Senses Working Overtime with David Cross - Jon Glaser

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

Jon Glaser (Delocated) joins David to talk about kids going to college, procreating with pigeons, and more. Catch all new episodes every Thursday. Watch video episodes here.Guest: Jon GlaserSubscribe and Rate Senses Working Overtime on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review to read on a future episode!Follow David on Instagram and Twitter.Follow the show:Instagram: @sensesworkingovertimepodTikTok: @swopodEditor: Kati SkeltonEngineer: Chris OsbornExecutive Producer: Emma FoleyAdvertise on Senses Working Overtime via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. time only. Do you mind if I'm just gonna make myself a cold brew real quick and take either one of these seats. Don't tell me let me be surprised. Oh boy. And you can start. Oh, okay. Let's start talking. Let's see here.

I guess I'll sit here. This one seems pretty good. Maybe we can do a fun thing while I'm waiting. We come in and out of the audio and maybe kind of do a fun thing, you know, where while I'm waiting, you know, we come in and out of the audio and maybe kind of do a little thing where it comes in and out of it. Maybe that'll be fun. Maybe that'll be a fun thing. Oh, maybe you can hear. It was Rage Against the Machine.

Here we go. Fishbone. You hear that? It's the intro. Great. I like it. Do I need headphones to hear it? I put my phone on buzz. It's funny because you can always. This better be funny.

Well, I mean, it's relative. Funny is relative. I know. You can always tell when there's a new sponsor because when you go to the fridge, it's just like, loaded with Mike's Hard Lemonade or whatever that new, one of those new sodas is that they try to poppy it's that's one there's like nine of them yeah should be one I don't know why the first name I'll get your mic up there if you can I mean Chris is that gonna be yeah Wow look at those cameras. Really nice. This seems like a good... Yes, the PFX140.

A good mic. Shinden PFX140 mics. Oh, do you want a thing? Oh, no, you're good. Should I put headphones on? Does it matter? You don't have to. Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, I guess it doesn't matter. What do you...

How's that? That's pretty good. That sounds good. You don't want me to, maybe so I can see. What is the point of this anyway? I have no idea. I think it is. It is just decorative. It is right. It's just decorative. And what's on the bottom here?

So you don't accidentally just to let everyone know it's there's no plug. Head gum. So this is, you know what, this is like a design that's left over from when it was necessary. They probably stopped doing them and people went, hey, where's the cube at the end? And so they had to start making cubes even though they don't serve a practical purpose. It's like the click sound in a car on your turn signal. That is a... Yeah, that is...

You know, it used to be the sound came from a real thing. Then they took it away when they came up with electronics. This is for real. When you say the sound came from a real thing, what do you mean? Whatever... This is for real. When you say the sound came from a real thing, what do you mean? Whatever is something inside the car in the thirties, forties, fifties that made it, made a clicking sound to, for your directional. And then whenever, I don't know, seventies,

eighties, uh, they came up with the computer chip thing to send the light signal. And then people were like, Hey, it's not making a sound and they're like, oh yeah, you don't need it. Cause it, signal. And then people were like, hey, it's not making a sound. And they're like, oh yeah, you don't need it. Cause it, and then, and people were like, I want the sound back. I like the sound back.

I like the sound. I like the sound that. Yeah. So it's in there just, even though you don't need it. I'm also curious if there's like, if the sound sound much like all the sounds we have now like with our phones and alerts if that was research like what's the most pleasing like first it was just and then are there variations in that like just clicks without. without? It's like the old Garmin, you know, the MapQuest type things where you get them for your car, like the I think one was named Tomcat or something like that and Garmin and then you could get like fake celebrity voices and I think the click clacks used to be like Joan Rivers,

go, you know, like things like that. And then, and different people like Red Fox. So that was an option for a while in some of the cars. The SEL Knight X package. Click, click. Holy short. Click, click, click, click. Click.

Rob Schneider. Clicky clicky. Oh Jesus Christ. And you just go on forever. I had a really stupid old idea for like some kind of GPS thing called Magellan, and it just, the voice, I turn a left to here. Are you gonna see a turn? What are you doing?

Hey. That's pretty, you're right, it's pretty bad. Pretty bad. That idea. I'd love to see you go into the offices and go, uh, and just pitch that idea. Go into the offices of just like, Well, there is a, there is like a GPS, you know, Magellan, you know. There really is a Magellan one.

Yeah. Hey guys, I should just tell my reps, just get me a meeting with Magellan, just tell them I have an idea to pitch, don't tell them what it is and then I'll just show up and I'll be dressed like a Magellan, get a really good costume. And then fight them, then assume that if they don't like the idea, it's because you would be doing the voice and you're like, no, no, I'm just giving you an example. We would hire. Yeah. Like. We'll get someone you an example. We would hire.

Like – We'll get someone good. We'll get – Yeah. We can even – Chris Pratt. Or I would even say let's – whoever is the best Italian actor, let's not take a job away from Italian actors. Let's not listen to an Italian. And so I understand, yeah, if you're reservation, it's not going to be me. I just put the costume on. To help you out.

Yeah, I want you to visualize it. You know, I did some research, like I worked on my accent. I think it's close. Hey, what do you do? Like, I imagine that's what Magellan probably, we're gonna go this way. I know, you're gonna follow the sun at the compass. But we'll get an Italian, don't you know?

Yeah, that's the way to do it. And I learned when I was in Italy, I went to Bologna with Amber. And- Who's Amber? She is my current wife. She's pretty good. Pretty good. She's Italian? As you what? She's Italian?

No, no, no. But we went there because we both like mortadella. Got it. And I learned that in Italian, I didn't know this until that trip, they pronounce every letter that's in the word. So you know how we have silent Ks inside? They don't have any silent letters. They pronounce everything. It might be a silent E at the end. It's not silent to them. I think that's very telling. In what way? They're loud. They're chatty. They're resourceful. I was going to say, yeah, that's- they're, uh, resourceful. I was going to say, yeah, that's, uh, they're not wasting any.

Yeah. Don't waste a letter. Don't waste a sound. Don't waste an opportunity. There's no knuckle. That's just N U C K L E. Canuckle. Why?

But you know what I mean in English. Do you want a canuckle sandwich? Yeah, that's right. That's, and that's the other, that's the other nice thing about Magellan is- You learn. It's a learning opportunity. Well, it also, yeah, we would program it is you get directions, but then it would also sense like, I make a left turn here,

next to right 100 yards, are you hungry? Stop and get some food. Don't forget to hydrate. I don't know about that part, personally. I don't know, that might be a turn off to me unless there's a way to turn that aspect of the thing off. Yes, there is always, you can turn those features, you can turn off the features

that you don't want. Okay. So you're saying it's a bonus, it's part of the package, you can take it or leave it. Correct. Um, But it forces you, you have to speak to it. If you want to turn it off, you have to speak

to it in Italian. So actually to put this feature on there, it actually forces you to learn a language or at least learn segments of a language. Like you can learn how to say, I don't want that or turn that feature off Magellan. And you always have to call it Magellan. Okay. Magellan. Out of respect?

I think so. Yeah. He's a great explorer. Right. Circumnavigator. I don't know if that's the proper term. Circumnavigator. I think probably navigator. Yeah. I think if you circumnavigate something, you're going around, you're avoiding it. Got it. I think. I don't know Italian or maritime law, but I think it's that.

That was a really good lull right there. And I was hoping you were not, we would just, the rest of the podcast would just be silence and just the occasional just. If this was just visual, then yeah, that'd be great. To do that. Be like the patience episode of Wondershows. Wondershows and genius. Incredible. I was just telling someone about slaves built the pyramids. of Wondershows and genius. Incredible.

