Senses Working Overtime with David Cross - Patton Oswalt

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

Patton Oswalt (The King of Queens) joins David for a special live episode to discuss Edible Arrangements, illegal comedy shows, and more. Catch all new episodes every Thursday. Watch video episodes here.Guest: Patton OswaltSubscribe and Rate Senses Working Overtime on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review to read on a future episode!Follow David on Instagram and Twitter.Follow the show:Instagram: @sensesworkingovertimepodTikTok: @swopodEditor: Kati SkeltonEngineer: Nicole LyonsExecutive Producer: Emma FoleyAdvertise on Senses Working Overtime via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I'm gonna let some people know that I'm here. I'm gonna let some people know that I'm here. I'm gonna let some people know that I'm here. I'm gonna let some people know that I'm here. I'm gonna let some people know that I'm here. I'm gonna let some people know that I'm here. I'm gonna let some people know that I'm here. I'm gonna let some people know that I'm here. I'm gonna let some people know that I'm here. So, thank you so much for coming down.

This is going to be fun. I've been... I'm going to... No, let's not assume. Let's not assume, because when you assume something, it makes an ass you out of me. So how many people here are familiar with the podcast. Not that many. See, I would have been wrong to assume. Okay, well, so for those, there's nothing much to it.

It's, I know it's titled since it's working overtime, but it's, that's only because the people who were nagging me to do a podcast forever when I said okay I'll just I'll do it and I'll just go talk to my friends and they're like no no you got to have a hook and I don't know why I just talked to I know I'd I've been doing it for a long I'm pretty good at it I'm pretty good and they said no you got to have a hook then Walked around trying to figure out something then I occurred me Oh, I'll talk about the five senses and use that as a jumping-off point for a conversation because I don't give a shit what the best thing you ever ate was I don't I truly don't care and and

then we started doing it and I I Think I've yet to ask one quite you. I'm just having fun with my friends. So I'm going to bring up my first guest for this evening but my only guest for y'all unless you want to come back and see the second guest. But for this episode, which is sponsored by, sorry, there's a thing floating around. It's sponsored by, it's something that helps your penis

get erect. I don't remember the brand name, but it's one of those. What is it? Bluechew. Bluechew. Oh. Blue chew. Blue chew. It's a pill that you chew, but it's yummy.

You know how that's been the problem? You know that's been the big issue when you're like, ah, I mean I want to fuck this woman or guy, doesn't matter, I don't care. But I don't want to swallow a pill with water. I'd rather chew it, but when I chew it, it's bitter. Well, well, guess what, niche audience. Anyway, so our guest tonight, truly one of the great comedians, has been for decades and an inspiration and a truly decent, good person. Please welcome Mr. Patton Oswald. Now, Patton, I always let the guests choose which chair they would like to sit in. Some people have a good side, some people have a bad side.

Should we let the audience decide? No, I'm going to sit here. Okay. All right. Ah, fuck. All right. What if I literally spent the first half hour of this just, hey, no, wait a minute, get up, up. Okay, no, wait a minute get up

up. Okay. Yep. Sure. Fuck. Hang on. All right. Okay.

I will switch that up over there. You know, it just bring me up again. Let me let me let me not think about it. Let me clear my head and I'll just come right up. And then I'll tell you what here. What I don't even want to make it like a visual thing. Oh, okay. Here we go. I don't even want to make it like a visual thing. We'll put that. Oh!

Alright, go. Okay, here we go. Hang on. To the parking lot. The last one. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Pat Malone. That one. That one.

That one. That one. That one. That one. That one. That one. That one. That one.

That one. That one. That one. That one. That one. That one. That one. Jesus. All right. Hi. I just want to switch. Oh, yes. Okay. Thank you. I gotta sit forward cuz I look like a friggin toddler I forget I keep forgetting how short my legs are. It's like so it's fun. Is this gonna be on a computer? Oh my god, that's gonna be fun. It's your your tribute to be fun. It's your tribute to, you know, Ruth, what's the, Lily Tomlin? Oh, the little, yeah, Ruth Ann. Yes, there you go, the little. Did everyone stop and pay tribute to the Don Adams

gravestone on the way in? Everyone? It literally says, would you believe on it. There's a he got his catchphrase on there. I'm not going to have a catchphrase for my Hollywood headstone. You should you should think about what would it be. I know what my I know what my I'm not going to get buried. I'm going to I'm going to be dissected but then I'm going to... And then you'll die. And then made into... And made into a smoothie. Ooh. It's a thing I contracted with Moonjuice. Anyway, so I know what my epitaph would be, but I'm...

So I'm going to get a gravestone just to do this, but there'll be nothing in there. So you guys know that. Don't try to bury me up at midnight. But visit the stone. I'll rise up on my own. No, but it says, it'll say, here lies David Cross, his last wish was to be cremated.

Oh man. Fantastic. But think of one, what would your thing be? I've never once thought about that. I have no idea. I just, death to me, because because I don't and I'm not like some nihilistic atheist or you know I don't know what comes after us but I just don't like I there's so much shit I want to do right now that the last thing

on my list is to then plan what my death funeral graves and all that shit I don't care I got other shit I got to finish well you shouldn't't care. You shouldn't, it's somebody else's burden. Yeah, exactly. They gotta deal with it. They'll deal with it. But I mean, I'm just asking, like, what would your tombstone say? Fuck.

What if it did just say fuck? But it was, but it was not just, it's like ellipsis, lowercase, F-U-C-K, and then ellipsis. Like I'm muttering it as they're visiting the grave, like oh fuck. And maybe the letters are going, trailing down. They're slowly going down.

Yeah, that'd be a good. Do you have a favorite dead person here? Well, I think one of the, I think Vampira's buried out there for now. I went to, I went to Malandermy. You have something planned, something saucy planned? Come on. Look, I love the silver screen, my friend.

