Senses Working Overtime with David Cross - Jon Benjamin

Episode Date: May 30, 2024

Catch all new episodes every Thursday. Watch video episodes here.Guest: Jon BenjaminSubscribe and Rate Senses Working Overtime on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review to read on a future episode!Follow David on Instagram and Twitter.Follow the show:Instagram: @sensesworkingovertimepodTikTok: @swopodEditor: Kati SkeltonEngineer: Nicole LyonsExecutive Producer: Emma FoleyAdvertise on Senses Working Overtime via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I give everybody a choice. You can sit in the chair or the couch, whatever you're feeling. You look green. You look green. All right. And there's, do you want anything to drink? There's all kinds of... I got it. I brought my own. Okay. Well, next time. Vodka. Spindrift. New. The new vodka. Hard to say? No. It's just vodka. 11.2. It's just vodka and a Spindrift can.

Is it right here? Yep. Is it this close to you? Yeah. I mean, you don't have to, but I mean, it makes it a better, I don't know how many people- Do you like to be like super close to your guests? I mean, this close, exactly. Like-

That's a, that's perfect. Yeah. Wait, that's perfect. That's great. Has anybody ever done this? This good? I know, I know. And I do want to point out, you're not taping yet, right?

Point out what I Have a big big plumbing big plumbing a big pimple on my nose. Oh, I don't see it Well, I don't know I haven't been on camera in three and a half years and I get this this morning Unbelievable bad timing fair, but my eyes aren't very good Oh, I just did the thing where I shouldn't have pointed it out because no one would have noticed until well now Now that I've said it it's out there and everyone's just gonna be staring at that. We've officially started yet. So What was I gonna say

Nicole do you have any idea of how many people watch this versus listen to it? I don't think that many people watch it. But for those listening in your car, at home, subway, your gym, whatever, just know that just imagine, picture a large red inflamed pustule on the end of John's already fairly big nose. Yes. As we continue. I will also, you know what we should do in post? Oh, you know what?

Maybe as an idea, we could, I'm happy to offer a pic and send it to all the listeners. Yeah, yeah. For those who aren't seeing it on video. I mean, I think the imagination. You would just send in your, to Head Gum and the office and suite 805. And we send back a picture of a closeup of it. Yeah, self-addressed stamped envelope, you will get that.

You'll get it, if you send us a self-addressed stamped envelope, we'll send you digitally a picture, we'll keep the envelope and we'll donate it to... How many listeners do you have? Because now we kind of have to do it and that's probably gonna be 20,000 or 100,000 people and I gotta send my picture of my nose. Easily 100,000 people.

Well, it's a push of a button. It's not like you have to individually send every single person. Oh no, I want them sent a hard copy picture. Oh, a physical eight by 10 glossy mat. What are you thinking? Right, certified and so that you know that it's not fake. Right, we'll get maybe Beckett's

or some grading service to do it. Do a gem mint 10. Yeah. And also in post, can we add a sound like a, uh-oh, or something like that every time John touches the pimple? Yeah. I'll try and keep my... I fucking can't see you.

We'll put this... There you go. There you go. There you go. Yeah. Total pro. Yeah. You've done this a bit.

I've done this podcast, I think, this is our- Uh-oh! What? But you said it was when I touched my nose, not when I was about to make a bad joke. I'll have a different. Let me move this over here. Hey, what was-

Of which there will be several made. There are a couple things I want to talk about, some of my favorite John Benjamin stories. I'll bring them up if you don't already. The Bar Mitzvah story, the, no, no. I was thinking of the Pesach. You want me to recite the whole story of the Jews? I'd like you to ask the questions, the four questions. You are the youngest in this room. That's true. Well, no way.

You have not aged very well. No, I feel like there are two. They've aged tremendously. They seem like, yeah. Maybe 11 and 12. But shoot, hit me with one of your favorite John Benjamin stories. Well, I will. We'll get to it organically, I think. They might not be one of my favorites, just so you know.

That doesn't matter. It's neither here nor there. It's, I was gonna, oh, you had texted me not too long ago about getting together because of this idea you wanted to talk about, about a musical. Yes. Do you wanna go over it now? Sure. Kill two birds with one stone.

Well, I like killing birds. That's a thing that I feel like when people use that phrase- I feel like that is something you did a lot as a kid. Killed birds with- As an adult, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you shoot birds or did you-

Everything. Shoot. I had like a laser taser. I would tase. Tased birds. Tased birds. I had a taser way before the cops did. I was one of the first to have a taser. I love birds and I've come around.

I probably, yeah. I used to be like you. Any bird. Still? Yeah. Yeah. Tased the fuck out of them. That's not easy to tase a bird. And send them back. I? Yeah. Yeah. Tase the fuck out of them. That's not easy to tase a bird. And send them back.

I don't kill them. I will tase them and send them back to their family or friends and say, Just to scare them. Yeah, to scare them. Don't go around there. Even though I've got- Like on your property, you tase-

Absolutely. Nectar for hummingbirds and I track birds. I mean, I love having them there so that I can taste them. Right. Yeah. It does, it sends a message and I agree. I feel like there are probably very few birds on your property now.

Yeah, I tripled down on Earth Day. You know? Yeah. Yeah, what was the musical idea? Are you free to discuss that or? Well, I don't know yet. Somebody approached me and this guy, Zach, who you know, who's at your party. Your party was-

Oh, Zach Whedon? Your party was long, by the way, long. It was very- It was long. Well, it was 48 hours long, basically. It felt like long, yeah. Were you at the- Like halfway through, you were like-

Were you at the second night at Hartley's? Yeah, yeah. Oh, but I had to leave. Well, I- How long did that go? Cause- That went, I was the last person of our group to leave at like 12.30.

You were alone. Well, I mean, I was with other people. I know everybody there and you know, but Al was having a great time. The aforementioned Zach, who I, who's my niece's boyfriend who I write music with. Was that your party? Wait, different, that's a different Zach.

Not Zach Efron. Did you say Zach Efron? No, I said Zach Efron. I said Zach Wheaton. Who's Zach Wheaton? He is a friend of mine out in LA. He's a writer, TV writer. Okay, I don't know him.

Married to Eli Clark. This Zach is my niece's boyfriend who. out in LA, he's a writer, TV writer. Okay, I don't know him. Married to Eli Clark. This Zach is my niece's boyfriend who, He was at the, He was at your party. Because he, Wait, Zach, Zach Zucker? I honestly don't know, Zach,

I'm trying to think. From the Zucker Brothers? No, there's a comic, Zach Brown, the Zach Brown band was, Oh, the Zach Brown band, of course. Was there, I brought them The Zach Brown band was there. I brought them as a surprise for your party. Your niece's boyfriend, his name's Zach, was at, I know him. You've met him, yeah.

At Hartleys or the Union Pool? He was at the Union Pool. He would have come to Hartleys, but I didn't invite him to that. In a sense that I didn't remember him. Yeah. Well, he came also because he's writing an opera, and he knew the opera singer.

Oh. So he sort of like coordinated that. So I don't know him. You might have met him at some point. Oh, OK. Well, OK. I thought because he was at the party. That was, by the way, such a brilliant joke for one person.

Yeah, I love doing that. Expensive joke for one person. I mean, I think people were fine. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they also didn't care if they knew what the reference was. It was brief. But I did have to explain it to a handful of people. Oh, good, yeah. Through the course of the- And then when you explain that joke to people,

people are like, oh. Yeah. Right. Yes. It wasn't that funny. That's why it's a joke for one person. Yeah. It was funny for us.

It was very funny. It was our, yeah. And like- Do people know what happened or- No. Because you don't want to tell them? I will, but as you said, they're going to be at home going. Yeah, that everyone's going to be like, what happened?

I'll tell you this, guys, so you can have your own reaction to it. But I had a big surprise birthday that my wife and my sister- Long party. It was epic. It was incredible. It was a long party. It was amazing, it was epic. It was incredible. It was, it was actually. It was at Union Pool. It was a great party. Bob Bould, Cave Dogs, La Salve Five, all these people played.

