Sense of Soul - YOU ARE ENOUGH

Episode Date: November 12, 2021

Today on Sense of Soul Podcast, Meet Matt Travis, a high-performance Lifestyle/Wellness Coach. Matt Travis has dedicated his life to helping mom entrepreneurs prioritize themselves and shift their subconscious habits to ensure sustainable business, health, and lifestyle growth. His passion stems from first-hand experience of the devastating effects of doing the exact opposite. It all started when Matt opened his first business, a fitness facility, on top of being a full-time teacher and a sleep-deprived first time parent. He was doing what most mom entrepreneurs do at the onset of their business journey: striving for success by working long hours and multiple jobs, serving everyone else first, and de-prioritizing self-care. These actions led to a slow and steady burnout and Matt’s health and relationships soon deteriorated.  But a huge realization came from this painful experience: the awareness that he has spent his whole life seeking external validation still never feeling enough. As a child and young adult, Matt struggled with ADHD and exhausted himself trying to prove his worth by earning degrees and certifications along with his Masters in Health and Physical Education. It wasn’t until he became a Rapid Transformation Therapist that he realized the root of his, and so many others’, subconscious habits stem from not feeling enough. Observing his female colleagues and members of his fitness facility, majority mothers, Matt witnessed the same repetitive pattern which ignited the launch of his company, The Potential-U. The Potential-U empowers women to transform their subconscious habits and raise their lowest standards, so they can recognize their self-worth and build sustainable and successful businesses. Mom entrepreneurs are the change-makers of our society and the impact of helping mom leads to a healthier and happier home, community, and world. No mother should feel guilty about pursuing her passion or put her health and relationships at risk to grow and succeed in business. https://www.thepotential-u.com/transformation-session Please go check out our Sense of Soul’s merch and workshops and learn more about us @ www.mysenseofsoul.com! Exclusively on Sense of Soul Patreon  is the 777 Chakra Journey, 7 weeks 7 Chakras, beginning this week with the Root Chakra and end at the end of 2021! Listen to Shanna’s mini-series about her ancestral journey Untangled Roots! https://www.patreon.com/senseofsoul  

Welcome to the Sense of Soul podcast. We are your hosts, Shanna and Mandy. Grab your coffee, open your mind, heart, and soul. It's time to awaken. Today we have with us Matt Travis. He is a high-performance lifestyle wellness coach. He has dedicated his life to helping mom entrepreneurs prioritize themselves and shift their subconscious habits to ensure sustainable business, health, and lifestyle growth. His passion stems from firsthand experience of the devastating effects of doing the exact opposite. Matt opened his first business, a fitness facility, on top of being a full-time teacher and a sleep-deprived first-time parent. He was doing what most mom entrepreneurs do at the onset of their business journey, striving for success by working long hours, multiple jobs, serving everyone else first, and deprioritizing his self-care. These actions led to a steady and slow burnout.

And we can't wait to hear more about Matt's journey and how he turned all of that pain into purpose. Hi, Matt. How are you doing? Good. How are you folks? Good. Busy, but good. We were just talking behind your back five minutes ago before you hopped on so are you a like full-time dad or what's the story there yeah so i i have a loving wife of almost eight years and i have two kids um seven and three both boys i've worn many hats in my life, job-wise. But yeah, it's all brought me to here, where I'm at right now. And it's a good thing. Well, I love that.

Yeah, we were just talking. Shanna was comparing you to, who did you say? What movie, Shanna? Well, I believe it was Michael Keaton. Was he the guy who was Beetlejuice? No. OK, so yeah, same guy. And see, I don't really know what happened if the mom

started working or i believe or something and he started to clone i know exactly what you're talking about yep he clones himself a bunch of times and each time it gets dumber the clone gets dumber and dumber yeah i remember that's such a funny thing i remember movies really well once i always wanted a clone i've always said that for since i became a mother i was like god that would be so amazing if i could get a clone so i could just go get a massage and then the clone could do all the work this world would be so fucked if there was a clone of me if there was two of me i don't know if i would like i think i would like the clone of me but i don't you just don't know you know and then you have a clone of

you walking around and that's another thing especially if you don't want it anymore yeah this is when they don't do any dirty work on your yeah yeah there's a lot of things for that. So Matt, like a year ago, Shanna and I really wanted to get on the doppelganger chick. So have you ever heard of a doppelganger? I know what a doppelganger is. I've never heard of the doppelganger chick. Okay, so she has found tons of doppelgangers. She actually has found two for herself and they look identical to her

and they've done DNA tests and they are not related at all but she never responded sadly but we were like how how crazy is it to think that realistically I mean of course we don't know if it's true but they say every single one of us has the doppelganger out there. Now I went into the app and put my picture in and it pulled up my doppelganger and I was pissed. I'm like, I do not look like that. That's not me. This is not flattering. Oh my God. That is so funny. I went into Google art app. Have you ever done that before? You go to Google art and you put in your picture and they find somebody in history that looks like you yeah and it makes sense now but

you were african-american in every single one i feel like what we have going on here could just be the podcast it's pretty good this is how it always ends this is this is. This is what we aim for, Matt. Just true, authentic conversation. And what comes from that is always just magical, to be honest with you. It's best. Yeah, it is. But you are a mom entrepreneur. No, I'm not a mom entrepreneur. I help mom entrepreneurs. Right. not a mom entrepreneur i help mom entrepreneur right it would be weird if well i guess in this day and age i guess i could be right you can be whatever you want to be right um yeah so like it started out with just helping moms and then i really fell in love with like helping

moms that are building businesses and have like bigger visions for themselves. And, and really it's helping them not do what I did, which is like burnout, destroy their health and wellbeing and their lifestyle. And I just, when I was running my fitness facility, I had so many moms and when I got them healthy and happy, the ripple effect through the rest of the family is hands down the coolest thing I can think of on the planet. I love what happens when mom gets healthy and happy. And it's not the same thing when dad gets healthy and happy. I know that's weird for me to say, but it's just what I found. It's just after working with hundreds of thousands of people, like mom's a linchpin.

I don't know if you both agree with that but if mom's healthy and happy things are much better happy wife happy life the biggest fact on the planet so wait i want to know were you just sitting around and you're and you're doing your thing your dad full-time teacher and i and i also must say sleep deprived yep and. And you're like, holy fuck. This is what moms have to go through? Yes. So basically, I was a full-time teacher. I had opened a fitness facility.

