Senses Working Overtime with David Cross - Nick Kroll

Episode Date: January 23, 2025

Nick Kroll (Kroll Show, Big Mouth) joins David to talk about watching his own movies, the license to chill, and more. Catch all new episodes every Thursday. Watch video episodes here.Guest: Nick KrollSubscribe and Rate Senses Working Overtime on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review to read on a future episode!Follow David on Instagram and Twitter.Follow the show:Instagram: @sensesworkingovertimepodTikTok: @swopodEditor: Kati SkeltonEngineer: Chris OsbornExecutive Producer: Emma FoleyAdvertise on Senses Working Overtime via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I'm so sorry, I totally misread that in a lazy way where I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry yeah I'm so sorry I totally misread that in a lazy way where I you say hey so Nick's reps called and then you just he's going to be

and you just fill it in when is it ever early? I um how old is your kid? I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old how old is your kid. I have a four-year-old and a one-year-old. How old your kid? She'll be eight In a couple weeks. Yeah Can I have this coffee on or should I pour it into something else? Yeah, we're not this isn't

You know lose your coffee sponsor Yeah, I don't you know loser first of all. Thank you. It's good to see you good to see it's been been a while. Yeah But this is the first episode back After after Well, we stopped down I was on tour I'm still on tour but Oh, we're doing the Broadway thing. Yeah. Oh, fuck, that just occurred to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, is that why you're here? Yeah, that's why I'm in New York. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great, okay, right. We're not doing it together, but we're both doing it. Yeah, I'm gonna guess that you and I and Fred Armisen, let me think of there might be somebody else in there

are basically doing the same stuff. I think so. I think what I've been told is they're, they're switching certain roles based on cast so that nothing is ever exactly the same. But yes, I believe for the most part, I'm like, I'm sitting in the Fred seat. I would imagine you are.

And then I don't know, are you with Hank's area or are you? Okay, so then I imagine Hank is. No, we went through a rough patch and we decided to just sort of separate. We're still in touch, we're still friends, we're just trying to make it work. Right, he decided to do The Simpsons for 30 years. And that was, I told him 30 years ago that's a deal-breaker you know and

when it got to year 29 I was like what are we doing here yeah I'm I'm waiting yeah well you're waiting tables now yeah I'm waiting tables where do you know Smith and Walenskis I do they're a wonderful chain it's this uh yeah I'm working the Vegas Smith and Walenskis. I work in the, but I work in the special like chef's table in the back. Oh wow, cool. So I take care of some of the worst people in the world. Now I've heard, I can't remember which one, but one of them, either Smith or Walensky

is a real, not a great. Not a great guy. Not a great guy. I can't say, cause obviously we're on we're on a you know Live link to the world and you guys can check us out on Smith and Willensky dot com We're doing a live It's a corporate show. Yeah, it's a corporate for the Smith and Willensky

And so obviously we cannot say which Smith or Willensky is yeah a monster of a person But because they're a bunch of them. There's so many Walenskys out there. There are a lot of, there's only three Smiths after they all died in that plane crash, but the rest of them are fine, the three of them. And the Walenskys are rampant across the country. There's so many of them, man, they're just,

get your tubes tied, you know? Right, so we're in the, are you doing it this week? It's called All In. Well, this won't air in time. How long are you doing, two weeks? I'm doing till February 2nd. Oh yeah, you might, this might, okay great. So if you're in New York City,

definitely check out M&M World in Times Square. And then after that, head over to the, what's the name of the theater? The Hudson Theater. The Hudson Theater. Mm-hmm. And check out All In, Comedy About Love, something like that. Comedy About Love. And Nick Kroll will be on stage.

Yes, I will. And he has graciously offered to meet up with everybody after the show, you come to the stage door. I wanna get to know you. I wanna shake everybody's hands. And a kiss, a kiss on the lips. I wanna kiss on a kiss on the lips. I want you and your, I want your mother to take

as long as she needs to take a picture. Oh, it's on video. Yeah. Hold on. Yeah, I won't. Oh, I don't know how this works. Well, now it's me. Mom, I can do it myself. I can handle it myself if you want. Oh, I don't know how this works. Oh, well now it's me. Mom, I can do it myself.

I can handle it myself if you want. Oh, I've got it. This will be a better picture anyway, cause I can get you in the light. So step, step, well. Step right underneath the light so that you look like a Nazi propaganda cartoon of a Jew. But it's a, it's really,

I've done like three nights so far. It's me, Andrew Rannells, Ad Bryant, and Lin-Manuel Miranda. And it's really, I think you'll have a lot of fun. Oh, I'm looking forward to it. I went to the premiere night, whatever they call that. Not opening night, but. Yeah, well, cause this one's a little different

cause it's like not like you do your previews and then you do the thing. But it's- I went to that one and it was really fun. Fred and Richard Kind and Nick, I mean sorry, John and I can't remember the words. Was it Renee Goldsberry or Chloe Feynman? Renee Goldsberry. Yeah. From Hamilton. Yeah. And yeah, it was fun.

Yeah, I mean, it's great. It's like, it's an amazing thing. Like, it's very weird, like you're on tour right now, where it's like, when you're on tour and it's your show, you're like, the responsibility of like, I'm up here, I gotta bring these people in, it's my hour, and then you go and do the show every night at the same place. I mean, that sounds very freeing.

It is. And I live here, so, and- And you live in Times Square. I live in the theater, yeah. Me and a couple Dormouse mice. I discovered when I went to go, because I didn't know exactly where it was in the geography of Times Square, the theater. And I was And I took the subway and I was walking over, I was like, oh Mike, I can just take the C to the F and I will never have to step foot in Times Square, which is awesome.

That was the most exciting thing about doing the show. Because you spend the rest of your day in Times Square just working outside in that Iron Man suit. So like this is a good chance for you to. Here's the thing, I, and I know I'm, I take pride in this, but it's foolish. I understand that to try to, in the Iron Man suit, do caricatures while I'm juggling is like so hard and underappreciated.

It's underappreciated, because that glove, that Iron Man glove is so thick because of the thing, it's hard for you to grip anything. Yeah, and I've got a real one, you know, that was made in China, which is where they make the real ones, you know. Yeah, of course, but it is impressive that you are juggling. We're talking with Nick Kroll from the world of standup

and television and- And the occasional failed movie. How was your movie, you have, you've been in some good movies. Yeah, I have been in some good movies. I've've been in some good movies. Yeah, I have been in some good movies. I've also been in some shit movies. Yeah. Yeah.

It's so hard to be in a good movie that works. What do you mean? I mean like the amount of like energy and effort put into making a movie that you make or that you try to be in or that gets made and how few of them are actually like good, successful movies. Well, I've had a different career than you, Nick, because I haven't experienced, I mean, in a per capita.

Uh-huh. I've mostly the films are pretty good. Yes. You know, that I've been lucky enough to be a part of. That is true. that is true. And as I said, there were some real stinkers, but now do you see everything you're in? Oh, I only, I exclusively watch this stuff.

That's the only way you can get off anymore. I'm like, you know what I hate? It's like, I'm one of those actors, but I'm like, you know what? I just like can't stand watching other people. I just like, I, ugh. The entire time you're like, you just cringe like, oh, did he say that?