Fred Armisen sat in. My sister-in-law, who's a great drummer, sat in. It was just an epic thing. Yeah, I didn't know that. That was great. Yeah, yeah. Oh, she hits hard too, man. She was really good.

She was great. And all friends from, I was completely fooled and they went back to like friends from when I was 13, my high school drama teacher, all kinds of important, cool people. And it was- Right, and Cave Dogs, by the way, is a band from like probably the early 90s in Boston

that probably hadn't played together. Late 80s, early 90s, I think probably, I left in- It's a weird correction, but that's fine. I'm like one year off and you're like. Well, you're straddling two decades. I guess, but. Well, not, not I guess.

It's like the day before. No, it's not, but they started in the 80s. If it's December 31, 1989, are you going to argue with me about the decade? Absolutely. I bet you would. Yeah. You know me well. That's true. I didn't get to Boston until 91. Because we all worked in the mailroom of Palmer and Dodge law firm together. I don't remember working with you though. No, not you, me and the cave dogs and Joe Murphy. Sadly passed a long time ago. Yes, I know. Anyway, it was this,

and so different people were kind of presenting things on the stage. It was like a stage show. Yeah. Uh, and John came out and, uh, basically just briefly said, this is a, uh, this is for you and you're the only person in this room that will appreciate it or even understand its meaning. Without no context from anybody else. No context. And then this, uh, woman came out who none of us knew and beautiful, amazing operatic voice saying, take me out to the ball game.

And I was one person just howling and going, oh my God, that's great. That's how I saw a video of you. And there's no, everyone's just staring. And you're laughing so. And it's an inside joke that, a reference that John and I will. From a long time so. And it's a, it's a, an inside joke that, a reference that John and I- From a long time ago.

Long time ago. This, we were at, I don't know if we were at Yankee Stadium or Fenway. I think it was Fenway. And it was, I mean- Cause it's, it's Fenway that says, root, root, root for the Red Sox at the, yeah, yeah. Obviously they-

Well, yes. Instead of rooting for the Diamondbacks. Obviously, they, instead of rooting for the diamondbacks. And, oh, so this woman, saying, I'm going, it's, I'm laughing, I'm, and I'm the only one. And there's hundreds of people there. And then, so the story is a long time ago, I'm going to guess 20 plus years. It had to be like late nineties.

Yeah. John and I were at a Red Sox game and there were two women, were they in front of us? They were right in front of us. Right in front of us, older, kind of very Boston, Brahmin, kind of waspy-ish. And one of the women was when that song came on, just giving it her all and doing a, her version.

Full operatic version. Shake me out to the ball game. And really blasting it. And we were really. John and I were howling and we're literally behind him. Fenway is a tight space, there's no, you're right on top of him. And it wasn't like she was joking to be clear.

No, she was very earnest. She was singing it in her right. That was the way. And a little extra loud. A little like, listen to me, listen to me, everybody. It was her moment to shine. She knew it was coming. John and I were cracking up.

And we didn't say anything rude to them or anything like that, but we're crying laughing. Fuck you, you fucking. And then they are kind of talking to each other. We can't hear. And then the other woman, her friend turns to her and says, well, I think you have a lovely voice. I don't remember that part. That's what.

Yeah, that was the best. Oh, shit. That was the button on the button. I wish I'd remembered that. I would have said that at the end. Because see, there was like a little, they clearly heard us and we were trying, we truly were trying not to be assholes about it, but it was hard not to.

And then there was a little back and forth. And then she said for our benefit, I believe, to the woman. Oh, I see. So her friend noticed us laughing mockingly. Well, I think you have a lovely voice. Yeah, yeah, that's funny. That was good. Your present.

That was a good, that was fun to do. Anyway, Zach, who is writing an opera, and I believe that woman might be in it, or I don't know, the who's writing an opera and I believe that woman might be in it or I don't know, the process of writing an opera is like 10 years or something. You have to- Legally. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you have to clear, you have to get a visa, you have to clear all this stuff, you have to get blood tests, a physical, all that kind of stuff. Everything has to be signed off. There's so much bureaucracy in the opera world.

Yeah, and. Yeah, it's just totally hermetic. And now there's DEI that has to be considered. And yeah. And STDs as well. Yeah, yeah. So she is, I think, in his opera. That's how we find it.

But separate to that, somebody approached Zach for some reason, he is also a music producer, so he knows a bunch of people, to write a Broadway musical for me and him. Would you be singing? Well, no, write one. Oh, okay. So I immediately thought of you because I was like, that would be, we could write the worst Broadway musical ever.

If we should? Yeah. And that's saying something. But it was like, at first I thought it was a lark or maybe not a joke, but no. Not real, not with any real weight to it. Not with any real weight to it, but it is. It's like an actual Broadway producer

who wants stuff that is interesting or different than. What about a- And I did have an idea. Yeah. That's what I was gonna pitch you, but I don't wanna say it now. Okay, we'll do it later. Is it the one about the country Western singer who gets shrunk down into a miniature, like the size of an ant,

and they get sent to the future and outer space? You like the Toby Keith story? Yeah. Well, it is the Toby Keith story. That's what happened. Toby Keith, that's why you haven't heard from him in a while, people think he died, but it's a coverup because he was shrunk down

to the size of an ant. He's not dead, Toby Keith. No, sent into outer space and ended up in the future. Jesus. Yeah, with Jesus. That's like a- With Jesus. That's, well, it's an act two.

Why did they send him to wipe out all the alien life forms? Did you see the- Like, right, because he was very much about wiping everybody out in the Middle East. Well, it was about Uncle Sam wiping people out, not necessarily him. Right, he was the messenger for the message. Well, more like the cheerleader.

Yeah. Yeah. On the side of the thing, you know, the theater, the war theater. We're not so far from where Freak Show was, that made me think I was coming out. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah, we're literally done straight. Where we did a Toby Keith, didn't we do a Toby Keith episode? That's right, I forgot about that. That I watched. Or Toby Tritt, Toby Tritt, Greenwood, or something like that. And there was a thing about, will you take a picture? And what was the joke? It's like,

will you take a picture? Or can I take a picture? I can't remember the joke, but the idea was like, you were going to take a picture with him and he just takes a picture of, I think it was the bearded clam. I can't remember of, I think it was the bearded clam. I can't remember because she falls in love, the bearded clam falls in love with him. Right, they have a relationship and she was a leftist, anarchist, which happens a lot. This would have been about, gosh, 12 years ago around there, I watched for whatever reason some of Freak Show and it was not as bad as I remember.

I'm not trying to be funny. It was actually better than- It's a funny way of saying, of complimenting something. It's better than I remembered it being. I have not watched it in like since, right? Yeah, it was a while ago. It was a while ago, it was like 2007 maybe?

Yeah, about, no, no, before that, before that. Maybe. Because. And I remember us saying, this is going to be the best job that we're gonna have for like 10 years, 15 years. And that ended very quickly thereafter. Well, they canceled it after three episodes. Yes.

And the first time I think in showbiz history where the, when they said like, we will refuse your calls actually happened. Like they didn't take our calls. Well, they didn't care for us and I understand why. I mean, we were a little difficult, but difficult in a fun way that had logic to it. And there was a lot of standards and practices we had to go through constantly. Yeah, that's true. But I'll tell you three things that I think contributed to the dismal failure of Freak

Show. Yeah. One was. Me. And my, no one was. I mean, honestly, that is, I would say that would be three. No. But if you're gonna put them in order,

and I'm not kidding. I probably did way less than you on that show. Well, okay. Work ethic wise. Okay, but well, we did play a lot of on that show. Well, okay. Work ethic wise. Okay, but well we did play a lot of, what was that game, video game? Oh, like constantly. We didn't set up a room entirely for,

oh, Katamari. And the chopped thing? Katamari Damacy. No, no, it was the missile things, whatever it was like, you send missiles, anyway. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But didn't we also play Katamari, that was- I don't remember. But I think we're both at fault

because there should have been more jokes. There were plenty of jokes, but when you watch animation, there's twice as many jokes. Half of them aren't very good, but they put more jokes. We had a lot of, we could have had more signage jokes and more, I think we could have had more jokes. We could have, yeah.