Like, I had just finished my master's. We had just had a child. We had just gotten married. So, like, this was all in, like, an extremely short period of time. And my health and well-being just kind of like fell apart during that whole process. And I didn't realize I was stressed during that. Like, I was like, I can do all of this, right? My mindset at that point was like, go big or go home.

Here we go. And it just kind of all fell apart there. And I got to the point in my life where I realized what anxiety felt like. I realized what depression felt like. I realized what destroying your health was all about. I realized I had burnt the candle at both ends and it wasn't working anymore. I couldn't do it anymore. And I was just holding on for dear life. And I started to realize really what a lot of moms do every single day. Like they are literally working full-time job or trying to build a business or doing both, right? Working full-time job and trying to build a business.

And then going home and then working another full-time job, which is being a mom and after talking with hundreds of moms and just getting to understand where they're coming from what they think about at night like what what their fears and worries are and a lot of times it was like worries and fears about everybody else except for themselves. And it made me like, just be like, I want to be here for you. I want to support you. I want to help you. I want to stand for you. I want to do whatever it takes to help you become the best version of yourself and really put your oxygen mask on first. So you kind of bridged the gap because what happened was you have this fitness business. And of course, all of us moms, after we have kids want to go back and get in shape and that's usually our go-to. We, we go to our outsides first to heal instead of our insides.

And then correct me if I'm wrong, but a lot of times, you know, your, your trainer becomes kind of like your confidant and your therapist and your go-to and your friend. I mean, you guys wear lots of hats as fitness trainers. You're not just a fitness trainer. Us women love to talk. And so we talk to you guys a lot. And so you, it feels like you've kind of bridged this gap where you saw all these women coming to you and you were like, wow, they're all exhausted. They're all, you know, burning the candle at both ends. And then you came up with this, this idea. Yeah. And I actually did my due diligence. I, I wasn't a therapist when I was running my fitness facility. And then I got my nutrition certifications and then I did a lot of mindset program to teach mindset. Then I was like, I'm going to become a therapist.

I went and became a rapid transformation hypnotherapist. Just like you said, you do wear a lot of hats. I kept coming back to the thought like, I want to make sure that when people get results, they keep results. I think that's the number one thing I've always been, the number one why behind everything for me was, how do you get results and keep results? And when I was running my fitness facility, you know, we can get people results, but how do you keep them showing up? How do you keep them in the physical shape, right? How do you

get their mind to be on board with that? Same when it comes to eating, which I think is even harder than fitness for a lot of people. So that's why I pushed a lot into that in my program now. And then the mindset is really where I landed, and even deeper than that, the subconscious, because I learned that that is really what's dictating what we do or don't do, right? What we have or don't have. It's all of our subconscious habits. So I kind of followed the piece of string or went down the rabbit hole, per se, to really help at a much deeper level. Yeah. help at a much deeper level yeah you know what's interesting too is there's so many aspects of my

awakening over the years that once it awakened there was no going back so there wouldn't have been like if my body would awaken to fitness like i couldn't go back like literally there's like this threshold that once you get past it you can't go back and so it's like how do you get there so but i think you're right it starts with mindset but my question is is you must be an empath i would absolutely say that that is the case i mean you might need the man of the year award for all the things that you just said about how you feel that women shouldn't feel guilty about pursuing their passions or putting their health or relationships at risk to grow and succeed I mean those are like heavenly scripture words to me yeah can I say this way though like I have done the work where I

if you're a good coach you ask good questions and you listen and you pay attention and you you you feel it right like there's times where they're crying and then I might start crying like it's just I think that's what the empath piece of it is. And then more importantly is just making sure that, I think part of my path on this journey in this world is to help partners of moms to understand kind of what I've seen. Working on a workshop right now, actually, interestingly enough, it's not out in the open yet, but we're working on doing a workshop with couples

to help them, to help both partners understand their love languages, to help, because a lot of times we're trying to understand what our partner wants, but there's a breakdown in that communication right and i feel like i'm in a very unique experience in a very unique space because i've talked to so many moms i've talked to so many women and i will never know what it's like to be a woman or a mom ever. And I do my very best every single day to listen, learn, and be present to understand as much as humanly possible so that I can serve in the best way possible. That's awesome. And you have some experience under your belt, unfortunately, but also fortunately. And the fact that a lot of women and moms go through this stage where they don't feel like they're enough. And they don't feel like just being a mom is enough.

And they kind of lose their identity between their career and being a mom is enough and they kind of lose their identity between their career and being a mom. And you experienced not feeling like you were enough when you were a child. Can you talk about that? Absolutely. Yeah. And I never like knew of it as that, right? Like I just, there was always something. It all of course stems. And when I became a hypnotherapist I started to learn how much our childhoods affect like our beliefs from our childhood affect so much after that like it's it's so wild people are walking around with limiting beliefs from when they were a child that they don't realize so I was I was dealing with a lot of enoughness issues around, you know, having a lot of learning disabilities. Like when I got into high school, I had to relearn how to

read. I fell into depression. I eventually got the support and medication that I needed for ADHD and things like that. But there's always, you know, for every positive comment, there's a lot of negative comments. And, and that ultimately, like pushed me like, like told, I was never going to get into college told I wasn't when I was in college, I wouldn't get to my to into my master's program. After that, they were like, you'd be lucky to get a job out of college and just try to, I guess I was in this mode of like, I'm going to prove you wrong. And also a big lesson I learned from all of that in my early, in my early years was like, never accept a diagnosis that doesn't empower you. Because I think a lot of people are

being told what they can or cannot do. And I see that with a lot of the women and moms that I work with, they're told what they can or cannot do. And it's extremely unfair, because if they accept that as true, then it becomes a belief. And that's where I have a problem with the way that society kind of looks at this. And there hasn't been the shifts that need to have happened with when women entered the workforce, right, in the 1930s, 40s, and 50s. the shift of the household duties and just the connection of like look they're going they're working all day and then they're expected to do all these other things like there's something really wrong with that and i feel like it's kind of continued on and had not been talked about and there needs to be a deeper understanding of how moms feel when they have all of these things on their plate that they're