No, I went to her actual, our friend Dana Gould did her memorial and it was so beautiful and there's something about this cemetery that is just, it's not even like Forest Lawn, it's on a beautiful, you cannot hide the fact that you're just in Hollywood, you're on, off of Santa Monica Boulevard, you can hear the traffic going by, you could,

and that's so, there's something. And there's Hollywood is in that traffic. You're like, who is that? That's Liam Neeson, I bet. You know? Yeah, I just love the, I love the idea of you just reach a certain level in this business and you just kind of coast and then boom,

you're just tossed in this graveyard with, I don't know, I don't believe in ghosts, but if there were ghosts, the idea that Mickey Rooney and Anne Heish and Johnny Ramone and Vampira and Don Adams get up at night and talk to each other, that's, and talk to them. They must have an awesome band in heaven, man. Fucking Steve Van Zandt and Buddy Holly

and Keith Moon on drums, Jimmy playing guitar, man. And Don Adams singing into his shoe. And also the idea that it's them and then a million Armenians with the most, the most garish, kitschy gravestones I've ever seen in my life. With these horrible etched faces. But I imagine them getting on like Anne Heish like you just have this name and that's it. I have a whole picture I'm holding dog. What this is bullshit. Why did they not you want a huge movie star? Why do they disrespect you like this? I

Was carpet salesman and I I have mausoleum I Used I used to live in Little Armenia when I first moved here. So did I. We lived right around the corner from each other. I was at Franklin and Normandy. Oh yeah, I was at... well we shot at the house. You were right up on Franklin, yeah. We shot a Mr. Show sketch here. The monster mask. Oh, no shit! Yeah, monster mask. Oh my gosh, I love that. Whatever that one was here.

Yeah. Oh yeah, so I used to think, because you would see Armenians, and I don't think it was called Little Armenia yet. It eventually became, but I would always think, I wanted to say to people to let the people that they know are gonna travel to the states, immigrate here,

to not, you don't have to pack, take up all that room with those shitty Cosby sweaters, because they're here for like a dollar. You just, you don't need to bring them with you. Yeah, they're there. I remember I lived right in the, where Armin Power, that the Armenian gang was, and it was like guys in white,

wife beater t-shirts and black jeans. But all they seemed to do- You just described the kind of, that's every gangs. Well, but they had a very specific look to them and they. But you just described. Oh, OK. Well, anyway, they all seem to they all look they all look like. Oh, fuck, I'm blanking on the band.

What was the 90s band that had that look to them? They just move it down. No. Close. No, they did that. They did the cover of a ring of fire and and take away this ball and chain oh social distortion yeah yeah it looks like the social day it looked like social D was on my look like there's 80 members of social D on my block but all they would do is they would like a

domestic dispute would erupt and they would show up and make it ten times worse. That's all that seemed to be the aim of their gang, is to make domestic disturbances way worse than they need to be. It was pretty cool. How do you make money from that, I wonder? I'm not sure, but they seem to be thriving. So there's money in there somewhere. All right, cool. Yeah. So I have to let you know, before I forget, that Patton was good enough to jump in for

the show because I had somebody lined up for months, really. And then on Wednesday, as I was getting ready to go to the airport to come here, it was Will Arnett. And then I get a text from my manager who got an email from his publicist saying, he's so sorry but he can't do the show. And that is some fucking bullshit. That is some Hollywood bullshit. Wait, don't you know him?

Yeah. He couldn't have texted you? I texted him and I was like, dude, with a question mark, never heard back. I didn't. Really? Yeah. I mean, his publicist went through my manager. What the mother fuck?

Anyway, I was pissed off and my wife's like, what's going on? Like fucking will just cancel. He didn't even call me. Like, you know, and then she said, call Patton. And I called you right away. Yeah, I'd love to, thanks. Yeah.

That's a friend. That's a friend. That's a minch. That's a true minch. That said, I do want to start making plans with my friends, just normal everyday plans, and then have my PR people update them. Like, I'm going to go meet Brian and Jared to go see Furiosa and then just go, hey, this is Kevin McLaughlin's patent publicist. He's at the Chinese 6 right now. He just got there kind of early. Just wanted to let you know. He wanted me to let you know. I'm going to start having my publicist text my friends when I go get lunch with them.

I've always wanted, I started to pitch a sketch back in the day about people who communicate, sketch back in the day about people who communicate, have an argument through edibles, or what it's called, like, what are the, not edibles, what are the fruit, the delivery that's the fruit? Edible arrangements, yes. So they get these grander and grander packages that are all passive aggressive. And this is true, what I'm about to say. When I was living in an old apartment building, condo in Brooklyn, there was a woman who, her husband, they had two young kids, young couple, and her husband died in a terrible freak, like windsurfing or something accident. And we, it was on the news, and we all knew about it. And I didn't know the woman very well, but I knew she lived in the building and I had

seen her. And just a horrific situation. I came in this is maybe two days later I came in and on the front desk you know where the the guy is there is an edible arrangement yes I'm not making this up with like whatever I don't remember a name I wouldn't say it of any way but it would be like Lynn so sorry to hear the news whatever and it's like pineapple and strawberries. I hope this pineapple takes the sting out of becoming a widow.

What if an edible arrangement? What if they had cut like, sorry, what if they had cut like cantaloupe and pine up to make like a guy win sir like that was a they actually made the arrangements it's like eat your pain away your pain please yeah um Pat would do you I don't know if you feel comfortable talking about what you can, but do you wanna talk about, I have a story to tell after this, but the day the clown cried, reading.

Yes. That wasn't. Oh God, okay, so I would do these invite only, this is before the internet basically, this is when he hits basically at AOL, invite only would flyer these things. Readings of the screenplay for Jerry Lewis's The Day the Clown Cried, which started as a very straight-ahead dramatic movie. This is legendary.

Legendary unseen movie about a clown in Auschwitz who the... Hang on. That's not the... And Auschwitz who the hang on that's not that and the Nazi the Nazis that are running the camp need him to play with and distract and calm the children down to march them into the ovens and well that's the end of the movie. There's a lot that happens in between. There's not a montage set to Brown Eyed Girl where he's like walking kids into the oven. That would be horrible. That's the end. It leads up to that. But it was done as a very straight dramatic movie. And then Jerry Lewis bought the rights to it and added some Jerry Lewis-ims to it.

He directed it. He directed it and starred in it. In Sweden. He it. He directed it and starred in it in Sweden. He shot it in Sweden, right? He shot it in Sweden. And he, I'm thinking was at the height of his pill addiction. Yes, absolutely. And there is a documentary which is available. It's in Swedish, I believe.