I was just telling someone about slaves built the pyramids. We were talking to one of the fairly recent guests not too long ago, we were talking about Wondershows and. Edie, yes. Yeah, just, oh, she she that's what was so fascinating. You know, we're both old and we run into these kids and by kids, I mean, you know, 20s, early 30s, whatever. And she was talking about how she watched that in middle school, watched wonder shows

and knew that it was like, it was, cause she's like, wait a second. Like she was old enough to know this is, I don't think the level of subversiveness, but it wasn't, it was like an adult thing, but it was still a kid's thing. But it was really interesting to hear her take on it because it never even occurred to me that when we were making it 20 plus years later, there'd be kids watching it as a kids show. She ended up

PA or interning on Harchie Holler. Oh, wow. Yeah. You were on that, right? I did a couple episodes of it. Yeah, yeah. Did she talk to those guys about it? Yeah. Yeah. That's really funny. Yeah. It was really interesting. Um, and then the fact that they did a segment, uh, I don't know if it's cause they ran out of time or whatever, but they did the horse apple segment and then

just dedicated a whole show to horse apples. Horse apples was, I, I would always tell those guys, please or not tell them, but beg them, please just do a horse apples show. Oh, so they did. That was your idea. Well, I'm sure they were already thinking of it, but for me, just as a fan, I just wanted to see a whole episode of just all that just dumb shit. And I think it's sort of Heart She Holler maybe was the version of it, not really. Horsey Holt was like- Yeah, well, I mean, it's adjacent to that.

It was like, gosh, I don't know. It was like if Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman was, you know. Like Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman- Whatever else you're gonna say, this is the perfect analogy. Yeah, I mean, it's, it is a, uh, it's taken the piss out of those soap operas, but it's also a soap opera, you know? And Heart She Holler had a whole story to it, and you didn't know, you know, you had to investigate and figure out what was going on, but it was kind of surreal, fantastic, but kind of loosely based in Appalachian, you know, dumb certitude.

Did you, do you know the thing in Wonder Shows and where they, I think they focus grouped, horse apples with that like group of guys. And then they brought them in later and showed them the episode where they're focus grouping. Yeah, they did that. That's a thing. You can see that, right? Yes. Pretty sure. Yeah, yeah. It was in one of the episodes, I believe. And what they did was, so when they brought these

guys back, they put me in the room with them. I was in horse apples., they put me in the room with them. I was in horse apple. So they put me in the room with them, like I had a disguise and was just supposed to be like another guy. And it was, I remember we drove out, I can't remember where it was, maybe in New Jersey somewhere. We went to some mall. I put my disguise on, we went to the place. I was so scared that they were going to, at some point, someone was going to like,

like watching once they realized they were watching themselves and that they were being fucked with, I was waiting for some kind of either like, Hey, what the fuck's going on? Sure. Yeah. And then I was waiting for them to like,, hold on a second, that guy is, you're in a disguise and then they were going to beat the shit out of me or something. I was so, I was really nervous that I was going to get the shit beat out of me. And then the, and then also I just tried to keep quiet because I felt like once

I started talking, I'd have to, so who are you? How come you weren't here last time? Where do you live? Where are you from? And I'd have to create some. What was the purpose of you being there just for the off chance that they might recognize you? How come you weren't here last time? Where do you live? Where are you from? And I'd have to create some. What was the purpose of you being there? Just for the off chance that they might recognize you? I think so.

I think it was just to see what happens if, and it was funny for a little bit. And then I was genuinely nervous about getting beat up or having some kind of confrontation, but nothing happened. And not only did nothing happen, they all just seemed amused by it. Right. Which is kind of great that they weren't mad. Although I can't tell where they just, I don't know, they all just seemed amused by it. Right. Which is kind of great that they weren't mad. Yeah. Although I can't tell where they just, I don't know, they all just rolled with it.

Do you ever see Impractical Jokers? Very little of it. Oh, I love it. It's, I mean, I can watch, you know, five episodes in a row. I really enjoy it, but I'm, there are occasions where I'm like, that's fucking risky. That is really risky.

And I'm just surprised that somebody didn't like just clock one of those guys. Have they, has that ever happened and they just haven't aired it? I can only imagine. I don't know and I haven't watched it. I don't think so. I know those guys now.

I did an episode, COVID era, and I had a blast. It was really fun. And what I really love about the show is they just fuck with themselves. It's not like punking an innocent person. But you can see sometimes like, uh, they shot a bunch of stuff at fairway,

uh, the grocery store in red hook or the, I think red hook, because I recognize the, um, not the one on 23rd or in, in Manhattan. I think I'm pretty sure it was the one in red hook. Um, and, and you can see, and also it's New York, so people just, there's not the thing that people in other regions might give somebody the benefit of the doubt or be a little more polite about something. And there's just kind of a, you know, what the fuck's your problem? You know, like an old lady, like, which I admire, you know, what the fuck's your problem? Like an old lady, which I admire, you know,

which is like not letting them get away with this weird thing. Yeah. I don't know. I haven't watched too much of it. I still, that kind of stuff, I don't know. I don't love it. It still feels like there's a level. But they're still fucking with other people. Like it's making people uncomfortable and doing shit. They're not necessarily the butt of the joke, but I don't know, it still feels like that. No, I think they're very careful about, nobody at any time is in any danger.

They're not really being made fun of. When you step back from it. There are these challenges. There are things that you and I and our friends, our peers have done with each other multiple times where you're not hurting somebody, you're just kind of messing with them. You know what I mean? I know what you're saying. It's like getting in an elevator and there's a stranger and like, yeah, so I don't know. I mean, the guy, whatever you can make a dumb joke you want. But, uh. Do you say data or data?

Like the, one of them is on the, the Star Trek show, I know. Well, at my house, we say data. And for the longest time, I thought paying a fortune on my monthly DATA plan was just normal. That was until I found out about Mint Mobile and their premium wireless plans that start at just $15 a month.

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Taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. It still feels like this level of making people uncomfortable. I don't know. Well, there is a degree of. Not for me, I'll just say. OK, there's a degree of. Discomfort, because it's odd, like, like, what was the one like the

like they send somebody, you know, they kind of have these challenges that if there's one loser out of the four or five of them, you know, and then the loser has to do this real kind of like much more, I don't want to say risky, but like putting yourself out there kind of thing. Where, you know, you have to get four people to agree to do this thing and, or to say yes, or whatever the thing is. And I don't know, I just, it's about the kind of air quotes safest of those pranking shows. I think it's clever, they're great and...

They're very nice guys. They are, they're. And it's not about, it's less about fucking with that person over there and fucking with the person you're sending over of your friends to go. And again, it's stuff we, you and I have definitely done it a million times. You know the thing where I had the, I made a bit out of it,

where we were in Seattle for Bumbershoot and I got the S&M mask from the sex store and wore it on the plane. Like that's kind of a thing, right? I guess so. It still feels like that reminds me, there was a second city touring company when I was doing it and there was just some like really awesomely,

hilariously terrible like perm wig in the prop bag. Right. And they all took turns, like they were at the back of the plane and they all took turns like, all right, everyone has to take a turn putting the wig on and just walk to the front of the plane down the middle of turn around and walk back. Don't make eye contact with anyone. Just looking straight ahead. I love that.

And then they'd go back and then the next person would go, like something like that seems, I don't know, I guess that's still that impractical jokers level of, but it's still, it's, you're not, they're not engaging anybody, which is why it felt funnier and impractical jokers still felt like it's. Oh, they're definitely engaging people. I mean, that's part of what they're, it would be kind of boring if it wasn't, if it was just, Hey, put on this wig and walk back before it's gone. But it still feels like it's got, because of that, it just, I don't know.

