Senses Working Overtime with David Cross - Chris Gethard

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

Chris Gethard (The Chris Gethard Show) joins David to talk about life in the suburbs, before and after photos, and more. Catch all new episodes every Thursday. Watch video episodes here.Guest: Chris GethardSubscribe and Rate Senses Working Overtime on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review to read on a future episode!Follow David on Instagram and Twitter.Follow the show:Instagram: @sensesworkingovertimepodTikTok: @swopodEditor: Kati SkeltonEngineer: Chris OsbornExecutive Producer: Emma FoleyAdvertise on Senses Working Overtime via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Music Music Music Hey, what's up dude? Sorry I'm late. How are you? I'm good. I'm good. I'm gonna grab a iced coffee.

Here, I can get you one if you need it. Okay. With oat milk, please? Yeah. You got it. Thanks. How's things, man? Okay.

How are you? I'm pretty good. How about you? Good. Do you have a kid? I do. You do? That's why I perpetually look and sound this time Must have been part of where What Spurred that question. I definitely have the vibe of someone with a kid right now. Yeah. Yeah, how old? He just turned six

Oh good age fun age. I mean, in the sense of, yeah, starting to get a little more independent. You can let him do things a little bit more than, let me turn this on silent. Yeah, and we live in a very sleepy neighborhood that's almost rural, almost not even suburban. Where are you?

I'm in Jersey, but pretty deep out there. Right. And there's other, three other members of his kindergarten class live in our neighborhood. Yeah. He can go walk down the block to his friend Killian's house and we let him go and try not to stress him too hard. Yeah, that's great.

That's really great. It's nice. Thank you very much. It's nice. How are you? What's new? Uh, you know, good. Uh, getting busy again. That's, you never hear that.

I know. That's a good sign. In this day and age. I was on tour for, for quite a while and then that kind of slowed down a bit. And I've got some more shows next week leading into a taping. And then only a handful of shows after that. But then I'm working on these,

immediately jumping into these two other movies, indie movies that are shooting around here. Oh, all on the East Coast too? Yeah, one is Upper West Side and the other is Catskills. Sick. Yeah, but the really interesting and challenging thing, I suppose, will be they're both completely different movies. And I'm shooting.

Ooh, you all right? Yeah, it's just heightened. And I'm shooting one of them in between weeks of another one. So I go from this crazy guy with self-inflicted scars all over his body, who's like kind of a loose cannon, to like a fun dad. Yeah. Up, you know, upper west side dad. And then back into the crazy.

Yeah, that's fucked up. That'll be fun. It's gonna be a back into the crazy. Yeah, that's fucked up. That'll be fun. It's gonna be a weird summer for you. Yeah, and then I got a bunch of time off, spending with my kid, which I try to do. How old's your kid? She's eight.

And yeah, pretty much from six on, well, I guess it's different. You, you know what we did? Oh, let me finish my thought. You can start leaving them by themselves for longer periods of time. Yeah. Not in a plunk them in front of the TV way, but in a plop them in front of the TV way. Yeah. You know, there's a different way in which you sit them down, makes all the difference. They can pick their own TV. He doesn't even confer with us about what he's watching anymore. Yeah. What is he into?

A lot of it now, he's finding a lot of actually very cool animation that's probably for kids about four or five years older than him. But really, that's cool. Really? That's cool. Like what? Guillermo del Toro actually had this really epic fantasy animated series. Oh, okay. It's like three seasons in a movie, all like crazy dragons and shit. My wife and I would watch it, we were like, this is like legit. Meaning it was like the subject matter was mature or stuff would go over his head?

Maybe it was it like the subject matter was mature or stuff would go over his head meaning that Like the storytelling was like hey, we're going on a big quest. We've got to get this crystal we're gonna kill these dragons, but like He went so quickly from like here's like KokoMillen exactly to like all of a sudden like epic fantasy quests where you like this feels way over your head But he's into it and I kind of like it. I like that he finds good shit. Yeah.

I've been turned onto a lot of cool stuff. Like there's really trippy, crazy, absurdist stuff out there. There's a couple of Korean studios that are doing some crazy stuff. Have you seen Mr. Brown? I haven't seen Mr. Brown. Have you seen Mr. Bread, I think it is, or Bread the Barber? It's a slice of bread that's a barber. And there's, I'm not going to know the names of these, but there's like, and they're roughly seven minutes long, a piece maybe, and there's Karate Sheep,

which I think has no dialogue, and I think it's out of a studio out of Montreal or Quebec or something. But crazy slapstick absurdist jokes for adults know, kind of jokes for adults and stuff that kids will definitely like. And there's a ton of them and they're really cool. That's cool. He just got into another one called Dragon Prince, which is another one that we were like,

oh, like there's people legit dying and stuff that I feel like six months ago would have brought him instantly to tears where he would have been like, people die and, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, ehh, e like, I go back and forth where I'm like, sometimes I'm like, he should probably be watching stuff for six-year-olds. Then I also keep an eye on this stuff and I'm like, I don't mind if my kid has a sense of like, oh, this story is more well written than other stuff. So I'm gravitating towards that. I felt the same way. I've had that trepidation of that moment of like, I don't know if this is right, but she seems fine

and not demonstrating any bad behavior because of it. And I do have a feeling of like, this is kind of a mature storytelling and you know, and kind of cool. And this is not to say she doesn't have her share of, you know, Sparkle Pony Town and there's like this thing she's watching. It looks like it was made in the 80s, I'm going to guess, or early 90s, but it's Australian called, oh, what is it? It's, it has something to do with H2O or something like that. It's about mermaids, three teenage girls

who are secretly mermaids. It'd be a different show if they weren't secretly mermaids. Be a much different show. But they're secretly mermaids and they're one male friend who's knows the secret and then they, you know, uh, they're dealing with their high school shit and they're also saving Australia. I've got that.

Constantly, constantly saving the bay. The secrets thing, my, my son, he's, he just lost his fourth tooth. Uh huh. Which is so weird. Now here's a question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm sure you and your wife discussed it at length. How much does the tooth fairy leave? We give $2 a tooth.

Okay. Which for me, I remember getting like a quarter, or 50 cents. Quarter, yeah, quarter. Yeah. Inflation, two bucks. I think there's other kids in his class getting more. And cost of living. Yeah, all sorts of stuff. Come on now. All sorts, I mean, quarter. 50 cents, so. Quarter, yeah. Inflation, two bucks, I think there's other kids in this class getting more. And cost of living. Yeah, all sorts of stuff.

All sorts, I mean the price of eggs, it's all you hear about. I think there's other kids getting the solid five bucks a tooth, but I can't, I can't. Yeah. So, we fucked up and gave her five for the first tooth. We were so excited, it was a long, long time coming. And it was a big deal.

And she cried when it came out, even though it wasn't a pain cry. I think it was like this emotional thing because, and it was a solid physical marking of I'm getting older kind of feeling too. Physical marking of i'm getting older kind of feeling to end. Uh. And we gave her five dollars and said that tooth fairy always gives.

Or or only will give five dollars for the first tooth that's the most important tooth and then it goes down to a dollar but. But she's a smart kid and she's a little too focused on money and just had all these questions constantly. What about canines? Canines, because she learned about the- Yeah. Aren't canines more valuable? Because, cause Lana said that canines, cause Aki got $20 for, you know, just all that shit we had to deal with. My guy, we've always had a policy of, we're not gonna lie to him if he asks us direct questions. I think that's just a very basic.