I cringe, I can't. Oh, what a missed opportunity. I know, so I just watch my work. I just relax and watch my work. And I do watch most of the things I'm in. So occasionally I don't, but I do. And usually I spend the first time watching something, just staring at myself and like,

and just hating, hating my physical appearance. I, it's, for me, it's about, I just, I look at something and go, oh, what a dumb choice. I had so many choices to, as an actor, you have all these choices. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes you do something and you're not,

like I was in, and my reps pushed hard for me to be in it. I was psyched to do it, but I was in a, like what do you call those like biopic series. I was playing a real person. I just was not, I should not have been. Cast? Yeah. I mean, I tried and I had studied the guy, and I was trying to get his voice out and you know, this kind of guy and

and I communicated extensively with his last wife who was very helpful. But it was- You could just say Frank Sinatra. No, it was Joey Bishop, the Joey Bishop story. 33 episodes, hour long each. And still feel like you didn't cover it all. Yeah, no, there's so much that was left. So you talked to his wife and like went deep on it and you didn't like where it was. I wasn't, it wasn't my,

my particular set of skills and talent aren't in a very kind of, it's almost like a procedural where there's fairly strict parameters. You're expected to work in those parameters and I've done tons of shit, but it just didn't, it didn't, it wasn't my thing and I shouldn't have been, I felt bad for the director who I don't think cared for me and was also, I think, not psyched that I was, when I first went to meet him, he was less than enthusiastic and I got the feel, also I was cast pretty late. So I got the feeling there was probably somebody he wanted,

wasn't available, maybe was in it and then couldn't do it. It's like, this is all speculative, I don't know. And then, and it's, I think the only time ever on a set where I was like, like he was giving me direction that he just didn't, it just wasn't clicking, right? And that happens sometimes rarely, but it will happen where you're like, I'm trying to give you what you want, not what I want. I'm trying to give you what you want.

And I, and it's just not. Give me a second to try to get there because I don't know exactly what you're looking for. I have an idea and I'm trying to get there, but you know, and then one of those things where he gave me like, like the same kind of thing. Like I thought I just did that and what, and just, and I needed to talk to him instead of shouting across

a soundstage and did that kind of frustrating thing. It was like, hey man, can we, like stopped, can we go outside and talk? Let's go. Like one of those. I don't think I've ever done that before. How did that feel? Well, it was just out of frustration. Yeah. And then I ended up the, one of the producers who I have worked with before on a, boy, I'm being really vague about this. Yeah. I mean, I get it. I understand.

I wonder if I should just say. I mean, I'd love, I think we all, everyone in smithandwellensky.com would love to know. So it was the show Genius and it was playing Jerry Wexler. Oh, okay. And I will say at, you know, it was eight episodes, and I think it was in six of them. So at the end of shooting, in fact, in the one of the last scenes we shot,

if not the last scene, where it's much more, is the Aretha Franklin story. And I go to visit her towards the very end and it's two old friends kind of catching up. And that, and we got to riff, I got to riff, which is always helpful for me. And just, even if they don't use it, it just loosens you up. Sure.

And you find it. Yeah. Yeah. And that really worked in a way where you want to go, can we just reshoot everything and do it this way? Well, I mean, that's the funny thing for, I think if you come at all of this as like a comedian, writer, you know, kind of actor first, our instinct is just like, let me just massage all this

and then I can come back to it or not. But so it's interesting, I mean, that's the fun thing about doing the all in every night and about doing a play is like, you have every night to change your, make different choices. It's not like when you're shooting something, you're like, well, I hope we got it on Wednesday, cause that's it.

You just keep to get going back in and kind of massaging it and trying to get the lines in a way that work like that, which is like fun and usually not my instinct, which is just like, can I just change, or like I'll have written, can I just change this and now make this funnier words as opposed to like making better choices?

So I am. But it's also about the sometimes rewriting dialogue is just a matter of swapping out a word or something that sounds more natural to the character. Yeah. So it's not like a criticism. It's not like, so I got rid of these lines that sucked and put in my own lines that are better. Yeah. It's just about little nuanced things that will help sell the character.

That's the way the character might speak. And do you like me if it's a sort of- I like you, I think you're all right. Do you like me? I'm okay. Check one. Do you? Okay, great.

I just immediately pass out. Most of the things that I ever get cast in that's sort of like more on the dramatic side is like a biopic and it's to play a Jew in the 60s. Well, were there Jews in the 60s? It might have been the golden age. I haven't gotten that many. No, not really.

I'm trying to think. Well, obviously Wexler. Have you played, I feel like- Oh, and oh, what am I talking about? Alan Ginsberg, and then I played Alan Ginsberg's father to Daniel Ra- I'm not kidding. Yes, yeah. In another movie.

I played his dad. I figured you've played the entire Ginsburg catalog. Yeah. If they ever make a Patty Smith movie, you'll get to play Ginsburg in that as well. Sure, I hope. God willing. One would think. I'm going out for Patty.

I don't know if I'm gonna get it. Good luck. 2025 is here and Mint Mobile has a resolution for you. Skip the gym, skip the fad diets, skip the BS resolutions, the Blarney Stone resolutions you'll forget about by next month. Let's all just say Blarney Stone instead of bullshit. And then we don't because BS, everybody knows, but there are kids in the room and they go, what's BS Stanford Aviv say Blarney Stone?

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Babbel.com.com. Rules and restrictions may apply. What were you doing? Oh, about Jews? Being a 60s Jew? Yeah, I mean, I'm not Timothee Chalamet. You're not? No, not anymore. I got since the fucking court decided. I just want to say for everyone out there, I'm genuinely sorry that you don't get to be Timothee Chalamet anymore.

Yeah, it's a bummer. I mean, I was doing well until he started acting and then the whole thing just went south. It kind of, it fell apart and I don't blame him either. No, it's just circumstance. Exactly. You know, he was- But if I had to choose a chalamet-

Well, thank you. I appreciate it. I'm choosing Cross's chalamet. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Well, a lot of people did. And I think that's why there was a little bit of competition there. Sure, for a while. And then he eventually, obviously, pulled ahead. Yeah, slightly. It remains to be seen.

He did win the popular vote. Yes, he did. But he was in Dune, and I was in Dude. So at the same time, they came out, and it was very confusing to people. Is there any word about when Dune Where's My Car is coming out? Yeah, when, I think when Cracked magazine

gets back together. Cracked is up and running as a dot com. I know that, that I know. Yeah. Do you remember, did you, were you, I mean, you're younger than me. So you did, I don't know if you ever got in a Mad Magazine or? I had a period where I had a friend who loved Mad Magazine,

so I was, and then I just bought my son a Mad Magazine. Wow. And it's, boy, it's dated. Yeah, well, it's stuff that I really loved when I was seven and eight. Like, this is really funny. Yeah. And then when you're like, oh, adults are writing this.

Right. And they think it's really funny. Yes. It's a strange evolution to make. But I loved MAD, but I remember when Cracked came out and it was, you know, it was the poor man's MAD because it was, you know, it was the poor man's Mad. Cause it was literally cheaper. And Mad had Alfred E. Newman as the mascot.