expected to do. And if they don't do them, then they're not enough. Right? So there's this underlying thing. I think that's just not talked about and it needs to be talked about more. Does that make sense? Matt, I like you a lot, dude. I'm serious. This is amazing. And for a man to speak on this on behalf of women, I think is also powerful. And I think that it needs to be spoken out more. You were just talking about like, you know, how women really just seriously start working like in the 1940s around that, you know, where prior to that, I mean, we couldn't even vote, you know, I mean, in my family, I'm Southern. So I'm from Southern background. And I came to Colorado. So growing up here, I had my mother who grew up in New Orleans, and we have very strong Southern roots. The two men that I've had in my life, I have my ex-husband, who I had my first

three children with, and then my current, who I have my love child with, we are both Colorado boys. Okay. Their family dynamics look completely different than mine because of just the different locations, because the dynamics of the family roles in the family are totally different. For instance, the trash getting taken out. Nobody in my family, no women in my family take the trash out. That is, I mean, but that's ridiculous, right? I've learned that that's ridiculous. But in my eyes and how I grew up, you know, we didn't do that. And so that was something, you know, I had to accept as well. But also the fact that when my little ones became like two, three, these men were looking at me, well, aren't you going to work? And I looked at them, are you crazy?

You're supposed to work. I'm supposed to stay home. So it's so funny how depending on where you grew up and what you saw as a child became part of your subconscious, right? That's what it is. And it wasn't until I became aware and we were able to talk about that. So it wasn't that I wasn't meeting you halfway. This is just all I knew. Yeah.

That's the thing. It's knowing that. So I try to explain, this is the biggest thing that I teach a lot of my members and people I work with. You are not your subconscious habits so a lot of us personalize these things and we're like I'm bad I'm wrong I'm broken what's wrong with me I'm trying this diet I can't do it I'm trying to exercise I can't do it right I'm trying to build this business I I can't do it. What's wrong with me? And it's not you. It's the subconscious habits that you have. So I explain it this way. You're not a procrastinator. You have a habit of procrastination, right? So it's learned behavior from when we're children. So if we watch our dad and our mom, like, play out their roles, right? He goes to work, she goes to work. But then she comes home, and she makes the dinner, and she does all the laundry, and she

changes all the diapers, and she just does all of the other stuff. And dad just comes home and goes to bed. There's a big difference. And there's a shift there right and then vice versa like you said you don't take out the trash right so there's these roles that we subconsciously take on and we see that there's a lot that can be shifted there there's a lot and oh my god there's no blame there those i want i want everyone to understand that there's no blame on any of this that's the biggest key and you know what seriously the subconscious is so crazy because even though i now know that you know i'm okay to take out the trash i mean i've changed this we've we've done shit we made a shift here he goes to work all day and then goes to the grocery store and brings home groceries and cooks it almost i swear the shifts have changed in in my family's lineage forever however i can't tell you there's this subconscious thing that happens to me every time i see that trash

bowl my first thoughts are like oh my god i have to take out the trash and then i'm like yeah i can take out the trash but i still have it i mean those subconscious thoughts don't go away they're still there but you have to learn to take control of them can I share a really awesome tip that I've learned that has helped my marriage and many of the couples that I've worked with is you know I've had my wife and also just many of the women in my program just write down everything that they do in a day just like really account for it this does a couple things number one it makes you aware of how freaking amazing you are like and how much you actually do like how much you accomplish in a day it's like mind blowing when you look at it all but then it also opens up the opportunity to have a house meeting or a chat and really see where there can be potential outsourcing and delegation.

Because what happens is, so the reason this came to my mind was because you were like, I don't want to take out the trash. He might be fine with that, right? If that's a job that he's like, that's not a problem. Perfect, right? So that could be an outsourced thing that you just, like, is not on your radar, that you don't have to have in your mind that you're like, I need to do this. I need to do this. Because we have these to-do lists and we never get them done.

So it's starting to outsource and delegating these things. Because a lot of times your partner or your kids will be totally fine doing things that you hate to do. It's amazing. I'll give you an example for me. I get anxious. I feel like when I think about like doing the dishes, it might be a little bit of the OCD, ADHD mix. Because for for me like when I try to do the dishes like it's like I have to get the dish perfectly clean and it will take me a half an hour where my wife literally does in like five minutes and I watch her and I literally sit there and watch her because I'm like in awe but I'm like how do you do that she'll like leave suds on them and I'm like I

can't do that so so we know where we're at, right? Like I pick the kids up, right? I give them baths. I do. There's, there's certain things that I have no problem doing and it's just creating that partnership so that the ship stays floating. Yeah. You know, right now in our world, there's a huge shift happening within homes when it comes to the man and the woman or the wife. It could actually be a wife and a wife. I'm not going to put it in a box. Any couple. Because they're home.

They've been stuck inside. They're not traveling like they usually do or going to the office and so they're really starting to have an insight and appreciation for what the other one does within the house do you see that happening with coven yeah for sure i think there's another part of it too though is like a lot of the people i've worked with have trouble speaking up and communicating their needs. And that comes a lot of times from enoughness issues, right? And they're like, well, if I don't do these things, or if I'm not this super mom or super woman, then will I be like the subconscious question is, will I be enough? And that's a lot of the inner game work that we do is like, no, if you ask for help, it's got to be that shift in that paradigm of putting

your oxygen mask on first, like, which is uncomfortable, because it's not what their subconscious habits are conditioned to do. And it always comes back to self care for me, because I destroyed my health and well being. And I realized, like, if your highest values are family, and business and work and all these things, but you're at the bottom of your list, when it comes to self care, you don't sick or like, I thought I was going to lose my life. I thought everything was going to fall apart for me. So I had to, I was forced to put self-care above all else in my value system. So really that's kind of a paradigm shift and that I want to help other people see that you can still do this. It's not selfish and actually going to make it better.