It's not my, let's agree to disagree on. Well, there's no, I just, I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm just, that's your take on it. And I'm saying I don't have that experience. Yeah. So that's not a disagreement. You're not saying the show's bad. It's just, yeah, it's not. You're saying it's not for you.

It's not for me. Yeah. What kind of show is for you? I don't know what I, I haven't really watched. I'm trying to think of something. Below Deck? You like Below think of something. Below Deck? You like Below Deck? What's Below Deck? Stop it. Stop it.

Don't even, don't even pretend. I really don't watch shows. What is Below Deck? Is this a reality show? Huh, that's interesting that you grabbed that out of the air of all the genres of show. No, it's anime. It's like manja, manja, manja man, man, man, man, man, man, man.

Sure. Make America not great again. It's no, it's a reality show about people who work on. They're like private cruises, right? Like small yachts. Yeah. And it's different people come in, right? Different people like, oh, you've got the, so it's not a massive yacht,

it's not a cruise, carnival cruise type thing, but it is a, you know, it's for wealthy people. And it's just all the, oh God. Amber. It's Amber, yeah. Hey, hang on, let me put you on speaker. Oh, here we go. Oh, hello.

I hope she talks Italian. What's up? Oh, do you have a second? Sure, I'm doing a podcast with Glazer, but yeah, we can, what do you need? Were you talking to an Italian accent? I really feel like- Talking in Italian accent please.

If you could just take me off, I think laser's like a real piece of shit. And I think you should have canceled, like if you could stop the interview. How do you, can you like get him out of the room? Amber, you're not telling this and now everybody's gonna think this is a bit. And I asked you to call.

I blew it, I blew it. I blew it. Subtlety. And I. Subtlety, honey subtlety. And I have a question about summer vacation. Hi, Glazer, call me later, bye. Okay, bye. A show, I haven't watched it in a while, but a show that I really enjoyed was Alone. Oh, that's great. Yeah, Amber got me into that, but a show that I really enjoyed was Alone. Oh, that's great.

Yeah, Amber got me into that. That's incredible. I really liked that show. So good. That's a reality show. Yeah. But it's also real reality. Yeah. And Below Deck is just bullshit drama made up shit. So that's why I said it, cause it's in that world of that thing.

It sounds- And you wouldn't like it. I'm sure. Oh, that. It sounds like it just has that. That's what it sounded like. That's what it is. But it's all like kind of manufactured or poked at. What's the word I'm looking for when the producers are like, hey, she said,

Manufactured drama, yeah, kind of half manufacture, but half like Goose, like you should go talk to her. That was bullshit. You know, that kind of thing. And alone is great. Yeah, I'm a big fan of that. And and I when you get to those last couple episodes, it's kind of heartbreaking

that somebody has to go and especially, especially when it's about health and like you may die if you don't, you know, and they're like, I was doing so well and you know, and it's like, you know, we can't risk your organs shutting down and you know, but man, it's, I've really enjoyed that show. And I won't give anything away, but this, it's, I don't know, I can't remember which series,

but the one where it's the, they kind of rejiggered the premise so that you had to stay for a hundred days. Was that it? I don't know. Wow. It's one of the later series. But this is of alone. Of alone, yeah. So, you have to stay. There's no... If everyone taps out, they will not come get you like they do in the other series, where you just wait and wait and wait. And sometimes, you just have to go,

or no, maybe it's just being the last, no, that's what it, sorry. I think you have to, I think it's a hundred days. And people leave, you know, and they don't know if everyone's gone. Because if everyone's gone and you, I don't forget it. It's a really good one, sorry, sorry. I only have half the information, I apologize.

But alone is great. But, all right, I was about to speculate, but it's not even worth it. No, you should, it's called something like the $100,000 challenge or the 100 day challenge, this series that the year they did it. It was like three, four years ago. But it's alone. It's not a different show.

No, no. It's alone. Yeah. It's really good. Yeah. It's a completely compelling show. You're watching people with actual skill, which is also, that's what I liked about, oh my God, can't put it, Project Runway. Oh, I never watched that. It was great. I really liked it because you're really seeing some talented people with plenty of skill. I loved Tim Gunn. Yeah, yeah.

I always enjoyed him. Designers. Are you a Top Chef person? Not regularly. Oh, I like Top Chef. Not too much. Also a good show. Yeah. Also great to watch people with actual skill. I really liked, did you ever see, what was it called? It was Amy Poehler and Nick Offerman's show about crafting. I didn't, but I know what you're talking about. It was great. Yeah. Also some very talented people. I haven't watched, I don't watch shows

religiously and I haven't watched a scripted show in a while. I know there's a lot of good ones, but I just haven't watched one. Some great ones. Severance is amazing. I heard Severance is great. I never saw Succession, which I know people love. Oh, it's great. Really good. Really, really good. I don't know why I'm so terrible about watching shows. I watch a lot of sports. Yeah, me too, but there's like some downtime and what are your, you're like more of a basketball guy?

I kinda like, I like soccer. I was watching a lot, you know, my son just, he's a freshman in college now, which is crazy. That's crazy. It's pretty strange. That was the biggest, his last week of high school, that week was one of the biggest mind fucks I've ever experienced. Just all of a sudden to have that moment just be here.

Yeah. I met Bob described dropping his daughter off at, which is, you know, he's got two kids, Erin's the youngest, and dropping her off at college and driving away balling. We had a thing, in some ways I'm thankful for it. It was very funny when we dropped Nathan at school. Where did he go? Where is he going? He's in Chicago at Columbia College. Okay. Um, we went to Chicago for a few, you know, and for me that was, I really

did not anticipate him going away. I thought he was going to stay here, go to a CUNY, um, which is he had looked at a bunch, got into a few of them. And then he just, they went to Columbia to look at it and he and Leslie and he just loved it and he really liked Chicago. Chicago is great. And he really liked Chicago. And Chicago's great. Chicago is awesome. And you're away from home, but you're not too far away from home and it's kind of a perfect sitch for a kid.

He wanted that. He wanted, and I didn't really realize how much and maybe he, I don't know if even he did until he went to look at the school and they looked at a few other schools outside of the city and that one just really resonated for him. I think he liked the city school as opposed to a more like rural campus. Yep. But that, yeah, the, the two things that were, I mean, that week leading up to high school or his graduation was just, you remember that, you know, the old video, the yes, owner of a lonely heart. Yeah. That video, there's scenes where they're like, they come in and they're grabbing

the guy and they're taking them out of his office and he keeps like having those like, like, like he's getting shocked. I don't remember, but it's like physical spasms. Yeah. And I felt like I was having those moments over and over and over again. I just be walking my dog and then just like, Oh my God, just that it's holy shit, this moment is here. What's happened to my life, just that it's, holy shit, this moment is here. What's happened to my life?

Yeah, it's flown by. It's, I can't get it back. I cannot get it back. I'm done. There's no reason to live anymore. I walked to a bridge. I contemplated jumping. My dog looked at me.

Which bridge? Wait, I know where you live. Which bridge? It was, well, it was an archway in Prospect Park. It wasn't one of the big- So you didn't want to kill yourself, you just wanted to like break your wrist or something. Yeah, just like hurt myself so I could have an excuse to, oh, I'll feel bad. But I did have a lot of just, I was on a bike ride once in the park that week and I had to pull over and just get off my bike because I was crying so hard. But when we dropped him at school,

off my bike because I was crying so hard. But when we dropped him at school, this I thought was very funny. So, we said goodbye and it was kind of not a very well-planned moment where we were just going from the street to say goodbye and then he walked back to his dorm and we got the Uber to go to the airport. And I kind of, you know, hindsight or wish we had maybe just said goodbye and then went up to the hotel room for a minute, just so we could have that sob. And now we're just in this minivan with the driver and Freddie's with us. And I'm not sure. Freddie must be what? 16?