And then Cracked was like the weird janitor guy. Oh, they had a blonde guy. Yeah, it's like a blonde guy with like one of those weird Dutch boy hats. And then, then there was an even shorter lived comedy magazine called PLOP. PLOP? Yeah, for real.

And that was like the minor leagues of Cracked and MAD. MAD was major leagues, Cracked was minor leagues, and PLOP was Like Special Olympics I think PLOP I guess that's funny because it sounds like what it sounds like a what a Shit, then the noise of shit makes yeah as we're told, you know, I wouldn't know but that's you've never you still haven't made I still haven't Just love and made you haven't made? I still haven't. I still haven't made. You haven't made a BM yet? Is that what you say to your kids?

Have you, honey, have you made a BM yet today? I say that to my child. That's how I talk to my child. Right. Honey? Do you speak baby talk to your kids? I know, I don't think so. I mean, I do, I mean, I do like a little,

you know what I do is I do Elmo for them. Well, that's not what I mean. I mean, like calling water wah-wah or anything like that. Like some people speak baby talk to their kids. No, no, I don't think so. I, since they're three months old, I speak to them like my attorney, incredibly formal. Or like when you go to the doctor and you want to sound like you have a good grasp of what's happening to your body.

Like I'll do that with my children. Right. Yeah. Do you have with an eight year old, do you talk into your kid like, is it like talking to an adult? I've done that since she was a kid and intentionally. Yeah. And I don't change my vocabulary. I mean, I, Bob Odenkirk gave me some really good advice. Or not necessarily advice, but just told me he does this. And then I started doing it as well, where you use synonyms whenever you can.

So you would say, you know, any kind of, you know, well, that made me upset. I was angry. You know, you'd use two words that mean the same thing, basically, and they don't even notice necessarily, but you're always giving them, you're expanding their vocabulary, and she has a very good vocabulary,

but also myself and my wife are verbal people. Yeah, and I'm sorry to say that, ask this, but who is Bob Odenkirk? Oh, he, let me, Yeah, do you have a phone? Yeah, yeah. I'm going to Google. OK. Mm hmm. Hang on a second, Bob. Emma, how do you spell Odin Kirk?

Is it with a O? Oh, oh, here we go. American actor and comedian. OK. OK. He Bob Odin Kirk. Od He. Bob Odenkirk. Odenkirk, O-D-E-N Kirk. Odenberg? Kirk. Oh, Kirk, okay.

Yeah, so he was in an episode of Seinfeld. Oh. He did. Jerry Seinfeld's show. Yeah. I know Jerry, I know who Jerry Seinfeld is. Well, who doesn't? Right.

He was in Fargo. He was in How I Met Your Mother. The Cable Guy. But How I Met Your Mother. American Dad. Oh! Okay. Everybody Loves Raymond.

Oh! With the dad from Seinfeld. Yeah, that's right. Right. Wayne's World 2. I know that film. I don't know what this stuff is. Oh, I think that's like a voiceover in Incredibles 2.

And something called Take Me Home Tonight, looks like. Take Me Home Tonight. Oh. And Entourage. Oh yeah. Yeah, so that's, why were we talking about him? He was talking about expanding your child's vocabulary. Oh yeah, yeah. The guy from-

Entourage. Entourage, yeah. Oh yeah. Did you grow up in New York? I grew up in the suburbs. You have that vibe to me. I do? Yeah, like Westchester-ish.

Yes, exactly. Yeah. Sort of a confident privilege. Confident, oh yes. You grew up in, you, wait, you were in, I remember, okay. I remember the first time I hung out with you was at Bonnaroo, years and years and years ago. Oh, when we did the, you might be a dead neck.

Yes. Oh, wow. That was the first time we hung out? I mean, I think I'd maybe, you might be a dead neck. Yes. Oh, wow. That was the first time we hung out? I mean, I think I'd maybe, I'd probably met you before. This is like, Bonder like 2006-ish. This is a long time ago. Long time ago. And this is probably like around there.

I think we'd probably met before, but that was the first time we hung out. And I found out that you were like, had been in Westchester, but then like had been in Georgia. Yeah, mostly Georgia. Yes, which was like, I had no, I remember being like, had been in Westchester, but then like had been in Georgia. Yeah, mostly Georgia. Yes, which was like, I had no, I remember being like, huh, I had no idea that that's where you had spent so much of your childhood.

Yeah. But yeah, were you in White Plains? I was, that's a good memory. Yeah, my grandmom, she was born in Yonkers, but then lived in White Plains pretty much from her 20s when she got married, early 20s and just was there right off of Mamarink Avenue. Oh yeah. That's where my mom grew up.

We lived there. My dad was, or is, I can't believe he's still alive. He might not be, I don't know, but he was just- A great dude. A great dude. He was the Smith of the Smith and Wilensky empire. And so we were constantly moved. We had no money. We would get fired or quit or whatever. And then for, I don't know, half a year we had to live at my grandmoms. She did not.

In White Plains. In White Plains. She did not care for it. Not a big house at all. And so I was there and also I lived in Hartsdale. Mm-hmm. And yeah, that's it. So, and then, but that would also be near White Plains. We'd go to my grandmoms for food. Yeah, I went to school in White Plains

for elementary school and I don't wanna brag, but I did work in the candy department at Bloomingdale's. Oh, I remember that. I remember when the Bloomingdale's got built. Yeah. And that was a big deal. Yeah, it was not, it was, I was in high school. Because before that was just Alexander's.

No, no, then it was Bloomingdale's. And if you go to the basement. I remember, I've. You want to get jelly beans or Godiva chocolates with that had been there so long that the white had started to kind of cover it. On a Tuesday night, you'd come and you'd see me. Okay.

What era is this? This is like mid-90s. Oh, that was the time. Junior, senior in high school. This is when department stores. White Plains was hopping. White Plains was popping in the mid-90s. We had one guy who went to White Plains High School

who played college basketball. Oh boy. So that was a pretty big deal. Are you the biggest celebrity that came out of your school? I went to a school in Rye. I went to a Rye Country Day. And before me, the biggest celebrity was probably another very celebrated comedian, Barbara Bush.

So it was me. It's kind of me and Barbara Bush. Right, okay. Do you guys ever get together because you have that commonality? Yeah, we have that commonality. We want people to sleep in stadiums. Why would I ever, what was her quote about the war?

Why would I ever, like something about my beautiful mind with that, why would I ever bother, trouble my beautiful mind? Yeah, I, but yeah, we, I gave, I like gave the graduation speech at my high school, but not because I was like valedictorian just because they were like, maybe this will be funny, you know, and then I kind of made it not funny

and made it like a metaphor for jazz because I was really into jazz at that point and then had a- That sounds terrible. It was, and had a trumpeter to play like the head of like a caravan. And then, but I missed his cue. And then I sort of talked about problems

the administration was having with the student body and the teachers. And it was not funny. It kind of bombed. And the school was really pissed at me. And then for years on Wikipedia, and it was not funny, it kind of bombed, and the school was really pissed at me. And then for years on Wikipedia, it said that I exposed my genitals to the crowd

at the graduation speech. But you didn't. I didn't. You didn't. No, so if someone wants to go back to my Wikipedia and change that back, they're welcome. Was that like a, do you think a disgruntled student put that in there? I think it was like someone remembered me bombing and it was like they, what the closest

they could come was like, it's like he took his dick out and nobody liked it. That seems like something you might want to own, like, yeah, I did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I took my dick out at my high school graduation speech. And did not put it back in for like a month and a half. Yeah. Just hanging out there. Yeah, and it got really chapped.