Good luck with that, the best of luck with that. I know. And you've not broken that. Well, just the other day when his fourth tooth came out, he came to us right after it came out and he was like, guys, is the tooth fairy real? Oh wow. Yeah. And my wife and I sort of made eye contact and he's like, all the boys in my class are

saying the tooth fairy's not real. The girls still really believe in magic, but the boys are saying tooth fairy's not real, so is the tooth fairy real? My wife handled it really well, and she just was like, Cal, we're not gonna lie to you, so really think about if you wanna ask the question first. Like, if you want the answer, just be really smart. That is a great response.

Be smart about the question if you wanna ask it. And he like took that in, thought about it. He's like, I wanna know know is the tooth fairy real? And we were like no like no to say come on no way It's smart you fucking can make you pull your head out of the fucking sand do your own research But we told him but it's really sweet. He's this guy over here. I know I know this guy He's just very by anything the mainstream media tells you, no, there's no tooth fairy.

But it was also super sweet because then he's still little enough that he was like, can you still put my $2 under my pillow? Like he still wants the experience and he still likes the story. He could not have had a better outcome from that situation. And he did ask about the Easter bunny.

He hasn't had the- Santa. He hasn't had the- Santa. Hasn't had the balls to ask about Sania. He knows. He knows. He knows. He's not gonna ask that. That's why it was so nice. I thought my wife was so smart to be like, you're getting the truth. So-

Oh, that's really smart. Think about when it's time to ask. That was definitely a like, yep, you're gonna learn about all this stuff, but it's up to you when you shatter the joy of Santa. Yeah. It's on you, man. It's not on us now. You know how this works.

That's great. That's really great. And hopefully you'll grow up to appreciate that and not take out a school of kids when he's older. Yeah. I mean, I think about it all the time. I think about it all the time. With you and your wife's names on the bullets. Oh, older. I mean, I think about it all the time. I think about it all the time. With you and your wife's names on the bullets.

Oh geez. I mean, if- You never know. Listen, if I got through my schooling, I'm gonna say something so fucked up. If both me and my brother got through our schooling experiences without going down that road, he'll be fine. He's gonna have it easier than we did certainly.

So that- There you go. He should be okay. He should be all it easier than we did certainly. So that he should be okay. He should be all right. Are you close with your brother? Yeah, he's two and a half years older than me. Does he have kids? He has a son who's 17 days younger than my son.

Oh, that's gotta be convenient. And it was wild because my brother adopted his kid and it was on the- And that process must have been a while. Takes forever. He was on this list for years Yeah So my grandma my parents went from being like hey wait, so he's on this list for years my son's born

So when he got the kid the kid was already 14 years old. Yeah, it was it's weird how they do it started as a it's weird how they do it pod They raised the kid in this sci-fi-like environment, this dystopian, and they're open about it. It would be sci-fi. I mean, it would be fiction. It would be reality. They call it sci-re.

Sci-non-fi. Sci-re, yes, science, reality. But they're really open about it. We raise these kids in this dystopian chamber. Everything's very sanitized. Everything's very cold emotionally. And we're just making, we just give it- Sounds like utopia to me.

We give it a decade plus before we released the Kid to Your Care. Okay. No, but he, yeah, it was wild. He, my son was born and my brother was like, awesome, I get to be an uncle. And then two weeks later he gets a call, get to this hospital right now.

That's great. There's a kid. And yeah, and my, my brother and I spent our whole- Get to this, get to this hospital right now. That's great. Yeah, and my brother and I spent our whole- Get to this hospital, there's a kid. There's a kid. And then, errr. When I tell you that's like, not that much of an exaggeration.

It was like, can you get to this hospital right now? He's waiting for you. For real. Hurry, he needs life support. I can't even stress how close to the reality that was. But it's also nice because my son and his cousin are like best friends instinctively. That's great.

It's awesome, especially because me and my brother spend most of our- I assume you all live nearby. Yeah, I'm in Jersey, my brother's in Philly, so we get to see each other on a pretty regular basis. But my brother and I spent our whole childhood just like punching each other in the fucking face, like legit physically brawling up until our mid-20s.

Our last fight, I was in my 20s, fist fighting my own older brother. I was in college. We were at an apartment I lived in. My sophomore year of college, I was 21 years old. What was the fight about? That one was, he had come down. I went to Rutgers, which is the state school.

So he had tons of friends from high school went there So he'd come and crash with me go visit his friends. There's one day I had to leave for work And he had parked his car behind mine. It was like 730 in the morning I think I was working at that point at a supermarket deli counter. Mm-hmm So I'm already like not thrilled to be going to do this and being awake this early as a college kid. I get there, I'm like, mom, I brought, he didn't leave his keys on the table. I gotta wake him up on the couch. Hey man, where's your keys? And he's like, fuck off, you know? Like you gotta get up, move the

car, fuck off. And I'm like, then just give me the keys, so blah blah blah. And he finally popped off and was like, stop riding my ass. He was in boxer shorts and I'm in a full A&P supermarket uniform. And we're just brawling. That's an erotic dream. It was really wild. And I'll never forget to, I mean, he was older than me,

but I managed, he usually got the upper hand and my brother's like even nerdier than I am. But one of these guys that was just born with a right cross, like he has a punch, you know, sometimes it's like they say throwing a baseball, throwing a punch, you're born with it. He had a certain punch that if he hit it, it was like a knockout blow. It was crazy. So our fights would always be quick and it would, they'd be like these, I was always kind of the more angry one, but then he'd get the upper hand.

I'd be like done, but I had, I'll never forget our last fight. I managed to pin him up against a wall. And I was like, chill out. And he's like, let me go. And I was like, you gotta chill out first. You're still hot. I was like, I'm cool. Are you cool?

He's like, let me go. And he wouldn't say I'm cool. I was like, I need you to say you're cool first. He's like, all right, I'm cool. Let me go, we're good. And I let go. And he instantly punched me in the jaw so hard that I went down. Wow. And that was our very last fight. And I let go and he instantly punched me in the jaw

so hard that I went down. And that was our very last fight. But I was 21 and he was probably pushing 24 years old. That's how old we were when we were still brawling. But guess what? At the end of the day, who's in the A&P uniform and who's in his fucking underwear? To be fair, he also works at that A&P.

Just was not scheduled for that morning shift. He did have the uniform, I couldn't. Did you ever fuck with him, like leave stuff for him to do at the deli counter? We had fun, we got, so me, him, and then probably four or five of our friends. Also A&P, is that? It's not around anymore.

It's not around. No. It was not around anymore. It's not around. No. It was a good time. We were punk rock kids, and there were these two punk houses that all my friends lived in these two houses. State school punk houses. Like if you know that culture,

you know what I'm talking about. Like no one ever fucking cleans. Really fun. We all got jobs. This A&P opened in South Plainfield, New Jersey when I was halfway through college. And we quickly realized like, you should just get a job if a supermarket's opening.

Like you don't, you gotta really mess up your background check. Yeah. You gotta really. And you can take stuff. It was easy to take stuff back then. It was the best. I remember.

You're feeding your whole house. You know. I remember, I was in the deli. It was the best. I remember. You're feeding your whole house. You know, I remember I was in the deli. Not a great, not a great choice. Sometimes, you know, it's like a five gallon can of chopped clams. I remember taking like the last quarter of a full salami and going and standing in the upright freezer and just leaving it open to crack so I didn't freeze to death and just eating the salami. Because I was so, I was like a depraved college kid and being like, oh, this is rad. I don't have to pay for dinner tonight. Let me just- That's not depraved, Chris. Eat, eat salami like an apple, just like, huh?