13. 13. She just turned 13. So, you know, to have two teenagers is also strange. But we get in the, we, you know, we say goodbye to Nate. Leslie and I are both just, you know, muffled, trying not to just explode with crying in front of this stranger in his minivan. And I don't know if he was- I'm sure he's used to it.

I guess, like just people getting in the car and crying. Well, if they're dropping, oh, he's not part of a shuttle. He's just- No, we called an Uber. I got you, I got you. And he had his GPS turned up and I don't know, he was, he was Asian and so his GPS was speaking. That's difficult.

But it was so loud. It was probably maximum volume and every turn was screaming loud in, I think Chinese. And it made me laugh so hard. It just broke the tension of, and I was in the front seat and I'm just trying just, you know, just like, just trying not to scream, cry, and then just this screaming from his phone. And it just made me laugh so hard.

But then we went from there to Michigan. This was actually two back to back heavy duty weeks of dropping my son at college and then flying right to Michigan for a short visit for Leslie and Freddie and then they went home and I stuck around to help my step mom basically finish packing her house because she was moving since my dad died, which was eight years prior. So that was two very intense weeks, just intense emotions and was pretty wild. But I remember just when we got to my mom's that day after dropping Nate and my mom's house is, you know, chachkis everywhere and photos everywhere. And of course, tons of photos of Nate as a baby. And I just sobbed. I just lost it. And I'd been losing it all, all summer.

How was, how was, uh, Freddie during all this understanding or did she feel the same way? Or- She was rolling with it pretty well. Like she wasn't emotionally upset or I think it was a little strange. She's a smart kid. Well, it was, I had to be very mindful. I mean, I'm a real crier. Well, it was, I had to be very mindful. I mean, I'm a real crier. One of my favorite memories of our wedding was just giving a speech and starting to get emotional. And

I think it was Bobby Tisdale started a cry, cry, cry, cry chant. And I really had to be mindful of not constantly sobbing in front of Nate. Not that I don't mind, I don't have a problem crying in front of him, but the amount that I was crying, like leading up to his graduation and the intensity of it, I mean. It also dehydrates you and then you get cranky, you get headaches. Well, I told them, and I would say that while I was crying. You take soft pills? I'm just so you know gonna be this is dehydrating me which will make me extra cranky later. I took salt tablets while I was crying. Okay.

That's yeah I recommend that for any parents of future collegiate human beings. I mean I've heard. Hydrate and have salt tablets when you drive your child. Yeah, and Molly, a little bit of Molly will kind of write the ship, as it were. Yeah, just, you know, and I would really spend, I would take the year leading up to that moment

and get your dosage right, experiment, really get it dialed in and tuned in. How, how do you, how do you get, dialed in and tuned in. How, how do you get to, how do you reach that emotion? I know you're an actor, but how do you reach that emotional level like a year prior? How do you, how do you get there? I don't know, that's what I'm saying. Like just start experimenting with,

I'm just specifically talking about if you're gonna do Molly in that moment. Okay, oh, you're talking, oh, okay. I thought you meant with the salt pills and all that stuff. Oh, no, no. I just was going off you saying Molly. I'm like, yeah, just, you know, get it dialed in before you, don't just start doing it that week. Yeah. Okay. Got it. I understand. Yeah. So you got to. But same thing with the hydration, get that dialed in. That's going to be expensive because you got to get a good supply because you're going to be experimenting with it and you need to know your dosage and every,

every batch is going to be different. So you have to kind of get a month's worth like 12 times to, to start with and go, okay, this is just if you get lucky. Yeah, and I would also- If you don't get lucky. Well, listen, I mean, it's a lot of trial and error. I'd also recommend getting a dog, long walks in the woods with the dog.

Then you can experiment with the drugs. And- What woods do you go to? I live near Prospect Park in Brooklyn. I do spend a ton of time there with my dog. Long walks, trail runs, hikes. It's the best. Your dog, like yourself, does your dog have a lot of gear?

When you go out running, hit the trail, two grand worth of outerwear, Patagonia stuff. He has a good harness. He has a good winter coat. Um, I actually was thinking of getting him some booties. Sure. We used to have those for our old dog. Um, not the rubber, you know, the balloon ones. Those aren't good.

They'll chew them right off too. They're just, they don ones. They're not durable and you're throwing them away. But I did think about getting him some trail booties for, he's had some abrasions in the sand like running on the beach, the webbing between his. Do you take them to dog beach? No. Do you know that there's that little dog beach in Prospect Park? That's what I was talking about. No, that water just seems nasty and filthy and there's always signs like LG. My old dog used to love it.

Really? Yeah. And there's geese just being on the fence, so the dogs kind of have something to freak out about. You know what happened today this morning? Never seen this before, ever, really. I had taken our new dog to the dog run that's down on Pacific, the closest one to me. And there was a dog I hadn't seen before. I don't know what kind, but kind of huskyish with Max Scherzer eyes, you know, one blue,

one like green or whatever. Sidenote, I saw Max Scherzer throw a no-hitter. Did you? At Citi Field against the Mets. Wow. It was pretty fucking cool. Yeah. Anyway.

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. I saw a no-hitter, but it was where they, it was like a three-man no-hitter, so it was not quite the same thing. But yeah, it's very cool. This was incredible. This, yeah, and like I was with my son, his buddy, and the buddy's dad who's not into sports. None of them gave a shit. And I was like, and then the whole drive home,

do you guys realize what we just saw? And they just did not care. 17 strikeouts. It was infuriating. It really is. I, I, if, if I can't, like, I remember when Amber and I were living in Dumbo and it was the, what year, 2015, maybe, uh, uh, NFC championship where Atlanta and San Francisco. And it came down to like the last throw and Tony Gonzalez.

That's a while ago. Tony Gonzalez was there tied in and they would have won the game or pulled ahead with like mere seconds left, won the game. But something something happened. It was Matt Ryan to Tony Gonzalez. Something happened. He didn't catch the ball. The ball wasn't caught, whatever. And they lost and they didn't go to the Super Bowl. And and I was really bummed out.

And Amber just like. So not mean, but just dismissive of it. Like, oh, come on, you know, there's next year. Like, you don't understand how this works. They went to the Super Bowl once in 98. You know how long ago that was and got smoked. And they may not go again. You can live a lifetime and they don't go I've been dealing with that

These this last mode to try with the lion. Oh, yeah, cuz the last year where it felt like Like that NFC championship game like they're going to the Super Bowl I can't fucking believe it and then they blew it and then this year This year seemed like a lock. Oh man, just still like the defense was decimated. Yeah. You're watching and like,

I couldn't even believe they kept winning. Yeah. As many games as they did, which felt like, oh, maybe they're still gonna do well. Well, when they beat Minnesota, that was where it felt like, okay, this is the team. It felt hope, you mean the last game of the season? Yeah. It felt hopeful, but where it felt like, okay, this is the team. It felt hopeful. You mean the last game of the season?

Yeah. It felt hopeful, but it still felt like, because they had just lost to Buffalo, although it was close, but it was all the offense. They had no defense. Even the Minnesota game, it felt like, but then I think the next week, Minnesota game showed up. Minnesota maybe was kind of not that good or who knows, but it was such a- Well, a lot of it was coaching too.