And I think also, I noticed this immediately, we went with animators that we really liked, but we saw their stuff on a computer. And when you watch it on a big screen, it doesn't look that good. Yeah, it didn't look that good. And those guys were great. They were great. And I've seen, like, yeah. It just didn't look like it should've. Yeah.

And... I feel like it was like, if they were cuter. Yeah, I mean. Literally, it would've been a, like, in... We fucked up. Yeah, we fucked up. That was our fuck up, because we went with them. And then.

It was very crudely animated just so everybody knows just because of the budget was so small. The budget was too, yeah. Half of it went to the barbecue and that. Convertible we got in Atlanta. That was a great barbecue that you had. And I think the marketing was literally the opposite of what it should have been.

Because they turned off the two demographics that would like it. So they made it like a real comic book. Kind of, they didn't, they made it like it was genuine and didn't take the piss out of it, which was what we were doing. So the people who were our fans are like, I'm not interested in that.

And the people that were really into the comic world saw it and were like, what the fuck is this? Right, right, right. So I think that had. That's true. So I think those three things combined. Man, the marketing department of Comedy Central, yeah. Well, you remember. I mean, do with,

even with my show, it was. The, your show was fucking brilliant too. And if they can't market that, you talking about as a band? Yeah, the van show. I was, I'm pretty sure they had a, had a hand in like canceling my show. Yeah, sure.

Because they hated me. Well, they hate somebody that doesn't matter if they have a successful thing, but if they can't. Well, they hate somebody that doesn't matter if they have a successful thing, but if they can't. Yeah, you can. I'm saying if you don't have the imagination to market that show, which is, I know it's subjective, but it is good. It's a good, special, and had smart fans.

And if you can't do that, then I think, God, I've been railing against this for years, but that's on you guys. You need a different marketing team. You gave them the product. You gave them a great thing to market. Yeah. The marketing team usually works basically in conflict with the shows in a way. Well, I had issues with Run, Ronnie, Run, both Bob and I did. But those are for marketing. For marketing, yeah. And then we lost a show,

I don't know if lost is the right word, but we got Guru Nation, I told you about that show that Bob and I. Oh no. So we had this idea, we worked on it for a year and a half. Two kind of, there are documentary styles that are specific to one, to Wild Wild Country,

one to the NXIVM documentary. And then these two worlds converge, it's an eight part series, and Bob is the kind of- Oh, guru from one- Wild Wild Country, and I'm like the- Oh, that's really fun. What's his face? Oh, I think you did tell me about that, but a while ago.

Oh, yeah, yeah. So we pitched this, we had a little mini bidding war, we had four places interested, we went with Paramount Plus and for reasons that we felt were pretty obvious, this is gonna be good and then so they commissioned us to write the first four scripts and then do a Bible, a more thorough Bible of the last four episodes, which we did. We did wrote exactly what we pitched. We didn't stray at all.

It was, and it's good. It's really funny. And it's good on paper. So imagine Bob and I getting in there with like an amazing cast and then what we'd find on the set, what we'd find in the editing room, all that stuff. Jason Woellner was gonna direct it. Oh yeah, I just saw him.

Yeah, he's great and would be perfect for it. And then we did the work and it was good and they said no. And they said- No, before they even started, like they- They didn't commission the next scripts to go and shoot it. So you like wrote a pilot and a bi- We wrote four episodes. Oh, you wrote four episodes.

We wrote half the thing. And then we wrote exactly what we pitched. And- Oh shit. And they said to us that the, and I'm paraphrasing this, but I can quote that analytics and marketing and analytics department, you know, either couldn't figure it out or didn't want it

or didn't know what to do with it. And that was that. So that was all. That's crazy. Yeah, it is crazy. I mean, that is actually crazy. Cause what like, why, how did analytics decide? Breaking Bad.

Yeah. Nobody. That's just Bob's part of it. And me, you know, the voice of the Caramel M&M, Men In Black 2? The guy who said, grape nuts or whatever from that show in the sitcom. Huh? Grapes. Oh, Slow Donny.

Slow, right. Yeah. That guy, that guy was famous for like a year. That guy. I could not even hang out with you for a year. That was really a taste of like, what? That was a shocking, do you remember we were trying to get into-

Do you remember that, I'm sorry to cut you off, but the best, what was the phrase? Grape something? Chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pie. Oh, I was way off. You're not way, way off. I mean, it was, yeah. It was a food product. It was. It was a grape.

Yeah, once, but a grape is just a thing you can get on a vine. Chicken pot pie has to be made. It's gotten many different ingredients. Oh, no, no, no, I know I've had chicken pot pie. Like pie has to be made. It's got many different ingredients. Oh, no, no, no, I know I've had chicken pot pie. Like I've actually had it. It's made of grapes. I have a good one.

Yeah. The cereal, right? Chicken pot pie is cereal, I've had that. Chicken pot pie is a cereal. It's mini, little mini chicken pot pies with a kind of a frosting on it. Yeah, yeah, that's how I mean, I grew up on that. I grew up in Britain.

Who didn't? I mean, anybody who was on that. I grew up in Britain eating chicken pot pie cereal. The shelter knows very well. No, so okay, chicken pot pie. We were in Vegas, I think just hanging out, right? We did a helicopter, a terrible, terribly boring helicopter tour into the Grand Canyon. But barely, just the tip. Yeah.

It was. Just the tip. It was literally you go over the- Thank you for saying my catchphrase. You go over the Hoover Dam and you go into- They lowered like a little bit. Yeah, and then turned around. Yeah.

It was, I would say less than a mile into the Grand Canyon. Less than a mile and we turned around. We're going fast. Right. But do you remember the aftermath? Like the, do you remember the crash? Yeah, of course. No, no, do you remember the like after when you land? Yes, now I'm remembering the party van.

The big, like their big- Party bus. Yes. Now I'm remembering it. So the feature, like what you're paying for is the trip, but you also get a limo ride back to your hotel. That's part of the package deal. Yes.

And you, for some reason, were like, let's go to this. Someone got dropped off right on the strip, like Caesars or whatever, and then the other people who were in the helicopter. Then the other person got dropped off at the Luxor or whatever. And then you were like, hey, do you mind taking us like, it was like a 40 minute ride to a Mexican place

that you knew about like on the outskirts of Vegas. I don't know, okay. You don't remember that? I don't remember that. Oh, it was a, yeah, so we were in a party bus and the guy was like, it was like a kid driving and he was like, yeah, I don't care, this would be great. I was like, I'll drive you out there.

It was like a long way. Oh, the Tamale Place. I know what you're talking about. Yeah. There was a place that was- Like maybe it wasn't 40 minutes, but it was like a 20 minute drive. But yeah, I mean, Vegas is deceivingly big and spread out. And it was way out, like on the outskirts.

Yes, I know what you're talking about. It was a tamale place. It was like an authentic, like kind of in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. Donna Maria's. Okay, wow. Donna Maria's.

Would have never remembered that. Yeah, it's really good. Okay, so yes, so we get out of the party. Well, first of all, for some reason the guy was like, you guys was like, you guys want to like, we have a video screen in the party bus, remember? Yeah. And he's like, you guys want to like watch the Eagles?

That's right. The Eagles documentary? When hell freezes over or whatever. We were like, yeah, of course. Why wouldn't we want to watch the Eagles documentary? Yeah, we both hate them. Why let fucking, crank that up? We're in a party van.