Yeah. Fuck yeah. But we used to get on my, on the, the intercom system. And my brother was the ringleader on this to give him credit. And he would just get on there and be like, you know, can I get a price check on a child smile? Nah, nah, everybody that's priceless. You know, I'm like, and you see everybody looking up and then my other friends in

the different departments would all hear it and take it as a challenge. Right. Start seeing who can say the craziest shit over the intercom. And that's great. My best one that I remember was Decepticon attack in aisle three. And then moments later, Autobots to aisle three, please. And after maybe three or four days of us all trying to sneak this, the general manager gathered literally every worker on that ship from every department and was like,

Hey, um, I can't figure out who's doing this. I have my suspicions. gathered literally every worker on that shift from every department and was like, hey, I can't figure out who's doing this. I have my suspicions. But since I can't figure out, I just want you to know, we have people who want jobs. It's like easy to get more people through the door. And if anybody fucks around with the intercom on this shift, the entire shift is getting fired.

And everyone just turned and looked at us and we were like, okay, okay, message received. That was fun stretching. Oh man, you had strength in numbers. He gave you the opening to keep fucking around and have everybody leave. You think, but there would have been like 40

working class North Jersey people that would have just beat the shit out of us in the parking lot. None of us were in the union yet. He was gonna fire like 40 people. Understood. He's like, I'll fire every cashier. I'll fire everybody who's in the back to him.

And it's just you and your brother and a couple of friends. It's like me and my- It's not the entirety of the story. Me and my brother and our friend Jan having a little too much fun on the radio. And now these people, this single mom can't feed her two kids because we're fucking around talking about Transformers on the intercom but those were also those were some of the best times yeah with a five dollar meal

deal with new McValue you pick a McDouble or a McChicken then get a small fry a small drink and a four-piece McNuggets that's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money prices Prices and participation may vary. McDonald's meals $6 in some markets for a limited time only. With new McValue and McDonald's, you get more than you expect for breakfast. Like buy a sausage burrito and add a sausage McMuffin for a dollar.

Get more than you expect with new McValue at McDonald's. Prices and participation may vary. Valid for item of equal or lesser value. Yeah, I often look back and I imagine I'm over romanticizing part of it, or ignoring the really, really depths of despair, but my time in Boston, which preceded my time in LA and I went out to LA with a job to go to, So it wasn't one of those like, let's roll the dice again, you know, and I had no money and, but I was doing standup a lot

and that was all cash under the table. Not a lot of cash, but enough. No, it's still. You know, and I had jobs here and there, but I have no one to blame but myself for not having much money. And because that was a choice, I'd rather play softball during the day or go out all night and do sets and then go see my friends' bands and then, you know, be out until five, six in the morning, stumble home, repeat repeatedly. But as little money as I had and as day to day as things were and really precarious situations,

like if one thing went wrong, I'm out on the street and all that kind of stuff. I probably laughed more in those nine years than I ever laughed a lot. There's a lot of good times. Yeah. I don't have too many regrets. I will say I've always been someone very defined by my anxieties and my stress. And for me- You made a fucking career out of it. Yeah. I've cashed in hard on those lies. I'm the most confident person you've ever met, actually.

But when the cameras come on, ooh, the anxiety. No, it's very real. Like really, really crippling at times. Well, I have to say, since I don't know you that well, but I've known you for a long long time And you definitely seem way more What's the word? Stables are not the right word. I think it is sadly. It's sadly. I think it probably is. Yeah

Yeah, you seem more but I wouldn't say you were unstable. You were just Not comfortable. I don't know. Yeah, and I oozed that yeah Yeah, you you oozed it and and I think even the people who I was comfortable with would say that would have probably described me In the past as a very unpredictable person It's like am I gonna show up and be the life of the party on this night, or am I going to be super pissed off and quiet, or am I going to, you know, like, and I've definitely managed to chill out after many years.

Yeah. I can, I mean, I see a big difference. Yeah. And, and like you said, like you and I, it's always lovely to see you, but we cross paths a couple times a year. So to hear you be able to even track that is actually very nice for me.

But I think like you described in those Boston days, I sit here and I go, for me I was lucky to be part of that early wave of UCB. Which is, UCB takes a lot of shit in the comedy world and you know certainly it grew to a point where I understand they should have been paying artists for years before they closed. And I'm a guy who came up there and owes them a lot and I can still see that and say like it got bigger and less of the magic, still a good place, but a lot less of that early magic.

But I think back to being 19, 20 years old, taking the train in from Jersey, like going to that weird theater on 22nd Street, summer where the air conditioner broke, but crowds still showed up and people were just drenched in sweat. Like 11 people there watching, brilliant, brilliant people, some of whom would go on to be on TV. Underneath the supermarket. That was the 26th Street one, right?

Oh, right, right, right, yes. I remember doing shows and staying out all night and being aware that it was so much fun but also going to the bar with Bobby Moynihan is one of my best friends and me and him sitting at this bar, McManus, which is a couple blocks from here. Oh yeah, I know McManus. Comedians all hung out there. It's a fireman bar. Yeah, it was always firemen and cops at uh, uh, fireman bar. Yeah. It's like firemen.

It was always firemen and cops at the bar, comedians back at the tables. It was great. And I remember always stressing, man, like stuff starting to happen for people. And, um, and you think back then too, being happy for my friends, but you're like, oh man, like this person's on a commercial or this person got on a show and all, is it going to happen for me or not? Then I got older and achieved some things and realized I wish I hadn't let my anxiety overtake it. Because if, even when it was happening, I was vaguely aware.

Sitting in a booth with Bobby Moynihan in this Irish bar and a bunch of cops 10 feet away, stressing because am I going to make it in comedy or not? And we're up, it's 2.30 in the morning and we just finished doing three shows and at the other end of the bar are like a bunch of the Conan O'Brien writer staff who are our complete fucking heroes at the time and you know, maybe Kevin Dorff from the Conan staff

like buys one of your shot and is like, I saw the end of your show, good callback. And it's like, I saw the end of your show. Good callback. And you're like, holy shit. Like my heroes are talking to me. I'm like, I wish I had managed to let some of the anxiety go because it was this major motivating thing for me. And I look back, I go, man, my life will never be like that again.

And it was so unbelievably cool. I got to be part of some cool shit. my life will never be like that again. And it was so unbelievably cool. I got to be part of some cool shit. I wish I hadn't stressed as much while it was happening because it was fucking cool. Well, hindsight is 20-20, isn't it? And you get, you've attained success and your life is better or life is more stable.

You got a kid. And if you had known, it's going to be okay, Chris, trust me, it's going to be okay. Then you could pick and choose, which is the key. The key to happiness is to go, okay, when you're in that situation, I am gonna stress about the future and my career and you know, well, engage in a whole bunch of what ifs, but I'm not gonna do it right now. I'll do it tomorrow. That's a lot more where I'm at.