But they have some footage of him on the set and he's very, very serious, but because it's a serious matter, you know, and it was much closer to it, you know, we're so removed from it now, the Holocaust, but back when he was making this, it was still very fresh to a lot of people and he wanted to do it right. Except in the script. In the script, he couldn't resist adding comedy bits. And his notes are in the script. So we would use. It's Jerry Lewis comedy too.

There's nothing subtle at all. It's really, really cold in the morning and he gets up to use the bathroom and he's peeing and you hear like ice, like he's peeing ice, like this funny sound effect. And then there's a thing where his socks stand up by themselves and there's literally a note in the script going, no, the socks need discussion, like producers, producers. So I would have David Cross would read the stage directions and we, I mean, had everyone in there,

Bob Odenkirk, Paul F. Tompkins. The first person who read the role of the clown was Toby Huss. Toby Huss. And then one time he couldn't do it. So then we got, and he was fucking brilliant. Jay Johnston read the clown. There's a lot of weirdness attached to this.

So, and we did it successfully a number of times. A bunch of times at the Largo, very, very quietly. Not quietly, like it was just invite only. We didn't, and then word got out, and then they didn't, they made it a pick of the week in the LA weekly. So there was a whole so we went out to the Powerhouse theater in Santa Monica to do it and we were served with a letter a cease and desist letter. Cease and desist. Not from Jerry Lewis. Here's what's even crazier about it. Jerry Lewis barely never really had the

rights. That's one of the reasons it got held up. Also because Paramount looked at it and went we're not fucking ever putting this out We are never putting this out. It's it's insane It's insane Harry Shearer is one of the few people who actually saw a rough cut and he said it would be like I love this quote so much It'd be like going down to Tijuana and seeing a painting on black velvet of Auschwitz like that's how tasteless this fucking thing is. And, but that thing of like, no, no,

I'm doing this as a tribute. Like you can't do this on black velvet. You understand? This isn't how you do that. Well, now somebody's gotta do a Auschwitz black velvet. And now someone has to do, yeah. Or be it MacFrey and then like Dayglow. So I get served by this lawyer who was,

there's a guy who actually owned the rights to the original script and who came down and was screaming at me like, you and your little fucking C-list, nobodies. And it's like Dave Foley and Jack Black are in this thing. I mean, and by the way, they weren't huge yet, but it was like, we ended up going to New York, Stephen Colbert did it, like, everyone.

But that is the reason if you have a legal issue, it's the, he'd be okay if it was Keanu Reeves. Oh my God, he'd be so happy. Yeah, he'd be, yeah. Get Pauly Shore, who was huge at the time. If it had been- And Cino Man, right? If I could have brought

out Rob Schneider he would have gone, oh, God bless, yes, absolutely. This is in like the late 90s. At one point he screamed at me, remember he kept screaming, I just hosted a party at Sundance for 600 people and I got to hear about this, at these like screaming at me, and he also goes I have I Have Robin Williams and Chevy chase interested in this and? Then I actually had this weird moment of like Part of me really would love to see Chevy chase like in this movie if by any means I jeopardize that I Must so I... He's literally the equivalent.

Yeah. His generation's equivalent. Yes, exactly. So I got spooked, but we did this thing, and Bob and David, again, they kind of kicked it off where they just, we just improvised a whole show about the show being shut down. And you and Bob read that you... Like agents or something.

Yeah, well, no, you're the guy who owned it and Bob is the agent coming to you. I'm madder than you! I'm madder than you, all right? We'll sue the skin off these fucking punks. At one point, he yelled at you, he goes, Chevy Chase was born to play a clown that marches children into an oven.

It was a truly amazing, unique, one of a, it will never be done again, this experience that the people had, because it was sold out, the theater, and there was a lot of debate. We were talking backstage, we do it anyway, what do we do? Yeah, what do we do? What happens? Do we do it and change it anyway? What do we do? What do we do? What do we do it and change the name? What how do we do this and and the guy kind of you know did freak you out because he's insane the guy was nuts He was really scared like in that holly, you know Hollywood nuts and and so the decision was made like okay Let's also I think he was threatening to sue the theater. I'm like well. I can't drag the fucking theater into this

That's not gonna sue the theater if I'm like, well, I can't drag the fucking theater into this. That's not my... You're just gonna sue the theater. If you're just gonna sue me, maybe, even though I still probably would have pussed out, but if I'm gonna... You can't take someone else down with you, you know? But we ended up doing this whole... You started... You started a version where it was an interpretive dance, and I remember at one point, you did a flip over this couch and you clearly landed badly on your back

because it was very graceful. But then you came up and did this kind of, mm, oh my God, I'm in so much pain. And then the whole thing was just insane. Did Amy Mann sing a song? Because Amy was there, right? Amy was there. I don't know if she sang a song.

I did think when we did it at the Largo, she would sing Send in the Clowns. Oh, right. at the beginning. She would come out and sing that. I think she might have done it. And then Foley was there and everybody had a part and everybody came on. It was just like the Long Herald which is a type of improv you know that just keeps going and it was it was awesome. We improvised a non-reading of the day the clown cried. It was pretty, and then later on, I remember when Jerry Lewis came through town at the Pantages doing damn Yankees,

I got us all tickets to go see him. And it was fucking, it was lunacy. That was, it was, first of all, we were all at the very last row. Way up in the balcony. And it was, I'm gonna say about 101 And, and humid. I took my shirt off. Yeah, we're just like, this is awful. And there's no ventilation or AC or anything. And then. So there's a point in

all the audiences 99% blue haired, haired, old people loving it. Oh, let's go see Jerry Lewis, this'll be wonderful. And then there's like 1% that are people like us, who are like, you know, ironic hipsters. Yeah. With a love for musical theater. And there's a point in the production where he, he plays the devil, right? Plays the devil.

Mr. Applegate, yep. And he is center stage and the guy, somebody from the wings throws a cane that he's going to use in the song. And so you see the hand, which is weird. That's like a clue let's something's off. So you see the hand throw the cane. And Jerry Lewis misses it. And he proceeds to spend, I'm gonna say seven minutes. Yep, seven minutes. This is a long, long seven minutes, mugging and, you know, try it again.