And least favorite music on the planet. Yeah. So that music was like whatever song was playing when we pulled up to that. Donna Maria's. Donna Maria's. With the kid. With the kid. And then there's the bus doors open and we got out and there was a family standing in front

and the eagles were blaring whatever it was. Heartache Tonight. Is that an eagle song? Sure is. Yeah, Heartache Tonight maybe. I'm going to say it wasn't that, but let's say it was. And they, the mother and the father, and there was like a little kid and they were like, Jake and Pop like immediately recognized you from Jake and Pop. Yeah, that kid and they were like, Jacob Pop like immediately recognized you from Chicken Pot Pie. That was, there were strange times. And that was so funny because you,

they must've thought. Sure, the bus is, that's how I roll. That's how you get around all the time. I have my own party bus. The guy who says Chicken Pot Pie. Yeah, with a 22 speaker, you know, 68 inch high def screen. You were getting a lot of that though on that trip,

I remember being like everybody was calling out to you. It just came out of nowhere. And what I was gonna, maybe you weren't with me, I think it was with Rivers, but we were going to Fenway Park and it was packed down on Lansdowne. And remember that shitty cask and flagging? Oh yeah.

Yeah. So the cask and flagging is like on the corner there. Yeah. And it's always packed and there's always a line. And I was there with like three other people and it was the first time, the very first time where I got kind of a celebrity treatment because also Cascon Flag and those guys are never gonna let us in, right?

We're not their clientele, right? Yeah, I guess. And it's also like you can't even get in there no matter what. No, it's just passion. There's a long line and everybody is trying to get in there. And then either I had the idea like, well, let's see if this works. Or we were just sort of asking, going up there

and like, how long is the wait, whatever. And the guy's like, oh shit, chicken pot pie, get in here. And whoever it was, slow Donnie. And then that was kind of the first time, I was like, wow, okay. I got, that's nice. That's good, yeah. You got to go to the Cascom flag in one of the-

Well, but this is before, remember now it's all, you can kind of go in and get beers before you actually go in. Right, right. And this is before any of that. Yeah. There was a limited amount of places to go. What show was that from Chicken Popeye? Just Shoot Me.

Okay. Yeah. People still, I still get it. Still get it, I mean- Seriously? Yeah. Hey folks, I have been to Omaha, Nebraska several times. I do shows there.

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how remote this was in the world. So I was in Mozambique and we were going to go scuba diving and there was this, uh, we, we, there was this like little strip of, um, like not, you know, things that look like huts, but they're not huts, you know, they're not like true thatch and straw and mud huts, but they're kind of look like it little, the strip of maybe three miles of beach. Uh, that there was enough, you would not call it a resort, but there are places to go and it's got running water, electricity and a DJ and whatever, and a, you know, it's all you need.

Yeah. And, and there was this, uh this friend of a friend that we were with who knew a guy who had a scuba diving place out there. So we went from the city, probably an hour and change drive through, once we got out of the city, thick woods, rutted dirt roads along and it like weird packed kind of bus transpo thing got out eventually,

the kind of thing where you'd have machetes to go through the brush and then go, and then got out to this area where this, you know, strip of, you know, little huts and things were. Right. And we get to one and they're having this kind of party with all these, you know, kids from the Peace Corps and stuff, a lot of Americans, Canadians, and English speaking

Europeans and like, oh, this is going to be awful. There are like 60 kids there, all kind of dreadlocky white kids, and kids singing Buffalo Soldier with no irony. And I'm like, oh, this is going to suck. Let me see if there's a place to, you know, another place here, uh, that we can get for the night. And I walked down about, uh, maybe a little under a mile. I get to, there's like six, eight little huts, whatever. There's a woman behind a desk. I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere.

Who were you with? Like the cast of, just, excuse me. Amber and then two of her friends who were in the Peace Corps at the time, they were married. Oh, okay. And we were. Most I think you would go, you went for safari or?

I went, we went to a lot of Southern Africa. So we went to Botswana and we went on for safari or? I went, we went to a lot of Southern Africa. So we went to Botswana and we went on a safari to the Okanaga Delta. Oh, that's cool. I didn't know you did that. I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. Um, but, uh, it was amazing. One of the greatest things I've ever done.

I haven't been. Oh, it's, I highly recommend it. So it's really, really amazing and scary sometimes, but really cool. And then, you know, had another two weeks and we went to Zimbabwe, we went to Namibia, and we went to Mozambique and we were there, which is a trip because it's still all communists, like the names of the streets are like, you know, Malcolm X and Mao Tse Tung and Kim Jong-il and like all kinds of, they're all communist, the big boulevards and there's bullet holes and half of the buildings have bullet holes that are, you know.

In Mozambique you're saying. Yeah, in the city. Anyway, so I walked down, I'm like, hi, you know, speaking English slowly. Hello, are there any available rooms? And the woman looks up and she goes, the chipmunks. Yeah, yes. Hi. That's great. I don't know if it was a bigger deal for her or me, but it was- That's so funny. Yeah. I mean, we just took- She had just seen it too, probably.

No, it was seared in her memory. One of the worst experiences she's ever had. And you, in the movie. But I mean, we drove through the middle of nowhere, through the woods for an hour. And then get out and then walk down to this beach where there's nothing. There's not any kind of store, no fast food, no nothing and nothing.

And there- That's great. It was crazy. It was like the end of a sketch that you would, you know. The last line, the Alvin and the Chipmunks. Yeah. Good point. I would like to tell the story and we can do it together

because it's one of my favorite- Do you have other spendrifts or water? Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't want to like. Yeah. What? It's a fine. Seltzer is great. Seltzer is my favorite. My man's having the raspberry lime. Yeah.

Thank you very much. Because if we're going to tell another story, I'm going to need another spin drift. I'll wait a second before I jump into it. I'll give you, I'll let you up. It's the Don Hills night. Okay. Yeah. Which that was great. Went on and on and on and one of only and the only time I've ever

Taken the cab naked before It's the only way down one of two times I've been physically kicked out of a place Oh really? I literally threw me like in a comic book style like in on the back the back of my. I actually am shocked that we, I mean, I've maybe a handful of times. I've been. I've just been twice, like physically picked up in that comic book way.

I'm more shocked, thank you. I'm more shocked that we together haven't been kicked out. I feel like. Yeah, or gotten the shit kicked out of us. I think we've skirted that. Sorry, not Spindrift, but that's fine. That's not a Spindrift. Sorry, we're out of Spindrift.

Did you get that here, David? No, I didn't get it. John brought it in. Oh, God, okay. You're out of Spindrift. No Spindrift. It's available in every store in the world. I know, it's so popular that they ran out.

I mean, I got this next door. So you're making presumptions that we would have. No, no. I'll drink it. Okay. I don't have to be happy about it. What's wrong with water? I don't have to be happy about it.

That is not good. That is fucking not good. I'm sorry. I'm just now noticing your outfit. Are you going clamming later? I think I'm going to have to go to the bathroom. I'm going to have to go to the bathroom. I'm going to have to go to the bathroom.

I'm going to have to go to the bathroom. I'm going to have to go to the bathroom. I'm going to have to go to the bathroom. I'm going to have to go to the bathroom. I'm going to have to go to the bathroom. I'm going to have to go to the bathroom. the the the the the the the

the the the the I was upstate yesterday and I- You haven't changed? And, yeah. You slept in those clothes? I slept. Well, I was like, yeah, fell asleep drunk in my clothes and woke up in my rain boots. Cause I just work from dawn to dusk.

Sure. Then I'll have a little food, drink myself to sleep. And what were you doing upstate? Your sunflower bed? All right, I just, yeah. Got a good look at your outfit. Well, I wasn't gonna comment on your cargo shorts. I think, like, why are you in the military?

Or are you in the hipster military? Oh, yes, Old Navy. I'm an Old Navy. You're in the hipster military? You're in the old Navy. Why haven't they made that ad yet? So, all right. So let's talk about the Don Hillsy. All right, we're talking about getting kicked out.

I feel like we're gonna plug in different. I feel like there was like the genesis of certainly you and I fucking with people at bars maybe started in Boston. Oh, for sure. Yeah, all the time. Yeah. There's another story too, I'm gonna,

I don't want to tell it. Where we would do the, you know, we're closing up thing. And we did that frequently. Oh, God. Oh, I told you the- I think that was- Yes. Yes. All right, so-

I had a couple like familiar, or, you know, one go-to things. I think you might've come up with that one. So let me tell you- Mine was always buying somebody, like a group of guys drink, you know, like I would just buy people drinks, having no money that was

Before we get into Don Hill's thing the There were two little things that I that were fun to do it Boston and anonymity is is kind of key to this but One of them doesn't matter but anytime you go to a house party where they're kind of lower ceilings Uh, one of them doesn't matter, but anytime you go to a house party where there are kind of lower ceilings, go in a corner, you've done this before. I've seen me do this and just, it's the coolest thing and just start going quietly. Just start going, shh, shh, shh, shh. And you will, it works every time.