That's a lot more where I'm at. Let's enjoy right now. Yeah, I think the smartest thing I ever did was that any time I made money my whole career, I never changed an ounce of my lifestyle. So I was like the lead on a sitcom on Comedy Central one year and still living in Woodside Queens in a room with no closet with my buddy who I moved from college with up to the city. Yeah. And I think it was a full three years after that sitcom that I finally went and got a place in

Greenpoint that was slightly nicer and had a closet and a little more privacy where my, my room, my then roommate lives upstairs and I live downstairs, which felt like luxury, but I've, I've always been that way. The years where the money comes in I Stuff it away to help Dissipate the stress for the years where the money's not coming. That's smart. That's a life lesson. I've done the same thing I

My And this is a source of tension at home, but my wife has a different approach, you know, in part because she didn't need to have a different approach. But I mean, I've said in kind of moments of frustration and, you know, we've talked about finances, you know, and we have to, you know, simply put, if you're not making money, then, and you're always spending money, then you're spending money. You just, I am of the, you know, you don't spend money unless you have it. And then even then, you don't, you know, you save. And I've never ever been like,

hey, I'm going to get, I should be getting this check because that shit goes awry as well. Or, I mean, a million things happen. We all know that. And I mean, including COVID, I was supposed to go out on tour. That would have been a bunch of money. Well, that's not money. Well, that's not money. But we never altered our, you know, actually, I want to be completely fair to her. When we were, we had a couple of lean years, I've saved a ton of money, you know, because I don't spend anything. I mean, I don't spend money on clothes or I don't eat out that often. I just, I'm not one of, you know, I don't have a fancy car, fancy anything. And she, you know, used to be a kind of passive aggressive jokes about the, you know, five packages a day of whatever. Like, hey, when do you think we're going to be done with the house?

Is there more stuff we need? I guess we do or something would get something for the fucking thing that is for the kitchen, that looks somewhat like 17th century Dutch, but it's supposed to have some sort of practical purpose, but I don't know what it is, but it's like an old thing that you put in tea, or I don't know, and you get a little box,

and like, oh, that'll make everything better. Now we're done. We're done, right? We got everything. There's no room for anything else. And she really, when we were facing several years in a row, she did change her habits, so that's good. But I mean, it's still like, I'm of the mind and I'm proud of this. I don't take a lift unless it's pouring rain

or the subways, I just don't. I don't drive into Manhattan for, it's crazy to me. I take the subway, I ride my bike, I take a bus. I mean, and I don't walk to the subway going, aren't I a good person? It's just what you do. And it's years of training, right? It's years of...

Well, that's the difference between my wife and I. Like, you know, the Boston years I'm talking about. I didn't have money. I didn't have more than $2,000 ever until I won a, whatever the legal term is, I was fired inappropriately or something. And so they had put the monies that I was owed, and it was literally like $2,100. And I went and fought, I fought an illegal dismissal

or whatever it's called. And I won. I won my case. And so this money was released that was like $2,100. And it was like I just hit the fucking lottery. And that meant like $2,100 and it was like I was it was like I just hit the fucking lottery you know I never and that meant for a week I did not have to think about I mean I'm I'm I still look at the UPI the UPI index price my wife has no idea what it is I've even explained it several times I'm not I'm I know it's a thing I have no idea what it denotes. Oh, it denotes how much you're paying for not the price of the bottle of olive oil but how much the olive oil within it is priced. So you can look at, oh this bottle of olive oil is $16 and this one's $32 and this one's $8.

But if you look at the UPI thing, you're like, oh, actually the $16 olive oil is way more for what you're getting for the amount of, so that'll be 67 cents per ounce or whatever that however I'm not good at math. Yeah. Just little things like the, I still look at the right side of the menu, always, that's the first thing I go to. Yeah.

And I am a long time member of Consumer Reports. I don't buy a thing unless I go to Consumer Reports first and go, is this worth it? And a good example was my wife bought a couple of these air purifier things that are aesthetically nice. They're kind of modern looking, they're quiet, they're sleek, and they're not like this big clunky thing. And she had it and we had it for about a month. Then my daughter started getting these allergies, symptoms. Then after a while, we tried a bunch of stuff.

We took her to a doctor, then took her to an allergist and they basically do this and do that. We got these different micro sheets, micro whatever they are sheets. Then they said you should get an air purifier for her room. Okay, cool. And Amber was like, oh, I've got an extra one of these. I'll take the one from my office. Let me just check.

I went because this has happened before. This is not the first time. Literally the lowest rated, most ineffective air purifier on consumer reports. Literally the lowest. And I went and got the best one, which was probably $120 cheaper than the one she got. And it's recommended by everybody. that's just that's one example

Same thing happened recently. She got these eco-friendly No washing machine soap sheets, right? So they're like a little sheet almost like a dryer sheet, but and then you tear them up in little bits and you put them in the thing, it's not like the liquid and it's supposed to be better for the planet, it's made out of this and that.

Got it. Didn't get one, got a case of them and I went, looked it up, garbage, just absolutely useless garbage. That's very frustrating. So, sorry, I didn't mean this to be a, you know, shit on my wife podcast episode. I love talking and getting into the economic nitty gritty and merging it with relationships. It is a source of tension.

We try to be good about it. She is definitely better about it. I also have, to be fair about it. She is definitely better about it. I also have to be fair I have anxiety I take medication for it and I can be a fucking asshole about it I can get super grumpy and as I said passive-aggressive and just Moody about that stuff and I'm always worried about because I grew up really poor I'm not even talking about Boston when I was a adult. I've had the same roots Yeah, we grew up my my dad left us left us in

Severe debt my mom had no real skills and she had three kids yeah, all the sudden and dead in the middle of fucking Roswell, Georgia and it sucked and And it took years and years and years and years and years of my mom methodically, I think the order was, she got a, I believe it was a gasoline credit card. Yeah. Paid that off. That allowed her to get a Sears credit.

She had to, this is over years. Right, just to be on the grid. Just to build up credit. Yeah, yeah. So that we could get an apartment that was somewhat decent. Yeah. You know, and. I've had some, I've had some,

I feel very conflicted about my version of those memories because in some way they make me very sad. In other ways, I find them happy and inspiring. My version of this was I had, about a year or two ago, had this memory pop into my head of me and my friend Josh, who was my best friend when I was really little, hanging out in some doctor's office and being really bored, waiting for my mom and his mom to be done. And that

memory popped in my head. It's a memory I've always had, but it finally occurred to me, why was I, why were our moms together in a doctor's office? Why were he and I there so long that we were bored? Like, you don't go to the doctor at the same time as your friend. And I called my mom up and I said, I have this weird memory of you and Joanne at this doctor's office and me and Josh like getting restless and me and him having fun but getting bored. And she goes, oh, that was that place in South Orange we used to go.

I grew up in a town called West Orange and I was like, what was it? And she told me that her and her friend found out there was this place where you could go and they would get these giant, uh, like bandages, like patches put on their arms and it was cosmetic companies doing the human testing to see if they cause adverse effects in humans, skin allergies or burn marks or whatever. And my mom was like, we'd go and do it once in a while and then you guys would get to have a pizza night.

Like we'd go and they'd give us $40 cash. And that Friday, that weekend, we'd have pizza night. And I have all these warm memories of pizza night. I remember that being a big deal in my house, that every once in a while, my dad would go to Johnny's Pizza and we'd get pizza night. And you realize, oh, my parents were on such a tight rope of a budget

that my mom was doing weird medical tests so me and my brother could have this happy thing once a month. Sit there, I'm like, man, that is not my reality, but on one level that makes me want to cry, on the other level, I'm like, that's such a beautiful thing. And it's weird. the absolute, like, go look at this through the eyes of all the women who have benefited from your mom's sacrifice of a, you know, itchy or burnt arm. And now they look, their OnlyFans account is, you know, their Instagram stories.

Rich women's skin did not have to be, because my working class mom took the hit so that the rich women never had to live through that hell, that horror. Have you ever had, I've had it catch up to me in weird ways as an adult. Do you ever have moments of, oh, I grew up much poorer than I am now?