Yeah. And then- Purposely missing- he's trying to cane flip and catch it. Purposely missing the cane each time and people are loving it. Like it's not planned. Like it's not the dumbest fucking thing that he decided to do. And it's going on and on, like you just want to say, catch the fucking cane, asshole! Let's go! I've got a babysitter to get back to. It has nothing to do, by the way, the whole musical has stopped at this point.

He's on stage alone and it's just Jerry Lewis doing old vaudeville one-liners and then trying to catch the cane and flips it up and doesn't get it. And then there's a joke and they clearly worked it out where remember the guy off stage throws 30 canes out, just grab one and that's the joke. But it's clearly, they're like, we're doing, this isn't part of Damien Yankees. Well, if you want Jerry Lewis, I've got to do this. And he comes out and does this whole thing that has nothing to do with it. That's amazing that you can just do that.

He kept saying, women aren't funny. Women aren't funny. Yeah, amazing. I wanna tell a story. Oh boy. I wanna tell my version and then you tell your version. Oh please. Okay, all right.

So, long, long, long time ago, My version and then you tell your oh, please. Okay. All right, so Long long long time ago We were all You know the alt comedy the comics we were all up in Bumbershoot Seattle our alt comedy You know theater camp and The whole mid-90s Largo scene all went up to Bumbershoot that year. All of us. And it was like we owned it. I mean we

had the greatest time and as we were young and energetic and full of alcohol and drugs and just doing shows and it was just great. This is the greatest greatest time and Bumbershoot's an amazing arts festival, at least it was just great. This is the greatest greatest time and and bumper shoots an amazing arts festival At least it was I don't know if it's still around, but I don't know if it is and And Patton we were all staying at different places and Patton Got this

Morton this thing planned for to go more distinct planned for to go, what's the name of this, Esquamma? Snowqualamie Falls, let's go see, which is in the opening credits of Twin Peaks, let's go see the falls. It's roughly an hour out of Seattle. Yeah, yeah. So it's about an hour.

And Patton Spearhead says, yeah, it'll be cool, we'll leave, 10 a.m. we'll leave from Lisa line gangs hotel. We'll meet at that because he was at the fancy one at the four seasons. Okay. I'll tell my side a second. Yeah. So there are I want to say three if not four car loads of people that are going. There's a good 20 people going and we're all and we're driving along and it's a long drive and then we're like, you know, the other cars on the pulling up and making faces and stuff and whatever.

And then we finally get into the parking lot because it's now a tourist attraction. And it's beautiful, you know, it is really cool. And we all get out of the cars and we're walking towards, you know, kind of the entrance to this National Park and like where is where's Patton is he with you guys and every every single person's like I thought he was with you wait I He wasn't in your car? No. We left Patton. And it was the funniest saddest thing. Yeah. All at once it was it was really sad, but also really funny. Motherfuckers sitting at the Four Seasons lobby going, guys? What the fuck?

at the Four Seasons lobby going, guys, what the fuck? It was that, okay, that's that thing where everyone I know is in one place at the same time. I've also done this on some Vegas trips where you're all excited. We'll all go to fucking Vegas for the weekend. And by day two, you realize, oh my God, going to get breakfast takes four hours because we've got to, and this is before, none of us had cell phones. So we're all like, well, she's running late running late we'll meet so we all went to Lisa Langang's hotel finally we all got breakfast and it was one of those things where everyone half of us are hungover probably some of us want ecstasy we're in our fucking 20s and 30s we're not thinking straight and everyone piled into cars and I went to use the restroom and you described it later

and it was actually exactly how you described, you pictured me walking out with my to-go coffee. And like, it wasn't even lobby, I walked out of the hotel, so I'm looking at the street, like, did everyone, and then I realized they fucking went without me. And then I just walked back to my hotel with my coffee. And that way, but it was so.

Did you think that we did it on purpose or did you kind of figure we all like, we weren't that cruel? No, no, no, I absolutely knew because that whole weekend, as fun as it was, you gotta admit it was chaos. Like getting anything planned, anything like, it was just, let's hopefully all meet together

and then just drink until the place closes. I remember we ended up down at that place, Kells, near the water, and me and John Glaser and you, and we're just like riffing stuff, and some kid was hanging out with us, from the festival, he wasn't a comedian, he's like, are you guys freestylin' right now? I guess we're like, what the fuck? Freestyling.

Freestyling. But it was all this weird blur. And also, David is the king of, and I love this about you, but you're like, this place has the most amazing beef, chili, barbecue. Your stomach can take food. I remember we were in the airport Blaine and I and Blaine was like are you just basically shitting water right now? I'm like yeah I am because we tried to keep up with David Cross going this place they slaughter the hog right in front of you And it just falls off of the fucking skeleton you know and you're doing that while you're hungover and we're hungover It's like why am I trying to keep pace with this motherfucker? I'm gonna die So there was just there was a lot of that. It was just, you know, but I would say you're a very, you're very food focused and you've turned me onto a lot

of great stuff. Oh yeah. But, but there's a, there is a iron man element to your eating, but you, you go places where you're just like, but not even the food, but the situation where it's like, I remember him being hammered at 3 a.m. and it's 10 a.m. now and he's going to go to the pork store on H Street and have a triple cheese pork crackling scramble. And I just, it's making me sick thinking about it. And I know it's not going to affect him. Like, I don making me sick thinking about it. And I know it's not gonna affect him. Like, I don't know, it was amazing. Let's flash forward to a couple decades

and I'm not doing so well. Yeah, yeah, it's not the same situation. No one runs forever, man. It's just like, well, okay. You know, Bob and I are gonna climb Machu Picchu in a couple weeks. For real? Yeah yeah. Is there like a barbecue place at the top you're gonna get? It's the way the Incans did it. They sacrifice a tourist and you eat the flesh. Bob learned long ago.

