Sergeant felt responsible for it. And then the firemen that saved me, both are so selfless that they actually feel uncomfortable

getting interviewed or getting any thank yous or getting any applause or awards. It makes them extremely uncomfortable because they are so selfless. No, I have the same experience. One of the person I sent you in a clip this morning, Matthew, he's just this all-American man, a lumberjack, like a contractor guy. And he drove me back and forth to the hospital every day. And it's a journey. He basically built our house.

We bought his old house and he basically just built it for us and it just and it keeps on going it never stops like he's drives us to the airport four o'clock in the morning and whatever else is needed he does and he like never yeah it's and I agree with you and that and he's just just as you described uncomfortable on camera like he doesn't uncomfortable yeah isn't that beautiful yes it's so beautiful because they're like you know you'll hear it's just my job or it's it's truly just such a part of their soul yeah they don't even care like to be thanked because it's just such a part of who they are yeah no i damn i want to interview you for the documentary for real. Put it so eloquently. The same with my neurosurgeon.

This really high performing neurosurgeon, thousands of awards, all the great universities. And I see her, in a way I thought I was special because I thought she really took to me. But when I'm filming her and interviewing her and watching her interact with other people, she makes everyone feel special. I wasn't special. I was one of the persons that she met but she impacts everyone she meets and it has

nothing to do with money or or buying any because that's not who she is no it's just she is just so motivated from above through her she says like she's a vessel and she just goes full out like every day and she's happy like she's stressed she's a vessel and she just goes full out like every day. And she's happy. Like she's stressed. She loses her voice because she works too much, but she's, I mean, I see it in her. She's just, you know, it's beautiful to see. So how long did Kat have to stay in the hospital and did you get to go home without her? Matthew? Yeah. I got to go home after a week with the halo on and then I had a two year recovery. But yeah, I got to go home after a week. Kat was in

the hospital. And then after a month, Kat was stable enough to be transferred to the VA spinal cord unit. They have a special unit for spinal cord injuries since they're so devilish, I want to say. So then, and then she had to be there for months. So, so yeah, I got to spend Christmas Eve alone in a halo, literally with a bottle of whiskey. Yeah. That was probably one of the saddest moments in my life. Yeah. First of all, just from my experience, you're also taking new medications. You're withdrawing off ones that they had you on in the hospital, you're, you have the trauma of just the accident. And, you know, I just, I just remember there were nights where I was just like, I felt so not myself and so confused about what had happened. How did you feel in that moment with that bottle of whiskey?

Well, let's just say that the liquor store across the street got a lot of visits for sure the first period, you know, sort of like numb, numb the feelings. And then I also had opioids, but the opioids made me feel, I mean, I realized that it made me feel too good. It's just, they numb me too much. I like, I quickly realized I cannot take these because I will get hooked on these. So I took that bottle and threw it away. Good for you. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't. Yeah. They were just too, too blessed, you know? So yeah, it was the whiskey alcohol got me through it just in the beginning. Just that were that little hump. Yeah. Not to be too depressed. Well, guess what? Um, did, so did you walk to the liquor store? Yeah, I didn't walk to the liquor store yeah i didn't walk to liquor well

i mean that's some pretty good pt you had going on i mean shit got you through the humps there we go so hey everything's there for a reason there we go yeah what did what did the homecoming of cat look like it was the saddest thing ever so we were like two young guns we were like on top of the world i was a i was at that point the best fitness photographer in america and i was an air force major and to be a woman and a major in the air force is pretty unusual yeah and she was working with the gps system and and solar stars basically so she was it was a hot shit and then going and then a triathlete and so going from all that coming home being carried home being strapped into a standing frame it's called i mean you can't move anything is strapped in and the worst part is that we lived in manhattan beach was a which is a

nice nice area in los angeles with yeah with we had a house with views over the beach so she got to stand there strapped in her standing frame looking at everyone else enjoying their lives and continuing their lives and running and having fun so it was just like a punishment on punishment to live there in that moment so yeah it was terrible it was terrible oh my gosh like my heart just literally i think hurt because yeah holy shit she's a major you i mean you guys were on top of the world like you said yeah yeah and she and she was so physical in the sense that her athlete runs marathons she did a hundred mile bicycle run i mean she was really a high-end athlete and then going from that to not being able to move at all. Plus then, of course, all the old demons with the rapes come up.