Yeah. Being exposed to the elements that much. Well, that's, well, well, graduation is usually in the spring summer. This is the spring summer. This in the spring summer. This is the spring summer. This is the spring summer. So the elements aren't going to chap you.

It was a hot summer, you know what I mean? It tanned and then it burned. Oh no. Oh, cause you fell asleep. Cause I fell asleep at Playland. I mean, I'm fully exposed. Did you see that documentary about Action Park? No, I never I can't read I and I really wanted to go like speaking of like oh fuck. Yeah, those those ads when I was younger

action park and the the the the like kind of wheelie thing I was like I You gotta see the documentary Chris get the art is is in it, oh right, cause it was like a Jersey kinda. It's, oh, it's an awesome, it's, it's amazing. It's like a sketch, it's like a Mr. Show sketch where people, like particularly the Devastator, but people are constantly being injured in really bad ways.

Really bad ways. And they have this one segment where they show the guy who took over the park and he has designed this kind of loop-de-loop, enclosed loop-de-loop thing where he didn't figure out the, never even thought to figure out the physics of getting zipping down this thing at X amount of speed and then what happens to the body when it does this thing.

And people were getting, I mean like, you know, multiple fractures and. I mean, it's terrible. It's terrible. But the idea that somebody doesn't really work through the physics of a loop-de-loop is. It's one of the best parts of it because they show his drawing, right?

And just, you know, looking at it. And then they interview people who are like, yeah, so I did this, I went on the whatever it was, the speedboat bumper things, and I dislocated my shoulder, and then I have a steel plate in this foot, you know, it's just like constantly people talking about it. They're like, would you go back?

And I'm like, absolutely. But I remember seeing those commercials and being like, I wanna go there more than anywhere. But we would go like, if you were ever in any sort of ski town during the summer back then, also had those like, you'd get in those tiny little car, like tiny little carts that would go down like a cement like raceway kind of thing.

And it was just like everybody breaking arms, just everybody's just burnt from like sliding down. It was, but you just wanted it. Well, one of the things they talk about in the film is the, is you kind of, or the kids were wearing that as a badge as it were, like what happened? Oh, broke my arm at action park. Oh, cool.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's some real like Jersey pride. And it also, they don't really, well, maybe they do address, but it was back in such a more permissive era where like kids, like 12, 13 year olds are just like, all right, have a good time. You know, take the bus back and da, da, da, da. These kids are just going off on their own

and they're getting high and, you know, doing, writing these completely unethical, dangerous. Yeah, well, now we are like, everyone, all those kids are, they're all being tracked. Like there's not the freedom and the true lack of lawsuits that they had then. Well, I was just seeing somebody very recently, where was it, North Carolina?

I don't know, I'm not sure, but somebody, a mom was arrested for letting her kid walk home from, teenager, walk home from school. Really? Yeah, I don't know what the result was and if it was just sort of laughed out of, or if they were serious, but I mean,

people are fucking nuts, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it's just, it's crazy. I hope, and we can cut this, that if my, you know, kid's like a big time school shooter that I don't get arrested for. Well, I think if your kids, I'm gonna say,

if they shoot up a school, if there are 10 victims or more, yes, I think you should have part of the blame. 10 or less, I mean, come on. You know what I mean? Do you let your daughter carry? Does she have a- Oh yeah, it's mandatory.

Yeah. That's why we're moving from New York to Texas. To get that baby, to get that under 10 gun license. Yep. You don't even need a license. You just, it's fine. A license is like just government red tape. Yeah. You know, this regulatory nonsense. Choking the economy. You know what I recently got was a license to chill. Really? Yeah. And they still have those. Yeah, and I'm specifically in Margaritaville,

I'm allowed to do that. Licensed. In Cabo Wabo. Wow. Yeah, so. Is that Sammy Hagar? That's Sammy Hagar. That's the red, was it?

Yeah. The red rocker. Yeah, exactly. So that's been good. That's been red, was it? Yeah, yeah. The red rocker. Yeah, exactly. So that's been good. That's been really, that's put me at ease. Is that like, what do you have to do to get that? Is that like a test or is it a fill out the paperwork?

Yeah, it's a test. It's a test. It's like, I have to have a specifically a tan sort of barrel chested body that I have to attain. Okay. By a certain date. Okay. And once I do that, then it's as soon as I get to an airport, I have to have two drinks. Right.

Both taking off and arriving. Okay. And then, you know, to at least three marriages. And so, but that's, and when you do sign up, you automatically get the t-shirt. Do they send the t-shirt to you? Do you get it then? You get the t-shirt immediately.

And you have to make sure that it immediately is two sizes too small. Right, okay. And how is that different from your license to ill? Oh, well that is, license to ill is specifically, I only talk about that music has been good since the Beastie Boys. And I exclusively talk about like my skateboarding days

and that I still, I'm gonna teach my kid. Oh, right. And so that's sort of where the difference lies. How about applying for it? What's the application? To apply for a license to ill. Yeah. That's more complicated.

That requires like kind of eBay adidas. Like it's a lot of time spent on eBay searching for adidas. Okay. And then also just like talking about wondering where the knitting factory went. And what about your license to spill? When did that? Oh, well that's-

Is that a difficult? That's really come on since the Parkinson's. Oh gosh. So you have to get a license for that even though you have Parkinson's. Yes, exactly. Or you have to get a license for the Parkinson's. You have to get a license for the Parkinson's.

And then you're allowed to spill. Then you're allowed to spill anytime you want. Oh, wow, man. Yeah. And your license to thrill, what was that? Oh my God. for the Parkinson's. And then you're allowed to spill? Then you're allowed to spill anytime you want. Ah, wow, man. Yeah. And you're licensed to thrill, what was that? Oh my God, well that was three weeks at Neverland Ranch. Oh my goodness.

Yeah. Wow, what did you have to do? This is- Pre-humously and post-humously. Wow. Yeah, you gotta, yeah, I had to be there in the 90s. I was a giraffe wrangler at Neverland Ranch and also a sleepover buddy. And then afterwards I've been trying to sell the place.

I've been, I'm the broker. If anyone has interested, I'm the broker for Neverland Ranch, currently for sale. Wow, okay. And you were in SB? Yeah. Wow, okay. Yeah.

And what about your license to krill, where you're labeled to go into the ocean and get krill. That is much easier. That's just going to any of your favorite fish and tackle place, obviously smithandwellensky.com. They'll direct you straight to any fish and tackle place that you're into. Go to smithandwellensky.com.