Yeah. And listen, I love Dan Campbell. And it sucks because now people are going to be like, see? But there was a couple of plays in that Washington game where it's like, oh, god damn it. So yeah, I don't know, man. And then they lost their coordinators. Anyway, I didn't want to talk about it, so I brought it up. I think, I don't know this for sure. I'll have to ask her. Sorry, I brought it up for myself. Anyway, go ahead. I think when Amber and I were just started going out and I don't think she ever anticipated I don't think she ever anticipated getting involved

to the point of marriage and a family with a person who was so into sports. I think that's like, and she's come around for sure. And Marlo collects baseball cards now. When I say collects, I mean she- How old is she now? She will be eight on Saturday. I was gonna say eight. Yeah. I should have will be eight on Saturday. I was gonna say eight. Yeah.

I should have said it before you did. I should have said it. And it was said, nope, almost, not quite. But by the time this goes out, she'll be eight. And when I say collect baseball cards, she doesn't, she's just gotten into the design of it and opening the cards, which is the baby steps. I'm thrilled.

I think that's great. But, and I've taken her to Liberty Games cause we're down the street. And those games are, have you seen a Liberty Game? Not in person, I cannot believe we haven't taken credit yet. I know. I mean, I've been to a million different, every sport. A million. No, I've been to a million different, you know, every sport. A million.

No, you know, all right. I've been to, I'm going to say. 100,000. I'm going to say 700,000 and 20 different sporting events of all different sports multiple times. And those Liberty games are just so much fun. So the team is great. And it's just the vibe is fucking great.

It looks awesome. It's great. You should definitely, I can't take Nate there. It blew that. Freddie, take Freddie. Take Freddie down there. And I'm telling you, it's so much fun. And it's got that, have you ever been to like a single A

minor league baseball game where it just constant stimulation? It's just music and giveaways. There's no doubt, there's never a time where you're, you know, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. All right, we're gonna give away a T, you know, doon doon do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do But in a good way, like there's a DJ and there's, you know. But the teams are good. The teams are very good. Yeah.

I mean, some of the team, that championship series is fucking awesome. It was really good. It was really, really good. And Marla got to take a picture with Ellie, the elephant mascot, and it was great. I mean, we've been, I think we went to four games, five games maybe, it was just great every time.

And the fact that you can walk, just walk there and walk home. I know it's, I took Nate to, you know, he likes the Nets. We went to a bunch of Nets games and it's fun to be able to walk. I like walking to the stadium, which also like feels like Chicago now that he's there. And he's really gotten out on his own and just exploring the city and he loves sports. So like early on he called me, FaceTime me, and he was just like right outside Wrigley.

Yeah. And that was pretty fun. And he just did like a sports tour on his own, just rented a city bike or whatever they have in Chicago and rode all around and it was pretty cool. I always liked that personally. When I'm on the road somewhere traveling, I like to go to a stadium and see, I just like to see games or even just go see a stadium. I think when I was on tour, I had a day off in Milwaukee and I walked from my shitty garbage hotel down and ending up like part of it was on an expressway.

Like oh, I think I took a wrong, but I could see the stadium. Like I could see, was it Miller Field or whatever it is? I think so. And it's great. It's a great park. Went to an Astros game in Houston when I was there, Rocky's game when I was in Denver. So yeah, I tried to do that. If I have a day off or if I find I have time, then I go down there and see a game. I was in Toronto last year for a couple of weeks on a job and I had a lot of downtime. And I went to,

do you know who the Marlies are? The Toronto Marlies. No. I think it's just the Maple Leafs minor league team, but they have their own, they play in a smaller stadium. I think it's just Coca-Cola Arena or whatever, but it's a really cool old stadium, small, like a barn, a hockey barn. They have Coca-Cola in Canada? I don't know, I guess. Huh. I hockey barn. Did Coca-Cola in Canada? I don't know, I guess. I think it was called Coca-Cola Arena.

Or maybe it was like co-co-cola, the way to get around the trademark infringement. I think it was just Coca-Cola. Like company co-cola. Co-co-cola. Yeah, co-co-co-cola, that'd be a chant. Co-co-cola,. Coca-Cola. That'd be a chant. Coca-Cola. Koala-Cola. Now we're getting back to the fun soda's names in the fridge. That's right. We brought it around full circle. It's too early to wrap up the show, unfortunately.

How much longer are we supposed to go? About an hour 20. Let's just, yeah. No more talking. We'll cut it down to like 58 minutes. Um, Chris lose all the stuff about sports, all of it. Uh, I went to a, they, they do a lot of day games in the middle of the week. And I, it must be for like school trips and things, but I was just there and I wanted to see a hockey game and it was fun to go see.

I like seeing minor league sports and I went by myself. Triple A is fun, always. I've seen a couple of Triple A games. You ever go to the Cyclones games, the Brooklyn? Yep. You ever go to them? Marlowe there, yeah. I haven't seen a Staten Island Yankees game and I heard that's pretty fun

because you can see the city and the backdrop. Well, Coney, Cyclones is cool because you see Luna Park and all the boardwalk and all that stuff. It's great. It's pretty fun. Yeah. And there's that weird, the mascot is like a king, but not a king. I know. What's his? He wears a crown. Yes. But he's in a regular, like pink suit. He's not like Burger King.

It's not Burger King. It's almost and it's not King Vitamin. You remember that cereal? Yes, I do. You know, he's like got a King Vitamin type crown. God, what the fuck is his name? But he dresses like a car salesman. Yeah. And he's kind of like a big guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Loud. Yeah. Really loud. Oh, and then the gay dancers that come out on the dugout.

Amazing. And they have the, oh no, yes, they have the gay cheerleaders kind of squad that will hang out on the top of the dugout. Male or female gay cheerleaders? How do you know they're gay? Is it a, is that- I've just, you know, 60 years of experience. Wow. You know?

Is that your gaydar, 60 years of experience, never wrong. If I get hard, it means they're gay. Okay. Yeah, that's how I gauge it. Like this one guy, very fey, with, you know, like just not quite drag, but kind of getting there. And I got a huge hard on. So I'm like, that dude is gay.

You ever come? Oh, all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Constantly. At the game. Yeah. And then how At the game. Yeah. And then how do you deal with that?

Do you go to the bathroom and clean up? Do you wait till you get home? Do you wear a defense? I'm in, literally inside my popcorn box. I have it fitted and then I feed that popcorn to the pigeons. That's why if you ever see a little pigeon that looks like me. So wait, just because they ingest?

Yeah, by, yes. That's how they would get pregnant is from ingesting your jizz covered popcorn? Well, I wouldn't say covered, but thank you. It's- It's jizzled. Yeah, just a- A drizzle of jizz. Yeah, I get, it's, it's jizzled. Yeah. A drizzle of jizz.

Yeah, I get it. I get it. You don't have to explain the fucking joke. Some I'm explaining to the listeners that might not have gotten it. I have very smart, savvy listeners. No question about it. That was for the one that is not so savvy. That's maybe like, let me, you know what, let me give this podcast.

Oh, Darren, Darren. Let me give this podcast a shot today and see what it's all about. And then they got gizzled popcorn. And they don't understand what it means. Thankfully he explained it. And then the one guy said, gizzled, and the other guy said, don't explain it. But I was glad he explained it, personally.

Can you imagine if I had to ask people now that I know what it is? Oh. And this is the other thing about my Magellan is that when your conversation gets off, hey, your conversation is, you got off course, bring it back. But listen, sometimes that's part of the adventure of circumnavigating the globe. The globe of life is that, where do we start? Where do we finish?

Where do we start? And where do we finish? Gizzled corn. It's not where you start, it's where you finish. The only popcorn with cum on it. The only popcorn that will get a pigeon pregnant. A preganante. A preganante.