Yeah you can go up on your own. I don't give a shit. No, we're going to do it because of, in part because of mortality, which I know sounds like a joke, but the whole thing started with I've been wanting to climb Machu Picchu for decades. And last summer I was thinking, oh man, I really got gotta get to Machu Picchu and then I thought, oh fuck that, I'm gonna do it. I don't give a shit, I'm going to do it. And I'm not gonna wait, I'm gonna do it. And I thought, oh who can, who do I know that likes hiking

that can hang out with me for, you know, can stomach me for a week and a half? And I was like, oh Bob, Bob loves hiking, you know. And so, but it's because I've been in the world You know week and a half and I was like oh Bob Bob loves hiking you know and so but it's because I really am starting to feel my body change and You know I've got orthotics in these I do really yeah

Let's see them Yeah, I got our thought let's see them Have a certain shoe this is a neutral shoe I didn't even know that was a thing but it's a neutral shoe and Here's my orthotic. Oh that was custom-measure to your foot No, I just got off some guy. All right. Yeah, it's a yeah I had a good one you went on the orthotics web, the dark orthotics web. I just emailed Aaron Rodgers and said, hey man, what do I do? You go, I haven't had the Vax, I'm good, I'm cool, you can talk to me. It is weird that we are now, because it's weird, we were just talking about being at

Bumbershoot in the early 90s, doing the day the clown cried, who gives a fuck, we'll do whatever the fuck we want because we're, you know, no one knows who we are. And now, oh, we are now at that age of the comedians that we saw starting to age out at that time and we're seeing a younger wave coming in and I'm just seeing that it's so much more valuable just to embrace whatever you are at the time rather than, because I remember a lot of comedians, older comedians at the time that were my age now but pretending like they were still 23 and it was really sad. And I never want to do that ever.

I'm just like, no, this is my life now and his, you know. I'm always like, I have no shame about, like, can I go on first and then go home? I don't want to be the guy closing this show out. Can I just please open the show? Yeah, I mean, I'm doing, I'm going the other direction. I'm just copying Matt Rife. I really like,

the first thing you gotta do is look good. Comedy is about looking fucking cut. Yes, exactly. And you know. That's the basis of all comedy. Yeah, you gotta look good. We all remember Groucho Marx's lats. They were, you could carve cheese on those fucking things, man.

Yeah. And like, if I, yeah, like I think of like hotties like Andy Kaufman, you know, and like, yeah, I mean it's... Well, it's been an amazing, listen, this has been an amazing comedy. I don't know what part of this festival I liked, because there's been so much great comedy, you know? The football player roast with the other football players. The golf invitational was great. That 5K run they did two days ago. So much great cutting edge comedy that's going on. I think my three favorite kind of iconic moments in comedy, Richard Pryor live in concert,

obviously, watching the Netflix executives get their pictures with Tom Brady. That's definitely number two. And then Steve Martin's Let's Get Small. To be present at those moments when you feel comedy evolving and moving forward, it's, you know, and I'll say this too, like, and you know, I never thought I'd say this, watching the Netflix execs get their picture with Tom Brady has replaced watching the HBO execs do rails at Aspen back in the night. That was also a really, when you really see comedy nail and grab its essence, I think that's really important that that's still happening these days.

Well, that's great for you and it's great for you to say and I appreciate it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I forgot that Netflix was attached to this in any way whatsoever. Because it's not diverse, that's for sure. I'm doing the Tubi Festival next month. Let me know if you're free. I just got a text from Maya Rudolph's PR person. She can't do my podcast. No, I'm going to be appearing at the, it's all yesterday's parties, which is inspired by all tomorrow's parties, but it's not nearly as good.

And it'll be in Hudson Valley at Cachillo and Pepe's, it's an auto repair place. My heart just got really heavy when you, I did All Tomorrow's Parties, I got to curate the comedy one year, and that was like, oh, this is how comedy's gonna be for a while, and I felt I didn't know what was going to start happening in like 10 years,

but that was, All Tomorrow's Parties was one of the best festivals I've ever been to. Oh, awesome. It was just, and that was, Altamars Parties was one of the best festivals I've ever been to. Oh, awesome. It was just, and that one of those festivals where, Where was this? This was up at, with the old Catsco place, Kutcher's.

Kutcher's? I did that. Oh my God, it was amazing. Wait, did they do? I did the year where your passes were in that wallet. Remember they gave you the wallet? I made a different, and I lost mine. It was one of the best.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Where, did we curate different nights or something? Remember they gave me the wallet and I lost mine. It was one of the best. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Did we curate different nights or something? I think we curated different years because the year I was there it was so popular. Because remember their whole thing was, we never want to go to the same place twice. Everyone was like, fucking do this again.

This is so much fun. And they did. So sometimes if something works, fucking do it again. And that place was so amazing because it's weirdly kind of frozen in time. Really weird. Really, really weird. But the mood, like huge artists, musicians and stuff.

Explain to the folks, you know, who might not know what it is. There was a festival called All Tomorrow's Parties. And it was almost like, it was a yearly, the closest thing you could do to like a pop-up musical and cultural and comedy festival where they would find a different location and take it over. I think they did the Queen Mary one year. Yes, they did.

Yeah, they did. But it started in England and it was at holiday camps. So they'd go to these disused old holiday camps from like the 40s, 50s that just had lost popularity and they were like seaside towns that just sort of, the only industry much like Kutcher's was tourism for people who would go. And it was apparently huge in its, you could tell it was a destination in its day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember the bar, there's a bar in there and- Well, Country's is where they, that was the place that inspired- Dirty Dancing. Dirty Dancing. Yeah, yeah. But it was amazing because it was also one of those things where it wasn't, it was like my bloody Valentine was there and Corner Shop and all these, I think, how to go lightly.

Corner Shop's terrible. That was one of the worst shows I've ever seen in my life. Really? Yeah, awful. I walked out. Well, I'm just saying. It was terrible. The artist could walk around with the audience and it wasn't this weird, exclusive, screaming.

Everybody partied with everybody. Because you took over, there was nothing else. And there's no town. Yeah, but nobody was being weird about, I don't know, it was just this mood that feels gone now. We've gone back to the time when we took over, there was nothing else. And there's no town. Yeah, but nobody was being weird about, I don't know, it was just this mood that feels gone now. We've gone back to the, I want to go see something where the person is celebrating their success

rather than we're kind of on the same wavelength. It's very weird the way a lot of entertainment's, I mean, there's still pockets of coolness out there that we, and look, I'm sure there was just as much bad stuff when we were doing it in the 90s, but we were so immersed in our scene that we thought that's what was going on, and it felt really good, it felt hopeful.