You will see people will, their voices will lower without, and then around the room, the voices, everybody kind of gets quieter and then stops talking and then starts back up again. And then it just go, it's a fun little experiment. Yeah. You just be, just, so they don't know that who, where it's coming from, just shh, shh, shh, shh. And eventually people just got, you know,

they hear that and then this subconsciously like kind of whisper. Stop talking, yeah. And then enough people whispering and then they stop. Oh, anyway, and then they go on again. The other thing, which I did at the MTV Rock and Jock after party at the MTV Rock and Jock after party at the Brown Derby, which isn't there anymore, I don't think. But we used to do it in Boston where you'd be at a party. And then again, you don't want people to see you.

You just want to be like, or you'd be at a bar and go to Foley's and be like, all right, folks, that's it. We're closing up. Let's go. Thank you so much for coming. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Good night.

Thank you. Yeah, wrap it up. And then you just see everybody start leaving and then somebody running around going, what the fuck? No, we're open. Who said that? If you keep moving around, they can't find out who's saying it.

And people leave. People would start leaving. Yeah, people started leaving, I did that at- We used to do that all the time at like, what was the bar next to Plowin' Stars that was the one that would stay open until like, it was like the only bar that stayed open until like one. In Cambridge?

Yeah. Well, there was the one, the Grendel's Den. There was Grendel's Den that stayed open. We might have done it at Grendel's Den. But I wantrendel's Den that stayed. Yeah, we might have done it at Grendel's Den. But I want a Mass Ave by Plow and Stars, I remember. I remember, but yeah, you just do it. Yeah, that was always really fun to do. But somehow I got into the MTV Rock and Jock

after party at the Brown Derby on Vermont, I think, in Los Feliz. And I started doing that. And then this woman comes running up to me. She eventually sees it's me or nobody knew who I was at the time. And then she's like, what are you doing? And people are starting to leave. And she's like, we don't tell David Justice to get out now. That's the only person she cared about. That's what she said to me. She's like, what are you, and I was like, oh, I was getting people, I was getting it wrapped up, getting people out of here. We don't tell David Justice to get out now.

There must have been so many other jocks at that party. And rocks. Yeah, rock, rock, yeah. It must have been so many other jocks at that party. And rocks. Yeah, rock, rock. Yeah. All right, let's go to the Don Hills thing, because we've been fucked with people forever. Yes. And I think we started the Don Hills thing by, we were with-

Yeah. Right? Be careful, we're going to get sued. I will bleep her name out. You can't even say it. Yeah. I'll bleep her name out too, because- We say it out. Yeah, I'll bleep her name out too because. We can't tell the story.

Because she'll sue us. But she knew Don Hill or we went downstairs where she was showing us the green room, like where. I don't know what brought us downstairs, but we went and I had meet, when I walked in there, I was like, fuck this place. And I tend to get, if I'm in my cups, I will get, I'll get a little surly,

and I'll get like- Wait, what was the, what did you say before that? When you get in your what? In your cups, meaning you've had a lot to drink. Oh, I've never heard that. Oh, it's an old, I don't know where it's from, but meaning, I wouldn't say I was drunk, but once I've been drinking in that certain mindset,

and there's a mixture of like, let's fucking fuck with people, and also disdain and like, fuck these disco loving whatever. But not that it's justified, it's in my drunk head. And- And Don Hills was, for people who don't know, his clothes, it was like a famous club. They had a lot of different kinds of music there was but they did have a lot of like this disco night electro clash

Yeah things of that nature club kids to When I lived across the street from Don Hills for a while, but unfortunately not and you're across unfortunately not that really because I lived In the East Village then it would have been very helpful. You were above the Erinn, right? Above the Erinn, yeah. Well, not right above it, but right next to it. So, for some reason, we went to Don Hills. I don't know why. It's like the last place we'd want to go, but maybe there was something-

It's like dance party night or some 80s. It was always dance party. Yeah, it was like, yeah. Yeah, it was always dance break. Yeah, it was like, yeah. And I don't remember why, but we went down because she took us down to like the basement where, you know, people, whatever. And I was trying to find the electrical outlet to turn off.

You did find it. I did find it. Yes, you turned off the power to Don Hills. You turned the entire club off. Okay. So all the music, everybody upstairs who was partying and dancing, their power went out. I turned the power out.

And of course- But do you remember what I did when the guy came down? Don Hill came down. I don't- The guy. All right. It was like the guy who owned the guy came down. Don Hill came down. I don't get it. The guy. All right. It's like the guy who owned the club came down and was checking the power box and we're standing right next to him. No, I was in this little cubby hole-ish area.

Okay. I had taken my belt off and wrapped it around my arm, and I was tapping like I was going to shoot up. I don't remember that. Yeah. I was like sitting like this. I had the belt in my mouth, like tying off. That's funny.

And I, and then- I mean, that's not funny, but that's funny that you did that. It just adds a little flavor. That you did that. And then- Did you do that because the guy would came down like like, oh, we're gonna get caught or? I feel like I just remember standing there and the guy rightfully came down and checked the power

because there was no power in the club anymore. And there were 600 people. I honestly don't remember. I do, I remember that. I remember, so we went upstairs and then- Cause he was an old guy, like at that time. I don't remember. Okay, fine.

I don't remember. I'm just saying, you fucked with a very old man. Okay. Then we went upstairs and then we both went on stage. There was a guy DJing, small, you know, wasn't a riser. He was just sort of at that kind of corner of the stage. And there was people dancing. And people were dancing on stage.

It was packed. And then, and then you weren't dancing. And you were just sort of like, you would do this thing. You'd done it before where you would go to somebody, start like dancing with them, or there'd be a couple dancing. You sort of make your way into it, so, and then you would start getting on your knees.

And trying to do the guy's job. Yes, I would be trying to like unzip their zipper. It was not a cool thing to do. So while they're doing this, I go, there's a little curtain behind the back of the dance stage. And I go and take a massive piss. Oh.

It's a good eight beers worth of piss. It was, first of all, I didn't know that you, you know, I was just doing whatever dancing I was doing. And then I would say a minute into this, the entire stage was soaking wet and everybody was splashing around in what they didn't know was David's piss. Cause you were backstage and it just like,

it covered the stage. It was quite a pee. It was a huge puddle. And people are like splashing around in your pee. And then I don't. So then I started, I came out and I started bumping the DJ, like dancing enthusiastically, like I love this music, or whatever, not saying that, but just like dancing

and bumping into the DJ and his setup. And then the next thing I know is this big guy with hands, you know, hands the size of the bouncer, you know, just grabbing me from the back and literally tossing me into the street. Right. And we were separated. Yeah. Excuse me. And for some reason, I don't remember when, I took my pants off. Like I had, my pants were gone. And I then got kicked out by maybe that same guy.

I'm sure. Without my pants. Like, and I could, I had was, had no pants. And things aren't in your pants. On the sidewalk. Important things are in your pants. Well, I had to take on the sidewalk. And things aren't in your pants. Important things are in your pants. Well, I had to take my shirt off. I think I had a t-shirt on. And I was requesting, can I go back in to get my pants?

Because I don't know. I don't have my wallet. He would not let me back in. And I can't even remember. don't have my wallet. Like he would not let me back in. And I can't even remember, I took my shirt off, I know that, and wrapped it around to cover myself and then took a cab. Oh, cause it was a summer

and you were probably free balling, right? Cause it was hot, it was a hot summer. I had no, yeah, no, I took my entire clothes off. I had no pants, I no, I took my entire clothes off. I had no pants. I was naked from the waist down. And that's ironically, yes, then moved across the street where I could have, if I had. Gone and got in your pants.