Absolutely better for everybody else around you. Your kids are going to be happier. Your significant other is going to be happier. The rest of your family is going to be happier. It has this ripple effect because you're taking care of you. And it's trying to help people prevent having to go into such a dark space like you and I had to like for me I my self-care was so poor I landed you know in ICU in a coma from an asthma attack because I was not taking care of myself and I was very stressed out and I was working two jobs and so it's one of those things

where I'm so stubborn that that's probably where I had to go in order to, you know, put myself on. You too? My whole thing was go big or go home. Like, that was my motto. And it was like, everybody first. Like, my soul is to help other people first right but if you don't put your oxygen mask on first the plane's going down and you pass out people around you are going down too you have to put yours on and then put the mask on and that's literally the whole deal they give you on the airplane because and it

rang so true to me because i was like i'm so stubborn i want to just do what I usually do. Right? The same thing for you. You're like, I just want to do what I do. Yeah. Well, and I was escaping a lot of feelings too, which can manifest as illness. You know, I wasn't taking time to heal or process my feelings and, and the pressure that you talked about. So I was a stay-at-home. My husband was traveling all the time. And so I felt like if he came home from a really hard week of traveling and the house wasn't perfect and the dinner wasn't ready and the kids weren't bathed. So he wasn't expecting that of me because he could give two shits about what the house looks like. But I was putting all that pressure on myself out of guilt because I wasn't working and I didn't think I was enough. You know what I was told when I was a young mother?

That if your husband came home to a clean house that smelled good, then he would want to stay. And so that was my goal. I would shut everything in every closet, under the bed, whatever I had to, to make it presentable, because that is what I was seeking love and acceptance and feeling enough from him, right? And I lived that way for so long, and it was so hearted. At that point, at this time, I had two kids under seven and a child with autism and working for my dad at that time. That was a really hard time. And all I can tell you is the result of that ended in divorce and me completely losing myself and in pain and on many medications. And I too had ADHD.

So it was even harder having anxieties, talk about sleep deprived, because everything that would go through my head in the middle of the night is all the things that I wanted for myself that I just would push down, down, down. And so then, you know, once I got out of that, I still had it in my head that I wasn't enough, that I wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. So constantly trying to be better, be better, be better be better be better be better it was your it was my whole life until i woke up until like my almost 40s it's how sad once you get pushed so far right like we don't know what we don't know like before you had kids you didn't know what that was going to be like you didn't know what all this was going to be like. I mean, I feel like a lot of us wake up really late, a lot later in our lives. Like I didn't wake up until I was like 34, 35.

I mean, same with you. And it comes back to the subconscious. And I would say the number one rapid transformation therapy session I do is around enoughness. I mean, they all come back to that. Like all of them. Like there's never been a person that I haven't worked with that there hasn't been

some kind of enoughness issue that's manifested itself, right? Yeah, totally. And Mandy, I suggested that you wake up and give Kurt a every morning to keep everything good. Did I not? Yes, you did.

Jesus Christ. I'm telling? Yes, you did. Jesus Christ. I'm telling you, it was bad. If you want to be a good wife, the house, I would add, clean the house, make sure it smells good, and be naked in bed when they get home from their road trip, if you're a good wife. I know. This is how we

think. Oh my God. Not anymore. but that's what it is right but that comes to the love languages though because they're there because like you said they think we're assholes because we don't do that right but it's understanding how the other person perceives love right like what do they really want like how can you show them that right recently my husband and I separated and I was having a talk with him the other night we're trying to reconcile and I was thinking you know if we ultimately got divorced the reason wouldn't be all these million things that have happened it would be communication absolutely communication would be the number one reason

that our marriage has struggled so much because we've just forgotten how to and we were so young when we met and we never talked about love languages and we never knew we needed to. Shanna and I always talk about how before you get married, there should be like this freaking master course for a year that you need to take or something because it's hard. It's freaking hard. Wait, bottom line, you need to learn to love yourself first. I mean, just like you said with the oxygen and we're just not taught that we're so taught to seek everything outside of a security you know happiness in you just don't learn to find anything within before you're already giving it all out yeah absolutely so like i always recommend people go and take the love languages test i mean

it's free it's online and so that they can understand the other people in their lives and what their thing is and how to support that. But then also, I think, Mandy, you brought up a really important point, like my favorite book of all time. It's called The Four Agreements. And one of the agreements is don't make assumptions. A lot of divorces and a lot of like breakups and things in this world, I think,

are because we assume that the other person knows what we're thinking, right? And there's not that communication and there aren't that expression of love languages. So therefore, there's always this battle, right? It's always this forcing battle. Well, she's not going to do what I want and then I'm not going to do what she want like and then vice versa and there's that

internal struggle on both people's parts when it needs to just be both people showing up without the assumptions and better communication and love I mean that was with was with me when I said you know I assumed he just thought I was at home doing nothing. You know, I assumed that he thought I wasn't doing enough and he was assuming, you know, things about me, but until we actually sat down and talked about it and it was so much deeper, neither one of us were actually conscious to the things we were even doing and even the most ridiculous stuff like the trash can there was even times where I'm like he's purposely not taking out the trash that I have to get out the trash now how stupid is that you know like going that far to think and then you go further

it gets darker and darker in your thoughts you could think anything really dangerous if you go there stories like that's the number one thing i do i'd say every call every person i work with every member it's just capturing their stories like when they share something with you you can pull out the stories and beliefs that they have just by the way that they're talking to you and the things that they say and it's just stopping them in that moment and say hey you just said this did you realize that that's something that you're you have a story around and i think of stories as the legs of the table of the belief that you have so if you have this belief which is the table and then the legs of the table are the stories we tell ourselves right so what you have

to do is in order to make sure the belief falls, you have to chop the legs off the table. So each story that supports that belief is gonna keep that belief up. So we have to chip away at those in order to make that shift. Love that. I'm a visual person.

I like that one. I mean, I like that a lot. You know, I'll take it another step farther. I mean, my husband and I went to Panera one day and we sat down and we're talking about how I was concerned that our children hear us fighting and how he can get kind of aggressive with his voice. He's a big man and that the girls did not like it. He was brought up with that being normal. So to him, he didn't even think that there was something wrong with that, which blew my mind because my parents never fought in front

of us. They always went into the back room and were quiet or did it when we weren't home. So when I brought that to his attention, for him to not even realize that it was wrong, just was like, are you freaking kidding me? Like, that seems like common sense. But to him, that was his normal and everything that he'd ever known. And he thought helped build him and his character of who he was today. Isn't that insane? It's wild, right? And it's only insane because it's actually normal because it's his reality. I mean, you see this in the world, right? You see these people that come on the news, right?