I like Rudy's, which is off of 17B. Yes, if you're, yeah, if you had the chance, or now, diff separate, but Rudy's Barber Shop, now Fellow Barber Shop, you can go in there and get it. And they'll give you krill? They'll give you krill. Wow. And you get a pomade, a krill,

and then you just go straight to any sort of tide pool you can find, get yourself in there, you muscle out any four-year-old doing science experiments, and then you get in there, your krill and then you crawl, obviously, you license to crawl and then you license to crawl, a movie that I have been referenced and never seen. License to crawl? Crawl. Crawl. Crawl, K-R-U-L-L. Oh, the movie Crawl. The movie Crawl.

Oh, like, so it's a license that allows you to see the movie? Yes, you can see the movie Crawl. Oh, wow. Which I have yet, ironically, yet to obtain. That's the one. But you do have the license. Yes, I have the license.

Okay. But I have to get it. Is it laminated? What kind of? Yeah, it's a fake. Oh, right. I got a fake jersey, license to crawl. It's laminated and there's like a hologram, but it's bullshit. Okay. Well,

my eyes have been opened. You know. We learned a lot. Look, we live in this highly-administered bureaucratic liberal bureaucracy. It's bullshit. All these licenses. The woke police? The, yeah. I don't, can I get started? Yeah, please. I know you had before said don't get me started.

Yeah, I know. But now you're asking to get started. Can I get started about the woke police, please? Please get started. Okay. Is it true that they're doing a remake of a woke police academy? Is that true? Are you involved?

It is absolutely true. It's animated. It's for Fox animation domination, frustration, abomination, weekend block. It's you and Brewer, and then who else? The late, who's the comic who yelled who did that? Ginnison? Oh no, Gilbert Gottfried.

Yeah, the late Gilbert Gottfried. And Jeff Dunham, well, sort of Jeff Dunham. What is it, puppets? Yeah, Peanut, the woozle. How is it recording with, do you guys record together or do you record, like, do you record with Peanut when you're doing the show? I record with Peanut and then Jeff will be linked up via,

you know, like a- He's on Zoom or whatever. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's like an ISDN. It's not Zoom, but it's one of those type of things. Yeah, it's like a Google Meet or a Skype ISDN line. And he's, so he's there, but Peanut's in the booth. He does his through Starlink, through Elon Musk's thing.

And then, yep, the Peanut is in the room. And you know, he's got a whole team and, you know- Peanut does. Peanut does, yeah. Um. Jeff's actually very easy. Oh, super down to, uh, super chill down to earth. Uh, Peanut is, uh, I mean, he's fine. He's famous, but he's definitely, you know, carries that thing into a room.

And do you guys like improvise or do you stay pretty close to the script? I, I improvise. Peanut is, uh, I mean, I mean, it's absolutely, it throws him too when there's a, it's like stick to the script. Cause he's got his cues and he knows what he's gonna hit. Stick to the script, yeah. Well and he really- And he'll tell me, hey, I'm a prof,

but in a funny voice, I'm a professional. Right. That's a pretty- Let's be professional. That, you like, that's kind of funny? That's a funny voice. Okay, I wouldn't even try it. Yeah, no, it's funny. That you like, that's kind of funny. That's funny, it was. Okay. I wouldn't even try it.

Yeah, no, it's funny. It's, but that's the thing with Peanut. He's, as he says to me, as also Richard Kahn has said to me is, I love the words, I'll work with the words. And Peanut and Richard are both that way. They're both theater, obviously, theater guys. Theater guys, yeah. And-

They must really disrespect and are frustrated by people like you and me. Yeah. But that tension is what makes Woke Police Academy work. I think that's what will make it work when it comes out in five years. I know they're doing a reissue or a box set type thing

of synchronicity, but by the woke police. Oh, really? So they're redoing it, lyrics and music and stuff. And does woke sting and woke the other guy? Andy Summers? Yeah. Who are the three guys that are staying? Stuart Copeland. Andy Summers. Yeah. Who are the three guys? Stewart Copeland.

Stewart Copeland. Brother of Miles Copeland who started IRS Records. Really? Yep. And do they, is that, are those guys, are those ones who like talk, don't talk, Sting and Stewart Copeland? Yeah. I think Andy was like the, you know, Andy was like the, you know, amiable guy and I think Stuart and Gordon Sumner, that's his real name. Um, or I'm sorry, Sting is his real name. Gordon Sumner is his nickname, like his stage name. Right.

Yeah. Um, they were at, you know, they were, they were butting heads. And that's, and that was like, uh, who was the guy what was the name of the guy for mr. show with you mr. show with Bob and David. So- You're David and who's Bob? Yeah, I'm David, obviously. Bob is, I don't think it says here,

I don't see, the Man Show? No. And Mr. Show is different than the Man Show? No. Same thing. Same thing. Oh, it's Bob Odenkirk, the guy we were No. Same thing. Same thing. Oh, it's Bob Odenkirk, the guy we were talking about before. From Entourage.

Yeah, yeah, the guy from Entourage. Oh yeah. I wanna, we referenced it very briefly, but I wanna talk about, so at Bonnaroo, I don't know whose idea this was. It sounds like your idea. It was you, me and Aziz. And I feel like it was, that sounds like, I don't know, but it was a word play bit.

Yeah. You might be a dead neck if, and it was about the, it was like taking, um, Jeff Foxworthy's, you might be a dead neck if and it was about the it was like taking Jeff Foxworthy's You might be a redneck. Yes, and then you know, you just plug in the joke, right? But it was a specifically if you were like a fan of the Grateful Dead. Yes a redneck Yeah, and then the three of us Sat on chairs. Yeah. Oh cuz wait, I think I was doing a set it was in the tent Yes, and then I brought you guys on. I think so. That's how it works.

If you. Yeah. And they were, and we each, we didn't tell each other what they were, but we each wrote like Yeah. 10 of them or something. Yeah. I'm trying to remember. I don't remember any of the specific ones now. Oh, but by the way, congrats to Headgum on their 2022 official honoree for the Web ones now. Oh, but by the way, congrats to Headgum on their 2022 official honoree for the Webby Awards. Oh, that's- That's awesome. We got that on Hollywood Boulevard. Oh my God. It's a thing where they just have, you can put in anything.

But that's great. No, no, but it's on, it's a- But on Hollywood Boulevard. Hollywood Boulevard. That's great. Well, it doesn't not I mean sure Okay, I mean, it's not really it doesn't mean anything It's like, you know the the stores where you get the Oscars as you know, world's greatest. Yeah. Yeah, dad You're not really the world's greatest dad. Oh Because you you'll see like I don't know hundred plus so those cups and those awards well I got so I cuz I've got I got that award I, cause I've got, I got that award.

You got an Oscar or? No, I got a world's greatest dad award. Yeah. It's not, it's not official is what I'm trying to say. But I, it has a, I have a license. To? A license to sip. Pfft. Couldn't come up with an L.

A license to swill. Oh, nice. And it's a World's Greatest Dad shot glass. Oh. And it's just backwashed. It's everybody's backwash and I just swill it. If you... You might be a dead neck if you...