I mean, not any kind of revelatory new things. When you were talking about you and your friend that I have a lot of, not really specific, but a lot of memories of, and I'm more attuned to them now that we have a daughter and we have money. So we have a nanny and we have, my sister just went back to Atlanta. She will fly my sister up, right, for a week. My, you know, Annebril bring up like, I need, you know, I need to finish these writing assignments and I need help. And my sister Wendy's happy to come up here. She and Marlo are get along like a house on fire. I mean, they're great. But we'll pay her to fly up and hang out and stuff. And so there's a lot of that. And the thing that my daughter's never really experienced and probably won't is the thing that you and I

and my sisters had to experience, which is, oh, you see your mom and dad were together, yeah? Yeah. Okay. And we also moved around constantly. So we didn't, there were a whole lot of neighborhood folks until much later, until we were kind of grown. But what I'm describing is the thing where you have to go to the DMV because your mom has to go to the DMV and can't leave you alone. And there's

no school, summer, whatever, and there's nowhere to put you. So I would, and my sisters too, you tag along to a doctor's appointment or the DMV or wherever your adult parent has to conduct business and there's nowhere to put you. Yeah. And get in the car, we're going. All day. Yeah, and so one good thing was, for me,

was I read early on. And so I had that. I was a real nerdy kind of bookish kid. And so I would read, but you know, like, you know, my two younger sisters were just, I mean, it was just, it was tough. And it's something that, you know, some kids, and now kids, you can take them and they've got a Game Boy or iPad or whatever the fuck it is.

I probably just really dated myself. I'm sure there's a million things that have come after. A Game Boy is, now it's the Switch, right? The Switch, right. Or the, yeah, whatever it is. The modern Game Boy. The phone, you know, kids have their phone, whatever. So, but back then, you know, there was,

if you didn't have a book, you know, I read a lot of Sunset magazines and Oh yeah. doctor's office. Weird, bad magazines. Really bad, old person. Huge factor in my childhood. Old person magazines. Yeah, I had a couple years ago, I ran into one

and I just kind of quietly kept it to myself, but my wife was baffled because I forget where we were, but I asked her to pass the maple syrup. She's like, well, it's breakfast syrup. And I was like, yeah, the maple syrup. And she's like, no, that's breakfast syrup. Like maple syrup. Oh, breakfast syrup is fake maple syrup.

Like the plastic one. And then she's like, well, the maple syrup comes from a tree. And I was like, I thought that was just like different grades of quality. She's like, no, this is not maple syrup. This thing is not maple syrup. And then I realized I was kind of like laughing to myself, but also like, man, where you go, oh, right.

I grew up in a way where if there's a $2 option for this syrup and the maple syrup is $5.56 bucks, I guess to me there's no delineation because I'm never having that other one. You know, like that one's not a factor. But once you have maple syrup, you're like, oh, this other stuff is like watery. It's corn syrupy garbage. Yeah. But in my mind, those are the same thing. Right.

Because there was not really, this was not really an option. You don't really mess around with the fancy option. It's all maple syrup to you It's all maple you're allowed to call it There's good maple syrup and there's regular shitty maple syrup It's all maple syrup You can't afford to get onto this idea that there's a spectrum of these things then just call it whatever the fuck you want you can't afford to be in the game man, but see I'm I

This brings up something that I'm in the middle of now, which is I'm a little jealous of you. Like I was cooked on the city. I was very, very burnt. And I got to a point where I was doing, there was like a stretch in New York comedy that's where I was like kind of like one of the guys in like Brooklyn-y comedy, you know?

Like I was helping to lead the charge. And that's how I saw you. Yeah, and you know, sold the TV show, talk show eventually employed a bunch of other, the Brooklyn eComics, like real community guy. Was also like getting recognized around the city, but was doing well enough that there would be like, like I had my TV show on

and there were subway posters of my face, but I was still taking the subway every day. I'm not the person who can take cars. Even if I could afford it, I don't think I would have that in me. I'd feel very uncomfortable. No, but I took the subway down there. I take the subway every day. I remember Stretchwear, I both had my off-Broadway show running and my TV show, and they both had subway posters. So we'd pull into subway stops, the doors would open, and I'd see literally four posters of my own head and then everyone turn around and it was weird and then but it was also this tipping point that I'm sure you've run into your version

where I'm like there was a long stretch when I was on public access TV that was kind of my golden age where New Yorkers started to view me as their guy where I'd be I'd like walk I remember once walking through Washington square with my, my now wife, some guy walked by and was just like, Hey, Gethered man, love the human fish, public access forever, bro. I was like, thanks dude. And my wife was like, Oh, you've become

like a New York guy. Like New Yorkers recognize you from this thing. That's cool. Then I got big enough that it, it turned. And I remember like being on an F train platform once and hearing somebody going, gathered, gathered, gathered. And it was really sad though, cause I have dealt with mental illness in my life

and kind of quietly leaned over to my wife and I was like, I need to, do you hear someone whispering my last name right now? And she was like, yeah, I hear it. Cause I was like, I needed to check if I was hallucinating or if someone was being that odd. And she was like, yep, someone's trying to get you to turn around instead of just walking up and saying hi. So I left the city and I'm a little jealous of you because you've managed to stay here, which means you get to kind of opt into your own life. You get to still go see bands if you want on

short notice. You get to still walk out the front door if it happens to be a night where you have some time for you and see what you can figure it out. I'm in the, in the, not just the burbs, but like where the burbs and the rural area smash. And I'm and I'm This is where they fuck. Yeah, they smash. It's crazy. It's suburban people and farmers fuck Wow. Okay There's a specific area

There's a real area of New Jersey where if you are suburbanite and you want to fuck a farmer you come to my hometown Okay, and it is hot and heavy. I would say like borderline gross sex It's that well when you're I don't know farmer sex is not I mean They're just bringing a lot to the and they're seeing animals all the time. Yeah, that's what I meant And unless they're like have a sunflower farm. There's less of that. It's more like raw animal like It's it's fucked up. It's dark. It's dark. It's the dark side of that. It's more like raw animal, like it's fucked up. It's dark.

It's dark. It's the dark side of sex. I took all my TV show money and I bought a house. And now I'm just praying I can hold onto this house. But I'm also living in an area where my son was in a great school and his life is going to be a lot more relaxed than my childhood was. And it's prettier and there's more trees and things to look at. The houses are a little far.

You don't look out the window and see across the driveway and can see, oh, the scagliozis next door are having chicken tonight. Like that's how close our houses were together growing up. Like, but I have also realized that for as lovely as it is, I don't make nearly as much money as I made five or six years ago. I'm making 20% of what I made at my peak. Some of that is because I needed to slow down for my own wellbeing. I'm still doing well enough, but I'm also now living in this area where some of

the people, like my kid is in kindergarten with families that I've realized some of these families are real big money. And I'm now having all these weird insecurities. I'm like, oh, I don't, I don't, I've never known how to be around people with this much money. And I gotta learn,

because we're raising our kids in the same town, they're in the same class, we're gonna be at school parties together. Well as long as you're not doing that status seeking, keeping up with the Joneses thing, it's no big deal. If anything, I probably go in the other direction too much. I had a friend in town recently tell me, he's like, you know one thing I love about you?

And I was like what? And he's like, you're just totally comfortable dressing like shit. And I was like what he's like you're just like totally comfortable dressing like shit And I was like what and he was like a lot of the other dads around here like they wear real expensive stuff and you just dress how you always have like you just wear dumpy shit and I'm like and that wasn't a choice like this is just how I look also That's a weird thing to admire he was but he's like another dad sort of in a similar boat. Right. If he ever hears this, he'd be the first to.