Like there's been multiple athletes that have come on the news. They either like hit their kids with switches or dog fighting or whatever it is. But when they're younger, it's just what they were brought up with, right? It's their normal. As a teacher, it was always interesting for

me you know working with hundreds of thousands of kids like you get to kind of see where quote unquote normal falls right like what quote unquote typical is and i would have other people say like how did the parents not see what's you know going on for their child and i was like how could they they don't see all of the amount of kids that we see and if they have another they get to like compare those two together but that's it right so it's like we have to give people grace and the fact that like they don't see it and it's not their fault the thing i say probably once a day you don't know what you don't know right we're walking around with stacomas of like we can't see the thing that's right in front of us and it's partly because we haven't had the same perception

interpretation and experiences as you have and it goes to like the other agreements as well like so i find that a lot of the challenge that the people I work with deal with is being impeccable with their word, but it's more to themselves. They're really good at integrity when it comes to everybody else. But when it comes to self-integrity and keeping promises to yourself, it's like, oh, I'll get to that tomorrow. Or, you know, like they'll be mad at themselves. But it's when you align that self-integrity with your being it will have a huge huge impact on all of that yeah and you know and then the second one is don't take anything personally which is i think is the hardest one out of all of them and interestingly enough when i

just started to practice it and do it right it's You're not taking anything that's, quote, unquote, in your experience and interpretation negative and positive. People have a perception of you. And they're usually, most of the time, you're getting their opinion. I don't know who said this, but this made everything shift in my brain. It was this entrepreneur, and he said, I never get caught up in judgment ever. And he was like, this is why, because I don't even really know myself. I'm just learning about me every day. Like I don't know myself well enough to judge me. So how can somebody else judge me? Like that is crazy. And I was like, oh my God. Yeah. god yeah you know what Matt I have a question for you

this is the big one because this is something that many people come to Mandy and I for to get advice on we've talked about it a lot on our podcast but I don't think we've ever really gotten a solid solution on this two people have had great relationship for a while i've made it work put up with each other's subconscious bullshit through the years then all of a sudden somebody one of them spiritually awakens to themselves realizes that they haven't had any self-love realizing that they've sought all of their happiness outside of them that they haven't had any self-love realizing that they've sought all of their happiness outside of them and they haven't had any self-care for themselves and the other person is still asleep so what happens with the dynamics when one is awakened

and one is asleep it's a tricky one i've had people in my program like they came in usually what happens with people is they'll come in for one thing and we'll work on something the thing that you think your thing is is not usually the thing is what i found for a lot of people i don't know if that made any sense but the reality with that question or just concept is that one of you mentioned this earlier when you first get married right like when you first meet this person you first get married you don't know yourself you don't have a sense of yourself you don't have you're just like i like this person you're attracted to them this seems like a good idea and yet statistics 52 of marriages end in divorce i believe is the statistic at this point the thing is is that we come together

not knowing ourselves not knowing our love language not knowing anything and we're trying to work with this other human right it's a teamwork situation and if you don't know how to work with this person and grow with this person like i say to people all the time anyone that's looking to get into a relationship the two things that i think are really big are you know of course attraction right that's important i agree and growth mindset like if you're not growing together, most of the time you're growing apart. And if the other person isn't willing to grow and your perception and interpretation is that's okay, and you're good with that, and you can make that work, wonderful. That means you get to live however you want to live. But a lot of times is you wake up to the fact that, you know what, I haven't been treating myself well.

And my lowest standards for self-love has led me into this relationship. Right? So it's like we will only stay in a relationship as long as we treat ourselves worse than the other person when we're in a relationship most of us wake up in the morning and we're pretty mean to ourselves in our mind beating ourselves up i look like this i have these bills blah blah blah like we're beating ourselves up but the person that we're with usually isn't doing that and then once they cross that threshold you're like there's a threshold at which every relationship will completely be done, right? It's when they drop below your lowest standards for what you allow.

That's really what it is. So amazing. And that's in everything. That's in everything in your life. And the number one thing I help people with is lowest standards. That's all this whole thing is, folks's like think about it your health will be determined by your lowest standards when it comes to sleep your lowest standards when it comes to what you put into your mouth and body your lowest standards when it comes to how you move your body right

it's lowest standards from that standpoint same how you move your body, right? It's lowest standards from that standpoint. Same goes for your business. Same goes for your relationships, everything. This is all lowest standards. So if you want to change, you have to raise your lowest standard. And so, but that's the problem is what you just said is change. Because when one person is on board to growing and changing and expanding, and the other one's really like I've always been who I am I'm comfortable with who I am and I don't want you to change either because I'm happy with the way you were I was happy with that morning bonus that you were giving every morning and it was nice to come home to the house and now it's all about you you're selfish for this that's what

it's like that that's what I kind of went through it's like that's that's what i kind of went there it's not anymore but that's what that was a bump that we had to get over thank god because you know what you set yourself up for that shit and some people take pride in not changing yeah and it's crazy they're like i've been the same way forever and i'll never change yeah that's their paradigm a lot of times they fall into this why do i have to change right and this is where it just gets so tricky when we're talking psychology minds and all this it's like why does why do they have to change right they don't you don't you don't but i am yeah exactly i can't change you but i i am changing i'm growing what happens is like they're no longer parallel

right and so one's expanding and so even when you talk about because a lot of times you know sometimes this happens even growing out out of a religion or out of belief systems when you know sometimes when you expand those beliefs that you've had your whole life you start you know oh oh my gosh you don't want to go to church with me anymore? What? You know what I mean? Stuff like that. It's hard. That's why it's so important to choose, like, the right partner, but we don't know that. We don't know what we don't know, right? But when you start to grow, at that point, and this comes back to the question, the biggest question you asked me was, like, what do you do? You just have to make a decision and i've had people

in my program that have made the decision to grow and work through it because the person was eventually open to it and then there's that point at which you have to make the decision do you want to stay here is this the life you want to have because life is just full of choices it's all it is right we can choose things. We can choose what we think and we can choose how we act. And a lot of people get that one mixed up a little bit. They say we can control, right? There's only two things you can control. That's not the case. I don't know if you've ever noticed that you can't control the thoughts that come into your mind. They just pop in, but you can choose to accept them as truth or not and you can also choose how you act right

and how you show up and how you're being and it's because of the way that you're now seeing things too like the only we a lot of people think you see with your eyes you don't you see with your mind like you're perceiving and interpreting things based off of all the three parts of your brain right we're having prefrontal cortex conversation right now we're having an analytical conversation right and then we have our limbic brain where it's just all of that emotional stuff this is the biggest thing i deal with when i'm helping people with nutrition is emotion trumps logic most of the time and it's like they try to brain battle they're like i'm not gonna eat the pizza i am gonna beat the pizza i'm not gonna

eat the pizza right you cannot brain battle that folks like it's not gonna work you're gonna eat the pizza because that's where your attention is everything in life it's where our attention is if our attention is on i don't have enough money or our attention is on, I don't have a good relationship or our attention is on, I can't lose weight or whatever it is, whatever you're trying to do in your life, that is where you will be. You are where your attention is. So how did they not eat the freaking pizza? This is the thing. What most people do, right, is they brain battle. And think about it. Every time you brain battle, you're like, I'm not going to eat the pizza. But then your mind's like, but you've been so good this week.