And she can't move and probably couldn't move when she was raped. And she can't move now. And it just becomes this monster, right? This huge monster. Did you guys have nights where you just screamed and cried together? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Lots of them. Year one was all about that. It was mostly about cats screaming and yelling and me drinking whiskey. It was crazy. Yeah. Jack became your best friend. Yeah, McAllen. I was beautiful area in life. Have you ever been able to go back to that sign on the highway and collect your energy back from that accident? Yeah, yes and no. I've sort of glanced by it. Cat's been there more than I. I've sort of just like swerved by it. I honestly have not. I've not gotten out of the car yet, but I do want to do that. And I do want to try to find,

well, the angel or the homeless person, or just stand there and feel his presence or her presence. But yeah, I haven't yet. I really haven't. That's the one thing I haven't done. I've done everything else. What did you guys, does healing look like? Not just physically, but also spiritually, emotionally? What did that look like? I would almost have Kat speak for herself, but for me, it was podcasts. I just had my iPhone and my headphones and I walked to beach and I listened to everything. I mean, everything. Everything Eckhart Tolle mentioned, everything Jordan Peterson did, everything Joe Rogan did. It wasn't so much for them. It was for the guests they have, so to speak.

Everything Rich Roll had, everything. I was a couple of psychiatrists. It was literally thousands and thousands of podcasts because I needed to find a reason why this happened, right? How I thought I was, I wanted to do so. So that was good. I educated myself at the same time. So that was good. For Kat, it's been up and down.

She's been seeing psychologists. She's been seeing friends. She has a big social network. So that's been a big part of the healing but in honest in all honesty Shana I think like every day we heal I heal myself by talking about this doing the documentary doing the feature film writing book I think I have to do something every day that has to do with this and then that makes me feel okay so yeah mandy had mentioned her brother's master sergeant tom campbell and he said the same thing he said the more i talked about it the easier it

got like he would cry at different parts and he realized that you know he didn't cry at that part anymore but he cried at this part and then he eventually there wasn't any cracks in his voice when he told the story and so the more he talked about it the more he healed from it does Kat ever do podcast or you should ask her she yes and no she's two friends she's open and now that we're doing the screenplay for the feature film she's opening up to the screenplay writer which is not me um to tell us the story more in detail to her to honor so so yes and no i want to say it's hard man like you guys know it's hard like for me it's like i hate to say this but it's been a blessing like i i tell people this like if we take cat out of the picture she's not here i would i mean i would want everything to happen

that has happened because i've become such a much better person. So if Kat wasn't involved, I would still want to have the accident and go through everything because I became a better person and I started helping other people. But obviously for Kat, she's not in my situation. She's paralyzed. She can't move. So for her, it's totally different. So we come at this from such different angles, which is a little rough sometimes too. Absolutely. Because I was sitting there thinking my brother's master sergeant really struggled with the survivor's guilt because he felt like the bullet was meant for him.

And I'm just being completely honest. But when you said you were walking the beach and running, I was imagining, well, what was Kat doing? Poor thing. Like, did you feel guilty that you could go out and run? Did you feel guilty that you could go, you know, walk out the door and she's poor thing has to just lay there. It's going to sound harsh, but I didn't feel guilty. I think if I had felt guilty, I would have killed myself. I did like make peace with myself that first week. I really did. I like, it's not your fault, Pavel. It was an accident. But then all my focus was to get strong for cat.

So the doctor said, you can't do anything. Just lay still for four months or you'll die. So I did the opposite. I just did everything I could. And she said, she'd never seen anyone heal up as fast as I did. Like literally never out of her 10,000 patients or whatever. She said, I've never seen anyone heal up as fast as you did. Like literally never. Out of her 10,000 patients or whatever, she said,

I've never seen anyone heal up as fast as you did. What did you do? And I said, I just thought about Kat. Like, you know, strong for Kat, stay strong for Kat, be strong for Kat, be strong for Kat. So you couldn't stay in the guilt or the victim mode.

You had to be strong in everything you were doing, running, listening to podcasts. It was all for Kat. You had to be strong in everything you were doing, running, listening to podcasts. It was all for Kat. You had to be strong to be able to be there for mentally and physically. Exactly. Exactly. I feel like this is a very profound message for our listeners. So it's all about perspective and your mind and then how much it can control you. So we talk a lot about limiting beliefs, stories we tell ourselves. So we talk a lot about limiting belief stories we tell ourselves. So you could have chose the story of, I feel guilty. This is my fault. This is

shitty. But you chose to get into the love and say, I'm going to let this motivate me so I can take care of my wife. Yeah, you put it so eloquently, but that's exactly it. And that's what I was trying to tell my neurosurgeon to you being harsh at me in the emergency room saying that my wife was paralyzed for life helped me catapult me into that mindset that helped me start you know the wheels turning be strong for cat be strong for cat be strong for cat i mean i realized early what was going on, obviously. So yeah. So yeah. I think that that's just such a beautiful love story. A love for someone else drove you to heal. Was there love for yourself too that drove you? You know what?