Yeah, but then I wouldn't have had my keys. So did you go? I don't even remember how I got home. Like I had to go get my wallet the next day or something. And I had no money and I was naked in a cab and had to convince the cab driver, like, please let me, just drop me at my apartment. Can I say that it was a typical-

Also by the way, covered in your pee. Yeah. As was everybody on that stage. Was it not a typical East Village night? No, it was- Early aughts. Yeah. Ugh, those were the days. Now, another story that I-

That was a good one. Remember- And again, that was like another, like, yes. It was kind of organic. The best ones happen organically. If we were together, it was like that was, it was always potentially, mostly you. So when, not necessarily, but when we were doing-

When you were in the cups, it got difficult. In my cups. We were at a office space for about a week, um, in the beginning of freak show before. And, and remember, um, uh, Vernon Chapman and John Lee and Alison Levy were doing Wondershows and the same thing as well as, uh, what's the, what's the, the gay British talk show? Graham Norton had an office there. Oh, okay.

So we were there for like just a week and then we got moved to down the street from here, Union Square eventually. But we were in a- Neil Brennan was there for something? Yeah. Remember him being there? Was Neil Brennan was there for something? Yeah, yeah. Remember him being there? Have you seen his special, his latest special?

No. I have to reach out. I haven't seen the whole thing. I've seen like the first half and it's really good. Oh really? Really, really good, really smart. I gotta reach out to him because it's exceptional. But- No, I have not yet.

I have not. I haven't seen him in a while, but we were roommates. Oh, I didn't know that. Like way, way back. Oh yeah, I didn't know that. He was Sam Seidler's- He was Sam Seidler's podcast. Oh, you did? Yeah. Anyway, so we were there. It was kind of shared by a bunch of different productions. It was downtown. It was like financial district area, I think. And we were only there for about a week,

but we were in like a conference room and there was a bunch of boxes. I think, oh, it was Queer Eye for the straight guy was out of there too. Oh, I do remember that. Yeah, yeah. So we were sitting there going over notes, doing just you and I figuring just stuff for the show and figuring stuff out.

And this woman walked in and she was very flustered and like, what, uh, like didn't know who we were. And I can't remember the question, but it had something to do with like, you know, where's Janice? Uh, um, you know, where's Janice? And then we went like, oh, you didn't hear? And we went on, I mean, it was an hour of fucking with this lady. Like, no, what? And then we get little bits of information from her enough to make, to keep the story going. Yeah. She was with Queer Eye. She was with Queer Eye. Right.

And there was just a thing, she was like flustered and had a question like, what are all these boxes doing here? Or where's Janice? Or whatever the thing was. And we're like, oh, you didn't hear? Oh, cause what's his name? Is it Brian, the guy with the, Mike?

Yeah, Mike, Mike. So Mike came in and we just made up this crazy thing how people were getting fired and all this stuff. And she was just, it was an hour long and she'd leave and then she'd come back. We'd laugh and then 10 minutes later she'd come back and she'd be like, okay, this is fucking bullshit because I talked to Don, okay?

I called him. And the show is not canceled. And the show is, and we're just making shit up. And then she'd come back and be like, look, I don't know what to tell you. This is all I know. I'm telling you what I know. Okay, I don't know anything about Dawn.

I don't know anything about headquarters. I'm telling you what I, well, this is, oh my God. I should go, you know what? And everyone's like, wait, who are you guys? Yeah, everyone, we're two guys doing a cartoon. Like who are you? Yeah. I remember that one, but here's another one, another really fun story.

I was in a doctor's office in Beverly Hills. You remember this one? So I've been at doctor's office. Yes, yeah, the phone call. Yes. Yeah. I was going to get a allergy shot. And I'm in Beverly Hills in this doctor's office and the waiting room is very nice, a little dark or whatever, small.

And I'm sitting there and I'm reading a magazine. This woman comes in, I'm going to guess like mid-20s. She's on her phone and she's loud, like louder than I am right now. There's nobody else is talking. I think there was myself and another lady waiting. And she's just like, oh my God, I know. Well, fuck him.

I mean, seriously, listen. And she's just going on. It's really annoying and no self-awareness at all. And at some point, whether I saw her on the phone or she said it, something, I got her phone number. It was either on her phone or I was able to get her number. I remember this. I texted you, pulled out my phone and texted you,

hey, I'm in Beverly Hills in the doctor's office and there's this really annoying woman. Call. Please call her and tell her to shut up. And I texted that and then a minute later, and I, wait, hang on, I'm getting another call. And then, and now I'm right next to her and I'm just waiting.

It's like, what? Who are you? What are you, where are, where are, you know, and then I'm only getting her side, but I can kind of fill it in, imagine it. And she actually thought it was kind of funny and interesting. Yeah, I don't remember what she's,

I don't remember what I said or what I'm sure I said. But the first, you know, half a minute or a minute was like, who, what's going on? You know? You know, it was, it was just a funny, interesting thing. I had a similar thing in the quiet car in Amtrak where a guy was being like incredibly loud and making sales calls for some like medical products that he kept leaving messages and giving out his number.

And then he'd take this long call where he'd be like yelling about his. Yeah. And I got the number and I was like, I would say half a car down. And I just called him and I was like, hello. Um, we're in the quiet cars. You really need to keep it down. And he was like, what?

Who is this? I'm like, this is John. And you're in the quiet cars, you can't be yelling out and can't be making phone calls. You're not even supposed to be making a phone call in the quiet car, you're not supposed to be making a call. And then he like, I saw him stood up and he's like a big, like young, like muscular guy.

And he saw me like right away, Like I was like on my phone. Did you wave or anything? And then he came over and like, we had like an altercation. Like he was like, what the fuck, who the fuck you? Like immediately like grabbed me and was like, I'm like. Jesus, really? Yeah.

I mean, he didn't beat me up, but he was like. No, I mean, you're completely in the right. Yeah. I mean, that is what the Quiet Card is for. But he was super aggro and yeah. Yeah. I was like, I'm sorry. I thought it's like what the quiet. But you were super aggro and yeah. Yeah. I was like, sorry, I thought it's like, I would just call you and tell you.

Yeah, you don't want to fuck with the medical supply folks. The medical supply salesmen. Not in the tri-state area. No. No. And they're working out all the time. I mean, they are like in the gym. Yeah, the phrase, do you even lift, bro, do you even lift started with the medical supply salesmen out of Long Island. Yeah.

Yeah. Because to sell medical supplies, you do have to look the part. You have to look. And you got to be fit. You got to carry all those needles and tourniquets and samples of pills. Yeah, exactly. That stuff is not light. Yeah, this guy was, yeah. Yeah, you got to look ripped, right? And you you know, don't get high in your own supply, but you know, sometimes there's steroidal creams, lotions, teas.

Yeah, we had some crazy, I think the first- Tip of the iceberg. Yeah, I think the first time I met you, like Cedar sent me over to like do a gag on you It's the tip of the iceberg. Yeah. I think the first time I met you, Cedar sent me over to do a gag on you and you were immediately sniffed it out. What was it?

It was something where I was an agent from LA. I came over to you and we were at TT the Bears and I was, whatever, 25 years old. And you were like- Clearly not an agent. Yeah, I was wearing a T- Bears and I was like, whatever, 25 years old and you were like. Clearly not any age. Yeah, like I was wearing a T-shirt and I was like, hey buddy, I'm David Rosenthal. I'm with United Talent and I love your stuff, man.

And we should like, you know, let's get breakfast tomorrow. And you were like, what? Yeah. Who the fuck are you? And then I remember like walking away and like, it's like, thanks a lot. Cause Cedar I remember was like, he didn't- Sam Cedar, this is Sam Cedar.

You probably knew Sam at that time. And I- I think I knew Sam cause he was doing stand up. He was doing stand up. Yeah. So he was like, you go over and- I used to think he was the funny one. When you guys would do stuff together, I was like.

I hope that's true. Shit, what was I gonna say? Still, still is the funny one. Yeah, no, Sam's great. I remember, I will never forget this. I do remember him and I hate, I'm not good with compliments. So, Even at this late stage as you're dying.