Well, it doesn't, pregnant doesn't have an E at the end. Well, I, hey, you know what? I made it have an E on the end. I don't know that you made it. You just sort of did it. Yeah, I made it just like you made a pigeon, baby Right. Well took two to do that me and the pigeon. That's true Do you remember the dog at the very end of the remake of

body snatchers the one with I don't know. I remember the original, not the remake. The original dog was fucking terrifying. Yeah, they do it in the remake too. It's just better effects. But don't you think sometimes when it's like in the thing, when the effects are not as quote unquote good that it's scarier sometimes?

Sure. Or more disturbing? I love the thing. Oh my God. I think that's his best film, if you ask me. But that stuff, like when those effects are kind of shitty, I find it scarier at times. And that one, I haven't seen-

I know what you mean, yeah. The Invasion of the Body Snatchers remake. I didn't even know- Oh, this is going, this was, you might- Are you talking about the, is the Donald Suther one the remake? Yes. Was there one before that? Yes, there was, you might. Are you talking about, is the Donald Suther one, the remake? Yes. Was there one before that? Yes, there's one before it.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was, I was realizing as you were saying that, no, they didn't re remake it, but that's the, that's what you're talking about. The dog from the Donald Suther. Oh yeah. That one is fucking creepy as hell, man. Very creepy.

Really good though. Oh my God. Cause the face kind of fits. It's like a Brussels Griffin type of dog and the face is kind of fits that kind of dog. Oh, God damn it. I want to look it up right now, but I won't. It's pretty creepy. It's so creepy. It's a very disturbing, scary yes.

Yeah. And that like all I'm thinking now is like, then I want to run home and snuggle my dog. Hmm. Should give me that fucking look that you're giving me right now. What kind of dog do you guys have? all I'm thinking now is like, then I want to run home and snuggle my dog. Just give me that fucking look that you're giving me right now. Here's what I like is that I bet all the listeners can imagine the look I was giving you. It's not difficult. I wish you could have people calling in right now. Caller, tell us what the look was. What kind of dog did you guys get?

Uh, we got a Bernadoodle because we had to get a hypoallergenic, uh, uh, no, I'm, I'm actually with you. I. That was more of a cute noise, not a judgemental noise. That being said, yeah. Fuck you. Well, Amber is allergic to a lot of dander and so a lot of different dander. So we had to get a hypoallergenic dog. I would never, ever, ever, ever get a bred dog.

And Ollie was a rescue dog before that was a rescue and I would get a rescue dog and and our dog's awesome and you know she she's huge I mean sometimes they sometimes they're bigger some she's in the middle but that's a big dog and. And you know, she's still, she's only 14 months, but she's got to be 65 pounds at this point. And just a big dumb muppety, like snuffle look, snuffle up, I guess, type of dog. Doesn't, you know, it's still puppy energy and puppy, so like, uh, we'll, you know, knock you over trying to play.

Anyway, downstairs neighbors have, have a doodle and its name is Leo. The husband is Italian. So it's not, it's not Leo, it's Leo. Leo, Leo. Yeah. Hey, maybe I'll tell him about Magellan. Yeah. See if he can hook you up with some of his fellow Italians.

Do you know about, uh, pizza secret? You guys ever have that? Pizza secret. I know the face you made is the perfect reaction. That's another face. What I don't know. Um, that one, I'm not aware of the face. You just looked like just the annoyance at the name pizza secret.

So we asked this guy, his name is Paolo, and we asked him like, hey, what's your favorite pizza in the neighborhood? And he said, Pizza Secret. And we had heard it's in Park Slope on Fifth Avenue, closer to you guys, not far from Atlantic. Really? I had never heard of it. Maybe we'd seen it. And I just thought- Oh, wait a minute. I know it's, I know, I think it's right on the corner. It's literally, it's, it's, and it's like kind of a yellow,

black sign. I think I know what it is. It is, is it on the- I think so. It's like near Bergen or Dean. Yeah, it's on the West side. Yes. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. It's on a corner. It's a corner shop.

Yeah. And so that he said that was his favorite. Okay. And we just thought, all right, I guess we'll try it. We had probably heard of it, I think. It's just one of those terrible sounding names. Yeah. And it's incredibly good. Really? It's so, it's that, I guess, is it the brick oven, like thin crust pizza? Oh, like Connecticut, New Haven style?

Or like Lombardi's or? Not like Lombardi's, more- Oh, they're coal oven. So I'm thinking of Frank Pepe's in New Haven and Salsa Pizza. I think, yeah, you ever go to Franny's when that was around on Flatbush? I didn't.

Very thin, just like thin, thicker crust though at the base. Okay. Like Neapolitan. How the fuck? Well, Neapolitan has got us kind of a softer chewier bread that's really kind of tangy and delicious. Then maybe it's that. Okay. So it's not like crispy, crispy? No. Okay. Then it's Neapolitan. Yeah. It's delicious. Okay. It's so good. But it's not like crispy, crispy. No. Okay. Then it's Neapolitan. Yeah. It's delicious.

Okay. It's so good. But it was one of those things where we had never tried it because of the name. And now every time we get it, I just think about, I think it's sticks. Is it Mr. Roboto? Secret, secret, I've got a secret. Every time we order it, I get the box and I'm like eating it and I have in my head, it's pizza secret, I've got a pizza secret. Thanks for putting that in my head. Have you been to Poly G's in Greenpoint? No. That's really good. That's good. Poly G's? Poly G's, yeah, it's good.

Is it close to Black Rabbit? It's not too far. It's not right next in the, but yeah, near it. Everything's not that far from you. Yeah. I mean, Greenpoint is only so big, but and I'm a big, big fan of the grandma slice at Home Slice, which I had, I don't think I've ever had a grandma slice. Where's home slice? Home slice is on Vanderbilt and like between Pacific Dean. I thought you were about to say pistachio?

No, that's not a street. Is there a street in New York? There must be a pistachio street. Why do you say that? It just seems, doesn't seem that far-fetched in New York City that one of probably a million streets would be called Pistachio. Just seems like a fun name for a street that someone would have coined in the history of New York. I'm going to guess there isn't. Pistachio Street. I wish, are you able to, do you look stuff up? Is that part of your services while you're- I'm going to guess there isn't. Hey, Pistachio Street. I wish like, are you able to, do you look stuff up? Is that part of your services while you're- Sure, yeah, I can do that. I would love to find out just like Pistachio Street, New York City.

Okay. Well, you know there are the fruit streets in Brooklyn Heights, right? There's pineapple, cranberry, and let's see, that's one, orange maybe. Is there an orange street? No way. No. I don't know. There's pineapple, there's cranberry. I don't know if I've seen cranberry. That's right. And they're next to each other. Pineapple, cranberry. Oh, crazen. There's crazen. Oh man. You ever heard of a frail? No. Wait, let me guess. So it's half bagel, half French toast? No. No. It's basically just like a cinnamon raisin type bagel.

Why do they call it a Fraigle? I don't know. I'd have to look up. Oh, I thought it was like a cronut where it's like half donut, half croissant. I thought that's where you were going. So I was like, a frago would be a French toast bagel. Now there, now I can't believe I don't know. I think that was, I don't know. There must be a reason and I don't know what it is.

You know what? Delicious though. I really don't like, I've never had it, but the idea of it, the bagel hot dog seems like a terrible idea to me. It sounds awful. They're just two, I like both of those things separately, but- I don't even know- They make them. It's like a bagel, it's bagel dough. So is it a hot dog shaped bun? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's not round? It's a hot dog shaped bagel. No, no.

Because that I almost like the idea of like a bagel. If the hot dog was inside in a circle. Yeah. Oh, sure. Like a circular hot dog. God, is that a thing? A circular hot dog? No, but somebody will make it.

Oh my God. How about let's us make it. Bagel dog. Bagel dogs? Here's the thing. Listen, if you're listening, don't try to steal this idea because we're already David right now, you can't see this, but he's texting his patent lawyer.