So he's just looking for you to buoy his kind of like, hey, you and me, brother. We're in it together, man. We don't need Armani suits to go to the. I didn't realize I was standing out as someone who looks visibly inferior to those around me. Now I have another thing to be insecure about. Don't be insecure about that. Ah, it's hard to. around me. I have another thing to be insecure about. Don't be insecure about that.

That's hard. Fuck that. I know. It's also, it's funny too, because as an artist, you realize it cuts through the class warfare. Like we get invited into all the rooms because people think what I do is cool. Yeah.

So like I- Well, that's the thing, they know, and it's a part of the aspect of what you were talking about earlier with people going, hey bro, I love your shit. They know you and they feel like, and to a certain degree, they're correct, that they know you. Yeah. And you don't know them and your neighbors don't know each other unless they go out and introduce each other and they have a conversation stuff. But there's already, depending on how you look at it, an advantage or disadvantage. People know you, they know

your point of view. Yeah. It was funny too. I moved to a neighborhood that has an HOA. So they all got my name first and they all watched tons of shit of mine before I moved in and like I mean I had no he's suicidal I don't know you don't even know I had neighbors who the first time I met the first time I meet them I'm like taking groceries out of my car and they walk a dog person like hey man you just moved in right I'm like oh yeah a couple weeks ago they're like really I gotta, you just moved in, right? I'm like, oh yeah, a couple weeks ago. Really, I gotta tell ya, just so psyched you didn't kill yourself.

And I was really moving that thing that you did on HBO because everybody's had their thoughts and I'm just psyched you're alive and not dead via suicide. Like, four real conversations like that movie. Like, ugh, what did I do? Let alone my old public access show. But that's a good thing.

I mean, and you- But in the moment, it's shocking to be like, oh, watched a bunch of episodes of your old TV. Like, you know, elderly neighbors of mine where I'm like, this is not really my thing, but that's cool that you did that. And I'm like, my public access show has episodes where I'm like in tighty whities

and there's a dominatrix melting wax onto my bare chest on Public Access TV while I scream in legitimate pain. And I'm like, well, I'm glad that Susan across the street saw the Dominatrix bit I did in 2013 on Public Access TV. It's very, very fun. And also at times I'm just like, man, they all know so much about me

because there's so much out there But that's part of what? We do yeah, you know, I mean and that's part of this, you know the This and the last generation of stand-ups are way more personal, you know, you know getting up there going Making jokes about Walmart and stuff, you know, I up there going, making jokes about Walmart and stuff. I know. I've weirdly gone, I've retreated from being as public as I used to be in part because of some of this.

I get it. Yeah. I'm now making much- Well, you were also way, you know, you were an extreme version of what I'm talking about. Yeah, I will give myself credit that there was a time

I think in New York where before confessional got as confessional as it was, that people would sometimes be a little bit like this guy. I don't think it would be shocking. Like my 2017 HBO special was shocking to people when I was working it out in 2013, 14, 15. Right. It felt shy.

I don't think it feels shocking today. And that represents a lot of progress about people being vulnerable, people talking about mental health. That progress that you were part of. You were part of propelling the evolution. Very proud of that. And certainly, Maria Bamford, Gary Goldman,

a lot of people who like, Aparna, like so many people who talked about mental health where the conversations changed, but it felt shocking back then. Now it doesn't feel shocking. And I don't know if it's feeling like I've done my part or if there's some fear I have to reckon with, but I'm like, I don't know how to go there anymore.

And that's, I'm not comfortable being as personal anymore. And I helped lead that charge. You did your bit, now it's time to retire. Enjoy your ARP paychecks. If I was, I have the mentality, if I was 20 years older, I would be, I would be, clock me out, cash me out, let's do it. You know what I was thinking on the way to the podcast this morning. I don't know what made me think of it.

I was walking in the subway and I guess I was feeling fat, like I was going to like start this kind of diet type thing. And it's been hard with being on the road. It's extremely hard, but I'm pretty much off the road now and starting these other projects. And so I was like, oh, I'm gonna drink less and I'm gonna, no snacking after eight,

and all these little things that have worked before. And I had for like the first thought, because I'm gonna be doing this, one of the movies I am naked. I have to be, you know. Yeah, that'll put you in your head. And so. How naked?

We talking full frontal? We talking butt? I don't think they're gonna, I don't, they're not gonna show my dick and balls, but they're. I once shot a full frontal scene and it got cut from the movie. Really?

What was the movie? It was Mike Birbiglia's Don't Think Twice movie, which is about an improv troupe. A guy gets, basically gets SNL. It's very much easy acting for me, having been around UCB in the 2000s, to be like, what's it feel like when your friends all move on to great success, and you're on your improv group?

I'm like, oh, I lived that for a long time, so I did it, but we shot a scene. And Mike, I opened for Mike for a year. He and I are very close, and he came to me. He's like, I've got this idea. It's sort of like based on this urban legend about an improv guy who would get naked in his warmups and the group all found it funny, which I think sounds problematic today, but I've been assured that it was actually very,

it was a funny thing when it happened, blah, blah, blah. I don't know much about it, but he's like, I've always heard this story and I'm wondering if you'd shoot a nudity scene. I was like, frontal? He's like, yeah, I was like, yeah, I'll do it. We've shot it and I'll never forget, I was at a punk show at, there was a great space

out in Bushwick called Shea Stadium, not where the Mets played, they named it after it, this little punk space like a bubble warehouse. I put two and two together. It was awesome. Didn't think it was the actual Shea Stadium. But people often, I would sometimes advertise I'm performing at Shea Stadium and relatives of mine

would reach out and be like, holy shit, you've arrived. And I'm like, no, Shea Stadium doesn't even exist anymore. But I was at this punk show at Shay, and this girl was giving me the side eye, and finally came over and she was like, your name's Chris, right? And I was like, yeah, and she's like, I just saw a screening of a movie you're in,

and I hadn't even seen it yet. They had just started doing the test screenings. So I was like, holy shit, like, how was it? I'm excited to see how that one came out. That was like a very heavy lift acting wise for me. Usually I get just cast as sort of an off-putting nerd when I do any acting. And Mike was like, no, you're going to be like doing some of the emotional stuff in this one. It was cool. So I was all excited. I'm like, how did it come out? This and that. She's like, um, it was good. And I could tell she was holding back on something. I'm like, what's going on? She goes, I just want to say,

I thought it was a really weird choice that they showed full penis 90 seconds in. And I was like, what? She's like, they showed your full, there's a full screenshot of just you full frontal, naked on screen, and it's 90 seconds into the movie. And I was like, ooh, I didn't realize it was like that early on. it was gonna wind up in there.

And then I got a little nervous and I called Mike and he's like, ah yeah buddy, I was gonna tell you about this, that's very consistent feedback, so I think we're gonna cut it. And I was like, all right, thank God. Apparently the first half dozen screenings, everybody was like, what the fuck am I seeing full dick?

I'm like just settling in. I've barely put my phone on airplane mode. I'm eating popcorn. Yeah, now there's just a full on, full on hog. Eye level to me, surround sound dick. And it was shot in IMAX. It was, 3D IMAX 2. Wait, wait.