I don't remember. You might be a dead neck. You might be a dead neck. If you, uh, I don't remember. You might be a dead neck. Yeah. It was like, if you wear Birkenstocks, but are also married to your sister. That was the, um, much more clever than that, but that was the tenor of the joke. That would have been a first, that would have been a first draft of, yeah, you might be a dead neck. You might be a dead neck.

Yeah, I think that was when I was like, oh wow, your Jordan, I remember being like, oh, your Southern accent is much more specific because of living, but I haven't been to Bonnaroo in many years, but that was always, do I wanna go back, have you, have you been back, have you been back in recent years at all? No, not in recent years.

I think the last, I mean, I used to do those festivals all the time, but. Just trying to get free, I was just trying to get free stuff. Well, I think pretty much because of Mr. Show and then anything that followed after that. And this is a real thing though, but I'd say, listen, I'm happy to do it,

but I need a all excess pass for everything because I can't, and I know this from experience, I can't enjoy the band I'm going to see because people are like trying to take a picture or talking to me, You know, nice people, but it's like, I really want to see this band, you know? But that's an urban issue. And then it's the coolest fucking thing in the world. You're hanging in the wings, right? Watching, oh, Kendrick Lamar or Metallica or- I feel like I haven't been, I have not been to a, I have not done many, in recent years, watching, oh, Kendrick Lamar or Metallica or, you know.

I feel like I haven't been, I have not been to a, I have not done many, I have in recent years have done fewer of those kinds of festivals. Yeah, I haven't done one in quite a while, but I used to do tons of them. I do, I, I remember one night at Bonner, this was a few years later, I was there, was like some of the guys from the,

I was there with the show, The League that I was on and the Workaholics guys were there and their show had just come out and we were all like doing the shows and running around and you'd stay and like they'd put you up at like a double tree. Yeah, yeah, you did have to walk down the highway. Yes, I remember crossing the street

and going to Chick-fil-A with you guys. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah, and crossing the highway. Yeah, you cross the highway. Yeah, cross the highway. It's in the middle of nowhere. It is- Murfreesboro. Yes.

The worst named city I've ever heard. Well, you can bring that up with the Murfrees, because it's their borough. Yeah, do you know that the Murfrees are related to the Walenskys? Yes, I did. Yeah. I did know that.

Through marriage. Yep, yep. Shotgun marriage. Yep. They had to marry shotguns. Pfft, it's true. It's true. It's an old redneck thing.

It's an old ton of, if you marry your own shotgun and also trade cassette tapes from Cornell 91. I was going to say it was about, oh, just I, I remember the first time I went to Bonnaroo, how deeply impressed I was with how do you run this thing, put this thing together. It is, the logistics are insane and it worked really well. By the time I did my first show there,

they had probably been around for at least four years. And it's just this massive undertaking. And I've done, I did Bumbershoot maybe 10 times outside lands in San Francisco and Fun Fun Fun, yeah. I've done Fun Fun Fun. It's good. They're all good. And Fuck Yeah Fest, which I don't think exists anymore.

Is that still around? The one in LA? Yeah. I don't think so. That was a smaller, more punky. Yeah, but that park, that's a cool little, that's a cool park downtown, Yeah.

kind of LA area. But I, I did, yeah, I, I, it is a crazy undertaking, but I remember doing it outside, They nailed it. Like, there wasn't one. It's crazy that you have like massive bands coming in and out all day at like eight or nine stages.

And people who need attending to, some people get sick, some people, you know, drugs or drinking in the sun or whatever it is. And the logistics of getting a sound check in for the band and the band might be late because, you know, you're going to whatever, Nashville maybe and then driving. I can't remember where you fly into. Yeah, I don't know if it's Nashville or Knoxville or something like that. And then you gotta go get transportation and you have hard outs on your time.

And it's just amazing what they're able to do. It is this funny thing I think with, you think about like, I'm gonna get into music and just have fun. And then like most of the people involved in That world are like have to be massive logistics monsters Yeah, you are constantly and that's not how my brain works. No, no, no I believe so I we were there we were kind of hanging out and having fun and then there was like the last van back to

Murphree's bro and I'm in the car with like, with those guys, you know, a couple of guys from the League of Workaholics guys and we are waiting for one guy. Like we're all in the van just like waiting. It's like 2.30 in the morning. We've all been there all day long. We're just like waiting to get back and we're waiting and waiting and waiting

and we're backstage or behind, like behind the stage that like Neil Young is playing. And we're not even watching Neil Young, we're all just in the car waiting until this one guy gets in. And it's the guy... There was a guy who played the saxophone in public spaces, he would play like... Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da...

I don't know what it was, one of those... you know, fucking sax riffs. It was just one of those viral phenoms that like happens. And he got on stage and played with Neil Young and we all just were like waiting for some fucking dude. Anyway, we then went to Steak and Shake. That's not a very good story.

No, it's not a great story. As I was telling it, I was like, right, this is not gonna have the payoff that I want. But then we went to the Steak and Shake in Murfreesboro. Good fries. Good fries, we got in there with, if you haven't been to Steak and Shake, it's like Johnny Rockets on meth.

And we get in there with those guys and we're the only ones there. And the restaurant cannot believe that the dudes from the league and the dudes from Workaholic are there like, we gotta smoke you out. So everybody leaves the restaurant cannot believe that the dudes from the league and the dudes from Workaholica, they're like, we gotta smoke you out. So everybody leaves the restaurant, the entire staff were in the parking lot.

And then you just hear the smoke alarms going off. They've fully left food just, and then the guy from the song comes back and finishes this story off with a bow. The guy from the song. Yeah, the guy from the song. Licensed to chill. The guy from the, the fucking guy with the saxophone

who's playing with Neil Young. Can we edit? This is live. Is this going live on Smith and Walensky? Yeah. This is a corporate retreat for everybody in, or the higher ups in Smith and Walensky. It's their thank you to the people who work hard to make them, you know, it's part of a food group.

It's not just Smith and Walensky. It's not just Smith and Walensky. No, it's Capitol Grill. It's the fish bones. It's Captain D's seafood. It's Panda Express. It's, what am I missing anybody? It's a big food group.

It's a big food group. Sparrows. It's got Sparrows, yes. And also Lafamiglia pizza. Yeah. And Tim Hortons. Tim Hortons is on the Canadian side. Thank you to the Canadian team for being here as well.

And I guess this is pre-written stuff that we have to do. Hey, Marsha. Your maternity leave is over. So no more work from home. Your child is going to be fine. So that's from the higher ups. That's from David, obviously. That Marsha that was, where do I go over here? Yeah.

So Marsha that was from me. That's not corporate didn't Sorry, yes, Marsha that is from David. That's something he wrote. And the corporate did sign off on the joke. All of this has been pre approved. Yeah. Well, so they say. Well, we'll find out later. We'll find out, because this obviously is streaming live for Smith and Malenskys on the hub, everyone across the, and all the food group. But also there will be a edited down version.

We'll send you that link, but just keep enjoying your time. I know you've split the groups into, some people are in Aspen, enjoy that, and other folks are in downtown Albuquerque. So yes, and we'll do breakout rooms after, once the comedy portion is done, we'll do breakout rooms. Obviously, if you're in downtown Albuquerque, the apocalypse is upon you. You know what show they shot in Albuquerque?