Yeah. I'm looking over his phone. Don't get the copyright now. Good. Yeah. Uh, you spelled, you spelled circular wrong. Um, so we're going to copyright circular bagels. How do you spell that?

C-U-K-R-K-L-U-R-L-L-A-R. Yes. Okay. Oh, I – That's what I got. I looked – I was reading it wrong. My bad. You probably saw auto – they've autocorrected. My bad.

Yeah. And also, I was going to say – Do you know who supposedly came up with the – why we say my bad? No. Dikembe Mutombo. I'm not joking. I'm not joking. Really? Yeah. He would say, my bad.

His English wasn't, you know, perfect. My bad. I don't think he was a monster. Well, he had a very great gravelly voice. It was deep. It was baritone, but- But also wasn't kind of – That wasn't a pirate?

Yes, it can be the pirate. I don't know. The basketball – yeah, they had a really good – there was a pirate basketball league. Oh, shit. That's where he got discovered. Yeah. Do you know there's a – I only know this because of when Marla was like three, there's a sub genre of music that's pirate rock, not yacht rock, pirate like. Pirate rock. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Yes, but like it's kind of metal-ish and it's- I was about to go, just covered popcorn, yo ho ho. That sounds like you're making fun of me. I'm not. Okay. Cause it sounds like you are. I'm not, I'm adding to it. I'm laughing with you. Oh, I wasn't laughing though.

What's that? I said I wasn't laughing though. Somebody was. That may be, but there's only three people in this room and Chris doesn't count. What if the practical jokers came running in right now and just gotcha, but then it would be a joke on you. I would say that's not very funny or clever or interesting. All right.

Well, we still gotcha. I don't see how you got me. I'm sorry. We, let me see if I can explain this. So we gotcha, I don't even wanna fucking, we don't wanna go down that road anymore of this bit. Bit over, there should be a bit bot. Bit bot just comes in. Bit bot ending bit. Bit bot, what are you doing? What is it there is, what is a, this is a hard tangent. Is a blumpy when you get a blow job while taking a shit? Yeah.

It's also a sandwich chain in like outside of Buffalo. Blumpies? Yeah. And they're aware that it's a, did they start, which came first? Literally both at the same exact time. So- One guy was getting a blumpy and was like eating a sandwich while getting a blumpy?

No, they were close. So the guy starts making the sandwich. Right. This one guy, there's two guys. One guy starts making the sandwich and he's just like, hey man, get me, you know, I want like a Italian, but you know, whatever's in the fridge,

use whatever's in the fridge. So the guy, uh, creates a sandwich, which is legit good, you know, I mean, using the stuff that's in the fridge, just in the front. And then, so the guys make the sandwich while the guy's taken a dump. He comes in to give the guy a different guy taking a shit. Yeah. Or the guy make to making the in to give the guy. This is a different guy taking a shit? Yeah, yeah. Or the guy making the sandwich? Two different guys. So the guy making the sandwich is making the sandwich for the guy taking a shit.

Yes. And he comes in. Is that a restaurant, someone's house? He's at a restaurant. At a restaurant. Um, and it's one of those, uh, it's uh. Very quickly, just so, did the guy come into the restaurant and he's like, oh, just make me a sandwich. And then ran, like, did he have to take a shit?

But he wanted to put his order in first? He, well, he put the order in so he could use the bathroom. Got it, got it. So he, I think, as legend has it, he wasn't even intending, he was gonna try to slip out. He just needed to use the bathroom and he didn't wanna look, you know. And he was like, just whatever's in the fridge.

Yeah, whatever's in the fridge. Yeah. Whatever's in the fridge. Exactly. And so, and the, the, the thing about this restaurant, which had, it was a soft opening, so it didn't even have a name yet was the guy had brought his own fridge. And if I remember the fridge is like, you can see the fridge. It's right there. Yeah.

But it's his fridge. It's his own fridge. Anyway, runs in, da da da. Guy makes a sandwich, again, utilizing whatever he's got in there, and then goes to give the guy the sandwich because that was their slogan was, we'll give you your sandwich wherever you are, no matter what. No matter what. And that was a slogan on top of that. They were thinking of naming the restaurant that. No matter what.

It got a little bit too wordy, but it's still their slogan. And so the guys take it up, goes in, here's your sandwich. Thank you so much. Can I help you out with that? The guy thinks he means the sandwich. Right. And he's like, sure. The other guy has made the sandwich, starts blowing them.

Okay. And the sound that his ass made when he was taking the dump and his mouth made when he was coming was blumpy. Really? As I understand it. As you understand it. The history of blumpies.

That to me sounds 100% plausible. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, crazier things have happened. Well, what I was, what I was getting at with Blumpy, it doesn't matter. We're too far past it. Although now that I brought it up, I should probably just tell it like with Bitbot. Do you know Tommy Blacha? Yeah, of course. He had an idea of just like there of a robot called Blumpy that would just come in and

do what this sandwich guy did and just constantly come in and try to suck. You know, if you were in the bathroom, it would just immediately, it would detect you in the bathroom and immediately come in and try to suck your dick. And it was all like, Blumpy, no! And it was really a super strong, small, almost like a staffy, like a Staffordshire pit bull. Small but strong, stocky. Well, how is it going to- And a mouth was just like, just super fucking powerful.

I don't, but how would he get, if you're, I mean, I don't know how you, what your position is when you take a dump, but I mean, I don't know if that, your penis would be that accessible to a robot. you what your position is when you take a dump, but I mean, I don't know if that your penis would be that accessible to a robot. Well, you are assuming this robot can't, it'll make it accessible. Oh, adapt. Yeah. It's malleable. It's brute force. It'll put you in the position it needs you to be in. Jesus. Yeah, it's pretty, it's brutal.

Scary. It's pretty fucking brutal. And how much does it cost? Oh man, I think it was like 57 grand. 57 grand? Yeah. For a thing that you're ultimately going stop, stop, don't do that one thing you're supposed to do. Why did I spend 57 grand on a thing that I don't want it to do the one thing it's supposed to do. I think that's part of it. It's for a very specific type of person. If you are intentional, maybe you do want it, but that's part of the game is like, oh my God, get out of here. Don't do that.

Right, right. Blumpy, no. Right, right. Blumpy. Plus if it only costs like a couple hundred dollars to make, then you only need to sell a couple to make a good chunk of change. Well, that's a different thing. That's the person who's making it. That's the manufacturer. Yeah, I understand. But it seemed like, I don't know where that came from where we were talking about the person who buys it. Well, it's part of the overall conversation.

It's certainly a way that a conversation can travel. It was a jarring shift. I'm surprised you think it's jarring to talk about the person who's making Blumpy. It seems like it'd be part of the conversation, perhaps. It's not illogical to talk about the manufacturer. It's not illogical. It was just a jarring shift where we were talking about the person. Like we were talking about the person. Have you ever seen any footage of the, I can't remember what year it was, the tsunami in 2014? Yes. Okay, that's a jarring shift in the conversation. The jet black. That's a jarring shift in the conversation. Is you talking about the tsunami?

Yeah. When we were talking about a robot that blows you while you're taking a dump. I think they're both jarring in their own way. They're different. They're different versions of jarring. Now we're making noises. Beep, boop, boop.

Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. John, do you have anything you wanna plug? Not that I can think of. Any auditions coming up you wanna plug? Oh God. No. That'd be a weird thing. Plug your auditions.