Yeah, it was. Anyway, you were saying, so you have to get naked. Yeah, but it won't be, I mean, it'll be artfully concealed. Oh, but what I was saying was, yeah, I need to, you know, because I've got this, what do they call visceral fat? I think it's called, not visceral fat, the stuff that's like dad beer belly hard. Like not soft, like this thing. You know, like you could punch me

and I wouldn't even flinch. Wow. And- Wow. Like those Russian guy, you know, things. Do you feel it's weird how often we cross paths and you should, you start bringing up like physical, like you could punch me and I wouldn't feel it

That's just that's my thing with you. Yeah. No, I've known it's a I have people I have dropped that Hint and suggestion for years a million times and you've never hit me not once I feel I've talked with other comedians in our circle. You are I feel I've talked with other comedians in other circles. So you are understanding what I'm putting out there. Yeah, I have felt you, David Cross, trying to bait me, Chris, gathered into a physical confrontation for well over a decade. Yeah, but just in the stomach. Yeah, no, it's always very specific.

It's really specific, yeah. Extraordinarily specific. It's like the Houdini thing and I got to be prepared. Yeah. I don't want to die of a ruptured spleen. Yeah. But I was like, okay, I'm going to to die of a ruptured spleen. Yeah. Yeah But I was well I so was like, okay I'm gonna drop a few pounds and then and then I started justifying it in a real way not in like

You know, like I really it was real to me. We're like, you know what? I'm fucking 61 years old I can have a fucking beer belly if I want who gives a goddamn fuck him. Yeah a fucking beer belly if I want. Who gives a goddamn fuck them? Yeah. I'm going to keep eating the way I want to eat. I love that. I've earned it. I love that. Good on you. Yeah.

I turn 45 tomorrow and I just- Oh, happy birthday. Thank you so much. And I just feel- this, I've begrudgingly hit a phase where I go, I've been telling myself for like a year and a half I'm going to lose some of the weight I'm carrying and now instead I've started admitting defeat by just sizing up my clothes. I'm just buying bigger clothes. That's-

Which is telling me you're never gonna lose that weight. But that is, that you can get rid of easier. I would say don't let that turn into this. Okay. Because I had that for a little while. Yeah. And then that turns into this kind of harder. And I was reading about it.

You know what? Oh God, I remember this was from maybe two tours ago or my last tour, it's something I was talking about. Oh, tour belly, whatever, which happens every time I, I try to lose weight before I tour in anticipation of the five, six, seven pounds I'm gonna put on. And a guy in the front, it was a standing show, and a guy in front's like, yeah, and he's pulled points to his things.

That's why I got the term. I think it's visceral. But visceral means you can see it. See it, yeah. So maybe that's not it. But it's something like visceral fat. And it's a different kind of fat. It's like hard rubber. And it doesn't go away? It's hard, hard, hard. It's the kind of thing like the normal, I'll get on the treadmill for half an hour

and I'll, you know, you gotta really do some shit to get rid of this kind. That kind of, your belly fat is, yeah, get on the treadmill, get some fruits and nuts and grains and whatever. And this is like, you've gone past this, that's not a plan for you anymore. We have to do something a little bit more. And I really was like, it's something I've made fun of and I've scoffed at, but I was like, what about those, the cryo things?

Can I go freeze this out? You know, can I spend? You started looking for weird ways. Looking for shortcuts. Yeah. Shortcuts to, so that I could keep drinking. Yeah. How can I do this, lose this weight

and keep drinking as much as I do? Yeah. That's, and if anybody out there has an answer to that, please feel free. I recently had a guy who I think was well-intentioned, reached out to me on Instagram, based just on seeing pictures of me over the years. And he said he's a fitness coach and he has an online portion of his business that he's trying to grow. And he said, I can help you lose that weight around the middle.

If you want to work with my company, I can absolutely get you where you want to go. And I was interacting with him. I feel bad because I eventually ghosted him because I was interested at first, I was like, cool, maybe this is the kick in the ass I need to finally lose, you know, I'm, I'm walking around like, uh, about 15 pounds heavier than I would

walk around before my son was born. Right. Um, so maybe this will get me back like my metabolism back to that. And then he sent me this sort of contract. Okay. Uh, I'll provide you with all these free coaching sessions and this to that. And then he sent me this sort of contract. Okay. Uh, I'll provide you with all these free coaching sessions and this and that.

And, and, but he said, one of the things that I was obligated to do was post a before and after picture on my personal Instagram. And I just could not, could not reconcile that thought. I'm like, if it ends well, then fucking A-awesome. Then awesome, I'll post the before and after if I lose 20 pounds or if all of a sudden

I have abs for the first time in my life or my pecs are manly for the first time ever. But if I'm lazy about this and I lose four pounds and I've now signed a contract where the before looks like shit and the after looks also like shit I Cannot sign a contract that I'll do the before and after it could end so sad for me Let me let me give you it could be funny could be actually pretty funny if I saw that I would laugh post the before and then

six months later. Or even worse though, then just the world sees that I never post the after because I just gave up along the way. Hey, I'm working with these coaches. Here's my before shot. Check in in a few months and then a few months later, I look even worse. Yeah. I couldn't do it.

Or you're in a wheelchair. Mentally, I could not get over that block. I have a suggestion. Yeah. Knowing based on what we were talking about earlier for a way to lose weight. Yeah. A way to get you to commit to lose weight. Sure.

Sounds like a joke. It's not. Okay. Join a gym with a healthy monthly payment, and then do a automatic pay per month, put a year's worth on there, and you'll sit there and go, oh shit, I paid $320 for access to this gym every month.

I better use it. Yeah. And it will make you, it'll just be the little thing that gets you up off the couch. If you need that little thing, it gets you out the door. I recently did. Like, you did that. I got an even one better.

As someone who has talked about being frugal, even when things get better financially. Yep. I recently rented a small office in New Jersey, about 15 minutes from my house. And I like the work from home thing was really done. We have a six-year-old, we have a dog, we have a million things that need to get done around our house all the time, I can't work from home anymore. Got the office. Love it. But it's street park. I'm paying street meters. And the cheap comedian in me realized there's a gym about two or three blocks away. And I joined the gym and they have-

They park there. They validate three hours of parking a day. Mm-hmm. So if I go every day that I go to the office and park there, it actually pays for the gym membership based on the validated parking. The validated parking, what I would have paid on the street three hours a day would add up more to than the monthly gym membership. So the way I see it, this gym is sort of paying me to be a member. There you go. But I have to go or else I'm paying for parking and the gym.

I like that. That's a little more convoluted, but still works. Same idea. And I can even go, what I'll do is I'll park at their parking garage. I'll go work for two hours. Then I'll go over there, change workout for like 45 minutes. They still validate all three hours. I just got two hours and 15 minutes of free

parking on the gym. Yeah. That was not gym specific. So I feel like the part of me that likes being a rebellious feels like I'm stealing from the gym. I feel like I'm bilking the town out of taking more money out of my pocket from the parking meters.

I don't see it that way, but okay. It's a really, it's the start of a, it's the quiet, it's the start of a quiet rebellion. of taking more money out of my pocket from the parking meters. I don't see it that way, but okay. It's a really, it's the start of a quiet rebellion where both this one town in New Jersey and Crunch Fitness are finally going to get what's fucking coming to them because of me and how I'm behaving with this free parking scheme. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's smart. Impressive. Thanks so much. I'm a real mastermind. I'm really a puppet master pulling the strings and these people don't even realize it. But you're pulling your own strings.