How many times at All Tomorrow's Parties did you say, do you know who I am? I would just wander around. And when I would finish my set up, I would just walk into the audience. It was the best. Oh, it was the best, yeah. I've done two of them.

I did one in Camber Sands in South England, where they just, did I ever tell you that story? No, I just know that Camber Sands is mentioned in Pulling Muscles from the show Shell and I'm very excited right now. Oh, really? Is that where they do it? In the Squeezing, they do it down in Canberra Sands, they do it at like E. Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit, yeah. That's right. It's all about holiday camps. Yes, holiday. And as I found out recently, I didn't know this, but pulling muscles from a shell is a very pornographic term for finger banging, basically. That it's a British slang term. And they got it. Makes sense, I like it, I like it, makes sense.

Yeah, but they, but the fact that they got that. It's better than two in the pink, one in the stink. Exactly. I mean, that would be a good song, that would be a good song. The fact that they got that on the radio is kind of beautiful. I love that they got that on the radio is kind of beautiful. I love that that's their big hit.

How about Nice Shot? Oh, God. By Filter? Yeah, Bud Dwyer. Bud Dwyer. Hey, man. Nice Shot. Yeah.

What happened at Canberra Sands? This I allowed. I absolutely put all this in the documentary. It's fine. I allowed I was absolutely put all this in the in the documentary spine it was so I was on the last night I was a guest of Slater Kinney's and their show Wow and I was I it was heaven you know I mean I was so into music and this it was like here's broken social scene. Everybody's hanging out, just like we would all hang out. And for days and all these people for two days are like,

dude, can't wait to see you, man. So psyched to see you, great, but with English accents. And I'm just feeling great and it's really awesome and blah, blah, blah. And then long story short, I'm opening for Slater Kids, and it's really awesome and blah blah blah. And then long story short, I'm opening for Slater Kinney and there's a, I think Fiery Furnaces have gone on and then I'm kinda in the middle

and everybody, I recognize people, people I've been made friends with or in this, you know, downstairs in this weird sticky old maybe roller rink or something. And I fucking bomb. So hard. Oh no. So hard that it's funny.

That when you bomb in a way that like is curious, and you almost have like an out of body experience. You're now observing how badly this is going. Yeah. And I'm doing it. And I'm also Yeah, and I'm doing it and I'm also like, and I know they're shooting a doc, right? And I go, just come up on stage, this is insane. Please get this, and there's a guy who was on acid who was like kind of fucking with everybody

but he was really fucking with me. But it got to the point, and this is, this happened once before with Amy Mann. You know how she would, Amy and Michael would bring out a comic. Acoustic Vaudeville. Yep, and we were in Virginia. That makes a lot of sense.

And I was doing my set, and people were not happy. And I'll never forget this because it was like oh I'm up here and I'm like all right and I don't give a shit I don't care it's fine it's fine but unbeknownst to me Amy comes up you know comes up behind me and then takes the mic and chastises the audience. And I was like, my mom. And I had to stand there and say, Amy, it's okay, it's all right. And so Slater Kinney, I think Janet or Carrie or somebody was just like, just come on, it's fine, just don't worry about it, come on.

And then gave the audience some shit for, it was weird. It was weird and then I was like, what did I, what happened? I mean, that was weird. And those were people that were telling me they're excited to see me and now they're, something went wrong. And they're just like, and it was, I mean, I'll give it, it was late and you want to hear music know, you want to hear music. Yeah.

But there were people who were like, yeah, man, can't wait to see you. All right. Boo! You're shite! I opened for Amy and Michael in Dublin at the Abbey and the crowds are actually really fun, but I kept going up because Amy and Michael are huge in Ireland. Like Michael has like a cult following there. They love him and they basically made them do like nine encores,

like play every fucking song you've ever heard. We want to hear all of it. And it was an amazing crowd. But they would have me go up for each encore, like to bring them back out and do their band because Amy and Michael hate talking between songs. So they would have a conceit of the out and do their banter. Because Amy and Michael hate talking between songs, so they would hire comedians. That was the conceit of the... We would do their banter. And we were allowed to say whatever we wanted.

So I would, like I would introduce Amy Mann, save me and go, every year 40,000 ring-tailed squirrels are killed because of logging. This song is about this ongoing tragedy. And then she has to like do this fucking song. But in, I'm in Dublin and every time I went up, a guy in the audience would hand me a Guinness. And the Guinness in Dublin is like a milkshake, it's so smooth. Oh, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. And so I had, every time I went up they gave me a Guinness and I would just pound it. So for the last encore, I go up and I can barely walk and the guy hands me a Guinness

and I kind of sail here and I go, this is my 11th Guinness of the night. And a guy in the front row goes, you pussy! It was perfect. I like that. I like imagining that guy later and they're like, hey, I know you're a huge Jamie Mann Michael Penn fan. How did that show go? I don't know.

I was getting the fucking comic at Guinness every time they'd come on to play. I knew I had to go get them a Guinness. They were very, very nice. Yeah, but right now, you know, it's like, oh shit, yeah, we're in the, I'm not saying that we're in the aging out stage, but we're in the comedy was a certain way. And right now, it's not a certain way. And we got to find our way to kind of live, I guess. Well, we just got to do, I mean, keep doing what we do.

Yes. gotta do, I mean keep doing what we do and yes you know and that means you know lots more TikToks of crowd work. That's what it is right? TikTok crowd work. Well a lot more I'm doing a lot of brand partnerships yeah so so please come see me on Clean Fill Catheter tour. I'm on the Clean fill catheter summer blast. You can go and check that out on their website. Very, very exciting. I'm going to be on the CPAP cruise. And the great thing about the CPAP cruise is it just goes in a circle and then when

you want to get off, you pull a cord, it goes back to the thing, you get off and then just goes out and does circles again. Eventually there is gonna be an alt comedy cruise, isn't there, for all your favorite? Well, fuckin', you know, what, Blink 182 and whoever's out on tour doing the, you know, they're older men. Hell yeah, hell yeah. Yeah, there is gonna be an alt-comedy cruise.