So I'll stammer, I'll be doing a lot of stammering. Then I'll start to start to all go into a flop sweat. I won't be able to like get it out. But I remember. You have that much of a difficulty complimenting people. I'm already like. You're choking up. Yeah, I can do it.

Do you need to use the restroom? No, no, no, I can do it. You need to use the restroom. No, no, no, I can do it. Would you like a cold press? No, give me one second. OK. OK, let's just do it. What do you got to lose? Holy shit. Fuck. Yeah, well, just take your time.

No, no, no, no, no. If you wanna come back to it, we can. I will do it. I will, I'm gonna do it. Editing's gonna be worth a miracle on this. Yeah, no, no, no. And I'm gonna keep doing this for like five minutes. I love it, it's great.

And you can edit it if you have, yeah. You can edit all this out. All right. I do coherent breathing a little bit before. So it's five breaths per minute. It will take a couple, like about 10 minutes, because I will do it for- I got time. How late do we have the studio till Nicole? We can go all day. Okay.

Yeah. Nicole, could you pull up, I think it's Josh Stein, coherent breathing on Spotify. Dr. Josh Stein. He's, it does, it's a guided breathing meditation. So I need that and I'll need that. And I can't, I haven't memorized it yet. So the first breath is coming now. yet. So the first breath is coming now. Okay, forget it. Anyway- I thought you were asleep.

No, no, no. Okay. I was going to let you rest. We were all going to leave, turn off the light. No. Sam, I remember we were at, I can't remember what show it was, but it was at T.T.'s and he was like, like that is the funniest guy in Boston. Like to you, like that guy is so funny. Pointing to me or saying to me you?

Saying, telling me. Right. Like, cause he was doing, you know. Stand up. Stand up or whatever. Open mic. Right. He was, he might've dropped out by then, but he.

But a lot of his stuff was like, he used to be a lawyer. He was trying to be a lawyer. There's a lot of his stuff. And that's probably where the joke ended. So I used to be a lawyer and there you go. So he did have one funny joke. I feel like it was like, it was very like Jewish, old timey, it was like, something about dropping

out of law school and my grandmother reacted as any Jewish grandmother would have with that information, she broke her hip. That's what happened. That's good. But he was like, he saw you from across the room and was like, that's what set up the whole, you gotta go over and do a bit with him

because he wanted to know you. Cause he was like, that guy's so funny. But then we ended up all doing cross comedy. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe not long ago. Oh my gosh. There's some more stories. The New York trip. With ABC, I think it was for ABC. Oh, with the meetings. With the meetings. Yes. And with Paul. Yes. Well, he was the one. He's still you're still in a feud with him.

Yeah, I've got some great stories, but. But I just saw Groff at your party and I was like remembering how Groff and Paul had sort of like become this. They were adversaries, you know. Oh really? Well, yeah, because Grof- Maybe at the time later, Grof was kind of shepherding Paul to be famous or something.

I remember that. I just remember- Well, I remember that particular meeting when we all went up and listened to Paul's meeting. And we would not- Grof and him went into a closet before, do you remember that? Yes, I do. And he went over all his characters.

So let me explain, and we would not have done this if, and I promise this, we would not have done this if Paul hadn't been so obnoxious and overbearing with his like, cause he had been in a, he had a couple lines in movie. Yeah. And, um. Well, that was Paul at that time. He was like.

But he was very overbearing and telling us all what to do. You're going to do this and listen, you don't know how Holly works and you got to do this. We all drove down in separate cars. So the, so the sketch group that we all had, there were like nine of us, we were brought down to New York for meetings with ABC and some different folks. You would call it general meeting.

Yeah. Really. Exactly, yeah. But they met with all of us separately. Yes, separately, you'd go up these stairs, there's this room, you go in and- There was this executive who sat in our office. Yeah, it was like three people.

I think it was Kelly Lee, I wanna say. Oh yeah, maybe. Yeah. And Paul was just, for days before, all the way down, once we got there, this is what you wanna do, don't do this, do that, and so we came up with- He's been there, he knows what he's talking about.

The old hand, like, you don't know what you're talking about, let me tell you, and it was really obnoxious. He was like that before a little bit too, like even in the group. Yeah, but- He was kinda like, I'm the most successful standup, he would lord that over people. the most successful standup, he would lord that over people.

So we, the first person who went, whatever, we figured this out, came down and was like, hey, you were right, you were totally right. So they have this thing, they want us to do something called three through the door. Like, what's that? You have to come, you have to, when you walk in, you have to come in doing a character. Yeah, you don't, don't even say hi.

Don't say hi, just come in doing a character. Just enter as your first character. And I've never heard of this thing, Three Through the Door, whatever, and you're supposed to do it three times, I don't know. And he, with that, wouldn't admit he was wrong. He was like, yeah, I told ya, I told ya. And so we all go up and we're

all pretending that we're doing three through the door. What did you do? Well, I did a Southern guy, I did a gay guy, whatever. He goes in the closet with Groff to work on his- Work on his three characters. And then he comes, he goes up and we're all gathered at the foot of the stairs. And then he's in there for a little bit with his meeting and he comes back and he's furious. Furious. Furious. And that did not end for, and he almost threw a waterman down the stairs. Me.

Or you, I thought it was waterman. Okay. Yeah, he threw one through John Bennet. He almost pushed me down the stairs. He's like, you don't never do that. You thought, why would you do that? You're supposed to be down the stairs. You're like, you don't never do that. You thought, why would you do that? And the whole thing was prepped us with, hey, you were right. Yeah, boy, why was a fool to- And I wish I remembered what he did because like, I think the woman was just like, what

is going on? And like, what are you doing? Because he probably like walked in and was like, hello. And she was sitting behind her desk going like, what's happening? And do you remember the other thing that we had everybody, whether the, if the window was open, you were going to ask if they could close it.

And if it was closed, you were going to ask if they could open it. Oh yes, that was so. And we did that. Yeah, we did that. And I think I, that, I- Yes, we were just finding- I wore the brunt of that one where, we did that. And I think I, that I- Yes, we were just finding- I wore the brunt of that one where I said, whatever.

Cause somebody, she finally like- It was me, it was me. Oh, and she told you like, what are you guys doing? Stop doing this stupid joke. Oh, okay, sorry. Right. Right, we were finding a way to sabotage any of those meetings.

And Paul was like, Paul, that was his great hope. I mean, that was, he was really, we didn't have the same mentality at that time. No, we were, I think- We were like, let's fuck with this. Most of us were like, who cares, whatever. If it works, it works, if it doesn't, doesn't. Yeah, and it's kind of like when you left

is when the group changed the way that like- Yeah, well that was, I asked Groff to- Because the sensibility, yeah, and Groff was much more about like professionalism and getting the group. And he did, he was good at it, he did. John, so we're gonna, I'll have you back and we've got so many more stories I can think of just now. What are you doing? Why are you putting glasses on? We've got so many more stories I can think of just now.

What are you doing? Why are you putting glasses on? Because I'm about to read you your rights. Am I being arrested? Shut the door, shut the door, please. What is going on? Oh, you can't see. That's why you put those on. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, real quick, did you- Do you just wanna take a pic? I just read this this morning. No, I'm gonna read you. I end every episode with a question from Marlo. I asked my guest. Oh, okay. But also did you read, I read this this morning,

Russell Brand has been baptized and is now born again Christian. Oh, really, wow. Oh, good. That's how? Well, oh, good. That's how bad things have gotten for him. That is PR teams like, look, how do we, there's no get around the only thing you can do is get baptized. That's it.

And please say this is the path I am on now. All right. So well, here is this so. Well. Here is. This is from Marlo. This is from Marlo. She's seven now, but she asked me this when she was six. And I said, that's a good. Are they all like tailored to the person or do you just tell her, just give me a question?

She just, at this point, she's like, I've got a good question for your podcast. You didn't say like Uncle John is on the show. You know what I didn't. Even though that is not. I don't think she remembers. She calls me. Didn't we try to make her call, not make her,

but suggest it was Uncle John? She was like three. Three, yeah. She had no... No, she said it unprompted. Okay. She called me like Johnny. Yeah.