That's one of them that pop, that's a story that pops up, right? Then this, the next, then it's like, I know, but I'm, I'm trying to improve my health, right? And we're trying to transform my body and all these things. They have these goals, goals right and then the mind's like yeah but what's what your mind knows you better than you it knows exactly what to sell you on the first step to this is know how you're getting sold by yourself know your stories so awareness is key that's number one so you got to be aware of how you're being sold okay and then understanding that this is a subconscious habit so instead of brain battling it or ignoring it which doesn't work because your focus is still on it have you ever noticed you're like you're like i don't want this pizza but it's sitting right there and you're

thinking about it and it's in your attention now i want pizza yeah well because this is the other thing you can't want what you're not thinking about. Really? This is how you do it. So first, like I said, you have to be aware of how you're getting sold by your own mind. Okay. What are your stories that you tell yourself to sell yourself on stuff? Cause your mind's so good. It's better than any salesperson on the planet. Okay. The other two pieces, and these are the key pieces. So first you have to dismiss it as a habit and it's not you. So you have to just dismiss it. Look, this is a habit. It's not me. That's all this is. Right. So it's not putting yourself into it. It's not like, Oh, I can't do this, or I can't,

you know, people get into the I can'ts. Instead, you just say, I don't. I don't do this right now, or I don't eat this right now, or I don't act like this, or I don't whatever you're trying to accomplish. This is just a habit. It's not me. This is just a habit urge. It's not me. So you say those things. And I recommend saying them out loud first, folks, because that's what's actually going to help you shift that. So it's just a habit. It's not me. Because it is. It's not you. It's a habit, right? And then after you dismiss it as not you, it's kind of giving you the control. It's not me. That's my habit.

That's what it does, right? It sends me this urge to eat or drink or not exercise or procrastinate or whatever it is. It's just this urge. Think about it. You feel it in your body, folks. It feels uncomfortable. That's your body sending you a signal saying, hey, every time you feel this way, you always do this. So do that again, and then we won't feel bad. Your mind's there to protect you.

So your mind's like, all right, when you feel this way, let me send you this urge to eat pizza or chocolate or whatever you usually do to stop that thing from happening, right? And then it's like, here's the urge, which is the habit alarm. It sets off the habit. And it's like, all right, go do the habit. You do the habit, you feel better. And then you feel worse because it wasn't what you actually wanted to do when you were trying to make that change. Earlier emotions trump that though. So that's how I think it's remarkable that when you were trying to make that change earlier emotions trump that though so that's how i think it's remarkable that when you find yourself like say something that you can easily shift for like someone you love like your child where the emotion or the love for the child

triumphs over that anytime we're able to easily shift some things, but then, you know, have harder time with pizza. With habits. And your face became a pizza. Amanda, you should come over for pizza. I thought about Mediterranean pizza. He said, there's two pieces to this. I saw two pieces of pizza. It's bringing the awareness to it and going a little deeper.

So that's the other part of it. So like I said, it's the dismissal part. But it's the part of it so like i said it's the dismissal part but it's the awareness of what your stories are it's the dismissal part and then the last part and this is the only thing that will make it actually work those two pieces are good but unless you do this last part it actually doesn't work and it won't stick and this is where most people go wrong is they don't move their attention after they do that so they have to move their attention because if your attention is still on that right let's say you're an alcoholic and you are in a bar the only way that you're going to like you could sit at the bar and

be like i dismiss this this is not me i don't do this right but if you don't move your attention and of course if it's not part of your identity yet to not drink when you're an alcoholic right if you don't move your attention you're in a danger zone right so you have to move your attention that might look like move tables that might look like leave the bar that might look like whatever and a lot of people struggle with that and i'll use food as an example because like a lot of people really link food with social experiences so a lot of times eating is also the act of socializing so their emotion to socialize is higher than their emotion to like not eat the pizza so the story

and the belief behind that i've worked on with this with many people is like if i don't eat the pizza then i can't socialize or i can't be with these people right there's like that underlying belief like i can't have i can't have fun can't like, there's all these underlying things and we have to reprogram that so that they're like, look, I can go out and have fun with people and I don't need to eat pizza. I'm not picking on pizza folks. I just, it was just. I hear that all the time from people that I'm trying to help get sober. That's their biggest fear is I'm not going to be able to, I mean, it was my biggest fear when I got sober, I'm not going to be able to dance. I'm not going to be able to socialize. I'm not going to be able to have fun. I'm not going to be able to, I mean, it was my biggest fear when I got sober. I'm not going to be able to dance. I'm not going to be able to socialize. I'm not going to be able to have fun. I'm not going to be able to go to weddings. I'm not going to be able to laugh.

I'm not going to be able to even have sex sober. Like there were so many fears around it. Yep. Yeah, absolutely. For sure. So making that shift is the last thing, like taking action, like actually doing something. Yeah. It's just moving your attention. Yeah. yeah like if you if we all went on to a different subject right now that craving for pizza would go away because we're not thinking about it anymore i don't know i'm pretty hungry for pizza my stomach is like i mean i visualized it i thought about calling door dash before we even got off well that's also about feeding your body what it needs to like this is a big concept folks i'm gonna choose the healthy pizza mat

i guarantee she hasn't eaten a damn thing today except for three cups of coffee one and a half i love the concept i love what you said about awareness and knowing how you are going to sell yourself because we truly are our own worst enemy. I will tell you, our brains are so fascinating to me how we always are looking in the outside world like, he's manipulating me, she's manipulating. No, we manipulate ourselves all day long. We brainwash ourselves all day long yeah we are so good at selling ourselves the stories that are completely driven by our internal beliefs which is controlled by our identity like who we are right if we're not a self-integral person right we don't keep promises to ourselves like at an identity level if we're not that

then it's pretty easy to sell yourself on anything doing when it comes to change and not changing because then you just don't trust your own self yeah you're lying to yourself all day you're not owning up to what is true within you it's imagine that relationship you know what i mean exactly yeah so if someone was able to do all these things even if they weren't doing a business right even if they weren't entrepreneurs like anything in their life could be successful whether it's a relationship of being a parent you you know, creating a business. This is my biggest marketing issue. You just explained it out loud. Like I can help anybody change anything, right?