For sure. I remember years ago, I did the, do you ever do the Riviera in Vegas? When Steve Sharippa was running it? No. Steve Sharippa, who ended up being on The Sopranos, and I loved Steve, but I would always, he would always book me, and I never had a good set at the Riviera's in Vegas. To the point where, here's my impression of, this is my impression of Steve Schripper when I would come off stage, I'd be like, fuck those people.

Yeah, I like, fuck those people, man, they're good. And every fucking show, I'd be like, fuck them, don't worry about it. You're like, I thought I did okay in a relative sense. Nah, you didn't. Nah, you didn't. Yeah, it was horrible. But that band, America, was playing upstairs and I was like, oh, kind of laughing, like, oh, America, what the fuck are they doing?

I'll go see them. And I go up there and I'm still in my 20s, but everyone is seated, sipping champagne, America's on stage, just doing all their hits, they look happy as a clam, and you realize, oh, they had like 30 fucking hits, they have a whole catalog, and I was like, this is a nice place to end up, this seems really, and the show was over at 9.30, like, yeah, we'll be going to bed now, goodbye, this is great. I it's one it's my only kind of jealous It's unfair pet peeve thing about stand-up is we don't get to repeat you can't go

Greatest hits no yet right and I I think I told you this that I had the idea of doing a cover Did I tell you this no yeah cuz amber would always and I was like, I want to cover, go out for an encore and say I'm going to do a cover bit and cover your sadness bowl bit. And that was, and would people get it? Would it work? And it just, I kind of gave up the idea, but. I don't think they would, it would be weird. It would be really, really weird.

It would be weird. But it is true I remember that this is I've never forgotten this and it's fucking true Chris Rock He said this interviews, but he also said he said told this to me one night But I'm like, I just love that thing you said it's so fucking true If you're a comedian and you put out an album or a special and then you go tour and people come see you if you do That album or special that they have seen or bought they'll be happy, go tour and people come see you. If you do that album

or special that they have seen or bought, they'll be happy, but they'll never come see you again because you're like, that's all he does. But if you put out an album or special and then people come to pay to see you live and you do a whole new hour, you have fans for life. They're your fans for life. And it's the exact opposite with music groups. If you put out an album, you better play that fucking album. They do not want to hear. And that was to the point I'm gonna drop another name but I was when I was on King of Queens we had Huey Lewis. What? Yeah Huey Lewis. I was on King of Queens. The RuPaul show? Holy moly. I had no idea. So, Huey Lewis was on as himself,

and I was telling him that, and he was like, he goes, oh my God, not only is that absolutely correct, he goes, I was a teenager in San Francisco in the 60s, and I remember very clearly going to see Zepplin at the Fillmore and they were touring on zepplin 3 so we're like Black dog immigrant song like that's what that's we want to hear and they did an early version of stairway to heaven Which had not been on an album and half the audience went up to go get beers like fuck this like I don't want to hear this shit Well, that's how it I would too even if I knew stairway to heaven I'll wait till the guitar solo I don't need

your fucking two minutes of tarot card bullshit honestly do you have your it's an it's okay that is a really overrated song. I like it. It is. I like it, but it is overrated. Have you listened to a there's a podcast called Your Favorite Band Sucks? Have you ever heard this? No. It is like if somebody distilled the essence of mid 90s David Cross and and injected two people with it the way they talk about music. And they're talking about Led Zeppelin.

And one of the things that the guy said, it's the guy who does that great podcast, Cocaine and Rhinestones, about the dark stories of country music. He's an amazing historian. But if Robert Plant was forbidden to use the words girl, lady, or woman, he'd have no career. And it's like, yeah, it's kind of true. You know what's a fun little exercise is to, it works with certain songs, is to substitute the word arm for heart.

It's just, it's funny because you get songs like, don't go breaking my arm. I wouldn't if I tried. Who broke my arm? You did, you did. The arm of rock and roll is still beaten. Oh, yeah, I guess. Okay. That's actually an improvement.

The arm. Well, it's weird when you watch, I mean, you know who the backing band on Elvis Costello's first album is? Yeah. It's the News. Oh, it is? They became, yeah. Oh, I didn't know they... That was the News. They hadn't become the News yet.

And Huey Lewis, who was a session harmonica guy, he was like the guy, he did a bunch, and they didn't use the harmonica on it, but if you watch, there's footage of like Elvis Costello doing his first album, and Huey Lewis just hanging in the studio, like his whole, that was his, that's where they all met. I can't imagine getting excited about that. Like, I imagine my reaction would be like, is that Huey Lewis? Yeah, I, huh. For some reason I got excited. I just like, oh there he is.

Yeah. There he is, everyone starts somewhere. What was the name of his back? I mean it was like the ace, what was it called? The backing band before, because of the attractions. No, no, that's what they became, but there's a name for them.

They called them. Oh, I don't know. Yeah, right. I have no idea. Hang on. Emma? Google? Elvis Costello first album. Well, It's My Name is True. That's what the news play is. Wait, wait, wait. Elvis Costello first album. Well it's My Name is True, that's what the news play is. First album, that's easier than My Name is True.

I'm trying to. Backing band name, question mark, dot dot dot. Oh dude. Ellipsis. Dude, Joe Rogan's gonna sue you for a copyright infringement right now. What is he? Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot,

dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, one of the Jordan Petersons? I mean, there's, yeah, it's a tie all the Jordan Petersons. You say what? All the Jordan Peterson episodes, a tie of all of them. Right. I think it's like three of them. The diet advice alone. When you listen to Jordan Peterson, do you like, do you ever think, shit, I need to stop this or pause it and I'll come back to it and go clean up my room right now? The room is a mess. Listen, I've known Joe Rogan forever, he's a nice guy,

and I also know that he got, everyone's like, wow, why is he going off on these weird tangents? Well, he, they gave him $200 million. If you gave me $200 million, and he actually kept it, if you gave me $200 million, I'd lose my fucking shit. If I had a podcast about knitting and you gave me $200 million for it, I would fuck yarn on my podcast. I would just completely, like Joe Rogan would be going, Patten lost his fucking mind. You use that poor guy, Jesus.