Yes, Batman. Batman. Batman, yes. The Batman show. And Carol Burnett. And Carol, all of the... And so anyone, obviously, will, all of the, and so anyone obviously will be going to the Harvey Korman Sparrows in Albuquerque.

Obviously lunch on us as part of the food group. Yes. And so, and all you Tim Conway- Heads. Yeah. Get ready. Yeah, Tim Conway's Cronuts in downtown Albuquerque. Tim Conway's Cronuts in downtown Albuquerque. Tim Conway's Cronuts.

Downtown. Have you been to Albuquerque? I haven't. It's not great. Yeah, you know, they shot that show. St. Elsewhere. St. Elsewhere there, I think, right? With Howie Mandel.

Yep. They put the balloon, like the glove, the latex glove. Over. Yeah, it's a really clever bit. He would put the glove and then seal it, like so the bottom of the glove was over his head and the bottom of the glove was on his upper lip. And then he would blow with his nose and it would blow up

and then he'd make funny faces. And that was like a full season of saying elsewhere. Yes, and then in'd make funny faces. And that was like a full season of saying elsewhere. Yes. And then in multiple languages. And then he turned to the camera and go, deal or no deal? You tell me. Were you ever on deal or no deal?

Did you ever get? Twice, yeah. Congrats. You and Meghan Markle were both Suitcase girls. Suitcase girls. Yeah, back then we couldn't say girl, now you can. So they tried to make it, you know, not gender specific. So suitcase buddy.

Yeah. And I was on twice, once as a suitcase buddy, and then another time I won $50 million. And that's how you've paid to do this podcast? I mean, yeah, I still owe. Are you out of pocket on this? I'm out of pocket, I still owe, obviously. That's why we don't have light bulbs in there.

Sure. Because we can't really afford. We'll come around and get that, we'll come around and get that afterwards. Yes. Yeah, so we'll come around and then we'll go up and we and get that afterwards. Yes. We'll come around and then we'll go up and we'll get that afterwards. That's one of my favorite things when you're on set. And then you see the directors are doing that, like a bit about directors where it's like,

this one I get, all right, you got a frame, you're making a frame, but it's this thing, this, the one you just did. And then we'll come up. For those of you listening, he's gesturing with camera. His fingers, anyway, you gotta see it. It's like a shocker, but to, if everybody was on their side and I'm doing that, as if I'm lifting multiple people. Have you directed a TV? I've directed, yeah, I just,

I'm doing a new show for FX that'll come out sometime this year that I'm producing it and I directed some of, I'm not in. And- What is it? It's called Adults. It's like a 20 somethings in New York kids, like in that sort of milieu of,

and yeah, it's really fun. Ben Cronengold and Rebecca Shaw wrote it, really funny young writers, and we've just been helping to make it for a long time. And we're finally making it. Did you do these things on set? I did a little of this. No, I didn't really.

I was so, it's so funny. Have you directed? Yeah. It's like, it's weird. It's like when you've written and produced a ton, it's like you've done like most of the job. Sure. But then there is this other part of the job

that you haven't done and it's a little, for a second it's like, it's a little scary. For sure, yeah. The first time you tackle it, and I've had the exact same experience where you, you know, you're starring something you wrote and you're producing, which means, you know, you have been a part of it from the inception

all the way to pre-production where you're deciding all these things. Then you hire a director and then, my personality is, I truly, truly feel bad for some of the directors I've hired because, and I'm not being facetious here, because they would say something or they'd have an idea and I'd be like, no, no, no, we're not gonna do that.

Let's do it this way or whatever. And I would always talk to them when we were hiring, and say, you know, very collaborative. And I was never a dick about it, but it was just, you know, you- Well, it's your thing. You've been with it longer, you have a clearer vision for it. Yeah, and they were totally respectful. There was no, like, arguments or anything. I just feel, it's like I've hired you to do the shitty parts of directing. Well, that's the thing is like when you're directing, part of it is like, oh, you like, so you have to be there.

You have to go on all tech scouts. You have to be there at call and you don't leave until you're absolutely done. And it's not that fun, especially in TV where it's like the writer is kind of like, do this. And, but then there is this other thing where it's like, you're the writer, producer, whatever in it. But then like, it's like, all right, we in it, but then like it's like, all right,

we're done with that setup. You're like, all right, I'm going to go drink a Diet Coke somewhere right now. And then the director, they're like, what do we do now? And you're like, oh, okay. All right. And you, you, it's that thing of like, do I have every shot? Like have I gotten every shot? Well, if you have a good script supervisor there and you lean on them a lot. Yeah. But yeah, it's like when you're doing something that you wrote and you're producing it, it's way more fun to direct. Sure. Because it's just, you've kind of got it and whatever, but there is that kind of director for hire type thing where it's, when it's

your product, project and you're not, you're just acting and you wrote and produced it and you're like, you figure out the shit I don't, you go to the meeting and decide what color the drapes are. Yes, yes, totally. You're like, because there are the things and I think each person is different. The things that you care about as a writer director, writer actor that you care about producer and the things that you're like, yeah, I don't care.

I just don't care about this. Cause I think that's also another kind of brain. Some of those directors, when you watch like people who are like, you know, whatever, Wes Anderson or whatever, he's a director, right? No, he has a fried chicken place. Oh, Wes Anderson's, oh. That's why they call it Wes Anderson's fried chicken place. Place. Yeah.

I would eat fried chicken made by Wes Anderson. I wouldn't. Really? I mean, if I was hungry, does it taste good? I would eat fried chicken made by Wes Anderson. I wouldn't. Really? I mean, if I was hungry, does it taste good? Yeah, it's still, I mean, it looks amazing. Sure. Is it a little precious? Oh yeah.

Okay. Then I would eat it. It's fried chicken by precious, by. By the film Precious? By the film Precious, by Wes Anderson. Wow. What if Wes Anderson remade Precious? I would go watch it.

What I would do is watch a press tour with Monique and Wes Anderson together. I would be thrilled to watch that. Man, she was so good in that movie. She really was. Yeah, the whole movie's good. And also Mariah Carey was great. She's in Precious?

Yeah, she works at the housing authority or one of those, the welfare type thing. She's in the office. And I've read something about how the director, she wanted to wear lots of makeup and the director didn't want her to. And she really looks, she doesn't have a lot of makeup on and it works, of course, you know. And he would like trick her saying that we're not shooting yet and stuff and like shoot rehearsals and say you can go get made up after that. But if you watch it, yeah, that's, she's good. And Mariah Carey is, and that she's an, she's an actor? She's in The Masked Singer.

Oh! Yeah, she plays the bumblebee. I got invited, I had a minute where I was like, genuinely was like, what if I did Dancing with the Stars, like legit, like no bit, just like really went and did it? Like, I was like, there was a part of me that was like, that would be very fun. Like not a moment super sincere. And then I got an offer soon after that to do the Masked Dancer.

And I almost, I was like, well, this is as close as I'm going to get. And they said that I was quote, too fat to fit in the costume. That's not true. Stop. Let me do it. I would do the Masked Singer. I bet. Can you sing?