Yeah, I've submitted some, an audio for a VO for Mynikee Mufflers. So look out for that if you are hiring, if you are one of the four people who are- Yeah. Was Mynikee the muffler that went pay a little now, pay a little more now, or a lot more later? I don't know. I remember even as a kid thinking like, that's a really interesting, that you're not hiding behind the fact that this costs a lot. They're leading into it. It's like you get what you pay for, you can spend a little more now or a lot more later. I thought it was very smart. It is.

And I'm pretty sure it was myniki. Hold on very quickly, Pistachio Street, yes or no? No, we don't have a Pistachio Street. God damn it. Can you see if there's any Pistachio Street, not just in America but in any English-speaking country? Pistachio Street. Yeah, thank you. If there is not a Pistachio Street street anywhere, anywhere, I will go to that bridge in Prospect Park and jump off and try to hurt my ankle.

The archway. The archway. Listen, if you ever want to do a dog walk, although I don't want to be seen with a doodle. Um, yeah. No, my friend, you know, Adam Escott. Yes, maybe not. Who? Adam Escott, yes, maybe not. Who? Adam Escott.

No. They have a doodle. We've taken some nice dog walks. If you ever want to do a dog walk in the park, it's the best. Super goofy dog. I mean, I do- Very cute, very sweet. Very sweet, really good watchdog. But it's just, it's hard for me to say the word Bernadoodle. I know.

It, and I really, really, really in that kind of kid way or that feeling of like, I have to qualify at each time. I had to get this, we had to get a Bernadoodle because my wife's allergic to. Do you think you'll ever, with our dog, whose name is Gatsby, we shelter dog rescue. We're not assholes. But he came with the name and the kids really wanted to name him and we actually thought about,

what about like Ashby? Like something that sounded like Gatsby. Like Hal Ashby. Yes. And we just decided, no, that's gonna be too confusing, but I would do the same thing you would do, like all these qualifiers. Like people would ask, what's his name?

And for me, it's just, ah, Gatsby. It's not the book. We didn't name him after the book. And I would do this long spiel, and then I just stopped. It's like, who gives a shit? You're right, who gives a shit. And I know that deep down. You know, I just love him, Gatsby's so cute.

There is the thing about Park Slope, Brooklyn. I know. And we've talked about it, we both have talked about it on stage and there is that, you know, young dad or mom or a dog park person specific to Brooklyn or, you know, whatever. That is cloying and I mean, the names, the names are, I mean, I can make some up and they all sound like they're legit names Names are, I mean, I can make some up and they all sound like they're legit names. And I could sprinkle in some real names

that I've heard at the dog park. Give me a few and I'll try to guess if they're real or fake. Okay. Tallulah. Real. Fake. I've met a Tallulah at the dog park.

Are you serious? I believe it. Yes. I used to do a bit with like Tallulah Bankhead, dah, dah, dah. I met a Tall Touloula at the – Are you serious? Yes. I believe it. I used to do a bit with like Touloula Bankhead, da-da-da. I met a Touloula and I had a really great experience with Touloula where she was a little cute little dog. I don't know what kind.

Nothing against the dog. It's just a – But such a cutie and like kind of scared. And then the next time I saw them a little closer, then the next time a little closer, and then like the fourth time just running up to me, I almost started sobbing. It's like we did a breakthrough. All right, Touloula. All right, so Touloula's fake, but also real. Apollo. Real.

Real. There's got to be at least, yeah. Yep. Persephone. Fake. Real. Wow. Yeah. It's either Persephone or Persephone. It. Real. Wow. Yeah. It's either Persephone or Persephone.

It's the one that is the- Oh, God. I had to look it up. I was in the dog park and I looked it up. That's infuriating. It's a Roman or Greek goddess or the daughter of somebody who had something to do with Hades or something like that. Oh man. Real one, real one. Okay. Oh, well, this is going to give it away, but what was the one I heard? Oh,

God, it was Gretchen. Gretchen. Yeah. So a real one. That was a real one, but. There is a lot of, you know, when we got Gatsby, I started doing, with our old dog, we never did off leash cause she just was never socialized. We'd get in fights and it's been simultaneously the best to do off leash every morning in the park.

And then it can be just so many annoying dog owners, so many annoying. Oh, right. But it's mostly the best, but there's a prosciutto that I've met a little pug. Prosciutto. Prosciutto and so cute. Um, but there's a lot of like monosyllabic male names, Phil, Jim, Steve.

Yeah. I was going to say Gary, that's two syllables, but that makes me laugh so hard. I, because of that region, reason, just the idea that it's kind of specific and it's a woman's name. It's not anything else. It's not, you know, Gretchen the fantastic. Gretchen.

Pretty funny. It's, I don't think it was, I don't remember. I don't remember, but, but we're in the big dog run. So it wouldn't be a small dog. I don't remember, but- Wretched. But we're in the big dog run, so it wouldn't be a small dog, I know that. But- But I know what you mean- Fitzwillie? Fitzwillie?

Is that one you've heard? No, it's fake. I just made that up. Yeah. Fitzwillie, that's pretty. Well, I was gonna say, I've heard that there's a prosciutto, Wilma, which I love, another pug. Try to be the most annoying name I've heard in there.

And sometimes you get, occasionally get a Mr. Something. Oh yeah, yeah. I don't know if I've heard one in there, but yeah, Mr. Something something. Yeah. Mr. Peanut or Mr. You know, whatever. Mr. Peanut. You know. I thought penis would be a funny. Penis. Come here, penis.

Well, you know, when I got- Penis no. Down. Drop it, penis. I got when Sarah and I got Ollie, our other, older dog, the reason she was called Ollie Red Sox is because I just wanted to call the dog Red Sox and Sarah's no.

And so she was Ollie Red Sox, but it was so like, I could be in the park with a bunch of people wearing Yankee skaters going, let's go Red Sox, come on Red Sox. And then I also wanted to name a dog Jew for real. Let's go Jew. Bad Jew. Bad Jew. For real, these are real things I wanted to. So she was Ollie Red Sox, but it was mostly Ollie. Ollie Red Sox. Ollie, what about you could have gone Ollie Red Sox, but it was mostly Ollie. Ollie Red Sox.

Ollie, what about you could have gone Ollie Jew Sox? No. That's a bit of a mix and it doesn't really. That's too much. Yeah, it ruins both things. Uh, John, I want to go. I've got errands to do. Okay. Um, I end every episode with a question from my daughter.

Okay. And here is today's question for you and you can answer it in any way you see fit. John, why do metal things catch on fire in a microwave? That is a really not does, does Marla listen to these? She will at some point.

I think that's kind of fun to like, Hey, here's the... That's a really great question. I don't know, and I've wondered that quite a bit. Do they catch on fire? Is that what happens? I try to stay out of the answer. Got it. I don't know. I've wondered that myself. I've never wondered enough to look up the reason why or the answer why. So I didn't know they would catch on fire. I thought it would be something maybe about melting or maybe it releases toxins into the, I don't know. I don't want to even hazard a guess or make up an answer. And I think there's also real strength in just saying, I don't know. That's my answer. Hmm. Yeah. I don't know. All right, for those of you at home that can't see, David just got up.

He sort of angrily shoved the microphone. You can hear that rustling off. He's putting his jacket on. He seems very angry. It's a loud sigh. Maybe you caught that off mic. He's got like a copper. He's got a Fox backpack.

He's quite a fox backpack. He's leaving, left the door open. Here's the thing. I actually do know why metal catches on fire in a microwave, and I just did not want to answer on purpose because I want Marlo. Take a picture of you. All right. Did you get film? Yeah, I think we did. All right.

We have to take a picture of you. The end. Sense is Working Overtime is a Headgum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchen for our show art and Mark Rivers for our theme song. For more podcasts by Headgum, visit headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple

Podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not gonna do that. Thanks for listening. That was a Headgum Podcast.