I've always been like a happy guy. Like I've always liked life. I always enjoyed life. I don't know where it comes from. That might be another podcast, but innately I'm happy. And that certainly helped, you know, in this journey. So yeah, I mean, I want to live, you know, you call it love for oneself. Yeah. I want to live. Yeah. Yeah. I can relate. I remember when I, when I got home for the first day, so I had to go to rehab just to learn to walk and stuff. And

then when I went to my mom's for a couple of weeks to take care of me, and then I remember the first day I went back to my home, which is where my big asthma attack happens. And I remember sitting there looking at the steps and never realizing just like how big they looked because I knew I had to walk up them. Oh, wow. Yeah. And I remember that was the day that I made the choice. I can sit in my shit. I remember seeing like the trees swaying. I remember hearing a man mowing the lawn behind me. I remember like some birds chirping. And I remember out of the corner of my eye catching like a view of the mountains and thinking, you know, I love life. Life is really beautiful. And just all my senses were just really intact and heightened. And I loved my family. And that

was the love that helped me to just be strong and get better, you know fast and now you do this and now you help other people and spread the message so it's just become a circle of good though right i mean yeah and now you wrote a book and now are helping other people um you know by the strength through the suffering and showing how powerful true love is. How did you come to write this book? What's that journey look like? I wrote a lot of Facebook posts because that's, you know, social media, we all do. And at some point, I don't even know how I started right now, but it's at some point,

it became the best way of self-healing to write. And at some point, they became more and more. And I also think that I needed the world to like to hear my story like and I also needed the questions to stop because everyone asked me questions all the time so I was like what if I write a book and then I can even someone asked me I can just read the book because yeah you know yeah because they asked me about everything about the accident about guilt about I about guilt, about, I mean, all these questions that I know enjoy talking about, but at that point it was rough to get them

shot at you. It was inside. Exactly. Oh yeah. You're right. There we go. It was inside. Now it's out and it's easier to work with it. Yeah. For me, it was important to pinpoint the responsibility, like the people that took responsibility for what happened and the people that didn't take responsibility i'm not shaming my family or cat's family or anything like that but it was still important to to tell this modern world with the kardashians like look there's something else out there like you know there's a higher goal there's fulfillment there's um there's something else that's available to you. If you like man up or woman up and I needed to say that. So, so where's, where's your faith at today?

I mean, you were angry at God. You said, do you still have moments where you're angry? Does it fluctuate? I wanted, I'll quote Jordan Peterson just because he says, I behave in this world as if I'm a believer or I'm paraphrasing, but I think that's where my faith is. I try to be a good person. And if you look at me, think I'm a believer and I have so many believers following me because I do behave in this world as if I was a Christian. I don't necessarily believe in a man with a beard. I'm not opposed to something bigger out there. Let's just put it like that. I would love to die and find out there was something bigger out there. Let's put it like that. Yeah. And love to like, after this life, go dancing around with your

wife. This body has just a shelf life, but that love between you and her, that energy never dies. So that's something to look forward to. Yeah. I often dream about her moving and dancing. And yeah. So yeah. Yeah.

I hope that comes true. If she came on our podcast and we asked her to describe you in a few words, what would she say? Oh, interesting. Oh, interesting. And I would hope that she would describe me as happy in a sense that I'm always going up and about.

I would hope that she would say adventurous because I wasn't adventurous before I met her. And loving. And loving. Yeah. Can you tell our listeners how you have helped fulfill some of her adventure and her that she couldn't get out? Because the video I saw of you pushing her,

I think, I don't know what they're called, but those bikes where she could lay in. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was for Team Hoyt. Yeah, it's a tricycle where she can lay and you can push it. And so we run together. Yeah. What else have you guys done together? I think our biggest accomplishment so far was to go back down to Belize and tell it, I mean, that's no easy feat with a, with a person that's totally paralyzed. So that was rough. I mean, you literally have to

carry cat everywhere in his little small airplane seats and so forth and so that was a big feat to get that done but once we were there we had so much love from everyone that it wasn't a problem so to speak and we we took her on speedboats like four people to grab the wheelchair and we just kind of left her up on speedboats and so I think the police trip was was yeah was the epitome of forward. Yeah, that video had me in tears of you getting her out of the wheelchair and carrying her up the airplane steps. I can remember I went to rehab for alcoholism many years ago. And I can remember one of the things that they had me do was they put a blindfold on me for the day. I was forced to ask for help because I was a very