Yeah. Oh. Oh, um. Those schoolgirl days of telling tales and biting nails are gone. I started at too high a register. But in my mind, I know they will still live on and on. Do do do do do do. But how do you thank someone who has taken you from crayons to perfume? I mean, first of all, all jokes aside,

you have a terrible voice. Yeah, no, it's not very good. It hurts. It hurts a lot of people. No, but you really have a, I should have known by the quality of your speaking voice, but you have a beautiful- The quality of my speaking voice.

Yes, you have a beautiful tone to your speaking voice, but you really sing quite beautifully. Thank you. I spent 20 years as a cantor at Temple Yish-m'nayl. Yish-m'nayl. It's just a... Yish. Yish.

Yish-m'nayl. Welcome, Canto David Cross, back to, Yushminael, hey. Welcome, Canted David Cross, back to Yushminael. Oh, God. I do have, yeah, being a canter. Oh, what was the documentary? Wait. Was it capturing the Freedman? I was literally gonna say that.

That's what the one of the guys is like, was the canter, right? Oh really? I'm sure. Wasn't he a clown or no? No, maybe I'm conflating two different docs, but there was a guy who was like, it's probably a different documentary,

but this little aside here, I was a judge for the documentary. Competition. Or the category at the either Tribeca Film Festival or Gotham or one of those. And this is a number of years ago. And there were like five or six of us on the you know the jury and we had to watch we had to watch I'm gonna say 12 to 14 documentaries and more than half of them I would be bawling and you'd have to go to the next one like in 20 minutes.

And you're, I mean, just the most tragic fucking heartbreaking stories and like getting in the car and like, all right, what is the next one? You know, getting in there and like composing yourself and like, I mean, just the saddest things, you know, watching a child die over an hour and a half. And then what did you, and then you voted on which was the-

Yeah, yes, and we had to, I think, I don't know if we came to, had to come to a consensus or it had to be like, you know, 80% of us, I don't remember, but there were two camps. There was the camp I was in, this movie that was so beautiful. I don't remember its name, unfortunately, and it did end up winning. Scottish film about some kids, specifically this girl in these just dead-end council flats in this depressed, you know, town where, you know, it was a, I can't remember what the industry was but it

shut down. It's just, and this girl's so amazing. And you watch her and then she ends up getting, and every boyfriend is a fucking asshole, one of them ends up going to jail killing some kid or crippling him. It's just so sad, but hopeful at the end. That one won, but then there was this other one that was also good. Anyway, to tell you these things about a film I can't give you the name for is frustrating, so I won't do it. But they were-

And it was Genius by the Aretha Franklin. I mean, it was, I just remember like seeing three in a row that just were heartbreaking and going, I can't keep doing this, guys. I mean, it was- And now you're like, and now I'm off to the SVA theater on 23rd street. I mean, that's, being a judge for those things just seems difficult because you are like gonna go,

like what was the last time you saw like 12 movies in four days? Yeah, yeah, well porn, I guess I did. I do a lot of porn judging. Yeah, and you do that at home alone, or are you doing that? Home alone, but via Zoom so everybody can watch. Have you, you have not seen my porn home alone yet, right? No.

Yeah. What is the, what happens? I mean, the premise is, it's tough. It's a man dressed as a seven-year-old boy, and it's a home invasion kind of. Oh, so it's like kink play. It's like role playing. It's very dark.

It's very dark. Wow, but it's hardcore. Yeah, yeah. It's very hard. It's graphic. It's very graphic. And it's called Bone Alone. And anyway, it's available on smithandmolenski.com. All right, Nick. So I end every show with a question.

A home invasion porn anecdote. With a question from my daughter. This is a real, and you can answer it in any way you see fit. These are questions she's asked. If I'm going to see Moana 2, do I need to see the first Gladiator movie? No, that's a dumb joke. No, here it is. This is, why does it feel weird when you breathe

with your mouth instead of your nose for a long time? That's a good question. Well, I think if you breathe through your mouth and you love nitrous, you might be a dead neck. I think if you breathe through your mouth, um, you're, it's like, you're not, you're, you're not allowing your mouth to stay like, uh, salivated and hydrated. And so it, it like, it starts to dry out

and it becomes unpleasant for you. Um, I think, um, so if you can, you wanna, and just for meditative reasons, you wanna breathe through your nose. Speaking of, are you, did you do TM or anything like that, David Lynch? No. No. So you don't care about his passing at all?

Because I never did transcendental meditation. Because you never did transcendental meditation. That's exactly right. Okay. Yeah, fuck him Can we just be the first to say like fuck David Lynch we're not the first my friend I never did I love David Lynch's movies and TV and stuff, but I never did TM. No, I didn't either Cuz I'm fine. I have a license to chill,

which is basically like doing TM. I have a license to bill and that joke is gonna cost you $1.72. I think, but breathing through your nose and out through your mouth is good, I think, if you're like trying to learn how to like meditate, do breath work and that stuff. So does your daughter, do you teach her,

is she doing any, I'm constantly trying to get my son. She can bench about 220. Yeah, what is she putting up? Is that deadlift or is that off the bench? That's off the bench. Because my four-year-old right now can, he's doing clean and, I guess clean and jerk stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he's putting up about 125 pounds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's putting up about like 125 pounds. Wow. He's ripped. He's one of those really ripped little kids. Yeah, good. Yeah. Good for him. Halloween's coming up. Yeah, it's coming up. By the way guys.

Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween to everyone in the food group from Sparrows to Smith and Malenskys. Happy Halloween everybody. It's a mandatory dress up. Even though we're in January, it's mandatory Halloween dress up till we get to Halloween. So you got a nine month period to wear

and whether it's an Iron Man costume that David can bring from Times Square that's been covered in soot. To, you know, anything you want, anything from- Like I'm Gumby, dammit. Yes. Is a good-

That's a good one. That's a good strawberry shortcake. Strawberry shortcake's a great one. If you wanna do sort of anything from the Justin Trudeau line, you can do that as well. Now that he's out of power, he's looking to get- I actually have a joke that references Justin Trudeau line. You can do that as well now that he's out of power he's looking to get. I actually have a joke that references Justin Trudeau. I'm not kidding about dress about Halloween. Really? Yeah. I mean we're doing the Smith and Walensky's corporate. I don't know if you want to do old material or

not or is it in the Kern Act? It is not. Okay. I only do it around Halloween. Well check back in for the Halloween corporate that we're doing, uh, what's that, nine months? In about nine months. You remember in July when we had our Christmas in July party, coming up is going to be the Halloween in February party. Yeah. We like to, just like our customers, we like to keep people on their toes. You never know what to expect. We like to keep our customers on their toes. That's why our chairs are just seven inches higher than your normal chair. So that our customers... We get it.

We don't have to explain it. Exactly. Thank you, Nick. Thanks for having me. All right. Sense is Working Overtime is a Headgum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley.

Thanks to Demi Druchin for our show art and Mark Rivers for our theme song. For more podcasts by Headgum, visit Headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not gonna do that. Thanks for listening. That was a Headgum podcast.