Like, thanks, Johnny. Like she was old timey from the 40s when she was three years old. Her question is from Marlo. Again, this is from when she was six. What happened to the Arby's campaign? We got the... All right. No.

Her question is, I picked this one out for you, but not for her. Does Upstate have ice cream trucks? That's a question from a six-year-old. Does Upstate have ice cream trucks? Well, this is like a little dicey because I think, and maybe Marlo knows this or doesn't know this, but there's a huge argument about what, where Upstate starts for, I assume she's referring to New York State?

Yes, I think- And not like some other state, because every state has Upstate. Sure. No, her, but in New York, well, anything is, I say I have a place Upstate, but then everybody thinks it's Hudson Valley, and I'm like, I have a place upstate, but then everybody thinks it's Hudson Valley. I'm like, I mean, literally.

Right, and some people think like upstate starts like in Westchester or. Yes. Right? Like literally right up. Yeah, the Finger Lakes, whatever, Hudson or, but yeah, everybody has their own thing, but literally everything's upstate from New York City, you know, physically, geographically.

But, so just, I just, I think for the, in her eyes, it's rural New York. Other ice cream trucks, like in rural New York. I don't think she's thinking of like, Beacon, New York or... Well, I'm not an expert, obviously, but I think all the ice cream trucks that are from the city go upstate when they break down

and they can't be used anymore. So there are a ton of ice cream trucks littered around rural areas that are just on the side of the road or in somebody's front lawn or like- The answer is technically yes, but not- Yes, but they are inoperable and they do not serve ice cream.

Right. I think maybe if you would like, I don't know, if you wanna go on I don't know, if you wanna go on somebody's property and there's an ice cream truck and see if there's someone in there, I would not recommend doing that. So you don't think in Binghamton they have ice cream trucks? Well, Binghamton, I guess, is a city, so it's not rural.

Okay, let's say Woodstock. Like I said, my best guess is they're not, they don't, they have their trucks, but they're not operating anymore. Like they're old and they're going- So only city kids get to experience an ice cream truck. I'll tell her. I'll tell her that. You're better off for sure down here if you want to get ice cream.

From a truck. From a truck. It makes more sense here, I guess. Why is that? Well, actually it would be the opposite, right? In rural areas, it would make more sense to have an ice cream truck because there's longer distances between things. Maybe we stumbled upon your new side gig.

Make some money, make some extra cash driving an ice cream truck. I've been upstate for four years off and on. I have never heard an ice cream truck. Are you Bear Mountain? Where are you? Near Hudson. Near Hudson. Oh, near Sam's. Yeah. Yeah. I've never heard an ice cream. Where are you? Are you Bear Mountain? Where are you? Near Hudson. Near Hudson. Oh, near Sam's.

Yeah. Yeah. I've never heard an ice cream truck. I've heard a train. I think the, I think people pay money to not hear ice cream trucks. It's a lot of rich, privileged white people. Yes, that's true.

Right, right. I'm sure there's some committee. Do you remember, do you remember going to do the, the benefit that Chanel and some folks put together? It was up in Woodstock. Oh. And we just did it without, we signed up to do it without, I think it was Chris Maxwell and a bunch of people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Vaguely, I remember that. It was a variety people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Vaguely, I remember that. And Chelsea Ferretti and. Right, it was a variety shack, yeah. And so we go up there and they're like, yeah, we can give you $50 and you get a place to stay and whatever, and they're like, yeah, fuck it. And we went to go do this benefit and then we found out what the benefit was for.

And do you remember what the benefit was for? No. Because then they didn't like me at all. Cause I just, I was like, this is fucking bullshit. Oh, I remember like we left right after, I remember that. It was to raise money so that they would not either take down or wouldn't erect a cell phone tower on top of the mountain because it would ruin their view

of the mountain. It's way the fuck up there. It was like, like you, it would be a blot, a tiny, it would be like a tiny line up on this mountain. That was the benefit. The benefit to raise money so that people in rural areas couldn't have cell phone service because it would ruin, it's like that Trump thing, like, I don't want wind farms

by the- By Mar-a-Lago or whatever on the ocean. It'll ruin the view. Right. I go, look to your left. How about that? Fucking move 45 degrees, you fucking asshole. You're in the woods. Plus there's no way that they wouldn't want cell service.

They didn't. Or they had some, they had, they think, whatever. It was, it was for rural, you know, it was for other people, not just rich people. Where was that money? Like how, like, practically- I don't know. It was infuriating. Practically, where does that money go to? To you pay off the cell phone company to not- I don't know. Yeah. I don't know, but-

No, should ask Shannali about that. And then also get some of that money back. Yeah. All right, John, thank you so much for coming down. And let's do this again, because I have so many other stories stories as I'm sure you do. Or not, or not, or not, or not. I'm not saying yes or no now, but yeah.

Sit on it. Yeah, if I start a podcast, I'll have you on but I probably won't come back and do this one again. But maybe I will start. What if I call it something different? With my name in it? Yeah. Like, like, chit chat.

Jazz, I'm looking at your hat, jazz. PS 11. Jazz Jizz. How about that for a podcast? Jazz Jizz. Jazz Jizz? Yeah. We're putting the- No, I would definitely come back.

This was fun. Okay, cool. And this is a nice studio and that's like- It is nice. Yeah. We're putting the- No, I would definitely come back. That was, this was fun. Okay, cool. And this is a nice studio and that's like, that's- It is nice. Yeah. And I think you're officially guest number 57. Holy shit. Yeah.

That's so, really? So yeah, that's, I'm surprised they can have this. I can't like- Spend- Spend- I can only feel insanely insulted by that. Oh, that's on you. I asked you early on. What are you talking about? You can only feel insanely insulted by that. Oh, that's on you. I asked you early on.

What are you talking about? I asked you if you would be the 57th guest a long time ago. Absolutely. The 57th guest seems like, wow, that's like you're way down the list. Oh yeah, I mean, I'm interviewing people I don't even like. Who has been before me?

Like what name one person that- That came before me? Like what, name one person that. That came before you? Yeah, just name 51. Name. 51 was. Or 50 or whatever. Name. Shane Torres, maybe?

Shane Torres? Yeah, comedian. Before me. Before you, yeah. How long, oh, okay. Ruben Bowling, who writes Tom the Dancing Bug. Okay. Pulitzer Prize nominated. Who else? Considering our past history, it is a little bit shocking that I was 50.

Judy Chicago who made the dinner party art exhibit, Feminist. That is not true. That's not true. Yeah, that is not Judy Chicago, who made the dinner party, art exhibit, Feminist. That is not true. That's not true. Yeah, that is not true. Have you seen the dinner party? It's in the Brooklyn Museum. Yeah, it's really stunning. Yeah, it's very cool.

I'd never seen it in person, but have you been to the new exhibit, the Swiss Beats, Alicia Keys? No, I'd like- It's great. I should go, I'll get on a walk with them. It's great, I went a couple days ago. It's, I think it doesn't have too much longer. Their collection, right?

Yeah, it's really impressive. I really enjoyed it. Yeah. There's some really good stuff in it, yeah. All right, I'm gonna go, I'll definitely go. Yeah, and that's to any guys listening or watching, if you're in New York this summer, try to make it out to Brooklyn and go to the

Brooklyn Museum. Great museum. Yeah, really good museum. And if it's still there, see the giant exhibit. It's great. Highly recommended. Yeah. All right, man. Bye. Sense is Working Over Time is a HeadGum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchen for our show art and Mark Rivers for our theme song.

For more podcasts by Headgum, visit Headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I's going to be amazing. Got all kinds of really cool special guests. I know we got Bob Odenkirk, Sarah Silverman, Sean Patton, Fred Armisen, many, many, many more. Go to officialdavidcross.com. That'll have the information for that. And the pre-sale, it just went out and the pre-sale code is fun fun i believe it's all caps fun fun david cross and super pals august 8th central park come down