independent woman. I was very much did everything on my own. It's something I've always struggled with is asking for help. And I feel like Kat had a very similar personality considering she was a sergeant in the air force. And so I'm sure this has been very awakening how important it is to allow people to be there for you. Because what I realized was by asking for help or allowing someone to do something for me, I'm not only, you know, getting helped, but I'm gifting them as well. So it's probably been a true gift for you to be able to help her. It was bumps. Oh, you're so right. You're so right. God damn it. It's beautiful words. No, I love it. Cause that's, it took me, oh man, it took me, I want to say four years,

maybe even five years to see it like that. And I, and I, I did put it in a book. So maybe four years, that you have four years to see it as a gift. Like this is a gift to be able or to be allowed to help someone else. So yes, I couldn't agree more but it's it's a takes a while to to achieve that level of um you know gratitude yeah yeah yeah gratitude then yeah it takes a little while yeah wow i feel blessed to be on here with you today thank you and i believe telling our stories is a gateway to human

connection. And if your beautiful wife is ever wanting to share her story, we would love to have her on. I also just wanted to say thank you for putting the book out. Part of me was like, oh my God, it has to be so hard for you to keep revisiting this. It also seems like you still have kind of stayed in your lane. Can you tell us a little bit about this fighters diet? Yeah, yeah. Well, first of all, thank you for your kind words. And thank you for allowing me to be here. I really appreciate it. And you do good work. I can sit here and talk all day with you guys. It's very healing, man. Yeah, super healing. So hopefully, the listeners will get some healing out of it too.

So the fighter diet is actually a mental, the fighter's mind. So you need a strong mind in order to control your cravings. So we all have food is of such importance for us. So we teach people how to be strong mentally and to eat the right things, meaning eat large volumes of low calorie food. So that would in layman terms be vegetables or lean protein. That means you don't go hungry and you fill up your stomach. There you go. I think that's brilliant. I don't know that I've, yeah, I've, I've never heard of a diet that teaches you to be mind strong.

I love it. Yeah, it's my ex-wife, Pauline. And she's a roller coaster in herself. So yeah, she should be on the podcast too, for sure. Wow, that's amazing. So health became such an important thing for you, obviously. You know, wanting to stay alive and survive to be there for cat. And so working out and staying strong, you know, physically and mentally became a huge part of your life. Yeah, I mean, I was always like athletic in the sense

that I kept in shape. But after the accident, obviously, that became priority number one. But more so, I think physically, I physically, I had it sort of given because I'd always worked out, but it was the mental aspect of my life that, that elevated that took, took off, so to speak. And I mean, you guys know, if you can control the mental aspect of it, then you can almost do anything. Right. So, yeah. I think you've mentioned your ex-wife twice. So I love that you guys have this strong, kind, loving relationship. And it sounds like she's been very supportive of you and your relationship with Kat. I think that says a lot about you as a man. Thank you.

Yeah. Thank you. Well, thank you. Yes, we are. We're best friends. And let me tell you, Kat's Latina. So she's a little feisty. So it took a little while for Kat and Pauline, my ex-wife, to get along.

But once they did, they're friends too. But yeah, yeah. I don't see no reason why you shouldn't be friends with your exes. You know, you have shared experiences. You have shared time together. She's sort of a witness to your life and a witness to her own life. So yeah. Yeah. Do you have to do a lot of

exercise with Kat to make sure that her arms and her bones and her legs, like moving them to make sure that she doesn't atrophy too much and still stay strong? She hasn't now during COVID, but she usually goes to a facility called Next Step, which is a facility for people with paralysis. It's people with war wounds from the wars or people that get strokes or accidents or old age. So she normally goes there three times a week, and then they take care of most of that part. So we're fortunate enough that she can go there. We don't do that much at home we have a bike that she's on and we kind of um i want to say tape her hands on the bike and the bike kind of moves her

body for her so that keeps her ligaments and muscles active so to speak so so you said that you know her health could fall possibly in time why that? I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to paralysis. So why is that? I think she has died almost four times these last four years. It is because paralysis, it's such a devil made it up because she can't control body temperature and her body has. So that's one of the things that can happen um if she doesn't go to the restroom if she doesn't she can obviously not go to the restroom herself but so if we don't do a catheter then her blood pressure rises to the point where it never stops rising so then she strokes out and dies because the capillary is burst so there's all

these little conditions you have to check all the time because the body has no other way to warn her. So the body goes amok. It's almost like an anaphylactic shock that it just like the body just goes. So that's why the most scary thing though is pneumonia, not to speak of COVID. So she had pneumonia one time and she, and she can't cough because her, her diaphragm is too weak. So we have to push on her, on her stomach to get the phlegm out. So most or many people with severe paralysis die from pneumonia. Okay. And there's 24 seven care. It costs over a hundred thousand dollars a year to care. It costs $132,000 for almost minimum wage per year.