I actually think he kept it together pretty well. Well, if they gave you $200 million, that would be amazing to see what you would do. What would you do with $200 million? I'll tell you exactly what I'd do. Oh, here we go. I'd buy the world's second largest nickel. Right?

I would create a deep fake of me and Coretta Scott King, I would, I'd buy the middle of a mountain. The middle. Yep. And you can't do shit. You can, you want to do something on the mountain, you could top or bottom. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know how you're getting there. Yeah. Good luck. Good luck, guys. Marking it off with chains. Fucking barbed wire fence. The middle part's mine, man. Sorry, I don't know what to tell you. I would buy the house that-time year-round Halloween place

like a spirit Halloween store like you would yep okay all right I would I think I'd buy the most expensive dog you you know, and then eat it. How much do I have left? I mean, that's the first mill right there. I mean, you got a ways to go. Remember that comedian Jeremy Kramer? He had that great bit about it because I would love to win like 60 million in the lottery and get interviewed on the news like, so what are you gonna do with your money?

The first 10 million will be used to purchase weapons the next 10 million like you know what's it's really antiquated thing to look back on is the the movie Brewster's millions. Oh my God. The guy has 24 hours, I think? He has, no, he has 30 days to spend 30 million. 30 days to spend 30 million? Oh no! How will I ever do it? How much is that plane?

It's 108 million. Here's a deposit. Yeah, that movie should... And that's like the fourth remake of that movie. That movie's been done so many times. And I'm sure the first one in the 40s was like, you got 30 days to spend 10,000. Oh my God. Let me buy all your eggs. I do, look, I'm obviously a big movie fan, but I do love watching old movies and you realize how old, like certain cliches are even older than you think they are.

There's a great movie called Only Angels Have Wings and there's a scene where Cary Grant is up flying, they're about test pilots and he almost crashes and the lead actress in the movie and like the sidekick guy, the old mechanic guy, he is watching him almost die. This movie's made in 1939 by the way. And the old mechanic guy goes, oh, I'm getting too old for this stuff.

Like he stops himself before he says shit in front of the woman. 1939. So that is how old that cliche is. Wow. Yeah, so I just love that, oh, that stuff just, a lot of stuff that becomes popular, it feels like they just wait for a generation to die off, it doesn doesn't and then the new one doesn't know about it and they can just

sling it on them again you know it feels like well I'm getting too old for this shit is in the Tempest which is it is Wow yeah it's a alas I have grown too old for this excrement. I mean, it depends on the interpretation. Yeah, exactly, but it's there. Yeah. Well, there's a Warren Beatty movie from 1961 called Mickey One. He plays a comedian who thinks the mob wants to kill him.

So he's hiding out and he hides out in a strip club and he's watching that there's like this baggy pants comedian bringing on and so Warren starts heckling the guy and he knows all the heckling comebacks and at one point the guy goes Hey, I don't come down to where you work and then he goes and jiggle the broom handle and and this is a movie Made in 1961 and the point of the scene is this guy is telling old-ass jokes, right? And that's that's again. that's how old that fucking joke is. That's been, which was huge in the 80s.

I don't come to where you are and jiggle the slurpy machine. Yeah, just the same thing. No, it's knock the dick out of your mouth. Knock the dick out of your mouth. I loved Andy Kindler's variation. I don't come to where you work and jiggle your hand while you're doing the intricate brain surgery. That doesn't

understand how to use it. Patton, I know you have a hard out, which is a Hollywood talk where you do have to be out by a certain time. Yes. You learned something tonight, guys. That time is approaching. I want you to promote anything you might want to promote. If you're listening, I will be at, when does this drop?

I mean, there's, it might not. Okay. Well, if, here's, then here's how I'm going gonna promote this ready if you can hear my voice please come and see me in Grand Rapids on Friday the 17th of May and then the following evening on the 18th of May in Detroit at the Fillmore please if you can hear my voice and go to Pat Nalswalk.com. I'm touring all summer. It's gonna be really fun. And since this will most likely air after that, tell the people how the show went. Well, Grand Rapids was great, and then let's just say Grand Rapids, peak, Fillmore, trough. And we'll just leave it at that. Alright, so Pat and I always end every episode with a question from my daughter.

How old is she now? She's now seven. Oh. Yeah. Skipped six. Yeah. She's advanced, you know. Yeah.

Okay, so she's seven. I'll tell you whether she... All right, but this one is from when she was six. Okay. I've been collecting them. Okay. From my seven-but-then-six-year-old daughter Marlo, Patton Oswald, where do you stand Israel versus Palestine?

No, all right. Here's the real question, ready? Yeah. No, all right. Here's the real question. Ready? Yeah. How much money do you have to have to be rich? Oh. Here's how much money you have to have to be rich. You have to have enough money so that you don't have to work with people that you don't like.

That means you're rich. And I'm not, listen, I like having money, but in 1993, I made $11,000 that whole year, but I made it only doing stand-up, and I was like, I'm fucking rich. All I have to do, I never have to, I don't have to work a job I don't want to do, I can pay my rent, I can buy my food, and all I to do is stand up. I fucking made it. I was so happy

So it's all been like gravy ever since then All right. There you go. Good. Yeah, and this and this past year how times have changed 12 grand So yeah, it just keeps going up, man. You know? Yeah. Patton Oswald, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah! Yeah! Thank you all so much. Thank you, buddy.

Buddy. Thank you. Thank you. Not Will Arnett, but Patton Oswald. And, uh, so, yeah, and you can go to my website, officialdavidcross.com. That is all the stuff I'm doing. I have a big fancy show in Central Park in August, part of the Summer Stage Series. Outdoor is huge.

It's going to be amazing with all kinds of special guests. If you're going to be in the New York area, check that out. And then I will be going out on tour starting in mid-September. All the dates are there. I will see you guys next time. Thank you so much. All right. Sense is Working Over Time is a HeadGum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchen for our show art and Mark Rivers for our theme song. For more podcasts by Headgum, visit Headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not gonna do that. Thanks for listening.