And I will say that like where I, where a lot, where a lot of people come to me for is, you know, know body transformation otherwise known people like calling it weight loss i don't like using that word weight release i use but people come to me for that they come to me for gut health transformation stuff they come to me to learn how to build a business and actually get clients and all those things but really in the underlining of it all people come to me for enoughness and confidence that's literally what it is so if you need enoughness and confidence in any area of your life like that's what we that's what we work on the underlying belief of all this and this is just after working with thousands of people like i have found and this is the domino belief that i've

kind of stumbled across is that self-love and self-care is the key to sustainable transformation right because this is the thing think of it this way folks right enough i break enoughness into two parts enoughness falls into two parts it's self-worth slash love and then there's capability right so it's believing that you're good enough to invest time money and effort in in any area that you're trying to change and then also am i able can i am i capable to do this can i get it done right so it's believing that you can do it believing that you're good enough to do it right so that's like the that's the parts of this and some people are struggling with one way more than the other some people are battling both when we

go and really examine it and look at it at a deeper level like they realize at the end of the day, you know, anything that's stopping them, it all has to do with that voice. You know, and Matt, I don't know if you've had a chance to like hop on and look at all of our podcast episodes, but we have on people that are paranormals. We have on people that, you know, believe in alien abductions. We have on people who are shamans, Native Americans, priests. We have on people that, you know, have been El Chapo's right-hand man. I mean, you name it, we've had them on. And every single guest from all over the world, it always goes back to self-love and awareness. And it's so cool because here you are, you know, you starting out as a fitness trainer and, and here you've received the same thing. And that's so validating because Shanna and I from day one, our very first episode was self-love. And Shanna even took it farther last year. She got

like this epiphany that that's what awakening is. It's just finding that self-love. Now, if we could just teach our young children that from day one, so that they don't get into those marriages when they're 20, where they don't know themselves. And we've always looked for that love outside of themselves. I mean, oh my God, how much this world would shift, right? Totally. And it does start with how you're showing up with your kids. I mean, that's literally how I started, like as a physical educator, like working with kindergarten through third graders. And it was giving them positive feedback because the statistics are for every one positive comment, they get eight negative comments.

So it's no, don't stop. What are you doing? Why are you doing that? What's wrong with you? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then, oh, good job. Not even telling you what they did well what they did well right it's just oh good job good boy good girl right and then they're like oh i just need to please and if i please then i'll be enough right so it starts really young and so on our mirror in the in in our uh in our bathroom it's just says uh it just, I am enough in the bottom. So from the moment my children can read, that's going to be subconsciously etched into their mind. My gosh, I'm so guilty of that too. Like yesterday, I was telling my daughter, like, you're being so loud. You're jumping off everything. What are you doing? You need to calm

down. Stop. What are you doing? And I'm like, oh, I'm so so proud of you but I didn't tell her what I was proud of her for I mean it's like these scripts we get caught in huh yeah um totally wow um I love that we have that on the side of our truck we have a boutique truck and it says you are enough yep yeah it's so big I mean I learned that from Marissa Peer, who trained me in rapid transformation therapy. But it just, it's, it's so, so key. Because we, we, we, and this was me, this was my story, and kind of pull it all together. It's like, I, I put all my enoughness on external, the external world and external validation and, you know, having children as being a teacher, running a gym, owning a business, you know, getting married, like all graduating from college, like all of these things were me trying to get more stuff more accolades you know all my certifications all the learning it's all it was all the subconscious need to be enough to be good enough it's crazy because you are right now and i say this to people all the time you can't be more of enough than you are right now you can't you can't buy things you can't do more things you can't be more things you are enough right now you are one in 400 trillion chance of being born right that is the statistics so the

fact that you're here there's something there's a purpose yeah there's a purpose there right and believe that or not right you're at least here to evolve and help people right it's just about self-acceptance self-love knowing that you're right where you're supposed to be good bad right and wrong helpful and unhelpful you're learning your lessons you're living out your dharma your karma you're going to learn something from everything if you're open and aware to it and you know what i also want to point out one other thing is that so often we're seeking that love outside of us and our children feel loved when they're rewarded or when they're doing good.

And then when they're having a hard time and they're not getting that, I'm so proud of you, you did so good. They're lacking this love because they've associated it with getting that home run, getting the A, you know, when they get the F they're not feeling loved. And that's not true. I guarantee your parents still loves you, but this is how we've been taught to receive it. I also think as parents, it's so important to communicate with our children that we're not

always okay. And that it's okay to not be okay. to say you know what mommy's house is a mess today and i and you know it's going to stay this way because i'm tired and i'm worn out and i'm exhausted and it works and we're just gonna order in some fucking pizza they're watching you and that's so important i think that the point you just made is and it's, they're watching you and you demonstrating for them that you don't always need to be on. You don't always need that. Like it's demonstrating mistakes and, and how, and showing how you deal with it, like how you go through it. Right. Cause they're picking up on all of that. Like whether you know it or not, they just are. They said they their subconscious mind it's of their subconscious now let me ask you what you do

with your clients is you said it's called rapid transformational therapy is that correct yes okay and you use hypnotherapy also to what access their subconscious mind yeah so it the rtt is the way we deliver it is through hypnosis and it's basically just changing your brainwaves folks. It's not, we're not, there's no control. I mean, you can't go into the news and look at like somebody who is under the hypnosis and robbed a bank. None of this can happen. Right. So people get freaked out by it. All it is is it allows us to get to the brainwave state. Like we get,

we get you in, like, if you've ever heard of rem rapid eye movement right so we're kind of bringing them down into a different state of brain waves and then it allows them to like we can go and regress and we can go and see moments in time in their life not relive them just see them and figure out the meanings and and rules and feelings and emotions and beliefs that were created from this moment in their life. And we can reframe that and create new beliefs that are more empowering to help them reach the goals that they're looking for. That's how I've learned to help people get what they want and make it stick. Is this the Potential You program? Yeah, so that's just part of what I offer in my program.