Yeah. And you do have things set up to help her through donations for Kat through an organization, a nonprofit. Can you talk about that? The first years, we emptied out our bank accounts and my dad's bank account and other people's bank accounts because people were very kind and very giving. Then just to cut a long story short, we were very fortunate to be in contact with Wounded Warriors that are helping us a lot financially. And we're also in contact with some other organizations and people that are helping out. So them together with our own assistance make those $132,000 a year possible. The sum in

itself is it's absolutely crazy. And that's also why many people end up in nursing homes, because there's just no way of getting that money. That's and that's just for the care, then you have rent, food, all the other stuff. So, oh, my gosh, wounded warriors. I've heard of them so many times, obviously, with my brother passing. And, know, my sister-in-law and my niece have been very well taken care of by like TAPS and the army. The army did really help them too. That just warms my heart to know that even though she wasn't wounded in war or wounded, that they still are stepping in and helping. I didn't know that. Yeah, they make no

difference between if it's a war casualty or a casualty at home, so to speak. She was active duty when it happened. So that may have something to do with it. Yeah, no, they've been, I mean, they've been God sent, just God sent, you know, and then we have the air force for Kat as it's been phenomenal. I can't speak highly enough of the camaraderie between airmen. It's just, I've never seen anything like it. It's just unheard of. They're there for her financially and camaraderie and visits and so forth. What is a romantic night with you and Kat look like these days? That's a good question. Honestly, for us, the biggest and best moments are either in the mornings when she wakes up and I'm laying there next to her holding her or in the evenings when we were both in bed and I squeeze next to her and she can only feel her head and her upper traps. So I squeeze myself like I almost like a dog, like I push myself into her so we can have as much skin towards each other as possible.

And we just lay there. And that is it. Because, yeah, it's to recharge our energy and just feel each other, you know? So that's, yeah. Yeah. So people do want to donate. They can donate to strongwithcat.com. That's right. They can go to strongwithcat.com. That's right. They can go to strongwithcat.com

and obviously we welcome donations. And so thank you very much. We are well taken care of at the moment though. So yeah. But they can also get your book, which also will help you in cat. And that's available pretty much anywhere. It's an amazing story of love and suffering, but also of so much strength. Yeah, I hope to see it as the title is sort of, it's a downer a little bit, but I needed it to be sort of presented for what it was. But most people find strength and hope and resilience in the book. I mean, I've had people in hospitals with COVID thanking me for the strength the book gave.

And honestly, I've had many people thanking me for just being truthful about my own shortcomings and my own feelings I had going through all this. Because God knows, I wanted to run. And I was scared. And I felt a lot of bad feelings. And I was honest about those in the book and they, they're, they're thankful that I'm truthful about it. So. Yeah. True love and

suffering, a caretaker's memoir of trauma, despair, and other blessings. Yeah. Yep. Focus on the blessings. Oh my gosh. This has been fantastic. I mean, it's been healing. I've healed for a week now talking to you girls. You know, I feel like that too. I just wish I could climb through this screen and give you a huge hug. You too. Thank you. Yeah. And now it's time for break that shit down.

Be strong, find that strength and be hopeful. There's always something around the bend. So if you can't endure it, then just take it like minute by minute or second by second, because that's what I did. I really, when it was at the worst for me, I just took it step by step, second by second, because that's what I did. I really, when it was, when it was at the worst for me, I just took it step by step, second by second. And eventually I could see the horizon again. So be strong, have hope, be resilient. Thank you so much. I feel very, very honored to have you on. It's been a pleasure. Thank you for those last words. We will definitely stay in touch and cannot wait to watch this documentary. When will it be released? Do you

think? We're hoping late, late fall this year, hoping. So we're hoping one of the streamers will pick it up and I'm pretty confident they will. So yeah, I'll keep you in the loop and thank you so much for allowing me to be on here and hopefully Kat, my wife can, can join you too and discuss too at some point. Awesome. Thank you. Thanks for being with us today. We hope you will come back next week. If you like what you hear, don't forget to rate, like, and subscribe. Thank you. We rise to lift you up. Thanks for listening.