You're your own puppet master. Yeah, yeah. Most really- So you're aware of what you're doing, but you're also not aware of what you're doing. I'm aware of what I'm doing. I'm also aware that no one else cares. That when I'm in my mind and I'm like, ha

I'm fucking over crunch fitness a little bit and this town in New Jersey's I don't think you're talking them I don't know one cares. No, I know see that way driven by feelings of You're getting away with some getting away with something gaming the system gaming the system knocking down the person in power It was said I had, You know how much power Crunch has? Oh, Crunch Fitness. They rule Northwestern New Jersey with an iron fist. No judgments. Crunch, absolutely. I'm infiltrating them from the inside. Yeah. And I'm happy to say, I just watched both seasons of Andor and I'm ready

to start a rebellion crunch fitness I don't know what that is. Oh and or it's great. It's a Star Wars show, but if even if you don't like Star Wars It's just a pretty great show. Do you have to know Star Wars? No, you could watch this entire show and then the Star Wars stuff would feel like like set dressing but it's It's really a show about like how do oppressed people rise up and start organizing. And it's kind of shocking that a Disney funded Star Wars property has this level of rabble rousing inside it.

Or I'm like, oh, this is wild. This is wild. But anyway, I'm gonna take down crunch. I'm gonna take out crunch fitness finally. Someone has to. Chris, do you have anything you wanna let the folks know about, this'll, I don't know when this will come out, but let's say a month from now.

I would say the big things I'd love to let people know about are, I have my own podcast called Beautiful Anonymous, which where I talk to people on the phone and they stay anonymous and we have hour long conversations. People you know or people you don't know? No. Oh, I like that idea. Random strangers, they call in.

Some of them are like super light, funny style. I'll get a teenager calling up and being like, here's what it's like to just be in high school right now, dude, and I'm like, awesome. And then sometimes people call up and they're like, here's the darkest shit I've ever lived through. Wow, that's really cool. And I don't know what's coming. Wow, that's really cool.

I'm gonna have to check that out. It's beautiful anonymous. Beautiful anonymous, yeah. I'm really proud of it. And then the other thing I wanna plug is I started a couple years ago working with a nonprofit called Wellness Together that helps fund mental health services in schools.

And they helped me build a thing called Laughing Together where we do comedy workshops with kids to get them communicating, get them pushing through their anxiety, get them letting their guard down around each other. All the things about improv that I think are so great with kids that, you know, in the same way that I think a lot of people grow up and they're like, I never want to go see my friends improv shows ever again. But I'm like, but never want to go see my friends in prep shows ever again. But I'm like, but it's fucking fantastic for kids. So I work with the mental health professionals to build that

and it's really joyous. So I'd love to plug those two things. Well, mission accomplished. Yeah. Thank you so much. Are there any plugs you need to get out? Yes, actually. People don't ask you enough on your own show. No, I don't think I'm ever asked.

They put you in the weird position of having to just steamroll your own plugs in, which always, it is what it is, but I'm going to open it up to you. Why don't you get some plugs out, David? All right, so let me get my phone here, my calendar. So I've got a couple. I think by the time this comes out, those will be done. So let me say that I I know that on July 12, let me make sure this is correct. July 12, I will. Yes, there is at the Bell House in Brooklyn, great room, great place to perform. There'll be a benefit that I'm headlining for Little Essentials, which is an organization that I work with that

gets donations and raises money and goods for impoverished kids in New York City. And they're amazing, they're selfless, they're so great. And it's humbling every time I do, and I've been working with them for a long time. And they're, so we're doing a benefit to raise money for them and then they do like diaper drives. They're doing a diaper drive right now. And formula and clothing and all kinds of stuff

for kids five and under and new parents who don't have money. So that'll be July 12th at Bell House. It'll be me, gosh, who else is on there? Janine Graflo, excuse me, John Glazer, Sean Patton, I believe Shane Torres. There's a whole slew of people. That's a sick lineup. It's gonna be great.

Sick lineup of good-hearted comedians. Yes. How often in 2025 do you hear about a lineup where everyone has a good heart? Not often, not often enough. Well, Brooklyn, Brooklyn, you're gonna have more of that. Yeah, Brooklyn's hanging on. And then, what else?

Get Chris some water, yep. All right, and- Can I do one more? Yeah, do one more. So I've been hosting this new variety show called That Show, hosted by Chris Gethard, and it's been really fun, and it's a lot of, it's like I bring in some of the other people

who have been doing it for 25 years. And then there's also a lot of these like experimental clowns around Brooklyn now that's becoming a whole scene, these sort of renegade clowns. You know, Stamptown? Oh, Stamptown is leading the charge with these clowns. Oh, I love them, I love Stamptown. But I'm doing, in August, I'm doing,

for the first time, we've been doing it at UCB, which is a small venue, but we're going out to White Eagle Hall in Jersey City. Oh, I'm playing there. Oh, it's great. It's a great spot. I'm playing there in August, I wanna say. You're gonna love it.

Okay, cool. Have you been out there before? No. It's awesome. And Jersey City is crushing it right now. Jersey City has its own little microcomedy scene too, full of great comics. Here it is, July 19th. So the week after that benefit at Bell House. Jersey City and I believe, yes, I'll be, White Eagle Hall.

White Eagle Hall, you'll love it. And the Jersey City comics, there's their own little scene and they're great, great. Nick Fiero, Alex Grubard, Alex Nicholas, these great guys. You'll love it out there. But we're gonna do like our first ever leap up towards a big show at White Eagle Hall. I think August 6th or 7th.

And I recently found this clown who's also a strong man and he crushes cans on his head and lifts cinder blocks up with his teeth. So I think I might try to see if he'll come do the Jersey City show. Why wouldn't he? That's got Jersey City written all over it. If you've ever wanted to see a clown crush cans

on his own head. Constantly. Come out got Jersey City written all over it. If you've ever wanted to see a clown crush cans on his own head. Constantly. Come out to Jersey City, everybody. All right. Now, Chris, it's been an absolute pleasure to see you, have you on the show. I end every episode with a question from my daughter. Okay.

And you can answer it in any way you see fit. Yeah. Okay. So the question today, your question is, Chris, why are bumblebees furry? I think bumblebees are furry because they do a lot of good for the environment, but everybody thinks of bees and goes, oh no, they're gonna sting me. So they have of bees and goes, oh no, they're going to sting me. So they have to do something cute to remind you that they're actually very productive members of the ecosystem, pollinating, making sure plants bloom, so they get a furry and cute part so that humans are less inclined to want to instinctively smash and kill them into non-existence.

Did that get too grim at the end for your daughter? No, there, there is no to anything. Okay. It's a, you, as I say, And I can keep going and just let your daughter know that I think humanity's instinct is to see something it might view as slightly dangerous and to crush and eliminate it forever. Right.

And only in hindsight do we then go back and actually see their value. And we have this real habit of looking back and going, Oh man, let's celebrate this thing now that it's gone. And never recognizing we're the ones that snuffed it into non-existence. And that's happening with the bees right now. So if they wanna be a little furry to say, hey, chill the fuck out, take it easy on us, chill out with your pesticides,

chill out with your aggression. They're just trying to hang on in the face of one of humanity's darkest and most hypocritical habits. Well, then how do you explain Honey Nut Cheerios? I've been trying for years and I don't know how to get people to understand the actual many layers of emotions I have about Honey Nut Cheerios. Do we want to do a whole second episode of the podcast? Because that could just be hours on it. Yeah, we do.

But unfortunately, we don't have time. We have to turn the studio over to Huell Protein Drink. All right. That was fun. I love getting to catch up, man. Sense is Working Over Time is a headgum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not gonna do that. Thanks for listening. That was a hate gum podcast.