So the people come to the Potential You for two reasons. It's a mind and body transformation or a mind and business transformation. Those are like the two main reasons, but I've worked with so many different people on so many different things. And some people don't want to do RTT and that's fine. I meet them where they're at, right?

Like we can shift beliefs and stuff like that. Like we chip away at the legs of the table because we can make beliefs drop consciously out loud. But I'll say that a lot of the members that go and do all of it, they have transformations like they never thought were possible. And it really gives them a chance to become the potential you. Awesome. You know, earlier at the beginning of our conversation, you know, I'm such an empath that I started like having this soft spot for men too, for dads, when women are pregnant, you know, we're always like, Oh my God, you have no idea what it's

like to be fucking pregnant. And after we have the baby, we're like, you have no idea how bad my vagina hurts and my boobs. And we're so tired and we're taking care of the baby. We never stopped to give men this space to be like, oh my God, this is so much pressure on me too. And like what I'm going through and like having to support the family with my career and what, how exhausted I'm feeling. I mean, Matt, you got to that place where you just crumbled. Like we never give the men that space because we're always so like in tune with how hard it

is for us to carry the child and take care of the child. Cause it is fricking hard. But what about the men? I mean mean it's a lot for you guys too yeah so from the male perspective right I think a lot of it ties into that enoughness capability piece this is personally speaking to me it's like I have this fix-it mind and I learned really the hard way that when my wife was pregnant like like she would say something to me, and I would go into fix it mode. And she just wanted me to listen. When I understood that and made my life a lot better, where I would ask her, I'd say, Hey, do you want me to just listen? Or do you want me to help you solve the problem? And that just opened up a way for her to

be able to like just share with me and and go through it and then vice versa like share with her like maybe it's just my understanding of biology like my undergrad is science and and my master's is in science and like knowing the hormonal shifts that happen and knowing the biological changes of having a child like everything that you go through we will never know what that's like ever anything that i go through can't be anything close to whatever that is right like that's part of what like happens in in our minds is like we can't complain right now that we're tired. We just can't. So I think we compartmentalize that a little bit where we're like, suck it up. You're capable. You can do this. I'll say when my wife had the two miscarriages, I think there's not a lot of men that talk about

how that affected them. That hit, that hit me really hard. That was, I mean, the second miscarriage was the reason we shut down the fitness facility. It was like the type of thing where I had to bring her, like, we were going to get the DNC done. I had my head coach at my fitness facility text me that she quit and she kicked everybody out of the fitness facility. And then I had to bring my wife home and leave her on the couch to go deal with business. And I was like, never again, never again. I mean, that shit haunts me. Like I'll never, never, ever do that again.

And I basically, that's like one of the main things I teach. And I think that's part of why, like, I want to help businesses as well, because like I want them to create the systems because it's systems are everything, whether it's changing your systems and your health and wellbeing or changing the systems in your business. It's all systems folks, AKA habits. And it's just these ways that we run things and do things.

And if your kids or your significant other needs you, that you can be there and you can make it happen. Right. And if your business is solely run by you, no one's supporting you in that, like it falls apart. That's what happened to me. So I just, I know that like, wow, it can be emotional, you know? Thank you for being so authentic and vulnerable in that moment and sharing that with us, because you're right. You don't hear a lot of men talk about how it affects them. And partially, probably because that's out of fear too, because they're going to be like, well, the women are the

ones that have to deal with it. And I think there's just so much pressure on men too, when, you know, as far as raising the children, the income, taking care of the families, I mean, there's just so many dynamics and you're right it all ends up being about the system and what you build that system to look like and being able to build it around prioritizing what's important in your life yes is you and then your family yeah right exactly yeah you've got to be on the top of that though it's hard it's not like when you first hold your child in your hands you're like i'll do whatever the hell it takes to make this child have the best life possible and if you're not well you're living in dis-ease it's going to be very

hard to create that life that you envision for them because you're in dis-ease. You have the inflammation. You have these chronic stress issues and all of these things. So it has to start with you. It does. With dis-ease, you can't please. I love that. Matt, you are so awesome.

And now it's time for Break That Shit Down. I think the whole theme of today, folks, is you're enough. You can't do anything to be more of enough than you are right now. Stop blaming yourself for your subconscious habits. Stop taking the whole world on your shoulders. Not helping anybody, especially not you. So the best way to step into your authentic self, the potential you, is by focusing on you. You are the element. You are. And everybody around you,

lives will be better when you focus on you. It's uncomfortable. It's uncertain. I know many of you are like, I don't like that. I don't want that. And I'm telling you, if you trust and you step into that your life will be so much better and then

all of the ones that you love and that you care for their lives are going to be exponentially better for you doing that that's it that's 100 true thank you so much matt travis for being with us today it's been such a pleasure you're so wise and i really appreciate it self-love and awareness that's what it's about it's what it always goes back to absolutely yeah yeah so um you can check me out on facebook instagram linkedin matt travis uh on actually Instagram, it's at thepotentialu. And thepotentialu is the potential and it's the letter U. Check out my website, it's thepotential-u.com.

And I love actually really connecting with people. So like, if you wanted to connect with me on Facebook and friend me and like, I have no problem being connected with you and you asking me questions and me answering them. I'm on this planet to help people and serve people. So if you are in a place right now where you're feeling like you need an answer

or you need support or whatever it is, like I'm here for you. Just, that's my last piece is I'm here for you folks you're not alone okay mandy he's like the guy version of you and i no shit maybe you need to just hop on since the soul with us every week hey if we ever need a co-host because one of us is sick or something can you can you fill in for us anytime anytime like i just said you're not alone i'm here for you you let me know oh my gosh you're so awesome thank you so much thank you it was an absolute pleasure you know you can get so sucked into thinking that there's so much negative shit

out there in the world and that people are all wacky and crazy and you know the one thing about the sense of soul is that reminds me that that is so not true, people. There's so much more love out there than there is hate. And it's all just about perspective and where you're looking, right? Absolutely. Couldn't agree more. Thanks for being with us today. We hope you will come back next week. If you like what you hear, don't forget to rate, like, and subscribe. Thank you. We rise to lift you up. Thanks for listening.